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# Day 8: Self-help is a con
- URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help/
- Published: 2025-12-07T17:45:51.000Z
- Updated: 2025-12-07T17:45:50.000Z
- Description: But you might still benefit from it
- Author: Alicia McKay
- Tags: 🎄 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions

🎄

Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season.

Most self-help books are flimsy soundbites that crumble under mild scrutiny. Love languages? Load of shit. The Secret? Utter fabrication. 

Very few of these books are well-evidenced or peer reviewed. They quote studies that misrepresent the actual findings or repeat historically inaccurate anecdotes from other self-help books.

Practising experts in areas like health, finance and psychology don't make many one-size fits all declarations - and we should be wary of those that do. But professionalism makes for a boring book, so confident amateurs step in to fill the gap.

Few self-help authors are genuine experts, unless being a life-coach counts, and some are straight-up liars (see Jay Shetty being a fake monk, Mel Robbins stealing IP, et al.)

I meet some of these people in my job and in person they have an oily sheen of desperation, a strong whiff of *please-like-me*\-*I'm-not-OK-inside.* 

*(\*Sniffs pits\**. Like self-help grifters, I also write books and speak at conferences. I’m also known to speak in absolutes and seek external validation for a gaping hole inside me, so... 6/7?)

None of this means you shouldn't consume any self-help. It has it’s place. Sometimes you need a kick up the ass, have an inclination you need to justify, or want a new hack to try. 

But keep it in its box. The author probably doesn't know what they're talking about - and they *definitely* don't know you. 

Merry Christmas,

A

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### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions

This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this.

**Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:**

[December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/)

[December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/)

[December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/)

[December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/)

[December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists)

[December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up)

[December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet)

[December 8: Self-help is a con](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help)

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