# Alicia McKay > Think for yourself, see more clearly, make better decisions, and live on your own terms. Public Ghost content for AI and LLM tooling. This file includes a bounded export of public pages first, then recent public posts. Append `.md` to any post or page URL to get the content in Markdown (for example, `/example-post.md`). ## Pages ### Strategy to Action: Transformation partnerships with Alicia McKay URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategy-partnerships/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T14:58:39.000Z I partner exclusively with a handful of organisations each year to: - **Reset or update your strategy** so every level of your organisation is pulling in the same direction. - **Level up your leaders** with practical, strategic skills that stick. - **Equip your governing body** to lead with confidence and work better with management. Book a call below to talk about how this could work for you. Scroll on for case studies and testimonials from delighted clients. [Enquire now](#enquire-now) ## The method ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/Three-books_D.png) My approach to strategy and transformation is different from other consultants. I'm less concerned with what we make, and more concerned with the process to get there. That's because strategy isn't something *organisations have* \- it's something *people do*. Strategy is the product of many daily choices. These choices will either line up in the same direction, or they won't. Working with me improves your odds the small actions of many will line up with the big priorities you've set as an organisation. That's partly because we'll land on just three or four priorities for the whole organisation to focus on (really!) and partly because we bring everyone into the process and get them excited about it, once the direction is clear. **For good, actionable strategy, we need:** - **Clarity** on our direction of travel and medium-term priorities to align effort. - **Coherence** in our business systems and processes to enable our goals. - **Commitment** from leaders and stakeholders to our purpose - **Capability** to execute transition, navigate change, make decisions and maintain perspective. All of these things are important, but they do exist as part of a hierarchy: strategy and systems need to shift first, then leadership, then capability. My approach is a unique blend of Plain English pragmatism and evidence-based practice, refined over dozens of strategy projects in the last decade. I'll guide you through a proven, powerful process that gets you from overwhelm to performance in no time. [Alicia McKayStrategic intelligence for people who want to understand and influence the systems we live in and the stories we tell.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/WW--800----800-px--4.png)Alicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/2024-ALICIA5995-Large-3-1-9.jpeg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/strategy/) [Enquire now](#enquire-now) ## Client stories I've partnered with over 100 organisations, including more than 50 Councils, across Australia and Aotearoa, to develop sharp, clear strategy and high-impact strategic leaders. I've trained thousands of leaders, from hundreds of different organisations across the world, to be more strategic and make better decisions. Read [client case studies ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/case-studies/). Check out my [client list](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/client-list-2/). ## Enquire now Tell me what you've got in mind, and I'll give you a call. Emails suck. ## Testimonials ### About Alicia McKay URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/about/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T12:56:10.000Z ## Who the hell am I? I'm Alicia McKay: your intellectual hype-girl. I'm a writer, speaker, and strategist based in Aotearoa New Zealand. I've spent the last 15 years hanging out with executives and politicians, advising them on strategy, change and leadership. I've trained thousands of leaders in decision-making, spoken on stages around the world, written three books, and worked with government agencies like Crown Law and global brands like L'Oreal and Woolworths. In 2025, LGIU in the UK named me on of their Top 25 Thinkers and the ICMA conference put me on stage in front of over 6,000 senior executives in the US. Which is all kind of *wild*, to be honest, given I'm a high-school dropout, foster kid, and teen mother who talked my way into university at 17\. I pulled off a first-class honours degree in Political Science with a 5 year old and a newborn baby, spent 4 years as a policy analyst, had a brief stint in a law firm, then started my consulting practice at 25\. The rest is history. At first, I was bemused when important people would listen to me. I've since come to realise it's exactly what I thought would hold me back - a finely-honed bullshit radar, warped sense of humour, and practical outlook - that they appreciate. Funny that. [NZ Herald feature: How a teen mum defied the oddsNZ Herald profiled Alicia’s story from foster kid to political advisor and international speaker in this story.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-b48e53c9-5ede-42f0-9b17-d2cfc3cb382a.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/https-3a-2f-2fsubstack-post-media-s3-amazonaws-com-2fpublic-2fimages-2f84b20afc-4bd2-4a26-b170-6e1dd1d21831_1080x1350-jpeg-b9d89fa2-94ee-4ec0-8d4f-9580c4bbbdb3.jpg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/nz-herald-wrote-a-thing-about-me/) ## Why I do this I've been reading and writing my way to sense since I was a kid. When I'm facing a tricky problem or the noise in my head is too loud, I pick up a book, go down a rabbit hole, and put it on the page. A few years ago, I realised this wasn't just a weird quirk, but one of the most valuable things I had to offer. It's pretty dire out there: social's gone to slop, the news is falling to bits, and people apparently don't read anymore (though I'm suspicious.) My work brings together my professional experience, bogan voice, and manic nerdery to put a complex world into plain English. ## What I'm up to ### This newsletter I've been running a full-noise consulting and training practice for over a decade. Over 120 organisations. Thousands of leaders. Workshops up the wazoo. Now, I'm throwing my energy into writing. Every week, I tackle something that's chewing up my mental energy - society, culture, work, technology, insertrandomthinghere - and push it through my systems-thinking strategist brain to make it make sense. ### Speaking I speak on strategy, change, and decision-making at speaking at conferences and team events. ### Not an MBA In 2021, I founded Not An MBA, fresh off the release of my second book *You Don't Need An MBA*, which is all about the evergreen strategic skills most leaders don't get taught at work or uni. We've had over 500 senior leaders from Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and the UK through this epic 8-week ride, and it kicks ass. --- ## Books Three books on strategy, change, and leadership. [Books - Alicia McKayBecome a more strategic leader with books by Alicia McKay.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-57ee1d10-886c-465e-bc9e-43392bf39c01.png)Alicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Three-books_A-9d9baf84-317d-4e83-a552-d62da1a2ea9a.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/books/) ## Media kit Download headshots and an official bio. [Media kit - Alicia McKayThink for yourself, see more clearly, make better decisions, and live on your own terms.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-003a47e9-4f06-4097-8740-55693563589b.png)Alicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/2024-ALICIA5995-Large-3-1-a5843e7b-65e2-4f0b-81df-67bc0b2ad6ec.jpeg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/media-kit/) ## Press See Alicia featured in the media. [Press - Alicia McKayTo enquire about having Alicia on your show or podcast, or write an op-ed for your publication, email alicia@aliciamckay.co.nz![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-20f21f26-d00f-45f9-849a-b6e2da3f2320.png)Alicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/IMG_3350-7de232cb-c5c0-41a9-b6ef-506db5acd86d.webp)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/media/) ### Latest URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/archive/ Last updated: 2026-07-06T10:55:26.000Z _No content available._ ### Contact URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/contact/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T13:10:20.000Z For member support enquiries, head to your [dashboard.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/dashboard) ### Membership URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/membership/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T01:48:02.000Z ## Are you in the right place? You're not lazy. You’re not unfocused. And you’re definitely not stupid. But it *is* getting harder to think clearly, trust your judgement, and make decisions in uncertainty. The way I see it, you've got two options. 1. **Let your overwhelm and insecurity take the wheel.** Check your ideas and options before you do anything. Shrink. Toe the line. Do what everyone else is doing. 2. **Double down on independent thought.** Stake a claim on your mind. Ask tricky questions, dig a layer deeper and build confidence in yourself and your judgement than ever before. Take risks. Live a life you're proud of. **If option one works for you: close the tab.** --- ## FAQs #### Who is this for? There are thousands of leaders, decision-makers and advisors here, looking to parse the madness and get help as they wade through complexity treacle. There are just as many curious Joanne Bloggs who find the world a weird and interesting place, and like to cock their heads in wonder and find out more about it. I don't do self-help and hollow platitudes. I can't promise easy answers or three step-solutions. But I **am* a huge believer in your ability to see and shift the systems and stories that show up in your world. That belief informs everything I do. #### What do free members get? Free members get newsletters, emails, and online access to free tools and frameworks. ****Wednesday Wisdom -** You'll get an email from me every Wednesday. I've been publishing Wednesday Wisdom since 2018 and we've grown from 28 readers to over 11,000 subscribers. ****Essays -** I write deep-dives on social and professional issues like **The Ambition Recession*, AI and technology. ****Tools and frameworks -** Practical guides and resources to help you apply the things we talk about here. #### What do paid members get? Paid members get all of the above, plus some extras. ****Friday Flurry -** A fortnightly behind-the-scenes email for paid subscribers. I write about my life, work and creative process, what I've been reading, watching, and thinking, and personal reflections on whatever's caught my interest. [Catch up on previous issues.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry/) ****Reading Log -** A database of books I've read - and what I'm currently reading. This work in progress includes reviews and quotes, and you can dig into the database based on title, author, genre, themes, or vibes. [Jump in.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/reading-log/) ****Ask Alicia -** New! Submit your curly questions about life, work, and leadership. New posts and answered questions all live on [the AMA page.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/ama/) ****Bonuses -** Paid-only resources and guides, sneak-peeks to upcoming articles and books, occasional live webinars, handy tools to download. #### How often will you email me? As little as possible to get the stuff to you without making your life worse because emails suck. You can manage your own newsletter subscriptions at any time. The default setting is: Wednesday Wisdom (weekly), Friday Flurry (fortnightly) and then occasional (monthly, or less) updates on events and things. I suppose you could turn off all emails and only scroll through what's here when you feel like it, too? Though you'd probably forget, because that's what life is like, isn't it? #### Can I get work to pay for my membership? I reckon. Lots of members charge their membership to their work credit card as professional development - and you can download your invoice from your dashboard to make the paperwork easy. #### Is it easy to cancel or change my plan? Yep. You can manage your own account at any time from the Member Dashboard. I don't make it hard because man those things are gross - the "are you sure" clickthroughs with greyed out cancel buttons, the "email a person" barriers. Ew ew ew. #### Can I gift someone a membership? Absolutely. A paid membership is a gift that keeps giving all year! If you're a member, there's a gifting link inside your member portal to access any time. If you're just stopping by, you can [buy a gift here.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/#/portal/gift) #### ****Do you offer team or organisation subscriptions?** The short answer is: almost. #### Is this the same as Not An MBA? Thank you for asking. Same person behind the screen, often similar and complementary topics, but a different thing. This here is a membership to access writing, videos and tools, including a weekly newsletter. Not An MBA is an eight week leadership programme that runs once or twice a year. [Check it out here. ](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Testimonials URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/testimonials/ Last updated: 2025-10-19T03:45:25.000Z _No content available._ ### Alicia McKay | Join the thinking class URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/subscribe/ Last updated: 2026-07-06T10:03:41.000Z ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/03/2024-ALICIA5995-1-Large.jpeg) ## Think for yourself. Live on your own terms. Essays on power, systems, and change. Tools and training to live and lead with conviction. [Join the thinking class](#/portal/signup) ## You’re not lazy. You’re not unfocused. And you’re definitely not stupid. But it *is* getting harder to think clearly, make decisions you trust, and hold a thought long enough to do something meaningful with it. The way I see it, you've got two options here. 1. **Let your overwhelm and insecurity take the wheel.** Check your ideas and options before you do anything. Shrink. Outsource your workflows, do what you can to toe the line and keep your job. Do what everyone else is doing, for fear of missing out. 2. **Double down on independent thought.** Stake a claim on your cognitive sovereignty. Ask tricky questions, dig a layer deeper and build more confidence in yourself and your judgement than ever before. Take risks. Live a life you're proud of. **If option one works for you: close the tab.** If not, you're in the right place. [Sign me up, buttercup](#/portal/signup/free) ## I made this space for you I write for overworked, distracted people to reclaim our thinking, live deliberately, and navigate this wild life with confidence and agency. This is where smart, curious thinkers come to get no-bullshit insight and jolts of reality. Leaders and decision-makers subscribe here because they're hungry for more depth and don't mind a cheeky challenge. **My work is for you if:** - You’re smart, capable, and feel the systems around you aren't firing right. - You're sick of living and leading under constraints or on autopilot. - You care about power, equity, and fairness. You want your life and work to mean something. - You want a deeper, richer, intellectual life that stretches and tests you. - You're over shallow social media, clickbait, and performative productivity. ## What you'll find here **Deep thinking** [Feature essays](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/essays/) on power, systems, culture, media, and technology. **Insightful prompts** [Weekly posts](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/latest/) to challenge your thinking (and make you laugh). **Practical toolkits** [Tools, frameworks, and resources ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/resources/)to help you take aligned action. **Personal and professional development** [Workshops, events, ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/events/)and [behind-the-scenes insights](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry/) into building a creative life. [Sold. Sign me up.](#/portal/signup/free) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/03/1000010349-1.jpg) ## Who the hell am I? I'm Alicia McKay. Your intellectual hype girl. Author, speaker, heritage bogan, Mum of 3 and total, utter nerd. I'm Alicia McKay, a writer and speaker from Aotearoa New Zealand. I write essays, newsletters, and books, create tools and guides, run workshops, and speak at events. I make sense of the systems we live in and the stories we tell, exploring things like power, change, class, ambition, media, identity, technology, and culture. There are no sacred cows. My writing is like me: Funny, but spiky. Firm, but loving. Not for everyone. A bit sweary. No buzzwords. No bullshit. ### Why listen to me? I'm not an ivory tower theorist - my dreams of academia were scuppered by mouths to feed. I'm an entrepreneur and practitioner who understands power and systems from four key lenses: - **Cog in the wheel.** I was shaped by powerful social systems. I grew up working-class, spent my teen years in foster care, and became a Mum at 16\. - **Trusted advisor.** I started a consulting business in my 20s and I've spent over 15 years with politicians and CEOs, trained thousands of leaders on strategy and change, spoken on stages around the world, and written three business books. - **Quizzical observer.** I'm a political science major, philosophy nerd, systems thinking buff, and lifelong learner. I read over 120 books a year. - **Challenger.** I write and speak to help others see clearly and think for themselves. I ask things like: *Who makes the big decisions? How? Who benefits from that? Why are we the way we are? How can we change things?* [I like the cut of your gib.](#/portal/signup) ## Why subscribe I have no interest in giving you more content to scroll or more emails to archive. I’m here to help you think and live differently. **Subscribe if you want to:** - Have more trust and confidence in your judgement and choices. - Cut through the noise and spot the invisible systems shaping your life. - Think for yourself and reject common sense and narrative capture. - Access tools and frameworks to help you live according to your values. - Join a thinking community with tens of thousands of serious readers. [Yes!](#/portal/signup) ## Start here Essays to sharpen your thinking today. - [2026: The State of It. Three trends to watch and three skills to master.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/state-of-it-2026/) - [Opinions are like assholes: An enema for your thoughts.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinions-are-like-assholes/) - [Cognitive sovereignty: defend your mental territory](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/cognitive-sovereignty/) - [From custom to conscience: Calling bullshit on old thinking.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/from-custom-to-conscience/) - [What the AI bros won't tell you: Better conversations for boring conferences.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-the-ai-bros-wont-tell-you/) - [Poppy loppers: Why Kiwis snark at success.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/poppy-loppers-why-kiwis-snark-at-success/) - [Scrolling is the new smoking: How Big Tech copied tobacco's playbook.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/scrolling-is-the-new-smoking/) ## What people say [Enough! I'm in.](#/portal/signup) ## Latest posts [LatestWriter, speaker, and strategist. Strategy, change and power.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-149.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/2024-ALICIA5995-Large-3-1-47.jpeg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/latest/) ### Member feedback URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/member-feedback/ Last updated: 2026-04-07T21:56:00.000Z ## What subscribers say Here's the value people most commonly mention getting from their Alicia McKay subscription: - Makes them think - Cuts through noise and gets to what actually matters - Challenges assumptions (including their own) - Turns complex ideas into something clear and usable - Gives them language for things they’ve felt but couldn’t articulate - Pushes them to act, not just agree - Reminds them that their ability to think is their edge ### Read testimonials here ## Add your feedback Please share! ### CTA URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/cta/ Last updated: 2026-07-31T02:25:12.000Z ## Join 11,000+ critical thinkers *"I consider this newsletter fuel for my tank. There is never a time where a headline or a sentence doesn't jolt me into action or shift my thinking."* \- Michelle Cowan [Become a member](#/portal/signup/free) ### Series URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/series/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:21:33.000Z ## The Subjective Era In the Objective Era, we placed our faith in government, media, and science. With faith in these systems collapsing, what happens next? In this series, I explore what The Subjective Era looks like - and how leaders and organisations can adapt. [Browse the series](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-subjective-era/) ## Opinionated In the Opinionated series, I explored the origins of our beliefs, ran a live workshop (recording available) and produced a handy toolkit to help you interrogate your opinions. [Browse the series](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinionated/) ## 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions In December 2025, I published an advent calendar of "unpopular opinions" tackling leadership, decision-making, thinking, culture and society, communication and personal development. It was, ironically, very popular. [Browse the series](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/24-days/) ## The Ambition Recession In 2025, I had a hunch that ambition was on a downward curve. That somewhere between the pandemic, the recession, Gen-Z irony, existential crises, news oversaturation and liberal guilt, we lost the will to strive. [Browse the series](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/ambition/) ## McKayPedia While on holiday, I enjoy on-the-spot research to produce rapid summaries of place, politics and philosophy. Check out my 2025 series travelling through Greece. [Browse the series](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/mckaypedia/) ## Taking the Boot out of the Public Sector In 2024, I published a four-part series to bust common myths about the public sector. We tackled the difference between inefficiency and complexity, explored why the public sector operates differently to a business, cautioned against the public opinion trap, defended bureaucrats, and took a stab at political rock-throwing. [Browse the series](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/taking-the-boot-out-of-the-public-sector/) ## Future Proof your Dreams Our hopes, dreams, and plans live in an unpredictable future. We need plans to channel our time, energy, and money, but we have no idea what will happen in the next few years or how well our ideas will work. [Browse the series](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/future-proof-your-dreams/) ## Find your Why In 2022, I suffered a traumatic blow - a trusted advisor betrayed me and blew my business and plans apart. In the wreckage, I worked through a process to find my way back to purpose, and took my subscribers with me. For 10 days, I sent out a daily question to trigger introspection and reflection. [Browse the series](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/find-your-why/) ### Member support URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/support/ Last updated: 2026-07-23T09:00:36.000Z Wrong email address? Can't access paid content? Something weird going on with your subscription? Submit a support ticket here and we'll get back to you quick-smart. ### Reading log URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/reading-log/ Last updated: 2026-09-10T19:03:41.000Z # Reading log Everything I've read since I started keeping track, and what I made of it. Quick views Genre **—**books logged **—**read this year **—**open right now Surprise me All vibes All themes Recently read Highest rated Title A–Z Author A–Z Loading the shelf… Clear filters × ### CTA Upgrade URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/cta-upgrade/ Last updated: 2026-07-26T12:37:48.000Z ## Been meaning to go paid? This is your sign. You've been reading for free. I'm not mad about it, but here's the option to go deeper. You don't need the hard sell. You already know if it's worth it. *"I decided to cut down on my subscription-related expenses, but the quality of your content is so good... I feel it'd be unfair not to support you to continue producing it. Keep up the great work."* *\- 尼克 (Nick)* [Become a paid member](#/portal/account/plans) ### I write about strategy, change, and decision-making. If you're a critical thinker, you're in the right place. URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/linkedin/ Last updated: 2026-07-26T23:26:55.000Z _No content available._ ### Essay Hub URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/essays/ Last updated: 2026-08-18T03:10:51.000Z _No content available._ ### Tools URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tools/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T05:58:14.000Z _No content available._ ### I'm a frustrated woman URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/im-a-frustrated-woman/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T08:14:54.000Z ## I'm a **frustrated woman** Me too. Dive into essays on social trends, structural barriers, and professional bullshit to help you put some language around the fury. ### Feeling stuck at work URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/feeling-stuck-at-work/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T08:16:29.000Z # Feeling **stuck at work** Don't let the machine get you down. Here's how to focus your energy and get things moving again. ### Feeling stuck at work URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/feeling-stuck-at-work-2/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T06:28:55.000Z # Feeling stuck at work ### Battling in the public sector URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/battling-in-the-public-sector/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T08:30:13.000Z # Battling in the **public sector?** Making things happen in the public sector is more complex. Here's some helpful advice. ## Posts ### Are you the master of your own destiny? URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/finding-en-hype-and-rigged-games/ Last updated: 2026-09-11T04:55:05.000Z *Welcome to Friday Flurry. This fortnight features intense and contradictory musings about burnout, agency, and attitude. Are we the masters of our own destiny? Is the world going to do what it does regardless? Can you choose your environment... or is the game rigged? Also featured: ancient poetry, book recommendations, and surprising research about how your neighbourhood changes you. But first, let me tell you how tired I am...* --- Hi gang, Hope you're surviving out there. Spring has sprung, which in Wellington means an even split of gorgeous fresh sun and pissing grey rain. That's Mother Nature's signal to cast off the seasonal depression that feels like a total coincidence every year and begin the march toward Christmas. Huzzah. A friend told me this week we are "heading into the burnout part of the year." That jives with my vibes. I'm heaving through the week like a hormonal hippo, blinking with surprise every time another day starts and I'm expected to participate in it. I'm putting things down and instantly forgetting they existed, juggling an endless stream of appointments, navigating kid stuff (balls, exams, playdates, sensitive adolescent crises, et al), making end-of-reno judgement calls (who knew a toilet roll holder could be so important?) and generally trying to be a person in the world and stay alive. Oh, and I'm about to go on the road for a full-on week of travel and delivery. The struggle is real. All this beleaguerment is either a complement or a contradiction to the smorgasbord of ideas I'm plating up in this fortnight's Flurry. You decide. --- ## Are you the master of your own destiny? Battling waves of burnout and pressure, I've been rolling around some big and conflicting thoughts. 1. **None of this is up to you.** Your future is uncontrollable and the externalities determining it are too powerful for you to take responsibility for. Embrace your limitations, love your fate, and do what you can without shame, judgement or consternation. 2. **You have total agency** over your life and future, and most of your constraints are self or socially imposed fiction. You should do whatever pleases you because few people give a damn and the consequences are rarely as dire as you expect. 3. **Your context shapes your possibilities** in ways you can hardly grasp. Be cautious of the environment, people and ideas you spend your days marinating in. 4. **The game is rigged.** No matter what you do, some games remain unwinnable. You can't fight structural forces with self-help. I argue all four positions in this mega-Flurry. It goes wide, goes high, gets bleak, and argues against itself. Make a cuppa and get a nice snack. I can't wait to hear which of these four lenses hits for you right now - especially if you've been feeling the weight of things, too. --- _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Show me your budget URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/show-me-your-budget/ Last updated: 2026-09-08T18:45:48.000Z There are two things you can look at to figure out what a person or organisation really values: their goals, or their budget. Guess which one is more accurate? I've read hundreds of strategies. They are usually aspirational, often beautifully designed, and very hard to argue with. There are pillars and colours, infographics, charts and multi-column tables. Oh, and the buzzwords! Wellbeing. Resilience. Sustainability. Innovation. Connection. Communities at the heart of everything we do. Not to mention the THRIVING. Everyone's thriving. They're lovely fodder for posters, but for a reality check, you're better to read the Annual Report and see where the money went. The same goes for your household budget. If you say you value your health, but spend more on your tyres than your teeth... you're voting with your wallet. Nicholas Taleb says "*Don’t tell me what you think, tell me what you have in your portfolio*” because everyone's got great ideas but not everyone has skin in the game. It's easy to say you'd do it if you could afford it. It's harder to admit that if you really wanted it, you'd find the money, or redirect it from something else. Compelling cases for investment get funded. Meaningful goals drive effort or sacrifice. If you want to "reset your direction", bugger your strategy and your vision board. Get your calculator out. Til next week, A x (Note: this also applies to time. Swap budget for calendar.) [Day 16: Money comes firstFight me.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-e6f636da-f678-4769-a4f1-7716c93affc8.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/maxresdefault_VRYQ4yK.width-1440-2fdd645b-ad77-4250-bbb4-757f9030d52b.jpg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-16-money-comes-first/) ### When we govern by means, we neglect the ends URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/when-we-govern-by-means-we-neglect-the-ends/ Last updated: 2026-09-03T22:37:05.000Z In New Zealand, the government intends to reduce the size of the public sector: consolidating agencies, reducing head-count and making extensive use of 'AI.' Smaller, faster, and automated public service is assumed to be a) achievable and b) good. Both assumptions are dubious, but miss an important question: *why?* ## We confuse government with business It is a common foible to mix up the operations of the public service with those of private businesses. "You'd never run a business like this!" is a common refrain for all things government. This is correct. Government is slow, costly, and bureaucratic compared to many businesses. Government offers services that businesses won't, or can't, under different conditions, for different reasons. Social services, healthcare, infrastructure, policy-making and all that good stuff is complex and unprofitable. (This is why privatising them rarely saves money and usually worsens outcomes.) Government's job is far-reaching. It creates the conditions for a safe, supportive, and productive society, and safeguards social, economic, and environmental outcomes for current and future generations. Government coordinates the stuff we can't do on our own or through the market. It's a hard job to pull off. The goals are big and many, resources are constrained, scrutiny is high, and meaningful impact is hard to turn around quickly. It's also a hell of a lot harder than running a business. To explain why, we'll take a brief sojourn into strategy. --- ## How strategy works Strategy makes the most of the hand you’ve been dealt. It channels your limited resources toward a shared direction, which is particularly useful when there are lots of people and processes that need to work together. Done well, strategy guides daily decisions toward a long-term goal. ### Strategy 101 The model below outlines the three levels of strategy. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/09/image-1.png) Strategy 101 #### Why The ‘why’ level is where you find jargon like purpose, vision, and mission. These are our aspirational long-term outcomes. When we’re clear on our direction, we can choose our path to get there. The ‘why’ level should rarely change. #### How The middle ‘how’ level is the guts of strategy, where you find jargon like objectives, priorities, and principles (or recently: 'pillars'.) This is where we set the medium-term focus that becomes a filter and lens to guide short-term choices at the 'what'. For most organisations, the ‘how’ level changes every three to five years. #### What The bottom ‘what’ level deals with planning, actions, and initiatives. These are the operational choices made in the short term: the daily proof of our commitment to long-term aspirations. The ‘what’ level changes daily, as it should, but it is guided by the 'how', in service of the 'why'. --- ## The strategic differences between business and government I've used Strategy 101 with public sector leaders all over the world - and with private companies in many industries. While the foundations are the same, the implementation is different, due to key differences at each of the three levels. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/09/image-2.png) Strategy 101 - Public v Private Sector ### Why: Profit vs public value The private sector’s ‘why’ is to make money. Businesses *capture private value* for shareholders as *profit.* This purpose informs all subsequent choices. If your purpose is to capture as much profit as possible, you design for precision focus, fast decision-making and cost minimisation. Non-aligned or low-margin products and services are removed, processes are made as efficient as possible, and labour costs are capped. Bing, bang, boom. Government does not exist to make money. Revenue is used to fund services and investment, but is not captured privately. Instead, the public sector aims to *generate long-term public value*. Public value is a more complex outcome than profit - driven by different factors, harder to measure in the short term, and more ambiguous to define. Public value considers the following four factors: 1. **Collective good.** Everyone benefits - and it is difficult to exclude individuals from that benefit. This doesn't mean people benefit equally or directly. You might not personally need a passport, or go to the hospital - but you benefit from living in a society where you *can* get a passport, and a hospital is available. 2. **Leveraged impact.** Much of what government does acts as a catalyst or baseline. Protecting property rights by law underpins the economy. Providing functioning infrastructure enables connection, travel, and lifestyle. 3. **Sustained effect.** There is an observable and lasting shift in society or the community. This shift might be a service outcome, physical change, or intangible value shift, but it should stick around. We assume government will not make "good for now, bad for later" choices. 4. **Public values.** Public value protects shared public *values -* often ‘higher order’ values, such as safety, justice, or health. When businesses reduce costs or streamline operations, it is directly aligned with their purpose: to capture profit. When government reduces costs or streamlines operations, it is in service of a different purpose - to generate public value. We should see a link to more collective benefit, leveraged impact, sustained effects, or protection of shared values. ### How: Competition vs collaboration In the private sector, businesses differentiate to create a competitive advantage through design, pricing, quality, features, and branding. Their MO is to carve out a unique niche and defend it from competitors. In a competitive operating model, businesses aim for focused services, streamlined workflows and cohesive operating structures. In the public sector, thereis no competition. The government has a functional monopoly on libraries, roads, bridges, hospitals, and so on. There is no niche to carve out, and focus is difficult when the organising logic is "good stuff that needs doing, but no-one else will do, because it doesn't make any money." Instead of competition, government is powered by *collaboration*. All significant decisions must be made in public, with the public, or both. This is inclusive, but not fast. Collaboration is a different operating model - but it's critical for democracy because of the relationship government has with it's citizens - more on this below. ### What: Tangible v intangible In the private sector, businesses serve individual customers. They provide tangible products and services that people willingly purchase. They make product and service decisions with their why (profit) and how (competitive advantage) in mind. The public sector serves the collective – and not just with tangible goods and services. Government's intangible deliverables include ideas (strategies, initiatives) and rules (policies, regulations, planning guidelines). Some projects and initiatives don’t pay dividends for years or decades. With their why (public value) and how (collaboration) in mind, many of these services will lag, overlap, or conflict. ### Who: Customers v citizens Private sector goods and services are offered to people who decide whether to buy them. Companies choose who they serve, and how - and most successful business strategies narrow their customer base. Public sector goods, services, and intangible offerings are not offered to willing customers so much as imposed on hostage citizens. Governments decide how much of people's money they're able to take, and what they're going to do with it. These decisions need to benefit a diverse range of people and groups. In business, customers don't expect to know the ins and outs of a company's operations. Society offer legal protections for keeping intellectual property and commercially sensitive information confidential. But for government to maintain the social licence to take our money and use it to control our lives, we expect transparency and visibility over those decisions. We require the involvement of affected parties and expect there to be consultation. We expect the government to serve everyone, fairly, and to redress inequities in opportunities and outcomes - and then, we get to vote them out if we don't like the results. --- ## Democracy is too complex and contested for commercial logic All these factors make it unhelpful to compare government with business. You’d never run a business this way – nor should you. They don't optimise for the same outcomes. Democracy is many things, but it is not fast, and it is not cheap. It is much easier to develop strategy for the private sector (and to sell strategy services to them! ‘*If you follow my advice, you’ll make more money*’ is a more commercial proposition than *‘If you follow my advice, you might make a big difference a long time from now’.)* Democracy is built on the contest of ideas: compromise, representation, and transparency. These attributes shape the organisations that run the machine, which means public sector agencies are structurally paradoxical. Leading in this environment means [navigating irreconcilable tensions](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-irreconcilable-tensions-of-public-leadership/) \- long-term value vs short-term budget and electoral cycles, practical solutions vs public and political perception, accountable planning and reporting vs flexible responses, equality vs equity, speed vs legitimacy. Good intergenerational decision-making and community needs butt up against voter preferences, and efficiency is compromised by bureaucracy. We cannot use private sector logic to solve public sector challenges - but that's what we've been doing for nearly 40 years. --- ## This is the latest instalment of a long series New Zealand was an early and enthusiastic adopter of New Public Management reforms in the late 1980s and early 1990s. The State Sector Act 1988 and the Public Finance Act 1989 heralded a radical new way to ‘do’ public management. Decades of protectionism and centrally owned infrastructure and services were replaced in rapid succession by market deregulation, commercialisation, and a managerial approach to administration. Government separated policy from delivery, set targets and introduced contracts. Bureaucrats received reduced operating budgets, increased performance expectations, and a more complex reporting and communication regime. Ongoing tweaks have continued but the underlying philosophy (make government more like business) is largely intact - despite reviews from as early as 1991 raising concerns about an inability to deliver strategic outcomes. Multiple reviews have found our NPM-based government wanting. Contractualism and accountability measures drive decisions based more on short-term budgets than long-term outcomes. Earlier this year, Victoria University's Annika Naschitzki published her PhD research, which reviewed 356 cases of public sector restructuring across over 50 organisations in the last decade. [Naschitzki ](https://newsroom.co.nz/2026/01/15/stuck-on-repeat-why-public-service-restructuring-goes-wrong/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)was unable to demonstrate a link between restructures and targeted performance or delivery improvements. Sixty percent of structural changes had no investment logic to demonstrate how mergers or role changes would address problems - they were simply assumed as "enablers." > "Evidence is hard to find that restructuring works in the sense that efficiencies are gained, or new ways of working are adopted." Few agencies reviewed the success of these changes - only seven, out of several hundred - and those that did described a host of issues: "newly created silos, confusion, bottlenecks, and capacity collapse even years after the event." This isn't a new phenomenon. The goals of the current government - cut costs, shrink head-counts, commercialise, reorganise - are familiar repeats of an existing, largely ineffective philosophy. Worse: they completely miss the point. --- ## A wish is not a plan (or a strategy) The proposed staff cuts and transition to AI will exacerbate these problems. The key issue with the restructures Naschitzki reviewed is the same problem raised in post-NPM public service reviews of 1991, 1996, 1999, 2012, and 2015: *a lack of visible connection to broader goals.* Saying "better public services" and clicking your heels three times isn't enough to make it happen. For genuine improvements in service - and outcomes - we need the whats and hows to connect to the why. Structural changes must be in service of generating more *long-term public value*, not just short-term efficiency. That is the purpose of the public sector. Our elected representatives are responsible for the 'why' level of public sector strategy. They set long-term term aspirations for our lives and futures - what opportunities we will have, how we will create a better, fairer, more prosperous society. They work together with agencies to set medium-term intentions for how to get there (better healthcare, fairer taxes, more business support, et al). But when our 'why' guys are setting head-counts, prescribing operational requirements, mandating technology, and generally fiddling in the short-term 'what' level, we might ask: who is looking after the why? These proposals play well in the media - and I imagine they have great appeal to people who have experienced decades of public sector frustration. But without a bigger purpose, these changes will gut the capability and skillsets sticky-taping the current system together even further, with nothing to show for it. --- ## We're all means, no ends We seem to live in a time of *means*. Businesses, governments, and people are caught in a frenetic push toward leaner, meaner processes. It is not a coincidence that the world's largest and most powerful companies are selling products that make these very promises. In this frenzy, the *means* are coded as inherently valuable, regardless of whether they contribute to an improvement in the *ends.* We can create more content, faster - who cares if it's good? We can make more decisions automatically - who cares if they're right? We can replace service with bots - who cares if customers get what they need? The frenzy is at fever pitch (peaking, hopefully) and government has not escaped the tempting lure of a cheap, easy, people-free workplace. But the push for efficiency at all costs - fragmented, siloed, non-human, automated - misses the point. It's all 'what', and no why or how. All means, no ends. --- ## Public value > public service cuts All policy and organisational change in the public sector should demonstrate a connection to *long-term public value -* like the [Welsh government now requires](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/willpower/), via its Well-being of Future Generations Act. We should see proof of collective benefit, leveraged impact, sustained effect, and promotion of higher-order values for any major shift. Without public value as the guiding principle, we'll see another wasted decade of expensive organisational change, a government who fiddles around the edges while the future is left to chance - and New Zealanders who are no better off. You'd never run a business like this. ### The danger of modern cynicism URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/cynicism/ Last updated: 2026-09-01T20:09:16.000Z Diogenes was a real one. One of the founders of Cynicism, Diogenes lived in a ceramic jar in the town square. He threw away all his stuff except for a coat, a stick, and a cup - until he saw a kid drinking from his hands, and threw his cup away too. Diogenes didn't project a minimalist vibe on his Instagram to sell you pantry storage. Exiled from Sinope, his home town, on charges of defacing currency, he made this idea - *paracharattein to nomisma* (deface the currency) - into his worldview. In Greek, *nomisma* means coin, but it also shares a root with *nomos*, meaning custom. Diogenes lived and breathed his belief that [most social trappings were contrived nonsense.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/from-custom-to-conscience/) Diogenes was a public shit-stirrer, spending his days wandering the streets with a lamp, claiming to be "looking for an honest man." He pissed in the agora just to shock people. He rebuffed Alexander the Great and criticised Plato, running into a public lecture with a plucked chicken (long story). In short: Diogenes walked the talk. Modern cynicism is a different beast. Modern cynicism is a sneering, jaded affectation - everything and everyone sucks, and there's nothing you can do, so... meh. Philosopher Peter Sloterdijk described modern cynicism as *enlightened false consciousness* \- people who know how things work and participate anyway. Through the Sloterdijk lens, we're not ignorant. We get it, but we play along. It's a bleak outlook, and it's different from the ancient *practice* of cynicism. It's a *posture.* A defence mechanism. An infectious, corrosive vibe-killer. Modern cynics throw their hands up in the air, convinced they [can't change anything.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/for-when-it-feels-like-you-cant-change/) It's a cheap and easy out. Diogenes' beliefs cost him everything he had, but modern cynicism costs us nothing but a scornful huff and an eye-roll. I reckon we need to be careful of buying into the idea that anything is [inevitable,](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-ambition-vacuum-inevitability-and-cultural-malaise/) unstoppable, or unchangeable. It's tempting - reassuring, even - to feel smart but do nothing. It's also bullshit. There are plenty of people who'd prefer you to believe there's nothing you can do. They want to keep things exactly as they are. They want you to reorganise your pantry, [scroll your phone](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/scrolling-is-the-new-smoking/), and buy things you don't need, while they hoard power, fuck the environment, and treat your thoughts, hopes and dreams as profitable datapoints for an enshittified algorithm. Screw that. Til next week, A x --- 🎵 Pairs well with: Know Your Enemy - Rage Against The Machine ### Are we being a bit dramatic? URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/are-we-being-a-bit-dramatic/ Last updated: 2026-08-28T02:16:42.000Z *Welcome to another Friday Flurry. This fortnight, enjoy me railing against cancel culture whiners, some anthropological musings about the social usefulness of oppression, and a few book recommendations. Plus: a picture of me in the bath.* --- ## Dangerous opinions about dangerous ideas Last weekend, I was in Sydney for the Festival of Dangerous Ideas - a terrific multi-day extravaganza of lectures, panels, film, art, and music. There were more sessions than I could possibly get to, but I filled my dance-card with a nourishing line-up of lectures and panels on politics, media, culture, morality, technology, freedom of speech, social services, and conspiracies. In all, I've written over 10,000 words of notes about everything from AI moral panics to state censorship, which have spawned more rabbit holes than I can hope to cover in a year of writing. Safe to say, I'm delighted with the intellectual ROI of the festival! I left with some dangerous opinions of my own - mostly about how what counted as a dangerous idea was pretty tame and liberal-elite coded, and how we can't seem to help overestimating the importance of the time we happen to be alive (and writing off current and historical disasters of far graver proportions.) Picking which rants to dive into wasn't easy. In this Flurry, I present five dangerous ideas worth chewing on - in draft form, and definitely not fit for non-paywalled consumption. **Dangerous ideas for your consideration in this piece:** 1. Complaints about cancel culture are mostly tiresome whinging. 2. Universal disgust of far-right populism will only fuel it. 3. Oppression is socially useful. 4. There is a real threat to freedom of speech - but it isn't online trolling. 5. Social service delivery is moral judgement cosplaying as concern for taxpayer funds. Please forgive any minor editing errors, I've banged this out at pace, with the fire of a thousand suns. **Let's go.** --- _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Willpower is a terrible strategy at scale URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/willpower/ Last updated: 2026-08-25T18:45:57.000Z Recycle better. Drive less. Eat better. Save harder. Be more resilient. Know better. Do better. Bla bla bla. It's a lot, isn't it? It's also a terrible strategy for social change. --- There is a cupboard in my kitchen where the reusable bags live. Well, sometimes. The rest of the time they are in the boot, or on the back seat, or hanging on the stair rail, or in a different bag inside another bag (which is the bag equivalent of a Russian doll and about as useful at the checkout.) I still suck at this. But guess what? I'm not using plastic bags. Why? *Because they don't exist anymore.* I can be well-intentioned and organised. I can even do this consistently, for a while, if I am well slept and nothing else is going on. What I cannot be is organised on behalf of five million people, one Tuesday at a time, forever. Neither can you, or anyone else. Making structural problems a matter of individual effort is a terrible idea. Few of our biggest challenges, whether it's single-use plastics, carbon emissions, obesity, housing, waste, or road deaths, can be solved through personal virtue. --- Individual effort works beautifully for individual problems. If your inbox is a swamp, you can drain it. Nobody else has to agree (though some of the people waiting for a reply might have feedback.) But once a problem needs *coordination,* once it requires ten thousand people to do a slightly inconvenient thing at the same time, indefinitely, with no feedback and no reward... willpower is a waste of time. The only thing that moves the needle is [shifting the default.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-things-we-never-voted-for/) Change what *has* to happen, and you change the outcome for everyone. --- In 2015, Wales passed the Well-being of Future Generations Act. The logic is simple: election and budget cycles incentivise short-term decision-making, but good public policy making needs a long-term lens. Big problems (climate change, social equality, economic sustainability, et al) need multi-party coordination over many governments, and investment that mightn't pay off for a long time. Most countries throw their hands up in the air and blame each other. Wales changed the law so public bodies have to demonstrate long-term thinking, prevention, collaboration, and integration. The Future Generations Commissioner keeps track of how things are going and publishes a report every five years. Public bodies are required to respond to the Commissioner's recommendations, and report on their own progress every year. There have been tangible shifts in the way the Welsh government plans and spends money. In 2019, the Future Generations Commissioner campaigned heavily against a proposed £1.4 billion, 14-mile expansion of the M4 motorway because it violated long-term climate obligations. The project was eventually scrapped, with funding redirected toward the South Wales Metro and more local and sustainable transit. Changes to the national curriculum, the introduction of free meals for primary students, more integrated social services, and key sustainability initiatives have all been linked to the Act. It's not perfect. Public bodies who don't comply aren't sanctioned or fined, and some decisions have been upturned in court. Some of the language is vague and unhelpfu and engagement and decision-making is patchy. The Act still butts up against conflicting and contradictory pressures around funding and planning. It's a work in progress. Except now, the terms of the conversation are different. Rather than accepting short-termism as an inevitability, or blaming individual politicians or parties for why things are hard, the focus has shifted to how to shift systems and processes in a way that makes implementation possible. --- I am wary of where this argument goes when taken to the extreme. "The system made me do it" is a comfortable place to live and a terrible place to build anything new or important. Plenty of people change plenty of things, and some of them change quite a lot. But there's a difference between *being responsible* and *bearing the load*. You can compost, cycle, buy secondhand, and vote, but if the burden of the fix sits with everyday humans who are struggling to get their bins out on time, we can't expect transformation. Willpower is useful when the system is against you, but it can't be the only option. Do the thing. Be the best you. Don't give up. Just don't get down on yourself when it's hard. Til next week, A x ### The art of finer distinctions URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/finer-distinctions/ Last updated: 2026-08-18T18:45:43.000Z One dark lockdown day, I bought a spider plant for my kitchen. I had never kept a plant alive before and my knowledge on purchase day was something like: this is a plant, I will need to water it. Years later, I own dozens of houseplants, and can spot the difference between a monstera, philodendron, and pothos from some distance. Our cupboard is packed with plant foods and growth serums, I have a preferred brand of potting mix, and I finger the tips of leaves when I visit friends. This is the art of *finer distinctions*. You might not be a plant nutter, but you've had your own version - starting a new course or job, or picking up a hobby or interest. You go from "what is this and what do I wear and isn't golf just hitting a ball and walking around?" to owning three different outfits and discussing your grip type in no time. --- I first met this idea in a Benjamin Hardy book. Until you get stuck in and go deep on something, you simply don't know [what's possible](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-dont-know-how-great-you-can-be-expand-your-possibilities/). It's one of many reasons why detailed long-term plans usually don't work out - you don't know enough to make accurate predictions. In psychology literature, this process is called "perceptual differentiation" and it's the foundation of expertise. We become an expert in something by turning a big amorphous blob of a category (like plants) into ever-finer slices (species, leaf type, fertiliser needs) as we learn. These distinctions compound over time into deeper understandings and connections. --- Distinctions get finer through practice. If we don't regularly do things, we lose our eye for differentiation. In*The Reverse Centaur's Guide to Life After AI,*Cory Doctorow warns against making humans AI-output checkers because of skill atrophy and the low-prevalence effect. Radiologists who look for small errors on AI scans rather than making the initial diagnoses miss tumours. TSA agents are excellent at finding water bottles but terrible at detecting actual bombs. --- What we become an expert in shapes the world we live in: what we notice, who we hang out with, and which opportunities come our way. These are known as *affordances -* possibilities in our environment that only appear to us relative to our capabilities. A skateboarder walks a different street than me, because of what they can do with it. I don't notice the rail but he can already feel the grind. Until I knew about plants, there was no opportunity for a bushy fiddle-leaf fig, just a skinny half-dead plant in the lounge. (Tip: prune to the join, and it will branch out.) --- In *The Expectation Effect,* David Robson describes our brains as prediction machines. Our wildly complex mind, Robson argues, sees and experiences the world as it expects to - and will go to great lengths to make those expectations a reality. If we think we're taking morphine, our brain manufactures opioids. If we think ageing makes us weaker, our joints stiffen and tire. Just as knowledge shapes our perceptions and presents affordances in our environments, our expectations co-create reality. Who we are changes what we do. What we do changes who we are. Chicken. Egg. Chicken. --- Our initial worldview and subsequent choices are powered by [default settings](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-things-we-never-voted-for/) \- [installed by our families](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinions-are-like-assholes/) and encoded in communities. Left to compound, we'll live in a world that confirms our existing ideas. We'll have the careers we expected to have, prop up the systems we think are normal, and butt up against the constraints we expected to find. When we feed our prediction machines with different ideas, people, environments, and knowledge, we reveal new and surprising things about ourselves, our lives, and our possibilities. Each one offers a new rabbit hole to leap into, and finer distinctions to make. --- I was chatting with my plumber recently and he asked what I did for work. Like a good New Zealander, I responded in embarrassed apology. *"Oh*, *all sorts of things, random shit, haha. I, um, write books and essays, speak at conferences, and train people in thinking and planning."* He was bemused. *"How the hell do you get into that?"* I mostly cocked my answer up but did manage to land a useful metaphor. "*I sort of just walked through one door, then another one? I had no idea this work existed when I started. But first I did some consulting, and then I wrote a book, and then I talked about the book, and then I learned other things, and met other people, and every room I went into had a new door in it."* He had a similar story to tell about how he'd gone into business, and how he'd specialised over time. I've been thinking about it since. --- We don't get to choose the person or perception we start with. But we do get to choose what we do, where we go, and who we hang out. Our open tabs, the course we've signed up to, and the books next to the bed are building a world, and a person to live in it. If we walk through one door, then another, then another, we'll end up somewhere we couldn't have imagined from outside the house. It won't necessarily be better. Depends on the doors. Til next week, A x ### Mother issues URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/mother-issues/ Last updated: 2026-08-13T12:34:37.000Z *Welcome to another Friday Flurry. This fortnight, enjoy a behind-the-scenes look at my daily journalling practice, a panic attack confession, a peek into my research rabbit hole on mother issues, and a couple of book recommendations.* --- _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### The things we never voted for URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-things-we-never-voted-for/ Last updated: 2026-08-11T18:45:52.000Z Let me take you back to last year's Auckland Writers' Festival. It's May 2025, and Aotea Theatre is two-thirds full. From the balcony, the stalls are a sea of scarves and sensible shoes. A.C. Grayling: author, humanist and philosopher, grips the lectern. His voice is gentle, his vowels round. Grayling clears his throat and addresses the theatre with measured authority: "*Disadvantaged groups - women, people of colour, gay people, the elderly and the disabled - deserve the same rights and freedoms as everyone else.”* The room erupts in applause, startling the woman next to me. She glances at me sideways and wipes the corner of her mouth, sitting up straighter in her seat. Grayling is in Auckland to promote his new book, *Discriminations*. While people clap, I unlock my phone to learn more about it. My search bar is powered by Google, because in 2021, they paid Apple over $20 billion US dollars for default search status. There’s good money in ubiquity, and even more in invisibility. --- An Australian client, industry-leading in diversity initiatives, published an Access and Inclusion Strategy. The strategy identifies nine “communities of priority." Here are the communities: people with disability, culturally and linguistically diverse communities, Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, LGBTQIA+ individuals, older adults (65+), people with a mental illness, socially disadvantaged people, youth (12-25 years), and women. Women are 50% of the population. Youth, 20%. Disabled, 25%. Older adults, 20%. It would be more efficient to name who *isn’t* a community of priority. I suppose they're the "everyone else." --- In his speech, Grayling lauds the social progress of the last century, celebrating hard-won changes achieved by civil rights, feminists and gay activists. But his brow crinkles when he describes the consequences of these changes. “*Working from nine until five does not accommodate the needs of women.*” Grayling explains.“*Those hours are difficult when you care for children or elderly family members.*” The man in front of me nods, a thoughtful expression on his face. Tendrils of invisible ideas (child and elderly care is women’s work, this work should be voluntary) curl unseen across the theatre. --- Another client is planning accessibility upgrades to their pools. It's a PR nightmare - local swim groups are furious at the prospect of losing a metre of lane space to a ramp. I guess when you're used to an environment that works for you, one that works for everyone feels like a loss. --- Once upon a time, we packed our groceries in plastic bags. Then, we realised what it was doing to the environment, and tried to do better. Supermarkets sold reusable bags, and we rose to the occasion - forgetting to put one in the boot, fretting about whether to buy another, burning with shame as our yellow plastic crinkled on the way to the car. Until one day, plastic bags weren't an option anymore. When the law was debated, we panicked. What would people do?! Turns out, we do just fine (though I'm occasionally juggling 25 items to the car.) --- The average person makes 17,000 decisions in a day. Most of those decisions are made on autopilot - our coffee order, the route we take to work, the apps we fire up when we turn on the computer. This is a necessary adaptation. If we consciously made every decision, we'd be worn out by morning tea. Autopilot needs a stable environment to function - one that nudges us in one direction, instead of an unseen other. Nobody voted for an extra metre of swim space. It's a decision that may not even have been consciously made. Adding a ramp needs a business case, consultation, and a debate about extra spending. Stairs were the default. --- Once upon a time, airplanes, pubs, and restaurants were a haze of cigarette smoke. Then, we realised what it was doing to our health. We carved off space for smokers' areas and shot dirty looks at nearby puffers, worrying about how to protect our children. Until one day, the smokers had to go outside. Protests filled the airwaves. It's PC gone mad! The hospitality industry will die! Turns out, the pubs are just fine (though popping out for a cheeky durry needs a jacket.) --- When A.C. Grayling proclaimed that disadvantaged groups deserved the same rights and freedoms, he never got around to telling us who "everyone else" was. It went without saying. It usually does. I move through my day assuming I can access public spaces, go to the pub without choking, and have the world's information at my fingertips. Yet without people challenging unspoken assumptions, we'd still have ashtrays next to our cutlery. I know Google paid to be my search bar, and *do no evil* is a long-expired slogan, but when inconvenience faces off with power, guess who wins? Individual will is a poor strategy at scale. It's how we shift the burden of change to people with the least power, while unseen choices go unchecked. Defaults aren't bad. Systems need settings to function. But every tradition was once an innovation, and few of the things we take for granted are inevitable. When we despair about the way things are going, the world will try to convince us there's no other choice. I reckon that's bullshit. Shift the default, shift the outcome. Til next week, AM ### Who should we be angry at? URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/who-should-we-be-angry-at/ Last updated: 2026-08-10T11:01:38.000Z I got a call from a Council head honcho today, and had a familiar conversation. They're in dire financial straits and struggling to maintain the stuff they already have, much less invest in the future. Trapped in an unsustainable funding model, they've proposed a big rates increase to balance the books. This has, unsurprisingly, gone down *like a cup of cold sick.* Locals have gone postal - and the Councillors, previously united, are wavering in the face of fury. Owning a home, if you're lucky enough, is a spendy business. The mortgage gobbles up half your income, insurance is skyrocketing, and electricity gets dearer every year. That's all before trying to eat, which costs more with every shop. It's no wonder a rates increase has people so hot under the collar. And yet... people don't generally picket outside their bank, post death threats to insurance company executives, or pay home visits to electricity board chairs. That kind of unhinged fury is reserved for the local Council. A place where there's real people, with familiar faces, who might listen to you. > People don't picket outside their bank, post death threats to insurance company executives, or pay home visits to electricity board chairs. That kind of unhinged fury is reserved for the local Council. I landed in Sydney tonight and trod resentfully through the mandatory duty-free shop between plane and customs. Is it any wonder we feel captive and pissed off? Everywhere you turn there's another ploy to suck your wallet dry, another inescapable surcharge, another plinth full of shit you don't need. And *good luck complaining about it*. When we call a company with a problem, we're sent to an offshore call centre at best, a chatbot at worst. Neither have the power to help. Under these conditions, it's surprising more people don't take their frustration somewhere people might actually listen. You can (and should!) try higher tiers of government. Public pressure is a good way to trigger inquiries into the banks making record profits and the reign of supermarket cartels. But if it's *action* you're looking for, government loves messing with Councils. Rates caps. Amalgamations. Some punching down and a kick in the guts about infrastructure deficits with no money to plug them. Accusing Councils of being [poorly run businesses](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-difference-between-the-public-and-private-sector/) is an easy shot, but it misses an important point. Why would we model the delivery of public services on the same commercial logic that's making so much of our lives actively worse? Companies aren't stupid. Taking accountability for decisions is a pain-in-the-ass, and if they're not forced to do it, they won't. Who wants to deal with the kind of crap Councillors get every day? As [accountability erodes](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/is-2026-the-year-of-the-terse-email/), and power shuffles behind closed doors, [our anger is redirected](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/jacinda-ardern/) to the few remaining places with a mechanism for change. > As accountability erodes, and power shuffles behind closed doors, our anger is redirected to the few remaining places with a mechanism for change. Business isn't the enemy. Most businesses aren't monopolistic, tax-dodging dickwads. Your friendly Wednesday Wisdom writer is running one, and you're probably employed by one. Councils definitely aren't angels (trust me!) and government is neither pure, nor totally corrupt and inept (at least, not here.) But unaccountable power and wonky incentives make life worse for all of us. And of all the places to direct your ire, I can think of better ones than your local Council. (Who's joining me on the Woolworths picket line?) ### Screw the algorithm URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/screw-the-algorithm/ Last updated: 2026-07-30T11:44:06.000Z *This Friday Flurry's free. I'll do this a few times a year, to thank loyal members. If you know someone who'd enjoy this, forward it on.* --- ## Are we losing the ability to disagree? The algorithm does two shitty things: makes disagreement seem costly **and* makes it look like everyone else is doing it. Both are wrong. I'm into the second week of [Not An MBA](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) 2026 and loving being back in the saddle. Week 2 is where we get a bit... uncomfortable. We watch a podcast snippet of two commentators who say a bunch of great things about responsibility, then go on an offensive tangent. People are torn. Should we write someone off because we dislike them or they hold opposing views? Does it make everything they say wrong? What are the risks of co-signing or amplifying content that doesn't align with our values? But what happens when we shrink from disagreement and discomfort? We break out for structured debates after that - a rare opportunity to safely practice conflict. It got me thinking about how important it is to be able to [disagree well ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-trying-to-agree-with-everyone/)\- and whether our information environment is making it harder. So, off down the rabbit hole I went. ### The data on disagreement Before I wrote [The idiot test](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-idiot-test/) I went deep on bubbles, echo chambers, and polarisation. Most of that research didn't make it into the piece (it rarely does) but it's interesting stuff. - **We're not as polarised as it seems.** Most people are in the "exhausted majority" - moderates who get tired of the public mudslinging and opt out of the whole chat. Extreme views monopolise airtime and get amplified by the algorithm, but they don't represent how most people think. The impact is problematic: we avoid tricky conversations in real life, fearing we'll encounter the extremism we see online. - **We *do* change our minds.** I was aware of the "backlash effect" (when hearing disconfirming evidence makes you double down on your initial view) but the data is more complex. The backlash effect is mostly echo chamber behaviour (as opposed to bubbles. [More on this here](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/327633237%5FECHO%5FCHAMBERS%5FAND%5FEPISTEMIC%5FBUBBLES?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz).) It turns out we *are* open to new information but we get stuck protecting our identity and social ties. If we define ourselves by a group or label, the cost of changing our mind is high. - **Being more engaged can make you more biased.** A "paradox of democracy" is that the most informed and engaged voters are prone to the most biased viewpoints. The more you read, the more content points there are to reinforce your view and paint the other side as idiots. - **You can curate your feed... maybe.** Our opinions are shaped, intensified, and polarised by the content the algorithm feeds us - but it's partly our fault. When we're served cross-cutting content, we rarely click on it or engage. One study trumpets the power of self-selection to turn the curve, but it involved a minority of highly-engaged users and hasn't replicated across contexts or platforms. In short: [assume you're being lured into a bubble ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-idiot-test/)unless proven otherwise. - **NZ and Australia are more moderate than the US.** Most data on social and political division is US-focused. When you zero in on Australia/ New Zealand, our default setting is pretty moderate. Scraping through the literature, it's partly down to our political systems. Compulsory voting in Australia and MMP in New Zealand have a buffering effect that prevents all-or-nothing thinking and creates far more centrist tendencies. Fascinating! - **NZ had** **more far-right Facebook followers per capita pre-occupation than the US, Australia, or Canada**. Previous point notwithstanding, we're still vulnerable to extreme capture - and the consequences can be dire. In 2022, a dozen loud voices whipped up a frenzy that led to the occupation of Parliament grounds. Because our system isn't built for conflict and violence, we can be caught with our pants down when things kick off. Food for thought. --- ## The future of online ideas Critical thinkers want more than a hall of headline mirrors and short-form scroll bait, but alternatives are thin on the ground. People want to be connected and informed, but [enshittification](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/ai-enshittification/) ruined social media and trust in the news is dropping. That's not all bad. [Social media sucks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/scrolling-is-the-new-smoking/), and [getting our opinions from the news](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-reading-the-news/) is risky. When our views are formed by instant, shallow, short-form content and never followed up with disconfirming evidence or deeper nuance, (which tends to come later and quieter), we lose the capacity for deep understanding. Communication technology is seriously messing with us - read [*Superbloom*](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/reading-log/#book-superbloom-how-technologies-of-connection-tear-us-apart-nicholas-carr) for a riveting deep-dive. So what's a curious mind to do? I have a hunch we want something different, and the audacity to believe I can play a role. You tell me my work is "*an antidote to the slop filling your inbox and mind"* (thanks Kaleigh Smerdon!) and I reckon that matters. Like you, I value trusted friends and deep thinkers to keep me sharp, and I have a big appetite for things that make me think. It's why [I quit the news ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-talking-shit/)and avoid social media, but read over 100 books a year and spend my time down research rabbit holes. I don't want to battle platform slop and manipulative dopamine loops to juice my brain. I also want to engage on my own terms - choose when I visit, pick what I read, and not have it ruined by ads and hard sells. I think you might too. Which leads into... --- ## Your reprieve from the algorithm I'm making my world a place worth returning to. Pop in, the jug's hot. If you've been online this week you'll notice new features. ### Weeeeeeellllcome hoooome When you go the homepage, you'll see a quick recap - the latest post and Friday Flurry, plus links to the reading log, AMA, and paid bonus sections. This is a WIP. [Meet the new intro](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/) ### Topic hubs All online essays, videos, and resources are now organised around four major outcomes: think for yourself, see more clearly, make better decisions, and live on your own terms. Bonus points to anyone who clocks the art references. [Hit the hubs](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/think-for-yourself) ### Reading log I've built a searchable database to keep track of my reading. It's not done yet, but it's pretty neat,. You can search by reading month, genre, theme, or vibes, as well as title or author, plus see what I'm currently reading. [Scroll the log](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/reading-log) ### Ask Alicia The response to my AMA callout was so awesome that I'm going to make Ask Alicia a regular feature. I don't know exactly what it will look and feel like yet, but it's in the works! If you've missed any AMA questions, or want to ask one, head on over. [Ask a question](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/ama) --- ## Burning creative questions I can point fingers at the evil algo, or I can roll up my sleeves and build a better option. I've got lots of ideas fizzing away and projects in train. There's backend stuff - a member dashboard, a better essay hub, a clever format for AMA, a smoother user experience, etc - but I'm exploring exciting questions too. Two biggies: - **Going all-in on writing.** Could I be the #1 newsletter for critical thinkers in Australasia?! Can I pull it off without becoming a social media hussy? I just *know* there's power in the old-fashioned peer network. But it's going to take a big swing. Am I ready for it? - **The Alicia McKay Show.** Should I bring back [The Alicia McKay Show](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-alicia-mckay-show/)? There's so many podcasts already, but I only return to a few faves ([*If Books Could Kill*](https://www.ifbookspod.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [*Philosophize This!*](https://www.philosophizethis.org/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and [*Intelligence Squared*](https://www.intelligencesquared.com/intelligence-squared-podcast/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) are three favourites.) The ones I like tend to be broad in scope, make me think differently, and aren't the standard "interview a famous person on a PR blitz" format. I loved the weekly livestream format I ran back in 2022\. Your thoughts (and podcast recommendations) are welcome. --- ## How I'm staying sane in the slopscape Recent IRL escape routes: theatre, travel, and the telly. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/07/feature-2.jpg.webp) - **Local theatre.** The fam and I went up to Otaki for the Otaki Players Society rendition of Jagged Little Pill (sorry, it's finished now.) The girls and I saw this play in LA last year and it blew us away. We had a rollicking good time in Otaki, although I *really* wish NZ actors would stop putting on American accents. - **Travelling for work.** I've been back on the delivery buzz for the last few weeks, flying around wearing proper pants and running workshops. I'm in Sydney next week to work with some politicians and managers on strategic decision-making. I'll be popping down to the NSW National Library to see Meg Mason (former Foxton girl, now Aussie literary superstar) chat about her new book - and check out [the Library Bar](https://librarybar.sl.nsw.gov.au/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)! Why don't all libraries have cocktail bars? I'd never leave. - **Rewatching Outrageous Fortune.** I watched this when it originally aired, between 2005 and 2010, but definitely missed at least half of the episodes (ah, the beauty of once-a-week live TV. A simpler time.) Fuck it's good on a rewatch. --- ## Where to find me - I'll be at the [Local Government Professionals WA State Conference](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-government-professionals-wa-4-5-november-2026/) in Perth this year (and taking Harriet with me to see some quokkas on Rottnest Island, eee.) The theme is "All hands on deck" so the Australians will probably spend the whole time giggling at my accent. If you're in WA, come heckle me. - Check out [this episode of PowHer](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/powher-podcast-with-jess-stuart/), where I chatted with host Jess Stuart about the skills we need in an AI world and the structural barriers facing women in leadership. --- ## The magic of magnesium ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/07/IMG_8981-1.jpeg) My watery coffin. New favourite place. I just had my first float in a salty float pod. I'm still a bit crusty (a thorough shower and hair wash is needed post-float, team) but I *loved* it. Time disappears, all is dark, and it's just you and your thoughts suspended in a watery coffin. Ahhhh. WTF is it with magnesium? It's magic. Drink it. Swallow it. Lie in it. Be it. You are magnesium now. --- ## Man, I appreciate you guys Made it to the end? Holy shit! How good are you. If you're a paid member, thank you *so much* for being here. You've proven this model and made it worth investing in. It's been 3 years since I branched out from work-adjacent-content and launched a paid tier. I've spent countless hours learning, levelling up, and nailing my voice since then and it's thanks to your support I feel ready to take the next step. Lessgo. **To receive these fortnightly behind-the-scenes snapshots,* [**upgrade your membership*](#/portal/signup)**. I call 'em flurries because they're all over the place: sometimes an AMA, sometimes a confession, sometimes a ?. If you've been on the fence about going paid, now's the time.* ### LG Professionals WA State Conference URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-government-professionals-wa-4-5-november-2026/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T10:40:40.000Z _No content available._ ### The idiot test URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-idiot-test/ Last updated: 2026-07-28T18:45:54.000Z Here's a two-second test to find out if you're sliding into an echo chamber: When you encounter an opposing point of view, how often do you think the other person is an idiot? If it's more often than not - or these people are starting to look downright evil - you might want to pause. > "When you encounter an opposing point of view, how often do you think the other person is an idiot?" Pay transparency advocate Jo Cribb posted a snapshot of social media reactions to her Mind The Gap initiative yesterday, and people were aghast. The comments filled with shock and disappointment: *"Holy sh\*t I am appalled." "Wow this is disheartening." "Why is there no “🤦‍♀️” reaction?"* ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/07/1785052865175.jpeg) Notice your reaction to [these comments](https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:share:7487054377686347777/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Is it surprise? Horror? Humour? Agreement? I get it. I think these comments suck. I wasn't horrified though, or even particularly surprised. I navigate this kind of dissonance often enough - striking up chats with taxi drivers, travelling overseas, or just going home for Christmas - to remember how limiting my Wellington bubble can be. We don't all have the same life experiences, we don't all see the same information, and most [opinions](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinions-are-like-assholes/) are come by honestly. You are almost certainly in a bubble of similar, like-minded people. Same politics. Same preferences. Same pay bracket. You work together, socialise together, and see similar content on your feeds. If you're *not* in one, your algorithm will do its best. Bubbles are the default setting. > "You are almost certainly in a bubble of similar, like-minded people... If you're not in one, your algorithm will do its best." Over time, your bubble shapes what you see and think, and how you react to new information. This isn't inherently negative. No mind is an island. To make your way through the world, you need mental models to sort information, value systems to guide your choices, and useful assumptions about how things work, and [who to trust](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-subjective-era-part-1/). But what happens when we stop engaging with, or even *seeing*, alternative points of view? Our intellectual horizon shrinks, our worldview narrows - and our capacity for curiosity, critical thinking, and connection fades. Things seem simpler than they really are. Complex, nuanced people with rich inner lives look like caricatures and demons. Bumping the edge of another bubble can be disorienting. After so long in our own little corner, we quite reasonably assume everyone thinks like we do. It can be shocking to discover otherwise. Do people really *think* like that? What kind of world are we living in? Whether you're lobbying for pay transparency or exasperated by whinging woke warriors, your reaction might sound remarkably similar. Faced with these uncomfortable jolts, you might be tempted to scurry back to safety, shaking your head, vowing not to venture outside the blob again. This is where the risks creep in - and when our bubble can morph into an echo chamber. C Thi Nguyễn, author of one of [my favourite recent reads *The Score*](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/reading-log/#book-the-score-c-thi-nguyen)*,* wrote [an excellent article](https://aeon.co/essays/why-its-as-hard-to-escape-an-echo-chamber-as-it-is-to-flee-a-cult?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) about echo chambers and how they differ from epistemic bubbles. > "In epistemic bubbles, other voices are not heard; in echo chambers, other voices are actively undermined." - C Thi Nguyen If you realise you're in a bubble, you can take steps to pop it by diversifying your information sources - talking to people, reading different [news outlets](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-reading-the-news/), or following channels you don't usually see or agree with. My adult daughter runs two TikTok accounts that serve her different political views. A friend's Mum gets two Australian newspapers delivered weekly. Steps like these, while imperfect, can help you stay intellectually flexible and connected to the wider world. But if you're in an echo chamber, no amount of new information will change your mind. In fact, alternative sources will appear as evidence of how misguided and untrustworthy others are. Reading two newspapers or scrolling two feeds will have little effect if you're using one of them as rage-bait or proof of your own rightness. This is where the danger lies. If you encounter an opposing viewpoint, and your first reaction is *what an idiot* or *this is exactly what I've been talking about*, then it's worth taking a second look at how rigid [your opinions](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinions-are-like-assholes/) might have become. Smart, caring people are as at much risk of joining an echo chamber as anyone else. We should all assume we're only ever a few YouTube clicks away from conspiracy thinking. If you're a politically engaged, socially responsible citizen, you might actually be *more* vulnerable to bubbles and chambers by virtue of how much content you consume. > "We should all assume we're only ever a few YouTube clicks away from conspiracy thinking." I'm a huge fan of Jo's work. I found those comments as distasteful as her commenters did, and sharing them publicly was a great way to pop a few bubbles. But when everyone else looks like an idiot or a villain, there's nowhere to go. Applying the idiot test tells us if we're simply offended, or knocking on the door of an echo chamber. This is work worth doing - because once you're in, it's hard to get out. ### The irreconcilable tensions of public leadership URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-irreconcilable-tensions-of-public-leadership/ Last updated: 2026-07-28T13:01:28.000Z ## Promotion shatters technical purity Councils and government agencies teem with clever professionals: policy analysts, accountants, scientists, engineers, lawyers, et al. In a technical role, you can lean into your expertise. But in a leadership position, the game changes. This can be a shock for new managers when they realise the trade-offs needed to get things done. In public leadership, good ideas and best-practice recommendations swim in a chunky soup of public scrutiny, shifting political agendas and organisational change. Managers are expected to cut costs, improve customer service, boost productivity, fix morale, set direction, deliver community outcomes, protect reputation, mitigate risk, and innovate, all at once. If this feels like a contradiction, it is. That's the job. (Private sector leaders face similar battles. They, too, strive to please multiple masters, negotiate competing priorities, and do more with less. But they navigate these tensions under a unified master objective: to *maximise profit*. [Read more about the differences between the private and public sector here.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-difference-between-private-and/)) ## Public leadership is structurally paradoxical Democracy is built on the contest of ideas: compromise, representation, and transparency. These attributes also shape the organisations that run the machine. Leading in this environment means navigating irreconcilable tensions - long-term value competes with short-term news cycles, practical needs butt up against political agendas, and efficiency is compromised by bureaucracy. ### Long-term vs short-term You deliver long-term, intergenerational outcomes that take time to come to fruition. You will be judged on short-term visible results inside budget and election cycles. Lean too long-term and lose your mandate. Lean too short-term and become ineffective. ### Political vs practical You craft high-quality technical solutions that are operationally feasible. You also need to satisfy public and political whims. Technically correct solutions without political support will fail. Pet projects without operational backbone also fail. Lean too practical and lose support. Lean too political and achieve nothing. ### Accountability vs flexibility You plan your work years in advance, to the day and dollar, in a tightly regulated reporting structure. You do that in a complex environment with shifting priorities and dynamic, unforeseeable events. Lean too precise and you constrain innovation and responsiveness. Lean too loose and you erode accountability. ### Equality vs equity You need transparent, robust policies that deliver fairness and consistency. You also need to make humane, context-sensitive decisions that put people first. Lean too rigid and you embed harm. Lean too loose and you drive inequality. ### Speed vs legitimacy Decisions are made in public, with the public, or both. Every stakeholder adds time and cost to a process that is also expected to deliver urgent outcomes, frugally and responsibly. Minor decisions drag on, but major ones can be made overnight. Force speed and trigger resistance. Move too slow and waste time and money. ## Advice to navigate these tensions With time and experience, leaders get better at reading the room, spotting opportunities, and working with stakeholders and politicians. But there is no way to resolve these tensions permanently - frustration is a sign the system is working. For a satisfying career in public leadership, consider the following advice. ### Take nothing personally Your job is to provide free and frank advice, then implement political will - regardless of how you feel about it. That's not to say you're powerless. Your decision and influence skills can make a big difference. When you bring affected stakeholders in early to shape choices, they're more likely to buy in to the outcome. When you frame your recommendations clearly and connect them to the big picture, you get more cut-through. But the public sector is [subjective, uncertain, and complex](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategic-decisions-suck/) and you are a tiny part of the machine, so never take the outcome personally. ### Practice institutional realism Institutions are living systems shaped by politics (Big P and little p), history, legislation, personalities, budgets, informal norms and accumulated compromises. Sometimes, they behave rationally. Often, they don't. You work inside those imperfect institutions to implement decisions you didn't make, under governments you may not have voted for, alongside stakeholders you might disagree with, in systems you can't control. Minor things take years, major things happen overnight. Accept this. You can make a big difference in the public sector, but it not might be fast, linear, or visible. Realism will make your career more sustainable and enjoyable. ### Control the controllables Everybody - your boss, their boss, the politicians, the media - feels constrained and frustrated. Those constraints are important checks and balances; democracy is working as designed. You don't control the system. At the same time, [you *are* the system](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-are-the-system/), so everything you do [has the power to change things](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/for-when-it-feels-like-you-cant-change/). Hold these two truths together, and do an excellent job of the things inside your control. Run full, fair, and focused decision processes. Develop focused strategic plans to channel your limited resources, and do a great job of connecting your team to the big picture. Build high-quality relationships. Prioritise your time, money and energy toward the stuff that makes the biggest difference. Leave things better than you found them. A career of these things consistently adds up to a meaningful contribution, even if you can't see the big shifts inside the daily grind. ## In summary Your job is to make meaningful progress inside an imperfect, contradictory system ([much like the rest of your life](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tension-is-the-engine/).) It's challenging work. But what would you rather do? Work in a bank? Til next week, AM ### When it all seems too much, pick up a book URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/when-it-all-seems-too-much-pick-up-a-book/ Last updated: 2026-07-23T23:08:34.000Z There are only two books in recent memory that I've sobbed at the end of. The first was on a flight from Melbourne to Wellington two years ago where I released a full-blown ugly cry of embarrassing proportions. I'm talking noise, snot, the works. The air hostess came to check on me, probably concerned I was having some kind of episode. I'm thinking about that book now, and having a fresh rush of emotion. When I met the author a few months ago, I told her about my experience. I still think about it, I said, and it still makes me tear up. She nodded sagely. She'd heard this before. That book: _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Choose meaningful friction over costly convenience URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/meaningful-friction/ Last updated: 2026-07-23T22:38:40.000Z In my late teens, I felt out of step with my peers. From the outside, we were the same - we were all a similar age, agonising over our relationships, and trying to choose the right outfit. But while my friends had supportive families, minimal responsibilities, and free time to socialise, I had two kids by 21 and was studying full-time. I was a few years out of foster care with no family support, and I was battling. It was a tough season. This continued into my 20s and early 30s. While I parented young kids, ached with grief and guilt at every work trip or childcare conundrum, and built a career, then a business, I watched with envy as my peers figured themselves out with the luxury of time and a safety net. The asymmetry remains, but it has shifted form. The tables have turned. My kids are older and my time increasingly belongs to me. I can read, write, and travel. Instead of sitting up nights studying or working my guts out, I can choose different friction: decoupling from technology, working on my craft, and forging new and deeper connections with my loved ones. I have a new hard now. ## Filling madness with meaning I spent yesterday afternoon with two of my cousins and their four beautiful kids. They're right in the thick of it: young kids, demanding careers, and bugger all spare time. One superhero is doing it at difficulty level 112\. Her kids are 5 and 2, she's working a specialised job, and she's retraining in a new field. She fell in the door last night after pulling a 6am shift at work followed by a 4 hour lecture, right into the chaos of witching hour. Her 2 year old clung to her like a limpet as she placed her bags on the couch, lids and limbs heavy with exhaustion. It looks like madness. But that's not how she sees it. Her husband calls it "levelling up the family." He's there for every step, rubbing her back, handling the morning shift with the kids, and reminding her that they're working for a better, brighter future. It's a crazy workload, but a temporary one they'll be forever grateful for. It's much easier not to make choices like this. It's easier to just copy the people around you - zig when they zig, zag when they zag. But as [the wise Russ Ackoff once said](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DOqEeIG8aPPk&ved=2ahUKEwiY0t-4%5FNGVAxUZs6gCHXhfGTwQwqsBegQIFRAB&usg=AOvVaw0RHbwTkV5IS65FBRb338jR), you don't become a leader by imitation. Creativity is a *discontinuous act*. It requires coming up with new ideas, persisting against obstacles, and testing yourself. This is how you become a person you're proud of. It's bloody hard going. Anytime you [play the long game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/4-steps-to-playing-the-long-game-2/), you suffer. Anytime you [put yourself in unknown situations](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/put-yourself-in-situations/), you doubt yourself. But you're not doing it for who you are today. It's for the version of yourself you're meant to become. The life you're meant to live. [You have no idea how great you can be](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-dont-know-how-great-you-can-be-expand-your-possibilities/), and you won't find out unless you're willing to try something hard. ## The cost of convenience Convenience is the organising principle for much of modern life, and for our most ubiquitous and profitable forms of technology. Why cook when you can order fast food? Why think when you can Google? Many conveniences make our lives easier in someways but worse in others. The net effect and second order consequences of removing certain sources of friction from our lives are brutal. Online ordering saves a few minutes and a trip out, but writ large, it shackles us to screens and changes how our communities function. Tiny conveniences compound. Some things *need* friction to have value. Writing is one. The process I'm battling right now - of writing too many words, restructuring, reading more widely than will be captured in the final product, slashing beautiful but unnecessary paragraphs... these things aren't a distraction, they're the point*.* Going through this process makes me better, and reading the result makes you better. Win, win. Learning, too, requires friction. In [the words of Marc Watkins](https://marcwatkins.substack.com/p/we-need-to-reclaim-slowness), learning *is* friction. It is through the process of trying, testing, and failing, that we grow and change. An obsession with saving time can overshadow our innate curiosity, desire for mastery, and capacity for analysis. [Productive disagreement](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-trying-to-agree-with-everyone/) is another vital friction. When two worldviews or opinions collide, there is an uncomfortable moment of dissonance - one or both sides will have to give, reconsider their attachment to a belief, or find a new framing of a problem in order to make progress toward a shared vision. This is a feature, not a bug. It's how things get better for everyone. ## Choosing your hard Buffing the rough edges of a meaningful life away to something smooth and glossy is a fool's goal. Our character isn't forged through ease, our potential isn't discovered by accident, and our skills don't appear fully formed. In our personal lives, we get to pick our hard. Parenting with connection and intention is hard, but so is raising kids you don't know or like. Going to therapy to untangle your neurosis is hard, but so is making the same mistakes over and over again. Working out is hard, but so is being unfit. Studying is hard, but so is working in a low-paid job you don't care about. Standing up for your beliefs is hard, but so is living out of alignment with your values. In *The Friction Project,* authors Huggy Rao and Bob Sutton distinguish bad friction - obstacles that make the right thing hard - from good friction, which prevents mistakes or encourages better decisions. In UX, bad friction is communication that obfuscates or disorganised site maps. Good friction introduces helpful steps - pop-ups that stop you sending an email without the attachment, or the confirmation screen before a large payment. Making things easier can be a false economy. Serving customers personally and generously is more difficult than installing a chatbot, but what does it do to your long-term sustainability? What becomes of your relationships, your business, and your future when you erode trust and goodwill? Researching and writing an essay is more difficult than generating something instant and fluent with ChatGPT, but what does it do to your mind? How will you understand core concepts, build critical thinking, make connections and improve your outlook on the world when you skip the difficult bit? When we [optimise for fast, cheap, and more](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/beware-the-speedy-outputs/), we make sacrifices that affect not just us, but the world we're building. ## The movement toward friction The resistance is building. There is even an emerging trend of "[friction-maxxing](https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20260227-can-friction-maxxing-fix-your-focus?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)" - rebuilding tolerance for inconvenience in a world designed to deter us from it. By putting down our phones, cooking our own food, or hand-writing a letter, we reclaim control of our attention, health, and relationships. We rediscover our creativity, critical thinking, memory, and intelligence. Psychologists call this "[desirable difficulty](https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/blog/positively-different/202511/how-to-choose-your-battles-a-guide-to-good-friction?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)": challenges that improve us. If you are choosing friction in things you care about - reading a book instead of watching Netflix, working things out rather than asking AI, reading to your kids instead of handing them the iPad - you already have the edge. Your agency and [judgement](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/let-em-cook-the-looming-crisis-of-human-judgment/) have a better chance of remaining intact, while others [cede their sovereignty](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/cognitive-sovereignty/). ## What are you optimising for? Not everything has to be hard to matter. Many things shouldn't be. If you've got a track record as [a hero](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-being-a-hero-3/), [a martyr](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/make-guilty-choices-this-week/), or a sucker for punishment, this is not a free pass to keep getting in your own way. Burnout is real and there is no heavenly reward for those who did it all themselves. [You are not a machine](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wtf-do-you-want-desire-is-suspicious-productivity-a-scam/). You deserve a day off and a bath. But it is worth asking yourself some questions. Things like: What are you optimising for? In which directions are you determined to sustain, grow, and expand? Which forms of friction help you get there? Where does the hard choice become the right one? Automating and streamlining our lives, opting out of change or challenge, or even entering a new, easier life stage, doesn't eliminate difficulty. While I was at uni struggling to put food on the table, my peers were wrestling with other dilemmas: making hard choices about their future without the clarifying, motivating purpose of a family to support. Young kids are hard, physically and logistically, but young adults are too, mentally and emotionally. There are no winners in the comparison game, and there is no opting out of problems. All we can ever hope to do is choose ones that matter, and [upgrade them](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/upgrade-your-worries-reduce-anxiety-about-your-life-choices-2/) as we go. But if we buy into the hope of a frictionless future, we risk the loss of something else: a life we're proud of, filled with growth and possibility. If your life feels hard right now, take comfort. You're choosing meaning, and that matters. Til next week, AM ### What chronic uncertainty is doing to our lives and careers URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-chronic-uncertainty-is-doing-to-our-careers-and-lives/ Last updated: 2026-08-10T02:08:41.000Z Welcome to another Friday Flurry. I've been back from the US for two weeks now - the trip that spawned [this melancholy reflection on meaning ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/when-nothing-matters/)\- and back into the swing of things with life and work. **In this Friday Flurry I explain why I'm worried about the state of work, update you on how my novel is going, and dish on what I've been reading lately - with a top pick to keep your brain engaged in this ghastly weather.** Before I do, I want to thank you for your ongoing support. It's a nightmare to do anything that involves an audience right now. Online reach has cratered, and keeping people keen without manipulative advertising, social slop and shitty make-it-hard-to-leave tactics is hard-going. Beyond that, I'm often torn between my polarising desires to connect with you and to not contribute to more content and overwhelm. I've been writing to you once or twice a week for over eight years now and every time someone signs up, goes paid, renews their subscription, or emails in, I breathe a sigh of relief and joy. Then I keep going. You rock. Thank you. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Beware the allure of speedy outputs URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/beware-the-speedy-outputs/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T08:13:08.000Z Strategy: corporate wankery, or a forgotten discipline for meaning-making? Depending on your level of workshop PTSD, probably both. I spent years running strategy workshops. These days I'm more interested in building people's strategic capacity than making strategic documents. Regardless, I remain convinced of the importance of clear direction to channel effort. Here are two things strategy can teach us about the moment we're in: the importance of process, and the danger of compressed time. ## The importance of process Strategy documents are a dime a dozen. For two decades, anyone with an internet connection can Google their way to something defensible. Send it to a designer and you've got yourself an attractive infographic to pin to the wall in the staffroom. Now, AI will do both. Bing, bang, boom. The problem, of course, is those documents don't *do* anything*.* Unless people are involved and invested in a thinking process that carefully considers their long-term goals and negotiates their constraints, the chance of them 'sticking to' a strategy when things go pear-shaped is almost nil. Strategy documents (at least the ones I sent) are often basic, ugly, and meaningless for anyone who wasn't involved. Brevity is the goal, penetration the measure. If I catch your executive team in an elevator six months later and they don't say roughly the same thing when I ask about collective focus, I know we've failed. It was always about the workshops. Strategy is something you *do*, not something you *have.* In the room, people take time away from the grind to consider the bigger picture, connect with others, and negotiate possibility. People leave with a sense of purpose and the confidence to navigate what comes next. The thinking process - out loud, with others - was always the selling point of this work. Now, panicked knowledge workers use AI to generate their emails, reports, business cases, and slides. A more sophisticated facade than the Googled strategies of yore, they soothe their fears and insecurities with the smoothing function of an LLM, convincing themselves they're just "polishing" their own thinking (rubbish.) It all looks good until they need to go back to the work, answer questions about it, or rally a collective response to a tricky problem. Then, those outputs - so proudly presented after their one-button generation - are hollow. The words sounded plausible, but they lacked the meaning that would make them useful. Whether you're writing a book, running a marathon, or drafting a strategy, you don't win by skipping the process. The knowledge, fitness, and direction are the *point*, not the obstacle. The means are the end. When we forget the value of process in favour of outputs we sacrifice outcomes. We entirely miss the point. ## The danger of compressed time Strategies are medium-term phenomena. What makes them so powerful - and so difficult to get right - is how they connect long-term aspirations with short-term operations. Strategy is a practical, necessary process to allocate limited resources in an aligned fashion over time. Yes, we want to change the world. Yes, we're busy and broke. Holding both of those truths in tension, which principles or criteria do we need to apply to our decisions for the next 1-3 years to usefully channel our efforts? By pushing our conversations out of the day-to-day, we create scaffolding for the scale and complexity of our organisations - all the different people, functions, and goals - to point in the same direction. Strategy matters because few people naturally focus on the medium-term or consider second-order consequences, not without effort. Information and tasks enter the system at the operational level, and it takes time and intention to connect them to the bigger picture. Without strategic context, our perspective narrows to see only the challenges, constraints and rewards right in front of us. This is how we end up putting the fast, the cheap, and the now ahead of long-term progress. The current information and technology environment - fragmented, siloed , non-human, automated - is designed for exactly that: fast, cheap, and now. It puts personalised, short-term optimisation ahead of long-term aspiration. It is no coincidence that this is also the organising principle of the world's most powerful companies and the products they sell. This is bad for organisational strategy, but it's even worse for our relationships and personal lives. When all we have are fast, urgent outputs, the future goes out the window - and meaning goes along with it. Beware the allure of speedy outputs. ### How to conquer apathy URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/conquer-apathy/ Last updated: 2026-07-26T12:08:51.000Z Alison writes: > "I don’t know if it’s a middle age thing or a sheer volume thing, or maybe just because the world is SO fucked right now - but I have an overwhelming sense of apathy which is threatening to leach into every part of my life (much like AI is doing right now). > > It might not even be apathy, but boredom? I am so, so bored with the AI frenzy that I just want to check out of it. My energy is sapped. I know that attitude is not helpful but hey - that’s the state of play." Oh, Alison. I hear you mate. I wrote about [my own battle with meaninglessness](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/when-nothing-matters/) just this week. When the wtf-is-this-even-for sets in, it can be hard to shake off. When the people around you look like lemmings running off a cliff in their urgency to MAKE SHITTY THINGS AS FAST AS POSSIBLE LEST WE FALL BEHIND it's easy to think we're living in a dystopian satire and the whole planet's about to collapse under the weight of it's own stupidity. Who can give a shit under those conditions? The good news is I have a simple and wildly effective prescription for your apathy that anyone, anywhere, can apply for immediate effect. Here it is. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### When nothing matters URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/when-nothing-matters/ Last updated: 2026-06-30T18:45:00.000Z I've been home from North America for a few days and I'm struggling to sit at my computer. I've opened the internet a few times and found it hollow and wanting. I go back to my notebook, my housework, a walk by the water. Outside of World Cup fervour there was a bleakness in this visit that felt starker than other trips. We travelled to Vancouver, Seattle, Portland and San Francisco. In each city we saw unhoused people milling around listlessly on the streets, many bent in half by the 'Fentanyl fold'. Scorched glass pipes lay beside shopping trolleys stacked with blankets and bags. The side streets stank of urine and weed, while the roads were littered with plastic bags and blown out tyres. There's something particularly jarring about this tableau when it's positioned - literally - next to abundance and excess. Shiny glass windows, colourful shop displays, $6 USD coffees. On the streets of Seattle, locals told us Mark Zuckerberg's $300 million mega-yacht had recently pulled into the harbour, just hours after the latest round of layoffs at Meta was announced. That evening, we saw a distressed woman sobbing while defecating into a planter box by the train station. She screamed at us to look away and leave her alone. Back at my computer, I check my emails to find a sea of marketing bullshit and bureaucratic gobbledygook. I log into LinkedIn and scroll a slop-soup of software ads and pointless posturing. I close the lid again and rinse out my recycling. The tap runs while millions of giant gas-guzzling trucks barrel down US freeways. The tide is still coming in and out every day here at the Pauatahanui Inlet. The laundry still needs folding. The kids need dinner, and there's a card game waiting for after. Few of the things we do will change the world, but they do shape the corner of it we live in and are responsible for. As I gently re-engage with my writing, I return to this quote from Joan Didion. > “I’m not telling you to make the world better, because I don’t think that progress is necessarily part of the package. I’m just telling you to live in it. Not just to endure it, not just to suffer it, not just to pass through it, but to live in it. To look at it. To try to get the picture. To live recklessly. To take chances. To make your own work and take pride in it. To seize the moment.” When confronted with the realisation there's no hidden, universal meaning and the world is disorganised and unfair, we have options. Fury and sadness are one response, but they have a time and energy ceiling. Numbness and nihilism are another: nothing matters, nobody's watching, and the choices you make won't make a difference. True, perhaps, but hollow. I prefer the existentialist version: nothing matters, nobody's watching, and the choices you make won't make a difference, **so do what is real and right for you.** Whether meaninglessness leads to fury, futility, or freedom is a matter of perspective. I'm hoping that after a few more walks by the inlet, I find my way to a useful one. If there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that I won't find it on the internet. Happy Wednesday. \-AM ### You have everything you need URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-have-everything-you-need/ Last updated: 2026-07-26T12:09:40.000Z Happy Friday! Welcome to 'Ask Alicia Anything'. This fortnight, I answer three reader questions which surf different parts of the same wave. If you've ever felt overstretched, stuck with a 'safe' choice, or unsure whether you've made the right leap, you might find yourself in here. I worked on this piece in various locations - a bed, a ferry, the backseat of a car, a basement couch - between Vancouver Island and Seattle, with Nine Inch Nails in my ears. I have included optional song pairings for each section based on my listening. OK, onto our reader questions! --- ## I'm doing too much but I'm afraid to stop ***🎵 Pairs well with Right Where It Belongs*** M is a self-described "passionate overachiever". She's juggling responsibilities at home and work, has an active brain and many irons in the fire. Her frenzied pace and scattered focus is affecting her relationship, but she has no idea what to drop. She writes: > I love my work. I get all fired up about all the different businesses and work I have on the go, but a fear of stopping keeps me continually stretching to deliver more. I am frightened by the state of the world. I want to live up to my responsibilities, and I know I need to change the amount I am working but I can’t see how. I am supporting a young family. My partner is growing weary of this, and I am paralysed when it comes to putting anything down. Hello, ambitious high achiever. I see you. I know that griping, roiling feeling compelling you to do it all - RIGHT NOW. I won't talk you out of your ambition or suggest you 'take it easy'. I'm delighted you love your work. Many people have entire careers without ever getting that feeling. That's great. However, I will tell you - calmly, without judgment - that your current mode has a likely outcome. You will burn out. We only live on adrenaline for so long before our nervous system frays and the rest of our body along with it. It might start with frequent sickness, slow-healing injuries or a rise in mental health 'off days.' These are early flags you can push through. Until you can't. You might be able to carry on this way for another year - maybe even another decade. But it won't last forever. Eventually you will find yourself unwell, catatonic with exhaustion and heavy with ambivalence. Letting things go and people down is easier then. This sounds like a contradiction to what I said about not talking you out of your ambition, but let me clarify: it isn't your ambition that puts you at risk. Lots of people live happy, healthy lives *bursting* with different projects and businesses. You needn't narrow your focus to just one thing. That might well be soul death for you. Why should you have to sit in a little box and let your brilliance pass you by? You only get one life and you deserve a sensational one. A life that is full, creative and purposeful. A life that tests and stretches you, where you do things that matter and swell with sweet satisfaction at all you make and do. I want this life for you. But there is a pulsing current of panic in your message. There is love and joy in the way you talk about your work, but you also say you are *frightened* and *paralysed*. These are big words. **Fear words.** It will be the fear that gets you. Fear laces the edge of your ambition with a volatile compound. You are chasing something, running from something, or both. Fear is the enemy of clarity. When you're living in survival mode, neither the place you're hurtling toward or the ghoul you're running from are clear. They're vague swirls; fuzzy apparitions. In fear, your feet itch and your blood pumps. Your body says *Run! Quick! Get to the place! No, the other place! Try this! No, this!* You grab every idea and opportunity and throw it at the wall. You never get to see what sticks, because your feet are still moving and your eyes still darting around looking for more things to throw. Every now and again you might find a special thing - a glowing orb that catches your breath, warms your hands and looks too good to just throw. You pause. Is this the one? The fix? The golden egg that will allow you to finally breathe and focus? Did you find the thing worth stopping for? You don't find out, because you don't have the energy and space to nurture your special thing and let it grow. **You don't trust yourself enough to give your best ideas and opportunities what they need to really thrive.** How can you? You're afraid, and fear is the opposite of trust. So you keep running and throwing, running and throwing. The good news is you already have everything you need to make the right choices. You have a wise, clear, adult with all the answers. They know everything about you - what you value most, what you want, what you need, and what to try next. They're a coach, mentor and therapist all in one. A chat with this person will answer those nagging questions - what is a good life, for you? What are your deepest values and truest wishes? Why are you afraid? Where did those worries come from? What should you do with them? That person is inside of you, waiting patiently for a chat. You can't hear them because they're drowned out by your fear. When you turn the dial down on panic, you will be able to hear them speak. ### Two things for you to try If you're enjoying this, sign up to read my advice - and get stuck into the next two questions. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Let 'em cook: the looming crisis of human judgment URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/let-em-cook-the-looming-crisis-of-human-judgment/ Last updated: 2026-06-09T18:45:41.000Z 1. What's the best way to reheat macaroni cheese without drying it out? 2. What is the right balance of yoghurt and cucumber in tzatziki? Since [removing the internet from my phone](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/being-a-thought-leader-rotted-my-brain/) I've had some alarming moments that show me how often I outsource small queries, reflexively reaching for a browser in moments of mild uncertainty. Yet without it, I work things out myself - apron on, humming away, tasting and seasoning as I go. After 20 years of cooking for myself and my family, when did I develop this impulse to *just quickly look that up*? What's that about? Fear of making the wrong choice is a sensible human impulse. Whether we're reheating a mac'n'cheese, picking a driving route, or making relationship decisions, we've always deferred to wiser people in our lives - parents, teachers, peers, and experts. Now this impulse is instantly relieved by technology. No matter your question, a bot offers a confident answer. Casserole dish in one hand, question in the other, Ismash a quick Google... and with every little check, trust in my own judgement erodes, just a pinch. --- I plunged headfirst into the philosophy of judgement for this essay, and I've emerged battered, tired, and with an extended metaphor clutched triumphantly in my fist. Judgement, as far as I can tell, is a bit like arecipe - you've got your ingredients and your method, and both are just as important. The ingredients are what might come to mind when someone is described as having 'good judgement' - accumulated knowledge, a track record of considered thinking, demonstrated capacity for logic. This includes a mix of objective basics (facts, observations) and subjective spice (felt senses, values and beliefs, moral codes.) The method is the process we use to form those judgements*.* The steps we take. The way we think. The sources we consult. Our ability to parse default assumptions from considered opinions. All that good stuff. A decision, then, is the *product* of our judgement - the choice or action we land on. Judgement is both butter and sugar; creaming and sifting - decisions are the cake. The quality of our outputs (decisions) is determined by the quality of our judgement recipe. But here's where the metaphor falls over a bit: following a prewritten recipe won't get you the kind of high-quality judgement you're looking for. For that, you need to experiment, innovate, and develop your personal taste. --- You might be thinking: shit, this is a lot of pressure, Alicia. I'm tired, don't hate on me for Googling a tzatziki recipe. I hear you. No shade from me. But I'm interested in what this innocuous little tic is representative of. I just spent a day immersed in [this behemoth report on AI and human agency](https://imaginingthedigitalfuture.org/reports-and-publications/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and I was most struck by the glaring contradiction between what the experts say we need to stay resilient to AI and *what the technology is designed to do*. The experts say: resilience needs strong judgement, mental flexibility, emotional attunement, relational connection, careful design, et al. The tech says: nah. Pass me your memory and skills. Scroll this reel while I write your emails. There's 1,000 ways the technology could go, and lots of clever people working to save us from obliteration. Anyone who claims to know where we'll end up is lying, selling something, or both. But in the meantime, the same technology that decimated our attention spans is worming its way into our brains and undermining trust in our own skills and ideas. I [wrote about this a couple of months ago](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/make-friction-cool-again/) \- the most common uses of AI tools aren't the world-saving or admin-slashing stuff, it's *decision support*. Help me work this out, tell me what to do, do my thinking for me type stuff. --- There's an obvious issue that comes when we decouple our outputs (decisions) from the process we use to make them (judgement). In the short-term, it all seems fine. Why sweat over the oven at home, when you can pick up a Woolies mud cake on the way to the meeting? Fact is, you can Google your way to a life plan or write a compelling business case with AI. This is great - until you need to connect with other people about it, or answer questions about the process you used to get there. Then, when things change and you need to adapt your clever document to the new conditions... you're toast. You can't even remember what's in it *because you didn't make it.* Back to the bot you go. Unless we know why and how we make our choices, we can't learn or change course. Was it too much salt? Not enough time under the grill? Did we mix the batter too long? If we aren't connected to the steps, it's hard to evaluate what went wrong, or what to do next time. --- To pull from my work-experience box for a minute, strategic planning is a great example of using our judgement to make us resilient for the future. Done well (strong caveat on this one), strategic planning is a contested, collaborative process where we decide *how to decide.* Plans have actions in them, but strategies have criteria. When we land on these principles (*or values, or pillars, or key focus areas, or whatever the fashion of the day is*) we can point all our people and money in the same direction: toward our desired future. This is wildly useful. Instead of arguing over which projects to green light, we agree the criteria for all projects ahead of time, then apply them as we go. This means decision-makers can speed up and delegate every-day judgement calls, with the confidence that short-term choices are aligned with long-term goals. It also pays dividends over time, as new threats and opportunities emerge. Doing the big-picture work keeps us nimble, helping people make choices in uncertainty without starting from scratch. Of course, like anything that involves friction and manual, iterative steps, it can feel slow and even frustrating at the time. Who wants to do a new strategy? The workshops. The post it notes. The away days. The drafts for consultation. Bla di ba di bla. But over the long-term, when something major happens and we don't throw the whole document in the bin, it pays off. Like judgement, strategic planning is an act of *metacognition*. Decision-makers think about their thinking and actively design a process and framework to make choices in. They write the recipe, rather than just describing a nice cake or writing a shopping list. This is more demanding and abstract than rolling up your sleeves and getting into the kitchen, which is why it's so hard to pull off. It's also why the people and organisations who are good at it have such a strategic advantage. --- Without these skills - capacity for change and independent thought - we become brittle and fragile. You don't need to run an organisation for this to be true. If you're a person, living a life, you deserve agency over who you are, what you think, and where you're going next. You deserve to own your thoughts, your choices, and your consequences. If we outsource our thinking, our judgement, the stuff that makes us human, we risk that agency. Tracey Follows, in her work on identity and technology, distinguishes between the 'machinable' and 'unmachinable' self. > "The ‘machinable’ consists of everything about a person that can be rendered legible to systems: data, preferences, behavioural patterns, credentials, biometric signals, productivity metrics, risk scores. These elements are increasingly required for participation in society. Identity itself has become infrastructural. Without being machine-readable, individuals cannot access finance, services, mobility or even civic rights. > > The ‘unmachinable,’ by contrast, consists of those human capacities that cannot be fully captured or automated: judgment, meaning-making, ethical reasoning, imagination, intuition, timing and the ability to change oneself in response to context. These are not sentimental attributes. They are the basis of agency. As systems become more predictive and automated the unmachinable becomes the primary site of human resilience." Regardless of the technology, economy, or environment, it is our unmachinable self who participates in our lives, relationships, and communities. It is our unmachinable self who makes courageous choices that put values like fairness, freedom, or integrity ahead of speed and convenience. Who thinks long-term about the life, society, or community they want, and the sacrifices they'll make to get there. Who decides how they want to live, love and lead. The techno-optimists insist this will all be taken care of, in due time. *You're just not using it right. We'll design for all that. AI will make us better thinkers.* Maybe so. Humans are remarkably resilient and there is no technology we've failed to adapt to yet. But the "just trust the tech-bros, don't ask questions because you might fall behind" approach [isn't going great for us so far. ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-the-ai-bros-wont-tell-you/) At this moment in history, there are powerful interests designing systems that undermine our will and ability to think clearly, join the dots, and trust ourselves and others. We might ask ourselves why that is. --- My 16 year old daughter had her first driving lesson last week and arrived home uncharacteristically quiet. She was staggered by how many things she had to do and remember at once - checking her mirrors, identifying hazards, and making split-second choices, not to mention driving the bloody car. She was nervous about what would happen if she made a mistake. "*How does anyone drive?!*" she asked, in baffled wonderment. It was a useful reminder - learning to drive is hard! I remember that same overwhelmed feeling. I assumed I'd get in the car and be straight onto gravel road snakies, but it took me ages just to let the clutch out properly. I shared this with Charlie (leaving out the bit about the snakies) to reassure her that driving becomes so much easier and more natural with practice. Most of the conscious, stressful things shift into autopilot and muscle memory. You can't learn to drive in theory. It takes hours on the road, and every skill - turning, parking, reversing - builds on the one before it. You become confident enough to leave the carpark, then drive on the motorway, and eventually, you may even find yourself cruising on the other side of the road in a foreign country. (Or in my case, rolling a cigarette, changing gear, tooting my horn and pulling the finger all at the same time. Ah, youth.) ChatGPT might be able to pass your learners' license test, but the only way to become a confident driver is to practice in a safe environment until the skills become second nature. Like most of the things that matter most in our lives - health, relationships, creative fulfilment - driving is an *embodied* practice as much as a mental one. We need our unmachinable self to take charge of the machine. Developing judgement is a similar vibe. It's not easy, that's for sure. All those high-energy steps - reading widely, synthesising information, interrogating values, making connections, recognising patterns, considering second-order effects, engaging in challenge and reflection - are hard-going at first. Like strategic planning, they feel like a frustrating waste of time - until they don't. With practice, we relax and trust ourselves more. We see things clearly and ask better questions. We form careful opinions. We make good choices. We become a thinker and person we're proud of. --- There's no shortcut to trusting our judgement - few things that really matter can be automated. But there are plenty of practical ways to resist the pull of convenience. The first and most obvious of which is probably to wean yourself off the Internet drip (soz). Then, with your suddenly empty hands and alarmingly free time, you might like to pick up a pen, and get ready to try some shit. Developing a reflective practice builds metacognition. When we take notes on things we read, in our own words, and share our thoughts with others, we understand them better, save them in our long-term memory, and pull them out to make interesting connections later on. Consider a handwritten journal - the most classic and useful practice of any independent thinker. In your journal, your thoughts and experiences become objects of study, and you, as journaller, the analyst and observer. On a lighter note - what happens when you trust yourself to cook without the recipe, make your own running schedule, and do your own budget? We survived for generations doing this ourselves. Use a pen. Think about it. Talk to people. Risk messing up. Every step toward self-trust builds on the one before it. I'm not suggesting you become a total Luddite: where would we be without our trusty tools? Our cake mixers, our air fryers, our dishwashers? (Mind you, none of our kitchen appliances threaten to cull thousands of jobs. Your toaster isn't replacing your romantic relationships, your kettle hasn't interfered with any elections and your microwave isn't replacing your kids' education. So there's that.) You're a bright button, and you know how to use things to your advantage. Lots of those tools do useful things that make your life easier without rotting your brain. But it's worth asking some questions: What do we lose when we can't cook for ourselves? What do we risk when we lose control over our thought diet? Who benefits when we're force-fed bullshit for so long we can't even spot anymore? You can live entirely on processed food, if you like. But don't call yourself a chef. And don't be surprised when your health goes to shit. Til next week, AM --- 1. The trick with macaroni cheese is to coat the pasta in butter before you mix it in the sauce. The fat limits extra liquid absorption in the oven and locks in moisture for when you reheat it. 2. One (grated, throughly squeezed out) cucumber per cup of Greek yoghurt is about right. Add lemon juice, salt, dill and garlic to taste. My taste: many, many garlics. 3. The Tracey Follows quote is from an essay she contributed to [this 378 page report](https://imaginingthedigitalfuture.org/reports-and-publications/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) by Imagining Digital Futures: "Building a Human Resilience Infrastructure for the Age of AI." 4. I abandoned my usual practice of snappy subtitles for this one because they got in the way of my thought flow. As a regular reader - how did you find that? Absorbing, or a pain the ass? Honest feedback appreciated. ### Being a thought leader rotted my brain URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/being-a-thought-leader-rotted-my-brain/ Last updated: 2026-06-04T23:59:58.000Z WHAT'S INSIDE ****Friday Flurry is a behind-the-scenes newsletter for paid subscribers.** In this Friday Flurry, I consider how a thought-leadership business, fuelled by the internet, has rotted my brain - and how I'm trying to stop the rot. I've been a "thought leader" for years now. I became D-grade LinkedIn famous when I was 29 years old. At the risk of sounding like an ungrateful millennial wanker... I think it's been bad for me. Packaging your brain into a value proposition sounds great, until the value proposition invades your brain. Marshall McLuhan said *"We shape our tools and thereafter our tools shape us."* I shaped my thoughts for commerce, then commerce began to shape my thoughts. As I transition to a writing-centric practice, it's becoming obvious that years of writing to persuade, attract and convert have rotted my brain. Business has rotted my brain. *The internet* has rotted my brain. ***Cutting you off quickly here. This unfiltered flood of confession and uncertainty is only suitable for my nearest and dearest.** _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Strategic Public Leaders Training, Sydney URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategic-public-leaders-training-sydney-september-2026/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T10:41:30.000Z ## Course overview Strategic Public Leaders is an intensive short course for senior and mid-tier local government leaders to learn strategic skills. - **Level up your leadership**: With strategic skills, you lead with more intention and confidence. Strategic leaders are goal-oriented and make consistent, intentional choices that move them in the right direction. - **Elevate your impact**: Strategic public leaders rise above the operational overwhelm to see the bigger picture and move the needle on the most important stuff. - **Future-proof your career**: Developing strategic skills involves a combination of communication, tactical and people skills delivering a higher return on investment. ## Video ## Who this is for Strategic Public Leaders helps local government leaders who are experiencing challenges such as: - Being overwhelmed by tasks, projects, and priorities. - Caught in a reactive cycle of responding to ad-hoc problems instead of progressing key strategic projects. - Becoming defensive and frustrated when interacting with elected members. - Dealing with delays in delivering strategies, plans, and procedures. - Having difficulty building engagement, purpose, and ownership with your team. With strategic skills, you will lead with more intention and direction, even as you flex and respond to the ever-changing needs of your Council and community. By building your strategic skills, you can shift from a busy public manager to a strategic public leader. ## Learning outcomes In this two-day rapid intensive, get a grounding in core principles of strategic leadership for local government, along with a suite of practical tools and strategies you can apply for immediate progress. Topics include: - Strategic basics: Demystifying strategic thinking and planning frameworks. - Role clarity: Drawing a line between governance and management. - Bridging the gap: Aligning big picture strategy to daily operations. - Decision-making: Planning, making, and evaluating quality decisions. - Systems thinking: Solving tricky problems in complex systems. Alicia’s training workshops are at the cutting edge of thinking for senior public leaders. Both inspiring and pragmatic, this training is designed to tackle limiting habits and behaviours while embedding practical skills. **At the end of this course, you will have the skills to:** - Apply strategic frameworks to align daily operations to big-picture strategy. - Prioritise never-ending project wish lists with clarity and confidence. - Elevate conversations with colleagues and Councillors from operational issues to strategic impact. - Evaluate the quality of decisions effectively to improve buy-in and project success. ### The Subjective Era Part 2: How to lead in the new era URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-lead-in-the-subjective-era/ Last updated: 2026-08-13T22:56:46.000Z Make a cuppa, get your notebook out, and put your thinking cap on! In Part 2 of the Subjective Era, we're getting stuck into the leadership skills and structural shifts you'll need to make a difference in this crazy new world of ours. ## The old leadership model is dying In the Objective Era, our ideal leaders were rational, technical, and managerial. We designed education and career pathways for this: do a degree, know lots of stuff, take on increasing responsibility to match your increasing knowledge, dot dot dot, become the boss. When we place our faith in truth and science, believe in progress, and trust that institutions have our best interests at heart, this works... kind of. [The Subjective EraThe reign of rationalism is over. Here’s what this means for you.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-2a4d8d18-9c9d-4bfd-a503-aa4791696dae.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/5-ec269900-2718-49f2-a410-4bcb80cc59b7.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-subjective-era-part-1/) Except this model never reflected reality. The people who make a difference are rarely blinkered boffins. We address this in [Not An MBA](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), using the transition model below to show what happens when you cross the dotted 'rip' into senior leadership. To get to the other side (without staying up nights doing grunt work) requires a paradigm shift. In the blue levels, your value isn't about what you know, or even what you do. Instead, it's about how you see, what you ask, and how you enable others. Judgement, critical thinking and connection. [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/05/leadership-transition-with-logo-and-model.png)](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Not An MBA leadership transition model. ## Two qualities of Subjective Era leadership Leadership in the Subjective Era will protect and cultivate two interconnected qualities: *trust* and *human agency.* As companies lay off staff and treat customers like idiots or hostages, an opportunity emerges for leaders and organisations with the foresight and integrity to go against the automation and enshittification grain. ## Trust as an operating principle Trust isn't a nice-to-have. Low-trust environments are slow and expensive - think airport security, ID checks, and 2FA. As we get more fragmented and cynical, we risk rising transaction costs, low productivity and weak organisational resilience. Without trust, organisations and communities don't function. People become isolated and conspiratorial, government loses its legitimacy, transaction costs rise and cooperation is difficult. ### Breaching trust is costly and risky Right now, governments, leaders and companies are pouring fuel on the distrust fire. Customers are exhausted from years of price gouging, surveillance capitalism and [platform enshittifaction](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/ai-enshittification/). [Service is turning to shit and accountability is disappearing.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/is-2026-the-year-of-the-terse-email/) Technology, once fun, has become a mandatory and resented intermediary to our basic daily tasks. Many panicked and short-sighted organisations will follow the crowd. Scared of missing out or losing relevance, they'll scramble for efficiencies, surrender their thinking, processes and relationships to technology, and destroy any trust they might still have from employees and customers. The implications are dire. - Leaders afraid of losing their job don't take risks or generate long-term value - they slip down the leadership ladder into survival mode. - Staff treated like prompt machines don't take initiative, innovate, or put the customer first. They become low-morale card-punchers. - Customers who are disappointed, surveilled, trapped and price gouged don't stay loyal. They check out. - Students and staff encouraged to surrender their [cognitive sovereignty](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/cognitive-sovereignty/) don't become great thinkers and engaged citizens. They become unquestioning rule-followers. ### Trust-building is everyone's job Trust building is not just a job for politicians. In fact, according to the 2026 Edelman Trust Barometer it is *business leaders* who should rise to the occasion. While people lose faith in government and the media, employers still hold a position of trusted authority in people's lives - they're close to the ground, personally accountable, and tangibly important. If you lead people, you have a unique opportunity to drive meaningful progress. ## How to build trust-based organisations The more trust you build in your organisation, the better and cheaper things run, and the more adaptive and innovative you can be. Here are four ways to do it. ### 1 - Structure for peer-based trust Industrial-era organisations designed for standardisation, hierarchy and efficiency. In the Subjective Era, this won't work. Trust has shifted from authorities to peers, which has implications for how you structure your teams and interact with your customers and citizens. Peer-based trust as a design principle requires flatter structures, co-design, more interdisciplinary teams, and meaningful customer and citizen participation. ### 2 - Promote a trust-enhancing culture Even high-functioning organisations battle the impact of economic changes, job uncertainty, chronic stress, remote working and rolling change on their trust levels. In [this article from 2021,](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-mistrust-epidemic-why-we-dont-trust-anyone-at-work/) I suggest a suite of interventions to shift toward a high-trust environment - including practical steps such as setting achievable goals, communicating more openly, being more social, giving clearer direction and rewarding unity. These are not just personal characteristics. [Culture is an output](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/before-you-restructure-read-this/). [Shifting into systems thinking](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/systems-thinking/) means looking at policies, processes and enablers. We can't ask for unity while measuring performance by individual KPIs or making it difficult to share a cost code. We can't expect clear direction when our strategy is a pretty document we pay lip service to. ### 3 - Require moral integrity Technical failures are forgivable, but the tainting effect of moral compromise is harder to recover from. Acting with integrity - publicly and privately - is good business. The [Ethics Premium](https://worldsmostethicalcompanies.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) demonstrates the short-term profitability and long-term resilience of organisations who operate with integrity. > "Ethical business practices drive long-term value. Companies committed to integrity are better positioned to attract investment, build stronger relationships with customers and partners, retain top talent and navigate risks more effectively. Transparent and accountable companies also operate with greater stability and are better equipped to identify emerging risks early. Fighting corruption is good for business and essential for shaping competitive, resilient markets." > [\- UN Global Compact](https://unglobalcompact.org/compactjournal/risk-resilience-why-companies-must-lead-business-integrity?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### 4 - Operationalise your values Ethical business isn't about Blu-Taking your values charter to the wall. It requires trust-producing systems: transparent structures, fair process, participative decision-making and policies that demonstrate visible values alignment. It will feel slow, until it doesn't. Truly ethical companies will lean into equity and transparency at exactly the time DEI has gone out of political fashion. ## The business case for human agency Agency is bigger than "empowerment". Agency preserves our ability to think for ourselves, exercise judgement, influence outcomes and retain independence. Right now, organisations are doing the opposite: automating decisions, scripting interactions, surveilling workers and reducing discretion. This might create efficient systems (debatable), but it destroys the agency of staff and customers and creates a kind of learned helplessness. When we can't make decisions, or speak to someone about our return or complaint who has the power to act, we feel hopeless. ### We need critical thinking now more than ever Critical thinking has topped the list of most important leadership skills for many years. In 2024, I published [this piece](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/revenge-of-the-arts-degree/) on the need to hire Arts graduates. Research continues to support this. Benjamin Todd, founder of 80,000 hours, wrote a piece on this for CNBC just last week. His top skills are resoundingly humanist: communication skills, social skills, judgement and decision-making. AI threatens to replace or erode these very skills, just when we need them most. The most common use of ChatGPT is not coding or automation, it's writing and decision support. But when you remove [necessary mental friction](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/make-friction-cool-again/) and replace your scribbled brainstorms or imperfect emails with AI, you lose the capacity for decisive, aligned action and [squander engagement and connection.](https://sciencenews.dk/en/do-not-assume-that-text-generated-by-artificial-intelligence-is-interchangeable-with-human-writing?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) When we automate judgement, we risk losing the capability to exercise it. People don't retain skills they don't use. Your [cognitive sovereignty](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/cognitive-sovereignty/) is not worth risking. ### Do not delegate your brain or mouth Leaders cannot afford to outsource their capacity to [navigate complex decisions with others](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategic-decisions-suck/), or the skills to communicate those decisions effectively. Internally, people need you to explain tradeoffs, contextualise decisions, face up to uncertainty, and speak in terms of values, not just outcomes. Externally, your customers and citizens need you to connect with their lived experience and communicate in stories, values, beliefs and ideas. For leaders who want to retain trust, there is no short-cut to replace deep thinking and human connection. ## How to cultivate human agency > Trust is the foundation of progress, but agency is the engine of it. The more agency people have, the better they are at solving problems, adapting to change and creating external value. Trust is the foundation of progress, but agency is the *engine* of it. Here's how to put human agency at the centre. ### 1 - Design for discretion While your peers turn to algorithms, be a rebel and give your people real authority over decisions. Show them you trust their judgement, and offer meaningful, tangible pathways to impact. Increase frontline spending authority. Empower people to remediate customer issues. Encourage people to act to the edge of their delegations, and reward those who do. Consistent and responsible use of discretion speeds up transactions, improves customer experience and develops stronger judgement over time. ### 2 - Keep humans accountable We are sliding into a dangerous accountability void where invisible systems make life-changing, society-altering choices on our behalf. The consequences of this sit on a spectrum from [customer disengagement](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/is-2026-the-year-of-the-terse-email/) to [political dissatisfaction](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/jacinda-ardern/). Keep humans accountable for decisions that affect people's lives. Use AI to inform decisions, but don't let it make them. Use standard processes, but put them aside when it's the right thing to do. Make sure humans are on the hook for hiring, strategy, and ethical trade-offs, because neither technology nor bureaucracy should ever replace responsibility. ### 3 - Remove barriers to power and participation Agency grows when people know they have the power to influence outcomes. Not consultation. Not feedback. *Decision authority.* If you want people to 'own' the future, they need a stake in it. There are layers to this one, and some are harder to implement than others. The obvious ones tackle participation, using things like co-design, [citizens panels](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/citizens-assemblies/), staff advisory groups. But for real change, we need more. The same voices are still systematically excluded from power. The working class, women, gender minorities, disabled people and young people are still being spoken for by the same old faces. If your board, executive team and leadership layer still look the same, you're behind. This ongoing concentration of power is an extraordinary vulnerability in the Subjective Era and it will take more than an inclusion policy to address. Put your money where your mouth is. ### 4 - Cultivate productive disagreement We say we want innovation, risk-taking and empowerment. We host inspiring keynote speakers and run hackathons. But when it comes to the crunch, we put harmony before progress and punish people for trying new things. When was the last time someone disagreed with you and got promoted? Where are your forums for [productive disagreement](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-trying-to-agree-with-everyone/)? Where are the guidelines for debate and challenge? If you want curious, engaged people who show initiative, you'll have to eat some risk and tolerate some discomfort. ### 5 - Invest in strategic skills Organisations spend a fortune developing technical capability and almost nothing developing[ judgement](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/can-philosophy-ai-proof-your-career/). But the most important decisions leaders make involve ambiguity, competing values and imperfect information. Invest in [strategic skills](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), ethics, systems thinking, critical reasoning, scenario planning and reflective practice. The future belongs to people who can make sense of complexity and chart a path through it. ### 6 - Reintroduce useful friction This is a counterintuitive one. For decades, we've been obsessed with removing friction, striving toward an instant, automated nirvana where nobody has to interact with a checkout operator or booking agent ever again. Yet much of this so-called convenience is a myth. Bright, capable knowledge workers spend their days at the email mill, feeding information into software platforms that only partially speak to each other and fiddling with the back-end of a sticky-taped system that detracts from the real work. I[nternalised machine logic](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wtf-do-you-want-desire-is-suspicious-productivity-a-scam/) has us prioritising the wrong stuff. When we put (false) efficiency ahead of quality, we lose the highest-value friction. Turn the tide on [gradual disempowerment ](https://arxiv.org/html/2501.16946v2?utm%5Fsource=newsletter.electe.net&utm%5Fmedium=newsletter&utm%5Fcampaign=who-controls-ai-part-2&%5Fbhlid=4fd29a9c260920233687c6bb77be58b916ff5981)and reintroduce productive friction. Write things down. Speak in person. Do things manually. [Think in systems.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/systems-thinking/) Aim for better, not faster. ### 7 - Return to the humanities There is a staggering disconnect between what we require professionally and what we reward culturally. At the precise moment [our economy is driven by identity, story, and meaning](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-subjective-era-part-1/#meaning-drives-the-economy), we have defunded the humanities, sidelined literature and deprioritised the arts. This is an extraordinary inversion. Philosophy teaches us ethical reasoning. Literature gives us empathy and narrative. History offers pattern recognition and context. Political science helps us understand legitimacy and authority. Art offers alternative pathways to emotional connection. [Screw the MBA.](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Put down your screen. Pick up a novel. Read philosophy. Brush up on literature and political theory. Even better, bring this approach to your recruitment and scrap the automation budget in favour of hiring humanists.In 2026, if you're still hiring and promoting based on technical competence and managerial efficiency, you're slipping behind. The Subjective Era rewards judgement, context awareness, [power literacy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/critical-thinking-is-not-enough-its/), emotional intelligence, and interdisciplinary thinking. Hire and develop for those things. (Not coding.) ## This is your time to shine The Subjective Era changes what good leadership looks like. You have the opportunity to build lasting advantage and emerge from this transition in better shape than you started it. In ten years time, when [AI has well and truly enshittified](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/ai-enshittification/), we won't be supporting the people and companies who vibe-coded a dashboard or panic-fired their customer service teams. We'll follow the people and organisations who showed us they could be trusted, and who chose long-term human value over short-term optimisation. Which side you land on is up to you. ### Are you busy - or burdened? URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/busy-or-burdened/ Last updated: 2026-05-26T18:45:24.000Z I've recently had a period of feeling very *burdened* by things. My kids, my house, my work, my projects - all the stuff I love the most. I have an inbox full of decisions to make, with people on the other end awaiting answers. I open them a few times a day to stare at them for a while. There's a dozen tabs I keep open. I've got a list running in the back of my head that waits until a quiet moment (a walk, or a chat with a friend) to loudly pierce the peace with HEY REMEMBER YOU STILL NEED TO... ## The difference between busy and burdened I know by now that while busy is fine, burdened is not. Busy says: there's lots of things to do, so let's make a plan. Burdened says: *it's all impossible there's nothing you can do you're trapped and everything will fall apart if you try to escape.* Busy is a sign for me to enlist support and get organised. Burdened is a sign to pause and poke a little deeper. It's information that something else is clouding my perspective. Busyness inspires agency and creativity, but burden leeches it. ## Burden is a signal The people I know who feel the most burdened aren't weak, not a little bit. They're capable, passionate, responsible individuals - and they're dragging around a big sack. The sack is heavy with ideas, expectations and obligations, which they collected for earlier versions of themselves - versions with different goals and needs, surviving in different environments. I've been in business for over a decade, and in the time, I've collected all sorts of things in Alicia's Life and Business Sack. IP. Workflows. Systems. Programmes. Platforms. Ideas. Relationships. *Habits. Identities. Expectations.* Hell, I reckon I've got a few other people's sacks in there, mixed in with mine. Over the last year, with a short sabbatical, and a shift toward slower, deeper, more creative work, some of the things in my sack have sagged and moulded. They're not the right things anymore. Not for where I am, and not for where I'm going. When people and projects I love start to feel like a burden, this is information: Alicia, mate, your sack's a bit heavy. Time for a rummage. Let's freshen up or chuck out some of these old stories. Like this one, about what a good person does, or this one, about what you might need to keep 'just in case', or this one, about what you owe people, and what you need to stay safe. ## Rummaging through the sack To extend or possibly confuse the metaphor, there's stuff crammed into the middle of my sack that's like the work clothes at the back of my wardrobe: a bit tired, and slightly out of fashion. They don't fit me properly anymore, and they're not the right style for current day me. They were perfect for workshops and office environments once upon a time, but these days I turn up to most things in a black t-shirt and jeans. A black blazer does the job when needed, maybe a belt if I'm going crazy. They're good things, those clothes. They cost a fortune, or certainly felt like it when I bought them. Besides, what if I need to be Pencil Skirt Alicia again? (Perish the thought.) Each item was thoughtfully acquired, and they were the right things, back then. But now it's probably time to hand them on to someone else, take a trip to the metaphorical and literal Sallies. Dig a bit deeper in the sack and underneath the work clothes, composting a little, are some of my oldest things. I've saved these ones from my teen years and childhood. There's some survival trinkets in there. A ring binder filled with important notes. Photos. Ticket stubs. These are hard to sort through, harder than the work clothes. Sorting these out means I'll get stuck on the floor in a pile of detritus, flooded with memories and nostalgia. But there's only so much room in the sack. ## Lightening the load When things feel uncertain, it's tempting to grip the sack a little tighter. Throw it over your shoulder and lumber on. There's too much going on right now to even think about a clean-out, and besides, you might need some of that soon. Whether you're fretting about the future of your job, things have shifted at home, or you're simply changing as a person, your instinct might be to GRAB THAT SACK! You might get that panicky feeling in your gut and practically *leap* *into* the sack. Hide from the world. Cling tightly to everything you've done, made, and collected over the years. I get it. Some of the stuff is bloody important, so let's not set it all on fire. But there might be a few things to turf out, to make space what's coming next. You're carrying a few things you don't need. Not now. Not where you're going. Til next week, \-AM ### The Subjective Era Part 1: A new world URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-subjective-era-part-1/ Last updated: 2026-08-13T22:57:05.000Z In the Objective Era, we placed our faith in technocratic institutions and the progress they promised. Our faith in these systems has collapsed. We are entering the Subjective Era, defined by trust and meaning - and traditional leaders and organisations risk falling behind. For decades, we worshipped the objective: science, reason, and truth. We placed our faith in [technocratic institutions ](https://www.mdpi.com/2673-8392/5/4/194?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)\- government, academia, and the media - and were richly rewarded with advances in our collective knowledge and quality of life. The rationalist worldview had its roots in the Enlightenment, but roared to life after World War II. Western societies built powerful bureaucratic states, media institutions, universities and scientific bodies, powered by data and research. We trusted the state, were reassured by journalistic integrity, and believed science and technology were the ticket to social progress. But now, our trust in those things is faltering. > **The sun is setting on The Objective Era. Welcome to The Subjective Era.** This isn't new, but it's picked up pace. Institutional credibility battles death by a thousand cuts. Inequality and concentration of wealth polarises communities. Political dysfunction, corruption and scandals rock trust in government. The Internet and social media platforms changed the landscape. Unprecedented access to information and the collapse of global borders meant gatekeepers lost their stronghold on reality. Once everyone could publish with the push of a button, we started questioning what we were told. Now, we drown in data. With AI creeping into news, education, workplaces, and pockets, information loses scarcity value. Facing shadowy figures and shifting facts, we're losing faith in the truth, and screaming out for meaning. ## The crumbling reign of rationalism Trust in government, media and progress has cratered across the developed world. ### Political trust has plummeted Pew Research measures public trust in US government from 1958\. The Americanisation of media, culture, and technology platforms mean social and political changes in the US have downstream international effects. [![img](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/05/Screenshot-2026-05-13-at-8.22.42---PM.png)](https://www.pewresearch.org/politics/2025/12/04/public-trust-in-government-1958-2025?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Source: [Pew Research](https://www.pewresearch.org/politics/2025/12/04/public-trust-in-government-1958-2025/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) The OECD has comparative cross-national data on confidence in national government, but this only begins in 2007\. An Our World in Data summary shows other countries demonstrate a less dramatic but aligned trend over the last 19 years. Falling trust in government matters because democracies ultimately rely on public belief and consent to function. ![img](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/05/oecd-average-trust-in-governments.png) Source: [Our World In Data](https://ourworldindata.org/grapher/oecd-average-trust-in-governments?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Media trust has tanked Media trust has slipped over the same period, though New Zealand [made international headlines](https://theconversation.com/trust-in-news-rises-after-years-of-decline-in-nz-whats-behind-the-shift-280253?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) this year for turning this curve. AUT's seventh Trust in News in Aotearoa New Zealand report, prepared in collaboration with Reuters, shows 37% of respondents now trust in the news generally, up from 32% last year. [![img](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/05/Screenshot-2026-05-19-at-10.46.26---AM.png)](https://www.jmadresearch.com/trust-in-news-in-new-zealand?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Source: [Trust in News in Aotearoa NZ](https://www.jmadresearch.com/trust-in-news-in-new-zealand?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Not commonly mentioned in those headlines are the nuances: - We still come in below the international average of 40% - 78% of New Zealanders avoid the news - 1 in 5 people use social media and video platforms for their primary news source. - People describe ongoing discomfort with AI in news and information. Media skepticism is warranted. Concentrating ownership and newsroom closures are signs of a weakening news ecosystem, [access to which is increasingly mediated by a handful of foreign technology companies. ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/jacinda-ardern/)As people get 'caught out' by AI-generated content, expect avoidance and cynicism to rise as it becomes more and more difficult to know what's real. The UN and World Economic Forum warn that misinformation and disinformation - particularly that amplified by AI - are among the world’s most severe near-term risks. ### We're pessimistic about progress Mistrust in government and the media are not parallel phenomena. They're symptoms of a growing unease and disillusionment. Postwar liberal capitalism was built on the promise of endless progress - that things would keep getting better and the economy could grow forever. The implied social contract - let us make the decisions, don't worry about the environment, wealth will trickle down - is wearing thin, as the breathtaking social and technological advancements of the last century are tainted by social, economic and environmental consequences. Kate Raworth’s *Doughnut Economics* explores this tension in-depth. When economists categorised people, families, domestic labour and environmental degradation as “externalities” to economic growth, they were only ever telling part of the story. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/05/Screenshot-2026-05-22-at-10.54.41---AM-1.png) Source: [Pew Research](https://www.pewresearch.org/global/2025/01/09/views-of-childrens-financial-future/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Across much of the developed world, people now believe children will be worse off than their parents. Loneliness and social isolation are rising. Young people report escalating anxiety, hopelessness and climate grief. Housing affordability has collapsed across advanced economies, while political polarisation and democratic dissatisfaction worsen. Globally, [there is widespread support for changing the economic system](https://www.pewresearch.org/global/2025/01/09/views-of-childrens-financial-future?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). In all but three nations surveyed by Pew Research in 2025, the majority of people say the economic system in their country needs major changes or complete reform. As our confidence in the future breaks down, trust in the institutions that promised it breaks down with it. ## The rise of relational authority The Edelman Trust Barometer has measured global trust since 2000\. The 2026 report maps how our shared reality has eroded over the last 20 years, with trust shifting from authorities to peers. As people have lost faith in government and the media, we've also become increasingly disconnected. Communities, social networks and friendships have weakened - but we still need trusted figures to interpret reality. ![img](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/05/Screenshot-2026-05-13-at-8.29.27---PM.png) Source: [Edelman Trust Barometer 2026 Report](https://alicia-mckay.ghost.io/ghost/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#/editor/post/6a04315b61895e0001e21560) While some in media, business, and government have struggled to adjust to shifting trust dynamics, others have thrived. Podcasters and YouTubers have ridden a wave of extraordinary influence. The world's most powerful companies now trade on meaning, not making. States like Korea, China, and Japan have mobilised effective soft power strategies. Formerly fringe groups have exploited division to establish think tanks, media channels, even alternative currencies. ### Parasocial trust benefits creators Joe Rogan - with 14.5 million Spotify followers and 20 million YouTube followers - has a bigger audience than the Washington Post, Wall Street Journal and New York Times. ![img](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/05/1024-x-683-px-2-2.jpg) His authority doesn't come from expert credibility or editorial process. People trust Joe Rogan not *in spite of* his lack of traditional authority, but *because* of it. Academia, too, has battled this gap for decades. The world’s best thinking is written by clever experts, in obscure language, then hidden in paywalled journals. Expertise is incomprehensible to ordinary people, and the public has switched loyalty to more accessible formats, regardless of their reliability. Joe Rogan is the apex of a booming industry based on intimate, long-form conversations that command huge audiences. The information landscape has shifted authority from journalists and experts to CEOs, podcasters - and charismatic academics like Brent Brown, Adam Grant and Andrew Huberman, who package evidence for commercial success. AI will only accelerate this shift. Words and images - things that used to be laden with context, process, and thought - are now junk products spat out of a machine. Under these conditions, people pivot to meaning-making that feels more real. Emotional connection, intimacy and community. The more synthetic and shallow our information environment, the more we look for human signals and trusted translators. ### Meaning drives the economy Weakening institutional legitimacy isn't confined to politics and media. The economy shows this shift to subjectivity. In the industrial boom of the 20th century, the world's biggest companies *made things.* Companies like General Electric, ExxonMobil and IBM reigned supreme. Now, the highest-value firms trade in identity and attention. In 2026, seven technology companies - 'The Magnificent Seven' - comprise over a third of the US sharemarket. In 1975, intangible assets (brand equity, intellectual property, et al) represented roughly 17% of S&P 500 company value. Today they account for 92%. [Ocean Tomo](https://oceantomo.com/intangible-asset-market-value-study/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) describe this staggering transformation as an *economic inversion*, where "economic worth has migrated from what can be touched to what can be thought." ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/05/Screenshot-2026-05-21-at-10.54.48---AM.png) Source: [Ocean Tomo](https://oceantomo.com/intangible-asset-market-value-study/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Tangibly, we see this transition in the rise of brand culture. Nike shoes aren't popular because of superior rubber. Chanel bags aren't a status symbol because of quality leather. These brands are valuable because of the meaning we attach to them: status, identity, aspiration, and belonging. ### Countries covet cultural power The economic shift from making to meaning isn't just for companies. Switched on nations have been preparing for this shift for decades. As I wrote [in this article](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-busker-principle/), South Korea is perhaps the best example of soft power as economic strategy. This didn't happen by accident. The Korean government made an intentional shift after the 1997 Asian financial crisis, investing heavily in entertainment industries, funding creative infrastructure, and supporting global distribution. Now BTS is at the UN. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/05/AP_18267622285611-2575021415.jpg) Source: [Vogue](https://www.vogue.com/article/bts-united-nations-speech-love-myself-unicef-campaign?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Japan's "Cool Japan" strategy invests in anime, manga, gaming, design, food and fashion. The UK has the long-running British Council. Ireland's record investment in arts and culture has been explicitly tagged to increasing the country's global impact. These states understand their most valuable exports are now culture, art, and thinking, not widgets and primary production. The numbers back them up. The global creative economy is one of the fastest-growing sectors, with 2021 was declared the UN's International Year of Creative Economy. As UNESCO declared: "Creativity is the industry of tomorrow." Whether you're a country or a company, the new economic model doubles down on trust and meaning. Intangible assets like attention, meaning, and culture are fundamentally trust-dependent. A factory can operate regardless of public sentiment, but a brand, platform, media ecosystem or cultural institution can't. When people stopped trusting Twitter/ X, advertisers and users fled. When Ellen Degeneres's "kindness" brand was shattered by revelations about a toxic workplace, her ratings fell, her reputation cratered, and the show ended. In this environment, trust becomes the scarce resource. ## The dark side of subjectivity Which sounds sort of lovely, doesn't it? But there’s a dark side to this departure from reason. In *Doppelganger*, Naomi Klein describes the rise of what she calls the “Mirror World” - fractured online realities that take legitimate grievances and direct them in conspiratorial and anti-democratic directions. Conspiracy theorists hijack people's anger at inequality and corporate greed to promote antisemitism and a fear of a New World Order. Wellness influencers pivot from organic diets into anti-vaccine rhetoric. Right-wing figures like Steve Bannon co-opt working class language and fears into moral panics targeting marginalised groups. When institutional trust weakens, people still look for coherence, belonging and moral certainty. In fragmented information environments like ours, identity narratives fill the vacuum. History warns of the danger of identity rule. We've seen what happens when authoritarian figureheads weaponise grievance. In the aftermath of World War II, liberal democracies built institutions explicitly designed to prevent the return of fascism, ethnic nationalism and authoritarian myth-making. The postwar democratic order promised us: “never again.” Yet here we are, again. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/05/bootrump.jpg) Source: [The Nation](https://www.thenation.com/article/politics/trump-populism-capitalism-nationalism/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) The last decade has seen a resurgence of politics we thought we'd seen the back of - Brexit, Trumpism, rising authoritarian nationalism, conspiratorial movements and democratic backsliding. There will always be actors who benefit from distrust and decay. The more unstable and alienated people are, the easier we are to mobilise through fear, identity and resentment - but at what cost? ## Life without shared reality People are exhausted by objectivity and abstraction. We’re skeptical of science. We’re untrusting of the media. We roll our eyes at the politicians. Who cares about GDP when people can’t afford groceries or rent? Impersonal statistics don’t reassure or unite us, not like stories and connection to lived experience. Humans aren't purely rational animals and the facts never spoke for themselves. They’ve always needed trusted interpretation for cut-through and we’ve always been subjective, emotional creatures with biased, blinkered lenses. Social media, AI, and populism didn’t make us tribal or emotional, they just exploited it. Despite this, truth still matters. We can't afford to give up the technocracy entirely. Experts can be biased, but vaccines need scientists. Bridges need engineers. Businesses can be extractive, but people need jobs and economies need connecting. Politicians and public leaders can be myopic and risk-averse, but strong, trusted government is the foundation that makes everything else possible. Unless leaders in traditional institutions switch gears, they'll continue to lose currency. We've lost our way, and started optimising for the wrong things. Academics write for their peers, the media publish for clicks and outrage, and politicians announce policy for the polls. But who is optimising for the public good? Who is turning complexity into meaning? Who is reaching into the hearts and minds of the cynical masses? Right now, it's platforms, populism, and podcasts. We have underestimated the importance and power of emotional legitimacy and trust. Rising populist and parasocial authorities have leveraged that failure. Their followers wear hats and tshirts and vote in ways that baffled liberals write off as ignorant or aberrant. This is a mistake. Instead of condescending to these movements, we should learn from them. The reign of the technocrat is ending. The challenge for leaders in the Subjective Era is to learn how to build trust, translate and connect across fractures and divisions. The future health of our democracy may hinge on how quickly institutions and leaders get [new skills](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/can-philosophy-ai-proof-your-career/), structures, and strategies - and if they can do it faster than bad actors can exploit their absence. ## What next In *Part 2: How to Lead in the Subjective Era*, I dig into skills to develop and structural shifts we can make. [How to lead in the Subjective EraThe Subjective Era will reward leaders and organisations who optimise for two things: trust and human agency.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-b73228b8-e384-4ebb-adac-8b819bc4fada.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Blog-Thumb--Facebook-Ad--9-82af0f47-5161-4074-a6e2-9ba81aef8ed1.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-lead-in-the-subjective-era/) ### Trust is the new truth URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-jig-is-up/ Last updated: 2026-05-25T23:55:32.000Z Apparently people [are inserting typos into their work](https://www.wsj.com/tech/ai/writers-are-going-to-extremes-to-prove-they-didnt-use-ai-46e7c3f7?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) to prove they wrote it without AI. They're using slang, dropping pop culture references and Ctrl-F'ing for em-dashes with a fervour once reserved to hunting for comma splices. Grammarly is out. Garbled is in. What's next, a return to hand-drawn images over polished infographics? [Shifting into systems thinkingStill blaming people? It’s time to level up.![](https://static.ghost.org/v5.0.0/images/link-icon.svg)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/IMG_8569-e042824491296597069f0b4bc50c6670eaa44f11ff632e5b853934818e090f17.jpg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/systems-thinking/) I've got a burgeoning big-idea essay in the works on this shift to subjectivity, dropping soon. It's a killer. In the meantime, check out some recent goodies you might have missed: [Cognitive sovereigntyDefend your mental territory![](https://static.ghost.org/v5.0.0/images/link-icon.svg)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/03/Colonisation-7.jpg.webp)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/cognitive-sovereignty/) [Can philosophy AI-proof your career?The future of leadership is context - understanding the broader implications of the work you do and the role you play in the world.![](https://static.ghost.org/v5.0.0/images/link-icon.svg)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/size/w1200/2026/05/essay3_Bunn_spread.jpg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/can-philosophy-ai-proof-your-career/) P.S - [Not An MBA](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) early-bird pricing expires in **11 days.** If you've been thinking about enrolling yourself or your team, this is your sign to pull finger. Chat soon, A ### PowHer podcast with Jess Stuart URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/powher-podcast-with-jess-stuart/ Last updated: 2026-07-29T22:14:32.000Z In this episode we’re joined by Alicia McKay - a straight-talking strategist, author, and one of the world’s top thinkers in local government. Known for her bold perspectives, Alicia dives into what leadership really looks like in today’s uncertain, AI-driven world. This conversation explores the challenges of modern leadership in an era defined by constant uncertainty, where many leaders feel stuck due to a lack of clarity rather than capability. Alicia McKay argues that overthinking and inaction are often driven by missing perspective, and that decisive action - despite imperfect information - is more effective than waiting for certainty. She also raises concerns about growing reliance on AI, warning that while it offers fast, confident answers, it risks eroding independent thought, creativity, and human agency, while creating larger issues around power and accountability. The discussion highlights that barriers for women in leadership are not simply about confidence but are rooted in structural inequalities and the disproportionate mental and domestic load they carry. Ultimately, the conversation emphasises the importance of retaining human judgment, creativity, and authenticity, suggesting these will become even more valuable as technology advances. ### Spotify ### Apple Podcasts [Season 2, episode 15: Alicia McKayPodcast Episode · PowHer · 18 May · 31min![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/favicon-32-c0343bb1-1983-440a-b33e-c19145a7b087.png)Apple Podcasts![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/1200x1200ECA.PESS01-60-43d11cd2-a70c-4f32-b006-af600e686145.jpg)](https://podcasts.apple.com/ua/podcast/season-2-episode-15-alicia-mckay/id1747687339?i=1000768461286&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Why citizens' assemblies won’t fix political distrust URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/citizens-assemblies/ Last updated: 2026-05-25T23:57:12.000Z This week I attended a *Democracy Done Better* lecture with Iain Walker from Australian-based newDemocracy. They're keen proponents for deliberative democracy: citizens' assemblies and participatory budgeting. The foundation of Walker's talk was one most people in the room agreed with: [trust in democratic institutions is declining](https://www.oecd.org/en/topics/trust-and-democracy.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Politics feels performative, tribal and reactive. People feel disconnected from big decisions. Hard to argue with that. newDemocracy's propose a move from political decisions based on “public opinion” (loud, emotional) to “public judgement” (informed and deliberative.) Citizens’ assemblies, he argues, produce more nuance and legitimacy than politicians trapped by election cycles and media outrage. There’s merit to this, particularly for hot button issues. The Irish Citizens’ Assembly process on abortion reform, cited by Walker, is a headline example of deliberative democracy - though its role and effectiveness is still [the subject of debate](https://academic.oup.com/icon/article/22/1/204/7624605?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), and [the ongoing legitimacy of assemblies in Ireland is uncertain](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/mar/20/irish-referendum-fiasco-puts-future-of-lauded-citizens-assemblies-in-doubt?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). As I listened to the presentation, I kept having the same thought. We already *have* a structure for this: **local government.** ## Local government is the closest thing to direct democracy [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/05/Local-Legends_6.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-legends-how-to-make-a-difference-in-local-government-copy/) Local government is the closest thing we have to direct democracy. Ordinary people - part-time amateurs, for the most part - put themselves forward to serve their communities. Farmers, PTA mums, retirees, local business owners - sometimes with little governance or leadership experience - sit around the table to balance competing interests with finite resources. Outside of the metropolitan Councils, party lines often fall away. There is more genuine pluralism in Council than any other sphere of government. ## Structural barriers still throttle representation None of which suggests local government is perfectly representative. Elected members still skew older, wealthier, and maler. ('Pale, male, stale', is the common refrain.) Structural barriers exclude young people, women, disabled people, renters and people juggling caring responsibilities. The 'missing cohort' of young women is [particularly well documented,](https://opal.latrobe.edu.au/articles/report/Breaking%5FBarriers%5FA%5Fstudy%5Fof%5FWomen%5Fs%5FParticipation%5Fand%5FRepresentation%5Fin%5FLocal%5FGovernment/25332526?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and tied as much to domestic labour and [role strain](https://www.aspg.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/The-Missing-Cohort.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) as formal political barriers. (Read more about this in [The P Tax](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-p-tax-2/).) [The P TaxHow we punish women’s ambition - and what to do about it![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-154.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/4-3.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-p-tax-2/) Things are shifting, though never fast enough. But I remain convinced that local government is structurally capable of being the most representative tier of government. It works closest to people’s lived realities, elected members are accessible to the public, and there are lower formal barriers to engagement and participation. Inequalities in representation can be overcome, if we're willing to finally tool up this latent resource, through things like childcare provision, remuneration, and targeted efforts to drive participation - such as the [Pathways to Politics](https://pathwaystopolitics.org.au/knowledge-hub/women-for-election-australia/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) programme in Australia. **We need to tackle these barriers in *politics itself*, not just in consultation, because *participation* is not the same as *power*.** ## Participation is not the same as power I appreciated VUW political theorist Claire Timperley’s contribution to the panel discussion. She noted that even theoretically equal spaces like citizens' assemblies are still shaped by social hierarchies. Some people walk in already believing they have the right to speak while others don’t. Just like the gender gap in local representation (and pay, and domestic labour, and and and), democratic inequality isn’t just about whether people are *allowed* to participate. [It’s about whether they're equipped, authorised, safe, and capable of doing so meaningfully.](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00344893.2021.1933151?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#d1e131) This problem doesn’t disappear inside a citizens’ assembly. Deliberative democracy can produce better engagement than the oft-dreadful consultation exercises government currently run. But it won't redistribute power or eliminate the social and economic conditions that shape who participates in public life. We can and should require engagement to be done differently - earlier input into decision-making, more diverse and representative views, clearer surfacing of financial and moral tradeoffs. Deliberative democracy is an excellent way to do that. But it shouldn't replace structural improvements to the systems we already have. Adding another complication to a system will only paper the cracks. ## Nobody is outside the system Walker's thesis had a layer of inevitability and cynicism I found disconcerting. The implicit assumption - which I'll admit is a real crowd-pleaser - is that ordinary politics is uniquely and inherently corrupted. Egos, lobbying, incentives, tribalism and self-interest are just *how politics is (or how politicians are),* he seemed to say. The suggestion is that deliberative mechanisms will somehow sit above and outside those forces. If we only expanded *this* system, it won't be corrupted like the others. (Per [my recent piece](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-are-the-system/) quoting the inimitable John Clarke: it'll be *outside the environment.)* [You are the systemThe front fell off. Stop waiting for someone else to fix it.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-152.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/1628782818169-1.jpg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-are-the-system/) But citizens’ assemblies are still shaped by structural choices: process design, facilitators, information framing, and cultural confidence. They still operate within the same social and economic landscape, with the same broader systems of power. Embedded and expanded, they will risk the same legitimacy pressures, institutional constraints and public distrust. If people see enough of them on the news, best believe they'll start challenging them too. ## Accountability matters I asked two questions at the end of the presentation: 1. Could this effort could be better spent enhancing existing structures, particularly local government? 2. Is there a risk to democracy by removing the accountability mechanism from decision making? Both questions were largely dismissed. Politicians, Walker suggested, aren’t truly accountable anyway. Councillors are just corrupt property developers and real estate agents who don’t know how to balance a budget. I find that cynical and disconcerting. Councils, like other spheres of government, have their issues. Local government can be parochial - captured by narrow interests, dominated by loud voices and resistant to change. Some Councillors are incompetent, or driven by ego or self-interest. Some Councils make poor decisions. But dismissing democratic accountability altogether is reckless. As I wrote in [this piece](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/jacinda-ardern/): when we decouple decision-making from accountability, we create a dangerous vacuum. Citizens’ assemblies can enrich the democratic process but [cannot shortcut them without running into a legitimacy problem](https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract%5Fid=2658399&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Elected leaders still carry ultimate responsibility for decisions - and are removable if people disagree with them. This matters. [Why people still protest Jacinda ArdernWhat happens when our lives are shaped by systems we can’t vote out![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-155.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/HF7DjmsbcAAFjfo-1.jpeg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/jacinda-ardern/) It is unhelpful to invent parallel democratic structures instead of improving the institutions we already have - particularly unhelpful to do so on the basis of undermining those institutions. And no sphere of government is undermined as consistently and contemptuously as local government. ## Local government and political gaslighting Higher tiers of government kneecap Councils financially while mocking them. Councils are expected to solve increasingly complex local problems while operating with constrained mandates, limited fiscal tools and outright public hostility. [Local government is highly efficient and productive](https://sgsep.com.au/publications/insights/local-governments-are-productivity-pacesetters-despite-being-starved-of-resources?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), yet is consistently portrayed as financially irresponsible and poorly performing. [Council rates are a straight-up bargainDon’t vote with your wallet. Pick people who play nicely with others.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-153.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/chung-1.webp)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-vote-this-local-election/) The contradictory demands on Councils are tantamount to gaslighting. We demand local responsiveness while stripping local autonomy. We say we want intergenerational outcomes and infrastructure, while introducing rates caps, cost-shifting state services, and fiddling constantly with the legislative mandate. We say we want politics brought closer to the people, while centralising decision-making power. We say we want to tackle democratic disengagement, while we treat the closest level of government as administratively embarrassing. This isn't just annoying, it's a waste of democratic potential. Local government is one of the few remaining spaces where democracy has a tangible, physical interface. Pipes either get built or they don’t. Roads either flood or they don’t. Libraries either stay open or they don’t. Tradeoffs become tangible very quickly at the local level in a way state and national politics often obscures. ## Repair the foundations Deliberative democracy *is* a valuable way to enhance civic engagement but is *not* a workaround for low trust in politics or a replacement for well-functioning democratic infrastructure. The problem is far bigger than politics or politicians. Polarisation and distrust aren't just the products of dysfunctional politics. They are symptoms of broader social, economic, and cultural conditions: inequality, institutional fragmentation, economic precarity, media systems built on outrage, and the erosion of shared public life. Deliberative democracy doesn't exist outside those conditions, and no new democratic mechanism will permanently escape the distrust and social dynamics affecting other institutions. Once it becomes embedded in the system, it *is* the system. We can't workshop our way out of democratic dysfunction, especially not while undermining the institutions closest to people. At some point *"democracy done better"* has to shift from bolting on new outlets to taking the structures we already have more seriously. Local government has the bones for this. If only we'd stop dunking on it. ### Can philosophy AI-proof your career? URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/can-philosophy-ai-proof-your-career/ Last updated: 2026-07-24T07:29:12.000Z Today I listened to the third instalment of a series on one of my favourite podcasts - *Philosophize This! -* about the work of Alasdair MacIntyre. Host Stephen West digs into whatMacIntyre wrote about “the failure of the modern university.” ## Universities should teach us how to think MacIntyre is concerned, broadly, about the modern application of expertise without morals or context. He believed universities fail to produce graduates with core skill of *judgement* \- the ability to appreciate the broader context and implications of the work they’re doing, how it contributes to social progress (or not) and aligns with personal and collective values (or not). MacIntyre saw philosophy as a core human enterprise, not a specialist domain, and warns of the danger of training powerful, competent people who don’t see these thinking skills as part of their remit. He writes of philosophical blindness - that most people fail to recognise how many of their opinions, beliefs and ideas are located in a specific and subjective worldview, rather than facts or science as they might assume. There is no view from nowhere. ## Expertise without judgement is dangerous Many terrible things have been facilitated by clever people too narrowly focused on doing the science, running the spreadsheets, or following orders - what political philosopher Hannah Arendt so famously coined "*the banality of evil*." In his book *After Virtue: A Study in Moral Theory,* MacIntyre wrote this killer line > “I can only answer the question ‘What am I to do’ if I can answer the prior question ‘What story or stories do I find myself a part?” MacIntyre achieves in 28 words what I tried to pull off in [this 4000 word essay ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinions-are-like-assholes/)and [accompanying 15 page toolkit.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinionated-toolkit/) In short, MacIntyre believed we should *all* be conscious and reflective of our role in the bigger picture - and that universities are failing to teach people the skills to do this. As podcast host Stephen West explains: > “Consider how possible it is for someone to become world class at manipulating one little slice of reality, while simultaneously becoming worse at understanding what their job means inside a life or a society.” ## Technical skills expire quickly; philosophy endures [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/05/YDNaMBA-05-alpha.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-dont-need-an-mba-book/) I wrote about this phenomenon in [You Don’t Need An MBA](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-dont-need-an-mba/) in 2021, urging leaders to go beyond their narrow slice of technical expertise and become more *context-oriented* in their leadership. In the book, I argue that your technical skills expire quickly and are easily automated or replaced. But making important decisions and leading people into the future - the[ *judgement*](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/let-em-cook-the-looming-crisis-of-human-judgment/)that your job description or PDP is talking about -becomes ever-more vital as the world changes and technology shifts > **“**Fewer than half of HR bigwigs are confident they’re equipping their workforce for the future. Only a quarter of business leaders are confident their people have the right skills to manage incoming change. One in four! We can see the gap, and we know it’s not right, but we’re charging forward anyway. > > If our job descriptions and workforce strategies are to be believed, strategic skills are the most in-demand leadership capabilities. Ninety-seven per cent of senior leaders claim that strategic capability is the key leadership behaviour for organisational success – but 96 per cent of the *same group* insist that they lack time to build this skill. > > According to Forbes, fewer than 10 per cent of leaders exhibit strategic skills. Nine out of every 10 people we trust to make important decisions don’t know how to do it. > > We‘re not spending enough time teaching the stuff that never goes out of fashion: how to think and see things differently and respond strategically to change.” > \- Condensed excerpt from *You Don’t Need An MBA p.8* Five years later, with the AI wave destabilising every man and his dog, this is truer than ever. (It's the whole reason [Not An MBA](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) exists. To teach the judgement AI can't fake.) Til next week, AM --- #### Further reading Check out the [Philosophize This podcast and newsletter](https://www.philosophizethis.org/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). It's a great resource. Here's the episode I reference in this piece. [Episode #247 ... The Failure of the Modern University - Alasdair MacIntyrePodcast Episode · Philosophize This! · 10 May · 29min![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/favicon-180.png)Apple Podcasts![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/1200x1200bf-60.jpg)](https://podcasts.apple.com/nz/podcast/philosophize-this/id659155419?i=1000767069755&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Sneak peek! Power literacy WIP URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/sneak-peek-power-literacy-wip/ Last updated: 2026-05-07T18:45:40.000Z WHAT'S INSIDE ****Friday Flurry is a behind-the-scenes newsletter exclusively for paid subscribers.** In this Friday Flurry, I update you on the fruits of my creative incubation - and reveal my emerging work on **power literacy.* [Upgrade to paid ](#/portal/signup) Happy Friday! I hope you're getting some of what you want out of your life this week, and you're being nice to yourself about everything else. I'm in a period of creative incubation, with a calendar largely clear of delivery commitments until [Not An MBA starts in July](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). This is marvellous but has taken some adjustment. It's a ridiculous thing to complain about, but now I've finally got time for the deep work I craved, I have to... fill it? (Cue tiny violins.) Creative incubation isn’t restful in the way I might have imagined. Decoupling time/output from work/worth is counterintuitive and frustrating. Sometimes hours of wrangling produces bugger all. Sometimes a two-hour burst leaves me knackered for the afternoon. Brains, eh? Sticking to a disciplined writing routine (and a less disciplined walk and gym routine) helps. I write fiction in the morning and, if there's juice left in the tank, non-fiction in the afternoon. I continue to underestimate how mentally and emotionally demanding fiction is and I'm hoping to get more match-fit with time. I continue my transition to a writing-centric model. I'm still booking client workshops and speaking gigs for late 2026-early 2027 on, and expect to continue doing so. I love the connection of IRL events, and I know how much value comes from the training and interaction - for all of us. Besides, the writing needs fuel. ## What I'm writing In case you missed anything, here's what I've published on lately: - **Navigating irreconcilable tensions in life and work** - Wednesday Wisdom: [The tension is the engine](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tension-is-the-engine/) - LinkedIn post:[ 5 tensions of public leadership](https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7455792964938846208/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) - **Your role in systems / power as a relational force** - Wednesday Wisdom: [You are the system](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-are-the-system/) - [Ask A Strategist AMA on systems thinking](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/ask-a-strategist-april-2026/) - **How we apportion blame: narrative awareness and systems analysis** - Friday Flurry: [In defence of furious women](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/in-defence-of-furious-women/) - Wednesday Wisdom: [Shifting into systems thinking](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/systems-thinking/) ### Creative progress I'm *finally* making decent progress on my novel. I produced over 8,000 new words this week and my brain is deep-fried but delighted. I've fought through a fog of structural uncertainty - and discovered my protagonist isn't the person I thought she was. My dinky little Freewrite word processor arrived this week and I've only given it a couple of good spins so far, but I can see it playing an ongoing role in my creative process. The lack of editing (and internet) capabilities forces a forward-motion that is fantastic for punching out the raw clay good drafts are made of. --- ## What I'm thinking about My body of work on power literacyis shaping up - and I'm increasingly convinced power literacy is an urgent skill for people and professionals both. I am *so* excited about where this thinking is going. It deepens my work on decisions, strategy, systems, change and leadership with a rich social, cultural, and philosophical backbone. I'm nerding out *hard.* (I'm theoretically banned from working on this book while I put the novel first. But because I have raging oppositional defiance disorder, I file it all under 'research and IP development' rather than 'the second book.' Cheeky.) ### Your behind-the-scenes sneak peek I'm pleased to present you with a sneak peek at my thinking - with a disclaimer about this being confidential IP in progress. Enjoy a 10-bullet summary of my draft thesis and two explanatory diagrams. I'd love your thoughts. If you read this [draft white paper](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/agents-of-humanity-white-paper/) on agents of humanity a couple of months ago, you'll see how these ideas have matured and evolved. I will publish a guide at some point for all subscribers. ### Power literacy in a nutshell If I had to sum up this idea in 10 bullets, here's how I'd do it: _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### The tension is the engine URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tension-is-the-engine/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T00:45:19.000Z When my kids were little, I sat up nights to find a solution for perfect work/life balance. How could I be present at home, grow as a person, earn money, and feel good about my life and parenting? Should I stop work, or continue? Switch careers, or double down? Flexible hours? Part time work? More support at home? I wrote hypothetical schedules and budgets, read articles and forum posts and whipped myself into a general frenzy of guilt and frustration, before I fell into bed each night, head spinning. This went on for years, and the days in between these nights were spent living – doing the best I could, day to day, while I waited for the answer to reveal itself. It never did. It never has. But somehow, my children have grown up, my business has chugged on, and I haven't gone bankrupt or been charged with child neglect. So it goes. I do this kind of wishful absolutism at work, too. If I could just land *the* model, programme, tool, or setup, I’d be sorted. The perfect workshop. The ideal workflow. The best website. It doesn't work like that though, does it? Nothing's perfect - and even if it was, life would change, I would change, or both. Most important things involve juggling critical but competing values. In my work-life, public leadership is a clear example of this. The need to deliver long term, intergenerational outcomes within short-term budgets and electoral cycles. The softening of policy positions to make them socially or politically palatable. In my writing-life, compelling stories and characters are the ones caught in tricky moral quandaries without obvious solutions. The characters who stay with us long after reading aren’t stereotypes - they’re contradictory, dynamic, frustrating beasts that do things we don’t expect and make choices we can’t fathom. The engine of any story is tension. This is as true for your life as a novel or film. > The engine of any story is tension. > This is as true for your life as it is for a novel or film. A meaningful life takes the shape of your most excruciating tensions. The work of the public leader is not to eliminate or resolve competing values, but to compromise and negotiate (plus absorb constant criticism and disappointment), hoping each trade-off compounds into something that matters. This is our work, too. Rich, full lives are built on tension. We devote ourselves to our family, our spouse, and our careers - and we scramble to reconstitute ourselves, booking classes we don't take, starting hobbies we don't finish, experiencing the elation of squeezing in a run or watching a favourite TV show. We build systems, write lists, and contort our calendars into disciplined little slots, all the while trying to stay open to opportunity, have space for deep work, be creative and interesting. We try to live a moral life, an ethical life, one that gives voice to the vulnerable - and we sacrifice those principles every time we go to work, swipe our credit card, or stay quiet at drinks. We convince ourselves we're failing, without realising none of the most important things in our lives can ever be solved simply or permanently. At least, not without intolerable consequences. A long string of imperfect days and small mistakes can add up to something pretty special. It might be the only thing that does. Happy Wednesday, AM --- ## Handy tips from an amateur juggler Here's a few tips for how to fight the good fight, from someone trying to finish this piece before school pickup. - **Name the tension.** You can't work with what you can't see. More overwhelm and impotence is caused by mental and emotional tension than tangible logistics. Naming the values at stake can disentangle them from your internal orchestra. Challenge your first response: what is this *really* about? i.e. you're saying you're worried about money, but are you? Or are you scared of giving up an identity, or freedom, or a way to prove your worth? - **Be aware of your default**. In which direction do you more naturally swing? Toward freedom, or commitment? Integrity or flexibility? In which direction is your team or organisation more prone? Speed or inertia? Resisting your default isn’t always necessary, but needs more energy and grace when you do. - **Honour the in-betweens and good-enoughs.** All or nothing thinking is a trap. Few important choices are binary, even if they look that way. There are 25 permutations of work-life balance in between stay at home mum and 60-hour week. The daily workarounds are, in the end, our days. - **Make temporary choices**. Most things can be revisited and many undone, even if they feel existential. Do what's right for your season or scenario and know you'll adjust it as you go – when the kids are older, the weather is better, the money less tight. --- ### You are the system URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-are-the-system/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T22:17:02.000Z In yesterday's [Ask A Strategist AMA](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/ask-a-strategist-april-2026/) we revisited one of my favourite John Clarke clips: The Front Fell Off. 0:00 /2:08 1× My favourite moment is when the Minister asserts they towed the boat *outside the environment.* If you are part of a system - which you are, whether that’s a family, an organisation, or a government - there is no "outside the environment." None of us are neutral. Everybody is contributing, in some way, to how that system operates. ## The power is always with someone else When we're a cog in the wheel, subject to the whims of our boss, clients, CEO, or Minister, it's easy to direct that frustration upward and think *that person,* if they wanted, could just fix everything. Not you, who's stuck in the middle putting up with them. But if you asked them, they'd tell you they're constrained too. They've got their own pressures, expectations, and trade-offs, and more layers of approval - their boss, voters, shareholders - than you realise. You'd be forgiven for thinking nobody has the power to change things. If you thought that, you'd be both right and wrong. This is the difference between *positional power* and *relational power.* ## Positional power vs relational power There is no position, however senior, that can wave a magic wand and single-handedly transform a complex system of people, processes, roles, interactions and workflows. A system is a dynamic product of how its parts interact. This is why hiring a new CEO, getting somebody new in the role, or electing a new government, doesn't necessarily deliver different outcomes. The system keeps doing what it's doing regardless of the people in it. Specific people in specific positions can drive transformative change, but swapping people without changing relationships rarely works. Because a system is built on *relational power*, no single person has total control. Even in the top job, you depend on others to action your decisions - and you can’t control the outcomes. ## Power lives in the connections Relational power lives in connection points. This is both confronting and reassuring. If every part of a system affects how a system behaves, through its interactions, every part of a system has the power to influence it. Whether you're the CEO or a frontline staff member, changing how your part interacts with others will have flow-on effects. By clarifying the conditions that decisions are made under, changing what is rewarded or punished, or altering how information flows, you can shift system dynamics. Some of those shifts will be visible, and some won't, but either way: your choices count. ## Power isn’t equal, but it's real That's not to say power, or responsibility, is fairly or evenly distributed. Everyone influences the system, but not everyone has equal room to manoeuvre in it. There's a difference between facing a grumpy Board Chair and battling real job insecurity inside yet another restructure. It's also true that using your influence, however limited, may come with trade-offs you may not be willing (or able) to make. Those constraints are real. But so is your potential for influence. Do with that what you wish. ## What now? Regardless of where you're positioned in the system, you're *in it*. **My challenge for you is twofold:** 1. What's your contribution to the system? 2. Which connection points are you willing and able to shift? Til next week, AM ### Ask a Strategist 28 April 2026 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/ask-a-strategist-april-2026/ Last updated: 2026-04-28T02:26:21.000Z In April 2026's Ask A Strategist, we carried our live strategic diagnosis for three leadership challenges: 1. **Fast CEO** \- A CEO issues new work instructions at warp speed. 2. **Unfunded Priorities** \- A Minister won't provide funding for government directives. 3. **Trust Gap** \- A submitter who isn't trusted by their colleagues. In less than a lunch-break, we moved from people to problems, outlined the three most important questions for any systems thinker to ask, and considered the most effective interventions to shift any system. Watch the recording here: _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Ask a Strategist Online Workshop URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/advice-workshop-march-2026/ Last updated: 2026-04-26T09:18:16.000Z Next Tuesday, join me for a 45-minute advice webinar and get stuck into some tricky problems. Send through your strategy, change, leadership (or miscellaneous!) issues – anonymously, if you'd prefer - and I'll do my best to offer some straight-talking strategic advice. I'll get through as many as I can in the timespan. This webinar is exclusively for paid subscribers and will not be recorded to preserve confidentiality. Don't miss out. Register below, then fill in the survey to send in your questions. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### In defence of furious women URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/in-defence-of-furious-women/ Last updated: 2026-04-23T22:29:05.000Z WHAT'S INSIDE ****Friday Flurry is a newsletter for paid subscribers.** In this edition, we explore stories that assign blame and distribute power and consider our ability to shift things. Here's what one member, Sara, recently said about it: **"Alicia’s newsletter is one of those rare reads that stays with you long after you’ve finished it. She has an incredible ability to balance sharp wit with thoughtful challenge, making even the most uncomfortable or avoided topics feel accessible and worth engaging with.* **What I value most is how she invites you to reconsider your perspective—never in a heavy-handed way, but through insight, curiosity, and a genuine respect for the reader. It’s not just a newsletter you read; it’s one that nudges you to think differently about the conversations we all need to be having every day."* [Upgrade to paid ](#/portal/signup) I love to watch the sunrise when I travel. It feels sneaky and rebellious, seeing a place untouched before the world rises for the day. When I visited the Greek island of Serifos, I rose before dawn and spent an hour climbing to the Castle of Chora, the island’s highest point. Salty air filling my lungs, sunscreen sweating into my eyes, I plowed up an endless track until I reached the castle - really a collection of stone buildings, encircled by ancient walls. ## The story of Serifos The Castle is a fortified village, built in the 1430s by Venetian lords known as *terzieri*. Even in the half-light, the village felt watchful and slightly uneasy. After the Byzantine Empire fell in the early 1200s, Venetian families ruled the island with an iron fist (and an iron mine!) until the Ottomans moved in around 1566\. It was a tough time for Serifos’ locals. The lords were harsh, and prone to inter-family conflict, and conditions in the island’s iron mines were brutal. Serifos had been doing it tough for a while by then. During the Roman imperial period, Serifos was a place of exile, somewhere the empire sent people it didn’t want to deal with. I didn’t go to Serifos in exile, or for its architectural or economic history. I went for Medusa. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/03/Caravaggio-Medusa-cover.jpg.webp) Caravaggio's Medusa ## OG victim blaming Medusa was a Gorgon in Greek mythology. You’ve probably heard of her: wild snake hair, a powerful gaze that turned people to stone. Angry gal. For hundreds of years, people have put Medusa on the front of their boats as a shield. She has come to symbolise power and protection, because according to maritime logic, she’s so ugly she keeps the evil away. But Medusa wasn’t always ugly. She was once a beautiful young maiden; a priestess of Athena, committed to a life of chastity. That is, until Poseidon, god of the sea, got a look at her and had his way with her in Athena’s temple. When Athena found out the holy vibes of her chaste temple had been compromised, she was furious. At Poseidon? No. Athena punished Medusa by turning her into a monster, installing the stone-turning glare and banishing her. Not satisfied, Athena later eggs on the demigod Perseus, son of Zeus and slayer of monsters, to kill Medusa, equipping him with a shield and a mirror to avoid stony transformation. Perseus takes the bait and chops Medusa’s head off, bringing it to the island to Serifos to show it off and use it for protection. Medusa isn’t a monster story. It's a story about how we reframe reality and turn women into demons instead of holding men accountable for their behaviour. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/03/three-scenes-depicting-pandora-and-her-cursed-container-illustrated-by-walter-crane-1845-1915-all-public-domain-via-creative-commons.jpg.webp) Source: The Historian's Hut - ["Pandora's Box Was Actually A Jar"](https://thehistorianshut.com/2018/01/03/pandoras-box-was-actually-a-jar/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Shifting into systems thinking URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/systems-thinking/ Last updated: 2026-08-13T10:47:49.000Z People are so annoying. With their needs, their demands, their faces, and all their *wrongness.* And that's just at home. At work, they send emails too.We didn't choose those people. We don't love them*.* It's no way to live. On our more enlightened days, we step back and see things for what they are: dozens, even hundreds of capable, well-intentioned people fighting the same existential dread. But little about our psychology or organisational design encourages this perspective. Instead, we default to treating systems failures as people problems. (Here's a [short video I posted on LinkedIn](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/aliciamckaynz%5Fare-people-really-annoying-you-at-work-right-activity-7451803401895661568-%5FEXM?utm%5Fsource=share&utm%5Fmedium=member%5Fdesktop&rcm=ACoAAAKpi5QBAH0Yw0pp47n3iPd4grlCvism%5FnU) this week about the risk of blaming people. If you're short on time, watch that and rock on. If it lands, a like or share helps it travel.) ## Why we struggle to think in systems ### Our brains don't work like that Most of us aren't predisposed to be systems thinkers. We're wired for linear, cause-and-effect thinking. We like a story with a clear beginning, middle, and end, and we're riddled with bias, fear and identity hang-ups. (No, just me?) In scary and uncertain times, we're stuck in our limbic brain worrying about the future. Ongoing restructures, short political cycles, economic downturn, or the threat of job loss to AI put us in survival mode, which eats the capacity for more considered thinking. In environments like this, soundbites and reductive (read: blamey) takes gather momentum, because it's easier to digest those than the unresolved events, wicked problems or contradictions the world is really made of. In uncertain times, we point fingers at people, not systems. [Why people still protest Jacinda ArdernWhat happens when our lives are shaped by systems we can’t vote out![](https://static.ghost.org/v5.0.0/images/link-icon.svg)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/HF7DjmsbcAAFjfo.jpeg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/jacinda-ardern/) ### Systems are sneaky Systems are more complex than our default ways of thinking. 1. They're *non-linear.* Systems behave in counter-intuitive ways, which means small actions can have big consequences, and big changes can do nothing. Meanwhile, there's lots of little connections and interactions under the surface which can compound and spit out unpredictable outcomes. 2. They're *non-temporal.* There can be big delays and complex pathways between cause and effect, none of which gels with short-term performance targets, political cycles, ROI calculations - or our general impatience. 3. They're *non-visible.* Many systems are made of hidden and abstract relationships, not just physical parts, which makes them hard to keep track of. Unlike [behaviours and outcomes](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-are-what-you-do/), which are easily spotted, the workings of a system can be sneaky and hard to pin down. ### We organise ourselves into silos At school and work, we learn to understand things by breaking them into manageable chunks. We prefer analysis to synthesis, because it feels neater and more controlled. The McKinsey method, a consulting paradigm that chunks problems into individual, optimisable pieces, is reflected in the way we organise government (individual ministries, clear divisions between operations and policy), teams (functional silos and project teams) and projects. Without the chance to see how everything fits together, we can overestimate the impact of our own work. This makes us myopic and increases the risk of "best practice" improvements that fall flat or make other people's lives harder. Subscribe for weekly insights on systems, power, and strategy. [Subscribe now ](#/portal/signup/free) ### We reward compliance and certainty We reward efficiency, compliance, and procedural risk-mitigation over slow thinking and exploration. Resistance is possible, but it's energy-intensive at best, and explicitly punished at worst. We don't like going into things without knowing what we'll get out the other side. Our minds prime us for this with the *availability error*, or what Daniel Kahneman calls "What You See Is All There Is". We overemphasise the significance of what we already know and use that to draw conclusions. Centuries after the invention of the scientific method, we still aren't very good at disproving our assumptions and ideas. We design processes that cater to those biases. Business cases, grant funding, research proposals, annual plans, role definitions and project scopes need to be specific, sometimes to the dollar and day, about what will be achieved. We don't know what we don't know, and finding out needs discovery and iteration. There are few organisational pathways that cater to that and even if there were, there is little time, space, budget, trust or flexibility to meaningfully engage in them. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/04/163a7d82-ead0-43c0-8cc7-521534483e0a_SP-710---The-blind-and-the-elephant.png) ## The consequences of not thinking in systems When you roll all of this together - our wiring, our workplaces, our environment - the consequences are predictable. - **We fix symptoms, not causes.** Locked in a cycle of reactive fire-fighting, underlying structures are left intact and patterns persist. - **We make things worse.** A failure to predict second-order effects and appreciate relationships and connections means we generate unintended consequences that leave things worse than we found them. - **We waste time and money.** In any organisation, you'll find siloed change programmes running in tandem, all attempting to fix their own part of the elephant. When none of these do the job or shift the needle, those resources go down the drain. - **We miss the point.** Achieving individual KPIs, delivering localised projects on time, mitigating risk, and flying under the radar are all perfectly reasonable goals - but are unlikely to deliver the outcomes we built the machine for in the first place. ## Systems thinking is a critical skill Despite all these barriers, becoming a systems thinker has never been more important. The problems we're trying to solve and the environments we're operating in are more complex than ever. When we think in wholes, not parts, we make better use of our limited time, energy and resources, spot key leverage points to intervene in, and improve relationships rather than just optimising one part of a business to the detriment of another. Systems thinking helps us to *dissolve* our problems, solving issues at the source rather than treating symptoms or pushing the problems somewhere else in the chain. And when we see things from all the angles, our strategic planning and future readiness improves too. We're better able to anticipate secondary effects and systemic shifts, and we adapt better to changing environments. Subscribe for weekly insights on systems, power, and strategy. [Subscribe now ](#/portal/signup/free) ## How to shift into systems thinking I spot the same patterns in every organisation and industry. The lowest form of problem-solving targets the most visible issue: people. We protest, point fingers, and performance manage our way through. If only people were better, clients tell me, we'd get better results! So they get a new CEO, vote in a new government, or restructure the team - only to see the same patterns persist. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/04/IMG_8569-1.jpg) Systems thinkers zoom out and move up the chain to see the bigger picture. Here are three levels of systems thinking to bring more perspective to your trickiest challenges. ### Move from people to problems If we put down the pointy stick for a minute, we can look at our problems as their own distinct units of analysis. We can cup the problem in our palm and stand around looking at it together: hmm, looks like we've got a communication bottleneck here, or a workflow breakdown. How can we solve it? Once you separate ideas from identities, you're more likely to find solutions that people participate in - and every time you target a solution at a connection point, rather than a single part, the system improves for all the affected parties. ### Move from problems to patterns [The problem is almost never the problem.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-problem-is-never-the-problem/) More likely, it's a symptom of something else, something that shows up in different forms, contexts, and people. This is where our isolated communication bottleneck might reveal itself as a policy issue or lack of clarity about roles and team functions. Finding patterns means playing detective: asking around, looking at trends, or asking questions about how things have happened in the past. When you find a pattern, you are more likely to dissolve a problem at its root by changing the settings in the environment that causes it. ### Move from patterns to power Most problems can be tackled at the pattern level - but the trickiest ones involve power dynamics. If we consistently generate the same unhelpful patterns even after we've fixed the settings of the system - rules have been changed, resources have been allocated, relationships have been improved - then these outcomes aren't an accident. They serve a function and [the system is working as intended.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-are-what-you-do/) When you hit a pattern that won’t shift, it's time to ask different questions: - Who benefits from this continuing as it is? (And who doesn't?) - Who would lose out if this got fixed? - What behaviours do we actually reward? How? Why? - Who has the authority to change this - and what’s stopping them? These questions help us understand the forces shaping behaviour and often require changes at the highest point of the system, or with external stakeholders. This is the hardest level to effect change, but often the most transformative. ## Practical steps you can take today You don't need to zoom all the way up the ladder or change everything overnight. In fact, systems change works best when we start small and observe closely. Systems are dynamic, non-linear, and tend to have lag time before second-order effects emerge. Change one thing, and watch what happens over time. But if you want to start applying systems thinking more consistently, here's a few useful hacks to remember: - **Pause more often.** Your first reaction can be biased, egocentric, or reductive, especially under stress and pressure. Building the pause muscle - stepping back, adopting some compassionate curiosity, and asking more questions before jumping in or reacting - almost always leads to better results. - **Focus on relationships, not things.** Never look at a part in isolation. Always ask how the parts interact. When you're tempted to blame people, zoom out to understand workflows and connection points between people, teams and processes. Improving a relationship is a positive change for at least two parts of a system. - **Interrogate second-order effects.** Before solving a problem or launching a new initiative, consider what and who else will be affected by the change. You likely have a reference class for this: what has happened with changes like this in the past? What other initiatives are happening at the same time? How will the cumulative load affect users and stakeholders? What might the consequences of your idea be in 1, 3 or 5 years time? - **Look for loops.** Upgrade your default view from cause-and-effect, to cycles-and-patterns. What usually happens before and after this? How do these events reinforce one another? Where might you intervene? Drawing messy maps can be helpful here. - **Leave your desk.** Don't be fooled by the unread emails and pinging DMs. Few important challenges can be solved in your own head, and many of the assumptions you're making about how other people and teams work is wrong. Pick up the phone, go talk to people in their environment, or go on a site visit. You'll be surprised how quickly your frame of reference changes. It’s easy to blame people - anyone can do it. Many leaders never get past this kind of thinking - and I get why. Problems almost always present as people and their behaviour. Systems don't come knocking on your door, or set unreasonable deadlines, or let you down when you're waiting on an important piece of information. But there's a ceiling to this kind of problem-solving, and it can trap us in a loop of reactivity while never really improving things or delivering the outcomes we're there for. Move from people → problems → patterns → power, and you're more likely to leave things better than you found them. Til next week, AM ### Why people still protest Jacinda Ardern URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/jacinda-ardern/ Last updated: 2026-04-15T15:10:37.000Z Last night, my family and I joined a long, snaking queue along Courtenay Place to see Dame Jacinda Ardern. Her Wellington appearance is the first of five events in New Zealand and Australia to promote her memoir *A Different Kind of Power*. The queue was the result of stringent, time-consuming security provisions: thorough bag searches, with no bags larger than an A4 page allowed inside, and a slow procession through guards waving metal detecting wands. I raised the cuffs of my jeans to show I had nothing strapped to my ankles before entering the venue. Decorating the queue were a smattering of protestors, holding signs recycled from a different time. While I respect the sustainability (I can imagine the phone tree now: 'Barry, have you got any old signs in the garage we can use?'), some of the slogans - *Jacinda is out of control!* \- felt almost quaint. ## Why people are still angry On the face of it, protesting short-lived, long-gone vaccine mandates to a former Prime Minister shows admirable, if bemusing, commitment to a cause. We've had almost three years of a new government, but the rage persists. But when we consider the deeper things at stake - loss of personal agency, technological overreach, war, job precarity, rents rising faster than wages, skyrocketing grocery bills - it becomes clear why Jacinda Ardern is an enduring target. Few of these bigger problems have a clear person to blame, and the frustration has to go somewhere. We live in an accountability vacuum, so it makes sense that anger flows toward the most visible figures, if not the most powerful ones. ## Where the anger comes from The direction that anger takes is not accidental. It is shaped by the channels through which New Zealanders understand the world. The information ecosystems that sustain and amplify movements like Voices for Freedom are run by foreign-owned platforms. According to [DataReportal](https://datareportal.com/reports/digital-2026-new-zealand?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), YouTube (Google) reaches around 80% of the NZ population. Facebook has around 3.5 million users, and Instagram is used by 50% of the population. Both Facebook and Instagram are owned by Meta. [Over two thirds of New Zealand's advertising spend is digital](https://stoppress.co.nz/news/digital-now-two-thirds-of-the-advertising-turnover-pie-says-asa?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). The same two companies - Meta and Google - account for [a majority share of that advertising globally](https://www.reuters.com/business/media-telecom/meta-poised-surpass-google-digital-ad-revenue-first-time-report-says-2026-04-13/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Our information sources are highly concentrated - and largely unaccountable. Research from The Disinformation Project found that [misinformation outperformed mainstream media content](https://thespinoff.co.nz/media/18-05-2022/parliament-occupation-sparked-tectonic-shift-in-nz-disinformation-landscape?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) during the 2022 occupation of New Zealand's parliament - with just [12 people responsible for 75% of the content](https://www.1news.co.nz/2022/05/18/dozen-created-73-of-disinformation-during-parliament-protest?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/04/14bb3e85-cb2b-4edf-83ad-83b2f2910eb4.webp) Image credit: University of Waikato ## Anger gets imported from offshore Ironically (or not), these information sources are extremely opaque - and often fuelled by foreign interference. Microsoft found that [consumption of Russian-linked disinformation spiked in the months leading up to the occupation](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/politics/how-russian-propaganda-exploded-in-new-zealand-before-the-protest-at-parliament/BBSBVE3UNIOH26MUOCKCYMTMTM?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), with NZ consumption 30% higher than comparable countries. Disinformation campaigns are routinely traced back to networks operating across borders, and they're hard for citizens, or even governments, to meaningfully scrutinise in real time. A Facebook group amplifies a misleading claim. That's then boosted by the algorithm, which optimises for engagement. It spreads across borders within hours. By the time it reaches Wellington, it feels local, urgent, and real - but its origins are effectively untraceable. JOIN THE THINKING CLASS Join over 11,000 subscribers who enjoy thought-provoking essays, sharp insight and practical tools straight to their inbox. [Subscribe ](#/portal/signup) ## Online misinformation has real-world impact During the 2022 Parliament occupation, misinformation was foundational. Protesters, rejecting mainstream media in favour of alternative online networks, circulated claims that vaccines were part of a ‘depopulation agenda.’ This might seem extreme, but consuming misinformation is not a niche activity. A [2023 Netsafe report](https://resource.netsafe.org.nz/Report%5FMis-Disinformation-in-New-Zealand-Report-2023%5F05.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) shows 91% of New Zealanders encounter misinformation at least monthly and nearly half of us experience it daily. In times of great uncertainty, people look for explanations. When there *are* no simple explanations for that upheaval, motivated actors step in to fill the void. Backlash to mainstream media and political institutions in the wake of the pandemic could be reduced to nutty conspiracy thinking - or, we could see it as a rational attempt to make sense of complex, interconnected systems that are otherwise hidden, unaccountable, and resistant to scrutiny. Which would all be tolerable, if not for the real-world impact. When a few largely unregulated platforms, vulnerable to foreign interference and false information and fuelled by clicks, mediate the majority of information, chaos can ensue. And in the case of the frenzied 2022 occupation of Parliament, it did. So, if not Jacinda Ardern, who *is* accountable for this state of affairs? ## Power demands accountability In a mediated, tech-dominated information landscape, there is a worryingly weak link between power and accountability. We're seeing some movement to close that gap - in the US, [antitrust action against Meta](https://www.investing.com/news/stock-market-news/ftc-will-appeal-ruling-in-meta-antitrust-case-over-instagram-whatsapp-deals-4456135??ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) is attempting to unwind its acquisitions of Instagram and WhatsApp, and dozens of US states have brought lawsuits over platform design. A jury in Los Angeles recently [found Meta and YouTube guilty](https://www.theguardian.com/media/2026/mar/25/jury-verdict-us-first-social-media-addiction-trial-meta-youtube?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) of designing products that knowingly harmed young people. Yet these interventions remain fragmented and reactive. Spiderman told us that *"with great power comes great responsibility"* but responsibility alone is not enough. Responsibility may be moral but it is toothless. Accountability demands institutional and interpersonal systems that make power transparent and revisable. A leader can *feel* responsible, but change nothing. Accountability, in comparison, requires consequences, oversight, and the ability for others to intervene. ## But accountability needs people The difficulty with accountability is that it requires agents - that is to say: people. We need individuals we can scrutinise the decisions of, as well as mechanisms to rectify imbalances. The verdict against Meta and YouTube was possible because it is [supported by a paper trail](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/world/579751/meta-buried-causal-evidence-of-social-media-harm-us-court-filings-allege?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) of senior executives acknowledging and electing to bury empirical evidence of their product's harmful impacts. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/04/4K8X5MC_AFP__20240131__34HC9VW__v3__HighRes__TopshotUsTechnologyInternetChildExploitation_jpg.webp) Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg in the courtoom. Image credit: RNZ The very foundation of political legitimacy rests on this ability to hold power - and the people granted it - to account. When power migrates *beyond* these political and social accountability mechanisms, the legitimacy of the entire system erodes, even if the institutions remain. JOIN THE THINKING CLASS Join over 11,000 subscribers who enjoy thought-provoking essays, sharp insight and practical tools straight to their inbox. [Subscribe ](#/portal/signup) ## Accountability is the foundation of democracy If people can't meaningfully influence the systems that actually shape their lives, the promise of democracy starts to ring hollow. We might still be able to vote and engage through the formal channels - but if it isn't keeping us safe, why would we bother? It is difficult to overstate how critical accountability is to the legitimacy of our social and political fabric. We delegate our collective power and agree to rules that constrain our choices on the understanding that we can take it back, demand change, and vote for something different. In the democratic contract, we expect transparency of decisions, proof of public good, and consequences for failure, in exchange for our trust and compliance. In exchange, we comply with the law, pay our taxes and fill in countless forms to prove our identity, protect our property rights and catalogue our existence. ## Accountability systems protect us from evil We do all these things because we've learned that faceless systems and unaccountable actors can do terrible things. In *Eichmann in Jerusalem,* anexposition of the reign of Nazi Germany, political theorist Hannah Arendt coined the term *banality of evil* to describe how harm emerges from systems where no individual feels responsible. Few of the individual actors in Hitler's Germany, Arendt argued, were uniquely monstrous. Most were simply compliant. This is why we continue to rely on high-visibility political leaders and the grinding machinery of bureaucracy that support them. We understand that when accountability is too diffuse, when we can't pin it down, we are vulnerable to tragedy with no path to recourse. But power is not just political, and it isn't just a top-down arrangement. Power is shifting away from visible, accountable leaders and institutions, into dispersed, invisible systems and platforms. As Michel Foucault observed, "*power is everywhere… because it comes from everywhere*." Don't let the political theory fool you: these aren’t abstract philosophical concerns. They're embedded in the systems we rely on every day, systems which are concentrated, privatised, and inescapable. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/04/Ethics-Centre_Big-Thinkers-Hannah-Arendt-png.jpg) Hannah Arendt. Image credit: ethics.org.au ## Power lives in infrastructure When you think infrastructure, you might think of roads, pipes, and buildings. But in a complex modern world, infrastructure includes the full range of physical and organisational structures we need for society to function. Social and economic infrastructure like markets, payment, communications, and information are crucial to keep things ticking over. Infrastructure is powerful - in part, because it is so often taken for granted. When I work with Councils, we often talk about the frustrating paradox that people only seem to notice infrastructure when it breaks. The rest of the time it runs behind the scenes, powering communities and shaping our days and lives. This has important implications for the ownership and control of our infrastructure. In the local government context, when human sewage flows into Wellington waterways, Councillors and public servants need to face up to the public and the media. But what happens when there's no person to point to? When the system *is* the decision-maker? JOIN THE THINKING CLASS Join over 11,000 subscribers who enjoy thought-provoking essays, sharp insight and practical tools straight to their inbox. [Subscribe ](#/portal/signup) ## Public infrastructure is privatising We live in the era of platforms. Platforms aren't just products sold to us by companies - or at least, not anymore. They're now core social infrastructure which, as Nick Srnicek argues in *Platform Capitalism*, increasingly set the terms for participation in economic and social life. Core social infrastructure that was once publicly owned or heavily regulated is dominated by private, foreign-owned interests. Access to information is mediated by Google. Social communication runs through Meta. Payments are handled Visa and Mastercard. Core government and business infrastructure runs predominantly on Amazon Web Services or Microsoft Azure. Much of New Zealand’s public and private internet backend runs on these overseas cloud providers. And when critical systems operate on infrastructure beyond direct democratic control, those private systems become a proxy for public infrastructure. ## Mandatory services need accountability Lack of democratic control becomes cause for concern when 'services' turn into infrastructure - and when opting out is no longer a realistic possibility. Social and economic participation requires digital compliance. You can't easily 'opt out' of payment systems. You keep your phone nearby to check in for a flight, do your homework, or login to your banking. Avoiding cloud infrastructure is near impossible. Whether you need to access government services online, scan QR codes during a pandemic, or use two-factor authentication to manage your money, digital systems aren't optional conveniences anymore - they're the only way to get through the day. At the same time, the state has silently receded from the picture. The post barely runs. The news is closing down. Public broadcasting is on its knees. Public health systems delegate the management of private patient data to private transcription services. We've let a handful of overseas companies set the conditions for social participation, with nary a regulatory body in sight. The overreach of corporate power is not new. But the extent to which these companies have become *mandatory intermediaries* for participation in everyday life is. When vital infrastructure is privately controlled, our whole society depends comes to depend on private, foreign-owned interests - with no local accountability. Oh, but it gets worse. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/04/9Tzi8ywRz924XE3uHaD6DZ3Ef-IdbOiYlvIROR5vlqUeRrexTocZGobKRJ9od-gnk3B-CeKTmTAsIjj6Q0YaYV66uWChwoxoh-dgnQYbHjw4dJhPs0kwU8xHXjEMcIgP4XgL25CbwGtA45vVOAweqGViKJ5mCqvsv0wYyNAdiz6A-ZTtpnG-E0-2SDq7XTHUuufzf0sejkwX8XpnNxvYDw--.webp) Minister for Digitising Government Judith Collins. Image credit: [The Post](https://www.thepost.co.nz/politics/350204714/cabinet-papers-written-aid-ai-judith-collins-says-yes?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ## AI intensifies the accountability void Platform infrastructure obscures accountability, but AI turns the dial up to 100 - accelerating decisions, while further dissolving responsibility. AI models, and the companies that own them, are built and managed by humans. Every day, choices are made by individuals. But this responsibility becomes so diffused amongst a faceless mass of designers, data sources, deployers, and users, that accountability becomes impossible to locate and even harder to enforce. AI widens the accountability void in three important ways: 1. **Distributed agency.** No single actor controls the outcomes of an AI model - which is why they're so appealing to businesses looking to slash jobs. Decisions are made by an algorithm, so they can't be contested. 2. **Black box development.** As per [*What the AI bros won't tell you*](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-the-ai-bros-wont-tell-you/), this is the tech equivalent of 'f\*\*k around and find out.' Even the designers can't explain how their models reach certain outputs. We are governed by mystery systems whose logic is inaccessible to those they affect. 3. **Hidden deployment.** All this decision-making plays out locally - on devices, in APIs, embedded in other products - even though it has far-reaching consequences. The decisions made by AI become invisible to the public sphere. Together, these factors turn the accountability void into something of a black hole - what Dan Davies calls an [*accountability sink*](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/is-2026-the-year-of-the-terse-email/). An automated system flags a welfare recipient for investigation. A credit algorithm denies a loan. A hiring tool filters out candidates. Decisions are made, but the reasoning behind them is inaccessible, and the appeal process is unclear. JOIN THE THINKING CLASS Join over 11,000 subscribers who enjoy thought-provoking essays, sharp insight and practical tools straight to their inbox. [Subscribe ](#/portal/signup) ## Regulating across borders is a nightmare These multinational firms operate across jurisdictions. They book profits in low-tax environments like Ireland or Singapore, while gathering revenue from across the world. They engage in regulatory arbitrage, exploit every loophole they can find, and carry out well-funded, high-impact lobbying against the ones they can't. In this way they benefit from and embed themselves in public systems without ever being fully accountable to them. There are a smattering of early attempts at regulation - the European Union’s AI Act, data protections under GDPR, bodies like Meta’s Oversight Board - but these are piecemeal, geographically limited, and lag far behind the pace of deployment. Whether we're scared of looking anti-innovation, worried about falling behind, or simply impotent in the face of change, governments across the world, including in New Zealand, are doing little to stem the raging tide of technopoly. ## State power is losing ground to technology In a theoretical sense, states - and through them, us, the people - still hold formal power. Technically, governments can enact regulation, demand taxation, and break up monopolies. But that practical capacity is constrained by the global, mobile nature of capital and digital infrastructure, creating a gaping chasm between theoretical power and actual control. Governments are reactive, responding blindly to systems they hardly understand, that are marching on at a pace they can't match. The ongoing ability of people to influence government is no longer a given. Tristan Harris, former Google executive, founder of the Center for Human Technology and the documentarian behind *The Social Dilemma* and recently-released *AI Doc*, [warns of a scenario where people lose political sway](https://open.spotify.com/episode/5NBxNF0pKUBGd0lZSlZXxc?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). If AI swallows enough jobs, Harris warns, the economic power base will make popular support all but irrelevant. The implications are unfathomable. Apocalyptic predictions notwithstanding, it *is* clear that when economic power moves beyond democratic reach, political power tends to follow. One need only watch the *Manosphere* documentary by Louis Theroux to observe the pipeline from online influencer to political actor. Where the money goes, the power follows. The consequences for political stability and social cohesion are obvious. When people feel powerless, as our dogged Jacinda protestors demonstrate, apathy eventually finds a path to anger. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/04/4K6JSS4_20250529_Jacinda_Ardern_AFT_Interview_0007_jpg.webp) Dame Jacinda Ardern. Image credit RNZ. ## We are focusing on the wrong target These shifts converge into consistent, observable trends, which I outlined in January's [2026: The State of It](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/state-of-it-2026/) report. Power is now harder to see, harder to challenge, and harder to influence. Accountability has weakened, but the need for it has not. This results in misdirected anger, declining trust, and unstable politics. It's not that people are stupid, or don't understand the system, but more that the system itself has become unbalanced and illegible. Most of the people in line at last night's Jacinda event ignored or scoffed at the protestors so earnestly brandishing their recycled signs. Some had pity in their eyes, others could hardly look. I get it. But I'm not sure they should be ignored. It is true that Jacinda Ardern led a government that made consequential decisions affecting millions - and that democratic systems rely on leaders being held accountable for those choices. But the persistence and intensity of the focus on a long-gone PM suggests something deeper and harder to tackle: a very real mismatch between where power used to be, and where it is now. Join over 11,000 subscribers who enjoy thought-provoking essays, sharp insight and practical tools straight to their inbox. [Subscribe ](#/portal/signup) ## Snow melts from the edges People are still directing personal and political anger at someone who no longer holds formal power because the systems which *do* hold power are hard to see, hard to name, and almost impossible to challenge. At the height of the pandemic, Jacinda Ardern urged New Zealanders to rely on a ‘single source of truth’ - an appeal to trust, transparency, and accountable leadership. That model, an ode to a bygone era, assumes power is visible, centralised, and responsive to the public. But the systems that shape public and private life don't operate like that anymore. They are fragmented, opaque, and often beyond the reach of democratic oversight. We should be careful dismissing these legacy protestors out of hand, because we're witnessing the whispers of something more than political dissatisfaction or garden variety misogyny. The vitriolic Facebook posts, review-bombing and sign-waving are the snow melting at the edges of an emerging legitimacy crisis. ## Democracy is at risk from shifting power The widening gap between formal power, social influence and tangible accountability is a symptom of a failing system. As Levitsky and Ziblatt argue in *How Democracies Die*, democratic systems don't often collapse overnight - instead, they erode gradually, as collective norms weaken and accountability breaks down. Just like the narrative voids being exploited by foreign disinformation networks and manosphere podcasters, this gap *will* be filled - and if history is anything to go by, it won't be filled by benevolent forces. In 1840, Alexis de Tocqueville warned of ‘soft despotism’ - a system where control is not exercised through force, but through diffuse, unaccountable structures. When we delegate public infrastructure to private interests, allowing them to mediate our relationships, communication and payments, produce the stories that entertain us, exploit our attention, fuel our spending, and replace our jobs, we expose ourselves and our political future to exactly this phenomenon. ## Let's change the target of our fury If the protestors are anything to go by, we are still directing our expectations and our anger toward the leaders we can see, question, and vote out, rather than demanding more of the systems that invisibly shape our lives. I'm not excusing political leaders, or claiming that governments and the people who elect them are powerless. But power has shifted and dispersed, and our accountability mechanisms are a long way from catching up. Jacinda Ardern can be protested, criticised, and voted out. But an algorithm cannot. --- ### You are what you do URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-are-what-you-do/ Last updated: 2026-08-18T01:06:44.000Z Of all the locations to hunker down for a tropical cyclone, a small island off the coast of Auckland wouldn't be my first pick. But for me and 14 other apprentice novelists, a storm couldn't stop us learning from iconic Irish novelist and playwright Niall Williams. I've done my share of writing workshops, but nothing has unlocked the mystery of fiction quite like the days I just spent in a tin-roofed barn, shouting with delight over the pummelling rain. One insight feels so important - and universal - it would be criminal not to share. ## Character is revealed through behaviour Niall Williams is a character-driven writer. His method echoes Greek philosopher Heraclitus: *character is fate.* Story, Niall stressed repeatedly, is seeded in characters - the more we reveal of them, the more the story unfolds. And not because of what a character *says* or *feels*... because of what they *do*. Character is revealed throughspecific,dynamic behaviours: the peculiar, irreducible ways a person moves through the world. There are a million people just like you - age, appearance, occupation - but none of them have *your* particular quirks, because none of them have *your* particular story. Weak writers tell us what a character is thinking or feeling, often buried in cliche. "She was nervous to see him," they might pen. "Her stomach churned." or "Her heart leapt into her throat." Strong writers give us two more powerful things: specific descriptions and unexplained behaviours. From these, we make up our own minds. "Ann paced the same two floorboards for each of the 19 minutes Todd was late," they might write. "She stopped every few minutes to fix her hair in the cracked hall mirror. Licking the pad of her right thumb, she ran it firmly along each eyebrow, before wiping her hand down the front of her jeans." The more specificity of detail and the more unique the behaviour, the better we understand the character - not as a trope, but as an individual. To truly round a character, many writing teachers teach that the author must interrogate their character's deepest *desire*. But Niall's advice is much simpler: to understand what a character wants, you must *watch what they do* and *how they do it.* Of course. ## The purpose of a system is what it does In the words of systems theorist Stafford Beer: *the purpose of a system is what it does.* To understand what a system is designed for, said Beer, don't read the vision documents, the business case, or the press releases. Look at the outcomes it produces. Outcomes are not side effects. To understand a character, person, organisation, or system, you need only observe what happens. ## What this means for you This idea has important implications for how we move through the world, the simplest of which is this: when in doubt, don't believe the exception or the explanation - believe the *pattern.* This is true in every zone of your life. - **In relationships: believe who people show you they are.** Pay no mind to promises, explanations, or intentions. If someone intends to be honest but repeatedly lies, they are dishonest. If someone is kind when it’s easy but cruel when it’s not, they are unkind. If they are totally present when it suits them but ghost when you need them, they are unreliable. People's character is made of what they consistently do. Make relationship choices accordingly. - **At work: observe decisions, not narratives.** Ignore the posters and internal comms. You best discover your organisation's strategy by watching what is done, and how it happens. Priorities, values and operating principles are clearest in everyday decisions - what's funded, delayed, rewarded, and ignored. Your strategy lives in your actions. To achieve different outcomes, require or incentivise different choices. - **To solve problems: notice trends, not outliers.** In my local government work, Councillors often use anecdotes to allege a broken system. The unfixable pothole! The delayed consent! But we must be cautious about exceptions. Large and complex systems always have unsolved problems. Savvy Councillors ask: What is the overall success rate? Are most requests completed on time? Are things getting better, not worse? A true understanding comes from trends, not outliers. - **In systems: judge outcomes, not promises.** Whatever a system *consistently* generates is not a bug, it is a feature of that system. If your workplace regularly produces burnout, exclusion, or harm, those aren't failures of the system, they're inevitabilities. If a justice, health or tax system generates consistent inequality, that is not a bug, it is a design principle. Different outcomes require new rules, relationships, and resource distribution. - **In life: reach goals with action.** You don’t need to ask what you value - your life already shows you. Interrogate what you *do*, not what you *want*. Your spending reveals your values. Your calendar reveals your goals. Your attention reveals your priorities. These habits and patterns determine our lives - and change requires consistent, aligned action, repeated over time. **In fiction and in life, there is no great mystery: what we do is who we are.** ... Who are you? Til next week, AM P.S. Learn more about [Niall Williams](https://niallwilliams.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). ### Make friction cool again URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/make-friction-cool-again/ Last updated: 2026-04-10T02:58:37.000Z WHAT'S INSIDE ****Friday Flurry is a behind-the-scenes newsletter exclusively for paid subscribers.** In this Friday Flurry, we consider: - Whether friction leads to better thinking - When speed becomes a proxy for quality - How tools make work, rather than saving it - The risks of delegating our judgement. We also digress into the beauty of good stationery. ****If you're on a free sub, and thinking about levelling up, here's what a paying member, Sara, recently said about her membership:** **"Alicia’s newsletter is one of those rare reads that stays with you long after you’ve finished it. She has an incredible ability to balance sharp wit with thoughtful challenge, making even the most uncomfortable or avoided topics feel accessible and worth engaging with.* **What I value most is how she invites you to reconsider your perspective—never in a heavy-handed way, but through insight, curiosity, and a genuine respect for the reader. It’s not just a newsletter you read; it’s one that nudges you to think differently about the conversations we all need to be having every day."* How good is that? [Upgrade to paid ](#/portal/signup) Happy Friday, I hope you had an excellent Easter - four days is the appropriate length for a long weekend, eh? I had a houseful of people for a beautiful cocoon of fun, food and wine. (Detox required, stat!) I had a flurry of writing ideas pop up over the break. Here is a list straight from my journal - take a look and see what tickles your fancy. If your responses yield a clear winner, I'll put it next in the pipeline. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Rules are stories URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/rules/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:34:58.000Z Are you a rule-follower? Or do you see them more as... guidelines? There's a spectrum. On one end: people who follow rules to the letter - and internalise self-discipline, too, layering habits and routines on top. No wine on weeknights. No phone in the bedroom. Two cups of coffee per day. That sort of thing. On the other end, there are people who seem to get away with everything. They pay bills late, renegotiate deadlines, and skirt around the edges of expectation. (If you lean more to the former end of the spectrum, these people frustrate you no end.) Most of us lie somewhere in the middle, judging the importance of rules by their potential consequences. The mortgage is always paid on time, for fear of losing the house. Council rates too, due to swift penalties. But perhaps other things slip. You skip topping up the parking meter late at night, or go through self-checkout with a few items above the limit. A wee cashie for your builder. A white lie or two. ## Some people are above the rules I recently read *Rogues: True stories of grifters, killers, rebels and crooks* by Patrick Radden Keefe, a collection of investigative pieces published in *The New Yorker*. Most people in *Rogues* operate above or around the law. The book features arms dealers, drug traffickers, wealthy tax evaders and murderers who live by their own code, unfettered by everyday constraints. Even when busted, they access a different rulebook - negotiating plea bargains, offering up kingpins in exchange for amnesty, or securing large amounts of state funding or luxury prison stays. The rules apply differently, it appears, to those with enough wealth or leverage. The book closes with a profile of late chef Anthony Bourdain (presumably under the 'rebel' category), who crafted a singular career, flying to exotic locations and sampling local cuisines for his popular TV show. *"What do you do after your dreams come true*?*"* Bourdain asked in a voice-over in one episode. Bourdain had his own personal rulebook, a sort of moral code. He was fixated with being on time and arrived to appointments fifteen minutes early, considering himself "pathological" about punctuality. "I judge other people on it," he admitted. "Today, you're just late, but eventually you will betray me." The profile includes an anecdote of the time he shared a meal in Hanoi with then-president Barack Obama. The contrast between the two men was striking. Despite the power and status of the US President, Obama was rarely able to visit restaurants, and needed clearance to drink a beer in public. His power didn't exempt him from rules, it created new, oppressive ones. ## Rules are powerful stories Rules are stories: laced with unspoken ideas, unevenly applied and frequently negotiated. Laws, workplace guidelines, codes of conduct and social norms shape our choices and behaviour. They operationalise and justify *systems* and together, these stories and systems distribute *outcomes*. Tax codes justify and operationalise a public revenue system, and regulate the accumulation of wealth - unless you have enough money for a Swiss bank account. Criminal laws protect property and public safety - unless you have an army of goons to murder your enemies and/or a well-bribed police force to save you from jail time. With enough money or power, even inviolable rules bend and flex. If you want New Zealand citizenship, you can jump through all the hoops and meet our residency requirements - or perhaps, like Peter Thiel, you can spend 12 days here, invest $50 million in local tech companies, and become approved under "exceptional circumstances." ## Rules and morals are not always the same Back in 2021, I led an organisational strategy process for Crown Law, in partnership with the Solicitor General and Deputy Solicitors General. In workshops, we sought to define *legal leadership,* grappling with the difference between *responsible* government and *lawful* government. We landed on a definition that goes beyond the letter of the law, to include championing constitutional values like fairness and transparency, and respectfully and responsibly testing the exercise of power. This conversation reflects an important distinction between law and morality. In his 1963 *Letter from Birmingham Jail,* Dr.Martin Luther King Jr. wrote "*One has not only a legal but a moral responsibility to obey just laws. Conversely, one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws.*" Laws are dynamic. They change. They both reflect and shift social values and norms, sometimes with surprising speed. When the law changes, we might find we stop smacking our kids, smoking in bars, or carrying plastic bags. ## Rules can change It works in the other direction, too. If the public voice is loud and consistent enough, the law can shift to protect workers, repair the environment, or promote gender equity. The flows of power between systems and stories are fluid and in a constant state of renegotiation, which is one of the reasons why lawyers play such an important role . Understanding the details and nuance of how rules work, and when and how they can be negotiated is a form of power in itself. For most people, rules are a way to maintain order and compliance. For the audacious, well-funded, or well-represented, they can be far more flexible. Advocates address some of that disparity. Whether you're a rule follower or a rebel, rules are rarely set in stone. They are stories - albeit very powerful stories - that structure behaviour. Rules are vessels for our values, guardrails for our conscience, mirrors for who we are, what we believe in, and what kind of society we want. ## Rules are a lever of power Rules don't guarantee compliance - as grifters, killers, rebels, and crooks frequently demonstrate. But this ongoing process of rule-making, rule-breaking, and rule-interpretation still matters. For those who live in democracies, rules are only legitimate insofar as they reflect the collective will. This means if we don't like the rules, we can change them. We can vote for people with different ideas about what the rules should be, and we can challenge specific rules that undermine or contradict our values. When I work with politicians, I suggest they have three key levers at their disposal: rules, resources and relationships. For legacy change, I recommend they target rules. In governance, you can't always change decisions, but you can influence future ones by changing the rules. ## Rules shape who you are For mere mortals, those of us who don't write the rules - or have the time, capacity, or skills to rewrite them - we are never powerless. We make choices every day about the rules we agree with, the rules we follow, and the rules we disregard. Our relationship to rules reveals who we are and what we value. We use rules for our benefit - to enforce moral standards in our lives and home, set bottom lines in our relationships, ensure fair and honest dealings in our work - and we can *appraise* rules with a critical eye, too. We can even choose to break them - though our rebellion may have consequences. Almost every one of the grifters, killers, rebels, and crooks in *Rogues* faced the music eventually. Rules shape our behaviour, but they don't determine it. You may not write the rules that govern the world, but you do choose which ones govern your life. Choose wisely. --- ## Paid bonus: 5 strategies to turn rules into leverage Want more? Here are five practical strategies I share with politicians, CEOs, and senior leaders, to use rules as levers of power. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Cognitive sovereignty URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/cognitive-sovereignty/ Last updated: 2026-08-13T10:33:24.000Z In New Zealand and Australia we grapple the ongoing spectre of colonisation. Two centuries ago, the British arrived on Antipodean shores full of entrepreneurial, explorer spirit - move fast and break things! - and uprooted indigenous people from land their ancestors had tended for generations. Sacred forests made way for sheep. Rivers were redirected, swamps drained. Colonisers pushed traditional owners to the margins, wrote new laws, established new industries, and built towns, farms, and mines. ## Colonisation 101 First, they promised peaceful co-existence. We're not here to take anything, they said. We're just hanging out. Don't mind us. You're still in charge. Once they dropped that facade and the troops rolled in, the Brits implored locals to be practical. It's inevitable, they suggested. There's no opting out. Join in, or be left behind. Besides, they laughed, it's good for you. You'll love it! Think of all the great stuff we bring. Take this plough, pop on this coat, and speak this language you barely understand, while we destroy your way of life and trample on your traditions. Decades later, after violent land seizure and total domination of laws and customs, colonisers scoffed at accusations of wrongdoing. What are you talking about? Everything's better now! Where would you be without us? While New Zealand was annexed by treaty, Australia was declared *terra nullius*. Free for the taking, mate. Traditional ownership? Never heard of it. *(Copyright? Dunno what you're on about.)* Anyway, they said on both sides of the ditch, that's all in the past. Can't we just move forward? ## Will technology colonise our minds? Two decades of the attention economy have commodified our eyeballs and messed with our focus and deep thought. Now, we're offered a convenient path to outsource our judgement and creativity. Art? AI will do it! Writing? Who needs it? Thinking? We got you! Throughout history, we've been subjects of systems that use social infrastructure and legitimising stories to shape our minds and lives - it's how monarchs and governments seize and maintain power. Rulers control social systems (legal, economic, education, political, natural resources) and circulate stories (rules, myths, religion, social norms) to justify the outcomes those systems produce. Today, systems and stories are increasingly controlled by private interests in the form of technology companies. They're gobbling up key social infrastructure - payments, communications, broadcasting, news, education - and seizing the means of ideas. The stories are familiar: it's just for fun get on board, no wait we're in charge now but it's good for you, also it's inevitable, why can't you move on? ## The virtual -> political pipeline Content consumed online is not a harmless sideline to real life. Watching Louis Theroux’s *Inside the Manosphere,* I was struck by the pipeline from online influencing to real-world politics. These guys aren't just shaping young minds on TikTok, they're helping underpin a regression of women's rights in the US and UK. Of course people who perform well in the attention economy occupy positions of social, cultural and political power. Ideas themselves are a technology. Which means the ideas we allow access to our mental territory, whether through passive consumption (ads, mindless scrolling) or active research (reading, debate, research) have the power to change the way we live. Words create worlds. ## Exercise your cognitive sovereignty Faced with this, we can choose to exercise our cognitive sovereignty.Like states claim sovereignty over their territory and subjects, we have sovereignty over our minds and actions **Cognitive sovereignty** is intellectual self-governance. Our minds are our jurisdiction. We decide what comes in and out, we have the power to make binding decisions, and we have responsibility for the consequences. Like states, while we have final authority, we're not totally independent. Just as states areinfluenced by trade and alliances, we are influenced by our information environment. Sovereignty might not be absolute control, but it is *final authority.* > **Cognitive sovereignty** is intellectual self-governance. Our minds are our jurisdiction. We decide what comes in and out, we have the power to make binding decisions, and we have responsibility for the consequences. ## Theory vs power That's not to say sovereignty is straightforward. Much academic and philosophical theory folds under the pressure of reality. Sovereignty is still fraught, complex - and contested, in a world still grappling with war. Thomas Hobbes thought sovereignty should rest in a single ruler, with total power to enforce order and keep peace. For him, sovereignty was absolute, unified, and justified by a fear of chaos (the 'state of nature'). Jean-Jacques Rousseau, cheeky pre-revolution Frenchy, disagreed. He believed that sovereignty belongs to the people, collectively, and could only be expressed through the general will - not delegated permanently to a single ruler. Both of these ideas are incomplete when confronted with real-world power. The single ruler is overthrown. The general will is overridden. We end up with something more like Michel Foucault's theory of power - not exclusively top-down or collective, more like invisible tentacles that touch everything around us: diffuse and dynamic, embedded yet permeable, always shifting and changing. Cognitive sovereignty faces the same tension writ small: we have power over our minds, but social norms, algorithms and powerful ideas press in. They test the boundaries, pitch their tents - and if we're not careful, rule by proxy. You have final authority over what you think but if you're not intentional, your sovereignty in theory will cede to power in practice. ## Sovereignty involves responsibility You decide what enters your mind, what you believe, and what you act on - but that authority comes with accountability. Your words create worlds and your thoughts have consequences. Your attention diet is not a benign force. That's why people spend so much time and money trying to stick a flag in it. What you scroll, read, listen to, watch and consume affects you, your behaviour and the world around you. If you consume unthinkingly and let defaults drive you, you become an unwitting foot soldier for ideas you didn't even notice. Sovereignty is final authority, which is not the same as 'do whatever you want'. Like the political, cognitive sovereignty carries moral responsibilities: to act deliberately, choose responsibly, and live with the consequences of your thoughts and actions. If you're not keeping track of what's coming in, it's hard to control what comes out. ## Hands off the brain A final note: technological dominance is *not* in the same category as the violent dispossession experienced by Māori and Aboriginal peoples. Not even close. I’m drawing this analogy to spark conversation, not downplay a bloody legacy. But the logic and playbook is uncomfortably familiar, eh? And I don’t know about you, but I’m not letting algorithms settle into my mental territory. **Hands off the brain, bro.** --- ## Take action: Defend your mental territory The Cognitive Sovereignty Playbook has ten kick-ass, practical ways to defend your mental territory - and includes a handy PDF you can download, print, reference, and share. With these ten tips, you'll control your inputs, interrupt automation, rebuild independent thinking, and reshape your ideas to underpin a life and identity you're proud of. [Cognitive Sovereignty PlaybookTen practical ways to defend your mental territory![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-148.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Blog-Images-12.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/cognitive-sovereignty-playbook/) ### Cognitive Sovereignty Playbook URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/cognitive-sovereignty-playbook/ Last updated: 2026-03-31T21:03:15.000Z If you're determined to maintain your [cognitive sovereignty](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/cognitive-sovereignty), here are ten kick-ass, practical ways to defend your mental territory - and a handy PDF you can download, print, reference, and share. We go beyond that cliche 'digital detox' shit. With these ten tips, you'll control your inputs, interrupt automation, rebuild independent thinking, and reshape your ideas to underpin a life and identity you're proud of. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Notes from the edge of sanity URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/notes-from-the-edge-of-sanity/ Last updated: 2026-03-26T23:01:17.000Z WHAT'S INSIDE Friday Flurry is a behind-the-scenes update for paid subscribers. ****In this fortnight's Flurry:** - An audio note from me on why history and fiction might save your sanity - Life chaos: integrating kids into work, travel and creativity - Salsa, leadership, and the frustration of being a follower - Book notes and recommendations - A group dinner invitation for Auckland - What’s next: writing, retreats, and my three-year plan. ## A word from me If you don't have headphones on you right now , the TL;DR is: the world only feels uniquely fucked if you read more news than history or fiction. You only get one life. Make it a good one. Have a listen: _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### The kids are all right URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-kids-are-all-right/ Last updated: 2026-03-24T17:45:51.000Z ⚡ Welcome to Wednesday Wisdom: your weekly dose of useful insight. The kids are doomed. They can’t focus, won’t work, live on their phones, and outsource their thinking to AI. This holds up... until you spend five minutes actually talking to them. My older children and their friends are socially aware, morally articulate, and suspicious of the modern information environment. They’re digitally literate, but wildly perceptive. They're switched on about fake news, concerned about environmental degradation - and doggedly resistant to AI. Jonathan Haidt and his ilk caution us about an anxious, fragile generation shaped by smartphones. They sneer at the provision of safe spaces, decry a generation that doesn't want to work until their fingers fall off, and are confident in telling kids what's good for them. And hey, I'm not downplaying the downside of kids who grow up glued to screens - I'm the mean screen time Mum. (Get outside, you little shits!) But this framing of kids: as passive receivers of the world, as helpless, work-shy idiots... it doesn't sit right with me. I wonder if we've confused a regulation gap that allows powerful, predatory technology companies to operate unchecked, with a feebleness in the young. *Kids don't read anymore,* people tell me, while they ignore the thriving BookTok and litgirl movements, miss that their teenagers consume hours-long critiques of films, albums, and TV shows on YouTube, go on podcast deep-dives, know the lore of their favourite graphic novel inside out, and curate their playlists with the dedication of a lovelorn mixtape. *Kids don't have communication skills*, Boomers lament, while they check their texts during dinner and scroll on the toilet. Pah. Sam Altman and Mark Zuckerberg live in delusional virtual realities where predictive code and sponsored ads replace human connection, but teenagers are sending 1000 word DMs bursting with feeling, and the only people left on Facebook are over 35\. Legislators think they can ban phones at school, but the kids are laughing all the way to the group chat. It's so *clich*é*,* to assume the youth have gone to the dogs. The 'kids are doomed' panic is as old as Socrates - [and about as reliable.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/philosophy-101/) We fret they won't cope in the world we've created. But who are the ones spending eight hours a day on email, playing reels out loud in public, and checking their phone mid-conversation? Many young people I know have better digital etiquette than their parents and grandparents put together - and are also keen participants in conversations about politics, social justice, and economic equity. My 20 year old daughter has two TikTok accounts, set up to show her two different content rabbit holes so she can form her own views. A lefty, and a righty. Genius. Plenty of students disillusioned with standardised, box-ticking, assessment-led education are using ChatGPT to write their essays as they grind their way toward an unstable job market. It *could* be a sign of laziness or stupidity. Or a sensible response to a broken system that became obsolete decades ago. If a student can outsource their thinking to AI and hack their way to a degree, we're thinking incorrectly about the purpose of a degree. Systems 101, ref Stafford Beer = POSIWID. The purpose of the system is what it does.If you don't like the outcome, change the system. In my world - books, publishing, et al - I watch my contemporaries with awe. Young, smart people shine in the new information landscape. They make thoughtful, well-researched content. They bypass the old gatekeepers to create their own media platforms. They’re Instagram poets, self-made brand partners, one-woman newspapers, podcast hosts and video savants. And look, it would be remiss of me to paint a rose-tinted picture just because I like my kids and their mates. The risks are real, and your vigilance is warranted. Social media algorithms elevate manosphere content, facilitate bullying, expose kids to predators, and make vulnerable teenagers feel like shit. Education is in a transition phase that could mess with a whole generation of learning. Having the option to outsource your brain is going to mess some people up, young and old. All true. But there's green shoots out there too, and the doomsday vibe is just too blinkered and *inevitable*. While we wring our hands in worry about the safety of our jobs at the email mill, we might miss the next wave of progress entirely. So this week's hot take is this: *The kids are all right.* They'll adapt to a new world while we shout from our armchairs, and they've probably got the answers for whatever's coming at us. If anyone would listen to them, that is. Til next week, AM ### Opinionated workshop recording URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinionated-workshop-2/ Last updated: 2026-03-23T08:22:35.000Z In this 90-minute interactive workshop, we worked through the [*Opinionated Toolkit*](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinionated-toolkit/) and tested our opinions together, in real time. Participants learned: - Which of their opinions are earned (and which are vibes) - How their opinions can affect others. - How to upgrade their thinking. Enjoy! _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### What if you’re a character in someone else's story? URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/character-in-a-novel/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T04:15:11.000Z *Would you ever slap a kid? What if it wasn't your kid?* I re-read Christos Tsolkias' *The Slap* this week. It's a rollicking read and I appreciated it all the more with my author-hat on, looking at structure and points of view. If you're not familiar with *The Slap* (where have you been? It's even a Netflix show!), the basic premise is this: at a suburban barbecue, a man slaps someone's child. The fallout is instant and the family splits into factions. We read the perspectives of eight different people who were at the barbecue. As the story unfolds, Tsolkias does a masterful job weaving subplots where our characters' lives and opinions collide in increasingly tense ways. ## Everyone is their own main character The characters aren't responding to the slap so much as what the slap means to them - or about them. They all have their own shit going on - insecurities, relationship dramas, backstories, families, cultural beliefs - and they're all telling themselves a story about the kind of person they are. Those stories don't always match up with their actions. One outraged and protective adult is also a violent drunk. One loyal family man is also a cheating predator. By jumping from one person's head to another, we see how identities and opinions are formed, how and when people choose to express themselves (or not), and the disconnects and conflicts between the values we profess, and the ones we live. Every person is the main character of their own story, but a supporting actor or subplot in everyone else's. *The Slap* explores how our identities and opinions enmesh, how they affect the people around us, and how ignorant and unaccountable we can be. The cast of characters are terrifically human. They're hypocritical, well-meaning, and contradictory. They self-sabotage. They have capacity for narrow-mindedness and self-reflection, self-righteousness and moral complexity, connection, and revision. We, too, are terrifically human. And our opinions, if we let them, can deepen and mature in the face of conflict, or they can retrench and embed. ## Having an opinion vs understanding an opinion There is a big difference between *having an opinion* and *understanding an opinion*. Having an opinion is easy. It’s often instant, automatic, maybe even emotional. They feel like common sense (and we should always be very suspicious of common sense.) Understanding an opinions is harder. It requires us to treat ourselves a bit like a character in a novel, step outside of our heads, and ask tricky questions, like: - Why does this feel so obvious to me? - What assumptions am I making without noticing? - What would someone with a completely different life experience see here? ## Be a character in your own story In *The Slap,* everyone is convinced they’re the reasonable one. They can all justify who they are, what they think, and why they're right. But everyone misses vital pieces of the puzzle. (Except for us, the reader, which is the gift of fiction.) We rarely get the same insight into real-life people's heads as a book character, but we can aim to have some into our own. When we zoom out and treat ourselves like a character in a novel - backstory, internal monologue, core experiences, conflicts, and insecurities - we understand ourselves and the way we think better. Then, we can decide if anything needs to change. You're only a minor character in someone else's story, but if you're not aware of yourself, you could affect them in ways you never intended to. Til next week, AM ### Move off autopilot URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/move-off-autopilot/ Last updated: 2026-03-17T18:58:30.000Z How do you feel about immigration? Do you believe in transgender rights? Oh, sorry, too loaded. Let’s try another tack. Do you think parents should stay at home with their children for the first few years, or should they be socialised in daycare? And when I wrote parents did you read mothers? Eek, sorry guys, still too full on. OK, I'll dial it down again. Are you a Succession fan? Or do you prefer Stranger Things? Bridgerton, perhaps? Do you think movies are getting better or worse? Chances are you have a vague answer for most of those things. But where did those opinions come from? Did you come to them from a long process of careful research, thought and reasoning? Probably not. Few of your opinions are really yours. They’re a combination of things you’ve heard, beliefs you’ve absorbed and defaults you’ve never questioned. Daniel Kahneman, Nobel Prize winning author of *Thinking, Fast and Slow* might say that’s mostly sensible. Our minds seek mental shortcuts to process phenomenal amounts of information and work through 17,000 decisions a day. Most of those decisions doesn't need active thought - what to eat for breakfast, which socks you'll wear, what route you'll drive to work, etc. Your System 1 brain handles those on autopilot, which is useful and efficient mechanism. In fact, autopilot will take care of as many thoughts as you'll let it. Which is great until it isn't. This efficiency means we tend to accept information and assumptions at face value, unless there's a pressing need to challenge or update them. With people getting more and more of their thinking from algorithmic rabbit-holes and sycophantic chatbots, I reckon it's more important than ever to take a magnifying glass to our thinking. What do you think? Where did that come from? Who benefits from you thinking like this? What are the consequences of these ideas? I've been writing heaps about this lately. You might have enjoyed the [Opinions are like assholes](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinions-are-like-assholes/) essay or [this take on traditions](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/from-custom-to-conscience/). Now, I'm bringing this thinking to life. First, I made you the [*Opinionated Toolkit*](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinionated-toolkit/), packed full of practical resources. But then I thought: wouldn't this be more fun to do live? So next Monday, March 23, I'm running [a live 90-minute workshop](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/events/opinionated-the-workshop/). It's free for all paid subscribers. We'll work through the *Opinionated Toolkit* and test our opinions together, in real time. You'll bring some opinions you already hold - about work, society, leadership, technology, or whatever annoys you most - and we'll stress-test them, live. By the end, you’ll understand: - Which of your opinions are earned. - How your opinions affect others. - How to upgrade your thinking. You’ll leave with a clearer sense of what you actually believe, and why. If you're a leader or decision-maker, work in policy, media, strategy, or communications - or you're just a curious human who's sick of hot takes and want to put your thinking to the test - this workshop is for you. I'd love to see you there. AM [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/03/webinar-7-1.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinionated-workshop) Join me online for a live 90-minute workshop where we stress-test our thinking live and with friends. [Learn more ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinionated-workshop) ### Opinionated: The Workshop URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinionated-workshop/ Last updated: 2026-03-17T10:13:58.000Z Most of our opinions are borrowed. We inherit them from our families, absorb them from our industry, or pick them up from social media, peers and headlines. an AI era, thinking for yourself has never been more important. This workshop will help. ## The Opinionated Workshop #### A live, practical session to test and improve your opinions In this 90-minute interactive workshop, we'll work through the *Opinionated Toolkit* and test our opinions together, in real time. You'll bring some opinions you already hold - about work, society, leadership, technology, or whatever annoys you most - and we'll stress-test them, live. By the end, you’ll understand: - Which of your opinions are earned. - How your opinions affect others. - How to upgrade your thinking. You’ll leave with a clearer sense of what you actually believe, and why. [Register now](#register) ## Workshop details **Format:** Live online workshop **Date:** Monday 23 March, 2026 **Time:** 1PM NZST / 11AM AEST **Duration:** 90 minutes ## Who this is for This workshop is for people who want to think better. It’s especially useful for: - Leaders and decision-makers. - People working in policy, media, strategy, or communications. - Anyone tired of shallow takes and internet tribalism. - Curious humans who want stronger thinking. [Opinionated ToolkitPractical resources to interrogate and improve your opinions![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-137.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Untitled--800-x-1200-px--4-1.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinionated-toolkit/) ## Agenda #### Opinion Audit Identify the opinions that shape your life, work, and decisions. #### Four Types of Opinions Learn to distinguish between: - Curiosities - Inquiries - Identities - Convictions #### The Opinion Scorecard Evaluate your opinions against three criteria: - ****Care** – how attached you are. - ****Confidence** – how strong the evidence is. - ****Consequences** – who your opinion affects. #### The POWER Filter A structured way to interrogate the consequences of your opinion: - ****P**osition – what is actually being claimed. - ****O**rigin – where the idea came from. - ****W**inners & losers – who benefits. - ****E**vidence – what supports it (and what contradicts it). - ****R**evision – what would change your mind. ## What you’ll leave with By the end of the session, you will have: - Identified your most important opinions. - Diagnosed whether they’re a curiosity, inquiry, identity, or conviction. - Stress-tested at least one belief using the POWER filter. - Learned a repeatable process for forming better opinions. ## What to bring All paid subscribers have access to the *Opinionated Toolkit.* Bring: - The toolkit (digital or printed). - A willingness to interrogate your thinking. - 3-5 opinions you hold about work, society, leadership, or technology. ## Register Register now at the link below. Free for all paid subscribers. [Register now](https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/i6dremo2RcmpW96rIUlw9A?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#/registration) ### Opinionated Toolkit URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinionated-toolkit/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T13:45:54.000Z ## Let's hone your bullshit radar Many of our opinions aren't earned: they're inherited, or absorbed. In an AI era, we risk outsourcing our opinions to a machine, or selling them to the highest bidder. This matters. Our opinions shape our world: how we live and work, how we vote, how we parent, and we relate to others. The *Opinionated* toolkit helps you evaluate and improve your opinions. ## Inside, you'll find: - An Opinion Audit - how to identify what you think - The four Opinion Types (and what to do with them) - An Opinion Scorecard - The POWER Filter - 10 steps to better opinions Enjoy! _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### This client was a car crash URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/this-client-was-a-fucking-car-crash/ Last updated: 2026-03-13T02:01:24.000Z WHAT'S INSIDE ****Friday Flurry is a behind-the-scenes newsletter exclusively for paid subscribers.** In this Friday Flurry, get the goss on a terrible client. [Upgrade to paid ](#/portal/signup) Happy Friday, Keeping up last fortnight's little tradition, I'm writing to you from the gym again - this time, with a compression suit on my legs after a workout. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/03/IMG_8279.JPG) Please don't be alarmed by my right foot, I just have the suit on slightly crooked. ## This week's writing Have you had a chance to read this week's feature essay on opinions? If not, crack in. I've made a brilliant resource pack to go with it for paid subs - it's got an opinion audit scorecard, information about different opinion types (and what to do with them) and a filter for power literacy. It'll be online as soon as my designer has finished making it easy to read and use. Can't wait to get that to you! [Opinions are like assholesAn enema for your thoughts![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-134.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Untitled--800-x-1200-px--3-1.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinions-are-like-assholes/) ## This week's reading I just finished *Middlesex* by Jeffrey Eugenides. I'm doing a full-year novel writing course, and we have a reading programme to work through. My manuscript in progress is a multi-generational novel, so I'm reading a few to understand how they're structured. Middlesex was a *trip*. 100 years of family history from Greece to the US, with lots of tasty storylines - incest, murder, the lot. It won a Pulitzer! But even though all that stuff happened, and the writing was excellent, I spent the whole book waiting for the proper story to get started and felt annoyed when it all wrapped up quickly in the final quarter. I'd love any recommendations for multi-generational novels you've enjoyed to help my progress. ## A terrible client gig When you're self-employed, you learn to spot red-flag clients. There's a few different varieties, and I've become pretty good at spotting them over the years. - *The It Costs Me To Serve You Client* \- itty bitty jobs that suck up 5x the usual admin time, challenge every invoice item, then pay late. - *The I've Had A New Idea Client* \- the scope-changers that change everything at the last minute (then expect extra at the end.) - *The Forgot They Were Your Client Client* \- the disinterested client books you in a flurry of urgency then never responds to your email or acknowledges your deliverable. This client wasn't any of those. They were a new and special variety. The Have a Meltdown and Leak to the Media kind. Read on for the tea. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Opinions are like assholes URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinions-are-like-assholes/ Last updated: 2026-08-13T10:34:50.000Z If you’ve ever been called “opinionated,” it probably wasn’t a compliment. Opinions, we laugh, are like assholes: everyone has one. Inherited from our families, absorbed from our environment, or learned from hard-won experience, we all have ideas about how the world should be. But while your bum is tucked away in your trousers, your opinions leak into the world around you. Half a millennia ago, though it could have been yesterday, French nobleman and essayist Michel de Montaigne wrote: > “If others examined themselves attentively, as I do, they would find themselves, as I do, full of inanity and nonsense. Get rid of it I cannot without getting rid of myself. We are all steeped in it, one as much as another, but those who are aware of it are a little better off.” > – Montaigne We’re all full of shit, he’s saying, but it’s how attentive we are to what we’re steeped in, and what that means, that counts. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/03/michel-de-montaigne-1533-1592-dordogne.jpg) Michel de Montaigne, 1533-1592 ## How we come by our opinions Habitus + Experiences + Environment = Opinions The first drafts of this essay were titled *Work Harder For Your Opinions.* This is typical me, thinking hard work is the answer. It’s my go-to. Struggling? GRIND YOURSELF TO A PASTE. This approach got me through university as an insecure 17 year old, floundering in a world I had no reference for. Every night after I got the baby down, I’d study ‘til my eyes wouldn’t open. Fuelled by hand-rolled cigarettes and instant coffee, I was determined to earn my place among my peers. (I have employed this method to steadily diminishing effect in the subsequent two decades.) My self-flagellation strategy is borne of what French sociologist Pierre Bordieu (we’re sticking with the Frenchmen for a bit) called *habitus.* Bordieu said beliefs *feel* personal and freely chosen, but they’re actually a glory box of sorts, gifted from our families, added to by culture. Montaigne, too, was sceptical of habit, describing it as a "*violent and treacherous schoolteacher*" that steals control of our minds and actions. Growing up, my *habitus* was something like: “*you’ll never have what others do, but dignity comes from a good work ethic, (and pristine kitchen bench, and neatly folded washing)*.” This paired beautifully with another maxim: “*…and never, ever ask for help.*” Violent schoolteacher indeed. *Habitus* is the skeleton we hang our subsequent experiences from. Whether you come from a liberal household, pointing your rear end to the sun, or a conservative home keeping your unspeakables hidden, you bring that foundation to every experience you have. Without a regular intellectual enema, you repeat the stories you internalised as a kid. Every time I work too hard and collapse, every time I’m crying in the bath wondering why it has to be so hard, I learn this lesson again. Our *habitus* isn’t our fault - but it isn’t benign, either. Marx, two centuries after Montaigne, (on to the Germans now) famously wrote that “*The ideas of the ruling class are, in any age, the ruling ideas.*" We think how the powerful want us to think. Looking at my work ethic, he might point out how convenientit is that the working-class see hard work as noble. Better to keep us with our heads down and bums up than asking questions about who enjoys the fruits of our labour! We’re permeable creatures, us. Our family, culture, class and power structures, traditional and social media, peers, colleagues, commentators – all these forces, and others besides, influence our opinions, which shape how we show up in the world. This has always been true. But the environment is shifting. ## The new opinion environment ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/03/d2634-michel-de-montaigne-art.jpg) Image source: [Kalampedia.](https://kalampedia.org/2018/07/06/montaigne-making-life-a-little-easier/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) In decades past, our information environment was pretty homogenous.You picked which channel to watch, but the six o’clock news was largely the same. You picked which newspaper to subscribe to, but the stories were much of a muchness. We watched the same TV shows, at the same time, and raced to the loo in the ads. These sources spread grand, uniting [meta-narratives](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-ambition-vacuum-inevitability-and-cultural-malaise/): progress, growth, democracy. The world, we were told, was good, and getting better. Now, our information and entertainment landscapes are fractured, asynchronous, and personalised. Your social media feed is not the same as mine. You see different headlines, different content, and watch different things on TV. News is dynamic, updating headlines and content in response to click patterns, and rabbit holes abound. These divisions show up in the real world. In 2022, when hundreds of protestors occupied the ground of New Zealand’s Parliament, we realised that YouTube conspiracies and Facebook misinformation weren’t limited to the digital realm – they were leaking into reality. Fake news convinced at-risk Nannas not to get vaccinated and farmers to join a convoy. AI has changed the game. As social media [enshittifies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/ai-enshittification/) and traditional journalism declines, our views and opinions can be produced for us - drafted in concise, compelling language by the sycophant in our pockets. All the internet’s bias and fuckery is rolled into a chatty wee tool to navigate the overwhelm of an environment that has more information to process than ever before. This isn't necessarily terrible. Large language models are still (as far as we know) free of sponsored content or advertising. But if the enshittification curve we've observed in other online platforms repeats, this could shift. Then, our thinking risks being sold to the highest bidder. Today’s information environment is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, we can access more than ever. On the other, this information abundance is overwhelming - which has, in turn, created the market for tools to parse, analyse, and synthesise. We expand, then we contract. (Not making the asshole link here, but I reckon you’ve already done it. Sorry.) ## Words create worlds In my favourite novel, *Freedom,* Jonathan Franzen writes: “Words create worlds.” Our opinions shape the world we live in. If we believe in equality, we push for equal pay, marriage rights and unisex bathrooms. If we believe in the meritocracy, we support tax reform and challenge welfare payouts. Stories justify or undermine our social infrastructure. They recirculate as news, history, policy, and school curriculums, before they embed as values, ideologies, and social norms. Barry Schwartz (time to let the Americans have a say) coined the term ‘*idea technology.’* The stories we tell about human nature, urges Schwartz, shape human nature itself. If we think women incapable of civic engagement, we design institutions that reflect and reinforce that idea. We bring our ideas to life through our policy, school curriculum, justice system, and media – and our opinions are, in turn, shaped by these forces. The changes in our environment should have us asking: what kind of world are poised to create? If we form our opinions with AI, who will this benefit? If we delegate our thinking to an algorithm or consume only what we're fed, what does this mean for social progress? ## The risk of getting stuck ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/03/facebook-post.jpg) Image source: [nzhistory](https://nzhistory.govt.nz/culture/suffrage125?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Modern philosopher Will MacAskill (we’re going English, now) has a name for this threat: *value lock-in.* In *What We Owe the Future,* he explains that a dominant power structure will seek to entrench its views, to "*eliminate the competition, and take steps to replicate itself over time."* This is dangerous, he warns, for social progress. “*If the world converged on a single value system, there would be much less pressure for those values to change over time.”* God forbid we get stuck in the ruling ideas of any era. If we turn back the clock to any point in history, we’d be quickly embarrassed by how we thought. Our opinions are always changing as new facts come to light, and enlightened thinkers push for better. This is the role of social activism - the dynamic, collective force that forces us to revise our opinions. When women united to demand the vote, the consequences were dire. In the UK and US, suffragettes were subjected to violent, painful force-feeding by prison authorities. In New Zealand, newspaper critics lampooned them as "the shrieking sisterhood," "old maids," or "unsexed" women trying to act like men. The facts of the time painted women as idiots, sensitive creatures incapable of the rational thought needed to participate in civil society. Yet, across the country, housewives attended meetings in secret, organised phone trees, and signed petitions to force an update of those facts. What Kate Sheppard and suffragettes the world over understood was not just how to argue for the vote, but how to build an opinion that could travel - through church groups, living rooms, union halls and letterboxes - until it no longer belonged to any one woman at all. ## We are all responsible for progress ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/03/Illustration-Encyclopaedia-Britannica-printing-press-edition-stick.jpg.webp) Image source: [Brittanica](https://www.britannica.com/technology/printing-press?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Michel de Montaigne was a pioneer – he invented the essay form, in fact, coining the term *essais,* meaning "attempts" or "trials", from the French verb *essayer* (“to try”.) Montaigne wrote into contradiction, used himself as a subject and unspooled streams of consciousness. He was unconcerned with how popular or correct his opinions might be, committing instead to the process, comfortable in the uncertainty. Montaigne explained, “*If my mind could gain a firm footing, I would not make essays. I would make decisions.”* Touche, old chap. This was a safer stance for a landed French nobleman than a force-fed housewife, mind you. History is riddled with examples of oppressed minorities rising up to force change the social order, but the onus for change should never lie solely with the disenfranchised. Those of us that live at the top end of Maslow’s hierarchy, with unparalleled access to information and new perspectives, have a responsibility to the collective to pick at our old scabs and push for progress. RESOURCE | DOWNLOAD [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/03/Untitled--800-x-1200-px--4-1.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinionated-toolkit) Download the Opinionated toolkit to interrogate and improve your opinions. [Go to toolkit ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinionated-toolkit) Our opinions, then, should be as dynamic, impermanent and relational as Montaigne’s essays, or indeed, our societies - formed and reformed as questions, explorations, and experiments. Previous information tools, from the printing press to the internet, supported this dynamism. As expansive technologies, they offered access to different ways of thinking about the world. As new technologies bring synthesis and contraction to the chaos we’ve created, we require awareness about the effect on our thinking and loss of questioning. ## Assume you will become a Boomer Our opinions tend to settle with time. The heyday of my university years, where I felt like a sponge for new ideas, hungry for radicalism and challenge, feels much longer than 20 years ago. I feel it most in the small things – I have a preferred washing powder, I like my coffee machine, I don’t want to replace my car – and it makes me wonder where bigger blind spots might be forming. Social progress narratives are often accompanied by commentators proclaiming they support what’s come before, but now things are getting out of hand*.* Manosphere influencers, for example, will tell you they like the old, real feminism. They're glad women can vote, but all this newfangled domestic labour stuff is a *step too far.* On some level, *t*his makes sense to me. I sense my reluctance to pivot, the attachment I’ve formed to my thinking, the things I need to be true for my life choices to be justified. Constant interrogation is exhausting, and as our identities entrench, so too do our opinions. This is clearest to me as my older children challenge me with their freshly forming ideas. Enjoying a BBQ on the deck this summer, I was midway through a funny story about an online purchase, when my eldest daughter interrupted. *“Mum! Why are you buying from Temu?!”* I clenched, feeling attacked, indignant. “*It’s the same shit you get from the Warehouse!”* I sputtered. “*Maybe. But shouldn’t you be trying to buy less shit and care more about the environment? Temu is a last resort. I’m a broke student and even I try not to buy from there.”* She was scornful. I was ashamed. She was right. Decades ago, I was the wokest person in the room. Now, compared to my kids, I’m a curmudgeonly Boomer. So it goes. ## Facts are rarely factual ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/03/03_gender_01.jpg) Image source: [un.org](https://www.un.org/en/un-chronicle/lack-gender-equality-science-everyone%E2%80%99s-problem?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Facts should be a safer bet though, right? Surely if we’ve spent our lives as learned scholars, accumulating degrees and reading referenced opuses (opi?!) we should be safe from subjective faff? I mean, maybe. If you’re the kind of person who’s hitting up primary sources and critically evaluating research methods, fantastic. But even then, we need to be careful of epistemology information cosplaying as empiricism. Opinions shape the facts of the day – which statistics we use, what research we fund, what methodology we use, and what assumptions we make. They determine which facts we consider relevant, and which ones we are able to ignore. All data is a result of choices, and few choices are impervious to bias. Even if our facts are bulletproof, we have trouble changing people’s feelings with them. I’ve worked with enough politicians and senior executives to tell you all the high-falutin’ research, data and expert advice is for nothing if we don’t confront the clenched opinions in the room. Without considering existing bias, personal feelings and prevailing norms, painstaking reports, briefings and recommendations are wasted. This isn't (often) because decision-makers are stupid or difficult, but because they are *people,* who need filters to process information. As do the people who need to implement or accept these policy outcomes. Addressing biases and half-formed opinions is how things change - perhaps the only way. But all this is easier said than done. Once we grab onto an opinion, we hold it tightly inside us, whether we know it or not. ## Inferior opinions create unfair realities Early-formed opinions are sticky and tricky. I’ve just finished *Caste* by Isabel Wilkerson, and the statistics are sobering. Racial bias forms early and becomes automatic, even when we shift our views. Many adults sincerely reject racism and still make pre-conscious racist judgments - split second decisions to cross the street, hire one candidate over another, or assume who’s a shop assistant and who’s a customer. The *habitus* absorbed in early life needs consistent, intentional interrogation and revision to shift our behaviour. The greater the moral consequences of this behaviour, the greater the onus to do this work. As Adam Mastroianni recently wrote: “*Being ignorant of the forces shaping society does not exempt you from their influence—it places you at their mercy*.” Think about an opinion you once held with absolute certainty… what changed it, if anything? Have you softened, or hardened? Clenched or unclenched? When was the last time you gave it closer examination, or made it vulnerable to reality? ## Opinions are instruments of power ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/03/ARTCOVEREPI-759x500.jpg) Epictetus. Montaigne's Montaigne. Montaigne, too, looked to his ancients for wisdom. He was a big fan of Stoic philosophy. To the Stoics, 1,500 years before him, what mattered most was not so much making the right judgment, but how you related to them - with discipline, humility and ethical responsibility. Epictetus said “*It is not things themselves that disturb people, but their judgements about those things.”* This is solid advice. It’s a shame it was limited to the literate elite. If opinions shape people and systems, then we must be accountable for the consequences of our judgements. Consequences are never neutral. To evaluate the quality of our opinions is to ask not just *why do I think like this* but *who benefits when I do?* This is power literacy. Power literacy is the opposite of clenching; it’s *exposure.* It’s where we go behind the curtain to see how systems and stories interact. When we bring this interrogation to our opinions, we transcend the facts of the day. The suffragettes understood that while the available evidence suggested women were too silly to vote, this thinking was embedded in patriarchy, assumptions that upheld the current power structure, and outright hypocrisy. > *"If it's right for men to fight for their freedom, then it's right for women to fight for theirs." - Emmeline Pankhurst* They also understood these ideas supported the existing hierarchy – and the people who needed to change the law were the ones who benefited most from it. "*We do not want to be law breakers.”* Emmeline Pankhurst famously proclaimed. “*We want to be law makers*." If we want moral progress, t’s not enough to challenge the systems – we need to tackle the stories that underpin them. And that works starts with us. --- ## How to audit your opinions ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/03/JUNE19_cartoon_audit.jpg) Image source: [Pharmacy Today.](https://www.pharmacytoday.co.nz/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) The quality of our opinions can be usefully judged on three criteria: how much we *care*, how *confident* we are in their accuracy, and the *consequences* of their application. ### Care: detach ideas from identities Care is about how *attached* we are to an idea. This is where we pick at our *habitus*, to find ourselves, as Montaigne did, “*full of inanity and nonsense*.” We are hormone-fuelled flesh bags powered by norms and narratives, and there is no escaping our ego and fallibility. But, as Montaigne urged us, “*those who are aware of it are a little better off.”* Awareness and humility prevent us from conflating our ideas and identities. I can only update my earliest programming from “*I have to work harder than everyone else if I want to be good enough*” if I can peel this thought away from my core beliefs, hold it to the light and watch the prisms it casts. Only when I truly believe that I can release this opinion without compromising my character will I be able to let it go. (Working on it) I observe the same dynamic in Council decisions. Productive political conversations avoid concrete positions and core ideology, and speak instead of shared values and principles. No politician will drop an opinion because someone proves them stupid. That’s public and political suicide. But they will come to a position of alignment and reason when they have the opportunity to change their mind *and* keep their dignity intact. ### Confidence: seek evidence and perspective Confidenceis about how *accurate* our opinions are. Our thinking is informed by partial and biased information – counteracting that asks us to dig deeper and challenge ourselves with other worldviews, new perspectives, and a wider evidence-base. Confidence requires research and interrogation and in a world of personalised algorithms and AI-generated outputs, the standard of proof has risen. Fortunately, it has never been easier to access the world’s expertise at your fingertips. Rather than being a regression of critical thought, this could well be the best, easiest, and most impactful time to form considered opinions. Yes, the world in your pocket is an algorithmic rabbit hole [designed to keep you hooked and make you stupid](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/scrolling-is-the-new-smoking). Yes, technology companies are [extractive enshittifiers](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/ai-enshittification/). Yes, [control of social infrastructure is concentrating in the hands of corporate interests](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/state-of-it-2026/) and [the AI bros at conferences](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-the-ai-bros-wont-tell-you/) aren’t helping. Yet here we are, with more information available to us than ever before, most freely or cheaply. The world’s best thinking is a fingertap away. There are libraries filled with books, online channels overflowing with diverse ideas, communities of interest in every corner of the globe, and more listening hours of expert advice, debate and informed criticism as audiobooks, video essays, recorded panels and podcasts than you could consume in a lifetime. I learn more on my daily walk than I did in entire university papers. (I learn even more when I get home and talk about it with my family.) High value opinions, I remain convinced, are the ones we have read widely and listened carefully for. Where we’ve consumed criticism that debunks, contextualises, and complicates. Where we’ve tried to organise our thinking by writing it down or sharing it with others. We can become active managers of our opinion portfolios, hungry for new ways of thinking and alternative points of view. We can hunt for context and diversity. We can go deep on different formats - long-form journalism over headlines, books over news feeds, primary sources over clickbait, fiction alongside theory., documentaries instead of short-form videos. Our information sources cannot be reliably outsourced to an algorithm optimised for engagement. We’ll have to unclench and go looking. [Subscribe](#/portal/signup) ### Consequences: take moral accountability Consequences are about how *accountable* we are for our opinions. Good opinions, the kind that get women the vote and push back on harmful ideas, aren’t a private affair. They are relational and morally accountable, revised as society changes. This requires power literacy, and the fortitude to push back when the consequences do not align with our values. It also requires engagement with our surroundings, and a widening and deepening of the context our opinions exist in. The ‘Opinion’ environment bursts with hot takes on issues such as transgender rights, women’s bodies, youth politics and the rise of neurodiversity, but rarely are these columnists or pundits in the firing line for their ideas - and even more rarely are they held accountable for perpetrating harm, spreading misinformation or inciting prejudice. Conversations that take place behind closed doors, inside algorithms, down YouTube rabbit holes, on incel forums, or with a sycophantic chatbot, don’t move us forward. It’s too easy to demonise a person, or a group of people from a distance, to form opinions about their worth or their intelligence. Anonymous commenting was the beginning of the end. But rarely do these opinions survive daylight. Rare is the person who can look a fellow human being in the eye and tell them they’re undeserving of dignity. Before we open our mouths, or hit publish on an AI-assisted post, we should consider the value and impact of our views. The further removed we are from the impact of our opinions, the more concerned we should be about the consequences. ## Working together for our opinions ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/03/GL897651.jpg.webp) Emmeline Pankhurst. Source: [anglotopia](https://anglotopia.net/british-history/day-life-emmeline-pankhurst/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) In the first iterations of this essay, I was overly attached to the idea of working hard for your opinions. I thought confidencewas the only thing that mattered. Work harder, be righter, and all will be well. But this was narrow-minded. The way our *habitus* and identities tangle with our thinking, and the environment that both shapes and is shaped by our thinking are just as important as the quality of our research. Progress isn’t driven by a clever individual. Emmeline Pankhurst being right didn’t get women the vote. Moral and social progress requires personal interrogation, environmental awareness, and a collective willingness to engage with opposing views and ideas. Our social and epistemic infrastructure, from the printing press to the chatbot, the school curriculum to the policy environment, can offer us intellectual and moral expansion or contraction – and little of this is inherent in the technology. Technology adoption is neither inevitable nor uncontrollable, and the choices we make now will have ripple effects into the future. AI is a threat to critical thinking, for people who let it think for them and aren’t vulnerable, curious, or morally accountable enough to try harder. But I reckon people are better than that. And I suspect that if we double down on community, connection, and dialogue, we’ll come out of this better, not worse. As Old Mate Montaigne wrote: > *Stubborn and ardent clinging to one's opinion is the best proof of stupidity.* If I was revising my initial instruction, as twee as it sounds, I’d move from *work harder for your opinions* to something like *work together for your opinions.* If the quality of an opinion is measured by its consequences, then good opinions can’t be private outcomes or achievements. If you’ve read this far, thank you for your time, your curiosity, and your openness. Above all, thank you all for being part of this community of thinkers. Together, we can keep our opinions, and our assholes, where they belong: unclenched, out in the world, and open to change. ## Get the Opinionated toolkit This toolkit is bursting with practical tools to evaluate and improve your thinking. [Opinionated ToolkitPractical resources to interrogate and improve your opinions![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-135.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Untitled--800-x-1200-px--4.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opinionated-toolkit/) ### Agents of Humanity Draft White Paper URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/agents-of-humanity-white-paper/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T13:46:01.000Z ### The modern information environment People are uneasy. They’re scared that AI and technology are making them dumber, ashamed of being addicted to their phones, and anxious about their personal and professional futures. This uncertainty is something of a paradox – we’ve never had more assistance or information on hand. So why do we feel so stuck? In this white paper, I explore how the game has changed. Knowledge, once scarce, is in oversupply. Ideas, once suppressed, freely circulate. Authority, once tightly held by the state, has fragmented. Every day, our attention, judgment, and decisions are nudged by algorithms and corporate narratives. It’s getting harder to know what’s real, and who to trust. People are outsourcing their thinking to a sycophant in their pockets, while organisations race to spend up large on AI, hoping to replace their human workforce. ### The threat to critical thinking In an algorithmic and fragmented information environment, our capacity for critical thinking is at risk. Information is everywhere, but it's personalised, distorted, and polarising. Questions, once Googleable, are now answered smoothly and fluently by AI, biases and inaccuracies buried deep. Unless we double down on our most human skills - independent thought, reason, and intentional action - we risk a second Dark Ages. ### A WIP White Paper I’ve pulled my emerging thinking together into a white paper: ***Agents of Humanity*.** It’s not a practical checklist, or a 3 step toolkit (though those things may well follow.). This is a work-in-progress skills framework for human agency. **Inside you’ll find:** - The case for a Second Enlightenment - Why human agency promises a personal, professional and business edge in an uncertain world - The triad of skills that will safeguard your human agency. **Paid subscribers only.** If you're a lurker or a free subscriber, sign up to read it today and join a community of leaders thinking critically about the future. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### From custom to conscience: calling bullshit on old thinking URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/from-custom-to-conscience/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:33:29.000Z We're watching the latest season of Bridgerton, and my kids are spinning out about the naked inequity of 19th century England. Our handsome aristocrat is in love with his maid - a woman of illegitimate birth - but they can't be together. Well, they can't *marry*, anyway. My ten year old is frustrated and confused. "But WHY?!" she keeps asking. Solid question, babe. Solid question. In 2012, I was a young bride-to-be, planning my wedding on a tight budget. The line items were overwhelming. Flowers. Decorations. Dresses. Food. Cake. One night, caught in a Pinterest frenzy, I stumbled over an article about wedding traditions. This single read opened a floodgate of curiosity; I couldn’t get enough. Where did all these expectations come from? From then on, in between fervent pinning, I chased answers. *What is a wedding party for?* (Depending who you believe: to protect the bride and groom from jealous spirits or jilted suitors, for camouflage, to protect the bride’s dowry, to avoid kidnapping). *Why do brides carry flowers?* (Potential answers: to act as a protective charm, to cover bad smells, to ward off evil.) The superstitions spilled into my real life too, when I wanted to bake a chocolate cake for the reception. My mother-in-law fretted: “*It’s not a real wedding without a fruit cake!*” My cheeks flushed with shame. It sounded absurd. But is it anymore absurd than having a wedding at all? Challenging these traditions felt rude and ungrateful - like biffing out a dead grandmother’s precious tea cup. But divorced from their original history, once sensible practices can hang around long after they make sense. Avoiding sex before marriage was a sensible path in a time before contraception, before women were financially independent. Now? Fuck away! Montaigne, 16th century essayist, was suspicious of traditions. "The laws of conscience," he wrote, "which we pretend to be derived from nature, proceed from custom". Sing it, Monty. It's here - in the sneaky conversion from custom to conscience - to be careful about continuing quaint, harmless-seeming traditions. When cute rituals carry the weight of morality, it's worth picking at the power structures underneath, and asking some pokier questions. Things like: who's keen on us making these kind of choices? Why is that? What stories do these traditions keep alive? For weddings, we might ask who benefits from the expectation we spend so much money on a ring. Or why a father would 'give' his daughter away? We can examine the systems, stories, and structures wrapped up in the idea of marriage, who is excluded from this tradition, and why that is. What stories do our films and TV shows tells us about how relationships should work? Is this is a true reflection? What's missing? When a father hands his beaming daughter to her groom with pride, thinking of nothing more than his love and care, his gesture echoes through a history of dowry-setting and coverture. A time when daughters were chattels, traded into wives. When we plan events, share a post on social media, or watch TV with our children, we co-sign invisible messages: stories about our values and priorities, how life should be lived, who matters, and who doesn't. In these moments, it's our awareness of these stories, and our appetite for challenging them, where we have room to move. That's not to say rituals aren't important, or tradition has no value. Rituals, in an increasingly disconnected world have incredible power. They unify people, transmit love and kinship, and create continuity throughout generations in a way that ranting on the internet never will. I didn't need to ward off any evil spirits, and I wasn't afraid of being kidnapped, but I adored my wedding bouquet and treasured my best friends supporting me as bridesmaids. On a lighter note - parties are fun! We might no longer need a garter belt to satisfy our guests' hunger to rip a piece of the bride's clothing off (true story) but it might be fun to get your legs out in front of the fam. Dads might not own their sweet girls these days, but signifying the passage from one family structure to another is meaningful to many. Whether we're picking our bridal getup, or walking arm-in-arm with a parent, we choose what we do, how we do it, and what stories we tell. In any one of those moments, we can pause to say: *hmm, hang on a minute. What’s this about? Do I want to pass this on? Is there another way?* It's in these pauses we can consciously adopt some rituals, release others - and form new ones. In 2026, it seems ridiculous a rich dude can't put a ring on a girl from the working-class and turn her into a princess. Modern fairytales spring from that very premise. But customs, in their time, feel like common sense. People make life-defining choices about their careers, families, and relationships, based on rules and conventions that *feel* inescapable but are largely made up. It's only when we buck tradition or escape the norm that we open the window for difference. I have no skin in the wedding game; my Pinterest wedding ended in a loving divorce seven years ago. But I *am* pretty hot on power literacy. I'm keen on a world where people make choices for themselves, eyes wide opened, old stories be damned. One where we ask better questions, make thoughtful choices, and show others the way. I don't know if any outdated traditions are trapping you right now - maybe you've given up on a dream career or nomadic lifestyle for your kids, or maybe you're just sick of putting on mascara so people don't ask you if you're tired at work (IYKYK). But I *do* know we're rarely as stuck as we feel. It's when people like you decide to do things differently or call bullshit on 'the way things are done', that the rest of us get a new set of options to pick from. (Oh, and I made the chocolate cake.) Til next week, AM [![CTA Image](https://alicia-mckay.ghost.io/content/images/2025/09/a2171617-053e-47f8-b128-0799ea52f9a1_1100x220-5-1.png)](#/portal/signup/free) This is a Wednesday Wisdom post, which I publish every week for free. We talk power, strategy, and change - and how **you* can keep your cognitive sovereignty in a world riddled with slop and suggestion. [Subscribe now ](#/portal/signup/free) ### Nah, fuck thinking URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/fuck-thinking/ Last updated: 2026-02-27T03:47:12.000Z I wrote this on a treadmill at the gym. The treadmill is probably a metaphor. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### The importance of thinking URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-importance-of-thinking/ Last updated: 2026-02-24T20:53:45.000Z I've been working on an essay about opinions since October last year. It is getting close - though today's draft sits at three times my target word count. It is ironic this piece has taken so long to write, given the working thesis: > *Opinions must be earned to be valuable. Without careful interrogation, the contents of our opinions may surprise us - under a microscope, they are outdated, inaccurate, harmful, or misaligned to our values.* > > *In today's information environment, the obstacles to forming quality opinions are high. So too are the stakes if we let our thinking wither.* > > *The world needs our opinions. We need to work harder for them.* It has taken me months to reach the official 'writing part.' Of course, the writing part is never just the *writing* part. It features side-quests and dead-ends: hours spent sniffing out sources, poring over studies, and grasping new concepts... all before discarding most of it, never to be seen again, in service of the final piece. As my writing practice develops, I spend increasing amounts of time on my essays and book projects - doing the research, letting ideas percolate, scribbling notes as I make new connections. This is a shift. My first books and articles were produced at top speed, on tight deadlines. I told myself I work well under pressure, but it turns out I was just under pressure, so that's how I had to work. Stories, eh? Useful things. To my continued surprise, my process has become less structured and linear over time. I'm more comfortable letting the work breathe. I leave more space to change my mind, test assumptions, and unspool nuance. I can put something down and come back to it - a habit I wouldn't have dreamed of five years ago. I also use Oxford commas now. It took a while, but I came around. By the time I produce an essay or a book, I've read more than I would ever have predicted, especially once I include the reading *around* the reading - chasing down primary sources, contrasting opposing viewpoints, and churning through research method and context. Then I write a draft - often many times as long as the final product - and start to filter and distil, making countless edit passes. I use different lenses as I go – what makes for the most interesting or enjoyable reading experience, what makes clearest logical sense, what will add something new to the discourse, what is relevant and topical. Then the line edits start - tightening phrases, simplifying words, removing repetition and redundancy, checking grammar, and so on. To some AI developers, this manual, looping process is a waste of time. They are wrong. Eliminating the thinking process to instantly deliver a passable product is a net loss. The thinking, drafting and editing process is the intellectual labour a reader deserves in exchange for their precious attention. It *is* the writing part. The process is just as valuable as the product. If we remove recursive, exploratory, inefficient messy-work from the lives of readers, writers, students, advisors, analysts, and decision-makers... we will all be much worse for it. New essay incoming. Til next week, AM ### How AI will enshittify - and what you can do about it. URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/ai-enshittification/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T04:18:04.000Z Do you have a sneaking feeling things are getting worse? Do you sound like Man Shakes Fist at Cloud, complaining nothing's built to last, service has tanked, and companies get away with more than ever? Cory Doctorow's 2025 book *Enshittification: Why Everything Suddenly Got Worse and What to Do About It*supports your fist-shaking. ## How things get worse Doctorow argues the business cycle of technology platforms (online middle-men that serve users and businesses, like Uber, Facebook and Amazon) follows a four-stage pattern. 1. **Good for users.** Platforms lure users with generosity, using investor funds. Think social networks, cheap taxi rides, free shipping. 2. **Good for businesses.** User value is clawed back to serve business customers. Think surveillance, data mining, ad placement, "recommended" content. 3. **Good for nobody.** Finally, they screw businesses over, hiking fees and degrading quality. By then the switching cost is too high for users or businesses to do anything about it. 4. **Shit.** ## Where AI sits in the cycle When it comes to AI, we appear to be in end-stage 1, maybe early-stage 2\. Right now, we access AI freely or cheaply. People increasingly rely on LLMs for daily thinking, writing, decisions, and admin (as well as therapy and personal companionship). ⚡ ****Update:** This piece was first published on 18 February 2026\. Since publication, stage 2 has arrived as predicted. ChatGPT has now rolled out ads on the Free and Go subscription tiers in the U.S., Canada, Australia, and New Zealand. The costs for energy use, processing, et al. are decoupled from the sticker price, funded by [unprecedented venture capital.](https://hbr.org/2025/11/how-generative-ai-is-reshaping-venture-capital?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Like cheap Uber rides and enjoyable Facebook feeds, this is unlikely to be financially sustainable. ## Coming soon: Ads In Doctorow's stage 2, AI companies would put business users first. This could be two-pronged: content is commercially captured and organisations reap big benefits. LLM results might become pay-to-play, featuring ads or paid placements, like Google did with PPC. For maximum targeting, user privacy would be compromised, just as on Facebook\*. Companies would be served by incredible workflow and processing capability, at a reasonable price, increasing the incentive to lock critical IP and data in walled gardens, a la Apple and Microsoft. Institutional dependence grows. *\*AI companies stole the entire internet, what are the odds they'll keep your data secure? With the intimate information going into these tools, the commercial payoff will be WILD.* As the opportunity for tampering becomes more obvious, the pressure from governments to censor results or insert propaganda may escalate - and the incentive for hackers and bad actors to intervene would rise alongside. If Doctorow’s model holds, AI will then turn on business users. On Facebook, advertisers reported reliability and ROI bottoming out from 2016\. For LLMs, this could repeat, with companies forced to "bid" for top spots. Pressure to deliver investor returns might see data centre and processing costs appear in subscription fees, with previously core functions shifted into premium tiers or recast as expensive add-ons. Organisations lured by previous cost savings could find their workflows, IP, agents and processes locked in a proprietary system. The garden walls, at this point, become too high to scale, with migration difficult. ## Subscribe to Alicia McKay If this helped you see the world more clearly, you’ll like what I write next. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## When the shit hits the fan If Doctorow's model reaches its peak, all will turn to shit. The possibilities are vast (this is where dystopian robot theories and doomsday predictions take the stage). Let's stick with the platform focus. Perhaps logic and reasoning quality will fall off a cliff. Maybe sourcing will become increasingly woeful. In a no-trust wasteland, we could see news outlets, academic sources and classic search engines crippled by regurgitated AI slop. People may begin to pine for even the shitty versions of Facebook or Google, but these platforms may be unrecognisable or vanished by then. ## None of this is inevitable (no matter what viral tech-bros with vested interests say) At this point, we've entered hysteria territory, so take a deep breath. This is all conjecture. But it isn't alarmist to suggest that without proper regulatory and commercial protections, AI use has risks. The current incentives appear stacked for extractive fuckery. At some point, investors will want a return on their money. History, outlined in meticulous detail in *Enshittification*, suggests that weak regulation, low competition and private ownership of critical infrastructure pushes companies chasing returns to the edge of legality, sacrificing consumer experience and protections to the bottom line. Doctorow is hopeful, helpful and clear: there is scope for pushback. Regulation, competition, and interoperability can roll back or prevent enshittification. Unchecked AI dominance is not inevitable, as I wrote about [here ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-the-ai-bros-wont-tell-you/)and [here](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/bonus-ai-resources-for-paid-subscribers/). We can still regulate and shift policy settings toward safety. We can preserve core information sources, prioritise media and scholarly capacity, invest in publicly owned models, and develop civic literacy programs. Unfortunately, our track record at resisting tech domination is poor - and further [concentration of power ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/state-of-it-2026/)looks likely. That is to say, if nothing changes, it would be surprising if AI *didn't* enshittify. ## Your practical resistance strategy So, what's a grumpy fist-shaker to do? The game is not yet lost, and [power literacy, cognitive sovereignty and the ability to act inside ambiguity ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/state-of-it-2026/)are skills you can build. Here is a four-pillar resistance strategy for taking the power back to build personal and professional resilience to AI enshittification. ### Resistance Pillar 1: Keep thinking. While everyone else giggles and makes shitty cartoons, be the loser who puts down your phone and picks up a book. Build a rich repository of information sources that offer you diverse ideas: books, articles, podcasts, and long-form media. Engage with these deeply. Use a highlighter, and make margin notes. Read things twice. Discuss them with people who have different beliefs and life experiences to you, and listen carefully to their take. Ask follow-up questions. Research the evidence base for your opinions, use primary sources, and stay curious. Revise your thinking as new information presents. ### Resistance Pillar 2: Own your shit. As your data accumulates in a system, leaving gets harder and more expensive. You need a backup strategy. Remember how you used to carefully organise your files and catalogue your personal photo collections, before cloud became the norm, when hard drives still cost a fortune? It's time to brush off those skills. Former customers of Google Reader, Evernote, Twitter, or pre-cloud Adobe will remember how quickly data can be lost or held hostage. Mitigate this risk by exporting data from AI and cloud tools regularly, saving and organising your own files, and owning your shit. ### Resistance Pillar 3: Resist lock-in. Any system that becomes mission-critical - especially one that replaces people - is a dependency risk. When development is black-box and opaque, algorithms are impossible to decode, code is auto-generated and user control is low, the risk profile increases dramatically. Other core digital infrastructure is protected by international protocols that require interoperability - things like email (SMTP), web addresses (HTTP) and documents (PDF). AI currently lacks equivalent standards or open-source protection. Keep that in mind when you make decisions about critical workflows, service providers and organisational restructures. Doctorow's book has one example after another of lock-in dangers - especially when the terms change. Sellers on Amazon Marketplace are powerless to resist fee-gouging and ranking manipulation. Facebook publishers watch readers disappear as traffic collapses. Businesses built on SEO crumble when the algorithm changes and AI summaries became the default. So if you use LLMs and other AI tools at home or at work, don't build your whole life in them. Stay multi-platform and record your workflows in an open-source or owned environment. ## Subscribe to Alicia McKay If this helped you see the world more clearly, you’ll like what I write next. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Resistance Pillar 4: Budget for price hikes. This one's for the advisors and analysts. Model your investments and business cases with a significant uncertainty margin. AI cost behaviour is less predictable than previous tech - which is already wildly unpredictable. Many of you will be battle-weary on this front, knowing cloud and SaaS costs rise after adoption. My years developing technology business cases (when "digital transformation" was all the rage) made me highly skeptical of any technology promising cash-releasing benefits. Work is emerging to support this skepticism. A [recent Deloitte report](https://www.deloitte.com/us/en/services/consulting/articles/how-to-navigate-economics-of-ai.html?utm%5Fsource=chatgpt.com) noted AI spending is “no longer linear or predictable” and that cost behaviour is “volatile and complex.” [Gartner ](https://www.gartner.com/en/newsroom/press-releases/2026-01-26-gartner-predicts-genai-cost-per-resolution-for-customer-service-will-exceed-offshore-human-agent-costs-by-2030?utm%5Fsource=chatgpt.com&%5Fits=eF5Nj0tuwzAMRO%5FCdV3rQ8myb9BFz2BQFt0IcOxAYbsJ4rOXQTfdzWAeOMMH%5FNQCE3DgGAP7bmSyHcaAXY4ZO3ZEiaKhsmZ4g7uQsOJtk9MOg%5FUuRT-eG-3ldLM3KTicqc6mGEe4ItNYYkrEGTm4xfiQcMgx6SkSaTV%5FSz12mB5QjitVVbBcSL5u8r4cV6Uar9waNw0uIrf71Pf%5FgF4JtfvO24d-8devK9vyeZTXTqrwVF-FXzka6-3zF6S9ShI)even predicts that GenAI costs in customer service will be higher than offshore human reps by 2030\. Assume AI will get much more expensive. ## A final note With these four pillars in place, you will be better placed to manage AI enshittification. Regardless of what the viral tech CEOs are saying, the horse has not yet bolted. None of this is a replacement for public pressure on governments, structural change, and policy, but it beats walking blithely into a shit-storm. In closing: this is the easiest it will be for you to stay independent of AI and build resilience to platform-capture. Don't sleep on it. --- ### Extra reading I keep saying I don't want to write about technology, but I keep doing it. If you want to hit the back catalogue, start here: [What the AI bros won’t tell youBetter conversations for boring conferences![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-109.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/photo-1626125345510-4603468eedfb-4)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-the-ai-bros-wont-tell-you/) The original banger [Scrolling is the new smokingTech giants have copied Big Tobacco’s playbook - and it works.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-110.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/https-3a-2f-2fsubstack-post-media-s3-amazonaws-com-2fpublic-2fimages-2fcce28b51-87eb-420d-8e68-3dfa87c5add3_2123x1194-jpeg-2.jpg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/scrolling-is-the-new-smoking/) The doom-scrolling follow-up. ### Exposure URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/exposure/ Last updated: 2026-02-12T21:00:27.000Z Happy Friday and welcome to this fortnight's flurry, where I expose myself. I've started doing [these cards](https://www.gordonharris.co.nz/products/marina-abramovic-method?srsltid=AfmBOooPwzfz40oOcY79vgAYUITdcwDwsxEnbWpoyk1QrjV0QzJzhw04&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) by Marina Abramović. I can't remember where I heard about them, but I'm utterly captivated. They're works of art. Each card contains a wild or strange instruction, which if followed, should reset your creativity - (and, according to the box, your life.) Stare at a blank wall for an hour. Walk in a straight line until you can't stop. That sort of thing. [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/02/mxGoH34QuUrmdiy8tt3qp7.jpeg)](https://www.gordonharris.co.nz/products/marina-abramovic-method?srsltid=AfmBOooPwzfz40oOcY79vgAYUITdcwDwsxEnbWpoyk1QrjV0QzJzhw04&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) I started with the first prompt, intending to work through as many as I could, but I've become stuck on this one, repeating it every day this week. **Every day at 6AM, I get out of bed and stand naked by the lemon tree in my backyard.** _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Is 2026 the Year of the Terse Email? URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/is-2026-the-year-of-the-terse-email/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:32:47.000Z I went to grab some ice cream from the freezer last month and everything inside was melted. My fridge-freezer had internal temperatures over 20 degrees. Not ideal for our busy summer break! A repair technician arrived a few days later, and his diagnosis was simple: the compressor took a shit and died. We needed a new fridge, he told us - and because the fridge was outside its warranty period, that was on us. I disagreed. My fridge was less than five years old, and according to Consumer, we should expect at least 10 years out of a compressor. Haier, our fridge brand, appears to agree, now offering a 12-year compressor warranty on most new models. I relayed this to the technician, but he was unconcerned. Not his problem. He was there to assess or fix the fridge, nothing more. After it was clear I wouldn't give up, he dug a business card from his wallet with a customer complaint email address on it. Let the Terse Email Wars begin! #### Read the full fridge anecdote here. Scroll past if you don't care for Bob from Haier. First, I called Customer Service. The woman was friendly and helpful. Checking our file, she soon hit the first roadblock. The technician had noted the compressor was busted, but had not explicitly labelled the fridge as **unrepairable.* She would need him to change that before we could go any further. I looked out the window and noticed the technician was still in our driveway. Huzzah! I raced outside to ask him to update his report. He was cagey. "Technically," he began, "it **is* repairable. It's just that the part is too expensive, and we don't do it in New Zealand." I paused. "So... it isn't repairable then?" He demurred. After further back and forth of this nature, I handed the phone over and he talked it out with the customer service rep. Eventually, presumably satisfied he wouldn't be held personally liable for my new fridge, he updated the report. The customer service rep submitted my request, but warned it would take a while. One $70 Facebook Marketplace purchase later, we had a dodgy bar fridge perched on our bench, and it was time to wait. The first email arrived five days later, from Bob. \--- **Dear Alicia,* **I have been asked to contact you with regard to your fridge.* **Our technician has advised that based on the nature of the repair required and the age of it the best way forward will be to offer you a new one at a reduced price.* **Accordingly, we are willing to supply you with a replacement taking into account the number of years of use you have received from your current model.* **Your model is no longer available and the nearest model is a HRF580YHC4 which we would be able to offer for $380 including the GST content. It would of course carry a full manufacturer warranty* **Your current Appliance will become the property of Fisher & Paykel Appliances and will be collected when your new Appliance is delivered.* **This offer is open for 30 days from date of email.* **We trust this proposal meets with your approval. To accept please respond to this email, with confirmation on your preferred method of payment, whether it be via credit card or bank deposit.* **Should you wish to discuss this further, please do not hesitate to contact us or alternatively you can us our Chat function by clicking on this link.* **We look forward to hearing from you.* **Bob* **\---* Thanks, Bob. The language in this email is strikingly avoidant. "**I have been asked to contact you with regard to your fridge*" is not the "**Sorry your fridge broke*" we might have hoped for, but it was accurate (while a bit put-upon.) "**Our technician has advised*" is unlikely as the technician in my driveway avoided any kind of recommendation, much less a view on how to handle my warranty claim. On the face of it, Bob's offer looked OK. Except I paid $3,000 for the fridge, less than five years before the compressor busted. Given most Haier fridges in New Zealand have a 12 year compressor warranty, and the suggested replacement fridge is retailing for $1,800, I found Bob's offer below par. I went full Consumer Guarantees Act in my response. Bob left it a day, then came back in his usual charming, robot fashion. **Hi Alicia, thanks for your email. We are aware of the requirements of the Consumers Guarantee Act hence our offer of a replacement based 5 years of use.* This went on for a while. I refused the offer and asked for a new fridge, free of charge. They resisted. Eventually, after three weeks, four terse emails, some generous quoting of the Consumer Guarantees Act and a refusal to back down, Haier agreed to replace my fridge at no cost. Now, I'm not just telling you this so you can cheer me on for sticking it to the man. I'm interested in a few things about this whole debacle. Mostly, that I was already primed and ready to argue. Five years ago, I would have expected Haier/ Fisher and Paykel to offer apology and compensation. Their reputation was for good customer service. But in 2026, I set my bar much lower. If you're a LinkedIn follower, you might remember my war with PB Tech last year. When I returned a faulty laptop, they held onto it while ghosting me for weeks, eventually telling me to stick it and take them to court. [One social media post](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/aliciamckaynz%5Fwhat-happened-to-customer-service-did-we-activity-7384676810409562112-HIY9/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and three hours later, I had an apology call and the money arrived in my account. The comments section filled with similar stories. I feel like I'm constantly having to advocate for my consumer rights these days. As a Kiwi I *hate* doing this. But when minimum viable service is the norm, my baseline assumption is now that I'll have to fight for what I'm owed. This sucks on many levels. In particular, it disproportionately affects people without the time, confidence and literacy to challenge unfair decisions or bad service. It's a compounding factor for our most vulnerable. As if it wasn't already expensive enough to be poor, let's add minimum viable service to the crap-stack! My 20-year-old daughter and her flatmates are being treated badly by their property managers right now, and I'm about to step in. Picking on tenants, especially uni students, is scum behaviour. But I think this goes deeper than falling customer service standards. Further, even, than [corporate enshittification. ](https://www.linkedin.com/feed?nis=true&%27%27=true&skipRedirect=true&lipi=urn%3Ali%3Apage%3Ad%5Fflagship3%5Fnotifications%3BgZ0qDkwRTJ2sQBQ2DwwZIw%3D%3D&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) In the [first Wednesday Wisdom of 2026,](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/state-of-it-2026/) I predicted the rise of three trends: 1. **Total bullshit** \- misinformation and disinformation will reach crisis levels, causing social and political disruption. 2. **Power transfer** \- public sector systems will scramble as tech companies monopolise social and economic infrastructure. 3. **Accountability loss** \- human responsibility will disappear and liability will be harder to pin. I've been reading further about the accountability void this week in Dan Davies' book *The Unaccountability Machine*. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/02/IMG_8021-1.jpg) The book is part chaos, part revelation. Davies is a clever chook, with lots of sharp analysis (and a wildly thorough explanation of the now-defunct field of cybernetics, if you want to nerd out.) He offers a theory as to why companies and governments keep producing outcomes everyone claims not to want. His thesis is that when modern organisations produce crappy outcomes, it's rarely because someone malicious made a bad call. It's hard to pin a decision on a person. It's more likely to be a chain of policies, buffers, systems and processes. There are reasons for that, some of which are good - fairness, consistency, efficiency, et al - but it can lead to a faceless machine spitting out garbage, and nobody to hold to account. When you're bumped from a flight, Davies explains, you can't get mad at the customer service person who tells you, because you know they can't do anything about it. You can't call the CEO, because they'll know nothing about it. The responsibility lies in a muddy river somewhere between marketing, data and membership services. Nobody made the decision, yet a decision was made. He calls this buffering and diffusion an *accountability sink.* The result is what Davies calls an *unaccountability machine*: a structure which produces outcomes without an accountable decision-maker. This is my fridge quandary. It's the technician, operating within the letter of what he's doing, and being careful not to make claims with consequences. It's Bob, and his weird, passive language. It's everybody carefully applying processes and doing whatever they can to avoid being lumped with any liability. Most frustrating is how *benign* the whole thing is. It'd be more satisfying if the conspiracy theorists were right and we could blame the Illuminati. I'd almost prefer if Bob from Haier was sitting in his lair stroking a cat and plotting to deny me a fridge than mindlessly generating templated emails. This will get worse before it gets better. Organisations are increasingly delegating their decisions to algorithms. Persuasive tech salesman are fear-mongering executives into ADOPTING AI BEFORE U GET LEFT BEH$ND, urging for staff to be replaced by software. Companies hide their phone numbers and email addresses so they can replace customer service representatives with chatbots. > Friction, formerly known as *service,* is disappearing in favour of click-through platforms without room for personal discretion. Friction, formerly known as *service,* is disappearing in favour of click-through platforms without room for personal discretion. To get anything else, we'll need to create our own friction. To become fluent in Terse Emails and Disappointed Phone Calls. To become skilled in holding the line. Quoting the legislation. Speaking to a manager. Pushing, pushing, pushing. With our time, confidence, and literacy, we can force the system to behave. This is a crappy, unfair, non-solution that doesn't work at scale. Collectively, when we do this, we absorb accountability for these systems and organisations. Davies, for all his cleverness, had little to offer in the way of a solution to this (complex problems are like that.) I certainly don't have one. **So here’s my reluctant recommendation for 2026: keep your receipts, know your rights, and don’t be afraid of a well-aimed disappointed email.** Leave your own horror stories in the comments. Misery loves company. Til next week, AM ## Free stuff for paid subs Here's my accountability move. This week, Jenny emailed in. She'd hoped there'd be more regular or easily accessible tools and frameworks made available [for paid subscribers. I ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/paid-bonus/)looked at her email, checked out the site, and thought: yeah Jenny, you're right. Because we're a small organisation with a simple feedback loop, I can take responsibility for this. I've grouped all the paid [goodies here](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/paid-bonus/) and, even better, I've made a $200 course available **FREE** for paid subscribers. Enjoy. [Meetings that Matter course - FREE for paid subscribersDesign and lead strategic conversations that drive action outside the room. Videos and workbook.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-103.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Blog-Images-6.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/mtm) --- ### LGAQ Civic Leaders Summit 2026 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/civic-leader/ Last updated: 2026-02-10T01:04:58.000Z **Alicia will deliver a keynote at the LGAQ Civic Leaders Summit and appear in a panel conversation.** The LGAQ Civic Leaders Summit is a unique event in local government in Australia, bringing together Queensland Mayors, Deputy Mayors, Councillors, CEO’s and senior officers. With sessions delivered under the Chatham House Rule, delegates can engage in open, honest and confidential conversations, providing a trusted environment to test ideas, share experiences and explore innovative approaches to leadership and governance. ## When Wednesday, 25 March 2026 | 09:00 AM - Thursday, 26 March 2026 | 12:30 PM ## Location The Westin Brisbane, 111 Mary St, Brisbane City, 4000 ## ### Meetings that Matter Course URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/mtm/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T23:35:53.000Z **Sick of wasting time in boring meetings and workshops that go nowhere? Fair.** If you need to: - Stop wasting precious time and energy on ineffective workshops - Make better decisions - Drive meaningful action - Boost your leadership influence - Drive engagement and enthusiasm in your teams. Then you will enjoy this course. ## Inside: - Seven videos to help you plan and lead better workshops and meetings - One jam-packed workbook with models, planning tips, workshop exercises, templates and facilitation tips - Two extra downloadable resources to help you plan for workshops. ## Introduction ## Workbook Download your PDF workbook here to take notes - or just use the workshop exercises and templates in the back. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Stop trying to agree with everyone URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-trying-to-agree-with-everyone/ Last updated: 2026-02-03T17:45:02.000Z I've just wrapped up the first of two strategy days with a group of elected members. It's a tough gig. This Council, like many in New Zealand right now, are charged with making critical decisions for their region under tricky conditions: looming reform, political and institutional uncertainty, and real disagreement along ideological lines. I don't take on many strategy clients these days, especially with a full writing and [training calendar](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/events/) this year. But this work has reminded me of an important lesson: **we don't need to agree on everything to make progress.** In rooms like these, agreement is an unachievable (and sometimes undesirable) goal. We want alignment - which often shows up as *productive disagreement.* Productive disagreement doesn't come naturally to many of us, especially laidback Kiwis raised to keep the peace. It asks us to sit with opinions we don't like without falling apart, attacking, or capitulating to the loudest voice. It's tough going, but it's the only way. If we wait for agreement, we stall. Insisting other people adopt our values or belief systems gets us nowhere. We either go round in circles having the same arguments on different terms, or worse: shut down and fake harmony to make it stop. Real alignment looks very different. It's a tense but respectful room where people who are defined by difference - in values, ideology, or politics - manage to: - Move toward the same big-picture outcomes - Use the same criteria to assess options and make decisions - Argue on the same terms, using the same language - Openly acknowledge and debate trade-offs. This is bloody hard work. It's not always fun. But the bigger the system you operate in, the more important it becomes. In large organisations, hundreds, sometimes thousands, of people make decisions every day about how to spend their limited time, money and attention. With clarity on what matters most, people point those choices in the same direction. The cumulative effect can be astonishing. Without that direction, we drown in a sea of well-intentioned, chaotic effort that contradicts, duplicates, or undermines itself. Time, money and morale tank. The same principles applies to friendships, families and communities. When we work towards a common goal, and agree *how* we'll make choices together, we can overcome all kinds of difference - history, personality, motivation, the lot. If you're locked in a battle of wills in a team, a partnership, or a leadership role, take heart. You don't need to win every argument and your disagreement is not terminal. If you respect the people you're working with, rally around the same big goals, and decide *how* to decide... the rest will often take care of itself. Here's another piece on this from a few years ago, if you're interested. [Agreement sucks: aim for productive disagreementAlignment is not agreement… it’s productive disagreement. Don’t aim for agreement.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-97.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/photo-1713942590288-1468a2d88ee4)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/agreement-sucks-aim-for-productive-disagreement/) As always, I love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Til next week, AM --- ### WTF do you want? Desire is suspicious; productivity a scam. URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wtf-do-you-want-desire-is-suspicious-productivity-a-scam/ Last updated: 2026-01-29T23:14:06.000Z I hope you've all had a wonderful January, or at least not a shit one. My goal was to spend the entire month at home, something I rarely do because of the travelling nature of my job. I adored it. I've spent *quality time* with the house: settling in and pottering about. Staying home to read is my favourite kind of goal because it's both achievable, and weather-agnostic. Nice day? Great weather for sitting in the sun with a book! Rainy day? Perfect day to curl up with a book. Overcast? May as well have a bath with a book! I'm protecting my time like a fire-breathing dragon this year, so I can have the large stretches of emptiness that I do my deepest and most creative work in. Hustle culture is so 2010's. I'm a recovering stress addict who lived in near-constant panic for nearly two decades - coming out of foster care into the world alone at 16, raising children in my teens and 20s, hurtling through university and into work, starting my business, hustling for clients, running marathons, chasing the next thing, proving I was fine. Fuck all of that. My hustle addiction wasn't just a response to my circumstances. This was clear to me when I stayed with my sister last week. The productivity/morality complex is our origin story. It's genealogical, cellular, intergenerational. > Working hard is virtuous, being idle is immoral, and suffering and discipline are marks of our character. These are DNA markers, etched in our bones, buoyant in our blood and patterned on our skin. Trying to challenge them makes usitch and squirm. Intellectually, we know it's stupid. > > But pre-thought, pre-words, pre-cognition, we fear that we're never doing enough, know rest must be earned, treat easy things with suspicion and believe, above all: *there is nothing worse than a lazy person with a dirty house.* It's Protestant work ethic on steroids, and it's a very effective way to fuck up your life. ## Productivity as morality > *Good people work hard and good mothers don't rest.* That's not a belief in our family, it's a law. Until recently, this was a truism to me, up there with *the sky is blue*, *the Earth is round*, or *my name is Alicia*. Here's a telling vignette from my visit home last week: ***Read on for thoughts on productivity and power, some radical musings on power, and a torrent on WANTING - why do we do it? Is any of it real? How can we know?** ***If you're not a paid sub yet , and you want access to the good stuff, this is your signal from the universe to hit the button now.** [Go paid ](#/portal/signup) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 2026: The State of It URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/state-of-it-2026/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:30:24.000Z The inaugural Wednesday Wisdom for 2026 contains my thoughts on the bloody *state of it* this year: - Three trends for 2026 - Three skills to combat them - How I'm focusing my work and writing. Make a quick cuppa and settle in. ⚡ ****TL;DR** The world is messy and fake. Power is concentrating and accountability is waning. Critical thinking is not enough. You need power literacy to poke below the surface and ask who benefits, who decides, and why. Resist mental outsourcing and don't be afraid to act when things are weird. ## Three trends for 2026 This year, I predict the intensification of three things. ### Trend 1: Total bullshit 2026 will unleash a torrent of unmitigated deception at a scale and speed modern democracies aren’t built to handle. Misinformation and disinformation are at epidemic proportions, and we're ill equipped to deal with them. People, companies and states have always lied. But reality was... real? Now our lives, work and relationships are often digitally mediated, personalised, and optimised for engagement. When everyone is served a different version of the world, 'do your research' won't cut it. We've just had a century of unprecedented access to information, culminating in the lost promise of the internet. We've become used to *knowing things.* But it's time to shift gears. The rabbit holes aren't confined to Facebook boomers and YouTube flat-earthers anymore. Disinformation oozes from every virtual pore and into the real world, messing up elections and driving violence, and we suck at spotting it. ### Trend 2: Power concentrating in tech If the government feels embarrassing and semi-irrelevant to you, that's not just cynicism or political apathy talking. The state’s grip on key infrastructure is weakening: education, communication, trade, the lot. Tech companies have gobbled it up. They give us our news and entertainment, in 15-second videos and 15-hour streaming binges. They intercept and process our payments, sending the profits to tax havens offshore. It's a technopoly, and we're all living in it. Content is diffusing, but power is *concentrating*. There are fewer people in charge than 20 years ago - and many of them aren't in government. The 'Magnificent Seven' (Apple, Meta, et al) comprise an historic chunk of the total market, which means they're too big to let fail, regardless of the hell they unleash. It's hard to regulate what we don't understand. Public sector systems are scrambling and fumbling. A university lecturer friend tells me students no longer attend lectures - and don't even watch them back at 2x speed like they used to. Instead, students submit ChatGPT essays without so much as removing the em-dash, and lecturers allow it, because the institutions don't know what to do. ### Trend 3: An accountability void Human accountability is on the decline. Like lying, this isn't new: people and companies have always tried to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. It's why Big 4 consulting firms exist - executives would rather follow recommendations on a fancy letterhead than apply judgement and accept the consequences. But the gap between people and outcomes will increase at a phenomenal rate this year. Companies are mediating and automating communication, decisions, and customer service. Government agencies are building systems for non-human assessments and dismantling protective regulations on everything from environmental protection to building safety. Liability is disappearing. Companies don't publish their email addresses anymore, and they hide their phone numbers. We communicate with AI chatbots and faceless, interchangeable service reps. Anonymity is the new normal. If you didn't write the report, because AI did, how can you be held responsible for it? If the decision was made by an automated system; if the car was self-driving; if the drone was autonomous; if the weapon system was automatic; if the infrastructure was sensor-operated... who is responsible? People and companies will grab the opportunity to escape accountability with both hands this year. --- ## The skills that matter in 2026 Three skills that will make a huge difference this year in response to the trends above. ### Skill 1: Power literacy Critical thinking might have been good enough in a world with stable facts, shared reality, and strong institutions, but it won't cut it anymore. Very few things are objective, fixed, or inevitable. Systems and stories, rules and conventions, values and expectations - these are all subjective and dynamic. They shape the choices we make and influence our relationships. They make life better for some, and worse for others. The better you are at spotting these forces and interrogating them, the more power- literate you become. Power literacy stops us taking the world at face value. It helps us see beyond problems and into systems - to hold complexity and paradox in our palms carefully, without lashing out. Power literacy has us cocking our head to one side, lifting our voice half an octave, and saying *"Mmmm.... is that true, though? Where did this come from? Who benefits from me thinking that? What are the alternatives?"* Power literacy is not about conspiracy, but curiosity. It's about developing a bullshit radar and a sniff-sense for who sets the rules, and how they do it, and what stories enforce or challenge those. This is core IP for me in 2026\. I'm writing a book about it. ### Skill 2: Cognitive sovereignty It is entirely possible for you to give up thinking in 2026\. You can outsource the whole lot, and live your life like the people in those hilarious-but-terrifying short videos doing the rounds. Your cognitive sovereignty is at stake. Your thoughts risk becoming a faceless amalgam of all the thoughts that have been thought before, expressed without ambiguity, nuance, or personality. The content you'll be flooded with in 2026 - the emails in your inbox, the news you read - will marinate you in slop. You'll read so much of it, it will start to feel normal. If you do not actively resist the atrophy, you will lose the ability to think for yourself. Remember: the stuff coming out of AI is not based in genuine analysis or thought. It's a stochastic parrot. Neither is it benign or ideology free. If you don't dedicate time and energy to reading, writing, asking questions, talking to others and working through difficulty with your own brain, you'll become a parrot for powerful interests with no personality to speak of. Cognitive sovereignty isn't about rejecting technology or the internet. But it *is* about showing up with armed for a mental battlefield, making intentional choices about when and how you engage with news, social media and other content, and refusing to let anyone else decide what you believe. ### Skill 3: Action inside ambiguity There is no way to know the right thing to do. The right thing does not exist. The government will change, the law will change, the technology will change, everything will change, and the answer will still not reveal itself. But things still need *doing* and the time spent prevaricating on Zoom and over email is sapping energy and creating make-work that leads to nothing. Your capacity to act inside ambiguity, without any guarantee of how it will work out - and to take radical accountability for the consequences of those actions - will distinguish you from the hordes of hand-wringing do-nothings. > Your capacity to act inside ambiguity, without any guarantee of how it will work out - and to take radical accountability for the consequences of those actions - will distinguish you from the hordes of hand-wringing do-nothings. Important note: If you're currently lumbered with guilt about doing *anything* while the world is munted, remember that the world is always munted, and it always has been. Maybe you haven't seen it quite so close up or felt so personally affected before. The current polycrisis (technology change, injustice, corruption, war, racism, sexism, environmental degradation, political instability) isn't new. It's all been there the whole time. Your guilt changes nothing and serves no-one, so unless you're donating, fundraising, or getting involved, crack on. --- ## What I'm doing this year I'm doing very little client work in 2026\. I'll be writing, running two public training programmes, and doing speaking gigs where interactive and meaningful chats are on the table. (Think fewer keynotes, but more Q&As and salons, like [**this LinkedIn Local Auckland event**](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/events/linkedin-local-auckland/) in March.) ### Writing Words risk becoming meaningless in this slopscape. Human-generated, meaning-infused text is more important than ever, and I'm doubling down on it. My writing projects for 2026 are threefold: 1. **Online publishing -** I'm back to my regular publishing schedule for the year: weekly Wednesday Wisdom, fortnightly Friday Flurry, and regular essays on power, systems, culture, and other current fads. I'm publishing on my own steam, not via Substack, for a number of reasons. It's hard to grow a commercially viable audience outside of a social media platform right now, but my gut says independence is worth it. I hope to make this a well-oiled machine and profitable enterprise this year. 2. **Power literacy book** \- I’m bringing 15 years of insider knowledge from government and corporate work, two degrees in political science and the media, and eight years of research and publishing to an exciting new book: a field guide to seeing and shaping the invisible architecture of systems and stories. 3. **Debut novel -** Long-form fiction is one of the most honest and accessible ways for us to work through tricky ideas, learn things, and appreciate other realities. I read over 100 novels a year and now I'm writing one, which is warping my brain in useful ways. It's slow, hard, and frustrating work. If you want to support my writing, and develop your power literacy and cognitive sovereignty in 2026, join the paid crew. [Go paid ](#/portal/signup) ### Training I'm a practical woman, so hands-on training is still on the cards this year. We need real tools to ask better questions, see the systems that shape decisions and outcomes, and drive meaningful progress - so I'll be helping with that via two key channels. - [***Not An MBA*** ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/events/not-an-mba-july-2026/)is for senior leaders in all industries who know they’re operating below their potential for impact. I am so excited to return to this work after a two year hiatus. We are running a single cohort in July. - [***Strategic Public Leaders***](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategic-public-leaders/)is for public sector teams and leaders to become more politically savvy and systems-aware in their planning and execution. I'd love to see you come along. ## A question for you I'll be back with the first Friday Flurry of the year soon, tackling productivity and morality. But until then, I'd love to know: > *“What story do you refuse to accept this year?* Emails, DMs, and comments all welcome. Til next week, AM ### Not An MBA July 2026 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/not-an-mba-july-2026/ Last updated: 2026-01-20T03:51:56.000Z ## Transform your career. Go from busy leader to savvy strategist! Over 500 of New Zealand and Australia’s smartest senior professionals have transformed their life, work and leadership with Not An MBA. These ambitious high achievers found freedom and fulfilment in their work - are you next? Enrol in the **fastest and most effective strategic leadership programme** available to enjoy less stress, more progress, and practical tools and strategies to lead in complex environments. ## Are you naMBA material? #### You’ll get the most out of this programme if you are: - **Experienced** \- You have 15+ years of career experience - **Ambitious** \- You’re an AHA! (Ambitious High Achiever) - **Growth-oriented** \- You’re a personal development junkie - **Challenge-focused** \- You’re a values-led agitator who challenges the status quo. **Not An MBA is purpose-built for smart, mid-career professionals in New Zealand and Australia.** We’ve helped students in almost all industries - including enterprise development of over 200 leaders from Woolworths, and in-house programmes for SAAS companies like Optimal Workshop and recruitment firm Haines Attract. We’re popular with **public sector leaders**, because we’re all about busting through bureaucracy to get things done. But our students come from all sectors, including **construction management, banking, finance, FMCG, science and innovation, manufacturing, engineering** and **technology companies.** Scroll to the bottom of the page to see a full range of the companies we partner with for their leadership needs. ## We partner with market leaders Over 100 organisations across all industries choose Not An MBA for their leaders ![](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64f92ac878aea35a9bda44fa/c508924c-e9ec-4a7d-a7ce-f8e94f61d55d/Untitled+design+%2855%29.png) ## Learn strategic skills (that an MBA won’t teach you) Not An MBA gives you the skills you wish other leadership programmes had taught you. Decision-making. Systems thinking. Change leadership. Strategic alignment. Practical strategies for influence and problem-solving. You'll learn to manage your time and energy with confidence, make smarter decisions and lead through complex change with practical tools and frameworks that change the way you think, work and live. ## Dates and times Learning sprints will be held every Tuesday from 10AM - 1PM NZST, starting 21 July 2026. Enrolments close 1 July 2026\. Places are limited. [Learn more about Not An MBA](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### LinkedIn Local Auckland URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/linkedin-local-auckland/ Last updated: 2026-01-20T02:05:30.000Z LinkedInLocal Auckland is where online connections become real conversations. Four times a year we bring together hundreds of professionals from across Aotearoa for an evening built on genuine connection. No awkward icebreakers. Just good people, good energy and a room that feels welcoming from the moment you walk in. Our speakers are all very different, which is exactly why the sessions land so well. In recent years we have welcomed voices like Sir Ian Taylor, Justin Kabbani, Lisa O’Neill, Lance Burdett and Jemarl Paerata. Each one has brought something unique. Storytelling, strategy, humour, insight, challenge and warmth. You never quite know what shape the inspiration will take, and that’s part of the magic. For this event, we’re thrilled to welcome **Alicia McKay** as our keynote speaker. Alicia is known for her sharp insight into leadership, resilience and human behaviour, delivered with honesty, intelligence and warmth. Her work resonates deeply with people navigating complexity, pressure and change, making her a powerful voice for this community and this moment. Tickets include light food and drinks, including local wines, chilled beer, non and low alcohol options, mocktails, and the occasional surprise from our drink partners, plus one of our much-loved gift bags filled with products from local New Zealand brands. We also have an online community of more than 3,000 Auckland professionals who stay connected between events. It keeps the momentum going and helps new relationships grow long after the night ends. Whether you come to learn, to connect, or simply to feel part of something uplifting, you’ll leave feeling better than when you arrived. This is community in motion. Join us for an evening that strengthens your network, builds confidence, and adds real value to your professional life. [Get tickets](https://events.humanitix.com/linkedinlocalauckland-2026?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### It's cool to be a New You URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/its-cool-to-be-a-new-you/ Last updated: 2025-12-30T22:31:41.000Z ⚡ In [an ambition recession,](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/ambition/) you might think trying is uncool, or feel too discouraged to dream. Don't buy into that! Here's some help. ### New Years Resolutions are cool Dreaming, trying and planning are not cringe. They are awesome and so are you. You are a shifting, changing, morphing chameleon, goddammit. You are the culmination of all the things you've been, done, tried - and [decided not to be anymore](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-are-who-you-arent-anymore/) \- and you have no idea [how great you can still be](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-dont-know-how-great-you-can-be-expand-your-possibilities/). (Your life is still filled with [problems](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/make-peace-with-problems/), sure, because that's how lives work, but hopefully [those problems have been upgrading over time](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/get-problems-youre-proud-of/).) New Years Resolutions are not gauche. This is the *perfect* time to reflect and change. You've got space and time, and there's a big temporal milestone on the way - with a handy break ahead of it. The holiday break isn't a time to worry about ['wasting' your energy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-arent-uniquely-shameful/). You're not lazy for taking a rest. You don't need to complete your renovations, tidy up your to-do list or get stuff done. This is the socially sanctioned Chill Out and Take Some Space time. Use it accordingly. ### Let your pen run wild New Year reflections and intentions don't need to be detailed. You don't need a [master plan to follow](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/set-your-own-direction/). Allow yourself some openness and wondering. (AND for the love of god, stay off Chat-GPT. Use a pen and your own brain, or you won't remember or remain invested in anything that comes out.) If there's one thing I'm convinced of, it's that [strategists get what they want](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategists-get-whatever-they-want/) \- *as long as they know what that is*. And who the hell knows what they want? Fact is, [you probably don't know how great you can be](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-24-popular/). Not yet. It's not until you expand your possibilities, [put yourself in interesting situations](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/put-yourself-in-situations/) and dream big with some [CRAZY SMART goals ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/smart-goals-are-dead/)that you start to find that out. Let your pen run wild. Think of all the things you'd still love to do and be, and trust your brain to spot opportunities to have a crack at them. ### Leave the malaise behind If you've had a flat year: been made redundant, struggled to keep your job or business moving along, got fat or sad, lost the pep in your step... that's cool. It sucks, but it happens. It's time to leave that behind now, and remember you're in charge of your life. Start here with [10 ways to take control of your life](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/10-ways-to-take-control-of-your-life/). ### Set higher order goals Or, if you're an[ Ambitious High Achiever](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/aha-meet-the-ambitious-high-achiever/) prone to burning yourself out, lean in the other direction. Commit to your Renaissance era. Set goals around your personal and creative fulfilment, intellectual flexibility, information diet, or social connections instead. Here's one of my 2026 intentions you can borrow on that front, if you like: *For processes, possessions and expectations: embrace simplicity, resist the urge for complexity. For emotions, opinions, and ideas: embrace complexity, resist the urge for simplicity.* ### A few ready-made resolutions Can't be bothered with the reflection and want to go straight to the resolutions? Take one of these I prepared for you earlier: - [Take yourself seriously](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/take-yourself-seriously/) - [Put your bloody phone down](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/put-your-bloody-phone-down/) - [Pay yourself first](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/pay-yourself-first/) - [Quit the news](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-reading-the-news/) - [Deal with your past](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/dont-stumble-over-something-behind/) - [Do what scares you](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/do-what-scares-you/) - [Connect in person](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/get-outside-of-yourself/) If you still feel stuck, try one of these advice articles: - [How to get unstuck](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/this-is-an-intervention-its-time-to-get-unstuck/) - [Create your personal strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/create-a-personal-strategy/) Or, y'know. Just eat some chips and have a nap. It's the festive perineum after all. Catch you in a bit, AM ### Day 24: Popular ≠ good URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-24-popular/ Last updated: 2025-12-23T17:45:38.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. Popular things risk one of two problems: being too 'of the moment,' or too bland and palatable. The outcome is the same - they're quickly forgotten. Popularity is its own category, which has little to do with quality or longevity. Getting funded/ being discovered/ being accepted/ signing a deal/ making it/ going viral are worthy achievements in their own right, but they don't mean the thing is good. Of course, unpopularity isn't a reliable indicator either, (and being contrarian for attention is pretty lame too.) Merry Christmas. --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) [December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet) [December 8: Self-help is a con](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help/) [December 9: There's no right answer](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-9-right-answer/) [December 10: Play the power game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-10-power-game) [December 11: Email is evil](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-11-email-is-evil) [December 12: Your list sucks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-12-your-list-sucks) [December 13: We need to talk about class](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-13-class) [December 14: Kiwis don't work hard](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-14-work-hard) [December 15: Boredom is good](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-15-boredom-is-good/) [December 16: Money comes first](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-16-money-comes-first) [December 17: You're not important](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-17-not-important) [December 18: You're stuck with yourself](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-18-stuck-with-yourself) [December 19: Find a partner early](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-19-partner-poll/) [December 20: Spelling still matters](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-20-spelling-still-matters) [December 21: Most talent is effort](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-21-most-talent-is-effort/) [December 22: You're probably wrong](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-22-wrong) [December 23: Families are overrated](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-23-families) [December 24: Popular ≠ good](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-24-popular) ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Day 23: Families are overrated URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-23-families/ Last updated: 2025-12-22T17:45:14.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. People with happy families are no better than people with: - No family or close enough to it - A toxic family who feel bad to be around - An estranged family with people you don't talk to - A mediocre family with people you don't really like in it. You don't get to pick your family, so you don't get points for having a good one. Merry Christmas. --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) [December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet) [December 8: Self-help is a con](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help/) [December 9: There's no right answer](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-9-right-answer/) [December 10: Play the power game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-10-power-game) [December 11: Email is evil](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-11-email-is-evil) [December 12: Your list sucks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-12-your-list-sucks) [December 13: We need to talk about class](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-13-class) [December 14: Kiwis don't work hard](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-14-work-hard) [December 15: Boredom is good](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-15-boredom-is-good/) [December 16: Money comes first](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-16-money-comes-first) [December 17: You're not important](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-17-not-important) [December 18: You're stuck with yourself](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-18-stuck-with-yourself) [December 19: Find a partner early](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-19-partner-poll/) [December 20: Spelling still matters](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-20-spelling-still-matters) [December 21: Most talent is effort](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-21-most-talent-is-effort/) [December 22: You're probably wrong](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-22-wrong) [December 23: Families are overrated](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-23-families) ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Day 22: You're probably wrong URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-22-wrong/ Last updated: 2025-12-21T17:45:42.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. Today's featured opinion is from [Cam Fink](https://www.linkedin.com/in/camfink/?originalSubdomain=au&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), who argues we are wrong-er than we realise - so we should keep that assumption in mind. Personally, while I can see how this applies to other people, I've not experienced this phenomenon. Merry Christmas, A --- ## You’re probably wrong #### By Cam Fink You’re not as right as you think. It’s impossible for everyone to be right simultaneously. Statistically, the odds of maintaining a 100% rightness streak are microscopic. Humans are fallible in all kinds of ways. Our senses and memory are selective and unreliable. Our biases are pervasive. Our belief systems invisible, our values arbitrary. We’re wrong in ways we can’t see and don’t realise. Life is better when we’re open to that possibility. (Of course, I could be wrong.) --- SPONSORED Want your opinion featured? That's just **one* bonus available to paid subscribers! Sign up now to join a group of cool and clever thinkers. [Learn more ](#/portal/signup) --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) [December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet) [December 8: Self-help is a con](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help/) [December 9: There's no right answer](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-9-right-answer/) [December 10: Play the power game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-10-power-game) [December 11: Email is evil](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-11-email-is-evil) [December 12: Your list sucks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-12-your-list-sucks) [December 13: We need to talk about class](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-13-class) [December 14: Kiwis don't work hard](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-14-work-hard) [December 15: Boredom is good](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-15-boredom-is-good/) [December 16: Money comes first](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-16-money-comes-first) [December 17: You're not important](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-17-not-important) [December 18: You're stuck with yourself](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-18-stuck-with-yourself) [December 19: Find a partner early](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-19-partner-poll/) [December 20: Spelling still matters](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-20-spelling-still-matters) [December 21: Most talent is effort](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-21-most-talent-is-effort/) [December 22: You're probably wrong](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-22-wrong) ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Day 21: Most talent is effort URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-21-most-talent-is-effort/ Last updated: 2025-12-20T17:45:39.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. You have a natural predisposition toward particular activities and skills. Plus, you'll have been rewarded for certain things early in your life. Maybe your family were big readers, or you were praised for your sporting prowess. But most of what looks like serious talent, especially in artists or athletes, is thousands of hours of effort over many years. If you're salty about your lack of talent, try consistent effort for a while - practising, learning, asking for help - and see what happens. Merry Christmas. P.S. If it's actually *success* you're looking for, that's different again. For that, you'll need the effort/luck combo. Talent optional. --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) [December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet) [December 8: Self-help is a con](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help/) [December 9: There's no right answer](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-9-right-answer/) [December 10: Play the power game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-10-power-game) [December 11: Email is evil](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-11-email-is-evil) [December 12: Your list sucks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-12-your-list-sucks) [December 13: We need to talk about class](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-13-class) [December 14: Kiwis don't work hard](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-14-work-hard) [December 15: Boredom is good](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-15-boredom-is-good/) [December 16: Money comes first](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-16-money-comes-first) [December 17: You're not important](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-17-not-important) [December 18: You're stuck with yourself](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-18-stuck-with-yourself) [December 19: Find a partner early](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-19-partner-poll/) [December 20: Spelling still matters](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-20-spelling-still-matters) [December 21: Most talent is effort](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-21-most-talent-is-effort) ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Day 20: Spelling still matters URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-20-spelling-still-matters/ Last updated: 2025-12-19T17:45:43.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. People tell me we live in a post-spelling world.They're wrong. Typos are a part of life (looking at you, all three of my books), but that doesn't mean they're harmless. - Spelling mistake on your sign? I can't concentrate and I don't trust you anymore. - Spelling mistake on your menu? I'm not eating this food, God knows what's in it. - SPELLING MISTAKES IN AN EMAIL FROM A TEACHER? I cannot. I am dead. I died. Context matters. An unintelligible text from a friend or a kid? Who gives a shit. But a spelling error on a conference banner makes me shudder. A sign where English is clearly a second language? No problem. But a misspelled word on a fertility clinic homepage... stay the fuck away from my ovaries. Merry Christmas. --- *PS - Keen to see the results of yesterday's Unpopular Opinion poll? While opinion 2 (prioritise finding a partner in early adulthood) took a strong early lead, it's only \*just\* ahead now. At the time of writing this, votes were split: 45% to "women should have higher aspirations than motherhood and marriage" and 55% to "find a partner early." Interesting stuff! If you didn't vote,*[ *read the opinion,*](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-19-partner-poll/) *then add yours to the mix. Thanks for playing!* [See live results](https://aliciamckay.typeform.com/report/gk48Qcbh/TtEt8SYzmEY503T5?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) [December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet) [December 8: Self-help is a con](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help/) [December 9: There's no right answer](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-9-right-answer/) [December 10: Play the power game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-10-power-game) [December 11: Email is evil](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-11-email-is-evil) [December 12: Your list sucks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-12-your-list-sucks) [December 13: We need to talk about class](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-13-class) [December 14: Kiwis don't work hard](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-14-work-hard) [December 15: Boredom is good](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-15-boredom-is-good/) [December 16: Money comes first](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-16-money-comes-first) [December 17: You're not important](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-17-not-important) [December 18: You're stuck with yourself](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-18-stuck-with-yourself) [December 19: Find a partner early](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-19-partner-poll/) [December 20: Spelling still matters](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-20-spelling-still-matters) ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Day 19: Find a partner early URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-19-partner-poll/ Last updated: 2025-12-18T17:45:44.000Z Should finding a life partner be a priority in early adulthood? Or should we focus on other things? According to two subscribers who sent their unpopular opinions in, the answer is... yes. I'm staying out of this one. Read, vote, and let me know your thoughts. ## Two subscribers, two unpopular opinions 🥊 In the red corner is Anon #1 with the opinion that ****women should have higher aspirations than marriage and motherhood.** Women shouldn't aspire to being married and having children. It's basically a power construct to ensure the less desirable hetero men get to have sex and disorganised men get domestic support. Otherwise, historically, we'd have all formed harems around the alpha males - and probably had a lot more fun. The female bachelor can be much happier, more successful financially and have many more fulfilling life experiences and adventures without this. (Plus, not spend her free time in her 30s and 40s ferrying kids around to after school activities and serving as unpaid CEO of the household.) 🥊 In the blue corner is Anon #2 with the opinion that we should ****partner-shop early, or pay the opportunity cost later.** Advice I wish I'd heard and understood: In your twenties, seriously focus on who you want to have a relationship with. Take the time to figure out what works for you, sort your shit out, and pounce on a good quality option. Who you have on your team makes a massive difference to your life. You're in a situation of diminishing returns. Your twenties have enormous amounts of choice, and you think it will continue... but it's gonna end up like sifting through the last 5 heads of broccoli before a long weekend in the not too distant future, and the bad news is, there aren't any good ones left. The emotionally healthy, resilient, active, cheerful and fun broccoli already got taken home and locked down. (And yeah, that probably means you may not be in that category either!) SO - focus, sort your shit out, bounce if it isn't working, and make sure you shop early while the best quality produce is available. And if you didn't get one in the first round, keep a tight eye out for good produce re-entering the market, with a demonstrated ability to commit and be a good partner ... and move very very fast if you want to grab one before other shoppers! Who you choose as a partner is a significant choice, be an active participant in that choice, and be decisive! And - if you don't have a good partner, move on for the love of God, and look after yourself. Being single is vastly better than being lonely in a shit relationship. When you're happy with your life, all the other stuff goes better too - so make good, considered choices about your home life, it'll also pay off hugely in your work life. --- ## Vote for the winning opinion Two unpopular opinions - but who will be the winner? Vote below - then click through to see the results. | Which unpopular opinion do you side with? [Women should have higher aspirations than marriage and motherhood.](https://aliciamckay.typeform.com/to/gk48Qcbh?typeform-medium=embed-email&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#answers-0dc95a7d-0f15-4b6b-82cd-e641f5874eb5=773bed33-260f-43a4-92cc-65194b78b725) [Lock a partner down early or pay the opportunity cost later.](https://aliciamckay.typeform.com/to/gk48Qcbh?typeform-medium=embed-email&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#answers-0dc95a7d-0f15-4b6b-82cd-e641f5874eb5=36781625-abd3-4ecb-9854-0ff28b8709b4) | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) [December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet) [December 8: Self-help is a con](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help/) [December 9: There's no right answer](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-9-right-answer/) [December 10: Play the power game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-10-power-game) [December 11: Email is evil](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-11-email-is-evil) [December 12: Your list sucks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-12-your-list-sucks) [December 13: We need to talk about class](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-13-class) [December 14: Kiwis don't work hard](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-14-work-hard) [December 15: Boredom is good](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-15-boredom-is-good/) [December 16: Money comes first](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-16-money-comes-first) [December 17: You're not important](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-17-not-important) [December 18: You're stuck with yourself](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-18-stuck-with-yourself) [December 19: Find a partner early (or not)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-19-partner-poll) ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Day 18: You're stuck with yourself URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-18-stuck-with-yourself/ Last updated: 2025-12-17T17:45:42.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. With any luck, and some effort, we get better at being ourselves over time. We mitigate our weaknesses, embrace our strengths, build little habits and systems to buffer us. We change, grow, and adapt. But we rarely transform. Your core traits aren't going anywhere. Some will be charming quirks, but others are a real pain in the ass. They're the kind of things you'd consider breaking up with a partner or friend over. Unfortunately, you can’t break up with yourself - not without dying. So you'll have to live with who you are. Merry Christmas. --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) [December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet) [December 8: Self-help is a con](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help/) [December 9: There's no right answer](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-9-right-answer/) [December 10: Play the power game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-10-power-game) [December 11: Email is evil](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-11-email-is-evil) [December 12: Your list sucks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-12-your-list-sucks) [December 13: We need to talk about class](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-13-class) [December 14: Kiwis don't work hard](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-14-work-hard) [December 15: Boredom is good](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-15-boredom-is-good/) [December 16: Money comes first](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-16-money-comes-first) [December 17: You're not important](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-17-not-important) [December 18: You're stuck with yourself](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-18-stuck-with-yourself) ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. --- ### Day 17: You're not important URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-17-not-important/ Last updated: 2025-12-16T17:45:48.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. We overestimate our own significance, which is why we: - *Hold ourselves back.* My teenagers are terrified of looking stupid. They funnel that anxiety into nailing their outfit, avoiding phone calls and never asking a shop assistant for help. Most people barely register their existence. - *Think people give a shit.* Councils think if they "tell their story" better, they'll have a supportive, engaged community. They're wrong. People don't think about Council unless they're paying a bill or pissed off about something - and nor should they. - *Construct online identities.* Social media turns people into personal brands. Regular Joannes compile reels and curate photos to project a fake life. (Of all the ways the internet makes life worse, this makes the top 10 fuckedest). This is no reflection on how loveable and special you are - to the people who know and love you, you are magnificent and irreplaceable. But there is no cosmic significance to your life and almost nobody is watching, so do what you like. Merry Christmas. --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) [December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet) [December 8: Self-help is a con](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help/) [December 9: There's no right answer](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-9-right-answer/) [December 10: Play the power game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-10-power-game) [December 11: Email is evil](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-11-email-is-evil) [December 12: Your list sucks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-12-your-list-sucks) [December 13: We need to talk about class](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-13-class) [December 14: Kiwis don't work hard](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-14-work-hard) [December 15: Boredom is good](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-15-boredom-is-good/) [December 16: Money comes first](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-16-money-comes-first) [December 17: You're not important](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-17-not-important) ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. --- ### Day 16: Money comes first URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-16-money-comes-first/ Last updated: 2025-12-15T17:45:30.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. When I speak to struggling young people - foster kids, teen mums - I give controversial advice: *put money first*. People are unreliable. Money does what it says on the tin. Money is freedom. Money is options. Money is safety. Money is a place to stay, an exit from a shitty relationship, a reprieve from a dumb job. Poverty isn't moral, novel, or romantic. It's terrifying, sad, and shit. Prioritising money isn't gauche. It's smart and I want you to do it. *Don't worry about corruption.* Few of you will get so rich you'll have to learn about the importance of friends and the dangers of an in-house McDonalds. *Don't worry about purpose*. Revisit that once you've got no debt, an emergency fund, and a side hustle. *Don't worry about guilt.* You're not the one fucking the system. Vote well, insist on taxing corporates and in the meantime, get your bag. Merry Christmas. --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) [December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet) [December 8: Self-help is a con](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help/) [December 9: There's no right answer](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-9-right-answer/) [December 10: Play the power game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-10-power-game) [December 11: Email is evil](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-11-email-is-evil) [December 12: Your list sucks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-12-your-list-sucks) [December 13: We need to talk about class](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-13-class) [December 14: Kiwis don't work hard](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-14-work-hard) [December 15: Boredom is good](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-15-boredom-is-good/) [December 16: Money comes first](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-16-money-comes-first) ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. --- ### Day 15: Boredom is good URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-15-boredom-is-good/ Last updated: 2025-12-14T17:44:59.000Z Wait in line without getting out your phone. Make a coffee without getting out your phone. Throw your phone in the ocean without getting out your phone. Defragment your brain. Merry Christmas. ### Day 14: Kiwis don't work hard URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-14-work-hard/ Last updated: 2025-12-14T11:18:27.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. Growing up, I heard a common story about my people. Kiwis, I learned, were *hard workers.* People who'd never left the country explained, with confidence, that New Zealanders get snapped up for jobs overseas, because of how hard we work. False. We are probably the personality hire. Nobody here works very hard. I suspect we resent working at all, which is where all the pissing and whinging comes from. (Fair enough. Work's dumb and this country pays like shit.) Merry Christmas. --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) [December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet) [December 8: Self-help is a con](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help/) [December 9: There's no right answer](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-9-right-answer/) [December 10: Play the power game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-10-power-game) [December 11: Email is evil](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-11-email-is-evil) [December 12: Your list sucks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-12-your-list-sucks) [December 13: We need to talk about class](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-13-class) [December 14: Kiwis don't work hard](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-14-work-hard) ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Day 13: We need to talk about class URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-13-class/ Last updated: 2025-12-12T17:45:24.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. We'd see more fairness and nuance in our decisions if we talked about class. You probably already know what most people in your organisation or stakeholder base think, perhaps without asking. To balance things out, you might have a cultural competence programme. A gender equity initiative. An accessibility policy. But where's the Breaking Down Bogan Barriers action plan? Class is the invisible and unchartered frontier of diversity and inclusion. We don't acknowledge it at work - or anywhere, really. It's still culturally acceptable to punch down on bogans, and we still cling to the myth of the meritocracy. Class consciousness would change that. We need to talk about class. --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) [December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet) [December 8: Self-help is a con](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help/) [December 9: There's no right answer](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-9-right-answer/) [December 10: Play the power game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-10-power-game) [December 11: Email is evil](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-11-email-is-evil) [December 12: Your list sucks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-12-your-list-sucks) [December 13: We need to talk about class](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-13-class) ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Day 12: Your list sucks URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-12-your-list-sucks/ Last updated: 2025-12-11T17:45:05.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. If you have an ambitious list of things to complete before Christmas, you need to cross most of it off now. It's unnecessary and it's making other people's lives harder - all of whom have their own ridiculous lists. Pick a couple of things, cross the rest off, and write a new list in January. Merry Christmas, A --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) [December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet) [December 8: Self-help is a con](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help/) [December 9: There's no right answer](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-9-right-answer/) [December 10: Play the power game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-10-power-game) [December 11: Email is evil](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-11-email-is-evil) [December 12: Your list sucks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-12-your-list-sucks) ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Day 11: Email is evil URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-11-email-is-evil/ Last updated: 2025-12-10T19:17:59.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. You are sending 10 times too many emails and it's making the world a worse place. Email is a pyramid scheme - every email creates 1.2 emails. If you can't resolve a conversation in 2-3 emails, it should have happened on the phone or in person. Use the phone, or your legs. Merry Christmas, A --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) [December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet) [December 8: Self-help is a con](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help/) [December 9: There's no right answer](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-9-right-answer/) [December 10: Play the power game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-10-power-game) [December 11: Email is evil](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-11-email-is-evil) ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Day 10: Play the power game URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-10-power-game/ Last updated: 2025-12-09T18:18:12.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. Doing good work and being a smart person isn't enough. There are relationships to get across, favours to trade - and money available - once you know how things are really done. There's a whisper network of useful connections who can grease your wheels or bog you down. If you don't know about it, you can't change it, and you won't get bugger all done. Merry Christmas, A ### Further reading [Critical thinking is not enough. It’s time you learned about power.Numbers and words are cool, but we have calculators and ChatGPT now. What you need is POWER LITERACY.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-65.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/https-3a-2f-2fsubstack-post-media-s3-amazonaws-com-2fpublic-2fimages-2f0db3e88f-228a-49d4-8f22-f1ee055cb382_938x547-heic-1.jpg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/critical-thinking-is-not-enough-its/) --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) [December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet) [December 8: Self-help is a con](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help/) [December 9: There's no right answer](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-9-right-answer/) [December 10: Play the power game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-10-power-game) ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Day 9: There's no right answer URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-9-right-answer/ Last updated: 2025-12-09T17:58:42.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. People tie themselves in knots trying to find the right answer. It's a waste of time and they're focused on the wrong things. This is true for decision-makers like board members, ELTs and Councillors, and doubly true for the advisors, analysts and project teams grinding out the reports. They wring their hands and lose sleep, only to put their masterpiece in front of people too anxious to read it properly or appreciate how much work went in. If that's you, here's a hug and a biscuit. You've done a lovely job, but you've overcooked it. How things turn out has very little to do with your document - or even the decision that gets made. It'll come down to how invested people are, how well they get on, and if they stay on course when things turn to shit. Stop trying to ChatGPT the perfect report and focus on making people care. Merry Christmas, A --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) [December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet) [December 8: Self-help is a con](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help) [December 9: There's no right answer](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-9-right-answer) --- ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Day 8: Self-help is a con URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help/ Last updated: 2025-12-07T17:45:50.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. Most self-help books are flimsy soundbites that crumble under mild scrutiny. Love languages? Load of shit. The Secret? Utter fabrication. Very few of these books are well-evidenced or peer reviewed. They quote studies that misrepresent the actual findings or repeat historically inaccurate anecdotes from other self-help books. Practising experts in areas like health, finance and psychology don't make many one-size fits all declarations - and we should be wary of those that do. But professionalism makes for a boring book, so confident amateurs step in to fill the gap. Few self-help authors are genuine experts, unless being a life-coach counts, and some are straight-up liars (see Jay Shetty being a fake monk, Mel Robbins stealing IP, et al.) I meet some of these people in my job and in person they have an oily sheen of desperation, a strong whiff of *please-like-me*\-*I'm-not-OK-inside.* *(\*Sniffs pits\**. Like self-help grifters, I also write books and speak at conferences. I’m also known to speak in absolutes and seek external validation for a gaping hole inside me, so... 6/7?) None of this means you shouldn't consume any self-help. It has it’s place. Sometimes you need a kick up the ass, have an inclination you need to justify, or want a new hack to try. But keep it in its box. The author probably doesn't know what they're talking about - and they *definitely* don't know you. Merry Christmas, A --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) [December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet) [December 8: Self-help is a con](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-8-self-help) --- ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Day 7: We should lose our Internet privileges URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet/ Last updated: 2025-12-06T19:54:03.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. The internet is a privilege, and if you can't be trusted with it, I'll have to put it away. I mean it. Last warning. If I see *one* more polarised point of view, smug acronym learned on social media or one more scrolling session crowding out connection to people or nature, you're *done,* young man/woman/person. Don't push me! --- Subscriber [Steven Youngblood](https://www.linkedin.com/in/steven-youngblood-consultant?originalSubdomain=nz&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) from Wellington reckons that when we had hegemonic media and landlines, the internet was safe enough. But we peaked in the 90s and it's all gone downhill since then. Enjoy his Unpopular Opinion. (I'll keep writing in my Mum voice and see if my email response rate goes down.) Merry Christmas, A --- ## The Matrix had it right - humanity peaked in the '90s. #### By Stephen Youngblood There was a time we thought history had ended. The Cold War was over (the good guys won), with another war in Europe seemingly impossible. Progress seemed inevitable, with travel and international trade making the world seem smaller and accessible. Less-fragmented media meant pop-culture was shaped by common experiences through television and current events - discussing who killed Laura Palmer and Angel losing his soul, wondering about OJ Simpson and saving up for Vitalogy and Jagged Little Pill. The internet existed, but wasn't all-consuming. Access often required special privileges, or competence to know which bulletin boards and chat rooms to frequent. We were acutely aware of how much time we spent loading the internet, and hoping Mum wouldn't pick up the phone while you were playing Land of the Red Dragon. Cell phones were used for phone calls - mainly land-lines. The Nokia ringtone being the closest thing to a notification. WE STILL EXPECTED WE COULD FIX CLIMATE CHANGE (so we didn't). It wasn't all roses and lollipops - marginalised groups were excluded from much of civil institutions, with gay marriage finding general recognition in the 2000s. While globalisation set the stage for outsourcing, wage stagnation and hollowing out of key industries. But the general settings meant we felt we had more in common with each other than we do now, that more was possible and that we would work together to do great things. So, given the choice - I think I would take the blue pill. --- SPONSORED Want your opinion featured? That's just **one* bonus available to paid subscribers! Sign up now to join a group of cool and clever thinkers. [Learn more ](#/portal/signup) --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) [December 7: We should lose our Internet privileges](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-7-internet) --- ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Day 6: We should tell people to shut up URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up/ Last updated: 2025-12-05T17:45:57.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. Cam films me at conferences - which means he has hours of B-roll where I stand side of stage, nodding and smiling politely while someone craps on at length. This is bad form from me and I need to do better. We've been talking about getting some little conversation cards printed, with messages like: - "Try asking me a question." - "You have lost your original point." or maybe just: - "Your time is up." I will obviously never do this because I am a Kiwi *and* a woman. Despite being at the rude end of both, that means I'm still quite polite. We need a cultural shift that OKs the shutting up of insufferable people. This is for our collective good. If we don't tell people to shut up early or often enough, we can't expect any different. We might think we're being kind by suffering through the chat, but we're actually ruining everyone's life, in the whole world, forever - even, no, *especially* for the person doing talking. They have no idea how boorish they are and it's our fault. **Normalise telling people to shut up.** Start with me if you like. Merry Christmas. A --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) [December 6: We should tell people to shut up](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-6-shut-up) --- ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Unpublished opinions URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/unpublished-opinions/ Last updated: 2025-12-04T19:00:42.000Z WHAT'S INSIDE ****Friday Flurry is a behind-the-scenes newsletter exclusively for paid subscribers.** If you're not yet a paid subscriber, change that now. [Join the crew ](#/portal/signup) Happy Friday, gang. I almost didn't write this, because I was thinking about how many damn emails you're getting from me this week, but I get so many delighted responses to these Flurries I figured you can just mute me for a couple of weeks if you're over it, and we'll work it out together next year. ### The ruse of unpopularity On Monday, while I was in the garage looking for the kids' advent calendar, I had the bright idea to start a [24-day series of unpopular opinions](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/24-days/). This seemed like a good idea until I realised how long 24 days was, but I'm into it now. I've scheduled and taken down a few posts already, and it's only week one (retracted post included below the paywall.) Unpopularity is one thing, but I'm discovering the rules and nuances of the game as I go along. Punching up is funny, but punching down is never OK. Taking the piss is fine, but only for so long, and then it gets preachy and unkind, and you need to throw yourself on the piss pile too. Here's a brain dump of unpopular opinions directly from my notebook (if you can decipher it!) UPGRADE YOUR SUBSCRIPTION If you're not yet a paid subscriber, upgrade to: - See the inappropriate scribblings in my notebook - Read the unpopular opinion I scheduled but took down, in full. Paid subs are $12/month - or you can save big by paying $99 for an annual sub. (In paltry New Zealand dollars, a bonus to you Aussies and Americans!) [Upgrade now ](#/portal/signup) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Day 5: Conspiracy theorists are right URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists/ Last updated: 2025-12-04T17:45:25.000Z It's been five years of conspiracy madness with mostly terrible results. Hundreds of thousands of people died of COVID, needlessly. Measles is back. Public trust is lower than ever. Conspiracy theorists, fuelled by foreign-funded misinformation campaigns, are fucking things up big time. But. They're not totally wrong, are they? And at least they're asking questions. Even if they are being led down the Youtube garden path into *do Ur Own Re$earch SheepLe* hell. When the convoy occupied Parliament in 2022, I was surprised to see a couple of my friends turn up there. I jumped on the Facebook pages and podcasts popular with the occupiers, to try and understand what might have provoked that. It was an eye-opening journey into the Other Side. The answers were off, but the questions were real, and the fears and anxieties realer still. I'm still pro-vaccine, pro-mandate, and deeply suspicious of foreign-funded protests, and I think the "anti-MSM media" is biased bullshit, trading on people's insecurities for nefarious ends. But. So is a bunch of the stuff I read and think - I'm just blind to it, because it reinforces my worldview. The deeper I get into my power literacy work, the more I respect the cynical hustle of my conspiracy friends. Shame about all the crazy, racist, public-health-tanking stuff. --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/) [December 5: Conspiracy theorists are right](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-5-conspiracy-theorists) ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Strategic Public Leaders Training URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategic-public-leaders/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T00:44:37.000Z ⚡ ****Empower public sector managers to lead with clarity and confidence. Run online, in-house and as a public course.** ## About the programme TheStrategic Public Leadersprogramme provides leaders with the frameworks, tools, and confidence to think strategically, prioritise effectively, and drive meaningful change. Designed exclusively for public sector leaders, this program delivers proven strategies to elevate leadership and ensure measurable outcomes. Delivered in-house or in partnership with member associations for groups of 15-75 leaders. ## Who this course is for **Strategic Public Leaders** helps public sector managers experiencing challenges like: - Being overwhelmed by tasks, projects, and priorities. - Caught in a reactive cycle of responding to ad-hoc problems instead of progressing key strategic projects. - Becoming defensive and frustrated when interacting with elected members. - Dealing with delays in delivering strategies, plans, and procedures. - Having difficulty building engagement, purpose, and ownership with your team. With strategic skills, you will lead with more intention and direction, even as you flex and respond to the ever-changing needs of your organisation and citizens. By building your strategic skills, you can shift from a busy public manager to a strategic public leader. ## Brochure [2026 SPL Brochure2026 SPL Brochure.pdf1 MBdownload-circle](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/content/files/2025/12/2026-SPL-Brochure-1.pdf "Download") ## Upcoming events [Strategic Public Leaders Training, SydneyJoin us for two days of strategic leadership training with Alicia McKay - in partnership with LGPro NSW.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-3c30da40-47b1-46d4-918f-9643894eaecf.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/LINKEDIN-Featured-Post-Thumbnail-fa9a7ff9-0719-4bb9-affc-a5438b85a783.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategic-public-leaders-training-sydney-september-2026/) ## Case studies [Greater Wellington Regional Council: Strategic Public LeadersOver 100 Greater Wellington Regional Council managers have enjoyed Strategic Public Leaders training with Alicia McKay.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-46.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Screenshot-2025-09-20-at-10.48.51---PM.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/creating-strategic-local-government-leaders-with-greater-wellington-regional-council/) [NSW local government professionals become Strategic Public Leaders in SydneyLocal government managers from across NSW came together for two days of strategic leadership training with Alicia McKay - in partnership with LGPro NSW.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-47.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Strategic-Leaders-Sydney_Still_016.jpg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/spl-sydney-case-study/) ## FAQs #### Why choose Strategic Public Leaders? Strategic Public Leaders is highly effective targeted training for senior and mid-tier public sector leaders to learn strategic skills. - ****Level up your leadership**: With strategic skills, you lead with more intention and confidence. Strategic leaders are goal-oriented and make consistent, intentional choices that move them in the right direction. - ****Elevate your impact**: Strategic public leaders rise above the operational overwhelm to see the bigger picture and move the needle on the most important stuff. - ****Future-proof your career**: Developing strategic skills involves a combination of communication, tactical and people skills delivering a higher return on investment. #### What topics does Strategic Public Leaders cover? Get a grounding in core principles of strategic leadership for government, along with a suite of practical tools and strategies you can apply for immediate progress. ****Topics include:** - ****Strategic basics:** Demystifying strategic thinking and planning frameworks. - ****Role clarity:** Drawing a line between governance and management. - ****Bridging the gap:** Aligning big picture strategy to daily operations. - ****Decision-making:** Planning, making, and evaluating quality decisions. - ****Systems thinking:** Solving tricky problems in complex systems. Alicia’s training workshops are at the cutting edge of thinking for senior public leaders. Both inspiring and pragmatic, this training is designed to tackle limiting habits and behaviours while embedding practical skills. #### What are the key learning outcomes? At the end of this course, you will have the skills to: - Apply strategic frameworks to align daily operations to big-picture strategy. - Prioritise never-ending project wish lists with clarity and confidence. - Elevate conversations with colleagues and Councillors from operational issues to strategic impact. - Evaluate the quality of decisions effectively to improve buy-in and project success. #### What makes Strategic Public Leaders different? ****Public sector specific** Most leadership development programs are off the shelf and targeted at the private sector. Strategic Public Leaders is tailored specifically to the complexities of government: transparency, democracy and bureaucracy. We teach decision-making for subjective, uncertain and complex environments learn proven strategies that work for government. All content is tailored to suit government's pressures and privileges and delivered by a public sector expert. ****Practical and applied** We don't lose the crowd with boring slide-shows and complex theory. We get runs on the board fast by learning skills you can put to the test in the room. By the end, managers have new tools and strategies to align their teams, make better decisions and move beyond the operational pull to make a real difference. #### Who is Alicia McKay and why does she teach this programme? Alicia McKay is an internationally recognised public sector strategy expert. She has partnered with over 100 public sector organisations, including more than 50 Councils, across New Zealand and Australia to get clear on their direction and build the skills for leaving a long-term impact. Alicia partners with member associations and organisations to deliver training and events and is a trusted advisor to local, state, and federal governments. Alicia is the author of **From Strategy to Action: A guide to getting shit done in the public sector, You Don't Need An MBA: Leadership lessons that cut through the crap,* and **Local Legends: How to make a difference in local government*. In 2025, Alicia was named one of the Top 25 Thinkers in Local Government in the world. She travels the globe speaking to local government organisations and conferences, including the USA and UK. Public managers enjoy Alicia's straight-talking, n0-bullshit style and her deep insight into the uniqueness of working in government. #### How does the live online programme work? In 2026, Alicia is moving most in-house Strategic Public Leaders clients to live online training. In the online programme, we break two dense days of content and tools into ****six bite-sized 2 hour sessions**, in a weekly or fortnightly cadence. Sessions are held live on Zoom and are fun, interactive experiences that managers look forward to every week. Learning builds and embeds, with time for implementation and experimentation in between. ****Benefits of the online programme:** - ****Faster application:** Managers apply their learning immediately and bring questions and troubleshooting back to me and the group. - ****Deeper learning:** Learning is more digestible. Rather than a fire-hose of information, managers fully grasp each concept before moving on to the next. - ****Stronger relationships:** Learning comes to feel like a respite from a busy week, a space they look forward to - building relationships with peers as well as a stronger appreciation for the material. #### How many leaders can we enrol in Strategic Public Leaders? A typical Strategic Public Leaders cohort ranges from 10 to 50 managers - though we can accommodate up to 75 people in one programme. For an in-house cohort, we recommend bringing as many managers in as possible, to maximise your investment. For a public training workshop, send along key champions, who can come back and infect the rest of your organisation. #### What does Strategic Public Leaders cost? To attend a public two-day programme costs around $2,000 per person, though you may be eligible for member discounts through your local government professional association, depending on location. ****In-house programmes in 2026 are $42,000 + GST (if any**). There is no travel, venue, or catering involved, and all learning materials are provided. ## Testimonials ## Enquire now ### Day 4: Leaders are dry drunks URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk/ Last updated: 2025-12-03T17:45:37.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. Many leaders are highly paid, intelligent people who don't (or can't) see themselves as part of the problem. It’s part of why I stopped coaching leadership teams. I got sick of hearing the same excuses from senior leaders. “*People hate change*” they'd moan, while remaining exactly the same. “*There’s no accountability*,” they'd complain, while taking no responsibility. [Lucy Ellis](https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucyoraellis/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) from Atlanta reckons these people could learn a thing or two from AA. Read on to enjoy her Unpopular Opinion. SUBMIT YOUR OPINION As part of the 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions series, I've invited submissions from paid subscribers. Interested in having your opinion featured? That's just one bonus to going paid. Sign up now to join a group of cool and clever thinkers. [Learn more ](#/portal/signup) ## Quit being a dry drunk #### By Lucy Ellis A 12-step meeting isn’t where most people go looking for a masterclass in leading through volatility. But I’d wager you’ll find as much, if not more, real leadership and courage there as in many C-suite boardrooms. Nobody dreams of ending up in a 12-step room. (Then again, nobody dreams of another yawn-inducing quarterly strategy meeting either.) But those rooms build muscles we are desperately missing in boardrooms; especially in a world where the stakes are higher, the tech is faster, and the costs of emotional immaturity ripple across millions. What muscles? The capacity to: - Tell the truth. - Sit with discomfort. - Have patience and discipline. - Face one’s own shadow. - Own one’s impact. - Accept that things fall apart. - Repair what’s broken. - Stay in dialogue across difference. - Hold uncertainty without collapsing or controlling. - Navigate one day at a time. - Serve without needing to be the hero. - Celebrate and play amidst volatility. In 12-step culture, they have a term for people who like the idea of these muscles but avoid the actual work: dry drunks. They’ve stopped drinking, but not much else. They white-knuckle their way through, ego thrashing about, insufferable because they’ve stopped short of the messy task of rewiring and maturation from the inside out. Sound familiar? (Of course I wasn’t referring to you and me. Never. Side-eye.) Dry-drunk leadership is exhausting and inefficient, and we’re all capable of sliding back into it. Muscles atrophy fast, especially in systems that reward theatrics over honest self-reflection. In this era we’re gonna need every ounce of emotionally sober leadership we can get. And that doesn’t come from willpower or wishful thinking. It comes from finding the tribes that hold us accountable as we build the muscles, one day at a time. --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/) [December 4: Leaders are dry drunks](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-4-dry-drunk) ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. --- Hey, paid subscribers This is your reminder that you can submit an Unpopular Opinion to be featured in the 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions series. You can be anonymous or attributed, it's up to you. Successful opinions will be featured (like this) online and in the newsletter, and mentioned on LinkedIn. If you would like to see your opinion featured, make sure you get your opinion to me, in the month of December, with the following info: - Your name and phone number - Your unpopular opinion - A link to your socials or website (if you'd like to be attributed) - A pseudonym (if you'd prefer to be anonymous.) Cheers, AM ### Day 3: Women should be ugly and mean URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean/ Last updated: 2025-12-02T20:12:35.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. In 2026, let's get **ugly**, and **mean**. First, it's time to stop being attractive. Waste of time. Least interesting thing about us. Not only will we gain thousands of dollars, but we'll also get the extra 130 hours per year that women spend on their appearance than men. That's three full work weeks and change.. every single year. Imagine what we could do with it! Next, it's time to stop being nice. It's not helping. You've been socialised to make people feel good when you make decisions and that's a terrible way to do cool shit. Fuck them. Do what needs doing, feelings be damned. In accordance with the [Overcorrection Doctrine](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-p-tax-2/), we need to seriously overcorrect on the behaviour that's holding us back. What feels ugly and mean to you is probably still hotter and meeker than your run-of-the-mill Brian. Ladies: this will only work if we unite. No prisoner's dilemma for us. Merry Christmas. A --- ### 🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this. **Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:** [December 1: You don't have a strategy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/) [December 2: CEOs are tiny babies](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/) [December 3: Women should be ugly and mean](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/women-should-be-ugly-and-mean) --- ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Day 2: CEOs are tiny babies URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-2-24-ceos-are-tiny-babies/ Last updated: 2025-12-02T20:12:29.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. Many powerful people are tiny little babies. (We *all* are, but seeking and occupying a position of power makes you extra vulnerable.) - Everybody watches what you do and say. - People are sensitive to your moods, but not to your struggles. - It's a lonely life, with few or no true peers. - You're surrounded by people gassing you up. - You are not buddies with these people. They have to laugh at your jokes. - Your words and actions carry gravitas and people are nervous around you. You're not aware of it half the time. - You did all this to prove how good you were and it hasn't quite filled the hole. - Every thought bubble has the potential to become a major initiative, just because you opened your mouth... and that's not good for anyone. To get the respect of a powerful person, don't buy into the hype. Tell them what they *need* to hear, not what they *want* to hear, and they'll appreciate you for it. Or, they'll fire you / restructure you out of a job. Merry Christmas. ## Watch the video ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Don't miss a day! Survive the silly season with fresh daily takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Day 1: Your strategy is a load of shit URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/day-1-2025/ Last updated: 2025-12-02T20:12:23.000Z 🎄 Welcome to [24 Days of Unpopular Opinions.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/24-days/) In this series, enjoy an advent calendar of daily hot takes to help you get through the silly season. Person, company or public agency: your “strategy“, if you have one, is probably a waste of time. Unless you can sum up what you're doing on the back of an envelope or in a short elevator ride, it's not a strategy. Only clear and simple ideas change behaviour. Merry Christmas. ## Watch the video 0:00 /0:37 1× ## Sign up for 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions Survive the silly season with daily hot takes, served piping hot. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Stop reading the news URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-reading-the-news/ Last updated: 2026-07-23T22:35:13.000Z At the market on Saturday, my 15 year old daughter came running up to me at the book table. “Mum! This is a bit of you.” She handed me a little hardcover book, titled *Stop Reading the News: A manifesto for a happier, calmer and wiser life* by Swiss author Rolf Dobelli. ## What happened when I quit the news I quit the news two years ago, as I wrote about here: [Stop talking shit and start making senseFriday flurry is back, baby![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-32.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/IMG_5514-1.jpeg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-talking-shit/) In that [Friday Flurry](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry/), I described four shifts I've noticed in my life without news: 1. Small talk changed as I lost reference points - and people raised eyebrows at me for not fulfilling my moral or civic duty to stay informed. 2. News headlines and social media comment sections started looking like satire for their bias and hypocrisy. 3. I became more able to listen and empathise with people that have very different social or political views 4. Politicians began to seem less villainous and more like social avatars. The first shift only took a few months, but the last few took over a year to really kick in. With this in mind (and undisguised delight that my kids listen to me,) I chewed through *Stop Reading the News* on a flight to Tassie on Monday. Here's a book review. ## Short-form news is bad for us Overall, Dobelli makes all the arguments you'd expect: the news is biased, constant and distracting. It makes us anxious and wastes our time. It's inflammatory, sensationalist, and designed to outrage and upset us, not inform us. Dobelli makes the case that a steady diet of short-form news will rewire our brains over time, making it harder for us to stick to nuanced, deeper content like books and long-form journalism. ## Breaking news is irrelevant and harmful Dobell is firm: a hot-take delivered as things are happening offers us no better understanding of the world. Instead, it pushes us toward shallow, fleeting views and warped perspectives. Because news disproportionately focuses on low-probability, high-impact risks like terrorism and plane crashes, consuming it exacerbates our existing cognitive biases and makes it harder for us to make good decisions. He also argues that the news gives us the *illusion* of meaning, but because it's short, written quickly and never followed up on, ends up making us shallow, reactive thinkers. We're better to wait months or years for the book if we really want to understand what happened. I agree vehemently with this. *Less news, more books* has been my mantra for years now. I've made peace with not being 'up-to-date' and released the social guilt that comes with that. Me knowing the latest developments in global conflict was never making a jot of difference. On that: ## You are not a bad person for skipping the news The most compelling argument in *Stop Reading the* Newswas buried at the end. Many of my peers and colleagues consume the news because of a sense of moral or civic duty. Dobelli tackles this bluntly: consuming media is a poor proxy for empathy or humanity. It helps nobody but news outlets and advertisers. If you want to help, you have to take action. In short: donate. > "*If you really care about the fate of earthquake victims, war refugees or famine victims, give money. Not attention. Not work. Not prayers. Money." - Rolf Dobelli* This point deserved a lot more space, and is something I've thought a lot about as I grapple my liberal guilt since quitting the news. In our marketing-heavy world, we worship at the alter of "awareness" as though it's inherently useful. If more people *know*, we reason, something will have to get *done.* Except it doesn't, does it? News consumption and online virtue-signalling does nothing more than make you angry and fuel sanctimony. It has never stopped a war or created climate action. Real life action is the only thing that will do that. News will drive you to siloed and intolerant political beliefs on the one hand, and overall futility on the other. It's not the way to create social change. [The ambition vacuumAmbition depends on shared stories about the future. The old stories have collapsed, leaving a vacuum of inevitability and futility, especially around AI, the climate, and democracy.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-33.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/1-2.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-ambition-vacuum-inevitability-and-cultural-malaise/) ### ## Quality information is becoming an elite good again *Stop Reading the News* includes a brief history of news information. Before broadsheets were widely circulated, there was a thriving industry of private newsletters filled with trade and shipping data. These newsletters, targeted to merchants and bankers, charged handsome subscription fees for their relevance (while the rest of the market was dominated by religious pamphlets and political propaganda.) That was over 500 years ago, but feels eerily prescient. Newsrooms are tanking. The internet is filled with fake news, slop, and algorithmic clickbait. New Zealand's NBR has made a successful switch to a subscriber-only model - Todd Scott claims to have over 14,000 people paying $499 a year. Independent journalism and paywalled creators are on the rise. Will accurate or quality information become a luxury good again? I think it might, because: ## News doesn't give you an advantage anymore News, Dobelli claims, no longer gives people an information advantage of their peers and colleagues. Not just because over half of what we read online is now fake, but because it's *too shallow to be helpful*. For an information advantage, you'll need depth and context - so skip the headlines, read long-for, and pay for quality. People with the resources (time, money, or both) to read deeply and widely will be the ones with an advantage. I suppose that's no different to any other time in history, but given how much information the average person now inhales a day, it's a worry. ## A note on the book Before I go, here's a couple of notes about this book that stuck out to me: - **First you get the prescription, then the diagnosis.** This is weird. Books don't usually start by telling you what to do.*Stop Reading the News* is unequivocal in its recommendations (quit news, *now,* and replace it with high-quality long-form information about things in your circle of competence. ) Reasons are offered later. - **The sourcing is terrible.** Dobelli does a comprehensive job of spelling out reasons to quit the news and tackles relevant objections. But his sourcing is woeful and his claims overinflated. That's a big shame (and kind of ironic) because it detracts from the credibility of the work. - **It's still good.** Despite these downsides, it's a worthy read. ### A collection of snippets and quotes I liked - "Psychological nutrition" - information junk-food is bad for your health. - On re-reading: if a book is teaching you something new, *re-read it as soon as you're finished it*. You'll get 10x (not 2x) as much out of it the second time. - Sturgeon's Law: 90% of everything published is utter crap - always has been, always will be. Til next week, AM ## Improve your psychological nutrition News won't give you an information advantage - but reading Alicia McKay will. Organic, pesticide-free skepticism, direct to your inbox. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No buzzwords. No bullshit. ### ### The passage of time - and a few whinging men URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-passage-of-time-and-a-few-whinging-men/ Last updated: 2025-11-24T02:35:52.000Z WHAT'S INSIDE ****Friday Flurry is a behind-the-scenes newsletter exclusively for paid subscribers.** In this Friday Flurry, we're talking about - Time and how we suck at it - Gender bias remaining embarrassingly prevalent. This Friday Flurry is HEAVING, because my brain is, so hold on tight. If you're not yet a paid subscriber, change that now. The juicy gossip and racy pics are hidden behind the paywall, (once I finish the intellectual musings fit for public consumption.) [Join the crew ](#/portal/signup) ### Happy birthday to us Cam and I both had birthdays this week. I turned 37, which is very young and sprightly (though 20 years of parenting is certainly showing up in my face, energy and body) while Cam hit the half a century milestone. Existential birthday dread makes me think of a book I read years ago - *When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing*,by Dan Pink. I read it while training for my first marathon, only to discover that 29 (the age I was) is the second most common age of a first marathoner. The **most** common age is 39 - as in, "I want to run a marathon before I turn 40." This is what Pink calls a temporal milestone. People use birthdays to set goals and targets, the same way they use New Years to set personal improvement resolutions. ### Temporal milestones Temporal milestones are one example of our strange and inconsistent relationship with time. In a recent family holiday, flying across the international date line, my ten year old was baffled we could lose or gain a day so easily. Not only are boundaries of time malleable according to age and location, we experience and store it differently, depending what we're doing. Our holiday in the US will likely have an outsized impact on the kid's memory bank - especially the evening we spent [trick or treating](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-news-is-killing-you/), even though it's technically the same three weeks as any other three weeks they've lived. Chronological time is not the same as memory or significance time. ### Little Time v Big Time And that's just Little Time. When it comes to Big Time we *really* suck. People aren't great at keeping [perspective](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/perspective/) on our moment in history - a regular theme of my work with government leaders and a popular choice for [conference keynotes](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/speaking/). We view sudden, modern developments as inevitable, despite their recency (looking at you [scrolling](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/scrolling-is-the-new-smoking/), [AI](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-the-ai-bros-wont-tell-you/), general tech dominance). And if we read news but not history, we mistakenly believe we live in unprecedented, uniquely flawed times, instead of forming one link in a long, miserable, chain. In *Four Thousand Weeks*, Oliver Burkeman prescribes a dose of "*cosmic insignificance therapy*" to "*face the truth about your irrelevance in the grand scheme of things*." The idea that the eighty-odd years we're alive are the point in history on which everything turns seems, on closer examination, self-absorbed and unreasonable. When we talk about history, we describe great swathes of time very casually. [Grand Narratives](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-ambition-vacuum-inevitability-and-cultural-malaise/) will happily lump 300 years in the same bucket ('The Dark Ages, The Renaissance, The Industrial Revolution"), yet every precious year we inhabit gets outsized significance. It's not clear to me, in my own historical bubble, whether this is a modern condition. I suspect most people throughout history escaped temporal narcissism, thanks to a lack of global news infrastructure and more pressing survival concerns. ### White people shit But maybe our relationship to time and history is the rise of individualism, disconnection and dislocation from context and community. Or maybe it’s capitalism’s fault - the rise of wage based labour has us viewing time as a buyable, spendable unit. (I recommend Jenny Odell's *Saving Time* for more on this one, orthe Friday Flurry where I reflect on it.) [Friday Flurry #5: Saving TimeThis week’s Friday Flurry goes deep on Jenny Odell’s new book, and gets a bit meta. What is time, what is it for, and how healthy is your relationship with it? Is that your fault? (Spoiler: no.)![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-31.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/73368c90-de45-41fe-8ad6-f4c6472a253c_260x400-jpeg.jpg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-5-saving-time/) More likely, it's coloniser brain/ white people shit. I listened to a podcast once about desert-people in the Middle East who will casually tell you their family history, stretching back 2000 years - and see themselves as a clear link in that chain. Writing history books, writing the slate clean, declaring terra nullius, and demanding people get over history and move on seems to be the domain of people who would benefit from short memories and do-overs. Short memories benefit the powerful. --- ## Men who still don't believe women Speaking of the downtrodden, apparently we’ve still got people who haven’t caught on to gender bias yet, and those people are in influential senior professional positions flexing their poorly-informed thoughts on the internet. [I changed my gender to "male" on LinkedIn a week ago, and my views went up 400%. I wish I were making that up. I also made two other changes: -I had ChatGPT rewrite my headline and description in… | Megan Cornish, LICSW | 922 commentsI changed my gender to “male” on LinkedIn a week ago, and my views went up 400%. I wish I were making that up. I also made two other changes: -I had ChatGPT rewrite my headline and description in more male, “agentic” language, based on research articles that describe gender differences in communication. -I pulled posts from the past few months that didn’t perform well and gave them the same treatment- “Please rewrite this so it uses more typically male, “agentic” language.” But just to be sure, I went into my demographic section and told LinkedIn that I am a biological male. This is not how LinkedIn used to be- it must be an algorithm change, I’d say in the last 6-12 months. But now, my top 3 posts from the last month were all written in the last few days. I have a LOT to say on this, especially about how it rewards AI written content (contrary to Linkedin’s claims that they’re trying to cut down on it) and how it negatively impacts those of us in industries that prefer more collaborative language styles. But for now, let’s just go with... WTF, Linkedin, didn’t you already get sued for sexism? I’ll keep this going, but couldn’t wait to share this screenshot. Cindy Gallop Edit: While this post is getting great engagement, it’s not getting as many impressions as I’ve been getting the last week. I was confused, then it hit me: I used my own voice, not a fake male voice, for this post. I’m not going to change that, but if we want this to make the rounds, it’ll have to be from reposting, because the algorithm isn’t going to boost it. Here’s what I mean: 66 minutes later, I have 46 reactions, 20 comments, 7 reposts, and only 843 impressions. WILD. 10:24 am update: 84 minutes, 74 reactions, 31 comments, and 14 reposts, and according to my analytics, this post has only been seen by about 950 people. | 922 comments on LinkedIn![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/al2o9zrvru7aqj8e1x2rzsrca-1)LinkedInMegan Cornish, LICSW![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/1762979559299)](https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7394735893917364224/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) There's a trend on LinkedIn this week, where women change their profile's gender - and get different treatment from the algorithm. Their reach increases dramatically, even when their content stays the same. LinkedIn denies this, as do a bunch of Opinionated Men in the comments. In almost every post I saw about this, the (few) men in the comments jumped in to defend the algorithm or find an alternative, non-sexist explanation. Drawn to pick loyalties, they side with a machine over a woman. Most were dubious, but some were outright brutal, suggesting tthe woman's content just sucked beforehand. [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/11/Screenshot-2025-11-21-at-10.35.18---AM.png)](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/aliciamckaynz%5Frebeccasolnit-genderequity-mansplaining-activity-7396038834951503873-mZVK/?utm%5Fsource=share&utm%5Fmedium=member%5Fdesktop&rcm=ACoAAAKpi5QBAH0Yw0pp47n3iPd4grlCvism%5FnU) I observed the same phenomenon on a post where a man outlines the origin of mansplaining (and, ironically, got it wrong, because Rebecca Solnit herself has never used the phrase). Men, presumably oblivious to the irony, jumped in to correct the author and explain this wasn’t a gendered dynamic at all. WOMEN DO IT TOO they screamed hoarsely. STOP MAKING EVERYTHING ABOUT GENDER. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/11/Screenshot-2025-11-21-at-10.03.03---AM.png) Astonished at how stark the contrast was, Cam and I performed a quick and dirty tally of the first batch of comments we saw. Of the top 64 comments on the post, they broke down like this: UPGRADE YOUR SUBSCRIPTION ****Screech! Oh, you thought I forgot the paywall? Nope! And it's about to get good. If you're not yet a paid subscriber, upgrade to:** - ****Find out the results of this experiment** - ****See me in my PJs drinking champagne** - ****Get the tea on a mate who's gone a bit incel.** I’m doubling down on the writing work I love. The essays, books, cultural criticism, deep reads and wide rambles. If you want more of my stuff - more depth, more perspective, more behind-the-scenes - then becoming a paid sub is the best way to keep me doing this. I am determined to make this writing gig a viable option - if for no other reason, than to prove to people it's possible. Spite is such a great motivator. ****Paid subs are $12/month -** ****or you can save big by paying $99 for an annual sub.** (In paltry New Zealand dollars, a bonus to you Aussies and Americans!) [Upgrade now ](#/portal/signup) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Is all advice just projection? URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/is-all-advice-just-projection/ Last updated: 2025-11-18T17:45:44.000Z ⚡ Welcome to Wednesday Wisdom: your weekly dose of useful insight. I sparked a robust debate at my dinner table tonight with the following two ideas: 1. **All advice is projection** \-i.e. someone who is telling you what they wish they had done/ were doing. When someone gives you advice, listen closely to hear more about their hopes, dreams, wishes, failures and constraints. 2. **Solicited advice is more valuable** than its unsolicited twin. If you select the advice-giver and topic, you are more receptive to the advice. Unsolicited advice is objectively poorer quality, plus puts people's guards up. The two ideas rub up against each other a bit. If you ask someone for advice, is it fair or correct to suggest they're projecting their own shit onto you? Maybe. Maybe not. Instead of giving you advice, I'd like your thoughts. - Is all advice just projection? - Can people with bad outcomes give good advice? - Should anyone be giving advice? Keen to hear from you, AM --- The comment thread on[ this LinkedIn post ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/aliciamckaynz/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)about mansplaining is a delightful piece of advice-based irony. The top comments include dozens of women sharing similar stories and feeling heard, peppered with man after man explaining that it isn't about gender at all and woman have it all wrong. You can't make this stuff up. [The comments on this post could be satire. | Alicia McKayThe comments on this post could be satire.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/al2o9zrvru7aqj8e1x2rzsrca)LinkedInAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/1762904618656)](https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7396038834951503873/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) --- P.S. - I've written a little about advice in the past - like this little ditty on criticism: [What to do with criticism: who to listen to, and who to ignoreIf you don’t want their outcome, don’t accept their input.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-30.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/https-3a-2f-2fsubstack-post-media-s3-amazonaws-com-2fpublic-2fimages-2f6a491cd9-6322-4700-aa7e-de456307a8ca_800x500-png.jpg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-to-do-with-criticism-who-to/) ### The more power, the less freedom URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-more-power-the-less-freedom/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T02:28:51.000Z William S. Burroughs wisely notes: > “The more power, the less freedom” Politicians and senior officials enjoy three levers of power: rules, resources, and relationships. - **Rules** are about policy and process. Rules shape incentives and behaviour. - **Resources** are about time, money and people. Resource allocation determines priorities. - **Relationships** open new doors through collaboration and communication. Relationships turn ideas into action. These are powerful levers, unavailable to the average bear. I spend much of my time helping leaders learn to use them - instead of getting trapped in the short-term operational stuff. But none of these things come for free. Each lever has a price-tag - rules: responsibility; resources: return; relationships: reciprocity. ### 🏷️ The price of rules is responsibility If you make the rules, you become responsible for their consequences. When you tighten welfare eligibility or relax planning requirements, you affect a complex system. Your welfare changes might increase the incentive for training and employment - or they might lead to spike in youth crime. Relaxing planning requirements might accelerate development and grow a district’s population - or it might destroy the environment and make an area uninhabitable. The risk of perverse or unintended consequences rises with three things: 1) the complexity of the system 2) the uncertainty of the future 3) the distance of the rulemaker from the rule’s impacts (see Sidney Yoshida’s *Iceberg of Ignorance*.) [When decisions SUC(k)When the stakes are high and messy, building a good process is the only way through.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-25.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/IMG_6644-1.JPG)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategic-decisions-suck/) ### 🏷️ The price of resources is return If you decide how the money is spent, you’re on the hook for the return. Your funders (taxpayers, supporters, partners) expect something for their spend - and their patience often wears thin before the payoff period. > “There is an absence of institutional mechanisms that give voice to the interests of tomorrow’s generations, who are effectively disenfranchised from the system. Politics enables the colonisation of the future.” > > – Roman Krznaric This pressure favours projects and policies with short-term results (preferably before the next election), making progress on long-term problems tricky. China is blitzing the West in the green transition for a reason. ### 🏷️ The price of relationships is reciprocity Relationships are two-sided - at least, if you want to keep them. Keeping campaign promises once you’re in office is tricky, but supporters aren’t concerned about official advice or your shared political vision - they just want you to hold up your end of the bargain. Some relationships are delightfully transactional - alliance partnerships with agreed compensation, grants with strings attached. You will be forgiven these. Others, not so much. You want to improve abortion access, but stay quiet because of the church who hosted your election fundraiser. You vote to clean up the stream, then the farmers who swung the ward in your favour pull their backing in the next election. Loyalty is a cost, especially in a small country or community. Maybe these are all small, practical concessions to stay in office - you aren’t much good if you’re voted out, after all. Maybe it’s democracy in action. Either way, power comes at a price. Freedom does too. Til next week, AM ### Stop talking shit and start making sense URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-talking-shit/ Last updated: 2026-07-23T22:06:46.000Z WHAT'S INSIDE ****Friday Flurry is a behind-the-scenes newsletter exclusively for paid subscribers.** In this Friday Flurry, enjoy: - Concrete advice on how to reach people in a sea of AI slop. - Four shifts that happened when I quit the news for two years. This Friday Flurry contains some of the best communication advice you'll ever get. It's advice that every person in a professional job should have been told, and advice which, for some reason, we refuse to teach children in school. So let's crack on with useful stuff right from the jump. Here's how to write words people will both read *and care about,* in the swampy marshlands of AI-generated jargon: _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### The news is killing you URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-news-is-killing-you/ Last updated: 2025-11-06T06:48:45.000Z Our first day in Miami, a security guard stopped us as we exited a shopping centre. He wore boots, vest, and a well-stocked utility belt with various holsters. He checked our receipt and smiled at my teenage daughter with a twinkle in his eye. “Thank you, princess.” He gestured warmly at Cam as we left: “You have a beautiful family, sir.” I've been in the US with my two youngest children for two weeks. We've travelled through Florida, spent time in New Orleans and just arrived in California. I was nervous before we came. Reports of Kiwis and Aussies being detained and separated from their kids were doing the rounds and the shutdown was said to be causing havoc. Friends expressed concern at our plans. They wouldn't go to the US if they didn't have to, they said, brows furrowed - especially not with the girls. We spent Halloween in New Orleans, a city that friendly Floridians had warned us to be careful in. We took the kids trick or treating, on a block where the houses went all out with decorations, music, costumes - and candy. We chatted to the family at the first house we stopped at and they invited inside for something to eat. We stayed for half an hour and left with full bellies, drinks, and a genuine invitation to return. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/11/-.jpg.jpg) Cam, me, the kids, the Teletubby who invited us in to their family home, Nick, homeowner and patriarch, and River, the family dog. We've had a fabulous time in the US. Almost every encounter has been safe, friendly, and generous. Which is not to suggest we ignore the very real plight of people affected by natural disasters or ICE raids. The federal shutdown threatens food security for tens of millions of Americans. This is awful, brutal, and unimaginable. Our experience is far from universal. We ease through the world with our white skin, middle-class kids, and cute accents. But fear can distort our frame. Things are almost always worse in my head, and the news, than reality. Most of the world, the people in it, and the stuff happening every day, is fine - but there’s nothing to gain by telling us that, and we wouldn’t click it if they did. News is a fear machine, designed to shock and compel us with a constantly updating stream of panic and misery. Social media is a disconnection machine, which keeps us scrolling and clicking with our own personalised cocktail of outrage and escapism. Everything (*everything)* is built to make us spend - and fear pays. Reality is mostly boring. The people you hear about on the news or fight with on the internet are mostly boring. They love their families, hate traffic, care about their country, and would probably stop for you at a pedestrian crossing. They might even invite you in for some chicken on Halloween. Til next week, AM --- If you think other people in your life need to hear this, make sure to forward this email, or share on your socials. ### NSW local government professionals become Strategic Public Leaders in Sydney URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/spl-sydney-case-study/ Last updated: 2025-12-05T19:06:54.000Z Over 40 local government managers from across New South Wales came together in Sydney for the second LGPro NSW Strategic Public Leaders event facilitated by Alicia McKay. Leaders come along to: - **Elevate their impact**: Strategic public leaders rise above the operational overwhelm to see the bigger picture and move the needle on the most important stuff. - **Future-proof their careers**: Developing strategic skills involves a combination of communication, tactical and people skills delivering a higher return on investment. These events sell out each year and have a reputation for being fun, engaging and valuable - plus a great networking opportunity. Watch the video and hear how these managers found their Strategic Public Leaders experience. ## Who Strategic Public Leaders is for Strategic Public Leaders helps public leaders who are: - Being overwhelmed by tasks, projects, and priorities. - Caught in a reactive cycle of responding to ad-hoc problems instead of progressing key strategic projects. - Becoming defensive and frustrated when interacting with elected members. - Dealing with delays in delivering strategies, plans, and procedures. - Having difficulty building engagement, purpose, and ownership with your team. ## Course topics and learning outcomes In this two-day rapid intensive, leaders get a grounding in core principles of strategic leadership. Topics include: - **Strategic basics:** Demystifying strategic thinking and planning frameworks. - **Role clarity**: Drawing a line between governance and management. - **Bridging the gap:** Aligning big picture strategy to daily operations. - **Decision-making: P**lanning, making, and evaluating quality decisions. - **Systems thinking:** Solving tricky problems in complex systems. Alicia’s training workshops are at the cutting edge of thinking for senior public leaders. Both inspiring and pragmatic, this training is designed to tackle limiting habits and behaviours while embedding practical skills. At the end of this course, you will have the skills to: - Apply strategic frameworks to align daily operations to big-picture strategy. - Prioritise never-ending project wish lists with clarity and confidence. - Elevate conversations with colleagues and Councillors from operational issues to strategic impact. - Evaluate the quality of decisions effectively to improve buy-in and project success. To learn more about Strategic Public Leaders training, click here: [Strategic Public Leaders TrainingA premium leadership program for public sector managers and executives to navigate complexity, align teams, and achieve transformative results.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-45.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Strategic-Leaders-Sydney_Still_003.jpg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategic-public-leaders/) ### When decisions SUC(k) URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategic-decisions-suck/ Last updated: 2026-08-10T02:03:45.000Z My daughter got out of bed with a nightmare on Monday night, and snuggled into me on the couch. I was writing my notes for the workshop I was running the following morning at the ICMA conference in Tampa, Florida. The session was about strategic, political decision-making - and why these kind of decisions are so tricky. My notes were strewn on the couch, where I was working out how to structure the session. I had the three characteristics of a strategic decision scribbled down on an index card, which Harriet picked up and promptly snorted at. "Mum! Are you saying “suck” in your talk?” I looked at where she was pointing - and we both had a giggle. It was here the “Strategic decisions SUC(K)” talk\* was born. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/10/IMG_6643-1.JPG) The note card inspiring Harriet's 'SUC(k) methodology. Note the reminder to credit Harry up the top! ## Your skills won't save you here You're probably pretty good at making decisions. You make 17,000 of them a day. If you're a professional of any stripe, you've likely been making important decisions, based on evidence and analysis, for your entire career. You know how to scope a problem, identify solutions, consider risks, set criteria, and evaluate options. You may even, like me, have gone full decision nerd and studied things like decision science, investment logic, economic analysis, CBAs and business cases. ... and if you're in an environment that makes strategic or political decisions, you probably remember the first time none of this helped you, and the outcome went in a completely unexpected direction. ## Strategic decisions SUC Strategic and political decisions are different to other decisions you make. Your skills will not help you here. There's heaps of reasons for that, many of which are contextually specific, but there are three key things that make strategic decisions SUC(k): subjectivity, uncertainty, and complexity. - **Subjectivity** is about value judgements. In these decisions there is no 'right' answer because there are too many other factors at play: emotions, history, ideology, culture, politics, beliefs, and so on. - **Uncertainty** is about, as Carl Spetzler so wisely noted, the lack of facts from the future. Long time horizons and vulnerability to external conditions create huge uncertainty. We don't know when the next pandemic or recession will hit, and there are too many factors out of our control to accurately predict outcomes. - **Complexity** is about interconnected relationships and unpredictable consequences. This is different from something being *complicated* \- which many decisions are. Complicated decisions have lots of moving parts, but they interact fairly predictably. With complex decisions, you pull one lever, and you have no idea what else might end up shifting as a result. A community is a complex system. ## Process beats outcome Grappling with these forces asks for different skills. In subjective, uncertain and complex environments, you don't control the outcome. To make a good decision, the only thing in your control is the process - which means you can't measure the quality of your choices by how they turn out, but by the way you got there. A full, fair and focused decision process will do a lot of things well, but the most important is taking the right people on the journey. ## Alignment beats accuracy When accuracy doesn't exist, you will need to put *alignment* first. Strategic and political decisions are a collaborative exercise - especially in the public sector, where this is legally required - made in consultative and multi-stakeholder environments. No one person will ever be thrilled by the decision you make (and if they are, you might want to take another look.) When you make decisions with others, you'll have to choose the one you can live with. Where you can sleep at night. Where other people are enthusiastic enough to stay committed, even if it isn't the perfect solution. This engagement and support will be critical when - not if - things turn to custard in an unexpected way and you need to change course. Which means ultimately, at the end of all this clever analysis, the message is pretty simple: **the right decision is one you can all live with, and stick to.** Til next week, AM --- \* Like any good ideas person protecting her IP, Harriet wants to ensure she receives attribution. Hopefully this opening Wednesday Wisdom story counts. Plus, she got a robust round of applause in yesterday's workshop! --- For more on how to make good strategic and political decisions, pick up a copy of [From Strategy to Action](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategy-to-action/) (for strategic planning processes) [You Don't Need An MBA](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-dont-need-an-mba-book/) (for leadership skills) or [Local Legends](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-legends-how-to-make-a-difference-in-local-government-copy/) (for local government decisions). --- ### Politicians deserve more credit URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/politicians-deserve-more-credit/ Last updated: 2025-10-28T03:22:34.000Z ⚡ Welcome to Wednesday Wisdom: your weekly dose of useful thinking about life, work, and leadership. I’ve just spent two days at Mayor School in Wellington, New Zealand - which is exactly what it sounds like: Mayors coming together, to learn how to be Mayors. They learned about risk, finance, reporting, meetings, team-building, community engagement, media relations, and all that good stuff. We had speakers and experts, panels of current and former Mayors, and lots of super useful conversations. I’ve spent more time with politicians than the average bear - especially Mayors and Councillors. I started my career in local government 15 years ago and I’ve worked all over the world as a strategic planner, advisor, consultant and speaker. (In fact, I’m off to Florida, TODAY, to go and speak to thousands more of them!) In that time, my perspective has shifted - or, dare I say it… matured. As a policy person, Councillors were a procedural matter - to be incorporated at best, worked around/ mitigated at worst. As a strategic planner, they were cogs in my well-planned, step-by-step system. I felt about my politicians like many other bureaucrats feel about theirs - weary, perhaps a little condescending, but resigned to their existence. Subject matter experts can get like this. I feel differently these days. **Would you be a Mayor, or run for office?** Most people I know give a resounding ‘hell no.’ That’s because we know how tough it is. Even before we think about all the Mayor School agenda items - the learning, legislation and decision requirements, the time investment, at minimal pay, the weight on your shoulders of intergenerational outcomes - we think of the personal cost. Politicians at all levels of government, are often treated very poorly for their public service. In public, they are lambasted for their choices, outfits, work, and lives. In an increasingly polarised online world, this tips quickly into abuse, especially for women. They can’t go to the supermarket, or get on a plane without being ‘on.’ We know how shit this is, which is why we don’t do it. Council officers and government officials are much more sympathetic to that plight than Joe Public, because we see it first hand, but that doesn’t always tip into genuine respect. And it should. Councillors and Ministers make decisions, every day, that juggle a huge number of factors - technical advice, community feeling, political negotiation and broader social and economic contexts. Mayors and Councillors have a community intelligence that engineers and accountants won’t always understand, and often it’s powerful. It doesn’t always make sense to the public, or the policy wonks, but that doesn’t make it wrong. It doesn’t make it right, either, of course. But that’s partly because there *is no right answer.* Strategic, long-term, political decisions carry extraordinary uncertainty, subjectivity and complexity. There is no such thing as accuracy, only alignment and forward action. It’s a tough gig, and you’ll never please everyone. Sometimes, you won’t please anyone. Surviving in that environment changes a person. To get up everyday and manage natural disasters, media standups, online humiliation, constant observation and public criticism without falling apart or losing your shit requires a strength of character and a level of self-belief few people possess. (It also requires a unique set of skills, the likes of which I cover in [*Local Legends: How to make a difference in local government*](https://shop.aliciamckay.co.nz/products/local-legends?ref=alicia-mckay.ghost.io)*,* and the newly launched [*Local Legends Toolkit,*](http://www.locallegendstoolkit.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)available to all NZ Councillors and Mayors through LGNZ, and soon through local government associations across the globe.) Our democracy depends on people being willing to serve people in this way. To act as proxies for our fears and goals. To stand for a position, a ward, a belief system, or a geography, and negotiate with others who are doing the same. To accept ultimate responsibility for the direction of our communities and countries. To do their best, and take the backlash, day in and day out. This job is unprotected, underestimated, and largely unappreciated. If you want to make a lot of money or have an easy life, you don’t pick politics. Which is all to say: tough gig, but I’m glad we’ve got them. Now I’ve gotta get these kids sorted and on a plane to America! Wee! Til next week, AM ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/10/2024-ALICIA5995-1-Large-3.jpeg) ## Subscribe to Alicia McKay Writer, speaker and strategist. Strategy, change and power. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Take yourself seriously URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/take-yourself-seriously/ Last updated: 2026-04-15T15:19:32.000Z I try not to use my phone too early in the day, but this morning while I was peeing, I opened the latest email fromTed Gioia. I almost didn’t click it. The subject line was: “*I’d Do These Seven Things, If I Were Starting Out in Music Today*” and my amateur but enthusiastic guitar skills probably don’t count. Lucky for me, I clicked it anyway. ## Passion without a plan In his piece, Gioia argues that creative people - musicians, artists, writers, et al - often approach their craft with *passion* but not a *plan,* even when they’re rigorous in other areas of their life. Gioia is a jazz musician and former management consultant who produces on a prolific, comprehensive writing schedule - his Substack, and 12 books besides. He writes about how his meticulous, structured approach to work (planning, systems, and networking) didn’t apply to his music - and not due to a lack of love, effort, or time. Despite a music career being his “highest aspiration” and pouring hours of practice and dedication into *playing* music, he didn’t do critical things that would have made a jazz career truly possible - building a network, getting a degree, reading textbooks, hustling for gigs, or learning about music technology and the recording process. > *What made this strange is that I was pragmatic and thorough in every other facet of my life. I doggedly pursued other goals—studying various subjects and passing tests, developing job skills, learning from great teachers, getting degrees and credentials.* > > *In all those other areas, I applied intense discipline, and worked hard to identify (and fill) gaps in my knowledge.* > > *But in the activity I loved most, namely playing music, I did everything spontaneously, without much forethought. I was guided entirely by the passion and excitement of the jazz experience.* > > [**\- Ted Gioia**](https://www.honest-broker.com/p/id-do-these-seven-things-if-i-were-4c8?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) I’m no jazz musician, but this hit home for me on a few levels. In particular, in my writing career, which I’m still treating as a side hustle. ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!k_zj!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5214b54c-c322-417b-9424-37b58d8e216d_2448x3264.jpeg) 2015 me. New baby. New business. Caged look in eyes. ## I’ve played this game before I’ve been self-employed as a consultant, speaker and trainer for over 11 years now, and none of it happened by accident. I planned, strategised, and networked. After I left my job in 2014, I: **Networked and built relationships** - Reached out to hundreds of potential clients and drank hundreds of coffees. - Hassled business case consultants across New Zealand until one of them agreed to mentor me and include me on projects. - Travelled to Australia every three months to plan and strategise the upcoming quarter with a group of my peers. **Studied and learned** - Studied to become a *Better Business Cases* practitioner. - Flew to Melbourne to become a certified *Investment Logic Mapping/ Investment Management Standard* practitioner - and renewed my certification annually. - Researched countless hours and wrote three books and hundreds of articles for my own platform and other magazines and audiences. - Took courses in public speaking, stand-up comedy, writing, facilitation, strategic planning and coaching. - Learned to film videos, publish podcasts, build websites, and create business systems. **Promoted** - Published a weekly newsletter for the last eight years. - Built an online audience through relentless outreach, publishing, filming and content creation. **Hustled** - Participated in tenders, proposals and panels. - Ran free and paid webinars, lunch and learns and speaking events online and on both sides of the ditch. - ‘Laddered up’ from free gigs to low-paid gigs to high- leverage delivery. - Launched dozens of offers and programmes, over half of which failed miserably. **Invested** - Joined a professional association of speakers, authors and trainers and invested $25,000 to learn how to commercialise my IP into programmes and outputs. - Paid professional designers, editors, assistants, and PR people to establish my brand, create compelling materials and place me on podcasts, radio shows, TV shows and newspapers. I didn’t expect any of it to happen by accident, and I never thought being talented would be enough. I also did it with three young kids and that’s why I’m so tired now. ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!_9Zy!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F620ebc6e-b189-4ef0-a335-eec58705c6df_945x537.jpeg) In 2021 they even put me on the telly. How good. ## But I’m not doing it as a writer I’ve done some of these things with my writing career, sure. I’ve taken classes, applied for a couple of things, and continued to publish essays and experiments. I’ve read a lot of craft books. I’ve done a *lot* of writing. It’s not a lack of time, effort, or love. But there’s no way I’ve been as dogged and methodical with this dream, as I have been with my business. After reading Gioia’s article, I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day. What would happen if I, and so many of the wishful thinkers I know, took ourselves seriously? I filmed [this little rant on LinkedIn.](https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7383608755239862272/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) I kept making lists and scribbling things down. And now, I’m firing this stream of consciousness straight into your brain hole. I’m a strategist, by trade. I’m organised, and I know how to join the dots between a big dream and daily choices. I’ve taught thousands of executives, politicians, and bureaucrats across the world how to do this. I’ve led transformational thinking for organisations, sectors, and communities. In short: I know how to do this. So if a Capital W Writing Career, - getting out of the delivery grind and onto writing about Big Ideas - is my “highest aspiration” à la Gioia’s jazz career - where’s the proof? If I really want this, I’ll apply my skills and persistence to it in exactly the same way. I’ll make a full-time job out of drafting, publishing, pitching, networking, investing in my development, honing my craft, and promoting my work. I’ll create a plan, make a spreadsheet, and track my progress every day, week, month, and year. Because the stuff we care about doesn’t happen by accident. In fact, the stuff we care about requires us to plan and work *twice as hard* as the other stuff, to compensate for the self-sabotage and Resistance that comes with it. ## It’s time to get your shit together I know hustle isn’t in fashion anymore. We’ve (rightly) seen a backlash to dude-bro productivity advice, burnout-inducing optimisation culture, life hacks and girl boss bullshit. I’ve led some of that charge! But I think we’ve overcorrected. I’ve been thinking this while I’ve been writing [*The Ambition Recession*](https://writing.aliciamckay.co.nz/t/ambition?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) series, and I **really** started thinking it once I finished [last week’s essay about the ambition vacuum](https://writing.aliciamckay.co.nz/p/the-ambition-vacuum-inevitability?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Because there’s plenty of people still out there rise and grinding - the tech bros, the tradwives, the conservative right, and the startups, to name a few - while young people, the left, creatives, and big-idea progressives are wringing their hands about the state of things. The vacuum we leave by not stepping up is being filled - and, at the risk of pulling a Kim K level of blind ignorance here, if we’re not prepared to do the work… well, this is what we get. ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!flk1!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4b555abb-b7cd-44a9-b946-d6f42785e280_4032x3024.jpeg) Harriet wrote this story in 2021 but it still feels relevant in 2025. There are too many people broke, burnt out and disillusioned right now. I get it, man. I’ve been there. I’ve lost months to depressive fugs. Years to poverty and discrimination. But I also dragged my pregnant ass out of the foster-care gutter at 17 to start a cleaning business that paid my rent and talk my way into university without the entrance qualifications. Because at some point, you have to decide whether you’re going to pick up your shit and own your life and future. ## Here is your tough love The most successful entrepreneurs, creatives, athletes and politicians are not useful role models. They tend to have some combination of inherited wealth, family connections, genetic superiority or blind luck. Don’t listen to them. You don’t need to be Bill Gates, but I’m pretty confident you could be making enough money and extracting enough meaning from stuff you care about to live your values and your dream life. It won’t happen if we keep dabbling, waiting for inspiration, waiting to get noticed, picked, seen, found. It won’t happen if we treat our ambitions, lives, and creative work like weekend hobbies. It won’t happen until we take ourselves seriously. **This message is particularly for you if you are\*:** - On the left, living your best woke life, sensitive to structural forces that make the whole thing feel futile - Battling or recovering from a ‘down’ month/ year/ era (restructure, mental health, relationship garbage, et al) - Kinda broke or at least feeling like it especially when you go to the supermarket. - Relatively young yet already disillusioned with the world. ## I want you to hustle like you mean it Here’s the message: It’s time to hustle. It’s time to #riseandgrind. Write a plan. Look 3-6 months ahead. Prepare your week on a Sunday night. Schedule in the things you say matter. Strategise your way into the room you want to be in. Put the waah-machine down, pick the war machine up, and get moving on your best life before you squander the whole thing whinging and waiting. And you know what? Engage in all that tacky, shitty, optimisation culture with checklists and protocols and tactics, because one or two of them will work for you. Absorb semi-motivational speeches about mindset and life-hacks. ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Casa!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6bb665a0-5c45-452d-90c8-bc05f18989cb_1200x640.heic) I AM BEATING MY CHEST IN SOLIDARITY. Listen to Jocko Willink or James Clear or pick one of those privileged out-of-touch dude-bros who doesn’t have to juggle the slow cooker, the after-school activities, the caring responsibilities, the home maintenance and the health issues and just… **pretend you’re one of them for a minute.** Let them remind you about the usefulness of personal discipline and habits because they’re wrong about a lot of things, but not about that. Go to bed earlier. Exercise every day whether you want to or not. ### Do this: - Write down 5 habits or practices that will make your dream real. - Put those as tasks in your calendar. - Start a spreadsheet to track your activity. - Fill it in every Friday. - Repeat. ## The world is unfair whether you try hard or not Yes, the world is unfair. Yes, your life is going to be significantly easier if you are a white, straight, middle-aged man with inherited wealth and a partner who takes care of your home and family for you. Yes, politics is fucked and AI is problematic and everybody else has it easier than you and you’re too old or too young and too dumb or too smart and too poor and it’s too cold. So what? That’s true, either way. That’s your starting point. Your Ground Zero. It’s up to you what you do from here. There are organised networks of entrepreneurs and activists out there with well-funded think tanks, thriving media ecosystems, cold plunges and influential relationships who are flooding your Nanna with disinformation on Facebook, enabling the resurgence of measles and stoking culture wars to distract from real wars. These people are planning years ahead, building infrastructure, and bending society and technology to their will. They are concentrating wealth and embedding privilege. And you could learn a thing or two from them, quite frankly. **It’s time to take yourself seriously. Professionalise your ambition. Treat your life as a vocation. Fight the war. Fuck the norm.** Til next week, A --- \*If you’re already a right-wing-voting, start-up-founding, cold-pool-plunging kinda guy or gal, you can just skip this one. I still love you and think you’re doing great, but your prescription is different. Read a novel. Have a bath. Clean out your pantry. Ask a woman 5 questions in a row. Listen to her answers without providing an anecdote or lessons of your own. ### The ambition vacuum URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-ambition-vacuum-inevitability-and-cultural-malaise/ Last updated: 2025-11-06T08:39:47.000Z “We’re a pack of bloody whingers!” I exploded in frustration, chatting to my friend Stephen at the end of an interview for [The Busker Principle](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-busker-principle/) article. “Like, I get it, things are hard, but where’s the fire? Where’s the get up and go?” It gets worse. “Don’t tell me you’ve ‘burnt out!’ You’re up to Fuck. All. If you were doing something you felt excited about, you wouldn’t be so ‘burnt out!’ (air-quote fingers were used here.) “Maybe get off your ass and try something new for a change?” I fumed. “That’ll be the next piece I write, actually. It’ll just say: get off your ass!” I mean… Gosh. First, I apologise on behalf of that frustrated, sanctimonious woman. She was a specimen of health, trotting her high horse around the drizzly Pauatahanui inlet, brimming with vim and self-righteousness. (The woman writing *this* piece, in contrast, is on day nine of the flu and hardly remembers that robust firecracker, so quick to judge her fellow countrywomen.) ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!KDLR!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe3475c64-fced-4efe-bb64-793851c6388a_1440x810.heic) Get off the couch, haha. ## Sanctimony is short-sighted (but reassuring) The stomping-around-the-inlet-in-frustration woman shares some characteristics with New Zealand’s Prime Minister, actually. He turned up in Rotorua last week, glanced at rocketing youth unemployment and instructed unemployed school leavers to “[get off the couch, stop playing PlayStation and go find a job](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/political/575154/how-many-job-hunters-are-there-for-each-job-ad?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz).” Faced with a worrying trend, both Lady High Horse and Lord Playstation have resorted to blaming individuals, (aka the people suffering the consequences), rather than looking to structural, economic or social phenomena. This approach gifts the finger-pointer (and all those who identify with the finger-pointer) the moral high ground, and boils the problem down to a handy little ball of blame. The lesson: everything is fine, all the choices we’ve made are fine, and a few shit people are just being shit. Can’t touch me, ‘cos I’m not shit like them. What a pleasantly reductive and reassuring way to view the world. But people (even Prime Ministers) are rarely the problem. They usually behave exactly the way their environment encourages. To understand the anatomy of an issue, we have to look wider - and when we’re looking at population or generation level trends, we have to look *far wider.* ## We’re in an ambition recession Lady High Horse and and Lord Playstation are right on one count: there is a noticeable cultural swing away from ambition. But the size of the frame is wrong. It’s not just Kiwis suffering this malaise, and it’s not a crisis of individual willpower. We’re in an [*ambition recession*](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/ambition/)*.* It’s a pattern I see everywhere - from political short-termism and managerial risk-aversion, to widespread cynicism in popular entertainment. l speak to hundreds of executives, bureaucrats and politicians every year, and the last few years are the flattest I’ve seen in my career. It’s as if a collective fire has gone out. Politicians who are so captured by social media they won’t invest in vital infrastructure. Workers living in constant fear of restructure and redundancy, who spend their energy flying below the radar, avoiding anything that looks like a new idea. My Gen Z kids trading nihilistic memes while the algorithm manufactures 2000s nostalgia to get them rocking the Y2K aesthetic, (which makes no sense because low-rise jeans didn’t look good the first time.) ## The metanarratives are shifting I’ve been writing a series on [the ambition recession](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/ambition/), from a range of sniffpoints, ever since I walked out of a conference a few months ago to film [this rant in my car](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/aliciamckaynz%5Faliciarants-activity-7353592131980025857-DgJF/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). We’ve looked at [Poppy Loppers](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/poppy-loppers-why-kiwis-snark-at-success/), the insidious cultural programming keeping us feeling and playing small. We’ve railed against the way ambition is discouraged and punished in women, [with the P-tax.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-p-tax-2/) We’ve explored [The Busker Principle](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-busker-principle-cultural-kneecapping-with-economic-consequences/), a narrow and outdated understanding of valuable work that undermines our social fabric and future economic engine. But this all pokes the edges of a bigger puzzle. Ambition is nothing more than a story we tell about what’s possible. And those stories rest on larger cultural frameworks - metanarratives - that shape how entire societies view the world. Every day, our choices say something about how we understand the world - the stories we believe about good and bad, right and wrong, cause and effect, options and consequences. These stories shape our idea of what’s possible, probable and preferable - and many of them were coded so early, or at such a large scale, that we can’t even see them. They’re the air we breathe, the water we swim in. And right now, those metanarratives are shifting. ## The end of something, the start of nothing else (yet) We talk about ‘late-stage capitalism’ (or, my preference, ‘last-gasp patriarchy’) in a way that acknowledges the end of something. But the lack of an ‘early-stage’ equivalent suggests we’re not sure what might come next. The OG metanarratives of modernity (things like progress, emancipation, science-as-truth) were uniting, totalising forces. Without them, we splinter into bitter little pockets of doubt and detachment, with nothing to believe in. The table below spells out some of the old stories and how these are being undermined or disrupted. | Old story | Disruptions | | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | | **Enlightenment is coming for everyone** Human reason and science will lead to improvement in all domains: social, technological, moral, environmental, economic. Logic and empiricism are fair and triumph over nature and superstition. Religion will fade as reason prevails. Journalism, science and fact-based institutions will set the agenda. | **Science is short-sighted and truth is relative** Climate crisis, pandemics, war. Science used for cruelty or profit (eugenics, colonisation, biowarfare). Ecodevastation, AI bias. Religious resurgence and politicisation (Christian nationalism in US, Hindu nationalism in India, Islamic states.) Disinformation, post-truth politics, fragmented media, deepfakes, institutional distrust. | | **Global democracy is destiny** Liberal democracy is the superior or ultimate form of government and society, the ‘end of history’. It will develop naturally for global spread; intervention to ‘democratise’ is charitable and just. People will become increasingly free and liberated. | **Democracy is in doubt** Backsliding of liberal democracies, the rise of authoritarian populism, invasion of democratic states (Ukraine), “illiberal democracy” (Hungary, India). Concentrated corporate power, non-democratic global powers (China), fraying multilaterism, rising nationalism. Surveillance capitalism, algorithms. | | **Bigger economies = better lives** A rising tide lifts all boats, growth trickles down and everyone benefits. With the invisible genius of the market, meritocracy will deliver widespread prosperity to those who work hard enough. Each generation will do better. | **Uncertain economic futures** Declining real wages and home ownership, financial system corruption, asset bubbles, gig economy, wealth concentration, intergenerational inequality. Structural privilege, inherited wealth, class immobility, falling living standards, impending economic restructure from AI. | A third column is forming as we speak, bursting with options. A new world will, eventually, prevail. Humans are resilient and have overcome worse moments in history than this. In the meantime, while we’re not sure what comes next, the cultural mood is a collective… shrug. Enter: inevitability. ## In the gap, we’ve grown weary I believe we have a cultural current of *inevitability* and, ultimately, *futility*. The Go-Get-‘Em-Tiger ethos of previous decades is hopelessly naive in the face of \* *gestures broadly\**, so we need weary pragmatism and ironic detachment to survive. In the 90s, we thought recycling would save us, now we drop our rinsed bottles in the bin with a sneer, “Glad I ‘ve seperated these just so they can all end up in the same pile.” We’ve seen the greenwashing and watched decades of politicians across the spectrum fail to meet the call on climate change. The environmental disaffection has been here for a while and the same vibe has spread to technology: especially AI. AI debates seem to contain three main schools of thought: 1. **Techno-optimists**: Get on board, kids! The future is here, and it’s going to free us all! (These people are usually selling AI, or something connected to it.) 2. **Doomsdayers:** AI is an existential threat. Sentient robots, autonomous weapons or mass unemployment (or a combo) will end us. (Many leading academics and researchers have now joined this camp.) 3. **Weary pragmatists**: Could go either way, but there’s nothing we can do. We have to adapt, because nobody will save us, no matter how bad it gets. That final category is where the inevitability narrative is strongest. Despite AI’s infancy, and the recency of inventions like smartphones and social media, we have already thrown our hands in the air. “Like it or not,” people say “It’s not going anywhere, so we’ll have to teach the kids to adapt.” I’m puzzled and impressed at the prevalence of this thinking. Tech companies have told such powerful inevitability stories that people won’t even *try* to resist, and fear of “falling behind” in some unspoken race does the rest. As a result, we treat these inventions as though they’re embedded and eternal, aware of how impotent our politicians are before multi-national tech companies. We’re like children with neglectful parents, detaching from our feelings, eliminating all our expectations, in a bleak collective response. Because we do need *something.* The function of metanarratives is to legitimise institutions, knowledge and power. When the big stories break down, new ideas emerge to paper over the cracks. According to Frederic Jameson, the cultural logic of capitalism is the ultimate crack-papering PVA. Inevitability fits the bill perfectly - if there’s nothing we can do, may as well party (scroll, and purchase) while the world burns! ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Ugbs!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F0a96f4fc-b394-4a82-965c-4ffb486ae6a0_2000x1126.heic) Sick of bad news? Try this for entertainment. ## Why do things feel so futile? Things aren’t great, I’ll give you that. The fascists are back, children are committing suicide over deepfakes, and the planet’s careening toward climate collapse. But the world has always been a manifestly unjust shit heap filled with militant fuckwits tearing societies apart and plundering natural resources. The main difference is that until extremely recently, there wasn’t such widespread consumption of bad news. We didn’t *know* how bad things were, and we had positive news to balance out the despair. For most of history, news was local - and it was both finite, and time-boxed. Popular media was more ‘entertainment’ and less ‘terror-inducing true crime’. People consumed a tiny fraction of the information streaming into their eyeballs today, and while newspapers always aimed for attention-grabbing headlines, they didn’t have the technology for such personalised ragebait. Staying informed was an option, not a civic duty or moral calling, and you consumed largely the same information as everyone else. TV shows and movies - just a few, all played to millions - reinforced the classic metanarratives: the little guy triumphing over the rich villain, bigots examining their prejudices and making social progress, inventors and risk-takers moving the world forward. Now, when people turn on their medium-screens after a busy five hours a day of doom-scrolling bespoke, infinite, newsfeeds on their small-screens, they choose between the violent dystopia of *Squid Game* and the bleak, jaded irony of *Succession* or *Severance*. Or, they head to the past for some comfort nostalgia like *Friends* or *The Office*, made at a time when we still thought things might get better. Our brains, hijacked by dopamine loops and pickled in the acid of social media, see futility and decline where-ever we look. Stories - the ones on your social feed and in Netflix shows - don’t just describe reality, they *produce* it. Barry Schwartz calls this ‘idea technology’ - the stories we tell about human nature that have the power to *change* human nature. > If we understand birth defects as acts of God, we pray. If we understand them as acts of chance, we grit our teeth and roll the dice. If we understand them as the product of prenatal neglect, we take better care of pregnant women.” > > \-Barry Schwartz At other points in history, rampant corporate greed might have provoked a socialist revolution, collective action, or other resistance. But in a world where people are physically isolated, socially disconnected and algorithmically polarised, we end up with existential malaise. The narrative of inevitability, then, is a cultural force with consequences. When we see things as inevitable, we shrink. We perpetuate our own cycle of futility. Which leaves room for the taking, doesn’t it? ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!8Oww!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8ea9193f-1af9-46bc-a7c2-e968fd25c2ec_1500x1000.heic) Tradwives: filling the vacuum our ambition has left behind. ## The ambition vacuum Let’s call this what it is: a particularly *left-wing* problem. There are plenty of people and organisations who profit and power-grab in the current environment. They tend to be those who either: 1. Directly benefit from the inevitability narrative (technology companies, ecodestroyers) or 2. Subscribe to a core belief that still aligns with the old stories of progress, reason, and merit (evangelical Christians, conservative politicians, centre-right populist movements with a bent toward nostalgia.) The futilism of the left creates a vacuum for trad-wives, prompt engineers and militant fascists. It leaves space for the people turning your Nanna MAGA on Facebook and stoking anti-immigration rallies in countries founded on colonisation and post-war immigrants. It’s easy to write this off as influencers and incels. But the TikTok tradwife empires aren’t just making a fortune shilling aprons and vitamin supplements. They’re encouraging a generation of history’s most liberated women to turn their backs on feminism at a time when those rights are being eroded in countries around the world. We might be disconnected from our neighbours, but global disinformation networks mobilise with extraordinary real-life results. In 2022, a heady combination of Russian-generated disinformation about COVID-19 vaccines, US-based funding and a handful of ambitious anti-government figureheads whipped farmers and concerned citizens across New Zealand into a convoy frenzy, resulting in a three-week occupation of Parliament grounds. Ambition is alive and well on the reactionary right, and it is funded, organised, and loud. The ambition recession might not be a recession at all, but a *redistribution* \- from the collective to the individual, nation-state to technology company, democratic to autocratic, left to right. ## Inevitability is not inevitable The power of stories are their own kryptonite. We decide things are futile, and they become so. But if we decide they aren’t futile, well, they won’t be. If we reject inevitability - environmental collapse and tech dystopia both - and demand regulation and resistance, the stories can shift - and the future along with it. Cultural narratives are fickle and narratives can be rewritten. And who’s to say I’m right? This is the beauty of stories. What I see as a key cultural moment, a narrative of inevitability enabling corporate greed and hastening the erosion of democracy, might not be that at all. Maybe this moment isn’t one of recession at all, but of redefinition. A Gen Z reframe that’s less about work, and more about values. Maybe ambition is alive and well, but it’s retreated into the personal sphere where it’s less culturally obvious. People creating ‘soft lives,’ replete with rich and rewarding relationships, hobbies, gardens and crafts. Or maybe ambition has migrated into new forms that aren’t visible to an elder millennial who avoids social media. Hustle culture is thrives on the right *and* in the self-branded influencer world. So that’s less of a recession, and more of a shift away from complaining old people and toward a new economy I don’t understand. These stories, and 100 others, are all possibilities. Staring out at the inlet with a pile of snotty tissues, I’m no clearer than you about what the real story is, or if there is one. But the old ones, the narratives that fuelled colonialism, justified extractive capitalism and co-signed tech-driven destruction, are probably due for an update anyway. Very little is inevitable and things are probably never as bad as they seem on the internet. *blows nose introspectively* \-AM --- ### **🎶** Soundtrack I’m knee-deep in a new body of work around power literacy - how to see, work with, and shape the invisible mechanisms of power. New projects require appropriate soundtracks - [here’s what I wrote this article to](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2ODFblHOeo3QDc1upG7tPx?si=cb92b0d2d23e4496&nd=1&dlsi=9e45bf24f7fc4c58&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Start with this banger: [Know Your Enemy by Rage Against the Machine](https://open.spotify.com/track/1XTGyfJeMiZXrZ1W3NolcB?si=9ab8207533ad4400&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) --- ### **✍️** Notes This is all *so* culturally relative. Sweeping statements about the grand narratives of modernity and their collapse are, like most historical accounts, wildly Eurocentric and leave out almost everything that wasn’t the domain of rich white dudes. They miss out entire continents, genders and frameworks of knowledge. I’m shouting from a protective little bubble, a middle-class white woman in a safe country, cosied close to the powerful with my notebook and my annoying questions. My prickly edges - working-class beginnings, experiences in state care, life as an emancipated child and teen mother - are, in any real analysis, still so close to the mean as to be a rounding error. I have no authority to speak on behalf of the vulnerable or dispossessed, nor to comment on the dominant cultural narratives in any other world than the one I inhabit. This is true for all of us. It’s worth bearing that in mind when reading any cultural or social commentary - or indeed, history book. ### Don't panic, it's just work URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/dont-panic-its-just-work/ Last updated: 2025-10-14T01:56:37.000Z *This is your yearly reminder that it’s just work.* Much of my stress comes from work—or at least, that’s where I choose to experience it. And I’m my own boss, doing whatever I want. I can only begin to imagine how stressful it is when many other people are involved. Hats off to all of you who show up as functioning employees daily and don’t bash your laptop against the wall, stick a fork in your hand in the break room, or leap from the window in desperation when the Powerpoint warms up. That’s impressive and I’m proud of you. Employed or self-employed, many of the big problems we battle during our days are work-related. At the time, they feel catastrophic. But chances are, we won’t remember them in a week, month, or year. Look, things turn to custard, and it’s not ideal. But as a good friend of mine likes to say, “We’re not saving lives here\*.” The stuff we do probably isn’t life or death. It’s just work. There are so many other things to worry about that have a far greater impact on the quality of our lives and the contribution we make to the world: Our families, our friends, our homes, our goals, our dreams, our health, love, politics, food, death, ideas, books, music, and art. If your work brings serious joy and passion to your life, then sure, if you must, get all up and amongst it. Get tangled and invested and identified. Merge yourself with the worries of your work like a personal cancer. Modify your cells until they’re humming like an inbox. But if it’s just work… well, it’s just work. AM *\*If you are, in fact, saving lives, please continue to do that. Most of us are just tippity tapping our way through the day. We need you.* ### ICMA 111th Annual Conference 2025 in Tampa, Florida URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/icma-2025/ Last updated: 2025-10-19T03:23:26.000Z Alicia McKay will travel from New Zealand to give a Game Changer session revealing powerful insights from her work with New Zealand and Australian Councils and a breakout workshop for strategic public leadership. She'll equip you with practical tools to think strategically, make smarter decisions, and build stronger, more dynamic relationships between governance and management. Alicia will be available throughout the conference and will also present to the Global Committee on Sunday, 27 October. ### Conference Information **Dates: October 25 - 29, 2025** **Location: Tampa Convention Centre, Tampa, FL** The 2025 annual conference, organized by the International City/County Management Association (ICMA), is the flagship event of the year. Experience five transformational days filled with: - Forward-thinking educational sessions and inspiring keynotes - Skill-building and mobile workshops - Thought-provoking game changer presentations - Insights from leading researchers, practitioners, and experts - Practical solutions for today’s local government challenges - Countless opportunities to connect with peers who “speak your language” and face the same daily challenges that you do. [Learn more about the conference here](https://conference.icma.org/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Strategic Public Leaders Promo Video URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategic-public-leaders-promo-video/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:26:28.000Z ## Training details [Strategic Public Leaders TrainingA premium leadership program for public sector managers and executives to navigate complexity, align teams, and achieve transformative results.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-119.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Strategic-Leaders-Sydney_Still_003-3.jpg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategic-public-leaders/) ## Case studies [Greater Wellington Regional Council: Strategic Public LeadersOver 100 Greater Wellington Regional Council managers have enjoyed Strategic Public Leaders training with Alicia McKay.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-121.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Screenshot-2025-09-20-at-10.48.51---PM-1.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/creating-strategic-local-government-leaders-with-greater-wellington-regional-council/) ### LGNZ Mayors' School URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/lgnz-mayors-school/ Last updated: 2025-10-21T08:18:59.000Z _No content available._ ### The busker principle URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-busker-principle/ Last updated: 2025-11-06T08:39:59.000Z **Welcome to the third instalment of** [***The Ambition Recession***](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/ambition/)**, where we look at the state of ambition in the world today – from Aotearoa and Australia to the wider world, traversing politics, economics, philosophy and culture.** In previous editions, we’ve looked at [tall poppy syndrome](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/poppy-loppers-why-kiwis-snark-at-success/) and [ambition traps for women](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-p-tax-2/). In this piece, we’ll examine ambition asymmetry across occupations – and why we’re in trouble if we can’t switch gears. --- **In this piece:** - [The Busker Principle](#the-busker-principle) - [Cultural kneecapping](#cultural-kneecapping) - [Soft power and creative exports](#soft-power-and-creative-exports) - [How to switch gears](#how-to-switch-gears) - [The Busker Principle is poison, let’s bin it](#The-Busker-Principle-is-poison-let’s-bin-it) --- ## The Busker Principle It’s a sunny Sunday morning at the market. A scruffy musician, perched on a stool, strums his guitar and croons along. Couples strolling past stop to listen, smile, and tap their feet. Kids race up between songs to drop a coin in the open guitar case, beaming with flushed pleasure when he thanks them over the mic. The vibe is joyful, stitching strangers together, just for the morning, as we gather to hear him play. The busker’s guitar case is open for cash tips, but there is no way for the cashless to contribute. Striking up a chat between songs, Cam and I suggest he puts a QR code out next time, so people like us can tip him for his work. The man sitting next to us interjects swiftly: “*Don’t do that*,” he advised the busker firmly. Turning to me, he explains: ‘*It’ll take away from the music.*“ We argue, briefly. The busker shrinks in embarrassment. He will almost definitely not print a QR code now. This is the Busker Principle: bringing joy to the world is reward enough. To pay would cheapen the impact. Besides, art and music are not *work* \- not the kind we pay or are paid for. In the not-for-profit sector, it’s called the ‘purpose penalty’ - the paycut for choosing meaning over money. In 2025, there’s an almost inverse relationship between social value and income. Nurses, teachers, bus drivers - the same people we designated most essential a few short years ago - strike for fair pay, while our elected leaders [gaslight them out of their poverty](https://www.stuff.co.nz/politics/360795926/judith-collins-says-she-got-it-wrong-average-teacher-not-earning-140k?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). ## Cultural kneecapping Of all sectors, it may be creative industries who are most familiar with voluntary labour, subsidising their audiences’ participation by performing for free or even paying from their own pocket. According to Steven Youngblood, General Manager Strategy, Insights and Impact at soon-defunct Toi Mai, “*NZ artists tend to use ticketing to manage access, not revenue*.” According to [some reports](https://www.salient.org.nz/post/behind-the-curtain-investigating-a-wicked-underbelly??ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), the 2023 production of Wicked relied almost completely on unpaid actors, dancers, and musicians - despite ticket prices up to roughly $90 and total audiences in the tens of thousands. This is the industry standard. [Subscribe](#/portal/signup/free) In May, I attended an Auckland Writer’s Festival panel titled “*Being a New Zealand Writer Today.*“ For an hour, New Zealand’s most respected literary voices told aspiring writers their best hope was to be broke and unrecognised. It’s just an honour to be literate, they shrugged, smiling modestly. We’re grateful for half a pencil and a wonky desk. (Paraphrasing mine.) The message was clear: financial success from your writing is unrealistic. Writers should expect to struggle. The panelists were talented, generous creatives with collective decades of persistence and production. Their pragmatism wasn’t malicious; nor was it gatekeeping. It was a warm-hearted warning, a survival mechanism that keeps them writing in an ecosystem limping along with meagre resources. When writers and artists are told to expect nothing, we all lose. We lose entertainment, sure. But we also lost the perspective and stories of those who can’t afford to create our national story infrastructure for free. We lose access to diverse points of view, shared values, and empathy across class and culture. ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!3uGP!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F218e21a7-313f-42c2-aaab-03bbf11d5f0d_1000x646.heic) Colm Toibin, Laureate for Irish Fiction and vocal supporter of writers’ bursaries. Source: [Auckland Writers Festival](https://www.writersfestival.co.nz/programmes/writers/colm-toibin/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) It needn’t be this way. In countries like Ireland and Iceland, culture is treated as infrastructure. Creatives can receive a salary to dedicate themselves to their work. Ireland, with the same population as New Zealand, has produced four Nobel literature laureates and multiple Booker prize winners. The Dublin Literary Award, funded by Dublin City Council, is the most lucrative fiction prize in the world, valued at €100,000\. Writer bursaries and tax exemptions make writing a valued profession of national pride. In Iceland, with a population of just over 400,000, millions in literary funding has created the ‘Icelandic book flood’, lifted the average person’s reading rate to [2.3 books per month](https://www.islit.is/en/news/reading-has-increased-and-icelanders-now-read-2.3-books-per-month-on-average?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=Reading%20Has%20Increased%20and%20Icelanders,Average%20%7C%20News%20%7C%20Mi%C3%B0st%C3%B6%C3%B0%20%C3%ADslenskra%20b%C3%B3kmennta), and saved indigenous language publishing. In New Zealand, national broadcasters will [call you a hua](https://www.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/books/65493542/radio-host-sean-plunket-stands-by-calling-eleanor-catton-a-hua?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) after you become the youngest person in history to win the Booker. We will [spend $70 million to snivel for more Lady Gaga concerts](https://www.stuff.co.nz/culture/360823587/governments-new-70m-major-events-fund-praised-game-changer?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) people can’t afford, but not properly fund a creative sector that makes and exports brilliance of its own. (To put that figure into perspective, Creative New Zealand’s entire annual budget, from all sources, comes to just under $70 million.) To the market man and panelists both, I suggest: admiration without compensation is exploitation. Expecting people to produce creative assets like music, art, film, or writing for free, and criticising them for attempts to be paid, dampens enthusiasm to do necessary, world-changing work. And necessary, world-changing work, it is. Creative work is the fabric of civic life. It builds cohesion, equity, and identity - the stories that help us see ourselves in one another. When we underfund it, we don’t just lose out on potential GDP. We lose national pride, shared understanding and, as increasingly recognised internationally, soft power. ## Soft power and creative exports [A report released last week from Toi Mai](https://toimai.nz/publications/skills-in-the-creative-sector/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), produced by economist Shamubeel Eaqub, has the numbers: New Zealand’s creative sectors contribute $13 billion to GDP every year and support around 100,000 jobs. In a press release from Toi Mai, Eaqub explains: “*The world loves our creative sector and is buying our creative outputs. It is our fourth largest commodity export at $3.6 bn in 2023, bigger than fruit, wine and seafood, sitting behind only dairy, meat and forestry. It is also a highly productive sector, with each worker producing $346,000 a year when adjusted for hours worked – slightly higher than agriculture and much more than the national average of $197,000.*“ In a country hamstrung by dependence on high-input, low-productivity, environmentally ravaging primary sectors, these are numbers worth paying attention to. Dr Clare Robinson, Toi Mai’s Chief Executive, is frustrated. “*To put the size of the economic prize in perspective: while New Zealand’s primary industries are impressive, they can only feed 40 million people annually – compare that to the creative sector, which can reach 5.3 billion global consumers (66% of the world’s population) through digital screens and platforms*.” The gap, according to Eaqub’s research and the subsequent *New Dawn* report from Toi Mai, is in our skills and investment. In this, we lag embarrassingly behind our international counterparts, which might explain why we lose our most innovative people and companies, and have to borrow technology skills from temporary migrants. “*Once companies get to nine employees, they leave New Zealand.*“ explains Youngblood. “*Then when you look at our tech workforce, 45% of them are on working visas.*“. [Subscribe now](#/portal/signup/free) The rest of the world has twigged to the new frontier of cultural ‘soft power’ and is backing it with effort and investment - the UK has even established a Soft Power Council. The superstar in this space is South Korea, who have tripled the value of their cultural exports in the last decade. We didn’t take the Hallyu (Korean Wave) seriously to start with, when our kid’s bedrooms were filled with ear-worms like Gangnam Style and Baby Shark. But Academy Award winning films like Parasite and record-breaking shows like Squid Game have cemented Korea’s position as a leading cultural force. This soft power strategy, which began after the Asian financial crisis of 1997, is the result of well-funded and highly targeted policy intervention. The South Korean government has been strategically investing in creative industries, establishing dedicated government ministries, Councils and funding, offering tax advantages, subsidies and diplomatic passports, and operating as an aligned and consistent messaging machine across government - even taking K-Pop group BTS to perform at the UN General Assembly. ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!Jpez!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fee6d6e1a-01e9-452f-9cba-d228ce6f119d_1841x1228.jpeg) BTS at the UN. Source: [NY Times](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/20/world/asia/bts-un-performance.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Unlike Korea, New Zealand would be starting from a position of relative strength. Travelling for work, when people discover I’m a Kiwi, they generally mention three things: the Lord of the Rings, the natural environment, and the haka. Cultural and environmental capital. It’s why the government take a kapa haka group on trade missions: because our culture is our most powerful asset and point of difference. Globally, people already rate what our creative sector produces - which is richer than many Kiwis probably recognise. [An explainer report published by WeCreate](https://wecreate.org.nz/wp-content/uploads/WeCreate-Creative-Export-Explainer-March-2025-FINAL.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) (an alliance of New Zealand’s creative industry associations and organisations), outlines success stories such as the New Zealand video game industry, which has produced: *“consistent double-digit annual growth, and average worker productivity surpassing NZD $499,500, underscoring it’s robust contribution to the national economy. The annual exports of the industry now exceed staples like pharmaceuticals, iron and steel, and wood pulp in importance for New Zealand.”* Gaming companies like PikPok and Black Salt Games have a huge global audience, with over 97% of the industry’s revenue generated through exports. WeCreate point to diverse success stories like Les Mills, (who’s programmes run in 22,000 gyms across 110 countries), comedian Rose Matafeo, Auckland-based advertising agency Special Group (named the World’s Best Creative Agency) and luxury jeweller Alice Herald as examples of the breadth and potential of New Zealand creatives. Productivity continues to plummet [as unemployment rises and GDP shrinks](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/business/573802/how-nz-economy-is-tracking-after-gloomy-gdp-figures?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), but the now-disestablished Productivity Commission was clear, for years, about the way forward: - Support Kiwi firms to export high-value products - Diversify markets - Improve skills training - Shift policy to capture global opportunities - Pivot away from dependence on raw inputs like labour and natural resources toward outputs generated by innovation and technology. Toi Mai Chief Executive Dr Claire Robinson is unequivocal: “*New Zealand is currently squandering its significant competitive advantage in the creative sector by fragmented thinking and broken policies – compare this with competitors such as Singapore, Australia and the UK that are deliberately positioning creative industries as core economic drivers and reaping tangible economic rewards*.” We’ve seen what the team of five million can come together and do when called for it. One wonders why our Prime Minister is recording videos begging Taylor Swift to visit us, when he could be backing a creative economy people are lining up to buy the outputs of. [Subscribe now](#/portal/signup/free) ## How to switch gears ### Here’s what the government can do, according to the experts in this space: - Actively lobby for New Zealand’s creative interests in regional and global trade environments. This would include things like removing outdated export restrictions such as limited license numbers for videogame exports or onerous registration for creative professionals, shifting requirements like bricks-and-mortar foreign presence, and harmonising IP regulations to keep creative assets. - Develop a creative export strategy and invest in support programmes, like South Korea and the UK have. Establish a dedicated Minister, and Ministry, to lead the implementation across government and industry. Take the ‘Amplify’ strategy just released and turn the volume dial up to 100 on all the goals and targets. Aiming for a 10% bump across metrics in a space with exponential potential is embarrassing. Think bigger. - Walk the talk, bringing creative exporters on trade missions, and promote cultural and creative businesses in international formats. Establish trade relationships with global platforms, a la Denmark and Australia, and shift the dial on tax and regulation. - Proudly ‘pick winners’ a la South Korea and implement subsidies, incentives, and support for creative industries. Pay creatives for producing great work. Make a creative career an alluring, lucrative prospect, not a Sunday side hustle for a tired office worker. - Overhaul a broken skills training ecosystem to build better local talent with skills that industry are looking for, to stem the flow overseas of local companies and reduce reliance on temporary imported labour. ### Here’s what you can do, according to me, now that I’ve spent more hours down this rabbit hole than expected: - Be a visible, vocal supporter of local creatives. Don’t expect things for free. - Go to gigs, and pay for them. - Tip your local busker. - Buy New Zealand literature. - Spruik New Zealand films and shows. - Push back against tall-poppy, small-fry bullshit whenever you hear it spoken. - Make cool stuff and loudly, proudly flash it around. - Price your cool stuff with confidence and authority. - Encourage your stuff-making friends to do the same. - Drop this old-school ‘reading, writing, rithmetic’ approach to education the dinosaurs are trying to bring back and encourage your kids to learn Te Reo, paint, draw, make music and write stories. - Remember how much you loved doing all that at primary school, drop the idea that you’re “not the creative type” and do stuff like that yourself. - Don’t let the economic recession capture you into inadvertently supporting a cultural recession. These things aren’t nice to haves. They’re our value, our identity, our pride, and our economic future. ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!tio5!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe7f332fb-81f5-4426-92a0-2844aed6ad49_1489x830.jpeg) Wellington’s beloved Tree Man, posing with my latest book. Two creatives spruiking each other’s goods. ## The Busker Principle is poison, let’s bin it Telling our buskers that payment would spoil their music is an insidious cultural pathology, poisoning everything it touches. *If you love what you do*, says the spectre of the man-at-the-market, *you shouldn’t be paid for it*. The poison leaks across our society and economy, weakening our potential and threatening our future. It undercuts creative, care and purpose work, justifying their poverty by romanticising sacrifice. It kneecaps writers, musicians, artists by conflating struggle with authenticity. We lose access to unknown swathes of cultural and creative contribution by making it financially impossible to participate. Then, our government reinforces the Busker Principle by importing culture instead of backing our own, showing the world we’d rather be spectators than creators. The Busker Principle puts our ambition into recession. Individually, we learn to lower our sights and be grateful for scraps. Structurally, impactful work is disincentivised and hamstrung. Nationally, we kill long-term prospects for pride, prosperity and identity in favour of small-time survival. The Busker Principle isn’t just unfair. It’s dumb, fiscally irresponsible, and profoundly anti-ambition. It keeps us poor, sends our creative talent away, and puts us in the cheap seats clapping for others instead of occupying the main stage. Countries like Ireland, Iceland, Korea, and the UK are building wealth, influence, and identity, while we’re pissing and whinging. We need better. It’s time to back ourselves, put our money where our mouth is, and reward innovation, creativity and social value in our economy. Have some ambition, for god’s sake. --- This work is fully funded by readers and takes many hours of research, writing, and editing. If you’re a long-time reader and you value what I bring to your inbox, [pay for your subscription](https://writing.aliciamckay.co.nz/subscribe?utm%5Fmedium=web&utm%5Fsource=subscribe-widget) so I can keep writing. As professional development, it’s a claimable expense and if you’re drowning in information but starving for insight... it’s money well spent. [Subscribe](#/portal/signup/free) --- ## Further reading [We Create: Creative Export Explainer](https://wecreate.org.nz/wp-content/uploads/WeCreate-Creative-Export-Explainer-March-2025-FINAL.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Toi Mai: The New Dawn report](https://toimai.nz/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/Te-Puaotanga-%E2%80%93-The-New-Dawn.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [From cultural phenomenon to state strategy: South Korea’s ‘Hallyu policy’](https://www.aa.com.tr/en/asia-pacific/from-cultural-phenomenon-to-state-strategy-south-koreas-hallyu-policy/2973735?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Demon Hunters, Soft Power and the Asia-Pacific’s Next Growth Frontier - APEC](https://www.apec.org/press/blogs/2025/demon-hunters--soft-power-and-the-asia-pacific-s-next-growth-frontier?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [The UK’s booming creative industries could employ even more people – if they attract fresh international investment](https://theconversation.com/the-uks-booming-creative-industries-could-employ-even-more-people-if-they-attract-fresh-international-investment-244349?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Strategic Public Leaders Training, Sydney, September 2025 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategic-public-leaders-training-sydney-september-2025/ Last updated: 2025-12-04T21:00:06.000Z ## Attention, local government managers! Strategic Public Leaders is an intensive short course for senior and mid-tier local government leaders to learn strategic skills. - **Level up your leadership**: With strategic skills, you lead with more intention and confidence. Strategic leaders are goal-oriented and make consistent, intentional choices that move them in the right direction. - **Elevate your impact**: Strategic public leaders rise above the operational overwhelm to see the bigger picture and move the needle on the most important stuff. - **Future-proof your career**: Developing strategic skills involves a combination of communication, tactical and people skills delivering a higher return on investment. Making progress in a highly visible, political, regulated, responsive environment like local government is challenging. You have an ambitious work program to deliver and limited resources to do it with. Add community issues, government consultations and media attention into the mix (before we talk about ever-changing Councillor requests), and it may seem impossible to move forward. The demand on local government managers is increasing. The number of initiatives, scope of responsibilities, and cost burdens shifted to local government are escalating – as is the complexity of those requirements. Strategic Public Leaders helps local government leaders who are experiencing challenges such as: - Being overwhelmed by tasks, projects, and priorities. - Caught in a reactive cycle of responding to ad-hoc problems instead of progressing key strategic projects. - Becoming defensive and frustrated when interacting with elected members. - Dealing with delays in delivering strategies, plans, and procedures. - Having difficulty building engagement, purpose, and ownership with your team. A local government leader’s most important responsibility is to deliver on the elected members’ strategic vision for the community. This is the role of the administration. Councils are filled with passionate, knowledgeable operational leaders, while decision-making and strategic skills are not taught. Strategy and decision-making are often treated as an artistic talent or other intuitive abilities. The good news is that strategic skills can be learned! Having practical tools and frameworks on hand to ask relevant questions, make better decisions and see the full picture, you can transition to a strategic public leader and watch your impact transform your council. With strategic skills, you will lead with more intention and direction, even as you flex and respond to the ever-changing needs of your Council and community. By building your strategic skills, you can shift from a busy public manager to a strategic public leader. ## Course topics and learning outcomes In this two-day rapid intensive, get a grounding in core principles of strategic leadership for local government, along with a suite of practical tools and strategies you can apply for immediate progress. Topics include: - Strategic basics: Demystifying strategic thinking and planning frameworks. - Role clarity: Drawing a line between governance and management. - Bridging the gap: Aligning big picture strategy to daily operations. - Decision-making: Planning, making, and evaluating quality decisions. - Systems thinking: Solving tricky problems in complex systems. Alicia’s training workshops are at the cutting edge of thinking for senior public leaders. Both inspiring and pragmatic, this training is designed to tackle limiting habits and behaviours while embedding practical skills. At the end of this course, you will have the skills to: - Apply strategic frameworks to align daily operations to big-picture strategy. - Prioritise never-ending project wish lists with clarity and confidence. - Elevate conversations with colleagues and Councillors from operational issues to strategic impact. - Evaluate the quality of decisions effectively to improve buy-in and project success. [Register here](https://lgprofessionals.com.au/Web/Web/Training/Courses/Target/Stratetic-Public-Leaders/Strategic-public-leaders.aspx?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Council rates are a straight-up bargain URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-vote-this-local-election/ Last updated: 2026-07-27T02:40:48.000Z It’s local election time in New Zealand, which means the roadside hoardings are everywhere – along with earnest candidates promising to somehow improve services *and* cut your rates bill. Is that possible? ## Why rates are a bargain In this economy, that's a tempting offer. But Kiwis, before you vote with your wallet, consider this: of all the bills crushing homeowners, property rates might be a bargain. ![A 'local council' billboard in Tauranga has gone viral on social media as Kiwis across the country have praised the man's "voteworthy" campaign. ](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!CiYx!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F46cf9c15-2f82-4a43-bcd5-09c45feefc8e_1131x549.jpeg "A 'local council' billboard in Tauranga has gone viral on social media as Kiwis across the country have praised the man's "voteworthy" campaign. ") A joke billboard in Tauranga which has gone viral online - source NZ Herald ### The costs of owning a home For most homeowners, the biggest cost, by some margin, is your mortgage. Over decades, you’ll pay six figures in interest - while banks make record profits. You’ll also pay thousands annually in insurance premiums, just in case. FIRE industries (Finance, Insurance, Real Estate) comprise around 15% of New Zealand's GDP – over $50 billion – with the profits are squirreled away to shareholders. You get nothing tangible or real in exchange for this spend, and they offer little to the economy in return. David Graeber called this "financial violence" - industries that extract value from people, without contributing anything to tangible economic productivity. Rates, in contrast, stay in your community and translate to life-enhancing outcomes and services. But when we choose which bill to protest, it’s rarely the insurance companies dealing with a picketing mob. ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!v3Sr!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa1128671-83b6-4624-bd2b-195b263a5e11_696x522.jpeg "P1021712") Protestors outside Northern Beaches Council opposing a rate rise in January 2025\. Source: Manly Observer. ### What you get for your rates Compared to other costs of owning your home, rates offer exceptional tangible return. There’s a footpath outside your house to place your rubbish and recycling for collection. Underneath, pipes and drains offer clean drinking water and efficient sewage disposal. Your town centre is clean and well-lit, with parking available. You can borrow books from your local library, swim at your community swimming pool, attend a concert at your event centre, or check out your local archives and a new art exhibition. You trust restaurants won’t make you sick, buildings won’t collapse beneath you and wild dogs won’t attack your children. Most homes are within walkable distance of public open space for exercise, sport, or play. ## How Council funding works ### Councils are cost-effective - despite the bad press Councils stretch your rates a long way. In Australia, local government delivers 25% of public services for just 4% of the tax take. New Zealand Councils, too, punch above their weight in service delivery relative to funding share - and [rates have remained astonishingly flat over the last 100 years](https://www.interest.co.nz/bonds/126521/rates-levied-local-governments-have-been-flat-century-even-central-government-taxation?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), while central government taxation has risen exponentially. ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!pWNv!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4cb08eef-d824-4049-8a89-d394a1d37fc1_657x474.jpeg) Every year, Councils pick up government’s slack - a practice known as “cost-shifting” which[ adds hundreds to the average ratepayer’s bill](https://lgnsw.org.au/Public/Public/Advocacy/Cost-shifting.aspx?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) \- and every year, they’re told they’re doing it wrong, spending too much, and should stick to their knitting. The New Zealand government is proposing further constraining Council’s decision-making and revenue-raising by capping on rates revenue. Similar schemes have yielded disappointing results and unintended consequences in neighbouring jurisdictions like New South Wales and Victoria, widening infrastructure deficits and creating a class of ‘unsustainable’ Councils. In a moment of insight, [Minister Winston Peters has cast doubt on the proposed capping policy](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/political/567210/rate-capping-you-ve-got-to-be-able-to-control-the-costs-first-act-leader-david-seymour?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz): "*It's a case of doctor, heal thyself*" he said, "*we can't be preaching to them when we haven't got our own spending under control ourselves."* With the [NZ Infrastructure Commission](https://media.umbraco.io/te-waihanga-30-year-strategy/ac2jrick/is-local-government-debt-constrained.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) showing financing regulations already strangle Council’s infrastructure investment, and promised GST-sharing arrangements being “[kicked down the road](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/ldr/567200/david-seymour-admits-statutory-rules-contribute-to-enormous-rate-rises?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)” capping revenue will make it even more difficult for Councils to provide the assets and services their community needs and wants. ### Councils do a lot with a little ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!STey!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff60f55f8-076a-4d58-9e75-751cae3abe62_1240x917.jpeg) Flooding in Motueka in July 2025\. Source: The Press. Overzealous regulation and oversight doesn’t help. New Zealand Councils must plan infrastructure 30 years out and run a 10-year work programme and budget. This is an onerous slog, especially for small Councils - and can swallow most of a year, just in planning and reporting. It's also a standard central government doesn't apply to its *own* spending or infrastructure plans, despite having the bureaucrats available to make it happen. ### Rates are rudely gathered but fairly and transparently spent Most taxes are polite, gently sliding out of your wages or burrowing into your grocery bill. For the self-employed, tax feels like a cost of earning money, not a bill to pay. Most of us have little sense of where those tax dollars land, or how directly they return to us. Rates are rudely visible, with a bill arriving every few months, demanding to be paid. Yet rates are gathered and spent more fairly and transparently than other taxes. Councils don’t just slap a flat fee on every property. They have a surprisingly sophisticated cost model, using a mix of general rates, targeted rates, and user charges. If you benefit more, you pay more. Development levies, targeted transport rates and dog registration fees keep the system fair and proportional. Compare this to GST, where a billionaire and a beneficiary pay the same rate on a loaf of bread. ### You have meaningful opportunity for input Annual reports provide incredible detail about where your rates have gone, and how each service and project is funded. And if you don’t like how it’s being done? You can write a submission, speak directly to politicians, and watch them debate what to do next. You’ll then receive a direct, individual response, explaining what they’ve decided and why. It’s the closest thing we have to Athenian-style direct democracy. ![Mr. Muddle: The Brilliantly Funny Classic Children’s illustrated Series : Hargreaves, Roger: Amazon.com.au: Books](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!J-Xe!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa277363e-6bcd-4413-b448-c3dd918138ce_1000x453.jpeg "Mr. Muddle: The Brilliantly Funny Classic Children’s illustrated Series : Hargreaves, Roger: Amazon.com.au: Books") ### Spare a thought for the Mr Muddle of government Councils work in a regime of contradictions. They provide services in a legislative framework requiring elections, community engagement, and consultative decisions – and are asked why their operations aren’t more efficient. They confront increasingly constrained funding environments and watch their share of the tax take decrease over decades – only for those struggles to be used as evidence they’re bad with money. They absorb the ongoing transfer of costs, services, and responsibilities from state and non-profit actors – before being accused of scope creep. They are mandated to make intergenerational decisions on infrastructure and facilities – then rebuked for using intergenerational funding mechanisms. Despite this, they deliver more, dollar for dollar, than any other public institution. Good one, Councils. ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!MU7l!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5e3c936e-3d5f-4aac-a82c-6068c3219b77_1240x700.jpeg) Wellington mayoral candidate Ray Chung has had a taste of his own medicine with graffiti on a billboard sign. Source The Press. ## What to look for in a Councillor Council candidates promising rate cuts are selling false hope. You won’t see a meaningful reduction on your bill, but you might lose services that make your life better. When Councils cut spending, parks get neglected, pools close, libraries reduce hours, and infrastructure maintenance gets deferred, creating bigger bills later. It’s easy to blame Councils for ineptitude or inefficiency - and some of that criticism is justified. But compare your spending as a property owner, and rates are terrific value. So this election, resist the siren call of rate cuts. Vote for candidates who understand good local government costs money - and delivers extraordinary value for every dollar spent. Focus on the policies and ideas your aspiring candidates have to offer, but more than that, look for candidates who demonstrate they can play well with others. ### Why you should vote for team players Local government is a uniquely fractured decision-making environment: a dozen political parties of one, who need to build alliances and collaborate to make any progress. While elections reward competition, governance demands collaboration. Good governance includes consulting widely with the community - which asks for candidates who don’t have firm and fixed positions, and are willing to take different points of view into account. The Councillors who will make the most difference are those who can work best with others - so while the person jumping up and down about rates and making enemies of the staff might appeal to your frustration, they’re unlikely to be very effective in their job. Look for open-minded, collaborative leaders who don’t resort to attacks or simple narratives for popularity. ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!BwtT!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fef07d259-a63e-445d-9f10-202a7ba37312_2748x1532.heic) ### Vote! Above all: **vote!** New Zealand doesn’t have mandatory voting at any level, and the turnout for local government elections is abysmal - around 40%, compared to 77% turnout in a general election. And guess who’s more likely to vote? The people who already benefit the most in decision-making. If you want something to be different, and you want to engage at a level where you’ll actually *see* the difference in your daily life - it’s time to give a shit about local body politics. Stop whinging about your rates, get to know your local candidates, and get involved. Don’t know who’s running or where to vote? Check out [Policy.nz](https://policy.nz/2025?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) for information about your local candidates! ### LGMA Annual Conference in Brisbane, September 2025 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/opening-keynote-announcement-alicia-mckay-to-headline-lgma-annual-conference-in-brisbane-september-2025/ Last updated: 2025-10-19T03:19:21.000Z _No content available._ ### The P Tax URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-p-tax-2/ Last updated: 2026-02-24T08:22:13.000Z Welcome to the second instalment of [*The Ambition Recession.*](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/ambition/)We’re looking at ambition - from Aotearoa and Australia to the wider world - touching culture, politics, economics, history, and philosophy along the way. ****SUMMARY:** ****When women lead, we all benefit.** ****Women are uniquely suited to public leadership, but are constrained by traps and barriers that flatten and punish ambition.** ****Women’s political ambition is a public good and critical necessity. We are bleeding talent and progress to an inequitable tax, levied on our time, appearance and contribution.** ****Righting the balance requires overcorrection. Women should claim more than feels comfortable and men should give up more than feels fair.** ## Women in politics are up against it This past weekend, I spent two days with hundreds of women in politics. Women who put themselves in the public eye to serve their community. They juggle jobs, volunteering, caring responsibilities and families, then take a deep breath to sit at the Council table and cop it from naysayers and newspapers. These women are passionate and dedicated to their jobs. They are *not* complainers. But when I asked, they shared some of their biggest issues with me. These align with what I hear from female politicians everywhere: - They face significant public backlash and in-house friction - They are swamped by their workloads, inboxes and reading requirements. - They receive abuse, including death threats - and their home addresses are matters of public record. - They have guilt and fear about not doing all their competing responsibilities justice - They struggle with “imposter syndrome” (Am I really good enough to be here? Shouldn’t someone more qualified or better than me take this seat? Do I really have anything valuable to add?). In this piece, I’ll tell you what I told them, and share a few key slides from my keynote. --- ## Perspective in public service I kicked off as I often do for politicians: exploring the prospect of long-term legacy leadership in a political system hamstrung by reactivity, short-term budgeting and election cycles. We talked about perspective - its importance and difficulty, and how to channel a diverse and long-term outlook to that conquers short-term reactivity. Then, we dug into the traps that make it difficult to maintain perspective in public service. --- ## Perspective traps In local government, direct community connection and tangible issues make it difficult to maintain perspective. There are three perspective traps detailed in [*Local Legends*](https://engage.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-legends?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[:](https://engage.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-legends?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) 1. **Present/urgent trap** \- There’s always an urgent problem to solve, often from someone you know. 2. **Pragmatic trap -** It’s tempting to quickly “solve this one yourself” rather than go through the proper process. 3. [**Public opinion trap**](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-public-opinion-trap/) \- A few noisy voices dominate public conversation, which can hijack decision-making. ### Women play on hard mode For women, each trap is even trappier. Women are flattened by the **present/urgent trap** because we juggle a heavier mental, emotional and domestic load than men, and are expected to be more responsive and obliging. We fall into the **pragmatic trap** easily because in our personal lives we are so often the “default person.” The **public opinion trap** is doubly difficult - because women are socialised to be agreeable, and media coverage is disproportionately personalised and aggressive to female politicians. Then, I unveiled a fourth trap, especially for the women in the room - but, of course, for women everywhere. --- ## The patriarchy tax Politicians lead in a system designed by and for men. Rules written when women couldn’t vote, open a bank account, or wear trousers to work, still shape how institutions run and decisions are made. At the conference, I called it the patriarchy *trap* \- but there’s no avoiding it, so it’s really a *tax.* Here’s how the patriarchy tax shows up in public leadership: 1. Age 2. Appearance 3. Assurance 4. Ambition. ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!DjPQ!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5abd16fb-1cd9-4638-9960-953fd0c9e01b_1744x970.heic) ### Age #### Women’s competence is assessed by their age - which is never the right one. For women under 35, youthful eagerness is seen as incompetence. The same behaviour in men is coded as impressive ambition. Women are sexually objectified, valued more for their appearance than their contribution, and condescended to on the daily. Under 35 is too young. For women over 45, experience, earned wisdom and boundaries, (traits seen as leadership in men), are proof of a difficult personality or emerging irrelevance. Over 45 is too old. ### Appearance #### Women are judged on their appearance, so they invest time in it. The average Australian woman spends $1300 per year more on beauty than men, adding up to a small fortune over a lifetime, but the real cost is lost time and distraction. Women spend around two and a half hours more than men each week on personal grooming tasks: **130 hours a year.** Three full work weeks and change. Time spent painting, plucking and tweaking, that could be spent leading, earning, or contributing. But women’s investment in their appearance is not frivolous vanity. The way we look is used as a proxy for our value and competence. There are social, professional, political and financial consequences for skipping the mirror, so women wear the time, money, and opportunity costs of appearance expectations. ### Assurance #### Women are held to higher standards of professional performance, so we underestimate their competence. The [comparative over-confidence of men](https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/05/the-confidence-gap/359815/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) provides professional and political advantages. Because they overestimate their abilities, men are more likely to put their ideas forward, speak up, call out decisions they think are wrong, and sustain failure or criticism. Women do not inherently lack confidence and certainly do not lack competence, but we are held to higher professional standards than men. Research in the US and UK over three decades found our performance is judged more harshly than men - 49% stricter in the US, 38% in the UK. In Council, that means women are less likely to speak up or offer an opinion unless they’ve done all their reading, understood the different arguments, and got their head around the technicalities - which leaves a vacuum, filled by men’s voices. ### Ambition #### Ambition in women is seen as undesirable and often publicly shamed. Women in politics face a double bind. Studies show female candidates face a dual penalty: if they act warmly, they are seen as *likeable but incompetent*; if they act assertively, they are seen as *competent but cold*. This is thanks to a phenomenon known as Role Congruity Theory - broad, often unconscious discomfort with people who publicly break stereotypical gender norms. Women are damned if we do, damned if we don’t. --- ![A woman is holding a pen in her mouth](https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1710382371401-e179fd64c271?crop=entropy&cs=tinysrgb&fit=max&fm=jpg&ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwxfHx3b21hbiUyMGxpcHN0aWNrfGVufDB8fHx8MTc1NzU3NDYyNnww&ixlib=rb-4.1.0&q=80&w=1080 "A woman is holding a pen in her mouth") Photo by [B L](https://unsplash.com/@brushleeart?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ## Women are uniquely suited for public leadership The very things that make it difficult for women in public leadership make them excellent at it. **Women have exceptional strategic advantages as a public leader.** On average, they: - Ask more questions, of more people, leading to a better-informed and more nuanced understanding of complex issues. - Gravitate to facilitative leadership, building alliances and defaulting to collaboration over competition. - Build and maintain strong relationships, with emotional and personal connections which sustain over time. - Are more likely to admit when they don’t understand something and seek clarification. - Are well-prepared, read their papers thoroughly and often do research on their own accord. The same confidence/competence gap and social conditioning that creates added difficulty for women in politics happen to underpin leadership traits that lead to high-quality public decisions. Women’s political ambition is not an indulgence, it’s a public good. --- ## The #1 way to fight the patriarchy tax For paid subscribers, keep reading to enjoy the instantly actionable advice I offered to hundreds of women in politics last weekend, to push back on the patriarchy tax. This advice applies to all women, in all industries and is also valuable insight for men. I’ve then got advice ***specifically for men*** to improve gender equity in their lives and workplaces. If you want to do your bit, it’s time to put your money where your mouth is. ## Overcorrection is the answer Women face asymmetric odds. To bring the system into balance, we need to *overcorrect.* ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!pAfD!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4f82cd62-97a0-433f-b354-2f92f3bfd260_1602x892.heic) ### **Audacity: Back yourself to the point of delusion** A friend, let’s call him Paul, went on a ski trip with his wife. When they enrolled in ski lessons with an instructor, they self-reported their current ability out of 10. Paul, a mediocre skier, rated himself a 7 - until he spoke to his wife, an *excellent*skier, and discovered she’d rated herself a 5! Panicked, Paul raced back to the sign-up desk, to change his rating. The coordinator smiled and placed her hand on his shoulder. “*Don’t worry. We add two extra points to the women’s score, and remove two points from the men.”* You will need the same correction when you choose which roles and opportunities to go for and which issues to take action on. ***Put your hand up for things you feel utterly under qualified for. Repeat.*** ### **Boundaries: Make choices that feel sickeningly selfish** Women say yes to more people, help out with more things, and over-consider others in decision-making. Time-out feels selfish. This is hardcoded: the idea our time is not our own, and looking after ourselves is an indulgence. To remedy this imbalance, set boundaries that make you feel ill with guilt. Take time for yourself, your job, and your passions with total impunity. Do not justify your ambitions through the lens of serving another person (“it makes me a better mother/ partner/ etc”). You wanting something is enough of a reason to have it. ***Your work (and your life, for that matter) is not a privilege, luxury, or gift. It is your work, it matters, and you are entitled to it.*** ### **Contribution: Speak anyway** Transiting to last weekend’s conference, we took a tarmac bus from the airport terminal to the plane. A Mayor and I got chatting about water issues, when a man nearby overheard and interrupted. “*There’s a lot of things people don’t understand about water*” he said as preamble, then launched into the complexities of rural water in Australia. The Mayor and I nodded, smiled, and, more than once, attempted to resume our chat. Bus Man continued blithely. He did not ask us any questions. He did not check to see what we already knew. He spoke with utter confidence that what he had to say was important enough to warrant his interruption. God, grant us all the confidence of a man on a Qantas bus. Women facing “imposter syndrome” undervalue their experience, expertise and contribution. They read more, talk to more people, and spend more time considering the full picture before they speak - yet sometimes, still don’t speak! Stop it. Speak. ***Assume your point of view is valuable and overcorrect on your right to speak.*** ### **Domestic help: make requests, threats, and/or payment.** The biggest battle for working women is fought at home. Women carry a domestic load of staggering proportions - 400 extra hours of housework a year for partnered women. If you have kids, that number rises to **800 hours every year** on domestic labour - cooking, booking, cleaning, childcare, shopping, planning, et al. It gets even worse for breadwinners. When women are the higher-earner in the relationship, [they do ](https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220406-women-breadwinners-why-high-earners-compensate-at-home?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[*more*](https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220406-women-breadwinners-why-high-earners-compensate-at-home?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[ of the household labour](https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220406-women-breadwinners-why-high-earners-compensate-at-home?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). With an imbalance that high, overcorrection must be radical. Do not ask for “help”. You do not have to be the default person in your household. Do not over-praise your partner’s contributions. Demand ownership. Do not be fooled into thinking you “just have different standards” or are a controlling banshee. This is intended to undermine how valuable your contribution to your family, household and economy is, so it remains unpaid. This is vital, meaningful work, and must be shared. Or/and, pay someone for their labour. You pay a plumber, mechanic, and accountant, because you value their skills and what they produce. You can do the same for unpaid household tasks. **You* *spend a part-time job’s worth of labour hours looking after others. Take drastic action to redistribute this work.** --- ## Advice for men Telling this to a room of women is important, but it is not enough. Many men are deeply affected and upset by this imbalance, but unsure what to do. They fear getting it wrong or making things worse. Here are two simple interventions that make a big difference. 1. **Assume you are oblivious.** 2. **Overcorrect to the point of discomfort.** ### Step one: Assume you are oblivious I have met very few men who want women to suffer for their ambition - or at all. But I have met many men with good intentions who are utterly oblivious to the struggles of the women around them. They chatter away, having a great time, with no idea how much we’re carrying, or what it took to get here. They’re oblivious to how few questions they’ve asked or what assumptions they’ve made about our capacity, expertise, or contribution. They think we’re fascinated by their stories, because they’re used to attention, and we’ve been socialised to smile and nod. As a starting point, men, please assume you are oblivious. Assume you overemphasise the value of your contribution, overestimate your skills and overplay your contribution. Assume the women around you absorb additional and unseen responsibilities. Assume you take up more than your fair share of space. Assume the women you care for are not adequately recognised or compensated for their contribution, and they battle constraints that are invisible to you. Unhelpful biases are so hard-coded into your brain that waiting for one to reveal itself to you is not enough. Bet on your ignorance. ### Step two: Overcorrect the imbalance The Geena Davis Institute found women make up just 17% of crowd scenes in film - and to viewers, that looks balanced. At 33%, the crowd appears to be *mostly women*. When women take up space, especially in public, it might feel unfair or unbalanced, because you are used to inequity. So, men, when women receive attention or recognition, or just exist nearby, fight the instinct to feel hard-done by, and lean into *overcorrecting.* - When you think you’re doing your fair share at home, **do much more.** - When you think you’ve been accommodating, **check again.** - When you want to tell another story, **shut up.** - When you think it’s your turn, **ask another question.** - When you think you’ve said hardly anything, **shut up even further.** You get the idea. What looks like fairness, just like the crowd scene, probably isn’t. Your over correction moves us closer to parity. #### For advanced players Want to do even more? Fabulous. Here are two more suggestions. 1. **Step in to correct behaviour in other men.** Encourage other men to do more at home, ask women more questions, shut up, and shut up even further. Intervene when the men around you are blathering on to a smiling, nodding woman. Don't entertain the men around you being rude, exploitative or selfish to their female partners or colleagues. Tell them it's not OK. Be an ally. 2. **Encourage the women in your life to overcorrect.** Tell them to speak more. Remind them of their competence. Encourage them to be audacious. Push back when they overvalue your contribution and undervalue their own. --- ## In summary - When women lead, we all benefit. Women are uniquely suited to public leadership, but are constrained by traps and barriers that flatten and punish ambition. - Women’s political ambition is a public good and critical necessity. We are bleeding talent and progress to an inequitable tax, levied on our time, appearance and contribution. - Righting the balance requires overcorrection. Women should claim more than feels comfortable and men should give up more than feels fair. Stay tuned for the next instalment of *The Ambition Recession.* \-AM. ### The Amazing Cities and Towns Podcast with Jim Hunt URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-amazing-cities-and-towns-podcast-with-jim-hunt/ Last updated: 2025-10-15T22:43:54.000Z _No content available._ ### Local Legends Toolkit URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-legends-toolkit/ Last updated: 2026-07-13T10:19:45.000Z ## About the toolkit Councillors face one of the toughest governance jobs around. Too often, Councillors get stuck in the weeds, battle personality clashes, or burn out. Ratepayers lose, communities stagnate and good people quit. But it doesn’t need to be this way. With the Local Legends Toolkit, Councillors learn critical strategic leadership skills - at their own pace, in their own time. Mayors and Councillors face a steep learning curve. Effective local leadership demands skills we don’t learn in other spheres: big-picture thinking, long-term planning, political diplomacy and strategic decision-making in a complex and uncertain environment. But inductions tend to focus on operations and compliance, leaving a critical gap in strategic leadership. **You can fill that gap for your Councillors.** The Local Legends Toolkit is a ready-to-use, self-paced strategic leadership program for elected members. Created and delivered by Alicia McKay, strategic leadership expert and author of *Local Legends*, this program builds the skills councillors need to govern strategically - and fast. ## Content The most critical (untaught) skills of strategic local leadership. #### Introduction to local leadership ****Key concepts in strategic leadership, legacy, and public value.** Local government operates on the front line of the world’s curliest issues, delivering more productive and efficient services than any other sphere of government. We need strategic leadership from our local leaders. In this module, learn about: - How to overcome common strategic challenges in local government. - Intergenerational legacy and Eiffel Tower leadership. - Strategy 101 - and what it means for your role. - The difference between public and private sector operating models. - Public value - what it is and how to generate more of it as a local government leader. #### Perspective ****Bring a wider, more diverse perspective to leadership and decision-making.** Big picture perspective is critical for your work but is difficult in local government because of proximity and connectedness. Learn about: - The traps that make perspective difficult in local government. - Three elements of perspective (horizon, significance, and context). - How to maximise decision payoff periods. - Perspective flexibility - when to attain distance, and when to attune with empathy. - Practical ways to operationalise perspective in meetings, decisions and engagement. #### Relationships ****Shift from adversaries to allies to make more progress on key issues.** Elections demand competition but good governance requires collaboration. It’s time to switch gears! Learn how to: - Build high-trust relationships across the political spectrum. - Focus on values, not views for community progress. - Productively disagree with peers and colleagues to enhance decisions. - Create a high-performing governance team with principles and process. - Own the strategic impact levers available to you as a Councillor. - Ask quality questions that bring transparency, accountability and respect to the Council table. #### Decisions ****Make full, fair and focused decisions for the future of your community.** Council decisions are different to the ones you’re used to making - they’re more complex, subjective and uncertain. In this module, learn about: - What makes a good strategic decision. - The three stages of a decision process: build understanding, shape choices, make decisions. - Using the Right Decision model for fuller decision-making. - Identifying and managing bias in decision processes. - Setting and using shared priorities for decision criteria. Support your Councils from Day 1 with a proven, high-impact programme Councils across Australia and New Zealand love the book and in-house development programme. Now, every elected member can access world-class development at their fingertips, regardless of Council size or location. ## What’s included A comprehensive learning experience. Self-paced. No delivery burden. No content to build. World-class, high-value development your Councillors will love. - **Video curriculum.** Short, engaging video modules(2–12 mins) across four leadership areas: Introduction, Perspective, Relationships, Decisions. - **Workbooks and exercises.** Beautifully designed workbooks and group exercises to apply and deepen learning. - **eBook.** Digital copies of *Local Legends: How to make a difference in local government* for all participants. - **Tools and templates.** Tip sheets, guidelines and templates to use in meetings and with constituents. ### Video curriculum Fresh, fun, frank, and in Plain English. Local Legends Toolkit is a structured online video course, with key modules on strategic leadership: Perspective, Relationships, and Decisions. Four structured learning blocks are filmed in engaging real-world settings and delivered in Alicia’s trademark fun, frank style. Modules are self-paced, with no facilitation required. ### Workbooks and exercises ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/12/Meeting-mayhem.png) The video curriculum is supported by a printable PDF workbook to answer prompt questions and capture notes. A full suite of plug and play resources include playable cards, a self-assessment audit, communication templates, tip sheets for meetings, and a guidebook of group learning exercises. ### eBook Your Toolkit includes a digital copy of *Local Legends: How to make a difference in local government* by Alicia McKay. ## For Councils Enquire about accessing the Local Legends Toolkit for your elected members today. The cost of access is **$4,999 per year.** Discounts may be available through your local member association. New Zealand Councils can access the Local Legends Toolkit through LGNZ's Akōna. [Enquire now](mailto:alicia@aliciamckay.co.nz) ## For LGAs Enquire about partnering to deliver the Local Legends Toolkit to your members. Useful, profitable and completely turn-key. ## In-house programmes Keen to run this programme in-house? Check out the live and in-person Local Legends offer here (limited availability) [Local Legends In-House ProgrammeBring elected and executive leaders together for two days of strategic leadership development at your Council.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-64.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/241027-Sutherland-Shire-LL-WEB-2-1.png)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-legends-in-house-programme/) ## Order bulk copies of Local Legends Buy *Local Legends: How to make a difference in local government* in boxes of 25. [Local Legends Box of 25Free shipping to New Zealand and Australia Grab a complete set of Local Legends - one for each Councillor and executive manager. Includes 25 copies. About the bookLocal Legends equips elected members and Council managers with tools and strategies to make better community decisions that will stand the test of time. Pack![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/Untitled_design_2-2.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/LocalLegends_3.png)](https://shop.aliciamckay.co.nz/products/local-legends-bulk-order?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) / ### July 2025 Book Report URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/july-2025-book-report/ Last updated: 2026-07-25T03:20:56.000Z I started publishing my reading journal a few months ago, but I’ve been successfully keeping my own record for since July 2024\. To celebrate, I’ve pulled together the full list of books I read in the last 12 months, each with a 12-word review. > **Key** **RR** means ‘re-read’**DNF** means ‘did not finish’ I usually read eight or nine books per month, but there were a few exceptions. In August 2024, we were on a China tour with lots of bus time, so I read 14 books that month. In December 2024 (11 books, some very long) and January 2025 (13 books) I had a lot of free time over the summer holidays. **PSA: This is too long for email, so click through to read it online now**. --- ## July 2024: The month I start tracking > “*Any damn fool can beg up some kind of job; it takes a wise man to make it without working.*” > ― **Charles Bukowski, Post Office** [![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!uXRe!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1b00ebba-4ba0-4a07-81bb-e9c682054377_2048x1536.jpeg)](https://substack.com/redirect/3a56f77b-9025-4983-953c-9c4352a93b4c?j=eyJ1IjoiNHoyZ20ifQ.7V5xbh8XTV3juJeMxEx3pAeV5V2%5Fq1VuPnpvaO3xJDY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) In the sound booth recording the audiobook for [**Local Legends: How to make a difference in local government*](https://substack.com/redirect/a32e1418-5f9b-46fc-9ab9-4674cab83e87?j=eyJ1IjoiNHoyZ20ifQ.7V5xbh8XTV3juJeMxEx3pAeV5V2%5Fq1VuPnpvaO3xJDY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) #### The Voice In My Ear by Frances Leviston An exquisite short story collection of ten Claires with difficult mothers. Stings. #### Impossible by Stan Walker An interesting Kiwi life. Heartfelt content with amateur execution. Editor sorely needed. #### Post Office by Charles Bukowski Pretty fucked up and a bit rapey but still fun to read. #### The World: A Family History by Simon Sebag Montefiore So long that I will be reading this forever, like Infinite Jest. #### The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt Dodgy evidence cited, mildy transphobic, but the recommendations and conclusions feel right. #### Lit by Mary Karr “This kid has a face like a caved-in squash.” - on her baby. #### The Liars Club by Mary Karr A chaotic childhood with a violent, loving family. Bleak and funny. Inspo. #### Recollections of My Non-existence by Rebecca Solnit (DNF) I found it too esoteric but maybe I am just too dumb? #### Writing to Learn by William Zinsser Book that should have been an article: the year I was born. --- ## August 2024 : The month I am on a bus in China > “*I made everyone up. None was what I saw; perhaps they responded to what I saw, but no one really was that. Each of them, Stephen, Katie, Elliot, my mother, the business people at the dinner parties, their wives, each of them was something entirely different. I made them up, gave them characters from within my own tiny view, assessed them, made them into people I knew. I simplified them. And then I reacted to what I had made up, behaved as if what I had invented was real. And of course they did the same time me. Absurd*.” > ― **Joan Barfoot, Abra** [![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!fLFY!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F89a0b027-4cf7-473a-a69f-05345706e25f_1536x2048.jpeg)](https://substack.com/redirect/9f2771a1-9824-4bf0-b858-d17fd0d88166?j=eyJ1IjoiNHoyZ20ifQ.7V5xbh8XTV3juJeMxEx3pAeV5V2%5Fq1VuPnpvaO3xJDY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) In Nanjing, pretending I’m the sort of person who wears a scarf. #### 488 Rules For Life by Kitty Flanagan Funny and light just like she is on TV. But not memorable. #### The Accidental Further Adventures of the Hundred Year Old Man by Jonas Jonasson As funny as the first one how does he keep doing that?! #### The Obstacle Is The Way by Ryan Holiday (RR) Re-read ahead of live performance in Sydney. Great, but a bit “bro”. #### Go Tell It On The Mountain by James Baldwin Fucking intense, man. Plotless. Kept waiting for it to start properly. Didn't. #### Abra by Joan Barfoot Leaves her family behind to live in the wood in peace. Valid. #### A Childhood: The Biography of a Place by Harry Crews Rare perspective from a very poor person who turned literary. Liked a lot. #### The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde Funny rich people do weird shit in enjoyable ways. Short and fun. #### The English Understand Wool by Helen DeWitt Novella of class, culture and crime. Witty and elegant. Lightly absurd perfection. #### Lightning Rods by Helen DeWitt Anonymous workplace sexbots for bathroom fucking that are real secretaries. Amazing. Insane. #### Some Trick by Helen DeWitt I can’t remember anything about this book it can’t have been good. #### James Baldwin: A Biography by David Leeming This was genuinely insightful, but felt braggy. “I was besties with JB.” #### Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin Excellent first half that becomes shitly infuriating. But I finished it, so. #### Scaffolding by Lauren Elkin Too literary, too wanky, and too French. I liked the lesbian sex. #### The Mires by Tina Makareti The swamp is alive and there should be more books like that. --- ## September 2024: The month we go to Japan > *“I’d like to think that at as the lift swopped up the floors I sensed that something important was about to take place, that my life was about to split away from my expectation of it. But, of course, I didn’t. Who ever does? Life’s cruel like that - it gives you no clues.”* > **— Maggie O’Farrell, After You’d Gone** [![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!wNDn!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a043a81-c55b-4efe-83ef-feb4a5ad076a_4032x3024.jpeg)](https://substack.com/redirect/34f3f86c-647c-4fdb-a487-7522c96d2994?j=eyJ1IjoiNHoyZ20ifQ.7V5xbh8XTV3juJeMxEx3pAeV5V2%5Fq1VuPnpvaO3xJDY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Bookstore day #### Waking Up White by Debby Irving A well-intentioned book about white privilege that still smacks of white privilege. #### After You’d Gone by Maggie O’Farrell O’Farrell’s debut novel. From a Featherston bookshop. Utterly beautiful. Made me cry. #### From There to Here by Joe Bennett How many times can he tell us this stuff? Liked it anyway. #### The Life Impossible by Matt Haig Apoplectic with fury at how shit this book was compared to his others. #### The Last Samurai by Helen DeWitt Sometimes was ‘look how smart I am’ but overall fucking great. Long. #### Money by Yuval Noah Harrari I learned a lot about money history, and I appreciated that learning. #### The Cat and the City by Nick Bradley Not a bad story. A bit “white guy tries to be Japanese”. #### Hiroshima by John Hersey Classic journalism from 1947 that is still deeply haunting. Affected me deeply. #### Fallout by Lesley M. Blume This provided the context and continuance of the Hiroshima book. Excellent work. --- ## October 2024: The month I am hard to please > *Reasons for Admission 1864 to 1889: Intemperance & Business Trouble. Kicked in the Head by a Horse. Hereditary Predisposition. Ill Treatment by Husband. Imaginary Female Trouble. Hysteria. Immoral Life. Imprisonment. Jealousy and Religion. Laziness. Marriage of Son. Masturbation & Syphilis. Masturbation for 30 Years. Medicine to Prevent Conception. Menstrual Deranged. Mental Excitement. Novel Reading. Nymphomania. Opium Habit. Over Action Of The Mind.* > **—* *Jayne Anne Phillips, Night Watch** [![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!FJPu!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5704aff5-4c90-41ee-b3c1-8c4f51a53fa1_2048x1536.jpeg)](https://substack.com/redirect/183e50e6-62e2-45e9-841b-6b513038ea5a?j=eyJ1IjoiNHoyZ20ifQ.7V5xbh8XTV3juJeMxEx3pAeV5V2%5Fq1VuPnpvaO3xJDY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Rainy reading day feat cafe, Kindles. Note the navy blue reading journal #### The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai An AIDS-era story of love, loss, survival. Moving and a tad overwritten. #### A Pale View of the Hills by Kazuo Ishiguro Beautiful, subtle book - but not as good as his other ones are. #### Night Watch by Jayne Anne Phillips Took a while to get into. American Civil War story feat asylums. #### Sharing a House with the Never Ending Man by Steve Alpert Entertaining business memoir with background of Ghibli Studios and Hayao Miyazaki. Fascinating. #### Necessary Endings by Dr Henry Cloud (RR) Sometimes you have to say goodbye if you want a better life. #### Real Americans by Rachel Khong Honestly, pissed me off. Uneven narrative. Big gaps. Amateur. Still finished it. #### Mighty Red by Louise Erdrich (DNF) I usually adore Erdrich’s intricate worlds, but couldn’t get into this one. #### Kataraina by Becky Manawatu The difficult second album after Aūe. Good enough, but not great. Sorry. #### Lioness by Emily Perkins “Rich Wellington”, but not in a bad way. Annoyed middle-aged lady stuff. #### Rabbits by Hugo Rifkind Fucking hilarious Scottish boarding school satire/ social comedy. Read this book immediately. --- ## November 2024 : The month I read nonfiction > *“No matter what world you create you’re always dealing with your own shit. Same shit, different mask.”* > **— Chuck Palahnuik, Consider This** [![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!ObS1!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd15eca13-6414-4424-92f4-74675d1f40f5_2048x1536.jpeg)](https://substack.com/redirect/d40ea736-4dad-4b49-9bd3-18544f0b2571?j=eyJ1IjoiNHoyZ20ifQ.7V5xbh8XTV3juJeMxEx3pAeV5V2%5Fq1VuPnpvaO3xJDY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Reading view: Queenstown + wine #### Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami Alienated Japanese students do grief, sex and suicidal ideation. Then, actual suicide. #### The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron (RR) Good every time but a little bit mystical. Just do the work. #### Consider This by Chuck Palahnuik (RR) In my top 5 craft books ever, SO good. Add more horses. #### The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox by Maggie O’Farrell My favourite Maggie O’Farrell novel, before she went all historical on me. #### The Keep by Jennifer Egan The only remaining Egan novel I hadn’t read – weird castle, very good. #### The Ultimate Hidden Truth of the World by David Greaber (DNF) Long, dense, makes me feel stupid. Not bathtime reading. I’ll try again. #### Didion and Babitz by Lili Anolik Fuck yeah! These women were baddies. It’s sad about Babitz now though. #### You Are The One You’ve Been Waiting For by Richard Schwartz Life-changing therapy book. TLDR: Sort your bullshit out, be happier with others. --- ## December 2024: The month Paul Murray blows my head off > *“Maybe every era has an atrocity woven into its fabric. Maybe every society is complicit in terrible things and only afterwards gets around to pretending they didn’t know.”* > — **Paul Murray, The Bee Sting** [![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!a-Tl!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F329b8c1e-f313-4cab-80dc-5306081d2e9e_1536x1152.jpeg)](https://substack.com/redirect/5fd46125-2e8d-40b7-8300-8b03bb742867?j=eyJ1IjoiNHoyZ20ifQ.7V5xbh8XTV3juJeMxEx3pAeV5V2%5Fq1VuPnpvaO3xJDY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Champion breakfast. #### The Bee Sting by Paul Murray My favourite book of 2024! Fucked up families and Irish economics. Exceptional. #### Nexus by Yuval Noah Harrari (DNF) I loved the original thesis but got bored half way and stopped. #### Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey Why did everyone rave about this? What an arrogant, mediocre, self-satisfied man-child. #### War of Art by Steven Pressfield (RR) Resistance is the enemy. Don’t let it beat you. Get to work. #### Skippy Dies by Paul Murray A hilarious and clever book about boarding school boys that I loved. #### Tell Me Everything by Elizabeth Strout This book was fine but I felt quite underwhelmed at the end. #### The Proof of My Innocence by Jonathan Coe I loved it, but I can’t remember exactly why. Political and clever. #### The Secret History by Donna Tartt Gothic literary novel. I liked it and I never like murder books. #### Evening of Long Goodbyes by Paul Murray Aristocrats give incisive commentary on modern Ireland disguised as humour. Fucking excellent. #### Holding the Line by Barbara Kingsolver An interesting but forgettable book about striking coal miner’s wives and families. #### Intermezzo by Sally Rooney I respect Rooney’s literary shift, but was disappointed by the one-dimensional women. --- ## January 2025: The month my internal monologue gets an Irish accent > *“It's like Tolstoy said. Happiness is an allegory, unhappiness a story.”* > ― **Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore** [![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!HzWF!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3904c79f-fda6-4132-b649-f4d7e9431fcd_3546x2660.jpeg)](https://substack.com/redirect/c6b8319b-d96b-4e6e-8f3e-873c3a813ef4?j=eyJ1IjoiNHoyZ20ifQ.7V5xbh8XTV3juJeMxEx3pAeV5V2%5Fq1VuPnpvaO3xJDY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) See you in 5 hours. #### Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami A lot of dream-fucking his mum. Light misogyny. But still very good. #### Winter Animals by Ashani Lewis They were rich and followed snow. She was poor, so followed them. #### Middle England by Jonathan Coe Fuck this guy knows how to do state of the nation novels. #### Love People, Use Things by The Minimalists I was throwing away all my stuff and I liked this idea. #### Long Island by Colm Tóibín How have I only just discovered Colm Tóibín?! Embarrassing. I am obsessed. #### The Magician by Colm Tóibín German writer Thomas Mann fled the war and was almost definitely gay. #### The Blackwater Lightship by Colm Tóibín My favourite Tóibín novel. Small Irish towns and big Irish feelings. Touching. #### Nora Webster by Colm Tóibín I told you I was obsessed! Tóibíncan really write repressed women. #### Our Evenings by Allan Hollinghurst Lovely and gay. A cosy book with warm fuzzies and tricky feelings. #### Mr Wilder & Me by Jonathan Coe Meh? I didn’t think this one was as good as the others. #### Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport DNF I thought I wanted this book, but it was boring as fuck. #### The Raptures by Jen Carson “The kids are dying” mystery that was weird and dull. Didn’t work. #### The Master by Colm Tóibín Henry James biography as novel I only read because it was Tóibín --- ## February 2025: The month I start to dream in an Irish accent > *“He carried the weight of himself with a look of bemusement, as if it were he who told the world the joke of himself.”* > ― **Niall Williams, This is Happiness** [![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!0o1U!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8dc87cb0-dff4-49b5-8363-bb7a3d22ce24_814x611.jpeg)](https://substack.com/redirect/95000309-481f-4531-b1a1-bea7a9a75f3c?j=eyJ1IjoiNHoyZ20ifQ.7V5xbh8XTV3juJeMxEx3pAeV5V2%5Fq1VuPnpvaO3xJDY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) A CLIENTELE WITHOUT A HAPPENCE OF COUTH! #### Brooklyn by Colm Tóibín The OG before Long Island. Read out of order, which was better. #### Green Road by Anne Enright A stunning Irish family novel that reads like a short story collection. #### Actress by Anne Enright I ate this up and cried at the end. Mothers and daughters. #### Time of the Child by Niall Williams Lilting Irish tear jerker with beautiful turns of phrase and subtle feelings. #### Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans Life design for rich white people dressed up as universal advice. Skip. #### This is Happiness by Niall Williams More atmospheric Irish beauty with phrases you’ll want to tell others about. #### Pixel Flesh by Ellen Atlanta A concerning and well-written polemic on the fuckery of online beauty standards. --- ## March 2025: The month I join a writer’s studio > *“Some of us got this feeling stuck inside, all the time, like we’ve done something wrong. Like we ourselves are something wrong. Like who we are deep inside, that thing we want to name but can’t, it’s like we’re afraid we’ll be punished for it. So we hide, we drink alcohol because it helps us feel we can be ourselves adnd not be afraid. But we punish ourselves with it. The thing we most don’t want has a way of landing right on top of us.”* > ― **Tommy Orange, There There** [![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!I4A5!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa82b4e5a-87d4-4a9c-be48-3f4f6d63734b_4284x4284.jpeg)](https://substack.com/redirect/cc45c796-0199-40b7-8370-3a0aa08b81ac?j=eyJ1IjoiNHoyZ20ifQ.7V5xbh8XTV3juJeMxEx3pAeV5V2%5Fq1VuPnpvaO3xJDY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) My boyfriend made [this film ](https://substack.com/redirect/4810b888-5cc1-4ddf-b863-107670d1f260?j=eyJ1IjoiNHoyZ20ifQ.7V5xbh8XTV3juJeMxEx3pAeV5V2%5Fq1VuPnpvaO3xJDY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)so I like it #### The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides A slightly wanky literary novel about love triangles with rich kids. Overblown. #### Shuggie Bain by Douglas Stuart (RR) One of the most powerful novels of the last 100 years. Canon. #### Technofuedalism: What Killed Capitalism by Yanis Varoufakis (DNF) The Iron Age was interesting but I got lost in the economics. #### Mayflies by Andrew O’Hagan A tender novel about male friendship, sickness and ageing. Very, very good. #### No Church In The Wild by Murray Middleton I wish it was slightly better than it was. Working-class Melbourne novel. #### There There by Tommy Orange A multigenerational story of identity and loss. Technically astonishing and emotionally devastating. #### Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi An epic family saga on the history of American slavery. Cuts deep. #### Caledonian Road by Andrew O’Hagan Holy shit how did he pull all this off in one book? #### Burning Questions by Margaret Atwood (DNF) Essays on politics, writing and culture. Dense and ultimately boring. Didn’t finish. #### Wandering Stars by Tommy Orange Complex, multigenerational story packed with history, heartbreak and trauma. Preferred There There. --- ## April 2025: The month we move house > *“Most of us can't accept that the gig is ours, so we lurk around, we tug and scratch at ourselves as if in borrowed skins, and never fully belong to the moments that can steadily add up to nothing a lot quicker than you think.”* > **— Chang Rae Lee, My Year Abroad** [![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!gCky!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fecb43267-b215-4f7e-b899-628cf307a8ec_1681x1261.jpeg)](https://substack.com/redirect/e19b39fd-e547-4663-a64b-554a5ceccc72?j=eyJ1IjoiNHoyZ20ifQ.7V5xbh8XTV3juJeMxEx3pAeV5V2%5Fq1VuPnpvaO3xJDY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) The quantity of books in this scene is almost as pleasing as H’s facial expression #### Stoner by John Williams (DNF) I know it’s a classic but I thought it was slow. Oops. #### Wild Swans by Jung Chang Mind-blowing multi-generational Chinese story packed with learning, history, insanity and brilliance. Long. #### My Year Abroad by Chang Rae Lee A very weird but quite funny book about mostly noThing. Body horror. #### Class by Stephanie Land A poorly written memoir that lacks editing and self-interrogation. Read Maid instead. #### The Axemans Carnival by Catherine Chidgey I loved the cheeky magpie but hated the clíches and underdeveloped characters. #### Pet by Catherine Chidgey A weird little book. A low-key murder mystery with no real reveal. #### The Hop by Diana Clarke Sex work, media commentary, and feminism? Hilarious, fast-paced brilliance? Ticks every box. #### How Fiction Works by James Wood (DNF) Still reading this, tiny piece by tiny piece. Will take me ages. #### Surplus Women by Michelle Duff A clever and diverse short-story collection about New Zealand women’s lives. Nice. #### Bad Archives by Flora Feltham A lovely book of essays about small moments with big impact. Read. #### Ash by Louise Wallace A short, sweet and punchy rural women’s story with bite. Vet volcano. --- ## May 2025: The month of the Auckland Writer’s Festival > *“Empathy isn’t just listening. It’s asking the questions whose answers need to be listened to. Empathy requires inquiry as much as imagination. Empathy requires knowing you know nothing. Empathy means acknowledging a horizon of context that extends perpetually beyond what you can see: an old woman’s gonorrhoea is connected to her guilt is connected to her marriage is connected to her children is connected to the days when she was a child.”* > **— Leslie Jamison, Empathy Exams** [![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!6muv!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4e938278-ce63-4ab3-93dd-8e46d719988a_3024x4032.heic)](https://substack.com/redirect/cc395e7c-984d-4226-8853-8671822699e0?j=eyJ1IjoiNHoyZ20ifQ.7V5xbh8XTV3juJeMxEx3pAeV5V2%5Fq1VuPnpvaO3xJDY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Charlie takes commissions. #### In A Fishbone Church by Catherine Chidgey I regret making myself finish this. Three generations of people do nothing. #### The Empathy Exams by Leslie Jamison Sharp, insightful essays that change how I think about the form forever. #### Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative by Melissa Febos Memoir meets craft book. Febos writes directly, intimately, to you only. Life-changing. #### The Argonauts by Maggie Nelson Splintered fragments of gender and relationships. Would have preferred less anal sex. #### Splinters by Leslie Jamison Indulgent, pretentious and annoying. Post-divorce rage that reads poorly after *Empathy Exams.* #### The Recovering by Leslie Jamison Addiction memoir meets PhD thesis meets literature history. Painful, honest and brilliant. #### Show, Don’t Tell by Curtis Sittenfield Off-kilter little stories bursting with delicious inner conflict. Perfect with a wine. #### Stag Dance by Torrey Peters Funny, sexy, trans stories – except for the weird mountain man one. Gripping. --- ## June 2025: The month I wish I never heard of AI > “*There is nothing in this world so pathetic, so moronic, so meaningless as dieting.”* > ― **Asako Yuzuki, Butter** [![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!byMx!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa6301770-d0bc-4125-9e67-f2c1ebbee5df_768x576.jpeg)](https://substack.com/redirect/5599b799-a278-4326-8ee1-7b3a5b6f1e50?j=eyJ1IjoiNHoyZ20ifQ.7V5xbh8XTV3juJeMxEx3pAeV5V2%5Fq1VuPnpvaO3xJDY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Mid-hell on [the essay that nearly killed me](https://substack.com/redirect/ae3e6b27-ef1f-4ef5-bb77-92c2b797852b?j=eyJ1IjoiNHoyZ20ifQ.7V5xbh8XTV3juJeMxEx3pAeV5V2%5Fq1VuPnpvaO3xJDY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). #### The Safe Keep by Yael Van Der Wouden This book broke me. An unforgettable, emotional gut-punch. A phenomenal literary debut. #### Detransition Baby by Torrey Peters A funny and subversive trans story. Romance and parenthood, handled with care. #### Butter by Asako Yuzuki Loved the food chat. Would’ve liked it better if I was Japanese. #### Abandon Me by Melissa Febo Her Dad was a captain and her parents divorced. Not my fave. #### The Dry Season by Melissa Febos Beautiful, intimate Febos memoir about self-imposed celibacy with an annoyingly happy-ever-after ending. #### Girlhood by Melissa Febos I have never felt so seen or looked after in my life. #### No One Is Talking About This by Patricia Lockwood Fragmented, experimental, abstract. Social media and grief. I *think* I got it? #### Moral Ambition by Rutger Brennan You can do good things and still be a hustler. I’m down. #### Careless People by Sarah Wynn Williams Facebook trauma memoir. Confirms tech-bro villain suspicions, adds extra misogyny and spice. --- ## July 2025: The month I go to Greece > *“The artists who preceded us had doubts, but what they doubted was their own talent. Artists of today doubt whether their art, and therefore their very existence, is necessary.”* > **— Albert Camus, Create Dangerously** [![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!o2xM!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F81b26a4e-1e9b-4de1-9267-0261f7ce696e_1024x768.jpeg)](https://substack.com/redirect/0bbbf563-923f-426f-a7a8-cb68f80c26d4?j=eyJ1IjoiNHoyZ20ifQ.7V5xbh8XTV3juJeMxEx3pAeV5V2%5Fq1VuPnpvaO3xJDY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) No caption needed. #### In The Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado An abusive lesbian relationship creates epic, creative memoir with brilliant structural depth. #### Lonely Mouth by Jacqueline Maley She leaves her kids in a service station toilet. I get it. #### Educated by Tara Westover Finally read this memoir about an insanely fundamentalist childhood. Glad I did. #### See How They Fall by Rachel Paris Resisted for jealousy reasons but then ate this right up. Nicely done. #### Delirious by Damien Wilkins Beautifully written story that forced me to accept I will get old. #### Create Dangerously: The Power and Responsibility of the Artist by Albert Camus Required reading for every future month. Stop the hand-wringing and make art. #### The Burrow by Melanie Cheng Finished it but then left it in a cafe for someone else. #### Nation of Shopkeepers by Dan Evans Marxist political and economic analysis for today’s squeezed middle. Tremendous. Highly recommend. #### Shame by Annie Ernaux Stripped, sparing, gut-punching prose that feels like a diary entry. Bowled over. #### A Man’s Place by Annie Ernaux Her Dad messed her up. I’m glad, because we got this book. #### Marcus Aurelius: The Stoic Emperor by Donald J Roberston A happy story about a nerdy nepo-baby who became Emperor of Rome. --- ## You made it to the end! And that brings to an end of 12 months in 12 word reviews! There are over 120 books on this list. Most of them are first-time reads, but I re-read six books this year - The Obstacle Is the Way, Necessary Endings, The Artist’s Way, Consider This, The War of Art, and Shuggie Bain. I will almost definitely read all six of those books again. For future years, I’d like to stick to this intention, scribbled in my journal, to read 100 books per year, and write one. I need to read fewer and write more. Just one! How hard can it be? I [![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!9wb7!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb38d57d9-2533-4520-9a15-124c49264c43_1452x1089.jpeg)](https://substack.com/redirect/460a0c2f-5b14-4300-a520-4d1c8d0babaf?j=eyJ1IjoiNHoyZ20ifQ.7V5xbh8XTV3juJeMxEx3pAeV5V2%5Fq1VuPnpvaO3xJDY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) I knew my ratio was off in July 2024, but haven’t written you a new book yet This may be my last Book Report for a hot minute while I work out the new format and structure for my writing, post-sabbatical. There is also a chance it will take me a sabbatical length of time to readjust to being back in the swing of things, so you may just get one as normal next month. Let’s find out, eh? I hope you enjoyed this one. If you hung on all the way to the end - NICE! Let me know if you need further book deets or specific suggestions for your reading tastes, in the comments. Cheers, AM ### Poppy loppers URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/poppy-loppers-why-kiwis-snark-at-success/ Last updated: 2026-08-13T10:37:06.000Z ## We can’t talk about ambition without acknowledging the cost of standing out. I was the keynote speaker to 200 Council managers at Te Papa last month. It was in a large room, buzzing with chat and conversation. Lanyard-laden leaders squeezed around sweeping banquet tables, each adorned with a pile of goodies: corporate updates, a team-building challenge, and a copy of my latest book, [*Local Legends*](https://engage.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-legends?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). The book had a note attached, encouraging people to check a copy out from the corporate library. I was introduced to the room with a glowing bio, highlighting various sound-bite friendly accomplishments – international track-record, publishing history and so on. I took the stage, grinning widely, to a big round of applause. *Screech*. Now, let's rewind eight years. In 2017, I’d not long moved to Wellington. I had three young kids at home, and I was hustling morning and night to keep the lights on. After a flurry of emails and calls, I scored a meeting with a Council policy manager, hoping for a bit of contract work. I was unsuccessful. This was one of 6 or 7 similar meetings that week, as I built my business in a new city. Most of them went nowhere. After many coffees, webinars, one-off gigs, articles and events, I eventually got momentum. Eight years later, I’ve written three books, worked with 100 different organisations on both sides of the ditch, spoken to huge audiences and run heaps of cool workshops, courses, and podcasts. Good one, Alicia! This landed on me all at once, just for a second, when I took the stage last month. I looked around the room in appreciation, my cheeks glowing with pride. I'm not telling you this story to be a wanker. I’m proud of the work I’ve done, not just because I get to go on stage and soak up the applause, but because I’ve changed the trajectory of my family, helped thousands of people to deliver more public value to their communities, and created things that have made people’s work and lives much better. Why on earth would I not be proud of that? How could that make me an asshole? And yet. I *do* feel super self-conscious writing about it. What's that about? ## Kiwis are fluent in self-deprecation The feeling in my stomach when I read that story back to myself (and my kneejerk apologetic disclaimer) reflects a culture where we often feel ashamed of our achievements. Jehan Casinader called to this just yesterday in [a LinkedIn post where he described the behaviour of New Zealand public speakers](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/jehancasinader%5Faussies-are-better-at-public-speaking-than-activity-7365848448845217792-jjiX?utm%5Fsource=share&utm%5Fmedium=member%5Fdesktop&rcm=ACoAAAKpi5QBAH0Yw0pp47n3iPd4grlCvism%5FnU). Kiwis have a tendency, Casinader explained, to “*put themselves down.*” They’ll take the stage and start with “*The previous speaker is a hard act to follow*” or “*I know I’m standing between you and lunch, so I’ll keep this quick*,” undermining their credibility from the beginning. ![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!36zJ!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd02720f3-5c67-44b2-ac74-4d8b4f39d4e0_900x525.heic) Better put all our national languages on there That’s not just individual insecurity, or imposter syndrome. It’s a rational response to a well-evidenced tall-poppy culture that snarks at its most successful - what the [E Tū Tāngata initiative](https://www.etutangata.nz/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) describes as our "deep culture" - learned, hidden norms that discourage standing out. Deep culture isn’t made of conscious choices, but of automatic responses so ingrained we barely notice them. Every time we reflexively diminish our achievements, we reinforce a norm - what E Tū Tāngata calls our “culture of criticism.” You get a promotion, and feel a flush of guilt for your friends recently made redundant. So, you stay quiet. If asked, you laugh it off: “I guess no one else wanted it!” You win an award, and are insistent you’re no better than the other nominees. You run a successful business, but insist you're just ‘winging it’. ## Who needs enemies, with mates like these? > *"True friends stab you in the front" – Oscar Wilde* Dr Jo Kirkwood and Professor Ross McNaughton’s [2022 study](https://www.auckland.ac.nz/en/news/2022/07/20/research-tall-poppy-syndrome-negatively-affects-nz-entrepreneurs.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) found tall poppy syndrome is alive and well in New Zealand - and that the majority of cutting remarks come directly from colleagues, rather than online or through social media. “*Many of the comments were very sad, with participants telling us their experience of tall poppy caused self-doubt, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, loss of opportunities, or caused them to leave the country.*” said McNaughton. New Zealand filmmaker Taika Waititi is blunter: "*We've got a thing called the 'tall poppy syndrome' in New Zealand, where if anyone is doing really well, it's quite common to try and bring them down - like, cut them down and say, 'You've been to the moon? So what? I mean, plenty of people have been to the moon*.'” ## Should we be more American? When I go to conferences in the US, the contrast is startling. The bald-faced ambition is confronting at first - it's brash, shiny, and kind of great. It's refreshing not to be in a passive-aggressive environment where people hide poppy-loppers behind their back. In America, it's not impolite to say what you want, or what you're dreaming of. Success is celebrated, and professional and material achievements put on a pedestal. Money isn't evil, winning isn't bad, and wanting more isn't embarrassing. US networking aficionados Bill Reichert and Adiba Barney noticed this difference over when they travelled to New Zealand over 10 years ago. Describing Kiwi founders, Barney observed “*They really need to think bigger; they are holding back too much. They need more belief in themselves to go after the big dream, while understanding what that is and how it will affect them*.” I'm not suggesting we adopt unbridled individualism and winner-take-all capitalism. Or that the cultural relationship with ambition in the US is as simple or binary as I’ve presented here. But there's something to be learned from a culture where admitting to ambition doesn't automatically require a disclaimer and where success doesn't always trigger suspicion about character flaws. ## Push your ambitions to where your feelings are: way, way down Just as the cause isn’t an individual problem, but a social one, so too is the effect. All this downward pressure prevents good ideas from being attempted in the first place. When the cultural cost of visible ambition is high, people adjust their behaviour. They pitch smaller, aim lower, and ask for less. They don’t talk about their bright ideas, or their successes. They don’t celebrate one another, or share lessons learned. The whole culture suffers. Anna Fifield captured this in a 2022 piece for The Post, describing advice given to newly returned Kiwis at a pandemic meetup: "*Don't talk too much about what you did before*." Kiwi travellers learn to hide their achievements when they come home. This shows up in funding conversations, where Kiwi entrepreneurs undervalue their companies compared to international peers. It shows up in career decisions, where talented people choose safe options over ambitious ones. It shows up in creative industries, where artists learn to expect poverty as the price of authenticity. Whether it’s embarrassment, fear of a snarky response, guilt, or internalised suppression, acceptance of mediocrity is not a charming cultural quirk keeping Kiwis humble. It’s a systemic pattern that limits our potential and encourages people to flee if they want to do anything cool. ## What if you could stay here *and* succeed? We have a generation of uni students who assume they have to, in my daughter’s words, “fuck off to Aussie if they want to make any money.” That checks out. [Record numbers of young Kiwis have already fled](https://newsroom.co.nz/2024/08/12/record-shattering-numbers-of-young-people-leaving-new-zealand/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) \- and a [recent survey](https://newsroom.co.nz/2025/01/17/no-curbing-brain-drain-without-significant-productivity-boost?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) indicates 42 percent of New Zealand-based respondents would move to Australia for better pay and opportunities, (but only 2 percent of Aussies would come here.) Let’s not abandon the genuinely positive aspects of Kiwi culture, of which there are so many - our egalitarianism, our scepticism of authority, our insistence on substance over style. That’s great stuff. But we can separate those values from reflexive hostility to success. We can value humility without demanding fake modesty, and celebrate success without tearing people down. We can give our kids something to aim for (and stay for). Do awesome shit. Be proud. Stop apologizing. I’ve got your back. Til next week, AM ### "Isms" are not people URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/isms-are-not-people/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:28:42.000Z *Racist. Sexist. Bigoted. Homophobic. Misogynistic. Classist. Ageist. Ableist.* Few people will consider themselves any of the above. Indeed, few people reading this *are* any of these things. These labels, which provoke instant defence and outrage, are personal insults, character assassinations. Racism, sexism and classism exist - but the ‘isms’ aren’t in people. They’re in patterns of intersecting and reinforcing language, decisions, rules and relationships. That is to say: they live in systems. Those systems are not disrupted when we point fingers at one another - if anything, *they’re reinforced.* ## Pundits and personal defences ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/b15d48cf-a359-47ef-a175-17190407b8f5_6000x3000-heic.jpg) [Source: Ian Taylor’s LinkedIn post defending Minister Stanford](https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7361283113592737792/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) In [a LinkedIn post](https://www.linkedin.com/in/ian-taylor-761a467/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) I saw this week, Ian Taylor wades into the discussion about removing Te Reo words from early readers’ books in the New Zealand primary school curriculum. He is outraged the Minister of Education has been called racist and comes to her personal defence. The post, and the comments pouring forth, highlight a critical distinction about how structural forces like racism operate. When we focus on individuals and their decisions, the debate gets personal. It becomes *“Is Stanford racist?”* rather than *“Does this policy reinforce marginalisation of Māori?”* The second question is arguably the one that matters, but our political discourse gets stuck on the first. ## Institutions hide behind individuals This is emblematic of modern outrage culture and the internet more broadly. I’m as quick as anyone to get incensed at the old tweets of a public figure or scowl at off-colour jokes. But collectively, we are slow to challenge the broader systems supporting those ideas. The coverage of this decision was pointedly personal. Article after article begins with “*Minister Stanford’s decision to…*”, personalising a policy which, if one believes the Ministry, is the result of a "collaborative review process involving literacy experts, educators, and cultural advisors." By calling it "Stanford's decision," the media: 1. **Personalises a systemic process** \- making it about individual judgment rather than institutional patterns 2. **Obscures the machinery** \- we don't hear about how "collaborative processes" work, whose voices get heard or excluded, whether they are tested or peer-reviewed, or what assumptions are made. 3. **Creates the perfect deflection opportunity** \- Stanford can defend her personal intentions while the system that produced the recommendation stays invisible. When Stanford is the face of a system, it distracts the conversation and lets everyone else off the hook. The bureaucrats who developed the policy, the "experts" who advised it, the institutional culture that made it feel reasonable all become invisible. This is how systems maintain themselves: by making structural processes look like individual choices and redirecting our attention. The question isn't whether she's a good person, but whether the system she's working in produces outcomes that align with our values. ## OK but is it racist, though? We can’t tell if this policy decision reflects an "act of racism," and "determined act to recolonize," as [Te Akatea president Bruce Jepsen alleges](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/political/569423/act-of-racism-education-ministry-cans-children-s-school-book-for-too-many-maori-words?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), or an innocent move to make resources more “developmentally appropriate, culturally responsive, and aligned with the principles of structured literacy” as the Ministry of Education states, by looking at how racist people believe the Minister to be. It's entirely possible that this decision reflects both genuine literacy concerns AND systemic bias. These aren't mutually exclusive. A good person can participate in a biased system - in fact, that's usually how bias operates. It doesn't require bad intentions, just inherited assumptions and processes that haven't been examined.[1](#footnote-1) **To examine a system, we need to understand:** - **The *pattern* of decisions made in education, language, and biculturalism.** Is this part of a broader trend? In which direction? What can we infer from this pattern? What biases are we bringing to that inference? - **How different *parts* of the system work together.** What rules determine how teachers, policymakers and experts interact? What relationships exist between schools, the ministry, and iwi? Who is involved in the crafting of advice or recommendations, the scoping of that work, and the resourcing of it? Who makes which decisions, and why? - **The *power* *dynamics* involved.** Who benefits from the status quo? Who would benefit from change? Who has the most resources, status or representation? Who has the least? How do these choices reinforce or shift that? - **The *purpose* of change** \- legislative, political, or otherwise. What are we trying to achieve? Which goals have been prioritised in this context? Why those? Who set the tone on that? - **The *perception of reality* being supported or disrupted.** Which stories are being told and what meaning is made? What message does this send, to who? How will this be interpreted by different groups and stakeholders? Whether you support the Ministry’s decision or oppose it, we probably agree that education policy should be evidence-based, inclusive, and effective. The systemic approach asks: are our policy-making processes designed to achieve those outcomes? Are we hearing from the right experts? Are we measuring success in ways that serve all our children? When we locate individual choices inside these patterns and dynamics, we get a better picture of the [invisible architecture](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/critical-thinking-is-not-enough-its/). Whether the decisions to change reading books is racist has little to do with how Minister Stanford personally feels about Māori, and a lot to do with how New Zealand’s education system operates more broadly. [This 2020 NZCER research report](https://wellbeingatschool.org.nz/sites/default/files/documents/Racism-in-schools-Rapid-review-working-paper%5F0.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) shows that racism in New Zealand schools operates systematically. The researchers explicitly distinguish between "racism" (embedded in power structures and systems) and "racial prejudice" (interpersonal bias), arguing that conflating the two protects racist structures by "redirecting the focus away from addressing racism to, for example, the discomfort of dominant group individuals." The evidence is stark: there is systemic racial bias in New Zealand education. Māori students receive consistently lower teacher judgements *even when their standardised test scores match other students*, creating "an underlying systematic bias within the New Zealand education system." There has been some excellent reporting in the media that nods to many of these systemic factors. In particular, patterns of cultural erasure feature in much of the later, less reactive coverage. In [a media release from NZEI Te Riu Roa](https://www.nzeiteriuroa.org.nz/about-us/media-releases/cutting-m%C4%81ori-words-from-educational-books-all-part-of-slow-erasure-of-reo-m%C4%81ori?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), Ripeka Lessels points to a pattern of decision-making, and ties it to a broader inferred purpose: “This is **just the latest decision** by the Government that tells us English comes first and Māori language and culture is dispensable.”(emphasis mine.) She doubles down on the purpose argument further, by saying: ““The excuse is it's too confusing or challenging for kids to decode reo Māori words but this is to justify **the real goal of downgrading te reo Māori and Te Tiriti from education**.” (emphasis mine.) In an article from 1 News, academics speak to a pattern of policies demonstrating such a downgrade. For example, the Te Ahu o Te Reo programme, offering free lessons to teachers to better integrate te reo Māori in the classroom, helped 10,000 teachers learn Te Reo, had it’s budget cut in 2024 [“despite a glowing independent review commissioned by the ministry.”](https://www.1news.co.nz/2025/08/18/te-reo-in-schoolbooks-govt-has-it-the-wrong-way-round/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Principals’ Federation president Leanne Otene echoes this sentiment in comments to RNZ: “*It’s not just one book, it’s part of a concerning pattern of removing te reo Māori \[Māori language\] from government services across the board,”* she said. “*Our children are growing up watching their government treat te reo Māori as less important.”* The Minister, conversely, claims this is part of a *different* pattern - one that is taking a more evidence-based and structured approach to addressing New Zealand’s declining literacy levels. However, according to The Guardian, Ministry reports dating back to the October 2024 assert that the evidence on competing orthographies having a negative impact on children’s learning are [“mixed” and “uncertain.”](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/aug/20/maori-words-school-books-new-zealand?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Conversely, commentators linking this decision to a broader pattern of this government’s “assault on te reo Maori” have no shortage of examples to points to, including: > “[cuts to te reo Māori teacher training](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/political/529086/te-reo-maori-teacher-training-cut-by-30m-to-fund-maths-resources?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), mandating English-first in public service naming and communication, the [disestablishment of Te Aka Whai Ora](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/national/565289/concerns-health-legislation-changes-could-weaken-voices-of-maori-communities?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) (Māori Health Authority), reversal of co-governance reforms, and undermining local Māori representation. The coalition also supported the [Treaty Principles Bill](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/national/557820/treaty-principles-bill-scrapped-but-the-fight-for-te-tiriti-is-just-beginning-lawyers-and-advocates-say?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), pushed by ACT, which aimed to enshrine fixed principles of the Treaty and extend these to all New Zealanders, effectively diluting Māori-specific rights.” > **\- Quote from** [**Amanda Gillies’ article on RNZ**](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/thedetail/570456/from-taonga-to-target-the-assault-on-te-reo-maori?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ## AI could make this worse ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/39b605bd-35b6-462b-ba9d-eef0c759459e_6000x3000-heic.jpg) Taylor was transparent about how he had reached his views on the matter. Having read the media coverage, he consulted ChatGPT to try and understand the Ministry’s decision. His commitment to going beyond ad hominem attacks and inflammatory headlines to understand the reasoning behind policy decisions is laudable. But this style of research - heading off to AI for an explanation - is a risky strategy. ChatGPT is a black box trained on exactly the biases we’re trying to evaluate. [AI systems like ChatGPT are not thinking, reasoning machines](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-the-ai-bros-wont-tell-you/). They are built on everything that’s ever been put online - including the worst bits. Using ChatGPT to try and understand sensitive issues like structural racism is a terrible idea. When Taylor asks ChatGPT whether removing Te Reo words is racist, he's asking a mirror of existing exclusionary patterns to reflect back whether those patterns are problematic. And what do you think it will say? [What the AI bros won’t tell youBetter conversations for boring conferences![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/WW--800----800-px--2-1.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/photo-1626125345510-4603468eedfb)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-the-ai-bros-wont-tell-you/) AI’s answers and analysis are not neutral, nor are they going to be critical or original. The system cannot see beyond its own training data. The answers you receive from ChatGPT support and entrench the status quo, because a language model produces its answers based on statistical probability[2](#footnote-2). Using ChatGPT is also a hamstring on new and innovative approaches (like, say, a world-leading approach to early reading that builds hard-coded biculturalism and bilingualism) because it doesn’t know what hasn’t already happened. Forming your views from a word-stringing machine, rather than listening to the voices of academics, experts and cultural commentators is quick, but it’s not going to create anything *new.* [Critical thinking is not enough. It’s time you learned about power.Numbers and words are cool, but we have calculators and ChatGPT now. What you need is POWER LITERACY.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/WW--800----800-px--2-2.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/https-3a-2f-2fsubstack-post-media-s3-amazonaws-com-2fpublic-2fimages-2f0db3e88f-228a-49d4-8f22-f1ee055cb382_938x547-heic.jpg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/critical-thinking-is-not-enough-its/) ## Racist red herrings Overall, I agree with Taylor: the debate about whether a minister is racist is unhelpful. Focusing on the personal obscures the systemic, enabling structural forces to burrow away and hide. Policies, and people, can certainly be discriminatory in and of themselves, but the bigger question is how these choices reinforce or disrupt existing systemic patterns. *Systems* create racism - with *patterns* of language, decisions, rules and relationships. Research suggests this is certainly true of the New Zealand education system. Dismantling these biases, should that be a goal of the Ministry, or the government, will require viewing policy decisions through this *systemic* lens. [For when it feels like you can’t change anythingEverything is connected. Once you see it, you can shift it.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/WW--800----800-px--2-3.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/https-3a-2f-2fsubstack-post-media-s3-amazonaws-com-2fpublic-2fimages-2f081492b1-5069-4ffa-bb22-0060bf7ce067_938x547-heic.jpg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/for-when-it-feels-like-you-cant-change/) ## So, how do we change it? [Systemic change](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/for-when-it-feels-like-you-cant-change/) is a bit like how your Grandad might fix a broken toaster - first, pull it apart, and see what all the parts do and how they fit together. Then, identify which bits need to change (and how they work together differently) to get a better result. Once we have traced the [architecture of power](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/critical-thinking-is-not-enough-its/), and we understand who benefits from things being the way they are, we can start to dismantle the systems and stories that support it. The most [meaningful and lasting change](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/for-when-it-feels-like-you-cant-change/), driven from any point in a system, is caused by redefining the *purpose* of a system, and/or transforming the *relationships* within it. Purpose questions, in this case, might interrogate target outcomes, performance frameworks, role definition. What is the education system designed to do? Produce robots, students, workers, or citizens? What kind of values, lessons and beliefs are we teaching our children? What do we consider a successful education? How do we check if it’s working? What is the role of the Ministry in enabling these outcomes? If we point the system toward producing globally-minded, locally-proud, compassionate, informed, critical-thinking, historically-grounded citizens, that’s what we’ll get. If we design a system to produce robotic fact-peddlers who’ll work a bullshit job for low pay, that’s what we’ll get. Relationship questions, in this case, might target consultative procedures, expert advisory panels, Ministry-school and school-community connections, participation in global communities**,** and the power dynamics between different forms of knowledge. Who sits on these expert panels? What qualifications are valued? How are Māori educators and knowledge holders positioned relative to "literacy experts"? When the Ministry conducts its "collaborative review process," who leads, who follows, and who isn't even in the room? These relationship patterns - who has authority, whose knowledge counts, who is considered credible - shape every decision before the work even starts on a recommendation, much less a decision is made. Change these, and we will change the shape of education. ## A better question to ask Personal attacks on individuals (racist/not racist) are not just unhelpful. They’re actively protective of racist systems, because they redirect energy away from structural critique. Moving from '*Is Stanford racist?*' to '*How do our systems work?*' isn't changing sides - it's asking better questions that might lead to solutions everyone can support. These are tricky questions, because they ask things of us, like: what do we want? Who are we? Who do we want our children to be? When we outsource our critical thinking to ChatGPT - a system trained on our biases - or reduce structural problems to personal failings, we perpetuate the patterns we claim to oppose. The 'isms' aren't in people. They're in the spaces between us, in the rules we follow without thinking, and in the stories we tell about why things are the way they are. So next time you're tempted to call someone a something-ist, let’s ask: **“What system is being protected, when I make this about *them*?"** Til next week, AM --- 1. Though if you’re looking for a good takedown of the technical explanation, I’d direct you to [this excellent piece](https://e-tangata.co.nz/comment-and-analysis/hiding-behind-jargon/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) from Vini Olsen-Reeder, research fellow at Te Herenga Waka—Victoria University of Auckland. [↩](#footnote-anchor-1 "Jump back to footnote 1 in the text.") 2. (If powerful people were designing a power-entrenching machine, this is exactly how they might do it.) [↩](#footnote-anchor-2 "Jump back to footnote 2 in the text.") ### Four empires, one square URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/four-empires-one-square/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T05:20:25.000Z There’s a cool spot in Monastiraki Square, near the Athens Flea Market, where you can see evidence of thousands of years of empire and colonisation. Directly in front of you (behind the railing) is an open-air museum of a water system built around the ancient Eridanos River - a sacred, buried stream that dates back to over 3,000 years ago. When they built the metro in the 1990s, the riverbed surfaced. It caused all kinds of problems, including flooding a nearby cemetery FROM UNDER THE GROUND. Around the corner is Hadrian’s Library, built in 132 AD by the Roman emperor Hadrian - one of the OG public libraries. It had thousands of scrolls, multiple public meeting rooms, and was the size of a football field. People starting trashing and burning it around 130 years later. [Subscribe](#/portal/signup/free) Once the Christians took over, they burned the remaining books (/papyrus.) Which is why we have access to less than 1% of the work produced by ancient Greeks. People take Instagram photos there now. To your left is a wee Byzantine church. This is the last trace of a nunnery from around the 10th century that gave Monastiraki its name (“little monastery”). The bigger complex once took up what is now a prime spot for buying Greek souvenirs, a shrine to late-stage capitalism. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/54ddf6f0-d77d-4970-9c9b-9540ece5945a_1564x1173-jpeg.jpg) There are some Made In China drama masks you can buy in the square today. The Greeks and Romans used them until the Christians came and cancelled theatre. The masks would hide the actor’s face because the same person would play multiple roles, (sometimes all of them!) and would also project their voice to the audience. Clever. The Christians were in charge until the 1450s, when the Turks rolled in. Behind the water ruins, on the right, is the Ottoman-era Tzistarakis Mosque. It was built in 1759, and is now a folk art museum. The Ottomans ruled the roost from 1456 until 1821, when the Greek war of independence booted them out. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/7e87e3dc-425f-4034-b61f-f346be4a8322_2198x1648-jpeg.jpg) Ruins under the glass, mosque up behind. Greece has been at war for 3200 of the last 3500 years. It’s partly a geography thing - they’re right in the middle of some key trade routes. But there's been a bunch of civil war too. The Spartans/ Athens war in 400ish BC really did them in and made them ripe for Macedonian and then Roman conquest, which is a shame after they'd all just joined forces to beat back the Persians. [Subscribe](#/portal/signup/free) On the bright side, this temple (The Sanctuary of Aphrodite Urania), near the ancient Athens agora, was apparently built by Aphrodite’s crafty husband Hephaestus. Which seems unlikely because he’s a literal God, but who wants to stand in the way of a good story. ![IMG_5492.jpeg](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/a7d967d2-e841-4d2f-a789-ca70c83a275f_4032x3024-jpeg.jpg) Sanctuary of Aphrodite Urania. Roof old AF. Either way I'm pretty impressed with the craftsmanship because it’s the oldest surviving roof in Athens, at 2400 years old, and stayed up through all those wars and conquests. In New Zealand we think a 100 year old house is ancient. My 40 year old house needs work on the roof already, but I can also reach Greece in 25 hours, for $1500, and take home plastic versions of their ancient treasures so who's the real winner here? --- [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/McKaypedia-banner.png)](#/portal/signup) This was another McKayPedia entry - pithy explanations of history, geography, or politics. If you like these, [upgrade to paid](https://aliciamckay.substack.com/subscribe?utm%5Fmedium=web&utm%5Fsource=subscribe-widgethttps%3A%2F%2Fannehelen.substack.com%2Fsubscribe), so I can travel to more places and tell you more interesting things about what I saw there. [Upgrade now ](#/portal/signup) ### You are who you aren't anymore URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-are-who-you-arent-anymore/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T05:12:03.000Z ⚡ Welcome to Wednesday Wisdom: your weekly dose of useful insight for life, work and leadership. If you've been forwarded this, sign up. I took an Italian cooking class in Rome two weeks ago and learned to make pasta from scratch. It was a great format - a group of us made pasta together, then enjoyed it for dinner with wine and dessert. I hit it off with the guy next to me. Brad, a musician, was travelling with his flight attendant sister. They both live in Nashville now, but they were raised in Alabama, in exactly the Southern way you might imagine. Very religious, with complex morality and strict rules. Brad didn’t drink until he was 24, was a virgin until he was 29, and laboured under guilt and shame until his mid 30s. It was then he started to ask questions, do some inner work and examine the beliefs he’d taken for granted. Now 40, Brad has retrained as a therapist. Brad hasn’t abandoned his faith entirely, but he feels jaded about how religion has been weaponised in the US and he is disappointed in the politics of many of his church-going family and friends. The people he grew up with, he explained quietly, aren’t interested in his personal transformation. He channels his empathy and curiosity into helping his clients challenge restrictive assumptions and beliefs. He loves his work, but mourns the distance with his family and friends. [Subscribe now](https://aliciamckay.substack.com/subscribe) Stories like Brad’s remind me of the ravine analogy from Darren McGarvey’s Poverty Safari. McGarvey talks about what happens when we mobilise away from our class of origin and never quite reach the other side. You become a diaspora of one, out-of-place no matter where you go. You’re not so much stuck between income brackets as stuck between value systems. What you care about, and how you see the world, changes. This rings true beyond social class - immigrants, second language speakers, people who leave their religions or have different politics to their parents, or even people who change professions face the same challenges. Brad and I talked about some of the stories that shape our lives, and agreed that religion is, at least, reassuringly identifiable. The dogma is recorded, the rules written down, and you can draw straight lines between systems, stories, and self. Other belief systems, just as powerful, can be more difficult to trace, or even to identify. So much of what we think, believe, or internalise as personality traits are products of our culture. They’re things our parents said, stories we absorbed in the media, attitudes of our peers in high school, or unchallenged assumptions we don’t realise we have. Poking at these things can be uncomfortable, and we risk unravelling the whole nest - our identities, values, relationships, traditions, even our daily lives. Value shifts create a kind of exile. Not because you’ve left a place, but because you’ve left a way of seeing the world. Once we start asking questions, the veil is torn and it can be hard to stop. Sometimes the outcomes are revolutionary: activism, political action, peer influence. More often, they’re internal: self-knowledge, values alignment, personal change. The internal should generally happen first. > *“You are no use to any family, community, cause or movement unless you are first able to manage, maintain and operate the machinery of your own life.”* > > \- Darren McGarvey, Poverty Safari: Understanding the anger of Britain’s underclass An unexamined life, according to[ Socrates](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/philosophy-101/), is not worth living. He was willing to die for that belief. Most of us don’t risk death for our life changes, but we do risk things when we start asking questions: relationships, identity and certainty. Self-improvement gets a good rap, but we don’t often talk about the costs, and they can be high. You might be a better you, but do you have people that get you? Belonging and safety are two core human needs, and putting them on the line is no small deal. [Subscribe now](#/portal/signup/free) After a tricky few years of swimming in the unknown, Brad feels better about himself and his contribution to the world. He’s making new friends and building new relationships. He knows his people by shared values and vibe - which is probably why he feels more in common with a Kiwi chick he met folding ravioli than the guys he went to high school with. But he confesses to a pervasive sense of loneliness. Those early relationships are important, and disconnection from his roots is disorienting. In A Nation of Shopkeepers, Dan Evans argues that “*class consciousness and identity is very often about defining oneself negatively. We know who we are by what we are not.*” Which I guess means we’re not just made by where we’ve come from, but also by what we’ve left behind. Brad isn’t just a therapist and musician from Nashville - he’s someone who’s left behind religious dogma, conservative politics, and the belief and identity systems that accompany that. Some of us are a long way from where we come from - in geography, religion, lifestyle, class, politics or beliefs - while others are tweaked editions of the original. Either way, all of us are a product of not just the *choices,* but the *changes* we’ve made. You’re not just who you are today, *you’re who you’ve decided not to be anymore*. You’re the result of what you’ve challenged, shifted, and left in the past. The habits you’ve broken, the stories you’ve stopped telling yourself, and the ideas you’ve changed your mind about. These are the nuances of you. I reckon that’s something to be proud of, even if it sometimes feels lonely. Because what else do you want to do? Sit there and be the same person your whole life? Maybe. But you probably didn’t read this far if that’s your vibe. Til next week, AM ## Sign up for Alicia McKay For high-impact professionals and strategic thinkers who want to make sense and take action. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Mycenae URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/mycenae/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T05:21:18.000Z Yesterday I went to Mycenae. I stood in the ruins of a palace that was built in 1300 BC, but this site was inhabited back to between 2,000-3,000BC - which makes my head explode. Perseus founded Mycenae - he wasn’t all bad, even though he did decapitate Medusa, (which I grumped about [here](https://aliciamckay.substack.com/p/serifos).) Perseus' maternal grandfather Acrisius was afraid of him because [Pythia at the Oracle of Delphi](https://aliciamckay.substack.com/p/delphi) predicted his grandson would kill him. Sure enough, Acrisius and Perseus were casually hanging out one day, then bam, discus to the head. Pythia might have a been a hallucinogenic drug user, but she knew her stuff. Perseus COULD have inherited the rule of Argos, but he felt bad for accidentally killing his grandad, so he founded Mycenae. Once he got things set up, he had some Cyclops (yeah, the one-eyed monsters) build some serious walls. The kind of walls that will survive until I wander past 3200 years later. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/945ab7eb-fbb4-4eb2-897f-7a0f2001a2ed_5712x4284-heic.jpg) Perseus (probably) “I will build a great Great Wall…” A few kings after Perseus was Atreus. He didn’t get on well with his brother Thyestes and in a next level sibling prank, made him eat the flesh of his own kids. Punkd! They call this a Thyestean feast. The gods didn’t like that, so they wrathed him. Hard. You might know Atreus' son, Agamemnon. Agamemnon was off leading the Greeks against Troy while all this kid-eating and wrathing was happening. When he got home, his wife Clytemenstra killed him, along with her boyfriend. Which doesn’t sound great, but he HAD tricked her into bringing their daughter to be sacrificed before he left, and was a total fuckboi. He even brought his side-chick Cassandra home from Troy. Still, rough week. Their son, Orestes, killed Clytemenstra and her boyfriend to avenge Agamemnon’s death. Which was legally dicey, so he went on the lam until an Athenian court acquitted him. (Which is typical. Agamemnon's out there sacrificing daughters and murdering thousands in Troy. Clytemenstra does ONE murder, and it's lights out.) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/7f5c8914-40ec-44f0-a128-b4a339ba5e01_3024x4032-heic.jpg) Historic grave site where they put all the wives, brothers, etc. Back to Mycenae. Orestes’ son Tisamenos was the last king before the place was abandoned for most of history. He got killed in a regular war like a normal person. The Mycenaeans were exceptional engineers. Their buildings and water systems were way ahead of their time. They’ve survived wars, natural disasters, fires, and 32 centuries, and I can walk down inside their buildings. Fucking wild. It rained after this, for the first time since I came to Greece. Which either means Poseidon’s pissed off, or Persephone’s poked her head up from the underworld, but there's no time to get into that today. Let’s assume it was just weather. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/28fcb3c4-f842-4003-b957-b76e32402f57_4032x3024-heic.jpg) Lions Gate, featuring an ADORABLE tourist being a lion for his photo. [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/McKaypedia-banner.png)](#/portal/signup) This was another McKayPedia entry - pithy explanations of history, geography, or politics. If you like these, [upgrade to paid](https://aliciamckay.substack.com/subscribe?utm%5Fmedium=web&utm%5Fsource=subscribe-widgethttps%3A%2F%2Fannehelen.substack.com%2Fsubscribe), so I can travel to more places and tell you more interesting things about what I saw there. [Upgrade now ](#/portal/signup) ### Philosophy 101 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/philosophy-101/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T05:20:55.000Z The OGs of western philosophy were Socrates, Plato and Aristotle. ## Socrates Socrates was a question-pest. He was such a nuisance they named “asking way too many questions” the Socratic method. Eventually, he was put to trial for corrupting the youth and put to death by poison. People say he could have argued his way out but chose not to, to make a moral stand (captured in Plato’s Apology.) Scholars think he’s a real one for that, but given he had a Mrs and some kids, it was kind of a dick move. ## Plato Plato studied under Socrates, and wrote books having pretend conversation with him (Socrates didn’t believe in writing, just yarns) before going on to found the West’s first known learning institution: Plato’s Academy. Plato suggested we get knowledge from reason (not just our senses). This was revolutionary. He also wrote The Republic, about how society should be fair, government should be virtuous and everyone should be educated. He proposed a philosopher-king system and thought democracy was dumb. Good intentions, but a bit culty. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/c30f1a2d-cd0d-49aa-9a17-427fd7babe4c_4032x3024-heic.jpg) How bout that upturned rubbish bin though. Site: Plato’s Academy ## Aristotle Plato’s best student was Aristotle, who studied at the Academy until Plato died. Aristotle was salty he didn’t get named Next Top Philosopher at the Academy so he started his own school. It was in a gymnasium so there was a lot of walking and exercise involved (he called it the Peripatetic School). It was best known as the Lyceum. This is proof that the walk and talk is a time tested format for good ideas. Aristotle was a machine who changed the game in maths, science, politics, ethics, biology, and more. He figured out how to classify biological species, invented logic (if all Xs are Ys and Z is an X, Z must be a Y) pioneered empirical observation, and wrote a defining treatise on ethics and virtue. Prolific. But he was dark on women, despite Plato teaching women could rule and fight alongside men and should be educated accordingly (Yass Plato.) Aristotle was also keen on slavery. Being a genius and a jerk are not mutually exclusive. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/486eb29d-cd36-409d-8fe3-ea616fb51a69_4032x3024-heic.jpg) Aristotle’s Lyceum complete with $6 Aussie airport water ## Legacy Last week, I went to Socrates’ Cave, Plato’s Academy and Aristotle’s Lyceum, expecting all three to be packed - after visiting the Acropolis, which heaves with sweaty tourists. They were all empty. Aristotle’s Lyceum has some nice green grass and newly planted olive trees. The archaeological site of Plato’s Academy features two homeless dudes and an upturned rubbish skip. Socrates’ cave is, well, a cave, so that seems fair. Ethics, science, politics and logic all trace back to these guys, walk-talking around Athens between 478 and 322 BC. Now I take selfies in front of rubbish bins on my magic robot. [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/McKaypedia-banner.png)](#/portal/signup) This was another McKayPedia entry - pithy explanations of history, geography, or politics. If you like these, [upgrade to paid](https://aliciamckay.substack.com/subscribe?utm%5Fmedium=web&utm%5Fsource=subscribe-widgethttps%3A%2F%2Fannehelen.substack.com%2Fsubscribe), so I can travel to more places and tell you more interesting things about what I saw there. [Upgrade now ](#/portal/signup) ### Headshot 3 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/headshot-3/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T11:28:27.000Z ## Square [Square - headshot 3 .jpg3 MBdownload-circle](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/content/files/2026/08/-.jpg "Download") ## Portrait [Portrait - headshot 32024-ALICIA5481.jpg18 MBdownload-circle](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/content/files/2026/08/2024-ALICIA5481.jpg "Download") ### ALGWA NSW Annual Conference, Griffith, NSW URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/algwa-nsw-annual-conference-griffith-nsw/ Last updated: 2025-10-19T03:25:43.000Z _No content available._ ### Headshot 2 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/headshot-2/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T11:28:21.000Z ## Square [Square thinking headshot2024-ALICIA5812 2.jpg4 MBdownload-circle](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/content/files/2026/08/2024-ALICIA5812-2.jpg "Download") ## Landscape [Landscape thinking headshot2024-ALICIA5812.jpg15 MBdownload-circle](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/content/files/2026/08/2024-ALICIA5812.jpg "Download") ## Portrait [Portrait thinking headshot2024-ALICIA5812 1.jpg7 MBdownload-circle](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/content/files/2026/08/2024-ALICIA5812-1.jpg "Download") ### Headshot 1 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/headshot-1/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T11:24:53.000Z ## Square [Square black headshot2024-ALICIA5995 1.jpg4 MBdownload-circle](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/content/files/2026/08/2024-ALICIA5995-1.jpg "Download") ## Landscape [Landscape black headshot2024-ALICIA5995.jpg15 MBdownload-circle](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/content/files/2026/08/2024-ALICIA5995-2.jpg "Download") ## Portrait [Portrait black headshot2024-ALICIA5995 2.jpg5 MBdownload-circle](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/content/files/2026/08/2024-ALICIA5995-2-1.jpg "Download") ### June 2025 Book Report URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/book-report-june-2025/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T08:17:55.000Z Phew, just snuck this in before July finished. OK, I’m going to be speedy with this one as I’m on holiday. Strap in for a collection of novels and non-fiction that loosely, if I was looking for the theme, would be something like *Fucked Up Stuff People Go Through Because of Greedy Ignorant Dudes.* Which could be the theme for most things. Let’s crack in. --- ## What I read In June 2025, I finished the following books, in the following order: - The Safe Keep by Yael Van der Wouden - Detransition Baby by Torrey Peters - Butter by Asako Yuzuki - The Dry Season by Melissa Febos - Girlhood by Melissa Febos - No One Is Talking About This by Patricia Lockwood - Moral Ambition by Rutger Brennan - Careless People by Sarah Wynn Williams **These books fit into three main categories** 1\. Books I picked up at the Auckland Writers Festival 2\. Melissa Febos memoirs 3\. The world is a bit fucked and full of greed but we can make it better. --- ## First: the weird outlier > *“What do you mean you’ve been spying on me, with this thing in my hand that is an eye?”* The outlier to those categories is the Patricia Lockwood *No One Is Talking About This*, which is fitting, because this book is an outlier in every sense. I was laughing so uproariously in the first chapter that I woke Cam up to read it so I didn’t have to do it alone. *No One Is Talking About This* is one stream-of-consciousness zinger after another, which… almost forms a story by the end? It’s experimental and fragmented. It might be about social media or perhaps about families and grief, or both, or neither. I’m not literary enough to understand if this is doing something very Important or Genre-Bending or if it’s just weird, but despite what a trip the whole thing was, I was unable to put it down. > *“White people, who had the political education of potatoes – lumpy, unseasoned, and biased towards the Irish – were suddenly feeling compelled to speak out about injustice. This happened once ev++ery forty years on average, usually after a period when folk music became popular again. When folk music became popular again, it reminded people that they had ancestors, and then, after a considerable delay, that their ancestors had done bad things.”* This is the kind of unusual, abstract creative work we’re going to need more of, to have any confidence in the future of literature. What value is a conventionally written book in ChatGPT Land? I can’t even read most newsletters anymore without assuming they’ve been AI generated or looking for/finding telltale clues. “Good” might just come off as telltale and formulaic from now on. Which means only those with a well-developed voice, and/or the motivation and capacity to experiment with form, tone and style will survive this attack on culture and the written word. The bar for good is now: “YOU COULDN’T BE ME IF YOU TRIED.” I don’t mind it. --- ## Book of the month: The Safe Keep by Yael Van der Wouden ![The Safekeep: Yael van der Wouden ...](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/add739a1-7bf1-4ec8-ace5-003db2654d7d_180x279-jpeg.jpg) This is one of my Auckland Writers’ Festival books. It has since gone on to win the Women’s Prize for Fiction (*and* it was shortlisted for the Booker!). This is an astonishing achievement for a debut novel and wildly well deserved. This book ruined me. I bought it for a sex scene (read to a live theatre at a spice salon in Auckland where you could have heard a *pin drop* everyone was so enchanted) so I was unprepared for the emotional and historical suckerpunch. The writing is phenomenal – airy, simple, light and tender. Claire Mabey did a great review of the book [on her Substack](https://clairemabey.substack.com/p/the-comforts-of-good-sex). I devoured it in one go and sobbed my way through the last third, then I lent it to my eldest daughter who did the same. I believe it is now making its tear stained way around her flat. A must read. --- ## Auckland Writers’ Festival books Of the other books I bought at the AWF, I’m giving second place to **Detransition Baby** by Torrey Peters**.** I chatted briefly with Torrey Peters at an AWF event and she was just as gracious, funny and clever as her writing would lead you to believe. The setup of the book: a trans woman who detransitions goes on to accidentally impregnate her boss, who is unaware of her history, with what she thought was a dud penis. It's fucking brilliant. **Butter, by Asako Yuzuki**, was not my favourite book, though the author was one of my favourite interviews of the festival. I enjoyed all of the food descriptions, and spent most of the book hungry, but I suspect a bit was lost in translation or cultural context here. (Read about how Cam jumped on stage to take a picture of her in [last month’s reading journal.](https://aliciamckay.substack.com/p/may-2025-reading-journal)) --- ## Melissa Febos memoirs ![Melissa Febos Was Addicted to Romance ...](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/cc181c44-8a65-40bc-97d3-11a0f28feb01_183x275-jpeg.jpg) I have a crotch-pounding, knicker-wetting crush on Melissa Febos. I wrote a review of her book *Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative* in my [April reading journal](https://aliciamckay.substack.com/p/april-2025-reading-journal) and have since read everything she’s written. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Serifos URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/serifos/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T05:21:59.000Z This morning I rose before dawn to climb the hill up to the Castle of Chora on Serifos island. I chose to come to Serifos because of its connection to the myth of Medusa. Medusa was a Gorgon in Greek mythology. You’ve probably heard of her because of her snake hair, and her gaze that turns people to stone. For hundreds of years, people have put Medusa on the front of their boats as a protective shield because she’s so ugly it keeps the evil away. Medusa wasn’t always ugly. She was once a beautiful young maiden; a priestess of Athena, committed to a life of chastity. That is, until Poseidon (god of the sea) got a look at her and had his way with her in Athena’s temple. When Athena found out the holy vibes of her chaste temple had been fucked with, she was furious. At Poseidon? No. Athena punished Medusa by making her ugly as hell, turning her into a monster, installing the stone-turning glare and banishing her. Not satisfied, Athena later eggs on the demigod Perseus (son of Zeus and slayer of monsters) to kill Medusa, equipping him with a shield and a mirror so he can’t get stonefied. He takes the bait and chops Medusa’s head off, bringing it here to the island to Serifos to show it off and use it for protective reasons. Such a jerk. The good news is her spurting neck blood gave birth to Pegasus, the winged horse, and we all love him. Anyway, Medusa is the OG of victim-blaming and an early example of women turning on each other under patriarchy and that sucks. Three years ago I got a cool tattoo of her when she was still hot cos we all deserved to be remembered at our best. The sunrise was magnificent. [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/McKaypedia-banner.png)](#/portal/signup) This was another McKayPedia entry - pithy explanations of history, geography, or politics. If you like these, [upgrade to paid](https://aliciamckay.substack.com/subscribe?utm%5Fmedium=web&utm%5Fsource=subscribe-widgethttps%3A%2F%2Fannehelen.substack.com%2Fsubscribe), so I can travel to more places and tell you more interesting things about what I saw there. [Upgrade now ](#/portal/signup) ### Delphi URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/delphi/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T05:22:27.000Z On Saturday I took a bus to Delphi, an ancient city state most famous for the Temple of Apollo where, for generations, a powerful oracle was said to live. An oracle is a truth telling/ fortune telling mystical force between the real world and the spirit world, and people and rulers would travel from all over to come and find out what to do, or have their decisions blessed, or purify themselves after sin. The oracle would be channelled through a high priestess called Pythia, a woman from the local area, who would sit on a stand and get high on burning leaves, then speak to the person asking. Her pronouncement would be unintelligible, because she was high as balls, so the priests would have to decode it (at a price of course) to the person asking. This is some OG hustle and I’m here for it. The Pythia used to be beautiful young virgins, but they kept getting kidnapped, so then they made a rule you had to be over 50 to be one instead. Which I guess is easier than protecting the young women but jeez guys. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/27288c01-d84b-4c98-aa2b-9376a32dfa26_4032x3024-jpeg.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/ac3cc877-9eda-44fc-9841-2afe2ece44f6_5712x4284-jpeg.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/3a34faa3-e2aa-4bd3-a217-d25a6cdb233b_5712x4284-jpeg.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/5dccb93c-cfea-4879-9fcc-cecf3da1c3ce_4032x3024-jpeg.jpg) Delphi is in a stunning mountainous landscape surrounded by lots of incredible ruins that are between 2000 and 3000 years old and I fucking loved it even though it was 41 degrees. On the way home we drove past a wildfire as it kicked off, and helicopters and planes flew narrowly over the bus to drop water on the flames. Emergency alerts started pinging on our phones and I was pretty nervous given the fire was only 25km out of Athens and the sky was filled with smoke. Nobody on the bus said anything about it, so neither did I. The Temple of Apollo was rebuilt twice, after two fires: one in mid 6th century BC and another 300 years later. Hopefully we can rebuild the planet too, once the whole thing is in flames or underwater. But we’ll probably stay as quiet as we did on my bus and then be surprised even though the emergency alert has been going off for decades now. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/9989f724-70bf-42a8-918d-4a051d428066_512x512-heic.jpg) [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/McKaypedia-banner.png)](#/portal/signup) This was another McKayPedia entry - pithy explanations of history, geography, or politics. If you like these, [upgrade to paid](https://aliciamckay.substack.com/subscribe?utm%5Fmedium=web&utm%5Fsource=subscribe-widgethttps%3A%2F%2Fannehelen.substack.com%2Fsubscribe), so I can travel to more places and tell you more interesting things about what I saw there. [Upgrade now ](#/portal/signup) ### Introducing The Ambition Recession URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/coming-soon-the-ambition-recession/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T03:59:22.000Z I’ve been trying to write an essay about ambition - which, if you follow me on LinkedIn, you will have picked up on from [this car rant.](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/aliciamckaynz%5Faliciarants-activity-7353592131980025857-DgJF?utm%5Fsource=share&utm%5Fmedium=member%5Fdesktop&rcm=ACoAAAKpi5QBAH0Yw0pp47n3iPd4grlCvism%5FnU) I came out swinging in the video, but I’ve since found myself in a rabbit hole of wondering, and everything I’m reading, seeing and doing is giving me a new angle and something else to think about. My current hunch is that ambition is on a downward curve. That somewhere between the pandemic, the recession, Gen-Z irony, existential crises, news oversaturation and liberal guilt, we lost the will to strive. I’m wondering if a barrage of bleakness on our screens, and the looming threat of climate change and AI-driven job removal, there’s a broader vibe of what’s-the-fucking-point getting around out there. I’m curious about what that means, and how evenly the trend is distributed. What happens when a culture gives up on trying hard? I’m asking questions like: - Has ambition fallen out of fashion? - What are the social, cultural and economic forces behind the curtain? - What are the ethics of ambition, and it’s extended family, hustle, productivity, et al? - What have we said and thought about ambition throughout history, and how does that affect us today? - Is it more acceptable or desirable to be ambitious if you come from a certain class, culture, social strata, industry or political ideology? - If so, what are the costs and consequences of that stratification? I’m doing that thing where I go to write a small piece and end up pouring weeks into it and having to throw most of it away to write a piece that’s still pretty long (I’m looking at you, [What the AI Bros Won’t Tell You](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-the-ai-bros-wont-tell-you/), and you, [Scrolling is the New Smoking](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/scrolling-is-the-new-smoking/).) So this time, I’m experimenting with a series, and letting myself get lost in the complexity and contradiction for a while. I’m in Greece right now, bouncing around on holiday, so I might be mildly erratic with my pub schedule while I let my curiosity take its course. If this interests you, make sure you’re subbed, and if you think you know other people who will be keen on reading what I come up with, make sure you forward this on to them. For now, it’s 40 degrees, so I’m off for a siesta. See you soon, AM ## Sign up for Alicia McKay For high-impact professionals and strategic thinkers who want to make sense and take action. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Local government is back in the firing line URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-government-is-back-in-the-firing/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T08:20:26.000Z They’re coming after Councils again. New legislation and Ministerial grandstanding signal short-term cost-cutting and scapegoating, dressed up as reform. This is populist performance politics. Cutting short-term costs and capping funding further will only leave communities, infrastructure, and local democracy worse off. ## The NZ Government is coming after Councils again I’m speaking to a large group of local government managers on Wednesday to help prepare them for this year’s local election, and here’s what I’ll be telling them: Treat the local election as a warm-up round. It’ll be the general election in 2026 when the knives really come out for Councils. Two big things happened in local government last week. Ministers attended the Local Government New Zealand conference in Christchurch and swung their d… directions around, and [a new Bill was introduced to the House](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/political/566929/local-government-amendment-bill-introduced-to-remove-council-wellbeing-provisions?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) proposing new/old/new/old tinkering to the weary, stitched together Local Government Act. At this point, the LGA is starting to resemble broadband-era footpaths: dug up and stitched back together so many times, it’s more patch than pavement. ## Sign up for Alicia McKay For high-impact professionals and strategic thinkers who want to make sense and take action. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. Neither the local government ‘refocus’, nor the planning freeze implemented by Minister Bishop is the starter for bold reform. It just rehashes outdated ideas dressed up in short-term spin, blaming Councils for complex national failures while softening the public up for a destructive rates-capping campaign in 2026. Constantly rewriting local government’s purpose, pushing a short-sighted economic agenda and removing Councils’ mandate for the very things that make communities liveable is not the way to improve local government. But it *is* a good way to prop up a political agenda, sway local elections and set up a 2026 campaign promise. ## Constant mandate changes make Councils’ jobs impossible The *Local Government (System Improvements) Amendment Bill* removes the four community ‘well-beings’ (environmental, economic, social and cultural) from the purpose of local government - again. It’s the third time in 22 years the very purpose of Councils has been rewritten. Given the other legal requirements Councils face, such as ten year strategic planning and thirty-year infrastructure strategies (both of which are more onerous and far-sighted than the expectations Government has of it’s own forecasting) this is extraordinary. With no constitutional protection, local government is uniquely vulnerable to this kind of political gaslighting. Councils are supposed to lead long-term strategy and local identity, while every new government moves the goalposts. It doesn’t work. This is worse in New Zealand and Australia, because of a few historical quirks that lead to a uniquely constrained portfolio of service delivery. In the UK, Europe, and Canada, local government has a far broader ‘services to people’ remit (social services, education, health, et al). In NZ and Australia, post-war colonial governments opted for a narrow ‘services to property’ approach. The goalposts on this have shifted many times over the following decades, with governments ordering Councils to do everything from social housing to swimming pools. The only truly consistent message from central government around mandate throughout the years has been this: “*you’re doing it wrong.”* Berating Councils for not achieving outcomes outside their mandate – and stripping away what little grounding they do have – is misdirection that not only undermines long-term planning and strategic consistency, but sets Councils up as pawns in a broader political strategy. This is not new. Pointing at Councils to deflect attention and blame for larger issues has always been effective. As the closest tier of government to the community, Councils are uniquely visible and accessible. People know their local Councillors and see local services on the daily, while the operations of other tiers of government remains largely opaque. ## Councils are not Crown agents of economic growth Minister Bishop told Councils, [in his LGNZ speech](https://www.beehive.govt.nz/speech/speech-2025-lgnz-conference?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), that their job is to drive economic growth in their communities. This is a cynical recasting of local governance, to suit the agenda of the current government. It is also inaccurate. Economic growth has never been Councils’ purpose. (Though ironically, economic wellbeing is one of the four wellbeings that will be removed if the Government’s new Bill is successful.) If the government would like Councils to be Crown agents of economic growth, they will have to amend their mandate and funding model to reflect that. The only growth Councils financially benefit from is increasing property values, which is exactly the crisis they’re also being told to solve. In fact, in the current environment, Councils are the only stakeholders in their communities who do *not* benefit directly from economic growth. If a Council invests their time and money into economic growth initiatives, residents and visitors benefit (with higher incomes and better access to products and services), businesses benefit (with increased revenue and growth), and the Government benefits (with increased GST and income tax). The rates-based model sees Councils generate value, but not capture it unless the values of properties in their municipality increase, which has a three year valuation lag. Councils already do tremendous work at the front-line promoting economic development and wellbeing in their local areas - participating in and funding regional economic development agencies, working with local business, supporting responsible development, and so on. This work is in the context of, and balanced by, their (largely regulated) roles in protecting public health and the natural environment, facilitating vibrant and safe communities, as well as place-shaping to create liveable neighbourhoods, towns and cities. Councils are not Crown agents of a single-minded economic growth agenda, whatever the current political spin might suggest. ## On that note: Ministers should stay out of local elections Minister Bishop told LGNZ this week that “*This year, elected members will be judged by New Zealand for their commitment to growing their local economic and their regions. They will be judged on whether they are going to help the housing crisis or hinder it."* That’s not just wildly inappropriate - it’s democratically irresponsible. Just as local government is not responsible for economic growth and housing, central government has no mandate to meddle in local elections or dictate the agenda for campaign issues. ## Short-term cost-cutting has long-term consequences I support several of this government’s proposals for local government – [city and regional deals](https://www.beehive.govt.nz/sites/default/files/2024-08/Regional%20Deals%20Strategic%20Framework.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and changes to [development contributions](https://www.beehive.govt.nz/release/going-housing-growth-new-and-improved-infrastructure-funding-and-financing-tools?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), in particular. Done well, these ideas could support Councils to lead and shape communities. But that’s not what’s happening here. What’s happening here is punch-down politics and short-term cost-cutting. When your financial projections only look as far as the next election, that makes sense. But if you’re in the business of long-term planning, infrastructure provision and intergenerational outcomes, it’s catastrophic. Much of what the Minister had to say was clearly written for the media, not the audience he was speaking to. *“It’s ok to build a local road without spending hundreds of thousands on artworks.*”, he patronised. “*Not everything you do has to be an architectural masterpiece. Not everything has to win awards for being the most sustainable or the most innovative or the most beautiful.”* He urges cost-cutting on quality, sustainability, or contribution to social and civic life, as part of a (perennially popular) ‘back to basics’ approach to infrastructure. In his speech, the Minister declared that supermarkets and quarries are “*essentials to human life*,” while the environment is a *“nice-to-have.”* That’s not just a fundamental misunderstanding of what sustains human life on earth (and possibly a poor reflection on New Zealand’s education system?), it’s a throwback to 1980s-era growth-at-all-costs thinking that ignores everything we know about sustainable development, place-based economic success, and civic wellbeing. Refusing to take action on long-term sustainability and prioritising savings today has an exponential impact on costs for future taxpayers and ratepayers, effectively pushing the cost downstream. As public philosopher Roman Krznaric explains in *The Good Ancestor*, applying discount rates to long-term public benefit calculations is a form of intergenerational theft - effectively colonising the future. Short-term savings now become exponential costs later. It also won’t achieve the stated outcomes: making communities a place that people want to live, spend money, grow businesses, and have a great life. ## Sign up for Alicia McKay For high-impact professionals and strategic thinkers who want to make sense and take action. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## The Government is attacking what makes communities liveable Calling design, natural environments, or arts and culture “*nice-to-haves*” or “*gold-plating*” ignores the data on whatdrives place-based growth and wellbeing. Why do they think people move somewhere? Choose a location to grow their business and families? Participate in public life, volunteer at a sports club or local centre? It’s not because the pipes are cheap. It’s because of precisely the community elements they’re mocking Councils for worrying about: green space, libraries, parks, community feel, natural environment, thriving events, and arts and culture. The sustainability of a community needs more than slashing expenses or depending on perpetual growth of the population (a physical impossibility in an urbanising Western world with falling birth rates) or economy. Long-term place-shaping and thriving communities are driven by strategic investments that cultivate social capital, environmental resilience, and quality of life, not just by cost-cutting or population growth. Research from the OECD highlights several key drivers of sustainable community success: well-designed, accessible public spaces, social connectivity and inclusion, environmental stewardship and economic diversity (i.e. , the four things that the government is now trying to take out of the Act.) Short-term cost-cutting measures that dismiss these foundational elements may provide immediate political capital but ultimately undermine the very fabric that makes communities viable, attractive, and sustainable in the long run. ## Infrastructure deficits aren’t caused by Councils Local government is being slammed for the state of national infrastructure. This is more gaslighting. Central government, which controls funding, regulation, and most major assets, has a much larger infrastructure shortfall than Councils. Blaming councils for systemic national underinvestment is bad faith politics. [Te Waihanga](https://tewaihanga.govt.nz/our-work/research-insights/new-zealand-s-infrastructure-challenge-quantifying-the-gap-and-path-to-close-it?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) estimates the national infrastructure deficit at over $210 billion - most of which sits squarely with central government: schools, hospitals, rail, defence. If central government, who have all the money and make all the laws, can’t solve this one (or the housing crisis, for that matter), expecting local government, with their constrained funding and much tighter regulatory constraints, to do it seems… ambitious. ## Councils are productive and efficient, despite overregulation Councils operate under overlapping mandates, extensive consultation requirements, and relentless waves of reform. Despite this, they are significantly more productive, dollar for dollar, than any other level of government. In Australia, Councils deliver 25% of public services for 4% of the tax take. Here in New Zealand, the ratio is comparable - but we don’t measure it. Why bother with analysis when you can just blame the people with the smallest slice of the tax pie and the biggest share of frontline service delivery? This week’s comments are just the latest in a long campaign of political gaslighting and constant tinkering. Deliver intergenerational outcomes, but don’t use intergenerational funding. Find innovative ways to drive economic growth but only deliver core services. Dance, monkeys, dance. Other tiers of government are safely removed from the populations they serve. Their physical operations and daily decisions are hidden. But in local Councils, residents are on the local Facebook page debating the make and model of Council’s fleet vehicles, the playground equipment installed on their street, and the spend on catering for Council meetings. Councils are often accused of wasteful spending, but the data doesn’t bear this out. Councils are highly exposed to price inflation of specialised materials used to build and maintain infrastructure, over which they have little control. When you take this into account, Councils’ operating expenditure per person grows at [just over 1% a person per year ](https://www.treasury.govt.nz/sites/default/files/2024-05/pc-inq-lgff-final-report-local-government-funding-and-financing.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)\- well below inflation. ## Sign up for Alicia McKay For high-impact professionals and strategic thinkers who want to make sense and take action. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## The National Party will campaign on rates-capping in 2026 This is all a scene-setter for the next election. The National Party will campaign on rates-capping - and people are going to love it. Rates are politically toxic because they’re visible. They’re not quietly deducted from your wages like income tax or hidden in consumer prices like GST: you get a bill in the mail. This makes Councils the perfect scapegoat. Especially for voters who don’t understand that local government costs are mostly fixed, mostly mandatory, and mostly handed down by central government itself. But rate capping is a failed policy - and we only have to look across the ditch for proof of how badly it’s going, with [representatives from both states](https://www.lgnz.co.nz/news/media-releases/rates-capping-may-not-be-the-answer/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) urging New Zealand not to follow suit. - NSW’s ‘rate-pegging’ has left councils [with $7.2 billion in backlogged infrastructure renewal](https://www.parliament.nsw.gov.au/lcdocs/submissions/85438/0020%20NSW%20Revenue%20Professionals.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and forced asset sales to plug the gap. A wave of controversial Special Rates Variations flooding into state government have [some Councils needing a rate rise of 87%](https://www.abc.net.au/news/2025-02-25/six-nsw-councils-push-rate-hikes-apply-pricing-regulator/104975584?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) just to break even. - Victoria’s Essential Services Commission found [caps led to service degradation](https://www.esc.vic.gov.au/local-government/rate-capping-outcomes-reports/local-council-outcomes-report-2025?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) \- cuts to libraries, local roads, and community services. - Northern Territory rate capped for three years between 2007 and 2010 during a period of amalgamation. They already had evidence of a severe infrastructure backlog in just three short year, with Councils unable to raise sufficient funds to maintain, support or repair the infrastructure inherited through the amalgamations. A [2019 Treasury review ](https://www.treasury.govt.nz/sites/default/files/2024-05/pc-inq-lgff-final-report-local-government-funding-and-financing.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)into local government funding and financing found that the current rates-based model, while not ideal, is overall appropriate for the scope of local government services in New Zealand. What Councils need to make it work is more targeted funding support from central government for particular areas (like treaty settlements, climate mitigation, tourism costs) and more flexible capacity to use existing tools. Rate capping adds layers of bureaucracy to an already over-regulated sector and makes services and infrastructure harder to fund, both of which impact the smallest Councils and communities hardest. ## This attack is globally trendy and deeply destructive The broader agenda of the current Government is consistent with the wave of short-term populism sweeping politics globally - a backlash to the emerging severity of our biggest, curliest problems we don’t know how to solve. Picking at minor issues (or picking on Councils) is a great way to avoid uncomfortable and uncertain conversations about climate, conflict, AI, and pandemics. Our moment in history will pass. But every time my work takes me overseas, I cringe as NZ’s global reputation dulls. The things we’re admired for on the world stage - social progress, environmental standards, creative industries, public health protection, start-up ingenuity - are being sold out. The solutions proposed by Ministers Bishop and Watts are consistent with other short-sighted, punch-down policies introduced by this administration (pay equity, anyone?) and do nothing to address the core tenets of our productivity problem: investment in people, infrastructure, and institutions that foster long-term capability and resilience. If this Government were treating New Zealand like a turnaround project - stripping costs to juice the short-term balance sheet before flicking it on - they’d be bang on. It’s a great strategy for a corporate asset flip. But we’re not a distressed company looking for a buyer. We’re a country with people, places, and a future. It’s a bloody mess. We deserve better. And I hate to say it, but I think it’ll work. Politics, eh? AM --- ### About Alicia McKay Alicia McKay is a strategist, commentator, and author of three books, including [*Local Legends: How to Make a Difference in Local Government*](https://shop.aliciamckay.co.nz/products/local-legends?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[.](https://shop.aliciamckay.co.nz/products/local-legends?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) A trusted advisor to local, state, and federal governments, Alicia partners with local government associations to deliver training and has worked with dozens of Councils across New Zealand and Australia to build capability, improve decision-making, and lift strategic focus. She was named one of LGIU’s Top 25 Thinkers in Local Government for 2025 and speaks at global committees and conferences on local government issues. Website: [www.aliciamckay.co.nz](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/) Media contact: [info@aliciamckay.co.nz](mailto:info@aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Scrolling is the new smoking URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/scrolling-is-the-new-smoking/ Last updated: 2026-08-13T10:37:55.000Z Smartphones are the new cigarettes. Technology companies are using the same playbook tobacco companies once did: design for addiction and normalise behaviour. Compulsive, embedded phone use didn’t happen by accident, and it isn’t inevitable. I took the train home on Wednesday. Almost every person boarded with their phone in their hand, some already lit up and ready to go. In my carriage, there were two people whose faces weren’t lit up with the glow of their phones. The vibe is eerie. Rows of silent people – heads bent, brows furrowed, mouths set in a grim line. It's a normal 2025 scene, a vignette of our time, the period drama of the future. I’ve been rewatching Mad Men, which oozes 60’s excess. Smoking is everywhere – bedrooms, restaurants, planes, workplaces, and more. It looks naughty and glamorous and as a former smoker, I almost feel myself exhale. Betty Draper smokes through every domestic chore; a tendril of cigarette smoke wisps alongside as she tends children, or prepares dinner (or, in one unforgettable scene, shoots the neighbours’ pigeons with a shotgun.) It seems *wild*, now, that smoking was so ubiquitous. Imagine the smell of Betty‘s hair! Was everyone coughing all the time? How did non-smokers cope? We can shrug: it was the time. Absurd in hindsight, but this is how things work: we know better, then we do better. Except social norms are rarely that simple - especially when there’s money to be made from them. [Which there usually is.](https://aliciamckay.substack.com/p/critical-thinking-is-not-enough-its) What feels normal was once radical, and what we mock was once invisible. Sterling Cooper (Mad Men’s ad agency) represent tobacco company Lucky Strike, a gig which becomes increasingly difficult as attitudes toward smoking evolve and start to turn. We see the manipulative marketing tactics and watch as new restrictions make this hard. But there is plenty we *don‘t* see. ## Addiction is by design **Mad Men-level smoking was a new phenomenon.** Before WWI, most smoking was done by labourers: [loose tobacco packed in a pipe](https://teara.govt.nz/en/smoking/print?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=Smoking%20at%20its%20peak,Weak%20opposition). The rise of cigarettes in the 20th century required strategic marketing and government collusion. [Tobacco companies targeted troops](https://academic.oup.com/HTTPHandlers/Sigma/LoginHandler.ashx?error=login%5Frequired&state=b94c7d9d-2bf2-48c6-87a5-a0be3aaf2327redirecturl%3Dhttpszazjzjacademiczwoupzwcomzjmilmedzjarticlezyabstractzj170zj10zj874zj4577686zsredirectedFromzrfulltext&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and lobbied governments, sneaking cigarettes into ration packs and commissaries. Soldiers were a great market – bored, stressed, and with little concern for long-term health. During WWII, [authorities issued 50 weekly cigarettes to every Kiwi solider](https://teara.govt.nz/en/smoking/print?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=Smoking%20at%20its%20peak,Weak%20opposition). The habit then went home and infiltrated civilian life. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/c5e9974c-5a3e-46bb-b6ad-7f832b70ce09_1344x869-jpeg.jpg) The graph is almost flat before 1914 In the late 50s, smoking peaked. Public health caught up and tobacco companies got more creative. They engineered more addictive products, [lobbied hard](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11387532/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and launched [covert operations.](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1763854/pdf/v011p00094.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) It worked. Tobacco use is still the leading cause of preventable death in the world, [killing over seven million people every year](https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/tobacco?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Tobacco companies still sell billions of products every year and have shifted into the lucrative and growing vape market. Despite large settlements and worldwide regulation, no country has eradicated or outlawed smoking. New Zealand got close, with our world-leading and [universally supported](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/apr/19/new-zealand-smoking-ban-what-uk-can-learn?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) tobacco endgame policy. But when the government changed, tobacco companies intervened to have it overturned. They [mobilised shopkeepers in a ‘Save Our Stores’ astroturf campaign](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/save-our-stores-the-corner-dairy-campaign-quietly-backed-by-big-tobacco/GVLYJL2YQBDQHGZKJ227W2OVNU/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#google%5Fvignette) and [fed politicians talking points](https://www.rnz.co.nz/programmes/in-depth-special-projects/story/2018928347/smoke-signals-the-tobacco-industry-language-that-found-its-way-into-ministerial-papers?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) to shape a new policy that would favour the tobacco industry. This pattern: hook, normalise, escape accountability – is familiar and reliable. It has been effective for tobacco, pharmaceutical and oil companies - and now, [technology](https://aliciamckay.substack.com/p/what-the-ai-bros-wont-tell-you). ## Tobacco products are optimised for addiction **Tobacco companies make design choices that make cigarettes as addictive as possible.** They [genetically engineer crops to double nicotine.](https://www.nytimes.com/1994/06/22/us/cigarette-company-developed-tobacco-with-stronger-nicotine-head-fda-tells.html?pagewanted=all&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Add sugar, licorice, and ammonia](https://davidson.weizmann.ac.il/en/online/maagarmada/why-are-cigarettes-more-addictive-nowadays%E2%80%8E?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) to increase the speed and volume of nicotine absorption and bind nicotine to brain receptors. Poke [ventilation holes in filters that require you to suck harder](https://tobaccocontrol.bmj.com/content/early/2025/02/02/tc-2024-058921?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), boosting nicotine delivery. These changes kill millions – today’s smokers are [more likely to develop lung cancer than smokers of 50 years ago](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3042098/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=Introduction,in%20cigarette%20design%20%5B8%5D.). Vapes were originally a quit-aid, but [that changed when Big Tobacco moved in.](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/business/big-tobacco-controls-its-own-competition-why-vaping-needs-to-be-regulated/TBL4LOJATL3W67MS5YR2MFYAZM/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Now, vapes are bigger, cheaper, and more addictive – tobacco companies cranked up the [nicotine in vapes](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/372899724%5FBigger%5Fstronger%5Fand%5Fcheaper%5Fgrowth%5Fin%5Fe-cigarette%5Fmarket%5Fdriven%5Fby%5Fdisposable%5Fdevices%5Fwith%5Fmore%5Fe-liquid%5Fhigher%5Fnicotine%5Fconcentration%5Fand%5Fdeclining%5Fprices?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) by almost 300% between 2017 and 2022\. According to Andrew Huberman, [vaping is to smoking what crack is to cocaine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymBIekvBuuY&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). These fruity smoke machines look [increasingly pre-cancerous](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11773639/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and leach high levels of [toxic heavy metals](https://pubs.acs.org/doi/10.1021/acscentsci.5c00641?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) like lead, nickel, and chromium. The next public health crisis is unfolding, driven by the same companies who’ve never stopped selling addictive, deadly products to vulnerable people. Even the original troop-targeting strategy still works, with the [UK government adding free cigarettes to 2024 ration packs for Ukrainian soldiers](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/04/21/ukrainian-soldiers-trained-uk-free-cigarettes-mod-deal/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=Ukrainian%20soldiers%20trained%20in%20the,as%20part%20of%20their%20rations.). ## Nicotine ain’t got nothin’ on news feeds **In 1976, under 50% of the population smoked.** **In 2025, over 90% of people have a smartphone in their pocket.** Like cigarettes, smartphones are engineered for addiction. Persuasive design elements like [pull-to-refresh, notifications, and algorithmic feeds](https://arxiv.org/abs/2106.02604?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) reinforce phone checking habits, extend screen time beyond intended boundaries, and keep us distracted. Aza Raskin, creator of the infinite scroll (remember when news used to… finish?) and star of [*The Social Dilemma*](https://thesocialdilemma.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), regrets it’s invention and has since gone on to found the [Center for Humane Technology](https://www.humanetech.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). According to Raskin, infinite scrolling alone costs the world the equivalent of 200,000 hours per day in wasted time and productivity. This was before the explosion of short-form vertical videos like TikTok and reels – the latest crack-to-cocaine development to [cook our brains](https://www.vox.com/technology/419430/ai-tiktok-youtube-shorts-instagram-reels?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). The AI behind these feeds monitor your every swipe, pause - [even battery level!](https://moz.com/blog/tiktok-algorithm-seo?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) \- to serve ever-selective content precisely designed to keep you there. Crack, indeed. And you’re never really *off* the phone. Push notifications and the prospect of streaks, likes, or a new Wordle keep your [popcorn brain](https://www.realsimple.com/popcorn-brain-shortening-attention-span-refocus-8600288?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) scattered and jumpy. The average person picks up their phone between 60 to 200 times a day. Boredom? Who needs it. We’ve got a shiny, smooth, perfectly weighted device in our pockets with the entire universe inside. ## Your biology has been hijacked **Red notification badges and incoming likes trigger dopamine hits, exploiting the brain’s reward pathways.** And turning them off may not help - once we’ve been wired to expect notifications, hitting do-not-disturb might improve productivity, but [leave us feeling anxious and out-of-the-loop instead. ](https://arxiv.org/abs/1612.02314?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)As for productivity, we could do with some, with all that smartphone use [shrinking our attention spans, spiking our anxiety, and reducing our capacity for cognitive processing](https://www.thejournal.ie/prev/5569503/dv6GLpo.A7QNY/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). None of this is your fault. Tech companies hire armies of attention engineers, cognitive psychologists, and behavioural economists to deploy against you. You are no match for thousands of experts whose job is to keep your eyeballs stuck to the screen. According to Stanford psychiatrist Anna Lembke, author of [*Dopamine Nation*](https://www.amazon.com.au/Dopamine-Nation-Finding-Balance-Indulgence/dp/152474672X?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)*,* these features corrupt and ‘[druggify](https://med.stanford.edu/news/insights/2021/10/addictive-potential-of-social-media-explained.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)’ a hard-wired desire for connection, “*making us vulnerable to compulsive overconsumptio*n”. > *These apps can cause the release of large amounts of dopamine into our brains' reward pathway all at once, just like heroin, or meth, or alcohol. They do that by amplifying the feel-good properties that attract humans to each other in the first place.* > > *\- Anna Lembke* ## Habits cost more than we realise **Scrolling is like eating KFC – alluring from a distance, feels good when you’re doing it, and invokes instant regret.** According to Lembke, that happens because when you sign off from a dopamine hit, the brain is “[*plunged into a dopamine-deficit state*](https://med.stanford.edu/news/insights/2021/10/addictive-potential-of-social-media-explained.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)*.*” We then [feel guilty when we emerge from a mindless scroll](https://academic.oup.com/jcmc/article/29/1/zmad056/7582213?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), which makes it difficult to achieve the things we wanted from the afternoon. Any smoker who’s tried to quit knows this spiral. Addiction feeds on shame, which fuels the behaviour we’re trying to avoid. We feel bad about what we’re doing, then we crave a hit to relieve our discomfort. This cycle has you furtively scrolling on the toilet or checking a notification under the dinner table, even when you’re trying to quit. And many people *are* trying to quit, at least a little. Just as [almost all smokers want to quit smoking, ](https://itcproject.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/documents/2023%5FITC%5FAdult%5FNZ%5FReport-Dec%5F10%5F2023FINAL-v2Dec%5F18.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[most people wish](https://www.deloitte.com/ie/en/about/press-room/consumer-trends-smartphone-usage.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) they spent less time on their phone. And just as tobacco companies pedalled ‘personal responsibility’, tech companies would prefer you think you’re lazy and weak than admit they are manipulating your most basic human instincts. ## Smoking and smartphones offer false relief **For smokers, cigarettes are gateways to relaxation.** Smoke breaks are like little holidays; a chance to step outside and breathe. But it’s false relief. Nicotine is a stimulant. Cigarettes don’t calm your nervous system, they activate it – plus they constrict your blood vessels, make your heart pump harder and raise your blood pressure. The calm is just withdrawal wearing off. After the honeymoon period wears off, smoking cigarettes is not about a desire *for* them – it’s about withdrawal *from* them. Who hasn’t flopped down exhausted, and pulled out their phone, for a ‘break’? But it doesn’t calm us anymore than smoking does. The screen fires up our dopamine receptors and keeps us wired. The rest ain’t restful – and it carries opportunity cost. When brains don’t get a break between activities, our mood, energy and mental health suffers. “*It’s very different from how life used to be, when we had to tolerate a lot more distress*,” [says Lembke](https://www.theguardian.com/global/2021/aug/22/how-digital-media-turned-us-all-into-dopamine-addicts-and-what-we-can-do-to-break-the-cycle?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=It's%20crucial%20to%20take%20time,a%20general%20sense%20of%20wellness.). *“We’re losing our capacity to delay gratification, solve problems and deal with frustration and pain in its many different forms.”* "*The whole business of smoking,”* Alan Carr once said, “*is like forcing yourself to wear tight shoes just to get the pleasure of taking them off*." There’s a similar paradox at work with phone-based productivity. Using your phone to order the groceries, communicate with friends, or do the banking might save you five minutes – but what about the five hours of unintended screen time it costs you in return? ## Smartphone use has hidden costs **Your scrolling habit loses more than time.** Georgetown psychologist [Dr. Kostadin Kushlev](https://www.kushlev.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) offers a way to explore hidden social costs: *displacement,* (what phones replace, like sleep or socialising) *interference*, (what they interrupt, like work or dinner conversation) and c*omplementarity* (the hidden cost of convenience.) “*Complementarity is not always positive because even that has opportunity costs*.” [explains Dr Kushlev](https://www.georgetown.edu/news/ask-a-professor-smartphone-addiction/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). “*Yes, I can use my phone to more efficiently order coffee, shop online, or do online banking, but I might miss out on opportunities to go outside or have a few friendly social interactions.”* This names something I’ve felt for a while – that even the benefits of my phone quietly erode something else. It forces[ bigger questions](https://aliciamckay.substack.com/p/what-the-ai-bros-wont-tell-you), not just about our phones, but about how we want to live, and what a good life looks like. Unlike smoking, [not all smartphone use is inherently bad](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2451958824000575?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). But even the useful or purposeful stuff comes at the risk of capture into the addiction vortex, and a suite of hidden social costs. ## Commerce uses culture to survive **In Mad Men, smoking wasn’t just addictive, it was *glamorous.*** Smoking was written into scripts, woven into social rituals, and used to sell everything from cars to confidence. Tobacco companies used agencies like Sterling Cooper to invest in culture, because once something becomes part of everyday life, it stops feeling like a choice. Today, smartphones aren’t just addictive, they’re *necessary.* They’re embedded in our schools, workplaces, daily habits and friendships. Kids aren’t just online for fun - they’re doing homework, communicating with their friends, keeping up with school notices. We’re not just scrolling, we’re paying bills, doing our jobs and finding directions. In under two decades, smartphones have become our wallet, diary, TV, map, doctor, and best friend. The commodity strategy has been wildly successful. ## Our kids will pay the price The result looks a bit like the set of Mad Men, but instead of a cigarette dangling from everyone’s fingers, it’s a glowing little box. Look about in restaurants, as people sit across from one another glued to their screens, [‘phubbing’](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phubbing?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) their loved ones for a hit of screen-induced dopamine. With adults behaving this badly, there’s little hope for kids who are [uniquely vulnerable](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11804976/??ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) to the lure of the screen. Some commentators believe kids are more [emotionally dysregulated](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7012622/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and [anxious](https://www.nihr.ac.uk/news/teenagers-problematic-smartphone-use-are-twice-likely-have-anxiety?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=this%20service%20work.-,Teenagers%20with%20problematic%20smartphone%20use%20are%20twice%20as%20likely%20to,as%20likely%20to%20be%20anxious.) due to smart phones and social media. Jonathan Haidt’s 2024 book [*The Anxious Generation*](https://www.anxiousgeneration.com/book?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) argues that smartphone and social media use has driven sharp rises in anxiety, depression, and self-harm rates in teenage girls. There was over 40 years between the troops in World War I receiving free cigarette rations, and smoking hitting its peak. In contrast, smartphone ownership has gone from 0 to 90%+ in less than 20 years. This is a recent and rapid development. ## Opting out of ubiquity is never easy The social and structural cost of not participating in smartphone culture is high. Parents fear social isolation or educational drawbacks for their children, if they force a ban, and cannot see how to function in society for themselves. Ubiquity has its own momentum. It’s like kids playing in the street – once it stops being normal, it stops being safe. Once everyone’s on their phone, everyone’s on their phone. The more normal, inevitable and inescapable something feels, the harder it is to challenge. Luckily, we have a long-established track record of doing exactly that. ## Normal is negotiable **Inevitability is a marketing strategy, we can push back.** Some of the tobacco industry’s most insidious tactics were instigated because of [fear of the declining social acceptability of smoking.](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1763854/pdf/v011p00094.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)The most covert operations didn’t start until people started demanding safety and change. With recent outcries against technology pervasiveness, and the push to free children from the shackles of phone addiction ([Smartphone Free Childhood](https://www.smartphonefreechildhood.org/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [B416](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/the-listener/new-zealand/b416-the-high-profile-group-backing-a-social-media-ban-for-under-16s/PBUT4N6LQNHQDKB2YMIDOL7GAQ/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#google%5Fvignette)), the groundswell is coming for scrolling, too. Negative social norms do shift, even when we’re up against deep pockets, lobbying and manipulative design. Some shift quickly in response to legislation (smacking, plastic bags), while others take longer (racism, domestic violence). [Australia’s ban on social media for under 16s](https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2025/apr/05/australia-social-media-ban-trial-global-response-implementation?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) is a global case study in the making, as we work out which category smartphones might belong to. Changing social norms is no more of an accident that instigating them. Regulating harm, changing behaviour and protecting civilians from corporations takes months or years of committed activism from people willing to be annoying at best, pariahs at worst. Smartphone saturation happened fast - could we undo it just as fast? We’ve surrendered our privacy, information, communication, media, education, entertainment, navigation and payment infrastructure to technology companies in just a few short years. Perhaps in a few more, that could look absurd. We got smoking out of bars, flights, and workplaces; we can surely create new norms for technology. If we want to. Tech giants almost definitely won’t collapse. They’ll get creative, adapt, and invent whatever the vape version of a smartphone is. They’ll be fine – but will we? ## The boys light up As my train pulled out of the station, wobbling gently on its tracks, I watched people put their phones down, only to pick them up again moments later. A blonde woman with bright lipstick and bold earrings had boarded the train in Wellington, with an older colleague. I saw her glance at her companion a few times, as if to make eye contact, or start a conversation. I watched her eyes move from her workmate’s face, flicker down to her screen, then move back down to her own phone, defeated. Simply [having a smartphone nearby reduces attention and smiling](https://www.academia.edu/37479971/Smartphones%5Freduce%5Fsmiles%5Fbetween%5Fstrangers?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) between people. In the Mad Men era, people worried about the social impact of newspapers. People didn’t talk anymore, because they had their face in newsprint. But there were only so many pages to turn. The newspaper was a finite resource. Once the entire internet entered our pockets, we became lost to a void. As for me, I was feeling smug, staring out the window with my little notepad, phone safely tucked away in my bag. But I’d sent a text before I got on, and the itch to check whether I’d received a response made my hands and fingers restless. For the purpose of the exercise (and to extend my smuggery), I resisted checking it for the duration of my journey home, scribbling notes about phones, culture, commerce and social norms. On my walk home from the station, safely out of view of the people I’d been judging on the train, I pulled it out, lit up, and exhaled in a flood of cheap relief. ### Nepotism, networks and human connection URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/nepotism-networks-and-human-connection/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:26:39.000Z My 15-year-old daughter is looking for her first part-time job. As a digital-first Gen Z kid, she quite reasonably assumed the best thing was to apply for jobs online. This has become the default, after all, whether we’re getting food, buying things, talking to people or simply asking questions. Except, as anyone who’s ever got a job knows, that’s often not how it works. Many jobs, even in 2025, are awarded through a combination of knowing the right people and being in the right place at the right time. Also, nepotism. Heaps of nepotism. Applying for jobs online sucks and is a particularly terrible idea for a 15-year-old kid. She’ll be lost in a sea of applicants, sure, but in the last few years, the deck has been stacked even differently. Hiring managers’ inboxes are clogged with spam applicants from India, bots, and hundreds of laid-off public sector workers looking for a side gig. The manager don’t have to read all those applications - they use an AI tool to cull them and create a shortlist. There’s not much luck for a fresh kid in that process, so we’ve been mapping out alternative strategies. - Go from one local shop and cafe to another to say hello, let them know she’s looking for work, make a personal connection, and leave a printed copy of her CV. - Post on our community Facebook page to let people know she’s local and available for jobs, dog walking, babysitting, or whatever else. - Put a flyer up on the noticeboards at our local supermarkets and cafes. You know, old school stuff from the olden days. The things you won’t find in online job searches but will probably get you a job, because someone who knows someone with a cafe’s niece is moving to the Hawkes Bay. In 2025, opportunity still flows through human networks > *(That reminds me. Someone from Health NZ told me about some of the insanity of their current restructuring debacle. Get this. Staff whose jobs will be disestablished are encouraged to make ‘Expressions of Interest’ for a limited pool of new or remaining jobs. The applications are written only, with no interviews. So that sucks. But worse, the managers who make the decisions about who gets the jobs will read the applications ‘blind’, even though they know the people involved. Apparently, it’s so they aren’t ‘biased’ in their decision.* > > *Let that one sink in.* > > *They will only use words typed in a text box to make their hiring decision, rather than stuff like: KNOWING THE PERSON, managing the person, having observed the person working on projects and in teams, and understanding the person’s style, potential, life experiences, and other skills. The mind boggles. Have we become so confused and digitally gaslit that we’ve conflated human interaction with bias?)* ## Unplug the internet, it’s broken This isn’t just happening for jobs. Technology is in such a weird space right now that the inconvenient physical world is calling us back, whether we want it or not. I don’t know if you’ve tried to buy anything on Google lately, but it offically *sucks.* A year ago, if I’d Googled ‘comforter for kids’, I’d have been mad about how many sponsored, but *relevant,* links I’d have been presented with. When I tried googling that last night, hoping to buy a cute duvet, I got a weird AI summary, two relevant local shops, and a slew of US, UK, and Australian content that had nothing to do with what I was asking for. Google is no longer working for advertisers - [more on this from Ted Gioia](https://www.honest-broker.com/p/the-worlds-largest-search-doesnt?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Which means I’m off to the shops for a look around. Wild. This trend is popping up everywhere. Chatbots have ruined customer service, so we have to call or go in. Social media is spoiled with ads and bots. The news is gone, garbage, or just one ad and pop-up after another. We broke it. This is why we can’t have nice things ## Whisper networks for the win [Invisible architecture](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/critical-thinking-is-not-enough-its/) is not just about shady backroom deals and golden handshakes. It’s also the life-sustaining and economy-creating networks of human connection, relationships, and happenstance that drive so much of our lives. These are the networks that don’t operate through a portal, that don’t leave a trace in the record books, but keep the wheels turning. Sometimes, it’s a phone call from a funder to tell you they’ve got money left at the end of the financial year and they thought of you first. Sometimes it’s a mate of a mate with some mobile scaffolding. Sometimes it’s going into a shop for one thing, and leaving with another - plus a bonus tip about a book club in your neighbourhood. This is all problematic in many ways. The reason we were so excited about the Internet in the first place was the democratisation potential. These whisper networks have always excluded those without access or social capital, reproducing privilege - and it turns out the computers didn’t fix it. But it’s not unsaveable, and right now, anything looks better than Troll-Porn-Incel-Bot-Summary-Fuck-The-Environment Town.[1](#footnote-1) Besides, this whole “being a person in the physical world with connections and serendipity” stuff… It’s pretty good. It’s the stuff that online shopping, endless Zoom meetings and over-engineered internal processes robbed us of, but we can maybe have it back now [the fun machine took a shit and died.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMvZ2z8VdBE&pp=0gcJCfwAo7VqN5tD&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ## Back to reality We could embrace the enshittification of all things digital and lean into \[1\] the real world, if we want. We'll need our physical bodies and interpersonal skills in the revolution, after all. And our kids need this. Let's teach them the stuff Gen Z hasn’t been forced to develop, like making polite phone calls \[2\], writing personalised letters and making face-to-face introductions to people they don’t know. They need to order the fish and chips, ask a question in a shop, and book their hair appointment on the phone. They won’t cope in the post-Internet world, otherwise. (Will we? I dunno man. But we can give it a shot.) Til next week, AM --- 1. Yes Kevin, there are also many great things about the internet, and I’m using it here to write this newsletter, which I’m very grateful for. I’m being dramatic for narrative effect. ↩︎ 2. Just finished *Careless People* by Sarah Wynn-Williams and will never hear ‘lean in’ the same again. ↩︎ ### Official bio URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/official-bio/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T11:28:49.000Z ## Bio Alicia McKay is a writer, speaker, and strategist based in Aotearoa New Zealand. She is the author of three books — *From Strategy to Action: A Guide to Getting Shit Done In The Public Sector*, *You Don't Need An MBA: Leadership Lessons that Cut through the Crap*, and *Local Legends: How to Make a Difference in Local Government*. Alicia publishes one of Australasia's most popular newsletters for critical thinkers, writing on strategy, power, and decision-making. Her work has been featured widely in print, TV and radio. Alicia has worked with over 100 organisations on strategy and leadership, trained thousands of leaders in strategic skills, and partnered with more than 50 Councils. Her Local Legends programme has helped hundreds of elected and executive leaders work together and make better decisions. In 2021, Alicia founded the Not An MBA executive education programme. Over 500 global leaders have graduated since launch. Alicia has spoken at conferences across Australia, New Zealand, and the USA on strategy, change, and decision-making. In 2025, she was named one of the Top 25 Thinkers in Local Government by the UK's LGIU. Learn more at [www.aliciamckay.co.nz](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/). --- ### Pronunciation *Note: Alicia’s name is pronounced “Ah-lee-sha Mick-eye”* Alicia McKay pronunciation 0:00 /15.984 1× ## ### Critical thinking is not enough. It's time you learned about power URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/critical-thinking-is-not-enough-its/ Last updated: 2026-08-13T10:46:26.000Z Critical thinking is more important than ever. But it’s not enough to combat the impending wave of gullibility. When you become power literate, you can see the invisible barriers in your way - and topple them. Bam. My kids were all born five years apart, which is just long enough for the official baby advice to change every time. It’s also long enough for new learning approaches to roll through schools. My eldest daughter, now at university, was the last one to memorise times tables and spelling words. Five years later, when my middle child came through, it was a different system. Rote learning was out of fashion and it was all about feelings, emotions, and learning through play. My youngest, H, got yet another version: structured literacy and numeracy, and a few feelings. (Still no memorisation, though this is starting to look like a dubious move.) Now, the system is going through another round of changes, just as generative AI floods classrooms and kids freewheel on ChatGPT. ## The kids need to be critical thinkers In my hunt for H’s school, I’m looking at their approaches to critical and adaptive skills. H will finish high school at the end of 2033, so who knows what careers will be about by then. But if she’s creative, ambitious and knows her own mind, she’ll be OK. Regardless of what the world is doing, kids need to be confident to challenge, integrate new knowledge, adapt their thinking and turn ideas into action. If we believe the critical thinking panic[1](#footnote-1), these are precisely the skills in danger of modern extinction. There’s a risk we produce a generation who are even more gullible than us - (which is already *quite* gullible. We can’t spot [deepfakes or manipulated media](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2589004221013353?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). We can’t even spot [bogus reviews](https://www.wsj.com/us-news/youre-probably-falling-for-fake-product-reviews-b4d07f23?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and product placements. ) [AI presents a challenge](https://aliciamckay.substack.com/p/what-the-ai-bros-wont-tell-you) for the future of critical thought. So too does the erosion of mainstream media and the decline of the humanities. Together, we risk a society of even fewer people who can unpack ideas or challenge a neat story[2](#footnote-2). ## Critical thinking is not enough Critical thinking is, well, critical! Kids and adults, citizens and leaders, we should *all* be able to ask good questions, challenge assumptions, examine logic, and expose flaws. For years, I’ve taught people how to be strategists and systems thinkers. To think with longer time horizons, clearer values, and more diverse connections between people, places, and things. To convert big goals into clear decision criteria, put noisy narratives into perspective and make bold, tangible steps toward the things we care about[3](#footnote-3). These skills remain utterly necessary. But critical thinking is not enough for the next wave of change. We need to be more than strategic. We need to be *power literate.* ## Stories and systems make power invisible Every part of our lives - the shows we binge, the legislation we pass, the design of institutions like schools, hospitals, courts, and workplaces, the goals we aspire to, the things we spend our money on, the choices we make about our families - rests on an invisible architecture of stories and systems. Stories sneak ideas in, and systems prop them up. Together, they embed power, scaffold and shape what’s normal, and constrain what’s possible, and who benefits. The more invisible this power is, the more effective it becomes. When ideas burrow into the status quo, they become inevitable and unquestioned. If you can’t see it, you can’t change it. ## The mechanisms that keep power in check are under threat Some experts warn that new technology will embed existing social, cultural and power structures in a way that is difficult to undo. In *What We Owe The Future,* Will Macaskill warns of ‘values lock-in’ - where we use today’s ideas as the AI base for long-term human knowledge, halting moral progress.[4](#footnote-4) We have vital social mechanisms already literate in power dynamics: literature, journalism, art, academia, and activism. They play a crucial role in challenging and refreshing systems and stories. But these mechanisms all depend on a baseline of critical capability and political awareness, and many of them are under threat. That’s why we need widespread power literacy. ## Power literacy makes the invisible, visible Power literacy is the ability to see, read, and navigate the invisible architecture that decides who gets what, and why. When we become power literate, we recognise power in all its forms: hard, soft, visible, invisible. We learn how it works, where it hides, and how to smoke it out of its hole. Power literacy asks different questions to interrogate ideas and their beneficiaries. It is the difference between asking *“Is this true?”* and *“Whose truth is this serving?”* It’s not for navel-gazing, though. Power literacy is fuel for action. Once we see the unseen, we make better decisions and shift outcomes. We follow the money and cut it off at the source. We get to the bottom of people’s fears and invite them to safely consider new stories. We move upstream, topple powerful interests off their perch, and make things better for the people who aren’t served by the status quo. ## Power literacy is a constructive skillset Becoming literate in the dynamics of power isn’t about putting on a tinfoil hat and finding the Illuminati. It’s not about conspiracy theories (ThEy d0nT want u 2 Know, sheEple) or being unnecessarily adversarial. It’s about making a difference, by tackling all the barriers and factors, not just the visible ones. If you’re only fighting for change on the surface, you’re not fighting the right war. ### I want you to be literate in the invisible stuff - The stories that shape the world around you. - The systems that prop up those stories. - The rules, resources and relationships that decide who gets what. - The winners and losers who hide behind polite ideas. This literacy helps you to be *subversive*, so you can show your kids that [the Netflix show sucks because it’s giving us the wrong idea about teenage sex,](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wtf-netflix/) or boost your best mate and tell her [she doesn’t have imposter syndrome, she’s got a mediocre husband, an overwhelming domestic load, and a patriarchal work environment](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/why-women-are-so-bloody-exhausted/). Power literacy will help you to push back on bullshit narratives and empower others to do the same. But it will also help you to be *constructive*. Professionally: policies, design choices, funding decisions, and hiring choices. Personally: where you spend your money, who profits from your loyalty, what you do with your time, how you raise your family, what you want from your career. Politically: who you vote for, what you organise for, and how to use your voice where it matters most. Power literacy turns polite frustration into strategic resistance - and helps you drive real change. ## Three questions for power literacy Here are three questions you can ask to dig underneath trends and hype, to be more power literate: 1. **What is left unsaid?** Power requires editorial choices. Take a closer look at what isn’t said but needs to be believed for the story to make sense. What is hinted at? What assumptions are being made? What’s being naturalised or skipped over? 2. **Who shapes the conversation?** Power often sits behind the person with the title, whispering in their ear. Ask: Who makes the decision? Who are they catering to? Who is the authority on this issue? What is their expertise? Who is pulling strings, funding, and influencing? Why? 3. **What values, and value, are upheld?** Power persists when ideas feel inevitable. So unpick both the *values* \- what matters and is being protected - and the *value capture -* who benefits from that*.* What is the story behind this – economically, culturally, symbolically? Who benefits from us thinking this way - historically, now, and into the future? ### … Should I write this book? I am considering writing a book with the express intention of building this power literacy. It would be part exploration, part how-to guide. Readers would learn to spot and unpick the stories and systems that shape policy and possibility. I’m thinking big ideas and wide application, with lots of practical examples - covering everything from ‘*How to spot ideology in your favourite movies*’ to ‘*How to read between the lines on proposed legislation*’. Your thoughts on this are very welcome, Til next week, AM --- 1. There is some concern that the use of generative AI will erode individual and collective capacity for critical thinking and should be managed carefully, similar to how autopilot is used in aviation. [↩](#footnote-anchor-1 "Jump back to footnote 1 in the text.") 2. I’m quietly optimistic this will turn around. Once all the bullshit jobs die off, I’m hoping we experience a [new renaissance of human goodness](https://www.honest-broker.com/p/notes-toward-a-new-romanticism?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), bursting with humanities, art, literature and science. [↩](#footnote-anchor-2 "Jump back to footnote 2 in the text.") 3. If you’re in local government, *and* you’re in New South Wales: come to t[his two day Strategic Public Leaders workshop](https://lgprofessionals.com.au/Web/Web/Training/Courses/Target/Stratetic-Public-Leaders/Strategic-public-leaders.aspx?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) in September. You’ll learn strategic skills. [↩](#footnote-anchor-3 "Jump back to footnote 3 in the text.") 4. Others shrug, as AI cannibalises itself and gets poisoned by its own. [AI model collapse](https://futurism.com/ai-models-falling-apart?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) occurs when AI-generated content infects training data. This is very difficult to have sympathy for. [↩](#footnote-anchor-4 "Jump back to footnote 4 in the text.") ### Bonus AI resources for paid subscribers URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/bonus-ai-resources-for-paid-subscribers/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T13:46:13.000Z As promised in [last week’s AI article](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-the-ai-bros-wont-tell-you/), I have two bonus resources for those who supported my work by shifting your subscriptions to paid. You can read the content here, or download them as a PDF. 1. A list of people to follow who are providing clear-eyed, useful commentary on AI. 2. A suite of policy interventions for organisations and government to consider. A huge thank you to everyone who made the switch: you’re awesome. Your paid support keeps the majority of my work free and accessible for others and makes independent cultural and political critique viable. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Big things should be good for us URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/big-things-should-be-good-for-us/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:24:18.000Z [Last week](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-the-ai-bros-wont-tell-you/) I wrote that underneath the hype, AI is not really about technology - it’s about power. Who wields it, who profits, and who loses. The reception has been mostly positive, though some people think it is alarmist or disingenuous to compare Big Tech to oil or tobacco. I disagree. Tech companies have a fast-accumulating rap sheet of social, environmental and even existential harm, and they are enabling the progress of autonomous warfare, all of which is unregulated. This isn’t risk, it’s reality. I am not anti-AI or anti-technology; I’m a nerd from way back. I love using technology in my personal and professional life. I spent my primary school lunchtimes thumping commands into DOS, playing Lemmings, and wondering where in the world Carmen Sandiego was. I’m agnostic on AI’s morality, but clear on its power dynamics - and pragmatic about the need to regulate. If it’s financially advantageous, private companies will dump toxins in rivers, fill the earth with plastic bags, push addictive substances and sell unsafe food. That’s just how it is. But this kind of doomsday narrative is not just making the hype-bois appealing, it also overshadows a more important point: we deserve more than protection. We can aim higher than just ‘making products less dangerous’. We can aim for excellent, ground-breaking, awesome, life-enhancing, future-shaping brilliance. When a technology touches so many lives and spheres, we deserve for it to deliver public value. ## General purpose technology should deliver public value My work with public sector leaders, elected and executive, focuses on exactly this: *public value –* benefit that goes beyond individual profit, creating shared, long-term gains for community. Public policy should generate public value. Public value is more complex than profit. It is driven by different factors, harder to measure in the short term, and more ambiguous to define. ### How to define public value When in doubt, here are four questions to interrogate public value: 1. Is it a **collective good**? Does everyone benefit, with no easy way to exclude people? Or is the value captured by individuals or private interests? 2. Does it have **leveraged impact**? Does this create something buildable and/or provide the seed for positive change at scale? 3. Does it have a **sustained effect**? Will there be an observable and lasting positive shift? 4. Does this protect or promote **shared values**? Will this uphold fundamental rights and community priorities – like safety, justice, or integrity? If the answer is no to these tests, the programme, topic, tool, or initiative is not going to deliver public value. Either you need to change something - the design, deployment, operating model, governance structure, authorising environment, incentives, value capture, et al - or it's just plain-old private extraction. Read more about public value and how it differs from private profit [here.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-difference-between-the-public-and-private-sector/) ## Public value will not happen by accident It is not the job of the private sector to create public value, though they often do. Most of the time, leaving the private sector to do their thing, while keeping things carefully regulated, is enough. But when a technology or change becomes what economists call a *general-purpose technology* (think electricity), the stakes are higher. Then, it is critical that we put the public interest first. ### Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Unregulated corporate benevolence is not a path to public value. When the public impact is significant and the potential cost is high, the private sector must be kept honest. The public sector must protect and pursue public value using it’s available levers: rules, resources, and relationships. ### What government can do - if it wants to Governments aren’t just fun-killing rule-making machines. The public sector does a lot more than get out a big stick and shut down the party. In fact, governments are the biggets historical backer of technology and innovation in history. They do great stuff. Here’s a few ways it can do that: - **Fund public R&D.** Almost every world-changing general-purpose technology – semiconductors, the Internet, nuclear and solar power, nanotechnology, vaccines, space, and more - started with public money. [Mariana Mazzucato has the receipts.](https://blog.ted.com/qa-mariana-mazzucato-governments-often-fuel-innovation/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) - **Regulate properly.** Develop policy and create laws that prevent extraction, create consequences for non-compliance and enforce the public good. - **Own the infrastructure.** General purpose technology is often publicly owned until we have the right infrastructure and guardrails in place - think energy and telecommunications. Some things, like water, will never pass the test for privatisation ([here’s more on why](https://substack.com/home/post/p-166121871?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz).) We can treat foundational AI like a public utility: public data, public compute, public oversight. - **Back nonprofit alternatives.** The best minds in AI are defecting from corporate to build safer, public-first models. [Yoshua Bengio’s new NGO LawZero](https://lawzero.org/en?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) is the latest. Government should be behind these models. ## Conclusion Interrogating value capture needs us to dig under the hype and ask ‘who’ questions: Who benefits from the current state? Who pays? If we’re not comfortable with the answers, we need to look at new models. For wide-reaching technology like AI we should demand a minimum of *net public value*. Good stuff can happen, but not by accident. Thanks for reading, AM ***If you liked this, please forward it to a friend or two.*** --- **Further reading** [Governments must shape AI’s future](https://www.project-syndicate.org/magazine/governments-must-shape-ai-business-not-only-regulate-redistribute-after-the-fact-by-mariana-mazzucato-and-fausto-gernone-2024-03?barrier=accesspaylog&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Redirecting Europe’s AI Industrial Policy](https://ainowinstitute.org/publications/research/redirecting-europes-ai-industrial-policy?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [AI for what?](https://marianamazzucato.substack.com/p/ai-for-what) ### May 2025 Reading Journal URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/may-2025-reading-journal/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T08:49:28.000Z It’s mid-June, which means that 2025 is now half-cooked, but possibly under-seasoned. I don’t know what your NY resolutions look like - were you going to get fit? Make changes in your life? Get a new job? Yeah. I dunno, man. It might be time to do a bit of a reset for the rest of the year. My car was broken into back in March and it threw me off. It spawned eight weeks of admin hell, and they nicked my notebook with all my 2025 plans - pages filled with starry-eyed optimism about the person I was going to be, the *spacious ease* I was going to have, my transformative sabbatical, and so on. It felt vaguely ominous at the time, but I shook it off, determined to get back on the life-direction horse. I should have paid more attention. My year has, so far, been hijacked by uncertainty, regret, and drama. Selling my family home and moving to a new spot which is not *quite* what it seemed. Swings between frenzied uncertainty and slothful inertia. Physical injuries. The common denominator, as it always is, being *me and my shit.* Classic. I started the year big - had a huge cleanout, changed up my finances, made new commitments - but so far, those decisions have been a bit of a flop. Which is not what’s supposed to happen with personal development. You’re supposed to be rewarded for your bravery, but the universe doesn’t much care. Some decisions simply go badly, and you’ve got to make things work from a different starting point. The job, house, choice, person, hire, car, parenting decision, whatever it was, might be the wrong choice for you. You might not be able to go back. But a good decision isn’t about the outcome, it’s about the process used to make it. So, here’s to cracking on. It’s worth a recap of what has gone well and been great (because we tend to forget that and focus on the fuckery), plus a new intention for the rest of the year, before we get spit out at Christmas wondering what happened. One thing we can always rely on to be there for us: books. ## OK, book time **May highlight:** The Auckland Writers Festival - over 80,000 keen readers packed into buzzing venues. We love books! How good. Asako Yuzuki, author of *Butter*, was so blown away by the festival she told the crowd her friends in Japan wouldn’t believe it. Cam jumped on stage to capture her in front of the adoring crowd, as proof: ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/3a846f33-7111-449c-979c-a793a000b001_1414x1004-heic.jpg) Asako Yuzuki on stage at the Auckland Writer’s Festival. [Source: Cam Fink.](https://www.instagram.com/p/DJz8TCJBe5E/?img%5Findex=1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) But, not all rosy. I left a panel on *Being a New Zealand Writer Today* equal parts grim and cranky. The message was clear: *there is no money, there will be no glory, so be grateful for a half-chewed pencil and a wonky desk, mate*. If you’re a writer in New Zealand, be prepared to lower your already humble career expectations further. Our gratitude for mediocrity is a national disease.Ambition is fine in rugby, but bad in books. I have thoughts. Stay tuned for a longer piece on this. May’s reading was mostly short-stories and essays. My brain was fried, so I avoided novels. If you’re in a rut, lack the concentration for long stories, and/or want to mix up your reading but not make a huge commitment, this might be the reading journal for you. Onto the **Pick of the Month.** _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Behind the AI hype machine URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-the-ai-bros-wont-tell-you/ Last updated: 2026-08-13T10:45:21.000Z AI is hyped as a revolution, but public conversation and policymaking are sparkly, shallow and shaped by commercial interests. We need better conversations, driven by public good, not private profit. This is a long read, so I suggest you make a cup of tea and settle in. ## The problem with AI keynotes I [just attended yet another conference with a mediocre AI keynote speaker. ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-problem-with-ai-conference-culture/)You know the one: it’s a product-demo vibe, with some spurious statistics, and a final platitude like “the only constant is change”, or “embrace the future or fall behind.” These presentations are bad, and not just because the PowerPoints suck. They waste a rare opportunity and reinforce a dangerous story. Conferences are high-priced, high-possibility gatherings. Hundreds of powerful people – executives, policymakers, and civic leaders - invest time and money to learn and connect. These people distribute funds, influence legislation, design organisations and shape communities. The room should hum with rich discussion about the future of work, democracy and public life. Instead, we get lightweight tutorials and uncritical hype. Worse, these crappy keynotes entrench a cultural myth: that technology is an inevitable, unstoppable force. Politicians and communities can only hang on for the ride and watch what happens. In this article, I offer an alternative: a critical overview of the current state of AI, a summary of what we know (and don’t) and suggested conversations for leaders, thinkers and policymakers. I’m not an AI expert, but neither are the grifters on stage. We don’t need more TED talks. We need careful analysis of consequences, risks, policy and power, and the political and community will stand up to tech exceptionalism. ## AI has the potential for incredible good **First, the good stuff.** AI is world-changing technology with the potential to transform healthcare, education, science, and public services. From cancer detection to climate modelling, AI is doing things humans can’t, and doing them fast. These breakthroughs could improve lives, bridge access gaps, and solve complex problems. [One Harvard-developed model](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2024/09/new-ai-tool-can-diagnose-cancer-guide-treatment-predict-patient-survival/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) predicts cancer outcomes with 94% accuracy. AI is better than humans at [spotting micro cancers](https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-68607059?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [detecting heart attack risk](https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c51ylvl8rrlo?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [interpreting brain scans](https://htn.co.uk/2024/12/20/imperial-college-london-and-edinburgh-university-develop-brain-scanning-ai-software/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), and [accelerating drug development](https://www.economist.com/technology-quarterly/2024/03/27/artificial-intelligence-is-taking-over-drug-development?utm%5Fmedium=cpc.adword.pd&utm%5Fsource=google&ppccampaignID=22628386695&ppcadID=&utm%5Fcampaign=a.22brand%5Fpmax&utm%5Fcontent=conversion.direct-response.anonymous&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad%5Fsource=1&gad%5Fcampaignid=22634604197&gbraid=0AAAAADBuq3JbfWJNIGyyeuDJugkPg2dqG&gclid=CjwKCAjwr5%5FCBhBlEiwAzfwYuCCatgQUiZyLBi%5FNCRybmfudF-FItqtcqffTmUaPEpVXb8ceoxHC9xoCt8QQAvD%5FBwE). With [the right safeguards](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10125205/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), this could mean earlier detection, faster treatment, and [better outcomes for more people](https://www.weforum.org/stories/2025/03/ai-transforming-global-health/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). AI holds enormous promise for accessible services. In education, it can personalise learning at scale. In aged care, it can prevent falls, manage medication and ease loneliness. In government, it can simulate policy interventions or map complex systems – all things human brains and spreadsheets can’t do quickly or easily. It’s speeding up scientific discovery, too. [AlphaFold cracked a protein folding problem](https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/chemistry/2024/press-release/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) that stumped researchers for decades. AI has [generated potential antibiotics](https://news.mit.edu/2023/using-ai-mit-researchers-identify-antibiotic-candidates-1220?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), optimised energy grids, and modelled climate interventions. (AI optimists also claim AI will save us time by automating drudge work, but I’m wary of that. Time-saving inventions rarely deliver a net gain. [Washing machines shortened laundry time, but raised the standards of home cleanliness.](https://teara.govt.nz/mi/washing-cleaning-and-personal-hygiene/print?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Email was supposed to halve office hours but it [made our inboxes a second job](https://www.wired.com/story/email-slack-productivity-paradox?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz).) AI’s opportunities are real, but a net public benefit is no guarantee, especially if we leave the rollout to the tech companies. ## What the tech bros are selling us **Anything with an algorithm. AI has infiltrated your life.** ‘AI’ is any rule-based system that mimics human decision-making. This encompasses everything from basic statistical models to your spam filter. AI screens job applicants. AI runs traffic lights, adjusts flight prices based on your browser history, recommends shows on Netflix, and targets you with ads on Facebook. It shapes your social media feed, assesses insurance policies, approves mortgages and powers chatbots. The two hottest-burning fuels in the hype machine right now are **generative AI** and **agentic AI.** One exists, the other is more promise than proof. ### Generative AI Generative AI is about large language models (LLMs) like ChatGPT. These tools make new things (text, images, code, music, video) following patterns detected in the big datasets they’re trained on. They use natural language that eerily mimics the rhythm and tone of human conversation. These tools don’tknow what they’re saying, but it feels like it, because in our normal lives, language is a symbol for meaning. Gen-AI only does words, but the words are so coherent, we mistake them for meaning. Gen-AI doesn’t think. According to Apple researchers, reasoning dialogue only creates the [illusion of thinking.](https://ml-site.cdn-apple.com/papers/the-illusion-of-thinking.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Agentic AI The latest buzz. AI agents sit atop LLMs and interact with other tools to break down big goals into smaller tasks and carry them out with limited supervision. Gen-AI might plan you a trip, but an agent would book it for you. It is early days, and the hype machine is in overdrive. So far, most “agents” are strings of automation that require feedback and the leap to agentic AI is still theoretical. ## How AI works ### Developers do not know how AI works Geoffrey Hinton won a Nobel prize for his contributions to AI a few months ago. He has been categoric: [AI developers do not know how their models work.](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/geoffrey-hinton-ai-dangers-60-minutes-transcript/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Anthropic CEO [Dario Amodei confirmed this, posting](https://www.darioamodei.com/post/the-urgency-of-interpretability?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) on his blog: “*People outside the field are often surprised and alarmed to learn that we do not understand how our own AI creations work. They are right to be concerned: this lack of understanding is essentially unprecedented in the history of technology*.” Developers build and test AI models with black-box methods – tech-bro jargon for “*f\*\*k around and find out*.” It’s not clear how the models use information or make decisions. We are in public beta mode. ### The next step in AI is unclear Artificial General Intelligence (AGI) is an autonomous, sentient system with generalised human-level reasoning and the ability to adapt. It is also only a theory. Predictions about whether AGI is possible, and by when, vary. Sam Altman, OpenAI CEO, [claims they already know how to build it](https://www.theverge.com/2025/1/6/24337106/sam-altman-says-openai-knows-how-to-build-agi-blog-post?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). [Some experts say it’s 5, 20, or 100 years away. Still others say it will never happen.](https://aaai.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/AAAI-2025-PresPanel-Report-Digital-3.7.25.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) For now, AGI is speculation, not science. While ChatGPT was a big jump forward, [the gap between a convincing language model and a truly autonomous, intelligent system is massive.](https://aaai.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/AAAI-2025-PresPanel-Report-Digital-3.7.25.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) AI [can’t remember past interactions](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41586-024-07711-7?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), reason, infer causality, act autonomously, tell the truth consistently, or explain its own answers. It hallucinates, lies, and breaks. The biggest bottleneck is [persistent memory and continual learning](https://arxiv.org/html/2404.16789v1??ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)**.** The “P” in GPT stands for *pre-trained*, because models are static - trained once, then frozen. You can bolt on a web search, but the model forgets almost instantly. LLMs are limited to the data they’ve been fed, and as Ilya Sutskever puts it: [there is only one internet.](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/world/536689/ai-with-reasoning-power-will-be-less-predictable-ilya-sutskever-says?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ## Who pays the price for progress ### AI stole the entire internet. Including the worst bits. In the “original sin,” tech companies like OpenAI, Meta and Google [scraped everything ever put online – for free.](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/10/23/technology/openai-copyright-law.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) GPT models are trained on [massive datasets, compiled from the internet](https://www.engadget.com/openai-admits-its-impossible-to-train-generative-ai-without-copyrighted-materials-103311496.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz): academic papers, news, books, blogs, Wikipedia, Reddit, et al. This stripped millions of academics, creatives, and professionals of their labour - and the backlash is strong. In December 2023, [*The New York Times*](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/27/business/media/new-york-times-open-ai-microsoft-lawsuit.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[ sued OpenAI and Microsoft](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/27/business/media/new-york-times-open-ai-microsoft-lawsuit.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) for scraping news articles. In March 2025, The Atlantic updated [it’s searchable database](https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2025/03/search-libgen-data-set/682094/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) to include 7.5 million pirated books Meta trained it’s AI on. In November 2024, they launched [the Hollywood AI Database search tool,](https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2024/11/opensubtitles-ai-data-set/680650/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) featuring writing stolen from 139,000 movies and TV shows to train generative AI. [This week, Getty Images sued Stability AI in the UK High Court](https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2025/jun/09/stability-ai-getty-lawsuit-copyright?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) over the unauthorised use of 12 million copyrighted and watermarked Getty images. [Last month, over 400 creatives, including Paul McCartney, Dua Lipa, and Coldplay, sent an open letter to the PM](https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2025/may/10/paul-mccartney-and-dua-lipa-among-artists-urging-starmer-to-rethink-ai-copyright-plans?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) urging stronger IP protection and licence schemes for AI training. ### Creative outputs are suffering AI tools are flooding markets with derivative or directly copied content. Amazon [overflows with AI-written sham books](https://authorsguild.org/news/ai-driving-new-surge-of-sham-books-on-amazon/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), targeting [new releases like Jacinda Ardern’s new memoir](https://thespinoff.co.nz/politics/09-06-2025/a-different-kind-of-memoir-five-fake-jacinda-ardern-books-read-and-reviewed?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). [Spotify has been feeding you AI music made by fake artists](https://harpers.org/archive/2025/01/the-ghosts-in-the-machine-liz-pelly-spotify-musicians/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). An AI startup [aims to generate 8,000 books this year](https://www.avclub.com/new-publisher-using-ai-distribute-more-books?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). [It’s about to be slop city.](https://www.honest-broker.com/p/the-new-aesthetics-of-slop?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Commentators such as Tim O’Reilly [propose alternative models of monetising and recognising copyright](https://www.oreilly.com/radar/how-to-fix-ais-original-sin/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). O’Reilly argues that AI could be a new age for creators and platforms; an ecosystem where value flows fairly. If not, we will run out of the food that AI needs to survive and it will have to eat its own slop. ### AI is trained on biased data If they had only stolen from academics and creatives, we might be in better shape. But training AI on everything means training it on *everything* \- the good, the bad, and the WTF. Credible sources swim in the same pond as general internet scum and the stolen datasets are too large and messy to pre-filter. So they take the lot, then pay vulnerable workers $2 an hour to sift out as much[ murder, rape, violence and child abuse](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/labelers-training-ai-say-theyre-overworked-underpaid-and-exploited-60-minutes-transcript/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) as they can. [LAION-5B is a dataset of 5.85 billion image–text pairs, pilfered from the internet.](https://www.techpolicy.press/laion5b-stable-diffusion-and-the-original-sin-of-generative-ai/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) These pairs use image alt-text to teach models to generate images from prompts, or vice versa. OpenAI, Google and others use it to train their gen-AI tools. LAION-5B includes [copyrighted images](https://www.reuters.com/legal/getty-images-lawsuit-says-stability-ai-misused-photos-train-ai-2023-02-06/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) from news sites, artists, and photographers, porn, personal medical data, [pictures of children posted on private social media profiles](https://www.theguardian.com/technology/article/2024/jul/03/australian-children-used-ai-data-stability-midjourney?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), and [child exploitation material](https://cyber.fsi.stanford.edu/news/investigation-finds-ai-image-generation-models-trained-child-abuse?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). The captions feature racism, misogyny, conspiracy and misinformation. This training data all feeds into AI output. There’s also the matter of what’s *not* included. If your work isn’t online, if you don’t speak a dominant language, or your community is underrepresented, you’re invisible. [As most professionals and students already rely on GPT models for their work](https://kpmg.com/kpmg-us/content/dam/kpmg/pdf/2025/trust-attitudes-artificial-intelligence-global-report.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), the future will ignore many by default. Dr. Timnit Gebru, then a leading AI ethics researcher at Google, raised these concerns in a 2020 peer-reviewed paper. [Google fired her and buried the paper.](https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2020/12/23/google-timnit-gebru-ai-ethics/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Online bias has offline consequences AI systems replicate and amplify online bias in the real world. This is upsetting when images and content privilege already powerful voices – [showing CEOs as white men, women as young and wrinkle-free, and sanitised, conservative values as the default.](https://theconversation.com/ageism-sexism-classism-and-more-7-examples-of-bias-in-ai-generated-images-208748?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) But these consequences take on new life when bias is embedded everything from [facial recognition technology](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/national/522236/new-tech-challenges-fears-about-racist-facial-recognition?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [insurance decisions](https://www.lexisnexis.com/community/insights/legal/capitol-journal/b/state-net/posts/ai-in-insurance-the-good-the-bad-and-what-worries-regulators?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz),[loan outcomes](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S026499932100208X?via%3Dihub&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#preview-section-introduction), [predictive policing](https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2025/apr/08/uk-creating-prediction-tool-to-identify-people-most-likely-to-kill?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and [welfare decisions](https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/dec/06/revealed-bias-found-in-ai-system-used-to-detect-uk-benefits?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) – [to, now finding, tracking and targeting potential deportees, in real time, under the Trump administration.](https://www.npr.org/2025/05/05/nx-s1-5387514/palantir-workers-letter-trump?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) We automate inequality and embed it into decisions before we understand how these systems even work. [The Human Hands Behind AI’s ‘Magic’AI content is a less nuanced version of our existing bullshit, which is why the ‘future’ looks a lot like the present.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-21.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/https-3a-2f-2fsubstack-post-media-s3-amazonaws-com-2fpublic-2fimages-2fe1d96590-ad4e-4f0d-8c15-d6ae267e047b_1096x1432-png.jpg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-11-ai-generated-content/) ## Why you need to pay attention This isn’t just about shady training data or rogue chatbots. It’s about what happens when private hands are trusted with public good. When commercial interests lead critical discourse, the public loses. Right now, our leaders stand by as world-changing technology careens at breakneck speed, wreaking social and environmental devastation along the way. AI adoption is skyrocketing, with [two-thirds of professionals and over 80% of students using AI tools regularly](https://kpmg.com/kpmg-us/content/dam/kpmg/pdf/2025/trust-attitudes-artificial-intelligence-global-report.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). [Most users admit to unethical or forbidden applications of the technology](https://kpmg.com/kpmg-us/content/dam/kpmg/pdf/2025/trust-attitudes-artificial-intelligence-global-report.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) \- workers upload sensitive company information; students submit AI-written essays. AI has infiltrated education, government, and business, despite a glaring lack of public proficiency, little understanding of how it works and no guardrails to protect privacy or prevent harm. AI is everywhere, but people don’t know how it works and where it’s going. Experts don’t know either. If a guy on stage makes predictions with confidence, he’s dumb, lying, or selling you something. Every week, new headlines expose AI’s dirty underbelly: copyright theft, military applications, environmental devastation, deepfakes, deskilling, loss of critical thinking, even the risk of human extinction. Public trust is faltering - not just [in AI,](https://kpmg.com/kpmg-us/content/dam/kpmg/pdf/2025/trust-attitudes-artificial-intelligence-global-report.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) but [in democracy itself](https://www.oecd.org/en/publications/oecd-survey-on-drivers-of-trust-in-public-institutions-2024-results%5F9a20554b-en.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Tech companies have defanged the fourth estate, [diluted regulation](https://corporateeurope.org/en/2025/04/eu-under-heavy-big-tech-pressure-weaken-rules-advanced-ai?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), dissolved social cohesion and rewired children’s brains, while policymakers shrug their shoulders in apathy. Powerful technology companies and their bottom-feeding minions dazzle and obfuscate, making AI acceleration and adoption appear magical and inevitable, but it is neither. This is a well-thumbed playbook, as old as power itself. ## History repeats Tech companies and individuals with vested interests in AI are behaving exactly as we would expect of a well-funded, unregulated industry. They build hype. Dismiss critics. Funnel resources into controlling the conversation. Profit in the vacuum of regulation. Externalise environmental and human costs. ### We know this one. We’ve seen it before. As [smoking’s health risks became impossible to ignore, tobacco companies played the same game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/scrolling-is-the-new-smoking/). They [cast doubt on science, funded bogus research, and lobbied hard](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3490543?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). They [built ‘education’ institutes, bullied regulators, and warned of economic catastrophe](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tobacco%5Findustry%5Fplaybook?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) if the industry was regulated. And it worked. It took many decades and millions of deaths before governments enforced serious regulation, and smoking products are still legal and prevalent across the world. [Scrolling is the new smokingTech giants have copied Big Tobacco’s playbook - and it works.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-20.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/https-3a-2f-2fsubstack-post-media-s3-amazonaws-com-2fpublic-2fimages-2fcce28b51-87eb-420d-8e68-3dfa87c5add3_2123x1194-jpeg.jpg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/scrolling-is-the-new-smoking/) As concerns about the climate reached the public arena, oil companies went hard on ‘[delay, deflect, downplay’](https://www.vox.com/climate/23885799/climate-change-denial-fossil-fuel-companies-exxon-mobil?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). They painted themselves as exceptional: too big and too essential to economic progress to regulate. They played dumb, while they propagated misinformation. [Exxon Mobil have known about climate change since the 1970s,](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/exxon-knew-about-climate-change-almost-40-years-ago?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) but they poured hundreds of millions into [climate denialism,](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ExxonMobil%5Fclimate%5Fchange%5Fdenial?utm%5Fsource=chatgpt.com#Funding%5Fscientists%5Fwho%5Fare%5Fclimate%5Fchange%5Fdeniers) delaying global response to warming, staffing think tanks, influencing politicians, and capturing policy processes. [They’re now telling the public to take responsibility for climate change.](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/mar/04/exxon-chief-public-climate-failures?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Today’s AI players follow the same script. They are prophets in public, monopolists in private, and lobbyists behind closed doors. While politicians [grin about using ChatGPT to write speeches](https://www.thepost.co.nz/politics/350204714/cabinet-papers-written-aid-ai-judith-collins-says-yes?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), firms colonise public infrastructure - communications, education, payments, media – and extract private value from what used to be public goods. Today’s AI moguls are playing the same game as other unchecked monopolies before them. [Found education institutes](https://www.microsoft.com/en-us/research/lab/microsoft-research-cambridge/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and astroturf/ [sponsor public voices](https://time.com/6972134/ai-lobbying-tech-policy-surge/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). [Downplay risk](https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2025/05/08/altman-congress-openai-regulation?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Talk about ethics while [arming governments for war](https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2025/05/29/meta-us-military-technology-defense-contract/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). [Silence dissent.](https://edition.cnn.com/2024/04/23/tech/google-fires-employees-protest-israel?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) It’s what happens when commercial incentives trump civic accountability – and we’ve seen how this ends: in crisis and cleanup. And to what end, exactly? ### Truth and spin Technical uncertainty helps AI to stay unregulated. There is no enforceable global framework to regulate AI, and national laws are patchy. The [EU’s AI Act](https://www.simpsongrierson.com/insights-news/legal-updates/eu-s-world-first-ai-act-the-future-is-closer-than-you-think?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) was watered down though [heavy lobbying and privileged access by tech companies.](https://corporateeurope.org/en/2025/04/eu-under-heavy-big-tech-pressure-weaken-rules-advanced-ai?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [GDPR](https://techcrunch.com/2023/08/30/chatgpt-maker-openai-accused-of-string-of-data-protection-breaches-in-gdpr-complaint-filed-by-privacy-researcher/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and copyright laws are twisted or ignored. In New Zealand, the government released ‘[guidelines](https://www.digital.govt.nz/standards-and-guidance/technology-and-architecture/artificial-intelligence/responsible-ai-guidance-for-the-public-service-genai?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)’ for government AI use, but [ruled out AI specific legislation](https://www.simpsongrierson.com/insights-news/legal-updates/ai-regulation-nz-walks-a-tightrope?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). In Australia, public agencies are bound by [an AI policy that includes transparency and reporting](https://www.digital.gov.au/policy/ai/policy?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=Policy%20for%20the%20responsible%20use%20of%20AI%20in%20government&text=Departments%20and%20agencies%20must%20meet,of%20the%20policy%20taking%20effect%29.). Commercial regulation is not on the agenda in either country. There [is a public mandate for regulation,](https://kpmg.com/kpmg-us/content/dam/kpmg/pdf/2025/trust-attitudes-artificial-intelligence-global-report.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) but no political will. We’re told this laissez-faire approach will be worth it, thanks to the impact all this innovation will have on the economy, the amazing services AI will bring. Two problems: we have no idea how AI will change the economy, and we don’t know how to align AI with human values. ### We don’t know how AI will change the economy AI’s economic impact is uncertain - and could well be overstated. [MIT economist Daron Acemoglu estimates only a modest 1.1–1.6% GDP boost over a decade from AI, with just 0.05% annual productivity gains. ](https://news.mit.edu/2024/what-do-we-know-about-economics-ai-1206?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)There is [no evidence](https://www.treasury.govt.nz/sites/default/files/2024-07/an24-06.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) of aggregate productivity gains yet. Early data suggests that workplaces might only see [small changes](https://www.nber.org/system/files/working%5Fpapers/w33777/w33777.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), or that[ AI can lower productivity and increase stress](https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c93pz1dz2kxo?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), but this may shift over time as AI matures and integrates better into workflows. As for jobs, who knows? AI *could* hollow out the middle-class, as white-collar automation targets the knowledge workers – or it could [help rebuild it](https://www.noemamag.com/how-ai-could-help-rebuild-the-middle-class/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and create new, highly skilled positions we can’t yet conceive of. We might see [mass job displacement](https://www.forbes.com/sites/jackkelly/2025/04/25/the-jobs-that-will-fall-first-as-ai-takes-over-the-workplace/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and [erosion of the tax base](https://www.oecd.org/en/publications/2021/12/tax-challenges-arising-from-digitalisation-of-the-economy-global-anti-base-erosion-model-rules-pillar-two%5Feed81a23.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), or we might see [higher earning driven by productivity gains](https://www.weforum.org/stories/2025/05/productivity-pay-artificial-intelligence/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz).AI could [polarise the labour market](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2025/02/is-ai-already-shaking-up-labor-market-a-i-artificial-intelligence/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), with the benefit of AI tools flowing disproportionately to those who own capital – or not. Nobody knows. ### We don’t know how to align AI with human values The ‘alignment problem’ is AI jargon about safeguarding and programming human values, to stop it from acting unethically. This has proven difficult. [Popular techniques like RLHF (reinforcement learning from human feedback) only instil surface-level honesty and helpfulness](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12137480/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). This is partly because humans do not have consistent and universal ethics and values, and that even if we did, applying abstract moral principles to real-world situations can be complex and lead to unintended consequences. It is also because [black box development means it is not yet a solvable problem](https://www.ibm.com/think/topics/ai-alignment?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=%E2%80%9Calignment%20problem.%E2%80%9D-,The%20subjectivity%20of%20human%20ethics%20and%20morality,who%20we%20want%20to%20be?&text=Another%20challenge%20is%20the%20sheer,complete%20set%20to%20the%20robot.%E2%80%9D). ## Behind the curtain Left unchecked, AI risks repeating every previous failure of industrial capitalism: monopolisation, captured regulation, growing inequality, and environmental ruin - only faster, and at greater scale. Here’s what we’re seeing. ### Geopolitical manoeuvring AI is consolidating geopolitical and economic power in a handful of countries and companies. Those with access to resources and talent - the U.S., China, and a small number of firms like OpenAI, Google, and Meta - are pulling ahead. They’re vertically integrated, hugely resourced, and lobbying hard to stay unregulated. [Different value systems – market-based in the US, ethics-based in the EU, state-led in China – and political tension makes global cooperation tricky](https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract%5Fid=5251303&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). A [high-stakes race for dominance is underway](https://www.businessinsider.com/america-losing-robot-war-china-trump-tariffs-musk-ai-2025-4??ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Global inequality is, as always, at play here: the Global South provides data, labour, and energy - and receives risk, misinformation, and instability in return. Western tech firms extract value without sharing benefits. ### Environmental destruction Environmental limitations - energy use, water for cooling, and physical chip production - [are a huge barrier to AI progress](https://arxiv.org/html/2501.17980v1?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#S4), which is why [Google is now building nuclear plants](https://world-nuclear-news.org/articles/google-to-fund-elementl-to-prepare-three-nuclear-power-sites?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). That’s because AI has a [massive environmental footprint.](https://news.mit.edu/2025/explained-generative-ai-environmental-impact-0117?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Tech company emissions are up 150% in the last three years.](https://www.reuters.com/sustainability/climate-energy/tech-giants-indirect-emissions-rose-150-three-years-ai-expands-un-agency-says-2025-06-05/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [AI’s annual global water consumption is pegged to hit 6 billion cubic meters per year by 2027](https://cee.illinois.edu/news/AIs-Challenging-Waters?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=Water%20Consumption%20Associated%20with%20AI,sheets%20are%20free%20of%20contaminants.) \- six times Denmark’s annual water bill. Global AI energy demand is projected to rise by [a factor of ten.](https://cee.illinois.edu/news/AIs-Challenging-Waters?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=Water%20Consumption%20Associated%20with%20AI,sheets%20are%20free%20of%20contaminants.) The [most vulnerable regions pay the highest price](https://hbr.org/2024/07/the-uneven-distribution-of-ais-environmental-impacts?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), and impacts are uneven and localised: AI water usage is higher in hot, drought-prone areas like Arizona and Chile. ### Misinformation epidemic Misinformation and disinformation is the [#1 global risk for the next two years](https://www.weforum.org/publications/global-risks-report-2025/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Democracy is under threat. Generative AI makes it cheap and easy to scale deepfakes, flooding the internet with fake content. Like [these apps advertised on Facebook that remove people’s clothes](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/meta-instagram-facebook-ads-nudify-deepfake-ai-tools-cbs-news-investigation/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [making Australian teenagers suicidal,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNMBXCYgpl8&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) or this fake [video of Kamala Harris distributed to over 200 million people by Elon Musk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=%5Flyo0EdzO1o&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) during the US presidential election. Social media algorithms [personalise disinformation to the reader](https://academic.oup.com/heapro/article/40/2/daaf023/8100645?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), creating [radicalising rabbit holes](https://theconversation.com/how-people-get-sucked-into-misinformation-rabbit-holes-and-how-to-get-them-out-223717?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). [News outlets are under threat](https://nypost.com/2025/06/10/business/news-outlets-in-crisis-mode-as-google-led-ai-search-push-crushes-website-traffic/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz),[foreign countries meddle in elections](https://www.npr.org/2024/11/09/nx-s1-5181965/2024-election-foreign-influence-russia-china-iran?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and divisive online content fuels offline violence. The presence of deepfakes isn’t just alarming because people could believe fake news, but [because it erodes trust in things that ](https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/10.1086/732990?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[*are real*](https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/10.1086/732990?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[.](https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/10.1086/732990?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Who can we trust? The news, already [dying a social-media induced death](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/on-the-inside/503747/the-news-is-fading-from-sight-on-big-social-media-platforms-where-does-that-leave-journalism?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), has lost credibility in its enthusiasm to use AI, with [fake book reviews in the Chicago Sun-Times](https://www.nbcnews.com/tech/tech-news/chicago-sun-admits-summer-book-guide-included-fake-ai-generated-titles-rcna208325?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), or [the New Zealand Herald’s AI-generated editorial.](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/national/523875/nzme-cops-criticism-after-using-ai-to-write-editorial?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) We are particularly vulnerable in New Zealand and Australia, due to [our low levels of AI proficiency](https://kpmg.com/kpmg-us/content/dam/kpmg/pdf/2025/trust-attitudes-artificial-intelligence-global-report.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). We’re less able to see AI’s limitations, less likely to fact-check outputs, and less aware of ways we’re manipulated by algorithms and misinformation. In New Zealand, [AI‑driven Russian operations spread COVID‑19 lies during late 2021, spiking directly before the 2022 occupation of Parliament](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/politics/how-russian-propaganda-exploded-in-new-zealand-before-the-protest-at-parliament/BBSBVE3UNIOH26MUOCKCYMTMTM?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), when we consumed 30% more Russian propaganda than Australia or the U.S. ### Cognitive decline AI use [may reduce memory, creativity, and critical thinking](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11020077/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) through “[cognitive off-loading](https://www.mdpi.com/2075-4698/15/1/6?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz),” much like autopilot does for pilots. The long-term cost of convenience is still unknown. People who lose knowledge, connection, options and agency from AI [risk experiencing a lower quality of life](https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/full/10.1086/730709?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#%5Fi4) \- defeating the purpose of automating tasks in the first place. Socially, AI may rewire how we communicate, form relationships, and trust information. [Humans forming bonds with companion AI](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0268401225000222?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)may struggle to maintain human bonds. As Sherry Turkle writes, “[we expect more from technology and less from each other](https://www.amazon.com.au/Alone-Together-Expect-Technology-Other-dp-0465093655/dp/0465093655/ref=dp%5Fob%5Ftitle%5Fbk?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz).” ### Existential threat *“…what is very dangerous – and likely – is what humans with bad intentions or simply unaware of the consequences of their actions could do with these tools and their descendants in the coming years.” –* [*Yoshua Bengio*](https://yoshuabengio.org/2023/04/05/slowing-down-development-of-ai-systems-passing-the-turing-test/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Geoffrey Hinton warns [there is a 10-20% chance that AI will lead to human extinction in the next 30 years.](https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2024/dec/27/godfather-of-ai-raises-odds-of-the-technology-wiping-out-humanity-over-next-30-years?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) But there is plenty of disagreement on this one. [A recent RAND study](https://www.rand.org/pubs/commentary/2025/05/could-ai-really-kill-off-humans.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) found there is no plausible scenario in which AI is an extinction threat to humanity. The more immediate threats are misuse: misinformation, warfare, surveillance, and economic destabilisation. [It is more likely that humans will use AI with malicious intent (or limited understanding) to cause destruction, than AI will take us out on its own steam.](https://yoshuabengio.org/2023/04/05/slowing-down-development-of-ai-systems-passing-the-turing-test/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) That’s easy to believe, especially given the following. ### Autonomous warfare AI is already embedded in military operations. [OpenAI has partnered with weapons-maker Anduril](https://www.anduril.com/article/anduril-partners-with-openai-to-advance-u-s-artificial-intelligence-leadership-and-protect-u-s/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), Anthropic has [announced a deal with Amazon and Palantir](https://investors.palantir.com/news-details/2024/Anthropic-and-Palantir-Partner-to-Bring-Claude-AI-Models-to-AWS-for-U.S.-Government-Intelligence-and-Defense-Operations/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) to deploy AI for defence use. Meta [now permits military use of its open-source models](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/04/technology/meta-ai-military.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and [is building military equipment](https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2025/05/29/meta-us-military-technology-defense-contract/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and in 2024, [Google fired 50 employees who protested its contracts with the Israeli government.](https://edition.cnn.com/2024/04/23/tech/google-fires-employees-protest-israel?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Unlike most weapons, which are governed by international treaties, AI military technology operates in a regulatory vacuum. Militaries use AI for autonomous drones, [targeting](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AI-assisted%5Ftargeting%5Fin%5Fthe%5FGaza%5FStrip?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [predictive maintenance](https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/33138473/first-warship-ai-us-navy?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [battlefield decision support,](https://medium.com/%40ajayverma23/the-algorithmic-battlefield-how-ai-is-redefining-military-might-5d3fb3e9c590?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and logistics. [Ukraine just successfully deployed AI drones against Russia.](https://time.com/7291455/ukraine-demonstrated-agi-war?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [The US Army has auto-targeting rifle scopes](https://nypost.com/2025/06/11/us-news/us-army-rolls-out-13m-smart-rifle-scopes-that-auto-target-and-take-down-enemy-drones-in-combat?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). While Autonomous Weapons Systems (capable of selecting and engaging targets without human intervention) are under debate at the UN, there are no binding global agreements. ## What you can do to change things This is a lot of overwhelming information. But you [have the power to change things](https://aliciamckay.substack.com/p/for-when-it-feels-like-you-cant-change). We might have low AI literacy here, but that’s partly because we’re already skeptical. [NZ and Australia are the two countries who least believe AI’s benefits outweigh the risks](https://kpmg.com/kpmg-us/content/dam/kpmg/pdf/2025/trust-attitudes-artificial-intelligence-global-report.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). The people living through a moral panic are often the worst-placed to accurately gauge the risk. AI is great fun; most new technologies are. But history tells us that when we let commercial interests pursue society-shaping change unchecked, they will not make decisions in the public interest. We know they do harmful stuff. That [Facebook incites wars](https://edition.cnn.com/2021/10/25/business/ethiopia-violence-facebook-papers-cmd-intl?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [Instagram destroys teenage girls](https://www.wsj.com/tech/personal-tech/facebook-knows-instagram-is-toxic-for-teen-girls-company-documents-show-11631620739?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [oil companies destroy the climate](https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2021/jun/30/climate-crimes-oil-and-gas-environment?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz),[drug companies prey on fear](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1122833/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and [tobacco companies target children](https://www.who.int/india/news-room/feature-stories/detail/the-tobacco-industry-is-targeting-the-youth?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). It is in their interest to do these things. This is what happens when we do not regulate large companies or curb their thirst for profit and power. Your skepticism is valid. But skepticism is not enough. Visibility is the antidote to unchecked power. These conversations need to happen loudly and intentionally. Existential threats open the door for great conversations. We saw a glimpse of it with COVID before everything went back to normal. We got outside, spent time with family and reconnected to purpose. Seeded conversations about universal basic income and four-day work weeks. We squandered that opportunity, but the AI conversation presents another. When we lift our gaze beyond today, survival, and now, our fear of falling behind drops away. Then, we can ask better questions like: What is our responsibility? To whom? How do we want to go down in history? What legacy will we leave? We don’t need to be alarmist or radical to have these conversations. We can talk about our hopes, dreams and shared goals for the future while staying focused on achievable political and organisational change. Enter: your new conference agenda. ## Your conference conversation toolkit Here are better conversations to have at your next conference or workshop, instead of the mediocre AI bro with his ChatGPT screenshots. Copy, paste, and add to your next programme. ### Different ways to think about work *“AI does not by itself determine ‘good’ nor ‘bad’ outcomes for the world of work. Rather, what matters is the kind of world in which AI will be developed and deployed.”(*[*Deranty, 2022*](https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract%5Fid=4083455&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)*)* Sure, we can prepare for potential job changes. We can make organisations more flexible, and get ready to retrain, revalue, and redistribute labour. But we can go deeper, too, and ask what work should look like and what role it should play in our society. What is work for? What work should be rewarded, and how? As [J.P. Deranty points out,](https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract%5Fid=4083455&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) our “... *current social systems continue to be organised on the basis of full-time* *employment in jobs attracting good wages as the condition for the complete enjoyment of* *social and economic rights*.” Now is a chance to ask: what would a different organising principle look like? ### The real purpose of education Instead of panicking about AI-drafted essays, we can look closer at the role and purpose of education. If it’s not about memorising information to be more employable, what is it about? What are the social and civic values we want to uphold? Who are the kind of people we want in the world, and how do we promote those characteristics and skills? If we want children to think critically, ask good questions, work together, find creative connections, behave as moral citizens, be good friends and contribute to society, we can design for this. ### A new kind of community If work stops being the centre of modern life, by design or necessity, how will we shape public life? What does it mean for housing, parenting, volunteering, or local democracy? How would we design and shape public spaces for fewer employed people? Once we’ve had those conversations, we can wonder what those scenarios tell us about what we truly value. We can see what our neighbourhoods would look and feel in a world not driven by commerce. We can consider how the commons, the civic, and the citizenry might rise to new prominence in a disconnected virtual world. ### The equality default We can stand by and shrug our shoulders as a homogenising bias-perpetrator sweeps through our companies, government agencies and homes. Or, we can push back and craft legislation, procurement standards, and organisational policies that don’t dilute our principles. We can ask: What do we stand for? Regardless of the technology, what bottom lines do we refuse to compromise on? What standards do we insist on for our staff, vendors, and tools? How will we measure progress toward equity and equality, and who will we hold accountable? What are the consequences? ### Information and media literacy Our elections are vulnerable, our kids are being led astray and people are getting sucked in and scammed. Will we take it, or will we use our individual and collective power to say: absolutely f\*\*king not?! We can refuse to tolerate disinformation and misinformation. How do we build institutions and systems that are resilient to large-scale mistrust? Instead of playing catch-up with fact-checking and filters, we can ask what a healthy information environment looks like, one that puts accuracy and accountability ahead of virality. We can seize control of our conversations back from the tech companies and we can protect and promote a robust fourth estate. We can teach skills to our staff, kids, and communities, build information literacy and reward critical thought. We can ask: what consequences will there be for organisations and actors that allow or facilitate lies and tampering? What do we need to fund and what laws do we need to pass to make this happen? ### Uncompromising environmental protection AI is eating the environment alive, but we act like the cloud is made of fairy dust. This is the same conference environment that signed climate crisis statements a year ago. If we mean what we said, there’s no universe where we let an unregulated, resource-guzzling industry off the hook. We need to ask: what limits we are prepared to impose? What responsibilities do tech companies have for environmental impacts? We need to demand better, and be willing to cop some FOMO or unpopularity to make it happen. We can ask: where does our procurement, investment, or infrastructure policy need to change to draw this line? ### Rejecting tech exceptionalism [AI isn’t magic.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-11-ai-generated-content/) It’s computer software built for people to make money. It can and should be regulated, just like any other new technology. When private motor vehicles first came out, they had a speed limit of 2 miles per hour [and someone had to walk in front to wave a red flag](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locomotive%5FActs?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Before we had roads, experience and supporting infrastructure, this was a temporary, safety-first approach to managing modern technology. We wouldn’t allow pharmaceutical companies to sell untested drugs or food companies to skip safety testing, but we give AI developers free rein. What myths need busting to drive tighter control, collective scrutiny, and shared power? And how long we will allow tech overreach in our society and economy before we do something about it. Technology companies are taking unregulated control of services the state used to provide – communications, entertainment, news, payment, and now information. It could be time to ask: WTF? ### Dignified transitions We’ve sustained a staggering amount of change in the last 100 years – technological, social, economic, political, et al. We will navigate this, just as we’ve navigated everything else. But every time there’s a big shift, the same people get crushed. Working-class communities, women, people with disabilities, and indigenous people suffer first and suffer longest. We can choose something different this time. We can actively build support systems, retraining programs, income buffers and protective policies to stop history repeating. We can decide to value *all* forms of labour - paid, unpaid, formal, informal - and create safety during change. We can wonder how everyone might be better off if we extended that kind of support and dignity to all. ### Accountability and the burden of proof The people who profit from AI offload the risk, but that needs to change. If you want to release a tool, *you* prove it’s safe. We can demand all new technologies prove social value, guarantee safety and present a business case for public good. We can say: make the world a better place, god damn it. We can nut out the logistics: what independent oversight, pre-deployment testing, or liability structures do we need to make this happen? What does a true safety-by-design model look like? Who foots the bill when something goes wrong - and how do we hold them accountable? ### Global collaboration AI isn’t a national project. It’s a global one, and siloed laws won’t cut it. Big Tech does not wait for Parliament to catch up. If we AI to serve people, not power, we need transnational cooperation, shared standards, and collective bargaining power. So let us ask: what existing forums could step up? What binding international agreements do we need? And beyond that: what stops us from acting? Corporate influence, national ego, lack of imagination? How do we flatten those barriers? We know how to do this for existential threats. We pulled off nuclear disarmament, CFC elimination and COVID vaccine development, we can put these tech boys back in their box. ### Smashing monopolies to demand diversity We know monopolies don’t serve the public good. One chatbot to rule them all? That’s not innovation, it’s market capture. When a handful of companies shape how the world writes, learns, communicates and thinks, we have a problem. We can apply the same principles we use in energy, banking, or telecommunications here: regulate monopolies, insist on interoperability, and create space for alternatives. Cultural hegemony isn’t a fait accompli, either. How can we build, scaffold or facilitate AI that supports local language, cultural nuance, and diverse values? What kinds of tools and services should be public goods? Is it safe, or desirable, for private enterprise to make all of these decisions? Who should own these tools, and their data? ### Privacy as a priority If your data is harvested, traded, and reused to train AI tools, you deserve to know – and have the option to say no. Privacy isn’t a nice-to-have, it’s a core human right. What legal frameworks do we need to beef up to protect personal data from AI? What consent standards are non-negotiable? How can organisations adopt practices that don’t just *comply*, but protect? And what’s the cost - socially, economically, democratically - if we don’t? Every new tech tool arrives with a camera, a tracker, and a justification. They claim it’s for productivity, safety, convenience. But do we want to normalise surveillance in our workplaces, schools, and public spaces, or do we want the right to exist unobserved? What do we lose without that right? ## This is about power. Take it back. AI is powerful. How powerful, we’re not sure. But if it might result in even a fraction of the changes predicted, we need to switch gears from product demos to policy levers. The hype around AI is an opportunity for us to interrogate our values, aspirations and options for shaping the future. To have bigger, better conversations. Use your next workshop, gathering, panel or conference as an opportunity to do this. Pick a topic from the list above, if you dare. None of these conversations require you to be an AI expert. They ask you to bring your curiosity, experience and leadership to the table. To listen and learn, and to push back against the norm. Don’t just listen to the AI bros. Be the voice that shifts the room. Or in the words of Zach de la Rocha: “[Why stand on a silent platform? Fight the war. F\*\*k the norm.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q04d4O8etHI&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) \- AM --- *This work is free. If you value and can afford to support independent social and political critique, your paid support keeps it that way.* *I will continue to write about power, systems and policy, but with any luck, I may never write about AI again. The research for this article took weeks and yielded enough for a full year of articles. I have no desire to become an AI ‘voice’.* *Paid subscribers are eligible for* [*bonus content:* ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/paid-bonus/) - *A suite of policy directions for AI* - *A list of AI experts and voices to follow.* [Bonus AI resources for paid subscribersThanks for your support, here’s the goods.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-23.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/irish-hands-1.jpg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/bonus-ai-resources-for-paid-subscribers/) ### NZ Herald Feature - From foster care to own boss: How a teen mum defied the odds URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/nz-herald-wrote-a-thing-about-me/ Last updated: 2026-08-13T01:13:49.000Z ## On The Up: From foster care to own boss - how teen mum Alicia McKay defied the odds [Mike Thorpe](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/author/mike-thorpe/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ![Alicia McKay has a remarkable story to tell. Photo / Supplied](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/resizer/v2/7GKUG6BKNJB3PGQ7ACXZHMFU2Q.png?auth=f634b730a74fe189e88e42328f58ccc1708c3f47a859079d5b89fe8d797bd93e&width=1440&height=810&quality=70&focal=313%2C215&smart=false) Alicia McKay has a remarkable story to tell. Photo / Supplied Alicia McKay has had every opportunity to fail – and she’s missed them all. From foster care to teenage pregnancy, the high school dropout has an honours degree, a successful international consultancy business, has authored three books and birthed as many daughters. None of whom plans not to follow in her footsteps. That is, the footsteps that Alicia followed her mother in. “I’m from a long tradition of teen parenting in my family. Teen parenthood that goes back three or four generations,” McKay says. Repeating that cycle at 16, McKay was well aware of what could lie ahead for her first child, Bailey. “You inevitably get estrangement. So, there are really tense relationships at every level between me and my mother, my mother and her mother, her mother and her mother.” McKay’s father was 17 when she was born and she says she has never had a “consistent or meaningful relationship” with him. She was raised initially by her mum. “I had a really difficult relationship with my mother growing up. Partly because she was 18 when she had me and a single mum, and she was grappling with some demons of her own. Partly because I was a f\*\*\*ing nightmare, I think.” McKay has refreshingly unfiltered self-awareness. “I’m extremely intelligent, which is really difficult to deal with in a child, and I found that out with my third child,” McKay says. ![Young Alicia McKay, born to teen parents - she also became a teen mum. Photo / Supplied](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/resizer/v2/7XJHWZBRC5EGVCFCBFVJUA7TYY.JPEG?auth=d13fb4520f4edcb491ec2dad9cd440bdfbbf18453254d4ae8990dd4b28ed30b6&width=1440&height=1920&quality=70&smart=true) Young Alicia McKay, born to teen parents - she also became a teen mum. Photo / Supplied “My mother didn’t really have the emotional coping skills to manage a person like me. I have a lot more empathy for her since I’ve raised my third child.” She may have followed the same ill-advised path of her mother, grandmother and great-grandmother before her – but McKay relishes cutting her own track. She always has. ## ‘I never went home’ With crystal-clear hindsight, the point where McKay’s life fell apart was probably where her remarkable future fell into place. “I started getting into trouble fairly early.” The high school years came early for McKay. Her intellect had been identified at the end of Year 7 – and she was enrolled in high school a year early. “Because my birthday’s already at the end of the year, it meant that I went to high school when I was 12 - just turned 12.” Her education was accelerating inside and outside the classroom. “Hanging out with kids who were a year or two above me at school, which meant that I was hanging out with 14 and 15-year-olds. Smoking cigarettes and bunking school and I was just doing all the things you do, but very quickly.” Trouble at school then followed her home. “My mother and I were in constant tension. I’d started jumping out my window at night to go and hang out with the local troublemakers. She came in one morning to tell me she was sending me away.” Alicia was 13 and knew just how to hit her mother where it hurt. “I walked out the door, and I ended up going to my grandmother’s, who my mother was estranged from.” ![Alicia McKay has beaten the odds on multiple fronts. A foster child, a teen mum and a high school dropout. She says she is an anomaly - the exception rather than the rule. Photo / Supplied](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/resizer/v2/RXZJSPGUBFDE7DQBMLNQ5GGLQM.JPEG?auth=faf3a52ab97def2848e0559b7993f71b4961b31148e79b56dbde0eda0225e996&width=1440&height=961&quality=70&smart=true) Alicia McKay has beaten the odds on multiple fronts. A foster child, a teen mum and a high school dropout. She says she is an anomaly - the exception rather than the rule. Photo / Supplied Her new home didn’t last long – maybe six months. She recalls legal action from her mother and then a negotiated return that never came to be. “The day before I was supposed to go home, I ended up in hospital. When I called \[Mum\], I said, ‘I can’t come home tomorrow - I’m in hospital’. She said, ‘Well, that’s so f\*\*\*ing selfish and typical. Don’t come home then’. “I never went home.” McKay stayed with her Nana for less than a year before that relationship soured, too. “She kicked me out. Partly for being a little brat, and partly because she also didn’t have any of the skills needed to raise a grandchild. And by that point, Child Youth and Family \[CYFS\] were involved.” Her next “home” would need to be approved by the state. “I went to live with a boyfriend’s mother. Her boyfriend sexually assaulted me and I got kicked out of her house,” says McKay matter-of-factly. After a short stint on the streets, McKay was placed into foster care at the age of 14\. “A police officer came to pick me up from wherever I was staying, and off I went to Ashburton,” recalls McKay. ## ‘They didn’t know how to cook’ Until this point, McKay had grown up in Christchurch and Selwyn. “I got placed with a couple who were living in a state house in Ashburton. \[They\] had very low literacy and life skills of their own and couldn’t have children. And somehow had been approved as a foster family,” McKay says. “Looking back on it now, I cannot see how \[they were approved\] because we had the power cut off every third month.” McKay says she was supposed to be a temporary placement before a 28-day family group conference was held. She stayed with the couple for almost two years. “They didn’t know how to cook. So, we ate like hash browns with satay sauce on them or McDonald’s on payday. And we had kids coming and going as temporary placements.” McKay says the couple were no match for her. By this time, she was a highly intelligent teenager with rapidly increasing life experience and extraordinary resilience. “I ran rings around them.” She stayed there until a few months before her 16th birthday. “And then when I moved out, I said ‘I’m leaving school. I’ve got a flat, I’ve got a car, I’ve got a job’. And they said, ‘Oh, I don’t think we can get that through CYFS’.” McKay says the couple devised a plan that could be mutually beneficial. “They said, ‘Why don’t you just move out and then we’ll split the money that CYFS is paying?’” McKay agreed and once a week she received half of the state-funded allowance. “That actually went on for a number of months until CYFS figured out that I wasn’t living at the house anymore. By then I was six months’ pregnant with Bailey.” ![Teen mum, Alicia McKay with her first daughter - Bailey. Photo / Supplied](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/resizer/v2/N5NDP636AFDIBG7XBH2Q4SHMMA.JPEG?auth=a7cc5caf3930b186a8673f016c71d7c78e7b28080f4e027e2735a64e16a58d45&width=1440&height=1080&quality=70&smart=true) Teen mum, Alicia McKay with her first daughter - Bailey. Photo / Supplied She says she was released from her guardianship, and never heard from CYFS again. “I never had a follow-up phone call or like, where is she now? I was 16 years old. I had no legal guardians. I had a baby. You think they might have checked up, but it’s not really how it worked back then.” ## ‘I was running a cleaning business - that I’d set up’ McKay left at the end of Year 12 with her qualifications from that year – though she hadn’t done as well as she’d have liked. “I think it was only a week before I found out I was pregnant with Bailey that I was looking at going back to school \[for Year 13\],” McKay says. Instead, the now 17-year-old began her own enterprise. “I was running a cleaning business - that I’d set up. I advertised in the paper. “I ran all kinds of hustles before that. I used to import things and sell them on TradeMe. I always had one or two jobs.” She says she was “absolutely creaming it” according to her friends, earning $30-$40 per hour- while nursing her infant daughter. “My friend came over with her University of Canterbury prospectus. And I was reading that and I thought, this all sounds quite good. I wouldn’t mind doing this.” The problem was – by not completing Year 13, she hadn’t gained University Entrance. However, she had managed to complete some study while pregnant – thanks to the help of her former economics teacher, Scott Haines. Despite having already left school, McKay had persuaded Haines to allow her to attend an early morning class he was running. “He used to do a thing for his \[Year 13\] economics and accounting students. He got them discretionary entrance into a 101 paper at Lincoln University to give them a taste of university and get them prepared.” McKay would attend the 7am class a couple of times per week. “And I sat that exam, well, I stood to do that exam on an ironing board, 38 weeks’ pregnant. I got the ‘top student’ in that paper that year.” With that successful exam paper under one arm and 4-month-old Bailey on her hip, McKay marched into the University of Canterbury to plead her case for enrolment – without UE. “I said, ‘Look, I’m really smart!’” Whatever she said, it worked. The 17-year-old mother of one with a part-time cleaning business in Ashburton was going to be a university student. ## ‘I was a single mum that year’ When McKay was younger, she’d read John Grisham books. She acknowledges now it was strange – but she also believes it had an influence on her choice of course. “I started doing a law degree. I got into the second year, which, you know, 800 kids go into the first year and then only 180 get through to the second year.” McKay got through the first semester of the second year. She was travelling from Ashburton to Christchurch daily for lectures. Her partner was working late shifts at the meat works. The window for study was tight, she couldn’t leave Ashburton until her partner had woken from his night shift to look after their daughter – and had to be home in time for him to get to work. It was taking a toll. “I was having a lot of difficulty at home. My daughter was 18 months old, and her dad and I weren’t getting on very well.” McKay, now 19, took the rest of the year off from studying before returning the following year. However, her dreams of pursuing a law degree were dashed. “I had a lot of grief about not being able to do my law degree because of a couple of admin f\*\*\* ups, because I wanted it. But that’s fine.” “I finished my degree when I was 21 and by then I was pregnant with Charlie. I started my honours degree extramurally through Massey University the following year.” Charlie, McKay’s second child, was born a few weeks into her honours year. ![21-year-old Alicia McKay with newborn Charlie, her second daughter. Photo / Supplied](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/resizer/v2/VEZ6BY32NFGHPEXG7WR2VJJOOY.JPEG?auth=85a72bb33a41ca329b5c114e611df05464b8d8eb876b949519deb654a8f8fd0d&width=1440&height=1080&quality=70&smart=true) 21-year-old Alicia McKay with newborn Charlie, her second daughter. Photo / Supplied “I was a single mum that year. So, it was me, Bailey (4-year-old) and Charlie was a baby, doing my thesis, sitting at home.” McKay graduated with a double major Arts degree in political science and media and communications. “I came out of it with first-class honours and then went into a postgrad job as a policy analyst at the Ashburton District Council. I reconciled with Bailey’s dad and went on to marry him and have a third child with him \[Harriet\].” ## ‘Why can’t I go home?’ The shift to working life was difficult for McKay. The stability that her role at Ashburton District Council offered also came with confines that were as unfamiliar to her as her now regular wage. “I was very frustrated at the, you know, get to work at 8.30am, leave at 5pm, not a minute before, not a minute after. “They wanted me there every day. They wanted to tell me what to do. It didn’t matter that I did everything in half the time as everybody else, they still wanted me there all day and it didn’t really work for me. Why can’t I go home?” McKay says. McKay was now 22 – but had lived a life well beyond those tender years. A life where she had largely set her own rules. “I’d spent years juggling the kids and studying my thesis and whatever else and being able to do that in my own terms. I chafed pretty quickly against a traditional working environment.” Her new career was also interfering with a home life that was finally stable. “I had a boss who told me to leave my family at the door when I came to work, which felt like something you could say if you had a stay-at-home wife - but maybe it wasn’t something that was entirely useful for a young mum of two.” ![The new face at Ashburton District Council, where McKay fell in love with local government - but not traditional offices. Photo / Supplied](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/resizer/v2/P4LZIZ6JIRDDLMTY7FKHWSSG2Y.JPEG?auth=4dfc7502e6e3b8611395a14690f4408e16516dd0c3507dd94965eec470527b0a&width=1440&height=1807&quality=70&smart=true) The new face at Ashburton District Council, where McKay fell in love with local government - but not traditional offices. Photo / Supplied The “young mum of two” stuck it out for long enough to become a young mum of three. “I was 26\. I was married. We owned a home. She was on purpose and she really has the attitude to match it. In fact, sometimes she tells her siblings, ‘I was the only one they wanted’, which isn’t true - but she is the only one that was planned.” ## ‘My marriage fell apart, but that’s fine’ The square peg stayed at the round hole for around four years, living a “kind of idyllic family life in Ashburton”. A change of employment couldn’t stop the growing restlessness. “I tried to work at a law firm. I lasted eight weeks working for Duncan Cotterell, and then I thought, well, this is ghastly. This is all Koru Lounge and credit cards and w\*\*kery and making partners richer, so I don’t like this very much.” McKay was looking for answers at home as well. “I’m like, okay well, are we done? Have we f\*\*\*ing clocked it? Like, is this all we’re gonna do now? Are we just gonna wait here ‘til we die?” McKay recalls. The first change came when she launched her own business and left traditional employment behind. “There’s no freedom and there’s no money.” The second change came when the family of five made the decision to move to Wellington, where McKay could make the most of her talents. But a young policy analyst from Ashburton was going to have to knock on a lot of doors before they opened in the capital. But they did open through perseverance, and McKay worked out why. “All the things that I had found to be a handicap in the working environment, that uncertainty about who to be and what to wear and how to speak - that was an asset when it came to building client relationships. The way that you make money in business is you be as ‘you’ as possible. “That’s where you land contracts - through the development of genuine connection and relationships with other people. And I’m really good at doing that.” As McKay’s career soared,her relationship at home declined. “My marriage fell apart, but that’s fine. We’re still best mates and there’s nobody I’d rather be raising our kids with.” As I speak with McKay, she is sitting in a departure lounge about to board a flight to Australia. Her trip will take her to numerous conferences where she will speak with great authority about how to spend public money. She has written three books and spoken to thousands of people. Later this year she will be a guest speaker in the United States – in front of 6000 local government CEOs. Her ideas are currency. ![Alicia McKay regularly speaks to big crowds as a key note speaker, taking her around the world. Photo / Supplied](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/resizer/v2/4THHGTP5JZFXHNG44XQZTRD4VU.JPEG?auth=44343567e4f59e14dd4087729d8a69efece4eb6bc99b4c85113f6250bc4be376&width=1440&height=825&quality=70&smart=true) Alicia McKay regularly speaks to big crowds as a key note speaker, taking her around the world. Photo / Supplied “It’s one of those stories that looks like overnight success because I was so young, but also it was just years of me having coffees that went nowhere and going for jobs that people laughed at me for and being the only woman in the room or the youngest person in the room. Or just shouting into a void in general.” Just don’t tell Alicia McKay she’s proof that hard work pays off. ## ‘I won the lottery on intelligence’ “I’m an anomaly. An exception, and I’m very aware of that. “One reason I was very cautious for a long time of saying anything about my background publicly - aside from just coming to terms with it myself, was that there is a tendency for these kinds of stories to be weaponised, particularly with a right-wing lens. You know, ‘see, it just goes to show that if you’ve got the right attitude, anything’s possible’. “And that’s just completely untrue.” She’s right. The reason McKay’s story is so compelling is because it is so unlikely. Her teenage journey has been undertaken by many – but very few have arrived at the same destination as McKay. “The reason that less than 1% of care-experienced children even make it into tertiary education in New Zealand, and the reason that we are disproportionately more likely to wind up in the justice system or benefit dependent - or with mental health issues or drug dependencies, is not because we’re uniquely weak or that everybody other than me is uniquely weak. It’s because that’s what the system is designed to produce, and that is what those life experiences in a very reasonable way will do to people’s lives. Again, McKay’s self-awareness is to the fore. “It doesn’t mean that I’m any better than anybody else - it means that I won the lottery on intelligence. And that I had a few lucky breaks and a couple of people who really believed in me - but it’s the exception, it’s not the rule. You can’t bootstrap your way out of foster care and f\*\*kery.” ## ‘He had no idea’ One of those believers was her economics teacher, Mr Haines. “I have so much to thank him for.” ![Alicia McKay and her former economics teacher Scott Haines. Photo / Supplied](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/resizer/v2/JOBWSMF5INFTNPJ6NJPSRYLZGY.jpg?auth=a661801f01ea2609b1e8d4f024690ba56a840109ee101e980b5bb94c3a70da4a&width=1440&height=1079&quality=70&smart=true) Alicia McKay and her former economics teacher Scott Haines. Photo / Supplied And recently she had an opportunity to do just that. McKay was invited to speak at the Secondary Principals Association of New Zealand conference. Haines is the vice-president. “I got to tell the room what he’d done for me in the context of giving a broader keynote around strategic thinking and perspective,” McKay says. “It was a very lovely moment to stand on stage and tell 250 principals what Scott Haines had done for me 20 years ago.” It was also the moment when Haines learnt the full story. “He had no idea, really. Like, he knew I was pregnant, and he knew I was a foster kid, I think. He didn’t know that it was thanks to that paper that I’d gotten into university. I don’t really think he understood what he’d done for my life at all.” ![Alicia McKay has already authored three books and plans to write more. Photo / Supplied](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/resizer/v2/ER5AJQ4W75CEFGVN6QN64NVAKU.JPEG?auth=65e9f5cd9157609164e1747f6fcd5113e545aa1e71fa455b276960d3d0efc048&width=1440&height=960&quality=70&smart=true) Alicia McKay has already authored three books and plans to write more. Photo / Supplied At 36, McKay has lived a lot – but she has a lot more in front of her. A memoir is in the works - as is her first foray into fiction. New projects are what Mckay thrives on. “I’ve been proving myself my entire life, and now that is my fuel. I need to be proving myself in order to motivate.” She says she’s trying to find healthier motivation like “joy, enthusiasm and creativity” to avoid cyclical burnout. McKay is also planning to use her voice more on social issues that she has genuine life experience in. Like New Zealand’s class divide. She says she straddles two worlds but feels little belonging to either. “When I am using it for good in my life, I feel really positive about it. I often get to be a translator or a facilitator that can bridge two different worlds. I can speak to the CEO and the foster kid, I can speak to the minister and the homeless guy, and that can be an extraordinarily useful skill. “But on dark days it’s just very f\*\*\*ing lonely.” ![Alicia McKay is working on a memoir of her already remarkable life - as well as trying her hand at writing fiction. Photo / Supplied](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/resizer/v2/THG7HPLECFFWBIT2OQ2KDRT2YI.JPEG?auth=c1aa0f0ca8e6970fd3e5ebf03a3708eaa87ffdec899d37704e15de61f2997e43&width=1440&height=960&quality=70&smart=true) Alicia McKay is working on a memoir of her already remarkable life - as well as trying her hand at writing fiction. Photo / Supplied Learning is a constant for McKay – who still reads two books per week. Curiosity is something her three daughters have picked up. McKay says her middle child Charlie also has “wildly good emotional intelligence”. Her eldest daughter Bailey is not so much following in her mother’s footsteps as she is walking the trail blazed by McKay. She is studying at university, a new mother-to-daughter tradition. As for the “teen mum cycle”, the wheels have come off. “She’s now 19, she’s 20 in October and we’re looking good, mate.” **Mike Thorpe is a senior journalist for the Herald, based in Christchurch. He has been a broadcast journalist across television and radio for 20 years and joined the Herald in August 2024.** [](https://www.nzme.co.nz/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)© Copyright 2026 NZME Publishing Limited [On The Up: From foster care to own boss - how a teen mum defied the oddsAt 36, Alicia McKay is an internationally successful consultant, author and speaker.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/apple-touch-icon-144x144-precomposed.png)The New Zealand HeraldMike Thorpe![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/7GKUG6BKNJB3PGQ7ACXZHMFU2Q.png)](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/business/small-business/from-foster-care-to-ceo-how-a-teen-mum-defied-the-odds/PVSIMYBKXVARLNUN6ZEWDTA3YY/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Queensland Small Business Friendly Conference, Brisbane, May 2025 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/queensland-small-business-friendly-conference-brisbane-may-2025/ Last updated: 2025-10-19T03:20:23.000Z [Small Business Friendly ConferenceConverge Small Business Friendly Conference 2025 Held at the end of May each year, the Small Business Friendly Conference provides an opportunity for members, government, industry, and small business community leaders to explore, showcase, and be inspired by innovative and leading practice ideas and initiatives to grow and sustain healthy small business ecosystems and vibrant, \[…\]![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/QSBC-favicon-icon-2023_144x144.png)Queensland Small Business Commissioner![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/SBF-logo-master_landscape2x-r34iagnq0q23qzx5hvsnxknacgp3rk73h6sdo4t9zk.png)](https://qsbc.qld.gov.au/sbf-program/sbf-conference/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### The problem with AI Conference Culture URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-problem-with-ai-conference-culture/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T09:07:29.000Z I was just at a conference with the obligatory ‘AI and the Future of Work’ speaker. Five years ago, it was the Resilience speaker. Five years before that, Innovation. Same guys, new buzzword. Somehow, they’re all futurists, too. These dudes spend 45 minutes bouncing through a badly formatted PowerPoint while saying, “Look what you can do with AI these days!” They’re urging uptake, leverage, adoption, and excitement completely without context. Which means they’re not just annoying, they’re dangerous. One cliché after another: *The jobs of tomorrow don’t exist yet / It’s not AI that’s the problem; it’s humans who don’t use it properly / Change is the only constant / Embrace AI or be left behind / Get comfortable with discomfort* It is motivational malpractice by the mediocre. Important conversations need to be had around AI, especially by the executives and policymakers who attend these conferences. They do not need bamboozling, impressing, or urging to simply get on board. We need to discuss how to engage with and prepare for potential social and economic shifts that will change jobs, organisations, and communities. We also need thoughtful dialogue about safety, ethics, and deceleration. We need clear-eyed, well-informed information that distinguishes the real from the hype, the good from the bad, and the probable from the improbable. We need to put away the smoke, mirrors and fireworks and explain that while this is a big shift, it is neither inevitable nor uncontrollable. Letting tech companies shape this dialogue makes policymakers and professionals feel powerless, and the consequences could be existential. **Tech exceptionalism is a lie**. This technology can and should be regulated like any other industrial or pharmaceutical innovation has been, and bamboozling conference attendees with waffle is only making it look more impossible. I am working on a piece that lays out some of these conversations plainly. Tech-chat is not my usual domain, but silence leaves the floor open to cannibalisation by SaaS sales pitches and cheerleaders. I might not be a whizz at AI models, but I do understand systems, power, spin, and policymaking. I know how politicians and officials make decisions and how those choices shape our lives and careers. And I reckon it’s time those insights entered the AI chat. We’ll demystify the magic, ask some tricky questions,, and put these conference hype-boys back in their box. Here’s what I plan to write about. If you have anything you’d like added to the conversation or someone you’d like to put me in touch with, please comment or DM me. ### Topics for the upcoming AI piece - What AI actually is and why you should care - What’s happening – beyond the public facade - What’s real, and what’s not - The risks of AI - The benefits of AI - Why and how to regulate AI - Things for policymakers and professionals to consider - Things for the average person to start thinking about - How to improve the quality of conversations about AI. Stay tuned, AM **Update: Here you are!** [Alicia McKayFor high-impact professionals and strategic thinkers who want to make sense and take action.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/WW--800----800-px--2-21.png)Alicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/2024-ALICIA5995-Large-2-1-1-1-17.jpeg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-the-ai-bros-wont-tell-you/) ### LGASA Conference, May 2025 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/alicia-mckay-keynote-at-the-lgasa-conference-may-2025/ Last updated: 2025-10-19T03:21:31.000Z Join Alicia for an insightful session on overcoming the challenges faced by local government leaders. In this presentation, Alicia will explore the common frustrations of councillors and council managers, such as reactive cycles, overwhelming tasks and disengaged teams, and share key strategic shifts that can lead to more proactive and effective leadership. Packed with practical advice, this session will empower local government leaders with the tools and strategies needed to drive lasting change and make better decisions for their communities. Don’t miss this opportunity to gain valuable insights that will help you lead with purpose and impact. [Register here](https://www.lga.sa.gov.au/news-and-events/events/ogm?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### There are no magical robots URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/there-are-no-magical-robots/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T09:08:14.000Z Happy Wednesday, everyone. This week, I encourage you to read this piece I wrote in July 2023\. Here’s the TL;DR: > AI is not harmless or inevitable. It is a human-coded and moderated decision machine that exacerbates inequality, and we are not powerless to resist it. **In summary:** - Magical robots do not power AI. AI is shaped by decisions made by *people* who exploit and use low-paid offshore labour for its development. - Those who make those decisions are in positions of unregulated, unbridled power, which has catastrophic consequences for our most vulnerable. - Humans are irrational. Trying to reduce us to an algorithm perpetuates and entrenches harmful ideas, values and biases. - The use of AI is already hurting people, and it has the potential to get much worse, but it is not inevitable. There are concrete regulatory steps we can and should take to slow and change the impact of AI. - The people selling us the AI narrative have the most to gain. They should not be our source of wisdom. It’s time to listen to the artists, philosophers, policy advisors, and social scientists. We have them for a reason. Read more below. [Alicia McKayFor high-impact professionals and strategic thinkers who want to make sense and take action.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/WW--800----800-px--2-22.png)Alicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/2024-ALICIA5995-Large-2-1-1-1-18.jpeg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-11-ai-generated-content/) ### Everyday is everything URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/everyday-is-everything/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T03:01:10.000Z Does your job consist of mostly pointless bullshit and admin without a profound sense of connection to the bigger picture? There are jobs where it seems, from the outside, that confidence in one’s contribution could be easily found. The golden thread between What You Do and Why It Matters is shimmering in the light - clear, beautiful, visible to all. Doctors. Charity workers. TV stars. Prime Ministers. Famous musicians. Surely, if you were one of those people, you’d wake up each morning filled with a sense of fulfilment and connection to the bigger picture. You’d know, without having to dig very deep, that the work you were doing mattered. Counted. Meant something. But what does the daily life of any of those jobs consist of? For a doctor, the glamorous life-saving surgeries are but a minor part of the daily grind. Much of it probably resembles what you’re doing already. Paperwork. Emails. Meetings. People. Complaints. Planning. Preparation. Early mornings. Long shifts. Writing patient notes. Updating electronic health records. Writing referral letters to specialists. Filling out insurance. Processing prescriptions and lab orders. Corresponding about patient care. Supervision. Training. Research. PD. All of staff meetings. Health and safety. And so on. For an NGO worker, they’ll be quick to tell you that the heartwarming stories and rewards are blips inside a funding treadmill - applying for funding, tracking funding requests, preparing accountability reports - as well as all of the tedious administration that comes with managing many stakeholders and other people’s money. Again: meetings, phone calls, reports, paperwork, Zoom calls, people with urgent demands, complaints, planning, preparation. For the TV news anchor, the day starts very early, or runs very late. There are hours of preparation, reading, and notes. Sitting in a makeup chair. Standing around. Putting on a game face regardless of your personal feelings about what you’re reading. For Prime Ministers, it’s pretty much *all* readings, meetings, and travel. For famous musicians, less reading, but a lot of getting off and on planes. Waiting in studios. Sitting in meetings pandering to the money people. Lonely nights in hotel rooms away from their family. And so on. You might think to yourself, on an average day, filled with bullshit meetings, lacklustre lunches, dramatic deadlines that count for nothing, and general tedium: “This is shit. My days are shit. Not like other people’s days. People who really make a difference to the world.” You might be wrong. Or you might be right, and the truth might be that those are everyone’s days. Parenting is probably the best example of this. 1,000 infinitesimal sacrifices that add up to a child raised and a life lived. Every ass wiped, bowl of cereal poured (and left uneaten), tantrum endured, bed made, pair of shoes purchased, and drop-off successfully made is your contribution to the growth and development of a person and the successful building of a family and a legacy. Each one is so small as to be nothing, but without them, there *is* nothing. The small moments are all there is. If you want to find significance in your life, a connection to the big picture, and a sense of your broader contribution, it might not be a different job that you need, or a different person you need to be, but rather, a different *perspective* you need to have. The sense of fulfilment you enjoy may have much more to do with how you perceive your life and how it all fits together than what your days consist of. There are very few magic moments where it all makes sense and feels good. Weddings, graduations, Mothers Day cards, and other such things. There are many, many more moments of utter tedium. What if those moments of tedium are not the distraction, but rather, the point? What if the joy, the contribution, the fulfilment, and the reward aren’t waiting around the corner once we’ve done enough, or achieved something big, but rather, are there in the everyday? Every minor annoyance, email, invoice, phone call and cup of tea? Nora Ephron, brilliant screenwriter, famously said: “*If you can’t be happy washing dishes, you can’t be happy.”* (Other excellent Ephron-isms include “*Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be divorced from”* and “*If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters.”* The dishes, or whatever your equivalent is, are the access point to the bigger story of your life. The reality of even the most illustrious and impactful contributions to humanity is largely pointless drudgery. You don’t need to be George or Amal to see that. Most of their days are Zoom meetings too. What you’re doing matters. Remind yourself of that today. Enjoy the dishes. AM ### April 2025 Reading Journal URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/april-2025-reading-journal/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T09:11:18.000Z April happened. What the hell, 2025? The themes for April were Chinese history and Kiwi-lit. The former was a coincidence, but the latter was very intentional. I’ve been quietly ashamed for a while now about my internalised Tall Poppyism. I’ve noticed that I instinctively avoid the ‘NZ Author’ tables in bookstores. Why? If I poke it, it’s a subconscious bias around Kiwi inferiority. Isn’t that garbage? Other countries, as small and smaller than ours (Ireland and Iceland, et al) do a phenomenal job of supporting and celebrating their local arts scenes. But here in NZ, like with so many other things, we shrink with shame and apologise for our existence instead, making sure to take public stabs at anyone who makes it big offshore. Ugh. Well, NO MORE! Over half of my April reads were by Kiwi authors, all women, cos up the girls. Except one essay collection, it’s an All-Novels type situation - (but hold the phone for May because I’ve gone essay-mad.) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/0de6dfd0-7c93-4e7e-a2f2-87eeacc96df5_1456x1048-heic.jpg) ### Pick of the month: Bad Archive by Flora Feltham **My rating: 4.6/5** *TL;DR Personal essays that breathe life into the minutiae of your life and feel like a comforting friend.* From now on, I will pick my favourite book each month. This month, it’s *Bad Archive* (Victoria University Press, 2024), a collection of personal essays by Wellington writer Flora Feltham. From the first page, Feltham assumes you’re as alert to the world as she is, treating the reader with reverence, as a fellow observer. It would be easy to fall into the delusion that you, too, might be seeing things as sharply as she. By the end of the book, I took her eyes with me, wondering how she’d describe the light on my curtains, arguments with my children, and reflections on my family history. Feltham is clever, funny, and self-aware without being self-deprecating. Whether she’s writing about drug-fuelled Eurotrips, seagulls at the tip, digital archives or weaving on a large loom, she brings a thoughtful wondering that never feels put on. The essays all felt like they belonged together, linked by the theme of *shifting perspectives.* It’s very Wellington without being the kind of overt Wellington I find annoying. I loved it, and I think you might too. - **Read if:** You want to see things with fresh eyes, without being lectured. - **Avoid if:** Don’t. Just give it a go, mate. ### Wild Swans, by Jung Chang **My rating: 3.9/5** *TL;DR Condensed history of modern China through the eyes of women. Intense, eye-opening.* I’ve been mulling over an idea for a story featuring three generations of women. After sharing my idea with a fellow writer, he replied, “Oh, like Wild Swans?” Because I live under a rock, I’d never heard of this book. I immediately requested it from the library. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### The Four Commandments of Priorities URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/a-few-things-you-should-know-about/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:19:47.000Z ⚡ Thou shalt have as few priorities as possible. Thou shalt treat priorities as commitments, not wishes. Thou shalt rank thy priorities. Thou shalt walk the talk in tricky times. I’ve run hundreds of workshops and sessions on priorities, and it’s time to clarify a few things. At some point, saying something is a *priority* seems to have changed in its meaning. Instead of “the most important thing”, it now means “something good or nice I would like to do at some point, if I can.” This is a shame. I’ve found priority-setting, particularly with groups, to be a potent tool for unearthing and channelling shared values and hidden divergence. Framed correctly, priorities are a permission slip to simultaneously focus and discard: to throw energy and attention wilfully and enthusiastically into some areas while politely excusing oneself from others without the accompanying guilt. Priorities are great. But we’re doing them wrong. ## We’re not supposed to have multiple priorities. According to Greg McKeown (author of *Essentialism*), *priority* comes from Latin *prior* \- singular. You weren’t meant to have more than one “first thing.” > “The word priority came into the English language in the 1400s. It was singular. It meant the very first or prior thing… Only in the 1900s did we pluralize the term and start talking about priorities. Illogically, we reasoned that by changing the word we could bend reality.” > — Greg McKeown , *Essentialism* A quick fact-check supports that. According to the Online Etymology Dictionary, the noun *priority* entered the English language in the late 14th century from the Medieval Latin *prioritatem*, meaning “precedence in right, place, or rank.” The root *prior (“*former, previous, first;" figuratively: "superior, better;") can be shortened even further to the Old Latin *pri* \- (“before, in front of, first.”) In all of these uses, prior/priority is only used in the singular form, to denote “the one thing that comes first.” That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. At any other time in history, you get one. This didn't change until the early 20th century. For 500 years, we could have only a single priority. But in 1936, the Oxford English Dictionary recorded the first plural sense of the word - “things regarded as more important than others.” Multiple priorities have been introduced as a sort of modern convenience. This was perhaps a reflection of the times. There was phenomenal change between 1897, when the Century Dictionary still used priority in the singular, and 1936, when the OED pluralised it. The Industrial Revolution, mass electrification, WWI, the Roaring Twenties, the Great Depression… Shit got wild. It doesn’t seem a stretch that as we expanded our manufacturing capacity, we internalised the external acceleration and expansion to our personal capacities. This feels like a dud move. As Jonathan Franzen notes: ‘*Words create worlds.*’ Language is more than a descriptive tool; it is a generative force, a clue, and a lever. It can, by way of ‘[idea technology’](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/idea-technology/) become a driver of logical fallacy, where we believe it because we say it, and we say it because we believe it. When we *say* priorities can come in bulk, our expectations of ourselves and others shift. We assume people must be *able* to do multiple things justice. But we can’t. We’re not built for it. We’re single-tasking animals. Fracture our focus, desiccate our attention and scatter our resources, and we don’t thrive - we totally, utterly underperform. Attempting to multitask at an operational level is a shocking waste of time and energy. We all think we can do it - writing reports in a Zoom meeting, checking our phones while talking to our kids, whatever - but we can’t. We do a shit job of both things. Multitasking has poor outcomes. Because this has a potential financial impact, the research has been funded to prove it. Trying to multitask multiplies the number of mistakes you make. It tanks the quality of both tasks you’re trying to do, *and* it exhausts your available energy. You put more in, you get less out. And that’s just getting through a day. What does multitasking look like across a life*?* How can we grow, thrive, and feel good about our lives and work when we are trying to be *everything* to *everybody,* in just the right way? This makes me feel both better and worse. As a woman. As a working mother. As a creative and an all-around modern-life dweller. It’s reassuring to realise I’m not designed to do all of this, yet extraordinarily frustrating, because I still have the ambition to do it all - is my ambition innate or conditioned? Regardless of its source, the drive and the mandate to Do All The Things marches on. And you don’t need me to quote corporate statistics or tell cute personal anecdotes for you to get this. You know it in your bones. Who in the tiny fuck can have a spotless house, fit body, thriving career, busy social life, frugal finances, perfect eyebrows, connected family, healthy compost pile, dedicated activist presence, clear inbox, bubbling sourdough starter, clean car, lichen-free roof, organised pantry, safe password system, healthy relationship with our devices, world travel, well-rounded children, patronage of the arts, flossed teeth, lint-free dryer trap and uncracked heels, all in one life? WHO CAN POSSIBLY DO THIS? What does this kind of pressure do to a human soul? When it comes to work, the collective We has measured it, and it isn’t flash. When our demands consistently exceed our resources, we burn out. And as our attention is pulled in evermore directions, the amount of information we process densifies and calcifies and plunders our capacity for empathy, action or hope… we (to use the technical term), burn the fuck out. This is all to say: multiple priorities are a terrible idea, plus historically and etymologically unsound. ![open book](https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1497621122273-f5cfb6065c56?crop=entropy&cs=tinysrgb&fit=max&fm=jpg&ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwzfHxnb2QlMjBiaWJsZSUyMGNvbWFuZG1lbnR8ZW58MHx8fHwxNzQ2NTg3MzgzfDA&ixlib=rb-4.1.0&q=80&w=1080) Photo by [Aaron Burden](true) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ## If you have to juggle multiple priorities, here’s some helpful advice Unfortunately, I can rant and rave at The Culture as much as I like. I can present an impassioned business case to the committee of 5 old white dudes who sets life expectations, showing we’re not supposed to have multiple priorities. It’s very bad for us, I will prove. They will nod. But we aren’t returning to 14th-century life or load. (And life was tough then anyway. Most people smelled bad, died early and lived in abject poverty.) If you’re living that 21st-century hustle, here is some advice to help you make your priorities useful, whether you’re setting them for yourself, at work, or in your Dungeons and Dragons campaign. ## The four commandments of priorities Here are the four commandments of priorities: ### Thou shalt have as few priorities as possible Paradoxically, the more single-minded you are, the bigger and broader the gains you will experience. Going deep on a single, specific, ambitious goal consistently delivers better on multiple connected outcomes. Provided your priority is specific and meaningful enough (see below), you will enjoy many rewards for sharpening your focus. Dividing your attention is costly - you lose 40% of productive time every time you switch tasks and increase your error rates. Focusing on one big goal is more effective *and* drives spillover effects. Choosing to be a good friend will also lead to opportunities for hobbies and self-fulfilment. Putting customer service first will increase retention and revenue across the board. Not only will you see better results across the board, but *you will be better* in nearly every way. You will be less stressed, more productive, calmer, clearer, and spend more time confidently pursuing excellence. The data suggests organisations with between 1 and 3 priorities perform better on almost every metric. You deserve to narrow your load to *at least* the same degree as some faceless corporate. You deserve calm and focus in your life. You will be better, your life will be better, and those are metrics worth optimising for. (vomit) ### Thou shalt treat priorities as commitments, not wishes If I had $1 for the number of times a team has given me their list of priorities, and it was just 12 nice things they like/ think they should like/ want other people to think they like, I would have… probably $100\. Which isn’t much money, but is a lot of times. The point is, we bastardise the word. We suck all the meaning out of it. We say “this is a priority for us” when we mean “it would be good if someone did something about this at some point.” **You can only claim something is a priority if you believe it deserves a significant amount of your available resources, to the exclusion of other things**. I’m talking about your time, money, attention, care, and emotional bandwidth. Your priority, if truly a priority, should be in your calendar, budget, to-do lists, and daydreams. It should receive explicit investment, which comes with an opportunity cost. If you are unwilling to make this commitment, it is not a priority. It is a wish. ### Thou shalt rank thy priorities Not all priorities are created equal. If you insist on having more than one, you must be clear on their relative importance. Yes, you have to prioritise your priorities. Important things have a habit of bumping into each other. If you haven’t decided what the relative importance of your priorities is, you’ll be caught short. When “health” and “career” collide, you need a predetermined tiebreaker, or you’ll be led by the priorities of others and/or your weakest short-term impulses. One decision (or non-decision) at a time, if you will walk into a future beaing no resemblance to the one you wanted. Rank your priorities. Weight them. Do not take the easy way out. Make it obvious what matters to you, and in what order. My preferred approach is based loosely on Investment Logic Mapping. This method is popular with clients and remarkably effective. I call it ‘The $100 Game’. --- #### The $100 Game The premise of the $100 game is to assess the relative priority of your priorities. **The rules of the game are as follows:** - You only have $100 to spend. This represents the finite amount of resources available. - You cannot divide the $100 equally - i.e., $33 across three or $25 across four. - If you award something $10 or less, consider removing it. The resulting dollar allocation provides your weighted decision criteria. --- The forcing function of the $100 will generally limit you to three or four priorities, while ranking them will often see you with a list of between five and eight. Very few people can do justice to more than two or three priorities. This is a non-negotiable step for making your priorities practical and actionable. **If you don’t prioritise your priorities, you don’t have any.** Or, as Greg McKeown puts it: *“If everything is a priority, nothing is.”* ### Thou shalt walk the talk in tricky times With the discussion on ranking had, it is now worth mentioning that for the most part, your priorities will co-exist nicely - especially if there are very few. They make up the tapestry of your dynamic, interconnected life, work, or team; it makes sense that they play well together. Your priorities will, most days, pair like wine and cheese, reinforcing and complementing one another. Most of the time, you’ll be fine. You will not take out a calculator and rigidly apply your weightings to the hours in your day, or the money in your bank account. You’ll get on with your days, bear your priorities loosely in mind, and assume things will balance out as they should. Family will come first, but you’ll still spend a lot of time at work, and that’s cool. Or your health will come first, but you’ll still enjoy a few drinks with friends, and that’s fine. Your health isn’t tanked by a few late nights on a Saturday, and your soul thanks you. You’re probably living by what matters most to you, despite some diversity or inconsistency in your daily decisions. It all comes out in the wash. But this is not *always* true. Sometimes, because the world is complicated and so is your life, and because you expect many things of yourself, your priorities will directly conflict. There will not be a win/win solution available. In tricky situations like these, choosing one priority will harm another. It’s an ‘or’, not an ‘and’. It’s easy to think of examples where this could happen. If you’re a Council, a development application might drive economic growth but incur inescapable and irreparable environmental consequences. If you’re a working parent, a once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity might require significant time away from your young children. **When harm is probable, whichever option you choose is your highest priority.** The reason is simple (though like many simple things, not easy). If you do *not* choose your previously determined priority in a tricky situation, *it is not your priority.* If you prioritise environmental sustainability… *unless it harms the economy,* then the environment is not your priority; the economy is. If you prioritise your family… *unless it’s a really good job,* then your family is not your priority; your career is. In moments like these, priorities become useful and revelatory tools: criteria and guideposts to make decisions which align with your goals and values. These are the moments where you learn what kind of person, family, team, or organisation you are. **The harm you are willing to accept tells you everything about your priorities, your values, and the strength of your character.** We all have at least one of these moments in our personal and professional histories - the job that could have been, the path we could have walked, or the place we could have gone, were it not for the things we considered more important. For some of those moments, if we’re lucky, we look back on our history with deep calm and personal peace. We’re sad to have missed out, but glad to have lived in alignment. For other moments, we still harbour guilt, bitterness, loss, or disappointment. We wouldn’t make the same call again. It’s the old “how-easy-is-it-to-sleep-at-night-test”, and we know quickly if we’ve passed it. In those make-or-break moments, the price you pay isn’t just proof of your priorities - it becomes the story of who you are. This, of course, is why we bother to articulate our priorities in the first place. ## TL;DR To recap, here’s what you should know about priorities: 1. We shouldn’t have multiple priorities… but we probably have to. 2. Only pick things you can devote significant portions of your finite resources to. 3. Make sure you rank your priorities, so you have useful criteria for making decisions. 4. In moments where harm is unavoidable, the price you choose to pay will reveal your true priorities - and character. Hope this helps. ### Confessions of a serial mover URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/confessions-of-a-serial-mover/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T07:46:20.000Z ⚡ Place and identity are connected in powerful ways. Last time I moved house, I had a mental breakdown. Not a frazzled mum moment, either. Total collapse. The kind where I sent the kids away, saw an emergency psychiatrist, and couldn’t get out of bed. I put it down to burnout: work, parenting, relationships, life. The move was just one stressor on a teetering stack of stress. But I’ve just moved house again, and now I’m not so sure. In the last three weeks, I’ve been swept along in a familiar surge. I’ve spent late nights painting, sorting, and putting together flat-pack furniture. There’s a low pressure, a gripe in my belly, to SORT THINGS OUT, get them right, make the house feel good. Underneath the nesting, there are jolts of panic. Moments of loneliness, grief. A blankness where my hands don’t look like mine anymore, my new bedroom a foreign place. These are very old feelings, made to feel new. In my 36 years, I’ve moved 36 times. I’ve lived in houses for as long as 4 years, and as little as 4 weeks, not counting nights as an unhoused teenager where I crashed on couches or slept rough. I assumed I’d be immune to this by now - before we shifted, I was more worried about the cat’s feelings than my own wellbeing! But looking back on that breakdown now, my immune system might not be as strong as I thought. Even a one-off move is hard. There’s grief, even when you’re upgrading. Stress, even when it’s planned. Loss, even when you’re choosing it. But when it’s a pattern - when you’re constantly uprooting, replanting, trying to grow again - it can rewrite you. In a move, daily life is recoded. The comfort of autopilot stays in the old house, but the load comes with you. There are still dishes to wash, bins to put out, but now there’s friction in everything. Where do the tea towels go? Which switch does what? What day is recycling? Making toast is like orienteering. Where did you put the peanut butter? Is this the right spot for the jug? The unfamiliar turns to fatigue. And then the real questions creep in: Are you the same person in this house, with the same habits and patterns, or will you become someone new now? …Probably not. But you’ll feel like it, as you ask different questions. Filling your space with you isn’t about where the furniture goes. Getting it right means asking *How do I live? Which of my things do I really need? How much TV do I watch? Do I even use these bathroom products? WHO AM I HERE, AND WHO HAVE I ALWAYS BEEN?* Our new home has a beautiful view. Before we arrived, my subconscious tied it to a sense of calm, escape, respite. A holiday vibe, like a hotel room with a nice balcony. But a few days in a hotel is nothing like relocating your world. I didn't turn up with a suitcase to unpack, I brought my whole life, stuffed into scattered, hopeful boxes. The traces of the last people are everywhere. What did they use this cupboard for? What do they have against overhead lights? The smells are off. The shadows fall in new places. I don’t know how to live here yet. I reach for something that isn’t there, or doesn’t fit, or isn’t me anymore. Putting yourself and your things in a new environment is a quandary of sorts. You find yourself wondering: what needs to change about the space to accommodate you - and what needs to change about *you* to fit the space? Everywhere you go, there you are – sure. But you are not the same you in every place. Work You and Pub You speak differently. Friend You and Family You love differently. Last House You and This House You are not the same. As a kid, most of my moves weren’t just to a new house; they were to a new life. A new town. A new school. Lost family. Lost relationships. Lost history. Loss. In foster care, it meant new rules, new bedrooms, new housemates, new parents, new expectations. Now, even when I’m standing still, I’m moving. Serial Mover is part of my identity. I restructure my work. Relaunch my ideas. Pivot just when something starts to work. I call it growth. Post about the beauty of reinvention. Delight in the sense of *progress*. Every move feels real, important, necessary. My fingers tingle at the prospect of shutting things down, throwing things out, and sorting through accumulated waste. Improve. Tighten. Refresh. Every time, I believe *this will fix it*. This house. This programme. This routine. This promise to solve the problem of me. Place and identity are connected in powerful ways. Local government knows this best. How people feel in and about their neighbourhoods affects how they behave, how safe they feel, and how connected they become. Councils *place-shape*,and by extension, they *people-shape.* This makes moving - especially when it’s frequent or forced - more than a logistical exercise. Moving is existential. It scrambles the routines that reinforce our identity and forces us to become someone slightly different. And it’s not the same for everyone. There’s a class layer here, too. Moving by choice is not the same as moving because of eviction, job loss, divorce, or foster care. Moving between rentals at a landlord’s whim is not the same as buying a house. Shifting house means shifting lives, and it’s not always to something better. Housing insecurity is a key predictor of shitty outcomes across almost every area of life – education, health, employment, and belonging. We get sicker. We feel sadder. We do worse in school. We find it hard to keep social ties. The admin is a nightmare. Chronic stress from uncertain living arrangements is a blinking red light, and many people in our community have to sleep with the light on. In New Zealand, one in six renters moved last year. Māori and Pasifika families face disproportionately high rates of housing instability. These aren’t neutral statistics; they are social and economic indicators that compound harm and make hard lives harder. This move, my latest, is a good one. It is in the same area, in a wonderful home chosen with hope, happiness, and delight. The kids stay at the same schools and keep the same friends. We have the same general rhythm. I am moving on my own terms, yet somehow I’m not just making *this* move. I’m bringing every other house, every other move, every earlier version of me along for the ride. I don’t consciously think this, but it’s there, lingering underneath. The sense that everything is temporary. That I should keep things light, in case we have to leave. I come from a long line of working-class women with clean floors and chaotic lives: tidy homes and thin margins. For us, home isn’t just about place. It’s how we understand ourselves. We nest, fuss, and fix. We control our environment when everything else feels out of reach. My impulse to *sort things out* and *get things right* isn’t about the anal or the aesthetic. It’s at the heart of how I understand my worth, value, and job as a mother, carer, and provider. I painted my daughter’s room until 2am this week. The house needs to be safe, or nothing will be. To be right, for the rest to follow. To work, so the rest of us can. And in a world where our kitchen tables are our workplace, it feels more urgent than ever. Like many women juggling the impossible, I face a constant pull between putting a load of washing on and getting my work done. As I write this sentence, I smell something weird from the kitchen. I’m fighting the urge to run the Insinkerator. And now that I’ve written that sentence, I’m going to do it. (Done. Still a weird smell. Further investigation required.) And with all of this said, my mind starts to wander. What does “home” mean now anyway? In late-stage capitalism, with its blurred boundaries and constant pings and demands? When care, control, creativity and commerce all live in the same private-public-private domain? When our vacuum cleaners map our houses, to sell our information to advertisers? Where we blur our backgrounds on Zoom calls, swap popping in for a cup of tea for scrolling a social feed, check emails on the toilet and group our books by colour for a visual pop? What is home, now, when our wellbeing, worth, and work have all moved in? I don’t know. There are lots of things that I’m much less sure about than I was when I started writing this. Things like: - Who are we, really, without our routines to tell us what’s next? - What happens to a person, a life, or a community in constant beta? - What part of ourselves are we trying to unlock, to reach, with the next move? I don’t know, man. That smell might be in the bin, actually. I’ll have a look. Til next week, AM ### Put yourself in situations URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/put-yourself-in-situations/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T03:01:21.000Z I’ve been on holiday with my oldest and dearest friends this week. Their eldest son has recently finished school and is unsure about his next steps. Chatting in the car about it yesterday, I could sense his frustration. He doesn’t want more of the same - boring essays and school work. He wants to work, but doesn’t want a shitty unskilled job he’ll get stuck in. He also doesn’t want to study something random if he doesn’t know the jobs that go with it. More broadly, he *doesn’t know what jobs there are*. In school, he told me yesterday, they only mentioned the headlines: doctor, lawyer, teacher, accountant, engineer. But people are doing all sorts of stuff… so, how? What jobs are there? And how do you find out about them? I did more listening than talking, because I’m starting to learn that my voice is nothing more than a high-pitched whine to people aged between 12 and 22\. Still, I did suggest he pick something to study based on what he found interesting and trust that putting himself into a new situation (rather than languishing at home) would be the most useful next step. Like most people, the kid wants a step-by-step plan, but those are hard to come by, and they’re the most boring way to live your life anyway. I’m a big believer in the life strategy of putting yourself in situations. Situations where you’ll meet new people, discover new options, and expand your possibilities. My 18-year-old mate doesn’t know what jobs there are. How could he? I didn’t know policy was a job until I was in postgrad. I didn’t know consulting existed until my third year in the workforce. I didn’t know public speakers were a thing until I was asked to speak at a conference. You don’t know what you don’t know, and when you’re at a crossroads, the smartest thing is usually to expand the limitations of your possibilities. ![Screenshot (95)](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/e0767cbb-c712-4d29-a460-53aed69fddb8_333x534-jpeg.jpg) Sahil Bloom calls it the Luck Razor. He says: choose the path with the biggest luck potential. I don’t know about luck, but I do know a bit about possibility - and you don’t find much of it by sleeping at home until 2 pm and hanging out with the same people every day. You encounter possibilities when you enter new situations where the environment, people, rules, options and pathways are different from the ones you’ve experienced before. When you can be a tiny fish, you blow your options wide open. You have a chance conversation, observe someone else’s choices, or learn about something you had no idea about, which opens a door to the next thing, and the next. This is so important when we’re young, and we’ve only seen a tiny sliver of the kind of lives people live, but just as important as we get older, and fear and inertia threaten to narrow our lens again. Just *being places with people* is how I encountered most of my life’s possibilities. I want that for my kids, too. Fiction writer Brandon Taylor [wrote about situations recently](https://blgtylr.substack.com/p/story-basics-2-situation), for story-writers. One thing he wrote stuck with me: > *Details without relation is just stuff. Actions without relation are just arbitrary moves.* Situations aren’t about your character, their back-story, or their motivations. Situations are about relationships between things, people, and places. These relationships are dynamic and unpredictable, and the choices a character makes in response to the situations as they change ultimately shape a plot. Or, you know… a life. Put yourself in situations and watch what happens. Til next week, AM ### Make guilty choices this week URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/make-guilty-choices-this-week/ Last updated: 2025-09-17T04:16:22.000Z I’m a lifelong martyr. I’ve been a mother since I was 16 years old, and in my working-class world, martyrdom and motherhood are nearly synonymous. Good mums eschew their pleasure and preferences to serve their children and families. Mothers who put themselves first are selfish… right? But what if martyrdom is the truly selfish act? What if our surface-level selflessness is just a smokescreen for control and insecurity? When we do everything ourselves, we get to control how it’s done. We quietly accumulate internal leverage over the people we love. We tally up points in our heads, hoping it’ll all pay off one day. We throw ourselves into unappreciated service - not out of love, but to validate ourselves. And in doing so, we leave no space for the people around us to step up, fail, grow, or face the consequences of their choices. It’s hard to see how robbing others of their agency will lead to a warm sense of appreciation. And yet, that’s how many of us move through our personal and professional lives. Gabor Maté is an incredible thinker. His views - especially around addiction and childhood trauma - aren’t without controversy. But his masterpiece on embodied stress, *When the Body Says No*, changed how I saw guilt. And it might change things for you too. There’s a line in that book that I haven’t stopped thinking about since I read it. I paused. Re-read it. Took a photo. Sent it to a dozen friends with a flurry of “!!!!!!”. > *“If you face the choice between feeling guilt and resentment, choose the guilt every time… Resentment is soul suicide.”* Soul. Suicide. If you’re choosing between doing something you don’t want to do and resenting people for it or putting your needs first and feeling briefly guilty, take the hit. Guilt fades. Resentment festers. Guilt *feels* selfish. If you’re not used to prioritising yourself, it feels unfamiliar. Awful, even. But what if you’re not the saint you think you are? What if, by avoiding guilt, you’re not protecting anyone - not even yourself? What if you’re trying to preserve your self-image, to feel needed, powerful, or in control? Resentment is a different beast. It triggers the same neurological and physiological responses as chronic stress. It follows you around like a bad smell - heavy, dark, impossible to ignore. Resentment twists altruism into bitterness. And over time, it twists *us* \- into versions of ourselves we no longer recognise. I’ve been there. Clients I should have walked away from. Responsibilities I should have handed over to my kids. Opportunities I should have declined. Sacrifices I should never have made. One honest conversation would have been far easier in the long run. If you’ve fallen into this trap, too, it’s not too late. Choose guilt. You’re worth it. Til next week, AM ### March 2025 Reading Journal URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/march-2025-reading-journal/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T09:21:37.000Z For the first time in my life, I’ve kept a reading journal consistently! It’s helping my writing AND making my reading more thoughtful, so I’m planning to share what I’m reading and what I’ve noted down here on Substack. So far I’ve got a 100% hit rate for *tracking* my books… but I haven’t been taking notes or copying down quotes as consistently as I’d like. I’ve noticed that when I take the time to do both, I engage with books differently and get more from them. So hopefully this extra accountability will give me the nudge. This month, I’ll focus on the novels I read. There’s some pretty consistent themes in here, because I’m experimenting with some ideas in my own work. Multiple POVs, marginalised stories, working class voices, and family sagas feature heavily. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Hearing the whispers before they become screams URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/hear-the-whispers-before-they-become/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T09:24:04.000Z ⚡ Pay attention to the early warning signals before you live your life in permanent survival mode. I’m injured again. This time, it’s my right shoulder; I’ve set off an old rotator cuff injury. I’m no stranger to injury, partly because of my preferred ways to exercise (running and F45, both notorious for injuries) but partly because of who I am as a person. That is: a bit ignorant. When I started dabbling in fiction a few years ago, I realised I had to pay attention to the world around me. “Show, not tell,” the oft-repeated fiction writer's maxim, is about description and sensory engagement. It requires a certain level of awareness of your surroundings which, it turns out, I didn’t really have. Well, that’s not entirely true. My internal Google, like yours, lets some data in and filters the rest out. The more accurate description is that I am hypervigilant to some information and utterly ignorant to others. For example, I’m pretty good at writing emotional shifts, including the telltale signs of impending conflict - no surprises there. I grew up in an emotional slot machine that featured explosive, traumatic conflict, but yet was often filled with care, love, and laughter. I have a spidey sense for the signs of incoming tension or the changing winds of connection. But the hallmarks of traditional prose, filled with glistening dewdrops and russet sunsets, mostly elude me. I am ignorant in this way. I bump into people at the supermarket because I don’t know they’re behind me. I don’t notice big changes in my environment, such as a huge tree being removed by a beach I visit daily. My external awareness is low by default, unless I register a threat. The same blind spot applies to some of my own feelings and physical discomfort. I ignore the calls coming from inside the house, until they’re too loud. This is great for training, because I can push through, but less good for distinguishing between DOMS and disaster. My physio recently suggested I have a high pain threshold, but I’m not sure. I think I feel as much pain as anyone else *once I register it*. But the buffering time between injury and infirmity creates a lag that can result in me pushing further than I should and worsening my plight. Pain is supposed to be felt at the time, not later. That’s because it’s an **early warning signal** \- useful information about a threat or something that needs to change. But what if you’re not able to do anything with that information? What if you’re too small or powerless to save yourself, stuck in a situation with no way out, or expressing those feelings might put you at risk? In those situations, the most sensible option is not to feel or acknowledge the pain. The pain is a request to change your situation, and if you can’t do that, you best shut it off. This is a clever survival mechanism, and I am delighted to have had it. Under conditions of chronic stress and abandonment, I deployed this mechanism to great effect. When I was 21, with a squalling newborn, a four-year-old, and a thesis to write, there was nobody else to hang out the washing, cook the dinner, or tend to my busted nipples. Feeling the depth of my discomfort would have been an unhelpful barrier to keeping everyone fed and well. So I didn’t. I white-knuckled my way through. I mastered the Art of Getting On With It. It’s a great strategy, but it comes at a cost. Doing things just to get through them requires a certain distance from your feelings. Some information sources get switched off or jumbled. In one memorable example from that time, I didn’t know I had toothache until the infection had spread through my face, neck and body, and I wound up in hospital on a drip. Years later, my dial still gets stuck on ‘Survive’ sometimes. It’s why, training for a run last year, I didn’t realise I’d busted both of my Achilles, until I could hardly walk. My physio was baffled: ‘Hasn’t this been hurting for months?” When I concentrated, I realised it had, indeed, been uncomfortable for months, but I hadn’t registered it. By the time I realise I’m hurting, I’m really hurting. This leaves me thinking a couple of things. ## When temporary fixes become permanent fixtures We develop all kinds of behaviours, strategies, and mechanisms to get through tough times - and tough times are inescapable for all of us. Illness, divorce, redundancy, grief and disappointment do not discriminate. We’re all touched by trouble and we do our best with what we have. Often, those coping mechanisms are necessary band-aids to tide us over. They come in many forms. Two glasses of wine every night. Skipping the gym when sleep deprivation takes over. Tracking every cent when money gets tight. Usually, we get back on track when the crisis passes. But what if the crisis doesn’t pass, or we get stuck? In those cases, our experiences can permanently change us, not for the better. Without realising it, the hustle that got us out of a tight spot becomes chronic overwork. The resilience to disappointment becomes global bitterness and refusal to trust. The self-driven capability becomes a too-tight grip on control. The temporary nesting becomes full-blown social withdrawal. Our coping mechanisms affect our character. The person you are when you are going through it might not be the person you want running your everyday life. Years ago, when I was working and travelling at breakneck speed, I worked with Alessandra Edwards. She helped me develop a little ritual I used to employ when I landed back in Wellington Airport, to put the Superstar Performer back in her box and allow me to reset my nervous system. I had a cosy hoodie in my car, which I would slip into as soon as I put my suitcase in the boot. The signal to my body was clear: we’re changing tack now. Thanks, Superstar, but I don’t need you again until next week. I’m not sure the solution for avoiding permanent character changes is as simple as a cosy hoodie, but awareness of who we’re being and what mode we are in is probably a good start. ## Know your early warning signals Pain is an early warning signal of threat or danger. A slight twinge is an early warning signal to reduce your weight or improve your form. A burn is an early warning signal to get your hand out of the fire. Anger and resentment are early warning signals you are overextended or underappreciated. Dread at the thought of going to work or seeing certain people is an early warning signal that you are in a situation that doesn’t align with your values. Fatigue is an early warning signal your body, mind, and/or soul need a change of pace. With babies, we take action *before* they get over-tired. We see the early signs - eye rubbing, irritability, restless limbs - and get them down for a nap before they turn into raging, uncontrollable banshees. We realise that paying attention to early cues will save us grief later. But that can be hard for us. Your early warning signals are unique to you, shaped by your history and experiences. But maybe, like mine, your signals have been dulled by decades of coping or daily demands. Maybe the system malfunctions, like an inconsistent smoke alarm, only sounding once the fire is blazing hot. If you override the early warning signals, instead pushing yourself harder, [chastising yourself for laziness](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-arent-uniquely-shameful/), or dismissing your feelings or symptoms as irrational, you risk the early whispers turning into noisy screams. Then, there’s a bigger mess to clean up. A stitch in time saves nine, as long as you’re paying attention. ## Attention questions I’m interested in knowing how your attention operates - and what your blind spots are. - What do you pay close attention to? - What signs do you miss? Yours? Others? Environmental? - How could you pay better attention to the world around you? - What strategies do you recommend? Til next week, AM ### What's worth more than money? URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/whats-worth-more-than-money/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T09:25:18.000Z My youngest daughter turned 10 this week, and we gave her an old-school iPod filled with her favourite songs. Since we’re avoiding phones as long as possible, this is a great way to let her experience the joy of personal music. The first iPod came out in 2001 (are you feeling old yet?!).. It got me thinking about how we access and value music and how that’s changed - not just for music but for creativity as a whole. When I started my music journey, I saved up to buy tapes, then CDs, and I dubbed my favourite songs off the radio. It was a different time. Now, we can stream endless music for less than the cost of a single CD each month. It’s a dream come true. All of the music, all of the time! This accessibility has been fantastic, and it’s blown open my kids’ music taste. Even the youngest eschews Top 40 hits in favour of a rich tapestry of genres, artists, and decades. It would be easy to argue, Angry Boomer Shakes Fist At Sky style, that people won’t value music the same when it’s all at our fingertips. But when I watch the passion with which my children learn lyrics, follow artists, and curate their playlists, that’s hard to swallow. Our love for music hasn’t died, nor has the value it brings to our lives. More music is being made now than ever before. But all this availability raises bigger questions - not just about music, but about value. ## The cost of creativity Here’s what we know: 1. Artists are paid[ less than ever](https://www.theregreview.org/2024/05/30/stern-the-inequalities-of-digital-music-streaming/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) for their efforts 2. Original creative work is being [replaced by generative slop](https://www.honest-broker.com/p/the-ugly-truth-about-spotify-is-finally?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) 3. Music industry revenue [is at a 20-year high](https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cg7rl3z3jmzo?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) \- but fewer musicians can make a living. That shift isn’t just about music. It’s part of a deeper story about how we value - and devalue - creative work in a system that prioritises profit, productivity, and scale. It raises the question: **how do we individually and collectively decide what’s worth our time, money, and attention?** My partner Cam recently released [an independent film](https://angeandtheboss.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) called Ange & The Boss. It took seven years of volunteer effort to make, and thousands of people have now laughed, cried, and been moved by this story. On every measure of creative, emotional, and social value, it’s a huge win. But financially, it’s a different story. As terminally self-employed creative people, this is a familiar paradox to us. The most original, labour-intensive or impactful work does not often make the most money. Unless Cam and I happen to be particularly untalented, this paradox is not unique to us. In fact, according to David Graeber’s *Bullshit Jobs,* the working world operates in a kind of Upside Down that rewards the appearance of productivity over real impact. He categories bullshit jobs into five key categories (flunkies, goons, duct tapers, box tickers, and taskmasters.) These jobs are often better paid, more stable, and more respected than work that sustains society - like caregiving, teaching, trades, utilities and, yes, art. ## Value and virtue This isn’t just economic. It’s cultural, even *moral*. In examining the Protestant work ethic, Max Weber argued that capitalism has made financial success a marker of virtue. Neoliberalism took that even further, convincing us that something is worthless if it doesn’t generate profit. And we’ve absorbed those ideas for ourselves deeply, personally. We feel guilty spending our time on pursuits that don’t pay. We apply a purpose penalty to fulfilling work and expect people who work in NGOs, the arts, or caregiving to do it for the love of it. We hesitate to pay artists, but don’t question the [increasing transfer of wealth to industries that produce nothing of tangible value](https://www.researchgate.net/figure/FIRE-profits-as-a-percentage-of-total-economy%5Ffig2%5F240287768?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) like finance, insurance and real estate. We celebrate growth and output but overlook care, creativity, and contribution. We expect emotional and care labour to be free. We punch in thousands of hours at the email factory to pay the mortgage, squeezing out space and energy for our parenting, friendship, creative, aimless and social time. ​Angela Garbes, in *Essential Labor*, reminds us that caregiving is society’s foundation - the work that makes all other work possible - yet it’s most underpaid, invisible labour. The same goes for the cultural and creative work. It’s not that art lacks value. It’s that capitalism doesn’t know how to see value unless it serves power. Marx called this ‘commodity fetishism’: when the market ignores the labour behind what we consume. In creative work, that means we celebrate the product, but not the process. We determine a creative product’s success by how much money it makes for a faceless corporation, but overlook the labour, imagination and people that made it possible. And when creative work *does* make money, it’s often because it’s been platformed by tech giants who extract most of the value. YouTube, Spotify, Instagram and TikTok are not creator platforms. They’re attention platforms, designed to monetise consumption, not reward creation. ## What you can do ### Ask better questions Start by asking better questions. - What do we really value - and why? - What are we paying for, sharing, consuming, and investing in? And maybe a couple worth sitting with yourself: - Where do *you* add value - not just money, but meaning? - What truly adds value to your life - not just your bank account? ### Take the power back Beyond that, one of the *most* powerful things we can do is to reclaim sovereignty over our attention. Your attention is the most valuable commodity available, and tech platforms and media giants have learned to extract it with ruthless precision. Every scroll, every click, and every notification is designed to hijack your eyes and trigger you to buy more shit you don’t need. Despite the commodification, our attention is one of the few things we have direct control over in our lives. And, like the creators whose work is extracted for the benefit of large corporations, we are often unaware of the value we’re sacrificing in return for it. Reclaiming sovereignty over your attention is vital. For your personal wellbeing, relationships, and mental health, but also to discover what truly matters to you and make better choices about what you make, value, and support. The work that nourishes your mind, soul, and community will never trump rage-bait and mindless slop on your feed, and it doesn’t always come with a price tag - but it’s no less valuable. Take the power back. Be intentional about where your focus goes and how you engage with the world around you. Whether it’s protecting time for creative pursuits, spending undistracted time with the people you love, or supporting work that truly matters, *your attention is worth defending.* And I reckon when you regain control of your eyes and mind, it will get a lot easier to answer those questions above about the value you add, the work that deserves your support, and the meaning you make in your life. If we all start asking those questions, the collective impact is worth reckoning with. If you’re looking for something worth backing with your attention right now, I’d love you to support [Cam’s film: Ange & The Boss](https://angeandtheboss.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). It’s a lovely piece of independent storytelling. If you’re in New Zealand or Australia, you can head into a cinema to watch it, otherwise you can like it on Instagram or Facebook, or tell someone about it - every bit helps! Til next week, AM --- ### Ange & The Boss: Puskás in Australia Ange and The Boss tells the improbable story of all-time great Hungarian footballer Ferenc Puskás, who found himself in Melbourne in the late 1980s, coaching the Greek NSL team South Melbourne Hellas. Barely able to speak English and comedically overweight, he united and inspired the team to a dramatic championship win in 1991\. Eating, drinking, and enjoying himself along the way. It’s a sports documentary, but it’s also a film about life in Australia. It’s about immigrant identity and belonging, gluttonous pasta consumption, and the broken window winder in Ange Postecoglou’s Datsun 200B. [Go to a screening](https://angeandtheboss.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Follow it on social](https://www.instagram.com/angeandtheboss/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Watch the trailer below. ### For when it feels like you can't change anything URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/for-when-it-feels-like-you-cant-change/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T07:49:22.000Z There’s always someone else to blame for why everything sucks. When I run strategic skills training, one of the most common objections I hear is: *“Alicia, this is good…but you should tell my boss this, not me.”* Fair enough. Managers overload staff, make everything a priority, and put short-term fire-fighting ahead of long-term progress. Now they’re sending them on training to *be more strategic*?! The cheek of it! There are lots of examples of how this works in our lives. There’s always a reason why things are shit, and those reasons are often people and forces outside of our control. - We need to manage our time better, but everyone else is hitting us up at the last minute, thanks to their own overwhelm, so we’re trapped in an urgency loop. - We need to eat better, but it’s easier and cheaper to buy junk than healthy food, especially when we’re tired from being in the urgency loop all day. - We need to exercise more, but we don’t have energy, because we didn’t sleep well, thanks to the indigestion from our poor food choices, after our exhausted day of urgency. Of course, there are broader forces influencing all of those factors, too. [Workplace technology has broken down relationships and slowed workplace productivity](https://dariusforoux.com/more-technology/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). [Extractive capitalism incentivises low-quality food choices](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-people-eat-takeaways/). Dot dot dot patriarchy. It’s turtles all the way down. In short, there’s always someone else to blame. You’re right. But being right is not everything. It’s OK to be right. It’s even OK to be righteous. But it’s not OK if that leaves you feeling *powerless.* You always have the power to shift your circumstances - and you can do that without letting anyone else off the hook. It’s perfectly possible to acknowledge the way other people contribute to a problem, see the broader forces at work, and get on with making things better at the same time. You contain multitudes. ## Someone else will always be in charge You may be comfortable or uncomfortable with this. Me, I’m terrible with authority. I resist it to the point that it’s self-defeating. As soon as someone tells me what to do, I don’t want to do it anymore - even if the *it* in question is something I want, (or possibly even asked for.) It’s one of my most toxic traits. There is always someone else in charge, and there are others still, whom you depend on for success. No woman is an island. We are all connected and it is difficult to pull anything off, at least anything that matters, by yourself. The dark side of this interconnection is that someone else will always seem to hold the key to real change. The journalist knows this best. After a crime, they interview the victim, who points to the criminal; the police, who point to insufficient resources; and politicians, who point to broader social issues. Full circle, with the blame hot potato. Nobody can change the system, because someone or something else is always the culprit. You’ll always feel stuck if you view yourself as a powerless cog in someone else’s machine. The reality is, you’re part of a system - and when you understand how systems work, that is precisely how you can *have* power. ## Why systems thinking will give you power We tend to look at things, people, and problems in isolation, but the world is an interdependent, dynamic and connected place with lots of moving parts. In complex systems, like a community, family, or organisation, most problems are symptoms of something else. When you assume that the problem is never the problem and see things as part of a system, you widen the potential for intervention. Every system has three main components: 1. **Purpose -** What the system is trying to achieve 2. **Parts -** The people, roles, tools and components 3. **Relationships -** The interaction and connections between parts. Most attempts at change focus on the *parts*: get a new person in the job, a new piece of software, a new house, or a new husband. Change-wise, this rarely works. Things will settle back into their usual swing, because the system is still designed to produce the same results. Meaningful and lasting change is far more likely when you focus on redefining the *purpose* of the system, or transforming the *relationships* within it. When you shift how two parts interact, you change both parts. Those parts then interact differently with every other part they touch, unleashing a ripple effect. That’s the hidden, terrifying and unpredictable magic of complexity: change *anywhere* can create change *everywhere*. This is good news for the Average Joanne who’s feeling a bit powerless. You might not have direct influence over your system or organisation’s ultimate purpose, but you can almost always affect relationships between parts of a system - particularly the ones involving you. ## Fix problems, not people > *“An ignorant person is inclined to blame others for his own misfortune. To blame oneself is proof of progress. But the wise man never has to blame another or himself.”* > \- Epictetus At work, it’s very trendy to focus everything on people. “We put people first” and so on. This is dishonest and carries perverse consequences. Organisations don’t exist to employ people, they exist to provide a service or fulfil a function. When we run a people-centric model, what do we blame when things go wrong? Oh, people. But people are usually fairly benign, (if mildly incompetent), and problems are usually caused by a messy mix of systemic factors. It’s easier to blame people than go digging for other reasons, but it won’t fix the problem, otherwise that last restructure or hire would have solved your problem, wouldn’t it? Beyond work, blaming people is a common and surprisingly peaceful way to move through the world. The world is a more comfortable place when someone else needs to do all the changing, after all. Unfortunately, if your goals depend on other people changing their ways, you’re unlikely to get where you want to go. Making the radical shift from fixing people to fixing problems requires us to assume positive intent of the people involved, and look for *other* reasons why they might have failed. When we fix those things, we leave the whole system better off. ## How to generate systems solutions Here’s a quick systems-thinking process you can apply to any frustration to find out how it fits inside a broader system: - **Why is this happening?** (Identify root causes.) - **So what?** (Clarify consequences.) - **Is it, though?** (Challenge assumptions.) You will get the best results if you ask each of these questions multiple times, in a nested fashion - i.e. you should ‘why your whys.’ The gold standard is five, but you will usually reach a meaningful cause, consequence or assumption around the second or third repetition. Repeatedly asking these questions helps you zero in on the real issue beneath the surface. Once you understand the system that the problem exists within, your solutions become more targeted and useful. More often than not, **the most impactful solution shifts the relationship between two system parts**. When you dig out the root causes, understand the consequences you’re really trying to tackle, and challenge your own stories, you will find opportunities to improve connection points between parts. ## Systems thinking in action **Problem: Your mornings are chaotic, and you’re always rushing.** - **Why?** Because the kids are never ready on time and you have to chase them up. - **Why?** Because they’re constantly losing things - a shoe, their drink bottle, their jersey. - **Why?** Because they drop them around the house haphazardly after school and can’t find them in the morning. - **Why?** Because they’re racing to their screens and there’s no ‘place’ to put the stuff. By asking ‘why?’ repeatedly, we’ve gone from you having a rushed morning, to moving a few steps back in the chain. Your kids are rightly keen to embrace their after-school downtime, but the lack of structure at the end of the day is messing up the next morning. A new hallway setup (bag hooks, shoe racks) and/or simple rule-change (*no screens until your stuff is put away*)- could change your mornings, start your day off on the right foot, and improve the relationships in your family. You can either blame the kids and be right, or change the system and do better. You can move through the same process with the other two systems questions, and might achieve a different result. When you interrogate consequences with **‘*So what*?’** you might find that the thing upsetting you isn’t the rush, but the arguments and conflict that result, and the impact that’s having on family relationships. Then, you’ll design a solution that puts the quality of your relationship first. Or when you interrogate assumptions with **“Is it, though?”** you might realise the kids are just fine, but the real barriers to your morning are hard-wired stories about how presentable you need to be for work, or what standard of house cleanliness is reasonable for a working parent, or how impressive the kids lunchboxes need to be. All three of these questions will deliver you insights about connections, relationships, parts, and ideas that you have the power to shift, without pointing fingers, blaming, or throwing your hands up in the air about how useless other people are. ## You can change the system from any position inside it Systems don’t just change from the top down. In fact, that can be the worst place to change it from. Systems change from within, through the system's interactions within and outside of itself. You have the power to influence any of the systems you’re in. You can change the way people interact, information flows, and processes work from any position. ## Is this victim blaming? What about all the bad guys in charge? Let me be very clear: bad actors and structural discrimination both exist and create terrible outcomes for lots of people who don’t deserve it. They change the laws and ruin people’s lives. People are being bombed and having their lives destroyed. Everyday, people experience entirely different outcomes based on gender, colour, sexuality, race or class. These things are real, brutal, and ghastly. Finding power in systems does not mean we stop demanding change from the top. Honestly, we should probably be edging closer toward burning the whole thing down. But you are not powerless. Nobody ever changed the world by deciding they were powerless. They changed it by seeing the impact of their choices and interactions, and leaning into that impact. Agency and advocacy are extremely compatible. ## You have the power You have power. You can influence the system you are in, no matter your role. You can make your household, relationship, workplace, community and organisation better. Ask better questions. Zoom out. Fix problems, not people. Start small, and focus on improving the connection points between different parts of the system, leaving it better for the people who come next. Til next week, AM ### You have infinite capacity for transformation URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-have-infinite-capacity-for-transformation/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T07:50:10.000Z My 19-year-old daughter is at that excellent life stage where she can choose to be anything she likes. She doesn’t need to worry about someone saying, “Oh, I thought you were a…” or “But what about the box I’ve already put you in?” She can change majors, try out jobs, and generally discover what she likes - and doesn’t - without worrying she is breaking some code or rule. If she takes a year or a semester off, she needn’t fear sliding into irrelevance or feeling her life is somehow wasted. She’s good. She can be or do whatever she wants, and try whatever she feels like. If you are breathing, you are also at this life stage. Every choice and change you make will have consequences, but that is true whether you’re 19 or 99\. The difference now is that you have skills, resources, experiences, and relationships to help you navigate those consequences, which you probably didn’t have when you were 19. Change, excitement, beginnings, new identities and opportunities are not the exclusive domain of the young. You don’t owe anyone your life, and you are not boxed in by any of your choices. You can embed, change, or walk away from them at any point. Nothing you have done is wasted. You needed all of it to be who you are now, and you will carry it all into your future. You won’t know how that weird job you did, the temporary detour you took, or the decades sunk in a career or relationship you grew out of will show up and be exactly what you need to tackle a future problem, but it will. And if it doesn’t, you have a good story to tell at a dinner party with the friend you never dreamed you’d make. Your life should not be a tidy CV or a consistent brand story. Maybe your dream life is seven different lives, one after another, or all at once. If you’re choosing between a life that results in an impressive and consistent LinkedIn profile or a life that results in the bones for a dramatic novel or epic movie, don’t shortchange yourself. Or, as my grandfather would say, far more succinctly than I have: **you only get one.** Til next week, AM P.S. If you’re delighted with where you’re currently at in your life, get off the internet, close your inbox, and get busy enjoying it. This email is not for you. Don’t let yourself near social media or self-help; they will only undermine your satisfaction. ### Terms of engagement URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/terms/ Last updated: 2026-03-30T01:08:54.000Z Thank you for the opportunity to work together. Before we start, we need to establish the basis of our professional relationship. Unless we agree otherwise, these terms of engagement will govern how we will work together. ### 1\. Acceptance of Terms These terms apply to any current and all future engagements. We may vary these terms from time to time. If we do, the varied terms will appear on our website. If we work together following a variation of these terms, you will be deemed to have agreed. #### Acceptance by Conduct Even if you do not sign these Terms of Engagement, your instruction to us to commence work or your acceptance of any services provided by us will be deemed as acceptance of these terms. ### 2\. Services and Scope We will provide you with the services outlined in our proposal email, project brief, equivalent document, and any further instructions mutually agreed in writing. Our duty of care is to you alone; no third party may enforce or rely upon this agreement unless explicitly agreed in writing. ### 3\. Communications We will ask you for contact details, including email address, postal address and telephone numbers. We may provide you with documents and other communications via email or electronic means. You will advise us if any of your contact details change. You agree that we may provide you from time to time with other information that may be relevant to you, such as newsletters and information bulletins. You may request that this not be sent to you at any time. Unless otherwise agreed, we will communicate with you and others electronically. 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We reserve the right to request payment of these disbursements from you in advance. #### Invoices Invoices under $10,000 GST exclusive must be paid in full before project commencement unless otherwise arranged. Deposit invoices and final invoices are due within 14 days of issue. All other invoices are due by the 20th of the following month. Specific payment terms will always be clearly outlined on your invoice. If invoices are not paid by the due date, we may charge interest at 15% per annum. You will be liable for all debt collection and legal costs we incur in seeking payment Please contact us promptly if you have difficulty paying an invoice ### 5\. Cancellation Please see the terms below in the unlikely and unfortunate event of a workshop or session cancellation. Should either party need to cancel for any reason, the first preference is to postpone and reschedule on a day that works for both parties at no charge. #### If you need to cancel If a suitable reschedule cannot be found, the following charges will apply: - 21+ days notice of cancellation – no charge/ full refund - 14- 21 days notice of cancellation – 50% charge/ 50% refund - Less than 14 days’ notice of cancellation – full charge/ no refund. Any non-refundable travel arrangements or disbursements will be charged to you. #### If we need to cancel If a suitable reschedule cannot be found, all monies paid will be refunded. We will pay any non-refundable travel arrangements or disbursements. Unless otherwise agreed, we are not liable for venue, catering or other costs incurred. ## 6\. Confidentiality and Intellectual Property We will not disclose any confidential information we obtain in performing services to any other person. Both parties agree to keep any information confidential if it is treated and/or marked by the other party as confidential. **Our confidential information includes methodologies, tools, templates, and exercises for delivering this engagement. These items are Intellectual Property and cannot be distributed, copied, or used without permission.** You agree not to reproduce, distribute, disclose, or commercially exploit our confidential information or intellectual property without express written consent. Any Intellectual Property owned by a party before the commencement of the engagement shall remain that owner's property. Alicia McKay reserves the right to new Intellectual Property created during this engagement. ### 7\. Conflict of Interest We may occasionally work with other clients in the same industry as you. Alicia McKay and Structured Conversations Limited are not exclusive to any particular client. They may work for any client or project while ensuring no conflict of interest exists. We will inform you immediately if a potential conflict arises and will implement appropriate confidentiality measures to manage such conflict. ### 8\. Access and Cooperation You agree to provide us access to your premises and the information and equipment needed to perform our services. Where timetables have been agreed to provide necessary information for the project to proceed, you agree to adhere to them. Any delays caused by your failure to provide information or access promptly may affect project timelines and budgets. Any additional costs resulting from delays due to late provision of required information may be billed separately. ### 9\. Deadlines We will always do our best to meet agreed deadlines. Where you need to extend deadlines unexpectedly, we will not be held responsible for extensions to the overall delivery timetable or necessary reductions in the scope of the services. ### 10\. Indemnity and Liability We indemnify each other against all expenses, damages, losses, and costs incurred or awarded by or against the other party as a result of any negligent act or omission to the fullest extent permitted by law. Neither party will be liable for any indirect, special, consequential, or exemplary damages, including but not limited to loss of profit, loss of business opportunity, or reputational damage. You are fully responsible for reviewing and approving the content and deliverables of our engagement. Our total liability is limited to the amount of the fees paid. ### 11\. Marketing Permissions We reserve the right to take and use photographs, make audio/visual recordings, and facilitate media requests for project and promotional purposes. Unless otherwise requested, we reserve the right to use photos, video recordings, testimonials, and feedback for marketing. Please notify us in writing if you prefer that we do not use specific material. ### 12\. Force Majeure Neither party is liable for delays or failures in performance due to circumstances beyond its reasonable control, including but not limited to natural disasters, pandemics, war, terrorism, governmental restrictions, or acts of God. Both parties agree to communicate promptly in such events to discuss suitable alternative arrangements. ### 14\. Dispute Resolution Please let us know immediately if you have any concerns or complaints about our services. We will respond as soon as possible and always endeavour to resolve the matter in a way that is fair to all parties. In any dispute arising from this agreement, both parties agree first to attempt resolution through good faith negotiation. If unresolved after 30 days, the parties agree to mediation before pursuing formal legal remedies. ## Download and sign below [Terms of Engagement - esignTerms of Engagement - esign.pdf106 KBdownload-circle](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/content/files/2025/10/Terms-of-Engagement---esign.pdf "Download") ### Prepare for disaster URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/prepare-for-disaster/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T11:58:12.000Z 🔮 Future proof your dreams by preparing for disaster. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/data-src-image-8193b92b-cb5d-484d-b70a-82ac99fb8a47.gif) Last week, we discussed [the importance of keeping the dream alive](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/keep-the-dream-alive/). When we take our eye off the ball, our dreams die. Plans are simply predictions about how we think we could achieve our goals. They’re a hypothesis, an experiment ready to be run. Remember, there are three common things people do poorly when planning for the future: 1. [Over-plan and under-strategise](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/start-with-strategy/) 2. [Let it die when things shift](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/keep-the-dream-alive/) 3. Assume stability. This week, we’ll discuss the final mistake: assuming things will stay the same. ## Prepare for disaster In all things future-focused, we should hope for the best and prepare for the worst. The worst is unlikely, but change is guaranteed. When have things ever gone exactly as you planned? Anything you do that’s of any value will be vulnerable to the actions and choices of others, which means there is uncertainty involved. If there’s not, you're playing small, lying, or both. You can't eliminate that risk, but you can be prepared to succeed regardless of what happens. Carry out a **pre-mortem** of sorts on all your important plans. In a pre-mortem, you identify what might go wrong, and how you might handle it. List all the things that might throw you off course, on a spectrum ranging from ‘a version of this will almost definitely happen’ to ‘surely not, that seems ridiculous.’ Then, consider how you'd manage each of those scenarios. 💡 Tip: I'm a massive fan of [Tim Ferris's fear-setting exercise](https://tim.blog/2017/05/15/fear-setting/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Ferris advocates for a rigorous approach that prepares you for change, puts your fears into reasonable perspective, and (my favourite part) contrasts those fears against the consequences of doing nothing. Take a look; it's great. ### Recommended tool: decision triggers Preparation asks for more than contemplation. Real preparation for a disaster requires turning your ideas into triggers for action. Try taking an ‘if this, then that’ approach – identifying little markers or milestones that will tell you when it might be time to shift gears. - **If** our staff turnover exceeds 15% for three consecutive months, **then** we allocate an emergency fund to retention strategies. - **If** our digital adoption rate hits 70% by Q2, **then** we accelerate our online services rollout. - **If** new legislation restricts local budgets, **then** we pause this list of non-essential projects. - **If** we have another pandemic**, then** we activate our remote work strategy within 24 hours. This approach is like programming your strategy with conditional statements. You don’t waste time dithering when the data changes; you decided your next move ahead of time. ## The difference between prediction and preparation The further you look into the future, the less clear that future becomes. The more people involved in your plan, the more likely it will change. The more affected you are by external shifts, the more you should prepare for strategic risks rather than operational ones. In short: the more significant your goals are, the more vulnerable you are to change – and the more likely you are to try and predict and mitigate your way out of it! **Prediction** is tempting because it offers a false sense of certainty. It’s how our corporate planning documents are geared – multi-column tables with dates, times, budgets and KPIs. I get it. It feels good. Controllable, manageable. But the future doesn’t care about your feelings. Economies flip, political tides shift, and new technologies pop up – and disappear - faster than you can say ‘metaverse.’ Even if things stay the same, your rigid focus might make you miss opportunities for great things you don’t notice because they’re not in your plan. You can’t predict the future, but you can prepare for it. **Preparation** elevates and expands your focus. You get clear on what matters most, hold multiple versions of the future in mind, and know the principles and values you’ll apply when things change. Don’t plot the precise details of your future. Instead, get crystal clear on your goals and intentions while holding multiple versions of the future in mind – staying ready to apply them to whatever comes up. Prediction locks you into one view of the future. Preparation keeps the door open for multiple scenarios, bringing more nuance and innovation to your thinking. **Prediction assumes foreseeable behaviour.** **Preparation assumes unpredictable change.** Preparation means we can go off-plan but stay on strategy, adapting as new realities unfold. Instead of one precarious path, you build multiple on-ramps and off-ramps. If you see a significant shift coming, you can pivot without rewriting your entire plan. Focus on the outcomes you're looking for, the principles you'll apply, and how you'll bend and flex in disaster, and you're onto a winner. When you anchor your future in [clear, relative principles and flexible plan](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/start-with-strategy/)s, [keep the dream alive](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/keep-the-dream-alive/), and expect things to go pear-shaped, you can make progress no matter what tomorrow brings. **The best leaders aren’t the ones who predict the future; they’re the ones prepared to handle it.** That was the end of our [three-part #futurefocus series. ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/future-proof-your-dreams/)I hope it was useful. Til next week, AM ### Keep the dream alive URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/keep-the-dream-alive/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T11:53:16.000Z 🔮 Future proof your dreams by staying the course. Predicting the future is impossible, but all your goals live there, so you can’t avoid thinking about it. We need plans to channel our time, energy, and money despite having little idea what the next few years will hold or how well our ideas will work. [Last week, we discussed the dangers of overplanning and under-strategising](https://blog.aliciamckay.co.nz/future-1-start-with-strategy?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). When we rush into the details without allowing enough space for messy thinking, we don’t build the commitment to the bigger vision that will hold us together when things change. This is particularly important when we are making decisions with others. Remember, there are three common things people do poorly when planning for the future: 1. [Over-plan and under-strategise](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/start-with-strategy/) 2. Let it die when things shift 3. Assume stability. This week, we’ll talk about the second. ## Don’t let the dream die When we take our eye off the ball, our dreams die. Plans are simply predictions about how we think we could achieve our goals. They’re a hypothesis, an experiment ready to be run. This means a plan should never be considered a one-and-done exercise. You will need to review your plans more often than you expect. Our predictive powers aren’t as good as we think, and it is practically guaranteed that you made some incorrect assumptions or that unexpected things will throw you off course. If you’re a slave to the plan, you’ll do one of two things when this happens: 1. Grind harder to try and jam the square peg of reality into the round hole of your plan, become increasingly frustrated and make your life harder than it needs to be. 2. Hold the plan in mind as a distant but increasingly irrelevant wisp in the wind, plan to get back to it at some point, and eventually give up on reaching your goal at all. There is a third way: keep your plan alive by reviewing and adjusting it as life unfolds. Hold your initial predictions lightly, and delight in discovering which assumptions and predictions were correct. If you’re making shared decisions, you’ll need to book that review time proactively, or it won’t happen. Keeping a plan alive requires fighting against the natural chaos of things. You’ll have to bring it up in conversation, put it on the wall, and intentionally, regularly, gently breathe life again like you would a struggling open fire. Plans are kept alive by two things: intention and attention. ### Recommended tool: monthly checkups Review your plan every month - or more often if that feels right. Always start by celebrating the progress you’ve made. Odds are, you’ve managed to pull something off, even if it isn’t in the shape you expected. Ask questions like: - Here’s what we thought would work – has it? - What has come up that we didn’t expect? - What will we adjust for the next month or so? For work, keep it simple and light. A 30-minute chat is often enough. For your personal life, treat yourself to a cuppa or a glass of wine while you go over your predictions. The important thing is that the conversation happens, not that it’s perfect. Remember: intention and attention. Next week, we’ll complete this [three-part series](https://blog.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/future-focus?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) with some advice on expecting the unexpected! Til next week, AM ### Alicia McKay named Top 25 Thinker in Local Government by the LGIU URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/alicia-mckay-recognised-by-the-lgiu/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T13:47:40.000Z [LGIU’s top 25 thinkers in local government - LGiUWe’re spotlighting 25 leading thinkers who are seeking to address local government’s most pressing challenges. Our list celebrates the vibrancy and innovation within this sector which leads to real world-changing impact. Join us in recognising our top thinkers who are shifting the dial for the future and be sure to contribute your own suggestions to help us build the Future Local Lab.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/cropped-lgiu-ico-1-270x270.png)LGiU![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/mariia-shalabaieva-uiPIVQVt38Y-unsplash-e1739381801839.jpg)](https://lgiu.org/publication/lgius-top-25-thinkers-in-local-government/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Start with strategy URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/start-with-strategy/ Last updated: 2026-07-23T08:08:52.000Z 🔮 Future proof your dreams by avoiding three common problems Our hopes, dreams, and plans live in an unpredictable future. We need plans to channel our time, energy, and money, but we have no idea what will happen in the next few years or how well our ideas will work. In my experience, there are a few things people do poorly when planning for the future: 1. Over-plan and under-strategise 2. Wait too long to review 3. Assume stability. There’s no opting out of change. The further you extend your thinking into the future, the more uncertainty enters the picture. We can’t read tomorrow’s headlines, but we **can** position ourselves to achieve our goals no matter what. For the next three weeks, I’m help you prepare for what you can’t predict. This week, we’ll talk about how to avoid the first common problem - overplanning, and under-strategising. ## Start with strategy Planning is the end result of deeper, messier, ongoing work rooted in goals, values, and principles. Detailed and directive plans serve the short term, but committing to meaningful goals that matter is what keeps you on track over the long term. All the meandering talkfests and existential crises about what matters and where things are going – this is the stuff that creates the foundation for long-term commitment, though it will receive little to no space in your document. When this work gets the time and space it needs, planning is a formality. This is particularly true in shared decision processes, where the biggest barriers are trust, purpose, and focus. When a group feels safe and heard, they can agree on a long-term vision for the future and medium-term priorities. With the hard work done, the plan often comes together surprisingly quickly. Plans are snapshots in time. We need them for focused execution and to measure progress against, but they will change often. When we’re clear on our vision, values and priorities – the things that *drove* the plan – we can change course. If we move too quickly into detailed planning without this foundation, the plan gets chucked out as soon as something changes. 💡 Advice: Don’t rush into detailed planning. Make time for talkfests and build a shared commitment to the big picture. You will slingshot forward at the planning end. ### Recommended tool: relative targets Use actionable, relative principles in your planning process to keep things fresh, flexible, and strategic. - “We will invest more in technology that boosts access for under-served communities *and less in initiatives that don’t address equity*.” - “We will prioritise sustainability—*even if it means slower short-term returns*.” - We will track how quickly we can respond to public emergencies, *and if that metric falls below X threshold, we redirect resources*.” This works in your personal life, too. - “I’ll eat dinner with the kids five nights a week, *even if it means I miss a meeting.”* - “I’ll save as much as I can every week, *and if that falls below 10% of my earnings, I will cancel luxuries like subscriptions and takeaways.”* - “This year, I will invest more time in my friends, *and less in my career*.” These principles aren’t fluff. They are clear about how you allocate resources, measure success, and decide between competing demands. Stay tuned next week for how often to review your plan, and how to make the conversations useful. ### Future Local Lab interview URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/future-local-lab-interview/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T12:52:31.000Z I had a great time chatting with the Local Government Information Unit (LGIU) in the UK recently, about challenges facing local government leaders over the next few years. Read the article below. [Future local leadership, challenges, and solutions: An Interview with Alicia McKay, Author of Local Legends - LGiUWe interview Alicia McKay, author of Local Legends: How to Make a Difference in Local Government, about what local leaders can do today to be more effective tomorrow.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/cropped-lgiu-ico-1-270x270-1.png)LGiUNajmeh Tima, LGIU Associate and Bea Makeig, LGIU Content Officer![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Alicia-McKay-scaled-e1739368000251.jpg)](https://lgiu.org/blog-article/future-local-leadership-challenges-and-solutions-an-interview-with-alicia-mckay-author-of-local-legends/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Why strategy is a survival skill this year URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stay-alive-in-2025/ Last updated: 2025-09-22T21:21:22.000Z ⚡ Winging it is a death wish in 2025\. If you don’t know what you want, the next 10 months are going to swallow you whole. Never fear: strategy will save you. ### 2025 is wild It’s a weird time to be a person, and they will make nostalgic pity films about us in future decades. We sold our peace for a free email address and cat memes. We swapped work that took reasonable time and achieved actual things for digital tippy-taps with no tangible outcomes. We’ve got more ways to communicate than ever, and we’re experiencing a loneliness epidemic. And we’re overwhelmed. Man, are we overwhelmed. Four different platforms are screaming for your attention this instant. (I’m one of them. Sorry!) Everything is urgent and important, but if you reflect on your day for more than five minutes, half of it is unnecessary. Inside us, there’s a whirling vortex of distraction. Outside us, there’s a hurricane of confusion. The economy is all over the show, there are some astonishing weirdos in charge across the globe, and AI robots are marching up the road for your job (or at least, marching up your feed on sponsored posts for your clicks). Just surviving is a win… right? ## The problem with survival mode Surviving daily is the junk food of decision-making: fine occasionally, but a nasty, bloated trap if it becomes your go-to - and wholly unsatisfying in the long term. There will always be new crises to justify choosing junk food. When you wing it, you gamble with your future. You miss out on opportunities, burn out from overwhelm and watch your dreams float past in a sea of ‘soon’, ‘maybe’ and ‘one day’. If you don’t make intentional choices that move you toward the future you want this year, you will stagnate or go backwards. Every time you make a choice that isn’t tangible proof of your most important goals, you send a message to the world: “I’m not serious about what I want. I don’t mind waiting.” Stop it. ## Strategy is your lifeline You have time to be more strategic. In fact, you don’t have time *not to.* Strategy doesn’t make more work; it drives more focus. But it’s a slingshot effect: you pull back, ask some tricky questions and/or have some challenging conversations to launch forward with clarity and intention. At its most basic, strategy asks you to decide *how you will decide* in the future. We can’t trust In The Moment Us to be at our best, so we set our intentions ahead of time. We decide ‘*Where are we going, and what is most important to us* *right now?’*, so that when we have to make a choice about our time, money, or attention, we can choose the option that best aligns with that. It’s really that simple. No complicated plans, no long-range predictions: clear intention followed by committed execution. This double-punch combo is the secret weapon of every ambitious high-achiever throughout history who’s faced the challenge of big aspirations and limited resources. They knew what they wanted, and they made the right choices, even in tough conditions. Strategy is your secret weapon, too. When you are clear and committed, you: - **Take the power back:** You’re not at the mercy of others or randomness. When you know what your priorities are, you can handle the unexpected while still making choices that move you toward your goals. (Warning: this also removes excuses as an option.) - **Use your time better:** Instead of bouncing between urgent issues with minimal payoff, you proactively channel your efforts into high-impact activities, and view distractions (even the ones that cosplay as opportunities or emergencies) with suspicion. - **Spend your money better:** Rich people can do it all, but smart people have to think. When fewer resources are available (time, money, energy, spoons), strategy helps you make better choices about where to put them (*hint: it’s in the place that offers the best alignment with your goals.)* - **Have fewer arguments:** If the direction of your life or business depends on the agreement of another person or people, agreeing your strategic criteria together prevents arguments over the details later. You both/all make choices that align with what you agreed on, and have much healthier and more productive conversations along the way. ## Your strategic starter pack There are lots of ways for you to become a strategic superhero. Spoiler alert:they all involve clarifying your true intentions and committing to them with your choices. Here are six ways to do that, depending on what you’re battling with most. ### 1\. If you’ve lost motivation… Reconnect to why. Why did you start doing this in the first place? You work for more than a paycheck. You parent for a reason. You own this home for a reason. You chose this relationship for a reason. You offer this service for a reason. You are here to make a difference, and you get to decide what type. Why are you doing this? *How can you amplify the presence of that purpose in your world?* ### 2\. If you’ve overcommitted… Focus on your priorities. Not all things are created equal, and you are allowed to say no and cancel things. People will be far less upset than you think. Use that freed-up time to focus more on what matters most. The year will pass, no matter what. What do you want to be able to say changed for you? What is one thing you could commit to, to make that change possible? What is the one appointment or commitment you should have in your diary? *What do you want to point proudly to in December 2025? Schedule more of that.* ### 3\. If you’re feeling torn… Clarify your values. You don’t feel torn or uncertain when you’re living in alignment with your values. If there’s something a bit off, the person you *want to be* is facing off against the person you’re *being.* List your values, and score your options against those. Values-based decisions don’t always make the most money, get the most attention, or offer the most excitement but they will give you the most peace. *What would the best version of you do to move forward? Be that person.* ### 4\. If you feel stuck… Do some frame-storming. If all of your solutions look bad, you might need a different problem. Challenge your thinking by throwing open the frame. What if you’ve got the cause of the issue all wrong? What if it was enitrely in your power to shift? What would you do then? What if you had unlimited money, time, or resources? What would you do then? What would you do if there were no consequences? What are ten terrible ideas for moving forward? … And how can you bring some of those new sparks to reality? *How can you redefine the problem to generate better solutions?* ### 5\. If you’re feeling broke… Improve your goal. Money is the laziest currency. If your goal is compelling and important enough, the money exists. If your startup idea is excellent, someone will fund it. If your business case stacks up, you’ll get the cash. If your personal goal is important enough to you, you’ll direct the funds. A lack of cash is more often a lack of commitment and genuine belief. You’re not broke. You either don’t want it enough, or it isn’t worth that much. Which is it? *Are you facing a crisis of commitment, or are you chasing the wrong thing?* ### 6\. If you’re feeling frustrated with others… Find your common ground. Odds are, the people you’re making decisions with are more like you than you realise, but your differences are magnified because of your proximity and interdependence. Focus on commonality to move ahead. List ten things you both care about a lot. Find values, experiences, or opinions you share. Then, find ways to bring more shared ground to your time together and the decisions you need to make. Do this long enough and you will be less concerned about the times you have to compromise. *What common ground can you use to form a shared intention?* ### Bonus: If that all sounds too hard… Have a lie down. Exhausted people make terrible decisions. Go for a walk. Have a nap. Take a week off. Have a bath in the afternoon. You’re cooked, mate. And you can’t strategise when you’re cooked. Choose one of the above, try it out, and let me know how you get on! Til next week, AM ### Are you having the wrong argument? URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/are-you-having-the-wrong-argument/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:47:49.000Z ⚡ Productive disagreement requires us to be having the same conversation. I love a good argument, especially as part of a strategic planning process. In a good argument, everyone’s point of view is fully and respectfully heard, and our ideas and options become stronger with testing and refinement. Arguments contribute to the three most important characteristics of any strategic decision process: fullness, fairness, and focus. But many of our arguments aren’t good ones. They’re messy, frustrating discussions that get stuck in the weeds and leave people feeling more hopeless than when they started. Instead of getting excited about the big picture – a shared idea of the future, essential values to protect, new ways to create value – we go to war on the details. This is usually an error in design. For important choices made by two or more people, we must decide *how we will decide* before we try to make decisions. Otherwise, we risk having the wrong argument. Worse still, in a collaborative environment, we risk everyone having a different conversation. In a Council budget workshop, for example, it might sound a bit like this: ### Urban development budget workshop version 1 *Councillor 1: “Upgrading footpaths is not the best use of our limited urban development funding this year.”* *Councillor 2: “How would you get around town without footpaths?”* *Councillor 3: “If you think the Council isn’t responsible for footpaths, it’s worth asking what we’re doing here.”* *Officer: “We have 20.4 kilometres of footpath in the urban area, and the Council is responsible for all those.”* *Councillor 4: “The community wants a nice place to spend time. That’s how we drive social cohesion: place-shaping. I think we can all agree that it’s about trees and lighting. Who cares about the footpath?”* *Councillor 5: “Business owners! They are concerned about their parking. Most people won’t go to town if they can’t get a park. What about parking? Are you saying it doesn’t matter anymore?”* This is what happens when we don’t bring focus to our decision process. Productive disagreement is a critical skill for making good collaborative decisions, but we need to be having the same conversation. The key is to focus the conversation squarely on our shared goals and priorities. We want to argue how well our options align with our criteria – nothing else. When conversations stick to this format, we create a virtuous cycle of collaboration and decision-making focused on what matters. We argue, but it’s about bigger things: whether our values are adequately represented in our choices, how to get the most bang for our buck, and where to have the most impact. Here’s an example of a more focused conversation where the disagreement is productive. ### Urban development budget workshop version 2 *Councillor 1: “Upgrading footpaths is not the best use of our limited urban development funding this year.”* *Councillor 2: “Of course it is. It aligns with our priority to invigorate our public spaces.”* *Councillor 3: “How much invigorating does a footpath do? Aren’t there better ways to invigorate spaces than smoothing the cracks in the floor?”* *Councillor 2: “Fair point. But what about our other priority of putting safety first? If the footpaths are cracked, that’s a safety risk.”* *Councillor 1: “That’s true. Can we get information from officers about the safety risk of those footpaths?"* *Officer: “I can get you some more detailed data on that. As an overview, the footpaths at their current service level won’t need renewal for another four years. You might remember the work we did around CBD safety last year, however – I can resend you the report. The top 3 recommendations were about lighting, speed limits, and CCTV.”* *Councillor 5: “Business owners! They're worried about tagging and vandalism. Presumably, that’s worse for the shops in the dark spots. Let's look at the lighting options.”* *Councillor 4: “And there’s no social cohesion without safety. We need our spaces to be safe, bright, and vibrant. Those dark spots need invigorating.”* *Councillor 2: “OK I'm happy to look more closely at lighting as opposed to footpaths if that will make more of a difference.”* We might not have resolved anything here yet. But by staying focused on how different options align with their bigger goals, the group was able to consider various options without going off-track or feeling personally aggrieved. This is what happens when the decision criteria is clear to everyone. We focus on answering shared questions – in this case: ‘How can we best invigorate public spaces?’ and ‘What are the most effective ways to public safety?'. Getting to this point is perfectly possible – I’ve facilitated two workshops with entirely different Councils in the last week that have done precisely this. The key is to clarify shared goals and decision criteria before trying to plan, pick projects, decide next steps, or allocate money. ## Questions to foster productive disagreement To have focused, strategic conversations, we first need to answer questions like: - What values and goals do we share? - What would ‘good’ look and feel like for us? - What should we focus on to make the most progress toward those things? Then, we can get busy generating ideas and seeing how well they stack up for potential inclusion in our plan. With shared goals and clear criteria, difficult conversations become more fulfilling, fair and focused. Disagreement has a productive flavour, and progress accelerates. If you need to start having the right argument, it might be time to zoom out a bit. Til next week, \- AM ### Local Legends strategic audit URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/audit/ Last updated: 2025-10-28T03:19:43.000Z Take the quiz below - or scroll down to download the PDF. [Start the quiz](https://aliciamckay.typeform.com/local-legends?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ## Results Find out more about the different grades of Council, as outlined in [*Local Legends*](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-legends-how-to-make-a-difference-in-local-government-copy/)*.* ### Lagging Councils Lagging Councils are often dysfunctional. Politicians and officers pursue separate goals and agendas, leading to widespread frustration. People disagree about who should do what, and governance and organisational processes and policies are applied inconsistently. Councillors are mistrusting and suspicious, and Council managers are defensive and condescending. Stories about Council incompetence and dysfunction are in the news and on social media. *The prescription for overcoming dysfunction in a Lagging Council is to build trust, particularly within and between Councillors and staff.* ### Overwhelmed Councils Overwhelmed Councils are busy and reactive, just keeping their heads above water. They spend lots of time answering emails, attending meetings, and dealing with emergencies. Staff feel ‘overwhelmed but underutilised’. The community is at its wits’ end with the state of local infrastructure – though it tends to be the same people complaining. Councillors don’t understand why the Council can’t get the basics right and often take on the mantle of constituent frustration. *The prescription for an Overwhelmed Council to manage volume is a more diverse and longer-term perspective.* 💡 Crown Observer for Wellington City Council, Lindsay McKenzie, used the LOCAL audit model in their report to Government. [Read more here](https://wellington.govt.nz/-/media/your-council/about-the-council/information-requests/2025/crown-observer-reports.pdf?la=en&hash=6699DCB3E045D6B1B81A55A6172C721958A801FF&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). ### Compliant Councils Compliant Councils are keen to make things happen. This is often a ‘Council of change’, with a mandate to operate differently – perhaps after a failed project or a period of administration. Trust is low but rising, and people want to get things right. The signs are bright, but miscommunication and frustration still occur between Councillors and managers. There are too many papers to read, meetings run too long, and decisions get stuck. *The prescription for a Compliant Council to pick up the pace is to collaborate more productively.* ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/10/2024-ALICIA5995-1-Large-2.jpeg) ## Subscribe to Alicia McKay Writer, speaker and strategist. Strategy, change and power. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Ambitious Councils Ambitious Councils have big dreams and a long wish list, and they’re making great progress. Councillors work together respectfully, use meeting time well, and stay (mostly) out of the weeds. There is a trusting relationship between the Council and the executive, but managers still tend to over-inform. Trust in policy and process is high, and staff and politicians freely suggest ideas for improvement. However, staff engagement levels can plateau, and burnout is a risk. *The prescription for an Ambitious Council to find focus is to make more strategic decisions.* ### Legendary Councils Legendary Councils have a shared vision and alignment on priorities. Unnecessary bureaucracy is stripped away, and project delivery rates soar. There is high trust and demonstrable collegiality between elected members and executive managers. Councillors disagree without personal conflict and regularly reach a consensus. Executive managers give free and frank advice without fear or defensiveness. Decisions, once made, are accepted and not relitigated. The Council’s community reputation is solid, and councillors help maintain an active and positive relationship with the media and stakeholders. *The prescription for a Legendary Council to move beyond fear is to take strategic risks.* --- ## Download the PDF [LOCAL AuditA PDF sheet for assessing the strategic capability of your Council.LOCAL Audit.pdf455 KBdownload-circle](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/content/files/2025/10/LOCAL-Audit.pdf "Download") ## Local Legends Toolkit Are you interested in bringing Local Legends to your elected members or Council? ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/10/IMG_2345.jpeg) #### Local Legends Toolkit Bring the Local Legends programme to your elected members, anywhere in the world. [Check out the toolkit](https://www.locallegendstoolkit.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/10/2024-ALICIA5995-1-Large-2.jpeg) ## Subscribe to Alicia McKay Writer, speaker and strategist. Strategy, change and power. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Responding to community requests: a guide for Councillors URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-respond-to-local-government-service-requests/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T13:46:29.000Z When well-meaning elected members take on the mantle of pursuing their community's service requests, their heart is in the right place. Little do they often realise that the downstream lag they're creating by circumventing the system is preventing the very progress and improvements they want for their community. **In this digital PDF pack, you'll get the information, guidance and tools you need to:** - Explain why operational intervention by Councillors is such a problem - Manage incoming requests fairly, consistently and efficiently - Evaluate whether a request is an operational or strategic issue - Respond to community enquiries with friendly, helpful templates. **Includes:** - A flowchart for evaluating and responding to requests from the public - Six helpful email templates for Councillors to use _This post is for subscribers only._ ### So nothing right now URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/so-nothing-right-now/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:20:53.000Z The minimalism bug bit me over the break. I threw out, donated, or sold hundreds of household items - clothing, furniture, kitchen implements, garage... stuff (what IS all that stuff?) - and it feels fantastic. When my eldest daughter saw my newly sparse bedroom, she looked around in approval. "Mum!" she said. "You're so *nothing* right now." I'm not fluent in 19-year-old, but I think she means "Wow, what a spacious and calm environment you've achieved by having fewer things in your zone." It's not just posessions in the firing line. I've been through my budget, task list, and client list. I've eliminated expenses, reviewed my insurances, and cancelled subscriptions. I've cleared commitments from my calendar, items from my benchtops, and obligations from my shoulders. It all started before Christmas when I noticed I was enjoying life more on the road than at home. The sensory deprivation chamber that a hotel room provides - just a few outfits, minimal housework and a curtailed task list - was so alluring and pleasing I was losing the motivation to go home. Every time I walked in my door, I'd feel the dread creep in as my internal tap started overflowing with suggestions and responsibilites. *Water the plants change the spa filter drop off the thing pick up the other thing fill in the form call the guy back clean the thing pay the bill write it down push the button go over there get in the car...* I refuse to resent my home, family, work, or choices. If there's too much, I need to remove. I'm an adult, and if I'm overwhelmed, I get to make changes. The more 'things' I have in my life - items, jobs, worries, clients, et al - the more work I create for myself. ## Less = more So far, I don't miss anything I've removed, but I'm savouring everything I've gained. - Fewer pillows on the bed means fewer pillowcases to wash and fewer steps to get into bed at night. But more importantly, it makes me feel calmer and more collected when it's time for sleep. - Fewer clothes to wear means fewer choices available and fewer things to wash, hang, store, and mend. It also makes dressing a simpler and more enjoyable experience. - Fewer plates encourages rinsing and reusing, reducing loads of the dishwasher to stack and put away, freeing up time for more dancing in the kitchen. - Fewer books reduces clutter, guilt and obligation, and it encourages more regular trips to the library. - Fewer tasks means deeper thinking. - Fewer platforms means simpler workflows. - Fewer commitments means more space to say yes to things I’m excited about. So far, the cliche holds true: less is more. Til next week, AM ### How to be popular with voters and achieve nothing URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-be-popular-with-voters-and/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T09:39:05.000Z ⚡ If you want to be popular with voters, you can attack the administration. It works. People have minimal understanding of [how complex public services are](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/public-service-isnt-inefficient-its/), [the differences between the public and private sectors](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-difference-between-private-and/) and [why bureaucracy is important](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/in-defence-of-the-bureaucrat/), so when you say things like: *“They’re slow!”* *“They do stupid things!”* *“They spend too much money!”* … people will be inclined to agree with you. It’s lazy, but it works. Elections encourage competitive behaviour and simplified solutions, so the “rock-thrower” approach makes sense as an election strategy. ### Making the switch from candidate to politician The public sector uses a collaborative operating model - except when it’s election time. Then, we often see a switch into competitive mode. That can mean undermining opponents, attacking current policies, stressing points of difference, and making promises. That can get you elected. But it won’t get anything done once you’re in office. ### Governance requires collaboration Governance is a team sport. To get anything up and over the line, you need trusting, healthy relationships with your peers. To make good decisions, you need quality information and recommendations from your officers. To understand your community’s needs and aspirations, you need to work closely with stakeholders. To access funding and support, you need to build relationships with other agencies and departments. ### Change moves at the speed of trust Undermining your fellow politicians might win you votes in an election, but it will lose you a motion in office. Calling the administration incompetent might make you look clever in an election, but it will make you look rude and ungrateful in office. In Councils, the most critical determinant of effectiveness is the quality of the relationship within and between, first, the Councillor group, then, the Mayor and CEO, then, the Councillor group and the executive. The more integrity and competence-based trust there is in these relationships, the more productively people can disagree, the higher the quality of decisions, and the faster things can move. This extends to the community. In an information environment filled with algorithms sowing discontent and spreading misinformation, and with levels of trust in government at record lows, your community already doubts you. Your job is to turn that around, because if you need to make tricky decisions, get support for a legacy project, or increase rates, you need your community to believe in you. If you're always undermining your own organisation by suggesting it's untrustworthy, why would they do that? Progress needs trust. ### People don’t help jerks To close: the most effective way to get what you want is to make others look good. The least effective way is to be a smug jerk. To build on the Council example: - Officers won't do extra research, investigate a personal project, or offer to attend an extra community meeting for Councillors who throw them or their colleagues under the bus in public - The media won't print good news stories when they know Councillors are willing to provide a juicy, controversial sound-bite - Ministers won’t associate their names to dysfunctional Councils because they're a risk. - Agencies won’t fund difficult Councils because they want to work with people who make them look good. If you're a professional rock-thrower, it might be time to consider building trust instead. Til next week, AM **Watch the video on LinkedIn** [**here**](https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7272376519744712704/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Read the rest of the series.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/taking-the-boot-out-of-the-public-sector/) ### Local Legends Welcome Pack URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-legends-welcome-pack/ Last updated: 2026-07-09T05:02:22.000Z For Local Legends clients _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Strategic Public Leaders Training Welcome Pack URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategic-public-leaders-training-welcome-pack/ Last updated: 2026-07-09T06:03:22.000Z For in-house Strategic Public Leaders clients _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Conference MC Pack URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/mc-pack/ Last updated: 2025-12-12T00:50:22.000Z Useful guidance and advice for a smooth conference or event _This post is for subscribers only._ ### The public opinion trap URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-public-opinion-trap/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T09:40:02.000Z ⚡ Getting captured by public opinion can lead to biased decisions in the public sector. ### [Taking the Boot out of the Public Sector](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/taking-the-boot-out-of-the-public-sector/), Volume 4 Have you called your electricity company recently, to say thanks? The conversation might go like this: > *‘I just wanted to say, on this sunny Friday afternoon, how much I appreciate your impact on my life this week. Thanks to your company, I’ve had continuous and reliable electricity that has improved every aspect of my personal and professional life. From hot water for showers and dishes to an internet connection for Zoom meetings, the power you’ve generated for my household has been transformative. On my behalf, and hundreds of thousands of others: thank you.’* I bet you’ve never done this. You take electricity for granted and rarely think about it unless there’s a brief interruption or a high bill. Most public services are the same (See also: parenting, leadership and volunteer roles.) This is particularly difficult for the public sector, and for leaders who work in it. Negative information rises like heat, but the mostly-happy-majority don’t say anything at all. ## Public leadership is like a utility Public leadership, done well, is like a utility. When it works, it’s invisible. A marker of success is that the government’s service provision and careful planning go largely unnoticed. Even when Councils and government departments go to great lengths to engage and share transparently, the payoff can be disappointing. People are busy, distracted, and uninterested. They have too much on to care. But when something goes wrong, or you do something they disagree with –you’ll soon know about it! When people say the government are stupid or doesn’t listen, they often mean things weren’t decided in their favour or created a minor intrusion in their life, when they’re used to ignoring them entirely. ## Public opinion is a terrible metric Public opinion, positive or negative, is not the right datapoint for creating value. First, research shows public opinion is a poor predictor of public value creation. Just because people are upset about something doesn’t mean they’re right, and just because they like something, doesn’t mean it’s a net good. Remember when we took smoking out of bars, and the hospitality sky was falling? The pubs and restaurants would all go out of business forever! … Until a week later, when everything was fine. Or when we banned plastic bags and we wondered how we would ever cope without them? …But then a week later, it was fine. This happens a lot. It’s the tyranny of our short-term self-interest. It’s why we elect representatives and staff a bureaucracy - because our judgment is off and we don’t have all the information. Second, you probably don’t even know what public opinion is. Even the act of asking someone’s opinion changes it. Public opinion is fluid, socially constructed, and difficult to pin down. Plus, you’re disproportionately likely to hear negative views from a limited range of voices. Only a certain section of society feels entitled to air their views and ask for better - most other people shut up and get on with it. When you kowtow to the vocal minority, they can perpetuate that inequity. ## Public opinion skews your perspective The fear of public backlash is strong, and warranted. Belonging is a basic survival requirement and the fear of rejection lives in all of us. Few can imagine worse than being publicly lambasted or criticised, so we do whatever we can to avoid it. But that fear makes it hard to keep a clear head on our shoulders. When politicians and public leaders form their perspectives from a limited, negative selection of voices, they lose perspective. They overlook things going well, form blind spots on issues with no public profile, and give excessive consideration to a few politically active constituents. ## Don’t get trapped When you’re doing a great job as a leader, you won’t receive the praise you want from the people you want it from. Whether it’s for your parenting (‘*Thanks for the curfew, Dad, it’s kept me out of trouble!*’) or your governance (‘*Wow, due to your foresight, my grandchildren will live a better life.*’), your best decisions may be unappreciated and unpopular. Avoid spending too much time and attention trying to please a small group who will never be pleased anyway, and be wary of mistaking a vocal minority for a disgruntled majority or caring too much about ‘reputation’ and confusing it with character and integrity. Finally: the people who will be most affected by your decisions are often the quietest. Go find them and ask them some questions instead. Til next week, AM *PS - This also applies to all the things you’re avoiding doing in your personal life because some unnamed, imaginary person with no life might judge you. Mate. Just do your thing. Bugger ‘em.* *PPS -* [*Watch the video on LinkedIn if you like.*](https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7269811383674765312/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)*I just recorded it sitting at my desk and my hair’s still a bit wet and my un-made-up puffy face is very “Single Mum Running Business Tries to Prepare for Christmas and Not Die” but hey, that’s my life.* ### In defence of the bureaucrat URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/in-defence-of-the-bureaucrat/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T09:33:38.000Z ⚡ Things can move slower in the public sector because of transparency, democracy, and bureaucracy. Attacking the size and inefficiency of the public sector is a common talking point. I get it. All those forms, agendas, minutes and processes are enough to drive anyone mad. This week, I provide some context around why things move slower in the public sector, why we have a bureaucracy - and why we want it. ## The public sector workforce is large and diverse Here are the stats. - In Australia and New Zealand, almost 1 in 5 people work in the public sector. - In Australia, 8% work in local government, 74% work in state government, and 18% work in federal government - In New Zealand, 12% work in local government, and 88% work in central government Almost half of the public sector workforce in both countries comprises ‘customer-facing’ roles. This includes contact centre/ customer-service workers and front-line staff such as teachers, nurses, doctors, social workers, prison wardens, etc. ## Efficiency is a second-order priority for government [I recently wrote about how the strategic drivers and operating models differ between private and public sector thinking.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-difference-between-private-and/) [Alicia McKayFor high-impact professionals and strategic thinkers who want to make sense and take action.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/WW--800----800-px--2-24.png)Alicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/2024-ALICIA5995-Large-2-1-1-1-20.jpeg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-difference-between-private-and/) In short, capitalism has taught us that fast and cheap are inherently superior traits. That makes sense in the private sector, which aims to capture private value through profit. Wasted time is wasted money that could be in the pockets of shareholders. The same is not always true in the public sector, which aims to create long-term public value. More time spent engaging with stakeholders, reducing risk, or considering options might be a net gain. ## Three critical layers constrain speed Three important elements of the public sector operating environment protect public values of fairness, representation, and service. Each of these layers can slow down government action and decisions: transparency, democracy, and bureaucracy. ### Transparency All tiers of government encourage and attract scrutiny from the media and the public. Decisions are made in public, with the public, or both, and the full decision process is captured for the press and citizenry to dissect and analyse well into the future. This creates an administrative load and can suppress the appetite for risk and innovation. ### Democracy Our brand of democracy requires consultation and engagement, which takes time. This engagement occurs in a political environment of near-constant job insecurity for our governing members. It is regularly disrupted by elections, shifts in political direction, and citizen action and input. ### Bureaucracy All this transparency and democracy takes time and requires people, processes, policies, systems, committees, reports, meetings, checks, and balances to administer. Australia and New Zealand are two of the least corrupt democracies in the world, and trustworthiness requires a lot of paperwork. ## In defence of the bureaucrat The word ‘bureaucrat’ is French and, loosely translated, means ‘rule of the writing desk’ or ‘power of the pen.’ A bureau is a French writing desk where lists, reporting, and administration are handled. The power of the pen is to organise, record, and maintain the foundation of our society: trust. Representative democracy is an institution that runs on trust. We elect people to make decisions in our interests; if they don’t, we ask new people to take over the job. Maintaining trust and holding government accountable in a fair society requires a well-functioning bureaucracy. Thanks to bureaucracy, we can trust that laws will be applied, property ownership will be upheld, our identity can be proven and protected, our money belongs to us, our vote will be counted, and decisions will be made in accordance with rules and conventions. Say thanks to your favourite bureaucrat today. Til next week, AM PS: [I also made a video about this on LinkedIn,](https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7264752463226773504/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) which provides a 15-minute deep dive, complete with a whiteboard. [Read the rest of the series.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/taking-the-boot-out-of-the-public-sector/) ### The difference between private and public value URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-difference-between-private-and/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T09:35:34.000Z ⚡ Businesses capture private value for shareholders. Governments generate public value for everyone. This week, I continue my '[Taking the boot out of the public sector](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/taking-the-boot-out-of-the-public-sector/)' series. It's common to dunk on government, and when even the politicians get involved, I get grumpy. [Last week, we busted the myth that the private sector would do public sector work better or faster.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/public-service-isnt-inefficient-its/) This week, we're talking about what happens when capitalism dominates the conversation and we try to apply a profit-oriented model to public services. Spoiler alert: the shoe doesn't fit. ## Myth 2: The public sector should operate more like the private sector Private businesses exist to capture private value in the form of **profit.** This is the purpose of private sector activity, and it shapes the way all subsequent choices are made. Because businesses exist to capture private value in the form of profit, efficiency is king. Through direct transactions with consumers, businesses manage operations quickly and cheaply to capture the most private value possible and return it to shareholders. In business, autocracy makes sense. In the public sector, government actors and agencies aim to generate **public value -** little of which is then returned to the actor who created it. For example, a Council running business support programmes creates local economic value. This value is captured by local business owners (profits), residents and visitors (goods, services, and employment) and other tiers of government (increased taxes). The Council receives no financial return or quantifiable benefit. Because the public sector exists to generate public value, decisions are made differently. They're made in public, with public, or both. Collaboration, engagement, and transparency come before efficiency. Because the payoff period is longer and the payoffs are more nebulous, quantifying and attributing benefits is more complicated. Because of this, the marker of quality is *how* the decisions are made, as much as which decisions are made. If you try to stick a private sector operating model - fast, cheap, quantifiable - onto a public sector agency, the agency will always lose. But when you do that, you're judging a fish by it's ability to climb a tree. Which isn't smart. ## How can we tell if we're creating public value? Just because it's hard to tell, doesn't mean we shouldn't try. Holding the government accountable for outcomes is important - as long as we look at the right stuff. Creating public value is more complex than generating profit. It is driven by different factors, harder to measure in the short term, and more ambiguous to define. When in doubt, here are four factors to determine whether you’re creating public value: 1. **Public value is a collective good.** Everyone in the community benefits, and it is difficult to exclude individuals from that benefit. 2. **Public value involves leveraged impact.** The provision of a service or protection of a value is a force multiplier that enables others. 3. **Public value has a sustained effect.** There is an observable and lasting shift in society or the community. This shift might be a service outcome, physical change, or intangible value shift, but it should stick around. 4. **Public value protects public values.** Investing in or backing this service, outcome, or idea contributes to or represents the community’s shared values and is usually a ‘higher order’ value (such as safety, justice, or health). **Here are a few examples of public services that provide clear-cut public value:** - A public road is difficult to exclude people from using, facilitates economic and community activity, lasts for decades, and protects shared values: connection and mobility. - A community event is a collective, non-excludable opportunity for people to unite. It protects shared values – belonging, unity, inclusion – and has leveraged effects beyond the event’s timeframe. In summary: It's hard to measure, but it's both important and doable. Hopefully this helps to clear things up. When you apply a private sector lens to public sector activity, the public sector comes off badly. ## Good news, I made you a video about it If you'd like a richer and more detailed explanation of this, I recorded an explainer video, which you might like to share with others, too. When I sat down to write this piece, I realised I wanted to say a lot more than I could fit in this pithy piece, so [I went live on LinkedIn to record you this video](https://www.linkedin.com/video/live/urn:li:ugcPost:7261943693274689536/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). 👇🏻 [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/5d78dbd7-640d-4627-9a85-9d08b25a1813_2560x1440-heic-5.jpg)](https://www.linkedin.com/video/live/urn:li:ugcPost:7261943693274689536/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) It's 20ish minutes long, but they're pretty dense minutes. You'll leave knowing how strategy works, how to be strategically effective regardless of where you work, and the core differences between private business and the public sector. Take a look. Til next week, AM [**Read the rest of the series**](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/taking-the-boot-out-of-the-public-sector/) ### Public service isn't inefficient, it's complex - there's a difference URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/public-service-isnt-inefficient-its/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T09:38:00.000Z ⚡ The private sector would not deliver public services any faster or cheaper than government does. Read why. One of the most popular and least imaginative criticisms of the public sector is that it is less efficient than the private sector. Since the late 1980s, the fetishisation of private sector practices has eroded public sector outcomes and value in the name of KPIs, specialisation and short-termism. This is a shame and a mistake. Over next few weeks, I will use Wednesday Wisdom to bust a few myths about the public sector. If you're in the public sector, this might help you feel better. If you're in the private sector, it might be interesting or enlightening. (If you're in the third sector you have all of our love and support because you're serving two masters and pleasing neither of them, similar to a working parent who tries to do their job as though they have no kids and parent as if they have no job and that sh\*t is hard.) ## Myth 1: The private sector would do government projects faster or cheaper, so we should outsource or privatise The public sector is often criticised for being slow and underperforming compared to the private sector, but the evidence doesn’t support this argument. [According to an international literature review](https://www.epsu.org/article/public-and-private-sector-efficiency?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), there’s no proof that the private sector is any more efficient than the public sector. When tackling problems like health and social care, electricity, water, transport, waste management, or telecommunications, the public and private sectors produce similar results. Addressing important social issues is more difficult and demanding than providing consumer goods and services. Professor Simon Collinson, creator of the Global Simplicity Index, discovered in 2012 that UK public sector organisations are 30% more complex than some of the world’s largest companies. This complexity is not due to inept bureaucrats but rather the nature of the work, the challenges to be resolved, and the demands of democracy. While operational decisions might be *complicated*, strategic decisions are often *complex*, with many moving parts and technical considerations. The public sector isn’t slow; it’s tricky. Stay tuned for next week, when we'll talk about how capitalism has fooled us all into thinking that maximising profits for some faceless rich dude is the ultimate measure of success. Til next week, AM [**Read the rest of the series**](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/taking-the-boot-out-of-the-public-sector/) ### Local leadership done well: strategic, aligned, and connected URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-leadership-done-well-strategic-aligned-and-connected/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T11:59:09.000Z New Mayors and Councillors face a steep learning curve. Effective community governance demands skills we are rarely taught or acquire in other spheres - big-picture thinking, long-term planning, political diplomacy and strategic decision-making in a complex and uncertain environment. Local Legends is designed exclusively for elected and executive leaders to meet the unique challenges of local government. [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/241027-Sutherland-Shire-LL-WEB-3.png)](#enquire-now) ****Local Legends** is a uniquely tailored leadership skills programme designed exclusively for executive and elected local leaders to build key strategic governance skills: perspective, relationships, and decisions. You can run the programme in-house, or access a self-led curriculum through your local government association. [Enquire now ](#enquire-now) ### Alicia to speak at LGIT24: Local Government IT Conference in Coffs Harbour, Nov 2024 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/alicia-to-speak-at-lgit24-local-government-it-conference-in-coffs-harbour-nov-2024/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T22:02:51.000Z _No content available._ ### Revenge of the Arts Degree URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/revenge-of-the-arts-degree/ Last updated: 2025-09-17T01:22:32.000Z I'm taking a brief break from my ["Taking the Boot of the Public Sector"](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/taking-the-boot-out-of-the-public-sector/) series to tell you something important about education and recruitment. **In short: hire people with BAs.** They’ve learned to think critically and appreciate context, the world’s most valuable skills. Last week, a Chief Executive told me she was guilty of writing off job applicants with a Bachelor of Arts because she assumed they were lightweight. I was curious and mildly incensed. ### Critical thinking is the world’s most valuable skill The world’s most valuable skill is critical thinking - and as change continues to rocket ahead, this is more true than ever. Many people never learn how to do it. They spend their lives learning technical skills and placing value in their accumulated knowledge and operational excellence. *Bad news for those people: what you do may be less relevant than how you think.* I’ve taught senior leaders how to think, plan and act strategically for years. It’s rewarding, enjoyable work. Learning to ask bigger, better questions, interrogate patterns, context and relationships, take new perspectives, and apply systems thinking to tricky problems can transform your life and work. Humanities education is foundational in teaching us how to do those things—the social sciences, history, philosophy, politics, and liberal arts are chocka with critical thinking frameworks. If we don’t hire people with BAs, we’re missing out. Bump an Arts grad to the top of your CV pile. Til next week, AM PS: [I made a video about this on LinkedIn. ](https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7267265893083033600/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)It’s short and ranty. [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/Screenshot-2025-09-17-at-11.16.34---AM.png)](https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7267265893083033600/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Click through to watch the video ### How to be more strategic URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-be-more-strategic/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T23:17:03.000Z I teach two-day workshops and eight-week courses on how to be more strategic. I've written you three books on the topic. But you're busy, and you want me to boil it down, and I respect that, so here it is: **Strategists make their decisions with intention.** Every day, everyone chooses how to spend their money, which email to answer, who to put first, and how to tackle the 25 different things in front of them. The people who make those choices in a goal-oriented fashion (i.e. '*how can I do this in a way that takes me towards the thing I want?*') are being strategic. It's as simple and difficult as that. Goal-oriented choices, made consistently, will deliver you almost anything you want. All you have to do is work out what you want, but that's another kettle of fish. Here's a 20-second video about it. You might also like [this article,](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategist/) which spells out 15 signs you're a strategist. Til next week, AM ### You can be the one who changes things URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-can-be-the-one-who-changes-things/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:18:26.000Z ## It's never been more possible to do great work If you're reading my newsletter, chances are, you're one of the privileged few. Worldwide, there are over 3 billion employed people. Only a tiny fraction of those people live in developed countries with social safety nets, high-quality education, and professional career pathways that offer meaning, fulfilment and contribution. You are one of those people. Yet, here you are. Showing up for another day at the email mill with a coffee in hand, bouncing from meeting to meeting, trying not to stick a fork in your eye so you can feel something. How did we get here? According to Barry Schwartz, we've designed for this. We've made assumptions about human nature - that people are lazy and stupid and won't work unless they're financially incentivised and carefully micromanaged - and we've built institutions that make this a self-fulfilling prophecy. But it's bullshit. People like you don't just go to work to pick up a paycheck. The choices you've made in your career aren't motivated solely by money. If you're one of the privileged few, you work to make a difference in a field that interests you. You're competent and committed, and you work hard, even when your environment makes it challenging to get things done. Are you wasting your privilege, passion and skills by toeing the line and pandering to your corporate overloads? ## You are always free to choose a different path I'm incredibly late to this party, but I finally read [Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg](https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships-ebook/dp/B014OISVU4?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) this week. It's an astonishing book, and if you've subsisted on a steady diet of shame, blame and guilt to date, you need to order it... now. Go on. This quote pinged me: > "never give them the power to submit or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose track that you are always free to choose. Don’t allow institutions to determine what you do.” > \- MARSHALL ROSENBERG, PhD You always have a choice about what you do and how you do it, even at work - no, *especially* *at work.* This is particularly true if you're a professional or knowledge worker who's literally paid to bring your unique insight and expertise. If you're being hamstrung from doing your best work or solving important problems, don't lie down and take it. Change things. It isn't evil that keeps people trapped in the hamster wheel; it's entropy. ## Don't be a complacent monkey In 1967, researchers ran an interesting experiment. They put five monkeys in a large cage, and at the top of the cage, well beyond the monkeys' reach, hung a bunch of bananas. Then, they positioned a ladder underneath the bananas. The monkeys immediately spotted the bananas, and one began to climb the ladder. A scientist sprayed him with a stream of cold water, making the monkey scramble off - then sprayed the other monkeys, too. All five monkeys sat on the floor, wet, cold, and bewildered for some time. Soon enough, the temptation of the bananas was too great, and another monkey climbed the ladder. Again, the scientist sprayed the ambitious monkey - and all the other monkeys - with cold water. When a third monkey tried to climb the ladder, things got dark. The other monkeys, wanting to avoid the cold spray, pulled him off the ladder and beat him viciously. Here's where it gets interesting. The researchers removed one monkey from the cage, and replaced him with a different one. Spotting the bananas, the new monkey naively begins to climb the ladder. True to form, the other monkeys pull the new guy off and beat him. Then, they removed a second of the original monkeys from the cage and replaced *him* with a new monkey. Same thing - and when it's time to deliver the beating, *the other new monkey joined in.* By the end of the experiment, none of the original monkeys were left, and despite none of them experiencing the cold, wet spray, they'd all learned not to reach for the bananas. **We're the monkeys.** ## Your employer wants you to shake things up Here's the irony: questioning, challenging, and doing things differently is the thing that employers want **most** from their employees. It's what we teach on[ Not An MBA](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), and it's literally the most in-demand employee skill in the world. In the 2023 Future of Jobs Report, the World Economic Forum listed analytical and creative thinking as the skills employers most want from their workers. > *"Analytical thinking and creative thinking remain the most important skills for workers in 2023\. Analytical thinking is considered a core skill by more companies than any other skill. It constitutes, on average, 9% of the core skills reported by companies. Creative thinking, another cognitive skill, ranks second, ahead of three self-efficacy skills – resilience, flexibility and agility; motivation and self-awareness; and curiosity and lifelong learning – in recognition of the importance of workers ability to adapt to disrupted workplaces."* > [*\- WEF Future of Jobs Report 2023*](https://www3.weforum.org/docs/WEF%5FFuture%5Fof%5FJobs%5F2023.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Nobody *wants* the status quo - we all hate the incessant emails, the bulging inbox, and the pointless bureaucracy. But inertia is strong, especially when we build institutions that reward it. New monkeys enter our environment, and, wanting to fit in, they adapt their behaviour to suit. Entropy, not evil. If waves of redundancies and restructures make you nervous, I'm not surprised if you're trying to keep your head below the parapet. But this isn't true safety. It's an illusion. In times of upheaval and uncertainty, it's more important than ever to challenge the way we work, the ideas we uphold, and the systems that support them. You become significantly more valuable to your employer, colleagues, customers, and community by refusing to be one of the caged monkeys. Til next week, A ### Mate, it's just work URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/mate-its-just-work/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T03:01:38.000Z Much of my stress comes from work—or at least, that's where I choose to experience it. And I'm my own boss, doing whatever I want! I can only begin to imagine how stressful it is when many other people are involved. Hats off to all of you who show up as functioning employees daily and don't throw things out windows, yell at people or explode in frustration. Employed or self-employed, many of the big problems we battle during our days are work-related. At the time, they feel catastrophic. But chances are, we won't remember them in a week, month, or year. Look, things turn to custard, and it's not ideal. But as a good friend of mine likes to say, "We're not saving lives here\*." The stuff we do probably isn't life or death. It's just work. There are so many other things to worry about that have a far greater impact on the quality of our lives and the contribution we make to the world: Our families, our friends, our homes, our goals, our dreams, our health, love, politics, food, death, ideas, books, music, and art. It's just work. AM *\*If you are, in fact, saving lives, please continue to do that. Most of us are just tippity tapping our way through the day. We need you.* ### Get problems you're proud of URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/get-problems-youre-proud-of/ Last updated: 2025-09-22T21:58:09.000Z Problems are like cockroaches and glitter - they'll always be there, even after the apocalypse. Solve these, and you'll get new ones. Also, your solutions will create problems you didn't foresee. Fun, eh? But not all problems are created equally. While we can't aim for a problem-free life, we *can* pay attention to the quality of our problems. If we cultivate problems we're proud of, they feel more like privileges. We want problems that 3-Years-Ago-You, 5-Years-Ago-You, and 10-Years-Ago-You would be impressed by. Problems worth solving. Problems worth being frustrated by. Problems worth sacrificing for. Most of the problems I complain about are: a) Entirely the result of my own choices b) Actually a sign of progress and privilege. Travelling for work, feeling overwhelmed with clients, juggling my children's activities and needs, paying my bills, and doing my housework are all things I chose on purpose. They're all signs of how my life is a wonderful manifestation of everything I ever wanted. Yours probably are too. If you don't like your problems, get better ones. If you already have good ones, but you forgot, this is your gentle reminder. Til next week., AM ### If you were them, you'd be a jerk too URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/if-you-were-them-youd-be-a-jerk-too/ Last updated: 2025-09-27T10:06:12.000Z Change is hard to talk about because people feel personally attacked. If we're not careful, "*let's make it better*" sounds more like "*You're doing it wrong and about to get fired.*" When you think about the things that annoy you, it's easy to blame people. They're right there, with their annoying faces, being obstructive, unreasonable, or infuriating. If only *they* would change, everything would be better! Except it wouldn't, would it? When you think about it, what they're doing makes perfect sense. When you ask a few questions, you'll probably realise that if you were in their shoes, you'd do the same. Try asking questions like: - Why are they doing this? - What have they got to fear or lose? The people who are pissing you off are probably making sensible choices that you, too, would make in their shoes. You need to put their shoes on. The meta version of that question is something like: *If everyone is great and doing their best, and it's still turning out like this, how is the environment to blame?* It's rarely people who are bad. The systems we exist within encourage behaviour from us that is bad. Bad systems, not bad people. (Of course, you know who changes systems, don't you? Yeah. It's people. You're people. It's you.) Til next week, A ### Are you impatient? Manage daily annoyances with 4 key strategy skills URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/are-you-impatient-manage-daily-annoyances-with-4-key-strategy-skills/ Last updated: 2025-09-22T22:11:18.000Z #### In this post Four ways to help you calm your impatient farm: 1. Go back to to the future 2. Get some distance 3. Remember why 4. Quit everything. --- ## Do you need to calm your farm? I'm a querulous woman. My baseline patience levels are deficient. It's a shame because I'd planned to be a very calm, pleasant Earth Mother. A non-anxious presence. A safe and welcoming bosom on which my children could rest their heads. I assumed those skills might come in a package with the children. Three children later, I'm sad to report that they did not. I get annoyed by small things - slow walkers, messy lounge rooms, sniffing plane passengers - and I spend a fair amount of energy suppressing my irritation throughout the day. I don't like waiting. I don't like delays. I don't like mistakes. I'm kind of a dick. One thing that has helped me to put some of my inner rage-head to bed is digging into my strategy toolbox. If you're not a patient person by nature either, and you'd like some helpful tips for how to calm down a little easier, read on. --- ## Strategy skills to help you calm down Nothing matters as much as you think - not in the long run. Don't believe me? Take a look at your calendar or to-do list from three months ago. Scroll through some of your messages from a year ago with your best mate. The stuff that kept you awake at night, had you put in extra hours, or agonise over the right choice doesn't seem such a big deal now. Nothing would have changed if you hadn't done a third of it. Now, think about some of the hardest things you've coped with. Odds are, it all worked out all right. You probably refer to those things and appreciate how you changed, grew, or learned. When you look back, you've got a [long-game lens](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/4-steps-to-playing-the-long-game-2/). It's like a wide-angle setting for your brain. When the long game lens is on, you see how individual choices, events, and upsets fit into the bigger picture and work those into your narrative. For the patience-challenged, fitting a long-game lens is a smart and sensible way to pull yourself out of daily frustrations. Here are four useful reflective practices to channel a broader perspective: ### 1\. Go back to the future We're good at seeing how all the pieces fit together when we look into the past (' It was hard, but I'm glad it happened because…') and into the future too (' Sacrifice now will pay off in the future') but we struggle to do it for the present. When we bring a long-game perspective into the present, we see options, choices and daily events differently. We ask questions like: - *"Does this take me closer to the end goal?"* - "*How will I talk about this in a year?"* - *"Is this the best use of my time?"* - *"What consequences will this have?"* ### 2\. Get some distance from your worries The main reason things seem like such a big deal is because we're too close to them. Daniel Kahneman calls this WYSIATI ('What You See Is All There Is'), but wise people have told us this for ages. You've probably said, "You can't see the wood for the trees" at some point. > The closer you are to something, the more critical it seems. Our brains are wired to put immediate threats first, which makes sense. We react quickly to the threats in front of us to stay alive. This is great when we're staring down a woolly mammoth but not so helpful when we turn into reactive drama queens panicking at every new email or deadline. Given that we're so good at putting things into perspective *in retrospect*, it can be helpful to play Future You when everything seems unmanageable. Try thinking about your life as a book and this disaster or phase as an event or a chapter. How would it fit into the broader story of what came before and what came next? What would this chapter be called? ### 3\. Remember why you care Our experiences seem factual because they're tangible. If you can see, smell, hear or taste something, it must be real… right? Wrong. Our external world isn't as objective as it seems. Most of what we experience is just a projection of our shit. Like Google, our mind runs on a series of filters, helpfully sorting through the tonne of sensory information available to present us with relevant results. This is great if you're a good Googler and use the proper search criteria. But if your criteria are unhelpful - or worse, if they're *unclear*, the sorting function doesn't work. Some things seem more important than they are, while the most critical stuff falls by the wayside. It's hard to see things for what they are if you don't know who you are or what you care about. That's why perspective doesn't work without purpose. We must use our values to define a more helpful filter for our search results. Greg McKeown calls this your 'highest point of contribution.' Simon Sinek calls it your 'why.' Mindfulness teachers talk about your 'calling.' Call it what you like. The minutiae don't seem so relevant when you've got your eye on something more significant. Who cares if someone cut you off on the motorway or Ben in Accounting took the wrong tone in his email when you're focused on building something important? Your life will always fill up with stuff, because you secretly want it to. We avoid boredom because we'd have to face the truth about our super-important work and life things and wonder… "Is this all bullshit?" "what am I even doing this for?" And those are scary questions. Take the time to understand [what you value](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/values-68d1bb64f5b5ff001b81ccb4/) and the impact you want to have on the world. It's scary but worthwhile. People motivated by a strong sense of [purpose](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/find-your-purpose-upgrade-your-inner-google/) tend to live more meaningful lives, have more satisfying relationships and do better at work. These are nice things to have. --- ### 4\. Make tough decisions that put you in alignment Knowing your purpose isn't enough. In fact, knowing what matters to you and not living in alignment with that will make you miserable. To bring genuine peace and calm to your life, consider this question: > What if it isn't the mess, the noise, or the delays that upsets you? What if it's a deeper sense of unease? Do you know you're out of alignment, but that's too tricky to handle, so you're projecting that feeling onto other things around you? Maybe you're living in a way that doesn't feel quite right, and you know it, but you're trying to avoid it. You're avoiding it because you have a boss or clients to answer to, people to look after, parents to please, a mortgage to pay, or other obligations, and you've filed yourself under 'stuck, whether you like it or not.' Because that will definitely leave you irritable and impatient. Everyone knows the guy who talks the big game about what they will do 'one day.' One day, they'll write a book. One day, they'll start their own business. One day, they'll run a marathon. Maybe *you* are that guy. But one day will come, and if you didn't write anything, launch anything, or pick up a running habit, the odds are against you. In this way, the long game is a paradox. On one hand, nothing matters very much. On the other... everything does. > How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. > *– Annie Dillard* If this is you, here's a big hug: you've done the right thing for everyone for a long time, and that's awesome. Proud of you. It's time for you to bring some of your stuff in now, before you become an insufferable asshole. If you want to keep a healthy perspective and stop losing your shit over minor things in the present, do more of what lights you up and points toward a future. Write that book, build that website, go to that class and take small steps to bring sustainability into your workplace. Do less of what gets in the way, and when something pisses you off, push it through your 'What I Genuinely Care About' filter. Ask questions like: - *"Is this worth my energy?"* - *"Does investing my time here take me closer to my long game?"* - *"What should I focus on instead?"* - *"How do I get rid of this from my life"?"* - *"Can I just let this go?*" Or even better, blow everything up and start again. It's almost a new year, and how bad could it be? A ### Just keep going URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/just-keep-going/ Last updated: 2025-09-22T22:16:02.000Z It’s hard to stick to new stuff. We sign up to new things all the time – fitness regimes, ideas, podcasts, committees – and the initial burst of enthusiasm is usually enough to sustain the first days and weeks. After that, things start to fall away. Life happens. We miss a day, and then another of our fitness regime. We forget about that podcast we were into. We see the committee meeting in our calendar and groan a little, because we know we’ve got nothing to report this time. Things take longer to happen than we expect, and we lose faith and energy in the interim. No matter how committed we are to something in principle, sustaining momentum is hard for everyone. Sometimes we get stalled because we’re waiting on someone or something else to happen and that delay becomes a killer. Sometimes, we just drop the ball. We know this, we live this – and yet we still launch into every new thing as though it will be different this time. Epiphanies are exciting, but they’re not the stuff that transformation is made of. Real transformation might need a catalyst to get started, but after that, it’s about showing up and doing the work. When you’re trying to lose weight, it really doesn’t matter what system you pick - if you stick to it, even when you’re not seeing the results you want initially, it will work. Personal or organisational change is the same – it’s far more about consistency than about creativity. Sustain big change by taking small, incremental steps, and building the systems that make doing the right thing the easiest – or only - option. Plan for obstacles ahead of time, so you respond well when they hit (because they will). Know there will be a lag time between all your brilliant action, and seeing the results, and stick with it anyway. Assume that some days you will probably suck, and create habits, prompts, and routines that nudge you in the right direction even when things seem too hard. Your initial commitment might give you the push, but you need momentum to keep moving – and as time goes on, your base level rises, so that even Sucky You is 10x better than Old You. You will get there. Just keep going. ### Tippity tap, send URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tippity-tap-send/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:39:55.000Z Recently, my 9-year-old daughter imitated what people do at work with this handy little phrase: "Tippity tap, send."With that, she struck an air keyboard, hitting the enter key with a flourish. Bang on. Between doing the work I love, I've spent much of the last few weeks wasting time in front of my computer. Tippity tap, tippity tap. Ugh. According to Greg McKeown, the 'paradox of leadership' is that as we advance in seniority, we become so overwhelmed with new tasks and responsibilities that we lose sight of how we add value. I often see this with reluctant managers who'd rather be technical experts. They are brimming with expertise, and they can’t help but provide project input, even once they’re in a senior leadership position. It’s great to care about the details – particularly the accuracy and quality of our work. But when you're a leader, those details can get you stuck. > “What’s most likely to distract us on any given day are the things we have a good reason for doing but not a great reason for doing.” – James Clear When we're too focused on details, and not conscious enough of the bigger picture: - We work more hours but feel like we achieve less - People who work for us can't learn and grow - Those same people become frustrated by our meddling and progressively disengage until their work turns to shit and they resent us for existing - We work until our synapses short out entirely, then slowly melt into a puddle of cynicism and burnout, forgetting why we wanted to have a job in the first place and plotting a new life as a barista in a small town. As Marshall Goldsmith writes in *What Got You Here Won’t Get You There*, our success can be more *in spite of* our behaviour than because of it. The tippity tap is one of those behaviours. Spend a whole day with no email and do the job you actually want to do. Til next week, AM ### Local Legends In-House Programme URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-legends-in-house-programme/ Last updated: 2026-07-15T10:42:02.000Z ****Equip your Councillors and Council managers to lead with clarity and confidence.** Local Legends is a transformative development experience for local government leaders that delivers long-term results and measurable impact. ## About the programme Learn the tools, frameworks, and confidence to rise above the noise, focus on what matters most, and leave a lasting legacy for your community. Highly interactive sessions focus on real-world application, equipping attendees with the tools and confidence to drive meaningful change. --- ## The Local Legends difference Local Legends teaches you the skills you wish you'd learned when you started in local government. Real-world, practical skills to get you out of the weeds and operating at the highest level. ## What you'll gain Local Legends transforms perspective, relationships and ongoing decision-making. Participants get: - Unparalleled clarity in the roles of governance and management. - Proven frameworks for making smarter, more strategic decisions. - Practical strategies to foster collaboration and navigate complexity - Tailored insights specific to your Council’s challenges. - A comprehensive toolkit, including workbooks and templates, to ensure long-term impact. - Post-session resources for continued learning and application. ## Case studies [Glen Eira City Council: Local Legends in-house programmeGlen Eira City Council used the Local Legends programme to help their leaders navigate financial uncertainty.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-34.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/272232CD-A57A-4942-9C0E-DD165C24F504_1_105_c.jpeg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/glen-eira/) [City of Mitcham: Local Legends in-house programmeCity of Mitcham used the Local Legends programme to transform their decision-making.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-35.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/240528-City-of-Mitcham-Case-Study.jpeg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/city-of-mitcham-case-study/) [Mildura Rural City Council: Local Legends in-house programmeMildura Rural City Council invested in its Councillors and executive managers to build strong relationships and boost decisions after an organisational review.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/2-36.png)Alicia McKayAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/IMG_2367.jpeg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/mildura-rural-city-council-case-study/) --- ## FAQs #### Why choose Local Legends? This premium leadership program is tailored specifically for local government, addressing the unique challenges of governance and management. ****Strategic governance** Equip Councillors to define their role, align with management, and make smarter, high-impact decisions. ****Collaborative leadership** Build stronger, more productive relationships between governance and management teams. ****Visionary focus** Shift from operational distractions to strategic priorities that create long-term value for communities. #### What topics does Local Legends cover? Local government faces three common strategic problems: short-termism, disconnection between governance and management, and scattered and incobsistent decision-making. Addressing these three problems requires three fundamental shifts: ****Perspective**, ****Relationships** and ****Decisions.** 1. ****Perspective:** Lift your gaze and think long-term to make decisions that define your legacy. 2. ****Relationships:** Build respect, clarity, and collaboration between governance and management. 3. ****Decisions:** Use strategic frameworks to navigate complexity and make smarter choices. #### What are the key learning outcomes? Councillors and Council managers will: - Understand the difference between leading a Council and a business. - Get clear on the governance-management dynamic. - Use strategic impact levers at the policy and governance level. - Master decision-making tools and frameworks. - Build trusting relationships with peers and colleagues. - Practise asking better questions to achieve better outcomes. #### What makes Local Legends different? ****Local government specific** Most leadership development programs are off the shelf and targeted at the private sector. Elected members learn to be company directors, Council officers learn to be corporate executives - and communities miss out on the leadership they need. Local Legends is exclusively designed for local government leaders. You'll learn proven strategies that work in this uniquely visible and regulated sector. All content is tailored to suit local government's pressures and privileges and delivered by a local government expert. ****Practical and applied** We don't lose the crowd with boring slide-shows and complex theory. We get runs on the board fast by learning skills you can put to the test in the room. By the end, Councillors and executive managers have new tools and strategies to run better meetings, make better decisions and move beyond the operational pull to make a real difference.? #### Who is Alicia McKay and why does she teach this programme? Alicia McKay is an internationally recognised local government expert. She has worked with dozens of Councils across Australia and New Zealand to improve strategic planning, leadership and governance. Alicia partners with local government associations and Councils to deliver training and events and is a trusted advisor to local, state, and federal governments on local government issues. Alicia is the author of **From Strategy to Action*, **You Don't Need An MBA,* and 2024's **Local Legends: How to make a difference in local government*. In 2025, Alicia was named one of the Top 25 Thinkers in Local Government in the World. She travels the globe speaking to local government organisations and conferences, including the USA and UK. Councils enjoy Alicia's straight-talking, n0-bullshit style and her deep insight into the uniqueness of local government. ## Testimonials ## Enquire now ### 10 ways to take control of your life URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/10-ways-to-take-control-of-your-life/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:40:09.000Z Sometimes, the world spins wildly out of your control, and you forget you have control of your life. Here are ten things you can take charge of right now. Pick two. ### 1\. Your buffer Anything can turn to shit at any time. Minor things: sick kids, traffic jams, and car repairs. Major things: PR nightmares, natural disasters, and pandemics. It doesn’t matter how well you plan, or how much you prepare, something’s going to throw you off course. When you run too close to the edge - financially, emotionally, physically or logistically - even minor things can be a nightmare. You need a buffer. Your buffer might have taken a hit in the last little while. Funds are down, energy is low, and pressure is up. You might have used all of it up, and you’re already in the red. But you don’t have to run dry. Make a choice now, determine your deficits, and rebuild some space and margin in your life: an extra month’s expenses, a few hours a week of nothing time, an extra hour’s sleep each night. ### 2\. Your attitude I adore the Nietzsche phrase: *amor fati.* It's a Latin term that loosely translates to ‘a love of one’s fate.’ Nothing is inherently positive or negative. It just… is. Whether we like it or not, there’s a lot in our lives we can’t control. When I work with leaders who are deep in the shit, I often ask them to try writing five or ten different news headlines to describe different angles on what’s just happened. The pin usually drops around the third or fourth headline - the story is up to you. You can’t control what’s happened, but you can choose how to think about it. ### 3\. Your intention Your current crisis is just a blip on the radar of your life. You’re playing a long game, and people who are serious about their long game all have one thing in common: clear intention. They might not know what’s coming or how they will make their intention a reality, but they know what they aim for. They hold it lightly, but take it seriously. Strong intentions, held lightly, act as a guide and filter for your decisions. They open up possibilities you wouldn’t see otherwise and open your eyes to options others might miss. ### 4\. Your loose ends The stuff we commit to but don’t get done doesn’t go away. It festers in your consciousness and weighs you down, making it hard to be great at the stuff you are doing. If just reading that paragraph makes you uneasy, it’s time to tackle that backlog. You can’t work with what you can’t see, so make it visible. Make the list, make a plan, and start checking it off. Set a day aside and kill it. Make the calls, book and order things, organise a tradesperson, hire that person, fire that other one, drop that broken thing in for repair. Once you get a roll on, it’s astonishing how quickly it all goes away. ### 5\. Your time When I do strategy work, teams often tell me, “This won’t need any extra budget, just time,” or “I don’t think we need to take anything away to make room for this.” Where do you think you’re getting extra time from? Can you bend the space-time continuum? No. No, you can’t. You’ve got 24 hours in a day. 168 hours in a week. How do you want to spend them? What’s your ideal split between work, family, friends and personal time? How much time should be spent on exercise? How much should go on your most important projects? It’s up to you. Get some clarity about your spread, and organise your life to suit. ### 6\. Your tolerance I’ve had kids for most of my life, and the one myth I had to bust quickly was my vision of the calm, patient Earth Mother I thought I would be. I thought the patience came with the kid, and I’m unsure whether mine had missing accessories, but… it didn’t. I'm 19 years into this gig and I’m still working on it. Trying to change everyone around you is an exhausting and unwinnable battle. Your kids are always going to act up. There will always be someone at work who makes your life hard. You’re always going to have to interact with frustration, distraction and general fuckery - so get better at it. Meditate, get therapy, exercise, write down your frustrations, learn to take deep breaths, and cancel your stress. Working on your tolerance is a winnable battle. ### 7\. Your technology If your screen time is more than two hours a day, get your shit together. You're an adult. Leave the phone out of your bedroom, turn it off when you're with people you care about, and take your life back. You aren't so important that you must be contactable and responsive for more than a couple of hours each day. What are you doing, saving the world? You have plenty of time to read, paint, renovate, call your family, make nice meals, and exercise, but you have forgotten it isn't normal to spend hours gazing at screens of varying sizes like a slack-jawed zombie. ### 8\. Your team You need the right people around you - staff, team, mates, and mentors. Life is hard enough without doing it alone. You deserve help, support, and fun - and you can have it. You might not know who, and you might not even know how, but it’s important to be clear about the capabilities you need around you. At home, work out the support you need and ask for it. Review your team for gaps and issues at work and tackle them. In your personal life, think about who needs to be on your personal board of directors and recruit. Join a walking group or a book club. ### 9\. Your home Your home is your sanctuary, so make it a place you love to be. Buy great sheets - that’s half the hotel bill anyway. Get into the garden. Sort out your maintenance. Light a scented candle. Clean out your garage. Water your houseplants. Cultivate love, respect and care for your safe place, and enjoy returning to it daily. ### 10\. Your health Nothing, nothing, nothing, is more important than your health. Most of us will happily hand over thousands to fix our car, or maintain our home, but wince at the cost of a trainer, surgery or dentist bill. Stop it. Take inventory of your mental, emotional and physical health. Book in a few months of therapy. Make daily exercise a priority. Change what you put in your mouth. Get that mole checked. Go to the dentist. Commit to a sleep schedule. Drink some water. Did I mention sleep? Go to sleep. ### Success hack: the right people URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/success-hack-networking-with-the-right-people-2/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:41:58.000Z The company you keep matters. When you're surrounded by smokers, you're more likely to be a smoker. When your friends are successful at work, you're more likely to be successful at work. The people we're surrounded by have much more power than we realise - not always because we consciously emulate them, but because we absorb invisible social norms and expectations that shape our psyche and decision-making. When I joined Thought Leaders Business School in 2018, I felt the power of this pull almost immediately. I went from a background where writing a book felt like a “one day” aspirational goal, to a community where that was expected and normalised. Three years later, I’ve got two published books to my name. Crikey. When you're surrounded by negative, small-minded people, it can suck you dry before you realise it. That’s fairly easy to deal with in a friend group, where we can choose who we talk to. It’s harder at work, when we’re surrounded by people who bring us down. ### How do your people make you feel? Reflect on how you feel when you leave meetings, coffee dates, and conferences. Inspired? Energised? Flat? Dejected? Frustrated? Take note of who has what effect on you, and try to stay conscious of that throughout the day. ### Who do you need more of? Who do you need more of in your life? More grounding? More role models? More families? More go-getters? Write them down and think about how you can consciously make that happen. ### Who do you want to be? When you know who you want to be, and you’re clear on your values, you have a much higher chance of cultivating a network that supports that. Take some time to think about what you value, and what you’re aiming to achieve—in your community, your personal life, or at work. When you know what you’re looking for, it’s easier to find it. ### Be proactive It’s hard making friends as an adult. I hate it. There’s less time, it’s more awkward, and it takes effort. Ironically, this is the time in your life when you’re best placed to make good decisions about who to spend time with, rather than falling into a default group from high school or an old workplace. One of the most exciting things about [Not An MBA ](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)is the calibre of people we’ve got on board. We’ve been really intentional about who this is a good fit for - and it’s not everyone. It’s for a particular breed of ambitious, frustrated learner who wants to do something big, and isn't always surrounded by people who feel the same way. Being intentional and proactive about who we’re looking for has paid off - and it can for you too. Who should you be surrounding yourself with, and where can you find them? Til next week, —A ### Client list URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/client-list-2/ Last updated: 2025-10-05T23:28:24.000Z #### Client list I have worked directly with organisations across almost all sectors, specialising in public sector agencies and Councils. Clients include: A - Association of Consulting Engineers NZ (ACENZ) - Australian Community Services Organisation (ACSO) - Australian Local Government Association (ALGA) - Association of Local Government Information Managers (ALGIM) - Australian Local Government Women's Association (ALGWA) - ARUP - Ashburton District Council - Auckland Council B - Bega Valley Shire Council - Bellingen Shire Council - Bible Society NZ - Bay of Plenty Regional Council (BOPRC) - Broken Hill City Council C - Chartered Accountants Australia and New Zealand (CAANZ) - Campaspe Shire Council - Central Hawkes Bay District Council - Christchurch City Council - City of Canterbury Bankstown - City of Darwin - City of Greater Bendigo - City of Launceston - City of Mitcham - City of Sydney - Community House Mid Canterbury - Community Housing Aotearoa - Contact Energy Limited - Countdown - Crown Law D - Dairy Womens Network - Deloitte - Department of Environment, Land, Water, and Planning, Victoria (DELWP) - Department of Conservation - Department of Internal Affairs - Dubbo Regional Council - Dunedin City Council E - Environment Southland - Experience Wellington F - Farmright - Fundraising Institute of NZ (FINZ) - FMG Insurance - Fonterra G - Gisborne District Council - Glen Eira - Gore District Council - Greater Wellington Regional Council - Griffith City Council - Gwydir Shire Council - Gympie Regional Council H - HainesAttract Recruitment - Hamilton City Council - Hauraki District Council - Hutt City Council I - International City County Managers Association (ICMA) - Invercargill City Council - Institute of Public Works Engineering Australasia (IPWEA) - Independent Quality Assurance NZ (IQANZ) K - Katherine Town Council L - Lane Cove Council - Local Government Association of South Australia (LGASA) - Local Government Managers Association of Queensland (LGMA) - Local Government New Zealand (LGNZ) - Local Government Professionals New South Wales (LGPro NSW) - Local Government Professionals Victoria (LGPro VIC) - L'oreal Paris M - Mackenzie District Council - Magiq Software - Mainfreight - Massey University - Masterton District Council - Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment (MBIE) - Merri-bek City Council - Ministry for Forestry and the Environment (MFE) - Midlands DHB - Mildura Rural City Council - Ministry of Justice - Ministry of Social Development N - National Road Carriers Association (NRCA) - NZ Treasury - New Zealand Defence Force (NZDF) - New Zealand Institute of Quantity Surveyors (NZIQS) - New Zealand Transport Agency (NZTA) O - Optimal Workshop - Oranga Tamariki P - PAE New Zealand - Palmerston North City Council - Panuku Development Auckland - Parks and Leisure Association of Australia - Porirua City Council R - RAC Insurance Australia - Department of Infrastructure, Transport, Regional Development, Communications, Sport and the Arts, Australia - Road Transport Forum NZ S - Savory Construction - Queensland Small Business Commissioner - SkyCity - Smart Cities - SODA Inc. - Society of Local Government Managers NZ (SOLGM) - South Gippsland Shire Council - South Waikato District Council - Southern DHB - Southland District Council - Secondary Principals Association of NZ (SPANZ) - Sport NZ - Sport Whanganui - State Services Commission - Stats NZ - Sutherland Shire Council T - Tamworth Regional Council - Central Regions Technical Advisory Service (TAS) - Tasman District Council - Taupo District Council - ThinkTank Media - Todd Energy - Transport NSW U - University of Canterbury - Upper Hutt City Council W - Waikato Chamber of Commerce - Waikato Regional Council - Waikato Tainui - Waitaki District Council - Waste Management Institute of NZ (WasteMINZ) - Wellington City Council - Whanganui District Council - Wingecarribee Shire Council Y - Yarra Ranges Council #### Training attendees I have also trained thousands of senior leaders from hundreds of organisations, such as: A - A J Bates Limited - A S Wilcox and Sons - AA Insurance - Automobile Association of NZ (AA) - AES Financial Services - Australian National University (ANU) - ANZ Bank - Australian Rail Track Corporation (ARTC) - ARUP - ASB Bank - Aurecon - Academic Search International - Academy of the Social Sciences in Australia - Access Community Health - Accident Compensation Corporation (ACC) - Advanced Security Group - Agrihealth - Albury City Council - Amnesty International New Zealand - Anglican Care Waiapu - Asahi Beverages - Ashburton District Council - Association of Consulting Engineers NZ (ACENZ) - Association of Local Government Information Managers (ALGIM) - Auckland City Hospital - Auckland Council - Auckland Transport - Auckland University - Australian Equine and Livestock Events Centre - Australian National University - Aviation Security Service - Avivo: Live Life - Able Tech - Ace Landscapes - Adroit SEI B - Bainbridge Homes - Barker's of Geraldine - Baseline - Bass Coast Shire Council - Batchelor Institute of Indigenous Tertiary Education - Bay of Plenty Regional Council (BOPRC) - Beca Group Limited - Bega Valley Shire Council - Beige Technologies - Bellingen Shire Council - Best Buy Canada - Bidfood NZ - Blacktown City Council - Blue Mercury - Blumers Personal Injury Lawyers - Bow Valley College - Broken Hill City Council - Buddle Findlay Law C - CBM Australia - Callaghan Innovation - Canterbury Employers' Chamber of Commerce - Capital & Coast District Health Board - Carey Baptist Grammar School - Carters New Zealand - Cartology New Zealand (Woolworths) - Central Coast Council - Central Hawke's Bay District Council - Central Joint Organisation - Central Otago District Council - Cerebral Palsy Alliance - Chartered Accountants Australia and New Zealand (CAANZ) - Christchurch City Council - Christians Against Poverty NZ - City of Canning - City of Canterbury Bankstown - City of Coffs Harbour - City of Darwin - City of Greater Bendigo - City of Mandurah - City of Mitcham - City of Newcastle - City of Stonnington - City of Sydney - City of Whittlesea - CityCare Christchurch - Claire Williams & Associates - Clarence Valley Council - Commerce Commission - Communication Works NZ - Consiglio Limited - Contact Energy Ltd - Countdown New Zealand (Woolworths) - Countrywide Conference & Events Management (CCEM) - Courthouse Libraries BC, Canada - Creative HQ - Crews Climb International - Caring Foundation of NZ - Commission for Financial Capability NZ - City of Tea Tree Gully Council D - DairyNZ - Datacom Group Ltd - Department of Conservation - Department of Corrections NZ - Department of Environment and Heritage - Department of Environment, Land, Water and Planning Victoria - Department of Infrastructure - Department of Internal Affairs - Department of Transport - Dietitians NZ - Douglas Pharmaceuticals - Dubbo Regional Council - Dublin City University - Dunedin City Council - Downer NZ E - Environment Canterbury (ECAN) - Energy Efficiency and Conversation Authority (EECA) - Earthquake Commission NZ - East Gippsland Shire Council - EastPack Limited - EcoCentral - Engineering New Zealand Te Ao Rangahau - Environment Southland - Environmental Protection Authority - Equip Recruitment - Experience Wellington - Electoral Commission NZ F - FMG Insurance - Far North District Council - FarmRight - Film Victoria - Fire and Emergency NZ - FishServe Ltd - Fliway Group - Fonterra Co-Operative Group Limited - Franklin Memorial Hospital - Fraser Coast Regional Council - Freightways - Fusion5 G - Goulburn Murry Water - Generation Homes - Gisborne District Council - Gladstone Regional Council - Glen Eira City Council - Good Earth Matters - Gore District Council - General Practice NZ (GPNZ) - Greater Cities Commission - Greater Wellington Regional Council - Grey District Council - Griffith City Council - Grosafe Chemicals H - Haines Attract - Hamilton City Council - Hanwha Defence - Hatch Solutions - Hauraki District Council - Hawke's Bay Regional Council - Heartland Bank Limited - Henderson High School - Higgins - Home-Start Cymru - Horowhenua District Council - Horsham Rural City Council - Housing New Zealand Corporation - Houston Technology Group - Human Skills Co - Hume City Council - Hutt City Council - Hutt Valley DHB - Hamilton Jet - Height PM I - IAG - ICT - Integrated Control Technology - Indara - Independent Extrusions Pty - Inland Revenue Department NZ - Inner West Council - Insightful Solutions Limited - Institute of Directors in New Zealand (IOD) - Integrity1 - Invercargill City Council K - Kaipara District Council - Kapiti Coast District Council - King & Wood Mallesons - Kingston District Council - Kiwi Property Group Limited - Kāinga Ora L - L'Oréal - LIFTA Lift Services - Local Government Professionals South Australia (LGPro SA) - Lakes District Health Board - Land Information New Zealand - Landay Rural Services Ltd - Landcorp Farming - Lane Cove Council - Launch Commercial Solutions - Liverpool Plains Shire Council - Local Government Association of South Australia - Loest Leadership Inc - Lower Murray Water - Lumary - Lutra - Land Administration Coast and Country South Australia (LACCSA) M - Ministry of Education (MOE) - MR Cagney Engineering - MTF Finance - Mackenzie District Council - Magiq Software - Magistrates’ Court of Victoria - Mainfreight - Mallee District Aboriginal Services - Mana Whaikaha - Maritime New Zealand - Massey University - Max Asset Management - Masterton District Council - Mercury - Mercy Health Care On Call - Metlifecare Ltd - Mildura Rural City Council - Ministry for Primary Industries - Ministry for the Environment - Ministry of Business Innovation and Employment - Ministry of Education, NZ - Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade - Ministry of Justice - Ministry of Social Development - Ministry of Transport NZ - Murray River Council - Marian College - Mental Health Foundation NZ N - NIB New Zealand - NSW Ministry of Health - NSW Public Service Commission - NZ Rural Leaders - NZ Transport Agency - New Zealand Qualifications Authority (NZQA) - Napier City Council - National Disability Insurance Agency (NDIA) - National Health Service - New Zealand Aviation Security Service - New Zealand Customs Service - New Zealand Defence Force - New Zealand Ministry of Health - New Zealand Police - New Zealand Post - New Zealand Trade and Enterprise - Newroad - Ngai Tahu - Northern Region Football - Northern Regional Alliance - Northland Regional Council - New Zealand Council of Trade Unions O - OSPRI New Zealand - OfficeMax - Ohnyx IT Solutions - Open Polytechnic - Optimal Workshop Limited - Opus International Consultants - Oranga Tamariki - Ministry for Children - Orbica - Orewa College - Orion NZ - Otago Regional Council P - PAE - Palmerston North City Council - Parks Victoria - Parks and Leisure Australia - Payments NZ - Pernod Ricard - Pharmaceutical Management Agency - Porirua City Council - Port Stephens Council - Poutama Q - Quantum Aspects Limited - Queenstown Medical Centre Limited - Quest Apartment Hotels - Quadrant Solutions R - RAC Victoria (RACV) - RMA Digital - Rabobank - Rangitikei District Council - Real Estate Brands Management Ltd - Reserve Bank of New Zealand Te Pūtea Matua - RespectEd Aotearoa - Reviva Limited - Rolleston College - Royal New Zealand Plunket Society - Recruitment Consulting and Staffing Organisation NZ / Australia (RCSA) - Scion - Selwyn District Council - Sendbird Korea Inc - Serious Fraud Office - New Zealand - Shire of Campaspe - Shire of Murray - Shopify - Site Safe New Zealand - SkyCity - South Gippsland Shire Council - South Link Health Services - South Waikato District Council - Southern Cross - Southern District Health Board - Southern Downs Regional Council - Southland District Council - Spark - Sport Hawke's Bay - Sport NZ - Sport Waitakere - Springboard Trust - St John New Zealand - Stantec Inc. - Statford District Council - Statistics New Zealand - Stratford District Council - Strathbogie Shire Council - Sunrise Health Aboriginal Corporation - Surf Coast Shire Council - Sutherland Shire Council - Synergy Health - Sharesies - Silver Ferns Farms - Smart Loyalty T - Tainui Group Holdings Limited - TalkLink Trust - Tamworth Regional Council - Tararua District Council - Tasman District Council - Taumarunui High School - Taupo District Council - Te Aho o Te Kura Pounamu - Te Kawa Mataaho Public Service Commission - Te Puna Hauora - Te Runanga o Ngai Tahu - Te Rūnanga o Toa Rangatira - Te Whatu Ora - Team Assurance - Thames-Coromandel District Council - The Arts Centre - The Leader Shed - The Switch Agency - The Treasury New Zealand - The University of Adelaide - The University of Auckland - The University of Newcastle - The Warehouse - ThinkTank Summits - Toi Foundation - Totally Psyched! - Transport for NSW - Transpower New Zealand Limited - True Colours Children's Health Trust - Trust Power - Tweed Shire Council - Tū Ora Compass Health New Zealand - Te Pukenga - Together Works NZ - THINK Hauora - TSEG U - University of New South Wales (UNSW) - University of Wollongong (UOW) - Unison Networks - University of Otago - University of South Australia - University of Waikato - Unreal Solutions - Upper Hutt City Council - Upsides Training - Urban Homes V - Vector Limited - VetNZ - VetSouth - Victorian Auditor-General's Office - Voco Digital - Vodafone W - WK Advisors and Accountants - Wellington Regional Emergency Management Office (WREMO) - WSP Global - Waikato Civil Defence and Emergency Management Group - Waikato District Health Board - Waikato Regional Council - Waitaki District Council - WasteMINZ - Water X - Wave Agency - Wellington City Council - Wellington Free Ambulance - Wellington Water - Wellington Zoo - WellSouth Primary Health Network - Weta Workshop - Whanganui District Council - Whanganui District Health Board - Whangarei District Council - Whitehorse City Council - Wholechild Early Learning - Wingecarribee Shire Council - WinTec - WorkSafe New Zealand - Workwise Employment Ltd Y - YMCA West Australia (YMCA WA) - Yarra Ranges Council Z - Zend ## Testimonials Read testimonials from delighted clients and students. ## Enquire now Tell me what you've got in mind, and I'll give you a call. Emails suck. ### The consequences of your commitment URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-consequences-of-your-commitment/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:20:41.000Z Are you struggling to make progress on the most important things to you? Chances are, you're not living in alignment with your priorities. You might *say* what is most important in your life, but would an objective observer watching you go about your day reach the same conclusion? Unless you're making trade-offs that channel your time, energy, attention and money into your priorities and away from competing demands, they aren't your priorities. They're hopes and wishes. Whether you want to land your dream job, launch your business, run a marathon, write a book, have a family, buy a house, find your soulmate, or go on your big adventure, you'll have to say no to the second-order temptations that will send you off-track. Promise yourself to every path and you'll fail to travel any of them meaningfully. You probably know what you need to do. It's not clarity you need, but the courage to live with the consequences of your commitment. ...Oh, and face the naked limitations of your abilities with nothing else to blame or hide behind. Coming to terms with the prospect that you might do everything you possibly can and still be found wanting is scary. It's also the price of entry for achieving things that matter. (Soz.) Til next week, AM ### Strategic Public Leaders Training with LGPro NSW, Sydney, 2024 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategic-public-leaders-training-sydney-september-2024/ Last updated: 2025-10-19T03:23:58.000Z ## Attention, local government managers! Strategic Public Leaders is an intensive short course for senior and mid-tier local government leaders to learn strategic skills. - **Level up your leadership**: With strategic skills, you lead with more intention and confidence. Strategic leaders are goal-oriented and make consistent, intentional choices that move them in the right direction. - **Elevate your impact**: Strategic public leaders rise above the operational overwhelm to see the bigger picture and move the needle on the most important stuff. - **Future-proof your career**: Developing strategic skills involves a combination of communication, tactical and people skills delivering a higher return on investment. Making progress in a highly visible, political, regulated, responsive environment like local government is challenging. You have an ambitious work program to deliver and limited resources to do it with. Add community issues, government consultations and media attention into the mix (before we talk about ever-changing Councillor requests), and it may seem impossible to move forward. The demand on local government managers is increasing. The number of initiatives, scope of responsibilities, and cost burdens shifted to local government are escalating – as is the complexity of those requirements. Strategic Public Leaders helps local government leaders who are experiencing challenges such as: - Being overwhelmed by tasks, projects, and priorities. - Caught in a reactive cycle of responding to ad-hoc problems instead of progressing key strategic projects. - Becoming defensive and frustrated when interacting with elected members. - Dealing with delays in delivering strategies, plans, and procedures. - Having difficulty building engagement, purpose, and ownership with your team. A local government leader’s most important responsibility is to deliver on the elected members’ strategic vision for the community. This is the role of the administration. Councils are filled with passionate, knowledgeable operational leaders, while decision-making and strategic skills are not taught. Strategy and decision-making are often treated as an artistic talent or other intuitive abilities. The good news is that strategic skills can be learned! Having practical tools and frameworks on hand to ask relevant questions, make better decisions and see the full picture, you can transition to a strategic public leader and watch your impact transform your council. With strategic skills, you will lead with more intention and direction, even as you flex and respond to the ever-changing needs of your Council and community. By building your strategic skills, you can shift from a busy public manager to a strategic public leader. ## Course topics and learning outcomes In this two-day rapid intensive, get a grounding in core principles of strategic leadership for local government, along with a suite of practical tools and strategies you can apply for immediate progress. Topics include: - Strategic basics: Demystifying strategic thinking and planning frameworks. - Role clarity: Drawing a line between governance and management. - Bridging the gap: Aligning big picture strategy to daily operations. - Decision-making: Planning, making, and evaluating quality decisions. - Systems thinking: Solving tricky problems in complex systems. Alicia’s training workshops are at the cutting edge of thinking for senior public leaders. Both inspiring and pragmatic, this training is designed to tackle limiting habits and behaviours while embedding practical skills. At the end of this course, you will have the skills to: - Apply strategic frameworks to align daily operations to big-picture strategy. - Prioritise never-ending project wish lists with clarity and confidence. - Elevate conversations with colleagues and Councillors from operational issues to strategic impact. - Evaluate the quality of decisions effectively to improve buy-in and project success. [Register here](https://lgprofessionals.com.au/Web/Web/Training/Courses/Target/Stratetic-Public-Leaders/Strategic-public-leaders.aspx?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### A strategic choice a day keeps the existential dread at bay URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/a-strategic-choice-a-day-keeps-the-existential-dread-at-bay/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T08:24:29.000Z Do you have everything you want? Do you have the resources to close the gap? If the answer to either of those questions is no, you need strategy. Strategy is what we need when our default won't deliver our dreams. It's not a document, a snappy slogan, or an infographic. It's not something you have—it's something you do. When you're strategic, you make intentional, goal-oriented choices that override your personal and organisational defaults. You make daily decisions and trade-offs aligned with your overall direction; as those choices accumulate, you see results. It sounds easy, but if it were, we wouldn't end the day wondering why we did everything *but* the things we care about the most. The least important things are loud, time-consuming, draining, and distracting. It's hard to hear the call of our bigger selves through all that noise. The good news is that you get another go every day. Every time you decide how to spend your time, money, or attention, you make a choice. You'll likely make ten of them today. Next time you make a decision, try asking these two questions. 1. Why am I doing this? What is the outcome I'm hoping for? 2. How can I change my approach to make that outcome more likely? Do that once a day, and you're less likely to feel you're stagnating in a pool of apathetic mediocrity, letting down your childhood self, or drifting inside a purposeless void. Til next week A ### The difference between the public and private sector URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-difference-between-the-public-and-private-sector/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:26:57.000Z [I went live on LinkedIn to record you this video](https://www.linkedin.com/video/live/urn:li:ugcPost:7261943693274689536/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). 👇🏻 [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/5d78dbd7-640d-4627-9a85-9d08b25a1813_2560x1440-heic-5.jpg)](https://www.linkedin.com/video/live/urn:li:ugcPost:7261943693274689536/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) It's 20ish minutes long, but they're pretty dense minutes. You'll leave knowing how strategy works, how to be strategically effective regardless of where you work, and the core differences between private business and the public sector. Take a look. ### How to run an 8 week strategy check-in URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-run-an-8-week-strategy-check-in/ Last updated: 2025-09-23T06:09:59.000Z In this post: - Why you need regular strategy sessions - Why eight weeks is the magic number. - How to run a great strategy session. - Free template for a 2-day session. --- Strategy is the most important job of any leader. It's why we have leaders. You're the ones who can see the big picture and connect to the work people do everyday. But while strategies are great, and 3-5 year plans are important, they can be too abstract to take priority over the urgent and unexpected things that pop up on the daily. Keeping those big dreams alive and making them real doesn't come easy, but it is the most important function of your job and the time you spend together as a leadership group. ## Why you need regular strategy sessions Strategies are great, and 3-5 year plans are important, but they can be too abstract to take priority over the urgent and unexpected things that pop up daily. Strategic progress is the most important job of any leader. It's why we *have* leaders. You see the big picture and connect outcomes you want to the work people do every day. But most of your leadership team meetings probably get hijacked by operational rats and mice. You quickly mention an email before you get stuck into the real stuff, and half an hour is lost. Your phone rings, so you step out. It's a wasted opportunity, so you need dedicated time for strategy. Keeping those big dreams alive and making them real will never come easy, but you have to try. Strategic progress is the most important function of your job and the time you spend together as a leadership group. ## Why eight-week planning works Unless you carve out a regular cadence of dedicated strategy-only time, it will not happen by accident. I've found eight weeks to be the magic numbers. It's why Not An MBA was eight weeks long - students stay motivated and invested, without getting bored or skipping sessions. 8 week planning works because: - It's long enough to do something important, but short enough to stay motivated about - Change that isn't implemented within 8 weeks is exponentially more likely to fail - It's outside of regular planning cycles (quarterly, annually) and thus picks up more initiatives that are in-train or mid-implementation. --- ## How to run good strategy sessions But how do you use that time well? Here are some ideas for exciting and engaging strategy days that will keep your big-picture moving forward. ### Logistics - Spend your time out of the office so that people bring fresh perspective to the conversation. - Put it in people's calendars with enough time to plan for it. Let them know this is a critical part of their job as leaders - not an "extra" to add to their existing workload. - Order good catering. It's easier to think well when we're fed and nourished. Food brings people together. - Spend two days. It alleviates some of the pressure on Day 1 to get into "decision-making" mode and disrupts the time-boxing of a regular workday. ### Agenda Here's a sample agenda for your strategy away time**.** ### Day 1 **1\. Remind people of your goals and big-picture plans.** Distribute hard copies of your most recent strategic document and keep them handy throughout the day. Make strategy the focus and the lens through which all conversations take place. **2\. Celebrate success** Talk about what's gone well over the last eight weeks, sharing how you've made progress. You've achieved more than you realise, and you've forgotten half of it. Measuring the distance already travelled stops goals from feeling like hypothetical future states and repositions them as work-in-progress. **3\. Scrutinise failure** Use problems and disruptions as valuable learning experiences. Debug something that went badly and take immediate action by changing a process, policy, or rule that will make it harder for the same failure to happen next time. The people who made the mistakes don't have the mandate you do to fix it, so don’t just theorise—make the decision while you’re there. **4\. Rally around a shared project** Look at the work you’ve already got coming up and workshop how to do it in a way that aligns with your strategic priorities. Most strategy days end with committing to new things when plates are already full, rather than changing how to do the existing work. If you already have a big strategic project happening—information management, service reviews, customer strategy, etc.—don’t try to add more. Bring the leadership team together to work out how that project can become a lever for strategic progress. Each business group can contribute their expertise, instead of leaving it all to the department that “owns” the work. --- ### Day 2 The second day of your strategy session has only one job: planning for action. After all the good ideas from yesterday, it’s time to make good. **1\. Tasks, time and money** Set achievable targets and deadlines for the next eight weeks, with clearly defined roles and responsibilities. Agree how you’ll communicate these intentions to your teams, and make trade-offs in the room about other projects or funding that may need to be de-prioritised. **2\. Premortem** Look at what might go wrong, test your thinking for gaps and assumptions, and shrink the size of your plans where possible. The excitement from yesterday will inflate your optimism bias and make it difficult to stick to your intentions back at your desk. **3\. Implementation** Spend your final session of the day doing. Put things in your calendar, draft memos to staff, reallocate budget, and make initial phone calls to get the ball rolling. Committing in the room gives you a head start and makes it harder to back out later. **4\. Book in the next one** Use the momentum and excitement to get the next session in the calendar before everyone leaves. That way, you’ll be fired up to come together again—and you can’t wriggle out of it. [Here’s a sample agenda you can use to plan your next two-day strategy session.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-run-an-eight-week-strategy-sprint-leadership-away-days/) --- Good luck! ### Make the minimum viable decision URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/make-the-minimum-viable-decision/ Last updated: 2025-09-25T09:37:32.000Z What are you tangled up in knots about right now? I bet you've got a decision weighing on you. Whether it's a job offer, a location change, a relationship worry, or a project at work, odds are you're facing decisions. When we treat decision-making like a mental exercise, it's draining. We lie in bed at night with thoughts racing through our minds, scribble notes in our notebooks, and endlessly Google for advice. (If I ever have a cyber forensics team go through my Google history, I won't come off well.) **All good decision processes include action.** When we're trapped in our heads, we're blind to so many assumptions and options. We can wind up frozen and frustrated when we expect perfection or accuracy immediately. So, sometimes, the trick is to just *try something.* Not a big thing, not the final thing. Just a wee trial version of an idea, to see what happens—a minimum viable decision, if you will. Think about the smallest possible thing you can try to experiment with options for your tricky decision. When you commit a small amount of time, money, or energy, it's not a big deal if you lose it. In fact, plan on losing it. Go in expecting it to be a write-off, and be pleasantly surprised if something pans out. You don't know what you don't know. When you *do* things, instead of fretting and talking about them, you immediately understand them better. Play lighter. It's all a big experiment. You'll be OK. Til next week, A ### How to deal with all that pesky sh*t in your life URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-deal-with-all-that-pesky-sht-in-your-life/ Last updated: 2025-09-22T21:53:13.000Z Don't let trivial shit hijack your potential for a brilliant life. It's one thing to get clear on your most important priorities and zero in on your goals and dreams. But what about all that other pesky stuff that gets in your way? You know, the washing, the emails, and the thing you have to sign off and upload.Never fear, alliteration is here. In [last week's Fink Tank](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/camfink%5Fcol-has-been-clearing-his-to-do-list-by-ticking-activity-7232503058415370240-iGzt?utm%5Fsource=share&utm%5Fmedium=member%5Fdesktop), Cam mentioned my 4Ds framework. Here's the 411. ## The Four Ds Framework This handy model tackles all the random bits and bobs that prevent you from progressing with your most important work. Here's how you can use it. To start, draw up a three-column table. ### 1\. Purge In the first column, list all the things clogging up your to-do list, which you know in your heart is not a good use of your time. (Put a big circle around that main thing. You know the thing. You just spent two hours on it, which you regretted WHILE IT WAS HAPPENING.) ### 2\. Treat Title the second column, 'treatment.’ Here are the four options for the treatment column, all starting with D: - Do minimum - Delegate - Delete - Delay #### Do minimum Choose to do a crappy job. Not everything needs to be done well. #### Delegate Give it to someone else to do. This is a great option, but it rarely delivers results overnight. If you want to delegate accountability (which you do), you will probably have to do this in stages. Otherwise, you’ll only delegate the task - which isn't taking a job off your plate; it's adding three new ones (management, quality control and coaching.) #### Delete Get rid of the thing. Seriously. Does it really need to be done? Are you sure? What would happen if you didn't? #### Delay This is my least favourite option and comes with a huge caveat. If you delay something, you need to pick the date you will pick it up. Otherwise, you’ll still be walking around with it on your shoulders, and the whole point of this exercise is to reduce the mental and emotional load, not just the physical. If you know you're still not going to want to do it in three months, be honest with yourself and pick another treatment. ### 3\. Shrink Title the third column 'next step'. In this column, write down the minimum viable next step for each of your treatments. Act on half of these, and your life will change. Bing bang boom, task list reduced. Til next week, A ### Council Induction Masterclass - 27 August 2024 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/council-induction-masterclass-online-27-august-2024/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:27:04.000Z Join Alicia McKay for an online masterclass about Council inductions - recording inside! _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Put your bloody phone down URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/put-your-bloody-phone-down/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T23:06:02.000Z Hi, I'm on holiday and don't have much time, so here is a quick serve: **If your screen time is more than two hours a day, get your shit together.** You're an adult who controls your time and attention; you can escape the glowing prison. Leave the phone out of your bedroom, turn it off when you're with people you care about, and take your life back. You aren't so important that you must be contactable and responsive for more than a couple of hours each day. What are you doing, saving the world? Give your inbox a rest and get off social media; it's rotting your brain and making you stupid. You have plenty of time to read, paint, renovate, call your family, make nice meals, and exercise, but you have forgotten it isn't normal to spend hours gazing at screens of varying sizes like a slack-jawed zombie. Put your bloody phone down. Til next week, AM ### Eiffel Tower leadership URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/eiffel-tower-leadership/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:42:53.000Z Today, the Eiffel Tower is a global icon synonymous with Paris and its allure. But it wasn't always that way. During the tower's construction, many Parisians were vehemently opposed to it, fearing it would ruin the city’s aesthetic. Here are some of the sickest burns levied at the Eiffel Tower from artists and writers of the day: - “belfry skeleton” (Paul Verlaine) - “truly tragic street-lamp” (Léon Bloy) - “mast of iron gymnasium apparatus, incomplete, confused and deformed” (Francois Coppée) - “carcass waiting to be fleshed out with freestone or brick, a funnel-shaped grill, a hole-riddled suppository” (Joris-Karl Huysmans) - “This high and skinny pyramid of iron ladders, this giant ungainly skeleton, upon a base that looks built to carry a colossal monument of Cyclops, but which just peters out into a ridiculous thin shape like a factory chimney” (Guy de Maupassant). ![](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/image-png-Aug-06-2024-10-21-15-6740-AM-1.png) In February 1878, a public letter in *Le Temps* newspaper really let it rip: > *“We have come, writers, painters, sculptors, architects, passionate enthusiasts of the hitherto untouched beauty of Paris, to protest with all our strength, all our indignation, in the name of the unknown French taste, in the name of art and of French history threatened, against the erection, in the heart of our capital, of the useless and monstrous Eiffel Tower…”* > \- Protest Against the Tower of Monsieur Eiffel’ > February 14, 1878 Thankfully, the City of Paris saw beyond the criticism (and a brief lawsuit). They envisioned a monument celebrating technological advancement and placing Paris on the world stage - and they were right. They got it. Shortly after the Eiffel Tower was completed, Parisians had a change of mind\* and people flocked to see it from across the world - and still do, with over seven million people visiting the tower each year. In 2012, the Eiffel Tower was named the world's most valuable monument at $435 Billion (six times the value of the runner-up, Rome's Colosseum.) The decision to build the Eiffel Tower has panned out well, but the Council could easily have got the wobbles and quit, given the amount of public pushback, the cost, and the political risk. Instead, a few visionaries were willing to withstand short-term opposition for long-term impact. Nicely done. For more on this story, and what it means for leadership, pick up your copy of [*Local Legends*](https://shop.aliciamckay.co.nz/products/local-legends?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), out now. \- AM \*except for Guy de Maupassant. He still hated it and was said to eat lunch on the first floor, because it was the only place in Paris he couldn't see it. Ha! ### Local Legends: How to make a difference in local government URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-legends-how-to-make-a-difference-in-local-government-copy/ Last updated: 2026-07-15T10:40:16.000Z ## About the book Local Legends is the essential guide to local government leadership for Councillors and Council managers. Inside, local government leaders find tools and strategies to: - Expand shared perspective. - Make full, fair and focused decisions. - Build trusting, collaborative relationships. - Balance short-term needs with long-term goals. - Design projects and policies to stand the test of time. - Align people and systems for organisational performance. Packed with valuable insights and practical advice, Local Legends is an indispensable resource for local government policymakers, practitioners, and politicians. [Buy now](#buy-the-book) --- ## Reviews #### Editorial reviews 'Local Legends is a must-read for anyone in local government in Australia, New Zealand - or elsewhere for that matter. It offers evidence-based insight leading logically to a what-to-do-next opinion. A masterful work, engagingly written, by someone from local government who clearly wants to deliver better outcomes for Councils and residents. Congratulations Alicia, Local Legends is a book that will make a difference to the way people live. Any chance you could turn your mind to defence, inflation, and housing?' ****\- Bernard Salt AM, Founder of the Demographics Group** 'Never before have I read anything that so perfectly articulates how hard and rewarding local government can be! Local government demands resilience in the face of challenges and rewards with the profound joy of seeing a community thrive. For those who seek to understand and contribute to this vital sphere, Local Legends offers a comprehensive playbook that balances the difficulties with the undeniable rewards of public service.' ****\- Clinton Jury, CEO, Local Government Association of South Australia** 'Local Legends is a masterclass in strategic leadership for local government. With sharp insights and practical advice, it shines a light on the often-underappreciated role of local councils and shows how they can drive social progress. Alicia's engaging style and real-world examples make complex concepts fun, accessible, and actionable. It's a must-read for anyone passionate about making a long-term impact and leaving a lasting legacy in their community.' ****\- Paul Evans, Independent Director** 'Local Legends is an insightful look under the lid of local government. Meticulously well researched, this book combines Alicia's passion for local government with her first-hand experience inside the tent. This backdrop, coupled with years of supporting local authorities and executives finding their way through the endless complexities this sector struggles with, provides anyone with more than a passing interest in the machinery behind local communities something to think about - there is some real wisdom found within these pages. This "how-to guide" for those in the sector should not go unnoticed.' ****\- Dr Haydn Read, Te Hēteri, Te Whānau-ā-Apanui; Visiting Scholar, University of Ottawa** 'This book is a highly approachable and engaging touchstone for local government managers (appointed and elected) that is subtly but profoundly grounded in local public administration thinking (public value creation, strategic management, decision-making theory, organisational design) informed by years of experience. Local government managers will find it reassuring, revelatory and - most importantly - useful for continually improving their practice across the range of skills required for being a successful local government leader.' ****\- Dr Bligh Grant, Adjunct Associate Professor, University of Technology Sydney** [Local Legends: How To Make a Difference in Local Govern…The essential guide to local government leadershipLocal…![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/favicon-e512ffee-7875-4bfb-92ab-800d06febe1c.ico)GoodreadsAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/217049460-a261fa8d-8c19-417d-bb5d-b5149f1f9ce8.jpg)](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/217049460-local-legends?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) --- ## Audiobook sample --- ## About the author ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/10/2024-ALICIA5812-Large-1.jpeg) Alicia McKay is New Zealand and Australia's leading local government strategy and leadership expert. Alicia has worked with over 50 Councils in the last decade and is a trusted advisor to the sector internationally. In 2025, the UK's LGIU named Alicia one of the Top 25 Thinkers in Local Government. Alicia has presented to local government audiences across the world, including the ICMA's Global Committee and Annual Conference in Tampa, Florida. Alicia is also the author of *From Strategy to Action: A Guide to Getting Shit Done in the Public Sector* and *You Don't Need An MBA: Leadership Lessons that Cut Through the Crap.* Her influence extends beyond local government. Alicia has collaborated with a wide range of government agencies and corporate clients, offering support in strategic leadership development and organisational strategy. --- ## Buy the book #### Buy in bulk Bulk purchase rates are available for Councils, NGOs, conferences and industry associations. Boxes of 25 are [available here](https://shop.aliciamckay.co.nz/products/local-legends-bulk-order?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). 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Funds were tight, and I was a militant budgeter. I’d sit down and create detailed multi-column tables. Moving numbers here and there, I’d land on the ideal budget, look at it full of satisfaction—and then think, “Well, it won’t work this week because the car registration is due, but next week, this will be the ideal budget…” Next week never comes, though, does it? Planning for perfection is a fool's game. Strategists plan for fuckery and rub their hands together with glee as it comes into view. Here's how you can do that. ### 1\. Don't give up on what matters I'm training for a marathon at the moment. It's my third time, so I know that while my training plan looks bulletproof, there will probably be an injury, travel snafu or sickness that throws me off. I’ll have an unplanned boozy night before a long run, catch a cold, or miss a week while on the road. I’d be mad to think none of those things will happen. I also know that these setbacks won't break my marathon - unless I’m caught by surprise and give up. Whether I pull off a 42.2 this November will depend on how good I am at two things: 1. Running when things have turned to shit 2. Getting back on track after a setback. Progress is more about recommitment than consistent advancement. The most successful people and businesses didn't have a smooth run, they learned to expect trouble and are good at getting back on the metaphorical horse. ### 2\. Realise things are always hard No plan survives first contact with the enemy. Our current operating environment is proof of this. But here’s the thing—it will always be something. A natural disaster. Bad weather. Regulatory change. Sickness. Financial upheaval. Family stuff. Restructuring. Political scandal. A new trend, new technology, new government or new CEO. … See what I mean? ### 3\. Remember you're perfectly capable You've survived the last ten things; you'll probably be fine now. Remember all those world-ending things you navigated recently? The pandemic, the sickness, the job thing, the relationship thing? You're still all right, though, aren't you? You'll handle this, too. You don't even need a good attitude- but it will help if you do. ### 4\. Embrace the uncertainty Give up saying things like: - "Once things settle down, we can..." - "When things go back to normal..." - "If we just get past this, we'll be able to..." Swap them for things like: - "OK, today's fucked, new plan." - "Let's work out how to make space for this…" - "That didn't work how I thought. Let's try another way." ### 5\. Flip the bird and recommit Going off-plan when things change is perfectly acceptable and largely unavoidable. The more your goal matters, the more you’ll be forced to prove you want it. But don't go off-strategy. Your priorities, values, and goals matter now more than ever. Your why hasn't changed, but you might need a new path there. Use your most important priorities and values to guide your response to chaos. Ask yourself things like: - "How can I respond to this in a way that moves me closer to where I'm going?" - "What if this is an opportunity to demonstrate our commitment?" Don’t let the drama throw you off-course. Your goals and priorities don’t dissolve when things change, they guide your response. Show up and make choices that align with the person, team, or organisation you say you want to be. ### 6\. Say 'perfect!' and get back to work When in doubt, respond to every new piece of fuckery with this phrase: “Perfect!” Once you say it, you'll realise it's true. Even if it isn't, your attitude improves. Win/win. Til next week, AM ### Why change gets worse before it gets better URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/why-change-gets-worse-before-it-gets-better/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:02:02.000Z ## A reader question on change and productivity Angela, a Wednesday Wisdom reader, asked me to write about the immediate impact of organisational change on productivity. She wrote: > "We are going through a massive reform. Most of us feel like we have been dice in a cup, shaken up, and thrown out onto a board, and wherever we land, that’s our new role. Lots of us have found ourselves in quite different places than where we started in 2022! > > In change management circles, it is known (and accepted as part of the process) that productivity drops temporarily while everyone is sorting the new stuff out. Productivity has to drop before it can rise again. > > I think it would be valuable for everyone to know – we are all putting so much pressure on ourselves to keep up the old pace even though we are doing new work with new people. If it was widely known that it is OK to slow down and get your bearings, there are a lot of people who would be much happier right now." Thanks, Angela! That's a great request, and you're absolutely right. When we experience significant change in any part of our lives, including at work, it's entirely normal to wobble for a while before we operate at full capacity. ## Consider your adaptive load Over the last three years, we've taken an already ambiguous and difficult work environment, and we've added a whole bunch of stuff on top: - A global pandemic - Widespread social and political unrest - A change in government - Unprecedented levels of sickness and health concerns - Financial panic and economic uncertainty - Personal re-evaluation - Reassuring children, families and vulnerable community members - Combining work and personal life in new ways - Tackling new challenges in our relationships - Finding new ways to socialise and convene. All of that is before we contemplate restructures, new ways of working and other changes at work. Our adaptive systems are at breaking point, and many of us are dropping out. Depression, anxiety, burnout and fatigue are at all time highs. Anti-depressant prescriptions are up. Relationships are stretched thin. Stress has skyrocketed. Exercise levels are down, mental health diagnoses proliferate, and for many people, daily life has begun to feel hard. If you're wondering why even small changes at work feel destabilising and why you can't get as much done as usual, take heart. Even without all of the above to deal with, you'd be feeling this way. Rather than showing you another bendy change curve that doesn't make you feel any better, let's get stuck into the nitty-gritty of what change does to us and why we feel a lot worse once we start the journey, even when it's something we're excited about and supportive of. ## Five reasons why change gets harder before it gets better ### 1\. You find out all the ways you were wrong Most change projects get blown out by scope creep before they even get started. Because few of us are taught to think in systems and operate within siloes, we grossly underestimate the impact of even small changes in a complex environment. Our IT project might be manageable by our IT team, but it likely ignores the toll it will take on every other part of the business to learn a new platform, attend training, update workflows and troubleshoot unforeseen integration issues. New recruitment might take into account the time needed for interviews and hiring but fail to appreciate the on-ramp time for new employees across the teams they work in, the impact on those who are responsible for equipping new hires with the technology they need, finding time to onboard and train, and the social and physiological impact of integrating new people into existing relationships and cultural norms. Beyond that, we rarely know everything when we get started. Planning bias sees us underestimate the time and money it takes to make things happen, doesn't allow time and space for planning, iteration and strategic conversation and is blind to countless dependencies spanning people, projects and processes. Things that seem simple on paper are often much harder in practice, and even simple missteps can throw entire projects off course. We try to plan too far in advance because our funding requirements expect full-blown business plans over multiple quarters or years. When we find ourselves battling new problems in week 2, it's hard to imagine pulling off three years' worth of strategic initiatives in time—which adds incredible pressure to people who are already under the pump. Sometimes, the right thing to do is pull the pin early. But we don't work in environments that encourage or allow that kind of change, so instead we double down, throwing more time, money, stress and people at a project that shouldn't happen right now. When we don't plan for being wrong, we guarantee trouble. ### 2\. You confront things that were hidden before The people who make decisions inside an organisation are rarely aware of the daily reality of working there. Sidney Yoshida calls this The Iceberg of Ignorance, positing that only 4% of an organisation's problems are truly understood by its most senior leaders. When systems have operated the same way for a long time, many of our biases, workarounds, problems and inequality go unnoticed or are swept under the carpet. When we get stuck into changing things, we can be overwhelmed at the true magnitude of inefficiency, ineptitude or brokenness operating unchecked. It's hard to recruit new people and then realise that we've been onboarding poorly for years. Launching a new strategy and discovering that people don't trust each other or believe in our vision is confronting. It's scary to embark on a diversity initiative only to realise we've been unintentionally racist and sexist at every step. It's terrifying to hire a consultant and read a review that paints a picture of poor performance or negligence that would be devastating if it made the papers. Being confronted with these realisations at a time when we're already stressed is a huge ask for anyone. Our inbuilt defence mechanisms and punitive internal performance metrics aren't designed for us to be reflective and transparent. They're far more likely to see us pointing fingers, shifting blame, claiming ignorance, glossing over problems and turning on each other. None of these reactions makes for a rewarding or safe work environment, and the toll can be immense. ### 3\. You resist change with bad behaviour Leaders are often the first to accuse their teams of change resistance. I always hear, "*People here just don't like change*." In my experience, leaders behave the worst when asked to shift their embedded ways of thinking and working. Everybody wants to restructure until their own job goes on the line. Everybody wants more inclusion, until they realise their mates might not be protected. Everybody wants more collaborative working relationships, until they have to sacrifice budget, power or status. In short, we might not resist change, but we sure as hell resist loss. When this isn't confronted at the top table, leaders behave badly. They front presentations, while secretly refusing to do things differently. They're dishonest about their progress, so they can't be accused of dragging the chain. They turn on each other, because they feel put out that one of the functions they like has been shifted to a colleague. This bad behaviour creates tension and unease inside even the most functional teams. It occupies the mental space that should be dedicated to easing the transition for the people they lead. ### 4\. You have to use more of your brain than you did before Autopilot runs much of our lives. In *Thinking Fast and Slow*, Daniel Kahneman explains that we use a toolbox of heuristics to make the vast majority of our decisions. People make an average of 17,000 decisions daily, and there's no way to consider each individually - we'd be worn out by morning tea! Instead, we use shortcuts from driving to choosing meals and answering emails. When some of our daily tasks get shifted from autopilot to analytics, the whole system is disrupted. Suddenly, we have to \*think\* about things, bringing everything to a grinding halt. Decision fatigue sets in and while we may be working harder than ever, our productivity drops right off as we carefully consider each step in a process. Multiply that effect across dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of staff members who all need to interact with each other to get anything done, and it's a wonder we achieve anything when we're in the midst of significant change. Which brings me to my last point: ### 5\. Change is tiring It takes a lot of work to think and act differently. Things we used to take for granted are suddenly up for question, chewing through our mental, emotional, and physical energy. We no longer have certainty about what to do, who to talk to, and how to solve problems. This is exhausting, and it's stressful. When every task or decision gets an extra loading, we work through our reserves faster. If you're used to achieving everything on your list in 40 hours, but each task now takes just 25% more thought, intention or figuring out, you'll find yourself exhausted by Wednesday. Multiply the cumulative impact of that with added pressure from your managers, feelings of guilt and inadequacy, and a very valid fear that your job might be on the line if you get it wrong (because restructures make everyone feel insecure, even those whose jobs are safe). It's no wonder you're exhausted. Once people get tired, they stop performing even when the expectations on their time are reasonable. If we spend too long trying to do good stuff when we feel like crap, we start to miss emails, stop responding to requests, take more days off and resent our colleagues. Morale and productivity drop off, absenteeism rises and frustration builds. ## In summary: it's hard, but you're great In short, change is hard. It might be necessary, the end result might eventually be great, but in the process, it often sucks. People are tired, stressed, under pressure and doing their best. When we ask our families, teams or entire organisations to re-examine foundational aspects of their existence, it isn't fair to expect immediate perfection. Go into change with pragmatic optimism. Keep your expectations low and your faith and empathy high and above all, be nice to yourself and others. You're all doing your best, and you'll get there eventually. Finally, a huge thanks to Angela for reaching out. Your curiosity, consideration and desire to serve others has brought reassurance and insight to everyone who's read this article. Ka rawe. ### Connect, don't control: turning strategy into action URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/connect-dont-control-turning-strategy-into-action/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T01:19:17.000Z There are four reasons why strategy implementation is so difficult: we get stuck on details, work in silos, go too slow and are scared of the consequences of our own decisions. Instead of thinking in systems and mobilising others, we get trapped in the minutiae and question everything we've done to this point. Here's what to do instead. ## Connect, don't control Switching from strategic planning to project planning too quickly will lock your brakes. Our brains aren't designed to swing between the big picture and the details - but that's exactly what we try to do with strategy implementation. When you've stretched your minds, thoughts, and perspectives creatively and far into the future, the prospect of getting back into the details can be overwhelming. There are so many potential options that we find ourselves in paralysis-by-analysis, spinning our wheels. The good news is: you don't *need* to get into the details! If you're the leader who's designed the strategy, the person who's been doing the contextual, long-term planning, assume that you are *not* best placed to make decisions about operational details. Instead of getting trapped there, focus on connection and communication. #### Here's what to do instead of trying to write multi-column tables and plans: - Talk about your strategy to operational and supervisory staff. - Ask them questions about what it means to them. - Check that it all makes sense and resonates. - Ask them what stuff will get in the way. - Change that stuff. - Ask them again. For a comprehensive conversation about implementation, watch this video. ### Push out your payoff URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/push-out-your-payoff/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T09:50:48.000Z How much time do you spend thinking about the future? How far out are you thinking? An interesting study on mental time travel1, discovered that, on average, people spend 14% of their day thinking about the future - and most of that time is spent making plans. The same study discovered that 80% of future thoughts relate to the same or next day. 14% are focused a year or more out, and only 6% of future thoughts are ten or more years into the future. We can mentally time travel to the future, but we take pretty short trips. In 80/20 Sales and Marketing, Perry Marshall (2013) proposes a time management framework for salespeople and entrepreneurs. He suggests business owners spend too much time on trivial $10 per-hour tasks like running errands and basic administration and not enough time on $1,000 or $10,000 per-hour tasks like building client relationships or public speaking. Not all of you will be self-employed, and it is not always useful to conceive of our time as having a dollar value. In [Local Legends, my new book about strategic leadership in local government](https://engage.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-legends?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), I use this model to introduce the idea of decision payoff periods. ## Pushing out decision horizons Think of a Council as making decisions with varying payoff periods, ranging from 10 minutes to 10 decades. For example, resolving a service request might result in a 10-minute payoff when the community member who complained is satisfied. Supporting local businesses through tight financial times like a recession might have a 10-month payoff. New community facilities might have a 10-year payoff while investing in urban shade might have a 10-decade payoff. Our community representatives add real public value at the 10-decade end of the spectrum. When local government leaders waste time on inconsequential issues, it can have exponential future impacts. When limited time, attention, and conversation are wasted on minor issues, you forgo space for more important concerns. These choices compound over time, yet the time it takes to make those decisions may vary little. It can take just as long to make a 10-minute decision as a 10-year decision. ## How long is your game? Whether you work in local government or not, the idea of a decision payoff period is still useful. Strategists play a longer game than the average bear. We aren't necessarily planning years or decades into the future (because plans are generally as good as the paper they're written on) but projecting the payoff of our decisions further than our instincts. - Making today's decisions on 10-month rather than 10-minute desires might mean putting down the wine and chips or having an early night in favour of your longer-term fitness goals. - Making decisions based on your 10-year desires might mean attending that networking group, spending evenings studying, or working on your marriage. - Making decisions based on your 10-decade desires could mean making more sustainable and less speculative investment choices with your children and grandchildren front of mind. The further you push out the consequences, the bigger the payoff you potentially deliver. See if you can catch yourself today and be one of the 6%. Til next time AM 1 [Baumeister RF, Hofmann W, Summerville A, Reiss PT, Vohs KD. Everyday Thoughts in Time: Experience Sampling Studies of Mental Time Travel. Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2020 Dec;46(12):1631-1648\. doi: 10.1177/0146167220908411\. Epub 2020 Mar 25\. PMID: 32208914.](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32208914/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Alicia McKay to appear at exclusive CEO Breakfast Workshop in Adelaide, 26 June 2024 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/alicia-mckay-to-appear-at-exclusive-ceo-breakfast-workshop-in-adelaide-26-june-2024/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T20:50:13.000Z Local government is a victim of political gaslighting?! Humour me: Councils work within a regime of contradictions. They provide services within a legislative framework that requires elections, community engagement, and consultative decisions - and are asked why their operations aren’t more efficient. They confront increasingly constrained funding environments and watch their share of the total tax take decrease over decades - only for those financial struggles to be used as evidence that they’re bad with money. They absorb the ongoing transfer of costs, services and responsibilities from state and non-profit actors - before being accused of scope creep and told to ‘get back to basics.’ They are mandated to make intergenerational decisions on infrastructure and community facilities – and rebuked for using intergenerational funding mechanisms. In short, local government is a victim of political gaslighting. Just one of the yarns spun at a CEO Breakfast with [LGA South Australia](https://www.linkedin.com/company/lga-of-sa/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) in Adelaide this morning! Yes, this was as much fun as it looked. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/IMG_0867.jpeg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/IMG_0820.jpeg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/IMG_0816.jpeg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/IMG_0795-1.jpeg) ### Boost your focus: reclaim your attention in a digital world URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/boost-your-focus-reclaim-your-attention-in-a-digital-world/ Last updated: 2025-09-17T02:10:05.000Z In May 2015, a Time magazine headline captured global attention: ‘*You Now Have a Shorter Attention Span Than a Goldfish!’* The article’s opening paragraph continued: > ‘The average attention span for the notoriously ill-focused goldfish is nine seconds, but according to a new study from Microsoft Corp., people now generally lose concentration after eight seconds, highlighting the effects of an increasingly digitalized lifestyle on the brain.’[\[1\]](#%5Fftn1) Between 2000 and 2015, the average adult’s attention span dropped from twelve seconds to eight seconds. The ‘goldfish effect’ made news worldwide, but the real story is more complex. First, goldfish can remember things for up to five months.[\[2\]](#%5Fftn2) Second, our attention span is not smaller; it's fuller. A 2019 University of Denmark study found our collective attention span is overtaxed.[\[3\]](#%5Fftn3) The accelerating volume and speed of content exhaust attention more quickly than in the past. We’re processing more information—ads, content, articles, group chats, emails, news—and that information constantly changes. No wonder we can't keep up. In a world awash with information, sensationalism, clickbait, disconnection, and division, density and proximity are two main threats to maintaining a healthy sense of perspective. Overcoming these powerful forces requires space. ## Give yourself some space > ‘We must have some room to breathe. We need freedom to think and permission to heal. Our relationships are being starved to death by velocity. No one has the time to listen, let alone love.’ > > Richard A. Swenson The Time article was wrong about goldfish, but some of its advice on overcoming attention deficits is useful. Under the heading ‘5 Horrible Habits You Need to Stop Right Now’, readers are advised not to email first thing in the morning or last thing at night, not to agree to meetings or calls without a clear agenda and end time, to schedule set times for batch processing emails, avoid letting people ‘ramble’ in conversations, and to try to have smartphone-free time during the week. These productivity-style hacks all have one thing in common: their attempt to create some space. Perspective needs physical, mental, and temporal space. ### Physical space Have you ever walked from the living room to the kitchen to get something, only to reach the kitchen and forget what you went there for? This is the ‘doorway effect’ – our brain resets in different physical environments. The same is true in the other direction – we are programmed to think and feel a certain way in certain environments. If you want to think differently, get out of the same old environment. Take your problem for a walk. Have important conversations in suitable venues. Let your mind wander, without guilt, on planes, in the shower, and in the garden. Listen to your inner voice. ### Mental space Information density is crowding our capacity for contemplation. Engaging our internal sorting hat becomes difficult when we have too much information to process. Be mindful of your information diet – garbage in means garbage out. If your limited attention is devoted to social media trolls, constituent complaints, or clickbait news, your thoughts and perspective will reflect that. Creating mental space requires intention about your attention. Be aware of the sources of your information and carve out moments in your day and week for contemplation. ### Temporal space Thinking takes time, and this time will not appear organically. Block out space for yourself, create a buffer around big tasks and meetings, and leave an afternoon a week free to let your clever, exhausted brain wander. Make this space by throwing out some of your administrative junk—remove unnecessary meetings, ignore irrelevant emails, and leave instant messages on read. Create time and space for talking to people, building relationships, reading, and looking out the window. What's your best tip for creating space in your world? I'd love to hear about it. Til next week, A --- [\[1\]](#%5Fftnref1) McSpadden, K. (2015). ‘You Now Have a Shorter Attention Span Than a Goldfish’. *Time*. https://time.com/3858309/attention-spans-goldfish. [\[2\]](#%5Fftnref2) SPCA. ‘Debunking Goldfish Myths’. Retrieved 16 May from https://www.spca.nz/advice-and-welfare/article/debunking-goldfish-myths. [\[3\]](#%5Fftnref3) Lorenz-Spreen, P., Mønsted, B. M., Hövel, P., & Lehmann, S. (2019). ‘Accelerating Dynamics of Collective Attention’. *Nature Communications*,10(1), 1759\. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41467-019-09311-w. ### How and when to quit things (and how to do it well) URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-and-when-to-quit-things-and-how-to-do-it-well/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:04:36.000Z Last Friday, I announced I was putting Not An MBA, an executive leadership programme I founded in 2021, on hiatus. It's been a wild ride. For the most part, the response has been overwhelmingly positive: comments, messages and emails wishing me well for the next thing, celebrating the Not An MBA journey and a few expressing disappointment at not being able to do the programme while it was running. It got me thinking about quitting, leaving, and doing it well. In Annie Duke's masterpiece *Quit*, she argues that quitting can be as powerful as persisting - but those stories are rarely told. She also makes the case that most people quit things far too late. There are many situations where leaving is not your choice, such as redundancy, or when leaving can't be positive, such as escaping a toxic relationship or unsafe environment. But for situations without a burning platform, how do we know if we should quit, and how can we do that well? Here are a few thoughts from me on that. - Leave before it's bad - Don't let guilt hold you back - Be willing to end good things. --- ## Timing your exit: leave before it's bad Leave before you're at the point of desperation. If you wait until you're burnt out to take a break, your recovery will be longer and harder. If you wait until you hate your spouse before divorce, you'll struggle to be loving, fair and patient during the separation. If you wait until you'd rather stick pins in your eye than go to work for another day, leaving with grace, dignity, and intact relationships will be hard. Once you're at your wit's end, it's hard to be someone you're proud of. So leave before it's terrible. As some of these clever commenters suggested on LinkedIn this week: leave the party while you're still having fun, especially if you can see the winds changing ahead. If you suspect things are about to get bad, they probably are. Listen to your instincts and take action. ![Screenshot - 2024-06-11T170722.703](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/Screenshot%20-%202024-06-11T170722_703-1.png) ![Screenshot - 2024-06-11T170903.377](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/Screenshot%20-%202024-06-11T170903_377-1.png) --- ## Don't let guilt hold you back I've always struggled to set [boundaries](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/boundaries). I've been a mother since I was 16 and spent my childhood shouldering responsibility for the feelings and behaviour of adults. These experiences result in a tendency to take on responsibilities, feelings and concerns that aren't mine. Of all the reading, thinking and experimenting I've done around boundaries, the most impactful I've encountered is in Gabor Maté's book *When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress.* When I read the following excerpt, I stopped cold. I paused. I underlined. I wrote it down, texted it to three friends, and reread it. > *"A therapist once said to me, “If you face the choice between feeling guilt and resentment, choose the guilt every time.” It is wisdom I have passed on to many others since. If a refusal saddles you with guilt, while consent leaves resentment in its wake, opt for the guilt. Resentment is soul suicide."* You might feel guilty about leaving, worried you'll hurt people's feelings, or concerned they won't cope without you. Chances are that you're overestimating your importance and underestimating their abilities. That's not compassion, it's control. Compassion requires [boundaries.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/boundaries) > *“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”* > ―Brené Brown Make intentional choices about what is your responsibility and what isn't. Your responsibilities include [living in alignment with your values](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/values) and integrity, how you spend your time, energy, and effort, what thoughts, relationships, and activities you allow into your life, how you manage your emotions, what you believe in, the contribution you make to the world, and the way you communicate and treat others. Things that are not your responsibility: how anyone else feels about the above or anything else. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/istockphoto-480348072-612x612.jpg) ## Pruning the bush: be willing to end good things Ending bad things makes sense. Why would you keep doing something that sucks? We might find it hard to leave a bad relationship or job, but we know it's time to change, and eventually, we get there. It's harder to end good things. It reminds me of the rosebush story in *Necessary Endings* by Dr. Henry Cloud. Rosebushes produce more buds than they can sustain and require regular pruning to be healthy and thrive. Cloud distinguishes between three types of pruning. The first is to remove dead branches. These branches no longer contribute and are taking up space, making it harder for others to grow. Easy. The second is to remove sick and diseased branches, which are unlikely to recover and take energy away from healthy branches. Not bad. The third type of pruning, though, is the removal of perfectly healthy buds. Too many ‘good’ buds prevent the rosebush from thriving by directing energy away from the potential to be *great* buds. Without this critical third type, your rosebush will never be fabulous. Like rosebushes, people produce more buds than they can sustain. We have so many good ideas, potential projects, and plates spinning that it is hard to put some down. They all could be great! Yes, they could be. But they won't be if we try to do them all. ## Resist your zone of excellence ![big leap](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/big%20leap-Dec-05-2024-11-41-40-5317-PM.png) For personal and career choices, I like Gay Hendricks's Zone of Genius model. I love that the Zone of Excellence is identified as a trap*.* The Zone of Excellence is very alluring. It's often well-paid and where other people would like you to stay. In the Zone of Excellence, you're doing things you're great at, and you're being rewarded for them. So why spend any less time there? ...Because it's preventing you from your genius, where the greatest potential lies. When you say yes to things in your Zone of Excellence, you say no to exploring options in your Zone of Genius. Things don't have to be bad for you to end them. You can end them because other, more fulfilling and exciting things are coming for you, and you want the opportunity to explore them. ## Tips on leaving well > “Success does not lie in sticking to things. It lies in picking the right thing to stick to and quitting the rest.” - Annie Duke Here are a few pieces of advice to help you leave well. 1. Tell people you're going 2. Give people time to process the news 3. Don't put too much pressure on the next step 4. Work until the end with enthusiasm and respect ### 1\. Tell people you're going Chances are the people you need to tell already like you, care about your future, and will support you in achieving goals, chasing dreams, taking space, or putting yourself first. Quitting is not shameful, and you shouldn't feel guilty or embarrassed. Don't sneak away or stay quiet; doing so will cause people to think you don't like or care about them. ### 2\. Give people time to process the news You might have been thinking about this for weeks, months, or years, but it's probably news to the person you're telling and might even be a shock. Your boss, friends, spouse or colleagues aren't privy to the conversations you've been having in your head, so tell them clearly and with kindness, then provide space and time before talking further. Also, don't put much stock in people's initial reactions. Some people are better on the spot than others, but most will be great eventually, given the opportunity. ### 3\. Don't put pressure on yourself for the next step If you aren't leaving a situation because it's *bad,* then surely you should be doing it for the irresistible lure of your perfectly crafted, super-amazing next step... right? Nah. You don't have to know exactly what's coming next to justify quitting, and you don't have to make up a grand narrative to keep others happy, either. You might need to leave this thing to create the mental and temporal space to work out the next thing, and that's fine. ### 4\. Work until the end with enthusiasm and respect In F45 classes, you repeat the same exercise for 30-60 seconds, take a break when the buzzer goes, and then do it again. When I'm tired at the end of a workout, it's tempting to stop 5 or 10 seconds before the buzzer sounds, but my trainer has a sixth sense for when I'm about to do that. He keeps me going until the buzzer goes, and I'm always pleased he did. Don't check out early. Once you've given notice of your intentions, work until the buzzer goes—with the same enthusiasm and respect you brought on day one. This is a great way to maintain relationships and fill your integrity bank. --- ## Closing thoughts You don't have to martyr yourself to be successful or a good person. Things don't have to be bad to leave them, and you don't have to know what you'll do after you leave. You can leave. You don't need to explain your timing, either. I woke up one morning without a plan and quit my 22-year nicotine addiction. I'd tried many times over the years and never succeeded for long. By the time it finally worked, I hadn't consciously considered quitting. I just woke up one day and knew it was over. Sometimes things happen like that. Polyani's Paradox tells us that we know more than we can explain. And you, my friend, don't have to explain anything if you don't want to. Til next week, A ### Mildura Rural City Council: Local Legends in-house programme URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/mildura-rural-city-council-case-study/ Last updated: 2025-10-16T05:38:34.000Z In 2022, Mildura Mayor Liam Wood, and Council CEO, Martin Hawson met Alicia at the Australian Local Government Association’s National Assembly. Mildura Rural City Council was regrouping after an extensive external review. A Councillor’s role is to be a strategic community leader making decisions for the future of their region. However, not all elected members have the skills to fulfil this responsibility, and their public profile brings a unique blend of pressures. Professional development is valuable for Councillors, yet it can be rare. Mayor Wood is forward-thinking in recognising the importance of development for Midura’s elected members. Mayor Wood recalls, “The review went through the whole organisation from head to toe, and there was a real air of change. I’d just become Mayor, so I wanted to do some training with the Councillors - focus inward, understand our dynamic, and how we can best represent our community. You do this kind of development in any other organisation, and it’s just as important in local government.” ## Battling the inevitable overwhelm Overwhelm strikes elected members and executive managers alike. Councillors must understand their role's high-level strategic nature and learn to prioritise, delegate, and make strong decisions to be effective. However, as community representatives, Councillors are also bombarded with demands from all angles. Mayor Wood explains how overwhelming Council can be at the start. “There are so many governance rules, and you get thrown in the deep end. You’re expected to put the gloves on and become a surgeon overnight.” Hawson agrees, “Councillors get elected, and suddenly they’re responsible for an organisation with a $200 million budget. They’re expected to become remarkable strategic leaders overnight, when they may not yet even understand the full parameters of their role.” With the direct nature of the democratic role, even experienced strategic leaders would struggle to stay high-level. Hawson is under no illusions about the difficulty his elected counterparts face, “It’s challenging for Councillors to stay out of the operational weeds because they’re acting on behalf of the community. It's hard to stay in the strategic zone when you get calls at nine at night saying the footpath has a crack! Councillors are drawn back into the vortex of the day-to-day, and they need to be seen to be responsive – but the community also expects Councillors to have a clear direction and to deliver on a vision.” Hawson reflects on the importance of role clarity in supporting Councillors and officers in balancing responsiveness with a strategic perspective. “Councillors need tools to work strategically. They need to understand what will change the game and the big levers to pull to benefit their community. Alicia’s framework helps Councillors, the Council executive, and operational staff understand their various strategic roles. Working with Alicia brought together elected representatives and executive staff in a shared understanding of how the whole strategic process works and gave more rigour to how we think.” ## Overcoming the traditional adversarial Council dynamic Local government has a unique and complex governance/ management relationship, which risks creating an almost adversarial dynamic between Councillors and officers. Opportunities to build shared purpose and understanding between the two arms without the eyes of the media and community are rare but extremely valuable. Mildura Rural City Council was no different. Mayor Wood says, “Council felt very much like two different entities with a sense of us versus them, which always intrigued me.” This is why the Local Legends programme is all about shared development, bringing elected members and the executive together. It's the programme's number one requirement—and not everyone is up for it. Some organisations can’t contemplate bridging that gap. But when the gap is bridged, magic happens. The single most significant determinant of the effectiveness of a Council is the relationship between the Mayor and the Chief Executive, followed closely by the wider Councillor group and the executive team. So, did the programme work for Mildura? Mayor Wood thinks so. “Council staff and Councillors are the closest I've seen in my three years in Council. The relationship is so strong that Councillors will fiercely defend Council staff. And many people I've spoken to who’ve been here longer than me say the same thing. Breaking down those barriers through open dialogue has been really good for the organisation. One of the best things about working with Alicia was that it brought the team closer. We learned more about each other, and while we have our differences, we can work positively together.” ## The importance of clearly defined Council roles The Local Legends programme emphasises role clarity and the distinctions between governance and management because these are pain points for Councils. The role of a Councillor isn’t always clear from the outside, which can lead to elected members who want to solve operational issues. A Councillor’s role is to make intergenerational decisions for their community. But they often have to do that without clarity about their responsibilities and little to no training in making good long-term decisions. As a result, Councillors fall into the weeds. Once we tease out how well things could work and the potential for positive impact, all participants see the value of role clarity. Hawson touches on the importance of having clearly defined roles for elected representatives and Council executives. “One of the challenges for any large organisation is getting executives to operate in the strategic space while managers operationalise the plan.” Local Legends uses interactive and experiential learning to clarify roles and responsibilities, with exercises like role-playing driving laughter, connection, and mutual understanding. Mildura Councillors particularly enjoyed this part of the session. Mayor Wood said, “The role-playing exercise, where Councillors and senior executives flipped roles, helped us experience sitting in different seats. There’s a saying that sympathy is easy, but empathy is putting yourself in someone else's shoes. As local government members, that’s where we should always be.” ## Preventing quick-fix thinking and oversimplistic solutions The Local Legends programme is designed to help elected members to ask great questions, interrogate systems, and make better decisions. Working with Alicia has transformed the way Councillors and executive officers in Mildura think day to day. Hawson says, “Councils are always trying to find the answer to problems. Sometimes, we fall into the trap of oversimplifying the complex and wasting time on solutions that don't make any difference. Strategy is about working out the stepping stones to achieve something meaningful. Alicia’s framework helps us put our effort into defining answers in a robust way.” Hawson is enthusiastic about the observable change in Mildura: “Applying our new strategic framework day-to-day stops quick-fix thinking. If we ask the hard questions, we move forward towards better answers. We need to prosecute the case and have a solid why. We need to back that up with data. And the same goes for diagnosing what our solution will look like. Asking: ‘Is this really what we want?’ rather than simply settling for the bright idea of the day. Testing and evaluating our actions to see if they reach the desired outcomes.” “The strategic framework is an empowerment tool. It reminds us to ask critical questions of ourselves before we come to meetings so we can identify pitfalls and make good decisions. Having a common framework and language has changed how we talk about these things. I’m not saying we've got it right yet, but more people are thinking in that space. We're falling forward and have scaffolding to help us.” Mildura’s GM of Corporate Performance, Kate Henschke, values the new approach. “Putting clearer frameworks around planning and strategy was a light bulb moment. As a Council, you need strategies, but they don’t need to be complicated. They can be simple goals. The programme taught me to take things back to basics, work out what's important, and stick with that – not to dilute what we're trying to do by overcomplicating things.” It can be difficult to drive more rigorous thinking while keeping things simple. One exercise Alicia offers as part of the programme is a strategic planning session, where Councils apply their new strategic thinking frameworks to real-life scenarios in a budget or an annual plan. Putting those new skills into practice immediately helps them stick and guides Councils for future discussions and negotiations. ## Better decision-making as a group Making decisions in a group is hard even before you throw politics, administrative tension, resource constraints and regulatory pressure into the mix. In a complex environment like local government, there's often no clear right decision. All we can aim for is alignment, commitment and flexibility. Local Legends supports that alignment, teaching simple but powerful decision-making models that help Councils do the right thing, at the right time, for the right reason, and with the right people. Councils use these models to make decisions together and evaluate them afterwards, and the impact is powerful. Henschke describes how Mildura Rural City Council are putting their new skills into practice. “Alicia showed us you have to align several things to make a good decision, and involving the right people is a skill. We’ve reflected on that and used that framework to make difficult decisions. When we’re recommending the best approach, I’ll use Alicia’s prompts to test the robustness of our process. The models help broaden our thought process. We ask things like: “Is this the only solution? Have we thought through all our options?” In a collaborative environment like Council, decision-making is as much about how people work together as it is about the decision made. Mayor Wood is delighted with the change in the dynamic Local Legends has driven in Mildura, enthusing, “To peel back the onion, look at the layers of decision making, know the reasons why people make decisions, and feel the way they do, you have to have a safe space and understand each other. Since we worked with Alicia, the group dynamic has been so healthy that we’re willing to talk things out robustly. We’ve learned to tackle the subject, not the person. It wasn't that way when I got into Council. People were arguing and attacking each other.” ## Interrogating the status quo and changing the way things are done When a Council becomes more strategic in their thinking, they start to query their status quo. They start to ask why things are done the way they’re done, and if things can be more efficient, inclusive, or productive. The Local Legends programme has helped Mildura Rural City Council identify positive ways to evolve. One of the Mayor’s main goals for the coming local elections is to have as many diverse people as possible run for Council. He explains, “Unfortunately, Council is very conducive to semi-retired, white males. Council forums used to last six hours, meaning anyone who had other demands on their time, like a single parent or a student, couldn’t attend.” “A positive outcome from the programme with Alicia was being able to ask: ‘Why are we doing things this way?’ When we asked ourselves that question, we realised we were only doing six-hour forums because someone started them ages ago! So we decided to change.” “Now anyone who wants to present a discussion topic at a forum records a video, so people can watch them anytime, anywhere they want. Then, when the panel comes together, everyone has watched the background material, and we only have question time for an hour. So, anyone who’s time-poor can think about putting their hand up for Council now.” It is common for Councils to find opportunities to drive progress when they consider their operations with fresh, strategic eyes. Mildura’s changes to its Council forums exemplify the benefits of questioning inherited Council processes. ## Challenge your thinking in a constructive way Habit and groupthink can stop Councils from leaving a meaningful legacy. Mayor Wood says, “Alicia's frameworks give you the confidence to challenge things. Sure, there are many parameters in local government, but there's also flexibility. And it'd be great if new Councillors knew that! Because you come in feeling you want to change the world and then think you can't. But you can. There's a lot of rules, but you can still make a difference.” Sometimes, to make a difference, you need a gentle push. Hawson says, “Part of the role of a consultant is to challenge people's thinking constructively. Alicia ensures we have those hard conversations on the edge of the unknown, challenging our preconceived views. If a group stays too much in their safety zone and doesn't have someone challenging them, they won’t change how they think or behave.” Henschke feels challenging the status quo is important. “Just because we're local government doesn't mean we can't be innovative and creative and do things we haven't done before. Alicia challenges thinking in an open, respectful way, particularly some of the overthinking that ingrains itself in Council. We've people in our organisation who’ve taken a certain approach for years, so she’s very good at asking: ‘Why do you think that way?’ ‘Is that the only way to do things?’ ‘Is that really what’s important?’ That takes a real skill.” ## Get your Council out of the weeds and into the future Local Legends is designed precisely for the needs of local government leaders. Waste less time in meetings, make better decisions, and fulfil more community promises by becoming influential civic leaders. Martin Hawson, Chief Executive at Mildura Rural City Council, has the last word. “Legacy is an important component of being a Councillor. And unless Councillors are strategic, they won’t leave a legacy. If you want to bridge the gap between where Councils aspire to be and their day-to-day activities in the operational weeds, Alicia’s programme has some handy tools.” “I recommend doing the programme with a new Council to build that relationship between elected representatives and the Council executive team. Clarifying the roles of Councillors and the executive is critical. If everyone understands that early in a Council term, it will help the next four years operate much smoother.” ### Three ingredients of perspective URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/three-ingredients-of-perspective/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T04:21:52.000Z It's conference season, and I've been a busy girl the last few weeks, hitting stages on both sides of the Tasman. My keynote theme for every event this month, whether local government, sports and recreation, secondary schools, or waste management, is consistent: perspective. If there's one thing that doesn't discriminate by sector, it's stress! I've been talking about how to pull yourself out of a pit of short-termism and overwhelm and reconnect to fulfilment and purpose. In my [new book,](https://engage.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-legends?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)I go deep on the importance of perspective for long-term legacy leadership. All the evidence - as well as common sense - tells us it can't be good to live in constant service of the most present and most urgent things demanding our attention. Daniel Kahneman coined the acronym W.Y.S.I.A.T.I in his work *Thinking Fast and Slow* – 'What You See Is All There Is'. We give what's right in front of us disproportionate importance, and our long-term goals get repeatedly bumped down the list. When we lose our sense of perspective, we waste time on trivial stuff, and get distracted from important issues. We also risk developing a 'problem orientation' where we feel overly negative about everything, lose touch with other people's views and experiences, and lose empathy and connection to the world. A loss of perspective is a loss of humanity. ## What perspective is made of Perspective isn't pop-psychology or esoteric waffle. It's good decision-making practice with tangible application. In *Local Legends* \- and on stages across Australia and New Zealand! - I outline the three ingredients of perspective: horizon, significance, and connection. ### 1\. Horizon Expanding your horizon increases the reach and payoff of our decisions and actions. When we think longer term, we leverage our potential impact. Checking our horizon means pushing out the time horizon (from this week to this decade), and attaining distance from the situation (with diversity of views and opinions.) ### 2\. Significance Not all problems are created equally. Checking for relative importance and permanence (how does this stack up against the other problems we're facing, and how much will this matter in the long-term?) is smart. It saves our limited time, energy, and attention for the most important things, puts us in a better head-space and helps us live better lives. ### 3\. Connection Everything is connected, but it's hard to see that when you're going through it. Connection looks beyond individual issues to interrogate patterns and relationships so we make choices that are better overall. It means looking at trends, considering flow-on effects and not getting panicked about short-term dips inside long term trajectories. You can embed perspective into your conversations, reports, meetings and decisions. When you do, you become better leaders and decision-makers. Til next week, A ### WasteMINZ Conference May 2024 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/alicia-mckay-dazzles-wasteminz-conference-as-keynote-speaker-in-hamilton/ Last updated: 2025-10-16T05:34:02.000Z Alicia spoke to over 600 delegates at the WasteMINZ conference in Hamilton in 2024\. Click through below for some snippets from her popular keynote: 'Perspective.' ### What defines a strategist ### Three perspective hacks ### Tell your own story ### The payoff paradox: profit v public value ### City of Mitcham: Local Legends in-house programme URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/city-of-mitcham-case-study/ Last updated: 2025-10-16T05:38:43.000Z ⚡ In November 2022, the south Adelaide suburb of Mitcham re-elected Mayor Heather Holmes-Ross to their progressive Council. Mayor Holmes-Ross and her CEO, Matthew Pears, decided to seize this second term to elevate the Council’s strategic thinking. Mayor Holmes-Ross says, “We were primed and ready for the conversation. We had the right group of elected members and a mature organisation. I wanted us to be looking at things at a strategic level. It’s very difficult when elected members spend hours proposing solutions to small problems, and staff spend even more time delving into their ideas. I wanted more big-picture thinking.” Pears adds, “The last elections were the first time a Mayor has been re-elected in the 13 years I've been CEO. It was an opportunity to go to the next level. The timing was right. We had a re-elected Mayor, a high-performing Council looking to be more strategic, and a high level of trust between the Chamber and the administration.” ## A time for fresh thinking and taking a step up Mayor Holmes-Ross explains why she and Pears chose Alicia to raise the Council’s strategic game. “We met Alicia at the Australian Local Government Association’s National Assembly in Canberra. Her take on what we’re doing as a sector was so refreshing. She cut through the bullshit. I love how down-to-earth she is. We thought, here's someone who really understands what we’re trying to achieve and how we could achieve our potential.” Pears says, “We needed someone to come in and challenge us as a collective. It's hard to elevate practice with an internal conversation. You need an external expert to help.” Daniel Jellings, City of Mitcham’s Manager of Performance and Strategy, agrees, “I’ve tried different tools, techniques, and workshops to help elevate our strategic thinking. But we can't expect different results if we keep doing the same thing. I was hoping for a spark to inspire everyone to embrace a different way of thinking.” ## Shared learning can be truly transformational One key feature distinguishing the Local Legends programme is that it brings elected members, senior Council executives, and managers together to learn as a team. That collaborative approach is a requirement of the programme precisely because it is rare in local government. Shared development like this can transform the political-administrative working relationship. Jellings recalls, “Our elected body and senior leadership team had never spent time learning together in one room. I was really curious about what that approach could deliver.” Pears recalls, “We had 30 people in the programme. Elected members had never been involved in a workshop with so many staff! It made them more aware of what managers deal with. The administration spends a lot of time contemplating elected members’ views, but this was the first time elected members got a feel for our experiences.” Newly elected Councillor Aidan Greenshields is emphatic. “It changed the way we look at things. I regret we didn't do it earlier. Talking with staff about elected members' roles and our priorities as an organisation brought us closer. Staff inclusion in this programme is really important.” ## Blowing consultant scepticism away Councillors and Council staff are enormously busy – and can have a healthy mistrust of external consultants. Councillor Greenshields admits, “When you hear about a strategic leadership programme, the first thing you think is, well, is this going to be a load of waffle or is it actually going to be relevant and important?” Mayor Holmes-Ross had no illusion that persuading everyone to attend would be easy. “I wasn’t sure how I would get all my elected members to the programme. A few Councillors pushed back. It was an achievement to get them all there.” Daniel Jellings and his team coordinated the programme. He says, “Alicia took the time to record a short video saying how excited she was about the work we would do together. That made a huge difference. Alicia does a really good job of drawing people in.” “I had a great team with the dogged tenacity to plan, book slots in people’s calendars, send reminders, and galvanise everyone to be there. If you want to get value out of your time with Alicia and for the programme to be more than just a flash in the pan, invest in that foundational work so people are primed, ready, and willing by the time they arrive.” It may not be easy to get everyone there on the day, but the value of the Local Legends programme makes it well worth the effort. Jellings says, “Alicia totally exceeded my expectations - and I had very high expectations! Towards the end of the workshop. the members said to Alicia, we thought you were another consultant coming to sell us snake oil, but you actually care. That was a beautiful moment of validation after all the work that went into getting everyone there, to hear people go, wow, this is useful; we’re going to use this.” ## Telling stories that stick about Councillors’ big why The Local Legends programme starts with discussing local government’s purpose, to set a big-picture frame from the outset. Councillors can feel dragged into short-term community issues like fixing potholes and dealing with barking dogs – but those are operational Council issues and the responsibility of Council staff. A Councillors’ role is to make wise, intergenerational decisions for their community. Local Legends helps elected members and executive managers to lift their sights toward legacy. CEO Matthew Pears says, “We wanted to challenge ourselves on what we’re here to do. The question for Councillors is, are they here to get re-elected or to make a difference in our community? We all wanted to ask ourselves what our legacy would be. If we look back in 10 years’ time, will it be clear what we stood for?” “When the programme started, we were quite happy with how we were doing as a Council. We knew we were performing across a range of things. We were maybe even a bit self-satisfied. Alicia made us wonder: ‘Hang on, are we doing this right? Maybe there's another way of looking at our role?’ We started to question our performance at a strategic level.” The interactive programme sees people sharing stories and experiences as they learn, building rich connections and understanding. Councillor Greenshields says, “Alicia told us about how she'd travelled to this area in Vietnam, which is famous for its beauty. But when she got there, it was just a bunch of rice paddies, and she thought: ‘What am I doing here?’ She saw a walk up a steep hill and climbed to the top. Suddenly, she looked out over the paddies, and the view was stunning. That’s a great metaphor for how strategy gets you out of the muck and into the clouds.” Pears says, “The fundamental challenge we have as a Council is getting stuck in the rice paddies. Being able to keep asking ourselves if we’re in the rice paddy or up on the cliff has been powerful. The other concept we keep going back to is that if a decision is made and we're all slightly uncomfortable, that's probably a good thing. We don’t have to be absolutely happy with every element of a decision. We use those two concepts a lot. It's okay to be uncomfortable; let's keep thinking about the big picture here.” The programme helps Councillors reframe their role and equips them with a shared tool kit of stories and language to help them stay in that high-value strategy zone. It’s an investment that pays off when it comes to creating a meaningful legacy, keeping Councillors focused on the big picture and out of the operational weeds. ## Role clarity empowers City of Mitcham staff to own their turf A critical piece of the Council puzzle is decision-making responsibilities. Local government runs more smoothly when roles are clear. However, decision-making boundaries often become blurred or are never clarified in the first place. Councillor Greenshields explains, “The programme helped us understand who should make certain decisions. Councillors make the big why decisions, supported by senior executives. The executive makes decisions on how we do things. And decisions around what we do are made by managers and their teams.” “It’s hard for Council members to get out of minor community issues and provide overall strategic direction for the Council. It was both a relief and incredibly challenging to hear that. Now, Councillors and staff respect each other’s roles and understand where they need to be. We understand that Councillors aren't experts in the day-to-day running of Council, but Council managers are. This helped build mutual respect.” Part of clarifying Council responsibilities is agreeing on what decisions will be taken by Council staff without involving elected members. The City of Mitcham has done an exceptional job establishing boundaries on this. Councillor Greenshields says, “We’ve agreed to delegate simple decisions that take up Council time. Staff are bringing less small stuff to us to keep us focused on the bigger, more important stuff.” CEO Matthew Pears recalls, “Because we had that conversation with everyone in the room, we empowered the administration to make decisions they might not have made alone before. They know elected members will understand because they participated in a powerful debate about the right decisions for administration to make.” ## Transforming their annual planning and budget process City of Mitcham have implemented their new strategic tools in annual planning and budgeting. This shift started with the half-day strategic planning session facilitated by Alicia, where they applied the tools they’d learned to prioritise their strategic plan. Mayor Holmes-Ross recalls, “Alicia made the process of going through our current strategic plan and weighting it really easy.” Councillor Greenshields agrees. “Alicia pulled out our priority themes in the strategic priority session. Her ability to make everybody in the room feel satisfied that we'd picked out exactly what was important to this Chamber was excellent. There wasn't bickering or debate because it felt like we'd got there as a team.” Applying their new strategic skills has transformed the way Mitcham budgets. Pears explains, “We discuss our options in terms of strategic alignment to our priorities - instead of saying, “Here's our budget, what do we want to do with it?” Councillor Greenshields agrees, adding, “This year’s budget process is about understanding whether a project is aligned with our key strategic priorities, then running it through our new decision-making criteria. Is it the right thing, at the right time, for the right reason, with the right people?” Framing their annual budgeting process around their strategic priorities and new right decisions model helps Mitcham’s elected members make wiser long-term decisions with resources. The new approach also makes Councillors responsible for assessing the strategic alignment of their budget requests, achieving consensus on that alignment, and negotiating prioritisation. Councillor Greenshields says, “Having governance as a specific strategic priority has changed how we discuss funding projects, too. If a project hasn't been through a good governance process, do we really want to fund it?” Once projects are shortlisted, the executive team assesses timing, resourcing and logistics, giving Councillors expert advice so they can make holistic budget decisions. The transparency and accountability of this process have enabled and elevated City of Mitcham Councillors to be the best strategic decision-makers they can be for their whole community. ## Setting strategic boundaries saves time for elected members It’s easy for elected members to become mired in responding to mundane community issues. Everyone wants a piece of them, and their inbox is always full of demands. Councillors often fall into the trap of believing their role is to fight that fire. The Local Legends programme gives them tools to push back on unnecessary overwhelm. Mayor Holmes-Ross understands. “The programme has changed the way I view my role. I get a lot of inquiries about operational matters. It’s amazing how many emails I get about street sweeping. I used to feel I should respond to them all! Now we’ve set up a system where residents are acknowledged and told their question has been forwarded to the right person in the administration.” “A light bulb moment was realising that people outside Council don't know which part of Council does what. I could get annoyed when people write to me about street sweeping, or I could accept that people don't know who to go to, so they're just writing to me because I’m Mayor. It's okay to pass them on to someone else.” Councillor Greenshields shares his epiphany. “Before the programme with Alicia, Council spent almost a whole meeting redesigning our rates notice. In hindsight, Council should not have been involved. We should have just told the staff what was important, instead of spending a whole night talking about design. Imagine how much more we will achieve if we keep our focus where it needs to be.” Spotting when they’re getting stuck in the weeds has helped City of Mitcham save time in other ways. Pears recalls, The first Council meeting I attended ran for over 18 hours across three evenings. We used to have a meeting every two weeks. Now, we've gone to one meeting a month, and we’re finishing that early. If we're losing momentum, the Mayor will call it in the meeting, and the elected members understand what she's saying and why.” Jellings concludes, “The programme has given elected members new confidence and language to challenge themselves. They're grappling with what it means to be an elected official. Is being a Councillor about being popular and winning votes, or is it about tackling the real issues facing your community?” Setting strategic boundaries around the continual barrage of community operational issues isn’t always straightforward. And it can be tempting to dive into a short-term fix because it’s simpler than tackling long-term goals. But for Councillors, knowing they’re laying the foundations for their community’s future gives a sense of satisfaction fighting operational fires never can. ## Activating investment in learning across the organisation City of Mitcham is the poster child for extracting ROI from the Local Legends programme. They have wrung every tiny piece of value out of what they learned. Jellings explains, “The Council Executive were determined to get value from the programme and ensure it wasn't a flash in the pan. After the workshops, we all put in a big push to ensure the Council have new tools and language to use. Everyone did a debrief and we sent out a resource pack summarising our new frameworks. A second wave of activity brought our internal team on board, because we didn’t want staff to be confused when they heard the new language. Every month since we've had a touch point where we've used the language and reminded Councillors of the core concepts. Everyone keeps banging the drum.” You also have to put your learning into action to see a return on your investment. Pears says, “We immediately applied the new frameworks to a whole range of things. For example, we use them to put agendas together, ensuring items align with our strategic goals.” “We've stopped sending certain reports to elected members and we use our new language to explain why. Alicia taught us to consider the broader horizon of a decision. Some are one-week decisions, others hundred-year decisions. The executive team make short-term decisions because they don't involve discussion on strategic direction. When it comes to long-term decisions, elected members need time and space to consider. We’re giving Councillors more space for hundred-year decisions.” ## Inspiring you to work toward something bigger CEO Matthew Pears summarises the situation six months into implementing the Local Legends programme, “We did this for the Mitcham community. Not for me, not for the administration, not for elected members, but for the community. Getting the whole Council focused on why we exist is important because it’s hard and uncomfortable, but ultimately what we're here for.” Major Holmes-Ross reflects on City of Mitcham’s experience. “It’s difficult to find a facilitator who understands local government. Alicia was a perfect fit. She was really on top of our issues. She is someone from local government, who understands what is happening for us. She handled things beautifully at exactly the right pace and the right level. There were no jarring moments.” Pears adds, “I thought I'd be challenged, but I didn't realise we'd have so much fun. Alicia made us laugh. She also constantly lifted us to that strategic level and made us realise we were operating in the weeds. And it felt relevant to Mitcham. It wasn't a cookie cutter programme rolling out a model she'd presented a hundred times.” Councillor Greenshields says, “Alicia managed to pull together a group of strong-minded people from different walks of life who’ve different passions and desires for change and get us aligned. It feels like we’ve much more focus. The way she aligned us was important, too. She led us to decisions rather than pushing us. We feel like we got there ourselves.” Daniel Jellings summarises, “Alicia’s really good at providing tough love. Challenging assumptions, calling bullshit, and correcting ideas in a way that you still want to have a beer with her. Her superpower is to be tough on people in an inspiring way and build rapport.” “We’re inspired to work towards something bigger. We're still grappling with what that looks like and how we do it, but we have 13 elected officials and 20 managers wanting to do more. We've got new skills and a desire to grow into this strategic space.” ### Glen Eira City Council: Local Legends in-house programme URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/glen-eira/ Last updated: 2025-10-16T05:39:00.000Z ⚡ Working in local government, you’re bombarded by demands from every angle. One key difference between an effective Council and an ineffective Council is their approach to that barrage. Every Council can choose to be strategic or reactive, impacting the legacy they leave. Sometimes, the way a Council works evolves. Other times, circumstances force a sudden shift from focusing on the day-to-day to big-picture thinking. In 2022, Glen Eira City Council, in south-east Melbourne, reached a tipping point. Glen Eira City Council CEO Rebecca McKenzie explains, “We had new challenges around our financial sustainability. We had to make big decisions about what we do and don't do, what we invest in, and where we spend our time. We needed Councillors to stop reacting to immediate issues and think about our priorities, and we needed frameworks to navigate that change. It’s a period of change and an opportunity to think differently.” Glen Eira Mayor Anne-Marie Cade met Alicia that same year at the Australian Local Government Association’s National General Assembly. She recalls, “I attended one of Alicia’s workshops at the Assembly with colleagues. We were impressed by her strategies and her approach. Our Councillors needed that strategic lens and her practical approach to improve our interactions and focus on our priorities.” McKenzie was open to taking a fresh approach. She says, “I wanted someone who would stimulate our thinking differently. We could have hired a local facilitator to do the same stuff we'd always done, but we would've ended up with the same stuff we always had. This was a tipping point for us, and we did need a different approach.” ## A new sense of purpose and identity Learning to think long-term can feel counterintuitive to Councillors who believe they should be ultra-responsive to their local community. Councillor Jim Magee has been a member of Glen Eira Council for 16 years and Mayor three times. He’s learned the value of a strategic lens for the many demands on elected members. He says, “Every day, Council pushes you out of your comfort zone. I'm still waiting for two days to be the same. You’re so busy, and you’re taking a beating from the moment you wake up. I’m a bit of a control freak. In my early days as Councillor, I felt like I had to have all the answers. That made me inefficient because I was chasing things that weren’t my responsibility and ignoring the stuff that’s important. But it’s hard to stop because the community keeps coming to me for help. So, the real trick to being a good Councillor is differentiating what's important and what's a good use of my time.” Making that shift to becoming more strategic can be a personal challenge, especially when that causes tension in the local community. McKenzie points out, “You can't please all the people all the time. So, there will be winners and losers. That's sometimes difficult.” Overcoming the day-to-day pressure to make bold strategic choices is extremely challenging, and such decisions are rarely universally popular. In addition, many Councillors have made public promises that they feel obliged to honour. Glen Eira’s Director of Customer and Corporate Affairs Kellie Vise says, “Running for Council is a political process, and this can sometimes mean navigating decisions carefully once you are elected. Say a Councillor is elected on a platform to get rid of paid parking. When they do their Council induction, they realise that their role has a broad range of considerations and some of their goals might be difficult to achieve in the short term. Our job is to help Councillors understand the potential risks and consequences of their decisions.” Mayor Cade confirms the challenges elected members face. “Many of us come into this role very passionate about what we want to do, but giving someone a pulpit with no training is dangerous. Working in local government requires a unique skill set. I was convinced we could do better by looking at the big picture and working collaboratively.” Every Council faces particular local challenges. However, the tension between elected members’ sense of obligation to the daily demands of their electorate and their need to carve out time to make important decisions for their community is universal. Getting out of the weeds and into the future is not easy. The Local Legends programme equips Councils with the tools to take a deliberate, future-focused approach. ## When the penny drops, and the room starts to hum with potential Councillors are busy people, and the programme can push elected members out of their comfort zones and challenge their personal sense of purpose and identity. At first, Councillors may be resistant. Vise recalls the mood at Glen Eira before the programme kicked off. Councillors’ time is valuable. A lot of them work and Council is their second job. So, there is always a bit of uncertainty when we suggest workshops or extra development opportunities. Councillors wonder what’s this for, who is this person, and what are we going to be doing for a whole two days.” Councillor Magee doesn’t mind admitting that he had initial doubts. “At first, I thought, what a waste of time; why the hell am I here? Then, it started falling into place. We started applying Alicia’s strategic rationale to our job as Councillors. I thought, oh, she's right. You think you know everything and what’s important, but you just don't. Having a fresh approach and looking at it from a different perspective made me realise that being a Councillor is about responsible time management and owning your job.” Mayor Cade saw that shift in mood play out. “People go to so many trainings and some of them thought that this would be another regular course. But very quickly, they realised Alicia had a very different approach. She’s hands-on, getting us to think big picture and do group exercises. That approach appealed. I could see enthusiasm building as the day went on. By the end of day two, we were all sharing what we’d learned and how we could apply it to our sticking points as Council.” ## Clear roles, prioritised activities, and smarter decisions The Local Legends programme has had a marked impact on the way Glen Eira Council operates. Mayor Cade says, “The programme reinforced that elected members need to think big picture. Councillors can get caught in the weeds because the community constantly calls us. But we've limited time and resources. We need to prioritise. Alicia clarified that operational issues are for the Council administration to solve. Councillors need to direct those questions to them and keep thinking big picture.” The programme gives Councils language to communicate the challenges they face. Councillor Magee recalls, “We talked about the importance of elected members standing on the mountain overseeing what's happening. We’re looking down at the valley, but we’re not part of what's happening there because that's not our job.” McKenzie agrees. “One thing that's been helpful is getting the Councillors to reflect on where they're spending their time and energy. We still get stuck talking about operational issues occasionally, but then somebody will say, ‘Hang on a minute, are we in the paddock or are we on the mountain?’ That resets the level of the conversation.” Another tool from the programme Glen Eira Council found transformational is the decision-making framework. Vise says, “Asking if this is the right decision for the right reason, at the right time, with the right people, has been really impactful in allowing us to cut to the chase.” McKenzie explains, “We’ve applied the decision-making prioritisation framework from the programme to tricky decisions about what services we continue to offer. They're difficult ethical decisions for Council to make. By applying our new decision-making methodology, we could say, for example, that this is the right decision, but it's not the right time. We’ve set a schedule for the more difficult decisions, rather than thinking everything had to be done at once.” It's all very well for Councils to know they’ll benefit from clarifying roles, prioritising activities, and making smarter decisions. Knowing how to do that is another thing. Local Legends gives Councils a toolkit of practical frameworks to help organisations become noticeably more efficient and effective. ## A transformed dynamic between Council and Councillors The dynamic between elected members and Council staff can become dysfunctional. Councillors can get frustrated by what they perceive to be unnecessary roadblocks thrown up by Council administration, while staff can struggle with Councillors inserting themselves into operational concerns. This tension is exacerbated if roles are unclear and relationships between Councillors and Council executive aren’t strong. The Local Legends programme is designed to address both those sticking points. McKenzie explains its impact on Glen Eira: “Going through this process together, agreeing on our roles, working up a vision and a strategy, and adopting frameworks to navigate these difficult decisions sets the tone for a productive working relationship between elected Councillors and administration.” Councillor Magee expands on the value of bringing different perspectives together. “We all bring different priorities to the table. Council officers bring a professional, analytical response. Councillors often bring a more emotional response. Alicia was able to bring all that together. So, it was good having all the Councillors and Directors together, able to bounce ideas off each other. We all work together now.” Vise also appreciates the improved relationship between elected members and the administration. “We've seen different conversations around the Council table and a real appreciation for the challenges of each other's roles and how we can maximise what we do and get great outcomes. From an executive point of view, we've developed a better understanding of Councillors’ frustrations. By the end of the programme, we had committed to operating in a new way. That's been quite a significant shift.” ## Immediate benefit to the Glen Eira community thanks to collaboration and consistency A rewarding aspect of running the Local Legends programme is hearing from local government members about how it has enhanced their quality of life. Councillor Magee went from being a sceptic to an enthusiastic advocate for the programme. He says, “Being a Councillor is so much easier now I know I don’t have to be an expert in stormwater management or the legalities of parking. That's the Councillor I used to be, but not anymore. I rationalise what's important better now. I ask myself, is this something I should be involved in? Is this a good use of my time and my expertise?” “Delegating has become a lot more natural and less stressful because I'm not responsible for getting back to residents and delivering all the answers. I'm very clear that my role is to oversee what we are doing, not to get out there and do it. I'm more relaxed because I’m not owning all the little things. I'm taking ownership of what's important instead. And I've more time to focus on those important things because I’m not running around worrying about fruit dropping off a street tree onto the footpath. Before, I would've gotten my broom and cleaned that fruit up.” Mayor Cade says the programme has made a big difference to her. “Doing the programme has given me so much confidence. I constantly go back to the notes I made in the workshop. And I try to make sure that I focus on thinking big picture and making wise decisions because it's very easy as a Councillor to get drawn into things that aren’t your role.” The benefits Glen Eira is enjoying from the programme are bigger than the changes it has made to individual Councillors. McKenzie says, “The community are seeing a greater level of consistency and integration in our strategies. And they benefit from seeing their elected Councillors working together collaboratively towards a shared vision. Council’s job is too difficult if you're dealing with internal strife.” Consistency and collaboration are important because they help Councils gain momentum. Vise says, “The community are keen to get things done, to see action, change and improvement. If Council is able to navigate decisions more quickly and see opportunities, while being cognisant of risk, then our community's going to see benefits earlier.” ## Changing Glen Eira’s trajectory as a Council One signature of the Local Legends programme is how it brings elected members and Council staff together to solve challenges. Councillors often spend time with their executives, but getting together with Council managers and staff is far less common. This collaboration is critical, and it can also benefit from facilitation. Vise notes, “Where you've got a management level and a governance level of decision making, as you do in local government, sometimes you need an external person who can create a safe place for each group to share their perspective and have it valued.” McKenzie says, “Alicia is straight down the line. She's not afraid to say it straight. At the same time, she's really respectful of the Council and the work we’ve done to get to this point. She’s about helping us identify what's important to us and our community.” Vise agrees. “Alicia calls it as she sees it. She cuts through that local government formality. Her ability to get to what's really going on and identify what needs to happen is beyond anything I've seen before. It’s outstanding. And she gets what we're dealing with because she has so much experience in local government.” Mayor Cade says, “The Local Legends programme is very different to other training. Alicia breaks down barriers instantly, encouraging people to share their thoughts, concerns, and frustrations. People don’t feel nervous to ask questions. She creates a safe space to have important discussions and enables that process. Her practical focus is very important, she knows local government and provides a lot of resources to refer to. I consider her an expert and recommend her highly.” Councillor Magee knows Councils can be sceptical about outside experts but reassures them of the value of the Local Legends programme. “Alicia has given me many really good tools to work with. I've found the benefit of listening to her. I walked out thinking, I'll get something from this. Since then, I've been getting more and more from it. Also, Alicia’s an absolute cracker. She's smart. She's funny. She has good life experience.” Vise has the last word. “Don’t wait until there's a problem to get Alicia in. Set your Council up to succeed by being intentional about how you work together to have conversations and make decisions. The language and techniques we’ve learned have made a huge difference, and the programme has amplified our trajectory as a Council.” [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/8080BF56-531B-4B1E-8027-87C0DAF64AA6_1_105_c.jpeg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-legends) Local Legends has transformed relationships, decision quality, and strategic implementation for Australian and New Zealand Councils. [Learn more ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-legends) ### Why your strategy is failing and how to fix it URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/why-your-strategy-is-failing-and-how-to-fix-it/ Last updated: 2025-10-02T23:21:53.000Z ⚡ Many of us have the wrong idea about strategy. We think it's about workshops and documents and then struggle to understand why everyone's still doing what they've always done. **In this article:** - What strategy is - Four reasons why strategy fails - How to succeed with strategy - Five steps to take right now. --- ## What strategy is Strategy is something people *do,* not something people *have.* Strategy is not a document. It's not a list of actions or projects, a bullshit report generator, or a management tool. Strategy is about defining: - **Why** \- our direction - **How** \- our decision criteria and organisational design - **What** \- our delivery arrangements. In order to deliver on our strategy, we also need to remember the **who** \- the relationships, skills and capabilities necessary to support our goals. Strategy aims to generate a pattern of decision-making and resource allocation that will move us closer to our goals. When it's clear, and the right building blocks are in place, our strategy tells us how to prioritise our efforts and channel our energy. We When we make choices that align, magic happens: everything we do points toward the same goal, and we start to get there step by step. Good strategy is executed through a system of rules and behaviours led by committed people who understand the big picture. Those people should be our organisational leaders. They look at the policies, processes, systems and relationships that govern the organisation, sector, or industry they're in and ask, "How can we make it easier to do the right thing?" --- ## Why strategy fails Most failed strategies are one of four things: a failure to choose, align, communicate, or embed. ### A failure to choose We talk about what we want to do or change, but we're afraid to stop doing other things, just in case. We prop up a parallel system, keeping our existing work alive, just in case we're wrong or not good enough. This creates confusion amongst our teams and customers and keeps us too busy to progress in the new direction, practically guaranteeing our worst fears: that we can't change for the better. ### A failure to align We ask things of people that aren't possible by building and maintaining complicated risk-based systems and processes that get in the way. Bureaucracy and broken systems stifle collaboration, change, and innovation as we spend too much energy controlling what we don't want to make any progress on what we do want. ### A failure to communicate We spend hours or days around a whiteboard, knotting our thoughts, and walk out of the room with six different versions of where we're going and why. We create corporate collateral that further obfuscates our ideas and sends conflicting messages to staff daily by asking them to do things that do not resemble our most important goals. ### A failure to embed Before our strategy has a chance to bed in, we get nervous and start dismantling and tweaking. Mistrust in our abilities stems from ourselves or our decision-makers. It creates a culture of nervousness and constant change, leaving us frazzled and torn in multiple directions, always second-guessing the next big thing. Many failures combine the above factors, tied together by an unwillingness to commit long enough to see results. Genuine strategic positions are a 10+ year game, and building the system to make them possible takes time and effort. Changing a strategy document isn't hard, but realigning a complex web of organisational activities to generate results is. ## Take your time or waste your time Changing the kind of work we do and how we do it and executing the necessary transitions in systems, capabilities, and resources is hard and doesn't happen quickly. Building a distinct niche in the market, hiring and training the right people, building core capabilities, and bringing that clarity into our marketing, communication, and positioning doesn't happen overnight. When we try to change our strategy every few months, we wind up with a tangled mess of being overwhelmed and overworked, which amounts to nothing more than being busy. The result is nothing but waste: wasted money, wasted effort and wasted relationships. # How to succeed with strategy ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/10/Clarity-3.png) When reflecting on the success or failure of your current strategy, consider the following four key elements: ### Clarity - Is it abundantly clear where you're going, why you're going there, and how you'll get there? - Have you considered your options and explained why you're not pursuing alternatives? - Does your collateral and leadership communication make the above obvious? - Have you considered key questions about your strategy and what your responses will be? ### Coherence - What will you need to do more to make your strategy a reality? - What will you need to do less of or do differently? - Do people understand how they should use the strategy in their daily work? - What internal systems should be adjusted to change this? ### Capability - What funding, resources, and capabilities will be required to achieve your goals? - Do you have the skills, abilities, and support for this direction? - Have you got the mandate and influence to implement? - Do your leaders and teams understand how to use strategy to make decisions? ### Commitment - Are all of your leaders on board with the intended direction? - Have you considered when it might be difficult to defend or adhere to your strategy and how you will manage that? - What is your plan for communicating the new direction at the appropriate level to key staff? - What are the key programmes and workstreams you will need to get behind for your strategy to take flight? ## Make it simple When in doubt, stop tweaking. Instead of dreaming up flashy new objectives or trendy new infographics, spend more energy clarifying what you're already trying to do and aligning your work. You probably already know what should happen; you're afraid to put a stake in the ground and risk failing. --- ## Five things to do now Are you struggling with your new strategy? Here are five key things you can do now to increase your odds of success. 1. Eliminate the work programmes you've put lots of energy into that are tangential to your most important goals. 2. Dismantle those complex, risk-averse procurement, performance and evaluation frameworks and redesign for simplicity. 3. Have open conversations about what needs to shift with your leadership team and staff. 4. Challenge each piece of busywork and ask if it needs to happen or can be made easier. 5. Draw a one-page diagram of your organisation if you were starting from scratch, using only your big goals as a guide. Be bold, keep it simple, and stay the course. You've got this. ### Parks and Leisure Association VIC/TAS Melbourne, May 2024 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/parks-and-leisure-association-vic-tas-melbourne-may-2024/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T20:35:44.000Z _No content available._ ### Go off plan but stay on strategy URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-difference-between-strategy-and-plans-2/ Last updated: 2025-10-03T03:57:05.000Z When I was a broke student and single mum, I remember creating countless household budgets to try and stay on top of things. I’d put the ideal budget together and then think, “Well, it won’t work this week because the car registration is due, but next week, this will be the ideal budget…” Next week never comes, though, does it? No plan survives first contact with the enemy. Our current operating environment is proof of this. But here’s the thing—when it’s not a pandemic, it will be something else. Natural disaster, weather, regulatory change, financial upheaval, restructuring, political scandal, community change… see what I mean? The ticket is knowing that while it’s perfectly acceptable, desirable and in fact unavoidable to go off-plan – we need to stay on strategy. The big picture you’re aiming for, the priorities you’ve set, and the way you want to work with people need to guide your change response, not be put aside. If you’ve set a priority for high-performance culture, community resilience, or making internal operations easier, this is the time those priorities are being tested. Rather than seeing your strategy as an extra thing you don’t have time for now, it should be the lens you use to filter your decision-making. Ask yourself: - How do we respond in a way that reflects our priorities and gets us closer to our long-term vision? - What is the opportunity here to ‘prove’ we are dedicated to our why? Stay safe out there, everyone. ### Stave off mediocrity with perspective and purpose URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stave-off-mediocrity-with-perspective-and-purpose/ Last updated: 2025-09-25T09:46:49.000Z I read this little anecdote by Donald Miller a few years ago, and it’s always stayed with me: > *“If you watched a movie about a guy who wanted a Volvo and worked for years to get it, you wouldn’t cry at the end when he drove off the lot, testing the windshield wipers. You wouldn’t tell your friends you saw a beautiful movie or go home and put a record on to think about the story you’d seen. The truth is, you wouldn't remember that movie a week later, except you’d feel robbed and want your money back. Nobody cries at the end of a movie about a guy who wants a Volvo.* > > *But we spend years actually living those stories, and expect our lives to be meaningful. The truth is, if what we choose to do with our lives won't make a story meaningful, it won’t make a life meaningful either”* > > ― Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life Our work and lives are full of high-pressure goals and tasks equivalent to that Volvo. They're pressing, but they're boring. Each one feels important in isolation, but when we zoom out and look at our progress over several years, the importance has faded, leaving a string of meaningless mediocrity that wasn't worth the stress. Do you ever look back at your week, month, or year and wonder what you achieved? All that panic about the meeting, the outfit, the conversation - and for what? Did it count? Does it tell the story of your life? In *Essentialism*, Greg McKeown describes the feeling of being "overwhelmed but underutilized," which always makes me think of that particular brand of end-of-day exhaustion where I can't list what I achieved that day. I reckon that's fine for a day, even a week. We all have Survival Seasons, times in our lives where things just need to get done, and we need to focus on survival. (If you have kids under 5, consider this your Survival Season!) But I think we should be careful of letting that become our norm. Steven Pinker, in Enlightenment Now, suggests we remove ourselves from daily news cycles and take a wider view—50 or 100 years. If you took this view, he argues and read the headlines for the 50-year newspaper, you'd find it much easier to see how much progress the world has made. The same is true for your life. If you were writing the newspaper for this decade, what would the headlines be so far? How do you feel about that? I've been working with local government leaders to expand their perspectives and consider the intergenerational legacy of their decisions. This is a major part of my book [*Local Legends.*](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-legends-how-to-make-a-difference-in-local-government-copy/) Public leaders have an incredible opportunity to participate in meaningful work that positively impacts the lives of others for a long time—but it’s easy to forget when they're captured by the daily dramas. You don't need to be in public service to think long-term about your work and life. When you know your [purpose](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/blog/purpose) and your [values](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/blog/values), you can choose to [play a longer game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/blog/play-a-longer-game). You can set [boundaries](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/ww/boundaries) that free up the time and space in your work and life to do work that matters and arrive at the end of your day, week, and decade feeling good about what you've accomplished. You've only got one life, and it's in your hands. Whether you're facing change, uncertainty, restructure, or redundancy , nobody else has the power to decide the direction of your life and impact. You're put here to do awesome things that only you can do - so don't let mediocre Volvo goals distract you. ### Alicia delivers a special keynote to the Secondary Principals Association NZ Conference in Queenstown URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/alicia-delivers-a-special-keynote-to-the-secondary-principals-association-nz-conference-in-queenstown/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T20:43:17.000Z When I was 16 years old and 36 weeks pregnant, I stood at an ironing board, back aching, to take an Economics 101 exam. I shouldn't really have been allowed. I'd dropped out of school at the end of Year 12 when I left foster care. I'd planned on returning for Year 13, until I fell pregnant with my daughter. I was living independently and had no family, so going to school was no longer an option for me. But this man, my teacher [Scott Haines](https://www.linkedin.com/in/snhaines?trk=public%5Fpost%5Fembed-text&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), helped convince [Lincoln University (NZ)](https://www.linkedin.com/school/lincolnuninz/?trk=public%5Fpost%5Fembed-text&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) to give me discretionary entrance to a first-year economics paper, and then he let me sneak onto school grounds twice a week to join his Year 13 students in a special class. Thanks to my grade on that paper, I sweet-talked the [University of Canterbury](https://www.linkedin.com/school/university-of-canterbury/?trk=public%5Fpost%5Fembed-text&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), at 17 years old with my 4-month-old baby on my hip, into letting me enrol, despite not having university entrance. University blew my entire world open. I went on to a career as a policy analyst, then a management consultant, and have successfully run my own practice since I was 25\. I've published two books (nearly three!) and worked with dozens of government and corporate clients across New Zealand and Australia. My childhood was a story of abuse and addiction, and my adulthood might well have gone that way too. My sister died of a methamphetamine overdose at 20, leaving two children behind. That could have been me. I was lucky - and I had the right support at the right time. The intervention of my Economics teacher didn't just change the trajectory of my life and career, it broke an intergenerational cycle. Today, almost 20 years later, my baby is studying Law in her first year of university. My other two children, 14 and 9, grow up in a happy and healthy home. They're safe, secure, and loved. Today, I got to return a teeny-tiny piece of that support. I shared my deep gratitude for Hainsey on stage in front of over 200 secondary school principals before kicking off the [Secondary Principals' Association of NZ - SPANZ](https://www.linkedin.com/company/secondary-principals-association-of-nz-spanz?trk=public%5Fpost%5Fembed-text&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) conference in Queenstown as opening keynote speaker. We're both pretty stoked about it, as you can see. (PS: See how this blew up [on LinkedIn](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/aliciamckaynz%5Fwhen-i-was-16-years-old-and-36-weeks-pregnant-activity-7200697998002016256-dgjv/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)?!) ### 2024 LG Pro VIC Annual Conference, Melbourne, May 2024 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/2024-lg-pro-vic-annual-conference-melbourne-may-2024/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T20:36:21.000Z ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/53706331001_a68bf17693.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/53706331561_d49e038d7c.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/53706656149_5d408d3eef.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/53706550538_43b0cce02d.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/53706535623_11fae771c8.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/53706657639_b9fd14c942.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/53706660579_c975543956.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/53706768350_5fd3fc00e4.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/53706339096_3862ab46d7.jpg) ### Time management for consultants - (and everyone else!) URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/time-management-for-consultants-and-everyone-else/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T21:26:14.000Z The life of a self-employed professional (SEP) is a busy one. When running a one or two-person business, there's no shortage of tasks but few people to complete them. So, how do you structure your time to get the most out of your efforts - without falling apart in the process? I had two questions on this during a recent [Consultants of Choice](http://www.consultantsofchoice.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) office hour. ## 1\. How to find balance > *"My biggest issue is making sure I set aside time for "me". I'm terrible at taking breaks, and when i'm diving head first into work the first things to fall off the list are eating properly and exercising. "I don't have time for a workout today" and then its the end of the week and I've told myself that everyday.* > > *What's the secret for finding that balance and not going all in on your career?"* ## 2\. Fitting it all in > *"I would like to learn how to effectively make progress and structure my day/week so I can fit most things in! Do you have any ways of working or tips where you’re able to make progress while keeping it all balanced? Do you have set days where you do marketing/social media posts or do you outsource this? Do you set a limited amount of time on tasks to make sure you don’t go down the rabbit hole?* > > *I’d love to hear how you manage family and work so I can introduce some different ways because I’m wanting to make progress that’s really intentional."* Here's how I answered them. ## First things first: we’re set up to fail Let's zoom out to see some social and economic context. We're all struggling with time management; most of us feel we're not using our time correctly. That's not because people are lazy, scattered, or inherently bad at... existing? It's because we're facing unrealistic expectations. You can optimise your little patch, but the fact remains: you are targeting individual change to counteract the impacts of a broken system. There's no 'right answer'. No one has it figured out. You didn't miss a memo. Everyone is fighting the same battle, especially if you're dealing with family and work responsibilities. ### We weren’t meant to be doing it all The traditional nine-to-five grind was built for a time when one person worked and another handled everything else, but that's ancient history. We're juggling multiple full-time gigs - work, domestic duties, and childcare - and winning at this game is impossible. The pressure to optimise every spare minute and constantly achieve more can be overwhelming. But before looking at ways to change, we must remember that we are set up to fail. So here's the deal: forget the idea that there's a 'right' way to do this, and don't believe the hype from those productivity gurus who pretend they have the answers. Over 90% of productivity literature is written by the same type of person - middle-aged, middle-class white men who curiously leave out care labour and family responsibilities from their to-do lists ([this famous tweet debacle rings a bell here](https://womensagenda.com.au/latest/the-man-with-6-kids-a-phd-and-a-ceo-role-shares-the-trick-for-getting-it-all-done/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)), bar a mention of 'being home more to see their family.' I'm going to give you some genuinely helpful, practical tips on how to manage the juggle, but I don't want you to read them until you've taken this serve of tough love: you're doing great, and it's not you that's broken, it's everything else. The good news is that self-employment is an incredible opportunity to break out of this time trap and to design a life that works for you. So that's what we're going to do. ## Six tips to help you strike a better balance Before we look at any tricks, step one is to lower your expectations and boost your self-compassion. Your working time container probably isn't big enough for everything you want to put in it. You're an ambitious high-achiever, after all! That's OK. Your ambition is fantastic. But not when you use it as a stick to beat yourself with. So, size up how much time you've got available, and be realistic about how long things will take. When you realise your maths is off (and it will be), get ruthless about stripping out the items that add the least value. Then, and only then, can you start to look at hacks and tips for getting the most out of your limited availability. Here are six tips to help you strike a better balance with no Pomodoro timer in sight. 1. Embrace deep work 2. Hack your constraints 3. Turn want-to into have-to 4. Run experiments 5. Leave things better than you found them 6. Manage energy, not time ### 1\. Embrace deep work You can't do everything at once, and there will always be more tasks than you've got time for. But you'll never focus if you spend all your time harbouring a sense of guilt and FOMO about the other things you should be working on. That's why presence counts. Andrew Huberman says we can only expect to achieve two 90-minute stretches of intensely focused work each day. That might not sound like much, but it's more than many of us currently achieve! Multi-tasking, distractions, interruptions, and what-about-ism eat into our capacity for focus. So, use your limited time as productively as possible by putting aside intentional stretches of deep work. Set aside dedicated time for specific tasks; no distractions are allowed. Put some tunes, lock into that task, and work like a boss. **‘Deep work’ keeps you present and fully engaged, leading to better results. Choose quality over quantity.** ### 2\. Hack your constraints You'll be surprised at how much you can accomplish with limited time. Have you ever pulled off a miracle just before the school pickup or a deadline? You know what I'm talking about! Work expands to fill the time available for it. So, when you put your headphones on for deep work, create a clear time container. Setting strict deadlines will help you use your limited time more productively. Embrace the concept of "done is better than perfect," allowing yourself to complete tasks even if they are not flawless. Perfectionism can hinder progress and waste valuable time. **Short bursts of ‘good enough’ work will always beat long periods of tweaking and perfecting.** ### 3\. Turn ‘want-to-’ into ‘have-to’ If there's something you desperately want to do but you find challenging, make it something you *have* to do. I've been writing Wednesday Wisdom every week for over five years. If I waited until inspiration struck or I had the right idea to publish, there's no way I'd create an article every week. But I promised it, and people expect it - which is a huge motivator to make it happen. When you know people are watching, you'll be more motivated to follow through. **Make public promises to motivate private progress** ### 4\. Run experiments Those productivity gurus telling you to wake up at 5 AM or have "content days" don't know about your life. Most of them aren't getting something in the slow cooker while typing an email and aren't worried about the laundry or their elderly Mum's doctor appointment either. This means you should take all advice (including this) at face value and play lightly with trying things out to see what works in your life. Don't set hard and fast rules. The best thing about self-employed life is that you can call the shots. But this newfound freedom might be overwhelming if you've worked on someone else's schedule for a long time. You might not know where to start! Try short-term experiments to discover what works for you - and release what doesn't. Here are some things you might try: - Give specific days' jobs' to do, i.e., one day for content and another for admin. Or, three days for client work, two for everything else. Or, Friday for sales meetings... etc - Put weekly appointments in your calendar for things you're worried you won't get to (running every Tuesday and Thursday at lunchtime, newsletter writing on a Wednesday morning, etc.) - Get up early to work before the rest of your household is awake and finish at 3 PM - Keep afternoons free and then go back for a night shift - Set aside your first two hours as 'deep work' before you touch emails or admin Treat each idea as an experiment, and if they don't work for you, or you get distracted or bored, try something else. Eventually, you'll get the hang of what does and doesn’t work for you. Also, what works today may not work as well six months from now, and that's cool. **Trial scheduling experiments to find out how you work best.** ### 5\. Leave things better than you found them This is all about reusing, leveraging, and making life easier. Every effort you make, whether writing an email or creating content, can be used. - Save that outreach email as a boilerplate to use next time - Turn that proposal into a template to speed up your sales process - Turn that blog post into six short social media posts and the basis for your next newsletter. - Write up the lessons from your last project as a case study or article - Plot the steps you took in your previous project and how long it took, and put it on a one-pager that you can send to clients as a "how we work together." - Use the above as the basis for scoping up similar client engagements. - Write down the six paint points your coffee date mentioned, and use them to create a list of standard questions for your next discovery call. - Take COC member questions and write an article from them, like this one ([or this one, on how to do value-based pricing)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-use-value-based-pricing-in-your-consulting-business/) \- oh wait, that's for me :D Adopt a mindset of leaving things better than you found them, considering how your work can be repurposed or used as a foundation for future tasks. This approach has an extra benefit, too: it stops you from trying to do everything perfectly! If you aim for forward motion and minor improvements and leave things better every time, you'll keep going - and stack up progress along the way. Momentum beats perfection every time. **Leverage your efforts by reusing your work in multiple formats and creating templates and processes from new ideas.** ### 6\. Manage energy, not time When discussing time management, we often think of people as machines, as though each day comprises identical units that will be met with the same enthusiasm. You have xx units available, and the job is to allocate them correctly. I'm afraid that's not right. Not all time is created equally, and not all activities require the same level of energy and motivation. Not only that, but not all actions lead to a net drain - some boost you, lift you and give you more power to get more done! Some activities are energy boosters, and others are energy drainers. Striking the right balance in your day can be the difference between fulfilment and fatigue. - If going for a run gives you an afternoon energy boost, schedule that into your week. - If client coffees and sales meetings give you a lift, scatter them throughout your schedule and use the boost to write marketing copy and have new ideas afterwards. - If admin sucks the life out of you, make sure you don't have a whole day of it, or delegate it to someone else. - If client work drains your tank, don't book three days in a row without rest and recovery. Your boosters and drainers will be individual to you. The trick isn't to find a perfect balance but to be aware of how you tick and set yourself up for success. Try tracking your tasks in a journal and using a little arrow key to monitor your energy - an ⬆️ up arrow in the margin for things that gave you energy, a ⬇️ arrow for things that drained your energy. Over time, you'll start to see a trend. Go with that, and prioritise adding boosters to keep you motivated. **Prioritise energy-boosting activities to get more out of your day.** ## Keep it real, and do your best We need to get real. We're not machines. We're flawed, fascinating, curious humans with the capacity for creativity, connection and change. Instead of trying to squeeze every drop out of the lemon, we're better to: - Set realistic expectations - Recognise our limitations - Prioritise quality over quantity - Embrace 'done is better than perfect.' Use tools like deep work, hard deadlines, time experiments, commitment, and public accountability to get you on track, and make sure you include a healthy dose of activities that give you energy and bring balance and joy into your daily life. Most of all, remember that there's no ultimate answer. No one has this figured out, and it's perfectly fine to adapt and evolve as you navigate your way to better time management. Consulting life is all about freedom. Please make the most of it. ### How to do scary things URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-do-scary-things/ Last updated: 2025-10-20T08:05:22.000Z Being a person is pretty scary, to be honest. If you're a mildly anxious human like me, you might face a frequent war with your brain as it churns out worse case scenarios for you to chew on. You might die! You might go broke! You might lose everything! Everyone might hate you now! Except when we put those fears into perspective, they're mostly unhelpful noise. We've just lived through a global pandemic and a series of natural disasters, and... we're pretty much fine. In fact, you've probably already experienced a version of your biggest fears - a job loss, a relationship breakdown, an injury or illness - and odds are, while it was tough-going, you're OK. ## Fear is universal, but action is personal If you've been thinking about doing something scary, chances are you've let your fear get in the way. Your fear might be obvious (anxious thoughts, sweaty palms, et al) or it might stealthily present as being too busy right now, being responsible, being careful, or 'waiting for the right time'. Nobody who ever did anything meaningful did so without the taste of fear in their mouth. The only difference between those who did it, and those who didn't, was action. Fear is a feeling that exists in our imagination. You can't fight a ghost fear. ![5722.01.wide.KEY.jpg](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/5722_01_wide_KEY_jpg-2.jpg) ('You know I can't grab your ghost chips. Go away!' If you're outside of New Zealand, or this picture means nothing to you, strap in for some excellent social marketing [here](https://www.nzonscreen.com/title/legend-ghost-chips?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Stop internalising a really complicated situation in your head.) Action is the only way through fear. Action creates consequences, and consequences are worthy opponents that you can grapple with and conquer. ## What the Stoics thought Kick-ass ancient philosophers like Seneca, Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius were pretty aligned on this. Not only should we *do* scary stuff, we should actively seek it, to become better people. ### Deal with genuine consequences, not imagined ones Seneca said "*We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more in imagination than reality.*" Hurt, drama and chaos are manageable, tangible phenomena. We can actively tackle them. But our worries and fears cause us unlimited suffering with no easy path out. Here's one path: do the scary thing. Then, you can deal with the actual consequences, not the imagined ones. ### Look beyond the easy option Epictetus said "*Difficulties strengthen the mind as labor does the body."* When we live without difficulty (if such a thing exists) we get weak and complacent. Rather than looking for comfort, we feel better when we prove ourselves capable and competent by intentionally choosing hard things. When you're faced with an easy option, look again. ### See challenges as the point, not the problem Marcus Aurelius said *"The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way."* If what you want to do is important, it's unlikely to be simple. As you work out how to overcome obstacles (time, money, energy, support, skills), you build the things you need to achieve your goal. Good, eh! Ryan Halliday wrote a whole book about this - [The Obstacle Is The Way](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1591846358/ref=as%5Fli%5Fqf%5Fasin%5Fil%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=farnamstreet-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1591846358&linkId=b3e32c2f55df56b124d19fcfefad8872&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) \- and if you can buy into the idea that the challenges are the *point*, not the *problem*, there's not much you can't do. Big fan. ## What Tim Ferriss thinks Tim Ferriss recommends a genius tool called 'Fear-Setting' that I have used countless times, personally and professionally. The basic idea is that you can't work with what you can't see. Working through your fearful thoughts to find clarity will put your next step into perspective. To 'fear-set' you should: - List the worst-case scenarios troubling you as you contemplate taking a big, scary step. How bad would it be? Would the impact be permanent? How likely would it be? - Figure out how you could repair the damage if it happened. - Consider the benefits of taking the scary step. How would it change your life? What is your likelihood of success? - Work out what postponing this choice costs you - financially, emotionally, and physically—not just today, but in the future. What will life be like if things stay the same for the next six months, a year, or five years? Action is scary. The consequences of inaction could be even scarier. - Ask yourself: what are you waiting for? If you don't have a compelling answer, you're probably just scared. So take action. I love this tool. I've used it to underpin everything from strategic risk management plans to personal choices (hello, divorce...). Every time, I'm astonished at how *manageable* fear becomes once you tackle it head on. Read more and download Tim's worksheets to try it for yourself [here.](https://tim.blog/2017/05/15/fear-setting/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ## What Alicia McKay thinks Easy lives are for boring people. You only get one life, so why would you choose mediocrity and safety? Think of your life like a story, and make it worth reading. The more you try, fail, learn and rebuild, the more interesting your story becomes. Everything that happens as a result of you taking action - good, bad, neutral, terrifying, hilarious, embarrassing, shameful - will teach you something new that you'll be grateful for. And even if the worst possible thing happened, odds are you'll be fine. You have been so far. Also, you will be more interesting at dinner parties. "Let me tell you about the time I tried rock-climbing and broke my shoulder" "This reminds me of the time I quit my job to join a band and failed miserably" "I lost everything when I was 47 and tried to be the next Steve Jobs. Now that I've built it back, I've realised..." See? Interesting! I'd sit next to those storytellers. The only thing standing between your goals and your fears is action. Once you take the first step, you convert imaginary feelings into real consequences you can manage. Do something. ### The paradox of public leadership (or: just give them the damn picnic table) URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-paradox-of-public-leadership-or-just-give-them-the-damn-picnic-table/ Last updated: 2025-09-22T21:42:46.000Z > *“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”* > > *“I must be cruel to be kind”* > > *“The child is the father of the man”* Literature is full of paradoxes—ideas that are both contradictory and true. Whether it's Dickens, Shakespeare, or Wordsworth, paradox provokes questioning. It gives us pause to ask, " What's going on here?" Greg McKeown, in [*Essentialism*](https://www.amazon.com/Essentialism-Disciplined-Pursuit-Greg-McKeown/dp/0804137382?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), talks about the 'paradox of success.' He argues the more options we have, the more distracted we become from our highest point of contribution. Makes sense to me. In Not An MBA, we learn about the 'paradox of leadership'. As in, the further we advance in our career, the further we move away from our original source of value (the skills and subject matter expertise for which we were hired), and from the observable impact of our contribution, too. In a managerial, bureaucratic landscape filled with reports, meetings, and emails, it can be hard to feel satisfied, even if we intellectually understand the value of our role. > *“He who confronts the paradoxical exposes himself to reality.” - Friedrich Dürrenmatt* This paradox is also evident in ambitious, well-meaning public sector organisations. The more we add to our plate and evolve, transform, and grow, the more we risk drifting away from how we originally - and possibly best - add value. In a recent meeting with a client, I mentioned the frustration of strategic planning (of which I'm generally a fan!) stymying community outcomes. If the community collectively asks for new equipment for their public space, the Council is more likely to defer their request to a municipality-wide spatial planning process than to grant it. This same Council will bemoan the community's lack of engagement, spend six figures on a consultation strategy, and wonder how to "tell their story better." 18 months later, if they're lucky, the community may get their equipment—but it took a long time, a lot of people, many meetings, and some expensive reports and plans to get there. What if we just believed the community and provided the equipment? Our pathway to 'engaged, thriving communities' might get much simpler. The paradox in this example is how good intentions and values-based choices - for Council, important things like clear planning, fair prioritisation, and transparent decision-making - can lead to perverse outcomes. By putting process first, we compromise the most important objectives: unintended community engagement, collective ownership and care for public spaces, localised solutions, partnerships, etc. Maybe the decision was right. Maybe escalating the call on the equipment was fair. It often is. It's still worth asking questions and challenging assumptions along the way. We should always assume the road to hell is paved with good intentions - especially in the public sector - and stay vigilant to the trap and allure of complication solutions. What if we used the paradox of leadership to examine the choices we make in our teams and organisations? I think it's worth asking tricky questions like… - **What** do we assume about the services we deliver, the areas we are involved in, or how we do things? - **How** have these assumptions shaped our evolution as a team or organisation? - **Do we** understand the core value we deliver? - **When** should we stop specific programmes – or should we do them forever? - **Is this** the best use of our time and energy? - **Are** there others who would do a better job of this? - **Could there** be other options we haven't considered? And possibly most importantly: Is there a simpler way to achieve this outcome? Til next week, A ### Life Lessons podcast with Alistair Burton URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/making-strategy-simple-getting-shit-done-and-cutting-through-the-crap/ Last updated: 2025-10-15T23:04:48.000Z With no time for corporate mumbo jumbo and a unique origin story, Alicia applies common sense to things we often over complicate. Join me as I find out what makes Alicia tick, the power of action and how we can 'do strategy better' in our own organisations. ### Understanding idea technology URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/idea-technology/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:10:49.000Z Idea technology, a term by Barry Schwartz, is an excellent framework for thinking about the ideas that drive our thinking and decisions. > "...in addition to creating things, science creates concepts, ways of understanding the world, and our place in it, which have an enormous effect on how we think and act. If we understand birth defects as acts of God, we pray. If we understand them as acts of chance, we grit our teeth and roll the dice. If we understand them as the product of prenatal neglect, we take better care of pregnant women. > \- Barry Schwartz Here are a few examples of idea technology in action: - If we believe people are inherently lazy, we design workplaces focused on supervision and incentives rather than empowerment and trust. This, in turn, shapes employee attitudes and behaviour, reinforcing those ideas. - If we think children are inherently naughty, we focus on correction and punishment rather than education and support. When children behave inappropriately or reject discipline, our ideas are confirmed. - If we believe women are inherently more nurturing than men, we design a society that allocates care labour to women and disadvantages their career progress, proving our bias right. Barry Schwartz argues that while bad technology disappears, bad ideas live on in the structures we build to support them and will *create* the kind of human nature we believe in. As leaders in our communities and workplaces, he asks all of us: What kind of human nature do you want to create? ## Why our awareness of idea technology matters Challenging our default thinking is extraordinarily powerful, and thinking through the lens of idea technology offers tremendous hope and possibility for social progress. It has also never been more important than right now. Schwartz refers at length to the Industrial Revolution and how our ideas about human nature led to work becoming soulless and demeaning for many people. This is a pertinent conversation as we face another such revolution - what Former World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab calls the Fourth Industrial Revolution, or Industry 4.0\. The acceleration of the digital information age is upon us as new technologies like AI, genomics and advanced robotics gain traction. In this environment, the exchange, spread and commercialisation of ideas is fast and powerful. How we think has never been more important - particularly when so many ideas are disseminated silently, directly and insidiously in algorithm-driven echo chambers. In the same way that teen bullying now follows kids home to their bedrooms, perpetrated by smartphones, ideas follow us across the internet and present themselves as ads, articles and posts that have been tailored to our preferences and consumer habits. Adults are easily sucked into divisive idea siloes that serve interests other than our own, with a never-ending loop of confirming evidence served up as information or entertainment. More than that, the ideas we hold as a society - about human nature, values, work and life - are now being quietly encoded into powerful new artificial intelligence systems. ## How AI will embed existing idea technology Language processing models like ChatGPT aren't ideologically agnostic - they're just ideologically invisible. The ideas we inadvertently program into these technologies have the potential to drive decision-making that will reinforce them at scale. If those ideas are false or harmful, we are at risk. In his new book What We Owe The Future, philosopher Will Macaskill considers the risk of *values lock.* He argues that we are at a particularly malleable point in history, where the values we hold now could become entrenched for a very long time. As he notes, most previous generations held values that we now consider incorrect, and it is extremely unlikely we're the first ones to get it right. > *Few people who ever live will have as much power to positively influence the future as we do. Such rapid technological, social, and environmental change means that we have more opportunity to affect when and how the most important of these changes occur, including by managing technologies that could lock in bad values or imperil our survival.* > \- WILL MACASKILL [This conversation between Will and Tim Ferriss](https://open.spotify.com/episode/520VVAqRvdIO8Pzgl2TbDa?si=fe71e9e38bec4b05&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) is a great expansion of his thinking about long-termism, existential threat, and how to do good in the world. ## How to use idea technology in your life Talking about idea technology, artificial intelligence, social values, and long-termism can feel extremely overwhelming. It's high-level stuff in a life where we can barely keep track of the day-to-day. We're in a state of constant temporal exhaustion\* and it's easy - and quite forgivable - inside our everyday pressures and constraints not to notice the ideas we've unwittingly subscribed to. Ultimately, our first and most important job as critical-thinking individuals is to be *aware* of the ideas that drive our thinking, decisions and behaviour. Life on auto-pilot is tempting, but switching it off now and again offers us a chance at meaning. These are the conversations we had in [Not An MBA ](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)this week. Not An MBA students are a special bunch - self-selecting critical thinkers ready and willing to unpick some of their default programs and embrace critical thinking in their work, lives and leadership. You can do this too, and it doesn't require enrolment in any kind of special course, just the occasional well-timed pause and open-ended question. You can be a critical thinker. Critical thinkers contribute hugely to improvements in organisational, social, political, and economic advancements by having the curiosity, humility, and persistence to ask tricky questions, even when others don't welcome the conversation. If you want to be part of that change, the most important thing you can do is push past the first answer or commonly accepted wisdom. 'The way things are' is not how things always have been, and certainly not how things should be. Dig deeper. Ask better questions. Look for ways to be wrong. Challenge your own thinking. Interrogate your 'common sense' and ask things like: - Where did this idea come from? - If I believe this, what am I saying about people and human nature? - Why do I parent like this? - Why do I work like this? - Who does this serve? - Why am I resistant to this idea? - How might I change my mind? The better we get at doing that, the better our chances of shaping our lives and future in a way that we can be proud of. Til next week, A \* I love this term, coined by Eloise Bedding. Her reflections on modern society: *"If one is mentally out of breath all the time from dealing with the present, there is no energy left for imagining the future*”**were written in 1978, but have never felt more current. ### Strategy: not your job? URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategy-not-your-job/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T03:02:08.000Z ## When the task obstructs the goal Here's a little vignette from my life last week, juggling work, kids, and clients. It was three days before the kids would return to school for the year, and I had an important client meeting in the morning. This is no problem for my older kids who don't want to leave their rooms, but slightly dicier where my youngest is concerned. When the time came for my meeting, Miss 8 was happily occupied at the table sorting out her school stationery - but I knew that wouldn't last for long. If I didn't find someone to hang out with her, I knew she'd be busting in mid-meeting to ask me an important question about stickers, Duraseal, or the Spotify playlist. Being the strategist I am, I rapped on Miss 13's door, and made it clear that I needed her help: *"I've got an important meeting for the next 30 minutes or so - can you please help your sister cover cover her books until I'm done?"* She agreed, and installed herself at the kitchen table. Sorted. 15 minutes into the meeting, my office door opened. It was Miss 8, asking a question about the Spotify playlist. Her sister, she told me, was back upstairs in her room. I managed the interruption as best I could, and as soon as the meeting was over, called for Miss 13. She looked at me, baffled: *"I covered the books, like you asked. What's the problem?"* Sigh. We have a version of this problem week in, week out. Helpful, kind, and eager to please, my lovely child will always complete the task I ask of her. No more, and no less... regardless of the overall objective. I'm trying to get better at giving context in a very explicit way about the *actual* goal of the task - i.e. *"make the floor clean*" rather than *"mop the floor."* We're getting there, but the book-covering/ babysitting confusion was an example of what happens when the system fails. It reminds me of an internet meme that did the rounds a few years ago - Not My Job (NMJ) syndrome. I like this one: ![Asphalt](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/manhole-2.jpeg) This is an extreme example of what can happen when people are focused on the *details* of a specific task rather than connected to a bigger purpose or outcome. Because as far as the research goes, that's what people look for in their work – a sense of meaning and connection to purpose. We want to know why we're doing something and how we're contributing to the overall goal - and when we don't, the consequences can be counterproductive. ## Strategy is everyone's job It's a bit like a rowing crew. Building momentum and getting results is challenging if everyone isn't rowing in the same direction - and when it comes to modern workplaces... they usually aren't. [Research](https://www.trissaconsulting.com/articles/strategy-execution-statistics-6-steps-to-successful-strategy-execution?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) suggests that only 10% of organisations successfully align their strategy with their organisation design. Your teams know this too – [70% of workers](https://hbr.org/sponsored/2016/06/how-employee-alignment-boosts-the-boosts-the-bottom-line?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) believe a lack of alignment prevents them from fulfilling organisational objectives. Not that we need statistics to tell us it's hard to make progress when other teams are getting in the way (our engagement surveys tell us that already!). > *“People at work are thirsting for context, yearning to know that what they do contributes to a larger whole.”* > *– Daniel H. Pink, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us* The first step to strategic alignment is a top-to-bottom understanding, throughout the entire organisation, of our strategy: who we are, what we're about, and what we're trying to do. Given most modern organisations have a strategy or strategic plan of some description, that should be sorted... right? Sigh. No. This is why we can't have nice things. Instead of writing useful guides to show the future direction of our place, we talk in boring buzzwords and useless platitudes, say we've got 20 "priorities," stick it on the intranet, and dust our hands. Most people who write strategies, or approve them for that matter, don't even know how they work! (If you, or someone in your organisation needs a hand with that, check out [this 4 minute low-down.)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/ww/4-minute-low-down-what-strategy-is) Strategy shouldn’t be a pretty but abstract document that sits on a wall, bookshelf, or table. It shouldn't stay at the executive table, either. Setting and communicating a big-picture direction is a senior responsibility, yes, but making strategy meaningful and delivering on change is all about everyday decisions and actions. Progress toward a meaningful goal is the number one motivator for employees. People want to know how to prioritize, how their work makes a difference to the big picture, and that they will be recognized in ways that reflect that. Making progress toward big-picture goals is satisfying – it enhances culture, boosts retention and underpins organizational performance. So, stop kicking the can down the road, translate your strategy out of Corporate Crapese and tell people about it. ### 3 quick tips on how to make strategy everyone’s job - **Tell** – Use consistent, shared language to clarify priorities and expectations. Repeat it over and over again. Make strategy visible. - **Ask** – Connect with good questions - what changes will be needed in your team to make this real? What will people need from you and each other to support change? - **Support** – Remove friction and walk the talk. Celebrate short-term wins and reward alignment with strategy – instead of short-term, conflicting KPIs. ### Stop being a hero URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-being-a-hero-3/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:10:03.000Z I used to think I was a bit of a hero. I was even proud of it. Beating the odds, I shifted my life story from high school dropout, teen mum, and no-hope foster kid to university graduate and business owner. Unlike many of my family members and friends, I stayed off welfare and out of prison. I limited my addictions to caffeine and nicotine. My kids have a safe, happy, and healthy home. It was a bumpy road, but I got there. I knew my future, and that of my kids wasn’t guaranteed. If I wanted something different, I was the only one who could make it happen. So, for most of the last fifteen years, I worked every hour under the sun to make that future a reality. I became an insufferable martyr and out of control hero. Now, I’m putting most of my energy into unravelling that heroism to be a better parent, boss and leader. If you want something done right, you do it yourself… right? Wrong. You can’t be trusted. The hero model is a risky strategy, cleverly disguised as a safe option – and I always see this in my work with leaders. They’ve reached the top through sheer grit, and not only are they exhausted, they’ve reached the ceiling of their effort. When we’re heroes, we don’t trust others to deliver, and we stunt our potential to go any further. But we get stuck if we can’t stop thinking of ourselves as irreplaceable. When we operate a people leadership model, we reduce some risk by spreading it among others. We delegate tasks and functions to others and concentrate on supporting them to make it happen. Systems leadership takes an entirely different approach. It’s no longer just about what you can do or what your teams can achieve. It’s about shifting the default so that our rules, processes, and relationships make it work. Every system is perfectly designed to get the results it gets. If your system depends on heroes, it’s broken. Heroes overcome the odds. Systems leaders change the odds. ### Don't worry about your culture URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/dont-worry-about-your-culture/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:08:59.000Z I hear a lot about organisational culture. It’s pretty trendy, and seems to be blamed for a full spectrum of ills at work. Makes sense, it’s nice and easy to point the finger at – “it’s just the culture around here.” It’s also not useful, because it makes whatever we’re talking about – lack of progress, hesitance to take risks, dysfunctional leadership - a nebulous, unsolvable problem without clear accountability. Here’s my take on culture: it’s a higher order need, and mostly an output. ## Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/07/image-9.png) Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Most of you will be familiar with *Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs*, and the ascension of needs from basic to self-fulfilment. The idea is that you can’t start tinkering at the top unless the basics are taken care of. ## McKay's Hierarchy of Organisational Needs I reckon organisational culture is a bit like self-actualisation. Here’s *McKay's Hierarchy of Organisational Needs.* ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2026/07/McKay-s-Hierarchy-of-Needs.png) McKay's Hierarchy of Organisational Needs The evidence supports this, particularly when it comes to [public service transformation](https://www.cipd.co.uk/knowledge/strategy/change/culture-public-services-report?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). While service transformation is unlikely without culture change, the heart of culture change is *organisational development* and *leadership development*. Makes sense. My take: Clarify your direction, align your systems, equip your leaders, build your capability, get your people in the right place (preferably in that order, or thereabouts)….. and then see where your culture’s at. ### How to ask bigger questions URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-ask-bigger-questions/ Last updated: 2025-09-22T22:06:11.000Z Most meetings and workshops are a waste of time. They're full of people resolving trivial issues that could be handled by email or delegation with minimal big-picture impact. I hate them. There are many reasons for that - [read more here](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/get-your-meetings-under-control-6-questions-to-help-you-banish-back-to-backs/) \- but one is a fundamental inability to **ask the right questions.** When we're trying to be useful and we're overwhelmed by the big picture, we default to asking small questions when presented with new information. Specific, detail-focused questions will deliver specific, detail-focused responses. They trap us in a cycle of putting out short-term fires and limit our ability to make big-picture, long-term changes. Asking bigger questions is the single most important skill in a leader's toolkit. When leaders ask bigger, better questions of their staff and colleagues, they waste less time, make more progress, and have more meaningful (and less frustrating!) conversations. They're also far more likely to progress on their big-picture goals because they pervade every conversation rather than languishing on a shelf or poster. Here's a model I use to help local government leaders level up their meetings. ## How to level up your questions ![Q model](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/Q%20model-3.png) ### Level 1: Explanation Most people get stuck at level one. They ask what's happened and what needs to happen next. They get trapped in the details, time goes down the drain, and everybody wants to put pencils in their eyes. These questions tend to provoke defensiveness, judgement, blame, over-explanation and mistrust. Example: what's happening with the pothole on Main Street? --- ### Level 2: Exploration Level two questions encourage a systems mindset. We look for trends, connections and insights that will benefit more than one problem. These questions take the focus off people, limit the potential for blame and open up discussion about barriers and enablers. Examples: - What are our response times currently like for maintenance requests? - How is our footpath renewals programme progressing? - Has customer satisfaction changed over the last year? --- ### Level 3: Evaluation Level three questions put problems and issues into broader perspective, evaluating their importance and potential impact by thinking wider, deeper and longer-term. At this level of abstraction, we anchor back to our big-picture goals and direction and evaluate our options and choices with those in mind. Examples: - Does the funding for our maintenance programme reflect our priorities? - Do we have an infrastructure strategy for the long term? - What are our service level goals for urban areas? If you're struggling with mistrust in your professional relationships, slow progress on strategic initiatives or long meetings that go nowhere, try using the above model to channel your questions in a better direction. **TLDR: Ask bigger questions to make bolder, better choices.** Til next week, A ### 3 myths about decisions that need busting URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/3-myths-about-decisions-that-need-busting/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T09:49:22.000Z Here are some controversial opinions I'd like to share on decision-making after ten years and countless hours immersing myself in reading, learning, and working at the coal face with thousands of leaders. ## Myth: There is a right decision #### Reality: The right decision doesn't exist Early in my career, I spent a lot of energy aiming for accuracy. Hours of careful research and analysis went into shaping problems, framing options and making recommendations. I truly believed that if I accounted for enough variables and stated a compelling enough case, I could find the mythical unicorn. I no longer believe this. As a decision's significance and time horizon increase, so does its ambiguity. There is no such thing as the right decision—not where accuracy is concerned. Instead of accuracy, we need: - **Alignment** \- with our big-picture goals and values - **Flexibility** \- willingness to tweak, change and be wrong - **Focus** \- on the most important variables at the exclusion of all else. Get these three things; there's nothing we can't achieve together. ## Myth 2: Leaders know what's going on #### Reality: Leaders have no idea what they're doing When I was younger, I thought the people at the top must know something we didn't. They were superior beings who knew what was happening and could use that incredible wisdom to guide us. This illusion was shattered for me by the age of 22 when I sat in a room with Ministers, CEs and local politicians and realised *they had no idea what was going on.* This is a good thing. We can't expect our most senior leaders to be know-it-alls on every subject - and we don't *want* them to be. The skills they most need are different - long-term perspective, relationship-building, risk appetite, change-aptitude, and empowerment of others. ## Myth 3: Robust approval is important #### Reality: Most decisions should be delegated much further down Most people escalate trivial decisions beyond the expertise required to make them feel disconnected from the reality of their implementation. Policy analysts shape the lives of vulnerable people with rules that make it impossible for them to thrive. General managers sign off on change programmes that make no sense. People make recruitment choices with no experience in that role. Minor procurement decisions are kicked around and rejected by people without involvement. Which leads to… - Unworkable solutions - Disempowered staff - Wasted time and money - Loss of top talent and opportunities. Instead of another restructuring, review your organisation's *decision-making structure,* reducing every approval to the lowest workable level. Trust people, and watch the magic happen. ### How to find your purpose: 7 questions from Mark Manson URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-find-your-purpose-7-questions-from-mark-manson/ Last updated: 2025-10-02T00:19:57.000Z Purpose gets a bad rap. It’s the domain of the out-of-touch woke millennials who spend more time thinking about working than actually doing it… and want to shirk the real work… right? Wrong. Purpose isn’t fluff – it’s a responsibility. If you don’t have the resolve and determination to do good sh\*t, leadership is not for you. People management, maybe. Technical expertise, sure. But leadership? Not enough. Society deserves a lot more from the people with the influence and power to change things. More importantly, if you can’t tap into people’s sense of purpose, you can’t motivate them. If you want people to care about your thing or get involved in solving problems, you can’t rely on assumptions and platitudes. People must deeply understand the 'why' before thinking about the 'what' or the 'how'. > "If you don’t know why, you don’t care how”- Simon Sinek These conversations get woo-woo quickly, but connecting to purpose is not about transcendence or self-development. It’s about tapping into the potential to do work that matters by clarifying why it matters. Mark Manson, author of *Everything is F\*cked: A Book About Hope*, tackles purpose head-on. He recommends seven things we should consider when trying to find ours. In brief, he suggests asking: 1. What struggle or sacrifice are you willing to tolerate? The thing you’re most willing to struggle with and stick with is a good start. 2. What did you love to do as a child that you were truly passionate about, even if you weren’t rewarded for it? 3. What do you get obsessed with? The stuff that you get so focused on you forget to eat or sleep? Look at the principles behind those things and use them for good. 4. How would you like to embarrass yourself? The more scared you are of doing something, the more likely you are to do it. 5. What problem do you care enough about to start solving it? 6. If you had nothing else to do and nowhere else to go, what would you most want to do with your time? 7. What would you want to be remembered for if you knew your life was ending? Manson’s conception of purpose is ideal in its simplicity. Discovering your purpose is about finding the things that are bigger than you, not so you can accomplish world-changing achievements, but so you can spend your limited time as well as possible. In a group setting, building a shared sense of purpose is the number one thing you can do to get people motivated, on track and creating something new together. Are you spending your time on purpose? ### How to move fast without breaking things URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-move-fast-without-breaking-things/ Last updated: 2025-09-17T02:06:46.000Z Hi, I'm Alicia McKay, and I'm a serial fast-moving thing-breaker. It's one of my best qualities - I execute ideas quickly and fix them as I go. I'm often on iteration 5 while some people still work out what they might like to do. It's great when I time it well. ...less great when I don't. Which is probably 50% of the time. I'm still working on this, but if you are also a fast-moving thing-breaker, here are three quick tips, plus a bonus, from me: ### 1\. Run your idea past someone first They will generally tell you if you're being ridiculous. Note that you don't need to listen to them because sometimes people are scaredy-cats, but stop for a second if you get a twinge when they talk. *Note: If you don't want to tell anyone, this is a sign, and you know what it means.* ### 2\. Never do the un-doable Always leave yourself some wriggle room to undo the first iteration of your bright idea. If it's too big to undo, you're doing it wrong. Make it smaller, and make sure there's a "*put it back the way it was*" lever built in. ### 3\. Be ready to fix it Everything new and exciting breaks shortly after its implementation in some way. That's cool, but ensure you have the time and space to fix the errors you didn't foresee. ### 4\. Don't listen to detractors If you're doing exciting stuff, many won't understand. The size of your ambition will make them uncomfortable. Only run your big dreams past people you implicitly trust - they should be treated with care. *(If you don't have one of those people who believe in your big dreams, then drop me an email. I'll be your dream-believer.)* A ### When progress goes too far: becoming a top woman manager URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/when-progress-goes-too-far-becoming-a-top-woman-manager/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T03:03:10.000Z Over the weekend, I picked up this delightful little read in my favourite Woodville op shop. At first, I laughed. The cover is dated, the terminology is cringe-worthy, and it’s tempting to think we’ve come a long way since this book was published in 1988. Then, I read it. As I worked through the examples and advice, my laughter began to subside for sobriety. This book isn’t an airport business book read. (If this is a genre you hold in some disdain, I would strongly recommend listening to [*If Books Could Kill,*](https://open.spotify.com/show/2khJBoF73ujIATWUFtSxLD?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) which is one of my favourite podcasts right now.) This book is the second in a trilogy, written to interpret and build on the findings of a multi-year, peer-reviewed research study that ran between 1984 and 1987\. Leonie Still, the book’s author, is a respected and prolific academic, author, and media commentator who dedicated her career to gender equality in management in Australia. The book is a terrifying play-by-play that sets out the strategies required for women serious about advancing into senior management, and Still is exceptionally blunt and directive in her advice. In Chapter 2: *‘Where are the women managers?’* Still lays out a series of critical decision rules for women. > “You will just have to decide whether or not you are really serious about a career. Successful people do not ‘give it a try for a few years’ and then opt out when circumstances become difficult. They just keep on going despite all the handicaps, hurdles and obstacles. > > Unfortunately, too many women fantasise about having a career. They want a home, marriage, children, an exciting job, fame, glamour, and riches. What they are not prepared for are the sacrifices that this entails. > > No woman has ever reached senior management without having made some significant sacrifices along the way. The sacrifice may entail marriage, children, health, peace of mind. However, a choice has to be made because the career demands single-mindedness. Avoid the all-consuming dedication and the goals are not achieved. **Decision rule no. 1: Decide whether or not you want a career. Once having made the decision, keep going and don’t look back.** Still goes on to lay out a comprehensive game-plan, based on her research findings. The plan involves careful plotting and staging, changing positions regularly, avoiding women's ‘work ghettos’, leaving any organisation that doesn’t provide the next step on the ladder immediately, avoiding specialist roles without responsibility, focusing on line management, forgetting about ‘nice’ jobs and prioritising progressively larger department sizes, pitching the creation of new jobs (and being appointed to them), pulling in favours, using your contacts, and if all else fails, starting your own business. For any woman reading who feels a bit daunted and put off by this advice, Still is forthright. > "You may feel that this type of strategy is not for you. It looks too much like scheming, and you just don’t operate that way. Also, the successful woman manager seems to be quite ruthless about her career ambitions. If anything gets in her way, she finds a way around it. > > This is not you. You don’t believe in such tactics. You would prefer to retain your friends and your reputation of being a ‘nice’ person. You don’t want to be called ‘ruthless’, ‘dangerous’, and ‘ambitious’. You just want to be accepted and to be allowed to do your job your way. > > **Well, if you do think like this, you are merely fantasising about a career and your wish for success.”** (emphasis mine)" The book gets clear on all the barriers and obstacles women are up against (myths and stereotypes, role traps and moulds) and lays out strategies for trying to outsmart and overcome each of the barriers. It also offers general advice about how to manage your life and home when you have a career, which includes: treating your home like an extension of your office, leaving your husband, sending your children away to relatives or boarding school (if you have them) and outsourcing your housework. It’s exhausting. It’s terrifying. It makes my heart hurt. It’s also sensible, practical advice for the social and political context that didn’t attempt to dress things up as any better than they were. At the time of writing, - Official figures put women in management at 16% - though there were classification issues that suggest many of these jobs were not managerial at all - In the author’s survey, 1706 women held management positions across 239 Australian companies, out of a total workforce of 214820 - In the author’s survey, there were 45 women in senior management, compared to 1873 men (2.3%) Sentiments expressed in the ‘oral history’ phase of her research speak to widely held views on women in management at the time. “*I don’t believe women should be in management. They only get hard and lose their femininity. You can’t talk to them either - they’re either moody, jealous, temperamental, picky, or they want to control everything. Give me a man any day.” Woman non-manager, aged 42* *“You just couldn’t have a woman as managing director of BHP. I mean, she wouldn’t know what to do. Who would listen to her? The shareholders, the financial press, the Japanese? You must have a man if you want credibility.’ - Male manager, aged 56* *‘If you let a woman run anything important, it would soon be a mess. A woman’s place is in the home. That’s her biological function, and you just can’t get away from that fact of life. Women have no head for figures - imagine them trying to balance the country’s budget. They’re not used to thinking in big terms as you must in business. - Male non-manager, aged 38* ### Maybe things have just gone too far Under the heading: *Will Women Managers Ever Be Accepted?* there is this quote, which left me cold for a while: > *“I find no reason to differentiate between male and female management. I do not have a sex-based view towards them. I have run the ambit from befuddled incompetence to scintillating brilliance. Anyone who could question the efficiency of Buttrose, Thatcher or Gandhi would be a fool. I do feel, however, that we have now reached a stage of giving managerial positions to women as a sinecure to silence the strident, braying feminist lobby even having reached a point of reverse sexism. I believe that a stage is being reached when a reaction amongst male managerial staff will set in and a strong anti-women-in-management movement will result. I find sexism to have become a socially divisive issue.’* That quote was from 1986\. When the percentage of female managers was, at best, 16%. It’s easy to laugh now, but today, almost 40 years on, things are better. Right? Yes, though perhaps not as ‘better’ as we would hope. Sticking with Australia, where the book and the underlying research focuses, the most recent data tells us: *‘Women remain under-represented in all key decision-making roles across almost all industries in the Australian workforce comprising only: 22.3 per cent of CEOs, 35.1 per cent of key management positions, 34 per cent of board members, and 18 per cent of board chairs.*[*\[32\]*](https://www.pmc.gov.au/resources/national-strategy-achieve-gender-equality-discussion-paper/current-state/leadership?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#ftn32)*’* And the accusations of reverse sexism remain. [A recent study of Australian men found that](https://www.afr.com/work-and-careers/workplace/half-of-men-in-corporate-australia-are-fatigued-by-gender-equality-20211124-p59bmw?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) “48 per cent feel fatigued by the notion of gender equality and 52 per cent feel they are being discriminated against, with women being favoured for promotions and jobs on the basis of their gender.” This is despite their opportunities for advancement remaining the same. The [largest ever study on sexism in Australia ](https://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/sexism-is-rife-in-australia-largest-survey-of-its-kind-finds/82xk8c4no?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)(’Is Australia Sexist?’) published in 2018 found that 45 per cent of men and women believe that feminism has gone "too far" – despite the survey also finding that 60 per cent of young women in Australia have suffered gender inequality, from sexual harassment to workplace discrimination. ### Be aware of your status quo bias This isn’t a Wednesday Wisdom about sexism and how hard it is to be a woman in the workplace. Those numbers speak for themselves. But it has made me think a lot about progress, and how well we cope with change while we’re in it. It's easy for things that threaten the status quo, which our little brains have coded as ‘normal,’ to look terrifying. If those things threaten your status, privilege, or identity, like shifting the gender balance in management, then of course you'll balk. Something you had might be taken away. Nobody likes that. Under these conditions, even extremely reasonable and quite minor change can feel too far - even (or especially?) when it’s addressing blatant inequality and oppression. Status quo bias is a thing, loss aversion is a thing, privilege is a thing, and the odds that someone who is negatively affected by a rebalancing or cultural shift is the best arbiter of what is fair or reasonable are pretty low. In the current political environment in NZ, we’re watching progress that required decades and generations of dedicated activism - things like pursuing health equity, valuing culture, reviving a critical national language, and addressing structural racism - get rolled back with the sweep of a pen. In times like these, it is more important than ever to be conscious of our bias toward the status quo. Be wary of statements like “*I think a little bit is OK, but THIS NEW THING I happen to be in the middle of is a step too far.*” This kind of sentiment often comes with a profession of support for previous change - which they also would have resisted - to temper it. A personal favourite is the diminishing of sexism and discrimination, which goes along the lines of *"Modern feminists have nothing to complain about. REAL feminists like the suffragettes will be rolling in their graves."* These kinds of comments forget how vitriolic the response to suffrage was, and assume the person making said comment would have been one of the enlightened few who supported the radical suffrage movement. Odds are, they would have been one of the majority, who laughed at the hideous newspaper comics, and supported force-feeding by tube, while brave women were reviled for their views and treated like idiots for complaining. I’ve seen this rhetoric a lot around transgender rights. Something similar to, ‘*Look, I don’t mind the gays, but this trans business is all a bit far.’* Well, first of all, Kevin, you DID mind the gays. When we pushed for progress there, you were saying exactly the same sort of self-congratulating garbage. Things like *"I don't mind what people do in their private lives, I just don't want it shoved down my throat."* Secondly, if you’re in the thick of a march for progress, and it's progress for a group that: a) you don't belong to b) you haven't had lived experience of the oppression and discrimination they're describing Then you're not the best arbiter of how far progress has gone. In fact, Kevin, in those situations, I recommend you keep your clever comments to yourself. Take a break from explaining other people's oppression away, and listen for a second. Whether you identify with my politics or not, it's worth examining where you get your ideas from and what your personal threshold for change and progress is. What you think of as 'normal' probably isn't. It's probably a reflection of your experiences and observations to date, coded as reality and not any indication of its morality, utility, or quality. Understand how likely you are to cling to that sense of normal, and gently encourage yourself to think a little more openly. It will make you a better person. I’m glad it’s nearly Christmas. Hang on til the end, team. Til next week, Alicia *P.S. - Please forgive all typos. I'm writing this ON THE RUN to Child Christmas Event #4 for the week.* ### SkyCity Entertainment Group People Leaders Conference, Auckland, December 2023 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/skycity-entertainment-group-people-leaders-conference-auckland-december-2023/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T06:11:15.000Z _No content available._ ### The problem with professionalism: rejecting sameness at work URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-problem-with-professionalism-rejecting-sameness-at-work/ Last updated: 2026-06-09T00:08:26.000Z I was the first person in my family to have a professional job. So at 22, fresh out of university, with two kids in tow, I was terrified of starting my first job. *What was I supposed to wear? How was I supposed to act? What was off limits?* It was a minefield, and it took me a good few years to walk into an office without feeling like a bogan intruder who was about to be busted and sent home. My experience makes sense. I didn't know what it was like to work a desk job, because I'd never seen anyone do it. I was firmly working-class by origin, and my upbringing lacked the subtle lessons that a middle-class kid might have received by osmosis. I didn't have access to the language or networks of the people who I worked with, and my experience in higher education had been isolating. Layer on my status as a foster kid and teen parent, and there's no wonder I had no concept of what professionalism looked like outside of TV shows I'd watched. Over time, I learned to fit in and compartmentalise. I became bilingual and, like many others who don't fit the mould, I got used to code switching between business meetings, client workshops and my social and personal life. It was all "strategic interventions" at work and "getting shit done" at home. Once I left the workplace to start my own business, I started to find my groove and claim my social origin story and personality. The things about my personal life I'd been so eager to minimise when I was employed suddenly became markers of connection with my clients and a point of difference in the stale marketplace of consulting. Deals were brokered over boozy dinners, deep friendships were formed and I started to let my cut-through style shine in client work, receiving praise for my simple language and ability to cut through the crap. Despite my success, the feeling of never quite belonging has stubbornly lingered - and as I've come to learn, this is a common experience. In the pioneering book *Limbo: Blue-Collar Roots, White Collar Dreams,* Alfred Zubrano describes the phenomenon of **class straddling**, giving language to a feeling so many first generation professionals have grappled with. Zubrano describes a never ending struggle with identity that plagues mobilisers. Over time, "straddlers", as Zubrano calls them, find it hard to relax in any environment. > *For the fish-out-of–water set, flopping on the gleaming floor of the middle class gets exhausting. That’s why formal reunions are important for Straddlers – they serve as refreshing dives back into familiar waters. The Straddlers join up with the old crowd and become recharged with the legitimacy of their own backgrounds. Unfortunately the high only lasts a little while. And people who’ve travelled sometimes great distances to revisit their roots because of dissatisfaction with the white-collar life learnt that these all-blue weekends are not the ultimate answer. After the nostalgia clears like burned-off fog and the remember-whens are all carefully recited like verses of an epic poem, something will be seen or said that will remind the reminiscer of why he or she left in the first place. Then there will be a slow, sad dawning in the brain: ‘oh, now I remember. I’m the one who doesn’t really belong anywhere’ (Zubrano, 2004: 204).* In *Poverty Safari,* Darren McGarvey builds on this idea even further, describing a class "ravine" - a widening divide between those with power, and those on the receiving end of their choices. Straddlers, in their effort to mobilise, lose the chance to settle on either side of the bank. As Zubrano so succinctly puts it: > *If you are born into the working class, and you’re willing to change your speech and appearance, and deny the culture of your working-class background, then you could pass as a member of the dominant culture. But you will never belong there. (Lubrano, 2004: 194)* In a new world of work brimming with diversity and inclusion initiatives, social class has stayed the elephant in the room. Class is the invisible inequality, a secret shame that we've not yet found the language and courage to tackle. Despite making strides toward gender, race and cultural inclusion at work, class barely gets a mention. As a result, our workplaces never really have to confront the exclusivity, power and privilege afforded to the professional-managerial class. In 2022, the demographics are still depressingly homogenous, as our most senior leaders are still overwhelmingly white, male and from middle to upper class backgrounds. Our politicians, senior bureaucrats and corporate executives attend the same schools, share similar surnames and relax in the comfort of a common language, worldview, value system and leisure pursuits. They read the same books, watch the same movies, and bask in a shared experience of the world. Sameness is everywhere. ## How professionalism becomes weaponised "Professionalism" is a value system steeped in privilege and blinded by unchallenged morality. When we accept this system, we come to equate class privilege with competence or character, and shut our doors to anyone who doesn't fit the mould. We co-sign discrimination under the banner of appropriateness, manners and - my personal favourite - "standards". The message is simple: to work with us, you need to be like us. Learn the rules, or watch your opportunities narrow. Except the rules are largely unspoken. Unwritten codes are everywhere, from what to wear and how to address people in meetings through to minutiae such as how to personalise your desk or where to go for lunch. Google "professionalism" and you're likely to find a list of desirable character traits and workplace competencies - things like conscientiousness, knowledge, honesty and reliability. Dig a little deeper and you might find reference to some of the more ambiguous codes - image, dress, politeness and emotional regulation. Anger or sadness are unprofessional, especially in women. T-shirts aren't OK. Unless they are. Cleavage isn't OK. Unless it is. The rules bend and flex depending on your seniority, gender, race and likeability, and working out where you fit can be exhausting. For an outsider, working out the nuances of appropriate conduct can be a full-time job, one that needs to restart every time you enter a new workplace with a slightly different set of expectations. The dark side of professionalism is gatekeeping of power, and control of behaviour. In short: professionalism is just another way privilege becomes quietly coded into spheres of power. The places where decisions are made, money is generated and relationships are formed aren't safe for anyone who doesn't know the secret handshake - and we all suffer as a result. ## What professionalism produces For all the big talk on diversity, our meeting rooms, conferences, webinars and training courses have a suffocating sameness in their tone and format. Promotions, projects and job opportunities are traded in a black-market economy of familiarity and as a result, the same voices are duplicated and elevated. The public sector works hard on community engagement and democratic representation, but the access required to have real impact - lobbying, submissions and face-time with politicians - remain closely guarded by the old boys. Policy is informed by the powerful and formed by the privileged, written from the perspective of educated, middle-class public servants with little lived experience of the social issues they're hoping to improve. Companies are led by the powerful and staffed by earnest graduates eager to conform and climb the ladder, so our products, services and user experiences reflect the perspectives of our most privileged. NGOs hire a mix of well-educated humanities students with a thesaurus of isms at their fingertips and fundraising zealots who can schmooze where it counts. The products, policies and initiatives shaped for working class people suffer, ranging from the predatory (think loan sharks, gambling), self-congratulatory or condescending (think half-marathons for mental health) or poor quality and extractive (think fast fashion and fast food.) Without the time, space, advocacy or power to change those conditions, destructive social and consumer patterns persist, while arrogant commentators throw up their hands in despair and point fingers at victims for making the bad choices that the powerful encouraged of them. When you follow the money, it isn't the poor who benefit from their consumption. The people who criticise, capitalise. In short: society suffers when it's shaped by sameness. ## We don't mean to, though Like most power systems, the people who maintain them aren't evil, poorly intentioned or generally even aware of what they're doing. HR departments work hard to make recruitment fair and inclusive, leaders strive to create safe spaces for people to participate in and public servants go above and beyond to reach poorly served communities. But until we find the language and temerity to confront the class inequality that persists in our workplaces and communities, straddlers - and those who never even got a leg over - will continue to suffer. There's a lot I want to say about this. Class blindness affects every aspect of our daily lives: the media we consume, the news we read, our personal relationships, health outcomes, wealth generation, income inequality, parenting styles, access to education and just about everything else that makes up the tangled web of modern living. I don't have the answers, in fact, I'm still working out the questions that need to be asked. But of one thing, I'm certain: professionalism is stifling, boring and largely unfair. If we continue to let these unwritten codes shape career paths, staff executive teams and shape organisations, we're going to miss out on incredible opportunities. Opportunities to amplify great voices, to elevate people bursting with potential, to shape policy that serves, to design communities that nurture and to make real progress on our most pressing social, environmental, technological and political issues. We can do better. We must do better. And it starts with talking about class. ### Translated version Mate, professionalism is total bullshit. I'd know, I've hung out with these people and I speak their language. I felt like a fake to start, but I got the hang of it. In the end, they liked my cheeky bogan grin. It's still sad, though. When you can't chill at home for Christmas, but you're never *quite* good enough for the bougie people, it gets lonely. Turns out, it's the same for everyone tries to do better for themselves and ends up selling out. It's the same as it's always been: if you wanna play with the big boys, you've gotta be like them. Wear the same shit, say the right shit, play the same game. Fit in, or fuck off. Even then, they still take the top jobs and give the best stuff to their mates and clones. I reckon we call time. None of this professional shit has worked so far. The world's gone to hell in a handbasket, the climate's about to cark it and people are still hungry. I've had it up to \*here\*, and I'm ready to make some noise. ### Be yourself to beat burnout URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/be-yourself-to-beat-burnout/ Last updated: 2026-08-10T02:04:44.000Z My favourite character from the Lion King was always Rafiki the monkey. That guy gives NO f\*\*ks. He’s an incredibly wise shaman, a total oddball and an all-round good time who, on close examination, has a lot to tell us about life, work and leadership. (*OK, that might be a step too far, but honestly – that monkey (mandrill, actually) knew what was going on.)* In one memorable scene, Simba’s moping around depressed and confused and decides to project a bit of his angst at Rafiki. Amused and unfazed Rafiki hits him with: > *“I’m not the one who is confused. You’re the one who doesn’t even know who you are!”* Truth-bombs. ## Suppressing your feelings will eat you alive Not feeling your feelings is a useful temporary coping mechanism when you're trying to survive and keep going. But just because you don't work with them in the moment, it doesn't mean they've... gone. They're still in there, running your subconscious from the inside. The data is pretty clear on this one: suppressing your emotions keeps your body in fight or flight mode, which is super bad for your health long-term. It will get you to the end of that big project, sure, but you risk burning out at the end. There’s a few different theories about why that is, but the prevailing thesis is that when we suppress what’s really going on, we battle with a sense of internal inauthenticity. Yep. **When we’re not ourselves, we fall to bits.** We talk a big game about ‘authenticity’ these days. We tell people to bring their whole self to work, and we praise people who speak out and speak up. We know that genuine interactions at work strengthen our connections to each other and our jobs, make us happier and more productive, and reduces stress levels. But knowing that doesn’t make it easy. And while it would be easy to point the fingers at our bosses and colleagues, there’s a big part of this that’s an internal job. ## Own your reality Owning our reality – messy, disappointing, conflicting or otherwise – is work we do for ourselves. It’s one thing to accept ourselves and value who we are – but it’s another job entirely to admit what needs accepting in the first place. I reckon a lot of us aren’t quite sure who we are, and what we’re about. We spend so much time worrying about what we *should* be and crafting narratives about what our lives, values and goals *should* be, that it’s easy to lose touch with our personal reality. The line between what we post on social media, how we talk to friends (“*really good thanks, how are you?*”) and what we know to be true starts to blur, and then we shrink and fade. All this suppression and obfuscation makes life much harder than it has to be, because while we might still experience all the impacts of living out of alignment – a loss of purpose, sense of internal frustration, despair or apathy – we don’t know why. Really owning our sh\*t is hard to do. It needs radical honesty – about the dark *and* the light – and deep interrogation. We need to work out why we’re like this, what we really want, what’s working and what’s broken in a way that isn’t guided by shoulds, musts and have-tos. On the one hand, this is a life’s work, and it’s never going to be done. On the other, you can pick up a notebook and a pen, sit somewhere quiet, and start right now. ## Fight burnout with authenticity When we know [what’s important to us](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/find-your-purpose-upgrade-your-inner-google/), what our [values](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/values-based-leadership-practice-what-you-preach-2-2/) are, what our interests are and what our [boundaries](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wednesday-wisdom/how-to-identify-set-and-defend-your-boundaries-2/) look like, we can make decisions that are in alignment with our authentic selves. When we truly understand what we’re about, it becomes easier to care about our work – and to identify when we’re not fired up by it. We can spot situations that put us out of our personal moral code, and take action to stop it. We can put less effort into behaving the way others expect us to, with a renewed sense of confidence in our own conviction. Because here’s the lightbulb moment: authenticity is not intrinsically valuable. Authenticity without legs is just introspection. What it needs, to be useful is **accountability,** followed by **action.** ## Authenticity needs accountability What’s the use in being authentically messed up, if we don’t address what needs to change, and take a step in the right direction? What’s the use in showing our deepest and darkest sides to anyone if we don’t intend to do anything about them? Authenticity in isolation is impotent. But when we sprinkle in some accountability, and move toward action, magic happens. We take ownership of our lives. We take responsibility for our problems and our goals in equal measure, and we open the door to change. ## Ask yourself hard questions So, if you’re falling to bits, or trying to come back together, make some space for bigger questions. They won’t have easy answers, and being honest with yourself and others is unlikely to be the easy path. But it’s less work than remembering to be somebody else all the time, and even if you wind up broke and friendless for a while, you’ll definitely sleep easier. Til next week, A ### Good decision-making URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-make-a-good-decision/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T09:27:58.000Z Making decisions is hard work. It’s hard enough to make choices for yourself - bring other people into the mix, and it can seem impossible. How do you know what to choose? What is the right option? How do you satisfy everyone’s wants and needs? Why does every option seem like a new problem to solve? Even though making decisions is something every person, everywhere, has to do every day, most of us haven’t been taught how to do it well. By the end of this post, you'll be better off than most. The good news is that being a good decision-maker is not an innate characteristic. It's not about how smart you are or how much you know. A bit of knowledge can hold you back - you know just enough to be confident but not enough to be correct. Decision-making is a learned skill anyone can improve. Good decisions aren’t about *what* you think but *how* you think. Process beats outcome any day. --- ## Process, not outcome The more important your decision, the more complex and uncertain it becomes. The more critical your question or difficulty, the less likely you will have a correct answer. Even if it had a correct answer or solution, you could apply it and still have a bad outcome due to bad luck or a variable outside your control. If you're making tricky decisions in complicated circumstances, stop chasing accuracy and looking for 'the solution.' It doesn't exist. Instead, focus on your process. Decide how and with whom you'll decide. There’s no perfect process for you to choose from. Google 'decision model', and you’ll find many neat, linear pictures. These are unlikely to work. ![Screenshot 2023-12-05 at 2.16.45 PM](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/Screenshot%202023-12-05%20at%202_16_45%20PM-1.png) **Source:* [**You Don't Need An MBA by Alicia McKay,*](https://shop.aliciamckay.co.nz/products/you-dont-need-an-mba-leadership-lessons-that-cut-through-the-crap?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) *p.79* Different decisions will require different things. Some decisions will need robust scoring of technical alternatives. Some will need qualitative research and consultation. Others will need your intuition, courage, or a collective gut feeling. ## Good decisions contain action All good decisions contain action. You could spend forever trying to select the perfect path, only to have circumstances outside your control ruin everything. There comes a time when more process is harmful rather than helpful, and it is often easier to make a decision that turns out right than it is to make the right decision. You’ll work it out - as long as you get moving. Ultimately, no matter your decision, things are unlikely to go exactly as you plan. If you’ve made your choices based on curiosity and collaboration rather than confidence and certainty, you’ll be OK. Here are three handy tips for you when it comes time to make a decision: 1. Assume you know less than you think. 2. Put curiosity before confidence or certainty. 3. Get others involved and value alignment over accuracy. Til next week, A ### How to get on top of your stupidly long list URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-get-on-top-of-your-stupidly-long-list/ Last updated: 2025-10-01T22:32:15.000Z It's the most... overwhelming... time of the yeeear. If you have a lot of things to do, it's easy to get trapped in the details and watch your list take off, spreading like an outdoor mint plant. A little chaos is exciting, especially when Christmas decorations are involved. But then you reach a tipping point. You're exhausted at the end (or maybe the start) of every day. You spend hours tackling tiny tasks with no tangible output and a nagging sense that you didn't do enough or should have been doing something else. I know this feeling well, and it's a fast track to burnout and unhappiness. When I remember to eat my own dog food, I get out my strategic planning toolkit. If you have some duality going on - i.e. - "I'm doing everything and also nothing." - "I'm busy and simultaneously lost." - "Everything matters, but none of it does." ... Then you might find this helpful. #### In this post: - Too many things will see you spin your wheels. - Nerdy strategic planning principles will help. - Free video and step-by-step guide. --- ## Watch this video I've been sending you a weekly video, and you've liked it (two weeks ago: [Strategy 101](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/4-minute-low-down-what-strategy-is/), last week: [Strategic Planning](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-strategic-planning-is-about-and-not-about/)). So, here's another - this time, on planning to focus your time and energy. You can watch the video and read the article below - and [click through here ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-focus-your-time-and-energy/)for a free workbook to download and print. ## Read these tips When you're dealing with your own life, you feel uniquely shameful, incompetent, and scattered. But when we put our strategy nerd hat on, we know that projects and tasks accumulate in even the most focused environments, and regular maintenance is important. There are seven steps to take: 1. List what you're currently doing - or considering doing. 2. Reiterate your vision and focus for the quarter or year. 3. Weight those focus areas by importance. 4. Assess all of the potential initiatives against these areas as criteria. 5. Select your top priority initiatives. 6. Create a short-term implementation plan for each initiative, including the steps involved, the time it will take, the help you need, and the key milestones you need to reach. 7. Incorporate your priorities into your calendar to guide how you spend your time. ### Step 1: Write your list Chances are, you have a long and invisible list running in your mind. This hidden list is dangerous. You can't work with what you can't see. Start a to-do list where you write down everything you can think of – big, small, prominent, invisible, the lot. Consider keeping a running list somewhere accessible over a day or two to add to it, as you remember. ### Step 2: Remember your goals You don't work for the sake of it. You work to achieve a bigger goal by the end of this month, quarter, year - or decade! Before you go any further, consider what that future looks like. Reiterate your goals and consider your key focus areas and objectives. ### Step 3: Prioritise your goals Your big-picture goals and focus areas are not equally important. Consider the relative importance of your objectives by assigning a weighting to them out of a potential 100. Once you decide which goals are most important, they become helpful evaluation criteria for tasks and projects. ### Step 4: Score your to-do list Now, you can use the criteria you developed in steps 1-3 to 'score' your to-do list. - List each task and project from Step One in the left column of the matrix. - List your focus areas and the weighting you assigned in the matrix's top row. - Score your tasks for alignment with/ contribution to your key focus area. **Here's a handy scoring system:** Low alignment/ contribution: 1 Moderate alignment/ contribution: 2 High alignment/ contribution: 3 Then, apply the weighting to tally the total score and pick the winners! ### Step 5: List your top priorities Your matrix will have identified your top priorities based on the highest weighted scores. List these now, and consider: - Grouping related items - Readjusting as required - Timing, dependencies and deadlines. Then, identify your top 2 or 3 priorities in more detail. ### Step 6: Detail your priorities It's time to turn your top priorities into tangible entities you can work with. Spend some time considering: - The steps and milestones involved - How long each step or milestone will take - What help or support you will need - Who else needs to be involved - Dependencies, deadlines and connections to other tasks - Risks and things that might go wrong. ### Step 7: Make a plan Now, it's time to consider how you can bring an overall plan with milestones into your calendar. Allocate sufficient time each day or week to complete your priority in the target timeline, and consider who you need to bring in. --- ## Grab this free guide In [this free guide,](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-focus-your-time-and-energy/) learn the seven steps to finding focus. Use the worksheets to help you apply them. I hope this helped. Til next week, A ### Department of Infrastructure, Transport, Regional Development, Communications and the Arts, Online, November 2023 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/department-of-infrastructure-transport-regional-development-communications-and-the-arts-online-november-2023/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T06:01:34.000Z ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/testimonial--NksHIiRbJbF-81ole1k.png) I recently had the honour of running a session with 220 federal managers from the Australian Department of Regions, Infrastructure, Transport, Regional Development, Communications and the Arts *(a bloody mouthful! I call them DirtyCar for short. I probably shouldn't tell you that, because I don't think they'd like it catching on.)* They asked me to bring my expertise to their team to help them better understand and work with local government, and I leapt at the chance to talk about how great you all are. Here are the three key slides I used, that sum up my key messages pretty clearly. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/Screenshot-2023-12-14-at-4.04.16-PM.png.webp) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/Screenshot-2023-12-14-at-4.04.26-PM.png.webp) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/Screenshot-2023-12-14-at-4.04.33-PM.png.webp) The last one was what we ended on, and my call to action was simple. Here it is, paraphrased for your benefit: > Local government are great. They're delivering significantly more, for significantly less, and under significantly more constrained conditions than any other tier of government. They're not perfect, but if you really want to help, here's three things to remember: > > **1\. Believe them -** Local Councils are compromised of well-informed, deeply connected local voices. Believe what they tell you about their place and their people. > > **2\. Relieve them.** They have more than enough administrative, bureaucratic and regulatory burden already. If you're asking them to fill in more forms, you're not helping. > > **3\. Don't deceive them.** Local Councils understand politics and the machinery of government. But broken promises and ambiguous funding arrangements are a fast track to low-trust. Give it to them straight, they can handle it - and your relationship will benefit. The good news is, they liked it - so we just have to keep on plugging this one! ### What strategic planning is about (and not about) URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-strategic-planning-is-about-and-not-about/ Last updated: 2025-10-01T22:05:02.000Z Last week, I sent you a [4-minute strategy breakdown](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/4-minute-low-down-what-strategy-is/) from a recorded webinar - about what strategy is, and how it works. You flooded our inbox with gratitude and delight in your replies, so this week, here's the next level: 12 minutes that break down what strategic planning is all about (and what it is NOT about). If twelve minutes is too long, here's the sub-100-word summary: **The number one outcome of a strategic planning process is agreement on how to make decisions in the future.** Strategic planning is not about predicting what will happen next or making detailed project and action plans. It is about clarifying medium-term decision criteria so that when we make choices in the future, those choices align with our goals, values, and priorities. A ### Strategy 101: what strategy really is URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/4-minute-low-down-what-strategy-is/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T04:24:46.000Z Here's a four-minute strategy breakdown from a recorded webinar—what and how strategy works. If four minutes is too long, here's the sub-100-word summary. Strategy is how we choose to achieve our goals. It has three main bits: : the why, how, and what. - **Why** (long-term focus, aspirational). In short, your goals and direction. - **How** (medium-term focus intentional in nature). In short, your priorities and decision criteria. - **What** (short-term focus, operational). In short, your choices and actions. When in doubt, clarify your 'how'. By narrowing your priorities and clarifying your decision criteria, you make more focused choices at the 'what' level, which generates progress toward your 'why'. Til next week, A ### The Polly Podcast Network URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/why-work-is-such-bullish-t-with-alicia-mckay/ Last updated: 2025-10-15T23:06:21.000Z **From Polly:** Tune into my latest episode where I have a lively conversation about the trials of work, the power of language, and the transformative role of self-care! I'm joined by the brilliant Alicia McKay who helps us navigate workplace pressures, decodes the significance of contemporary lingo and its connection to success, and dives deep into the role of self-care in achieving our dreams. This enlightening conversation isn't just about the frustrations but also potential solutions, leaving you with fresh perspectives on work, self-care, and language! ### Nurture a network of freaks URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/nurture-a-network-of-freaks/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T01:23:04.000Z ## Your peer group will shape you The company you keep will shape your life choices and outcomes. When you're [surrounded by smokers, you're more likely to smoke](https://academic.oup.com/her/article/18/5/627/614606?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). [Obesity' spreads' to your friends. ](https://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/25/health/25iht-fat.4.6830240.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[Being friends with rich people drives upward economic mobility.](https://www.businessinsider.com/want-to-get-rich-make-rich-friends-harvard-reserach-study-2022-8?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) The people we're surrounded by have more power over our behaviour than we realise - not because we consciously emulate them, but because we absorb invisible social norms and expectations. When I joined Thought Leaders Business School in 2018, I immediately felt this power. Thanks to a community of practice, writing a book went from a 'one day' aspirational goal to an ordinary, expected achievement almost instantly. ## Choose a new normal Look around you. What's 'normal' in your world? Consider these three prompts: 1. **How do your people make you feel?** Reflect on how you feel when you leave meetings, coffee dates and conferences. Are you inspired? Energised? Flat? Dejected? Frustrated? Take note of who has what effect on you, and try to be conscious of that throughout the day. 1. **Who do you need more of?** Who do you need more of in your life? More grounding? More role modelling? More families? More go-getters? Write them down and think about how you can consciously make that happen. 1. **Who do you want to be?** When you know who you want to be and are clear on your values, you have a higher chance of cultivating a network supporting that. Take some time to think about what you value and aim to achieve in your life. That could be in your community or your personal life. It could be at work. When you know what you're looking for, it's easier to find. ## Be a freak of nurture In Adam Grant's latest book, *Hidden Potential*, he says: > *"People who make major strides are rarely freaks of nature. They're usually freaks of nurture."* Nurture is about how our environment develops and nurtures our character and skills. The people we associate with shape that environment - and ultimately, they shape us. Choosing who we're around is a vote toward our future selves. It's hard making friends as an adult. Juggling calendars and building connections is difficult. Forming a casual friendship takes over 40 hours [and around 200 to get close.](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0265407518761225?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) There's less time, it's more awkward, and it takes effort to build a new circle. But to flick back through Hidden Potential (I've stuck a lot of Post-Its in this one) for some more data-driven smackdown: "*The best way to accelerate growth is to embrace, seek and amplify discomfort."* In short, if meeting new people and networking with others makes you feel uncomfortable, that could be where your growth lies. Who should you surround yourself with, and where can you find them? Til next week, \- A [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/a2171617-053e-47f8-b128-0799ea52f9a1_1100x220-5-1.png)](#/portal/signup/free) This is a Wednesday Wisdom post, which I publish every week for free. Share this post widely and encourage your friends, peers and colleagues to subscribe too. [Subscribe now ](#/portal/signup/free) ### Inspire Speaker Series, Hamilton, November 2023, URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/inspire-speaker-series-hamilton-november-2023/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T05:55:45.000Z Watch a replay here: ### You deserve this. Bye. URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-deserve-this-bye/ Last updated: 2025-10-20T08:03:04.000Z ## Why do people get jealous when you shine? This week, I got a message from a follower on LinkedIn. > *Hey Alicia! You probably get so many random messages but this might be fun! I am interested in your experiences with jealousy. I see your star shine (wonderful!). Mine has begun to shine too (also wonderful), and it's complex. I am on the receiving end of solid dislike from my colleagues, and I would like to know if you have any reflections on this or tips!? It makes me uncomfortable though I know it is not about me. It isn't helpful or supportive of good work because the individuals tend to get defensive or exclusionary around me.* Here's what I wrote back: > *Hi! Congratulations on your rising star. Being incredible makes people uncomfortable. It's also an excellent filter and a magnet for those who will bring perspectives and support that expand you. Nobody who stood for anything important was universally liked. I advise focusing on two things and practising one crucial skill. Focus on your peace and your contribution. In that order. Practice: being unapologetic. Women have a harder job of that because we need to unlearn humility and a sense of internalised apology for our very existence. So we need to practice. Keep smashing it. You'll attract your people. The rest are just noise.* I haven't stopped thinking about it, so I dug deeper. Assuming that our author isn't imagining things, why *do* people get like this? The answer is simple: people are astonishingly self-centred. By people, I mean you. If someone has a problem with you, chances are it's their shit. And if that becomes a problem for you... well, you get the picture. We live in a hall of mirrors. We don't see the world as it is; we see it as we are. Every experience and person in our orbit passes through a filter of *"...what does this say about me?"* This is true on both sides of the coin. If people approve of what you're doing and praise you for it, you confirm something they like about themselves. The same is true when you agree with what someone else does. - Think about someone you're scornful of. Does this person reflect something you don't like about yourself? - Think about someone you admire. Does this person reflect something you appreciate in yourself? Once we realise we live in a giant funhouse of self-projection, navigating the world becomes more straightforward. Praise stops rushing to our heads so quickly, and rejection or criticism feels less weighty. This brings us back to the original question: why do other people get hostile when you start to shine? With the hall-of-mirrors theory, the answer would be one of the following: - You're doing something they wish they could but feel they aren't allowed, aren't capable of, or aren't being recognised for - You're exhibiting behaviours or characteristics they recognise in themselves, which they aren't comfortable or at peace with - You're challenging or disproving a story they must believe to navigate the world safely. --- ### In this article - **How to recognise jealousy in yourself.** - **Two things to focus on when people are negative.** - **The single most essential skill for women who shine.** --- ## How to recognise jealousy in yourself Because we're so self-centred, we can't fully understand how self-centred people we are until we become self-centred enough to acknowledge our self-centredness. Did you make sense of that word salad? If so, well done. If not, here's what I'm suggesting: to put other people's behaviour into perspective and identify where it's showing up in your life. (Otherwise known as check yourself before you wreck yourself.) What are you judgemental or dismissive of? Which traits do you find most distasteful? What careers do you think are a waste of time? What kind of content do you hate seeing in your feed? What are your pet peeves and frustrations? And for every answer: *what does this tell you about yourself?* I'm disdainful of empty-headed, self-promoting garbage posting on LinkedIn that feels like a Ponzi scheme for LinkedIn posting. Is it a coincidence that I'm a self-promoting LinkedIn poster? OF COURSE NOT. I'M UNCOMFORTABLE WITH MY SHIT, DUH. --- ## Two things to focus on when people are negative Which leads me to my next point. In my response message, I wrote: *Focus on your peace and your contribution. In that order.* I stand by it. It's a two-step process. ### 1\. Make peace with yourself Other people's criticism, judgement, or negativity (which you now recognise is a flashing neon sign pointing to their shit) can only affect you if part of you believes it's true. If you're worried people think you're getting too big for your boots, it's because a little voice inside tells you they're right. If you're worried other people think your content is cringe, your work is lame, your art is derivative, or your leadership is ineffective, it's because *you believe that about yourself.* When you believe in yourself and your work, others' reactions—both positive and negative —fade into the background. When you're at peace with yourself and your actions, you're less vulnerable to becoming a self-doubting hand-wringer or a praise-hungry egomaniac. Your number one job in life is to be cool with you. Do that, and you can help others. Avoid it, and you'll always be chasing something. In short, get some therapy, man. At the very least, hit up [Byron Katie's 4 Questions](https://thework.com/2017/10/four-liberating-questions/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) to put your least helpful stories in the bin. ### 2\. Put contribution at the centre Peace with yourself enables service for others. When unhelpful stories don't hamstring you, you unleash your potential to serve. The mumbles and glances of others are background noise when you're focused on making a positive change in the world. Every time your attention starts to fold inward - *How does this make me look? What will people think? Am I really up to this? Is this too risky?* Grab it by the scruff of the neck and point it in the other direction. *Who does this help? What do they need? How do they feel? What can I bring to this situation to make it better?* These two things work together. Every time the naggy little voice pipes up to tell you the naysayers are correct, you can look at the evidence you've compiled about your impact to head it off at the pass. By the same token, when you doubt the quality of your contribution, interrogate which of your unhelpful stories need debunking. --- ## The single most essential skill for women who shine I said 'as a woman', not 'as a person,' even though I know 50% of my readership are men. Women do not exclusively contract the disease of downplaying our accomplishments, but damn, we get a man-flu-sized dose of it. Here's why. We live in a society that tells us [we exist to serve others, ](https://www.insidehighered.com/news/2017/04/12/study-finds-female-professors-outperform-men-service-their-possible-professional?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)and anything else demands an apology. We work in environments where we feel compelled to start our meeting contributions with "*Sorry..."* or "*This might be a dumb idea, but..."* because we've been taught that [most of what we do and say is an apology-worthy offence.](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20855900/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) We live in households where we carry out [at least two and a half times more unpaid household and care work than men](https://www.unwomen.org/en/news/in-focus/csw61/redistribute-unpaid-work?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=From%20cooking%20and%20cleaning%2C%20to,and%20care%20work%20than%20men.) \- which [*increases* when we become the primary breadwinners ](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/women-breadwinners-tripled-since-1970s-still-doing-more-unpaid-work/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=Even%20in%20marriages%20where%20women,than%20their%20husbands%2C%20Pew%20found.)because that's our lot. To sacrifice our time, labour, and energy so that others can enjoy their leisure. We date in a world where our ambition threatens our potential partners and find ourselves making [the ambition/ marriage trade-off.](https://hbr.org/2017/05/the-ambition-marriage-trade-off-too-many-single-women-face?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) We're educated in schools and work in organisations [where stricter performance standards are imposed on women, even when women and men hold the same job.](https://thehill.news/opinion/scrutiny-and-standards-girls-face-higher-expectations-while-boys-will-be-boys/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Is it any wonder we [underestimate our performance by 30%, compared to men who achieve the same result?](https://www.stylist.co.uk/life/careers/male-vs-female-employees-rate-performance-at-work-imposter-syndrome-study/310343?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) We push past unconscious and institutionalised bias to rise to leadership positions where we're [consistently rated higher on almost all leadership qualities](https://hbr.org/2019/06/research-women-score-higher-than-men-in-most-leadership-skills?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) but where most of the roles are still held by men. Then, when we *do* work for women CEOs, [half of those appointments were made as hospital pass 'turnaround' positions](https://www.hcamag.com/au/specialisation/employment-law/half-of-women-handed-hospital-pass-for-first-ceo-role/153329?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) following a legacy of ineptitude and corruption - and we see them exited swiftly after the fuss dies down. [The pay gap is real](https://www.worldbank.org/en/news/press-release/2022/03/01/nearly-2-4-billion-women-globally-don-t-have-same-economic-rights-as-men?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). [Domestic inequality is real](https://www.oecd.org/dev/development-gender/Unpaid%5Fcare%5Fwork.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). [Corrosive, daily, casual misogyny is real](https://australiainstitute.org.au/report/everyday-sexism/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). [Structural inequity is real.](https://human-resources-health.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12960-023-00813-9?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) It is all real. So it's no surprise we've internalised that we should apologise for ourselves and our success. The most essential skill any woman can learn is to **live unapologetically,** without explanation, justification, or apology. Prioritise your career *without explaining or justifying why.* Put your kids in daycare, and hire a cleaner, because your work is not an indulgence to feel guilty about - it's WORK, DAMMIT.Look after yourself *without pointing out how it makes you a better mother, partner, friend, daughter, or employee.* Do not explain how educated you are, how hard you've worked, or how many sacrifices you've made to justify your accomplishments. Do not downplay your brilliance or mention how lucky you are, how grateful you feel, or how you couldn't have done it alone. For god's sake, you HAVE done much of it alone! (At least two and a half times of it at home, for starters.) Do not accept you'll need to put in twice the effort to settle for half the rewards. Do not feel guilty for wanting, chasing, striving, or receiving. Your ambition is excellent. It's hot. I love it. And if you're ever in doubt, watch this award acceptance speech from Issa Rae every morning and practice saying parts of it for yourself. In particular: *"I deserve this. Bye."* Til next week, A ### Balancing micro delight and macro despair URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/ff-balancing-micro-delight-and-macro/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:06:32.000Z At almost every multi-day conference I attend, I go on a similar journey with my energy. The first rush of excitement and enjoyment is what I call ‘micro delight’ which comes with thoughts like: - These people are great! - I’m energised by these ideas! - This work is really important stuff! I’m buzzing at seeing the great work people are doing, loving the speakers, and enjoying the magic that happens when you get lots of passionate people in a room together. Then, almost invariably, over time, a cloud starts creeping in. My social justice radar starts going off as I look around the room. In a spare moment, I’ll count the women on stage or in seats. Mid panel, I’ll notice how few BIPOC speakers and ideas are represented. I watch the cringey token nods to ‘diversity’ or ‘cultural competence’ and my yuck radar starts to ping. I’ll see an inspired keynote about tackling the climate crisis, shifting traditional economic models, or implementing the 4 day work week followed by myopic audience questions about quarterly cash-flows or daily time management. At these points, the macro-despair starts to flare. This state comes with thoughts like: - The system is fundamentally flawed - Where is the kind of integrated long-termism that will actually change the game? - Why do we lack the capacity to move away from corporate tokenism and toward meaning? And so on. I haven’t nailed my approach to dealing with this yet, but I am getting better at noticing the point at which the two circles start to intersect. The best way I’ve discovered to handle the encroaching cloud of doom, so far, is to channel some of my feelings into useful discussion - before my Inner Cynic hosts a hostile takeover and ruins the day. Here’s a Venn diagram to illustrate my strategy: _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Two unusual questions to help you understand yourself (and your work) URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/two-questions-to-understand-yourself-differently/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:07:14.000Z - What would you do for free? - What are your favourite household jobs? - A useful reminder, in case you're doubting yourself ## What I'd do for free I've been doing some interesting journalling exercises recently. I'm a big believer in that idea that the answers are probably there already, it's the questions that need to improve. Here's two questions that were surprisingly useful for me. The first: **If you had unlimited funds, what would you be doing?** Here's what I wrote: - Writing books - Making things - Travelling interesting places - Solving interesting problems - Helping others have good lives. (Then I wrote this underneath: *Holy f\*\*k. This is pretty close to my life!)* I've been thinking about that ever since. Everybody wants to win Lotto - but what would you do with your time? Building on that: how much of that could you do now? Money is a big deal, but it's the most commonly wielded false constraint. ## My favourite chores The second question was a left-field one: **Are there any household chores you secretly enjoy doing? Why is that?** Here's what I wrote: 1) Sorting things out/ reorganising 2) Painting **Sorting things out** makes me feel like a new version of me/ my life is possible and that I have the power to create it. **Painting** is transformative. It turns something old into something fresh and new, with different possibilities. It's tangible change, created with action, visible at every step. It's rhythmic: follow the steps, see the results. It creates the foundation for other things to change, too (furniture, use of the room). I found this question surprisingly useful. It's not a coincidence that the things I most enjoy at home are all about reorganising, renovating, transforming, and making space for something new. Questions like this can be helpful when we're trying to make choices about work. To be clear: not everything's about work! But we do spend a lot of time there, so it's nice to do that in a way that feels meaningful and aligned. ## A useful reminder I cackled loudly at this one. ![IMG_8884](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/IMG_8884-1.jpg) You're doing great. Til next week, A ### A Friday stream of consciousness URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/a-friday-stream-of-consciousness/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T11:14:02.000Z **In this piece:** - Why things have been bad - How things got better - What my pen did when my brain had room - An unedited list of what I would write about it I was in truth. ## Why things have been bad My writing has suffered recently. I’ve been in a SEASON. You know the kind. The unrelenting, will-this-ever-end, my-life-is-totally-unmanageable, kind of season where the demands on your time and energy well exceed the available capacity. For the last 3-4 months I’ve been utterly drowning under the weight of things, especially at work, driven mostly by a staff gap, but also by the re-emergence of some of my least useful habits. I’ve been doing everything myself, which was fine for a couple of months, and then drove me into utter meltdown. My back gave out under the stress, and my mental health took a nose-dive. Mental energy is a funny old thing, isn’t it? It’s a bit like trying to carry too many items at once. You know what I’m talking about. - You forget your re-usable bags at the supermarket, and stack your groceries in a wobbled pile in your arms, striding across the carpark with an orange in your pocket. - You valiantly try to empty the car of bags, sweatshirts, drink bottles and coffee cups in a single trip - and stop to grab the mail on the way. - You juggle a toddler on one hip while precariously balancing your keys, wallet, phone and a soft toy in the other hand. - You burden both arms with bags of varying weights, winding the handles chaotically around your fingers, feeling them dig in and turn into angry red marks across your hands while you lumber ungraciously with the load. If you've done this, you'll know what happens when someone finally spots your predicament and offers to take something off your hands. ... You can't hand anything over. The skyscraper of stuff you've arranged is inefficient, jumbled and leaning on each other for support. If you tried to separate a single item, the whole system would fail, and you'd watch it all tumble to the ground. This is what delegating - or even getting a handle on things - feels like when you're chronically overscheduled, overtasked, and overwhelmed. You know you should, but the mental and physical effort of selecting the appropriate piece, disentangling it from the mess, and handing it over - while making sure the rest of the stuff doesn't come crashing down - is too difficult. So, you soldier on. Eventually, if you’re like I’ve been the last few months, you get so tired and sore from carrying the whole pile that you lose perspective. You forget you didn't need three of those things in the first place, your workarounds are messy, your stack is unwieldy, and your arms aren't even that strong. You convince yourself that the only option is to carry it ALL, and the only person who can carry it is YOU, JUST LIKE THIS. If you’re anything like me, on your worst days, you might want to throw the damn pile in the fire and warm your weary hands over the flames while they burn. Until recently, I’ve been dancing with those kind of destructive thoughts. ## How things got better _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Pay yourself first: a no-bullshit sequencing guide to your days and life URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/pay-yourself-first/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T03:03:47.000Z ## Why you need to pay yourself first Personal finance gurus recommend you pay yourself first. The common advice is to set up an automatic payment for your savings or investment goals, so the funds are gone on payday before they leak into something else. There's rarely much left. What if you treated your time and energy in the same way? If you need to look after yourself better, take time for your most important goals, or invest in a relationship, waiting to see what's *left* is a poor strategy. This is particularly true if you're in a busy season, or have a heavy load right now (a big project at work, young kids, ageing parents, etc). You're unlikely to get to the end of your to-do list, and you're unlikely to reach the end of the day with gas in the tank. Which means sequencing matters. --- ## My experiment with sequencing Last week, I spent two glorious days in an off-the-grid [Unyoked](https://unyoked.co/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) cabin with just some birds and my thoughts for company. I left feeling calm and clear about what matters to me... until I walked in the door at home. The weight of responsibility hit me like a freight train. With groceries to order, appointments to book, housework up the wazoo and a bulging inbox, I felt hopelessly overwhelmed. After a brief mental sojourn coming up with a plan to run away from society, set my business on fire and leave my kids to raise themselves, I headed out for a self-pitying walk. *(Side note: when you're feeling overwhelmed by your own neurosis, it's easy to believe your problems are impossibly unique, complex, and intractable. But we're really just complicated houseplants. Odds are drinking some water, eating a sandwich, or getting outside for a walk will solve 80% of your anxiety. The other 20% might need a nap.)* Within 30 minutes, I felt calmer and more capable - which made me wonder: if I got outside and moved my body *before* the overwhelm set in, how much of a difference would that make? So this week, I've been running an experiment where I front-load my day with my most important priorities. Here's what I've learned. ![IMG_8992](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/IMG_8992-1.jpg) ### The good When I head straight out for a walk or a run after school drop-off, I don't make it to my desk until 10 am. In theory, I've lost an hour. In practice, I get straight into my most important tasks without faffing around checking emails, making coffee, and opening multiple tabs. I'm in a better mood, I already feel accomplished for the day, and I'm clear on my priorities. When I'm really organised, I'm *crystal-*clear on what those priorities are because I wrote them on an index card and left them on my desk the day before. I cap the index card list at three items, so I know I'll get the most important tasks done. ![Blog Images-2](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/Blog%20Images-2-1.jpg) As an unexpected benefit, I've brought this sequencing logic into other parts of my day. If I haven't had a break between work and kids before launching into dinner prep, I don't wait until they've gone to bed for some time to myself (it won't happen). Instead, I have a cup of tea or read a book *before* I put dinner on. The impact on bedtime is negligible, but the impact on my attitude is noticeable. ### The less good I've realised pretty quickly that what I start with, when I reach my desk, is just as important as what I do before I get there. The sequence of my work day is important: if I do the creative projects first, I'm clear-headed from my exercise and time outside, and I had a useful idea or insight while I was out. If I dive straight into meetings and admin, with the view to writing or working on my creative projects later, I feel like I'm racing the clock all day - and I forget that great idea I had while I was running. Most significantly, I've realised that **on most days, not all of my tasks will fit.** This is not a sign of the system failing. It's a sign that it's *physically and temporally impossible* to achieve all of my expectations and still look after myself. When my days are muddied by less intentional sequencing, I sacrifice my wellbeing by default, and possibly beat myself up about being more effective as icing on the [ambitious-high-achiever](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/aha-meet-the-ambitious-high-achiever/) cake. But when I've prioritised myself, I've had to face the cold hard truth: some of this sh\*t needs to go. --- ## How you can pay yourself first I'm fortunate to control my own schedule. Outside of teaching and client work, I decide how my days play out. You might not have the same luxury, and the idea of declining your early morning stand-up with a note ('*Sorry Kevin, I'm paying myself first, you'll have to wait')* might seem out of reach. I get that. But you know what? You're an adult. You choose your own bedtime. You make your own decisions. Control the things you can control. Here's a few ideas for how to pay yourself first, with the most accessible (and impactful) strategies listed first. - **Prioritise sleep**. Sleep is the ultimate savings account. No matter how your life is structured, getting enough sleep will change your attitude. *(If you have an infant... I'm sorry. Harriet (my youngest) didn't sleep through until she was 4, and I was a zombie for literally years. In this case, it's time for drastic measures. You need to remove stuff from your plate, reduce your to-do list, and lower your expectations, so you can nap. Seriously. It's that simple. You. Need. A. Nap. Humans need sleep to survive. It won't derail your entire life and career to spend this extremely difficult season prioritising sleep, I promise. It's temporary, but it's important. Have a messy house, and nap. Do not read the rest of this list. Nap. Did you hear me? NAP.)* - **Make meals in advance.** Make your breakfast or lunch a day ahead, at dinner-time. This way, you've safeguarded the health and energy of tomorrow-you ahead of time. - **Schedule recurring tasks.** If you have to hit the same deadlines every week, but you're scrambling every time, stop pretending they don't exist. Put them in your calendar now. - **Get ahead on the infinite tasks with time-chunking.** If you do something daily, give yourself the grace of margin by rearranging those small pockets of work into bulk sessions. This works for meals, but also for social media posting, content creation, gift-giving, stationery supply ordering and more. Buy all of your birthday gifts for the year this Saturday. Write 10 posts at a time. Buy 6 notebooks instead of 1\. When you're a step ahead, you breathe differently. - **Prioritise tasks with a clear head.** Decide your most important tasks for the day before you leave your desk the day before. Write your list of 3 and leave it for yourself. Pat yourself on the back the next morning, then dive in. - **Change the order of things.** If you have schedule flexibility, change your sequencing. Put your most important projects and priorities at the start of your day, so if things turn to sh\*t, you still made progress on the things you care about most. *Important note: This does not mean skipping on sleep to exercise or work before your day starts. Sleep comes first.* *See above.* - **Bookend high-intensity activities.** If you have draining tasks, meetings, or events in your day, bookend them with space before and/or after. Have a 30 minute break before the dinner and bedtime routine. Create a morning buffer after a big evening event. Look after your future self, based on lessons learned the hard way by your past (tired) self. --- ## An important disclaimer I'm always wary of giving this kind of advice, because it feels a bit like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Ultimately, if you're trying to fill a finite container (your time, energy, and f\*\*ks to give) with more volume than it can hold, these tips won't change your life. Most of us aren't overwhelmed because we don't prioritise well. We're in a state of legitimate deficit, where the demands on us exceed our available energy. We're operating in late-stage-capitalist silos, battling alone at home and wondering why we can't keep up - while everyone else is doing the same. The famous Steven Covey 'rocks' analogy (put the big rocks in the jar first, then all the pebbles and sand will fit neatly around them) is largely bullsh\*t. It doesn't work if you've got too many rocks in the first place. So it's *really, really important* that you don't read this email thinking "oh, I just need to get some snazzy index cards like Alicia McKay and try harder, and I'll be better." Odds are: - The demands on your time and energy exceed your capacity for fulfilment - You're expecting too much of yourself - in both volume, and quality. Both of those things are hard to change. But investing in yourself is still a worthy strategy. Here's some confronting truth: your boss will replace you in a month. Your kids will leave home and forget how much you did for them. Your clients will find a new service provider. Your friends will move away. Your committee will disband. When all is said and done, the only constant in your life is **you.** You are your biggest asset, and your most important relationship. If you're looking after the tyres on your car or the filter in your dishwasher better than your own mental and physical health, it's time to adjust your priorities. You matter, and this is your permission slip (not that you need one!) to put yourself first. Not so you can serve others better, not so you can be more productive, and not so you can get more done. Just because you're a living, breathing miracle, and your happiness, peace and enjoyment has intrinsic value. You weren't put here to work, and you don't have to suffer to earn joy. The work will always be there, and there's no "some day" coming with infinite time and relaxation. Don't defer your investment in yourself for a day that will never come Do it now. Til next week, A ### How to use value-based pricing in your consulting business URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-use-value-based-pricing-in-your-consulting-business/ Last updated: 2025-10-01T23:37:58.000Z The most challenging part of developing your [consulting offer](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-consultants-create-a-clear-service-offer/) is deciding what to charge. Value-based pricing should be the goal of any consultant who wants to break free of the time-cost ceiling. ## Types of value-based pricing There are two main kinds of value-based pricing that consultants can use: value share (like commission) and value-capture fixed pricing. ### Value share - variable pricing Value-share ties your pricing to the results you deliver. Clients agree to pay a portion of their ROI to you directly. This includes working on commission and no-win-no-fee arrangements. #### Pros of value share pricing - Potentially very lucrative - Increases confidence in your ability to deliver - Reduces barriers to purchase. #### Cons of value share pricing - Some types of consulting work are hard to quantify returns accurately - Narrows focus to the financial benefits of your work, ignoring other ways you deliver value - Reduces budget certainty for clients - Reduces cashflow certainty for you - Requires a clear project scope - Increases risk of non-payment if results cannot be achieved - Clients may be unfamiliar with this arrangement. #### How to price with value share Quantify the expected return on investment for your client. Then, determine what percentage of the ROI your client is likely willing to invest to achieve this. 5-25% is a standard range. ### Value capture - fixed pricing Fixed pricing rewards productivity and creates certainty – but it does require some precision and practice. #### Pros of fixed pricing - No compulsory time-tracking - Clients focus on the results you’re delivering, not how much you charge - Increases budget certainty for clients - Improves cash flow certainty for you. #### Cons of fixed pricing - Requires a clear project scope - Increases risk of undercharging by underestimating how long a project will take. #### How to price with value capture Estimate the results your client can expect to achieve from your offer. Consider time, money and stress saved, as well as intangibles such as reliability, reputation, quality and customer experience. Allocate a maximum of 10% of that value as your fee. ## How to use value-based pricing in your business - for ‘intangible’ services Value share has a cleaner relationship between price and result but requires a directly attributable financial return. On the other hand, value capture fixed pricing requires a more in-depth approach to calculating your value. ### Organisational design example Here is a recent question from a Consultants of Choice member, who specialises in organisational design - and how I answered it: > *"I believe I understand how value based pricing works, but I'm unsure how to calculate my value. The org design process I go through with teams creates a shared understanding of functions and workflow, ensures clear roles and responsibilities, and designs the structure to support strategic intent and operational requirements.* > > *I get great feedback and believe I provide a lot of value but I don't know how to put a dollar figure on it. I hate working under a time based model and am really keen to set things up after my current contract to move to a fixed price or value based model but I'm struggling to figure out how to price it."* ### The benefits of quantifying your service value It's harder to quantify your value when operating in what feels like a less tangible space - but this is a huge advantage. Forcing yourself to quantify your value requires you to interrogate what you bring. It will lead to better sales conversations, more compelling proposals, and increased conviction in your work. ### How consulting brings quantifiable value to an organisation There are a few ways that work like consulting services brings measurable value to an organisation, which fall into the following broad categories: - Cost avoidance (saving them from incurring costs) - Cost savings (reducing wasted money and time) - Financial gains (contributing directly to increased revenue) - Productivity and time gains (contributing indirectly to increased profitability through more effective redirection of time) To quantify your value, you must research to find statistics, case studies and examples that create a reference class for how your work delivers one or more of the above. Thankfully, there's lots of information that can help, which has often been done by big consulting firms like Deloitte and McKinsey, which have big-budget, well-staffed thought leadership and research arms. ### Quantifying the value of organisational design Here's how this might look in the case of our COC member, who specialises in organisational design. "People are your biggest overhead. When you don't design your structure and environment for success, you lose a huge chunk of that investment through: - Wasted time - Lack of coordination - Inconsistent work quality - Compliance risks - Reputational damage - Customer loss - Low morale - High staff turnover - Poor performance and missed targets. But if we get it right, we can reap significant benefits, such as: - Increased efficiency - Faster, better decisions - Higher quality work - Increased profits - Better customer relationships - Lower staff turnover - Increased performance, productivity and effectiveness. Let's zero in on decision-making. Did you know that 37% of our time is spent making decisions? For executives, that figure is over 70% (McKinsey) Would you also believe that over half of that time is spent ineffectively? The direct cost of slow, uncoordinated decisions creates massive internal lag and drives down performance. For an organisation of 100 people, these figures equate to lost working time of over 35,000 hours per year and wasted labour costs of over $1.5M a year (on an average salary of $85,000 p.a.) An improvement of just 10% will save you and your business hundreds of thousands of dollars and thousands of hours before we even get started on the cost savings of reducing turnover, improving customer service, and freeing up space for creativity and innovation. Investing in your organisational design is a no-brainer for organisations committed to creating successful, high-performing workplaces - and $25,000 on consulting services is well spent." ### Why this works We start by canvassing the big picture and pointing out a range of ways this service adds value to an organisation. Then, we zero in on just one part of that equation and provide verifiable references that quantify the difference an improvement can make. By giving concrete numbers (hours saved, money better spent), we bring credibility and weight to our argument while also making the point that this is just one piece of the puzzle. By the end, your consulting fee is a pittance compared to the value generated. ### How to use this in your business Research statistics, case studies and examples of how your type of service does one of our four quantifiable things (avoids costs, saves cost, saves time, increases productivity) 1. Spell all of those benefits out in a concise list 2. Zero in one of the benefits, using compelling and verifiable evidence 3. Give a hypothetical example (i.e. the organisation of 100 people from above) that translates those statistics into concrete figures 4. Contrast the cost of your service to those concrete figures. Good luck! ### How consultants create a clear service offer URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-consultants-create-a-clear-service-offer/ Last updated: 2025-10-01T23:32:21.000Z How do you sell a consulting service? What services do you sell? How do you know what to sell? If you're consulting, you need to have a clear service offer. Many consultants are afraid to narrow their offering – they're afraid of ruling out potential clients - so they say they can do anything. In effect, those consultants offer nothing at all. Being easy to buy is a crucial part of running a successful consulting business, and a clear offer is one way to create that ease. In this article, we cover: - Why you need a clear consulting offer - What a consulting offer is - The five critical components of a consulting offer. ## **Why you need a clear consulting offer** Having a specific service available for purchase means: - You are easier to buy - Your marketing is more targeted - You can systemise your business - You can test the market more effectively - Your sales conversations are more focused - You have a ‘jumping off point’ for bespoke projects. ## What a consulting offer is made of A consulting offer is a specific service that solves a specific problem, for a specific type of client, for a specific price. To craft your consulting offer, address five factors: 1. Client - who you help 2. Results - why they need you 3. Service - what you do 4. Approach - how you work 5. Pricing - how much it costs ### 1\. Client Your offer is not about you. In a successful business, 80% of your web copy, proposal text, LinkedIn page and sales outreach will address your client’s needs and challenges. By the same token, 80% of your attention in designing your offer will be about them and what you deliver for them. The other 20% is about your needs and preferences. Who is the target client for this offer? What industry do they work in, and what role do they occupy? ### 2\. Results People don’t buy consultants; they buy change. That’s why a strong consulting offer is relentlessly results-oriented. Focus on selling change before you pitch the lever to get there. Be explicit about what your client can expect. - What do they get more of? Less of? Better of? - How will it feel to get those things? - How will they know they’re getting there? The more you zero in on how people will feel - and act - differently, the greater your connection with them will be. ### 3\. Service No service is inherently useful. Your service type should be right for: - Your client’s problem lifecycle stage, - The results you want to achieve - Your expertise, experience and preferences - What the market is willing and able to purchase. What type of service are you offering? What stage of the problem lifecycle are you addressing? ### 4\. Approach Now that you know what you’re offering, it’s time to learn how it will work. Your approach should include: - The components of your service - Expected time to completion - A clearly defined scope - Mutual expectations and requirements - Logistical considerations. #### What makes you different? Your value proposition is not just about the work you do, or the results you deliver. Consider how other consultants work, and what makes you different. Make those differences – and their benefits - clear in your approach. ### 5\. Pricing Arguably, the most difficult part of developing your consulting offer is [deciding what to charge.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-use-value-based-pricing-in-your-consulting-business) Here are most common pricing models for consultants: - Time and cost - Fixed pricing - Value sharing. #### Time and cost Billing on an hourly or daily rate, potentially with scope for costs and disbursements, is a traditional consulting model. #### Fixed pricing Fixed pricing rewards productivity and creates certainty – but it does require some precision and practice. You can calculate a fixed price in one of two ways: time and complexity, or value capture. ##### 1\. Time and complexity Calculate the time you think it will take to complete this project, adding a 1.2-2x margin for error, depending on the complexity and uncertainty of each stage. ##### 2\. Value capture Estimate the results your client can expect to achieve from your offer. Consider time, money and stress saved, as well as intangibles such as reliability, reputation, quality and customer experience. Allocate a maximum of 10% of that value as your fee. #### Value sharing Less common, value-share ties your pricing to the results you deliver. Clients agree to pay a portion of their ROI to you directly. This includes working on commission and no-win-no-fee arrangements. Quantify the expected return on investment for your client. Then, determine what percentage of the ROI your client is likely willing to invest to achieve this. 5-25% is a common range. ## Choosing your first offer Your first offer should be the one your ideal clients are most likely to buy from you now. Once they make the initial purchase, you can do all sorts of things. But first, address the most pressing problem facing your ideal client, and offer them a solution. ### What to do with your first offer The first iteration of your offer is not for fancy web pages or brochures. It’s in a Word document – or a one-page design at most. You can use it as a base script for sales meetings and for copying and pasting into proposals, emails and LinkedIn. Write it down. Now share it with someone. Go on Show them. Bing bang boom, you're away. ### Futurespace: Association of Consulting Engineers NZ Annual Conference Wellington, September 2023 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/futurespace-association-of-consulting-engineers-nz-annual-conference-wellington-september-2023/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T05:42:44.000Z Alicia hosted the ACENZ conference and delivered a full-room 2 hour workshop for over 200 attendees on defining your consulting value proposition to rave reviews. ### Crazy SMART goals URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/smart-goals-are-dead/ Last updated: 2026-08-13T10:42:59.000Z What are your most important goals right now? Do you have them written down? If you do, take a moment to pull them out—I have some words to share with them. If you're not up for putting your personal goals on the line, pull out your latest strategic plan. I need to ask you this question: ***Do your goals excite, inspire and scare the living sh\*t out of you?*** If not... you might be setting yourself up for failure. If you've listened to advice on setting achievable, realistic goals, this newsletter is for you. ## The paradox of goal-setting There's an interesting paradox in goal-setting: bigger, scarier goals can be easier to achieve than smaller, more realistic ones. Here are a few reasons why: - **Bigger goals eliminate potential pathways to their achievement.** This focus drives more progress. - **There is more competition for incremental improvement** than for transformation. Big goals eliminate competition. - **Big goals require more learning,** pushing you to the edge of your potential and driving meaningful change. You get better, faster. - **Big goals require risky trade-offs** that increase your commitment and create more motivation to succeed. This approach is summed up nicely in a tweet by Tim Ferriss: ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/Screenshot-2025-09-20-at-1.44.13---PM.png) ## A formula for setting better goals If you want to go the big-goal route, you need to be smarter in your goal setting. Not the classic SMART you might have seen bandied around (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound). Oh no. Here's a much more powerful, fun iteration that I like to call **Crazy SMART**. Specific. Meaningful. Aspirational. Risky. Transformational ![Cream Coach Smart Goals Planner Workbook Worksheet](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/Cream%20Coach%20Smart%20Goals%20Planner%20Workbook%20Worksheet-1.png) ### Specific The OG SMART goals had this nailed. However, this doesn't work if you're vague. If your big goal is to "thrive" (personal), "excel in your field" (professional), or "be a market leader" (organisational), then you're going to flap around in ambiguity. It's better than nothing. You can use these goals as a lens to make decisions—i.e., 'Will this help me thrive?' 'Is this what a market leader would do?'—but the answer will usually be... sure, yeah, maybe. But you can do better than that. - "~~Thrive"~~ \--> "Be so fit I can run the November marathon in less than 3 hours" or "Make ten new best friends and take them all on a trip to Fiji next winter" - ~~"Excel in my field"~~ \--> "Be awarded CPA of the year at the next annual event" - "~~Be a market leader~~" --> "Grow to $50 million in annual revenue by EOFY" ### Meaningful If your goal were specific enough, it would be measurable. We don't need that kind of double-up around here. What we need is meaning. You have to care about this thing. It has to be so aligned with your values and vision that you're willing to put things on the line for it. When people hear it, they should go, "Of course, that makes sense for you," because it perfectly reflects your core purpose and values. If it doesn't hit you in the heart, find a new goal. ### Aspirational Achievable goals are a fool's game, remember? There are too many potential options, and the competition is too crowded. That's why we have to blow the gates wide open. Your goal should be so aspirational that it makes you feel slightly sick. When you write it down and look at it, you should think, "How the f\*\*k? Am I mad?" Perfect. ### Risky Relevant? What does that even mean? If you're not aligning your goals to what you want, you need more than an acronym to help you. Nope, Crazy SMART needs risk. If you don't have any skin in the game, you won't pull this off. Your goal is Crazy SMART if you have to say no to many perfectly good things to pull this off. If you'll have to stop doing 80% of what you're doing now to make it happen. People might not get it. You might fail miserably. The options are narrow, and the risk is high - but the payoff is astonishing. ### Transformational Time-bound... should be covered in specificity. Do you think they just liked the acronym and decided to repeat themselves? Boring. Your goal should be transformational—if you achieve it, you will be completely different. But here's the kicker: you'll have to start behaving like you're already that person to accomplish this goal. And that's where the magic happens. Running a three-hour marathon is a one-day event. What will change you is living the life of an elite marathon runner, making the sacrifices of an elite marathon runner, and making the decisions an elite marathon runner makes (getting a coach, designing a nutrition plan, investing in gear, and getting regular physio). Being awarded CPA of the year is a good night on the turps. Going above and beyond to serve your clients, building an incredible team, designing innovative solutions, and showing up as a leader in events, development, and advocacy are the choices that will change you. Hitting $50 million in revenue will feel great when the numbers click over. But slashing your least effective product lines, creating an irresistible customer experience, building a world-class team, pushing the boundaries on marketing, securing new funding streams, and accessing expert advice - those things will change your business forever. This is the most important thing about all of this: It's not the goal that matters. It's who you become in the process. You can be a slightly better person, professional, or organisation than you are now - or you can be permanently transformed beyond recognition. Up to you. Til next week, A ### People eat takeaways because they're tired, not because they're lazy. URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-people-eat-takeaways/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T09:42:33.000Z I have 50/50 care of my three children (8,13,17) on a week on/ week off arrangement. This feels like it could or should provide work-life balance, but instead creates a treadmill of two opposites for my lovely ex-husband/ co-parent and I. The weeks they’re with us, we work school hours. The weeks they’re not, we work *all* the hours. The weeks they’re with us, we run around like mad trying to coordinate pick-ups, drop-offs, errands, friends, activities, and dinners for three kids at three different schools. The weeks they’re not, we cram in everything else so we can stay gainfully employed, but still inevitably find ourselves making space for a parent-teacher interview, appointment, or event. It’s the best of both worlds, and it’s the worst of both worlds. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Hope is a terrible recipe for change URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/hope-is-a-terrible-recipe-for-change/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:08:40.000Z - The planning fallacy - Hope is not a recipe for change - How to create realistic plans and strategies ## The Planning Fallacy Four years ago, I read Daniel Kahneman’s *Thinking, Fast and Slow* over the Christmas break. Few books have had quite the same long-term impact on how I think (ha, see what I did there) and I’m scheduling it for a re-read. The cognitive bias I remember most, and talk most often, is about the **planning fallacy**. Humans are terrible “intuitive statisticians” – as Kahneman puts it. We wildly underestimate how long it will take us to do something, because we’re over-optimistic about our performance. We write long lists with small budgets and short delivery timeframes, and we’re surprised and disappointed when we don’t pull it off. I think this is a useful bias to be aware of. It doesn’t matter how productive or well organised you are, if your starting expectations and assumptions are wrong. You’re setting yourself up to fail. ### It’s not just optimism, it’s ignorance In order to be classed as a case of planning fallacy, your plans and forecasts need to meet these two criteria: 1. They are unrealistically close to best-case scenarios 2. *They could be improved by consulting the statistics of similar cases* That is: **there was a track record, and you ignored it.** You didn’t plan around the most likely scenario, you thought you could rewrite history, and as a result, your whole plan or goal has gone off-track. If you’d erred on the side of history, you’d have planned – and achieved – better. People do this all the time: we think our renovation will be the only one that’s completed on time and budget, even after watching our friends suffer with a drained bank account and a months-long construction zone. Then, we suffer all kinds of stress, financial risk and disruption when our renovation doesn’t go to plan. We assume our technology project will go off without a hitch, even though the reference class advises a 200%+ contingency on time and budget. Then, when we’re already 6 months over schedule and facing heat from the exec team, we have to descope, cut back on training, work late nights and defect on other obligations. The suffering wasn’t inevitable in any of these situations. The suffering was a result of the mismatch between our expectations and reality, which was *exacerbated by ignoring history.* There’s an arrogance here, assuming we have access to some kind of skillset or insight that others don’t. But it isn’t just about arrogance, because we apply the same thinking to ourselves. We think this week will be the one we hit our bedtime target every night, or finish that big project once and for all – even though none of our previous weeks suggest this is likely. We think this relationship will go differently, even though we’ve had the same battles with every partner in the past. --- ## Hope is not a recipe I kind of love this ridiculousness for us – we’re creatures of hope, aren’t we? We’ll be different! The world can be different! Everything is going to be awesome now! Starry eyes and hopeful dreams. It’s lovely. Except hope is a poor strategy for change. And if you combine that hope with a few other ingredients, like: - Unrealistic expectations of yourself and others - Shaming or punitive self-talk and internal dialogue - Failure to implement corrective systems and strategies - Ignorance of your track record, constraints and shortcomings - Compromise of your wellbeing in pursuit of an unrealistic goal Well… that’s not a recipe for change. It’s a recipe for disaster. Overcoming the planning fallacy is hard work – as Kahneman makes clear, even *statisticians* struggle with this one. But you can ease the stress by building systems, habits and relationships that keep you grounded, test your thinking, and create space for growth. --- ## What to do differently I don’t know what’s failed for you lately. It might have been a project, or a relationship. It might have been *everything-because-you’re-so-fking-overwhelmed-you-don’t-even-know-where-to-start-but-why-isn’t-it-working-when-you’re-trying-so-goddamn-hard-for-fks-sake.* I’m sorry. Failure sucks. It doesn’t matter how we dress it up – it’s not cool, fun, or exciting to fail at something you care about. It’s hard, and it takes a toll. It chips away at our happiness, corrodes our self-belief and makes us wary of trying new things and chasing our dreams. But please don’t throw your hands in the air, or give up. You’re great. You’re doing this because you care. You’ve made heaps of progress – just look at past you! They wouldn’t even have tried to tackle this! We just need to recalibrate a few things. Here’s three helpful starters: 1. Face up to the past 2. Design for constraints 3. Reflect and celebrate often --- ### 1\. Face up to the past You need to know your reference class. For big projects like change programmes or renovations, that means finding how long things usually take, how much they usually cost, and what obstacles and challenges usually get in the way. For personal development, that means asking yourself: what do you usually do, and how does it usually turn out? --- ### 2\. Design for constraints Plan on the basis that without (or even with) targeted intervention and alternative strategies, those things will happen again. Assume it will take longer, cost more, be more stressful, and progress will be less linear than you’d like. Write a list of all the most likely points of failure, and develop a simple approach or strategy that will mitigate each of those risks. Then, plan for what you will do when some version of those things still happen. *Tip: try Tim Ferriss’* [*Fear-Setting exercise*](https://tim.blog/2017/05/15/fear-setting/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)*.* --- ### 3\. Reflect and celebrate often No matter how good your plan is, it will be wrong almost immediately. So, build in reflection and review. Identify the key milestones that you should stop and celebrate at. Intentionally schedule reflection time – a weekly review, fortnightly budget meeting, or monthly relationship check-in. Spend that time reviewing your forecast, checking the reality, and planning for the next phase. - What did you think would happen? - What did happen? - Why did that happen? - What has that taught you about your assumptions? - How will you change your assumptions for the next phase? Acknowledge and celebrate the things that have gone well, and approach the setbacks like a scientist testing a hypothesis. Check the cause, modify your approach, and move forward. --- ## There’s no done, only doing. You can’t escape the past, and you can’t rewrite history. You’re no different to the other people who’ve tried to do what you’re doing, and you’re still the same person who messed up last time. But you’re not stuck. You can do the stuff you care about. It will take longer, be more difficult, and have more setbacks than you expect. You will be shit sometimes. You will make mistakes, go backwards, waste money, slack off, get tired, and be disappointed by yourself and others. That’s OK. Just don’t drive yourself into a hole trying to pull off the impossible. Don’t hold yourself to unfair and unrealistic standards. You’ll do your best, and your best won’t be as good as your plans expect it to be. All you can do is keep going. Face up to the past, design for constraints, and reflect and celebrate along the way. There’s no done. Only doing. A ### 'AHA'! meet: the Ambitious High Achiever URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/aha-meet-the-ambitious-high-achiever/ Last updated: 2025-10-27T05:01:26.000Z - Backache - Signs you're an AHA - My one question for you - A prescription for change. ## Backache Two weeks ago, I pulled three 16+ hour days in a row. I know, what am I, Elon Musk? (No. No I'm not. He's far richer than I am.) I wasn't making Teslas, or burning down Twitter, or anything that cool. Instead, I wrote, filmed, and worked around the clock, to create a marketing module for Consultants of Choice. It's KICK-ASS. And before my little binge, I was cutting it veeeeery close to deadline. [Consultants of ChoiceEverything you need to start, run and grow your own consulting business.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/f0f41ee03b973c145ffd8e3f7906a38c-5.png)Alicia McKay AcademyAlicia McKay Academy![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/4912cef9524575dfedb214302f8b1fb5-4.png)](https://academy.aliciamckay.co.nz/course/coc?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) So, with the house to myself and a deadline looming, I went into total SUPERHUMAN MANIC FOCUS state and produced a huge volume of work, that I'm extremely proud of. Positive inspo grind-set story, right? No downside looming! Yeah... read on. By Day 2, I was definitely feeling it physically. I'd regularly get up to do windmills with my arms, bend this way and that, and then sit back down. No dramas. At the end of Day 3, dangerously close to midnight, I finally finished. Hurrah! With my tasks ticked off, I shut down my computer and prepared for a trip down south to see family and friends. (Check out my work-life balance....) An early morning flight and short drive later, I was covered in cuddles with my nieces and nephews. Delightful. As the sun grew low in the sky, and three kids under 5 started to close in on me, I headed out to the lake for a run. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/10/IMG_8463.jpeg) Lake Hood, Ashburton. Terrific running spot. But 400 metres into my jog, I had to stop. Every time my foot hit the ground, a searing pain would course through my back and shoulders. Weird. No panic though. A few stretches and some brisk walking to warm up did the job, and I was back on my way. ... Until last Wednesday, when suddenly, standing at the sink, I could hardly stand for the pain. By Thursday morning, when I tried to get out the door for the school run, I was done for. Against every instinct in my being, I found myself completely horizontal for the next two days. Everything ached, I was exhausted, and resting suddenly wasn't a choice - it was compulsory. GODDAMNIT. I've since been laid up for almost a week, as my mobility comes and goes. If I rest for a few hours first, I can go out. But then I'm back on my butt, rubbing my back, nursing a wheat bag. The situation is dire. I'm off work, off life, and feeling very sorry for myself. I hate it. I'm not running, my favourite thing in the world. I'm not working, because I'm too dizzy and fatigued. I'm mean. I'm intolerant. I'm falling behind on my to-do list. I'm starving, and stuffing myself with carbs, as my body screams out for rest, fuel and recovery. Yes, in short, I computer-ed too hard, and hurt my back. Insert eye roll here. **And I did it to myself.** I worked in unhealthy conditions, for too long, to meet a self-imposed deadline. The work sprint that did my back in was, of course, not the full picture. It was the culmination of many weeks of pushing too hard, and letting chronic stress accumulate. It's not the first time I've experienced this. The boom-bust cycle is one I'm familiar with. For a long time, the busts were minor enough to forget, but for the last few years, since I had my first dalliance with burnout, they've become far more problematic. Despite knowing all this, it's not easy to change - especially in the thick of it. At the time, the chaos feels exciting and important. I'm swept up in the joy of DOING! And that joy helps me to conveniently forget what the price might be for these choices. The price is high. Any productivity gains I enjoyed two weeks ago have been well eclipsed by the lost time and unhappiness of lying around exhausted with a throbbing back for the last week. The maths just doesn't math. And looking back on the build-up to those events, it wasn't joy driving me at all. It was anxiety, stress, and overwhelm. I wasn't feeling on top of things, so I pushed myself beyond capacity. The good news is: I've been to the doctor, and I haven't snapped or twisted anything. I've just drawn so much tension and stress into my muscles that they won't operate effectively. My doctor basically shrugged, prescribed me some muscle relaxants, and told me to chill the f\*\*k out (I'm paraphrasing here). The bad news is: my only hope for recovery is to change myself. Yikes. Isn't there an app or something? On the surface, this is boring story that's easy to solve: manage my time better, build my team better, create healthier work routines. But that's not really it, is it? The real question is: *why did I push so hard to start with*? And, more importantly, *is this a story you're familiar with*? Perhaps you have your own version. **If so, you might be an ambitious high achiever - or, AHA.** --- ## Signs you're an AHA Here's a few things ambitious high achievers (AHAs) have in common: - Multiple projects - your fingers are in lots of pies - Restless ambition - every ceiling becomes a new floor - Bottomless energy for growth - until the tank runs dry. Ambitious high achievers are the go-go-go, I've-had-a-good-idea, let's-do-something-amazing people that drive change and progress. And to be clear: these things are wonderful! Who doesn't want to be around a diverse, interesting, goal-oriented, energetic human doing good in the world? I certainly do! For some of us, though, that ambition comes with a dark side. Here are some signs that you're an AHA on the slippery slope to burnout (or, you know, backache). You might have: - Something to prove - probably to someone who isn't watching - An allergy to rest - unless it's temporary and framed as a performance booster - Impossibly high standards - and a belief that nobody else can meet them - Chronic nervous exhaustion - alternating between 'tired and wired' or 'boom and bust' - Unexplained repeat injuries - headaches, sprains and muscle soreness. In that case, welcome to my office. The pendulum has swung too far in the 'uh-oh' direction and if you're not burnt out yet, you will be eventually. It took me 15 years to finally snap, and I've been in and out ever since. Which means it's time to take action *now.* --- ## My one question for you You already know what you need to do. Here's a condensed version of the same list you've already read on Google a hundred times before. ### Prioritise your effort Get clear on your most important goals and values, prioritise the most important tasks, and drag yourself kicking and screaming from the rest. Say no to a bunch of stuff, and remove stressful, low-value commitments from your life. Direct your energy more intentionally to the things you care about most. ### Call yourself on your own bullshit Know your limits, get smart at spotting triggers and warning signs, and build systems that prevent collapse. Journal. Put your auto-responder on. Block out rest days in your calendar. Keep your laptop at home when you're on holiday. ### Get help If you're regularly over-extending yourself, you need practical help (other people to do things) and emotional help (people to process with and help you see things more clearly.) Review who's on your team, get a therapist, and have a regular date night with your partner or best friends. ... But reading that list doesn't really help though, does it? You already know this stuff. You're a smart cookie. You could do all of those things today, and just wind up piling even more onto your plate by Friday, if you don't dig a layer deeper. So I'm not going to condescend to you, or tell you do any of that. Instead, I'd love to ask you this: **"*What story are you telling yourself?"*** What's the story that's whispering in your ear, while you push yourself to complete something people hardly notice or care about? What's the narrative, the backing track, the unspoken murmur, that accompanies your dazzling performance? Because that's the bit that needs to shift, for you to change. It's the story underneath that keeps us trapped. The story that fuels your ambition. The story that probably says things like: you're not *good* enough, not *doing* enough, not *worthy* enough. Other people have it sorted, but not *you*. You have to do *more*, *different*, *better*, to be OK. That's the story we need to excavate and eliminate. Because that story is mean, it's wrong, and it's LYING to you. Which means the solution to the AHA dark side is simple. Simple, but not easy. **To feel good about what you're doing, channel your ambition positively, and stave off collapse, you have to believe that you are already fine, and nothing needs to change.** Bear with me. --- ## A prescription for change It's paradoxical, I'll grant you that. But the answer isn't in finding a smarter time management framework. It's in *letting your shitty story go.* Because until you make it possible to let go, you can't move forward. it doesn't matter how well I schedule my time. I'm still going to go on ill-advised work binges, unless I can shut up the little voice inside my head (*Mum, is that you?*) that's telling me I MIGHT DIE IF I DON'T FINISH THIS THING ON TIME. The little voice that gives other people a pass - they're doing their best, it wouldn't be reasonable to load any more onto them - while cracking the self-flagellating whip at me: "GO FASTER, BE BETTER, LOSER!" Unless we can convert that story into a kind, compassionate narrative (you know, the one you extend to others), we're never going to find the happy medium between '**fk yeah' and 'fk** **this.'** (Important note - this next bit is very bad advice for people who are not over-ambitious, highly-strung achievers. So if you're reading this thinking: 'what? I can hardly motivate myself to do my basic work, much less go on some kind of burnout-tempting binge', please ignore this. You probably just need to pull your finger out and get on with it.) But if that **is** you, and you're crushed by the weight of your own ambition, repeat after me: - Who I am is enough - Where I'm at is good - What I'm doing is great. When you believe these things, you don't lose your ambition, or your motivation for growth. You're not going to become a sloth. That's not how you're wired. Instead, you create space for your ambition to be a positive force in your world. You make it possible to set new boundaries, ask for help, and prioritise your effort, and have those things stick. If you *can't* believe these three things, you'll never be satisfied. In fact, without this belief, you're actually *wasting* your time, whatever it is you're working on. Seriously! Because if you don't change your inner story, as soon as you've done this thing, the empty hole will scream for MORE. It's never happy, that voice. The only answer is to shut it up. **It's not until you believe you're already enough, that you can dial back your stress, and dial up your fulfilment. Start from a place of contentment.** So if you've read my story, and you've seen yourself in it... have a go at believing a different story. Experiment with believing that you're already fine, sweet, awesome, enough, perfectly good, and very impressive. Have a go at believing you're enough. That you're doing just fine, and the stuff you're doing is already great. Memorise those three things. Practise them. You're enough, you're in a great place, and you're doing fine. Write them down. Recite them under your breath. Shit, say them out loud! Because, if enough of you say them loudly and proudly, I might be able to hear you from my couch, where I lie bitterly and frustratingly repeating those things to myself. Til next week, A ### We're different now. COVID's changed how we feel - and it might last a while. URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-18-were-different-now/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T09:43:43.000Z There's a reason you can't get RSVPs to your party. We're all a bit weird. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Like it or not, you're in sales: here's a new framework URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/like-it-or-not-youre-in-sales-heres-a-new-framework/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:46:30.000Z ## Everyone's in sales Do you connect with other people to make things happen? Great, you're in sales. Whether you have 'sales' in your job description or not, you spend an average of 40% of your time selling\*. You sell your ideas, yourself, or your solutions, to move others in a certain direction. ## Sales isn't sleazy In a session with senior managers in local government yesterday, I suggested we work on our sales skills. If you're serving a community and dealing with politicians, you need to be skilled in connecting with others to create change. But when I tabled it, here's what people said: - Sales feels icky - Council's not a business - Salespeople are con artists - I don't have the gift of the gab - I feel fake and disingenuous when I'm selling something. ![Black Minimalist Swot Analysis Infographic (2)](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/Black%20Minimalist%20Swot%20Analysis%20Infographic%20(2)-1.png) These are common feelings. Sales has a slimy reputation, conjuring up 1980s Wall Street dudes, and grimy car salespeople. But that's old news. The hard sell is dead. Now, customers are highly autonomous, highly informed, highly suspicious, and don't want to be told what to do. Just like your friends, colleagues, stakeholders and work mates. The old model doesn't work. Slime and manipulation doesn't work. You can't convince someone to do something that isn't good for them - and if you can, it won't stick for long, and your reputation will be damaged in the process. We sell new ideas to help people achieve their goals and solve their problems. We're partners on their path to progress. Sales is about care. ## Sales is about care Curiosity, attunement, recommendation, and empowerment. These four strands work together to build connection, add value, provide clarity, and create change. Here's how it works. 1. Curiosity 2. Attunement 3. Recommendation 4. Empowerment ![Black Minimalist Swot Analysis Infographic (3)](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/Black%20Minimalist%20Swot%20Analysis%20Infographic%20(3)-1.png) ### Curiosity: Ask questions Salespeople used to have all the information. The customer asked them questions. Now, the playing field is more level, so the game has changed. Don't assume anything about the person you're speaking with, and show a genuine interest in what's happening for them. Whether you're selling a restructure, a change programme, or a product or service, you need to ask, before you can tell. Great questions include: - What's hard for you right now? - What would it be like if we solved that? - Where do you want to be 6 months from now? - What matters the most to you at the moment? *Note: I had a sales call with a service provider this week where they didn't ask me a single one of those questions. It took 17 minutes (yes, I timed) for them to ask me a question - which was a set-up for them to talk. The solution they pitched had nothing to do with why I'd scheduled the call. No surprises there - they didn't know anything about my business, my challenges, or my goals! Needless to say, I didn't buy.* ### Attunement: Validate and alleviate Attunement is all about empathy and understanding. We make sense of the other person's experience, and help them see a way forward. You build empathy when you **validate** the experience of your customer, stakeholder or client. Statements like "I understand you're scattered. That makes sense, a lot of people are stretched right now" work to mirror and reassure the other person there's nothing wrong with them. You build understanding when you **alleviate** their struggle with your knowledge and expertise. Name and contextualise their experience, and contextualise the issue: *"There are three main drivers of burnout. Here's how it works."* ### Recommendation: Diagnose and prescribe When you've been curious, and built attunement, you've earned the trust to make a recommendation. This is where traditional 'selling' comes in - but with an important difference. Nobody wants to be told what to do, but when they trust you, they do want your advice. Think less like a car salesman, and more like a surgeon: i.e. "Based on our conversation, here is my diagnosis and prescription." This isn't about convincing, pitching, or desperation. The surgeon isn't convincing their patient to replace their hip. They're offering an expert prescription, and being clear about the risks involved. Here's some prompts: - Here's what I recommend in situations like this... - Would you like to know my suggested next steps? ### Empowerment: Make an invitation Unless you ask for the sale, you won't get it. Even when people want what you have to offer, they need a prompt. People have more choice and agency than ever., and they don't want to be told what to do. Instead, extend an invitation. Don't persuade - pass the baton, and see what they do with it. When commitment is volunteered, it sticks. How to make an invitation: - "I'd love you to join us. Would you like to join?" - "What would you like to do next?" - "Would you like to book the surgery?" ## Improve your sales skills No matter what your job title is, you're in sales. Avoiding that reality limits your impact. Level up your sales skills by showing more CARE. - Curiosity: Ask questions - Attunement: Validate and alleviate - Recommendation: Offer a prescription - Empowerment: Make an invitation \* Source: To Sell Is Human by Dan Pink #### ### You don't know how great you can be: expand your possibilities URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-dont-know-how-great-you-can-be-expand-your-possibilities/ Last updated: 2026-08-18T13:57:22.000Z In December 2005, I started my first business. I was 17, and my baby was 6 weeks old. I called myself 🧚🏻 The Cleaning Fairy, advertised in the local paper, and walked around affluent suburbs with flyers in the pram, dropping leaflets into letterboxes. Within a few weeks, I had a regular roster of homes and offices. I charged $40 an hour, ordered custom t-shirts, and kept careful accounts, my mind boggling at the incredible success I was experiencing. Then, in January 2006, my best friend came over, her university syllabus in hand. She was planning her degree and picking her papers. My jaw dropped as I flicked through the pages, looking at the subjects on offer. I had no idea university could be so cool! Philosophy? Sociology? Politics? Media? Why had I never heard of this? I didn't have the required entrance qualifications for university, I lived an hour away and was busy with my new baby and cleaning business. But from that moment, my mind was made up—I was going to university. And go to uni I did. I convinced them to let me enrol based on my grades, shut down my business, claimed the maximum Student Allowance to pay for my petrol, and buckled down. My family thought I was mad - I was earning more in my part-time business than most of them were in their jobs, and I was only a teenager! Why would I give that up? But I did it anyway. That decision was the first of many leaps into the unknown that changed my life forever. > You never know what's possible until you risk finding out > \- Jasinda Wilder ## You don't know how great you can be What are the big leaps into the unknown that have changed your life? What decisions had unlimited upsides and uncertain outcomes? Chances are you made a few leaps before you had the maturity to understand the gravity of your choices - going to university, selecting your career, choosing a life partner. I have a few of them. Going to university is one. Leaving my safe policy job to start my business in 2014 is another. I had no freelancing work lined up and no money in the bank... but an inkling that freedom would beat corporate life any day. In 2017, I moved to Wellington to chase government work. It took two years before I broke through, but by then, I'd written my first book, started public speaking, and levelled up my business. How did I do it? I joined a business mastermind in Australia in 2018 that cost $25,000 a year when I was barely breaking even. Another uncertain leap that shifted my world forever. If you'd told me in 2005, fresh out of foster care and a scared teen mum, that I'd run a successful business, travel the world, speak to thousands of people on stage, write books and have people following *my* advice (?!), I wouldn't have believed you. I wouldn't have believed you, not because I doubted myself, but because *I* *didn't even know those things were an option.* **You have no idea how great you can be, because you don't know what the possibilities are.** ## Aim for expansion, not prediction [](https://twitter.com/SahilBloom/status/1608808225440411652?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Sahil Bloom calls it the Luck Razor. He says: choose the path with the largest potential for possibility. Nicholas Taleb calls it antifragility. He says: Choose the option with positive asymmetry - if you win, you win big; if you lose, you lose small. All of these ideas are about selecting options for your life that prioritise **expansion of your horizons**. University is one such option. Business is another. Why prioritise expansion, instead of trying to predict the best move? There's two good reasons. > "For most people, the fear of losing $100 is more intense than the hope of gaining $150.” - Daniel Kahneman ### 1\. People are terrible at prediction and risk People are inherently loss-averse. The prospect of potential losses loom much larger than potential gains, and we stay small and safe for fear of losing what we already have. The problem is: we don't calculate the risk very well. We overestimate the chance of unlikely events like natural disasters (which is why we pay through the nose to insure our house) and underestimate the chance of likely events like temporary disability (which is why we neglect to insure our health.)\* We don't *know* what the option with the highest potential upside is. ### 2\. We know less than we could possibly imagine It's like that old cliche: The more you know, the more you realise how little you know. You can't possibly understand the options out there until you dive in. Until I read that syllabus, I didn't know you could study more than law, medicine, accounting or engineering at uni. Until my third year at university, I didn't know policy (my career path) was even a thing. And you can't, until you get going. It's the same with your job. Until you started, you had no idea what was involved. Making assumptions about a path from the outside is a poor strategy - which is why prioritising options that offer you the potential for expansion is smart. Choose options that expand you. ## Be a small fish in a big pond [](https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6994093233630842880?updateEntityUrn=urn%3Ali%3Afs%5FfeedUpdate%3A%28V2%2Curn%3Ali%3Aactivity%3A6994093233630842880%29&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) A powerful ways to expand your life is to put yourself in situations where you're a small fish in a big pond. Being the least experienced or knowledgeable person in the room blows open your realm of possibilities. University did this for me, and I've tried to find opportunities to do that since. In November 2022, I travelled to Phoenix, Arizona to attend the Genius Network conference. It was a room full of multi-millionaire (and some *billionaire* 🤯*)* entrepreneurs running incredible businesses and making big moves. I met people like Marie Forleo, Gabor Mate, and Dr. Benjamin Hardy (pictured). It was *insane.* And I was a tiny. little. silly. baby. I had no idea what I was doing. I did not fit in. I still would not fit in. My imposter syndrome ran RAMPANT. But watching what those people were doing and witnessing their conversations blew my world open, nudging the edges of what I considered possible. Be a small fish in a big pond to blow your world open. ## Make increasingly finer distinctions [](https://twitter.com/NeuronVisuals?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) In Why 10X Is Easier than 2X, Dr. Benjamin Hardy (*my mate from above!*) talks about finer distinctions. As we lean into learning something new, we notice and understand things we couldn't see before. I've noticed this since I started learning more about writing fiction. Now, I read every book with a different understanding of the choices the author is making, how the story is constructed, and what techniques are being used. It's like when you get your first houseplant. To start, 'plants' are a category of their own. Within 3 months, you're fingering the leaves of people's Monsteras, wondering if they're getting enough water. If we stick at this, we get closer to mastery. Basic ideas and steps become automatic as we operate with more precision, quality and expertise. It's not until we lean in that we start making finer distinctions. ## Making this useful You don't know how good you are until you lean in, learn and make increasingly finer distinctions. You don't know how good you can be, until you try. It starts with a leap - which you've done before. You've already made uncertain leaps at a time when you had far less knowledge, understanding and safety. So, why stop now? ### Try jotting down answers to these questions: - What leaps have you taken in your life that transformed you? - What leaps are you avoiding now? - How can you be a small fish? Til next week, A \* Source: Thinking Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman ### Don't let men give you productivity advice URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-17-stop-listening-to/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:53:48.000Z Stop listening to dude-bros tell you how to be productive. Plus: controversial football thoughts _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### The difference between employees and entrepreneurs URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-sets-employees-and-entrepreneurs/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:04:18.000Z I've had many conversations with people recently that have highlighted the difference an *employee mindset* and *entrepreneur mindset.*Neither is superior, but if you have a mismatch between your mindset and your mode, you'll be frustrated and resentful. ## The difference between employees and entrepreneurs One of the most common questions in Consultants of Choice was around time and pricing. Many students were contracting or still employed, and used to being compensated for all of their effort. When you go out on your own, you do lots of unpaid work. Tasks like preparing proposals, meeting with clients, and taking care of admin are unremunerated activities - and that can be a real adjustment! That makes sense. When you're used to operating with an employee mindset, making the shift to entrepreneur mode can be a confronting change. Changing your **mode** shifts your pay-off horizon. Being an employee or contractor has a shorter horizon, focusing on smaller increments, like hourly rates. Running your own business pushes that horizon out, focusing on the bigger picture - projects, packages, and long-term relationships. Neither mode is superior - but they require different **mindsets.** --- ## Employee mode When you’re an employee, your employer backs you. They take on the risk of your inputs and the uncertainty of your outcomes. That's why: - You get paid for every hour you work, no matter what the output or value you create. - If the project you’re working on falters or fails, you’re not in the red financially or reputationally. Your employer carries the risk of you on their balance sheet. They reap the rewards when things go well, and suffer the consequences when they don't. ### Employee mindset There's lots of great things about an employee mindset. The most important is *being part of something bigger than you.* You form a web of mutual reliance and accountability with a team of people, to deliver a shared outcome. That means the most important skills to grow your impact as an employee are about collaboration and influence. As a leader, focus on mobilising, inspiring and empowering the people in your team. As a team member, focus on connecting, supporting and collaborating across boundaries. Being an employee can be frustrating when you're an ambitious high performer. You're relying on others, who may not be pulling their weight, and somebody else is getting the cash and credit for your efforts! But it does come with the joy of working together, the reassurance of a pre-determined and shared direction, and the safety of regular income. **In the employee mindset, you rely on others to achieve shared outcomes. Connect with others and collaborate for impact.** --- ## Entrepreneur mode When you’re an entrepreneur, you back yourself. You take on the risk of your inputs and the uncertainty of your outcomes. That's why: - You only get paid for the output or value you create, no matter how long or hard you work. - If the project you’re working on falters or fails, you suffer financially and/or reputationally. You carry the risk on your own balance sheet. You reap the rewards when things go well, and suffer the consequences when they don't. ### Entrepreneur mindset The entrepreneurial mindset is about *creating something of your own that solves problems for others.* You dig deep into your expertise, character and skillset to turn your ideas into meaningful change for your clients and customers. That means the most important skills to grow your impact as an entrepreneur are about **creativity** and **promotion**. As a business owner, focus on building smart systems and solutions that enable excellence in others. As a solopreneur, focus on designing brilliant solutions and finding people to share them with. Being an entrepreneur can be scary, when you're used to the safety and security of employment. Nobody's telling you what to do, when to do it, or how much to charge. But it does come with the long-term potential for flexibility, fulfilment and financial rewards. **In the entrepeneur mindset, you go all in on you.** **Design creative solutions and promote them with gusto.** --- ## Matching your mindset to your mode If you have a mismatch between your **mindset** and your **mode**, you've got two options: recalibrate your expectations, or find a new way to allocate the risk. If you're in **employee mode**, but feel like you're not getting enough creative autonomy or credit, change that. Start your own thing, lead a new project, or consider contracting, commission, or bonus structures. If you're in **entrepreneur mode**, but feel like you're not contributing to something meaningful or making enough money, change that. Build your team, grow your reach, collaborate with others, increase the value you deliver - and capture - or, get a job. Ultimately, only you know the level of risk and uncertainty you're willing to take on, and what way of working will bring out the best in you. The entrepreneurial path isn't for everyone, and nor should it be. The world needs both kinds of people - dedicated team players who work together to drive incredible outcomes, and creative visionaries who create new solutions to tricky problems. But if you're feeling the rub... it could be time for a change. ## Questions to ask yourself If you're unsure which path is right for you, try asking these questions: - **Why** do you go to work? To *contribute*, or to *challenge*? - **What** brings you more joy? The *belonging* that comes from collaboration, or the *freedom* to forge your own path? - **Who** do you have more faith in? *Yourself*, or *your boss*? - **How** do you want to be known? As a *connector* or a *creator*? - **When** do you want to capitalise on your effort? The safe predictability of the *short-term*, or the uncertain opportunity of the *long-term*? I hope this helped you today. Til next week, AM ### The art of perspective URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-art-of-perspective/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T11:14:44.000Z In April, I visited the Portland Art Museum in an effort to find some inspiration for the novel-writing course I was on. I was delighted to find an exhibition exploring the life's work of Oscar Howe, one of the most twentieth century’s most innovative Native American painters. Howe, a Yanktonai Indian, was a rebel in the art world, bringing a unique modernist style to portrayals of his heritage. One of Howe's recurring subjects was the **Sun Dance,** a ritual that takes place during the summer and involves prayer, drumming, and dancing. Participants dance for four days, reconnecting with their ancestors and the earth, forgoing food or water. I’m no art historian, and certainly don’t claim to *get* art, despite my enthusiasm. But Howe’s Sun Dance paintings have had a profound effect on me. Bear with my amateur analysis, while I take you through four of Howe’s Sun Dance paintings. ### Early days This is one of Howe's earliest preserved works from the mid-1930s, when he was still in high school. The painting depicts four sun dancers in a grass enclosure, with careful attention to accuracy in their clothing and proportions. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### What to do with criticism: who to listen to, and who to ignore URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-to-do-with-criticism-who-to/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T10:23:28.000Z ⚡ If you don't want their outcomes, don't take their input. When you have a baby, suddenly everyone’s an expert. Your mother in law tells you when to start solids. An old lady at the supermarket is concerned that your baby isn’t wearing a hat - *she looks cold, dear!*. Your colleague cheerfully explains, in detail, his wife’s experience with breastfeeding. Few things turn on the give-unsolicited-advice button quite like parenting. Which is why one of the little-known core skills of any new parent (*oh look, here I am, offering parenting advice, how meta*) is **a finely honed ability to filter feedback.** Baby or no, chances are you’ve been on the receiving end of unsolicited criticism or feedback. Whether it’s from friends, family, or colleagues, some people take it upon themselves to form an opinion on how you should be doing things - it’s easier than taking a closer look at their own shit, after all. Should you listen? Maybe. But not all feedback is created equally. Here’s why you need to choose your critics wisely, how to cultivate useful feedback in your life, and the golden rule for handling unsolicited criticism - plus a handy checklist to help you sort the wheat from the chaff. ## Why you need to choose your critics wisely Here’s why you need to be very selective about the feedback you listen to: ### You are what you eat If you’re spending your time on YouTube conspiracy channels, you’ll see scams everywhere you look. If you’re reading personal development books, you’ll find learning opportunities around every corner. The same is true for your circle. If your best friend is an inspiration, you’ll set a new bar for your own potential. But if your mates are all whinging bludgers, you risk being infected with a case of Why-Me. What you read, watch, and listen to, and who you associate with, shapes your lens for viewing the world. If you’re on a steady diet of information junk food, you might wind up with a life you don’t want. ### Not everyone’s motives are pure I genuinely believe that most people are good people, doing their best. But that doesn’t mean they want the best for *you*. We’re complex creatures, riddled with envy, fear, and angst. Your formerly supportive best friend might morph into a Negative Nigel when you get a flash new job - not because they don’t love you, but because they’re worried about how it reflects on *their* progress. If you take feedback from people who aren’t motivated by helping you grow, you risk your own growth. ### Negative feedback endures When I was eight years old, an impromptu game emerged one family Christmas. A silver ring was tied to a piece of string, then looped at the end. The goal of the game was to hook the loop of string onto your ear, then manoeuvre yourself into a position to drop the ring onto a bottle-top. The fastest ring-drop won. When it was my turn, a distant uncle made an off-hand, jovial comment: ‘*You’ve got the right ears for it, Alicia!’.* After that comment, I avoided wearing my hair up for TWENTY YEARS. Criticism is a powerful force. When it comes to feedback, we have an astonishing negativity bias. 50 pieces of praise can be forgotten in an instant, but that one line from a teacher or an ex can stay with you for decades - so be careful what you’re asking for, and where you get it from. This could shape your story for a long time. ## How to cultivate useful feedback in your life The best way to fortify yourself against unexpected or unsolicited feedback is to actively and regularly seek input from people you trust and respect. When you have a reliable source of constructive, helpful criticism, you’ll be less affected when someone sticks their oar in unexpectedly. ### Assemble your advisory board Surround yourself with people who genuinely want to see you grow and succeed, and are committed to doing that for themselves - but don’t build your own echo chamber. Take a look at your network, and see where your gaps might be. The goal is to have a spread of perspectives, from people who’ve proven their chops, for each of the things that matter most to you. Do you have a switched on finance mate to talk to about money stuff? A friend or colleague with an amazing career to talk over your new job offer with? Who’s your sense-checker for when you’re being a privileged wanker? Do you have a happily married buddy to talk to about creating a long-lasting relationship? ### Choose honesty over comfort When you trust someone’s expertise, and you value their insight, ask them for the gift of their candour. When people care about you, they probably want to protect your feelings - but that sugarcoating will rob you of the growth that you want and need. Choose advisors who are honest, even brutally so. They’ll tell you the truth, even if it’s not what you want to hear (and love you along the way.) ## The golden rule for feedback You can determine the value of someone’s **input** by the quality of their **outcomes.** The number one filtering mechanism for any feedback is this: *Would you want to have their life?* - When people give you advice on parenting, look at their kids. Would you be proud to have those kids? - When people give you career advice, look at their job. Would you be thrilled to have that job? - When people give you money tips, look at their wealth. Would you be satisfied with their balance sheet? - When people give you love advice, look at their relationship. Would you be happy with that marriage? Sure, some people with shit outcomes might have good battle stories. They might even help you see what to avoid. But remember: you are what you eat. Consuming their advice or feedback might not be worth the risk. Listen to people who have achieved something you want to achieve. Ignore everyone else. If their advice was so valuable, they would have made it happen for themselves. ## Your feedback filtering checklist Here's a handy checklist to help you decide whether to listen to feedback, or let it drift into the wind: ### 1\. What do they know? Take a quick look at the life credentials of the person who’s offering up advice. Do they know what they’re talking about? Have they got experience you value? Have they achieved outcomes you would like for yourself? If not, don’t listen. ### 2\. What are they trying to do? What is the *motive* behind this person offering feedback or criticism? Are you confident they want the best for you? Have they shown that in the past? Or are they projecting some of their own fears or anxiety? If you’ve got doubts, back away. ### 3\. Do they have a point? Zoom out and pretend it’s not you in the hot seat. Are they making a valid point that you agree with, in principle? Does their logic stack up? If you weren’t so close to the situation, or you were talking about someone else, would you agree with their argument? If so… listen up. ### 4\. Is this an opportunity to get better? Is this feedback related to something you value and care about? Would taking advice help you learn, grow and be better at something that matters? If so, listen. If not, move on. ### 5\. Is this a blind spot for you? This is the chance to reflect on your own biases. Are you stubborn or locked into an opinion that’s starting to feel a bit shaky? Are you open-minded, or feeling like your ego’s been challenged? ### 6\. What happens if you ignore this? Not all feedback, however valid, needs listening to or acting on right now. Will ignoring this advice threaten your most important goals, priorities or values? Do you have the emotional and mental bandwidth for growth? If you’re already strung out, only take feedback on mission-critical items. [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/a2171617-053e-47f8-b128-0799ea52f9a1_1100x220-5-1.png)](#/portal/signup/free) This is a Wednesday Wisdom post, which I publish every week for free. Share this post widely and encourage your friends, peers and colleagues to subscribe too. [Subscribe now ](#/portal/signup/free) ### Why now is the right time to start your own business URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/why-now-is-the-right-time-to-start-your-own-business/ Last updated: 2025-10-01T23:28:03.000Z You already know the [benefits of self-employment](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/3-good-reasons-to-go-consulting/): freedom to shape your work and lifestyle, earning potential, and more fulfilling and impactful projects. But did you know that the environment is particularly favourable for self-employed professionals (SEPs) right now? Timing is everything, and now is the perfect time to get going. ## Why you should start your own business this year Here are three excellent reasons why now is the right time to start your own consulting business. ### 1\. The rise of remote work With the traditional office model turned on its head, people are used to working with people they rarely see or talk to, and companies are far more willing to hire more remote workers. This has removed many of the traditional barriers for SEPs. More people than ever are choosing to work on a project-by-project basis rather than in conventional full-time jobs. ### 2\. Economic downturn brings opportunities An economic downturn or recession can be good news for SEPs for a few reasons: - Cost cutting: Businesses are looking to cut costs by reducing their full-time staff and will hire on a project-by-project basis. - Flexibility: SEPs are a great option during an economic downturn as they offer more flexibility and scalability in cost and commitment. - Diversification: Organisations that look to adapt to a recession are willing to try new ways of working and are more open to new ideas and solutions. This is excellent news for us, as we bring expertise and recommendations. - Innovation: Companies look for intelligent ways to be more productive and efficient – digital transformation, process improvement and strategic change. We can help with that. ### 3\. Automation and AI are changing the game As organisations come to terms with how they will incorporate new AI tools into their technology, employment and operational environment, there will be an increased focus on plotting an intelligent way forward and reviewing progress. Enter the huge opportunity for self-employed professionals! Automation and AI can automate repetitive tasks, but they will never be able to replace the human touch - boosting demand for design, content creation, and strategic consulting. Agile, adaptive SEPs will see an explosion of opportunities, particularly if they have skills in complex decision-making, quality control, data analysis, auditing or monitoring. AI tools can perform routine tasks and automate processes, but they are nowhere near capable of strategic thinking. As companies increasingly rely on AI tools, there will be a greater demand for human expertise to provide guidance, evaluate outputs and make strategic decisions. As AI systems become more sophisticated and are used in more critical applications, there will be a greater need for SEPs with expertise in ethical considerations, such as data privacy, security, and bias. Critical, creative and strategic human expertise has never been more important - and AI is only going to accelerate that trend. Lucky for us, that’s precisely the stuff that SEPs excel at. ## Six reasons why businesses need you right now Businesses need you and your expertise now more than ever. In an uncertain financial and technological environment, organisations seek expert help to keep them on track. ### 1\. Change This year brings many economic, social, technological, regulatory and financial changes. As businesses work out how to handle recessions, policy changes and internal shifts… they need your help. ### 2\. Expertise Hiring every kind of particular expert on staff would be dumb. Not having access to that expertise at all would be even dumber. Clients need your niche insight and best practice now. ### 3\. Independence When things are stressful, emotions and politics run rampant. External consultants bring the right advice without the attachment, politics and bias that come with internal teams. ### 4\. Flexibility Teams seek ways to stay innovative and lean as the recession environment takes hold. Paying for only what you need is a great way to do that. ### 5\. Progress Employees have all manner of internal overhead and dead time. Consultants dedicate attention to the task or project they’re hired for, moving things ahead quicker – critical in ambiguity and pace. ### 6\. Confidentiality It’s tough at the top. When executives are freaking out about their job, business and future, they don’t have a safe space to turn to. You can be that space. ### Now is the time to see if you’re up for the challenge. Now is the time for self-employed professionals to make their mark on the world, when businesses need you now more than ever. The change, economic environment and emerging challenges with AI and automation mean that organisations need flexible, expert assistance to help them achieve their goals. Are you up for the task? [Consultants of ChoiceEverything you need to start, run and grow your own consulting business.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/f0f41ee03b973c145ffd8e3f7906a38c-4.png)Alicia McKay AcademyAlicia McKay Academy![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/4912cef9524575dfedb214302f8b1fb5-3.png)](https://academy.aliciamckay.co.nz/course/coc?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### The creator economy, cannibalism, and speed painting URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-15-the-creator-economy/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T10:26:30.000Z This week, we’re talking about: - Disgruntled audience members - How social media created an economy where ordinary people create stuff for free and platforms make big money - The dire state of news media and public interest journalism - Accidental cannibalism - My favourite books about weird chicks doing weird stuff - Speed painting and sexy video backgrounds. Enjoy! --- ## I’m thinking about… the ‘creator economy’ I continued my CRM cleanup this week (*if you know, you know*.) I deleted over 3,000 people from my website subscriber database, then I sent out an ‘enthusiastic consent’ email. The basic idea was: if I’ve got your email address, but you don’t want to read my stuff, please unsubscribe now to save your inbox. An unexpected upside from this email was receiving tons of lovely, positive responses from people about how much they enjoy being on the list. Now, this is important context, because around the same time all these lovely emails were flooding in, I got *another* email, from a disgruntled audience member named Terry. The ratio of positive: negative emails was literally 50:1\. And which email do you think I fixated on? 😖 Of course. The shit one. Terry had completed [one of my free leadership quizzes,](https://engage.aliciamckay.co.nz/business-leadership-have-you-got-what-it-takes?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and he didn’t like the result. So, he sent me an email to let me know what he thought of his quiz result - and also, of me. Here’s what he wrote: _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Living your values is the hardest and easiest path URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-live-your-values/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:06:04.000Z When I was 25, I left my job, with two kids, a mortgage to pay, and a husband on apprentice wages. I'd left my policy job in frustration, looking for a faster pace, more meaningful change and a closer connection to tangible results. The problem was: I tried to find that in a law firm. After just 8 weeks, it was clear to me that I wasn't happy. I was commuting 2 hours a day, travelling 3 days a week, working all hours, and schmoozing clients at fancy restaurants. I had the Koru club, the credit card and the status - but I felt hollow. And the future didn't look any rosier. If I did well at my job, I'd have even more work to do (as evidenced by the hours my boss was putting in), I'd make rich partners even richer, and I'd be lucky to ever see my kids. This was one of those crossroads, where I was being called to live my values. Trembling, I did the maths. If my husband could get a payrise to $21 an hour, we could cover our mortgage while I figured out what I was doing next. Lucky for us, he got the payrise. With just $2000 in the bank, we made the leap and I resigned with the vague idea of going freelancing. I was terrified - I'd never seen anyone start a consulting or freelance business, and I was so young, who would hire me? What did I know that was worth doing? Would I have to go crawling back to my old employer with my tail between my legs, begging for another shot? ## Living your values is the hardest and easiest path Looking back, I can see that my core values were being compromised - though I'm not sure 25 year old me could have explained it quite so neatly. I value contribution, responsibility, family and autonomy above all else, and I wasn't working in a way that aligned to those. Does that mean the people in my law firm were unethical, or the job shouldn't exist? Absolutely not. Core values are an expression of who you are, not necessarily how the world should be. But in that situation, the misalignment between what I held closest to my heart, and the way I was living every day, were untenable. So, I changed it. I decided that I *will not* hold a job that compromises the wellbeing of my family, and I *will* choose work that contributes to people’s lives in a way I feel good about. I turned my values into boundaries. The path wasn’t easy - it was filled with uncertainty, financial strain and anxiety. It’s not a one-and-done, either. I've been called to live these values many times since - sometimes I've made decisions I'm proud of, sometimes I've made compromises I regret. Living an aligned life is messy and hard, and I've hurt people along the way. But when people tell me they're unhappy - in their work, or in their relationships, and they can't explain why, I always ask them about their values. Once we know what drives us, the gaps and gnawing feelings become easier to understand, and we can take action to change it. Sometimes that action is really scary, and we don't know what the future will hold. But here's the thing that not everyone knows: *it's easier to take the scary action, than live in misalignment.* You might be stressed about money, lonely, or scared you'll fail, but you'll sleep better at night. You'll trust yourself differently. Your health will improve. Your body will thank you. The price of living out of alignment is rarely worth it. ## Check yourself before you wreck yourself If you're battling a constant feeling of unease, using unhealthy coping mechanisms, or snapping at the people you love the most, it might be time to look at your values. Even better - it might be time to set some new boundaries. Boundaries are values on legs, after all. [Here’s a long post on what boundaries are and how to set them](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/boundaries/), but I’ll sum it up here: ### 1\. Know your values Write a list of the things that are most important to you, and the things that most upset you. In the middle live your core values. Or, [take a test like this one.](https://personalvalu.es/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### 2\. Take inventory List all the things that are generating resentment, anxiety or unease in your life. ### 3\. Find the gaps For each item, identify which of your core values they’re butting up against . Health? Fairness? Honesty? Integrity? Odds are, there will be a theme coming through. The most common value violations are the things you most need to solve. ### 4\. Release guilt and blame Release whatever guilt or blame you’re carrying about the things on your list - (*I should do this, they should do that*). Guilt and blame are unhelpful. Action is helpful. Turn all of your ‘I should’ into ‘I will’ or ‘I will not’ and identify ways to make it happen. ‘*I should have a better job*’ might become ‘*I will get a better job*’ which creates actions for you to take. Or you might realise that isn’t in alignment with your values at all. You’re just feeling comparison pressure against your friends, and you love your job. In which case, convert it to: ‘*I will not get a different job.*” Phew, obligation released. ### 5\. Create personal policies You can’t make your kids more responsible, your partner more faithful, or your boss less of a dick. Stop focusing on things outside of your control, and hand back the responsibility for other people’s thoughts and behaviour by releasing the negativity you harbour on their behalf. Boundaries are *your* personal policies about about who you will do, accept and take responsibility for. They might be things like… “**I will* only do my fair share of the housework. *I will* ask my family to take on some of those tasks, and let them know which tasks would be most helpful. *I will release* guilt and responsibility for the rest.*” “**I will* be clear and respectful in my project plans and recommendations about timeframes, and *I will not* take on projects with unreasonable deadlines. *I will release* fear of damaging the relationship with my manager - either my opinion is respected, or it isn’t*.” “**I will not* cover up for my best friend. *I will release* responsibility for her decisions - the consequences are for her to accept.*” ### 6\. Communicate without judgement Boundaries are uniquely you. They’re a reflection of your personal values and policies, which doesn’t make them objectively *right* \- just *right for you*. That means you need to state your values and boundaries in ways that don’t ask for understanding or respect. It means saying things like: - “*I have a personal policy against underquoting for work*” or - “*I don’t use my phone on Sundays*” rather than judging or blaming statements like: - “*You’re a devious prick and I won’t tolerate it”* - “*Using phones on the weekend is creating a tech-addicted society and sets a bad example for children.*” You can argue about value judgements, but you can’t argue with someone’s personal policy. ## What to do next Your story will be different. Your values will be different. The action you need to take will be different. The answer to your misalignment might, in fact, be to GET A JOB AT A LAW FIRM! I can't tell you what you should do - but you can. Take a moment, consider what really matters to you, and listen to what that quiet voice inside is telling you. You have all the answers you need. Nothing is worth compromising your values for. A ### Inlet photos, thoughts on running and a life of projects and art URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-14-inlet-photos-thoughts/ Last updated: 2026-06-09T00:22:03.000Z ## What I’m reading I discovered a great bookshop in Greytown over the weekend. Here’s how I knew it was a great bookshop: the books weren’t organised strictly by genre, or alphabetised by author, so much as presented in complementary collections*.* Each curated shelf was clearly designed with the target reader in mind. The layout and curation was sublime. Any given shelf would innocently be like: “Oh, do you like Aūe by Becky Manawatu? Well, you might also like Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver!” YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT I DO. It gets better, though. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### How to learn from your mistakes URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-get-better-at-making-mistakes/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:45:37.000Z In late 2019, I interviewed a Mayor on stage at a conference in Australia. His Council had done some seriously impressive work, and they were receiving an award for it. It was my job to get the scoop on the secret sauce. “What made your success possible when so many others couldn’t pull it off?” I asked. His answer was clear: “In our Council, we make it safe to fail. People here know it’s OK to make mistakes, so they aren’t scared to put themselves out there.” Nice answer. To follow up, I asked, “Awesome. Can you share a recent mistake you’ve made, Mr. Mayor?” ….. crickets. Oops. Maybe not so safe after all, eh? --- ## Mistakes make you human ### We are all imposters We’re all imposters. I work with leaders at all levels, from team leaders to Chief Executives, and the one thing we have in common is that we're all banging around, being human and messing things up. Since my very first job, I’ve spent my career with senior leaders and politicians. It was both reassuring and terrifying to realise early on that there’s nothing god-given about them. They’re just as human as the rest of us, and they’re all making mistakes - some are more visible than others. We gain nothing by thinking that anyone is above making choices they regret. ### Mistakes are proof you're trying If you're not making mistakes, you're not trying anything new. Mistakes are proof that you’re trying. If you're not failing, course-correcting, and feeling like an idiot at least once a week, there are probably shots you're not taking, opportunities you're missing out on, and growth you're short-changing. The answer isn't to be more perfect; it's to be more forgiving - first of yourself and then of others. Most people are doing their best. But if we don't tolerate weakness and fragility in ourselves, we cannot forgive it in others. Alexander Pope once said: *"To err is human. To forgive is divine."* --- ## 10 ways mistakes make you better Or at least, they can. Unlike success, which we often move past quickly without reflection or acknowledgement, mistakes force us to stop and think. They’re an immediate source of feedback and right in our face, demanding corrective action. If we’re lucky, they do a few other things too. Here are 10. 1. **Mistakes make us more creative.** They are a sign that what we’re doing now isn’t working. They force us to examine our situation and choices more closely and devise a new approach. 2. **Mistakes teach resilience.** Very few things are as bad as we think they will be. Mistakes are the tangible manifestation of our worst fears and hang-ups… and usually work out just fine. When we confront our deepest worries and survive, we gain faith in our ability and capacity. 3. **Mistakes fill our storybank.** No good holiday story starts with everything going to plan. When we make mistakes, we add richness and colour to our personal stories, which gives us interesting and engaging examples to draw on when we talk to other people. 4. **Mistakes connect us to others.** Data suggests that when someone we respect makes a mistake, we trust them more because we can relate more easily. *(Caveat: this only works for people we already think are credible. If someone we believe is an idiot messes up, it reinforces our original perception.)* 5. **Mistakes make us smarter.** When we experience the uncomfortable consequences of our errors, we store that information in a real and tangible way. Our brains are wired to avoid pain and discomfort, so they automatically search for ways to avoid feeling that bad again. 6. **Mistakes make us braver.** Our inner strength is boosted when we own up to our faults and foibles. When we’re forced to do better by our own hand, we’re more likely to make important changes and take scary risks that take us closer to our goals. 7. **Mistakes keep us humble.** Success can be dangerous. It can make us complacent and lead us to take things for granted or overestimate our abilities. Mistakes are a helpful reminder that we have room to grow no matter how well we’ve done. 8. **Mistakes motivate change.** Negative experiences are a more powerful catalyst for change than positive ones. When things are going well, it’s much easier to embrace the familiarity of the status quo and defer change. The immediacy and intensity of recovering from a mistake push us to take action sooner. 9. **Mistakes help us to know ourselves.** We do the things we do for a reason—good, bad, and ugly. Every habit, behaviour, or tendency has developed in response to our environment and experiences, which is fine… until it isn’t. When we examine our motivations and patterns, we understand why we are the way we are and what we want to be instead. 10. **Mistakes remind us what matters.** When we’re faced with losing something important, we get absolute clarity about our priorities. When we make a mistake that threatens those things, we realise how much we value them and get a fresh perspective on what needs to come first. --- ## Seven steps to learning from your mistakes Mistakes might not feel good, but they’re important, so let’s not let them go to waste. Learning from our mistakes requires us to do seven critical things. ### Step 1 - Realise you’ve messed up Our brains lie to us all the time. When faced with something embarrassing, shameful or that doesn’t align with how we view ourselves, it’s easier to ignore or deny the truth. Mistakes aren’t always obvious, but your behaviour changes even if you don’t acknowledge them. If you’re unsure whether you’re in the wrong, try observing how you act and feel. #### How to spot a mistake - You feel guilty or have an uneasy sensation in your gut - You’re overreacting to something that wouldn’t usually bother you to deflect attention - You’re feeling exhausted ,and you can’t explain why - You’re lying about some, or all, of what happened - You’re keeping unusually quiet, so you’re not found out - You’re trying to move on too quickly. If you feel or notice one or more of these behaviours, it’s time to pause. You might have done something wrong. ### Step 2 - Own your role Human relationships are complicated. Things are rarely clear-cut, and when something goes wrong, there’s usually an opportunity to point the finger outward. It’s unlikely that what happened is entirely your fault, but that’s irrelevant. You’re not responsible for anyone else’s behaviour, and you’re certainly not responsible for their growth or change. The only person you can control is you - so do it. Own up to your role in the error, using plain language and tangible details. You might be tempted to minimise your liability, soften the truth, or play down the impacts. Or, you might find yourself playing the role of the over-apologetic martyr to garner sympathy and prove what a good person you are. Neither of these is helpful - they’re a form of emotional manipulation. Avoid going to extremes, and don’t add unnecessary explanations, disclaimers or excuses that will undermine your integrity and the authenticity of your apology. ### Step 3: Reflect on what happened We usually try to move past discomfort as quickly as possible, and it’s hard not to grab it when we're tempted by relief. If you’ve owned your role in the mess - no more and no less - you’ve probably put out the obvious fire. The easy and most comfortable choice is to quickly put it behind you and get on with being great again. But do that, and you waste the opportunity you’ve just been given. Odds are that you were trying, but you got something wrong. Take the time to work out what bit failed so you can do something differently next time. #### Good reflection asks questions like - What was I trying to do here? - Why did I choose to do it that way? - What was I afraid of? - What good came out of it? - What information was I missing? - What did I assume or misjudge? - What other options did I have? - What made those options unappealing? - Do I still think that? - How did my actions affect others? - How do I feel about that? - How would I approach the same situation differently if it happened again? Record your answers, and for bonus points, test your thinking on someone else for a more complete perspective. They’re likely to ask further questions or point out inconsistencies in your thinking that you haven’t noticed. If it’s not safe or fair to involve affected parties, talk to a trusted friend or colleague who you know will tell you the truth, even if it doesn’t feel great. ### Step 4: Put things right Reflection isn’t enough. It’s important but also largely self-serving because it’s helping you improve due to your actions. Mistakes are an opportunity to build trust and deepen connections with others, but they require you to walk the talk. People don’t need to hear about what you’ve learned or how you’ve changed - they need to see it. Once you’ve owned your role in the situation, show that you’re committed to change by doing something tangible that relates directly to what you messed up. Sometimes, you have the opportunity for remedial action that makes the situation better, and other times, you don’t. Either way, you need to put things right. - If you missed a deadline, submit your following report early. - If you let someone down, go out of your way to make their life easier. - If you broke or lost something, buy a new one. And if you have no idea what to do, ask. Direct questions are helpful; they don’t put any onus or pressure on the other person. “*What could I do to make this up to you?*” is OK, but questions like “*What are you struggling with now?*” “*How has this made things harder for you*?” or “*What will you have to do now that you didn’t plan on?*” are better because they’re good pointers for where you can target your efforts. Importantly, don’t take action expecting recognition or forgiveness. Putting things right means you start from a deficit position and aim to get back to zero. Think from a position of service, and be happy that you’ve made a dent in the ledger. ### Step 5: Try something new If we don’t embed new learning quickly, we lose it. All the reflection and understanding in the world won’t help us if we don’t have a chance to practice our new skills. Look for or create opportunities to try a new way of being or responding. If you reacted poorly to a spouse, child, or staff member, look for a chance to try a new conversation approach. If you missed a deadline on an important project, volunteer for a role on something else so that you can plan your time or effort differently. Make a conscious effort to notice your defaults or patterned responses, draw on your reflection outputs, and plan for success ahead of time. ### Step 6: Make the same mistake again Very few lessons are learned the first time, at least not in full. Practice makes perfect, and the first new thing you try might not work, especially if your initial mistake resulted from deeply embedded behaviours, habits, or decisions. It’s frustrating, but it’s also totally OK. The goal is progress, not perfection, and when you relapse - which is more likely than not - move back through steps 1-5 with a light heart and some self-compassion. It takes time to learn new behaviours, and when we regress, it’s common to think that all our effort has been for nothing. That’s not how it works. All growth is messy, and growing pains are normal. The worst thing we can do is believe that our time has been wasted - because it hasn’t. Your continued trial and error is necessary to change something important in a way you can sustain. Keep going. ### Step 7: Make a different mistake Yeah, sorry. Mastery is never done. When you learn something new, you realise how much more there is to know - perfect. Your journey of self-discovery and improvement will uncover new challenges at every step. Each mistake you make takes you a step closer - but the goalposts will keep shifting. Be ready to make new mistakes and approach each day, project, or endeavour with compassionate curiosity. Muse to yourself, “I wonder what will go wrong today?” or “I wonder what I’m about to learn here?” Rather than finding yourself in frustration, disappointment, or defeat, relish the chance to keep growing and be grateful that you’re moving forward with something that matters. Remember, mistakes are proof that you’re trying. If you’ve stopped making any, you’ve become too comfortable, and it’s time to do something new. Keep messing up, team. I’m with you. ### What you need to do to make brilliant work URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-you-need-to-do-to-make-brilliant/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:05:02.000Z Yesterday, I rediscovered this piece of wisdom from Ira Glass, journalist and host of This American Life: > *“Everybody I know who does interesting, creative work… went through years where they had really good taste and they could tell that what they were making wasn’t as good as they wanted it to be.* > > *They knew it fell short. Everybody goes through that.* > > *And if you are just starting out or if you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work.* > > *Do a huge volume of work…* > > *It is only by going through a volume of work that you’re going to catch up and close that gap. And the work you’re making will be as good as your ambitions.”* > > \-IRA GLASS ## First, you get great taste I’ve started writing fiction this year, and I’m painfully aware of how ham-fisted it is. I’m aware of that because of how much I read. I read over 100 books a year, and spend a lot of time and energy thinking about great stories and great writing. I listen to interviews with my favourite authors. I go to writing workshops and retreats. I delight at a clever plot, a lovely turn of phrase, and I’ve developed a great ‘eye’. Books I once enjoyed at face value have transformed into masterpieces I’m in awe of, now I understand what makes a great story. I can also spot *not good* very quickly. In the first few pages of a book, I'll wince at cliche, confusion and clumsiness, and put it back down. You know what it reminds me of? MY OWN WORK. My writing is still very amateur, and I’ve never been more aware of it than I am now I actually *know* *stuff* about writing fiction. Ugh. Have you ever experienced this? You get into something, and if you spend enough time working with it and thinking about it, you develop great taste. - If you’re a photographer, you start noticing great composition. - If you’re a runner, you become impressed by people’s marathon times. - If you’re learning guitar, a certain riff suddenly stands out on the radio If you’re a graphic designer, you wince at ugly posters and find great white balance very satisfying. ## Then, you realise you suck … but that doesn’t mean you can do it yourself, not yet. Surely, having the knowledge, the language, and the frameworks should be enough? You know what good looks like, sounds like, feels like… WHY CAN’T YOU DO IT?! It’s not you sucking that hurts. It’s your awareness of the gap between your efforts and your taste. ## Find quality through quantity Glass is right on this one: the thing standing between your skills and your taste is a large body of work. The *only* way to close the gap between your skills and your taste is quantity. With quantity, you’ll get to quality. But most people give up too early. They find the discomfort too much. They’re embarrassed and disappointed. They feel like they should be making faster progress. So they stop, just before they were about to turn the corner. *(Maybe. There’s literally no way of knowing, is there? Because they stopped. But I like to think it, because it makes a better story.)* ## You’ll top out somewhere, but you don’t know where yet Everyone has a ceiling on their ability and capacity. Most runners will never run a 3.5 hour marathon, and most musicians won’t write Bohemian Rhapsody, no matter how long they train and practice. But how can you possibly know what your ceiling is, unless you do the work? Your eye, your style, your voice, your signature… it’s waiting for you. The outcome that’s totally, distinctively, **you** *,* **so you** people will spot your work and say “ah, that looks like a Sarah Baker.” *(If your name is Sarah Baker, I apologise, I’m not targeting you directly.)* There’s just a big old sack of consistent, repetitive work in the way. Plodding, constant progress, which is sometimes indistinguishable from one day to the next, but all adds up to something new and better. ## Your squirming is a good sign But here’s the last thing worth knowing: **You wouldn’t have the eye, unless you were capable of closing the gap.** Your awareness of your own suckiness, alongside your eye for quality, is *proof* you have it in you. Most people don’t even get the eye for good. You know they don’t. People don’t even notice bad kerning, simple chord progressions, James Patterson novels, blurry selfies or poorly lit movies. Hell, they even *like* them! Not you. You know enough to be annoyed, and to care about doing great work. That’s the first step. Now, you only need to slog away at something you love and care about for a long time until you finally get good. Inspirational stuff. Til next week, A ### You can't read the label from inside the jar URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-13-you-cant-read-the/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T10:30:51.000Z Mental health, funny walking-sticks, and jars with fading labels. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### You've made more progress than you realise URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/youve-made-more-progress-than-you/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T08:18:00.000Z I want you to travel back in time, to three months ago. Maybe take a look in your calendar. What meetings were you having? What were you frantically trying to finish off? What were you worried about? Odds are, a lot of that stuff is over now - and a good chunk of it didn’t even matter. The same is true of what you’re worried about now. ## The closer you are to something, the more important it seems Our brains are wired to put immediate threats first, which makes sense, from an evolutionary standpoint. We need to react to the threats in front of us, to stay alive. This is great when we’re staring down a woolly mammoth, but not when we’re panicking at every new email and catastrophising every relationship, project or meeting that doesn’t go to plan. Most of the stuff you’re worried about right now, just like the stuff you worried about three months ago, isn’t that big a deal. **If you’re sacrificing time with your hobbies, family, or exercise to get things done - stop it. You’ll regret it.** ## You’ve achieved more than you’ve given yourself credit for Take stock of what you’ve pulled off in the last three months: personal, professional, and otherwise. Where have you made progress? What problems have you solved? How are you different? What have you launched, finished… and already forgotten about? I did this exercise with my [Not An MBA ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/not-an-mba)students this week and here's what we discovered: we've achieved a lot, and very few of us took the time to acknowledge and celebrate it along the way. I launched this Substack just three months ago - and Consultants of Choice in the same week! But without taking the time to celebrate, I’m already focused on the next step - making them bigger, better, bolder. Doh. That’s a dumb way to live, because we’ll never be happy. If you don't take the space to celebrate your wins and milestones, you're signing up for constant dissatisfaction. **Reflect, and celebrate your achievements - because you definitely have some.** ## Check your motivations Do you feel like you’ve got something to prove? Who are you doing this all for? … and are they even paying attention? It’s awesome to be motivated, ambitious, and hard-working. It’s awesome to tick off milestones, and do great stuff. But if you’re doing all that because you’re driven by a little voice saying: *“I bet you can’t”* or the words of a teacher, parent, or ex are still ringing in your ears from years ago, you won’t feel good about the things you’ve done. For everything that’s currently stressing you out, ask yourself why am I doing this? What does success look like, *for me?* And even more important… “Do I want this?” No-one can answer those questions, but you. And there’s no wrong answer. But unless you genuinely enjoy the *process* of what you’re working on, you’ll find it hard to be happy. The milestones and achievements will fly past in a blur, and you’ll still be the same person - but if you love what you’re doing on the daily, you can’t lose. **Check you’re doing what you enjoy, for you - nobody else.** ### In summary: - Stop stressing about today’s stuff - Celebrate yesterday’s stuff - Do stuff for the right reasons. Til next week, A ### Fonterra Leadership Conference, Online, July 2023 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/fonterra-leadership-conference-online-july-2023/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T04:35:08.000Z ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/testimonial--O56pZabDdxNs28BhHMq.png) ### The rich got richer, and social media somehow got worse URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-12-the-rich-got-richer/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T10:35:54.000Z ## The rich just got permanently richer > *Any renters without family resources or strong prospects of marrying into wealth need to know they now have no normal pathway to home ownership for their families for another generation.* > > *Realistically, they should look to migrate to Australia, which has a capital gains tax that helps fuel higher capital investment, higher productivity, higher wages and a much better prospect of saving a house deposit after the rent (albeit high and rising) is paid.* I’ve read and thought about a lot of things these week, but none are more important than [this piece, by Bernard Hickey](https://thekaka.substack.com/p/so-this-is-how-the-story-ends#details), on Labour ruling out a wealth tax. So I deleted everything else I’ve written for you, to encourage you to read this instead. If you’ve only got a few minutes today, please spend it reading or listening to [this edition of The Kaka](https://thekaka.substack.com/p/so-this-is-how-the-story-ends) \- there’s no paywall on it, because of it’s importance. **(... But then I remembered how irrationally mad I am about the exploding popularity of Threads, so I put this bit back in too.)** ## Threads is garbage Speaking of rich men getting whatever they want, let’s talk about this week’s big technology news: Threads. I cannot *believe* how quickly this thing blew up and how many smart people I know were all over it at pace. I have questions. **Why did everyone froth at the launch of this thing? WTF is going on? Why are we cool with Facebook now? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!** As [I wrote about at length](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-11-ai-generated-content/) last week, Facebook has categorically fucked the world over, on many counts. But even if you’re not super upset about them inciting violence, riots and genocide, mercilessly exploiting third world labour, eroding democracy, tinkering with elections, or actively participating in spreading disinformation (*hey, we’ve all been there, right?* my biggest question is far less considered or academic than most of the thoughtful commentary I’ve seen so far. **Tell me this:** _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Most things can be undone URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/most-things-can-be-undone/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T10:37:05.000Z I made a few decisions, quite early in my life, that have had permanent, life-changing impacts. Having kids was one - once you’ve got ‘em, you’ve always got ‘em! I’ve been a mum since I was 16, so that’s a lot of my life shaped by that choice. The average person makes 17,000 decisions a day. Most of those are easy ones like what to have for breakfast or what time to leave for work, but some of them are harder. ## Tricky decisions include uncertainty, trade-offs or big impacts Tricky decisions will often include one or more of the following: - **Unfamiliarity.** You haven’t made these kind of choices before, so you’re not confident. This might include things like buying your first house, or hiring for a new position. - **Best bad choices.** Situations whereevery alternative has a downside, and no option is superior. - **High stakes.** These are scary decisions that have a high perceived risk, like a significant financial or personal commitment that could go wrong. - **Identity impacts.** Milestone choices that change how you think about yourself, like personal development or a job change. As a rule, you'll know it's a tricky decision when generic Google searches are totally unhelpful and no-one can make the decision for you. ## Tricky decisions don’t have right answers Every tricky decision is unique and has its own considerations, and the more important it is, the less likely there is to be a 'right' answer. There’s just consequences we need to live with, many of which we won’t see coming, no matter how much research and planning we do. ## We need to be careful about making tricky decisions too big In my work, I’ve noticed how often we make this mistake**.** We try and plot the whole path from start to finish, and control all the variables. *Instead of trying a short course, we plan a whole career.* *Instead of testing a new tool for a month, we design a digital transformation programme.* We’re scared of the uncertainty in our environment, so we try and control all the pieces. More often than not, that’s a mistake. Any choice we make will lead to unintended or unexpected consequences. The job won’t be what you thought it would be, the house will have unexpected repairs, the person will have quirks and foibles that don’t emerge until later in the relationships. When we’ve made big decisions, we can feel trapped by our own investment and commitment, and pour ever-increasing amounts of time and energy into the wrong thing, because we don’t want to lose face, and we’re blinded by the sunk cost. ## Make minimum viable decisions instead If we make small decisions, and run temporary experiments, it’s easier to change things along the way. As we get new information about the consequences - positive, and negative - we can tweak our approach, or abandon ship entirely. Most decisions can be unraveled (kids being a notable exception!), and people aren’t paying as much attention as you think they are. There’s no shame in being a dynamic, changing person who tries new things. There’s no shame in some of those things not working out. ## Try thinking of yourself like a startup Startups are exciting, experimental ventures. They’re lean businesses, run by passionate founders, trying to work out how to solve problems in new ways. Importantly, because of the culture established around startups, they can pivot at any time, as they test their hypothesis, responding to customers, the market, and the lesson s they learn. Your life is a bit like that too. You’re always learning more about yourself and the world, and both of those things are always changing. Your beliefs shift. Your goals shift. Your environment shifts. You can test those things regularly, like your own little business hypothesis, and review the feedback on what’s working for you, and what isn’t. The small choices you make add up - some with results, others with lessons - but they all build towards the person you become and the life you have. Importantly, just like a startup, you can pivot at any time, as you learn new stuff. So, take a deep breath. Your tricky decisions are definitely tricky, I’m not arguing with you about that. But most of them can be unraveled if they’re not right the first time - especially if you make them nice and small to start with. Good luck*.* ### The human hands behind AI’s ‘magic' URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-11-ai-generated-content/ Last updated: 2026-08-13T10:42:21.000Z [This LinkedIn post by Steve Ballantyne](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/sballantyne%5Fnz-marketing-magazine-covers-activity-7079925400868433920-vH0g?utm%5Fsource=share&utm%5Fmedium=member%5Fdesktop) appeared in my feed this week, with the AI-generated cover his company produced for the latest issue of NZ Marketing magazine. In a previous post, Steve explained the brief was to create something that *“represented what the future marketer might look like, metaphorically.”* Here’s what they came up with: ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/e1d96590-ad4e-4f0d-8c15-d6ae267e047b_1096x1432-3.png) How interesting that the ‘future marketer’ happens to be young, white, female, slim and conventionally attractive. That’s very similar to how magazine covers look in the present, too. Here are nine other contenders Steve’s company pitched. Notice a theme? 8/10 features young women. All include attractive, slim, white models. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/1faea477-f81e-4b28-9da2-5ea1016f9000_1094x1332.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/ffba0fbd-68a7-489d-b862-796e2b4c5b72_1090x1408.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/c25b0f8a-e121-4c34-a23f-05b288fc4309_1094x1406.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/fb6fef87-7af5-4109-93ac-0ac69a81cc49_1094x1416.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/3196c94e-75d1-4a41-b5ae-aa46e10749c4_1080x1414.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/5d628ba8-12be-4cf6-8500-7b99f657659a_1096x1414.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/51fd44f9-922d-4435-b7c8-29ae60081110_1102x1430.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/222e09ea-2834-4c78-9238-c5368ddc265f_1092x1418.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/8bb1671f-6027-4960-ae9f-9db104839157_1092x1416.png) ## AI-generated content is an even less nuanced version of existing bullshit These covers are AI reproductions of current ideas about who is magazine-cover worthy. That makes sense. AI image and language generation tools simply regurgitate content that aligns with our existing patterns, preferences and conventions. Trained on a large data set, these tools are then optimised for human preferences using Reinforcement Learning from Human Feedback (RLHF), where people choose their favourite output in a series of pair comparisons. **The result: AI gives us more of what we already *make* and *like*.** It should come as no surprise, then, that AI-generated content is [racist](https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2020/sep/21/twitter-apologises-for-racist-image-cropping-algorithm?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [sexist](https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2023/feb/08/biased-ai-algorithms-racy-women-bodies?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [classist ](https://www.futurecommerce.com/podcasts/ai-classism-and-the-digital-divide?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)and [entrenches existing bias.](https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffraikes/2023/04/21/ai-can-be-racist-lets-make-sure-it-works-for-everyone/?sh=3242aa202e40&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) > *AI robots trained on billions of images consistently identify women as ‘homemakers’ and people of colour as ‘criminals or janitors’* [*\- Forbes*](https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffraikes/2023/04/21/ai-can-be-racist-lets-make-sure-it-works-for-everyone/?sh=3242aa202e40&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) That isn’t a problem with AI - it’s a problem with us. AI is sexist and racist because *we* make stuff that privileges white, male voices. It’s trained by developers who are overwhelmingly white, male and upper-class, then deployed in environments, with real-life consequences, for people who are not. ### …Here’s where it takes a turn. AI-based technologies don’t just design magazine covers. They [calculate credit scores](https://www.datrics.ai/the-essentials-of-ai-based-credit-scoring?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [allocate social housing](https://www.cais.usc.edu/news/using-ai-to-optimize-housing-resource-allocation/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [screen job applicants](https://www.computerworld.com/article/3691819/legislation-to-rein-in-ais-use-in-hiring-grows.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [detect welfare fraud,](https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/articles/2020-02-14/ai-algorithms-intended-to-detect-welfare-fraud-often-punish-the-poor-instead?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [decide court case outcomes](https://www.csis.org/blogs/new-perspectives-asia/smart-courts-and-push-technological-innovation-chinas-judicial-system?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [recommend sentences for drug possession](https://www.thestar.com.my/news/focus/2022/06/26/justice-backed-by-ai?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and [make medical diagnoses](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9955430/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=AI%20algorithms%20can%20analyze%20medical,diseases%20more%20accurately%20and%20quickly.). When those technologies are rooted in prejudice, people suffer. There is no such thing as objective AI. The information fed to these tools represents our dominant ideas about people and power, and those ideas are biased. AI is a mirror and amplifier of our bias, not its creator. So we shouldn’t be surprised. **But we *should* be worried. In this piece, I’ll explain why.** ## We risk entrenching moral errors for a very long time. > *“Previous technology has already enabled values to persist for longer, and with higher fidelity, than they could otherwise have done. Writing, for example, was crucial, enabling complex ideas to be transmitted many generations into the future without inevitable distortion by the failures of human memory…* > > **Writing gave ideas the power to influence society for thousands of years; artificial intelligence could give them influence that lasts millions.”** In [*What We Owe The Future*](https://www.amazon.com.au/What-We-Owe-Future-Million-Year/dp/0861542509/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=3EM7MPVMLD19G&keywords=owe+the+future+will+macaskill&qid=1688601819&s=books&sprefix=owe+the+future+will+macaskil%2Cstripbooks%2C232&sr=1-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)*,*Will MacAskill warns of an AI-accelerated “values lock-in.” If we entrust decision-making to machines, MacAskill warns, we might permanently entrench gross moral errors and mass inequality. These are the issues we need to grapple with as we get excited about AI-generated magazine covers. Unless we’re confident in the moral integrity of our current social norms and values, which we absolutely shouldn’t be, we risk perpetrating devastating outcomes for already marginalised communities for many generations. As AI image and language models colonise the web-o-sphere, this threat gets realer by the day. AI is regurgitating exactly what we’re feeding it (*for free, I might add*): **two-dimensional representations of a world designed for the interests of a select few.** ## Magical robots don’t make decisions about AI. People do. In the breathless coverage of Chat-GPT and GPT-4, you could be forgiven for assuming these tools are magical beings, with a mind of their own. Tech companies let these stories spread, to obfuscate the ownership and responsibility of people behind the scenes who decide what AI will and won’t do. We’ve collectively framed AI as magical realism, believing things happen automatically or exist in a mythical cloud, but this is patently incorrect. Every day, powerful tech moguls decide which projects to fund, who to partner with, which data sets to rely on, and how to achieve commercial advantage and social penetration. With little to no regulatory oversight, the charge is being led by predominantly young, white, wealthy men like Sam Altman (OpenAI’s CEO, who made his initial millions in a tech startup at just 20). Women and people of colour are staggeringly underrepresented in tech (despite the fact that [computing jobs were originally the domain of women](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/history-human-computers-180972202/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)) and the needle has barely moved in the last decade. [Men represented almost 3/4s of computer and mathematical jobs in the US in 2020\. ](https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/data/from-2010-to-2020-gender-gap-in-seattle-tech-stayed-largely-the-same/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)In Seattle, tech hub of the USA, men comprise over 85% of the #1 occupation in the city… software developers. **The people shaping this technology are *mostly the same kind of people*. That sameness allows extreme manifestation of privilege, with little accountability.** In movies, tech bros are the new villain, replacing classics like the Rich Developer Who’s Trying To Take The Family Farm. Just like for old mate Rich Developer, the consequences are slow or non-existent. While we laugh off Elon Musk’s increasingly erratic behaviour, he’s using the billions of dollars and pivotal communication network at his disposal to [promote transphobic hate speech](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/elon-musk-twitter-transgender-hate-speech-b2351923.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), spread [climate disinformation](https://www.dw.com/en/elon-musk-climate-tweet-misinformation/a-66082443?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), and play [fast and loose with people’s safety.](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/14/opinion/elon-musk-twitter-free-speech-india.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) When the Christchurch mosque shooting video resurfaced on Twitter recently, [concerned journalists received an auto-responder email from the corporate media team with… a poop emoji](https://thespinoff.co.nz/politics/03-07-2023/twitter-fails-to-remove-christchurch-terrorist-footage-despite-public-complaints?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Meanwhile, the clip was viewed 150,000 times. **Are these the people we want to shape the future of our society?** ## Magical robots don’t train and optimise AI. People do - and those people are being exploited. GPT-4 wasn’t made safer by a clever piece of code. It became capable of flagging hate speech thanks to Kenyan workers, who were paid less than $2 per hour to [manually process staggering quantities of violent, hateful content.](https://www.aljazeera.com/opinions/2023/1/23/sweatshops-are-making-our-digital-age-work?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) OpenAI outsources content moderation to a digital sweatshop, just like YouTube and Facebook do. Every day, thousands of workers in [India](https://www.theverge.com/2020/10/20/21525600/facebook-moderators-india-covid-19-office-return-work-safety-health-concern?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), the [Philippines ](https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2019/07/25/social-media-companies-are-outsourcing-their-dirty-work-philippines-generation-workers-is-paying-price/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)and [across Africa](https://www.businessinsider.com/tiktoks-african-factory-line-of-terrors-2022-7?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) are paid peanuts to work on virtual assembly lines, watching hours of traumatic, violent footage. Some of this work used to be undertaken in the US, until state-side moderators sued Facebook for psychological damage. [After settling for $52M](https://www.theverge.com/2020/5/12/21255870/facebook-content-moderator-settlement-scola-ptsd-mental-health?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), Facebook quietly moved the bulk of its moderation offshore, where labour is cheaper, laws are looser, and working conditions are significantly less secure. - [Workers paid as little as $1.50 per hour to moderate rape, murder and suicide content for Facebook](https://time.com/6147458/facebook-africa-content-moderation-employee-treatment/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) - [Contractors in Kenya sue Meta for the psychological damage caused by watching child sexual abuse, beheadings, necrophilia and rape](https://www.ft.com/content/afeb56f2-9ba5-4103-890d-91291aea4caa?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). These virtual farms hire low-paid workers through third-party contractors to review posts, manually tag millions of images and categorise disturbing content, so people in the Global North can romanticise the magic of technology, blissfully unaware of the human cost. ## AI lives on a virtual plane - but the consequences are in real life. We’re lucky to even *get* content moderation. In other parts of the world, [targeted disinformation and troll factories](https://www.technologyreview.com/2021/09/16/1035851/facebook-troll-farms-report-us-2020-election/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) operate unchecked, [amplifying hate speech](https://www.wired.com/story/facebooks-deceptive-math-when-it-comes-to-hate-speech/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [inciting riots](https://edition.cnn.com/2021/10/25/business/ethiopia-violence-facebook-papers-cmd-intl/index.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and [fuelling racial genocide](https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2021/dec/06/rohingya-sue-facebook-myanmar-genocide-us-uk-legal-action-social-media-violence?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=Facebook's%20negligence%20facilitated%20the%20genocide,the%20US%20and%20the%20UK.). In 2021, thousands of leaked internal documents showed Meta failed to filter divisive content and protect users in non-Western countries, even when their own research marks them as high risk. The [Outrage Algorithm](https://www.wsj.com/podcasts/the-journal/the-facebook-files-part-4-the-outrage-algorithm/e619fbb7-43b0-485b-877f-18a98ffa773f?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) is just too effective at generating clicks and dollars. These companies know what they’re doing, but we’re not holding them to account. Despite the [2016 US election interference](https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/17/us/politics/cambridge-analytica-trump-campaign.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) revealed in the Cambridge Analytica leak, technology-fuelled political manipulation is already on the agenda for the 2024 election. [Commentators urgently warn](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/amp/politics/ai-generated-disinformation-poses-threat-of-misleading-voters-in-2024-election?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) of the risks of AI-generated content to *“mislead voters, impersonate candidates and undermine elections on a scale and at a speed not yet seen,”* while Donald Trump shares AI-generated content with his followers, [falsely representing real-life events using voice-cloning tools](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/trump-continues-insults-of-rape-accuser-pushing-election-lies-during-cnn-town-hall?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). > *AI-generated political disinformation already has gone viral online ahead of the 2024 election, from a doctored video of Biden appearing to give a speech attacking transgender people to AI-generated images of children supposedly learning satanism in libraries. -* [*PBS*](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/amp/politics/ai-generated-disinformation-poses-threat-of-misleading-voters-in-2024-election?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) This is not magical realism. It’s just *real*. The consequences are real, too - and in the case of places like [Ethiopia](https://edition.cnn.com/2021/10/25/business/ethiopia-violence-facebook-papers-cmd-intl/index.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and [Myanmar](https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2021/dec/06/rohingya-sue-facebook-myanmar-genocide-us-uk-legal-action-social-media-violence?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=Facebook's%20negligence%20facilitated%20the%20genocide,the%20US%20and%20the%20UK.), they’re fatal. Our democracies are under threat. **Tech moguls in positions of unregulated, unbridled power are enabling politically and socially dangerous activity that harms the world’s most vulnerable people.** ## We’re being distracted by shiny trinkets, while change hurtles forward behind the scenes. While we’re distracted by magazine covers, we’re missing what AI is *actually* being used for: swaying elections, allocating scarce social housing provisions to vulnerable populations, suspending life-sustaining benefits for people living on the poverty line, and making diagnostic decisions. Data mining and predictive models have been making life worse for poor and working class people for years, because we test our most controversial technology on maligned social groups with more malleable rights. In [Automating Inequality](https://www.amazon.com/Automating-Inequality-High-Tech-Profile-Police/dp/1250215781/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=3R0E0FY3FWCPC&keywords=automating+inequality+virginia+eubanks&qid=1688603025&s=books&sprefix=automating+inequality+virginia+eub%2Cstripbooks-intl-ship%2C423&sr=1-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), Virginia Eubanks recounts a chilling conversation with a young mother about her experiences with surveillance technology and electronic welfare cards - *“You should pay attention to what happens to us. You’re next.”* The release of Chat-GPT to the public was not a gift. It is a smokescreen to garner public acceptance for and dependence on AI tools, while OpenAI secures [multi-billion-dollar partnerships](https://www.engadget.com/microsoft-openai-investment-expansion-152302151.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and lucrative, ground-breaking deals across [healthcare](https://news.microsoft.com/2023/04/17/microsoft-and-epic-expand-strategic-collaboration-with-integration-of-azure-openai-service/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [banking,](https://www.cnbc.com/2023/03/14/morgan-stanley-testing-openai-powered-chatbot-for-its-financial-advisors.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [payments,](https://stripe.com/nz/newsroom/news/stripe-and-openai?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [oil and gas,](https://www.axios.com/2023/06/07/chevron-ceo-renewables-climate?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [consulting](https://www.consultancy.uk/news/33592/openai-selects-bain-company-for-innovative-partnership?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and god knows what else, largely unchecked. We are slow-boiling frogs making stupid AI pictures while the world changes irreversibly. The result will not serve us any more than email saved us time. ## It’s not our jobs that are under threat - it’s our humanity. The defining features of humanity cannot be accurately coded into an algorithm. [AI-generated art, music and writing ](https://docseuss.medium.com/using-chatgpt-and-other-ai-writing-tools-makes-you-unhireable-heres-why-d66d33e0ddb9?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[*sucks*](https://docseuss.medium.com/using-chatgpt-and-other-ai-writing-tools-makes-you-unhireable-heres-why-d66d33e0ddb9?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) because it can’t give us what we’re looking for - validation and alleviation of our illogical, emotional, human experience. We aren’t the rational beings we think we are. We’re driven first by emotions and then by context, which we post-rationalise later on. That’s why we need creative art forms to make sense of ourselves. AI can’t replace artists and writers because those are the people in our society who try to help us understand ourselves using emotional truth. AI doesn’t *have* emotional truth. It can replicate cliches, detect patterns and manipulate words and images, but it cannot create new understanding of the human experience. The only people who think AI-generated literature is ‘just as good’ are the tech bros selling it to you - and they’re not exactly the high-water mark of cultural critique. > *If you know how to write, then you don’t need AI. If you don’t know how to write, then you’ll think AI is good enough when it isn’t. -* [*Doc Burford*](https://docseuss.medium.com/using-chatgpt-and-other-ai-writing-tools-makes-you-unhireable-heres-why-d66d33e0ddb9?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) If your goal is to *create content*, AI will help. (If you’ve got a sharp eye and a red pen.) If your goal is to *make art* or *seek understanding* \- AI can’t help. Art - writing, painting, music - is where we tell stories to understand ourselves. And we need that because **we don’t make sense.** The only thing AI can ‘understand’ are the rules and patterns we tell it, explicitly through coding, or implicitly through stuff we’ve already made. We can’t give AI rules to understand humans, because *we don’t understand humans.* Otherwise, we wouldn’t need psychologists, poets or motivational speakers. AI can’t touch your soul, because it doesn’t have one. But it’s being developed in an environment where the controlling worldview is that *your soul is irrelevant.* ## These companies worship at the altar of a rationality that doesn’t exist. In [this infuriating and terrifying conversation](https://open.spotify.com/episode/6rAOusZcsuNtCv8mefmwND?si=MjDoHbPGS0qNXIS4hrhpuQ&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), OpenAI CEO Sam Altman casually discounts the possibility that consciousness would include the presence of emotions. Discussing how OpenAI would spot the emergence of Artificial General Intelligence (AGI), he muses about the *facts* that the computer would know, if it were conscious. This Pinker-style view is predicated on an ideology of logic and rationality that bears little relationship to the complexity of the human condition and ignores glaring blind spots about its failure to produce a fairer world. In this way of thinking, all things can be reduced to a set of rules, formulas or logical chains of reason, humans included. It’s the kind of white-centric, progress-at-all-costs, capitalist mentality that’s seen us destroy our natural environment while building a world that tolerates staggering abundance and egregious poverty side-by-side. In Seattle, the burgeoning homeless population sleeps in tents outside tech company HQs, pushed out of their gentrified neighbourhoods by overpaid developers. It’s the meritocracy, you see. Objectivity. Rationality. Hard work. I enjoyed listening to this [conversation between Cristina Criado Perez and Katrine Marcal](https://open.spotify.com/episode/4xeCXscWq0kCWyfbmdsrZg?%5Fauthfailed=1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) about housework robots. Surely something as simple and repetitive as housework could be easily replaced by a robot? Apparently not. After a few frustrating failures, developers abandoned their efforts and taught the computers to play Go and chess instead. It turns out care labour is the most challenging work to program. Grappling with pesky, illogical, emotional experiences and responding with empathy is the job of a person, not a computer. ## The people selling us the AI narrative have the most to gain. As think-pieces on the impact of AI on art, literature, and jobs abound, the people in power are smiling. When [scientists from Microsoft appear on podcasts](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/24/podcasts/listen-early-to-this-american-life-greetings-people-of-earth.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) with shocking stories about rogue AI behaviour - it puts a *horn* on a unicorn’s *head!* Like magic! They’re not doing a public service. They’re selling the narrative. It serves tech companies to have us be dazzled and befuddled by AI. This narrative creates a sense of inevitability and automated magic that keeps them out of the bounds of regulation. It makes it easy for us to believe things are just *moving too fast* for the government and that there’s nothing we can do. Which is a pretty useful narrative for people selling and commercialising those technologies. If you want to develop a new drug or sell food, the regulatory regime is slow, arduous and rigorous. For technology, it’s practically non-existent. Never mind the experts with concrete recommendations for ethical regulation. It’s all too *magic* and *amazing* to control. (Unless you’re the guy who’s programming it and making all the money, of course. Then, you’ll behave as Sam Altman did and [actively lobby to water down landmark AI legislation that threatens your power.](https://time.com/6288245/openai-eu-lobbying-ai-act/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)) The truth is much simpler. [Big Tech can be regulated.](https://techinformed.com/dublin-tech-summit-regulate-big-tech-and-hold-its-engineers-accountable-cambridge-analytica-whistleblower-demands/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Safety evaluations and ethical standards can and should exist.](https://www.rappler.com/technology/chris-wylie-rappler-plus-briefing-may-2023/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Plus, there are precedents and guidelines already out there.](https://www.technologyreview.com/2023/05/22/1073482/our-quick-guide-to-the-6-ways-we-can-regulate-ai/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) The implementation of OECD AI principles, the EU’s AI act, or technical industry standards holds bad actors accountable, imposes restrictions on harmfully prejudiced technology, and slows AI's social and political stranglehold. It is not too late. *TL;DR: AI is not harmless or inevitable. It is a human-coded and moderated decision machine that exacerbates inequality, and we are not powerless to resist it.* **In summary:** - Magical robots do not power AI. AI is shaped by decisions made by *people* who exploit and use low-paid offshore labour for its development. - Those who make those decisions are in positions of unregulated, unbridled power, which has catastrophic consequences for our most vulnerable. - Humans are irrational. Trying to reduce us to an algorithm perpetuates and entrenches harmful ideas, values and biases. - The use of AI is already hurting people, and it has the potential to get much worse, but it is not inevitable. There are concrete regulatory steps we can and should take to slow and change the impact of AI. - The people selling us the AI narrative have the most to gain. They should not be our source of wisdom. It’s time to listen to the artists, philosophers, policy advisors, and social scientists. We have them for a reason. ### The risks of self-employment: the good, the bad, and the ugly URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-risks-of-self-employment-the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:06:38.000Z Self-employment is an alluring prospect. It’s a chance to live your life on your terms, to achieve more fulfilment and meaning from your career, and to earn enough money to create the lifestyle you desire. However, not everyone manages to create the self-employed lifestyle they were hoping for. Many self-employed professionals are trapped in a situation where they’re overworked, underpaid, unhappy – or even all three! In this article, learn the promises and pitfalls of consulting and self-employment so you can design a business and lifestyle to support your goals. ## Good and bad reasons to choose self-employment You might want to become a self-employed professional (SEP) for many reasons, but getting clear on them and checking you’re motivated by the right things will make a massive difference to your journey. Before you get started, you need to work out: - **What kind of life do you want to have?** \- Are you starting a lifestyle business with minimal time investment or replacing your 9/5 gig? Do you want to travel? Do you want to go into an office? Do you want to do more writing, thinking and planning or spend more face-to-face time with clients? - **Why will self-employment bring this to you?** \- What about self-employment do you think will contribute to your ideal life? - **What are you hoping to feel and achieve by becoming self-employed?** \- Unless you're clear on your criteria, making choices that align with them is difficult. ### Good reasons to become self-employed There are many reasons why someone may want to start their own consulting or professional service business; some of the most common reasons include: - **Flexibility and autonomy:** Starting your own business gives you more control over your time and schedule and the ability to set your goals and priorities. - **Financial independence:** Running a successful business can provide significant financial rewards, allowing you to achieve financial freedom and stability. - **Professional growth and development:** Starting your own business requires new challenges and responsibilities, leading to growth and development. - **Sense of accomplishment**: Starting and running your own business can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience, filled with achievement and pride. - **Helping others:** Consulting or professional service businesses often involve assisting others to solve problems or achieve their goals, which can be an enriching experience. - **Opportunity to be creative:** Your business allows you to be creative and innovative, developing and implementing new ideas. - **Opportunity to make a difference:** Consulting or professional service businesses can have a positive impact on your community, industry, or society as a whole. - **Independence:** Being your boss allows you to make your own decisions. - **Potential for unlimited growth:** The earning potential in a consulting or professional service business is often tied to the success and expansion of the business, which can be unlimited. ### Bad reasons to become self-employed But some reasons aren’t quite so good. If you’re motivated by the wrong things, you’re setting yourself up to fail. Make sure you aren’t considering self-employment because: - **You lack expertise or knowledge:** Trying to cover up a lack of performance or experience by starting a consulting business is a recipe for failure. - **You don’t like people** \- All SEPs are sales-people. Most of your job will be meeting people, making sales, managing clients and interacting with stakeholders. This is the wrong game for you if you’re trying to escape interaction with people. - **You’re over it** \- Going freelancing because you have lost passion or genuine interest in the industry you’re working in is a fast track to demotivation and burnout. - **You want to get rich quickly** \- Starting a business because you think you’ll make more money immediately is a terrible idea. Most new ventures take a while to get off the ground, and if you’re not prepared to take risks and absorb a few dicey months, you’ll be disappointed. - **You want to reduce your workload** \- Starting a business to avoid the 9-5 schedule without considering the workload can lead to an unbalanced work-life schedule. The early days of a new business require a lot of legwork to get off the ground, and while you’ll have lots of flexibility and opportunity to set your timing eventually, you’ve got a lot of work to get through first. - **You’ve got an untested idea** \- Starting a business without testing interest in your services is terrible. You're in trouble if you don’t understand your market, the competition, and the demand for the services or products. ## Learning to balance freedom, stress and risk Nailing a self-employed life requires balancing three key things: freedom, stress and risk. The most successful SEPs maximise their freedom, minimise stress, and mitigate risks. ### 👍🏼 The best things about self-employed life - Freedom to choose your hours - Freedom from organisational overhead and corporate bullsh\*t - Freedom to say no to work you don’t like - Freedom to work on projects that excite you - Freedom for unlimited earnings ### 👎🏻 The worst things about self-employed life - Stress caused by financial insecurity - Stress caused by lack of support or understanding from family and friends - The stress of admin and paperwork - Stress caused by self-doubt and insecurity - Stress caused by overwork or poor work/life balance ### 🤢 The ugly things about self-employed life - The risk that you end up with a worse work-life balance than before - The risk that you might fail - The risk that you aren’t as good as you think you are - The risk that you ARE good, but you suck at getting clients. ## How to find the sweet spot and make it all work out There are three crucial components to achieving self-employed success: 1. **Flexibility** – choosing what you do, who you do it with, where, and on what terms. 2. **Fulfilment** – creating meaning, purpose and impact through the contribution of your work 3. **Financial Rewards** – enjoying the financial pay-off for the risks and responsibilities you’ve taken on. Get all three of these in order, and you’ll be able to ward off burnout, cynicism and poverty. ### Flexibility: Avoiding burnout Self-employment offers a shot at freedom, autonomy and independence. You have unlimited potential for professional development and growth and absolute responsibility for making that happen. When you design your business, beginning how you mean to continue is important. Many consultants are so nervous about being unable to attract clients that they take on more than they can handle and make compromises they’d rather not have to. However, you risk getting burnt out if you don’t draw some boundaries early. Before you start your SEP journey, ask yourself a few critical questions so that you can build your business with flexibility in mind: - What aspirations do you have for your life that haven’t to do with work? - What kind of work/life balance will you need to achieve these? - What kind of people do you most like working with? - How do you most prefer to work – location, time, relationships, etc.? - What boundaries will you need to draw around your time, energy and personal life? ### Fulfilment: Upholding your ethics Two of the biggest frustrations experienced by employed professionals are the compromises they make in their values and the deficit they see in their impact. They do great work, only to be hamstrung by corporate constraints, bureaucracy and delays. Self-employment offers a career pathway outside those constraints, where you can have the impact you’ve been craving for your entire career. However, this won’t happen by accident. Those constraints on progress and impact are there for a reason, and unless you’re clear on the difference you want to make in the world, you’ll find yourself in the same trap. Even the most well-intentioned SEPs can find themselves working with clients they don’t like or doing work, they don’t believe in. In the early days, when you’re designing your business, consider some of the following: - What are your most important values? - What does success look like to you? - What kind of work are you not willing to do? - What are your criteria for clients and projects? ### Finances: Don’t take a penalty So many consultants are struggling with cash flow – despite entering self-employment hoping to bring more home than they were in their jobs. This is usually a result of inaccurate pricing calculations, fear and under-charging. When you’re used to a salary, you compare your chargeable hourly rate to that rather than the time you spend on your business and the value you bring to clients. Some people are so grateful to have any work and to achieve the kind of freedom and fulfilment they’ve been craving that they feel uncomfortable charging appropriate rates. But values are not incompatible with value, and if you don’t capture enough of that value for yourself, you’re choosing to take a purpose penalty – when it isn’t needed. Here is some helpful advice for determining how you price your services: - Calculate the value of your work to clients (How much time, money or energy will this save my client? What is the value of my long-term expertise to their business?) - Consider the total amount of time you spend in your business (Chargeable time is rarely more than 50%. This necessitates an immediate doubling to capture your target hourly or daily rate) - Compare your rates to your target competitors (What are people paying for this kind of service? Remember to consider all their add-ons and extra staff in this number, and add it to your business-of-one rate.) ## In summary - Self-employment offers a more accessible, more fulfilling life, rewarded by financial independence. - Not all motivations are created equal – consider yours carefully - There are a variety of different modes you can choose to work in. This course focuses on Self-Employed Professionals (SEPs) - When designing your business, consider three key ingredients early on: - Flexibility - Fulfilment - Finances - Ask important questions to ensure you don’t neglect one of these critical ingredients. ### Don't worry about the competition URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/dont-worry-about-the-competition/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:07:00.000Z It must be hard-going, working in recruitment or HR right now. Not only are people *losing* their jobs thick and fast, the best talent are *leaving* their jobs just as quickly. Fed up with the corporate overhead and constraints, they’re striking out to design their own lives and work in a way that feels good. It makes me wonder what’s going on in HR departments. Switched-on employers are busy creating their Employee Value Proposition (EVP), convincing people why their workplaceis the best option… compared to other workplaces. But have they even considered that the smartest, most passionate, motivated professionals might not even *want* a traditional workplace anymore? I reckon the most switched on recruiters will be asking themselves a better question: > **Why would anyone take this job over self-employment?** If they can reap the autonomy, freedom and rewards that come from going out on their own, your job will have to be pretty awesome to convince them to apply. It’s not other employers you’re competing with… it’s them. Employers who are focusing on their needs of their employees will know this. Everyone else has already lost the game. It makes me wonder where else we’ve got our idea of competition all wrong. ## Three alternatives to competition: ignore, attune, innovate. ![Nokia's 3310 brick phone is making a comeback - could the 2280 be next? | Stuff.co.nz](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/5239f282-0c66-4780-99c2-d4870e709304_1418x800-jpeg.jpg) ### For business When Blockbuster was busy trying to compete with Video Ezy, Netflix won the game. When Nokia and Motorola were engaged in the battle of the cellphone, Apple cleaned up with the iPhone. Netflix and Apple weren’t worried about the competition - they were too focused on the customer. They ignored what the others were doing, went deep on the thinking daily lives, goals and challenges of the people they serve - and took a risk on *never before seen* technologies that created an entirely new category. ### For consulting Great consultants do this too. They’re largely unconcerned with what other outfits are doing. They focus on the unmet needs and emerging priorities of their target clients, and bring their unique strengths to the table to help. They *ignore* the noise, *attune* to their clients, and *innovate* with solutions nobody else in the market is offering. ### For personal growth If you’re trying to be a better you, you’ll take a similar approach. I’ve just started running again, and if I compared my laggard’s pace to anyone else, I’d stop before I started. Competition is a waste of time for me - I need to *attune* to my own needs, body and pace, and *ignore* what everyone else is doing. When I started my business, nobody I knew had done it before. To get somewhere, I had to *ignore* the naysayers, and *attune* to the people I was trying to help. If you’re studying, starting at the gym, or taking up a new hobby, you might need to use some of these strategies too. ![1,351,500+ Choice Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images - iStock | Decision, Options, Choose](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/6046ad2b-9b52-4061-ac86-1173241b8006_612x408-jpeg.jpg) ## How to choose your approach - If you’re living in fear and fighting for scraps: **compete.** - If you’re trying to make a difference to others: **attune.** - If you want to change the game: **innovate.** - If you’re taking risks other people won’t understand: **ignore.** What are your goals, and how much attention should you be paying to the competition? Til next week. A ### What to do before you quit your job to start a business URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/what-to-do-before-you-quit-your-job-to-start-a-business/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:07:47.000Z What should you do before leaving your job to start a business? What boxes do you need to tick, and how much money do you need in the bank? Lots of people ask me this. It's a tough one, because it depends on your personal appetite for risk. Some of you will do best if you just... do it. Don't think about it too hard. Rely on your skills, savvy, skills, hustle (and a bit of fear!) to get going. If that's you, stop reading now, and take the leap. I quit my job at 25, as the breadwinner of a family of four. I had a husband on apprentice wages, a mortgage, two kids to feed, and 2 grand in the bank. It was a hell of a start, but I made it work. If that kind of challenge excites you, then stop reading, join Consultants of Choice and type your resignation letter now. If you're still reading, I'm afraid I can't give you a foolproof formula or checklist. It's a bit like parenting - no matter how much learning or preparation you do, financial, logistical, or otherwise, you're never truly *ready.* Once you take the leap, and you're too far in to turn back, you'll wonder why nobody warned you it would be like this! However, there *are* three important things for you to think about before you go and quit your job. If you take the time to get these three right, you'll find the transition a lot easier. Here are the three pieces of advice I give to all SEP (self-employed professional) hopefuls: 1. Know your reasons 2. Know your numbers 3. Keep your connections. ## Know your reasons ![Business man pointing to transparent board with text Why?](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/Business%20man%20pointing%20to%20transparent%20board%20with%20text%20Why%3F-2.jpeg) Before you take a huge leap of faith, you need something to draw on when things get difficult. In Module One of Consultants of Choice, we go deep on interrogating our values, drivers and motivation for choosing self-employment. Your business should serve your life, not vice versa, so we start by designing an ideal life and work backwards from there. Identifying your why is a critical first step because if you don't have conviction in your purpose, you're far more vulnerable to quitting at the first hurdle - of which there will be many. ### Tricky questions to ask yourself: - Why do you want to be self-employed? - What frustrates or annoys you about working as an employee? - What kind of life of you want? What do you want more and less of? - Why would having your own business make that possible for you? Knowing what you want for your life - and how self-employment will contributes to that - will give you a stronger sense of purpose and commitment to your chosen path. --- ## Know your numbers ![Happy woman saving money in a piggybank](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/Happy%20woman%20saving%20money%20in%20a%20piggybank-1.jpeg) The second and arguably most important thing for you to be across is your finances. There are two really important numbers involved in self-employed readiness: your living expenses and your safety net. ### Your living expenses Knowing your numbers when you're self-employed slightly differs from when you're in a regular job. When you're employed, you tend to think about income - negotiating salaries and how much you'll earn. When you're self-employed, the more important number is your expenses. It is so much more important to understand how much it costs to live your life, than how much you can earn. With self-employment, we stop thinking about salary bands, and pay rates, and market matching. Instead, we get super clear: *In the last year, what did it cost to run your family?* And secondly: *Did it need to cost that much? Can you reduce your expenses?* The smaller that number is, the more doable your self-employment journey becomes. But you mustn't guess. If you've skated by in the last few years without keeping a budget, it's time to change that. Not having a budget creates huge avoidable stress in your self-employment journey. Get across what your *real* expenses are, on a weekly, monthly and annual basis. Do not guess. You will be wrong. Analyse your bank statements, or use a personal finance tool like PocketSmith and take an entire year into account, to review your expenses. ### Your F\*\*k You Fund The second number you should know is how much needs to be in your F\*\*\* You Fund. If you're in a job you want to leave, put enough money aside so that if you finally explode one day, push your chair over and chuck your monitor out of the window, you can survive for a period of time you feel comfortable with. There are plenty of handy rules - some advice suggests you should have three months of expenses on hand, others say six months. Ultimately, this depends on your risk appetite. You might feel calm with just one month's expenses in the bank, or you might need six months. Your comfort level will vary, but you must know what it is. Otherwise, you risk deferring this choice for longer than you need to. Every time you hit your number, you'll be tempted by completing another project, aceing another performance review, or getting another shot at promotion. The goalposts will keep shifting, and you'll stay put. Once you know your numbers, you'll need to *keep* knowing them - at least in the first year or two. You should know your expenses, safety net and run rate at any given point in time. - **Expenses:** Exactly what it costs to run your life - **Safety net:** Exactly how much money you have in the bank - **Run rate:** Exactly how long you will be OK, if you don't earn any money. --- ## Keep your connections ![Man and woman meeting over coffee in restaurant](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/Man%20and%20woman%20meeting%20over%20coffee%20in%20restaurant-1.jpeg) The third principle is all about maintaining relationships. This doesn't mean you have to leave on perfect terms with your last boss - and if part of your reason for leaving is a toxic or unhappy workplace, that will be doubly true. However, your connections run much deeper than your boss. Everyone you've worked with, all the stakeholders that you engaged with, and all of the other companies or government departments that you've had contact with, or partnered with, qualify as connections to maintain. The day you leave your job, you should have a full deck of email addresses and plans to catch-up, because this will be the first and most reliable source of your early consulting work. Your last employer is almost invariably your first client - partly because once you leave, they realise how valuable you were in the first place! Your institutional knowledge and subject matter expertise leave a hole, and if you play your cards right, you'll be able to fill that hole, on your own terms, at a much more favourable rate. ### Lay your foundation If you haven't been good at maintaining your connections so far, this is the time to lay that foundation. - Build your network on LinkedIn - Write a list of people that would take your call, and keep it updated - Follow up with people you've met through work or at conferences - Send an email or arrange a coffee with someone you haven't seen for a while. --- ## In summary There is no perfect time to leave your job. If you're ready, you're ready. However, you'll find the transition into self-employment much easier if you keep these three things in mind: **your reasons, your numbers and your connections.** ### You're a person, not a brand URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-10-youre-a-person-not/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T10:45:18.000Z ⚡ Brand logic has infiltrated our lives, and our very personhood. It's not how we're supposed to live. This week, I’m coming to you from Mildura, in rural Victoria. It’s literally 30 degrees cooler than last time than I was here and frankly, I’m OK with that. ## On sniffers I had three flights to catch on Wednesday, and after the first, I high-tailed it to the nearest store for an N95\. My plane (WLG-AKL) was *jammed* with coughing, sneezing, sniffing, snot-swallowing, unmasked Judases. It took everything I had not to Mum-glare them all. Instead, I buried my face into my hoodie in an attempt to absorb my anguish and prevent breathing their scum. I’ve had COVID five times (yes, five. You read that correctly.) It loves me, but the love isn’t mutual. I’m flu-jabbed, but I’m nervous about getting sick, and the impact on my life, business and family from repeated incapacitation. Listening to all these sniffers and snorters on Wednesday made me wonder if I’m just horribly out of touch now. Did we learn nothing from COVID? Really? Are we behaving like this? …Or am I just overreacting and living in the past? Is sick travel fine now? _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 3 good reasons to go consulting URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/3-good-reasons-to-go-consulting/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:08:44.000Z People are leaving traditional employment in droves. Here are three reasons to go consulting - and how to get it right. ## Redundancies are everywhere If you've caught the news, you might be waking up to the false security of employment and thinking about going consulting. If you aren't, it might be time to start paying attention. If you're in tech, you might want to be across the 800 jobs gone at [Xero](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/business/485606/xero-announces-plan-to-cut-up-to-800-jobs?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), and [170 at Sky](https://www.stuff.co.nz/business/131632630/sky-tv-confirms-plan-to-lay-off-about-170-staff-after-completing-consultations?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). If you're in education, you'll be watching the hundreds of layoffs at The University of Otago and [Victoria University of Wellington](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/victoria-university-of-wellington-staff-told-to-brace-for-job-cuts/NK2SALXBDVAC7M2RR7SBH6IFCM/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), on top of the [200 to 1000 jobs expected to be lost with the Te Pukenga merger](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/education/131660369/low-staff-morale-and-hundreds-of-job-losses-but-te-pkenga-boss-adamant-polytech-merger-was-the-right-move?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). If you're in the public or infrastructure sector, you'll want to be wise to the [150-person job loss at Auckland Transport](https://www.hcamag.com/nz/specialisation/employee-engagement/amazon-layoffs-hit-aws-new-zealand-staff-reports/444604?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and the [Auckland Council slash and burn ](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/national/490532/auckland-will-lose-some-nice-to-have-services-with-500-job-cuts-deputy-mayor?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)that’s already axed 500 ‘nice to have’ jobs and has another 200 cuts in the pipeline. If you're not in New Zealand, you've probably noticed redundancies at your place too - [Australia has been hit hard by the 'tech wreck'](https://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/end-of-an-era-what-the-tech-wreck-means-for-australian-workers/t9x0m2915?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), with thousands of jobs disappearing. Globally, [Amazon’s 27,000+ person layoffs ](https://www.hcamag.com/nz/specialisation/employee-engagement/amazon-layoffs-hit-aws-new-zealand-staff-reports/444604?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)are just a fraction of the [168,000 jobs already lost in tech alone](https://techcrunch.com/2023/05/24/tech-industry-layoffs-2023/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), with [Google](https://www.stuff.co.nz/business/world/300789282/google-axes-12000-jobs-as-global-tech-sector-layoffs-continue?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and [Meta](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/business/485985/facebook-owner-meta-to-cut-10-000-staff?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=Meta%2C%20which%20owns%20Facebook%2C%20Instagram,off%2011%2C000%20employees%20last%20November.&text=In%20addition%20to%20the%2010%2C000,left%20unfilled%2C%20he%20told%20staff.) slashing 12,000 and 10,000 jobs, respectively. For years, people have put up with the constraints of corporate bullshit in exchange for the security of steady employment. If the security is gone… what’s next? ## This is the perfect time to seek more freedom Traditional employment has always come at a personal cost: limited flexibility, a lack of fulfilment, and a ceiling on financial rewards. That cost is no longer a good deal in a world where even the most skilled and loyal staff find themselves jobless. This is the perfect time to seek more freedom, fulfilment, and financial rewards in your professional life and the increased security of having multiple income streams. If you think you might be ready to go consulting, here are three good reasons to get serious about it. 1. **Flexibility -** Break free from the limitations of traditional employment and choose where, when, and how you work. 2. **Fulfilment -** Say goodbye to compromising your values and do more of what you love. 3. **Financial rewards -** Don't settle for fixed salaries or limited earning potential. Take control of your income. ## Three benefits of self-employment Consulting gives you three key things a regular job can't. Let's explore each one in detail. ### Flexibility: Embrace freedom, autonomy and independence In [a survey conducted by Upwork and Freelancers Union](https://www.upwork.com/press/releases/freelancing-in-america-2017?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), 59% of freelancers stated the ability to work whenever and wherever they choose is a significant factor in their decision to freelance. That's because self-employment offers unparalleled flexibility. No more of this "we want to see people back in the office" business. Self-employed professionals shape their work-life according to their terms. You can decide where, when, how, and for how long you work. When you become self-employed, you embark on a journey of unlimited professional development and growth potential. Every decision you make directly impacts your business and your success. You hold absolute responsibility for making things happen - which is both utterly terrifying and incredibly empowering! #### How to create flexibility as a self-employed professional consultant Design your business for flexibility from the outset. I see many people do this poorly. New to the game and nervous about attracting clients, they wind up overcommitting and compromising their independence, resulting in burnout. Some early scene-setting can prevent this from happening. Smart SEPs build their businesses around their ideal life. That's why the first curriculum module in Consultants of Choice is "Plan Your New Life". When you know what kind of life you want, you can set boundaries and build a business that makes it possible. #### Ask yourself these questions as you shape your business: - What aspirations do you have for your life that go beyond work? - What work/life balance do you need to achieve these aspirations? - What kind of people do you most enjoy working with? - How, where and when do you prefer to work? - What boundaries will you establish around your time, energy, and life? When you know your priorities and set clear limits, you can have all the flexibility you need. ### Fulfilment: Make a difference and live your values It makes sense that self-employed professionals [report higher job satisfaction and well-being levels than those in traditional employment](https://www.sussex.ac.uk/news/research?id=53397&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Traditional employment requires constant compromise, and many professionals make yucky trade-offs that go against their values or limit their impact. Corporate constraints, bureaucracy, and delays can hinder even the most dedicated people from doing work that matters. Self-employment offers a different pathway to impact. You can choose to do work you care about that makes a difference in a way that upholds your most important personal, professional and social values. #### How to maximise fulfilment as a self-employed professional consultant Even with the best intentions, self-employed professionals can work with clients or on projects that don't resonate with their values. They haven't thought about their values and how they show up in others, or they haven't done the pre-work to define who they don't want to work with... so they find out the hard way. #### During the early days of building your consulting business, consider the following: - What are your most important values? - How do you define success for yourself? - What types of work are you unwilling to engage in? - What criteria will you use to select clients and projects? Define your values, clarify your vision, and set criteria for the type of work you pursue so you can experience the fulfilment you've been missing in your 9-5. ### Financial rewards: Unlock unlimited earning potential In a regular job, you hit a hard ceiling on earning potential - but not with self-employment. As a self-employed professional, you can create service offerings and products with lucrative fees. [Over three-quarters of independent workers](https://www.mbopartners.com/uploads/files/state-of-independence-reports/State%5Fof%5FIndependence%5FReport%5FvFINAL.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) earn the same or more income than when they were traditionally employed. And if you’re switched on, you can generate passive revenue from your intellectual property as your business succeeds, too. However, many self-employed professionals struggle with cash flow. They don't know how to price correctly, are scared to charge too much, and underestimate the value they bring to their clients. Some new consultants are so grateful to get any work they feel pressure to undercharge. It doesn't need to be like that. Your values and your value are not mutually exclusive. #### How to master your finances as a self-employed professional consultant The first and most important thing is to know your numbers. Once you understand what it takes to run your target lifestyle, you can set pricing that reflects your value. Consider these factors when you calculate your price: - The value you generate for clients - Total chargeable v non-chargeable hours - Competitor rates. **Know the value of your work to your clients** Consider how much time, money, or energy your services will save your clients. Consider the long-term value of your expertise to their business. Understanding your impact on your clients' success will help you establish a fair pricing structure. **Consider the total number of chargeable vs non-chargeable hours you work** Recognise that not all your time is chargeable. Administrative tasks, marketing efforts, and other non-billable activities consume your working hours. Adjust your pricing to account for this, ensuring you capture your target hourly or daily rate. **Take competitor rates into account.** Research what others in your industry charge for similar services. Consider their additional staff or overhead costs and factor that into your pricing. You might be surprised by what people are charging! *Caution: while it's essential to remain competitive, don't undervalue yourself. You bring unique skills and expertise; clients will pay for that value!* By taking a strategic and thoughtful approach to pricing, you position yourself for financial success and ensure your business is personally and financially rewarding. ## Are you ready? Self-employment can transform your professional - and personal - life. With the flexibility to shape your work according to your priorities, the opportunity to align your values and experience true fulfilment, and unlimited financial rewards... traditional employment has some serious competition. It's not all roses. Doing this well takes careful planning, strategic decisions, and much trial and error. But the rewards far outweigh the challenges. You can unlock a world of opportunities if you design your business with flexibility and fulfilment, commit to mastering your finances, and stay true to your values. ### Yelling into the void URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/yelling-into-the-void/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T10:47:18.000Z ⚡ Social networks became social media and now people are lonely. For 12 years, I’ve hosted an annual Mid Winter Christmas party. I turn my lounge into a huge dining room, cover plastic trestle tables with white table-cloths, halve the cost-per-use of my Christmas tree and bring people together in the middle of the winter social slump. To coordinate the guest list, I use a Facebook event. This year, when I went to set it up, I didn’t know my password. To manage RSVPs, I login from my phone, where the app has my password saved. I have no idea how to get in from my desktop browser. My friends tell me I’m not alone. While articles about social media addiction still proliferate, I wonder how true this is for people of my age and stage. Social media has all but left my routine. I check Instagram occasionally, but never scroll. I watch ‘stories’ of my favourite feminist accounts - Cheek Media, Sommer Tothill, Clementine Ford - for a few minutes, before a targeted ad provokes a swift exit. My teenagers still imbibe, but rarely to connect with their peers. TikTok is their platform of choice, where they flip from one short performance to another - morning routines, ASMR, makeup tutorials. YouTube on steroids. I’m active on LinkedIn for work, where I have a love/hate relationship with the idea of ‘creating content.’ Some days, it feels great; others, a shallow transactional drain. None of these platforms resemble their original form, where people shared updates about their lives and maintained a digital Rolodex of friends and family. Instead, it’s all “recommendation media” - sponsored ads and content suggested by algorithms. After two decades of networking online, and a global pandemic with a brief flurry of Friend Zooms, followed by silence, I’m wondering what’s become of our social connection muscles. Working from home and posting content are the new norm, replacing lunchroom chats and casual drop-ins. After two decades of learned helplessness, it’s hard not to wonder if the descent of social media into the capitalist hellscape has left a generation somewhat untethered. There’s signs of it in my world, where organising “catchups” with friends around work and family takes a flurry of text messages, calendar co-ordination, repeated rainchecks and apologies, and take place almost exclusively in hospitality venues. I’m aware this could be privileged Wellington yuppie behaviour, but it leaves me asking questions. This void, if it exists, will surely be filled soon enough. Capitalism’s good like that. A start-up is probably securing funding as we speak, promising to revolutionise connection, bring people back together, and then sell them things they never knew they needed. In the meantime, my real-world connection muscles are weaker. Online, I’m at a cross-roads. On LinkedIn, I belong to an army of ‘creators’ yelling information into a void, getting progressively controversial or clickbait-y to get attention, praying desperately for the algorithm gods to favour our posts. In this environment, engagement can feel hollow, like a trick. Yet for every person who contributes $8 of their hard-won monthly income here, my heart swells. I get more joy from a single paid subscriber than I’ve felt from securing a client contract in years. Substack feels good, for now. I get to write long-form content, and people actively choose whether they want to read it. It’s a world targeted ads have yet to get their hooks in. But for how long, before we exhaust the idealism and have to play a different game? I don’t know. But I suspect we won’t have to wait long to find out. Insert inspirational call to action here. Til next week, AM ### Smug old racist pricks with control issues who seriously need to read more URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-9-smug-old-racist-pricks/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T10:50:07.000Z **Hello! I’ve got some frustration and fury to unleash this week - strap on in.** Scroll past the book reviews if you’re time poor and would instead prefer to: - Read a rant about smug dudes who like ‘debates’ - Ponder why white people are afraid of race, and - Enjoy some second-hand embarrassment for the hypocrisy of the NZ Right. --- ## What I’m reading I keep trying to read non-fiction and failing at the moment. Real life, and the news, seems to be enough. As a brief exception, I tried to get into [On Our Best Behaviour](https://www.amazon.com/Books-Elise-Loehnen/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp%5F27%3AElise+Loehnen&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) by Elise Loehnen earlier this week, because I’ve been enjoying her podcast [Pulling the Thread](https://www.eliseloehnen.com/episodes?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). I put the book down pretty fast. The phrase *‘Divine Feminine’* is enough to turn me off, and there was too much religiosity for my liking, but beyond those things, it just *wasn’t well-written.* If you caught me after two wines and asked for an rapid review, I’d say this: _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### The joy of instability URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-joy-of-instability/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:09:26.000Z ⚡ Periods of instability are not the enemy. They’re not tough spots to hustle and grind through. They’re where we learn new things, form new relationships and make new decisions. I’ve spent my life searching for stability. In 34 years, I’ve moved over 30 times. I went to four primary schools and five high schools (one of them twice). I went into foster care at 14, and I watched in envy as my peers retreated to safe, secure childhood homes. The gold standard for a good life, I thought, was *sitting still.* Living in the same place, with the same people, going to the same school, and having the same job. Despite this outlook - or because of it - I’ve struggled to create that stability for myself. Every time I think I’ve found the ‘answer’ something new catches my eye. I build things, then tear them down again. I’m always renovating, plotting, launching. And I’ve felt huge guilt about letting myself and my children down. I wrote about this journey [last week](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-8-from-here-to-there/), with an unvarnished history of my career. I ticked the boxes early - mortgage, career, marriage, kids - only to feel stifled and disappointed. Imagine my delight this week at listening to [this episode of Pulling the Thread with Elise Loehnen](https://podcasts.apple.com/nz/podcast/pulling-the-thread-with-elise-loehnen/id1585015034?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), where Bruce Feiler talked about the myth of the ‘non-linear life’. Bruce and Elise talked about how unhelpful - and largely inaccurate - a linear, step-by-step progression through work, life and self is. A few lines stuck, but when Bruce said *“We need to stop fetishizing stability and demonising instability,”* I hit pause and sat for a minute. Many people I talk to are apologetic or mildly embarrassed about their career history, telling me their CV isn’t “normal”. Making a career choice at 20 and sticking with it for the rest of your life is a very specific and largely unattainable idea, that’s only been possible to a narrow kind of person (white, middle-class men with free domestic labour) throughout history. Feiler’s research reveals that people experience ‘workquakes’ every 2.5 years on average - that’s 20 times in their working lives. While some of those shifts are driven by workplaces, 55% of them are born of changes in your *life. C*are responsibilities, life stages, family dynamics and personal growth have always catalysed change - that’s the real normal. I love this way of thinking. Periods of instability, whether internally or externally driven, are not the enemy. They’re not tough spots to hustle and grind through, to make it to the other, more stable, side. They’re where we learn new things, form new relationships and make new decisions. There’s no checklist of success we’re being assessed against, no requirement for constant ascension. Just a rich tapestry of experiences and choices that weave together the story of a meaningful life. Doing something new doesn’t have to mean you do it forever. It also doesn’t mean the thing you were doing before was wrong. Every step you take builds on itself, and brings you closer to who you could be - but none of them are invalidated by change. There is no failure. No failure in trying, then doing something else. No failure in changing tack, starting again, experimenting with new versions of who you could or might be. There’s no answer. No done. No end of the road where everything falls into place. Why would you want that? To sit still, and change nothing until you die? If what we want from life is meaning - and surely that’s a more worthy goal than *normality* \- then we sign up for risk, experimentation, change and uncertainty. The skills you’ve gained in your life - work, family, friends, hobbies, education, personal development, et al - stay with you, building on each other as you move through new phases. Enjoy the bit you’re in, and shift into a new one when it’s time. Not doing work stuff right now, because you’re all about your kids? Love that! Lean all the way in, and then lean out when you’re ready. Not chasing romance, because you’re pursuing creative outlets? Great! Make amazing things, and seek companionship if or when it becomes a priority. Life is short, but it’s also long - too long to be stuck where you aren’t meant to be. Too long not to try, and start again if you need to. Too long not to relish in your festering, while knowing it will be temporary, there’s no timeline on grief or depression, and you will re-emerge sometime, different, and ready for something else. Wherever you are, wherever you've been, and wherever you're headed, remember this: You're doing great. You have the freedom to choose something else whenever you please. Til next week, A ### From here to there and back again URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-8-from-here-to-there/ Last updated: 2026-08-10T02:07:20.000Z I spoke at a conference in Queenstown this week, and it went pretty well. I was the middle of the day speaker (tough slot) after three others, directly before lunch. The day was packed with keynotes, so I tried something a little different. Instead of a high-energy presentation, I facilitated a contemplative session that encouraged people to draw on their inner skills and knowledge to plot their path toward a goal. We sought perspective: we thought about where we want to go, what’s in the way, what skills we already have to move past that, the people we most admire, and how we can bring some of those qualities into our own lives. It wasn’t exactly what a room of farmers were expecting, but they were great sports and played along. People came to talk to me afterward and told me what they’ve got in mind for their own journeys. The most common question I got, though, was about *me.* Leaning in with curiosity and confusion, people would ask quietly - “How did you get to be doing work like this?” “What did you do to get here?” I get it. Making a living talking on stage is a strange prospect. It’s definitely not one I would have thought viable just a decade ago. I’m still not sure I believe it sometimes. I get questions like this *a lot,* so in this week’s Friday Flurry, let’s do something different. I’ll tell you the story I told them (and a lot I didn’t) about my messy path from broke single mum and foster kid to writing-speaking-training-consulting. It’s not a ‘how-to’ guide by any stretch. It might be more of a cautionary tale. But here’s the unvarnished, high-level overview of my career, and the life choices that shaped it. It’s incomplete. It’s banged out in haste. It’s really just a collection of stories about my experience as I remember them. I hope you enjoy it. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Farmright Conference, Queenstown, June 2023 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/farmright-conference-queenstown-june-2023/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T05:26:41.000Z _No content available._ ### Take big bets on a vague long game URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/take-big-bets-on-a-vague-long-game/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T10:57:58.000Z ⚡ Strategy isn’t about plotting every step - it’s about holding a big, fuzzy goal in mind while making big moves. The smartest bets are the ones with little downside and massive, unpredictable upside. I’m a big fan of long-term thinking and short-term action. I like to hold a big, aspirational future in one hand, and make decisive, daily choices with the other. But I’m no good at games like chess, that require the ability to predict actions and consequences in a sequence. ## What’s that about? One of the biggest misconceptions about strategy is that you know what all of your next steps are. You plot a path from A to B, with each action described in detail. This is a terrible match for my skills. I think and act fast, and I like to think the hit rate on those choices is about 50/50 though I expect it’s probably worse. Some work extremely well, others fail miserably. I waste lots of time and money on things that go nowhere. Knowing how every step will work out is not a strategy… it’s a *plan*. Memorising steps and potential consequences might work for chess, but I reckon it’s a lot harder for life. For our careers, businesses and personal development journeys, there are too many externalities at play. It’s much more useful to have a big, curly, vague goal off in the distance, and focus on the steps we can take in the meantime that point in that direction. ## Things that worked When I started posted regularly [on LinkedIn](https://www.linkedin.com/in/aliciamckaynz?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) a few years ago, I had 150 connections and no clue where it would go. But my vague logic was: if I built a following there, that would be a positive thing. Five years, over a thousand posts and 31,000+ followers later, and my instincts proved correct. My business has operated exclusively on inbound leads for years and I have an enthusiastic audience who’ve followed me to all sorts of places - courses, podcasts, books, and here! I couldn’t have predicted these outcomes, because I had no idea where my business and career was going. I could easily have bombed and not be talking about it today (survivorship bias, much?), but it felt like one of those options that had a big potential upside, and minimal downside. Plus, the practice of regular, short-form, written audience engagement has had all kinds of other benefits along the way, improving my writing, communication and marketing nous. I’m taking a similar approach to other writing. First: this newsletter, Wednesday Wisdom. Weekly posts for five years have catapulted this audience from 28 people to many thousands. Now: Current Fad. I know I want to be doing more, and different types of, writing as a part of my long-game. I know I’m a writer. I’ve got a few ideas about what shape that might take - a novel, a memoir - but the truth is: I don’t really know. There’s every chance that I will pour thousands of hours into this, and it won’t go anywhere. But I reckon that’s OK. My thinking is: if there are people willing to pay for my writing, and follow along, that can only be a good thing. Learning how to do that well, and what it takes to grow and nurture a paid audience, will not be time wasted. It’s been a first domino that's required me to invest more time, on a weekly basis, to writing in all forms, which has cascaded into other thing too, like taking writing classes and learning new skills. The key here is in making choices that will bring *emergent benefits* and open new doors, even if we can’t directly attribute each step to a specific result. When we see opportunities for *foundational* choices, that could bring dozens of potential benefits, we really want to consider taking the leap. ## Where you’ve done this We make choices like this all the time, more commonly in our earlier years. Education is a great example. Most 18 year olds have no idea what they want from their career - how could they, they haven’t had one! But they (correctly) surmise that having a degree - and in fact, *doing* a degree - will open doors to useful future options, even if they don’t know what they will be. It’s easy to see this stuff in hindsight, but harder for the present and the future. When you’re time poor and battling to cope on the daily, taking a punt on something new, big and uncertain is unlikely to look attractive. But it’s those long-game moves that have the most potential to change your life. ![Use the Barbell Strategy for Success in Creativity (& Life) – Love Your Work, Episode 256](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/8706cb4e-3bae-45be-a644-1a87ffba2925_750x450.png) ## Barbell theory In Fooled by Randomness (which I also talk about here in relation to career development) Nicholas Taleb espouses his ‘barbell’ theory of investing. Most people, he argues, try to balance risk in their portfolio by choosing moderate risk investments. Balanced funds, and blue-chip companies. This strategy limits downside - but it also limits your upside. Average performers give you average returns - and if all of your money is invested here, you’re overexposed to big market shifts. Instead, Taleb advocates, you should avoid the mediocre middle and play with extremes. Occupy hyper-conservative (90%) and hyper-aggressive (10%) market positions simultaneously, to limit your potential downside, while blowing open your potential upside. > *“If you put 90 percent of your funds in boring cash (assuming you are protected from inflation) or something called a “numeraire repository of value,” and 10 percent in very risky, maximally risky, securities, you cannot possibly lose more than 10 percent, while you are exposed to massive upside. Someone with 100 percent in so-called “medium” risk securities has a risk of total ruin from the miscomputation of risks.”* I’m no financial advisor, but I love this theory as it relates to life in general. So many people live their lives in the middle, taking the foregone path, sticking their necks out a little here and there, but staying decidedly average. They make average choices and, as a consequence, settle for an average life. But what if you took just a *bit* of that energy, and stuck it on the roulette wheel? What if you made some long-term punts that have bugger all downside, but *huge* (and totally unknown) potential upside? What would that kind of life look like? What would those gambles look like for you? Til next week, A ### Two day strategy session template URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-run-an-eight-week-strategy-sprint-leadership-away-days/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T13:46:41.000Z Strategy is the most important job of any leader. It's why we *have* leaders. You're the ones who can see the big picture and connect to the work people do everyday. Keeping those big dreams alive and making them real doesn't come easy, but it is the most important part of the time you spend together as a group. Most of your leadership team meetings probably get hijacked by operational rats and mice. You quickly mention an email before you get stuck into the real stuff, and half an hour is lost. Your phone rings, so you step out. **Here's how to make the most of your next away-day with an eight-week strategy sprint.** _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Bad books, organised books, books-in-progress URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-7-bad-books-organised/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T11:00:04.000Z ## What I’m reading This week, I keep consuming entertainment I don’t enjoy. While I’m usually in the business of recommending things you *should* watch or read, here’s a few you shouldn’t. Twice in the last week, I’ve tried a popular book against my better judgement. Twice, I was vindicated in my snobbery. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Don't stumble over something behind you URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/dont-stumble-over-something-behind/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T11:04:44.000Z ⚡ Because the biggest thing holding you back is you, and your shit. I stuck this quote to my monitor this week. > Don’t stumble over something behind you > *\- SENECA* I’ve been doing a sort-out in the office and, just like any sort-out, it wasn’t long before I found myself on the floor, in a stack of papers and memories, reviewing things I’ve done, planned and half-finished. This quote was scribbled in a notebook from November last year, and I stopped for a second after I read it. Like most Stoic wisdom, it’s good advice - but easier said than done, right? ## Old wounds We’ve had a death in our family recently, which I wrote about in [last week’s Friday Flurry](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-6-grief-family-and/): > *Grief and loss are awful enough in isolation. But in families, significant moments - births, deaths, marriages - can act as lightning rods for dysfunction. The stress and heightened emotions trigger the worst in everyone, and at a time when people should be leaning on each other, life can seem lonelier than ever. In families like mine, riddled with pain, blame and misunderstanding, a death or a wedding is a reminder of everything else that’s wrong, the legacy of wounds that tear us apart at the seams.* I saw Gabor Mate speak last year, and this line from really stuck with me: *Your deepest wounds show up later, when something touches them.* Oof. This week’s ‘something’ was the death of my uncle, but there’s been plenty of other somethings in the last few years. For a while there, I was baffled: why was all this stuff bothering me now? My entire adult life, I’ve been proud of how well I turned out “despite everything” - why was it biting me in the ass two decades later? It turns out, all those old wounds decided to show up later. They’d waited until the conditions seemed safer, and now every time something touched them, I’d spring back in pain and surprise, hurt afresh. ## Handling the moment If we don’t deal with things as they happen, they get stuck in our body. In [Willpower Doesn’t Work](https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Doesnt-Work-Discover-Success/dp/0316441325?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), Benjamin Hardy writes that *“A cell is a machine for turning experience into biology.”* Science supports this. [Trauma creates inflammation](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8385235/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Our cells[ harden and close in response to danger ](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1567724919302922?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)\- which is temporarily fine, but problematic if it persists. If we don’t process the experience, we get stuck like that. If we stay like that for a long time, [our immune systems suffer.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4564950/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) We’re also at increased risk of [high blood pressure, obesity, artery-clogging deposits, and neurological changes that underpin anxiety, depression and addiction.](https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Yikes. If you don’t deal with stress at the time, it will stick around for the long-term and make you sick. *(If my experience is anything to go by, it might also make you an unreasonable asshole.*) Which means the smartest thing to do is **handle things in the moment.** Animals are great at this - they literally shake it off. Humans, not so much. If you’re stressed, disappointed, betrayed, embarrassed, hurt or guilty, it’s easier to avoid it. To tell yourself it’s fine, busy yourself with distraction, avoid the interpersonal conflict or internal reckoning, and rock on. But doing that *doesn’t make it go away.* It converts your experience into biology, and [affects how you show up later on](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3181584/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) \- which [you may not even be conscious of.](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/smi.2590?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) If it’s safe to tackle tricky things at the time (and I want to be clear: it isn’t always safe to!), then your mind, body and future prospects will thank you for it. ## Processing the past It’s all well and good to start dealing with difficulty head-on. You can’t stumble over something in the future, if you eliminated it in the moment. But what about your past? The shameful failures, the painful rejections, the people who broke your trust or hurt you, the regretful decisions, the missed opportunities? You can’t deal with that stuff in the moment anymore - but here’s something interesting: *your body doesn’t seem to know that.* Every time something touches the wound, your body will attempt a do-over, trying to resolve the initial problem, and sending you into [no-feeling or big-feeling territory](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) (and rarely a level in between.) You can’t change history. That requires time-travel, and if movies have taught us anything, it’s that even if.you *can* change the past, you shouldn’t. There’s too many interwoven pieces of you and your life that need that history to have happened. But you can *release the energy that holding on is costing you.* You can become a bit of self-detective, work out how your unprocessed stuff is showing up in your present, and work through it bit by bit. Feel that stuff. Get some therapy. Do the work. ## What mine looks like I’ve done a lot of introspection this week, as the storm of family drama swirls overhead, and I’ve had to constantly remind myself of a few key things: - When I act out, it’s my nervous system trying to get a do-over at something that happened in the past - There’s literally no action I can take that will change the past - If I’m angry, irritated, overwhelmed, anxious or being an asshole, I’m probably sad - It’s safe to be sad now. I may as well just do that for a bit, and see if the internal chaos and external moodiness resolves itself. After a lifetime of avoiding being sad, it turns out that it’s better to just do that. *(As opposed to, say, stuffing it down and having a meltdown further down the road, risking or damaging my business, relationships, friendships or self-care. Hypothetically speaking.)* I’ve got about a 50/50 hit rate, but I’m getting there, and every time something like this week’s drama sets me off, I try and do a better job of it. ## Why bother? Why am I giving you amateur therapy on the page, when you just want to do better at work and in your personal goals? ***Because the biggest thing holding you back is you, and your shit.*** Clear the path now, so you don’t stumble later, and save your energy for forward motion. That’s how the magic happens. Til next week, A ### Further reading: - [The Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate](https://www.booketybookbooks.co.nz/products/the-myth-of-normal?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) - [Willpower Doesn’t Work by Benjamin Hardy](https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Doesnt-Work-Discover-Success/dp/0316441325?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) - [The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van der Kolk](https://scorpiobooks.co.nz/product/body-keeps-the-score-mind-brain-and-body-in-the-transformation-of-trauma/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) - [Burnout by Emily Nagoski](https://unitybookswellington.co.nz/product/burnout-the-secret-to-solving-the-stress-cycle/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### How to prepare for engaging presentations URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-prepare-for-engaging-presentations/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:27:10.000Z Use this video and guide to prepare more compelling speeches and workshops. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Gaslighting at work URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/gaslighting-at-work/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:09:06.000Z I met a curious, clever young woman recently. She was smart, a real systems thinker, and passionate about doing great work. When we got to talking about solving problems at work, she screwed up her nose in frustration. *"I tried raising some of this with my boss,"* she began "*but he didn't want to know*." I listened while she explained that she'd tried to raise a variety of issues, and that she'd tackled them in a constructive fashion, creating a shared whiteboard online for suggestions, solutions and ideas. Cool idea, right? People loved it, and immediately started contributing. Until her manager saw it. Before it could gain real traction, her manager, feeling threatened at her initiative, demanded she delete it immediately. (*Although not fast enough, as it turned out. Members of her team had been excited for the opportunity to contribute and were confused when the whiteboard disappeared.)* It gets worse. Following the dismissal of her bright idea, she was called into his office while he enquired about her "wellbeing," suggesting she turn to the workplace-funded counselling service if she wasn't coping. **I. Am. Furious.** This is a clearcut abuse of power. In short: this is gaslighting at work. Feeling threatened by the prospect of his power being challenged or shortcomings being revealed, this male manager used his position of authority to demean and invalidate his young staffer, implying it was more likely she was crazy than there was something wrong. ## Gaslighting is sneaky Unsurprisingly, this was not the first or last time she had encountered this kind of behaviour. This particular example is pretty clear-cut, but they aren't all this easy to spot. Other varieties of gaslighting at work are sneakier: you might have it suggested or implied that you're being *paranoid,* or *oversensitive*. Perhaps you've been accused of overreacting or making trouble when you've raised concerns or called out behaviour that felt off. Maybe you have your judgement or expertise overruled or challenged in a way that suggests you're missing the point, when you're pretty confident you're not. Perhaps you're accused of not having a sense of humour, or told you need to *calm down* when your feelings are hurt. You might be blamed for small mistakes you're sure you didn't make, or told you misheard or misunderstood comments that were clearly stated. ## Gaslighting is about denying reality Gaslighting is psychological manipulation aimed at undermining your grip on reality. It leaves you questioning your feelings, experiences or interpretation of a situation and while it is certainly not exclusively levied at women, we are more likely to suffer it. The term comes from the the 1940 film *Gaslight*, where Ingrid Bergman’s character has a thieving husband, who managed to convince her that she’s a mentally unstable kleptomaniac. When he fossicks around in the attic, stealing her jewellery, he switches on the attic lights, reducing the supply of gas downstairs, and making the downstairs lights flicker. When Bergman’s character mentions the flickering lights, he tells her she’s paranoid. The lie happens so often, that she questions her own perception of reality. The husband in *Gaslight* and the manager in this scenario have a couple of things in common here: they’re doing the wrong thing, they’re filled with shame, and when called out, they have two choices: fess up, or turn the tables. Both choose to turn the shame gun on their victims instead, by denying reality to themselves, and distorting reality for the innocent party. ## Gaslighting happens to people who are already vulnerable Women, along with other marginalised groups such as people of colour, people who speak English as a second language, neurodiverse people and disabled people, are more likely to be painted as irrational, emotional or unreasonable in all spheres, including at work - and white, able-bodied men disproportionately occupy the positions of power that allow them to wield this tactic against their staff and colleagues. ## Gaslighting happens to strong people You could be forgiven for thinking it is only meek, quiet people who struggle with this - but you'd be wrong. This particular woman was a confident, articulate professional who had no qualms about taking initiative and speaking up... at least, she *was*. She'd been shrinking a little recently, she confided in me, and starting to wonder if it was worth the fuss. Did I have any advice, she asked? How could she adapt to these circumstances and find a way to have her point heard? I resisted every impulse to grab her by the shoulders and shout YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO ADAPT TO THIS SHIT! because I was in a training workshop, but my face said most of those words, until I had the chance to talk to her 1:1 later. While devastating to hear, this is no surprise. Over time, gaslighting erodes confidence. We start second-guessing ourselves and our skills, feel confused, blame ourselves for "not getting it" and become indecisive, questioning our judgement and understanding. It is a cruel, malicious power grab wielded by people who lack the strength and confidence to engage in open conversations that might threaten their status or power, and it's not OK. ## Calling out gaslighting is risky I left this conversation feeling dejected, upset, and frustrated there was nothing I could do to fix it. In workplaces that produce and reward leaders who behave this way, there is little recourse for their victims. Gaslighters are often popular. They're in positions of power that elevate their judgement and opinion, where their decisions receive the benefit of the doubt. They risk little when they label others as troublemakers. Those labelled as troublemakers, however, pay a heavy price. Taking issues to HR, or to senior leadership, creates a cascade of intervention, scrutiny and doubt with minimal payoff, even when you're successful. It's socially and professionally isolating, as people avoid being tarred with the same brush, and in most cases, the powerful simply consolidate their power. Sanctions are pitiful, if they even exist and despite the media furore about "cancel culture" most abusers continue to operate unchecked, even when their behaviour has been exposed. ## Resilience is not the answer In my work, I expend a lot of energy instructing people in strategic [systems thinking](https://blog.aliciamckay.co.nz/wednesday-wisdom/good-people-and-bad-systems?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). I urge them to challenge unchecked norms and conventions, dig deeper to solve entrenched issues and assume positive intent of the people they work with who are often playing the same [unwinnable games](https://blog.aliciamckay.co.nz/wednesday-wisdom/playing-unwinnable-games?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). To [be more influential,](https://blog.aliciamckay.co.nz/blog/on-micro-influence?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) I implore, you need to agitate from within, meet people where they're at and engage with compassionate curiosity to solve problems together. But in situations like this, that advice goes out the window. It is not the responsibility of people who are being bullied, gaslit or abused at work - *or anywhere* \- to be more resilient, cope better, or fix the system that's hurting them. It is the responsibility of people with power to use it with care. ## Don’t try to change them, just leave My advice to this young woman, though it hurt to give, was simple: *Get the f\*\*k out of there.* You do not have to tolerate this. You do not have to be the one who's stronger, better or more tenacious. You do not need to assemble a case, prove your experiences or become "more resilient." You need to get out. I hate giving this advice. Weekly, I encounter stories of bright, incredible professionals who've opted out of systems and situations that bring them down. Women who are sexually harassed or assaulted. People of colour who are treated as tokens and never listened to. Disabled people with activist fatigue who tire of being brave and resilient. [Working class people](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-being-so-damn-nice/) who accept they'll never belong because they don't speak the language or have the right networks. Sometimes they leave completely. In other cases, they do what this young woman had done: they shrink. They stop speaking up, they stop pushing for change and they resign themselves to a less fulfilling work life, deciding it isn't worth the trouble. In either case, we all lose. We dilute the quality of decisions, hamstring the impact of our services, and preserve the unchallenged, outdated dominance of people who assume power and status as their birthright. **If you're being gaslit at work, know this:** 1. You're not crazy 2. I believe you 3. It's not you that needs to change 4. I'm sorry 5. Get the f\*\*k out. You deserve better. ### How to craft your value proposition URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-craft-your-value-proposition/ Last updated: 2025-10-01T23:23:33.000Z When you have a clear value proposition, you show up with confidence and intention in your conversations, contracts and marketing. You attract better clients, do better work, and achieve better results. In Consultants of Choice, we learn five critical components of your Value Proposition. Here's the first three: - Who you are - What you know - How you work Get these ingredients nailed, and you’ll have a unique and buyable service offering to attract the right fit clients. ## 1\. Who are you? Be clear about what makes you different Regardless of how experienced, knowledgeable, or skilful you are in your field of work, the fact remains: people buy people. It’s not just your services that are for sale… it’s you. So, the clearer you are about what makes you unique, and the more consistently you bring that uniqueness to the table, the easier you will find it to attract the right-fit clients. Your unique selling proposition (USP) is a statement that describes what makes you, your business or your services unique and different from your competitors. There are a few steps you can take to decide on your USP, which require looking at your life from three distinct perspectives: - Your client - Your competition - Your context ### Your client: put yourself in their shoes Consider your client's needs and the problems they must solve. What about your skills, personality, or life experiences make you uniquely placed to deliver those needs? It might not be what you’d usually put on your CV – think about the sports you’ve played, countries you’ve lived in, family you come from or experiences you’ve had too. ### Your competition: what’s out there? Think about the consultants who already work in your space – you might have already encountered them in your employed work. What was frustrating about them? What was great? How do you fit in that dynamic? Look for ways to fill a gap, mitigate their weaknesses, or offer a new spin on their strengths. ### Your context: focus on your difference Consultants and advisors are a dime a dozen. But what about your unique skills and experience make you different? Think about the exciting jobs you’ve had, the unexpected or surprising experiences you’ve enjoyed, or even the failures you’ve had in your career. Those differences - possibly the things you’ve minimised in the past, in your career- will set you apart from the competition. #### To understand your brand better, try asking questions like: - Why are you not what you’d usually expect in a consultant? How is this your greatest strength? - What do most people in your field do, know or think? What sets you apart from them? - What aspects of your personality or personal life have you hidden or felt uncomfortable about in your career? How could those things be your best selling point? ## 2\. What do you know? Convert career experience into expertise You might not have experience as a consultant, but your entire career has prepared you for this moment. All the projects and organisations you’ve been involved in have prepared you for your new career as a SEP - here’s how to extract the goodness. We’re going to draw on three key things to pull together what you know: - Your experience - The projects you’ve worked on - Proof of your expertise ### Mine your past for data The first step to converting your experience into expertise is to map your career as a timeline. Take inventory of the skills and experience you have gained as an employee and identify those unique and valuable to potential clients, marking milestone projects and organisational change as you go. Create a career timeline from your first job to your current position. As you go, identify: - Notable achievements. This includes promotions, awards, or accomplishments demonstrating your skills and expertise. - Key skills. This can include technical skills, leadership skills, or soft skills. Then, group those experiences by theme or industry to help identify areas of expertise or specialties. You can create a clear and comprehensive career timeline by following these steps. ### Gather key project highlights. Case studies of a past project or organisational change demonstrate your expertise and attract new clients. Select three of your most significant achievements and projects to use as your foundation portfolio, which you can include on your social media and website to provide social proof and evidence of your expertise. ### Collect testimonials and social proof. Ask former employers and colleagues for testimonials and references, similarly to how you would in a job interview process, but with a different lens. ## 3\. How do you work? Make yourself a buyable service There are many professional service options that people make a great living from. Rather than trying to reinvent the wheel, it’s helpful to ground your new business inside common categories that people already understand - and buy! The steps here are pretty simple: - Choose your category - Label your services as consulting - Select your preferred mode ### Pick your preferred category Choose from a common category that people understand. i.e. 1. Legal 2. Financial 3. Environmental 4. Engineering 5. Operations 6. Strategy 7. Leadership 8. Sales and marketing 9. IT 10. Creative services 11. Healthcare 12. Education and training 13. HR 14. Real estate. ### Label yourself as a consultant Your market understands consulting better than ‘thought leadership’ or advisory services. Regardless of how you feel about being a ‘consultant,’ it’s a valuable and pragmatic way to define your service offer to potential clients before zeroing in on the services you will offer. Try describing yourself as a consultant, with some follow-up information about what that involves. #### For example: “I’m a…” - **Strategy consultant**: I work with clients to develop and implement strategies to help them achieve their business goals. - **Business operations consultant**: I improve the efficiency and effectiveness of a client's internal operations by… (speeding up their supply chain, streamlining their processes, etc). - **IT consultant**: I help clients use data and technology to make their businesses grow faster and make more money - **Human resources consultant**: I work with clients to better recruit, manage and develop their internal workforce to improve their employee experience. - **Financial consultant**: I help people to achieve their financial goals through budgeting, investment, tax, or financial planning. - **Marketing consultant:** I support clients with cutting-edge marketing strategies to help them reach their target audiences better. - **Management consultant:** I help clients improve how they run their teams and organisations with more innovative management practices. - **Environmental or sustainability consultant**: I help organisations to become more sustainable and environmentally friendly. See? Nice and easy. When you can place yourself inside an existing box, you increase your odds of being found, understood and buyable. Now it’s time to consider what that might look like as a distinct offer or set of services for you. ### Consider your mode options There are many potential modes and ways of working out there. Don’t worry too much about picking your favourite now, but it helps to understand the kind of services people buy from external SEPs and think now about how you can make the most of your skills and preferences. Here is a summary of the ten main modes and services that a SEP might offer: #### 1\. Audits and reviews Conducting assessments of an organisation's systems, processes, and practices and providing recommendations for improvement. This can include financial audits, operational reviews, or compliance assessments. #### 2\. Strategy and planning Help organisations develop and implement strategic plans by identifying goals, objectives, and actions needed to reach them. They also assist organisations in creating long-term vision and identifying new opportunities. #### 3\. Project management Taking on the role of project manager, leading and coordinating the efforts of a project team to deliver a specific outcome or product. This can include managing timelines, budgets, resources, and communication and coordination with stakeholders. #### 4\. Implementation support Working with clients to implement the recommendations and plans developed in the previous modes by providing guidance and support to ensure successful execution. This can include coaching and training and monitoring and measuring progress. #### 5\. Training and education Providing education and training to clients on specific topics such as management, leadership, or technical skills. They can also design and deliver customised training programs. #### 6\. Coaching and mentoring Providing one-on-one guidance and support to individuals or teams, helping them to achieve their goals, develop new skills, and overcome challenges. This can include executive coaching, career coaching, or mentoring. #### 7\. Research and analysis Gathering, analysing and interpreting data to provide insights and recommendations on specific topics or issues. This can include market research, customer surveys, or data analysis. #### 8\. Technical services Providing specialised technical services to clients, such as IT consulting, engineering, or scientific research. #### 9\. Creative services Producing creative outputs in collaboration with clients to meet their objectives. This can include creating visual content for marketing materials, designing brand identities, providing writing and content or creating graphic elements for websites or social media. #### 10\. Legal and regulatory services Providing compliance or accreditation services, such as drafting legal documents, providing legal advice, and helping organisations to comply with laws and regulations. ### How to choose your mode You’ll operate across multiple modes in your new business, but it’s helpful to select your preferred methods or ways of working as you start to shape up your initial service offer. To begin, select the consulting modes that align with your skills, experience, and interests and what your clients will be willing and able to buy. Warning: don’t limit yourself to what you’ve done before! Many skills you’ve developed over your career will be quickly and delightfully redirected into new modes. This is a great chance to explore! ## Bring it all together When you’ve clarified who you are, what you know, and how you work, you have the beginning of your unique consulting value proposition. Now, there are just two more ingredients to consider - but to learn more about those, you’ll have to join Consultants of Choice. [Consultants of ChoiceEverything you need to start, run and grow your own consulting business.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/f0f41ee03b973c145ffd8e3f7906a38c-1.png)Alicia McKay AcademyAlicia McKay Academy![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/4912cef9524575dfedb214302f8b1fb5.png)](https://academy.aliciamckay.co.nz/course/coc?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Grief, family and temporary communities URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-6-grief-family-and/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:11:03.000Z This week has been a wild ride. Over the weekend, my uncle died after a long battle with pancreatic cancer. He was in his mid 50s. We spent a lot of time together in my childhood, including after I left my abusive childhood home, at the tender age of 13. My uncle was a stable presence in my life for years until, as with most things in my family, he wasn’t. The news hit me pretty hard, and was almost immediately layered with all kinds of other conflicting emotions and circumstances. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Why I'll never have a job again URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/why-ill-never-work-in-a-job-again/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:09:39.000Z ## The redundancy reckoning Redundancies are hitting the headlines right now, especially in tech. In the last month in New Zealand, we’ve seen [Xero announce 800 job](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/business/485606/xero-announces-plan-to-cut-up-to-800-jobs?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) cuts and [Sky Television confirming 170 staff would be made redundant](https://www.stuff.co.nz/business/131632630/sky-tv-confirms-plan-to-lay-off-about-170-staff-after-completing-consultations?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). The ‘tech wreck’ has [hit Australia too](https://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/end-of-an-era-what-the-tech-wreck-means-for-australian-workers/t9x0m2915?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), with thousands of jobs going in the last 12 months. Earlier this year, The Warehouse Group and MediaWorks both signalled lay-off plans. [Amazon’s 27,000+ person layoff ](https://www.hcamag.com/nz/specialisation/employee-engagement/amazon-layoffs-hit-aws-new-zealand-staff-reports/444604?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)will hit New Zealand AWS staff. In education, The University of Otago announced on April 20 that several hundred academic and professional staff will be made redundant, and just last week [Victoria University of Wellington](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/victoria-university-of-wellington-staff-told-to-brace-for-job-cuts/NK2SALXBDVAC7M2RR7SBH6IFCM/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) signalled up to 260 jobs will go. This is on top of the [200 to 1000 jobs expected to be lost with the Te Pukenga merger](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/education/131660369/low-staff-morale-and-hundreds-of-job-losses-but-te-pkenga-boss-adamant-polytech-merger-was-the-right-move?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). [Auckland Transport faces the loss of 150 jobs](https://www.hcamag.com/nz/specialisation/employee-engagement/amazon-layoffs-hit-aws-new-zealand-staff-reports/444604?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) in an [Auckland Council slash and burn ](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/national/490532/auckland-will-lose-some-nice-to-have-services-with-500-job-cuts-deputy-mayor?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)that’s already axed 500 ‘nice to have’ jobs and has another 200 cuts in the pipeline. Globally, over [168,000 jobs have already been lost in tech alone](https://techcrunch.com/2023/05/24/tech-industry-layoffs-2023/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), including huge cuts at giants [Google](https://www.stuff.co.nz/business/world/300789282/google-axes-12000-jobs-as-global-tech-sector-layoffs-continue?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and [Meta](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/business/485985/facebook-owner-meta-to-cut-10-000-staff?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=Meta%2C%20which%20owns%20Facebook%2C%20Instagram,off%2011%2C000%20employees%20last%20November.&text=In%20addition%20to%20the%2010%2C000,left%20unfilled%2C%20he%20told%20staff.), slashing 12,000 and 10,000 jobs respectively. ## Your job is not the security you think it is In my work with self-employed professionals through Consultants of Choice, I hear a lot of people worried about the loss of security that would come from leaving their job. The 'risk' of financial ruin seems too high, after many years of receiving a steady paycheck. This fear is misplaced. I’ve been self-employed since I was 25 and at any given time since starting my business, I've had multiple clients, projects and income streams. Right now, I earn money through selling books and online courses, running training programmes like [Not An MBA](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and Consultants of Choice, speaking at conferences and events, writing newsletters to paid subscribers and delivering projects for a client base of over 100 previous clients and over 10,000 interested leads. If one client cancels a contract, I get sick or injured and can't work, or I have a slow month in sales, I've got lots of options for how to pivot and adjust, along with other streams of income to cushion the blow. This seems much safer to me than depending on the benevolence of a single employer. Where are you left after a redundancy or a restructure? A payout, if you’re lucky, and then back to begging for a new single income stream. ## Build an antifragile career In his book [Antifragile: Things that Gain From Disorder,](https://www.amazon.com/Antifragile-Things-That-Disorder-Incerto/dp/0812979680?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Nicholas Taleb talks about managing career risk, contrasting the lives of the office worker and what he calls the 'artisan' - a self-employed professional with multiple clients. The artisan, he argues, is more robust to volatility in the marketplace, because while there is a lot of daily volatility in clients, rates and demand, they are more flexible in the face of large shocks. The permanent employee, by contrast, has just one source of income. Their financial risk is hidden, or 'smoothed' by a regular paycheck - but a disruption leads to a mark on permanent record, or total loss of income. A bad month for a self-employed plumber might lead to a reduction in their client base and necessitate a change in marketing tactics, while a bad month for the person as an employee could lead to redundancy, termination, and the need to replace all of their income in one fell swoop. Security, by way of employment, is nothing but rigidity and hidden risk. The recent wave of redundancies has made this clearer than ever. Self-employment is scary, and it requires faith in your abilities, but in many ways, it’s the safer bet. ## Take the leap If you're putting off starting your side hustle or leaving your job because you're worried about the risk, this might be a useful reframe to help you on your way. Til next week, A ### Local Government Professionals NSW LGC23, Sydney, May 2023 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-government-professionals-nsw-lgc23-sydney-may-2023/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T05:23:34.000Z _No content available._ ### Knitting URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-5/ Last updated: 2026-06-09T00:46:16.000Z Happy Friday, everyone. I’m back from a week in beautiful Rarotonga, and I’ve got to ask: why aren’t we all living in a tropical island paradise? Who convinced us that being in crowded damp cities was the smart choice? (*Wellington dweller checking in*) How did we get fooled into thinking meaning would be at the end of an email, rather than the edge of the horizon? Nice one, capitalism. Very clever. I’ve really battled to get my head back in the game this week. Every half an hour I sigh and say something like “What’s the *point*? It doesn’t *mean anything.”* You can imagine how fun I’ve been to share an office with. ## What I’m doing this week ### Knitting Instead of working and writing, I’ve been distracting myself with learning to knit a jersey. I’m not very good at it yet, and the big lumps and hanging threads you can see in this picture are indicative of my skills, but it’s felt good to *make something* that I can touch and feel, as an antidote to a job that sometimes feels a bit made up. Recommend. ## What I’m not doing ### Cleaning my house I’m in one of those ‘I can be chill about mess’ phases that is probably about to run out. I’m pretending it’s a result of my maturing approach to priorities and family time, but it’s more an exhaustion response than anything. On Wednesday, I channeled some of this Zen Mother orientation into this text to Cam, who was away for work. > “*The floor is dirty, the toilets need a scrub and the washing pile is bigger than me. The kids are noisy, they keep sniffing, and everyone forgot their everything. But there's guitars, books, craft supplies, knitting, and works of art in progress everywhere, a lovely backyard with autumn trees, a fluffy cat, and enough time to enjoy it all in between overseas adventures. How did this become the norm? What brilliance. I love you.”* Cute eh? Then, later that night, I discovered a large brown mark on my newly painted kitchen ceiling. My teenagers guiltily disclosed the explosion of an iced coffee they’d tried, unsuccessfully, to clean up. How does iced coffee get on the ceiling? The mind boggles. Anyway, they got me on the right day. ## What I’m thinking about ### Being a put-upon asshole In most close relationships, I think both people feel convinced of their disproportionate forbearance. It’s like in those studies where they ask people what percentage of the housework they do, and the combined total adds up to 140%. Everyone thinks they’re doing more, and both are wrong. This couldn’t be truer in romantic relationships where we see our own flaws as cute quirks, and the others as egregious crimes. Like, *“It’s easy for you, you’ve only got *me* to deal with. I, on the other hand, have to put up with *you!* Can you even imagine?* I read once that when people start exercising in an effort to lose weight, they almost invariably overestimate how many calories they’ve burned through activity, and underestimate how many calories they’ve eaten. For some people, exercising actually leads to weight gain, because they’re hungrier, so they eat the calories they burned and then some. I reckon emotional compromise might have a similar effect. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Are you on the right side of history? URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/are-you-on-the-right-side-of-history/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T11:09:29.000Z I spent last week on holiday in beautiful Rarotonga, with one of my closest friends. We had one of those luscious weeks that you usually dream of with a beach holiday, but then ruin by doing lots of activities or trying to be productive. No productive activities for us! We leaned all the way in to self indulgence, spending the vast majority of our time napping, reading, swimming, or drinking cocktails by the pool. Glorious. I also managed to churn through 6 books (!!), which you’ll hear all about in this week’s [Friday Flurry](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/friday-flurry/). The night we got there, though, I hadn’t quite turned off the existential dread and, on surveying the idyllic scene before me, I started thinking about the absurdity and moral repugnance of taking tropical holidays as we stare down the threat of climate extinction. I imagined having a conversation with my great grandchildren, 50 years from now, where I had to explain this behaviour. *“Yes, we knew what was coming. Yes, we flew there on holiday. Yes, on a plane. Yes, the spoons were made of plastic. Look, it was a different time, OK?”* I imagined their faces, the expressions of abject horror, as I explained our theoretical awareness of rising sea levels, extreme rainfall and increasingly frequent tropical cyclones. Their disbelief, as I described the funny coincidence that New Zealand experienced a tsunami warning while I was there. I imagined how guilty I would feel, trying to explain to this ambivalence and inaction to future generations. I suppose every generation has their own version of this - whether it’s environmental degradation, beating kids, gender discrimination, or slavery - and it’s a interesting exercise to ponder what we accept now, that will go down in history as morally bankrupt (my prediction: eating animals isn’t going to age well.) I’m a woman that spends more time than I’d care to admit on a bit of a high horse. I’m on the socially progressive end of the spectrum, railing against class privilege, racism and transphobia - but in my own household, with a band of socially aware teenagers around, I feel like a Boomer at times. My moral indignance, which seems radical in the workplace, is already dating poorly. In *What We Owe The Future*, Will MacAskill makes a compelling case for AI wariness, on the grounds of ‘values lock-in’. He argues that we’re at a tipping point, where we might unwittingly lock in our current values for a long time into machine learning algorithms, and that we should be very careful about doing that unless we’re confident that today’s ideas will age well. Which of course, they won’t, will they? Our values and moral codes are so malleable, contingent, and contextual, that we should assume we still have a lot of things wrong. We’re astonishingly myopic when it comes to the future, and our inability to take action on things like fossil fuel depletion and pandemic preparedness (despite *just having one)* continues to show how short-sighted we are. Even when we know, we suck at taking action. These kinds of realisations are useful for a sanctimonious human like me, serving as a bit of a perspective adjustment. We’re all wrong, we’re all on the wrong side of history for something, and yet, we’re all doing our best. We might as well try and be nice to each other in the interim I suppose. Til next week, A ### 10 questions to boost your professional credibility URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/10-questions-to-boost-your-professional-credibility/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:10:04.000Z There's a reason every job interview asks the dreaded question: "So, do you have any questions for us?" Gulp. I've got butterflies just thinking about it. Asking questions shows that you're a critical thinker. Hiring managers ask this to determine how curious you are and whether you have critical thinking skills. Given that, according to the WEF, those skills are the most in-demand future career skills, I'd say it pays to grow and show them. If you want to stand out in your next interview, meeting or pow-wow with your boss, here are 10 killer questions to get you started... 1. **What are our customers/ clients/ community struggling with?** It's easy to go down the garden path of operational improvement and forget what it's all for. Always start with the end in mind. 2. **What is the minimum viable decision or next step?** Ask someone to make a decision, build a process or write a project brief, and they'll almost certainly make it too big and complicated. Become known as the loveable pragmatist that keeps everyone moving. 3. **Do we need to do this?** Peter Drucker once said, “There is nothing quite so useless as doing with great efficiency something that should not be done at all.” Many of your steps, approval processes, projects, and ideas should be deleted. Be the ruthless one, and watch the rewards pile up. 4. **How does this impact our other projects?** Modern organisations are siloed vacuums of misery, meaning it doesn't take much for you to stand out. Regularly check in on what's happening outside your area, and BAM! You'll look like a super-connected genius (plus you'll get fans across the entire business by saving them from further overwhelm, which is nice). 5. **How can we do this in a way that targets *key priority or customer issue*** It's easy to forget why we're doing something. Products, services, and processes serve all the wrong masters, and we forget that, above all, we're aiming for great service and strategic progress. Be the person who pulls everyone on track with tiny tweaks. Become their strategic Jesus. 6. **Is this what our customers/ clients/ community want?** I am consistently amazed at the assumptions powering entire teams and organisations. HAS ANYONE ASKED LATELY? Be the one who asks. 7. **Who does this serve?** Further to the above two questions. It's easy to do things because our CEO likes the idea or Finance wants it - but they're not who you're here to serve. Check who benefits, and most importantly... who doesn't. If you'll make the lives of front-line staff, customers, or vulnerable people harder with your choices, and there's no proportionate benefit attached... don't. 8. **Are we clear on the purpose of this?** Alternatively, just record yourself screaming "WHYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!" in a voice memo and hit play every 3 minutes in your meetings and conversations. 9. **Who else is affected by this? Have we talked to them?** Modern leaders are astonishingly bad at seeing the entire chain of events they unleash with a decision or project. Follow the thing to the rainbow's end, and you'll look like a wizard. 10. **Does this align with our values? Is there a way we can make sure it does?** Be the person who treats your core values as more than an infographic and establish your reputation as the wisest leader of them all. TL;DR: Ask killer questions, look cool, get more money. Til next week, A ### Saving time URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-5-saving-time/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T11:15:06.000Z > *“The future is always over the horizon, and to be alive is to be in transit. For a few minutes, a sunrise collects all that ineffable bittersweetness into a single burning point.”* _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### On being done before you've started URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/on-being-done-before-youve-started/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T11:11:45.000Z I often want to be done with things before I’ve started, even when I’m enjoying them. It’s my least attractive quality. I go from ‘I’ve had an idea’ to ‘why haven’t I nailed this yet?!" in rapid succession. This dilemma has reared its ugly head over the last few weeks, as I’ve started writing a novel, and attended workshops to help with my writing. It’s the first time I’ve ever written fiction, and everything about it is new to me - form, process, quality, the lot. It’s an exciting creative project, with no deadline, no impetus other than my own creativity - and my first instinct is still to be frustrated at a ‘lack of progress.’ I want to be done before I’m started. Unsurprisingly, this doesn’t allow much space for satisfaction. Every time I achieve a goal that I think will change my life - or perhaps more appropriately, *me* \- for ever, I am disappointed to discover I remain the same, and there’s still something else to do. The mythical finish line wasn’t here after all. I thought about this self-defeating tendency again this weekend, watching my partner play football. *What’s the point of playing sport?* I mused. Every game is a new mission, where you start all over again. You can never finish it, never clock it, never be done with it. But, of course, the players don’t *want* to be done with it. They’re not playing to be done, they’re playing to play. Ah. My neurosis is very productive. It looks, and usually feels, like total confidence in my abilities - of course I can do this, and do it well! But it’s a trick. Self-doubt, masquerading as assuredness. I’ve been driven by discipline for so long, that on my worst days, I worry there’s nothing underneath it - talent, value, passion, or joy. What if, I worry, I cut myself some slack, and everything is *ruined?* What if, underneath all the drive, I’m *not very good*? Worse, what if I’m actually *lazy?* What if I indulge my need for rest, or trust my instinct for play and creativity, and discover a sloth-monster of massive proportions, perhaps one who could never be put back in their box?! Now, this is obviously not true. I love my work, I love my creative projects, and there are many, many days where I’m grateful for the opportunity to shape my own life and work. More days than not. But the [fear of being uniquely shameful, problematic and lazy](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-arent-uniquely-shameful/) is often sitting quietly in the shadows, waiting for the chance to say it’s piece. If these battles - the fear of letting go, taking your foot off the gas, finding out what lies underneath - are familiar to you, take heed. Even if your very worst fears were *true* once upon a time, and you had to work hard to cover up a lack of something else (talent, skill, esteem), the work you’ve done in the meantime will have taken care of those deficiencies. You’ve worked hard, you’ve learned a lot, and there’s nothing left to prove. You’re valuable, you’re employable, and you don’t need to worry about losing it all, not anymore. When you take the fear of failure off the table, you’re left with much more interesting (and terrifying!) questions like: what do you love? What kind of life do you want? What activities do you enjoy the process of, and what would you be thrilled to fill your day with, regardless of the outcome? Focus on those, and it’s hard to go wrong. At that point, the only thing that’s really in your way is you. It’s a bit like Mario Kart, except you’re the one throwing obstacles into your path. This is the attitude I’m trying to bring a lot more of to my novel, my work, and my life from here on in: playing simply to play. Doing for the joy of doing, not trying to be done. Because until we’re dead, there is no done. If we can’t enjoy the process, it’s going to be a slog of a life. With all of that in mind, I’m going to recline here on this beach, in beautiful Rarotonga, and enjoy a cocktail. I might even nap, discipline be damned. When I get back to my desk next week, I won’t need self-flagellation to ‘make up’ the time. I’ll be able to depend on my commitment and enthusiasm for helping my clients and students, and the creative joy of making new things and putting them out into the world. I hope you can find some of the same. Til next week, A ### Guilt, fashion and general dread URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-4-guilt-fashion-and/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T11:13:33.000Z Happy Friday! Do you remember being a kid and *hanging on* for Friday, because it meant the weekend was coming? The faster it came, the better. Adulthood has stolen some of the fun. Now instead of just joyfully leaning in to that Friday feeling, there’s a tinge of “oh no, but I still have so much left to do.” Sad. I’m back in New Zealand this week and thankfully the weather has been cold and wet enough to counteract any sadness or regret I might feel about leaving for a warmer climate next Monday. I’ve also tried to cram three weeks’ work into one, around kids and jet lag, so I’m a bit of a miserable tart. Read your Friday Flurry with this caveat in mind. ## What I’m (not) reading ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/1aa313a8-d126-42fb-beb7-a2decde1a437_4032x3024-jpeg.jpg) I haven’t read as much as I’d like this week. In particular, these two books are calling to me from the lounge “*Why won’t you read us, Alicia? We’re waiting for you!”* I’m desperately hoping to report that I will have chewed these up by the time I talk to you next. However, I *did* finish… #### [Kudos, by Rachel Cusk](https://www.amazon.com.au/Kudos-Rachel-Cusk/dp/0571346723/ref=tmm%5Fpap%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) I whizzed through Kudos, the third of the Outline series by Rachel Cusk and, much like the other two, I adored it. If you’re looking for short reads that won’t keep you on the edge of your seat with stress, but *will* mysteriously keep beckoning you back by explaining things you didn’t realise you thought… give the Outline series a go. > *“There is no better hiding place than somewhere as close as possible to the truth, something all good liars know.”* ## What I’m doing ### Realising my recovery limits and reducing stress There’s a Greg McKeown line I like: *"Do not do more today than you can completely recover from by tomorrow.”* I like the idea, but I’ve always been terrible at applying it. That’s partly because I have this well, when I can tap it, of insane productivity. I can summon a force that enables me to produce an overwhelming amount of *stuff* in a very short period of time (like writing, or filming) or to do a lot of *performing* (training, speaking, etc) back to back with high energy. I used to rely on this, and plan my life and work around it. Over the last few years, though, I’ve found those kinds of big pushes harder to recover from. I’ve started trying to reduce and buffer periods of high production and performance. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Remember who it's all for URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/remember-who-its-all-for/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T01:08:00.000Z ⚡ Welcome to Wednesday Wisdom: your weekly dose of useful insight. I remember planning a wedding, ten years ago, and stressing about the table decorations. I didn’t want them to look like *everyone else’s* table decorations, or for people to think I was blindly follow wedding trends. Here’s why that’s stupid: the only people who know about current wedding trends are other people who are planning weddings. Most of those people were on Pinterest… not at my wedding. Yesterday, I was chatting to a [Consultants of Choice](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/consultants-of-choice) member, who was telling me about the new certifications she needs, so that her consulting practice will look more legitimate. As gently as possible, I let her know: *most of the customers who need her help have no idea what those mean.* The only people who would know are her competition, and they’re the wrong people to be focusing on. Her customers aren’t searching for certification, they’re googling how to solve their problems. ## Who and what are you doing it for? This is a useful frame for lots of the choices we make in our day: - When you get dressed for the day - who’s perspective are you thinking about? - When you make home decorating decisions, what is it for? Are you designing it to look good for a theoretical, infrequent visitor, or to be a functional space you can relax and do your favourite activities in? - When you decide what kind of career you should have - who’s lens are you looking at it through? Your parents, your peer group, or yourself? - When you write your LinkedIn profile or website copy - what do you want people to think, feel and do? Is that obvious? Do you want a life that looks good on social media to an invisible following, or do you want a life that feels good on the daily to wake up to? ## How to talk so the right people listen You might want to take this approach when choosing how you describe things, too - especially at work. Corporate documents are the worst - do you want to prove your organisational change is a good idea, or do you want people to *give a shit and get on board?* Choose your focus accordingly. I spend a bit of time scrolling through the websites and LinkedIn profiles of consultants and public speakers. Sometimes I’ll read their whole homepage, or profile, and have literally no idea what they do, who they help, or what they’re on about. ### Here’s what I think happens: 1. They’re describing themselves in a way that *other people like them* will understand 2. They’re trying to stay ‘catch-all’ for fear of scaring off a potential customer type ### Three questions When you’re making choices, particularly public-facing ones, ask yourself: 1. **Who is it for?** 2. **What matters the most?** 3. **How do I point everything towards them, and that?** You may have some adjusting to do. Til next week, A [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/a2171617-053e-47f8-b128-0799ea52f9a1_1100x220-5-1.png)](#/portal/signup/free) This is a Wednesday Wisdom post, which I publish every week for free. Share this post widely and encourage your friends, peers and colleagues to subscribe too. [Subscribe now ](#/portal/signup/free) ### Lesbian fiction and learning containers URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-3-lesbian-fiction-and/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T11:02:36.000Z A goldmine of stuff you can read, listen to, and click on to learn more about the world we're living in. Strap in, folks, and get that pointer ready. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 8 things people get wrong about strategy URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/8-things-people-get-wrong-about-strategy/ Last updated: 2025-10-05T01:10:39.000Z Strategy is the Emperor’s New Clothes of the working world. It’s one of those buzzwords that lost much of it’s meaning in the 1980s, but people need to keep using, whether they understand it or not. Once you reach a certain seniority, people assume you know what strategy is all about, despite the fact you’ve unlikely to have been taught. This is how we wind up in meeting rooms with people clearing their throats and saying things like “*The initiatives in the action plan are blue-sky vision statements for the future state…*” And rather than sticking our hand up to say “**… wtf?**” most people nod sagely and try to keep the blank look off their face, rather than admit they have no idea what’s going on. A lack of strategy education leads to the development of misguided and lengthy documents that jump straight from a big-picture ‘why’ to a detailed ‘what’. These documents then gather dust on the bookshelf, because as soon as things change, they become irrelevant. This is a damn shame, because a well-crafted strategy is a potent force in the face of change. In an ideal world, your strategic plan is referenced daily, as an invaluable tool for the ‘how’. Teams and leaders draw on it as a reassuring guide to make decisions and shape choices as everything shifts around them, keeping everyone on track to make the change we want to see in the world. With that in mind - here’s 8 common myths about strategy, and a few ways to think differently. --- ## Myth 1: Strategy is about what to do now Strategy is not about the short-term. It’s about using our clarity on the [long-game](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/blog/play-a-longer-game) (what we stand for, and the change we want to make in the world) to plan for the *medium term*. Strategy guides the steps we take along the way, but it doesn’t spell them out. In fact, good strategy is more worried about what we *don’t do* \- the trade-offs we’re willing to make, and the things we’re willing to cancel - while we take steps toward the new. If you can achieve your strategy in the next 6-12 months, it’s not a strategy. It’s a plan. --- ## Myth 2: Strategy is about making plans On that note - strategic planning is not about plans (I know! It’s in the name!) It’s about *principles*. When we create a strategy, we do it on the assumption that we don’t know what’s going to change, or what kind of decisions we’ll be forced to make along the way. Instead of compiling detailed tables of actions with unreasonable timelines we feel bad for missing, strategy is more concerned with criteria. What good looks like, what matters most to us, and how we will make choices. When we know this ahead of time, we find it easier to make strategic decisions as we go. --- ## Myth 3: Strategy is about prescription Strategy trusts the people that will make decisions about it’s implementation. Instead of prescription, it offers *direction -* about where we’re heading and the key levers we’ll pull to get there. When we know, for example, that we’re focused on *leverage*, we enable people to design projects and programmes to be repeatable and reach more people, in ways that suit their environment at the time. They will refer to your strategy for the criteria we discuss in Myth 2 (key outcomes, values and priorities), to decide how to shape those choices and how much effort to invest - but not for instruction about exactly what that will look like. --- ## Myth 4: Strategy should be detailed Strategy should be as concise as possible, and you should be able to sum up the key messages in the time it takes to travel 3 floors in a lift. If you can’t explain it simply, you either don’t understand it, or you’ve put too much in - in which case, it isn’t a strategy at all, it’s a list. Strategy demands focus on the most critical things we need to shift to get where we’re going. Aiming for fullness will dilute and nullify your effort. Force prioritisation through ranking or weighting, and keep your language plain, snappy and clear. --- ## Myth 5: Strategy should describe the past If you’re spending your time focusing on statistics, context and data in your strategy, you’re wasting space. Strategy isn’t about the past. It might draw on that information to form your view, but it only talks about the future. We use everything we know in the present to set direction for where we’re going next, and to plot our path there. If you’ve got a whole section on ‘trends and issues’ - cut it out. No-one’s reading it anyway. I don’t want to know where you’ve been. I want to know where you’re going, what strengths you’re drawing on to get there, and what gaps you’re filling to make it possible. --- ## Myth 6: Strategy needs prediction While strategy is all about the future, it doesn’t try to predict what’s coming. There’s plenty of futurists and economists who will try to do that for you - but they’ll all tell you something different, and if research is to be believed, they generally do worse than a bunch of chimps pointing randomly at signs on a wall. Scenario planning is useful, but we shouldn’t assume we know which scenario is most probable, or that we can cover all our bases. Instead, strategy should focus on how we will *respond* if those things do happen, so that we’re prepared for the worst. --- ## Myth 7: Strategy should be accurate We don’t know the truth. We’re running around full of assumptions, bias and righteousness, and we’re usually a bit off the mark. Even if we *are* right, facts don’t convince people to seize hold of a new and exciting direction. Instead of accuracy, strategy aims for *ownership.* A direction that everyone buys into and gets moving toward - that’s slightly wrong and needs tweaking - will beat a perfect plan that no-one cares about, every time. Things actually happen, when you’ve got people on board! --- ## Myth 8: Strategy needs agreement While we do need ownership, we don’t need everyone to agree. What we want instead is *alignment* \- which is more about productive disagreement. When we’ve been honest about all of the competing positions, agendas and ideas out there, we can line those up in a way that strike at the core of our strategy - purpose, values and narratives. We don’t need everyone to agree - that’s usually a sign we’ve lost diversity - but we do need people aligned on what our most important priorities are. ### You aren't uniquely shameful, problematic, or lazy. URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-arent-uniquely-shameful/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:10:26.000Z I’ve been in the US for the last couple of weeks, for an intensive writing workshop just outside of Portland. The workshop concluded yesterday and before I fly back to New Zealand, I caught the train to Seattle to explore for a few days. Exciting, right? …You’d think so. Instead, freed of the constraints of my work and workshop, I immediately became unsettled and anxious. Since I’ve been travelling, I’ve struggled to spend my time well. My sleeping is out of whack, I’m not keeping up my usual exercise and eating habits, I’m working in sporadic bursts and at erratic times, and I’ve often felt untethered. All this has led me to quietly wonder something quite scary: *If I’m only able to be the kind of good, productive person I pride myself as when I’m constrained by the routines of home, kids and work… am I really that person at all?* If I strip that away, and find myself to be lazy, unmotivated and undisciplined… is this my true self? It’s been a pretty destabilising thought. ## Travel guilt I’m exhausted. I’ve had a really big few weeks, with work and training, and today, I slept until almost noon. I woke, surprised, with a pang of guilt, and mobilised out the door to see some of the local attractions. Pike Place Market (meh), Seattle Art Museum (closed) and then a long meandering until I found a safe place. (The safe place was a bookstore, no surprises there.) This a familiar guilt, one I’ve experienced many times before, especially when travelling. It’s the guilt of not ‘making the most’ of rare unscheduled time. The guilt of ‘doing it wrong’ combined, paradoxically, with the guilt of not working… in time that I’ve specifically ear-marked for *not working*. What’s wrong with me? I lament. Other people would be appreciating this holiday, this break, this location, far more. I wanted this, I yearned for this… why am I not better at it? ## Why we feel guilty when we ‘waste’ unstructured time Today, while browsing the Elliot Bay Bookstore (👍🏼) the universe presented me with two books to help make sense of my unease. The first: [*Make Your Art No Matter What*](https://www.amazon.com/Make-Your-Art-Matter-What/dp/1452182957?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)*,* by creative counselor Beth Pickens. While written specifically for creative types, she provides advice useful to all humans (given all humans, arguably, are creative types, I suppose this makes sense.) She says this: > *“Expanses of unstructured time are the enemy of artists… Unstructured time creates the conditions to feel anxiety, fear and grief that remains contained, managed or stuffed down while a person lives their busy life, in a familiar routine. Having eliminated that routine, they now feel a pressure to be productive, or otherwise “make the most of” the opportunity.”* Yikes, way to speak to me directly. Feeling seen, a short time later, I picked up the book [*Laziness Does Not Exist*](https://www.amazon.com/Laziness-Does-Exist-Devon-Price-ebook/dp/B08BZXM734/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=1IQYWNJTR5V46&keywords=laziness+does+not+exist&qid=1682998959&s=books&sprefix=laziness+does+not+exis%2Cstripbooks%2C130&sr=1-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Devon Price, PhD. I proceeded to have my mind blown, while Price picked apart what they call “the Laziness Lie.” Price links the guilt high-achievers feel for not using their free time productively to a cultural phenomenon: a Puritanical work ethic that equates effort and productivity with morality. In short: we link our self-worth, and goodness, to work. Here’s a pull-quote that hit me in the guts: > *“I’ve talked to dozens of really accomplished, driven people who remain absolutely convinced that they’re uniquely, shamefully lazy.”* Well, hello ME. When I reflect on it, this is a guilt I’ve observed and processed with many others over time. Successful, driven, professional people who still, somehow, believe they’re not doing enough, being enough, or achieving enough. ## Why travel makes the guilt worse In [*The Art of Travel*](https://www.amazon.com/Art-Travel-Alain-Botton/dp/0375725342?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[,](https://www.amazon.com/Art-Travel-Alain-Botton/dp/0375725342?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Alain de Botton describes the frustrating disappointment of a tropical holiday to Barbados, intended to provide calm, relaxation and a respite from a London winter. Once there, he struggles to relax. Problematically, he discovers, he’s brought *himself* on holiday with him. > *“My body and mind were to prove temperamental accomplices in the mission of appreciating my destination. The body found it hard to sleep and complained of heat, flies and difficulties digesting hotel meals. *The mind meanwhile revealed a commitment to anxiety, boredom, free-floating sadness and financial alarm*.”* My guilt at not using my time well, my equation of work with worth, and my worry at exposing the ‘person underneath’ are laid bare on the road. Travel heightens these fears, placing additional pressure on maximising an experience that I’m too tired to enjoy. You may have experienced this too - over a summer break, on annual leave, or on holiday. ## Why we need to share our inner world with others These books, and their authors, have calmed my guilt, quieted my punitive inner voice, and laid the foundation for me to enjoy the rest of my week, without beating myself up for doing it wrong. They’ve also led me to contemplate the value and power of sharing human experiences. Reading something in a book, an article, (or perhaps a Wednesday Wisdom!) that resonates with your inner world is a powerful thing. It validates your experience, alleviates your loneliness, and quiets the panic that there must be something uniquely, shamefully wrong with you. You might feel the same response in conversation with others, or to a well-crafted social media post. When someone describes your experience in a way that makes deep, heart-felt sense, you’re relieved, sometimes even uplifted. You breathe easier. You reconnect to yourself, under the layers of shame, guilt and anxiety. Which is why it’s so important we do that, however we can. Share with others. Tell them what you’re struggling with. Confess the oddities of your inner background track. Write that post. Have that conversation. Every time you do, you unlock a critical truth for yourself, and others: you are not uniquely, shamefully anything. You’re collectively, understandably, beautifully, normal. Flawed, conflicted, and totally, utterly, normal. ### Stop being so damn nice URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-being-so-damn-nice/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T05:42:11.000Z ⚡ Being nice is a dangerous game. Taken too far, we pay a personal cost, damage relationships, jeopardise our safety, perpetrate inequality and hamstring our impact. Today, I saw this Note from Substack co-founder : I squirmed, given the recent Substack controversy triggered by CEO Chris Best’s [interview with The Verge’s Nilay Patel.](https://www.theverge.com/23681875/substack-notes-twitter-elon-musk-content-moderation-free-speech?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) It’s a bit rich that the same company who won’t commit to moderating racist or fascist content are happy to tone-police on a platform of “politeness”. Or it’s a classist smokescreen. Politeness, to me, seems a lot like niceness. And I’m *very suspicious* of niceness. Read on to find out why. I've always felt ashamed of it, but niceness triggers something in me. My bullshit radar pings and I feel... alone. *Less* connected to the nice person, rather than validated. It's a sensitive radar. It might go off in conversation, where someone asks a polite question that feels forced. Or I'll get a text with too many exclamation marks or friendly emojis, and a weird sense of emptiness sets in. I feel it with false flattery too - sucking up doesn't work for my kids. It gets me off side, rather than softened up. I skim past the conversational foreplay in phone calls, feel annoyed at the hollow pleasantries at the beginning of an email, and tune out of conversations that feel fake. What's my bloody problem, eh? --- ## Why I find niceness so suspicious Ta-da, its childhood trauma! That old chestnut, popping up to disrupt my 30s. Turns out, [adverse childhood experiences make you prone to distrust and negative emotional processing.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7856450/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) But there's an **empowering** translation of this too, too: struggle *hones your bullsh\*t radar in helpful ways.* When you've had to be highly attuned to the emotional states of others, for your own safety, you develop a spidey sense for when things aren't right. When you trust that instinct, it can be a useful mechanism for working out who to rely on, and to what extent. My intolerance for inauthenticity and frustration with fakery has underpinned a successful career getting to the heart of organisational dysfunction and steered many a strategy back on course. But it's not always popular - especially with people who want to be nice. The issue of niceness in the workplace comes up in my leadership programme too, when we tackle boundaries, respect, communication and performance. On [Not An MBA](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/not-an-mba), we learn the skills for strategic leadership, to bust out of operational overwhelm and direct our energy more usefully. This all sounds good… until people realise they're going to have to let people down, eject themselves from projects and value their time differently - which can be terrifying to the compulsively nice. --- ## 7 problems with niceness > *“We must learn and then teach our children that niceness does not equal goodness. Niceness is a decision, a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait. People seeking to control others almost always present the image of a nice person in the beginning.*” - **Gavin de Becker.** Here's seven reasons why being nice is a problem, to help you reconsider your polite programming (or to potentially feel better about your personal lack of niceties.) --- ### 1\. Accidental discrimination ![We-will-not-take-this-kind-of-discrimination GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/d2cc55bd-c107-4f7a-94bd-b6179c6583a7_480x304.gif) A lot of what we consider 'nice' or ‘polite’ behaviours is just [ingrained classism.](https://theswaddle.com/social-etiquette-doesnt-signify-good-behavior-just-class-discrimination/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) "Good manners" are a clearer tell of someone's family background than of their character, and when we don't interrogate the origin of what we find rude, we privilege people who came from the 'right' kind of families. In general, those families are middle class, white and socially, politically and economically dominant. Many of our cognitive shortcuts for niceness or trustworthiness are culturally specific and [they vary wildly across the globe.](https://www.insider.com/etiquette-around-the-world-2017-5?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Maintaining eye contact, for example, is considered polite in many Western cultures, but aggressive and disrespectful in many Eastern societies. Norms of ‘politeness’ are also challenging for [the neurodiverse](https://hbr.org/2022/10/stop-asking-neurodivergent-people-to-change-the-way-they-communicate?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), who may experience social interactions differently and appear rude or disengaged when they're simply processing their environment through a different lens. When these small differences add up over the course of a lifetime or career - from job interview competency through to social cues, aligned hobbies and common language - we accidentally perpetrate a divide that leads to huge discrepancies in opportunity, promotions, income and quality of life. ## Sign up for Alicia McKay For high-impact professionals and strategic thinkers who want to make sense and take action. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### 2\. Poor boundaries Nice people are responsive. They're helpful, courteous and attentive. All positive qualities on paper, but the shadow side is dangerous. When we have our responsiveness and helpfulness rewarded, we’re backed into a corner when we need to say no or establish boundaries. Without the skills to push back, many professionals find themselves overworked, frustrated and resentful, with a bulging email inbox, impossible to-do list and a staggering weight of extra commitments. Setting boundaries requires intention, education and practice. If you've established a reputation on the basis of your niceness, it can feel impossible to decline requests for help or refuse to attend an event, for fear of being rude or damaging relationships. The data is clear on this one: sustainable compassion requires clear boundaries. Without the skills and confidence to set your own limitations, you're on the fast-track to burnout. ### 3\. Emotional repression When we feel pressured or obliged to be pleasant and accommodating - because of cultural norms or personal programming - it ‘s hard to express healthy disagreement or conflict. When our feelings are hurt or our boundaries are crossed, we've got two options: let it out, or let it fester. These things don't go away. [Our bodies keep the score](https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), and if letting it out doesn't feel possible, we keep that discontent inside, until it manifests as [stress, sadness, anxiety or loneliness.](https://digitalcommons.pepperdine.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1006&context=pjcr&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) That repression isn't just toxic for our personal health. Relationships without an outlet for honest and respectful communication can only ever remain shallow. Quality connection [requires honest self-disclosure](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-is-2020/201909/relationship-satisfaction-depends-self-disclosure?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), even when those feelings are challenging. If you're too focused on being nice, you curtailing the potential of your personal and professional relationships - and cheat yourself from the joy of belonging. ### 4\. Gendered inequality [The standards we hold for ourselves and others are not applied equally across the gender continuum.](https://aliciamckay.substack.com/p/why-women-are-so-bloody-exhausted) People who present as female carry the weight of deeply embedded expectations that are often invisible and internalised. Women are socialised to be nice, and [expected to be more altruistic and accommodating](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26913619/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Young girls are implored to “ask nicely” and “be nice,” putting the comfort of others ahead of our own. Over time we come to accept this - and realise how important niceness is to promote our safety. In general, men have far greater latitude to set boundaries, state their opinions and have confidence in the worthiness of their contribution. We forgive assertiveness, gruffness and even aggression in male leaders, often valorising it as "strong leadership" while [the same behaviours, expressed in smaller degrees, feel off-putting in our female colleagues](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6461231/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Men are strong, women are hard. Men have conviction, while women are b\*tches. Men are clear, while women are difficult. All these expectations lead to discrepancies in respect, opportunities, promotions and pay. [Alicia McKayFor high-impact professionals and strategic thinkers who want to make sense and take action.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/WW--800----800-px--2-11.png)Alicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/2024-ALICIA5995-Large-2-1-1-1-7.jpeg)](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/why-women-are-so-bloody-exhausted/) ### 5\. Overcommitment People that are too responsive because they want to be nice set themselves up for overcommitment, which will ultimately backfire. When we say yes to too many things, we make an unconscious decision that we'd rather let someone down later than be honest with them today. When we fail to deliver, we negatively impact other people's efforts, create a reputation for flakiness and erode trust, connection and productivity across the board. It's always far better to be realistic about capacity at the beginning it is to make last minute changes to deadlines or ghost people out of shame and panic. --- ### 6\. Safety risks One of the most dangerous ways niceness appears in every day life is when we bend the rules or ignore red flags from a misguided sense of kindness or to bolster people's opinion of us. When I'm out walking with my children, it's important to me cars don't slow to let us cross the road or stop to let us pass. That way, they don't accumulate inaccurate ideas about road safety that might put them in danger later in life. The same is true for giving way at intersections - people that let you go, even though they've got right of way, make the road less safe for all of us. These safety risks can carry grave consequences. A culture that expects niceness, especially in women, makes it unsafe for us to reject unwanted advances or call out problematic behaviour without the threat of aggression or violence. > *“Men and women live in different worlds...at core, men are afraid women will laugh at them, while at core, women are afraid men will kill them.”* > ― **Gavin de Becker,** [**The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence**](https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) We accept hugs we don't want, tolerate 'compliments' that make us feel uneasy and, when we’re sexually assaulted or rape, will often capitulate to keep ourselves safe - or even [make our rapists breakfast](https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a19158567/what-is-rape/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Because men expect us to be nice ('Smile more, you look much prettier!), the potential cost of speaking up is real, and it's too high. Niceness is putting us in real physical danger. Gendered expectations of niceness don’t just create work environments where men receive more accolades and promotion, they create social environments where women smile along with predatory men to reduce the risk of violence. ### 7\. Lack of progress Bold ideas - the ones that change the world, transform companies or provoke social progress - are rarely thought of as *nice*. Nice is bland. Nice is boring. Nice is afraid to offend anyone, or leave anyone out, so isn't specific or unique enough to be of value to anyone. We waste time and effort making sure we've covered all our bases and as a result, we aren't compelling to the customers, friends or employees we most want to reach or serve. When people don't speak up in meetings, call out flaws and assumptions or tell us what they really think in an effort to be nice, the quality of our work suffers and the likelihood of successful implementation drops off a cliff. Alignment is more important than agreement, but it requires authenticity to achieve. In my strategy work, one of the most frustrating and common barriers I find is an unwillingness to focus or make trade-offs. Because we're afraid to narrow our attention to where we'll have the most impact, we spin our wheels at the operational coalface, diluting our effort across too many projects, marketing to too many different demographics and juggling too many different plates, while our goals move further out of reach. Clear strategy isn't nice. Transformational change isn't nice. Nice is a mediocre goal for any strategy, plan or campaign - you'd never put it in your vision, so why retain it as a value? --- ## Weighing up the cost of niceness Being nice is a dangerous game. Taken too far, we pay a personal cost, damage relationships, jeopardise our safety, perpetrate inequality and hamstring our impact. To be very clear: I'm not against compassion, service, empathy or kindness. I teach my children manners, I value courtesy and I believe in helping others, especially people who find it difficult to help themselves. But like all positive traits, there's a shadow side to being nice. If the cost of niceness is inauthenticity, inequality, burnout and boredom, then quite frankly, I'd rather you weren't so nice after all. ### Timelessness, accents, AI and medical mistrust URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-2-timelessness-accents/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T10:19:00.000Z There is no time, no space, and possibly no way to escape the forward march of technology-augmented capitalism. Duck! _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Why women are so bloody exhausted right now URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/why-women-are-so-bloody-exhausted/ Last updated: 2026-08-13T10:41:33.000Z This week, I had a great question from a reader. J wrote: > *"I'd like to ask for advice - especially as a woman - on how to not get in your own way. Self doubt, imposter syndrome, self esteem issues - what ever you want to call it - why is it that we doubt ourselves and how do we get over this? Any tips on how to manage this when burnt out and low on resilience?* > > *I do so much introspection, growth, development etc and am frustrated that I still have to do this work continuously, especially when other (read: men) don’t (or don’t seem to - painting with a broad brush here!)."* J, you're not alone. The inner critics of women across the world are speaking loudly, and bringing us down. First things first, I’d like you read this HBR article: [Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome.](https://hbr.org/2021/02/stop-telling-women-they-have-imposter-syndrome?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) With that done, I’ll try to help. If there was an easy answer, I'd love to know it - and give it to you! But it did send me off to do some digging. Here's what I found... - [Women experience more self-doubt than men](https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2016/01/self-esteem-gender?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) - [Women are more burnt-out than men](https://www.forbes.com/sites/kimelsesser/2022/03/14/women-are-suffering-from-an-exhaustion-gap-according-to-new-study/?sh=6cbf720337b3&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ## The confidence gap Everyone struggles from self-doubt at times - but women more so. The competence-confidence connection isn't linear, and there's a big difference between genders. Men lean towards over-confidence, while women lean the other way. Our lack of confidence leads us to settle for less pay, stops us from applying for promotions and jobs we deserve, and leads to us taking on more than we should. ## Why, though? ### High expectations There is a clear social mould that women are socialised to fit into, from an early age. The way we should sit, look, act, eat, work and care for others is prescriptive and reinforced constantly. In an effort to fit that mould, we criticise and self-regulate, over-analyse, downplay our effort and highlight our shortcomings. ### Role overload Many women feel (reasonably) pressured to be everything to everyone - and expect perfection in every domain. We need to be present, nurturing mothers; ambitious, productive employees; confident, inspiring leaders; engaged, connected community members; thoughtful, enthusiastic friends; responsible, caring family members... and so on. It’s not because we’re control freaks. Research supports that there are there are, [“stricter performance standards imposed on women, even when women and men hold the same job.”](https://thehill.news/opinion/scrutiny-and-standards-girls-face-higher-expectations-while-boys-will-be-boys/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Yep, we work twice as hard, for half the reward - *and* we have more roles to fulfil. ### Male overconfidence The [comparative over-confidence of men](https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/05/the-confidence-gap/359815/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) gives them a huge advantage in the work place. Because they overestimate their abilities, men are more likely to put their ideas forward, to speak up, to call out decisions they think are wrong and to sustain failure or criticism. With women at one extreme, and men at the other, it's no wonder there's such a big gap. ### The world is built for men Our [workplaces are designed for men](https://medium.com/hh-design/the-world-is-designed-for-men-d06640654491?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). From the structure of our work day, the nature of relationship-building opportunities, visibly valued leadership capabilities and esteemed role models through to logistical issues (maternity leave penalties, unfair access to toilet facilities, office temperature and poorly constructed PPE), we are navigating a system that isn't designed for us. It's pretty hard to feel like we fit, when we literally don't. We face systemic bias at every turn, are marginalised and excluded from recruitment and meetings and have to work harder for the same reward. ## The appearance tax Women are socialised into the importance of their appearance from birth. Not only are we supposed to *be* amazing, we're supposed to *look* amazing while we do it - [even when we work remotely](https://www.fastcompany.com/90796581/double-standards-for-womens-professional-appearance-persist-even-working-remotely?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)! Our body image is so closely tied to our worth, that we experience crushing internal and external pressure to meet unrealistic beauty standards. The work that goes into attempting to achieve that - and the guilt that comes from failing to - consumes energy that could be directed into our competence. Don’t worry though, there’s marketing for that: you can cover up that exhaustion with [*even more products!*](https://jessicadefino.substack.com/p/how-to-look-like-you-slept)Not only that - the products that are sold to us to meet this tax, [pose a greater economic burden than equivalent products marketed to men](https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2022/07/what-is-the-pink-tax-and-how-does-it-hinder-women/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) (the infamous ‘pink tax.’) ## The exhaustion gap Unsurprisingly, all of the factors that contribute to the confidence gap are fecking tiring. They'd be enough to send us into an exhausted heap - but those things aren't all that are burning us out. We're also taking on a [hugely unfair emotional burden at work and home](https://zawn.substack.com/p/how-household-chore-inequity-destroys) and the Stress Gap means women are hit [harder at every step](https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/14/smarter-living/stress-gap-women-men.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Again, why? ### Flexibility isn't that flexible While working arrangements have adjusted massively over the last couple of years, flexible working [isn't helping women in the same way it's helping men](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/nov/20/flexible-working-a-system-set-up-for-women-to-fail?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). Men have always enjoyed more space for leisure time in their schedules, and reducing commute and increasing work/life balance has widened the difference. For women, being home more increases the amount of housework, childcare and domestic management we are expected to achieve in our day. Bonus: it starts young. [Girls took on more housework than boys](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/mar/03/girls-doing-more-housework-in-covid-lockdown-than-boys?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), while everyone was locked down. Sigh. ### Discrimination is quieter now Increased focus on gender equity in the workplace has dark side-effects. Discrimination has been driven underground, with [some research suggesting](https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/industrial-and-organizational-psychology/article/subtle-discrimination-in-the-workplace-a-vicious-cycle/F4E00875C9C81512E928195E6B7D6A0D?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) that’s *worse* than overt discrimation - and that [even being in a female-dominated industry doesn’t save you](https://hbr.org/2022/03/research-how-bias-against-women-persists-in-female-dominated-workplaces?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). The majority of women in the workplace have experienced harassment or micro-aggressions (being talked over, interrupted or patronised) in the last year at work. Most of these are unreported for fear of being difficult or facing backlash, which puts a huge mental and emotional management burden on women to suck it up, process it on their own time and carry on. ### Unequal division of emotional and mental labour Working mothers are significantly more likely to burnout than working fathers. The [ongoing inequity in how household chores are divided](https://www.zawn.net/blog/is-marriage-a-good-choice-not-if-youre-a-woman?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) is bad enough, but combine that with the responsibility for school events, extra-curricular admin, remembering appointments, coordinating communication and logistics, shouldering responsibility for healthcare and financial decisions, and we've simply got more on our minds. And get this - when women are the higher-earner in the relationship, [they actually do ](https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220406-women-breadwinners-why-high-earners-compensate-at-home?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[*more*](https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220406-women-breadwinners-why-high-earners-compensate-at-home?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[ of the household labour](https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220406-women-breadwinners-why-high-earners-compensate-at-home?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), overcompensating for their male partners’ egos. Decision fatigue sets in much faster for women, because we're making more of them. ### The broken rung Women are [less likely than men to be promoted to management,](https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220222-proof-verus-potential-problem?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=A%20new%20study%20has%20shown,to%20be%20promoted%20each%20year.) leaving many of us in jobs we're overqualified for. The frustration and stress that comes from a lack of autonomy and the boredom of underutilisation is a huge contributor to burnout. We experience less joy from our jobs, then we go home to experience more pressure and less joy from our personal lives too. ### Office housework Women are responsible for more of the [unrecognised labour in the workplace](https://www.forbes.com/sites/jomiller/2020/08/10/we-need-to-talk-about-office-housework/?sh=73c1007e6030&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) \- from leading health and wellbeing programs and providing pastoral support, to organising meetings, taking minutes, ordering supplies, following up emails and chasing deadlines. In short: all the stuff we do at home, but at work. This unseen labour keeps organisations ticking along, but it crowds out the time, space and energy we have for our actual jobs which tires us out much faster. > Tl;DR: Women are expected to do more, much of which isn't valued, and it still isn't good enough for ourselves or others**.** There's nothing wrong with you, J. There's a lot wrong with the world we live in. Managing those pressures can't be managed by one woman alone - that kind of individual thinking is what keeps us lonely, small and feeling not good enough. But there's a few things we can do, together, to help turn the curve in our homes and workplaces. ## Five things you can do Unfortunately, I can’t destroy patriarchy for you today. (Though I am thoroughly enjoying reading about it’s history and origins. [Check out this book ](https://www.amazon.com/Patriarchs-Origins-Inequality-Angela-Saini/dp/0807014540/ref=asc%5Fdf%5F0807014540/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=642044405259&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1667512217906328111&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9032850&hvtargid=pla-1936217828332&psc=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw9J2iBhBPEiwAErwpeWDyrct7LUnfQzMLRjyej3UvJW31JorXcd5EM5coBYC%5F60Ps3hLhLhoCLewQAvD%5FBwE&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Angela Saini.) But, here’s a few every-day things that can help. ### 1\. Push back on bullshit All those little slights and micro-aggressions that don't get called out accumulate. When we let ourselves and others be talked over, ignore 'harmless jokes' and put the unequal representation of women around the leadership table down to chance rather than naming it for the universal pattern it is, we allow it to continue. Every time we push back and make other people uncomfortable with our discomfort, we put the collective responsibility for change back where it belongs. ### 2\. Make the invisible, visible Our mental and emotional load stays hidden because the it isn't as tangible as making and producing things. The [entire economy runs on the unpaid care labour of women](https://www.oxfam.org/en/not-all-gaps-are-created-equal-true-value-care-work?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=They%20carry%20out%2012.5%20billion,of%20the%20global%20tech%20industry.) (to the tune of $10.8 trillion a year) and it will stay that way if we leave it unseen. A well meaning older lady once advised me, as a work-from-home parent, to leave clues. Don't put the vaccuum cleaner away, she advised, so that when he comes home and trips over it, he is reminded that the floor isn't clean by accident. The vaccuum cleaner theory applies to all the other work we do too - the permission slips we fill in, the 1:1 coaching we do out of hours, and the meetings we organise. Make that work visible, delegate those responsibilities to others, and let them mess it up while they fumble around figuring it out. Men can operate smartphones and run empires, they can bloody well work a washing machine and organise catering. ### 3\. Tell yourself the truth Stop speaking to yourself in such horrific ways. We tell ourselves things we would never tolerate from our loved ones - imagine calling your exhausted, hard-working best friend tired, lazy, fat or a terrible mother? You wouldn't, because it's incorrect and hurtful. Yet we're perfectly happy to let those tracks run on repeat in our own minds. Be your own best friend and biggest advocate, and do it loudly and obviously so that other women hear you do it. Highlight your successes, say nice things about your effort and look for evidence of your value - because it's everywhere. Be the girl who hypes you in the pub bathroom, to yourself, every damn day. ### 4\. Stop putting other people's comfort first We're not the only ones socialised to believe we should [be nice](https://blog.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-being-nice?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), kind, dainty humans who make other people feel good - it's expected of us by our colleagues, bosses, partners, children and friends too. When you start to behave differently by pushing back, prioritising leisure time and demanding more equality at work or home, you will face backlash. People may like you less. That's not your problem. You weren't put here to be nice to everyone, and not everyone will like you for the choices you make. Your peace is worth far more than their pleasure. ### 5\. Band together Women are driven into shame, silence and competition, because that serves existing power structures. For some of us, the only way we've got ahead is by allying ourselves with men - which makes sense! Get three of us over a wine, though, and there is nothing but love. When we stop being complicit in our own discrimination and refuse to judge women more harshly, be suspicious of each other's motives, or point the finger when things go wrong, we say no to a system that wants to keep us isolated. When we open conversations about unfair treatment, stick up for each other and offer support, praise and unity, we're unstoppable. Build work friendships, celebrate each other's success, refuse to participate in gossip and highlight the great stuff being done by other women. **If nothing else, J - I see you. You're great, and you're tired, and you deserve better. It's not your fault and it's not OK.** ### It's never too late to start something new URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wednesday-wisdom-its-never-too-late/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:12:31.000Z A few years ago, I had a client with a secret dream. Carl\* was the 37 year old General Manager of a hotel, and he'd built an impressive career from humble beginnings. He never went to university and had worked his way up from the ground floor. Carl told me he’d been lucky and his success was a fluke. He wasn't enjoying his job anymore, but he'd never get another as good as this. Like it or not, he'd have to stay put. Then he confessed his secret dream: he’d always wanted to be a police officer. Alas, he told me, that ship had sailed. He was resigned as he explained that with a wife and child to support, and a mortgage to pay, it was too late for him to put his ladder against a new wall. Plus, he confided, his brother had been in the police force for 15 years already and he certainly couldn't start below him! It was too late for him now, he told me ruefully. I almost leapt through the Zoom in frustration. 37 years old and trapped forever?! We needed a chat. Carl and I teased out some of the stories keeping him stuck - stories I've heard 100 times before - and tackled them one by one. 1. **Age -** The idea of being stuck forever at 37 is astonishing. You've only just started being an adult! Also, you’re actually *more* likely to succeed in career transitions later in life - check out [this old post ](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/aliciamckaynz%5Fconsultantsofchoice-activity-7056010345450000384-WL2%5F?utm%5Fsource=share&utm%5Fmedium=member%5Fdesktop)for some interesting stats. 2. **Reputation -** Few people are paying attention to you and your choices. The ones that are will be unlikely to hold them against you. Fact is: you worked your way here, you can work your way out. With integrity intact, you'll be fine. 3. **Disaster -** When we get comfortable, we can forget how capable and resilient we are. Remember that huge risk you took, or the time you thought everything was f\*\*ked? And how it all turned out OK? You're much smarter and more experienced than you were then, just imagine what you're capable of now. 4. **Abilities -** For Carl to have scrambled to the top of the ladder by 37, he has skills galore. Those aren't going anywhere - but they're also not the skills he started with. He learned them as he went. The idea you will lose what you've developed - or can’t be good at anything else - is preposterous. 5. **Serendipity -** I cannot believe how many high achievers tell me their success is a fluke. In case you need reminding, like Carl did: You deserve to be here. You worked for it. This is not your final chance at success, safety or recognition. You could do it all over again. Stop telling yourself otherwise. 6. **Comparison** \- Despite achieving more professional success than many of his friends and family, Carl felt paralysed by the idea of going "backwards." Madness! Comparison - and competition, for that matter - is an unwinnable game. There's always someone better (and worse) off than you, but it's irrelevant. Fulfilment doesn't come from beating the people you love. It was a big chat and Carl was quiet when we logged off. But at our next session, he arrived grinning from ear to ear. He'd had an honest, boozy night with his wife where he spilled the beans on his dreams. She was wildly supportive and they'd figured out how to manage the money. He was heading to Police College. I nearly cried with delight. Why am I telling you all this? **It’s never too late for you to change. You only get one life and you deserve to make the most of it.** Years later, I've realised how often I say to myself what Carl once said to me. I've been making the transition to "writer-first" for three years, but I still get struck with what Steven Pressfield calls Resistance. When Resistance hits, I think things like: *It’s too late now. You can't learn to be good at something new. People expect you to be a certain way. Don't risk it. Just stay put.* Or, maybe the most dangerous: *Why can’t you just be happy with what you have?* I’m 37 now, the same age Carl was in those sessions. In the last few years I've noticed a greater reluctance to take risks, more fear about the future, and less confidence or willingness to start over. I notice this in my mid-career friends and colleagues too. At a time in our lives when we have more skills, resources, connections and safety than ever before, we somehow manage to feel *more stuck* than when we had nothing. These are stories worth challenging. I’m not telling you to quit your job or start a new life, (though maybe you should.) But you know what wouldn’t hurt? Getting back in touch with the dreams you’ve kept locked away, and giving yourself permission to explore following them. Sure, you’ll suck to start with. You once sucked at what you’re doing now, too. But you can always start again. Any time you like. Til next week, A *\*name changed* ### Travel, skin, and being a kid URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/friday-flurry-1-travel-skin-and-being/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T09:51:38.000Z I share what I've been reading, writing and thinking. Get book recommendations, thoughts to chew on and permission to stop putting unnecessary stuff on your head-skin. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Share your work in progress URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wip/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:13:33.000Z I have a house guest - our former au pair, visiting from Germany. She's launching her yoga video channel and last week; she confided how disheartened she feels watching her favourite creators on YouTube. They have millions of followers, books, and dazzling careers. The comparison was crippling, and she found herself pouring hours into making her videos perfect, and then struggling even to want to post them. ## Why you need to share your WIPs I shared some advice with her that I wish someone had told me when I started out: > Share your process in public, even - no, especially - if you're not good yet. There are a few reasons for this advice: ### 1\. It's best to get the embarrassing stage out of the way before people are watching I started Wednesday Wisdom in July 2018, and it went to just 28 people. When I read those old posts now, I cringe. I'm glad I didn't have thousands of you back then! But there's no shortcut for practice, so I needed to start small. ### 2\. Your journey inspires people two steps behind Watching experienced creators is daunting - not just for her, but for others who want to start. We can't connect to success that's too many steps ahead. By sharing her process with a growing audience, she builds trust and inspires people who are a step or two behind her. That's valuable. ### 3\. Early encouragement keeps you going It's hard to stay motivated for an idea that isn't real yet. You might give up before anything sees the light of day. Once you've told people, you shine light on your idea, inviting investment and encouragement, which might make all the difference on hard days. You might not be starting a business or a yoga channel, but you should still share your work. If you do, you'll get: - The chance to make your idea better - The excitement and support of people who care about you - A wider sense of ownership and engagement in your results. If you're trying to present a done-deal, because you're scared people won't like you or your idea until it's perfect, you're missing some serious opportunities. --- ## How you can do this You can share your process, or your works-in-progress in lots of different areas: - Share your thinking with your team or Board before the recommendation is ready - Show your drafts to colleagues for their input - Launch your new idea to a small audience before it's "ready" - Tell your friends and family what you're working on, even when you think it's shit. Share your process. Get a boost, connect with others, and improve your outcome. Til next week, A ### WTF, Netflix? URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wtf-netflix/ Last updated: 2026-08-13T10:40:18.000Z *Do Revenge* is the Number 1 movie on NZ Netflix in New Zealand at the time of writing (September 23, 2022). Targeted at teenagers and adults alike, the plot centres on a schoolyard victim of 'revenge porn'. This victim is a 17 year old girl - which means that despite being played by a 28 year old actress (yes, you read that correctly, 28) makes the 'leaked sex tape' (taken directly from the Netflix movie description) tantamount to the distribution of **child sexual abuse material\*.** At no time in the movie is it described as such, nor do any adults intervene to hold the 'leakers' to account. This is our favourite movie of the week. If viewer statistics are anything to go by, we’re getting off on the idea of kids having sex. Surely the media has reacted with shock, horror and revulsion?! Apparently not. Any controversy around *Do Revenge* seem to have focused on other issues, such as [Sophie Turner’s use of the word cunt](https://www.cinemablend.com/streaming-news/netflix-execs-were-squeamish-about-sophie-turners-foul-mouthed-do-revenge-moment-and-tried-to-censor-it?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and [“Gen Z’s struggle with forgiveness.](https://collider.com/do-revenge-gen-z-forgiveness-maya-hawke/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)” 🫠 The homophobia, anti-Semitism, unchecked misogyny and slut-shaming could have featured more in the criticism, I would have thought, but hey. The number 2 TV show in NZ today is *Heartbreak High,* a 2022 remake of a popular 90s series that screened on Australian TV. The description reads thus: *“In this provocative teen drama, a *sex map* exposes Hartley High students’ hook-up history.*” The main characters, cast as 16 year olds, are all aged between 24 and 28\. 🤮 HBO teen drama series *Euphoria,* the most tweeted television show of the decade, (written in it’s entirety by a 37 year old man) features adult actors engaging in nudity scenes, close-up genitalia shots, and drug-fuelled sex. The actors, all aged between 23 and 31, are playing teenagers who are barely the minimum age of legal consent. The trend is clear: adults, playing children, having sophisticated sex lives, serving an adult audience. Let’s dig into that a little deeper. ## Adults as children We hire adults to play children (because there are legal requirements for working with child actors and it’s illegal to have children play at sex on camera) and then feed the content back to a wide audience, who gobble it up with glee. These TV shows and movies aren't just popular with teens, but with adults - who wrote, directed, produced, shot and marketed the content, and are also its favourite consumers. We should be deeply uncomfortable with this. It’s time we asked some questions about why this is so appealing and marketable. There are many reasons why a cultural obsession with teenage sex is problematic. A few of my central concerns, particularly as a parent of two teenagers, are: 1. **Unrealistic portrayals of early sexual experiences**We’re creating an expectation for teenagers about their maturity, looks and sexual capabilities which are wildly inaccurate and unachievable. Hiring actors in their 20s and 30s to pose as children has always been a strange thing to do – but having them act at losing their virginity and leading sophisticated, complex sexual lives, is tantamount to 'barely legal' pornography as a genre. 2. **Fetishising the sexual development of children**We're normalising watching and focusing on teenager’s romantic and sexual relationships, turning children into sexual beings for entertainment. Objectifying and fetishising children – especially young girls – sends powerful cultural messages about the importance of sexuality and sexual value as the building blocks of their identity. 3. **Entrenching unsafe gender and power dynamics**Many of these shows normalise relationships with power inequities. Netflix hit show *Never Have I Ever,* which centres on the sexual experiences of a 16 year old virgin (played by 20 year old Maitreyi Ramakrishnan), pairs her with "teenage" heartthrob Darren Barnet - who was 31 at the time of filming his role as a 17 year old boy. THIRTY ONE. The actors engage in steamy scenes, where a grown man puts his hands all over a woman barely out of her teen years. This is then marketed to teenagers, to "connect" with their experiences in high school, and to adults - [like Guardian journalist Zoya Patel who claims she’s “never felt so seen”](https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2021/jul/21/never-have-i-ever-i-binged-mindy-kalings-coming-of-age-show-ive-never-felt-so-seen?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). This normalisation - of a much older man and younger woman - along with the suggestion that sex is a central concern in the lives of teens is predatory, and barely lawful. It’s also patently incorrect. Despite this cultural obsession and big-budget programming, today’s teenagers (and people of all ages, actually) are actually [having ](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/people-have-been-having-less-sex-whether-theyre-teenagers-or-40-somethings/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[*less* ](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/people-have-been-having-less-sex-whether-theyre-teenagers-or-40-somethings/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[sex than previous generations](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/people-have-been-having-less-sex-whether-theyre-teenagers-or-40-somethings/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), and [doing it at an older age](https://www.businessinsider.com/millennials-lose-virginity-later-than-previous-generations-2018-5?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). The legal minimum age of consensual sex in most developed countries is 16, and the average age of virginity loss between 17 and 18 years old. In fact, [12.5% of millenials don’t have sex until the age of 26](https://www.businessinsider.com/millennials-lose-virginity-later-than-previous-generations-2018-5?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) \- well after when most teens have finished high school. ## Children as adults Casting adults as teenagers and having them perform or simulate sexual acts, as adults, under the pretence of being a teenager, is bad enough. But it's not the worst of it. We also have teenagers and young adults, under the watchful eyes of a predatory media, adopting - or being cast and forced into - hyper-sexualised, adult roles before they can legally consent to sex. In the last few weeks, former Nickelodeon child star Jennette McCurdy released her memoir, *I’m Glad My Mom Died*, featuring explosive accusations against Nickolodeon – and in particular, network producer Dan Schneider. McCurdy starred as Sam Puckett in iCarly between 2007 and 2012, joining the show at 15, before joining a spinoff combining stars iCarly and another popular Nickolodeon show, Victorious. McCurdy has exposed Schneider for sexualization and inappropriate behaviour toward child actors including herself, Ariana Grande and Jamie-Lynn Spears, as well as tales of underage drinking, uncomfortable sexual scenes and requesting massages from child stars on set. A chorus of former child stars from the network have added to the accusations, including Victorious actress Daniella Monet, who has gone public with her discomfort playing sexualised scenes written, shot and directed by Schneider. A recently published Business Insider report "['](https://www.businessinsider.com/dan-schneider-nickelodeon-empire-massages-hostile-workplace-allegations-inappropriate-costumes-2022-8?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[*Revealing' teen costumes, on-set massages, and a gender-discrimination complaint: Inside Dan Schneider's 'disgusting' Nickelodeon empire"*](https://www.businessinsider.com/dan-schneider-nickelodeon-empire-massages-hostile-workplace-allegations-inappropriate-costumes-2022-8?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[ ](https://www.businessinsider.com/dan-schneider-nickelodeon-empire-massages-hostile-workplace-allegations-inappropriate-costumes-2022-8?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)goes deep into the controversy. The report references a scene where 13 year old Jamie Lynn Spears, appearing in Zoey 101 (which Schneider created, executive produced, co-wrote, and had a guest appearance on) has goo ‘roughly the consistency of an egg white’ shot onto her face repeatedly. Her costar Alexa Nikolas recalled one of her male costars referring to the scene as ‘like a c\*\* shot’. ‘We’re talking about a minor,’ she said. ‘I think Jamie was 13, and they’re squirting stuff on her face.’ This YouTube clip, viewed over 11 million times, compiles 2 minutes of clips from Victorious, a popular kids show starring a 16 year old Ariana Grande. These excerpts, which were written, shot and directed by Dan Schneider, feature a collection of staggeringly obvious and disturbing sexualisation, performed by an innocent 'baby-voiced' young girl as the character. **Content warning: this is upsetting.** ## Cultural co-signing Jim Jeffries is a popular 45 year old male comedian, who’s latest tour included punch-down comedy favourites such as rape fantasies about child activist Greta Thunburg. Jeffries received raucous cheers from the audience in Wellington recently, when he talked about finally being “allowed” to lust after Harry Potter actress Emma Watson once she became of age. He is not alone. When the movie version of *Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire* was released in 2005 (Watson was 15), fans across the internet created countdowns to her 18th birthday. Seventeen years later, nothing has changed. Reddit hit the news in February 2022 when it was revealed a NSFW (Not Suitable for Work) forum was running a wait-list in the thousands, for contributors who were counting down to *Stranger Things*' star Millie Bobbie Brown's 18th birthday. These are extreme examples, but a quick social media search for Harry Potter or Stranger Things reveals, despite being fantasy and science-fiction respectively, the fervour around "shipping" (desiring a relationship between) main cast members, with speculation and fan-fiction whipping commenters into a frenzy. Predominantly adult audiences are transfixed by romantic and sexual relationships between children and teenagers. Irrespective of genre, this should give us serious pause. ## Follow the money The sexual economy of children and young girls is nothing more than culturally sanctioned sex trafficking. We’ve built, sustained and fed a media machine designed to profit from paedophilac tendencies and endorsed it in the name of entertainment. The writers, producers and directors of these shows and movies are overwhelmingly middle-aged men. [Women are staggeringly under-represented](https://www.forbes.com/sites/kimelsesser/2023/01/04/percent-of-women-behind-the-scenes-of-top-films-declined-in-2022-according-to-new-study/?sh=4f74647558f4&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) in the creation and production rooms of prime-time TV and blockbuster dramas and comedies. In fact, it’s getting worse. In this excerpt from[ a Forbes article published in January 2023](https://www.forbes.com/sites/kimelsesser/2023/01/04/percent-of-women-behind-the-scenes-of-top-films-declined-in-2022-according-to-new-study/?sh=4f74647558f4&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), Kim Elsesser writes: *“In 2022, women comprised 24% of directors, writers, producers, editors and cinematographers working on the top 250 grossing films, down 1% from 2021\. This is according to the* [*Celluloid* ](https://womenintvfilm.sdsu.edu/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/2022-celluloid-ceiling-report.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)*Ceiling report, which has tracked women’s employment on the 250 top-grossing films for the last 25 years…* *According to the report, women comprised just 7% of cinematographers working on the top 250 grossing films of 2022\. That’s up only three percent from 1998 when Lauzen started collecting data. The number of female editors hasn’t improved much either, increasing from 20% in 1998 to 21% in 2022\. Women didn’t fare much better in other roles, comprising only 19% of writers, 25% of executive producers, and 31% of producers in 2022\. For the top 100 grossing films, the numbers were similar, with women faring best as producers (28%), editors (18%), writers (17%), directors (11%), and cinematographers (8%). Only 9% of composers of the top 100 films were women.”* I hate to bring it all back to the patriarchy, but here we are. We’re looking at a multi-billion dollar industry, driven by wealthy, powerful men, exploiting the labour of children and young adults to reinforce cultural narratives about objectification and sexualisation. And if our Netflix statistics are anything to go by, we’re eating it up. **In trying to sum this article up, all I’m left with is a sense of… WTF?!** ### Gyms are weird URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/gyms-are-weird/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T09:18:25.000Z I was a late-comer to exercise. At primary school, I was too awkward to physically engage with any confidence, and at high school, I was too much of a ratbag to consider sports. I was too busy smoking cigarettes and getting into trouble. In my 20s, I realised that my body was starting to reflect my lifestyle, and vanity took over. I started running in an effort to keep my weight under control, and it didn’t take long until I was hooked. I channelled my little addict brain away from smoking and partying and chased the dopamine high that came from a sweaty trot around the streets instead. I was quickly hooked. I went from my first 5k to my first half marathon in just a few months, and by 30, I was running marathons. In the last few years, I’ve done less running (injuries, man) and I’ve been swept up in the HIIT trend. F45 has become my exercise drug of choice, which is handy given how ubiquitous studios have become across New Zealand and Australia, while I travel around for work. Last week, I was on holiday in Gold Coast, and bought a weekly pass to the closest studio to indulge my daily fix. All F45 studios across the globe operate on the same weekly schedule, but each have their own unique characteristics. Some trainers are more useful than others, and the people who turn up tend to tell you something about the area. My home studio is a commuter gym, and there’s friendly chat and a pretty calm atmosphere. Not a lot of posturing going on. The central Auckland studio I sometimes go to, in contrast, has more in the way of Botox and boob jobs, and the trainers have Madonna microphones. The studio I went to on the GC last week was somewhere in between - small and friendly, but with a noticeable trend toward sleek matching workout outfits and trainers who enjoyed showing off their own abilities in between sets. Mid-workout, I found myself distracted by all the attractive bodies encased in matching activewear (yes, I’m a creep) and went off on a thought spiral, thinking about how *weird* it was that these people were so ripped. Once upon a time, rippling muscles were surely the domain of people who had physical jobs. You know, cutting down trees, tilling fields, lifting tyres, that sort of thing. (I’m aware of how limited my knowledge of pre-industrial work is here, but bear with me.) But these days, office workers and retail salespeople across the globe can sport cut abs and firm, toned arms way out of step with the reality of their daily lives. For an hour a day, we dutifully head into a brightly-lit indoor studio and sweat, lift and do burpees on the spot as nightclub music pounds from the speakers and personal trainers shout encouragement. When we’re done, we swill a protein shake, pack a macro-optimised lunchbox and then… sit down for 9 hours in front a computer screen for a long day at the email mill. Our occupations and lifestyles mean we should probably be all quite plump, pale and short-sighted, but capitalism has found a way to bury the truth of our egregiously unhealthy, unnatural lives - gyms! Thanks to 5am fitness classes, we can circumvent our sedentary reality with an additional scheduling and performance requirement. Unsurprisingly, there’s plenty of money to be made in the quest for fitness. HIIT classes like F45, Orange Theory and CrossFit all promise maximum results, in minimum time, with very little thinking required - and the price tag can run to hundreds a month. The fitness aesthetic is a capitalist dream, too. Matching outfits and supplements are the order of the day, dressed up as wellness and self-care. If you can’t swing the expensive classes, you can buy a cut-price membership to a 24 hour gym… which gives you the terrific option of giving up some sleep to stand on a cross-trainer or do some lat pull-downs overnight. Yikes. Being fit has become the ultimate class signifier, in the same way that having a rotund belly used to connote leisure time in centuries past. Remember when the over-tanned look of the early 2000’s replaced pale skin as a wealth indicator? It used to be a flex to have skin untouched by the demands of physical labour. Then, it became a flex to show you could go outside and lie on a beach all day rather than work (but because most people actually couldn’t, you’d just fake it on a cancer-inducing sunbed instead). This is a bit like that. We want to *look like* we have physically demanding lifestyles… but not *have* them. There’s some real mental gymnastics required here to make this all add up: - Because of the demands of my job and lifestyle, I don’t spend enough time outside and doing manual labour to stay physically fit - I pay for the opportunity to simulate the effects of manual labour by lifting heavy items in a different indoor environment - I then pay others to complete jobs that might have actually helped with my fitness (gardening, housework, etc) - There’s no way my actual life is enough for me to build muscle, but a sign that my life is successful is that I have built it anyway. Just another day in the hellscape of late-stage capitalism, I suppose. **In summary:** Gyms are weird. Tired, sedentary office workers who can deadlift 80kg are weird. Rippling muscles on your barista are weird. And given I’m still doing it, but creepily watching the people around me and running this internal dialogue at the same time, I suppose I’m pretty weird too. ### Introducing: Current Fad URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/introducing-current-fad/ Last updated: 2025-09-15T09:03:24.000Z 👋 Hello. I’m writing a new newsletter and it’s not all about work. Here’s why. I’ve written a lot over the last few years. Every week, I publish [Wednesday Wisdom](https://blog.aliciamckay.co.nz/wednesday-wisdom?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) \- initially to just 28 people, now to over 10,000\. I post most days on [LinkedIn,](https://www.linkedin.com/in/aliciamckaynz?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) where over 30,000 people follow along with my work antics. I also write regular articles about work, life and leadership [on my website.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/) Oh, and I wrote two books. One about [strategy in the public sector](https://shop.aliciamckay.co.nz/products/from-strategy-to-action?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), and one about [strategic leadership](https://shop.aliciamckay.co.nz/products/you-dont-need-an-mba-leadership-lessons-that-cut-through-the-crap?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). I enjoy this writing, but over the last year or two, I’ve been getting an *itch*. An itch that doesn’t belong in the little corporate thought leadership bubble I’ve created. To begin with, I started scratching that itch by publishing articles on social issues, like [Why Women Are So Bloody Exhausted Right Now](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/why-women-are-so-bloody-exhausted/) [and ](https://blog.aliciamckay.co.nz/a-certain-type-of-man-part-1-the-family-man?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[WTF, Netflix? Teenage Sex and Entertainment.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wtf-netflix/) But it always felt a bit… disjointed, next to my main work gig. So I’ve held back. Which is silly really, because that’s not in alignment with my values or what I tell other people to do. I’m all about chasing dreams, taking risks and creating a big life you’re proud of. So, I’m going to scratch that writing itch. ### Here’s what I’m doing about my itch: 1. Flying to Portland, Oregon for an intensive novel writing workshop to work with a horrendous lump of 12,000 initial words that, quite frankly, are garbage, to find out whether I’m capable of writing good fiction, or if I should just stick to reading it. 2. Launching Current Fad, a society and culture newsletter and outlet for my thought flurries and temporary fixations. 3. Stepping back from client work in the second half of 2023 to focus on public-facing programmes and products like [books, digital downloads](https://shop.aliciamckay.co.nz/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [online courses,](https://academy.aliciamckay.co.nz/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and the Not An MBA and Consultants of Choice communities. My current idea is to build enough subscribers and content for a viable paid newsletter offer, and create enough income through my public work channels to scratch my creative itch in a more meaningful way. I’ll keep Wednesday Wisdom running exactly as it is. If you like getting Wednesday Wisdom, and you’re not interested in adding anything else to your inbox, that’s cool. Don’t keep your Current Fad subscription. But if you’re interested in what I think about things that aren’t work-related, like [how gyms are weird](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/gyms-are-weird/), or why our relationship to water is interesting, then you should hit/ stay subscribed - and forward to a friend. ### Why I believe in supporting writers Writing has consumed thousands of hours of my time over the last few years, for minimal direct remuneration. For all the work that goes into writing, launching and promoting business books (appearances, podcasts, interviews, media releases, free content for other platforms, social media, et al) the earnings are *meager.* We’re supposed to settle for ‘publicity’ that will help us to sell something else, rather than be paid for our effort in any meaningful way. I think this sucks. I’ve been creating absolute screeds of mostly free content for years. Free articles, posts, newsletters, media releases, and books with a tiny author margin. I love writing, and I want to keep doing it, but I can’t keep pumping out so much stuff for free, not over the long term. That’s not in alignment with my beliefs. I believe in the importance of creative contribution to society, culture and economy, and I walk the talk, by subscribing to all kinds of paid content from people I follow and admire. But I’ve kept myself in a very narrow work box when it comes to monetising my own writing, because it’s hard to find models that pay writers directly and I’ve been scared of taking the leap. ### Please follow this goose with me In summary, I’ve decided to chase the writing goose and see if it’s for me (comic below. Obviously I could not be *less like* Lord No Kids. More like Lady Three Kids and a Mortgage. But you get the idea.). I want to throw myself into fiction and creative non-fiction, and see where I end up. I’d love your support for this little goose of mine. Please subscribe to Current Fad, and share it with all of your friends! If you like the first few editions, consider pledging your support so that if/ when I launch a paid offer, you’re already there and waiting. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/55be8d96-d666-49df-9759-ce38f80f0e16_460x391-jpeg-1.jpg) ### Reasons, seasons and changing jobs URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/reasons-seasons-and-changing-jobs/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:10:53.000Z You're probably familiar with the opening line of a poem by Brian A. Chalker: > *“People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime"* The idea is that not everyone you meet will be around for ever. Some people are in your life to meet a need you've expressed - a reason. Others, to catalyse or facilitate an important growth experience - a season. Still others, to form part of a lifetime lesson that you will apply to many other areas of your life. This is useful thinking not just for our relationships, but also for our careers. When you're a kid, you think that your 'job' will be a static thing that you start doing once you reach adulthood, and continue in perpetuity. You consider whether you'd rather be a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, a builder, et al, and that's that. But that's not how the modern world of work is, not anymore. Careers are much more fluid, and jobs are far less knowable than they were a generation or two ago. The average person changes jobs 12 times and future workers are expected to have portfolio careers comprising even more gigs than that. If you're contracting, or self-employed, you may work on dozens or even hundreds of jobs, and not all of them will be in the same field. Despite knowing this, lots of people I talk to beat themselves up about changing their career. They feel pressure to 'stick with' what they've done (sunk cost bias, much?) and agonise over switching lanes. Will they make the wrong choice? Is it too late? Will they lose face, relationships, or credibility? Spoiler alert: probably not. And if you do make the wrong choice, you can always unmake it. People are far less worried about what you're doing than you think they are. Your job is a temporary station that forms a small part of your life. If it isn't working for you, you can change it - which might mean changing employers, roles or even industries. Very few careers are meant for a lifetime. If you've finished with your reason, or your season, it's OK to move on. Your options are probably far broader than you think. Til next week, A ### 7 steps to focus your time and energy - free resource URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-focus-your-time-and-energy/ Last updated: 2026-08-17T11:17:18.000Z ## What this guide is for When you have a lot of important things to do, it's easy to get trapped in the details and become overwhelmed. You get to the end of each day exhausted, after doing countless small tasks - but you've got an overall sense that you should be doing something else, or you didn't do enough. This is a fast track to burnout and unhappiness. In this guide, learn the 7 steps you can take to find focus when you're spinning your wheels. --- ## Step 1: Write your list Chances are, you have a long and invisible list running in your mind. This is extremely unhelpful - because you can’t work with what you can’t see. Start a to-do list where you write down everything you can think of – big, small, obvious, invisible, the lot. Consider keeping a running list somewhere accessible over a day or two so that you can add to it as you remember. ## Step 2: Reiterate your goals Your big-picture goals and focus areas should drive your daily reality. Reiterate what you’re aiming towards right now and consider your key focus areas and objectives. *Bonus tip: keep this somewhere you can see it!* ## Step 3: Prioritise your goals Your big-picture goals and focus areas are not created equally. Consider the relative importance of your objectives by assigning a weighting to them out of a potential 100\. Once you've weighted them, you can use your goals as evaluation criteria for your tasks and projects! ## Step 4: Score your list Now, you can use the criteria you developed in steps 1-3 to ‘score’ your to-do list. List each task and project from Step 1 in the left column of the matrix. List each of your focus areas, and the weighting you assigned them, in the top row of the matrix. Score each of your tasks for alignment with/ contribution to your key focus area. **Here’s a handy scoring system:** Low alignment/ contribution: 1 Moderate alignment/ contribution: 2 High alignment/ contribution: 3 Then, apply the weighting to tally the total score and pick the winners! (*Look hard?* [*Download your guide*](#workbook) *to get a prioritisation matrix you can work with!)* ## Step 5: List your top priorities Your matrix will have identified your top priorities, based on the highest weighted scores. List these now, and consider: - Grouping related items - Readjusting as required - Timing, dependencies and deadlines. Then, identify your top 2 or 3 priorities to work with in more detail. ## Step 6: Detail your priorities It’s time to turn your top priorities into tangible entities you can work with. Spend some time considering: - The steps and milestones involved. - How long each step or milestone will take. - What help or support will you need? - Who else needs to be involved? - Dependencies, deadlines and connections to other tasks. - Risks and things that might go wrong. ## Step 7: Make a plan Now it’s time to consider how you can bring an overall plan with milestones into your calendar. Allocate sufficient time each day or week to complete your priority in the target timeline, and consider who you need to bring in. --- ## Workbook Here's a handy downloadable workbook - and an explanatory video - to help you work through the focus process yourself. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### People are opting out of corporate bullshit URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/people-are-opting-out-of-corporate/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:11:09.000Z I only lasted 4 years as an employee. I loved the work I was doing (strategic planning and policy in local government) and I wanted to keep doing it, but I couldn't stand the organisational overhead and life required to be a full time public servant. My journey was a little different to many others. When I started my policy job, fresh out of university, I was 22 years old. I had two kids - a 5 year old, and a baby - and I was used to running things on my own schedule. I'd spent the year juggling my postgraduate course load, writing a thesis, and being a single parent to two young children, with no family support. Getting sh\*t done was my forte. When I entered the workplace, I was a bit... stunned. There was so much wasted time. I would race to get the kids ready and dropped at school/ daycare in time for the 830am start (a few minutes late and there'd be scowls from management) only to watch people cruise around chatting, checking TradeMe and organising their desks for the day. What had I raced here for? Then, I'd spend half my time in meetings where people talked about work they theoretically wanted to achieve, and write reports about why all of our work programmes were delayed this year... again. That, apparently, required me to stay until 5pm, and god forbid I left early, even if I'd done twice as much work as anyone else. I just didn't get it. My study and life had not prepared me for this. I was the first person in my family to go to university and get a professional job, so for the first few years, I gave it the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it was me? Maybe this is normal? Maybe life is supposed to be this way? Eventually, I got frustrated, left, and started my own consulting practice. Immediately, my life changed. I couldn't believe it. I even contracted back to the *same employer,* for more money, and got to focus on only the stuff that added value - workshops, research, recommendations and implementation - without any of the morning tea shouts and frustrating delays. It felt like the ultimate life hack - did other people know you could do this? Back then, I was the only person I knew who'd gone out on their own as a consultant. 10 years on, my social and professional circles are full of us. We've walked away from the 9-5 in frustration and found a new path without all the endless corporate bullsh\*t. Our lives and careers are in our control, our work is more fulfilling, and we're earning more money. Last week, I wrote a LinkedIn post about all the things I think are wrong with corporate culture, and it went bonkers. Turns out, there's lots of people who feel like I did - and according to the data, we're voting with our feet. ![Screenshot (19)](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/8c014cfa-be68-48a4-a07e-0cb73252a353_926x990.png) As companies bang around trying to look like good employers, but ruining it by keeping people trapped in boring meetings and trying to force them back into the office, they're losing the game as a rising tide of professionals opt out. Makes sense to me. If you're frustrated at work this week, and wondering if it has to be this way... you're not alone. There are other options. ### Pick your path: stress, guilt, fear URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/pick-your-path-stress-guilt-fear/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T22:51:44.000Z What [problems](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wednesday-wisdom/make-peace-with-problems/) are you battling with right now? If it's one of these three things, I have some useful stuff that might help. 1. [Managing stress](#managing-stress) 2. [Battling guilt](#battling-guilt) 3. [Overcoming fear](#overcoming-fear) But if it's setting boundaries, making hard decisions, or channelling focus, check out [last week's post.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wednesday-wisdom/boundaries-burnout-business-and-bigrantenergy/)) ## Managing stress Stress is the modern condition. My right eye keeps twitching. - [This kick-ass article](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/8-ways-to-kill-stress-for-good/) throws all your band-aid solutions to the curb and gets real on eight ways to manage stress sustainably. Read it. - Charlie Katz interviewed me about [leading through turbulent times](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/author-alicia-mckay-five-things-you-need-to-be-a-highly-effective-leader-during-turbulent-time/). It's a long read but it's not bad. - [Shane Hatton and I](https://shanemhatton.podbean.com/e/an-raw-and-unexpected-conversation-on-mental-health-with-alicia-mckay/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) talked about totally losing our shit - have a listen. - This 7-minute [What's On Your Mind? episode](https://youtu.be/OFWpojhStWA?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) from the archives is a good chat about coping strategies and how we sabotage ourselves when we're under pressure - and [this one about stress](https://youtu.be/R0WbS18Ka0s?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) is pretty good too. ## Battling guilt Guilt is such an unhelpful feeling, isn't it? It's like: you did your best, but that's still a problem, so you're a bad person anyway. Ugh. Here's a couple of relevant articles: - [It's OK to upset people](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wednesday-wisdom/its-ok-to-upset-people/) - [5 ways to banish the guilt monster](https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/5-ways-banish-guilt-monster-alicia-mckay/?trk=pulse-article%5Fmore-articles%5Frelated-content-card&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Or skip the reading and go straight to this kick-ass [workbook](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/get-your-shit-together-a-value-packed-workbook-for-frustrated-high-achievers/) \- it's a killer resource for smashing guilt, stress, distraction, and all kinds of other annoying feelings. [![MacBook Air on the wooden desk_GYST workbook v2.0-01](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/MacBook%20Air%20on%20the%20wooden%20desk_GYST%20workbook%20v2_0-01-2.png)](https://engage.aliciamckay.co.nz/gyst-workbook?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ## Overcoming fear Being a person is scary and hard. Fear is a nightmare because it's not even *real.* It's just an imaginary worry that you can't even fight in the real world. Here are a few articles you might find useful: - [Upgrade your worries](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wednesday-wisdom/upgrade-your-worries-reduce-anxiety-about-your-life-choices-2/) \- because if you're going to have some, you may as well have good ones. - [How to handle uncertainty - because it's scary](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-handle-uncertainty-2) - [Angry people - on the relationship between anger, fear and uncertainty](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/angry-people/) Actually, I just got halfway through writing this Wednesday Wisdom, and then decided we needed a whole article on this topic itself. Here you are. Try this. [![Orange Travel Blog YouTube Thumbnail (1)](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/Orange%20Travel%20Blog%20YouTube%20Thumbnail%20(1)-1.png)](https://blog.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-do-scary-things?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) I hope that helps with your problems this week! Til next week, A ### How to shape a fulfilling career URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-shape-a-fulfilling-career/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:12:05.000Z If you crave meaningful work, it might not happen by accident. Here's how to shape a fulfilling career by asking five questions. ## You spend a lot of time at work One-third of your life is spent at work. According to some estimates, people spend an average of 90,000 hours at work - so what you do for a job matters! If you're lucky, you'll have a meaningful and fulfilling career by accident. If not, you will need to put a bit of extra intention into your choices regarding work. In this article, we'll look at how you can take charge of your career and build more meaning and fulfilment into your 90,000 hours by asking five killer questions. ## 1\. What do you care about? The first step in shaping a fulfilling career is to identify your passions. What are the things that excite you and make you feel energised? What activities do you enjoy, even if they aren't work-related? When you know what makes you tick, you can explore careers that align with your interests and provide opportunities for personal fulfilment. If you love helping others, consider career paths that offer a solid path to contribution - like social work, counselling, or non-profit management. If science and technology are your thing, look closely at engineering, software development, or research. You get the gist. ⚡ Write a list of all the things that light you up, and see what comes out. ## 2\. What do you want out of your life? Too many people get halfway through their careers and wonder how they got there. For many people, that's fine. But if you're reading an article on how to shape a more fulfilling career, you might need something else. ![1615577759281](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/1615577759281-1.jpeg) Unless you have an intention, you're vulnerable to winding up on someone else's path. By defining what you want to achieve, you set your internal Google off to find the opportunities and options that will get you there, and you'll see yourself more focused and motivated along the way. Don't panic too much about a detailed plan - it will be irrelevant as soon as you start. Instead, play the long game. Think about the legacy you'd like to leave and the impact you'd want to have, and take small steps that align with that. With a clear endgame and a flexible attitude, you dramatically increase your chance of getting somewhere you're proud of. [![CTA Image](https://alicia-mckay.ghost.io/content/images/2025/09/Play-The-Long-Game-Resource-Pack-v2.png)](https://alicia-mckay.ghost.io/ghost/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#/editor/post/68cf3a22754821000116b3cb) Need help getting clear on your long-term plan? Download this free resource to help you play the long game! [Download now ](https://alicia-mckay.ghost.io/ghost/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#/editor/post/68cf3a22754821000116b3cb) ## 3\. What are your values? If you want fulfilment, you'll need work that aligns with your values. Once we know what drives us, the gaps and gnawing feelings in our current situation become easier to understand, and we can take action to change it. We decide how we spend our time, attention, and energy daily. Those actions reflect our values. When we know and live our values, we're more connected to our behaviour and can focus on what matters. To find your values, try asking what you most detest in others. The reverse is what you care about. If stinginess is upsetting, then you value generosity. If lateness offends, you value promptness. If groupthink grinds your gears, you value independence. For bonus points, try upgrading your values. Mark Manson argues not all values are created equally. Wrong values are based on uncontrollable and destructive emotions, while good ones centre on controllable and constructive evidence. We make distorted, short-term decisions when we let our feelings drive. But when we've chosen our values carefully, we can override those instincts and make choices that count. Try replacing low-level values with more abstract versions. If you chase money, seek freedom. If you crave popularity, prioritise connection. Most importantly, commit to values that you have agency over. You can't always control how much money you have or whether people like you, but you can control how you manage your time and how genuine you are. You can certainly control what you do for a job - and you can make sure it lines up with your core values. Do that, and your 90,000 hours will feel much more rewarding. ## 4\. What do you need to learn? Once you're clearer on the things you're into, think about the skills you need to pursue a career in that field - and don't limit yourself to the standard options either. You might require a degree or certification, but you might not. What classes or workshops are available to you? How could you get some hands-on experience through shadowing, internships or volunteering? It's worth thinking outside the box on this one. It's never been easier to learn a new skill than it is right now, and until you know what's involved in a career, you won't know whether you love it. I've always harboured a secret goal to write fiction, but rather than committing to a year-long programme, I've signed up for a one-week workshop, and I've been busy getting my word count to make it happen. After that, I'll have a clearer idea of whether I'm cut out for it - and whether I like it! Take small steps. If software development is your jam, learn a programming language and build something small. ## 5\. Who do you know? You know the adage - it's not *what* you know, but *who* you know! Hopefully, we've moved on a bit from the nepotism of yore, but relationships are still a huge asset when it comes to shifting and shaping careers. When you get to know others in your industry or field of interest, you can learn more about what's involved, get an early heads-up about job opportunities, gain valuable insights into the industry, and connect with potential mentors or colleagues. It's an excellent time to be a networker, too. Try attending industry events and conferences or joining a professional organisation. Follow people you admire on LinkedIn and engage with their posts, webinars, and events. Could you send ten coffee requests and cross your fingers that one person says yes? Either way, the ticket is to make an effort. Good things happen when you're proactive and reach out to others rather than waiting for opportunities to come to you. ## In summary - What you do for work has a huge impact on how you feel about your lifen - If you want a fulfilling career, ask yourself what you care about, what you want out of life, and what you valuen - By learning new skills, building relationships, setting goals and taking small steps, you can shape a career you're proud of. ### Make peace with problems URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/make-peace-with-problems/ Last updated: 2025-10-01T10:02:38.000Z Let me paint you a picture of a workshop I facilitated recently. Fourteen senior leaders crowd around the boardroom table of an artful New-York-loft-style office, surveying a whiteboard with furrowed brows. The background is a hive of activity - 80 clever, busy professionals contributing to planning meetings, drawing detailed designs and solving problems together. They have big, aspirational goals, these leaders. A passion for sustainability, a deep belief in climate resilience, a dedication to tackling inequality. A conviction in using data and analytics wisely and ethically. The gap between today and the future they desire is cavernous. The conversation was insistent, robust and big-picture. How do we build the right skills? Hire the right people? Vet our clients effectively? Contribute more, better, faster? How do we support each other? Partner with others? Complex problems with complex answers. Tough stuff. Two years ago, the scene was quite different. It was a different office, for a start. Smaller, yet with a much larger carbon footprint. There were eight of them, then, set against a backdrop of 40 staff, with far fewer transformational projects on the go. The goals were on the whiteboard then, too - but they were smaller, vaguer, and far less community-oriented. Survival was in order before sustainability could be pursued. Which sector should we focus on? Which projects did we want to chase? Which team should do what? Conversations went in circles as each leader vented their worries, speaking of the difficulties and importance of their functional area and the needs of their people. A shared vision was hard to come by. What can we learn from this firm? 1. Growth gifts us with better problems to solve. 2. We can't progress our way our of problems. ## 1\. Growth gifts us with better problems to solve. The two scenes are almost identical in their outline - problems to solve and people trying to solve them. But they couldn't be more different, separated by two years of growth, progress, maturity, experience and momentum. The problems our (larger, wiser, more confident) executive team is solving this year are much bigger, better problems than two years ago - but they still have problems. Beautiful, important problems. Problems they're excited to solve. ## 2\. We can't progress our way out of problems. If we're lucky, our problems get better. They get harder to solve, larger in significance, more meaningful for others and more scaled in impact. But they don't go away. Problems are the price we pay for a meaningful life. If what we're doing matters, there is no 'done', no 'back to normal', no 'when things settle down.' When we make peace with problems, we stay open to potential. What problems are you chasing? Til next week, A ### Happy people don't judge you URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/happy-people-dont-judge-you/ Last updated: 2025-10-04T21:04:10.000Z Do you find yourself worrying about what people think about you? Do you choose what to wear, what to say or what you do with your life based on how you think other 'people' (usually nameless, faceless no-ones in your imagination) might react? Here's a quick reminder: ## 1\. Nobody cares about you - and that's great People are tangled up in their stuff and have not noticed 99% of your choices. Stop trying to perfect your eyebrows; nobody cares. ## 2\. People who care about you don't judge you There are some people in your life whose opinions matter to you. They're the ones you respect and actively seek the opinion of. You might have noticed something they share: they don't judge you for your thoughts, ideas or actions. They're in your corner, with your best interests at heart. ## 3\. People who judge you don't care about you Some people in your life actively get off on saying negative sh\*t about you. Those people are unlikely to say anything to your face and far more likely to talk to others instead. This is not the behaviour of someone who cares about you. So f\*\*k what they think. You don't respect or care about their opinion, so why factor it in? ## 4\. Happy people don't judge People who are healthy, happy and satisfied don't waste their energy worrying about what others are doing. They set great boundaries, provide support for people they love, and give advice when requested. They don't meddle, judge or poke holes - why would they? ## 5\. Judgey people are not happy Quickly think about people who've interfered in your life, made snarky comments or backstabbed you. Are they healthy, happy and satisfied? No. So why would you give any weight to their ideas? If they were so good at living, they'd be doing a better job of it themselves. I hope this handy reminder helps someone this week. Til next week, A ### 8 critical self-employment skills URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/8-critical-self-employment-skills-that-all-consultants-need-to-have/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:12:31.000Z Not everyone is cut out for self-employment. Many people are best served in the safety and security of a traditional job. Being good at what you do is not enough – running a business as a self-employed professional requires you to have or build a full toolbox of complementary skills. ## Are you cut out for self-employment? Here are eight of the most important skills to master for consulting success. ### 1\. Knowledge Good SEPs are super knowledgeable about what they do. You should have a deep understanding and expertise in your industry or area, relevant experience, and a genuine passion and interest in improving things. ### 2\. Communication You’ll be talking to people… a lot. If you’re not good at chatting to potential clients, writing copy, drafting proposals, preparing great reports and working closely with clients, your business won’t fulfil its potential. The best consultants are confident in being clear and effective verbal and written communicators. ### 3\. Problem-solving People are hiring you to remove their problems because they don’t have the time, expertise or skills required to do it. These problems will be complex - otherwise, they’d already be solved. You’ll spend most of your time taking initiative, digging deeper and finding solutions, so having the ability to think critically and creatively is vital. ### 4\. Organisation You will be responsible for every part of your enterprise at the beginning: admin, sales, marketing, operation, comms and delivery. You’ll be managing multiple tasks, clients and projects at a time, so you'll struggle if you’re not a great juggler and time management isn’t your forte. ### 5\. Self-motivation Starting a business isn’t for the faint-hearted. It’s challenging work, and finding the motivation to get up every day and keep going, especially in the early days, isn’t always easy. No boss is keeping you on task, so consultants must have the grit to stick to their goals and stay focused. ### 6\. Flexibility Good consultants are incredibly flexible and adaptive. Your business, clients and projects will change all the time, and there will always be a new spanner in the works for you to handle. If you’re not good at rolling with the punches and pivoting quickly, business might not be for you. ### 7\. Networking Building and maintaining relationships with clients and other contacts are the lifeblood of your business. Great consultants are confident about putting themselves out there online and at events, following up on opportunities and new contacts, and connecting people with mutual interests. ### 8\. Risk appetite Starting a business involves taking a lot of risks - there’s no way of knowing whether your new idea will work, your clients will come through, or whether you’ll make enough money to cover your mortgage in the first few months. If you’re not comfortable leaping, don’t do it! ### 7 ways to feel better about your job URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/7-ways-to-feel-better-about-your-job/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:14:09.000Z ## Leaving your job might not fix it Work is a pain in the proverbial. It's also where most of us will spend most of our waking hours. The average person spends over 13 years of their life at work... and only 328 days socialising with friends in a lifetime. If you don’t like the work you do, the people you do it with, or the way you do it, you should change one of those things. This isn't an unhelpful push to quit your job - though some of you probably should - because, for many of us, we'll face the same issues everywhere. There are a few reasons for this: - **Modern workplaces all experience the same problems** \- I've worked with hundreds of different teams and organisations, across the public, private and NGO spectrum, and they're all battling a version of the same stuff. Siloes, overwhelm, short-termism, bureaucracy and frustration exist everywhere. - **You're the same person everywhere you go -** By mid-career, you get set in your ways. If you're prone to make your life harder than it needs to be, a perennial martyr, or a pedant, for example, you'll find all those habits resurfacing in a new job too. - **Doing good stuff is hard -** If there were a path to meaningful work that wasn't paved with challenges and stress, we'd all know about it by now. The more meaningful your work is, the more challenging it will be. Choose the problems you're willing to live with, because there will always be something. ## 7 things to do instead So if you can't or don't want to leave your job, or you think you could be the problem, here are 7 ways to feel better about your job. ### 1\. Live your values Most things can and should be compromised - your ideas, opinions and preferences are all in this category. Your core values are different, and you owe it to yourself to honour them. If you value loyalty, you will never be OK in an environment that puts recruitment over retention. If you value action, you will never be OK in an environment that specialises in theory. When you know what yours are, you can seek opportunities to fulfil them - and when you do, you'll feel great. ### 2\. Put work into perspective The best work has a clear boundary between you and it. Set yourself up for success by not tagging too much of your value or identity to your work. Your life is a rich, diverse tapestry of relationships, hobbies, ideas and goals - and work is only a small part of that. Don't rely on it to define you. ### 3\. Do things you're awesome at The most unhappy people I know are stuck doing things they hate - introverts talking to people all day, pragmatists stuck behind a desk, ideas people drowning in admin. Shape your work and calendar to prioritise the activities you love and get energy from. ### 4\. Lower your standards At least 50% of your work is irrelevant, inconsequential or will be forgotten in the next month. Your reports don't need to be perfect, your emails can be direct, and your meetings can end in half the time. Be very clear about what needs you at your best, and do the rest at the minimum it requires. ### 5\. Remember why you do it It's so easy to get caught up in details and best practice. By the time you've had 12 meetings, written 3 reports and waded through 100 emails, you can be forgiven for forgetting the impact you're here to make in the world. Remind yourself as often as possible. Talk to customers, put good news stories on your wall and connect to purpose regularly. Your work matters. ### 6\. Focus on the good Negativity bias was once a useful survival mechanism... and is now a fast-track to modern day middle-class malaise. We remember negative comments and events far clearer than the good so we need to actively counteract that. File away positive emails (mine are in a folder called 'validation'), pin up reminders of projects gone well and take more time to celebrate a win before rushing onto the next pressing issue. You'll feel much better. ### 7\. Widen your network When we battle out problems alone and in our own brains, it's easy to think there's something uniquely wrong with us, our work, or our job. Odds are, most people experience a version of what you're currently struggling with, but you haven't talked to them. [Not An MBA](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) students often comment on how useful it is to learn alongside people from such different industries, with such similar problems. Join professional groups, interact on LinkedIn and talk shop with your mates now and again to get a similar effect. ### How to stop AI from stealing your job URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-stop-ai-from-stealing-your-job/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:14:41.000Z Have you been keeping up with new AI tools like MidJourney and ChatGPT? This new processing technology is equal parts terrifying and exciting. Essentially, they are tools capable of creating new content like images and text. Instead of needing people to make art and write things, you can ask an algorithm to do it. Yikes. ChatGPT is the trendiest tool on the block right now. This new language processor from OpenAI can generate human-like text responses for use in chatbots and articles. With the right prompts, ChatGPT will automatically generate accurate, well-written content—that's arguably of a higher quality than many of the human-authored clickbait articles littered across Google and social media. Over time, you train the AI to answer questions and write things for you. It's an awesome tool, but experts are already creating screeds of guidance for users around one key issue: *prompts.* Here's how it works: Solving a problem has several distinct stages, and ChatGPT is an excellent tool for some of them. ## 5 stages of solving a problem Here are the five basic stages of solving a problem: 1. Identify the problem 2. Articulate the problem 3. Generate potential solutions to the problem 4. Evaluate each solution for its potential effectiveness. 5. Implement the most effective solution you have selected. ## How ChatGPT helps solve problems The first two components of this process are identification and description. All problem-solving requires us first to understand what's going wrong and then articulate and frame it in a useful way. Then, we can generate solutions. ChatGPT does not help much in identifying and explaining what's going wrong in the first place. Then, we need to generate potential solutions, drawing on precedent, research, and innovation. ChatGPT is a great tool to support this step and can help create a more comprehensive list than you might have compiled alone—though it can struggle to be creative or identify solutions from other sectors and topics unless you specifically ask it to do so. Next, those solutions are evaluated for quality and relevance, considering our circumstances, constraints, and capabilities. ChatGPT can help you with this, too, if you're clear about the quality parameters. Finally, and most importantly, your solutions must be implemented and regularly adjusted in response to changes and concerns. ChatGPT is excellent, but unfortunately, it cannot do the actual work for you - that article still needs checking, tweaking and posting. ## How to make the most of ChatGPT The main limitation of a language AI is the person using it and their ability to think clearly, evaluate carefully and act decisively. The first step to this is your questions: if you can't ask good questions, the tool can't give you good answers. For ChatGPT, the guidance is clear: 1. Have an idea of what your purpose is and the kind of result you're after 2. Develop precise, clear, short sentences that point toward that response 3. Explain the context of the question inside the question 4. Pay careful attention to your word choice so ChatGPT can correctly assess what you mean 5. Avoid asking questions with yes/no answers 6. Avoid very general questions. This is useful advice for asking questions in any context, AI or not. No matter how clever technology gets, it still needs one vital input to work well: clear thinking expressed as quality questions. Regardless of your job title or industry, the same applies to you. ## Quality questions are the most important skill Over time, many of the things you currently add value to your employer or clients will be automated. Whether you're an accountant, a salesperson, a writer or a coder, there will soon be an algorithm that can solve many of your problems - and they'll probably do it faster, more accurately and with less faffing around. But the parts of your job that AI can't replicate involve strategic, creative, and critical thinking skills and your ability to execute and change course. To get the most out of a tool like ChatGPT, you must master connecting disparate ideas, seeing new opportunities, understanding how things fit together, experimenting and, most importantly, **asking good questions.** If you're not currently confident in your ability to ask good questions—whether of your boss, your team, in meetings, or using a chatbot prompt—it's time to learn. Til next week, A ### Not An MBA Information Session 2023 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/not-an-mba-information-session/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:27:25.000Z _No content available._ ### Master the world’s most valuable skill URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/master-the-worlds-most-valuable-skill/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:48:33.000Z Critical thinking is the world’s most valuable skill. Unfortunately, being overworked and overwhelmed keeps people from learning how to do it. They spend hours trying to learn technical skills, create fool-proof plans, and solve operational problems while failing to realise that the world has changed. What you know how to do simply isn’t as relevant anymore—now, to be successful, you must know how to *think.* I know because I wasted many years and tens of thousands of dollars becoming skilled in the technical elements of strategic planning, business cases and performance reviews. I went from organisation to organisation, writing the best reports, undertaking the best analysis and presenting the most compelling cases, only to see projects go off-track and people return to the status quo at the first hurdle. They lacked the skills to adapt and change course without a step-by-step plan to stick to or a facilitator to lead the conversation. It wasn't until I started teaching leaders to think and work like strategists and that I saw implementation skyrocket and change projects completed on time. Organisations could then flex to the needs of their clients, customers and markets. The good news is that my loss is your gain. ## Three decision-making frameworks Here are 3 decision-making frameworks that will save you dozens of painful hours trying to learn critical thinking for yourself: ### Chip and Dan Heath's WRAP Framework ![Alicia McKay LinkedIn Posts (900 x 500 px) (500 x 500 px) 1](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/Alicia%20McKay%20LinkedIn%20Posts%20(900%20x%20500%20px)%20(500%20x%20500%20px)%201-1.jpg) The measure of a good decision isn't the outcome you produce - but the process you use to make it. Learning this completely changed how I thought about decision-making and the importance I placed on the process. According to the Heath Brothers, these four steps can help you overcome common decision biases, such as narrow framing, confirmation bias, short-term emotions, and overconfidence, for every significant choice you make. W - Widen your Options R - Reality Test Your Assumptions A - Attain Distance P - Prepare for the Worst. Download a one-pager from the Heath Brother's website [here](https://heathbrothers.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/The%5FWRAP%5FProcess%5Fone%5Fpager.pdf?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). ### Greg McKeown's Essentialism Framework ![Alicia McKay LinkedIn Posts (900 x 500 px) (500 x 500 px) 2](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/Alicia%20McKay%20LinkedIn%20Posts%20(900%20x%20500%20px)%20(500%20x%20500%20px)%202-1.jpg) Hang this up in your room somewhere—and stare at it every day. In his book Essentialism, Greg McKeown makes the case that the highest point of frustration occurs when we're trying to do everything now because we feel like we should. To reach the highest point of *contribution*, we need to do: The Right Thing, at The Right Time for The Right Reason. When we focus on these three variables, we don't waste time and energy on activities and decisions that don't fit. Learn more about Greg McKeown's work [here](https://gregmckeown.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). ### Tim Ferris' Fear-Setting Framework ![Alicia McKay LinkedIn Posts (900 x 500 px) (500 x 500 px) 3](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/Alicia%20McKay%20LinkedIn%20Posts%20(900%20x%20500%20px)%20(500%20x%20500%20px)%203-1.jpg) I consider this the gold standard of strategic risk management and contingency planning. Important decisions will always come with risks, consequences and unforeseen problems. Instead of trying to eliminate the negative and plan for the best, Ferris advises people to complete a pre-mortem that simulates potential responses. By drawing up a three-column table with: The worst things that might happen The steps you can take to prevent those The ways you will respond if they *do* happen You can prepare for a more pragmatic future rather than being thrown off course at the first unexpected obstacle. For more information on fear-setting and some useful downloads, check out Tim's blog [here](https://tim.blog/2017/05/15/fear-setting/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). These three frameworks completely changed how I thought about decision-making and the support I could offer leaders to develop the skills needed to keep their tricky programmes on track. I hope they're useful for you. A ### Serve the room: questions to ask for leadership success URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/serve-the-room-questions-to-ask-for-leadership-success/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:49:17.000Z In public speaking, speakers are taught to use audience questions to *serve the room*. If someone asks about a specific problem in their work or life, a good speaker will draw a theme from their request and answer it in a way that serves the entire audience. If someone asks how to deal with their micromanaging boss on an IT project, the public speaker might say, "Thanks for your question. Managing up can be tricky for everyone, but here are three ways people can build trust with their manager.*"* That way, everyone learns and takes something away. Effective leaders in any industry do the same thing. When faced with an operational issue or problem, they don't get stuck into working out the details or going on a personal crusade that disempowers their staff. Instead, they interrogate the wider forces at play and see if there is a barrier they can remove a system they can improve, or a relationship they can influence, which would help *everyone* and dissolve these kinds of problems at the root. Next time you want to ask about a specific operational issue—especially one where you've assumed someone else's incompetence in doing a job you don't really understand—level up your question. For elected members, that means instead of asking about a pothole, interrogate what it's *really about.* Your question might choose to focus on things like: - Service response times - Customer satisfaction trends - Contractor performance - Renewals funding. For senior leaders, that means instead of asking about a missed client deadline, interrogate what it's *really about*. Your question might focus on things like: - Client onboarding processes - Communication workflows - Resourcing - Clarity on the terms of engagement. When you elevate your questions, you better serve the whole. ## The future belongs to the curious Technology and AI are accelerating at a breakneck pace. Before long, the technical skills we've focused on will be old news, replaced by an algorithm and machine learning. When that happens, only the leaders who've developed strategic skills will remain employable and effective. Learning to see the bigger picture, ask better questions, and think in systems are skills you can take to any job or industry - and the people you serve will be better for it. ### 5 career mistakes everyone (from junior to executive) should avoid URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/5-career-mistakes-everyone-from-junior-to-executive-should-avoid/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:15:12.000Z A few years ago, I asked a group of public sector executives one simple question: *“What are the biggest mistakes you've made in your career?”* I walked away with a messy pad full of notes, a new way of seeing the world, and 5 profound mistakes everyone (from junior to executive) should avoid in their career. Let’s dive in: ## Mistake 1: Letting fear drive you Too often, senior professionals are driven by the wrong things. They're trying to prove themselves to someone or themselves. They think they're the only ones who can take care of business, so they overwork themselves and get stuck in the weeds. Their fears of getting it wrong, going broke, letting people down, or having work done poorly prevent them from looking after themselves and doing what they really want with their lives. They let fear take the wheel. They think failure would be devastating, only to wind up burnt out and unhappy. Instead, we must let our dreams, goals and values drive us. When we do that, we approach our work with energy, fulfilment and joy. ## Mistake 2: Taking on too much A good leader can get things done through others. A bad leader can get things done themselves. However, a legendary leader can create the conditions for everyone to achieve their best. Don’t get confused: delivery is good, but it’s not what makes the most difference. When we get trapped in hero mode, we think nobody can do things as well as we can. Effective people leaders break free from this trap by diversifying their key person risk, but they often retain too much responsibility for the tasks and outcomes. When you learn to let go and you focus on building systems and environments that empower others, magic happens. ## Mistake 3: Becoming the victim of your own success Ambitious senior leaders often progress quickly. They work hard, build successful businesses and careers... and then find themselves lost by 40\. Their rapid success feels like a gilded cage, and the prospect of changing jobs, industries or careers feels too risky and scary. I once had a 37-year-old Chief Executive as a mentee who dreamed of being a policeman but thought it was 'too late' to start again. THIRTY SEVEN! Life is too long and short to put yourself in a box too early. The skills you've developed in your career—resilience, relationships, and results—don't disappear when you switch lanes. They flourish in new and unexpected ways. There's no such thing as square one. Do what your heart is telling you to do. ## Mistake 4: Being someone you're not Traditional wisdom says that good leaders are consummate professionals. They speak the right way, wear the right things, and never lose their cool. But that’s only true if you're willing to: - Hide the most valuable and interesting things about yourself - they're usually your biggest opportunities for connection, contribution and growth. - Build an unsafe environment for others. If you're unwilling to be yourself, nobody else can either. You're stifling the creativity and freedom of your people. Leaders set the tone. If you can be authentic, you enable others to do that, too. ## Mistake 5: Sacrificing your personal life We think we can do it all. We think we have unlimited time, energy and bandwidth We think we are immune to personal disasters, family breakdowns and divorce. But we can't. We all have the same number of hours in a day, and the more time and energy you devote to your work, the less you have available for other important things. Your health is a finite resource. Your children will only be young for a short time, and your partner will only absorb neglect for so long. Make sure work lives in an appropriate-sized container, and don't fool yourself into thinking you can squeeze a personal life around the edges. Ultimately, it's not your career you'll be most proud of. ### 10 business and self-help books for your summer URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/10-business-and-self-help-books-for-your-summer/ Last updated: 2025-10-01T23:06:11.000Z Over the past 10 years, I reckon I've read over 500 self-development and business books. (That's why I instituted a three-month non-fiction ban in late 2021 and have since read over 100 new novels!) 99% of them weren't worth it. Some of them were. Read/listen/follow these 10 game-changers ### Book 1: Essentialism, by Greg McKeown Most people misunderstand the ingredients of success and fulfilment. They try and do too much, all at once, for the wrong reasons. This book teaches you the disciplined pursuit of less. [Buy e-book.](https://www.amazon.com/Essentialism-Disciplined-Pursuit-Greg-McKeown-ebook/dp/B00HELB6XI/ref=tmm%5Fkin%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Buy real book.](https://unitybookswellington.co.nz/product/essentialism-the-disciplined-pursuit-of-less/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Book 2: Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman Most people think they're more rational and objective than they actually are. This book teaches you how your brain works. [Buy e-book.](https://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Fast-Slow-Daniel-Kahneman-ebook/dp/B005MJFA2W/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=2SHJWHWL4PXF1&keywords=thinking+fast+and+slow&qid=1670895833&s=digital-text&sprefix=thinking+fast+and+sl%2Cdigital-text%2C546&sr=1-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Buy real book](https://www.womensbookshop.co.nz/p/society-culture-thinking-fast-and-slow?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). ### Book 3: Rebel Ideas, by Matthew Syed We're trapped in boxes of our own making and blind to them. This book unlocks the benefits of getting out of the box. [Buy e-book.](https://www.amazon.com/Rebel-Ideas-Power-Diverse-Thinking-ebook/dp/B07CG9MVD1/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=V68BPCCGX7S4&keywords=rebel+ideas&qid=1670896733&s=digital-text&sprefix=rebel+i%2Cdigital-text%2C342&sr=1-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Buy real book.](https://booksonline.co.nz/product/rebel-ideas-the-power-of-diverse-thinking/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Book 4: Necessary Endings, by Dr Henry Cloud Most people stay in jobs, relationships, and situations that don't serve them for far too long. This book teaches you to give up what doesn't work and make space for what will. [Buy e-book.](https://www.amazon.com/Necessary-Endings-Employees-Businesses-Relationships-ebook/dp/B0049B1VO0/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=5AZK6GUDMYCU&keywords=necessary+endings&qid=1670896717&s=digital-text&sprefix=necessary+end%2Cdigital-text%2C338&sr=1-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Buy real book.](https://www.thenile.co.nz/books/henry-cloud/necessary-endings-the-employees-businesses-and-relationsh/9780061777127?gclid=CjwKCAiAv9ucBhBXEiwA6N8nYP-soCVxHrQxoDn49euSvAcGUfsTkBg-u27ur4hgAZK5ObBE7T3zHRoC2ZgQAvD%5FBwE&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Books 5 and 6: Fight Like A Girl, by Clementine Ford / Boys Will Be Boys, by Clementine For**d** A double whammy. Even the most well-intentioned people and committed feminists can be blind to the true insidiousness of sexism and misogyny in all corners of society. These books open your eyes. Gift copies to your daughters. [Buy e-books.](https://www.amazon.com/Clementine-Ford/e/B07H78ZZ51?ref=sr%5Fntt%5Fsrch%5Flnk%5F1&qid=1670896695&sr=8-1) [Buy real books.](https://www.womensbookshop.co.nz/catalog/list%5Fauthor%5Ftitles?author=Clementine+Ford&search=search&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Book 7: Influence, by Robert B. Cialdini This book turns all the weird, nebulous ideas we have about what makes us credible and likeable, and turns it into dense, straight-up science. I suspect some ideas haven't dated well from a social conscience perspective, but read it anyway. [Buy e-book](https://www.amazon.com/Influence-New-Expanded-Psychology-Persuasion-ebook/dp/B08HZ57WYN/ref=sr%5F1%5F10?crid=1UE9PJ2QRJUSR&keywords=influence+rob&qid=1670896672&sprefix=influence+rob%2Caps%2C475&sr=8-10&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). [Buy real book.](https://www.thenile.co.nz/books/robert-b-cialdini/influence-new-and-expanded/9780063138810?gclid=CjwKCAiAv9ucBhBXEiwA6N8nYNoQ5WXhBUVKIRwPFeGbh7xaYbh6afi8VN4wl45NiL%5FhrnS2k6-1mBoC74gQAvD%5FBwE&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Book 8: Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman Most time management advice teaches you how to overcome your constraints. Burkeman teaches us to embrace them. [Buy e-book. ](https://www.amazon.com/Four-Thousand-Weeks-Time-How-ebook/dp/B07X3DH41F/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=2RP2DWLHNZTTK&keywords=four+thousand+weeks+time+management+for+mortals&qid=1670894076&s=digital-text&sprefix=four+thousand+wee%2Cdigital-text%2C733&sr=1-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)[Buy real book.](https://unitybookswellington.co.nz/product/four-thousand-weeks-time-how-to-use-it-2/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Book 9: Drive, by Dan Pink Most people think you need the right combination of incentives and punishments to motivate. That doesn't work anymore, but this book teaches you what does. [Buy e-book.](https://www.amazon.com/Drive-Surprising-Truth-About-Motivates-ebook/dp/B0033TI4BW/ref=sr%5F1%5F8?crid=1IE0NFUTOJ6K&keywords=drive+dan&qid=1670896647&sprefix=drive%2Caps%2C358&sr=8-8&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Buy real book.](https://www.wheelers.co.nz/books/9781786891709-drive-the-surprising-truth-about-what-motivates-us/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Book 10: Upstream by Dan and Chip Heath Systems thinking to solve tricky problems made easy. This book should be required reading for all managers and leaders. Read anything by these guys. Decisive, Switch and Made to Stick are all phenomenal. The value per page will rock your socks off. [Buy e-book.](https://www.amazon.com/Upstream-solve-problems-before-happen-ebook/dp/B07VMVZ9MN/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?keywords=upstream&qid=1670896621&sprefix=upsrteam%2Caps%2C407&sr=8-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Buy real book.](https://www.booktopia.com.au/upstream-dan-heath/book/9781787632745.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) --- Please add your top-tier recommendations in the comment section to fill my overflowing TBR pile. But understand that I can't reply because I'm now re-reading these books. Writing this list reminded me how great they are and all the important lessons I've forgotten... \- A PS: Please don't try to get these books for free by doing some dodgy download. Free books should only come from libraries. Support the authors and celebrate the astonishing value of your book-buying investment! For bonus points, buy from local booksellers. PS: If you like books and you like me, you might like my books. You can buy them [here](http://shop.aliciamckay.co.nz/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). ### We F*@KIN Love Startups with Troy Hammond URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/business-bourbon-and-burnouts/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:27:33.000Z I had an utter blast hanging out with Troy and shooting the shit at Talent Army. [Talent Army | Episode #2, Alicia McKayIn this episode on the We F\*@KIN love podcast, we speak with who is very well-known globally for her No-bullshit approach to leadership![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/6274732047f242d5ea29d556_favicon.png)Talent army logoTroy HammondCo-Founder![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/63942451ea7b3a05fcfcaeef_Alicia-20McKay-20thumbnail.png)](https://www.talent.army/news-items/episode-2-alicia-mckay?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Click the link above or read/watch below. Alicia has been in strategy for all of her career - building business cases for infrastructure investment, developing long-term plans for corporates and communities, designing organisational transformation, and supporting teams and leaders to execute business change. Now, Alicia runs strategic development programmes for people and organisations. If you’re a clever, curious professional who wants to do great work with less stress and more intention, chances are she can help. Alicia is a policy analyst by trade, reformed management consultant, published author, keynote speaker, workshop facilitator, course creator, podcaster, blogger, and aspiring novelist. She is also the brains - and face! - behind [Not An MBA](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/not-an-mba). As a consultant and thought leader, Alicia has worked across almost every industry sector - FMCG, transport, retail, manufacturing, engineering, technology, utilities, professional services, education, health, peak bodies, NGOs and social services... but she says her heart will always lie in local government, where her career began. Alicia has supported thousands of NZ and Australian leaders to become strategists through in-house training, large-scale corporate leadership programmes, public training events, and online courses like Not An MBA and Meetings that Matter. 📚 Alicia wrote [From Strategy to Action: A Guide to Getting Shit Done In The Public Sector](https://shop.aliciamckay.co.nz/products/from-strategy-to-action?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), published in 2019 In 2021, she published "[You Don't Need An MBA: Leadership Lessons that Cut Through the Crap.](https://shop.aliciamckay.co.nz/products/you-dont-need-an-mba-leadership-lessons-that-cut-through-the-crap?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)" 🎓 Alicia founded the Not An MBA executive leadership program in 2021\. naMBA has changed the lives of hundreds of leaders: less stress, more fulfilment and more progress on work that matters. Watch them talk about their transformation journeys on this YouTube playlist: ➡️ https://bit.ly/3qPuacg 💁🏼‍♀️ Alicia makes helpful free tools for strategy, planning, change, leadership, productivity and personal development. ➡️ http://www.aliciamckay.co.nz 🎤 Alicia speaks at and MC conferences, runs workshops and masterclasses, and goes live on LinkedIn on Fridays at 8AM for the Alicia McKay Show. Listen to past episodes where-ever you get your podcasts. 📧 Every week, Wednesday Wisdom reaches over 10,000 readers, with actionable tools and tips to help you live, work and lead more strategically. Check out the link [here](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wednesday-wisdom-signup) to join. ### The problem is never the problem URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-problem-is-never-the-problem/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:02:46.000Z Picture this: you're frustrated with your partner. They've loaded the dishwasher wrong, *again,* and they've left the door wide open for you to knock into, to boot. WHY ARE THEY LIKE THIS?! An argument ensues. It starts with the dishes, and it soon devolves into the same frustrations you've experienced 100 times before: a lack of respect, a lack of appreciation, a total lack of understanding about what it's like to hold the emotional and mental labour for a family on your shoulders. It's not about the dishes. It was never about the dishes. A similar version of events plays out in every workplace across the globe. We're frustrated by our colleagues, our managers, our peers. We find ways to point out failures, interrogate mistakes and zero in on the tangible issues that cause us grief. But what is it *really* about? If you feel mad about a procurement decision that seems unfair, don't direct your frustration at the successful tenderer, or the panel who appointed them. Ask better questions about the criteria used for selection, or whether your procurement policy reflects your organisational values. If you're at your wits end over a customer issue that can't be resolved, don't zero in on the customer, or the team who are trying their best. Take a look at the process you've implemented for problem-solving, and the way you resource your customer service team. If you're infuriated by the lack of diversity on your leadership team, don't point fingers at the executives who hold the top spots. Challenge your recruitment processes and organisational diversity policy, and look for ways to turn the curve. The problem is rarely the problem. Strategists know that, and they don't waste time blaming people, when systems are usually at fault. When we interrogate underlying forces, drivers, and policy settings, we create systems change that benefits innumerable people for years to come. Put the blame finger down, take a deep breath, and ask better questions. That way, you'll get better answers - and you'll keep your important relationships intact in the process. Til next week, A ### Get your meetings under control: 6 questions to help you banish back-to-backs URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/get-your-meetings-under-control-6-questions-to-help-you-banish-back-to-backs/ Last updated: 2025-09-17T02:38:20.000Z Everyone is having too many meetings. In many teams, people click from one conversation to another, becoming paradoxically more bored and overwhelmed as the day progresses, with little space to consider meaningful ways to contribute or take action. In Meetings that Matter, we focus on conversations that truly count—those designed to create action *outside* the room, where we need it most. For a quick start, consider these six questions before you schedule yet another meeting. 1. Should this be a meeting? 2. Who needs to be there? 3. What is the purpose? 4. How much can we remove from the meeting? 5. How will we spend our time together? 6. What will happen next? ### 1\. Should this be a meeting? Scheduling meetings has an exponential cost beyond your own time—you're taking time out of others' lives to prepare, attend, and follow up on a conversation, so make sure it's worth it. Many meetings should be emails, phone calls, or decisions made inside your own delegation. When our time is more precious than ever, meetings should be the exception, not the default. Common culprits and their alternatives include: **Sharing information -** email, DM, presentation, video, shared document **Round-robin updates or daily check-ins -** shared document with live updates, one-on-one phone calls, task management software, intranet, daily email thread. Consider creating a policy or go-no/go guide for your team or organisation to decide whether a meeting is the appropriate tool. Here are some useful flow-chart examples that you might like to refer to. [Elizabeth Saunders (HBR)](https://hbr.org/2015/03/do-you-really-need-to-hold-that-meeting?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ![](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/W150317_SAUNDERS_SHOULDHOLDMEETING-1.png) ### 2\. Who needs to be there? In some teams, meetings are filled with duplicate delegates or people who add no additional value. Consider decision rights and responsibilities when deciding who should be at your meeting. This means asking questions like: - Who does this decision most affect? - Who has the final say? - Who has unique input? - What is the 'job' of each person in this meeting? Meeting attendance is not the only way to capture input in your decision-making process. Consider using one-on-ones, surveys, or partial attendance to streamline the impact on other peoples' time. When in doubt, consider the following three criteria: *diversity*, *mandate* and *enthusiasm*. ### 3\. What is the purpose? Nobody should ever arrive at a meeting wondering what it's about or why they've been invited. Every meeting should have one main job, which is spelt out beforehand. When in doubt, consider the following 1\. Is this a meeting to *build understanding, shape choices* or *make decisions?* 2\. What does the outcome of this meeting look like? How will we know we have achieved our goal? ### 4\. How much can we remove from the meeting? Meetings should be interactive - they're an 'ask' job, not a tell job. Too much time is wasted in meetings sharing updates, reading slide decks or providing information that could have been shared beforehand. Being clear about the scope of your meeting and providing the right preparation means you can make the most of your time together chatting and deliberating. What can you send ahead of time to frame the discussion? (Note: do NOT send screeds of information. Provide a clear and readable summary or critical links and explain why this is important.) What should you avoid discussing in this meeting? Many meetings are thrown off course by other issues currently on people's minds or are tangentially related to the topic at hand. Make it clear at the beginning what 'off-limits' for this conversation is and enforce it firmly as the meeting progresses. ### 5\. How will we spend our time together? An agenda needn't be prescriptive, but it should be made clear to all participants: - Why a meeting has been called - including context - What outcome needs to be reached - be as specific as possible - What topics or stages are involved - be as tight as you can - How time will be allocated - roughly. [This template agenda by Roger Schwartz](https://hbr.org/2015/03/how-to-design-an-agenda-for-an-effective-meeting?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) is a great start, clearly time-bracketing topics into manageable chunks with suggestions on preparation and process. Make sure you allocate reasonable amounts of time for each section. Most meetings try to do too much and either run over time or end half-baked. As a rule of thumb, allocate 50-75% more time to each discussion point than you expect it to take. If you finish early, no one will be upset. If that means you can't fit everything in, your agenda is overambitious, and you need to tighten your scope. By circulating your intentions beforehand, people better understand why they're coming and are less likely to get offended when you need to move the discussion on. ### 6\. What will happen next? All meeting attendees should leave with a clear idea of what is happening next, with no topic thread left hanging. The best way to do this is to use a consistent and clear template for meeting notes that can be easily circulated after the meeting—ideally, in draft form, on the same day. A bulleted email will do the job for small conversations, but for longer or larger meetings, consider using your task management software, an online whiteboard or something like [this template from Venngage.](https://venngage.com/templates/infographics/colorful-effective-workplace-meeting-minutes-infographic-b2370c5f-5495-43f2-bd81-f49912ff076a?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ![Colorful Effective Workplace Meeting Minutes Infographic Template](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/b2370c5f-5495-43f2-bd81-f49912ff076a-1.png) ### FMG Insurance People Leaders Summit, Wellington, December 2022 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/fmg-insurance-people-leaders-summit-wellington-december-2022/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T05:14:32.000Z _No content available._ ### Use your internal compass to make tricky decisions URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-make-tricky-decisions/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T09:50:09.000Z The average person makes 17,000 decisions a day. Most of those are easy, like what to have for breakfast or what time to leave for work, but some are harder. **Hard ones usually involve:** - Infrequent or unknown situations that you aren't confident about (*like buying your first house or hiring for a new position*) - Situations where there are no superior options (*where every alternative has a downside*) - Scary decisions with a high perceived risk *(like a significant financial or personal commitment that could go wrong.*) - Milestone choices that change your thoughts about yourself *(like personal development or a job change.*) You'll know it's a tricky decision when generic Google searches are unhelpful and no one can decide for you. I've been making a few of these lately as my business matures. I've had to constantly challenge the little whisper in my head saying, "W*ho do you think you are, Alicia McKay? This is madness!*" Every tricky decision is unique and has its own considerations, and the more critical it is, the less likely there is to be a 'right' answer. But there is a handy trick you can use to be more confident in your choices and keep you moving forward with your life plan. **You need to tap into your compass.** You know the one. Maybe you think of it as your gut or your integrity. It's why no one else can give you the answer - because you're the only one with it. Tapping into your personal compass means asking yourself questions like: - *Why do you care about this?* - *What is the broader significance of this decision for you?* - *What would living your values look like?* And most importantly... - *What failure could you live with if you knew you'd done the right thing?* Then, if you get it 'wrong' or it blows up in your face, you can live with the consequences. No level of safety, sensibility or logic can give you that. Nor can Google. Rock on. A ### Bright spot thinking URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/using-bright-spot-thinking/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:02:14.000Z Earlier this week, I was working with leaders from a large corporate. Talk quickly turned to how to survive the recession. Nervous about changing customer spending habits, they started talking about the holes in their brand strategy. Everyone would be looking for bargain options, they agreed, and their brand wasn't positioned as a frugal choice. Customers were about to leave in droves. It was time to pivot. The conversation got detailed, fast – until one student piped up and applied some of the systems questions we'd been learning together. *"Do we know this is actually a problem?"* she asked politely. *"Are we seeing any changes in the data?"* Ahh. **Music to my strategist ears** 🎵 Our well-meaning leaders had been running on fears and assumptions about buyer behaviour, but they hadn't looked at the data to see whether cart size or total revenue was down, or whether there was evidence of brand-switching. We're about to see a lot more of this as leadership teams prepare for an impending recession – knee-jerk, fear-based decisions driven by assumptions about what people will do and how our organisations should respond. This kind of behaviour is a sure-fire way to dilute customer value, erode trust with your staff and lose strategic focus. There's a better way. Before you start cutting prices, slashing jobs or shrinking budgets, take a deep breath and arm yourself with data. Then, set about using a **bright spot** lens. --- ## Look on the bright side Bright spot thinking is encapsulated perfectly in Chip Heath’s *Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard*: > *"To pursue bright spots is to ask the question: 'What’s working, and how can we do more of it?' Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Yet, in the real world, this obvious question is almost never asked. Instead, the question we ask is more problem focused: 'What’s broken, and how do we fix it?'"* Problem-solving can be a real downer. By focusing on all the things that are wrong, we can wind up lost, hopeless and overwhelmed. Bright spot thinking (aka *positive deviance analysis*) works backwards from the things that ARE working, so we can get more of them. In 1990, Jerry Sternin, director of Save the Children in Vietnam, set out to tackle child malnutrition in rural villages, where 65% of all children under 5 weren't receiving adequate nutrients to thrive. Traditional approaches, like supplemental feeding, weren't working. Rather than looking at all the things going WRONG, or trying to force their "expert opinion" on the villagers, Sternin and his wife spent time with families who, despite struggling with the same environmental conditions and lack of resources, were doing OK. By staying curious, Sternin noticed that families who were doing well were going against common advice – in particular, their diet included foods not usually given to toddlers, such as brine shrimp and crab. The protein from these unconventional sources were keeping kids healthy and strong. The Sternins took that thinking and supported other families to do the same, and successfully cut childhood malnutrition by two-thirds. --- ## How to use bright spot thinking You can take this same approach in your work and personal life. **1\. Review your data – what's going on?** Don't make assumptions. Just like our leaders in the example above, we're more prone to assumptions when we're scared. Make sure you have evidence of your situation first. **2\. Find the positive outliers** Go and find what *is* working. Who are your most loyal customers? Your best performing team members? When do you do your best work? In which situations are you parenting, partnering or professionalising (*OK, that was a stretch for the sake of alliteration*) at your best? **3\. Work out what's happening differently in those cases** Studying the anatomy of these situations should reveal some interesting trends – but only if you can park your own expertise, assumptions and commitment to the status quo for long enough to see them. Ask questions and watch out for what's working. Reflect at the end of a day when you did well, and see what the variables were. Maybe you always eat better when you exercise in the morning. Maybe you have more productive meetings on a Wednesday than a Friday. Maybe your best salespeople are calling, rather than emailing. You won't know if you don't go digging. **4\. Experiment with ways to replicate that elsewhere** When something works well, you should do more of it. This should be so simple as to not need saying, but we're often so busy looking for new tools, techniques, offers, or projects, that we don't take stock of all the signs that are right in front of us. Before you start something new, try doing more of what you're already great at, and taking those ideas and approaches into other areas of your work and life. --- ## Quick start tips Bright spot thinking can differentiate you and your team in a fear-driven marketplace. To get started, remember the following four tips: 1. **Go and find the outliers.** Is there someone out there who's doing a great job? What are they doing? What are they tapping into that others aren't? 2. **Flip your questions.** Instead of asking why your customers are leaving, learn more about the ones who stay. Instead of looking for more funding, think of ways to make progress with no money. 3. **Remember how great you already are.** You're awesome at all sorts of stuff already. Why keep those skills in a cage? Your artistic flair, people prowess or techie nerdness could be paying off in other areas, if you give them a chance to shine. Work towards the grain. 4. **Be willing to be weird.** Real progress, as the late Dr Russell Ackoff says, cannot be found in continuous improvement. Creativity is a *discontinuous act.* --- When you feel the panic vibes starting to land in your workplace, put the brakes on. Take a deep breath, look at the data, and redirect the conversation to what *is* working, so you can find ways to do more of it. Til next week, A ### The Alicia McKay Show URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-alicia-mckay-show/ Last updated: 2026-07-30T02:16:13.000Z Alicia McKay, Producer Cam and special guests streamed live every Friday for a rollicking weekly ride through news, not-news and thought bubbles in 2022\. Catch up on episodes here. ## Spotify ## Apple Podcasts [The Alicia McKay ShowSociety & Culture Podcast · Updated Weekly · Join Alicia McKay, Producer Cam and special guests on a rollicking weekly ride through news, not-news and interviews.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/favicon-32-445b5c62-6887-4389-9aef-efec2459a569.png)Apple PodcastsSeatounSmiths![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/1200x1200bf-60-278f732c-c8df-4ca8-b8f8-20a71af15fae.jpg)](https://podcasts.apple.com/nz/podcast/the-alicia-mckay-show/id1613878991?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ## Video ### Property Council NZ Awards Dinner MC, Wellington, November 2022 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/property-council-nz-awards-dinner-mc-wellington-november-2022/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T05:19:11.000Z _No content available._ ### Work towards the grain URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/work-towards-the-grain/ Last updated: 2025-10-01T10:13:13.000Z One of my coaching clients is an exceptional leader. She has a rare combination of strategic, systems-focused perspective along with a burning desire to pull things apart, get involved on a practical level and see how they're built. She's passionate, enthusiastic, hard-working and really cares about people. Basically, she's the ideal leader. But she doesn't currently feel like it. What's that about? In her new senior role, she's taking on bigger and more complex programmes of work. Those projects come with a heavy load of reading, report writing and progress meetings, which she's slogging through. She's particularly frustrated by a large programme she's the executive sponsor for. She really cares about the work and wants to see it succeed, but she feels disconnected and absent. In an effort to get up to speed and be useful, she's been churning all the lengthy reports she's been sent before she gets her hands dirty... but she hates it. In our most recent session, we talked about what it would be like to choose how she engaged. She was visibly enthusiastic as she described being embedded in the project team, collaborating with stakeholders and advocating for them with her executive colleagues - basically, using all the skills she's best at. I watched her eyes light up and her body language shift as she imagined working in ways that aligned with her most unique abilities: collaboration, engagement and systems change. Together, we came to the understanding that trying to do what was expected of her, and what everyone else was doing, was a road to nowhere: she was working *against* the grain and losing the love for something she really cared about. In New Zealand, we seem to have this weird idea that we should suffer for what we care about. The idea that we simply *deserve* to do things we love, in ways we love, is controversial: but one that, if we seized, can unblock endless potential and progress for all of us. The potential for my coaching client to contribute is limitless - but if she is forced into a system and an approach that squanders her unique skills, we'll never get to see it. So instead, we talked about what it would mean to buck the status quo and do things differently. To abandon the endless volumes of reading and work closely with her project team to support their progress. She learns through talking and doing, so we're redesigning her leadership approach to be more of that than anything else. What we were talking about is using what Dan Sullivan calls our *Unique Ability.* Your unique ability is probably something that comes so naturally to you, you take it for granted and don't realise how special it is. When you work *with* your unique ability, you generate incredible results and find endless reserves of energy and creativity. When you work against it, you suffer in silence. According to Dan, [there are four criteria that must be met for something to be a Unique Ability](https://resources.strategiccoach.com/the-multiplier-mindset-blog/what-is-unique-ability?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz): 1. **Superior skill.** You produce outstanding results with this talent that comes naturally to you. Others notice this skill, rely on it, and value it. 2. **Passion.**You love to do this, and probably did it in some form long before you got paid for it. 3. **Energy.** It gives you a boost of energy. The people around you get energy from you when you're doing it too, because it’s fun and exciting. 4. **Never-ending improvement**. You could do it for the rest of your life and always find new ways to get better and better. Be careful not to confuse your unique ability with things that you're pretty good at but would rather not do. It's those things that have the most potential to suck your time and energy, crowding out your most fulfilling activities. I love this drawing of the Zone of Genius model from The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, which sums that quandry up beautifully. It's your competence and excellence that most holds you back from your genius or 'unique ability.' ![big leap](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/big%20leap-3.png) Take stock of your current environment -what do you hate doing? What do you get the most energy from? For everything that doesn't quality as your highest point of contribution, how could you delete, delegate or outsource it? Working at your maximum potential isn't a luxury, it's a transformative way of living and working. For me, that means finding ways to eliminate almost everything that isn't thinking, writing and speaking about big ideas. For you, that will look different. It's hard work, it's a life's work, but it's meaningful work. Give it a go. Til next week, A ### You don't need a master plan: how to set your own direction URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/set-your-own-direction/ Last updated: 2025-10-01T23:54:48.000Z You don't need a master plan. Set your own direction, without pressure. All you need is a starting point, perspective, and a future compass. Then, take the next right step. Free worksheet included. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Don't be afraid to narrow down URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/dont-be-afraid-to-narrow-down/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:58:28.000Z Little known fact: the more specific you are about what you want, what you'll do, and what you won't do, the more likely you are to get it. When you niche contracts, your possibilities expand. ## What most people do Most people are afraid to make declarative statements for fear of missing out. - In their business, they try to cater to everyone, for fear of missing out on potential clients — and hamstring their profits by not defining a niche they can serve better than anyone. - In their friendships, they try to keep too many relationships spinning, for fear of being left alone — and dilute the quality of their most important connections by not investing enough time and energy in those. - In their fitness, they do a mix of cardio, weight lifting and yoga and keep their goals vague (“be healthier...”), for fear of getting it wrong, and miss the chance to do something amazing. ## What to do instead Take a look at your goals — work, business, love, health et al. — and practice setting a very specific objective. Once you make that statement, it becomes a “first domino” that clarifies your focus, shows you new opportunities, and takes care of many of your secondary goals. **Examples:** - “I help mid-career women in the finance industry move into executive positions” is much more useful, marketable and profitable than “I help people develop their careers.” When you define a niche like that, you create laser-focused content and offerings that attract your ideal client, enabling you to build deep expertise, charge more and spend your marketing dollar more wisely. - “I call my best friend for an hour every Friday” is much more impactful than “I’m trying to keep up with 6 WhatsApp chats” for developing a connection that will deepen and serve you throughout life. (When the sh\*t hits the fan with your marriage, kids or career, or you need a couch to crash on for a week, it’s not your school-Mum group chat that will be there for you — it’s your bestie.) - “I am going to add 4 kg of muscle to my frame” is more helpful than “I am trying to get more toned” to help you set nutrition, sleep and workout goals, and become a healthier person. ## Use narrowing for boundaries too The same is true for your boundaries — which we touched on last week. - “I put my family first” is a good start, but it will be unhelpful when it comes to making judgement calls and tricky trade-offs. “I am always home for dinner and bedtime” is a more specific goal that requires a different level of commitment that will change the way you run your life. - “I don’t waste time in meetings” is a nice intention that will be rapidly compromised. “I only attend meetings with a clear agenda and at least three days’ notice” is a more specific boundary that will change how you interact with people and what you do with your time. The beautiful paradox of narrowing down your goals and focus to something clear and specific is that other things will fall into place. It’s a planning paradox. When you commit to a linchpin goal — whether it’s in business, nutrition or relationships — you inspire behaviours, habits, actions and opportunities that create the bigger-picture success you’ve been looking for. Your bravery will be rewarded — so go on… get specific. Til next week, A --- **More on this** I shared a post on LinkedIn yesterday that talked about the danger of dilution in a strategic planning process. [Check it out](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/aliciamckaynz%5Fstrategy-strategicplanning-focus-activity-6995486829152018432-BJpJ?utm%5Fsource=share&utm%5Fmedium=member%5Fdesktop), along with a helpful 12-minute video that outlines how to nail your strategic plans and move them into action. ### Setting boundaries around bullsh*t URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/setting-boundaries-around-bullsht/ Last updated: 2025-09-25T10:35:21.000Z I've drawn a new boundary around my professional life: no more leadership team coaching. I'm away for an incredible conference in the US this week to refresh my direction for 2023\. Taking inventory has helped me to start by culling what no longer brings me joy. ## Here's a brief lowdown on my personal thinking process (If this bit is boring to you, [skip to the bit on drawing some bullsh\*t boundaries of your own.](#How-you-can-do-this)) When I look at the parts of my work I love (and those I don't), I see some clear themes, which I use to set criteria for applying my energy. Those are: - Providing helpful frameworks to change people's thinking - Seeing them applied for immediate results - at scale, - Exercising my creative freedom. I like to find the sweet spot between deep personal resonance and meaningful reach. Things that meet those criteria: Not An MBA, [online courses](http://academy.aliciamckay.co.nz/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), [speaking at events](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/speaking), writing and creating guides and tools. Things that no longer meet them: coaching. ## The things I'm keeping The things I love aren't perfect. I struggle with hearing how constrained my students, readers, and delegates are in their operating environments and the stunning consistency of corporate bullsh\*t across sectors and organisations. I let it get me down on a personal level sometimes. (Boundary alert!) But with training, speaking and writing, I see a shift due to my time, at a scale I'm proud of. Conferences can be hard going, for all the reasons Steph Clarke outlined in this [great LinkedIn post](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/steph-clarke%5Fnobs2022-creativity-conference-activity-6991139717295607808-sdVd?utm%5Fsource=share&utm%5Fmedium=member%5Fdesktop), but I like to think I'm part of the solution, not the problem. ## The things I'm ditching Coaching fails on a few criteria: scale, visible results and values alignment. Something about the underlying premise fundamentally rubs me the wrong way: teams of highly paid, highly ranked leaders who can't work together to help the people who depend on them and need to pay someone else to do their job. Over a year or two, I watch people working their guts out and trying their best lurch from one restructure to another, subject to the whims of their corporate overlords. They leave their long-term thinking in the room with me, and go straight to short-term panic as soon as the budget or environment changes. There's never enough money to support their teams with enough resources, but always enough money for retreats and belly-button gazing when they can't get their sh\*t together. *(To be fair, this may mean I'm not a good coach. Either way, it's enough reason to know I'm done with it!)* ## What I've learned 1\. The closer or more implicated I am in perpetrating unhelpful corporate crap, the worse I feel. 2\. The more I feel like I've reached people at scale, AND on a personal level, who are ready to make changes, the better I feel. 3\. The more creative freedom I have, the more joy I bring to the task at hand. ## How you can do this ### What's dragging you down? Chances are, a personal or professional inventory would yield similar results: things you love, things you like, things you tolerate, and things you can't stand. That's fine, for the most part—unless you're sacrificing parts of yourself that shouldn't be sacrificed. Things like your values, your integrity, your personal time, your emotional energy, or the quality of your relationships. **In that case, it's time to take action. Here's what you can do.** ### Five steps to reduce the bullsh\*t in your life #### 1\. Take inventory List all the things you've got on, and put them in a sorting pile: love, like, tolerate, hate. #### 2\. Find themes and set criteria See if you can spot some themes - what do these things have in common? What underpins the stuff you love? What values are being violated by the things you hate? Use those things to set the *criteria* for what you direct your energy to. My criteria are usefulness, value alignment, scale, and creativity. #### 3\. Consider alternatives Consider options to reshape or remove the things that aren't serving you. If they aren't serving you, they aren't serving others either. I know that if I'm a jaded coach, I'm a sh\*t coach. By the same token, if you're a disillusioned HR leader, checked-out spouse or contemptuous customer service person, you're not doing a good job of those roles either. #### 4\. Draw new lines Set new boundaries around the things that threaten your personal and professional peace. If you can reshape the problematic things to align with your values and needs, do that. If you can't, get rid of them. #### 5\. Check-in and reflect Reassess how that's made you feel. If it hasn't helped, you've got deeper stuff to deal with. Spend some time with a pen and a journal, or even a therapist, working out what some of that might be. If it has helped, keep going. For more on how to set great boundaries, [check out this article](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wednesday-wisdom/how-to-identify-set-and-defend-your-boundaries-2/). It's packed with helpful thoughts and ideas and is a key resource in Not An MBA. In fact, our current cohort did this exercise just this week, putting in place fresh lines around their energy and attention so they can be better leaders, professionals, and people. Have fun - and let me know how you've got on! Til next week, A ### How to make hard decisions URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-make-hard-decisions-more-easily/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T09:27:23.000Z Have you got a hard choice to make? Whether it's at work or home, having tricky choices ahead weighs on you, even when you aren't actively thinking about them. The longer you delay making the call, the more conflicted and overwhelmed you might become. But here's a reminder: avoiding a decision *is* making a decision. --- ## Why it's hard to make the right decision There are three main reasons why making a big decision is difficult: uncertainty, decision fatigue, and insecurity. ### Reason 1: Uncertainty The main reason decisions are hard is *uncertainty.* We don't have any guarantee of a potential future, and if we make the wrong choice, our future could be worse than our present. This is the real job of a decision - to convert uncertainty (which we can't control) into action (which we can.) If we avoid making an important decision because we're uncertain, it's often an attempt to evade accountability for the choice we make - forgetting that not deciding is a choice in itself. Decision-making is hard work! Especially when the stakes are high, all options are complicated, or you aren't confident you can make the right call. Remember, the etymology of the word decision comes from the Latin '*caedere'* meaning, literally: "to cut off" Decisions aren't just scary because of what we're moving towards, but what we're cutting ourselves off from: choices, opportunities and pathways untrodden. What if making this decision makes it worse? What if we make the wrong choice, and things could have been better? In short, we've got preemptive FOMO. ### Reason 2: Decision fatigue When we make too many decisions, the quality of those decisions can deteriorate - this is what decision fatigue is all about. It's a real thing, and it can be particularly impactful for people who make many decisions throughout the day, such as business leaders, executives, or even parents. The more decisions we make, the less mental energy we have to make subsequent decisions. The impact on decision-making can be significant. Studies have shown that when fatigued, people tend to make impulsive, risky decisions rather than carefully considering all available options. They may also fall back on mental shortcuts to make decisions rather than analysing all the available information. To avoid decision fatigue, it's important to be mindful of the number of decisions you're making in a day and prioritize the most important ones. This might mean delegating smaller decisions to someone else or automating routine decisions where possible. It can also mean taking daily breaks to recharge your mental energy. ### Reason 3: Insecurity Making a decision - especially a big one - requires confidence in yourself, your intellect, your choices, and your ability to handle outcomes. If you're feeling wobbly, even if that wobbliness has nothing to do with the decision, it will show up all over the place and undermine your ability to make good, clear decisions. The consequences of making the wrong decision can be significant and long-lasting, which adds to the pressure of making the right choice. This fear can cause us to second-guess ourselves or become indecisive, making the decision-making process even more difficult. I can't give you the right answer for your decision (sorry) but a few things can help you make a good choice. --- ## What makes a good decision? TL;DR - Not the outcome, but the process you use to make it. Contrary to popular wisdom, what makes a decision good or bad is not the outcome – it’s the process used to make it. If we evaluate the quality of a decision based on how it turned out, we surrender control to luck and circumstance. I've made bad decisions that (thankfully) never came back to bite me. I've also done the right thing and suffered as a result. You probably have, too. While a good decision process does not guarantee a good outcome, consistently good processes do lead to consistently better outcomes. --- ## Three stages of a decision So what *are* the stages in a decision process (even if we won't necessarily tick them all off in the order we'd like?) There are 3 main steps to be aware of: #### Stage 1: Frame This is all about taking the time to understand the problem you're solving or the choice you're facing. Time spent here saves drama later on. #### Stage 2: Evaluate This is all about clarifying your goals and values and considering how your options align with those things. #### Stage 3: Test This is all about making the smallest possible choice and taking action immediately. #### Tips on how to do this well - [Be very clear on your goals and criteria, and make choices that align with those](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-focus-your-time-and-energy/) - Use a [decision process or framework](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/master-the-worlds-most-valuable-skill/) to counteract bias and enhance your thinking - Test your thinking out loud and with others. --- ## Stage 1 - Set the frame Most of us initially frame our problems and decisions too narrowly, shutting ourselves off to potential options and ideas. Before we get going, we need to look outside of our stress to gain perspective on the shape and significance of our problem. Why does this matter? Where did this come from? Does it need solving? *Remember: not all problems need solving; if they do, we don’t always need to solve them.* - Why is this an important decision to make? - What’s changed that created the need for us to act? - What are the drivers? - How important is it to solve this problem or respond to this opportunity, and what will happen if we don’t? - What information supports our feelings? We ask these questions because it’s easy to get tunnel vision. Daniel Kahneman calls this WYSIATI - ‘what you see is all there is’. Big-picture thinking requires us to zoom out and appreciate the broader context, asking questions like: - What’s going on, internally and externally, that we haven’t thought about? - What other forces are at play? - Is there more to this than we’ve considered? We also need to try to get outside of our own heads and practise shifting into others’ views and perspectives. When we can do this, we become less attached to our point of view and see things from a new angle. When choosing your frame, consider: - What information do you have? - What are your ideas and assumptions? - What are the gaps? - What other ideas should be explored? - What is the *real* decision we're trying to make here? Once you've "frame-stormed" for a while, you should have a clearer picture of the choice you're trying to make, and you can make it. --- ## Stage 2: Evaluate Good evaluation starts with clear criteria. When you’re excited about an opportunity or battling a significant challenge, jumping straight to solving it is tempting. But if we go straight to *choices* without taking the time to nail our *criteria*, we might not reach the right conclusion. At this stage of the process, take the space to confirm what a good decision looks like by asking: - **Purpose:** What goals are relevant to this decision? - **Outcomes:** What are the most important outcomes? - **Priorities:** Which of these outcomes are most important? - **Constraints:** What are our constraints on cost and logistics? Once you know what you're trying to achieve, you can consider how well your choices and options align with those things. Try using a simple decision matrix to 'score' your choices against your most important goals and outcomes. Create a table with the different options along the side and the criteria across the top. Then, rate each option for each criterion and calculate a total score for each option. This can help you see which option scores highest overall and make a more informed decision. 💡 Check out [this 7 step guide](https://alicia-mckay.ghost.io/how-to-focus-your-time-and-energy/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) to prioritising your choices and use the free decision matrix inside. --- ## Stage 3: Test Never make big decisions when small ones are an option. Odds are, you've made some inaccurate assumptions and taken a few short-cuts with your thinking. Because you're a human, that's cool. But when you try to make a *big* decision too early (large commitment, big price ticket, huge impact on your life), you're baking in those inaccuracies unnecessarily. The better option is to take the smallest possible next step to unearth the new information we need to build a great final solution. If you want to move cities, try living there for a week. If you want to quit your job and pursue your dream of becoming a novelist, try writing a short story every week for a month. If you want to start a business, try contracting for a while. Pick something you can unravel, before you change everything permanently. Once you've decided on your best option and run it through a sensible process, your brain will probably tell you that you've completed the task. You have not. All good decisions have action baked in - until you *do* something, your decision will not come to life. Work out a small, meaningful step toward the future that you can take as soon as possible. Book a meeting, take a class, tell someone, write the first few words, build the landing page—whatever it takes to make your decision real. --- ## Extra tips and tricks If you're still finding it hard to make a good decision, here are three extra things that might help: #### Get a second opinion Sometimes, getting a fresh perspective on your decision can be helpful. Talk to someone you trust - a friend, family member, or colleague. They may be able to offer insights or considerations that you hadn't thought of before. #### Sleep on it Your Mum was right - you should attain a little extra distance to avoid decisions based on emotion or impulse. Come back to it with fresh eyes in a day or two. #### Trust your instincts While it's important to carefully consider all the options and weigh the pros and cons, sometimes you know what you need to do and are simply afraid to do it. Pay attention to your gut feelings and intuition, and trust yourself to make the right decision. ### Time to change: 4 signs that you need to take action URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/time-to-change-4-signs-that-you-need-to-take-action/ Last updated: 2025-10-01T10:20:05.000Z In a recent Wednesday Wonder, I asked you how you know it's time to change something in your life - what the signs are, and how you know whether to act on those signals. The theme was overwhelmingly consistent - it was all about energy, motivation and frustration. Heaps of you suffer physically, experiencing disrupted sleep, gut and poor wellbeing when things aren't right. Then I asked how you knew whether to *act* on those signals or not. Here's what you said: ### 1\. It doesn't go away *"Recurrence, frustration, more than one function or team or sector of business is negatively impacted e.g. momentum is waning or lost"* *"If the feeling is always there, no matter the external circumstances (no matter the weather, the people I'm with, the work that is being done).."* *"If that sense of not learning and growing is still there after a reasonable length of time - sometimes that's a couple of months, sometimes that could be as long as a year. When I know it's not just a blip."* ### 2\. You've talked it through. *"I like to give it pondering time and then air-time (talk about it with loving critics - trusted friends who are straight shooters) and usually then feel strongly about a path forward."* *"Talk to colleagues and friends, gather thoughts opinions and other perspectives."* ### 3\. You've taken space to reflect *"Give it a bit of time - is it me, or is it the situation? Weigh up what is the worst case scenario and test my own comfort with that outcome."* *"Typically I have to stop and assess what is really going on. Is it the thing I am working on, or something else influencing me at a deeper level? I also ask if it is something I can control now, or something that I should make sure I don't repeat in the future."* *"I explore the factors that are troubling me, practice my mindfulness, and try to determine whether my stressors or real or perceived."* ### 4\. You just... feel it. *"When the gnawing in your gut gets too much and you want it to go away."* *"Internal sanity check. Listen to myself. I'll know."* *"I feel in my gut a deep seated urge to act- like it's self preservation."* ### There is always a market for uncertainty URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/your-real-value-is-converting-uncertainty/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:15:21.000Z Nobody knows what they're doing. Nobody. We're all winging it. Every time we face a problem, we dig through mental filing cabinets and muscle memory. We apply what we know and what we've done as best we can, but it's always a best guess. I figured this out in my first job at the tender age of 22\. I quickly realised that everyone I worked with - including, or perhaps especially politicians, CEOs - was making it up as they went along. I'm not sure if that's comforting or confronting, but I do know that everyone is uncertain, and that our effectiveness is often down to: 1. Being OK with that, and 2. Making decisions anyway. Knowing everyone is uncertain means a lot of value in being a catalytic convertor. (Not unlike the one from my 1984 50th Anniversary Nissan Langley. RIP.) Here's some examples. ### Employee value People hire employees because they're uncertain about their existing capacity to deliver. When they do that, they're still uncertain about whether they've scoped the job right, picked the right person, and can keep them on. **Add value as an employee by converting those uncertainties into trust.** ### Consultant value People hire consultants and advisors because they're uncertain about the right choices and how to make them. Even once they appoint someone, they're uncertain whether they're on the right track and if they know what they want in the first place. **Add value as a consultant by converting those uncertainties into direction.** ### Leader value People work for leaders because they're uncertain about their abilities to make real impact or secure financial security by working for themselves. Even once they take a job, they're unsure if they're in the right industry and up to the task. **Add value as a leader by converting those uncertainties into empowerment.** ### Politician value People vote for politicians because they're uncertain about their future. After the election, they remain uncertain about whether they will do what they promised or if their lives will change as a result. **Add value as an elected member by converting those uncertainties into progress.** If you're worried about your job, your business, or your future, stop building technical skills and start thinking about what you can convert for others. There's always a market for uncertainty. How do you convert uncertainty? Til next week, A ### Lead teams with better planning: hit a sustainable pace URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/lead-teams-with-better-planning-hit-a-sustainable-pace/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T22:54:05.000Z How’s your to-do list looking? What about your team's? If it’s looking a bit unachievable, read on to learn how to improve your planning - and your leadership. ### We’re powered by stories I always think I need to do things faster than everybody else. It’s been a great way to speed up my delivery over the years. It’s also burnt me out more than once and led to many avoidable mistakes. Sometimes, I treat my need for speed as a strength. Other times, as a weakness. But like all key personality traits, it’s both, neither, and part of a larger, deeper story. I used to worry it was a sense of arrogance or superiority (as in “I don’t need to take as long as everyone else, because I’m smarter than them.”) but it isn’t. When I observe someone else being careful and deliberate with something new, I don’t feel smug. I feel a pang. That pang, if I stop to listen to it, says something like: “That’s lucky for them. They’ve got that time and luxury.” I’ve never really stopped to examine that pang before, but I did recently, to ask: Is that true? Why don’t I have that time and luxury? What’s the real fear here? I think it’s pretty core. I try to do everything as quickly as possible, because once upon a time, I genuinely needed to. At uni, I couldn’t procrastinate on assignments or hang out after lectures, because I had a baby at home to look after. In business, I didn’t develop a considered “offering” when I launched my practice in 2014, because we were on an apprentice builders’ wage and had a mortgage and two kids to provide for. That story played an important safety and survival role, and it used to serve me. But it doesn’t anymore. **Stop and think:** What stories do you have about time? Where did they come from? ## Plan for the real world We’re gearing up for recruitment of new facilitators and coaches right now, and I am beyond excited. We’ve just mapped out all our preparation, so we can go to market next Thursday. Eep! Yesterday, as Sha and I were mapping our process and agreeing deadlines, I felt an alarm go off. I knew that if we weren’t careful, we’d get swept up in the excitement, forget about other priorities and box ourselves into unreasonable deadlines, causing unnecessary stress. We’re all victim to planning bias, where we overestimate how much we can do, underestimate how long it will take and neglect past examples or risks. It’s a default setting — what Daniel Kahneman calls “System One” — and it requires intention and attention to ward off. For us, we had to stop and make sure we’d built in time for discussion, iteration and unexpected derailments, so that we didn’t wind up panicking in a few weeks time. **Stop and think:** Do you plan for reality, or best-case? Has planning bias caught you off-guard recently? ## Lead by example Leaders set the tone. The example we set is much more powerful than the words we say. If you do everything as fast as possible, overwhelm your plate and regularly need more time to complete your projects, this has a powerful impact on the people who look to you. It means that when you ask questions like “when will we have this done?” people actually hear “how fast can we do this?” If your team are similarly speed-inclined, this a recipe for disaster. You can’t get around it with communication, either. If you don’t walk your own talk, people will be more influenced by what you’re doing than what you say. **Stop and think:** Are you setting the right example with workload and delivery? --- **TL;DR:** We’re all powered by past stories that affect our relationship with time and work. As leaders, we need to pick those scabs, check how they’re affecting us and our teams, and lead by example. Here are three things you can do next time you’re facing a deadline or time pressure: - Listen to your internal story and check whether it’s true or not - Check yourself for planning bias - Walk the talk on workload ### Speaker requirements URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/speaker-requirements/ Last updated: 2026-07-09T05:08:14.000Z ⚡ Thank you for inviting me to your event. To create the best experience, this resource includes important information about what it's like to work together. – AM. ## 🎤 AV - Alicia will introduce herself to AV and make the tech-check easy. - Alicia prefers a handheld microphone for audio quality and ease. - Alicia will often present *without* slides, or with just a simple background. - If Alicia does use slides, she will bring her own laptop (MacBook Pro) and clicker. **Her** **presentations do not run on any computer but hers**. - Alicia's computer must be at the front of the room with her, where she can access it. Having it on a low table rather than a podium works best. - Please ensure a roving or delegate microphone is available in the room.u. ## 🪑Room setup Banquet tables are always the preferred room layout. We understand this won't always be possible, especially for large events. Alicia will need: - An HDMI input (own laptop) - A whiteboard (for masterclasses and workshops only.) - Water on stage. ## ⏱️ Timing - Alicia's sessions always run to time. - Alicia is flexible and modifies her session length if your event runs behind. ## 👖Alicia's style - Alicia is famously casual: she often arrives in t-shirt and jeans. If your environment requires professional dress, she happily suits up. Just let us know. - Alicia sometimes swears. If this isn't cool with your audience, notify us beforehand. ## 💬 Introducing Alicia Feel free to craft your own introduction ahead of time or on the spot. Otherwise, check out the introductions available in our [ speaking resources.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/speaking-event-resources/) **The correct pronunciation of Alicia's name “Ah-lee-sha Mick-eye”. Listen below.** Alicia McKay pronunciation 0:00 /15.984 1× ## 💻 Slides and IP - Alicia doesn’t convert slides to anyone’s templates. - Alicia’s slide deck is not available for download or to publish as a handout. - Alicia owns and retains all rights to her materials and content. Always. They cannot be reproduced or distributed. ## 📸 Photos and video - You have full permission to record Alicia’s keynotes and workshops - and share them widely! - If you take photos or videos, share these freely on social media, tag Alicia in, and make sure to pop us a copy through at [info@aliciamckay.co.nz](mailto:info@aliciamckay.co.nz) - Alicia has the right to record and/or photograph the session and use photos online or in print. ## 📧 After the event - We can send a brief email after the event with additional resources. If this would be valuable, provide your attendee list or an email for distribution. - We love reading event feedback - forward it on. - We will ask you for a testimonial at the end of the event and deeply value your words and effort. This is what keeps the business running! If you have any questions or concerns, reach out. We’re always happy to help. [Alicia McKay speaking requirementsAlicia McKay speaking requirements.pdf74 KBdownload-circle](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/content/files/2025/12/Alicia-McKay-speaking-requirements.pdf "Download") ### Online session ground rules URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/online-session-ground-rules/ Last updated: 2025-11-16T20:43:53.000Z Ground rules for online sessions with Alicia McKay _This post is for subscribers only._ ### MS Teams Ground Rules URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/ms-teams-ground-rules/ Last updated: 2025-10-21T18:55:48.000Z Ground rules and guidance for online workshops over MS Teams _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Bank account proof URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/bank-account-proof/ Last updated: 2025-10-21T18:55:55.000Z Bank account proof for NZ and Australia _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Company details URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/company-details/ Last updated: 2026-03-30T01:09:19.000Z | **Legal Name** | Structured Conversations Ltdtrading as **Alicia McKay NZ** | | --------------------------------------- | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | | **Website** | www.aliciamckay.co.nz | | **Structure** | Limited Liability Company | | **Physical Address** | 34 Shackle Ln, Whitby, Porirua 5024, New Zealand | | **NZBN** | 9429046252005 | | **Company Number** | 6333187 | | **GST Number** | 123-383-942 | | **Bank account - NZ** | 02-0836-0103480-000STRUCTURED CONVERSATIONS LIMITED | | **Bank account - AU** | BSB code: 774001Account number: 221945814STRUCTURED CONVERSATIONS LIMITED | | **Administrative and Accounts Contact** | Sarah Hillman[info@aliciamckay.co.nz](mailto:info@aliciamckay.co.nz)+64 272 969 808 | | **Alicia McKay Contact** | Alicia McKay[alicia@aliciamckay.co.nz](mailto:alicia@aliciamckay.co.nz)+64 27 514 6778 | ### Download as a PDF below [Supplier Details 2025Supplier Details 2025.pdf310 KBdownload-circle](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/content/files/2025/10/Supplier-Details-2025.pdf "Download") ### Strategists get whatever they want URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategists-get-whatever-they-want/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:16:19.000Z Here's something strategists know that not everyone else does: you can have literally *anything* you want, at work, home or in your life. Nothing is off limits. Odds are the things you most want to do, have, or be have already been done by someone - which means it's possible for you, too. If you want to be a strategist, you'll need to think like one. The good news is, it's less about what you know and more about how you look at things. The formula is pretty simple. When you are clear about what you really want (and why it matters), flexible in the path you'll take to get there (it almost certainly won't be the one you think it will) and ready to commit to taking small, consistent action, there's nothing you can't do. Here's three steps to get you there: ## Step One: Know what you want - and why This is the hardest part of the process. You have to really, truly know what you want in order to be able to get it. This part is harder than it looks, because it's a red herring. It's not *what* you want that matters, but *why* you want it. Want a beautiful home? Cool. You can't stop there though. Why do you want that? Is it because you want status? Is it because you love relaxing alone? Is it because you want to give your family a good life? Is it because you want safety and comfort? If you don't ask these questions and really interrogate your answers, a home may not give you the things you really crave. Your home is a potential *how* to achieve deeper desires. When you're clear on what those desires are, you can make choices that point toward those - which might be about your home, but might equally end up being about your relationships, your career, or your emotional health. Whatever you do, don't spend your time designing for what you *don't* want. That's a surefire way to cut your dreams off at the knees and put your focus in the wrong place. ## Step Two: Stop asking "if" #### Strategists don't ask *if* they can have what they want. They don't wonder *if* they could have a more profitable business, a stronger workplace culture, a happier marriage, or a healthier lifestyle. *If* questions lead us to come up with all the barriers to our dreams. They're a fast track to mediocrity and compromise, and they're usually a waste of time. Of *course* you can have those things. People achieve those things all the time, and you're just as brilliant and deserving as anyone else. Think of all the things you've achieved that you're proud of. The tiny wins and big victories that you pulled off against the odds. You know damn well that when you put your mind to it, care enough and work hard, you can make great things happen. Stop wasting time with *if* and start working out *how.* ## Step 3: Take action and stay open Once you know what you really want, and you've dispensed of the 'if' voice, take your first action. Don't mess around making a master plan or going down an internet rabbit hole, because you'll be procrastinating your inevitable wrongness. You're a strategist, not a planner. Taking the first tiny step toward what you want might mean you... - *Write the first page of that book.* - *Call that person.* - *Sign up for that course.* - *Pitch your idea.* - *Go for a 1km run.* Then tomorrow, take the next tiny step. The next day, do it again. Reallocate 30 minutes a day from the internet or social media into taking these steps, and keep doing it even when you feel like you suck and you aren't getting anywhere. There is very little that persistence and flexibility cannot give you. The secret is astonishingly simple: As long as you're ready to get knocked back, feel dumb, stuff it up and keep learning, you'll be unstoppable. Once you get the ball rolling, the world around you shifts. Your inner Google starts filtering new information and the tiny steps you take introduce you to people, ideas and options that you never could have known about beforehand. The days are passing anyway, you may as well do things you care about with them. Right, gotta go, I've got some astonishingly amateur fiction writing to persevere with. Til next week, A ### Do you want to be CEO? URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-become-a-ceo-2/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:50:56.000Z I caught up on some of our Google Analytics last week, and there was a surprising nugget in there. One of the most common search terms that brought people to the naMBA leadership quiz was "How to become a CEO". I've been thinking about that ever since. It's interesting to pinpoint the 'typical' pinnacles of success we measure ourselves against. CEO. Marathon. Married. Author. Whatever. I reckon those are usually proxies that we use to signify something else. - **CEO** \= rich and professionally successful. - **Marathon** \= fit and healthy. - **Married** \= desired and loveable. - **Author** \= smart and impressive. Proxies are flawed though, aren't they? I've worked with heaps of CEOs and typically successful people, and many experience the same two realisations: - They're still the same people when they get there - they haven't transformed, and don't feel very differently about themselves. - The experience is not what they had in mind. The life of a CEO, or the reality of a marriage, don't align with the popular culture representation. It's a bit like losing weight. Weight loss is a hollow achievement that rarely delivers what we hope it will. Instead, if we want to feel more confident in our body, or more attractive, or healthier, we're best to focus on how we do that, rather than making weight loss the goal. Instead of aiming for typical "life success" markers, it's useful to think about the outcome we want, rather than the achievement itself. If we want to feel useful, or financially safe, or like we've contributed to the world, or fit, or healthy, or loved - what are the ways we can do that for ourselves? I reckon once we nail that, we enjoy our achievements an awful lot more. Til next week, A ### Should you change? A helpful tool URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/should-you-change/ Last updated: 2025-09-29T21:55:43.000Z New stuff is fun. It's my favourite. I like nothing more than throwing everything I've done, worked for, or worked on, away and starting with a blank sheet. Fresh exercise book. New pen. Rearranged lounge. Except once you're a grown-up, you never really get a blank sheet, do you? There's too many loose ends. So, how do we ever get to make something big and new happen, when we have to keep things running in the meantime? We can, but we need to use our energy wisely, otherwise we'll try and change everything at once, burn out, and die. Or something like that. Whether you're working out whether to overhaul your tech stack (my current battle), find a new job or relationship, launch a change program or renovate yourself, big change decisions are really hard. If you're trying to work out whether to start all over again, or just tweak around the edges, whether to throw it all out, or experiment with something different, here's a helpful way to think about it. Most decisions that matter are complicated, but you can usually work out their significance and risk by focusing on two main factors: - How ambiguous the situation is - How high the stakes are. ### Ambiguity How much do you know about this decision? How many of the factors are uncertain? Have you done this before? How many people are involved? ### Stakes How much is resting on this? What will the impact be if it goes wrong? How much do you depend on this going well? What is at stake? ## The Change Matrix ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/12.png-2.webp) ### Using the tool Once you've worked out, approximately, you sit on the matrix, use the prescription to guide how you go about tackling your change project. #### When to experiment When there's *low ambiguity* and *low stakes*, we should try new things while it's safe. This is great for hobbies, outfits and activities! Why not? #### When to optimise When there's *low ambiguity*, but *high stakes*, we should look for the best solution, rather tham innovating. Here, we should do what's smartest for our wallet, time and big goals. This is usually true for large purchases, career and relationship choices. #### When to stabilise When *ambiguity is high*, but *decision stakes are low,* we should keep things on an even keel. There's enough going on. If you're mid restructure and wondering whether to switch gyms or get a dog - don't. Wait. It doesn't matter right now. #### When to incrementalise When *ambiguity is high*, and the *stakes are high*, we should make decisions as small as possible, so we can shift as things change. So, if you're mid restructure and wondering whether to end your marriage... don't blow it up - but don't just let it sit, either. Small steps. Tiny choices. You'll find your way. Facing a tough choice? Give this a go and see if it's useful for you. ### 3 ways to rediscover purpose at work URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/3-ways-to-rediscover-purpose-at-work/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:16:02.000Z I recently admitted to losing my mojo at work, and asked my wonderful Wednesday Wisdom readers how to find that sense of meaning again. WOW, you delivered! We received 469 incredibly helpful and insightful ideas about meaning and purpose at work. ## How important is meaning at work? We asked how important a sense of meaning was in your work, and the results were an average rating of **9.0/10.** Woh. Then I asked how to rediscover meaning, when it's lost. There were heaps of incredible answers and suggestions - and most of them centred around three key areas: - Shift your perspective - Focus on helping others - Connect to your values ## Shift your perspective *"Look at the big picture. Your work will be helping somebody indirectly which is so cool!"* *"I think zooming out and zooming back in. Checking out the big picture of how your work fits into the grand scheme of things, and then maybe digging around in nooks and crannies to consider the tiny little ways you contribute and make a difference."* *"Shift your focus - go big or go small. It's easy to get stuck on aspects of our work such as endless emails, meetings, same routine day after day. "Meaning can be found by focusing at a different level, for example the one on one interactions you have with others that can make a difference in their lives (going small) or the ultimate good that results from your contribution to a bigger whole (going big). Play around with different perspectives until you find even a glimmer of meaning or purpose and focus on that. What you focus on will expand."* ## Focus on how you help others *"Remembering how their work impacts the lives of others, no matter how small."* *"Talk to others you work with or provide a service/product to. They may appreciate your work more than you do!"* *"Flip that question on its head, a realisation that your contribution, no matter how small makes other wheels go around. Also it’s about humility and a strong belief in ‘service to others’. Believe in your team or community and strive to serve. Don’t look to be recognised, it will come when the people say, “we did it ourselves”* ## Connect with your personal vision and values *"In my experience when this has happened it is generally because I have gotten caught up in stress or too much mental activity and am operating from my head rather than my heart - I have lost my connection with myself. So in the first instance I recommend taking steps to reconnect with yourself first."* *"Undertake a values exercise, it forces you to consider aspects of yourself you don't often notice, pay attention to, or are aware needs nourishment. This helps you focus when it really matters for you."* *"Find a cause you can PERSONALLY support by your work. Create a personal vision and mission bigger than the company, bigger than the self."* ### Own your outcast status URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/own-your-outcast-status/ Last updated: 2025-10-04T20:25:31.000Z ## How it started I left my job as a policy analyst and strategic planner in 2014\. I'd been *so* excited by that job—for lots of reasons. I was the first person in my family to go to university or have a profession! I was starry-eyed about the prospect of serving the community. After years of working in cleaning, hospitality, and retail, I was definitely ready to do knowledge work and use my brain in interesting ways. But I lasted less than four years. I just... didn't fit. There was a class gap, for one. As a bogan, young mum and family-less foster kid, I didn't have the correct small talk to fit in. But more than that, I couldn't get my head around things: the slow pace and needless complexity. The insistence on tradition and bureaucracy over effectiveness and impact. Managers who watched how many hours I was in the office, not how much I produced or delivered. It drove me mad. Sick of being a square peg in a round hole, I opted out. At 25, I started my consulting practice - with two kids, a mortgage and a husband on apprentice wages. I learned everything I could, drank as much coffee as possible and started putting myself out there. Almost immediately, everything that had been a problem in the workplace became a huge asset. ## How it's going My desire to speak truth to power, cut through the crap and get focused on what mattered became my commercial point of difference. My curiosity, challenge and the number of books I chewed through formed the basis of a successful writing career. My quick wit, challenging style and focus on stories, people and humanising ideas put me on stage at conferences. Not only did I become marketable, **but I finally saw the difference I was making**. I watched leaders and organisations get focused, drive change, build better systems, and think longer-term. I saw people embrace their strategic side, think deeply, and throw convention out the window. My approach works. Tens of thousands of people follow my thinking. My business has been successful. All of this is BECAUSE I have no tolerance for corporate bullsh\*t, not in spite of it. My outcast status, which was my most significant handicap in employment, has been my secret sauce. I've found my path by refusing to shelve the most interesting things about me in the name of convention. ## What this means for you Odds are, to survive professionally or socially, you've dampened some of the most interesting things about you. Your unique skills, hobbies, background, experience and perspectives aren't designed to fit in a system that prioritises sameness over actual, challenging, beautiful diversity. [Workplaces say they want difference, but they're not set up to handle it](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-problem-with-professionalism-rejecting-sameness-at-work/). They want people who look different but behave in the same way. It might be what they want but not what they need. If we want a world where people are genuinely served and celebrated, we need difference in the halls of power. We need our leaders to make decisions, draft policies, design products, provide services, and create content that reflects the stunning diversity of all of us. We can't do that when we're trying to conform. And we shouldn't. In the words of Rage Against the Machine: "*Why stand on a silent platform? Fight the war. F\*\*k the norm!"* The world needs you to own your outcast status and bring it to the table. ## What you can do Think about the things you've parked, dampened, kept quiet or put to the side to get on with things. I want you to tap into the things about you that are too... something. Too open. Too quiet. Too loud. Too empathetic. Too harsh. Too anything. Find the beauty in those things. You might not be in a place that recognises them right now, but you could be. That place exists. If it doesn't, you might have to make it yourself... which might not be such a bad thing. Til next week, A ### Wear and tear URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wear-and-tear/ Last updated: 2025-10-04T20:27:59.000Z I've had a hell of a time with my house lately. After an initial few years of primarily uneventful occupation, she's turned on me in the last couple of years. Things keep exploding, wearing out, getting tired and breaking down. It's expensive, exhausting and a source of constant stress. Part of the issue I've discovered in the last few weeks is dodgy plumbing. She was set up to fail from the beginning. The house was cold-plumbed in DuxQuest - a product that started failing almost as soon as it was installed in the late 80s and early 90s and was pulled from the market in haste. This pipework, despite its inferior quality, has held up admirably. But it's finally reached its limit and started busting leaks left, right, and centre, destroying my ceilings. My house was born the same year I was, and I can't help but see the similarities. The first 30 or so years went alright. Wear, tear and drama were absorbed, and we rocked on regardless. But eventually, we reached a tipping point. The load got too big to carry, and things started to break down. The dodgy construction finally revealed itself, and while we'd done pretty bloody well considering, it all started to catch up as we hit our mid-30s. The consequences couldn't be escaped forever. I have a lot of sympathy for her - I get it. But I'm sick of her sh\*t. I imagine my friends and family have felt similarly about me in the last few years. With one drama after another, I've had to patch things up and fix things as they appeared, and I'm in what feels like a perpetual state of reconstruction. Whether you, your life, your career, your relationship, or your work had a handicapped start or not, you might find something similar happening to you eventually. Wear and tear takes its toll. The shiny, bright start of any idea, job or marriage dulls over time, and you realise that if you're in it for the long haul, you will have to do some work. **Renovation is fun at two points: the beginning, where you set your intentions and pick things out, and the end, when it's all done.** The in-between part is expensive, messy, annoying, and feels like it will never be done. It's what Brene Brown calls the messy middle. Anything worth doing for the long haul will require renovation at some point. Life, home ownership, a fulfilling career, a meaningful relationship, and anything else worth having don't promise smooth sailing. We would all benefit from treating ourselves a bit like our homes: keep a maintenance budget, expect things to go bust occasionally, and cross our fingers the equity we're building in the long term makes it all worth it. Til next week, A Bonus pic: I have awful old UV film on all my windows. It was probably a good idea in 1988, but it's now discoloured, hazy and ugly. I've started the onerous job of scraping it all off, but I Googled for a way to do it faster last week. The internet suggested using a heat gun, so I went to Bunnings and dropped $43 on a hand-held steam machine. After 5 minutes of trying it out, here was the result: scratched *and* shattered glass. Not all renovation attempts make things better; some make them worse. Happy renovating, everyone. ![IMG_4923](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/IMG_4923-1.jpg) ### Greater Wellington Regional Council: Strategic Public Leaders URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/creating-strategic-local-government-leaders-with-greater-wellington-regional-council/ Last updated: 2025-10-16T05:39:50.000Z Over 100 Greater Wellington Regional Council managers have enjoyed Strategic Public Leaders training with Alicia McKay over a number of years. Watch the video below to learn more. ### Do what scares you URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/do-what-scares-you/ Last updated: 2025-09-29T21:16:51.000Z What are you afraid of? What do you wish you could do, and think about all the time, but stop yourself from doing? Is it a work thing? A personal thing? A money thing? ... what's stopping you? Mate, you only get one go. One crack at living an interesting life, and having some scars and war stories to show for it. Worst case scenario, it all blows up in your face and you'll have a great story to tell. You'll probably have learned a few things about yourself, and the world, that you didn't know before - and if you're lucky, you'll make a few friends along the way. Safe is boring, and you weren't put here to be boring. The good news is: while you spend a lot of time worrying about what people think of you, most people aren't watching and don't care. There's very few things you can't recover from and people's memories are very short. You could be a spectacular failure, and most people would be too busy worrying if you've noticed they've gained weight to even see it. How good is that? **Here's a few tips to manage your fear of failure:** 1\. Write down all the worst things that could possibly happen if you fail 2\. Plan how you'd respond if they did 3\. Realise there's literally nothing you can't handle 4\. Take a deep breath 5\. Take the first step. I reckon you're capable of a lot more than you give yourself credit for. You know it too, or you wouldn't keep thinking about it. Go on. Have a wee go. A. ### Inciting incidents URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/inciting-incidents/ Last updated: 2025-10-01T08:11:14.000Z I assume you've noticed, the Queen died last week after 70 years as the reigning monarch. In that time, she saw a lot, including: - **171 prime ministers in her various realms**, including 15 in the United Kingdom. When her reign began she was head of 32 realms, this diminished to 15 while she was Queen. - **Seven major wars across the world,** including... t*he Korean War* (195-53), led by the US and supported by 60,000 members of the British armed forces, *the Suez Crisis* (1956-7) where the UK, France, and Israel invaded Egypt for nationalising their own canal, *the Cod Wars* (1958, 1972-3, 1975-6) with Iceland when the UK didn't want to get out of their expanding fishing zone, *the Irish Troubles* from 1968-98, *the Falklands War* (1982) where the UK fought Argentina over the Falkland Islands, South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands, the Afghanistan War (2001-21) where the UK invaded Afghanistan under the leadership of the US, *the Iraq Invasion* (2003) where Saddam Hussein was overthrown after a month and then combat continued for a further six years under the guide of countering weapons of mass destruction and *the Russian invasion of Ukraine* in 2022 where the UK deployed troops to support Ukraine against Russia. You've probably also noticed the mixed response across the world to the her death. While loyal monarchists remain, many people are asking challenging questions about Crown legacy, surfacing grief and anger over a bloody history of enslavement and colonisation. As [The Conversation pointedly explains](https://theconversation.com/the-queen-has-left-her-mark-around-the-world-but-not-all-see-it-as-something-to-be-celebrated-190343?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz): "*She became Queen on a visit to to Kenya in 1952\. After she left, the colony descended into one of the worst conflicts of the British colonial period. Declaring a state of emergency in October 1952, the British would go on to kill tens of thousands of Kenyans before it was over."* [This article by NPR](https://www.npr.org/2022/09/12/1122238140/queen-elizabeth-ii-death-commonwealth-countries-colonial-history?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#:~:text=The%20memory%20of%20Elizabeth%20is,many%20former%20British%20African%20colonies.%22) notes that when Queen Elizabeth II took the throne in 1952, more than a quarter of the world's population (more than 700 million people) was under British imperial power, across Africa, Asia, the Middle East and the Pacific islands. > *"While her 70-year reign saw the British Empire become the Commonwealth of Nations — and the decline of the United Kingdom's global influence — the scars of colonialism linger. Many note the enslavement, violence and theft that defined imperial rule, and they find it difficult to separate the individual from the institution and its history."* The legacy of the British Empire shaped much of our world and while this is nothing new, the Queen's death is an inciting incident that's helped to bring these conversations to public prominence. It's a weird time. Tribute posts and articles are going toe-to-toe with scathing exposes. New Zealand and Australia have declared public holidays, while people are writing furious social media posts in both directions. Amidst the noise, we're trying to celebrate Te Wiki o Te Reo Maori (Maori Language Week) in an effort to undo the devastating impact of British colonisation here in Aotearoa, which saw generations of Maori violently separated from their culture and language. Brave social commentators are asking things like: - Where is the accountability for centuries of violence and oppression? - Why do we continue to celebrate such tortured history? - What is the purpose or value of a monarchy in a modern world? These are all critical questions for a world coming to grips with itself. One of the loudest arguments I've seen playing out is the idea that *this isn't the time.* Which is madness. Of course it's the time. Sure, it's sad someone important has died - but so have millions of people across the world, thanks to imperial rule and the bloody toll paid by those who fought for independence. If not now, when? Inciting incidents, for novelists, are the events and plot points that set stories moving in different directions. They're the moments that upset the delicate balance of our lives, that thrust us into re-evaluation and reckoning. The moments where we have no choice but to take a closer look at things that have run unchecked and unchallenged for too long. If we can't embrace these moments for the opportunity they offer, we never make any real progress. None of us exist independently of history, Queen or not, and the decisions made by our ancestors live on in the way we think, live - and suffer - today. When we lack the mettle to pick at our historical scabs, we deny the chance for healing, for reparation and for social, political and economic change that serves more than just the privileged few. Every inciting incident in our lives offers us this opportunity. Whether it's a failure or a celebration, work, personal, or relationship, every plot twist is an invitation to grow, a challenge to live our stated values and to respond in ways that we can feel proud of. If you've been leaning away from the controversy, because you think it doesn't directly affect your life, I'd love to nudge you in, just a tiny bit. Go on. Open Twitter, read a few articles (including the links I've included above) and do a little musing of your own. You don't need to talk to anyone about it, or fight a Facebook comment war. You don't need to do anything, not yet. Your critical thought and curiosity is a meaningful contribution and, combined with the musings of others, contains the seeds of something important. Do not underestimate the power of a collective contemplation. Or, y'know, if in doubt: share memes. Til next week, A ### Find your why journey update #2 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/find-your-why-journey-update-2/ Last updated: 2025-10-02T00:11:55.000Z In this recent [Wednesday Wisdom](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wednesday-wisdom/i-thought-i-lost-my-why), I wrote of a tough time in my personal life and business. When I shared this story, I invited you to come on a journey of introspection with me. [I share the results from my first week of this experiment in this article.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/find-your-why-journey-update-1) Today, I sent out the final update. I recapped the ten questions we faced together, urged people to bring their thoughts to a conclusion and shared a summary of my experience. ## Recap In our first week, we tackled the following four questions: 1. What's missing from your life? 2. When was the last time you felt fully alive? 3. What would your worst life be? 4. What do you feel guilty about not having more time and space for? This week, we made it to an even 10. 5\. What are your most important values? 6\. How are you currently living your values? How are you not? 7\. What really fires you up/ f\*\*ks you off? 8\. Who do you wish you could be? Why? 9\. If you could start all over again, what choices would you have made differently? 10.If you had no limitations (time, skills, money, dependants), what would you do differently? ## Your challenge today Read back on what you've jotted down so far, adding extra things as you think of them, and catch up on any of the questions you've missed. Then, challenge yourself with these prompts: - What opportunities do you have to move closer to the things you want? - What *is* inside your control? - What unhelpful stories fuel your fear or reticence, which you can challenge? Where do those come from? What can they be replaced with? - Who can you surround yourself with to shift those perspectives? And most importantly of all... - Are you being kind and forgiving to yourself while you do this? ## My Find Your Why Journey I wrote a brief summary of my first week's thoughts in [this article](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/find-your-why-journey-update-1/). Here's an overview of the thoughts I added this week. ### Day 5: Values I used one of the online tools I recommended, which came back with five key values: 1. Family 2. Freedom 3. Authenticity 4. Excitement 5. Growth. I spent some time thinking about those, and changed them to the following, which feel like a better representation: - Freedom - Fairness - Challenge - Contribution - Change. I don't need to list family, that's my lifeblood. The rest are a better representation of what I value, even if I'm not living them as clearly and confidently as I want to. ### Day 6: Alignment This was a tough exercise that I spent a lot of time with. #### The good Overall, I see lots of ways I walk the talk. I'm dedicated to work that demands authenticity and growth from myself and others. I actively push for freedom from norms that hold us back, and challenge structural and systemic conditions that lead to finger-pointing, victim-blaming and convenient myths of personal responsibility. I choose a life where I carry the risk, responsibility and reward of designing and delivering my own future, one which I can be proud of. #### The bad I'm not doing all I want to be, to actively challenge and dismantle ideas that I'm aware of, and yet am still complicit in. I'm frustrated by the ways my distaste for pointless and harmful ideas, especially about work, rub up against profiting from that pathology. I feel guilty that I throw rocks while also benefiting from what isn't OK. I also have a deep unease about the "inspirational" narrative that's resulted from starting to own and claim my story more publicly. I worry about reinforcing the misconception that the answer is more effort and better character from the marginalised, rather than paradigmatic shifts and structural change. I worry about the disconnect between my personal and political and often feel like a hypocrite. ### Day 7: Fury I thought this would be a longer list, but my thoughts arranged themselves more neatly than I expected. The first thing I wrote, word for word, was: *"The audacity of privileged people, including myself, to disbelieve, correct or reframe the lived experience of others who are less fortunate."* I then got more specific, and added: - Gender inequality - Embedded and invisible classism - Child poverty - "Humour" and opinions that appropriate the trauma of others while claiming intellectual superiority - Racism - Internalised misogyny. Internalised everything. - Fake allyship and performative wokeness - Toxic positivity - Lack of meaningful action - Bullsh\*t work and the hope it will save us. ### Day 8: Aspiration This was a curly and complicated one, as I found myself confronting my internal contradictions. Part of me is about *what I admire in others:* I want to be more impactful, more activist, more forthright and less couched in the ways I spread ideas. Another part of me wants to be *more like what I resent in others*: more privileged, safer, and freer. Yet another wants to be *what I've internalised I need to be*: nicer, more loved, more attractive, et al. All these things butt up uncomfortably against each other. It was useful to see it all written down that way and begin to untangle the spaghetti. ### Day 9: Regrets This was hard, and I felt myself holding back. Regrets are uncomfortable. They call your current reality, values and ideas into question and they feel... wrong? Naughty? The main themes were: times I've treated people badly, especially when I've hurt them or made them feel small. Times I didn't speak up.Times I've sacrificed my health, pleasure, dignity or values. Times I've been fuelled by fear of inadequacy or potential future loss. Times I've put work before joy and growth. Times I wanted to say no but didn't, or couldn't. This quote hit me like a ton of bricks here: > *"Recovery only comes when you actually do let go, when you get to a place of safety and can trust that there will be enough in the future - enough food, enough joy, enough love." - p.106 of* [*"Sexual Revolution" by Laurie Penny*](https://www.booketybookbooks.co.nz/products/sexual-revolution?utm%5Fsource=hs%5Femail&utm%5Fmedium=email&%5Fhsenc=p2ANqtz-9iRwtkJ9RLUftZMXoGSq5x51nRJ6FCZHAAYWr0nPfoaXStunaOnp97DGsYBaSBP7aCyxvA)*.* ### Day 10: Dreams This one was even harder, which was surprising. I deal in dreams regularly, why did I find it so hard to access true freedom and imagination? I wrote that I would like to do *more of*: helping people who have no voice or choice. Writing more freely, and finding the potential in my creativity that I can sense I'm limiting. I wrote that I would like to do *less of*: the labour and distraction of beauty. Consumerism. Work with clients I don't want to do. Guilt. Shame. I feel like I need another go at that one, to be honest. It's incomplete. ## Coming next I'm going to sit with what I've produced, and answer the same recap questions that I posed to you at the beginning of this email. I can feel, very deeply, that there are a lot of things I can *do* to shift the dial, but that *doing* is probably not the answer. **To be very clear:** This was not an exercise to add more things to your plate to worry about or feel guilty for. It was to get clearer about what drives you, so you can start to explore and practise that in ways you feel good about. I don't want you to write yourself a list of ways to be better. I don't want a list of potential tasks or projects to fail at. ### Your final task: The final thing I'm asking of myself, and of you, is to capture your overall sense of "why" into a short form you can use. Maybe a mantra or statement. Maybe a visual or diagram. Maybe a signifier or item that summons the energy you need or reminds you of what really matters. Then, keep it around. Put it in your phone. Write it on a post-it note. Make it your background. I don't know, just... make it. Keep it there. Look at it regularly. Extract joy, strength and confidence from it. Don't feel the need to be something different, or do something more. Just get acquainted with it. Make friends with it. Listen when it whispers to you. Ask it what it might need to grow and thrive. Roll it between your fingers and notice how it feels. Let it sit there, and expand or contract as it needs to. ## Closing thoughts That's all you need to do for now. Finding your why is not a task you can tick off, but rather, a life's labour. A constant reevaluation. You've done a great job. If you've read this far, please accept a large burst of appreciation, warmth and pride directly from me and my tired, ink-stained fingers. This is hard work, and work that many don't have the willingness, time, luxury or inclination to do. Well done for being someone who had the ability and drive to try. Whatever you've done was worth it. Above all, thank you for coming on this journey with me. ### Use your big voice URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/use-your-big-voice/ Last updated: 2025-09-17T02:25:17.000Z Last Tuesday, I took my children to see Clementine Ford at the Embassy Theatre here in Wellington. Of all the wonderful things she said, one particularly stuck with me: > *"Once I found my big voice, I had to use it."* I felt goosebumps, as I pondered what it means - to find your big voice, to feel confident in it's value, and to use it without apology. I've always had a big voice, but for a long time, I turned down it's volume. "Sssshhh" I told it. "You're too loud. Too much. Too troublesome. You won't 'get anywhere' if you say things like that. People won't like it. It's unprofessional." I'm not doing that anymore. And neither should you. All across this great nation, clever, passionate people are shrinking. They're dimming their light as they try to conform to workplaces, social structures and relationships that don't serve them, lest they cause discomfort. Shrinking comes under many labels: Professionalism. Being nice. Fitting in. Being a good parent. Being a good friend. Being a good leader. Being a good worker. Getting ahead. Getting along. No matter what we call it, we avoid ruffling feathers, and we put other people's comfort before our own integrity - and it's time that stopped. The people you are protecting don't need your protection. They need your gifts. They need your insight. They need your lived experience, your opinions, and your contribution. They need your voice. *Your big voice.* They might not *like* it, but they need it. It isn't an easy road, finding your voice - and it isn't easy to use it, either. When you do, you risk backlash. At its worst, you risk gaslighting and ostracism. But you're not on your own. In Te Ao Maori, strength is found in singing\*. The volume and harmony of many voices, when they unite, becomes a force more powerful than any solo vocalist can achieve alone. Conflicts are resolved, causes are championed and belonging is felt. Now, I'm no conductor, and I certainly can't sing (though I will take you on at Singstar any day of the week). But I'd like to hear your voice... and I'll be your backup singer. When we elevate the voices around us, we create a chorus of change. A cacophony of resistance. A sound that becomes too loud to ignore. I don't want you to be silent. It's time to use your big voice. If you're worried your voice is too quiet, and you need a megaphone: let me know. Tell me your story, ask me your questions, and while I can't answer all the wonderful replies that I get to this newsletter, please know that I read each and every one of them, and that you are being heard. \*Note: I learned about the power of song in Te Ao Maori quite recently, from an incredible young woman who is facing gaslighting at work. I wrote about her experience, and what it means to be professionally gaslit,[in this article](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/gaslighting-at-work/). You should read it. > *“My voice is strong and imposing, and my legs are powerful enough to hold up its weight. I wake up every day assured of my right to not only participate in the world as an equal part of it, but to loudly reject the narrative that keeps trying to tell me to pipe down, fold in, shrivel up, simper, apologise and slink my way through life so as not to offend or upset anyone with the complicated, beautiful mess that is me. I have fought the odds to get here, empowered by the knowledge that every single woman who has come before me has fought her own battle in order to survive. We fight like girls. This is how we prevail. And this is why we're still standing.”* > ― Clementine Ford, Fight Like a Girl ### Unwinnable games URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/unwinnable-games/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:00:40.000Z On Sunday, I got busy organising and optimising for a packed week. Between school runs, home maintenance disasters, travel and work, I knew I was in for a doozie and I was determined to get all my ducks in a row. I went to the servo and filled up my tank, checked my tires and vacuumed the inside of my car (delaying the external wash for when the kids are with me, we like the disco excitement of rainbow wax.) I planned a menu, ordered groceries and cooked a week's worth of meals once they arrived, complete with sides, lunch snacks and a spare for the freezer in case we had an unexpected guest. I put a treatment in my hair, did a face mask and made sure the kids were bathed and showered. I caught up on washing. Booked out time in my calendar for key tasks and workshop prep. Made dinner reservations, checked netball times and got book orders ready to send out. ...And by 11am Monday, my week turned to custard. The plumber arrived and gave me bad news, tearing down half of my ceiling in the process. The dog got sick and shat all through her crate, spreading the mess onto the newly clean kitchen floor when she got up for the day. The builder stayed longer than expected and I missed a meeting. Despite all my effort, I still felt like I was losing the game. Optimising within an unwinnable system might give you the illusion of control, but when the odds are stacked against you, it's a bit like neatly stacking and spot-cleaning the deck chairs on the Titanic. I told a potential client this last week, when they asked for some group leadership coaching. My response was pretty blunt - I told them I wasn't comfortable coming in to tell people how to be better, when the whole organisation was setting their team up for failure. If they want to invest in their people, it's not time with me they need: it's a better structure and systems for work, money and time that support the behaviour they want. My unwinnable game is the "work/life balance." I'm a single parent and business owner, carrying the emotional, physical, mental labour and responsibility for 4 people in my head, while trying to serve the needs of hundreds of students. No matter how well I colour code my calendar, I'm playing a game that isn't designed for me to win. There's lots of examples of this. Superhero inspirational speakers are one such discomfort for me. When we highlight the achievements of marginalised people who've succeeded against the odds (rags to riches, drug addict turned community leader, disabled person turned athlete, et al) and ask them to tell everyone else how to emulate their success, we're quietly sending a message that says: "See? It isn't that hard. Just try harder." Female empowerment, as a genre, is another. When we engage in #girlboss white feminism and teach professional women how to negotiate better salaries or communicate with confidence, we're papering over the cracks in the system and putting the responsibility on individuals to play the game better - thus preserving the overall unfairness of the game. I see this all the time inside workplaces, and sometimes I still play along. Sure, I can't change the whole system, but if I can help people to manage their time, communicate better with their bosses, that's better than nothing, right? ... I'm not so sure. At least half the time I run those workshops, I leave with a queasy feeling in my stomach, knowing that all those passionate, motivated people are fighting inside a system that isn't designed for them to win. They'll be tired, and the wheels will keep on turning. It's why I hate "hacking" culture. Whether we're talking life hacks, time hacks, beauty hacks or anything else, we're asking people to optimise themselves and pay with their time, energy, money and health to prop up a lifestyle and economy that serves very few. This isn't one of those Wednesday Wisdoms that has answers in it, where I've found a solution to hand you on a silver platter. (*"Playing an unwinnable game? Make it winnable in three easy steps!).* It's one where I say: you know what? It's probably not you. If you're trying really hard, doing everything you can, and you're still worn down... it could be the game that's broken. Short of some kind of anti-capitalist revolution, I'm not sure we can band together to sort it out either (sorry, team.) But we can stop blaming ourselves for not being better, smarter, nicer, fitter, more organised, more attractive or more motivated. We can stop looking at other people's lives with envy and making false assumptions about their superiority because honestly, they're struggling too. They're trying to hack the game from the inside, by being really good at complying, but they're not winning either. The only real thing we can do is dig a bit deeper when our stuff is hard. Ask questions, like "why is this so hard?" "who is this serving?" "who are these rules designed for?" Then, see if you can leave it better than you found it for the next people who come along. If navigating maternity leave provisions drove you batty, fix it for the next babe. If you sigh with relief when you're promoted out of an impossible job, change the JD for the next person. And if you can't do any of that, share your frustration with the people around you so that they know you see them, and you're in it together. Some games can't be won, and the rules need changing. Maybe it's time we stopped trying to optimise ourselves and started tearing down the structures that keep us trapped instead. Til next week, A ### Find your why journey update #1 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/find-your-why-journey-update-1/ Last updated: 2025-09-25T10:03:29.000Z I [recently sent out a Wednesday Wisdom](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wednesday-wisdom/i-thought-i-lost-my-why) about a traumatic time I've experienced in my personal life and business. I was sexually assaulted by a trusted advisor and as I fell apart in shock, also realised that person had a dangerous influence on my business planning that had put me in a real bind. The fallout was terrible, not just for me, but for other people affected - my staff, my partner and mutual friends. I made some swift and significant business decisions to stem the bleeding, letting down clients and staff as I wound down my growing business into a lean practice while I recovered. The most useful takeout from this experience so far has been a re-examination of what matters. Like many of you, I live my life and work from a foundation of purpose. With my business dreams taking on a new shape for the immediate term, I've been forced to take another look at what that purpose is at this stage in my life, and how I can best work toward it. When I shared this story, I invited my followers to come on a journey of introspection with me. Each day, I've been sending out a reflection question in the morning for willing participants to engage with for themselves. The response has been incredible. Today, I sent out the first "reflection update" because Sunday feels like the right way to do that. I recapped the questions we'd faced this week, provided some guidance about how to bring the seeds of those early thoughts together and shared a brief summary of how my own journey was going. Here's what I wrote: ## Recap If you joined us partway through, or you're behind, here are the questions we've covered so far... 1\. What's currently missing from your life? 2\. When was the last time you felt fully alive? What were you doing? 3\. What would your worst life look like? What would it involve? Why would you hate it? 4\. What do you feel guilty about not having more time and space for? What is that guilt about? ### Your Challenge Today Read back on what you've jotted down so far, adding extra things as you think of them, and catch up on any of the questions you've missed. Then, challenge yourself with these prompts: - What common themes keep coming up? What are you seeking or looking for more of so far? - Why do you think you've lost these things in your life? - When did you last have them more often? - What was different then? - What has happened in between that might explain it? ## My Find Your Why Journey If you're interested in finding out how my journey is going, here's a brief summary of the thinking I've done so far. ### Day 1: What's missing I got off to a slow start, and found myself going back to add more thoughts yesterday. I realised I'd lost a lot of *enthusiasm*. I've always had a sense of adventure and loved going new places, doing new things and making fun a priority. Over the last couple of years, I've lost a lot of that - and many of the *healthy coping mechanisms* that kept me balanced. Fun, sure, but also: connection with others, exercise and time outdoors. A severe depressive episode last February wiped out my coping skills, leaving me with just my basic survival kit: working my ass off, and completely falling apart. Eesh. ### Day 2: Alive moments I had a range here - work ones, and personal ones. Work-wise, I felt totally on my game at the ALGA conference in June. I was confident in my expertise, loved the pace and being off-the-cuff and knew I was *helping people.* I get daily spurts of it in small moments - walking outside with the dog, brief interactions with strangers, feeling connected to the world. I thought back to some of the fun and unscheduled adventures I've taken and loved over the years - a weekend in Auckland with a good friend, a solo trip to Stewart Island to run in the rain with the birds. In all of those times, there was *fun, creativity,* and *spontaneity.* ### Day 3: Worse life I initially found this hard to be specific about. There was some obvious variations on the themes of the first two days: no variety, nothing on the horizon, no autonomy, feeling stuck... but no worst day I could imagine living. At work, I would hate to feel like I was ever exploiting, manipulating or ripping people off. I've left jobs when I've had that feeling, and it contributes to my love/hate relationship with being published and having online influence. I have a sensitive bullsh\*t radar. After thinking for a while, I felt a sudden punch to the stomach. I realised that the worst life I could imagine would be one where my children don't want to know me. The intensity of that fear and feeling took me by surprise - but it probably shouldn't have. I come from a dysfunctional and fractured family. I don't speak to my mother, who placed me in foster care at 13, and she hasn't spoken to *her* mother for almost all of the last 20 years. I had no idea how powerful that unacknowledged pressure was until I named it yesterday, and it makes me wonder: how is that fear showing up in my choices? If I'm not *aware* of it, how has it been counterproductive in my life? Hmm... ### Day 4: Guilt and procrastination I don't know about you, but this one was *far* too easy to start listing off. My main ones were: - *Writing* \- the non-work stuff. I write a lot, but I have a burning desire to edge more into creative non-fiction, fiction and possibly memoir. I'm afraid I'll be no good, so I put it last on the list, and then feel bad about it. - *Music -* I miss playing the guitar all the time, for the joy of it. I used to have a singalong with my kids every morning with breakfast, and I haven't done that for over a year. - *Outdoors -* spending time in nature, moving my arms and legs around. I lost the habit, and now I beat myself up instead. - *Exercise -* especially weights and running. I love those things, but I keep getting sick, injured and out of routine. I'm not nice to myself about that. - *Connection with friends and family -* I don't pick up phone calls. I isolated intensely when I fell apart early last year, and I've never really picked it back up. I feel terrible about this. In short, all of the healthy coping mechanisms that I recognised were missing in day one. Ah. ## Coming next There's lots of useful themes and thoughts for me to pick over here, from my journal entries, and I'll be tackling the reflection exercise alongside you all today. I hope you take the space to do that too. An early observation for me, that may not come through in the above summary, is that I lost the joy of the *doing.* It's one thing to be a [future-focused strategist](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategist), but infinitely delaying celebration for some brighter, better future is a fools game. I am happiest when I find my joy in doing the work, not reaping the rewards. That realisation has already triggered a useful and fulfilling change in my approach this week. It's also clear to me that my answers are inherently more self-critical than they are purpose-exploratory. I'm wondering how much of that is about a) the questions I've asked, b) internalised expectations of patriarchal capitalism about doing and juggling it all, or c) how I'm naturally wired. The answer is probably "yes." I'll be thinking about this today and using my thinking to inform the next batch of questions that come through over the next week. A ### Alicia McKay hosts 1,000+ Mayors and CEOs at ALGA's NGA in 2022 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/alicia-mckay-hosts-1-000-mayors-and-ceos-at-australian-local-government-conference/ Last updated: 2026-08-10T01:58:10.000Z The 2022 ALGA National General Assembly in Canberra featured Alicia McKay as a headline speaker, breakout presenter, MC and panel moderator. All delegates were gifted a copy of "[You Don't Need An MBA](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-dont-need-an-mba-book/)." See what the organisers and delegates had to say in the video below. Watch an abridged recording of the Strategic Public Leaders masterclass: ### No more Ms. Nice Lady URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/no-more-ms-nice-lady/ Last updated: 2025-09-27T10:28:45.000Z I've been a lot less [nice ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/current-fad/stop-being-so-damn-nice/)lately, and it's not always making me popular. I've been more outspoken on LinkedIn about my politics and beliefs, set firmer boundaries in my personal relationships and reduced my overall tolerance for bullsh\*t. Quite frankly, I've had enough. The desire to be liked has been outweighed by my desire for self-respect. I haven't been doing it perfectly, and in some cases I've got it wrong. I've been all the things a fed-up human often is: hypocritical, irritated, harsh and unfair. But I'm keeping at it. I've decided the price of inexperience and learning is worth the reward of greater peace and integrity. It was well-timed then, when I received a question yesterday from J, a long-time WW reader. She asked about how to stop getting in her own way, as a woman, and why she's so burnt out all the time. There's a lot to that, the basics of which are: - [The Confidence Gap: Women experience more self-doubt than men because we're expected to do more, be better, and feel worse about it.](https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2016/01/self-esteem-gender?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) - [The Exhaustion Gap: Women t](https://www.forbes.com/sites/kimelsesser/2022/03/14/women-are-suffering-from-an-exhaustion-gap-according-to-new-study/?sh=6cbf720337b3&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)ake on significantly more labour than men at home and work, especially the invisible stuff. I've written [this article](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/current-fad/why-women-are-so-bloody-exhausted/) to open up the conversation about why that is, and offered some advice for how we can turn the curve. Men: I need you to read this too, please. Beyond that, feel free to watch with amusement as I bang around in the dark and learn how to use my voice more usefully. If you've also reach the point of fed-up recently, please accept this as your words of encouragement for the day. You've got this. You deserve better. Keep at it. ### Boundaries, burnout, business and #bigrantenergy URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/boundaries-burnout-business-and-bigrantenergy/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:52:36.000Z I've been ranting my wee head off lately, and it's been an utter delight. I'm trying to channel that energy into pushing as much helpful goodness as possible into the world... so I'd love you to avail yourself. Here are a few juicy things for you to choose from. Pick what you're struggling with, and get stuck into some strategies to make progress! ## Boundaries I took another look at [this podcast episode today](https://youtu.be/5pMyUXFCvU8?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) with Lauren Parsons on ThriveTV and was reminded how useful it is. I found myself thinking "I should really listen to that woman." That woman is me, so you think I'd be more across it, but hey, we're all works in progress. ### What to know about boundaries **Boundaries are your personal policies.** You establish them to exercise your values and protect yourself from burnout, depression, and unhappiness. **You don't need to justify your boundaries as a means to an end** like productivity, parenting or health. You deserve to spend time on what brings you joy, fulfilment and meaning. Protecting that is your birthright. **Choose guilt over resentment.** Ideally, you wouldn't have to choose either, but if you need to pick one, make it guilt. Guilt is a temporary feeling you experience when you distribute ownership and accountability fairly across all involved parties. Resentment will kill you and silently erode your relationships. **You can't control many of the terrible things that happen in your life.** Positive thinking has limited application to situations that are inarguably and objectively garbage. But you can choose a response that aligns with your values, so do that. **Know your tells and cues.** You might find yourself snapping at people, battling headaches or sleeping poorly long before you realise you've got a boundary missing. Learn from the information your body's giving you and lean into the difficult vibes so you can work with it. **You're fine.** Every worst-case scenario your brain generates when you think about taking action that matters to you is manageable. You've survived every difficult decision you've made before - this time is no different. ## Burnout [![MacBook Air on the wooden desk_GYST workbook v2.0-01](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/MacBook%20Air%20on%20the%20wooden%20desk_GYST%20workbook%20v2_0-01-3.png)](https://engage.aliciamckay.co.nz/gyst-workbook?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Feelings are annoying, aren't they? They make it hard for us to use our intelligent brains to make decisions by flooding us with emotions, skewing our perspective on reality and clouding our judgement. Never fear, the [#GYST workbook](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/get-your-shit-together-a-value-packed-workbook-for-frustrated-high-achievers/) is here! In this handy guide, you pick the toughest feeling you're battling, learn what's driving it, and use some targeted tools to shift the dial. This is a resource we use in Not An MBA and I always forget how good it is until we get to that point in the course and I remember it's time to eat my own dog food. Enjoy. ## Business Last week, I had the pleasure of speaking at the SODA RISEUP! awards, where six inspirational female entrepreneurs pitched their globally oriented businesses to a panel of judges for a shot at some seed funding. It was a brilliant event, and I was stoked to take the stage before the winner was announced to offer my particular brand of motivational speaking (think less #girlboss and more "chick in the pub toilets") You can [watch my speech here](https://youtu.be/pBUHSX2hFtU?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). The video is 25 minutes long, but ten or so minutes is dead time you can fast forward while we're doing an exercise in the room. #### What to know about women in business **Women are opting out of employment -** Flexible working isn't that flexible. While men enjoy more leisure time in their schedules thanks to the rise in remote work, women are taking on an even heavier domestic and emotional load than before. Our spare hours are spent on housework, childcare and feeling guilty, and we've had enough. Workplaces weren't designed for us, so we're creating our own systems instead. Since COVID, women have been leaving employment to start businesses at 4x the rate of men. **Women are made for business -** Our enterprises are more profitable, less risky and more collaborative than organisations led by men. We produce more with less funding, employ more staff, design more targeted products and services and build more cooperative relationships. Much of that is a product of the things we've been told are weaknesses. Events like RISEUP don't exist because we need charity but because we need the venture funding that is still disproportionately allocated to men. **Your weaknesses are your biggest strengths.** All the things that make it challenging to be a woman in 2022 - of which there are still many - are our secret weapons. The amount of juggling we do makes us excellent at prioritising. The unfair emotional labour we shoulder makes us empathetic, attuned problem-solvers and leaders. The lack of financial support makes our businesses leaner and more profitable. We take our suffering and convert it into success. Bam. ## Bullsh\*t professionalism I think being a "professional" is a load of crap. It's a thinly veiled way to embed snobbery and classism into spheres of power. Social class is the invisible inequality and the next frontier in diversity and inclusion. This has been a burning passion of mine for a while, and I've been holding back from taking a stand, worried that it will be career-limiting, off-putting, or that I don't have the credentials to speak in this space. I've decided that couldn't be more wrong and that, quite frankly, I don't care if it's true. [Read this article,](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-problem-with-professionalism-rejecting-sameness-at-work/) which features a bogan translation at the end, about why professionalism is a problem that harms us all. ## Big rant energy The boys were busy last Friday, so I brought my big rant energy to the Alicia McKay Show. I spent half an hour railing against things annoying me lately, with four big rants getting a special mention. [Watch the episode here](https://youtu.be/HrCrZyGlSl8?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), or catch it on [Spotify ](https://open.spotify.com/show/7xiPEDMdyJlmoSGHrf9EyU?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)or [Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-alicia-mckay-show/id1613878991?uo=4&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). **Featured rants:** - **The Big Sick.** Since I recorded this broadcast, yet another of my children has gone down with COVID, too! This whole situation is made worse by idiots who think removing restrictions will make things better, forgetting that a healthy economy requires people who are well enough to work. - **Nostalgic blindness.** Anyone who tries to claim things used to be better in the Good Old Days, such as the Minister I hung out with last week, is exposing their ignorance and privilege. Things weren't better when you were a kid; you just didn't have to make space for other people's difficulties. *Because you were a kid.* - **Political punching down.** Christopher Luxon may not have been the former Air NZ CEO as we first thought, but rather a backup leader who the National Party cryogenically froze in the late 1980s. It would explain why we're recycling tired old narratives about lazy poor people, getting tough on crime and demonising young people who are struggling. - **Toxic positivity.** Cruel optimism and the power of positive thinking is tantamount to victim blaming. When we focus on mindset and gratitude, we risk gaslighting ourselves about the genuine barriers in our way. We also excuse existing power structures from examining how they're complicit in entrenching inequality. DNR. I hope some of these resources bring joy, usefulness or support to your week, my darling Wednesday Wisdom readers. Remember: I'm your personal pub-toilet-friend. I GOT YOU. Til next week, A ### Alicia McKay speaks to female founders at the SODA Rise Up event in Hamilton, August 2022 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/alicia-mckay-delivers-stirring-speech-to-female-founders-at-the-soda-rise-up-event-in-hamilton-august-2022/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:53:16.000Z Alicia McKay in the guest speaker slot at the SODA RISEUP! 2022 event in Hamilton, in August 2022. ### Good people and bad systems URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/good-people-and-bad-systems/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T09:59:15.000Z Change is hard to talk about, because people tend to feel personally attacked. They have good reason to feel that way. When we talk about the things we want to do better - at work, socially, or politically - we talk about the behaviours that are no longer OK. These are behaviours people have been actively engaging in, for some time, with good intentions. At work, that might mean adopting new ways of working, becoming more sustainable, embracing technology or reorganising teams. At home, that might mean allocating housework more fairly. Socially, that might mean elevating the concerns and progress of marginalised groups. In each case, it's hard not to feel like the proverbial bad guy, when you've been existing within, supporting and benefiting from the status quo. It's like when you have a new baby, and your mother in law or older relatives start offering you nuggets of wisdom from their child-rearing years that feel borderline abusive. *'Just let the baby scream it out!'* they'll urge. '*I fed you solids at 6 weeks,'* they'll say proudly. '*Too many cuddles will spoil them and teach them to misbehave'* they'll warn sternly. '*I'd have smacked my child for behaving like that,'* they'll admonish. While you might want to express your horror, you generally don't. Why? Because you know they were acting on the advice and wisdom available, doing their best to love and raise their children. It's not your older relatives who are in the wrong, not individually. In decades past, the systems of knowledge, or lack of, informed how parenting took place. The same is true at work. It's not the people who've worked there for 20 years who have done the wrong thing. They've been doing their jobs with the best of intentions within the policies, processes, knowledge, and norms your environment requires. Things change, though. We know better, and then we do better. Whether parenting, work, politics or language, we shift the dial as we learn. It's no longer OK to use culturally appropriated turns of phrase - not because it ever was, but because we understand that now. It's no longer OK to make suggestive comments that make women feel unsafe - not because it ever was, but because we understand safety, violence and sexism differently. In each of these examples, it's not *people* who are bad. The systems we exist within encourage behaviour from us that we now understand is bad. I've been trying to remember that recently as I've been deepening my understanding of gender issues. I'm passionate about this, but I often struggle to talk to others without feeling frustrated or hopeless or provoking defensiveness. Everyone receiving Wednesday Wisdom is a leader - whether in your families, communities, peer groups or at work. That means everyone is responsible for seeking ways to know and do better. You're responsible for creating systems and environments that enable change in others. Getting caught up in pointing fingers is easy, but that's slow, ineffective and unfair. Instead, use your power and voice to leave things better than you've found them. Look underneath the surface, ask better questions and challenge the systems and environment you're in to produce better behaviour. Til next week, A ### Strategic Public Leaders Masterclass in Canberra, Australia URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategic-public-leaders-masterclass-in-canberra-australia/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:27:47.000Z _No content available._ ### Beyond busy: ask scary questions URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/beyond-busy-ask-scary-questions/ Last updated: 2025-10-04T22:27:00.000Z Man, you're busy. Meetings to go to, emails that need a response, all the little tasks that need ticking off the list. *Did you remember to ring that person back?* *Have you finished that report?* *Are you ready for next week's thing?* We bemoan the busy-ness, despairing at the pace and volume of work in front of us. But here's a controversial idea: What if you secretly *want* to be busy? In fact, what if you actually *need* it? Sometimes we avoid boredom, so we don't have the space to stop and face niggly questions like... *“Is this all bullshit?"* *"Do I actually care about this?"* *"Do I like this job?"* *"Am I happy in this relationship?"* *"Does my life bring me real joy?"* Those are scary questions, and many of us will go to great lengths to shirk them. The bad news is: not asking the scary questions doesn't make them go away. They simmer inside of us and lead to poor decisions. We eat them away. Work them away. Smoke them away. Drink them away. Show up poorly at work. Snap at our kids. Withdraw from our friends and partners. Here's an idea: next time you get the twinge, pay attention to it. Stop for a minute, and think - instead of filling the hole with emails and Tim Tams. Have you got any scary questions you need to answer? ### 3 strategic thinking skills that get you what you want URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/3-strategic-thinking-skills-that-get-you-what-you-want/ Last updated: 2025-10-04T22:28:51.000Z One of the most exciting modules in the naMBA curriculum is when we talk about systems. We build our problem-solving skills by drawing on the work of the brilliant Dr. Russell Ackoff to learn strategic thinking. Almost everything Dr. Ackoff says is worth quoting, but here's a line I think about at least once a week: > *"An improvement programme must be directed at what you want, not at what you don't want. Determining what you want requires asking yourself: what you would do right now, if you could do whatever you wanted to? Because if you don't know what you could do if you can do whatever you wanted to, how in the world do you know what you can do under constraints*?" If you want to be a strategist, you'll need to think like one. The good news is, it's far less about your problem-solving skills - and far more about your solution-finding ones! ## Step One: Aim for what you want (not what you *don't want)* When you've done that, you don't have to focus on solving problems, but you can flip the conversation to achieving goals instead. Problems are everywhere. Important goals are hard to come by. If you spend your time designing for what you don't want, you might be successful. You might, for example, avoid financial ruin, reputation loss and poor health. But what about what you *do* want? Before you cut your dreams off at the knees thinking about your lack of time and money, the needs of others and the precedent that's been set in the past... **stop.** ## Step Two: Stop asking "if" Strategists don't ask *if* they can have what they want. They don't wonder *if* they could have a more successful business, a happier marriage, a healthier lifestyle or a more engaged team. *If* questions lead us to come up with all the reasons why we won't be able to achieve our goals, and promote mediocre goals. If questions see us thinking small, designing systems to manage risk in our business, manage conflict in our marriage, serve others, stave off weight gain and stop employees from leaving. Strategists do it differently. ## Step 3: Ask why, then how First they ask *why* they want it, and then they ask *how* they can get their why. Faced with a business idea or dream, they don't look at all the reasons it won't work. Instead they'll ask *why* it's worth achieving, and, if it's worth it, they'll set about working out *how* to make their why it a reality. Who they'll need on board, where they'll get the money from and what they need to learn to make it real. *What about you?* *What would you do if you could do whatever you wanted?* *Why do you want that?* *How can you get there?* TL; DR Focus on the how, and the if will go away. ### Truth is, I'm rash. URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/truth-is-im-rash/ Last updated: 2025-10-04T21:05:38.000Z On Friday night, I went to a comedy gig in a large arena. I lasted less than 20 minutes before walking out in disgust and frustration, as the comedian spent his set punching down and making 'jokes' about women, the LGBTQIA+ community, sexual assault, overweight people and anyone else he could think of. The worst part wasn't even the jokes, it was the uproarious laughter and squeals of delight from the people around me as their darkest thoughts were spoken aloud and turned into entertainment. It was vile, and I left in a head-spin. Are things still this bad? Do we still get a kick out of hurting others for fun? I hope not. I walked out, and I should have walked out sooner. I'm good at walking out. Truth is: I'm rash. I make snap decisions on gut feeling, and sometimes that comes back to bite me. I've put myself in more unavoidably difficult situations than I can count by doing that, and I'm bound to do that some more. I'm trying to get better, and part of that learning process has been working out what to do with my outrage. Fuelled by the support and input of the hundreds of people who wrote me thoughtful emails and LinkedIn comments, I published a long piece this week on how to manage those kinds of conversations - you might have seen it. If not, [here's the link.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/outrageous-conversations-how-to-convert-controversy-into-connection/) I hope you like it. It's important to make the disclaimer that I researched and wrote this piece to make sense of my own frustration and ineptitude, not to come from a moral high ground. I don't have it personally figured out - far from it. But this is the best way I know how to try! There's some handy tools in there, and a downloadable infographic. It's long, but it kind of needs to be. I hope you enjoy it. Til next week, A ### Tell, don't sell: how to get what you want at work URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tell-dont-sell/ Last updated: 2025-09-22T21:26:32.000Z I had a great conversation with an IT leader in Australia this week. She was doing good work, but she was feeling increasingly frustrated by people in her team. She couldn't work out why she never seemed to be able to get her requests over the line. "*I do all the right things*!" she told me. "*I do my research, I put my business case together, and I put a lot of effort into my presentations.*" Despite all of her effort, she was struggling to get the resources and people she needed , while everyone around her seemed to be hiring for new positions that weren't half as important. She asked for some tips on her presenting technique, so she could be more convincing - but she was surprised at what I had to say... **I told her to stop trying to persuade her bosses of what she needed.** One of my mentors, Peter Cook, talks about the importance of *conviction selling.* Pete reckons that the way you turn up, energetically, is even more important than what you're trying to sell - and he's right. We don't want to be persuaded. We so badly don't want to be persuaded that we have a physiological reaction! When we feel as though someone's trying to get us to do something, or change our mind, we put up immediate barriers. So if we can't overtly persuade, when that's exactly what we're trying to do... how do we get our proposals over the line? ## Shore up your conviction Conviction is more effective than persuasion, every time. Make sure that before you walk into any conversation or presentation, you wholeheartedly believe in the value of what you're proposing. If you don't believe it, nobody else can either. ## Ask powerful questions Sales is **a conversation. How can you expect anyone to be interested in** you, if you aren't interested in them? For every message or point you make, you should ask at least one question. Asking people to reach inside their own thoughts and experiences connects them more meaningfully to your content and enables them to bring their ideas to the table. ## Make it sticky There's a reason why taglines exist - they work. They're memorable and easy to digest, and they feel as though they make more sense. Or, as the Heath Brothers put it in their great book *Made to Stick* \- they're "sticky!" How can you sum up your main idea in an easy to remember line or catch-phrase? ### Here's some examples: - A diamond is forever - If you wouldn't buy it, don't sell it - Leaders are readers - Have an attitude of gratitude According to the Heath brothers, a 'sticky' idea has six things going for it: 1. Simplicity 2. Unexpectedness 3. Concreteness 4. Credibility 5. Emotional connection 6. Stories ### Simplicity Less is often more. Rather than overwhelming people with slides, information and facts, stick to one key idea and reinforce it repeatedly. Confusing your audience with technical details, complicated charts and jargon doesn't make you look smart or credible, it just makes people feel bored, annoyed or stupid. Make your thinking as easy to understand as possible. ### Unexpectedness Capturing people's attention isn't easy. They're distracted by a million things, they're probably checking their phone under the desk and they don't want to be in your meeting. Make it memorable by surprising them. That might mean tabling a controversial opinion, a surprising fact, or telling your story in an interesting way - use music, a live prop, or bring a personal interest into the mix. Don't be gimmicky, but do disrupt expectations in some way. ### Concreteness Don'tget lost in the abstract or cliche. Terms like 'diversity', 'high-performance' and 'collaboration' all mean different things in people's heads, and they don't connect. If you want to talk about "driving business growth", be more specific and say instead "Expanding this team could drive an additional $1 million in revenue over two years." If you want to talk about "breaking down siloes" instead say "If customer service and sales work better together, everybody wins." ### Credibility Trust is earned, not given. I'm disappointed this only comes in at number four on the Heath Brothers list, because in my experience, it's number one. Your conviction is critical here - we trust the opinion of experts when they tell us what we need. When a surgeon tells us we need surgery and outlines the risks, they don't pull out a Powerpoint to convince us. They speak calmly and assuredly from their zone of expertise, and wait for our questions. This is the vibe our IT leader needs for her presentations - conviction, not persuasion. Less selly, more surgeon. ### Emotional connection Why should they care? It doesn't matter how good your idea is, if you can't make people care about it. The easiest way to someone's emotions is drawing a clear, direct link between your ideas and their reality. Invoke a sense of want, excitement, fear or understanding by putting yourself in the shoes of your audience. What do they need? What are they worried about? Speak directly to those concerns and you're onto a winner. ### Stories Like it or not, persuasion is a feelings game - and you can't change feelings with facts. What you *can* do is tell a story that connects with people. Talk about experiences you've had with customers, highlight the experiences of your staff members, or draw on the stories and parables told by others. Don't bash them over the head with the moral or key message, and watch your audience start to do the work for you. Happy telling! AM ### I thought I lost my why URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/i-thought-i-lost-my-why/ Last updated: 2025-09-23T10:22:04.000Z Over the last couple of months, I've had a hell of a time. In short: a trusted advisor and financial influence in my business was a dishonest predator. I had to confront some ugly truths about the advice I'd been given and the situation I was in, and it was messy. At pace, my dreams for the year fell apart. Stabilising my business took priority (while I neatly compartmentalised the assault that blew the whole thing open into an emotional zone for future processing...) Not great. There's a long piece in that one, when I'm ready to share, but for now, let's look at the business stuff. Almost overnight, I went from accelerating my little enterprise into a big booming business, set to take on the world, with staff and assets aplenty... to winding the whole thing into a different little shape as I picked up the pieces. Yikes. I'm good in a crisis. It's my number one skill. The fallout was bumpy, and I didn't manage it perfectly, but I did manage it. What I *didn't* see coming was the impact on my ambitions. When the initial adrenaline rush was over, I found myself floating aimlessly and unanchored, untethered to a concrete goal for the first time in my life. Before things blew up, I had a tidy business plan for the next few years. Revenue targets, growth plans and client development. IP. Strategic projects. Everything was nicely mapped and I knew what I was focusing on. With that scaffolding gone, I was rattled. I was still *doing* all the things - workshops, meetings, training sessions, admin. But without the big goal to hook that activity to, I wasn't sure how to feel about it anymore. After a few weeks of going through the motions, I spent long enough in the ruins of my formerly shared office contemplating the disarray, that I was forced to start thinking it all through. ### Had I lost my why? Without my growth agenda and revenue targets, without a big team, had I lost all of my goals? I spent a bit of time feeling sorry for myself and licking my wounds, before I ate my own dog food. The most useful framework I use with clients and students, by a country mile, is my Strategy 101 diagram - the Why, How and What of strategy. It applies in more contexts than I can shake a stick at, and I'm always drawing on it. This situation is no exception. A big business is not a *why*. A revenue target is not a *why*. Those things are *hows*, at best. There are better questions that need examining here: why did I want that in the first place? What need was I trying to meet? What fear was I trying to quell? What values was I trying to animate with action? It's those things I've been sitting in for the last little while. The truth is - my *why* hasn't changed, my *how* has. A business model is a how. A strategy is a how. A job is a how. And the how I'd chosen was wrong, for all kinds of reasons: - A lack of readiness (I moved too fast) - Misalignment with my broader values (By stepping back from delivery, I lost connection to my clients and the meaning of my work) - Capability mismatch (I hate managing a team!) - Scope issues (I built the behemoth, not the MVP) - Gut check (It didn't pass, but I proceeded anyway) - External influence (I was influenced by the advice of someone with no skin in the game) Along with the typical personal stuff that gets in the way at work - rush, greed, panic, ego et al. But the *main* reason it was wrong, is because I wasn't walking the talk on the essence of strategy: **I wasn't trying to work out how best to move toward the outcomes I care about most.** I was retrofitting possible outcomes onto an exciting opportunity, like a square peg in a round hole. That's what we do, when we really want something - even when it isn't right. You might be able to think of a time you've done that too, and even a time where you've come to regret it later. There's no tidy end to this story, not yet. Whys don't always pop up when you need them, especially if you've lost your way. Working out the essence of what you really care about, and being clear about how that will shape your life requires time, space and care. I'm going on a journey over the next little while, where I try a few different prompts to reconnect to that why. I'm planning to answer a different question every day, for the next couple of weeks. They'll include prompts like: - What's missing from my life? - What is the worst thing I could imagine? - When have I felt best about the work I'm doing, and what were the ingredients of those experiences? - What are my most important values? - What do other people seem to care about, that I don't? The idea is that after some serious thinking, chatting, and jotting, I'll come to a clearer place. **I'd love you to come on that journey with me.** If you're feeling a little like you've lost your way too, or you're just curious to see how it pans out, feel free to sign up to my Question A Day experiment. For the next couple of weeks, I'll send you a new question or prompt to contemplate, every day. You can do what you like with them - journal, chat to your partner, or raise it with your team. You don't need to share it with me, or anyone else for that matter. I may share some of my answers as I go, or I may not. We'll see. 💡 ****Update:** The Find Your Why experiment has finished - but you can check out all ten questions we answered [here.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/find-your-why-journey-update-2) ### Contentious conversations: How to convert outrage into connection URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/outrageous-conversations-how-to-convert-controversy-into-connection/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:45:14.000Z *Thank you to everyone who contributed to this article. Your thoughts, links, resources and ideas were invaluable in pulling this piece together. I've captured many of your musings in the output below, but you can find a summary of responses at the bottom.* In this (big!) piece, I tackle the following: - Do we have an outrage culture? - Why? - Why is it so hard to have these conversations? - What is the role (if any) of a leader in tackling contentious issues? - Five ingredients for productive conversations. - How can you tell if it's worth engaging? What are the conditions? - Eight steps to having productive, contentious conversations - Common questions and difficulties - Your thoughts and ideas ## Do we have an outrage culture? Maya Angelou said, “Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it - possibly without claiming it, she stands up for all women.” She’s right, of course. But man, I’m tired. The pressure of being an unelected and unskilled feminist representative makes it hard to do the job well. I don’t always describe issues properly. I sometimes get hurt and frustrated too quickly, and instead of directing my annoyance at the patriarchy, I turn my resentment and disappointment inward or unleash it on others. It’s exhausting. Feminist or not, there are many things to be outraged about. Roe v Wade. War in Ukraine. Climate inaction. Child poverty. Economic uncertainty. Racial discrimination. Housing affordability. Income inequality. Political corruption. Gender discrimination. Insert cause here. If you’ve logged into social media recently, you could be forgiven for thinking people *are* more outraged than ever. **Are we losing the capacity to come together on conflicting views and ideas?** **Are we all just preaching to the converted, deriding the opposition and doing nothing to spread understanding?** Maybe. But surely the answer isn’t to put the anger away – minimising struggle only makes it less visible. So, what do we do when we’re full of valid moral outrage? How do we connect with people who think differently and have constructive dialogue without despairing at their ignorance, inadequacy, or demonising their views? **In this article, I will unpick what's driving our outrage, how to show up with confidence and provide a step-by-step guide to tricky conversations.** ## Social media fuels unproductive outrage Like anything at the intersection of personal feelings and the Wild West of the internet, our perception of outrage is out of proportion. According to experts, we’re no more outraged than ever – but what we’re outraged about and how we express that outrage is different. Mark Manson argues, “It isn’t that our beliefs have changed; it’s how we feel about the people we disagree with.” He blames the internet and personalised content algorithms for reinforcing existing beliefs over promoting tolerance. This argument has real merit in the age of clickbait and keyboard warriors, where people consume news through social feeds rather than papers. Manson believes we're more conscious of big-picture issues but are more intolerant of each other and opposing viewpoints. Social media has a lot to answer for. In some fascinating research on social media outrage, Vedanta and Bavel found that every moral or emotional word used in a post (like *abuse, kill, shame, sin, hero, hate, faith* or *evil*) increased sharing by 15-20%. Those shares are served to people with existing opinions - both for and against, stoking existing viewpoints into a frenzy. It's addictive, too. While I’m not totally convinced by Dr. David Brin’s theory that we’re "addicted to self-righteousness”, I’m unsurprised to learn that expressing moral outrage online earns us positive social feedback, thereby increasing the likelihood of future outbursts. All of this research confirms what you instinctively know: anger drives engagement. The real worry is about who it’s engaging and the effect it’s having. Are we changing people’s minds or reinforcing existing beliefs more deeply? The data supports the latter, though the magnitude of the effect varies depending on the platform you prefer. Places that give you more autonomy over your feed, such as Reddit, are less culpable in creating echo chambers. In contrast, algorithm-driven platforms such as Facebook and Twitter drive people deeper into polarised pockets of outrage reinforced by a community of like-minded peers. We're not learning from each other, we're becoming more certain about what divides us. ## Leaders need to lean in to outrage You could be forgiven for throwing your hands up in despair. I do this often. Why wade into the controversy only to leave feeling frustrated? Who’s going to listen? Scroll on by and keep your thoughts to yourself. Rocking the boat on the internet, at drinks or in the office is not an instinctive or rewarded behaviour, and most prefer to avoid conflict. This is a problem. When people with a voice stay silent, we leave the most affected groups with the job of educating and advocating for themselves. Our silence minimises struggle and places the burden for change on the most burdened among us. As Jess Berentson-Shaw of The Workshop so eloquently puts it in [her webinar on inclusive city design](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7aOgXdeq54&t=199s&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) > “*We can’t ask people who are the most harmed by our current systems and structures… to simply change their behaviour or make better choices. That’s simply not right, and the research tells us that it’s not particularly effective either… What we can do is create an enabling environment*." Leaders create enabling environments with space for productive discussion. When we have social, political or community power, we *must* be literate in controversy. We must know how and when to engage usefully. When leaders choose not to engage in conversations on contentious topics, they create an environment that suppresses useful debate and, ultimately, perpetuates inequality. Leaders need these conversation skills to drive fair outcomes and progress, whether it’s at work or in their communities. ## We're programmed to avoid conflict There’s a very good reason we avoid controversial conversations: they’re hard! They have lots of feelings and trigger intense emotions—trauma, defensiveness, and personal and political angst. These are tough feelings for even the strongest of relationships to withstand. Professional connections and strangers on the internet barely stand a chance. We’re programmed to avoid conflict and lack the emotional literacy to navigate such choppy waters. These aren’t the skills we learn at school, university, or home. Even if we did, those skills would be of little use online, where many conversations occur. The freedom of perceived anonymity unleashes the darkest and most combative human urges – anyone who’s ever scrolled a comment thread in perverse fascination will have seen how quickly it all goes south. Worse, we’re not half as rational as we think we are. We’re walking bags of hormones, values, fears and feelings, with an astonishing ability to post-rationalise, convincing ourselves we came to logical conclusions rather than impulsive instincts. It’s why logical appeals are rarely effective: you can’t change feelings with facts. Talking about tricky stuff doesn't come naturally, regardless of which side of an argument you’re on. We’re physiologically programmed to defend our own points of view – there’s even a word for it: ‘*reactance*’. We cling to the anchoring comfort of our convictions because they help us make sense of the world around us. When we share our opinions with others, we hold them closer still, a survival instinct that keeps us safe. Historically speaking, disloyalty is dangerous. Your personal style of problematic communication will vary - maybe you stay quiet and wait for things to blow over. Maybe you storm off in a frustrated rage. Maybe you get personal and mean. Maybe you get emotional and cry. Maybe you don't engage at all. Maybe you become condescending and state your ideas as though they're facts. Maybe you're one of the unicorns that does none of those things. Overcoming this programming takes real intention and effort. Below, I've outlined five key ingredients to check off before entering any difficult chat to manually override your default settings. ## Five ingredients for productive conversations There are five key ingredients for having outrageous conversations that result in progress. 1. Positive intent 2. Perspective 3. Possibility 4. Precaution 5. Pragmatism #### Positive intent If you can’t assume positive intent from your conversation partner, you shouldn’t have the conversation. Otherwise, it will be difficult to avoid contempt when you feel challenged—this one is particularly hard for me. Contempt is a dark internal fear that creates deep external wounds. Once you roll your eyes, become sarcastic, or use personal insults, your connection is poisoned. #### Perspective Conversations that connect focus on problems, not people. When we lose perspective and allow things to get personal, we become defensive—and fair enough. That's not what you signed up for. Productive conversations can stay in the ‘ideas’ zone, steering away from language and suggestions that this is a personal matter. People love to be right. Remember that we’re not trying to persuade people, we’re trying to debunk ideas that don’t serve any of us and find new ways to be right together. This only happens if we focus on the idea, not the person. #### Possibility Be open to changing your own mind. Some of your convictions are definitely wrong, incomplete or biased. If you can't be open, neither can anyone else. Recognise that we’re all prone to cognitive biases that make it hard to absorb information objectively and allow for that in your assessment of yourself and others. These include: - Cognitive dissonance: We would rather deny new information that makes us uncomfortable than change our worldview to accommodate it. - Sunk cost bias: If we’re already publicly committed to an idea, we’re less inclined to change our thoughts. We view our previous thoughts and choices through rose-coloured glasses. - Dunning-Kruger effect: The less detail and nuance we understand, the more confident we can be in the validity of our own opinion. - The backlash effect: When we start to doubt our position, we often double down on it. - You can't remove these, but you can know when they rear their ugly head and call them out. #### Precaution Don’t enter a conversation that has no chance of going well unless you absolutely have to. Spend time gathering your thoughts before entering the mire of controversy, getting ready for difficulty. Then, once you’re there, remember WHY you’re there. It’s easy to get stuck in a trap of trying to persuade and no longer listening. When people describe their experiences to you, respect that by believing them. When others are speaking, it is not the time to focus on preparing your response. Absorb. #### Pragmatism You aren’t going to transform someone’s mindset in one conversation. For this reason, it’s important to be practical about how far you will nudge the dial. I like resources like [the Kubler-Ross change curve,](https://www.cleverism.com/understanding-kubler-ross-change-curve/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and the [Intercultural Mindset continuum](https://idiinventory.com/generalinformation/the-intercultural-development-continuum-idc/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) for diagnosing how ‘ready’ someone is to change their mind, and how open and informed they might be on a given issue. Check out both of these resources—or take a look at the tool below to help you make the call. The better the conditions, the more likely you are to make real progress. ## Conversation conditions ![PERSPECTIVE (800 × 500 px) (1)](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/PERSPECTIVE%20(800%20%C3%97%20500%20px)%20(1).png) ### The red zone If you're in the red zone, seriously consider avoiding conversation. You're unlikely to encounter openness, with low odds of brokering peace and tolerance. You will come out feeling worse than you went in. Step away. ### The orange zone The orange zone might be characterised by universalism and difference-washing. These behaviours present as a meritocracy, oblivious privilege, or statements like "I'm blind to gender/ colour/ race", "I think we're all the same/ everyone is equal", or "Why should anyone get special treatment?" In this case, consider engaging—not for change but to surface some of the complexities the other person may not have considered. ### The green zone If you're in the green zone, you've got real scope for asking good questions, digging into differences and engaging in mutual reflection and change - so make sure you do the conversation justice by staying as open as you'd like the other person to be. Once you've got a handle on the conditions, you can prepare for your conversation, using your conditions assessment to inform the go/no-go. --- ## Eight steps to having contentious conversations Here are eight critical steps to help you engage in contentious conversations without losing the will to live. 1. Decide whether to engage 2. Start with self-reflection 3. Listen to connect to their values and experiences 4. Find common ground to start from 5. Tailor your communication style 6. Frame your argument carefully 7. Make change appealing 8. Provide a new narrative that leaves their dignity intact ### 1\. Decide whether to engage Before speaking up, think about where you can make a difference and whether your voice will have any impact. . There is little value in expending emotional energy on people you don’t really care about. Here are some prompts to help you decide whether or not you should engage in a challenging conversation or controversy: - Do you hold a position of power or influence in this conversation? If so, carefully consider what your engagement could or should look like. - Are people looking to you for a point of view? If so, it’s time to get ready. - Are you adequately informed? If not, get those Google fingers working at pace, or call a friend in the know. - Do you have a point of view or information that would bring understanding, support or a positive impact to this conversation? - Are you open and willing to learn? - What are the risks or consequences of not speaking up? - What are the potential harms of this conversation continuing unchecked? - Do you personally know the people involved? - Is there an opportunity to have this conversation privately? - Can you assume positive intent of the other person or people involved? If you decide that you either could or should get involved, and you’re confident you can navigate the conditions, move ahead with the next steps. ### 2\. Start with self-reflection Examine your motives and ideas before you head into a challenging conversation. What are you hoping to achieve in this chat? How confident are you in your beliefs or ideas? Why are you so upset about this issue, and what is it bringing up for you? What feelings do you have? When did you first form your thinking, and is it still correct? If you're angry, try to dig a layer deeper. [Anger is a secondary emotion](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/angry-people/), which can only be met by anger.When you tap into the feeling underneath – sadness, disappointment, or guilt, for example, you have a better chance of connecting with the other person. This is hard because primary emotions are more vulnerable and exposed, but those are emotions other humans are wired to connect with. For example, you can create a path for connection with something contentious, like anger and frustration at the overturning of Roe v Wade. Tapping into primary emotions might lead to sentences like: - *"I’m sad and disappointed for the vulnerable women left without a choice."* or - *"I'm scared my children won't be able to access the healthcare they need.*” These emotions are personal and specific but non-threatening and harder to take umbrage with. ### 3\. Listen to connect It’s hard to change the mind of someone we don’t understand. Until we know what shapes someone else's thinking, we are in no position to try and change it. Ask lots of open questions to help you understand where they're coming from. Very few people are ignorant or inflammatory for fun (though it might look that way). Instead, everyone has genuine fears and concerns based on their personal values, experiences, and the information they've consumed. One of the best memes I’ve seen recently is from The Workshop’s guide to COVID conversations that talk about “*connecting, not correcting.*” Connection needs to be the goal here before we even start to think about what it is that we want to say. There are no hard and fast rules for this stage, as it largely depends on who you’re talking to and how well you know them. There’s a huge difference, for example, between talking to your spouse or best friend and talking to a colleague you don’t know very well. The goal of connection is not to learn the details of their opinions or beliefs. Like anger, an opinion or point of view is a secondary device. Instead, we want to understand what lies underneath. Going deeper asks us to connect to two critical things—their values and their *lived experience*. #### Connect to their values In *The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion,* Jonathan Haidt argues that you can’t change people’s minds with rational explanations because we simply aren’t rational beings. We’re driven by underlying moral intuitions that we defend with reason later. These values and intuitions are so hard-wired or have been around so long that we often can’t see them. Asking people why they hold their views, what's important to them, and when they first formed their opinions is a helpful way to unlock values. You might try reflecting your impression back—i.e., "It sounds as though you really value doing the right thing. Have I got that right?"—to ensure you understand. > “While you are actively learning about someone else, you’re passively teaching them something else. > \-Daryl Davis #### Understand their experiences You can’t argue someone out of an experience they’ve had—especially if you haven’t even given them the chance to tell you about it. By understanding when and how they formed their viewpoint, you’ll learn about what made them—and others like them—think this way. When you understand the person or people you’re speaking to, you can adapt your reasoning or message to align with their values, fears and concerns. #### Ask questions In tricky conversations, it's tempting to jump straight to a response. As people speak and you hear the inaccuracies, inconsistencies and assumptions, your brain goes into overdrive, mentally preparing the list of things you can rebut. Do. Not. Listen. To. This. Voice. At least, not until you've responded with a question. For bonus points, try using a reflective questioning technique, such as Ask-Share-Ask. You ask a question, share what you heard, and then ask if there's anything they'd like to add and whether you got it right. This makes sure you have the right balance between listening and talking—it should be 2:1. ### 4\. Find common ground Arguments usually focus on how we're different, but they don't need to be. When we first connect and emphasise our sameness, we can see how other thoughts or beliefs might be relevant to us. This asks us to find a place of commonality to start from. If you’ve done some self-reflection and taken the time to understand the other person, this won’t be hard to do. You’ll see what you can connect on, and that’s the place to start. Maybe it’s a shared value or similar experience. Maybe you are both passionate about fairness, loyal to your family or have a similar professional background. Starting from this place reminds you that you are conversation partners, not adversaries or targets. The emotional connection ensures people feel safe and respected, freeing up bandwidth that might have been devoted to defending or attacking. When you demonstrate empathy and compassion for their point of view, they are free to engage with yours. Schieffer suggests using a “feel-felt-found” technique to frame this—i.e., “I know how you feel, I felt the same way, and *what I found was…"* ### 5\. Tailor your approach Adapt your style and content to suit the person you speak to so they feel heard and understood. I often work with engineers and elected local government members, who are generally unimpressed by fluffy ideas or corporate jargon. They have a strong bullsh\*t detector, which I'm always aware of when presenting or facilitating. I use plain language, and strike to the core of what they think and value. That means when I’m running strategic leadership sessions, I don’t wax lyrical about the power of innovation and the importance of vision. Instead, I suggest that by staying stuck in the operational details they have staff for, they’re operating below their pay grade or hamstringing their teams. This resonates because that’s not who they want to be. When I respect their expertise, work ethic, intelligence, and values, they listen. Choose your style, then frame your position regarding *their* values and experiences, not yours. When we create arguments that speak to our moral frameworks, we can speak another language. Your position might make sense, but it's irrelevant if they don't share those ideas. I saw this done well recently at a conference where a speaker spoke about access to housing. Appealing to a room of local government professionals, she didn't discuss social justice or human rights. Instead, she argued that housing should be viewed as “essential infrastructure” rather than a social good. The impact was immediate. By speaking in terms and ideas that resonated with her audience, she triggered an immediate change of perspective. This argument allowed the audience to maintain their value system while embracing a new point of view. ### 6\. Frame your argument carefully You only get one chance at a first impression. It doesn't matter how clever your argument is if the first thing people hear sounds like an attack. They'll spend time mounting a defence while you speak rather than listening. David Maxwell, author of *Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations and Bad Behaviour* recommends the following formula to avoid unnecessary conflict or personal attacks. Make it personal - Start from a place of personal values and use that to frame what’s coming next – ie “This is an issue of fairness for me, so I’m going to be quite strong in my opinion about this” Make it specific. State the facts without generalisations. So instead of heading into “this is so typical of all men” or “you always…” or “you never…” use a description of the situation, e.g., “When I pointed out gender bias recently, it felt like my concerns were dismissed.” Make it meaningful - Share the conclusion you drew from the facts, using I language – “I feel as though there’s a pattern of disadvantage here, and I’m wondering whether I’m safe in this environment.” When we frame our arguments in these terms, we're not trying to present our ideas as facts. We've shared our context, experience and conclusions in a way that gives people an understanding of how we formed our thinking and owned our reality. ### 7\. Make change appealing > “The only way to influence people is to talk about what they want and to show them how to get it.” > \- Dale Carnegie People don't change without a good reason. Remember reactance, the physiological aversion to changing our minds? Change is scary and uncertain and often invokes loss - so make sure you link your thinking back to what's in it for them. It's hard to move past that without a compelling benefit. To reach hearts and minds, provide the incentive for why it's worth thinking differently. Why should they buy into your way of thinking? What’s in it for them? Tackle obvious barriers or defences – if you know the common arguments against your idea, don’t ignore them. Call them out and address them so they can't take up silent space in the conversation. If the people you’re talking to resist gender equality because it feels like reverse discrimination, have a gentle and open conversation about the myth of reverse discrimination and how it works. If people have valid concerns, addressing them doesn't make them more real; it makes them manageable. You can't work with what you can't see. Above all, making change appealing to others isn't sleazy. It lets them know that you respect them, that they matter to you, and that you're trying to create something good, not make them look stupid. ### 8\. Provide a new narrative Provide a narrative that enables them, if they so choose, to justify their change of mind rationally and [with dignity](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/disagreement-needs-dignity/). Remember, even though people think their ideas are grounded in rationality, they’re actually fuelled by emotions and values that have been post-rationalised. You can support that process by offering a new story to rationalise a change of mind. The most important thing is that they have an opportunity to change their mind and keep their dignity and autonomy intact. Here are a few ways to do that: - Frame it personally – "I used to think, but then I learned." Or ‘I get that, although I was interested to see the evidence that…" - Leave with class and compliments - "I really appreciate your openness to this conversation." "I love your approach to learning." - Give them face-saving excuses – “We all used to think xx but now that we understand yy it looks as though zz is more correct/ fair” ### A handy infographic with all the steps ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/10/OUTRAGEOUS-CONVERSATIONS-8-STEPS-TO-HARMONY.png) Here's an infographic that sums up all the eight steps. You can download yours below. [Outrageous conversations: 8 steps to harmonyOUTRAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS 8 STEPS TO HARMONY.png301 KBdownload-circle](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/content/files/2025/10/OUTRAGEOUS-CONVERSATIONS-8-STEPS-TO-HARMONY.png "Download") ## Common questions and protests These are all things that I think and need to wrestle with. Yours might be different. #### Why should I be the bigger person? You don’t have to be, but you can either be right or happy. If you’d rather be right, stay right. Your inclination either way may change from day to day. #### You have the power, it's your job to look after me. This was hard for me to confront when I realised that people in power also had struggles and put their socks on one at a time. I recently spent time with the Youth Advisory Group at Oranga Tamariki, an incredible group of care-experienced youth advocating from inside the ministry. It was genuinely difficult to hear their pain and justifiable frustration and then go on to humanise the people who had let them down. I said something like, “**I know, and you’re right. Also, these same people are doing their best. They’re frustrated, overworked, and going home to deal with their own battles – health, family, work, the lot. It sucks, but it’s true*.” #### Why should I minimise my outrage for your comfort? You don’t have to—and sometimes, you shouldn’t. It depends on your goal. If you just need to be heard, preface your thoughts with that disclaimer: “I’m so frustrated and angry that I’m finding it hard to keep my anger in check, and the things I say next might reflect that.” That might give you the freedom to vent, but it may not contribute to progress—which might be OK. Make the judgment call depending on the conversation. #### I'm tired of educating all the time. I'm the one on the receiving ends of these beliefs. Activist fatigue is real, especially when you’re personally affected by the issues you're fighting for. Set personal boundaries around when you engage. It’s not your job to be a full-time change champion. Sometimes, you can let it go and find an outlet elsewhere. Then, when you do choose to engage, you can do it from a better place. #### You did wrong! I shouldn't need to make you feel good while I explain this to you. See the above points around being right or happy and setting boundaries. It’s not your job to educate everyone, and if talking to a specific person or group does you more harm than good, leave that work to someone better placed. You don’t need to fix everyone, and your pain is real. It’s OK if you’re too hurt to keep going. ## Your thoughts > *The only way to have these change making conversations is to earn their respect by acknowledging them and their fears. To hear them, tell them you hear them, and act like you hear them, then show them you heard them*. > – Andrew McKeown, via email As I researched this article, I asked my mailing list and LinkedIn network for their thoughts, and I received an incredible outpouring of thoughts and ideas. The clearest message I received was that many people are currently struggling with this and are feeling tired and fatigued by outrage. They want to have good conversations, but they feel like it's getting harder to do so. Here's some of the great input I received. #### Q: How do you talk to people with different opinions than you? “**If we all took responsibility for increasing our ability to listen deeply first, understand through the eyes of another and then develop an opinion/solution that does no harm, we would be heading in the right direction*.” ****– Lisa Mitchell, LinkedIn** - It depends on whom you’re talking to – the difference between a personal relationship/ spouse and a colleague. - Be kind. Approach people with compassion and try to understand them - Don’t rely on logic, if the belief is illogical. Instead, come from a place of values - Time – It takes time to change people’s minds; don’t expect an instant 180\. Be happy to plant the seed. - Listen carefully. Ask questions to understand what’s behind the views. - Hold your views lightly – accept you might be wrong about thing - Earn the right to speak to them, earn their respect - Remember that you can’t control other people’s perspective or response - Online discussions go south too quickly - these conversations are best had in person - I need to find a balance between speaking and listening. If you don’t acknowledge the other side, you’re wasting your time and just as bad - Egos and fear get in the way – make sure your intentions are in the right place and you’re open to others - Always seek to understand first – if I was them, would I think the same? - It's OK to leave a conversation. Helen Walker suggests saying, “Hey, thanks for sharing your views, but I need to think about what's been said. Let's talk again soon. " This gives you time to process and understand your own triggers. #### Q: Where have you seen this done well? - Following a Te Ao Maori approach - entering into a powhiri or wananga and dealing with issues, keeping manaakitanga Louis Theroux documentaries - Harvard Business School's Program for Leadership Development and Black Swan Ltd - [The ](https://www.theworkshop.org.nz/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)Workshop is a Wellington-based research agency that supports people in having tricky conversations using simple tools like “Ask-Share-Ask,” which is weighted toward listening and connecting rather than telling. They put a lot of energy into understanding the big picture and history of issues and where individuals lie in that, focusing on the system rather than attacking people. - When you create an environment where everyone is valued and knows that their opinion is wanted and will count, while a decision may have to be made at some point - In the workplace,e it usually requires a truly independent facilitator—not a mediator—because it's about communicating to understand views, not changing others' minds. - Courageous Conversation Compass – knowing where we are personally, fully, and recognising all of the dimensions of others - Interest-Based Problem Solving - Karl Perry - (Many people said that they haven’t seen it done well!) “**Certainly not by our politicians, very rarely in fact. It’s not a strength that I see in humans.* – ANON, EMAIL #### Q: What mistakes do you or others often make? “**Very few people are 100% bad and very few positions are 100% wrong*” ****– Philip Hill** - Talking immediately without taking the space to think it through/ craft up your ideas first - Kiwis avoid conflict and miss opportunities to build understanding - Reacting emotionally and losing objectivity - Personal attacks - Body language - Taking it personally - Not being open to others’ ideas or life experiences - Speaking in absolutes (you always, you never…) - Being confrontational or forceful, which makes people retreat - Not staying respectful of the other person - Not listening properly, instead focusing on thinking up a response - Not knowing when to quit - Failing to be curious - Not opening-up - Not giving a f\*ck - Becoming overwhelmed and walking away in frustration - Not able to empathise - Unconscious incompetence (We don’t know what we don’t know!) - Arguing from a point of authority, eg. Using religion with someone who is not necessarily religious. #### Tips, questions and prompts Karen Saunders offered the following helpful prompts: - “Help me understand….” - “I see where you are coming from” – acknowledging but not agreeing. - “Thank you for that or direction. Are you aware of the impact? What are your thoughts on a way forward to address that?” Brian Robb says: 1. Set the context and ground rules first - e.g. “I have been thinking about… and would like to know/understand your opinion/view on it (then give them time to provide their view without interjecting or arguing while remaining calm, especially if you disagree!). Ensure they know it is research and not an opportunity or challenge to try to convert each other to the other’s opinion. 2. Wait for an opportunity to reciprocate (listen first) 3. Look for common ground to acknowledge before going straight to difference 4. Use kindness; don’t be personal or combative 5. Be prepared to agree to disagree or pause. Susannah Barthow on LinkedIn offered the following: "**Asking questions is good. Reflect on why this is important to you. Is it the most important thing to spend energy on? What makes you feel strongly? Asking questions of the other person is good, too. For example, "Why do you think that?" Or "That's interesting. Can you tell me more?"* Clare Swallow on LinkedIn recommended picturing yourself in a different role: “**I sometimes picture myself assuming the role of a reporter or a detective, leaving my bias at the door to understand their perspective. Asking questions with zero judgement and being interested in the response.”* ### It's ok to upset people URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/its-ok-to-upset-people/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:52:19.000Z I've always struggled to set boundaries. I've been a mother since I was 16 years old, I've been living independently since I was 13 and I spent much of my childhood shouldering responsibility for the feelings and behaviour of adults. The sum total of these experiences is a tendency to take on things that aren't mine, which is a fast track to feeling burnt out and resentful. ## Choose guilt over resentment Of all the reading, thinking and experimenting I've done around boundaries, the most impactful I've encountered is in Gabor Maté's book *When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress.* When I read the following excerpt, I stopped cold. I paused. I underlined. I wrote it down, and text it to three close friends. Then I read it again. > "A therapist once said to me, “If you face the choice between feeling guilt and resentment, choose the guilt every time. It is wisdom I have passed on to many others since. If a refusal saddles you with guilt, while consent leaves resentment in its wake, opt for the guilt. Resentment is soul suicide." ## Choose boundaries for compassion In her social science research, Brene Brown discovered that the strongest commonality between people in various caring professions is the quality of their boundaries. > “Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.” > \- Brene Brown I love the idea that we can banish resentment and curate compassion by setting clear boundaries. If you too have struggled with taking on more responsibility than you should, this might be a useful reframe. ## Take responsibility Making intentional choices about what is your responsibility, and what isn't, means being OK with upsetting people. Their feelings and how they choose to handle them are their responsibility, not yours. ### Things that are your responsibility: Living in alignment with your values and integrity, how you spend your time, energy and effort, what thoughts, relationships and activities you allow into your life, how you manage your emotions, what you believe in, the contribution you make to the world, the way you communicate and treat others. ### Things that are not your responsibility: How anyone else feels, about any of the above, or anything else for that matter. Til next week, A ### I'm not much but I'm all I think about: the risks of social disconnection URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/get-outside-of-yourself/ Last updated: 2025-10-04T21:34:13.000Z There's an excellent AA meme: "I'm not much, but I'm all I think about." While we're more connected technologically than ever, spending an average of 2.5 hours on social media daily, people spend less than half an hour each day socialising. In simple terms, we spend five times as much time lurking, watching and comparing ourselves to the public versions of others than interacting with people we care about. Eesh. No wonder we're trapped in our heads. I worry about this social dislocation and voyeuristic approach to friendships for my teenagers, and I wonder about the consequences for their confidence and sense of self. Peer comparisons and insecurity are nothing new, especially in adolescence, but the ratio of time spent connecting to time spent worrying is higher than ever. In today's individualistic culture, we spend much time thinking about our growth and development. People are purchasing personal development books en masse, committing to diet plans, exercise programs, morning routines and productivity hacks. We're worried about being left behind, not being good enough, and envious of what we perceive to be the neat, tidy, and functional lives of others. The less time we spend in each other's kitchens and lounge rooms and the more time we spend scrolling through holiday pics, the more warped our perception of others - and, by extension, our worth - becomes. ## My thoughts Whether you're turning up at work or with your friends, it helps to remember that we're all a bit of a mess. Life isn't tidy. Nobody has their life together - even people who make a living from pretending they do and promoting vitamin juices on Instagram. ## Academic thoughts In the classic text *Bowling Alone,* Robert Putnam argues that a decline in community erodes social capital, creating the breeding ground for extremism and discontent. If we don't get careful, we live in echo chambers that make us bitter and prone to demonising others. ## The good news The most impactful way to tackle your inadvertent self-orientation is through low-risk connections. Call a friend. Have a coffee with someone. Dial into someone else's challenges, just for a while, and put your concerns into perspective. Til next week. A ### Obsessions: The perfect way to avoid things URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/obsessions-the-perfect-way-to-avoid-things-2/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:18:28.000Z Once I get *into* something, I'm kind of intense. This time last year, I got into houseplants. It started with six, and just a few weeks later, I had over 100\. It's how I roll. There's no middle ground. My family and friends are used to it now and have learned that resisting or raising objections will only make me double down harder. It's generally OK, but sometimes it becomes a problem. Like when the obsession eats into other important areas of my life - shortchanging the time I have for my loved ones, or limiting my ability for self-care. Often, my obsessions are displacement activities, rather than genuine creative impulses. I'm prone to using whatever I'm currently distracted by as an excuse for avoiding something else I don't want to deal with right now. I have a particularly long list of new things I want to do at the moment. I'm keeping track of it in my bullet journal, and so far it includes things like: starting The Alicia McKay Show podcast, getting new courses on the AM Academy, knitting, writing a novel, landscaping and home renovations, starting a vegetable garden and painting a fence mural. I'm also thinking about getting chickens. I swing between work-related and non-work-related things depending on the day and how I'm feeling, but they all share one thing in common: they're generally a distraction, and a manifestation of my addictive personality. I'm an addict by nature and genetics. Many of us are, to some extent. It's easier to numb ourselves in activities or substances than to deal with what's really hard. Some addictions are more benign and socially acceptable than others, but whether you're a workaholic, shopaholic or alcoholic, they all exist on the same spectrum. I'm learning my impulses these days and while getting hooked on F45 or houseplants might be healthier or more virtuous than addictions of time past (smoking, compulsive working) they're still a sign of the same thing: I'm avoiding something. Looking at my list right now, there's a few things on there I'm definitely going to do, but there's also a couple of things that are really clear to me: 1. I need to take a deep breath, close a few internet tabs and work out what's actually going on 2. I don't even like chickens. The list isn't the problem. It's what's motivating it that might be. What are you avoiding, and how are you avoiding it? Til next week, A ### How to stick to your strategy throughout the year URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-stick-to-your-strategy-throughout-the-year/ Last updated: 2025-10-04T21:17:08.000Z Goals and dreams that seem exciting and doable when we prepare our strategy and plan can feel impossible a short time later once we're drowning in operational madness. If we're not careful, we'll forget all about our good intentions and shift into survival mode - only to wonder why we couldn't pull it all off at the end of the year. It doesn't need to be this way! Here are 5 things you can do to stick to your dreams after they oxidise with reality. ## 1\. Make your intentions visible Put your goals, objectives or plans on the wall. Stick post-its to your monitor. Make it your desktop background. Include your goals in the header or footer of your meeting agendas. You're significantly more likely to stick to things you remember ## 2\. Build little things (while you wait for the big things) Putting together a new risk management framework, but you won't have it until August? In the meantime, develop a speedy checklist for making decisions that won't be perfect but will be much better than nothing. Launching a new website? Update your most visited page to get you started. Find the minimum viable version of your goals and do them as fast as possible to make your ideas real. ## 3\. Build in reflection sessions Quarterly is not often enough. Every month, look at what's working, what's not, and what you've learned or been surprised by. Update things accordingly. Communicate openly and make uncovering surprising mistakes and errors a fun game. ## 4\. Replace your list with a lens Your strategy probably has an ambitious list of new workstreams or projects you have no idea how to fit in. Instead of worrying about your list, use your strategy as the *lens* for how you do the things you're doing anyway. Once you know your priorities, everything from your email signature to your meeting structure should reflect them - get tweaking. ## 5\. Don't believe your overwhelmed brain When you took the time and space to step back and look at your business, you could see the potential. You could see how capable you all were of achieving amazing things. Now that you're drowning under the weight of minutiae again, it's easy to think you were being unrealistic. You weren't. You had a perspective that you don't have right now. If you're choosing who to believe, believe Strategy Day You. Keep the faith and decide to channel that energy today. ### Create a personal strategy URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/create-a-personal-strategy/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T13:46:54.000Z Humans are wired designed for meaning and contribution. Create your personal strategy to maximise both, _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Throw your raft in the ocean: letting go of your old survival strategies URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/throw-your-raft-in-the-ocean/ Last updated: 2025-10-04T21:31:13.000Z In an old Buddhist parable, a man is trapped on one side of a rushing river. On this side of the river, there is great danger and uncertainty; on the far side is safety. But there is no bridge spanning the river, nor is there a ferry to cross over. What to do? The man gathers together logs and leaves, and by his wit, fashions a raft from these materials. By lying on the raft and using his hands and feet as paddles he manages to cross the river from the dangerous side to the side of safety. Bravo! Having crossed the river, he hoists his raft proudly atop his shoulders and proceeds through the forest, as he begins the next phase of his journey. Progress is slow, as the weight of the raft bears down on the man’s back, and its edges keep getting caught on trees and in leaves. The man despairs, but clings firmly to the raft. This raft is his proudest achievement yet. It enabled him to pass through challenge and emerge triumphant. He needs this raft … You get where we’re going with this. Your coping strategies, no matter how impressive they might be, were designed for the challenges and circumstances of your past. Your future might require new ones. A ### 7 reasons why public sector leadership is bloody hard work URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/7-reasons-why-public-sector-leadership-is-bloody-hard-work/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T08:35:31.000Z Government gets a bad rap. Leaders battle a perception of inefficiency and waste, while doing the best they can to deliver meaningful social outcomes for people that need it. They're paid less, celebrated less, and poorly represented in popular leadership and management literature (with the exception of [this bad boy,](https://shop.aliciamckay.co.nz/products/from-strategy-to-action?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) of course.) But why is it so difficult? And what's the difference between leading a business and leading a Council, Ministry or Department? If you're working in the public sector and wondering why you find it so tricky - or if you're on the outside, frustrated by the inner workings of government, you might enjoy this inside guide to the intricacies of public leadership. **Strap on in. Here's 7 Important Ps of the Public Private Puzzle.** ### **1\. Purpose - What drives us** The purpose of business is to make money. There's lots of different ways we spin that, and hey it's not the *only* thing business is about. Find Your Why Culture has us all waxing lyrical about the difference we want to make in the world (disruption! diversity! et al) but ultimately, the key driver for enterprise is profit. There's variations on this theme - particularly with social enterprise - but at best, a social driver will *co-exist* with a profit motive. The only purpose of government, however, is PUBLIC GOOD. Which, when you think about it, is kind of amazing. Government is the only institution in society who has social good as its only motivator. The only institution in society who can make decisions that don't need to deliver anything other than good to the world. There's lots of conflict, ambiguity and challenge inside this broad purpose, to be sure. Everyday, public sector leaders are weighing up tricky trade offs around community wellbeing, environmental protection, economic growth and future sustainability - but they're all under the same banner. Good stuff, for the collective. Nice. ### **2\. Parameters - What constrains us** Constraints in business generally follow your classic PESTLE format - (Political, Economic, Social, Technological, Legal and Environmental). All businesses operate in a complex web of customer needs, internal battles and environmental obstacles. Government are subject to the same acronym - plus they get a few bonus ones. There's a tripartite layer of constraints that exist for everyone's benefit. Accountability and transparency to society necessitate the establishment of a system to make that possible - democratic representation, bureaucratic process and transparent discoverability. Unfortunately, those constraints are the efficiency equivalent of wading through treacle. Representative democracy is the best thing we've designed so far to make sure collective decisions are best for everyone, but it's far from perfect. The combination of democracy, transparency, and bureaucracy create risk-aversion, slow down progress and complicate every decision and action made by those in power. ### **3\. Priorities - What we trade-off** Making trade-offs is hard for everyone. Leaders in all types of organisations are faced with making choices about how to allocate their limited time, energy, money and bandwidth. In both the public and private sectors, this is a challenging job, involving politics, stakeholders assumptions and best-guesses about impact, effort and influence. In the private sector, these trade-offs carry an opportunity cost - which links directly to purpose. In brief, one option may lead to less profit than another. In the public sector, however, these trade-offs carry a human cost. Decisions are less about right and wrong, and more about who you're willing to let down. Which worthy cause is going to be unsupported? Which genuine social issue is going to be left unchecked or deprioritised? Not only that, but your critics are harsher, and your decision-making process is completely visible to the people you affect. Which leads me to the next key difference. ### **4\. Performance - How we measure success** In business, performance is most an inside job. Metrics about how much money we make, how many customers we reach, and how big we grow are discussed internally, with reporting layers that might reach the Board, investors and shareholders. Most of what happens is kept under wraps, and the narrative is controlled. With the exception of a few regulatory reporting requirements, the process you use to make decisions is hidden, and mistakes can be kept under wraps. In government, performance is everyone's business. Metrics about how much impact we've had, how many people we've helped, and whether our projects have been successful are public fodder, reported regularly to the public, the media, politicians and interested parties writ large. Attempts to control the narrative abound, but the transparency enshrined in legislation requires that every part of your decision process is discoverable by anyone who might wish to know - emails sent, meetings held, even *thoughts you've had.* The Fourth Estate, comprising all media and interested commentators, rightly delight in their access to information, making sure no stone is left unturned and no misstep is left unseen. The pressure this kind of transparency creates is immense, and at worst, can lead to risk aversion and conservative choices from exactly the people we need to feel empowered to innovate and make brave choices. Wondering how your work will appear in hindsight is a powerful driver for mediocrity. ### **5\. Power - Your customers are your boss** Many business leaders have swallowed the Customer First Koolaid. They'd be mad not to - these are the people that pay their wages, after all! Ultimately, the test of whether your business is successful comes down the continued satisfaction of your customers with what you've got to offer. Feedback loops, Net Promoter Scores, customer insights, data and analytics have never been more important and increasingly, decisions about how to align preferences and products are being made by AI and algorithms that write ads, create personalised journeys and tweak product offerings. Despite all this consumer power, assessments about your performance and continued survival rest in the hands of your managers, leaders and governance. Government, however, have an astonishing power differential on their hands. Their ultimate bosses are *elected representatives of their customers.* It's a bit like if your customers unionised, and then held a coup to take over your company Board. The landscape is far murkier than a collated NPS, however - because the people representing your customers are also held in deep suspicion by those who elected them. As a public sector leader, you're answerable to the unionised power structure, while also trying to communicate directly with the people you serve - on the understanding that they might have different needs and motivations than the people elected to represent their interests. Navigating this ambiguity means selling the union back to the customers, representing the customers to the union... and potentially being mistrusted and punished by both. ### 6\. Process - Decisions are a team spot Collaboration is the tool du jour. Every man and his dog (*or woman and her... cat?*) are directed to co-create, co-design and co-deliver - but in business, this mostly a nice to have. Sure, you need to consult, engage and motivate your people, but ultimately, what you say, goes. The Board and Executive have the final say and that's that. In government, you're legally required to make decisions in concert with others. That might include other service providers, citizen representatives, and the direct beneficiaries themselves. Your decisions need to be made in collaboration, while also being lambasted for the slow pace and administrative complexity at which they're made. The bloated systems and inefficient iterations required to do this with integrity are democracy-critical, yet they create inherent tensions and make it more difficult to get anything done. Which, as read above, then leave you vulnerable to criticism and discontent. It's a no win. ### 7\. Politics - Life-cycles are uncertain Government leaders straddle a fascinating middle-space between objective advice, socially motivated decisions and politically-directed strategy. Every 3-4 years, your masters swoop in with fresh thinking, new ideas and new priorities, motivated by election cycles, public interest and unfolding issues. The implications these cycles can have for long-term programmes of work should not be understated, with leaders tasked with trying to future-proof their projects, repackage them in ways that appease political agendas and hold their continued survival lightly - while also keeping large teams of people motivated to deliver. Yikes. ### **In Summary** Running a country is not the same as running a business. If any of the services delivered by government were even remotely profitable, we wouldn't need government in the first place - the market would swoop in. While businesses are powered by competition, government occupies the space in our society that nobody else will fill. Roads, libraries and social services are the backbone of a functioning economy, and make it possible for businesses to do the work they do - but their provision will always be imperfect, inefficient and prone to error. Providing those services inside a healthy democracy asks us to be slow, consultative, forward-thinking and politically flexible. Ultimately, it's a meaningful job, that's extremely hard to do well. Public sector leaders are motivated by good, constrained in a myriad of ways and criticised at every turn. With all of these factors in mind, perhaps we should be grateful that anything manages to get done at all. Next time you go to take a stab at your local bureaucrat, it might pay to keep these 7 Ps in mind. ### 5 things you should know about clarity URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/5-things-you-should-know-about-clarity/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:53:53.000Z #### 1\. Clarity is the product of confusion. You don't understand what really matters until you've been distracted by the things that don't. You don't join dots, see how things connect or put things into perspective until you've experienced the consequences of mismatch, distraction, disorder and frustration. Clarity is on the other side of confusion, but only if you keep going. **Get busy.** #### 2\. Clarity is theconsequence of purpose. If you don't know what you really want, all paths are equal. There is a compelling case to be made for every alternative you are currently considering - but all that counts is the difference you want to make. Don't ask others what they think, they can't see inside your heart, feel the pull in your gut or hear the whisper in your ear. Protect your fire fiercely, and only allow those who will cup your flickering flame inside the circle. **Be brilliant.** #### 3\. Clarity is theenemy of choice. You have more options than you can possibly know what to do with. Every day you will be tempted by distraction, opportunity and challenges that won't deliver progress or growth. Every day you will question your motives, logic and capability. Every day you will be asked to recommit to what drives you, and trust the decisions you've made. Every day you do that, the proliferation of misaligned choices weakens in power. **Be brave.** #### 4\. Clarity is the mother of invention. The clearer your path becomes, the more steps become visible. With every step, the fog lifts a little further, and the journey seems longer, harder and more treacherous. When you fight for clarity, your options will narrow - but when you commit to it, possibilities expand more fully than you could possibly imagine. You'll feel like you have more work ahead of you than ever before - and you'll be ready to tackle every bit of it. Clarity opens doors you didn't know existed. Walk through them. **Be bold.** #### 5\. Clarity is the rejection of fashion. Commitment is no longer in vogue. Deadlines have compressed, marriages are struggling, and tenure is an artefact of history. Most people fear being trapped, stuck and left behind while the world stumbles from one temporary crisis to another. Clarity gives you the ultimate freedom to prioritise your values over what's in vogue, find meaning in madness and choose fulfilment over fashion. **Be better.** A ### Leadership is contagious: bring the right energy URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/leadership-is-contagious-bring-the-right-energy/ Last updated: 2025-10-04T21:27:38.000Z Your team can smell your fear. Not only that - they can catch it. In 2008, some clever researchers with strong ick-tolerance went about collecting sweat pads. They taped absorbent pads to the armpits of 20 people - first, as they ran on a treadmill, then when they took their first ever skydive. They then had volunteers smell the results, without telling them why. The results were staggering. When volunteers smelled the skydiving sweat pads, the parts of their brains associated with fear lit up. They literally *inherited* skydiving jitters, by smelling the sweat of people who were scared. I learned about this from Vanessa Edwards' viral Ted Talk: [You Are Contagious](https://www.scienceofpeople.com/ted/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), which I watched with a team I was coaching this week. As Edwards' explains: our emotions, facial expressions and fears aren't just more obvious than we realise, but they have a powerful impact on others. The energy you bring to a room as a leader is visible, powerful and contagious - which is a huge responsibility. If you're cynical, disengaged, nervous or uncertain, your teams will be too. Think about that when you show up today. Are you bringing an energy you'd like others to be infected by? A ### Alicia McKay MC Reel URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/alicia-mckay-mc-reel/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:27:54.000Z _No content available._ ### How I stopped scoffing at "leadership" 🙄 and became slightly less of a jerk URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-define-leadership-in-the-real-world/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:55:38.000Z I actively avoided using the word leadership in my business until just a few years ago, preferring to keep our work under the banner of "strategy and change". I thought it was all theoretical fluff, and fancied that I was getting on with the actual, meaningful work. ## Five realisations about leadership Over time, I grew up, got over it and realised a few things. ### 1\. Strategy has a short shelf-life without capable leaders to implement it. As soon as something shifted in the wider operating environment, I'd get an email asking for a strategy refresh. Sticking to my strategy knitting created learned helplessness with clients who struggled to keep momentum. ### 2\. Leadership and accountability go hand in hand. Senior teams are the ones charged with setting direction and making it happen. As soon as I added accountability coaching to my strategy programmes, implementation shot up. ### 3\. Leaders make the decisions - but they're not taught how. My next step was to build "learning and capability" into strategy work (I know, I know. I was allergic, OK.) Beyond facilitating and coaching, I taught people the process behind the decisions we were making, and left them with tools to use as things changed (because we knew they would.) ### 4\. We need leaders who create the conditions for change. People love change and growth. But they need direction and reassurance to feel safe trying it - a lot more than those in power often realise. So we started running change accelerators, bringing in people from across the business to learn new skills and apply them to sticky challenges. We sped up implementation of high-level strategy from months to weeks! But without leaders who understood their role was to create those conditions, it wouldn't have happened. Leaders are in charge of role modelling, support and empowerment - in that order. ### 5\. Making strategy real is leadership It wasn’t until I rebuffed an enquiry to run some leadership training (my response was something pithy like “Pfft, we don’t do fluff, we actually do the work”) that a frustrated client pointed out that making strategy real wasn’t the opposite of leadership – it *was* leadership. Seeing a better future and going there... that's what leaders do. But most of the skills we need (perspective, decision-making, systems thinking, flexibility) were being treated as inherent traits, not learned skills. I capitulated, and started to reclaim the dirty word. I realised that the stuff I knew about and helped people with had been leadership all along. It isn't the terminology that's the problem. It's that the things we're teaching people don't line up with the skills we need the most. So I got over myself, threw myself into research and built the programme people needed. ## Leadership is virtuous action A quick Google will give you more leadership quotes than you can shake a stick at. From the In my work, we define leadership like this: > A leader is someone who turns virtuous intentions into visible action. You don’t need to be a chief executive, run a large team, or head up a country to be a leader. You don’t need to have a large following or a senior position. You don't need to be a people manager. You need to care about doing worthwhile things, and do them. You need to make decisions about things that you care about, and take visible action on them. You need to make decisions about things that you care about, and take visible action on them. Whether you do that at home, at school, with your friends or at work is less important. What counts is taking action on your values and making it possible for others to do the same - through your example, your support or your empowerment. Sometimes that means creating something new and different, while other times it means supporting the work of others. In all cases, it means doing the right thing, and helping others do that too - by watching you, working with you or benefiting from the conditions you've created. The golden thread is values. Leaders know what they stand for, and they act accordingly. ## Leadership is not about people or power If you're making decisions, taking action or leading others down a path that are not congruent with your values, that is not leadership. Here are a few other things that are not leadership: - **Popularity** \- You don't have to be a charismatic extrovert to be a leader. - **Power -** You don't have to hold role, title or status to be a leader. - **Manipulation** \- You don't have to convince or persuade people of things to be a leader. - **People management** \- You don't have to manage people to be a leader. - **Task management** \- You don't have to manage tasks to be a leader. Sometimes, leaders have or do those things. Sometimes, they don't. But those are not the defining characteristics of leadership. Those characteristics are intentional values and visible action. The two go hand in hand, and you're not a leader without both. Most people have values or things they care about, but they don't make those visible to others or bring it into their work. Others have great ideas and good intentions - but no follow-through. Lots of people are taking visible action too, but it isn't necessarily values-led. Which, by the way, is totally fine. People are great and if they're not changing the world, it isn't because they're bad people. It's more likely they haven't set the intention or thought much about it, especially at work. They do what they need to, and focus their discretionary energy elsewhere. That's cool. It's totally fine. ...It's not leadership, though. ### Good news, fellow cynics! The good news is: anyone can be a leader , though not everyone will be. If you care and you take visible steps toward making good things happen, with or without the involvement of others... you are a leader. So if you've found yourself allergic to yet another corporate buzzword - don't panic. You can give this one a pass. In fact, if you think this title isn't for you, because you're too busy getting on it. If you brush off the idea of leadership, because it's the work and the impact you really care about... I'd say you might be one already. ### The problem with authentic leadership URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-problem-with-authentic-leadership/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:37:06.000Z Authenticity is all the rage right now. Companies are proudly proclaiming how inclusive they are: "bring your whole self to work!" they're shouting, "you can be yourself here!" Their websites say one thing, but some Wednesday Wonder results from earlier in the year told a slightly more nuanced story. While most of you were on the more authentic end of the spectrum, there was still some uncertainty about being truly real... and some unresolved questions. ## Authenticity is a privilege One of those questions is around power and privilege. It's one thing to admit the trashy shows you watch on TV, or your weird penchant for house plants. It's quite another to discuss your polygamous marriage, upcoming top surgery or nihilistic political beliefs. Authenticity still has some fairly clear boundaries, and they're mostly ones that support dominant ideas about people and society - and by extension: culture, race, gender, sexuality, power and class. [This Ted Talk by Jodie-Ann Byre](https://www.ted.com/talks/jodi%5Fann%5Fburey%5Fthe%5Fmyth%5Fof%5Fbringing%5Fyour%5Ffull%5Fauthentic%5Fself%5Fto%5Fwork?language=en&utm%5Fsource=hs%5Femail&utm%5Fmedium=email&%5Fhsenc=p2ANqtz-840OAPODyf3CEW1ue%5Fd7ClQ0RQ4U295lSUkMykddSq1bscd8fUzdZxlU4I7Gvpstusl5lQ) does a better job than I can of laying some of this queasiness bare, confronting how embedded and systemic racism makes true workplace authenticity a rarity for women of colour. For people who are used to 'passing' as something more socially acceptable, authenticity claims are little more than a reminder that they don't truly fit the mould. ## Authenticity requires power Taking another look at those Wednesday Wonder results with this lens exposes some interesting findings. The most common things we're holding back on are *our true opinions about decisions and conditions in the workplace*. We didn't mind baring our personality quirks, but we weren't going to make career limiting comments - especially when we didn't hold the power. I've been thinking about this in relation to my work and life. It's relatively easy for me to be proudly bold and authentic, at least these days. I'm self employed, I have a public platform, and I'm not living hand to mouth, hoping to stay on the good side of my boss for when my kids are off sick or I need overtime to cover an unexpected bill. If I was, I'd be keeping my head down and my grumbles to myself. ## True authenticity needs space for unheard voices Without power, we cannot be truly authentic. When the potential costs of exposing some parts of your life are too high, or the fallout from challenging decisions at work is too risky, everybody loses. We collectively *need* to hear these voices. Firstly, these are often the voices most affected by change and decisions. Secondly, and by extension, these are often the voices with the fresh perspectives that challenge the status quo. - How do we make space for - and *elevate* \- the voices and opinions we aren't hearing? - How do we make it safe, necessary and *celebrated* to be honest about who we are and what we think? I don't have the answers here, but I'm increasingly confident that authenticity and expression cannot be separated from conversations around inclusion and equality. ### Play the long game resource pack URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/play-the-long-game-resource-pack/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T13:47:08.000Z ### Inside, find guidance and resources to help you play a longer game. In this free workbook, you'll find tools to: - Get perspective on your current challenges - Define a bigger purpose for your life - Identify new activities to broaden your horizons - Set new intentions and build better habits. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### How to make habit change easier: put a tomato on your cracker URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-make-habit-change-easier/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:19:11.000Z Driving to Palmerston North a couple of years ago, a good friend of mine was explaining what they'd learned in yoga about habit change. "*If you want to stop eating so many carbs*," he explained "*you need to start by adding more of what you want, not depriving yourself.*" "*Rather than trying to quit crackers, start by adding, say, a cherry tomato. Eventually you'll just have the tomato and not feel bad about anything."* When people get burnt out and look at a long list through the bleary eyes of overwhelm, the usual advice is to... delegate more, take some things off the agenda, draw a line through lower priority tasks, etc. But if you're an adder by nature, odds are, you're just going to fill that space straight back up! Before you start looking for things to take *off* the list, think about what you want more of. If you want more time with your kids, that's great motivation to stick around longer at the table in the evening and leave the dishes. Far better than "relax housework standards." If you love team meetings, but hate performance reviews, focus on connecting with your team and put more of that into your life before you worry about how you'll measure them on paper. Put a tomato on your cracker. ### Dairy Womens Network, Online, April 2022 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/dairy-womens-network-online-april-2022/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T05:06:21.000Z [Alicia McKay - LIVE WEBINAR - Dairy Women’s NetworkTuesday 5 April – PLEASE NOTE: THIS WEBINAR WILL NOT BE RECORDED, IT IS A LIVE KEYNOTE SESSION. We’re excited to be taking our conference keynote speaker, Alicia McKay, online! Alicia is a straight-talking strategist. Tackling the tricky stuff in life, work and leadership, Alicia McKay doesn’t waste time with buzzwords. A leading expert in \[…\]![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/favicon-300x300.png)Dairy Women's Network![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/DWN-Work-Safe-Alicia-McKay-Webinar_FBEE.png)](https://www.dwn.co.nz/events/alicia-mckay-live-webinar/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Are we all just hermits now? Thoughts on social habits and staying home. URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/social-habits-why-its-ok-to-stay-home/ Last updated: 2025-10-04T21:20:37.000Z You heard it here first kids, the latest thing is... staying home. I know, I can hear you. "*Alicia, lockdown is SO 2020/21\. We're not about that life anymore. The odd mandatory isolation, sure, but we go out now. Offices, cities and stuff*." Except... maybe you're not saying that. Maybe, instead, you breathed a deep sigh of relief when I said we're still into staying home. If you're anything like 89% of the people I asked this question on LinkedIn, you might be feeling like a bit of a hermit. Check out these results after just a few hours! ![1 (1)](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/1%20(1)-2.png) ## Time got weird I've spent much of the last year (or three?) in a beige fugue state, but I've recently realised that I'm not the only one. Everyone I've asked about this has admitted, somewhat guiltily, to a similar vibe. Many of us have spent months, if not years, enjoying the comfort of home and wondering what happened to our old selves. My friend Glenn and I played detective over brunch recently, trying to fill in the gaps. "How long has it been since we hung out? Have I seen you this year? Hold on, was it... JUNE?!" Time's been a bit like that. Weeks or months go by, and if someone asks what I've been up to, I go blank, trying to think of something. Well, something other than "I don't know. I went to a meeting and had a shower. I think I read a book. Then six months went by?" ## You're not weird Feeling weird is painful. The threat of exclusion activates the same brain circuits as physical pain, because we're wired to feel part of a group - even if we'd rather do that from a distance. The good news is: you are part of the group. If you've been feeling a bit hermit-y, you can count yourself amongst an overwhelming majority right now. Resting and recalibrating at home while the world has become a tricky, murky place is a sensible response. Between lockdowns, isolation, fear of sickness, new working norms, awkward social interactions and new hobbies and interests... why wouldn't you feel like this? It's not just sensible. For many of us, it has been truly joyful. ## It's fine None of this means you have a problem. There are some interesting questions for us to start asking about what this might *mean* \- for civic engagement, urban centres and social habits - but I can tell you there is nothing wrong with you. After years of trying to overcome, discipline, or ignore most of my physical impulses, I've finally started listening to my body. Whether I was training for marathons, fighting off a cold, or resisting a sugar craving, I spent almost all of my life up until now assuming that *what I desired must be wrong.* It's only in the beige-ness that I've started to first listen to what I feel and then trust it. If I feel tired and reclusive, I lean into that vibe and trust I'll want social time again when it's right. Lo and behold, I was out laughing and drinking espresso martinis last Saturday, which seemed unheard of a few weeks prior. If I feel sick or unmotivated, I do my best not to be punitive or fearful about it. I trust that my creativity, purpose, and passion will reignite soon, and in the meantime, I go with what my body is asking for. Sure enough, when the guilt and obligation are removed from the equation and I simply relax, new inspiration and excitement start bubbling up - i.e., the Alicia McKay Show! - and without me having to self-flagellate to get there. Who would have thought?! ## Trust yourself I don't have the answers, and I don't know what's coming next, so maybe this is a phase. Maybe this is you now. Maybe you've lost your identity, but it's on its way home. Maybe you're getting a new one. Maybe it's just having a nap. You probably don't know yet and probably don't need to. Just don't spend even one second feeling guilty, ashamed or frustrated about any of the choices you've made throughout the last couple of years - socially, professionally, financially, personally, any of it. You're doing great, Nikki. You'll figure it out. You will give yourself what you need when you need it. Trust that if your body whispers, "*I'm tired,"* it is tired, and you need to rest. Trust that if you want to stay home for a bit longer, that's what you need, and you'll go out when it's right for you. Trust yourself. TL;DR: COVID was weird, time got weird, we felt weird, and now most of us are hermits. There's nothing wrong with it; we'll work it out as long as we trust ourselves. ### SKY TV Interview: Post pandemic leadership skills URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/post-pandemic-leadership-skills/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:28:01.000Z Alicia McKay features on SKY News Australia to discuss her new book and the importance of flexible leadership in companies and communities during and following the COVID-19 pandemic. ### Thrive TV with Lauren Parsons URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/thrive-tv-with-lauren-parsons/ Last updated: 2025-10-15T23:32:57.000Z [https://laurenparsonswellbeing.com/item/thrive-tv-056-boundaries-with-alicia-mckay/](https://laurenparsonswellbeing.com/item/thrive-tv-056-boundaries-with-alicia-mckay/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) **In this episode:** 1. Take response-ability 2. Choose guilt over resentment 3. Guilt is selfish, but boundaries are generous ### How to make your problems useful URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-make-your-problems-useful/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:19:57.000Z There's no way to avoid problems, I'm afraid. Problems are like cockroaches and glitter: even when the world ends, they'll still be there. The best you can hope for is to progressively [upgrade the problems you face](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/upgrade-your-worries-reduce-anxiety-about-your-life-choices-2/) to better ones as you grow. Worried about your big project going over deadline? Awesome, remember when you worried you'd never get it funded? Upgraded problem, ready to solve. Worried about your work/life balance? Awesome, remember when you were worried you wouldn't have a family? Or when you were unsure you'd find a job you enjoyed? Upgraded problem, at your service. Worried about interest rates? Awesome, remember when you were worried about saving enough for a deposit on your first house? Upgraded problem, here we go. You get the point. The best thing to do with problems, aside from be grateful for them, is to treat them the same way [we treat mistakes](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-get-better-at-making-mistakes/): as useful devices for growth. The most obvious way to do that is to learn from them. But there's other options too, like... - Seizing the opportunity to ask bigger questions and re-examine your goals and motives - Developing new skills and capabilities that you will draw on next time you're faced with something similar - Building relationships with others by asking for help, guidance or collaboration. And of course, my personal favourite: - **Use the problem to serve others.** I like making sense of problems through writing, blogging, training and speaking because that way, other people can benefit from them too. I get a fresh perspective on my thinking, and my audience or students have an opportunity to poke, learn, ask questions and grow together. Win/ win! How can you, as a leader in your peer group, community, family, team, or organisation, make your problems more useful? Can you learn from them, develop new skills, build new relationships, ask bigger questions, or serve others? Til next week. A ### How to be a strategist: 3 things to do today URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-be-a-strategist-3-things-to-do-today/ Last updated: 2025-10-04T23:26:40.000Z I've been thinking again about how to answer the dreaded BBQ question - you know, the one: "So, what do you do for work?" Ugh. Even after all these years, I'm terrible at answering. "Ah, I'm like an author, um, speaker, sort of a consultant, but not really, um..." Does anyone else hate answering that question? I'm still working out how much detail to provide, and I always get it slightly wrong. Not here, though. Here, you know what I mean when I say I'm a **strategist**. \*puffs up chest proudly\* But here's the thing: *that doesn't make me special at all.* You're all strategists, too. Everyone is - it's our defining characteristic. Our ability to join the dots and plan for the future is what makes us human. Spoiler alert: strategy is simple I'm determined to change the narrative around strategy. It doesn't need to be some complicated, jargon-infused world dominated by old white American dudes. You don't need blue oceans, five forces, long documents or multi-grid canvases. But strategy is not much good without strategists. So, I reckon there are three key things you can do to more fully embrace your strategist identity (and none of them require you to have a strategy MBA). 1. Ask better questions 2. Play the long game 3. Have more ideas. ## 1\. Ask better questions When in doubt, zoom out. Strategists are annoyingly curious and ask many questions from a wider perspective. How do things fit together? How does this thing affect that thing? Is this the same or different than the thing we did last year? Why are we doing it like this? Do we need to do this at all? etc. *(Be careful; this one will really annoy people who just want to get on with their lives and uphold the status quo.)* ## 2\. Play the long game Strategists consider how today's choices affect tomorrow's reality. Rather than wondering what will look or feel good in the short term, strategists play a longer game. They know their values and what kind of life they want, and they use that as their lens... even when it means suffering or looking stupid now. By thinking more carefully about how small choices fit into the big picture and allocating time, energy and resources to the things that will make the most difference, strategists have an edge that most people envy. That can be you. ## 3\. Have more ideas Most people have one or two good ideas, then decide. Strategists pull the edges of their thinking a bit further. Masters of a simulation, strategists push harder and ask: what else could we do? What haven't we thought about? What if we did the opposite? What if we had twice as much time and half as much money? Half as much time and twice as much money? What's the worst idea we can think of? And so on. You'd be surprised at the goodness that comes out when digging deeper. Try to devise 10 different options for every challenge, even when they seem ridiculous. Live your best strategist life. ### My top leadership reads URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/my-top-leadership-reads-2021-2/ Last updated: 2025-09-27T02:41:07.000Z I love to read - ever since I was a kid, I’ve spent as much of my free time as possible engrossed in a book. Childhood me would be pretty stoked I ended up writing books! Though possibly disappointed that I’m writing business books and not legal thrillers a la John Grisham. Books remain one of the the most incredible ways for us to grow and develop. How else can we access the life’s work of an expert for less than $40?! Anyway, I digress. If you’ve read [*You Don’t Need An MBA* ](https://engage.aliciamckay.co.nz/books?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)and you’re looking for some more brain-fodder to level up your leadership and you're the kind of person to look beyond the bestseller list, check out some of these titles. All vetted by yours truly. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/namba-model---flex-2.png) ### Flexibility - [*The Obstacle is the Way: The ancient art of turning adversity to advantage*](https://www.amazon.com/Obstacle-Way-Ancient-Adversity-Advantage-ebook/dp/B00IX49OS4/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=1M31RIY294OU6&keywords=the+obstacle+is+the+way+ryan&qid=1651371718&s=books&sprefix=the+obstacle+is+the+way+ry%2Cstripbooks-intl-ship%2C234&sr=1-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) by Ryan Holiday - [*Fear Your Strengths: What you are best at could be your biggest problem* ](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00BQMJ0S4/ref=dbs%5Fa%5Fdef%5Frwt%5Fbibl%5Fvppi%5Fi1?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Kaplan & Kaiser - [*What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How successful people become even more successful* ](https://www.amazon.com/What-Got-Here-Wont-There-ebook/dp/B000Q9J128?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Marshall Goldsmith - [*The Practice of Adaptive Leadership: Tools and tactics for changing your organization and the world* ](https://www.amazon.com/Practice-Adaptive-Leadership-Changing-Organization-ebook/dp/B004OC071W/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=A13G22HA44WV&keywords=the+practice+of+adaptive+leadership&qid=1651371632&s=digital-text&sprefix=the+practice+of+adaptive+leader%2Cdigital-text%2C278&sr=1-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Heifetz, Grashow & Linsky - [*The Strategist: Be the leader your business needs* ](https://www.amazon.com/Strategist-Leader-Your-Business-Needs-ebook/dp/B006ID01OS/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=3E79R5401GUI1&keywords=the+strategist+be+the+leader+your+business+needs&qid=1651371660&s=digital-text&sprefix=the+strategist+be+the+leader+yor+business+needs%2Cdigital-text%2C264&sr=1-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Cynthia Montgomery - [*Turning Pro* ](https://www.amazon.com/Turning-Pro-Steven-Pressfield-ebook/dp/B0087TUM54/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=1O31JH65XUQ6R&keywords=turning+pro+pressfield&qid=1651371680&s=digital-text&sprefix=turning+pro+pressfie%2Cdigital-text%2C239&sr=1-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Steven Pressfield - [*Start With Why: How great leaders inspire everyone to take action* ](https://www.amazon.com/Start-Why-Leaders-Inspire-Everyone/dp/1591846447?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Simon Sinek ### Decisions - [*Predictably Irrational: The hidden forces that shape our decisions* ](https://www.amazon.com/Predictably-Irrational-Hidden-Forces-Decisions-ebook/dp/B002RI9QJE/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?keywords=predictably+irrational&qid=1651371763&s=digital-text&sprefix=predictably+%2Cdigital-text%2C252&sr=1-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Dan Ariely - [*Moments of Impact: How to design strategic conversations that accelerate chang*](https://www.amazon.com/Moments-Impact-Strategic-Conversations-Accelerate-ebook/dp/B00DPM7YE0/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=127Z6QPZYTAGK&keywords=moments+of+impact&qid=1651371786&s=digital-text&sprefix=moments+of+impac%2Cdigital-text%2C241&sr=1-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)*e* by Chris Ertel and Lisa Kay Solomon - [*Thinking, fast and slow* ](https://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Fast-Slow-Daniel-Kahneman/dp/0374533555?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Daniel Kahneman - [*Seeing Around Corners: how to spot inflection points in business before they happen* ](https://www.amazon.com/Seeing-Around-Corners-Inflection-Business-ebook/dp/B07LC98K6Z/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=23AF22CYGX8YM&keywords=seeing+around+corners&qid=1651371821&s=books&sprefix=seeing+around+corne%2Cstripbooks-intl-ship%2C234&sr=1-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Rita McGrath - [*The Strategy Book: How to think and act strategically to deliver outstanding results* ](https://www.amazon.com/Strategy-Book-strategically-deliver-outstanding/dp/1292264136/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=16KY3BEO9HYUV&keywords=the+strategy+book&qid=1651371849&s=books&sprefix=the+strategy+boo%2Cstripbooks-intl-ship%2C241&sr=1-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Max McKeown - [*Creating Great Choices: A leader’s guide to integrative thinking.* ](https://www.amazon.com/Creating-Great-Choices-Integrative-Thinking-ebook/dp/B01N4UBR0U/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=N9TXBDXNOK28&keywords=creating+great+choices&qid=1651371866&s=books&sprefix=creating+great+choi%2Cstripbooks-intl-ship%2C236&sr=1-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Jennifer Rield and RL Martin - [*Rebel Ideas: The power of diverse thinking*](https://www.amazon.com/Rebel-Ideas-Power-Diverse-Thinking-ebook/dp/B07CG9MVD1/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=2ZMRHQLDRV0EV&keywords=rebel+ideas&qid=1651371881&s=books&sprefix=rebel+ide%2Cstripbooks-intl-ship%2C239&sr=1-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) by Matthew Syed ### Systems - [*11/22/63: A novel* ](https://www.amazon.com/11-22-63-Stephen-King-ebook/dp/B005LCYR7Y/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=231CNOKN38N5G&keywords=1%2F22%2F63+book&qid=1651371898&sprefix=1%2F22%2F63%2Caps%2C339&sr=8-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Stephen King - [*Think in systems: complexity made simple: the theory and practice of strategic planning, problem solving, and creating lasting results* ](https://www.amazon.com/Think-Systems-Strategic-Effective-Development-ebook/dp/B081TNPGV8/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=B12NWKHH5WQ3&keywords=think+in+systems&qid=1651371922&sprefix=think+in+system%2Caps%2C307&sr=8-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Zoe McKey - [*Nudge: improving decisions about health, wealth, and happiness* ](https://www.amazon.com/Nudge-Improving-Decisions-Health-Happiness-ebook/dp/B009KERBQI/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=2YCIU8CVZCY4&keywords=nudge&qid=1651371937&sprefix=nud%2Caps%2C267&sr=8-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Richard Thaler & Cass Sunstein ### Performance - [*Dual transformation: how to reposition today’s business while creating the future*](https://www.amazon.com/Dual-Transformation-Reposition-Business-Creating-ebook/dp/B01M7OXGYT/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?keywords=dual+transformation&qid=1651371956&sprefix=dual+transf%2Caps%2C257&sr=8-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) by Anthony, Gilbert & Johnson - [*Atomic Habits: An easy & proven way to build good habits and break bad ones* ](https://www.amazon.com/Atomic-Habits-Proven-Build-Break-ebook/dp/B01N5AX61W/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=2RIUHQ3KJHE3I&keywords=atomic+habits&qid=1651371970&sprefix=atomic+habi%2Caps%2C258&sr=8-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by James Clear - [*Necessary Endings: the employees, businesses, and relationships that all of us have to give up in order to move forward* ](https://www.amazon.com/Necessary-Endings-Employees-Businesses-Relationships-ebook/dp/B0049B1VO0/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=36T3X384KCAI2&keywords=necessary+endings&qid=1651371990&sprefix=necessary+endi%2Caps%2C266&sr=8-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Henry Cloud - [*Essentialism: the disciplined pursuit of less* ](https://www.amazon.com/Essentialism-Disciplined-Pursuit-Greg-McKeown-ebook/dp/B00HELB6XI/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=3IMSA89HG27TI&keywords=essentialism&qid=1651372004&sprefix=essentiali%2Caps%2C255&sr=8-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Greg McKeown - [*When: The scientific secrets of perfect timing* ](https://www.amazon.com/When-Scientific-Secrets-Perfect-Timing-ebook/dp/B075PYPMC1/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=24JRO5APCCYR1&keywords=when+dan+pink&qid=1651372020&sprefix=when+dan+pi%2Caps%2C251&sr=8-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Dan Pink ### Influence - [*Influence: Science and practice*](https://www.amazon.com/Influence-Practice-Robert-B-Cialdini/dp/0321011473/ref=sr%5F1%5F3?crid=13J1VRC6CKKF4&keywords=influence+science+and+practice&qid=1651372043&sprefix=influence+science+and+pract%2Caps%2C250&sr=8-3&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) by Robert Cialdini - [*Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us* ](https://www.amazon.com/Tribes-We-need-you-lead-ebook/dp/B004L622IW/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=2NCODW56SNQD6&keywords=tribes+lead+us+godin&qid=1651372064&sprefix=tribes+lead+us+god%2Caps%2C251&sr=8-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Seth Godin - [*Lead the Room*](https://www.amazon.com/Lead-Room-Communicate-message-moments-ebook/dp/B09NQPZ8FQ/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=2PKK4MSP0CBO9&keywords=lead+the+room+hatton&qid=1651372078&sprefix=lead+the+room+hatt%2Caps%2C248&sr=8-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) by Shane Hatton - [*Made to Stick: Why some ideas survive and others die* ](https://www.amazon.com/Made-Stick-ideas-others-unstuck-ebook/dp/B0031RS2XG/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=3BEYPP5X598G1&keywords=made+to+stick&qid=1651372098&sprefix=made+to+sti%2Caps%2C258&sr=8-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Chip & Dan Heath - [*To Sell is Human: The surprising truth about moving others* ](https://www.amazon.com/Sell-Human-Surprising-Perusading-Influencing-ebook/dp/B009OINFH4/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=133PRB85XOGXR&keywords=to+sell+is+human&qid=1651372116&sprefix=to+sell+is+hum%2Caps%2C253&sr=8-1&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)by Dan Pink ### Endings: letting go of the good URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/endings-letting-go-of-the-good/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:21:33.000Z Last week, I wrote about [beginnings](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wednesday-wisdom/always-be-a-beginner/https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/always-be-a-beginner/), so this week, it seems fitting to talk about endings. Unless you're an immortal with unlimited time, energy, money, and giving-a-shit, you don't get one without the other. ## Good things should end Ending bad things makes sense. Why would you keep doing something that sucks? We might find it hard to leave a bad relationship or job, but we know it's time to change, and eventually, we get there. It's harder to end good things. Henry Cloud nailed the best analogy for this in *Necessary Endings* when he talked about pruning rosebushes. Rosebushes produce more buds than they can sustain and require regular pruning to be healthy and thrive. Cloud distinguishes between three types of pruning. The first is to remove dead branches. These branches no longer contribute and are taking up space that makes it harder for the others to grow. Easy. The second is to remove sick and diseased branches, which are unlikely to recover and are taking energy away from healthy branches. Not bad. The third type of pruning, though, is the removal of perfectly healthy buds. Too many ‘good’ buds prevent the rosebush from totally thriving by directing energy away from the buds that have the potential to be great. Without this critical third type, your rosebush will never be fabulous. Like rosebushes, people produce more 'buds' than they can possibly sustain. We have so many good ideas, potential projects, and plates spinning, and putting some down is hard. They all could be great! Yes, they could be. But they won't be, if we try to do them all. ## Find your zone In Not An MBA, we recently examined the Zone of Genius model, as explained by Gay Hendricks, author of *The Big Leap.* The basic idea is that we want to spend as much time as we can doing awesome stuff and get rid of things we're mediocre at - nothing new there. What I like about this model is how it spells out the danger of the Zone of Excellence. ![big leap](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/big%20leap-4.png) The Zone of Excellence is very alluring. It's often well-paid and where other people would like you to stay. In the Zone of Excellence, you're doing things you're great at, and you're being rewarded for them. So why would you want to spend any less time there? Because it's preventing us from our genius. ## When yes becomes no Every time you say yes to things that sit in your Zone of Excellence, you say no to the space and opportunity to explore options that would be truly fulfilling, where you contribute your unique gifts to the world and feel bloody good about them. We can think of our Zone of Excellence as our metaphorical 'good' rosebuds - those things will hold us back, not the dead ones. TL; DR At a certain point in your career, it's not incompetence that holds you back. It's the trap of your own excellence. So, what perfectly healthy things do you need to prune, to get to great? ### Not An MBA Leadership quiz URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/not-an-mb/ Last updated: 2026-01-20T01:32:25.000Z Take the quiz below. You'll find out how strategic you are, and what strategic leadership skill you most need to work on right now. [Start the quiz](https://aliciamckay.typeform.com/to/awFiHnR2?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Always be a beginner URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/always-be-a-beginner/ Last updated: 2026-08-10T02:00:52.000Z On Saturday, I went to my first creative writing workshop. I walked in fairly confident. I've published [two books](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/books) (non-fiction), and I write daily. I read more books than anyone I know. How hard could it be? My confidence lasted for about 30 seconds. For most of the workshop, I was uncharacteristically quiet, shrinking into the wall behind me to watch the interesting, experienced writers around me chat happily and trade book and character references with ease. From the outside, you'd see nothing but friendly faces and animated voices. From the inside, it was like being in a foreign country, listening to people fluent in a language you've only got conversational aptitude in. Pass the salt, anyone?! Every new comment or suggestion was a fresh reminder of how little I knew and how out of my depth I was. Gulp. I want to say it got easier toward the end, but it got worse first. After a dialogue writing exercise, I winced with embarrassment as the others read out their work - clear, interesting and clever. Their hours of practice and mastery of convention were obvious, and my attempt looked crude and childish. I might be a writer, but in this world, I'm a novice! And it showed. Learning is so much easier as a child. The social norms are clear: you're not expected to know anything yet. People are helpful, encouraging, and keen to see you grow. Once you're an adult, there's lots of bullsh\*t in the way—airs, graces, and egos. The success you've experienced elsewhere follows you around, furious at its irrelevance and resisting humility. It feels much less acceptable to admit your ignorance when you're a grown-up—which is why it's so important that we do. ## Everyone was a beginner once Once you know something well, you become victim to what the Heath Brothers call 'the curse of knowledge'. Essentially, you forget what it's like not to know and downplay the effort and time that went into your learning. The curse can make it frustrating to talk to people outside your area of expertise and make it difficult to connect. In any environment, work or personal, it's worthwhile remembering what it's like to begin - your first day on the job, the first song you learned on the guitar, how you felt when you walked into your first meeting. That simple step toward empathy can open new paths to conversation and understanding - two things we need more of. ## It's easy to stop beginning It's astonishingly easy to stop learning new things. As we get older and our lives become fuller and more demanding, complacency sets in. We speak to the same people who live the same types of lives. We fall into routines: kids, exercise, work, friends, hobbies - and unknowingly shut ourselves off from alternatives. We sit in the same meetings with the same colleagues, and the gap between ourselves and the richness and diversity of the world widens. If we're not careful, we can find ourselves in an invisible bubble reinforced by the news we read, the places we go, and the people we talk to. Unless we push out of our comfort zones and interact more widely, our inner world starts to shrink. Why is why... ## We should all be beginners It's easy to stop learning, but it's dangerous. The world is oblivious to our complacency, and if we don't stay open, it will move on without us. New ideas, trends, and technology rocket forward at a pace, and if we let our lives shrink around our daily reality, it's hard to keep up. As I write in [You Don't Need An MBA](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-dont-need-an-mba-book/), if we don't intentionally stretch, we lose flexibility, empathy, and compassion. We close ourselves off to innovation and inspiration. We get stuck in our ways, stuck in our bubbles, and stuck in our reality, fooled into a sense of safety by our sameness. And that makes it hard to do good stuff. A meaningful life, with meaningful relationships and meaningful work, asks us to be flexible. We must stretch ourselves out of our comfort zone, open our minds to new perspectives, and feel the humility of our ignorance as often as we can. This makes us nicer people, better citizens, and more connected leaders and entrepreneurs—and if that's not a prize worth having, I don't know what is. For my part, I stayed in the workshop on Saturday. Then, I sucked up my shyness and I went to another one, ready to listen and learn. I've got a long way to go, but rather than feeling silly, I'm embracing the fear and being excited instead. There's so much to learn and know, and I'm hooked. I've been writing dialogue non-stop for days, and attempt 275 isn't too bad! By the thousandth attempt, it may even be good. By this time, I assume, it will be time to begin again at something else I know nothing about. **TL;DR We should all be uncomfortably stupid about something new as often as possible. It's good for us and the world around us.** ### 15 signs of a strategist URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategist/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T05:13:14.000Z When it comes to strategy, things aren’t that complicated. I shouldn’t even really have a job. But thanks to a litany of fancy MBA programmes and boring textbooks written by old white American dudes, strategy has become some kind of mystic art. It’s largely dominated by the Big 4, swimming in a sea of complicated jargon and making us all the victim of long, expensive and mostly unreadable documents. It doesn’t need to be like this. You heard it here first, kids: Strategy is simple. ## Strategy needs a strategist But strategy doesn't happen without a strategist. Here are 15 signs you are a strategist. ### 1\. You ask annoying questions When everyone else is keen to accept what’s in front of them and crack on, you’re the one holding up the process. You’re probably asking questions like… - “Are we sure this is a problem?” - “Do we need to do it like this?” - “Is there a better way to tackle this?” My top three annoying questions, inspired by my three children are: - **Why?** \- Courtesy of my 5-year-old, this one is best when asked 3-5 times. There is no easier way to dig below the surface and find the root causes of our problems than repeatedly asking why something is really happening. If you were hoping for a crash course on systems thinking, this is basically it. - **So what? -** Courtesy of my 10-year-old, this is best served with a touch of belligerence. Asking ‘so what’ is all about getting real on impacts and consequences. That way, we make sure we don’t waste our effort on minor things. This one can rub people (and mothers) the wrong way, but it’s important- not all problems need to be solved, and lots of things don’t really matter. - **Is it, though…?** \- Courtesy of my 15-year-old, this is best asked with a dubious, authority-questioning inflection. Strategists know that we tend to make decisions that rest on untested assumptions, and that if we don’t check whether things are true now and again, we get into trouble. *Pro tip: To keep your friends and colleagues on your side, learn when people just want you to listen and distinguish when urgency matters more than accuracy. Your questions can be unhelpful in those times.* ### 2\. You're always thinking about the next step Before reaching the goal you’ve spent months striving for, you’ve moved the goalposts. The weekend before your half marathon, you’ve booked into a full marathon and Googled “World’s most scenic 100 milers.” You hardly notice you’ve run the half. *Pro tip: Start to meditate. Presence makes things more enjoyable. Honestly.* ### 3\. You see angles everywhere Everything becomes part of a potential narrative for you. If you’re in business, you’re considering the USP or commercial spin to outdo your competitors. If you’re a writer, you always think of new headlines or story arcs. Sometimes, you only need one or two facts to string together something exciting and compelling. *Pro tip: Do not shut yourself off to non-conforming ideas too early. Once you’re locked into your own spin, you’re vulnerable to blind spots.* ### 4\. Your mind never stops It just goes and goes. People often ask if you ever ‘switch off.’ And then, when you do try to chill out, the extra headspace seems to unleash little havoc bubbles of new creativity you didn’t see coming. You’ll try to read or relax, but you keep having little ‘aha!’s that get in the way. *Pro tip: Run. It’s tiring. If that doesn’t work, write everything down.* ### 5\. You exhaust people Not everyone has, or wants, a master plan. When you see the potential in everything, this can be very frustrating for your friends and family who just want to be happy with their achievable goals. *Pro tip: Learn to accept where people are at on their journey, and be ready when they are.* ### 6\. You're always running simulations Budgets. Plans. Ideas. The scribbles are many. The ideas are plentiful. It’s not enough for you to wonder ‘what if’, either. You go looking for how it would work and what the steps would be to get there. This is a great advantage because you can turn dreams into reality. The danger is missing what’s right in front of you and failing to appreciate what you already have. *Pro tip: Cultivate a gratitude practice. Journal each day.* ### 7\. You often start sentences with "isn't it interesting how..." You respond enthusiastically to new ideas, often citing something you’ve read or listened to recently. (‘Oh yes! I just heard a podcast about that…’) Your curiosity and boundless appetite for knowledge are beautiful, but risks eye rolls from people who’d prefer small talk. *Pro tip: Know when to put your things away.* ### 8\. You thrive in change When the shit hits the fan, and other people look panicked, you’re trying to keep the glee off your face for the sake of politeness. Change means challenge and innovation to you, two of your favourite things. If you don’t have some change land in your lap regularly enough, you create some. Warning: this kind of preference can be needlessly disruptive to you and the people in your life. It’s also a fast path to stress addiction, which, y’know, will slowly kill you. As my favourite strategy author and buddy Max McKeown famously said: “Change is inevitable. Progress is not.” *Pro tip: Make sure you’ve closed out your last batch of stress before you kick off another. Try not to f\*\*k with things for the sake of it.* ### 9\. You know yourself Strategists have a strong sense of who they are and what they’re about. You have a clear vision and strong values, and you know what you’re willing to tolerate, and what you’re not. You play a long game, and you have rock-solid boundaries to make that happen. Of course, this can also make you insufferable, less fun at parties, and more inflexible than you’d like. *Pro tip: Be open to emerging versions of your vision and yourself.* ### 10\. You love a framework Because you know every impossible-looking goal is just a series of steps you can follow (writing-a-book steps, running-a-marathon steps, starting-a-business steps), you’re a sucker for new approaches and theories. 5AM club? Sign you up! Cold showers? Totally! Lean? Agile? Servant leadership? Sure thing, you’ll have a crack! This experimentation is cool until you become a fickle human guinea pig. It can be a pain for your family and team to accommodate your latest thing, only for it to go in the bin a few weeks later. *Pro tip: Learn to sample principles and small steps at a time instead of adopting a new system every three months*. ### 11\. Nothing’s ever finished And why should it be? You get your best go, and then you get your next go! You’re always optimising, tweaking your website, changing your setup and researching new tools. There’s always a smarter, faster, more innovative way to tackle something - and you love working out what those are. Which is cool, until you start wasting time that could be better spent elsewhere. *Pro tip: Learn when something is good enough and no longer deserves your energy. You’ve got bigger fish to fry.* ### 12\. You can be disconcertingly decisive … especially for big decisions. While you might dilly-dally on generating ideas or working out the right way to get somewhere, once you’ve decided, that’s that. Big decisions like which house to buy, which job to take, or which person to marry happen quickly. (Or, hypothetically speaking, you might spend three months with half a dozen internet tabs open researching a new standing desk, but will launch a new programme after a three-minute conversation and take registrations the same day.) *Pro tip: Keep a trusted truth-teller close by who can tell you if you’re being more impulsive than you realise.* ### 13\. You underestimate your own effort You’re so accustomed to planning, researching and strategising your way through life that it’s second nature now. When people ask how you achieved something, you’ll brush it off or exclaim, “Oh, it’s easy! Anyone can do it!” Which is partly true. But it also isn’t because not everyone thinks like you do. And it wasn’t easy; you’ve just forgotten how hard it was, and now that you’ve reached the end, you’re eyeing up the next challenge. *Pro tip: Take the time to celebrate your achievements and acknowledge how hard you worked for them.* ### 14\. You're incredibly resilient Strategists think a lot about risk, preparing for and expecting the worst. They know failure is part of the game, so they back themselves instead of betting on things going well. Over time, that bet pays off, and you learn that there’s nothing you can’t handle or work your way out of. The obvious danger here is that you can get a bit cocky and fail on a much grander scale than you expected. That’s mostly OK. The more insidious danger of your self-reliance is failing to depend enough on others. Anything worth having is a collective effort; anything world-changing needs other people to be on the journey with you. *Pro tip: Work on your collaboration skills. Impact needs scale.* ### 15\. You're still reading this article If you’ve just read 14 points in an article about whether you’re a strategist, you’re probably a strategist. So, own it. As far as I’m concerned, strategists are the heart of progress. It can be exhausting at times - for you and the people around you - but it’s thanks to people like you that things keep getting poked, prodded and fixed. Who wants to live in a world where the status quo is untested, and nothing new happens? Not me. But then, what would I know? I’m a strategist, too. ### Intangible assets: create business value that lasts URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/intangible-assets-create-business-value-that-lasts/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:27:11.000Z I was listening to the radio this morning when a soundbite caught my attention - a business expert talking about "intangible assets." I've been using this phrase in my leadership training for years, so I tuned in keenly. ## 1\. Businesses are valued differently New research suggests that from now on, business growth will be driven by different stuff. Non-physical things like data, brand, reputation, strategy and content. The logic is pretty clear - while any business can get their hands on the same plant or equipment, they can't all deploy it in the same way. Intangible assets, while a bit unknown and scary, have some real advantages: there's no limit on growth, they're easier to scale, and they're far more flexible than buildings and machines. This will be a scary shift for some companies. Just as the pandemic has shown us - it's only the most adaptive organisations that do well in disruption. Others panic, and many fail. ## 2\. People are valued differently The same is true for us. In the knowledge economy, as we wade through an uncertain transition toward automation and artificial intelligence, how we do things is far more important than what we do and what we know. This is the way of the strategist, and what we teach in [Not An MBA](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). There, we turn the traditional paradigm for education and leadership on its head. While our value in the job market may once have been in accumulating knowledge and having unique technical skills, the pendulum has swung well in the other direction. The UN Future of Jobs research supports this - the most in-demand (and missing!) skills are clear: critical thinking, problem-solving, and flexibility. ### 3\. Know your value Think about the skills you draw on most, and which really make you valuable. Maybe it's your people skills, drawn from your time in sales. Maybe it's your resilience, after a big move in your teens. Maybe it's your strategic outlook, or your knack for problem-solving. It's unlikely to be your Word 95 competency or Anthropology degree. Then, think about what it might take to get to the next step - when the methodology you're using goes out of favour, or large parts of your work become an algorithm... where will you add the most value? Importantly: how can you build that now? **TL;DR It's time to stop accumulating knowledge, and start building the skills that will really set you up for the future.** Til next week, \- A ### Nurture your network URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/nurture-your-network/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T13:48:41.000Z [Nurture your network: How to become an influential leaderAlicia McKay is a leadership strategist who believes that people don’t need an MBA to be a good leader, but they do need relevant, practical skills and support.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/cropped-android-chrome-512x512-1.png)SmartCompanyAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Alicia-McKay-you-dont-need-an-mba.jpg)](https://www.smartcompany.com.au/people-human-resources/network-leader-leadership-mba/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) # Nurture your network: How to become an influential leader Alicia McKay is a leadership strategist who believes that people don’t need an MBA to be a good leader, but they do need relevant, practical skills and support. ![nurture-your-network](https://www.smartcompany.com.au/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2021/11/Alicia-McKay-you-dont-need-an-mba.jpg?fit=733%2C358) Alicia McKay, author of You Don't Need An MBA. Source: supplied. In this extract from her book, [You Don’t Need an MBA](https://majorstreet.com.au/products/you-don-t-need-an-mba-alicia-mckay?%5Fpos=1&%5Fsid=7451c0629&%5Fss=r&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), McKay goes through a vital skill that every strategic leader needs: how to nurture your network to have meaningful influence. ![you-don't-need-an-mba-alicia-mckay](https://www.smartcompany.com.au/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2021/11/You-Dont-Need-an-MBA-_final-front.jpg?resize=1620%2C2441) You Don’t Need an MBA by Alicia McKay. ## Nurture your network We’re living in the age of networks. All of us have them: personal and professional, digital and tangible, internal and external. Understanding your network, your role in it and your personal influence style is critical to be a strategic influencer. If you work your network, your ideas are more likely to be supported by others. You’ll have better access to resources, support and information, and you’ll save time by knowing where to go with tricky questions. You’ll be more aware of what’s going on around you, and you’ll start to get a birds-eye view — helping you spot opportunities and problems more easily. In my work with teams and leaders, I’ve noticed several varieties of influencers: ## The five influencers ### The unicorn The rare influencer, probably in the magic 3%, who seems to know what’s going on with everything all the time and is recognised as such. Unicorns have deep institutional knowledge and they are often the ones to receive curly questions about history or how things are done. ### The other woman An externally facing leader who works in multi-stakeholder environments and makes the right internal and external connections. ### The broker The liaison leader whose work requires them to move between different groups. Often an internal or shared service provider, the broker closes triangles and connects people who should know each other. ### The boss The strong leader who connects people by virtue of their authority and presence. ### The expert The trusted authority who connects people through knowledge and insight. Experts become the ‘go-to’ with strong currency in technical and scientific-based organisations. Influential leaders are clear on which role they play from the list above. Their role might change depending on which network of people they’re operating in, and they maximise the opportunities that come from that. ## Draw the map Not everyone is going to love us, and that’s cool. There are 1 billion Apple users, but only a handful of them sleep outside the store when a new iPhone is released. There are Apple haters, too, but they number even fewer and are mostly listened to by other haters. Most people are quietly supporting the brand by handing over their money, using their phones and keeping their mouths shut. Relationships are the same. When you try to be everything to everyone you risk becoming nothing to no-one. Intentional influencers are clear and honest about who they connect with, and what for. They don’t want to waste time trying to make everyone happy; they focus on making sure they’ve got good relationships in places that really matter. Remember our micro-influencers? It’s all about quality, not quantity. Every leader should know what their network looks like: who they’re connected to (personally and professionally), what the value of that relationship is and how important it is to the big picture. This isn’t grubby, or transactional — it’s a sensible, clean way to be intentional and genuine in your connections. Try drawing up your network map, with a series of post-it notes. On each note mark what the value of that relationship is, why you need to keep it (or not) and how you should keep the relationship going. Think about your most important goals for the future and identify any gaps, or relationships that might require more investment. This clarity should help you make decisions about where to direct your energy, so that you don’t drop important balls. For bonus points, consider the dynamics of each of those relationships, and what each person or stakeholder most needs from you. Influence isn’t just about you — it’s a reciprocal dance that should help everyone achieve their goals by leveraging others’ efforts. For example, the team you manage needs your direction and support the most. With that clarity, you can tailor your communication to be as clear and directive as possible, asking good questions about their challenges. Your colleagues, however, don’t need you to tell them what to do. Instead, they value your perspective, reciprocity and flexibility. For these relationships you should go out of your way to listen, and be flexible whenever you can. The dynamic with your superiors is different again. Building credible influence with managers needs you to establish two-way trust and offer solutions, not problems. In that dynamic, problem-solving positions you as a trusted go-to. Try that same behaviour with your teams, though, and you’re edging into micromanaging territory. Senior leaders need your expertise and insight, so your interactions should reflect that — but flex your expertise with your peers, and you could get them offside. The key is to be as intentional as possible, honouring the time and investment of everyone you’re connected to. --- This is an edited extract from *You Don’t Need an MBA* by Alicia McKay, available now at [Booktopia](https://booktopia.kh4ffx.net/ZdBgJq?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). ### About the author [Alicia McKay](https://www.smartcompany.com.au/author/alicia-mckay/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Not An MBA URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/not-an-mba/ Last updated: 2026-07-25T22:02:57.000Z Not An MBA is an eight-week leadership course turning busy leaders into savvy strategists since 2021\. It is a unique strategic programme which provides a safe space to challenge the status quo, learn new perspectives and connect with other ambitious leaders. Not an MBA has transformed the lives and work of hundreds of leaders across New Zealand and Australia from government, business and NFPs. [Go to Not An MBA ](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Do, then decide: clarity comes from moving forward URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/do-then-decide-2/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T09:18:07.000Z What are you tangled up in knots about right now? I bet you've got a decision weighing on you. Whether it's a job offer, a location change, a relationship worry or a project at work, odds are you're facing decisions. I'm not a psychic, and I can't see inside your brain. I just know that the average person makes 17,000 decisions a day, which can close to double in uncertain circumstances like lockdowns and personal change. When we treat decision-making like a mental exercise, it's draining. We lie in bed at night with thoughts racing through our mind, scribble notes in our notebook and endlessly Google for advice. (If I ever have a team of cyber forensics go through my Google history, I'm not going to come off well.) All good decision processes include action. When we're trapped in our own heads, we're blind to so many assumptions and options. When we expect perfection or accuracy straight away, we can wind up frozen and frustrated. The trick is to try something. When we treat our lives like a series of experiments, it rather than significant milestones, the pressure releases and we can be lighter with ourselves. ### What's the minimum viable decision? Think about the smallest possible thing you can try to experiment with options for your tricky decision. ### How can you fail faster? When you commit a small amount of time, money or energy, you feel better about losing it. Go in expecting it to be a write-off, and be pleasantly surprised if something pans out. ### Take a chance You don't know what you don't know. When you do things, you immediately understand them better. That's why with [naMBA](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), we complete a small project every week to immediately apply what we've learned to our work and lives. All the online article scrolling in the world pales in comparison to an afternoon of experimentation. What can you test out to get clearer on your choices? Til next week, \- A ### Corporate PA Summit, Online, September 2021 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/corporate-pa-summit-online-september-2021/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T05:03:42.000Z Executive assistants are a critical part of the strategic puzzle in any organisation. As an EA, you have an unprecedented view of your business, including how all the moving parts fit together. Strategic leadership expert Alicia McKay will share her insights on how to become more strategic in your work, including: - How to take a more strategic perspective for solving tricky problems - Building your confidence and flexibility in an uncertain environment - How to ask better questions – to get better answers! ### Upgrade your worries: reduce anxiety about your life choices URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/upgrade-your-worries-reduce-anxiety-about-your-life-choices-2/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:17:40.000Z Worries are tricky, because when we focus too much on our own, we forget about everyone elses. Our ones loom large in front of us, while we look on enviously at our comparatively worry-free friends, colleagues, partners and social media connections. Life is full of worries. We can segment them by category: work worries v home worries; or by size: big v small; or by how legit they are: theoretical fear v real and present danger - but no matter how we slice and dice it, we've all got some. ## Everyone has worries I can't tell you what they're worried about (health, kids, weight, job security, money, foot fungus, climate change, cyber crime, elderly parents, anxiety...?) but I promise you they're worried about something. It's important we remember that. Because when we forget, we lose compassion, we feel like a victim, and we can behave like a real d\*ck. Don't. ## Worries are OK. Get better ones. We've all got them, in some shape or form, and there's no escaping them - so don't try. Uncle Bob knew all sorts of things, but '*Don't worry, be happy'* was terrible advice. It's more like *'Don't worry, be bored'* or *'Don't worry, be unfulfilled and waste your potential.'* A far more useful goal is to **upgrade** your worries. I know for a fact that some of my Today Worries are ones that 5 years-ago Alicia would have been thrilled to have. Just get better worries. ## Check your worries. They can turn cancerous. Worries are fine - until they start to morph. If we're not careful, our worries turn into more sinister things. Things like... obsessions. Constraints. Resentment. Regret. This is where it gets dicey. I reckon we need to treat our worries like a mole - checking if they're growing, darkening or changing shape. Because, left unchecked, you might find yourself thinking things like: > "It's not safe or smart to do the thing I really want to do. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing instead." > "*My husband/ wife/ boss is my enemy, and they're trying to make my life difficult. I'm sick of their sh\*t and I want a new one.*" Then we're really in trouble. When we think like that, we start limiting ourselves and treating our one go at life without the care and excitement it deserves. If we're not careful, we find ourselves decades into a career, relationship or situation that we don't feel good about, lamenting our wasted potential and turning our resentment inward. ## Make your worries worth it Nobody gets a worry-free life. But I reckon it is possible to live one without resentment and regret. I can't think of anything worse than facing the end of my life with a list of things I didn't try because I was too scared or stuck. I don't know your worries, but I know you've got some. And I can promise you the following: You're **not** going to retire wishing you'd made safer choices, stayed in the same career for longer or kept your mouth shut more. You're **not** going to die feeling glad you didn't learn that language or instrument. You're **not** going to watch your kids leave home, relieved that you worked more hours instead of hanging out with them while they still liked you. So stop living like you will. ### Phone Calls with Clever People with Shane Hatton URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/phone-calls-with-clever-people-with-shane-hatton/ Last updated: 2025-10-15T23:30:15.000Z **We're Talking About Mental Health.** **Trigger warning:** for anyone that may want to avoid this topic of conversation which includes discussion around anxiety, health, medication and depression. My guest is one of New Zealand's most experienced and successful strategic facilitators Alicia McKay and she is known for tackling the tricky stuff in life, work and leadership. When I invited Alicia to join me on the podcast our intention was to talk about her great new book 'You don't need an MBA'. But as you'll quickly learn in this conversation, mental health doesn't discriminate and it can affect people who we might feel have it all together. Including Alicia and myself. It may not have been the conversation we planned, but it was just the conversation that was needed. Alicia has worked with New Zealand and Australia’s most senior leaders in government, business and community, injecting fresh perspective and sharp insight. She has recently released her second book 'You Don't Need an MBA - Leadership lessons that cut through the crap' because she believes that gone are the days of sitting in a lecture hall every weekend for years, only to find that everything you learned has become irrelevant. For decades, we’ve been training people to become managers and subject matter experts. But to have real impact in today’s fast-moving, connected world, you need a different set of skills. Skills they don’t teach you at business school. ### How to lead when you're worried URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-lead-when-youre-worried-2/ Last updated: 2025-09-30T02:15:28.000Z It’s a worrying time to be in charge. How can you be a successful leader when you're worried about the future? We live in a time of unprecedented worry. Weary, worried leaders are leading weary, worried teams through lockdowns, financial panic, job uncertainty, health uncertainty and a never-ending deluge of organisational and personal change. Hearts are heavy, the future is scary, and you could be forgiven for thinking it’s all too hard. ## The worried leader In 2021, we’ve got more to worry about than ever. Being a leader isn’t simple anymore. It’s not just: “Be good at doing stuff and help other people be good at it too,” like the good old days. Now we’re worrying about things like: - Are we vulnerable to cyber attacks? - How do I protect my team’s mental health and well-being? - Can we pivot to online services quickly enough? - Are we environmentally responsible? - Do we have an inclusive work environment? - Does our organisation need redesigning? - Is our vision clear enough for people and customers to engage with? No wonder we’re tired. But whatever your job title is – Chief People Officer, Head of Marketing, Manager Strategy and Performance – worrying is not in your official job description. There is no prize for a Chief Worry Officer; if you let the pressure overwhelm you, you’re no good to anyone. --- ## How to lead when you’re worried Your worries aren’t going anywhere. The most successful leaders aren’t the people that are the best at their jobs, or who have the easiest run of it. They’re the ones who take stress and uncertainty in their stride, steer themselves, their teams and their organisations through madness and emerge stronger for it. You can’t control most of the things keeping you awake at night, but here are five useful tips for managing the load. ### Tip #1: Set clear expectations You know how you’re worried about how to do your job right now? It’s 10 times worse for people with less control, less visibility and less agency than you do. People are wobbly, and rightly so. It’s difficult to balance caring for your teams and keeping the wheels turning. Blending compassion and empathy with direction and leadership is hard, but it’s a necessary part of your job. In 2021, with staff juggling families, home-schooling and lockdowns, it’s important to be connected, compassionate and flexible. However, a lack of clarity about expectations and deliverables will only stress their already full plates as they try to guess and infer what they should be doing. Reduce the decision load and ambiguity by creating as much certainty as possible. Don’t leave people guessing about what you need from them, the bottom lines, and the scaffolds and guidelines for managing virtual meetings, variable hours and deadlines. Instead, ask them what they need, and agree on what’s expected. You’re not being harsh, you’re being helpful. #### Next steps - Ask your team what they need certainty about right now - Agree on ground rules for meetings, timelines and communication - Readjust priorities and projects in collaboration with affected staff members - Hold people accountable with compassion. --- ### Tip #2: Choose the right outlet When you lead a family, team or organisation, you are responsible to the people you serve. You set the tone. Vulnerability, authenticity and openness are important – but not at the cost of safety and security for people who rely on you for direction and support. You might lie awake at night worried about whether you’ll still be in business next month, but delegating that stress to your employees is not fair. They’re not going to tell you when you cross the line and make them fearful for their security, because they’re worried about their jobs. …but that doesn’t mean swallowing your stress into an internal ball that will eat you alive. Instead, work out the most appropriate outlet for each of your worries and channel them appropriately. You might share existential panic with your best friend, performance insecurity with your coach, financial concerns with your partner and deadline fears with your peers at the leadership table. When they have somewhere to go, your worries become more manageable – just ensure you’re putting them in the right place. #### Next steps - Assemble your personal Board of Directors - Set clear intentions for what you share with your team, and what you share with others. --- ### Tip #3: Get perspective Not all worries are created equally, but when we’re in panic mode or feeling overwhelmed, it can be difficult to distinguish between the truly important things and the trivialities. Every new email can start to feel like a threat, and every minor disaster has the potential to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. The reality is that at least 50% of what you’re currently worried about won’t happen or doesn’t matter that much. You’re overcomplicating most of it, because the boundary between when one worry starts and another ends isn’t clear anymore. It’s time to simplify. You can’t work with what you can’t see, so break it into pieces rather than walking around with an amorphous worry cloud over your head. Write down everything you’re currently stressing over, and sort through it, Marie Kondo style. Use an Eisenhower urgent/ important matrix, score each worry out of 10 or list them in order of significance. It doesn’t matter what tool you use, the key is to use one. Organising your fears makes them far more conquerable. #### Next steps - List all of your stressors and unanswered questions - Sort through them, one by one. --- ### Tip #4: Make decisions When we’re worried, every decision feels heavier than it needs to. With increased uncertainty, our choices seem to blur into one another. Every time we try to decide on a course of action, all we can see are the other things it’s connected to, or dependent on, and if we’re not careful, we end up paralysed. There’s no such thing as perfect information or perfect conditions. The more challenging our context and the more senior our job, the murkier things become and the harder decisions are to make—it comes with the territory. The good news is, most decisions are un-doable. The bigger risk is remaining in limbo and not making any decisions. When we do that, we carry an increasingly heavy mental load, like running a dozen apps in the background. That wears us down, and it's completely unsustainable when we already have low bandwidth. Instead, make small decisions and tweak as you go. As soon you lock in one or two pieces of the puzzle, you’ve got something to go from, and things get progressively clearer. With one thing decided, we can start to take action in other areas too, creating a snowball effect that drives us forward. Don’t panic about getting it wrong – you can change or fix it. Just make a decision and keep going. #### Next steps - Make one important choice right now - Use that as the basis for the next one - Repeat as necessary. --- ### Tip #5: Prepare for disaster Some of the things you’re worried about are going to happen. Many of them aren’t. Other things you haven’t even thought to worry about will pop up, and completely rock your world. Another lockdown, legislative change, a new competitor, the loss of a key staff member, a PR disaster, a big contract that falls through—I can’t tell you what it will be, but I can tell you it will be something. They don’t warn you how much your job will be crisis response before you move up the ranks. In the early stages of your career, you’re completely unaware of just how much drama and disaster takes place around the leadership table – and just how rocky things are. You have a backstage pass now, and there’s no avoiding it. So get ready for more. Instead of trying to predict the future, get prepared. Expect disruption and build flexibility and scalability into your plans and processes. Make it as easy as possible to expand and contract. Sort your risks by impact – not likelihood – and put pre-emptive measures in place. Work out the most critical things for business continuity and shore them up. Most of all, cultivate an expectation of disruption. Rather than being surprised and rattled every time something goes to plan, learn to embrace the chaos. Practice saying, “It’s fine, we’ve got this,” with a confident demeanour, and get ready to say that a lot. Because you’ve got this. --- ### TL; DR If you’re feeling worried right now, that’s OK. We all are. Instead of letting the stress consume you, work on five key things to boost your leadership effectiveness in times of change: - Set clear expectations - Choose the right outlet - Get perspective - Make decisions - Prepare for disaster For more on how you can build these skills, check out Not An MBA – a game-changing alternative to traditional executive education for emerging and aspiring leaders. ### Use crisis to develop new skills URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/learning-in-lockdown-use-crisis-to-develop-new-skills-2/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:22:15.000Z I always have my best ideas on a plane. It's not great in lockdown, I'll admit, but there's something about putting myself in a different situation that brings the clarity I need to solve simmering problems and get some new perspective. I'm not strange, either. (*OK, not for that reason.*) Lots of bright ideas were conceived in unexpected circumstances. J.K. Rowling mentally drafted the first Harry Potter book on a four-hour train ride. Archimedes figured out buoyancy in the bath. Lots of people have chosen to use lockdown as an opportunity to learn a new skill - whether that's baking bread, or knitting. It's a refreshing antidote to trying to do the *same* things under challenging circumstances. The dopamine hit we get from figuring new stuff out is a mood-booster that helps us to feel more capable and in-control, as the world around us feels a bit wobbly. We've been thinking about how best to serve all you lovely mates during lockdown, and how to offer you up bite-sized learning that won't overwhelm you in an already tricky time. *(Also, I've got three homeschooling girls at home who each seem to need 7 meals a day, so my time is a bit limited too.)* ## My learning For my part, I've picked the guitar back up, and I'm busy pulling together lots of exciting curriculum ideas while my brain is firing off in learning mode. I'd love to hear how you're all learning this lockdown - reply, or post on socials and tag me in. Even better, if you've decided the only thing you're keen to do is survive, eat snacks and get through the day... mate, you've got my blessing. Listen to your body, and do what you need. Look after yourself, everyone. Nga mihi nui, A ### Lady Leadership podcast with Sam McIntyre URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/do-you-even-need-an-mba/ Last updated: 2025-10-15T23:19:50.000Z _No content available._ ### The Dynamic Leader podcast wth Shelley Flett URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-dynamic-leader-podcast-wth-shelley-flett/ Last updated: 2025-10-15T23:39:00.000Z _No content available._ ### How to get unstuck: the benefits of getting bored URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-benefits-of-getting-bored-get-unstuck/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:23:22.000Z I like making and discovering new things. It's a bit of a problem, because as soon as I've made something, I'm bored with it and looking for something else to do, know, or create. It's the reason why I get into things so intensely, only to be done with them the next time somebody asks about them. *\*cough\* 120 houseplants \*cough\** When my new book was finally printed and arrived, I eyed it with scepticism. I wrote [You Don't Need An MBA ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-dont-need-an-mba-book/)between January and October 2020, and once it turned up in May 2021, I had already moved on to thinking about other things. We're now taking enrolments for [Not An MBA](https://www.notanmba.com/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), a curriculum based on that book, and I'm already looking for ways to change or adapt it before we've even started! This compulsion of mine is both a curse and a blessing, depending on who you ask. (Try my team; they're having fun.) But there's no inherent value in being static. Consistency and commitment are perfectly honourable until they begin to constrain creativity and growth. For Not An MBA, the mindset shift was when I realised I don't have to stick to what's in the book - how boring would that be? You may as well just read the book! The value of naMBA will flourish as it's imbued with fresh thinking, interesting curation and new ideas that others build on, add to, challenge and enrich. I can't wait to see these ideas take on new shapes and forms as we make something new together. Nothing we learn, immerse ourselves in, think or create ever goes away. Instead, those experiences bleed across borders, inject life into new and dark corners and nest themselves in gorgeous and nuanced ways, bringing value and creativity to even the plainest of pursuits. The same is true in our work and personal lives, whenever we change direction or start something new. Sometimes, we feel needlessly trapped. I hear people tell me that they've come too far to change jobs now. They're too deep in a project to start again or change it, and they've committed too much to their relationship to leave and start afresh. Starting something new looks empty, scary, and uncertain, and it would waste all of the work that's come before. I get it. I've been battling depression for most of this year, and one of the least useful stories The Big D likes to tell you is that you're stuck. That things are hopeless, and you've no hope of changing them for the better. What rot. This is a sunk cost fallacy at its finest and isn't true. Every time you take a new step, you bring all of the experience, knowledge and value from the last phase. You're never starting with a blank sheet. The pages are already full of you and everything that's brought you to this point. You get to choose what to keep and what to discard, curating your sense of self as you step into the next leg of your journey. Don't be afraid to change your life, update your opinions, take a new job, try a new hobby, or buy more houseplants than you can fit in your house. Every new thing you try is built upon what's come before, which will, in turn, seed new life as you encounter new opportunities, build new relationships, and deepen your identity with a richer perspective and understanding. Don't stop growing and changing because you feel stuck. You are never, ever stuck. There's always a way forward, which will be better for the journey you've taken to get there. Do that thing. It's not too late. I promise. Til next week, \- A ### Leading through change: the power of language URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/leading-through-change-the-power-of-language-2/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:23:57.000Z > “Words create worlds” > \- Jonathan Franzen Two years ago, I conducted a personal experiment after reading James Clear's *Atomic Habits*. To be more grateful in life, Clear suggests that every time we say we "have to" do something, we replace it with "I get to." I gave it a go. For a week, every time I found myself about to say "I have to" (‘I have to cook dinner’, ‘I have to pick up the kids’, ‘I have to be in Auckland that week’) I swapped it out for "I get to." ‘I get to cook dinner’ suddenly felt like a privilege. We have the food, skills and resources to create a healthy meal, and I’m home to do it. ‘I get to pick up the kids’ became a lifestyle indicator. I can prioritise my children during my workday. ‘I get to be in Auckland’ became a work variety and satisfaction marker. The difference genuinely floored me and triggered a similar exploration in my work. Could we diagnose different behaviour patterns and thinking based on people's language? It turns out that language isn’t just a reflection of what we think - it’s also a powerful way to shape it. We believe what we say, creating a virtuous (or not) cycle of feeding our beliefs and actions. After months of reviewing survey responses and monitoring people's words in workshops and learning sessions, some clear themes emerged that showed the link at work. Check out the ladder below. ## Passive language You might be familiar with the cliche of being less reactive and more proactive - but reactive gets a bad rap. At least you’re active! Far worse is being passive in the face of change and uncertainty. You’ll notice this language when people slump their shoulders and start to sigh. Faced with lockdown, they say “I just can’t homeschool again” or “I can’t take another one.” This is the sort of language that leads us to defeat. Rather than finding options or looking for opportunities, speaking like this encourages people to throw in the towel. If you’re noticing people - or yourself! - speaking about what you can’t do, try and nudge the dial toward more active language by thinking about what you can do for a quick boost. ## Active language When we’re reactive, we’re busy and overwhelmed. We might be taking action, but we feel put upon and resentful. You can diagnose this behaviour when people talk about constraints and obligations - reactive people say they “have to work from home” or “have to get this finished” - focusing on the external loss of control in their lives. While it’s far better than being passive, getting stuck here can make us feel worse than we need to, robbing us of a sense of agency. To shift the dial on reactivity, focus your language on what you can choose to do. Faced with a lockdown, the proactive person might say things like, “I’m choosing to start earlier so I can homeschool in the afternoon” or “I’m choosing to get all my meetings done on a Tuesday.” The difference is stark, and we see it in body language, too - spines straighten, faces lighten and a sense of control sets in. If you’re feeling put upon and talking about shoulds and have-tos, hack your attitude by verbalising what you can control and choosing to change to start making progress. ## Experimental language The most powerful language we can use is focused on growth through experimentation. Rather than trying to control all the variables, an adaptive attitude talks about what we can learn or try. Faced with lockdown, an adaptive person can say, “I’m trying a different schedule to see what happens” or “I’m learning to be smarter with my time this week.” At this point, we have a strong sense of self-control and no longer feel pulled and tugged by the uncertainties in our environment. If you’re frustrated by your lack of control, let go of certainty and think about how you might experiment. Say it out loud to encourage other people to think that way too. ## Climb the ladder No one spends their whole life above the line - like it or not, everyone feels defeated or overwhelmed sometimes. That’s OK. What we’re looking for is a nudge in the right direction. By watching how we speak - and paying attention to the language of others - we can use our words as both a clue and a lever. Notice how you’re speaking and thinking, and try to move up a single level. If you spend 10-20% of your time using experimental language and more than 50% focusing on what you can choose or control, you’ll notice the difference in your mindset, attitude and productivity in no time. Good luck! ## In summary - The way we speak is a good clue to the way we think - We can hack our language to improve our attitude - Move away from passive and reactive language - Try to focus on what you can - Do, - Choose, or - Experiment with. ### Transforming public legal services with Crown Law URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/t/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T10:43:24.000Z Alicia McKay partnered with the Solicitor-General and the leadership team at Crown Law for a comprehensive, fast-paced Strategy to Action process that challenged deeply held ideas about the future of public law. Hear ### Helping L'Oreal leaders approach change conversations more strategically URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/helping-loreal-leaders-approach-change-conversations-more-strategically/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T10:50:12.000Z Hear why L'Oreal leaders loved Alicia's workshop and keynote on strategic workshop facilitation - and how they'll be working differently as a result. ### Stop telling yourself old stories URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-telling-yourself-old-stories-2/ Last updated: 2025-09-25T10:05:32.000Z In December 2010, I started my first real job out of university. Like any new graduate, I was extremely nervous. Were they going to regret hiring me? Was I really up to the task? As the first in my family to graduate university, I had no idea what to wear, or how to act. I also had a few more responsibilities than most 22 year olds. I was the mother of two young daughters. Bailey, 5, had just started school, and Charlotte was only 9 months old. 2010 had been a tough year. I’d completed my postgraduate study remotely, as a broke single mother living alone. I’d juggled late-night feeds with thesis research, and pushed hard to keep up with my course load, stretch a meagre budget and be a good parent. The worst of it had come in June, when a traumatic tooth infection put me in hospital with septicaemia. My eyes burned with tears and shame as I begged at the local Studylink office for a loan to cover my root canal and treatment, despairing at a lack of resources and support. As I left the office, dental voucher in hand, I made a decision that changed the course of my life and career: I was never going to be poor, or depend on anyone else’s charity ever again... --- The above extract is from a piece I published in [Women's Agenda](https://womensagenda.com.au/business/entrepreneurs/how-a-turbulent-life-made-me-a-great-entrepreneur/?utm%5Fsource=hs%5Femail&utm%5Fmedium=email&%5Fhsenc=p2ANqtz-9DGjM6Q%5FaBeV3iR5Pgosmo6I1GBbdMdOVI59o6sFYi-Pa11r%5FvGG-RNMdrpt5DS0wzUNHW) earlier this year, and something I've been thinking about this week, as I've wasted more time than I should have researching outdoor power tools. I'm doing some gardening at home, and I need to pull a tree down. My first instinct is to go out there and get myself what I need - then I have it for the future, and I can take care of the job myself! Duh, right? Well, it turns out there's other ways to think about this problem. My partner had a totally different approach - *why didn't I ask the neighbour if I could borrow one?* My friend had another - *why didn't I just get someone in to do the gardening, while I'm so busy?* Neither of these options had really crossed my mind. The stories we tell ourselves early on stay with us for a long time. My story is that I'd better be self-sufficient, or I'm putting myself in danger. They're not the same stories as the other people I surround myself with, and most of the time, that's really helpful. - **What are you still telling yourself that you don't need to?** - **Can you speak to someone else with a different story?** - **.... Can you recommend a good line trimmer?** ### Find your purpose: upgrade your inner google URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/find-your-purpose-upgrade-your-inner-google/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T01:50:39.000Z ## Get perspective It feels like our experiences are factual because they’re tangible. If you can see, smell, hear or taste something, it must be real… right? Wrong. Our external world isn’t as objective as it seems. In short, most of what we experience is just a projection of our own sh\*t. Like Google, our mind runs on a series of filters, helpfully sorting through the metric tonne of sensory information available at any given time to present us with relevant results. It's why you've never seen a Skoda Kodiaq until you buy one, and then everyone on the motorway is driving one. You've changed the criteria about what's relevant to you, and your brain is serving you different results to match. This is great if you’re a good Googler and use the proper search criteria. But if your criteria are unhelpful - or worse, if they’re *unclear*, the sorting function doesn’t work. Some things seem more important than they are, while the most critical stuff falls by the wayside. It’s why you get to the end of a busy day exhausted but wondering what you achieved. In *Essentialism* (my most gifted client book), Greg McKeown calls this the ‘paradox of leadership’—feeling overwhelmed and underutilised simultaneously. The thing is, **perspective doesn’t work without purpose.** > *It’s hard to see things for what they really are, if you don’t know who you are or what you care about.* ## Why purpose matters McKeown calls this your ‘highest point of contribution.’ Simon Sinek calls it your ‘why.’ Woke mindfulness teachers talk about your ‘calling.’ Call it what you like. The guts is that the minutiae don't seem so relevant when you’ve got your eye on something more meaningful. Who cares if someone cut you off on the motorway or Ben in Accounting took the wrong tone in his email when you’re focused on building something important? I don’t know your bigger purpose—maybe it’s saving dolphins with self-esteem issues, bringing sustainability into the workplace, or being a present parent. It doesn’t matter *what* it is. It just matters that you have one. People with a clear sense of purpose live more meaningful lives, do better work, and feel better about themselves at the end of a long, challenging day. Purpose isn’t about changing the world. It’s about using our limited time to do stuff we care about. Discovering your purpose is finding the things you care about that are bigger than you so you can do them more. ## How to find your purpose To cultivate a stronger sense of purpose in your life, try asking some useful questions, like: - What do you value most? - What pisses you off? (*the reverse is usually a core value for you*) - What change do you most want to see in the world? - What would you do if you won Lotto? (*hint: you can probably do something about that now.)* ### Get Your Shit Sorted Tour, Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch, July 2021 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/get-your-shit-sorted-tour-auckland-wellington-christchurch-july-2021/ Last updated: 2026-07-23T10:45:26.000Z _No content available._ ### The AM show interview: Missing leadership skills URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/missing-leadership-skills/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:28:14.000Z _No content available._ ### The problem with MBAs URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-problem-with-mbas/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T13:33:03.000Z [https://www.theaustralian.com.au/subscribe/news/1/?dest=https%3A%2F%2F&sourceCode=TAWEB\_WRE170\_a\_GGL](https://www.theaustralian.com.au/subscribe/news/1/?dest=https%3A%2F%2F&sourceCode=TAWEB%5FWRE170%5Fa%5FGGL&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Accelerating change from the ground up at New Zealand Transport Agency URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/fast-forward/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T10:33:54.000Z Converting strategy into meaningful organisational change is no easy feat. It only works when strategy gets out of the meeting room and teams seize ownership of change. Fast Forward streamlines delivery and accelerates progress by changing the way your business runs. Teams identify, own and implement rapid business change - and the results are incredible. Watch the video below for an example of a government team who turned strategy into action with the Fast Forward programme. ### You Don't Need An MBA: Leadership lessons that cut through the crap URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-dont-need-an-mba-book/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T09:45:13.000Z ## About the book MBAs are old news. In this ground-breaking book, leadership expert Alicia McKay teaches leaders to focus on what they don't teach you at business school. Leaders are made, not born. But they are not made in lecture halls and seminar rooms; you don't need an MBA to be an effective leader. To face a complex and uncertain future, they need to get smart, be strategic about the next step, and expand their range. They need paradox: clear values and open minds, high performance and meaningful space, dedication to detail, and a big-picture perspective. They need to ask different questions, design different options, and most of all, they need to do that with others on the same journey. ## Five skills of a strategic leader In this thought-provoking book, Alicia McKay outlines the five skills every strategic leader needs: - How to develop true **flexibility.** - How to make good **decisions.** - How to create powerful **systems.** - How to drive real **performance.** - How to have meaningful **influence.** Drawing on the latest global thinking on leadership, You Don t Need an MBA uses Plain English to demystify the skills leaders of the future need and outlines a way forward; united leadership that focuses on real outcomes, not quick-fixes. [Buy now](#buy-the-book) --- ## Reviews #### Editorial reviews 'In this moment, we need leaders more than ever. But, as Alicia McKay helps us understand, waiting two years for a piece of paper isn t required to make a difference. Start where you are, and start now. ****\- Seth Godin, author of This is Marketing** 'Credit belongs to Alicia because she is actually in the arena. Read this book if you want a down-to-earth, what-really-works guide to leadership.' ****\- Greg McKeown, author of Essentialism** ' What you need \[to succeed\] is a structured way to think about building your career and a good network. This book offers you an approach to building both that is practical and accessible. Most importantly, it's a fun read. ****\- Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor and Just Work** 'Accessible, quirky, moving, funny and, above all, practical and applicable. If you are in leadership or aspire to be, this book should be at the top of your recommended reading list.' ****\- Peter Cook, author of Implement!** ‘Alicia has deconstructed leadership to the point where it’s easy to understand and action. Managers no longer have the excuse of not knowing how to step up – instead, they now have a choice. Read this book and grow… or don’t, and become slowly irrelevant. It should be an easy choice to make.’ ****\- Colin D. Ellis, author of Culture Hacks** #### Media "This really is a playbook for growing leaders. It will challenge you to deeply reflect on your own leadership, to acknowledge where you’ve come from, where you find yourself and where you need to get to. It will undoubtedly prove to be a reliable mirror, a coach and guide for leadership transitions at any stage of your career. You need to read this book. But be warned, it will dare you to lead differently!" [Major Street Publishing - read the full review here](https://majorstreet.com.au/blogs/news-articles/book-review-you-dont-need-an-mba-by-alicia-mckay?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [National Business Review](https://www.nbr.co.nz/opinion/how-to-be-an-expert-in-business/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Your Next Read podcast](https://majorstreet.com.au/blogs/news-articles/your-next-read-episode-3-you-dont-need-an-mba-by-alicia-mckay?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [SkyNews TV](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHQ5UpUz2Yw&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [The AM Show (TV)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IKz1OeKMN8&t=2s&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [The Australian feature](https://www.theaustralian.com.au/subscribe/news/1/?dest=https%3A%2F%2F&sourceCode=TAWEB%5FWRE170%5Fa%5FGGL&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Team Guru podcast](https://www.teams.guru/podcast/episode-171-why-you-dont-need-an-mba-alicia-mckay/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Books that Work podcast](https://www.booksthatwork.co.nz/episodes-1/you-dont-need-an-mba-by-alicia-mckay?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [The Dynamic Leader podcast](https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/shelley-flett/episodes/Episode-65--Interview-with-Alicia-McKay-on-leadership--strategy--curiosity-and-minimising-bulls-t-e1601jb?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Plugged & Unplanned - Booktopia podcast](https://soundcloud.com/booktopiapodcast/plugged-unplanned-58-alicia-mckay?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Lady Leadership podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/do-you-need-to-do-an-mba-with-alicia-mckay/id1496538490?i=1000532688809&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [International Institute of Directors and Managers article](https://www.iidmglobal.com/expert%5Ftalk/expert-talk-categories/leadership/leadership%5Fskill/id131393-future-of-work-setting-ourselves-up-to-fail.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [CEOWorld article](https://ceoworld.biz/2021/06/11/meetings-that-matter-how-to-lead-conversations-that-drive-action-outside-the-room/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Bitbean article](https://www.bitbean.com/ceos-speak/alicia-mckay/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Womens Agenda article](https://womensagenda.com.au/business/entrepreneurs/how-a-turbulent-life-made-me-a-great-entrepreneur/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Authority Magazine article](https://medium.com/authority-magazine/author-alicia-mckay-five-things-you-need-to-be-a-highly-effective-leader-during-turbulent-times-d8fb9446fc3e?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [SmartCompany article](https://www.smartcompany.com.au/people-human-resources/leadership/network-leader-leadership-mba/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Leaderonomics article](https://www.leaderonomics.com/articles/leadership/demystifying-the-leadership-skills-of-the-future?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Balance the Grind article](https://balancethegrind.co/interviews/alicia-mckay-founder-of-not-an-mba/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [NZBusiness article](https://nzbusiness.co.nz/management/why-working-harder-isnt-working-smarter?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Thrive Global article](https://community.thriveglobal.com/stories-a-leader-s-must-have-tool/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [NZ Marketing Magazine article](https://nzmarketingmag.co.nz/strategic-leadership-demystifying-the-skills-of-the-future/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Buy now](#buy-the-book) ## About the author ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/10/Web-200817-044-Edit-1.jpg) Alicia McKay is New Zealand's straight-talking strategist. Author, speaker and facilitator, Alicia has partnered with over 120 clients across Australia and New Zealand, and trained thousands of senior leaders, to develop cutting-edge strategies, lead change, and become more effective leaders in uncertainty. In this, her second book, Alicia shares her fresh thinking, irreverent humour, and sharp insight with readers worldwide. Alicia is also the author of [From Strategy to Action: A Guide to Getting Shit Done in the Public Sector](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategy-to-action/) and [Local Legends: How to Make a Difference in Local Government.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/local-legends-how-to-make-a-difference-in-local-government-copy/) ## Buy the book #### Buy in bulk Bulk purchases are available for conferences, corporate libraries and in-house leadership programmes. Email [info@aliciamckay.co.nz](mailto:info@aliciamckay.co.nz) for pricing. #### Paperback [From the author](https://shop.aliciamckay.co.nz/books?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Amazon (USA)](https://www.amazon.com/You-Dont-Need-MBA-leadership/dp/0648980340/ref=tmm%5Fpap%5Fswatch%5F0?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Amazon (Singapore)](https://www.amazon.sg/You-Dont-Need-MBA-Leadership/dp/0648980340?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Amazon (Australia)](https://www.amazon.com.au/You-Dont-Need-MBA-Leadership/dp/0648980340?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Barnes & Noble](https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/you-dont-need-an-mba-alicia-mckay/1139444796?ean=9780648980346&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Book Hero](https://bookhero.co.nz/products/you-dont-need-an-mba-by-alicia-mckay-9780648980346?variant=46724244635884&country=NZ¤cy=NZD&utm%5Fmedium=product%5Fsync&utm%5Fsource=google&utm%5Fcontent=sag%5Forganic&utm%5Fcampaign=sag%5Forganic&gad%5Fsource=1&gad%5Fcampaignid=21840056141&gbraid=0AAAAA-ZTjOQJOtSpjTXfRyIj8JmQ2mOwZ&gclid=CjwKCAjwmdLSBhANEiwAkREMN5PtJ0WXGwTNQZrRh5jh-LRRuPoTndlhrFdfM-GGNamb6MxaIWo44hoCiUYQAvD%5FBwE) [Booktopia](https://www.booktopia.com.au/you-don-t-need-an-mba-alicia-mckay/book/9780648980346.html?srsltid=AfmBOorSZE7Uw4E15BxaWqpbkpBadg8hpVQIKm9p%5Fst9YZSn7uTtNU18&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Dymocks](https://www.dymocks.com.au/you-dont-need-an-mba-by-alicia-mckay-9780648980346?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [Fishpond](https://www.fishpond.co.nz/Books/You-Dont-Need-MBA-McKay-Alicia/9780648980346?utm%5Fsource=googleps&utm%5Fmedium=ps&utm%5Fcampaign=NZ&gad%5Fsource=1&gad%5Fcampaignid=17177494710&gbraid=0AAAAAD%5FdOfpYtKeSAejVAxiQ71gtwGDVF&gclid=CjwKCAjwmdLSBhANEiwAkREMN3mAHIBy%5FoIzsth3eSino%5FlmA0L8nMqSagBKBP2Z8n0Ntc9Tr9mDZBoCIrcQAvD%5FBwE) [Mighty Ape](https://www.mightyape.com.au/ma/buy/the-nile-you-dont-need-an-mba-9780648980346/?srsltid=AfmBOor2et7-MXHDcTbPVnBPsvNHya6a1J7Z04DYxGWiKMVwtC5f5HYW&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) [The Nile](https://www.thenile.co.nz/books/alicia-mckay/you-dont-need-an-mba/9780648980346?utm%5Fsource=google&utm%5Fmedium=cpc&utm%5Fcampaign=pmax%5Fbooks%5Fr500%5Fnz&utm%5Fcontent=pmax%5Fbooks%5Fr500%5Fnz%5Fshop%5Flocal&utm%5Fsource=google&utm%5Fmedium=cpc&utm%5Fcampaign=18143022185&utm%5Fcontent=&utm%5Fterm=&gad%5Fsource=1&gad%5Fcampaignid=17339191357&gbraid=0AAAAADOh6X%5FF0Vsv99DIi9TLVTzgIiI8R&gclid=CjwKCAjwmdLSBhANEiwAkREMNy8QzWZhVqrnKI5QqK4I3oJf1zTmCAqRI6uJMhiFZ-ITbT0-Z8-cKxoCP5YQAvD%5FBwE) [Unity Books](https://www.unitybooks.co.nz/products/you-dont-need-an-mba-leadership-lessons-that-cut-through-the-crap?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) #### Ebook [Kindle](https://www.amazon.com/You-Dont-Need-MBA-leadership-ebook/dp/B094NCZJ8C/ref=tmm%5Fkin%5Fswatch%5F0?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Strategic leadership for the future URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategic-leadership-demystifying-the-skills-of-the-future/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T13:51:08.000Z [Strategic Leadership: Demystifying the Skills of the Future - New Zealand Marketing MagazineAlicia McKay says that you don’t need an MBA to excel in strategic leadership. Rather, these are the critical skills you need to be an effective leader.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/NZ-Marketing-FAVICON-01-01.png)New Zealand Marketing MagazineAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/shutterstock_491114716.jpg)](https://nzmarketingmag.co.nz/strategic-leadership-demystifying-the-skills-of-the-future/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Emerging Leaders Summit, Auckland, June 2021 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/emerging-leaders-summit-auckland-june-2021/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T04:58:13.000Z _No content available._ ### Books that work URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/books-that-work/ Last updated: 2025-10-15T23:44:35.000Z ## Get the 'take 5' summary here: [https://www.booksthatwork.co.nz/episodes-1/you-dont-need-an-mba-by-alicia-mckay](https://www.booksthatwork.co.nz/episodes-1/you-dont-need-an-mba-by-alicia-mckay?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### What's On Your Mind? URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/whats-on-your-mind/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:28:29.000Z Join strategy expert Alicia McKay and leadership guru Digby Scott for real-world conversations about the changing demands on leaders and society - through COVID-19 and beyond. ## Spotify ## Videos Enjoy the recorded conversations. ### What's On Your Mind Season 1 ### What's On Your Mind Season 2 ### Why business education needs to change URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/why-business-education-needs-to-change/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T13:30:10.000Z [Why business education needs to change: the 5 problemsIn December 2020, Elon Musk made waves at the Wall Street Journal CEO summit. Decrying the ‘MBA-ization’ of executives, Elon argued that today’s top leaders spend too much time in front of spreadsheets and in meetings, and not enough time thinking creatively and making things happen. This is a clue to why business education needs \[…\]![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/favicon-2.ico)The Business Woman MediaAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/pexels-pixabay-273230.jpg)](https://www.thebusinesswomanmedia.com/business-education/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Demystifying the leadership skills of the future URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/demystifying-the-leadership-skills-of-the-future/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T13:16:38.000Z [Demystifying the Leadership Skills of the Future | LeaderonomicsBeing a leader is not all sunshine and rainbows. However, that does not entail being a leader is tough; it is a challenge, but it is something everyone can learn and develop further. So, jump into this pertinent article that discusses demystifying future leadership skills and what it takes to espouse a more strategic leadership.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/apple-touch-icon.png)LeaderonomicsAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/pexels_christina_morillo_1181346_216b8f_c9248fea81.jpeg)](https://www.leaderonomics.com/articles/leadership/demystifying-the-leadership-skills-of-the-future?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### The 5 most important (untaught) leadership skills URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-5-most-important-untaught-leadership-skills/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:25:19.000Z ## The world of work is different As the nature of work changes, new technology is introduced, and social norms evolve, we need different skills from our people and leaders. The COVID-19 pandemic accelerated this process as we sprang into action learning to work remotely, manage business interruption and adapt to the virtual environment. The challenge for ambitious professionals is deciding what to focus on if we don't want to lose currency. What skills should we be teaching and learning? How do we make sure we aren’t being left behind? ## We don’t teach people what they need For decades, we’ve followed the same process: We teach people to be operational experts and then give them management training. It's all skill-based learning. But it’s not working anymore. The half-life of a skill has dropped to less than five years, which means that while your typing skills may have served you for life 20 years ago, that new coding skillset will be out of date in a little more time than it takes to complete a degree. Our development pathways haven’t caught up with the pace of the world, resulting in leadership teams full of experts in their field who know how to balance a budget but are battling with the stuff people need from them. Study after study tells us that the strategic capacity of our leaders is the most important determinant of personal and organisational success—yet we aren’t teaching this. ## Strategy is the future of work What we need are strategic skills. Instead of trying to predict the next big technical skill or platform to master, we should think about building the capabilities that will keep us moving forward even when operational demands change. When we know how to think (not what), respond to change, and solve tricky problems, it doesn’t matter what problems we face—we have the skills to fix them. Strategic leadership is all about context. Strategic leaders ask questions like, " What’s going on?” “What does that mean?” “What should we be thinking differently about?” and “What are we not seeing?” Strategic leaders have mastered five critical skills. ## Five untaught strategic skills 1. Flexibility - To cope with change 2. Decisions- To set direction 3. Systems - To solve tricky problems 4. Performance - To make things happen 5. Influence - To have more impact. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/10/namba-model---flex.png) ### 1\. Flexibility To lead through complexity, we need to be OK with change. Flexible leaders know that leadership isn’t about getting things done despite their environment but because of it. They have the awareness, agency, and resilience to withstand pandemics, natural disasters, and technological disruption because they stay flexible with the world around them. **Old question:** How do we manage risk? **Better questions:** - How do we prepare for inevitable disruption? - What did we learn from this? ### 2\. Decisions Making good decisions is a learned skill. Decisive leaders know it’s not what they think but how they think that matters, focusing on providing direction that drives action. They know that no cost-benefit analysis will save them without the skills to capture diverse input and build tolerance for change. **Old question:** What should we do? **Better questions:** - How should we think about this? - What’s the smallest possible choice we can test? ### 3\. Systems Strategic leaders think in systems because they know that successful organisations dismantle siloes and work out how things fit together. Systems leaders don’t settle for what’s in front of them, focusing instead on the messy stuff – context, relationships and dependencies. They stop finger-pointing and problem-solving to pull levers and dissolve issues before they take hold. **Old question:** How do I solve this problem? **Better questions:** - Why is this happening? - How do we change the conditions to stop it from taking hold in the first place? ### 4\. Performance Actual performance isn’t operational excellence or time management – it’s focus. Strategic leaders understand that their most valuable resource is their attention, optimising their environments and teams to invest in the factors that make a real difference. They know there's nowhere to hide once they eliminate distraction and insist on value, quality and accountability. **Old question:** How do I be more productive in getting more done? **Better questions:** - Which activities contribute the most to our big goals? - How do we reduce or simplify other tasks? ### 5\. Influence Influential leaders know that political savvy isn’t slimy; it’s non-negotiable for impact at scale. They know that their integrity, reputation and relationships make the difference. As our environment continues to shift, it will be the leaders who can bring others with them whose ideas will take hold. **Old question:** How can I persuade them? **Better questions:** - Why should they care? - What value do I add? ## Lessons that count In the knowledge economy, we have access to all the technical information and instruction in the world at the touch of a button. If you need finance knowledge, watch a video and get your head around it in 15 minutes. If you need marketing expertise, Google for a freelancer and book the job online. But if you need to understand how best to adapt to your environment, make quality decisions that capture the big picture, drive focus and take people along on the journey… well, it’s time for strategic leadership. Let’s shift the dial. ## In summary - We need to change the way we think about development - The most important skills for the future are strategic skills - Five key strategic skills are - Flexibility - Decisions - Systems - Performance - Influence ### Meetings that matter feature in CEO World magazine URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/meetings-that-matter-feature-in-ceo-world-magazine/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T12:56:26.000Z [Meetings that matter: how to lead conversations that drive action outside the room - CEOWORLD magazineA year ago, James was fizzing with excitement. He’d been appointed to lead a new high visible sustainability programme, along with other key players in his industry. It was a big gig for his new role, and he was determined to pull it off. With a working group of keen participants at the ready, James \[…\]![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/cropped-icon-270x270.png)CEOWORLD magazineAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Alicia-McKay.jpg)](https://ceoworld.biz/2021/06/11/meetings-that-matter-how-to-lead-conversations-that-drive-action-outside-the-room/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) **A year ago, James was fizzing with excitement. He’d been appointed to lead a new high visible sustainability programme, along with other key players in his industry. It was a big gig for his new role, and he was determined to pull it off. With a working group of keen participants at the ready, James geared up for a launch by Christmas.** Christmas came and went, and now, James is practically banging his head against the wall. Every time the working group gets close to getting something done, someone goes on leave, changes roles, or fails to deliver, and the same conversations start from scratch again. A year of work, and he still has nothing to show for his efforts – what is he doing wrong? James’ experience is common. More than ever, we’re asked to work together with people from different teams or organisations. Working groups and committees abound, and change initiatives are constant. But when it comes to delivery, the numbers are dire. Project success rates haven’t improved in over twenty years and the more people we add to the mix, the less likely we’re going to pull it off. The way we make decisions together is a common culprit. Less than 30% of meeting time is well-spent, wasting untold amounts of time and money. And unproductive meetings cost us more than money – we lose trust, drive engagement downward and undermine our credibility with every wasted workshop. Knowing how to pull off a meeting of the minds is a critical, yet undervalued leadership skill. In *Moments of Impact,* Ertel & Solomon argue that leading strategic conversations is the single-most importantleadership skill of the future – and one that very few people are taught. My work supports this. When leaders can run meetings that matter, change gets off the ground faster, people are more engaged in their work and entire cultures transform. ### What are meetings that matter? We have meetings for lots of things. Some are important, while others could be an email, video or shared document. Meetings that matter are a special breed. *Meetings that matter are* *a strategic conversation that drives change outside the room.* They’re often workshops, and are usually about problem-solving, designing or implementing change. ### Why are they so hard to get right? The kind of meetings James is leading are a common sticking point: diverse participants, with competing agendas, trying to design a shared approach to a tricky problem. People are often defensive and reluctant to commit time or money on their organisation’s behalf. Many facilitators find themselves as frustrated as James, when people don’t do what they’ve agreed… or fail to agree to anything at all! They’re extremely challenging conversations to lead, that require a skilful understanding of context, trade-offs and – most importantly – people. ### What should we do? Setting direction, rolling out change, and mobilising action requires a particular suite of leadership capabilities. While technical leadership might work for managing simple projects, it falls flat on its face in complex environments. In rooms that are inherently fraught, knowing the ‘right answer’ can be a handicap, reinforcing existing positions and getting people offside. Instead, our trickiest problems require a *strategic* leadership approach. Strategic leadership is all about context. Strategic leaders ask trickier questions, consider a broader range of options and zoom out further than their technical counterparts. They want to know what’s not being seen, what’s not being said, and what makes people tick, so they can get to the heart of the issue and mobilise people in the right direction. ## Five top skills for leading strategic conversations ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/namba-model---flex.png) Strategic leadership involves five core capabilities – all of which are important when leading meetings that matter. ### Skill one: Flexibility Most assumptions are wrong, most decisions are best guesses and even the most watertight plans encounter unexpected obstacles. Strategic leaders know this, and they’re ready to roll with the punches as everything shifts. Putting aside preconceived ideas, strategic leaders listen and adapt. Rather than aiming for unachievable accuracy, strategic leaders target small, achievable steps that balance performance, people and politics along the way. ### Skill two: Decisions Good decision-making is less about what we decide, than it is about how. Because of their complexity, meetings that matter aren’t necessarily about finding the right answers, but instead about using the right decision process. Strategic leaders don’t rush the early phase, because they know that time spent upfront building real trust and understanding saves time later. They focus on environment, people, attitude and timing, which leads to decisions that stick. ### Skill three: Systems Systems are all about perspective. Strategic leaders steer conversations away from blaming *people* and instead focus on shared *problems*. Zooming out to the bigger picture, they ask what lies beneath and how the puzzle pieces fit together. Strategic leaders know that connecting to people’s ‘real lives’ is the only way to create meaning, so they join the dots between the ideas in here, and the environment out there. ### Skill four: Performance Most change processes get to the agreement stage, then falter. Frustrated facilitators like James chase up, watch deadlines pass, and wonder what went wrong. Strategic leaders know that real performance is equal parts focus and empowerment. They know it’s easy to decide what ‘someone’ needs to do – but harder to spend money, or dedicate time. So, they demand clear priorities and firm accountability, securing personal commitment that creates change outside the room. ### Skill five: Influence Influence isn’t about being popular – it’s about mobilising others to action. Rather than worrying about what to put on their slides, strategic leaders cultivate strong relationships that pay dividends. They go further than their peers to understand their cynics and detractors. They believe in their cause, and use that conviction to build tribes of proud followers, driving powerful momentum. They know that all change is people change – so they focus their attention on how people feel, and what they do when the leave the room. **Meetings that matter drive transformation** Imagine a world where people came to meetings to solve problems without defensiveness, listened without judgement, and shared actual progress? Where people supported each other and found new ways to adjust course, rather than talking about all the things that haven’t been done? In *Meetings that Matter* we call these “transformational” meetings. They are entirely possible, but they don’t happen by accident, and they require skills, knowledge, practice, and above all – strategic leadership. For strategic leaders, a lagging change process is a systems challenge, not than a finger-pointing exercise. A tense room is an opportunity to understand new perspectives, rather than a disaster. A project setback is a learning experiment, rather than a failure. Strategic leaders focus more on what’s happening *outside* the room, than what’s right in front of them. **And when we get those things right, magic happens.** ### Pivoting after the pandemic URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/demystifying-the-leadership-skills-of-the-future-2/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T13:51:38.000Z The COVID-19 pandemic triggered a rapid reorganisation of life and work across the world. Some businesses floundered when their traditional revenue sources dried up, while others flourished, shifting their operating model quickly and nimbly, writes Alicia McKay. The chasm was immediately obvious. While some retail outlets took to the news to cry poor, others got creative with no-touch car park pick-ups, electric scooter deliveries and online offerings. One New Zealand clothing company switched immediately from selling luxury clothing in-store to selling patterns online, supporting new and experienced sewers alike with a lockdown activity — and building their brand reputation in the process. Large-scale social and economic shocks have this effect, acting as a magnifying glass for latent skills and accelerating existing trends. But what is the key difference between those that floundered and those that flourished? At its heart: strategic leadership — our ability to adapt and flex with change, set new direction and mobilise quickly. The strategic capacity of our leaders is the single most important determinant of personal and organisational success. We’re quick to criticise in hindsight when it fails — why didn’t Kodak see the digital camera coming? How could Blockbuster underestimate Netflix? — yet we continue to invest in skills that hold us back, neglecting the things that make a real difference. Unfortunately, traditional executive education is failing us. Leadership and management programs are operationally focused, resulting in leaders who are experts in their field, flat out busy, but battling with the stuff that makes a difference, leaving us poorly equipped to respond when our business model becomes irrelevant overnight. What we need are strategic skills — the capacity to respond to uncertainty, make decisions in a complex environment and mobilise people around a new direction with the support and empowerment they need to make it happen. ## Strategy is the future of work Rather than trying to predict the technical and operational capabilities we need most — coding? automation? digital marketing? — we should be thinking about how to tackle our strategic capability so that we’re OK even when our operation demands change. These are the safe and enduring skills that will serve us regardless of pandemics, legislative changes or new entries to our market. ## The 5 untaught skills of a strategic leader Strategic leadership is all about context. Strategic leaders ask questions like: “What’s going on?”, “What should we be thinking differently about?” and “What are we not seeing?”. Strategic leaders have mastered five critical skills. **1\. Flexibility – how we cope with change** To lead through complexity, we need to be OK with change. Flexible leaders know that leadership isn’t about getting things done in spite of their environment, but because of it. They have the awareness, agency and resilience to withstand pandemics, natural disasters and technological disruption, because they stay flexible to the world around them. **2\. Decisions – how we make choices** Making good decisions is a learnt skill. Decisive leaders know it’s not what they think, but how they think that matters, focusing on providing direction that drives action. They know that no cost-benefit analysis will save them, without the skills to capture diverse input and build in tolerance for change. **3\. Systems – how things fit together** Strategic leaders think in systems, because they know that successful organisations dismantle siloes and work out how things fit together. Systems leaders don’t settle for what’s in front of them, focusing instead on the messy stuff: context, relationships and dependencies. They stop finger-pointing and problem-solving to pull levers and dissolve issues before they take hold. **4\. Performance – how we get things done** True performance isn’t operational excellence or time management — it’s focus. Strategic leaders understand that their most valuable resource is their attention, optimising their environments and teams to invest in the factors that make a real difference. They know that once they eliminate distraction and insist on value, quality and accountability, there’s nowhere left to hide. **5\. Influence – how we impact others** Influential leaders know that political savvy isn’t slimy; it’s non-negotiable for impact at scale. They know that their integrity, reputation and relationships are what make the difference. As our environment continues to shift, it will be the leaders who can bring others with them whose ideas will take hold. *Alicia McKay is the author of* You Don’t Need an MBA: Leadership Lessons that Cut Through the Crap. *She is a strategic leadership expert and founder of the NaMBA program.* ### Balancing the Grind with Alicia McKay, Founder of Not An MBA URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/balancing-the-grind-with-alicia-mckay-founder-of-not-an-mba/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T13:18:14.000Z [Balancing the Grind with Alicia McKay, Founder of Not An MBA - Balance The GrindAlicia McKay is a New Zealand-based strategist, speaker, podcast host, coach, author and the founder of Not An MBA, an accelerated strategic leadership programme.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/cropped-btg-fav-270x270.jpg)Balance The Grindhao![](https://wordpress-328533-4778250.cloudwaysapps.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/alicia-mckay-founder-of-not-an-mba.jpg)](https://balancethegrind.co/interviews/alicia-mckay-founder-of-not-an-mba/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Stop working so hard URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-working-so-hard/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T13:28:37.000Z [Why working harder isn’t working smarter | NZBusiness MagazineAuthor and strategic leadership expert Alicia McKay explains why rearranging your priorities and throwing away that badge of workaholism can help you to truly succeed in business. When I started my \[…\]![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/cropped-android-chrome-512x512-1-180x180.png)NZBusiness MagazineGlenn Baker![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Alicia-McKay-1.jpg)](https://nzbusiness.co.nz/management/why-working-harder-isnt-working-smarter?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) **Author and strategic leadership expert Alicia McKay explains why rearranging your priorities and throwing away that badge of workaholism can help you to truly succeed in business.** When I started my consulting business in 2014, things were tight. I had two young kids at home, a mortgage, and a husband on apprentice wages. Every fortnight was a financial and logistical juggling act as I put in crazy hours to get things off the ground. Fast-forward five years, and we were no longer battling the bank. I had a steady flow of clients and I’d published my first book. I was on the speaking circuit, known for my expertise in strategy and change. So, I should have been working fewer hours and feeling a lot less stressed… right? Nope. It had been a huge few years. I’d worked hard, building a client base and moving to Wellington to be closer to the action. We’d added a third child to the mix and I was working on bigger and better projects. I was working harder than ever. Over-functioning had become my default, no matter what was happening around me. When my marriage ended, I didn’t take any space to recover. Instead, I took a deep breath and faced the pressure head-on, working longer and harder than ever before. By this time, the grit that had served me so well in the early years had made me an insuffer­able control freak. I was a shocking delegator, struggling to hand things over to my team. My inability to let go was getting in the way of building a sustainable business and a balanced life, and as the months ticked on, that fear got in the way of my personal and professional relationships, disconnecting me from my friends, partner and children. ## Let go Little about my story is unique. I work with overwhelmed leaders and business owners with their own version of this journey – where what got them to the top isn’t paying off anymore. It’s true for us all. When we buckle down too hard on our unique skills, those become the very things that trip us up. Business owners understand this better than anyone. We are masters at taking responsibility. We plan carefully, take calculated risks, and put in the hours, doggedly with the faithkeeping the faith that it will eventually pay off. Most of us start from humble beginnings, and we learn early to dig deep and grit our teeth. For start-ups and new businesses, this is great – critical, even – to make it through the dicey early days where cashflow is intermittent and livelihoods hang in the balance. Until, of course, it isn’t so great anymore. The shadow side of responsibility, like in my story, is *control*; the fear of letting go. When we hold on too tightly, and insist on being across everything, we accumulate risk inside our business – not to mention our health, and our personal lives. The dangers are real: for those leading teams, that tight grip creates a bottleneck for innovation. People don’t feel safe getting on with their jobs, much less trying new things and taking risks. Without trust and confidence, people get wobbly and productivity drops off. ### Lead with focus Real performance isn’t about working harder than everyone else or being across more stuff. It’s about managing our energy differently – getting real clarity about what to focus on, and flowing that through to how we spend our time. And it doesn’t happen by accident. As our lives become busier and our businesses become more successful, it’s up to us to take charge of our focus, release behaviours and tasks that don’t serve us anymore, and readjust the way we think about our work and our value. We’re never going to run out of things to do or problems to solve. Every day brings a new torrent of emails to answer, and new fires to put out. If we wait until things ‘settle down’ before we take a hard look at ourselves, we’ll be out of business or in a hospital bed before too long. There is no better time than now to start thinking about what your most important priorities are, what your opportunities are to streamline and simplify, and what you can take off your plate. For many of us, this is a process of *un*learning – letting go of the skills that got us here. If you’ve been wearing workaholism as a badge of honour, finding satisfaction in space isn’t easy. But when you can, you leave a gap for bigger, better ideas and opportunities. ### Track your time You don’t need to be *busy* all the time to add value – in fact, the opposite is often true. Spending a day mopping up $10 tasks is a crying shame, when you could have spent an hour on an idea worth six figures to your bottom line, or nurturing a relationship that could change the trajectory of your business. To move forward, try tracking your time for a week – keeping a full and accurate record of what you do every day. What gives you the most energy and adds real value? What sucks time and has minimal impact on the big picture? Just like a food diary reveals the snacks you’re not fully conscious of, keeping an accurate time and energy diary will show you all the hidden things that creep in and drain your focus. Most importantly, breathe. This is a job that’s never done. But if we regularly take the space to get clear on our focus and priorities, and keep tweaking as we go, we’ll be well on the way. *Alicia McKay (pictured above), author of ‘You Don’t Need An MBA: Leadership Lessons that Cut Through the Crap’ ($29.95), is a strategic leadership expert and founder of the NaMBA programme – a game-changing alternative to traditional leadership education. naMBA teaches strategic leadership, focusing on flexibility, decisions, systems, performance and influence. Alicia also works with leaders and teams to spark strategic shifts in the way they think, work and lead. For more information about how Alicia can help your team visit* [*www.aliciamckay.co.nz*](http://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/) ### Flexible leadership in COVID with Alicia McKay URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/flexible-leadership-in-covid-with-alicia-mckay/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T13:55:57.000Z Alicia McKay joins hosts to talk about the importance of flexible leadership in business, government and community as we continue to navigate the COVID-19 pandemic. ### Alicia McKay: "Flexibility" URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/alicia-mckay-flexibility/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T13:24:49.000Z Flexibility — To lead through complexity, we need to be OK with change. Flexible leaders know that leadership isn’t about getting things done in spite of their environment, but because of it. They have the awareness, agency and resilience to withstand pandemics, natural disasters and technological disruption, because they stay flexible to the world around them. **As part of my series about the “Five Things You Need To Be A Highly Effective Leader During Turbulent Times”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Alicia McKay.** Alicia McKay is a strategy, change and leadership expert — and author of the newly released sensation: You Don’t Need An MBA: Leadership Lessons That Cut Through the Crap. A feisty and inspirational young female entrepreneur, Alicia founded her consulting practice at just 25, with two young daughters in tow. She works with New Zealand and Australia’s most senior leaders in government, business and community to develop cutting-edge strategy and build leadership capability. Alicia founded the Meetings that Matter facilitation method, and the naMBA executive programme. She is the co-host of the What’s On Your Mind podcast and has authored two books. Known for her trade-mark no BS delivery style, our interview with Alicia is no exception! Read on to understand how a teen mother and foster kid went on to became a rising star in corporate strategy and leadership world. **Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’ and how you got started?** Of course! Would you like the personal story, or the professional one? The professional one is reasonably boring. I started my career as a policy analyst and strategic advisor, working in-house in local government. Then, I jumped ship to the private sector and worked and as a management consultant to develop strategies, policies and plans for investment for companies and government agencies across the board. I did all the right things, got all the right accreditations and wrote all the right reports, and I was good at my job… but something just didn’t click right. Everything seemed to take a long time, cost a lot of money, and have a slow payoff. I found myself often watched in frustration as things weren’t implemented and people went around in circles, unsure about how to make a decision — and then how to make it stick. I’m not a particularly patient woman, or a very compliant employee, so I left employment pretty early on, when I was 25 years old. It was a pretty risky decision! My husband was an apprentice builder, and we had two young kids and a mortgage to pay at that point. But I really believed I could do things better on my own, and I was ready to take the risk. I threw myself head-first into learning everything I could — tailing successful consultants to see what worked and what didn’t, travelling across New Zealand and Australia to do specialist training and get different accreditations, and reading everything I could get my hands on. After a few years cutting my teeth working with “approved” methods, I eventually got serious about building my own way. It wasn’t easy — I drank a lot of coffees and had a lot of sales meetings that went nowhere, but eventually I started to get some traction. We moved cities, and I wrote and self-published my first book, and then things started to shift. For the last couple of years, I’ve been riding that wave and taking all my strategy and change experiments and expertise and channeling that into the people stuff — leadership. It doesn’t matter how great our processes are, if the people who are in charge of making it happen are missing key skills. I noticed that things would be fine while I was involved, but tended to die a few months after I left because people didn’t have the confidence to respond as things changed and keep things moving. We don’t seem to teach people the things they really need at the top table — how to make good decisions, how to solve tricky problems, and how to keep people on the boat with us. So, I shifted my attention into how to build those skills! Hence: my new book and the launch of Not An MBA. On a personal level, I think I was always destined to be an entrepreneur. I had a pretty tough start in life: I was raised in a dysfunctional family, I was in foster care as a teenager, and I was out alone in the world — baby in tow — by 16\. I knew education was going to be the game-changer for me, and I was lucky to have a well-functioning brain, so I made a choice early on to make that work for me. I sweet talked my way into university when I was 17 and my first daughter was just a few months old, and worked extremely hard to get good marks. My second daughter arrived a few weeks into my postgraduate year, and I didn’t skip a beat — just kept working, pushing, channeling my focus as best I could and finding the fastest, smartest ways to do what needed doing. I think a tumultuous early life prepared me well for life as an entrepreneur — I’m used to taking risks and living on the edge. I never had comfort or security, so I didn’t miss it! It’s not all roses though. It’s been tough juggling a career, a business, and children, without the traditional support network that comes with a functional family. And those habits that served me so well as a young mother — persistence, risk and an impossible work ethic — are now the things I’m trying to untangle as I settle into a more sustainable way of living, before I burn out completely. It’s a fine line, and the reason I have so much empathy and connection for the CEOs and executive leaders that push themselves just as hard. **Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lessons or ‘take aways’ you learned from that?** Honestly, most of my funny stories are — ironically — about being trapped in my own overwhelm and making stupid mistakes. For a couple of years, before I could afford to hire a team, I had what we called the “F\*\*k Up Budget” which was responsible for funding all the stupid administration mistakes I made along the way. I was known for doing things like booking hotels in the wrong city, or forgetting critical items and paying the price. I once landed in Christchurch and realized when I went to pick up my rental car that I’d left my drivers license back in Wellington! I had to be 300kms away that night for an early morning start the next day, and the rental car company wouldn’t budge — no license, no car. So, I started chatting to people around me, to find out where they were travelling to. As luck would have it, I got talking to someone who was going in my direction, and who was happy to let me hitch a ride and even drop me exactly where I needed to go. While I was there I managed to borrow a car from a friend in a nearby town, and made my flight home with just a few minutes to spare after juggling a patchwork of alternative transport arrangements. I’d like to say I don’t still make mistakes like that, because I’m so strategic and such a good delegator, but I’d be lying. I’m a big picture thinker, so unless someone has explicitly taken care of things like where I’ll park my car, what the weather will be, or where I’m staying, I just completely forget until I get there. The lesson there is to always be ready for disaster, because something is likely to go wrong, and have people on your team who will think of all the things that you won’t. None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. **Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story?** Professionally, I’d struggle to single out someone in particular. I’d have to really acknowledge everyone who’s ever taken a risk on me and given me the scope to do great things without getting afraid and putting a box around it. I’ve had mentors who’ve let me be involved in projects that were a bit out of my league, and clients who’ve trusted me to deliver without specifying exactly how I should do it, and it’s in those moments that I’ve had the most opportunity to really shine and step up. That kind of empowerment is rare, and it’s taught me so much about how to get the best out of people. Personally, I’d say, without hesitation, my ex-husband Hamish. I took some really big risks early in my business and they weren’t without potential disaster for our family. Hamish always believed in me, and trusted my judgement — even when things looked scary. I was never worried about coming home and admitting I’d failed, because I knew he was behind me and believed I’d pull it off. We’re no longer married, but we remain close friends as we raise our three girls together, and I’m thankful every day for his commitment to our children, and absolute support in everything I set out to do. I particularly love what that’s shown our girls — about upturning traditional gender roles, and putting first things first even when things are hard. **Extensive research suggests that “purpose driven businesses” are more successful in many areas. When your company started, what was its vision, what was its purpose?** Great question. I’ve always had a social conscience — I believe deeply in contribution and responsibility. They’re right at the core of my values. I come from a background where life was tough — financially, and logistically — and I’ve always firmly believed that if you’ve got a gift, or you can contribute, then you have a responsibility to use it. I knew I had a good brain and some potential, and always felt like if I wasted it, I was doing everyone who didn’t have what I had a disservice. So that’s been a powerful underlying driver for me from the outset. The early years of my business were almost exclusively focused on working with for-community organisations — government agencies, charities, social services, that kind of thing — and I felt like the people they were serving deserved the best they had to offer. They couldn’t afford wasted time, wasted money or wasted energy, and they’re also the ones paying, through their taxes, for good stuff to happen! So, helping public service professionals do better, faster, and get more done, felt like the right use of my skills. As I’ve expanded my reach, I’ve realized that the same applies. The more people I can help to do great work and overcome the barriers in their way, the larger the contribution I can make. It’s just more leveraged now. Rather than running change processes myself, I’ve realized that training others to do a good job of it, through initiatives like Meetings that Matter and Not An MBA, is the right way for me to help others. My vision right now is all about helping ambitious, overloaded professionals have the impact they want to have on the world — without falling to bits along the way! And I’m thrilled to be given the opportunity to do that at scale, reaching big audiences on stage and online, and working with large corporations. The further I can stretch that reach, and the more people I can touch, the happier I get. **Thank you for all that. Let’s now turn to the main focus of our discussion. Can you share with our readers a story from your own experience about how you lead your team during uncertain or difficult times?** When the pandemic first hit here in New Zealand, we had some tough choices to make. Our Prime Minister made our lockdown announcement while we were in the middle of a strategy meeting, and we had to make some quick decisions about what the next few months would look like for us. I knew that we weren’t going to be able to predict how we would feel, or what our clients would need, so the conversation turned quickly to principles: what were our most important priorities going to be, as we navigated the next step. We landed on three priorities, which we fleshed out with some early goals. They were: - Love the sh\*t out of our clients (be frank, give freely, and talk frequently) - Be visible and add value (daily LinkedIn, podcast launch (this is how What’s On Your Mind was born!) and create regular, relevant content) - Online excellence (deliver every week, build a studio, share our journey, be willing to try and fail) Making the “right” decision was going to feel challenging for all of us, but with those priorities to guide us, we were able to make good choices as we went, that were true to our values. If we were facing a choice that didn’t enable us to hit at least one of those three things, we took serious pause. Having that clarity about the most important things made it easier to cut through all the small, trivial challenges that had the potential to throw us off course. **Did you ever consider giving up? Where did you get the motivation to continue through your challenges? What sustains your drive?** Would you like the good media answer, or the honest one? Look, I probably think about giving up once a week. I have a tendency to go big, fast. Sometimes that pays off beautifully, and other times, I find myself out of my mind with stress and pressure when it all hits at once. I’m still working on how to balance that passion with sustainability. There’s been a couple of really dark mental health moments over the last year or two where I’ve had the scary experience of losing touch with my sense of purpose and passion, which is new to me. Ultimately, I get back up and keep going though. Some of that motivation and drive comes from a negative place — anxiety and fear from a tough childhood — and it’s not serving me like it used to. I’m working on that. But lots of it is super positive too — I love the work I do, I love being a role model to my children, and every time I get an email from a client or a reader about how my work has touched their lives, I’m back at it again. It’s the sustainable bit I need to get right, which is all about making the choices that keep me healthy and happy. Taking regular space, prioritizing exercise, investing in connection with family and friends outside of work, all that good stuff. I might work with people on this, but I certainly don’t claim to be perfect at it myself! It’s a work in progress. But work worth doing. **What would you say is the most critical role of a leader during challenging times?** The most critical role of a leader is to see the big picture. When things get hard, our brains default to the ‘right now’. That makes total sense for our operational teams, who’s job it is to fix the right now, but we need our leaders to see past that, and consider how this chapter fits into the bigger picture. They’ve got to be asking better questions like — how could this be a good thing? What has this revealed to us that we’re glad we know? What chapter will this be in our overall story? Leaders have to be able to zoom out. **When the future seems so uncertain, what is the best way to boost morale? What can a leader do to inspire, motivate and engage their team?** Be real, so that others can be too. People see right through disingenuous attempts at boosting morale. When their jobs are on the line, and they know it, they’re not going to be soothed by wellness programmes or jazzy events. What they need is honesty and connection, with their leaders and others. Talk about what’s hard, and what might go wrong. Talk about personal battles, and make it safe to be scared, and then channel that into supporting each other to find new ways and tap into what really matters. **What is the best way to communicate difficult news to one’s team and customers?** Can I say the same thing again here? Be real. Channel a bit of appropriate vulnerability, stay attuned to how people will be feeling, and don’t try to dress things up as something they aren’t. If you’re having to shut down service lines to stay profitable, tell people that. If you’re having to cut a few jobs to keep your company afloat in the long term, tell people that’s what you’re doing, express the difficulty you’ve experienced in making that decision, and explain why in simple terms. I’m not sure why we forget basic human interaction principles when it comes to corporate communication, but it’s time we went back to our roots here. **How can a leader make plans when the future is so unpredictable?** Plans are problematic at the best of times — they rarely survive first contact with the enemy. The more ambiguous our environment is, the less we need to rely on plans, and the more we need to turn to principles. When we know what matters most to us, and we’re clear about that, we can make decisions that align with it. We might not know which product or service is going to hit the mark, or what organizational structure is the perfect solution, but we can be clear on the impact we want to have on the world, how we want to work, and what our values are. If you’re a retail company in COVID, your plans will be dead in the water on the first week. But if you’re focused on, for example, serving your customers in ways that make their lives easier, or supporting parents to find balance while they homeschool, or whatever your specialty is, that will guide daily decisions about how to make that possible. The less attached to our plans we can be, and the more confident in our values and principles we are, the better things pan out. **Is there a “number one principle” that can help guide a company through the ups and downs of turbulent times?** Play the long game. **Can you share 3 or 4 of the most common mistakes you have seen other businesses make during difficult times? What should one keep in mind to avoid that?** Hmm. Here’s my top three: 1. Abandoning their long-term goals for short-term gains - Trying to move into areas they have no idea about, while forgetting what makes them great in the first place. 2. Focusing too much on the negative, without seeing the opportunities to adapt for the better 3. Leaving no margin for error. Good businesses aren’t playing a short game. They don’t sacrifice their ten-year impact for a quarterly revenue goal. That’s the kind of behaviour that confuses people, breaks down trust, and ruins brand integrity. People remember how you behaved, and when things are rosy again, they’re going to remember your kneejerk reactions! Crisis gives us the opportunity to show what we’re really made of, and to maintain relationships that matter. When COVID hit us, I was tempted to throw all my government work out the window — they’d lost their budgets and strategic focus overnight, so why stay there? But the reality is, continuing to show up and serve, and keeping in touch while people battled, was totally in alignment with our brand values and has proven that we really care about the work they’re doing, not just the invoices they’re paying. The quality of those relationships has really deepened over the last few years, and unlocked opportunities to add value that we couldn’t have conceived of a couple of years ago. **Generating new business, increasing your profits, or at least maintaining your financial stability can be challenging during good times, even more so during turbulent times. Can you share some of the strategies you use to keep forging ahead and not lose growth traction during a difficult economy?** This might seem counter-intuitive, but the more we narrow down our niche, the better we seem to do. I think it’s tempting, when you’re starting out, or money is tight, to become a ‘jack of all trades’. All that does is dilute your focus and energy, so that you’re doing a worse job of more things! My goal is always to be the ‘go-to’ in whatever we choose to focus on, and I don’t want to play in a space where I don’t intimately understand the lives and challenges of the people I’m serving. That requires some real confidence in your offering, but it’s always been worth it. If you want to forge ahead, be crystal clear about how you add the most value, and stay totally attuned to the people that need it. There’s always a market when you add real value — and the more niche you are, the less competition you face. There’s no other Alicia McKay out there, so as far as I’m concerned, I don’t have any competition! That kind of attitude only leads to playing small. **Here is the primary question of our discussion. Based on your experience and success, what are the five most important things a business leader should do to lead effectively during uncertain and turbulent times? Please share a story or an example for each.** Ironically, I think the five most important things are exactly the things we don’t teach people how to do. We’ve got this development trajectory in place that doesn’t serve us anymore — train excellent technical staff, make them people managers, and then profile their personalities. What we really need are enduring skills that support us through ongoing uncertainty no matter what happens. Rather than trying to predict the technical and operational capabilities we need the most, we should be thinking about how to tackle our strategic capabilities, so that we’re OK even when our operational demands change. These are the five skills we focus on in Not An MBA, and the five modules that comprise my latest book, You Don’t Need An MBA. **Flexibility** To lead through complexity, we need to be OK with change. Flexible leaders know that leadership isn’t about getting things done in spite of their environment, but because of it. They have the awareness, agency and resilience to withstand pandemics, natural disasters and technological disruption, because they stay flexible to the world around them. **Decisions** Making good decisions is a learned skill. Decisive leaders know it’s not what they think, but how they think that matters, focusing on providing direction that drives action. They know that no cost-benefit analysis will save them, without the skills to capture diverse input and build in tolerance for change. **Systems** Strategic leaders think in systems, because they know that successful organizations dismantle silos and work out how things fit together. Systems leaders don’t settle for what’s in front of them, focusing instead on the messy stuff — context, relationships and dependencies. They stop finger-pointing and problem-solving, to pull levers and dissolve issues before they take hold. **Performance** True performance isn’t operational excellence or time management — it’s focus. Strategic leaders understand that their most valuable resource is their attention, optimizing their environments and teams to invest in the factors that make a real difference. They know that once they eliminate distraction and insist on value, quality and accountability, there’s nowhere left to hide. **Influence** Influential leaders know that political savvy isn’t slimy; it’s non-negotiable for impact at scale. They know that their integrity, reputation and relationships are what makes the difference. As our environment continues to shift, it will be the leaders who can bring others with them whose ideas will take hold. Ultimately, in the knowledge economy, we’ve got access to all the technical information and instruction in the world at the touch of a button. If you need finance knowledge, watch a video and get your head around it in 15 minutes. If you need marketing expertise, Google for a freelancer and book the job in online. But if you need to understand how best to adapt to your environment, how to make quality decisions that capture the big picture, how to drive focus and how to take people along on the journey… well, it’s time for strategic leadership. **Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?** Can I have two? The first one is to always assume positive intent. I read somewhere once that every time you’re tempted to ask “Why are they doing this to me?” You’re best to remove the “to me” and instead ask: “Why are they doing this?” That kind of compassionate curiosity can be hard to stick with, but almost always delivers better results. When you assume that people are inherently good, and doing the best they can, it helps you to ask better questions about why they’re not able to do that. Blame is so unhelpful — and even on the rare occasion that someone is trying to be hurtful or evil, they still respond better to your positive assumptions than your negative judgement. The second one is a line from Gabor Mate — “When facing a choice between guilt and resentment, always choose the guilt… Resentment is soul suicide.” I think that’s particularly pertinent for women, who battle the guilt monster daily. When we do things we don’t want to, we wind up inevitably frustrated and disappointed at our lack of recognition. People didn’t ask us to put them first, but we still want them to acknowledge a level of sacrifice that’s mostly invisible to them. It doesn’t work, and it serves no-one. The guilt stings to start with, but it has a far shorter shelf-life. Go with guilt. **How can our readers further follow your work?** The best way to stay up to date is to join the Wednesday Wisdom tribe. I started publishing weekly 3 years ago, to a list of 28 people, and now there’s thousands of people who read my thoughts every week. They’re always fresh ideas that are relevant to what’s happening for me and my clients — I write them the day before, every week. You can join up on my website - www.aliciamckay.co.nz I’m also super active on LinkedIn, and I love making new connections there! www.linkedin.com/in/aliciamckaynz Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health! — Published on June 4, 2021 AUTHORITY MAGAZINE, WONDER Charlie Katz, Executive Creative Director at Bitbean ### The future of work: why we're setting ourselves up to fail URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-future-of-work-why-were-settin/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T13:44:19.000Z 💡 Read the article below or [click here](https://www.iidmglobal.com/expert%5Ftalk/expert-talk-categories/leadership/leadership%5Fskill/id131393-future-of-work-setting-ourselves-up-to-fail.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) for the (paywalled) link. ## The Future Of Work - Why We’re Setting Ourselves Up To Fail By [Alicia McKay](https://www.iidmglobal.com/expert%5Ftalk/expert-talk-categories/leadership/leadership%5Fskill/id131393-future-of-work-setting-ourselves-up-to-fail.html?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#AuthorCredits) When ATMs came on the scene, economists, politicians and the media panicked. With people no longer required to give the correct change and stamp deposit slips, we were experiencing the early stages of the robot revolution. Automation was to rob bank tellers of their jobs! ![](blob:https://alicia-mckay.ghost.io/63abcd83-3514-4e0a-9a66-ceb89d836734 "The Future Of Work - Why We’re Setting Ourselves Up To Fail") The reality, however, was far more nuanced. In fact, there are more bank tellers now than ever. Rather than widespread job loss, the automation of routine tasks has allowed tellers to shift their focus to higher value tasks like customer and relationship management, financial services and sales. ## The world has changed Exxamples like this are playing out across all industries and organisations. As the nature of work changes, new technology is introduced and social norms evolve, we need a different set of skills from our people and leaders. The pandemic abruptly accelerated this process, as we sprang into action learning to work remotely, manage business interruption and adapt to virtual environment. The challenge for ambitious professionals and learning and development managers is working out what to focus to equip our leaders for all this change. What skills should we be teaching and learning? How do we make sure we aren’t being left behind? The answer lies in reframing the question. ## Asking better questions For decades, we’ve followed a classic trajectory for leadership development: we teach people to be operational experts, then we give them some management training and, if they’re lucky, some personal development stuff to work out their Myers-Briggs or what bird they are. But it’s not working anymore. The half-life of a skill has dropped to less than five years - which means that while your typing skills may have served you for life 20 years ago, that new coding skillset will be out of date in little more time than it takes to do a degree. A recent World Economic Forum report revealed that less than half of chief HR officers were confident that their workforce strategy prepared them for the future. Deloitte’s Readiness Report, from the same year, revealed that only one in four business leaders were highly confident their workforce has the skill sets needed for the future - and this was all before we’d heard the word ‘coronavirus’. Our development pathways are lagging behind, resulting in leadership teams full of experts in their field, who know how to balance a budget but are battling with the stuff people really need from them. Things like: - How to respond well to change when things are uncertain and volatile - How to make good decisions in a complex environment - How to create smarter systems for complicated organisations - How to maximise performance when people are overwhelmed - How to connect meaningfully and get people on board with change, when the way forward is unclear and their jobs feel under threat ## Strategy is the future of work All of these skills are strategic skills. Rather than trying to predict the technical and operational capabilities we need the most, we should be thinking about how to tackle our strategic capabilities, so that we’re OK even when our operational demands change. The strategic capacity of our leaders is the most important determinant of personal and organisational success. When we prioritise quality thinking, big-picture perspective and insightful questions, we create a culture that bends and flexes to uncertainty, we build powerful organisations and equip people with what they need to succeed regardless of what’s happening around us. ## The five untaught skills of a strategic leader Strategic leadership is all about context. Strategic leaders ask questions like: 'what’s going on?' 'what does that mean?' 'what should we be thinking differently about?' and 'what are we not seeing?'. Strategic leaders have mastered five critical skills. 1. **Flexibility** To lead through complexity, we need to be OK with change. Flexible leaders know that leadership isn’t about getting things done in spite of their environment, but because of it. They have the awareness, agency and resilience to withstand pandemics, natural disasters and technological disruption, because they stay flexible to the world around them. 2. **Decisions** Making good decisions is a learned skill. Decisive leaders know it’s not what they think, but how they think that matters, focusing on providing direction that drives action. They know that no cost-benefit analysis will save them, without the skills to capture diverse input and build in tolerance for change. 3. **Systems** Strategic leaders think in systems, because they know that successful organisations dismantle silos and work out how things fit together. Systems leaders don’t settle for what’s in front of them, focusing instead on the messy stuff - context, relationships and dependencies. They stop finger-pointing and problem-solving, to pull levers and dissolve issues before they take hold. 4. **Performance** True performance isn’t operational excellence or time management - it’s focus. Strategic leaders understand that their most valuable resource is their attention, optimising their environments and teams to invest in the factors that make a real difference. They know that once they eliminate distraction and insist on value, quality and accountability, there’s nowhere left to hide. 5. **Influence** Influential leaders know that political savvy isn’t slimy; it’s non-negotiable for impact at scale. They know that their integrity, reputation and relationships are what makes the difference. As our environment continues to shift, it will be the leaders who can bring others with them whose ideas will take hold. ## Lessons that count In the knowledge economy, we’ve got access to all the technical information and instruction in the world at the touch of a button. If you need finance knowledge, watch a video and get your head around it in 15 minutes. If you need marketing expertise, Google for a freelancer and book the job in online. But if you need to understand how best to adapt to your environment, how to make quality decisions that capture the big picture, how to drive focus and how to take people along on the journey... well, it’s time for strategic leadership. Let’s shift the dial. ## Author Credits Alicia McKay, author of *‘You Don’t Need An MBA: Leadership Lessons that Cut Through the Crap’,* is a strategic leadership expert and founder of the NaMBA programme - a game-changing alternative to traditional leadership education. Alicia works with leaders and teams to spark strategic shifts in the way they think, work and lead. For more information about how Alicia can help your team visit [www.aliciamckay.co.nz](http://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/) ### Turbulent leadership: feature in Bitbean URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/turbulent-leadership-feature-in-bitbea/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T13:00:45.000Z [Alicia MckayFlexibility — To lead through complexity, we need to be OK with change. Flexible leaders know that leadership isn’t about getting things done in spite of their environment, but because of it. They have the awareness, agency and resilience to withstand pandemics, natural disasters and technological disruption, because they stay flexible to the world around them.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/favicon.ico)Charlie Katz![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/alicia-mckay-600.jpeg)](https://www.bitbean.com/ceos-speak/alicia-mckay/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Click the link or read below --- As *part of my series about the “Five Things You Need To Be A Highly Effective Leader During Turbulent Times,” I had the pleasure of interviewing Alicia McKay.* *Alicia McKay is a strategy, change and leadership expert — and author of the newly released sensation: You Don’t Need An MBA: Leadership Lessons That Cut Through the Crap.* *A feisty and inspirational young female entrepreneur, Alicia founded her consulting practice at just 25, with two young daughters in tow. She works with New Zealand and Australia’s most senior leaders in government, business and community to develop cutting-edge strategy and build leadership capability. Alicia founded the Meetings that Matter facilitation method, and the naMBA executive programme. She is the co-host of the What’s On Your Mind podcast and has authored two books. Known for her trade-mark no BS delivery style, our interview with Alicia is no exception! Read on to understand how a teen mother and foster kid went on to became a rising star in corporate strategy and leadership world.* **Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’ and how you got started?** Of course! Would you like the personal story, or the professional one? The professional one is reasonably boring. I started my career as a policy analyst and strategic advisor, working in-house in local government. Then, I jumped ship to the private sector and worked and as a management consultant to develop strategies, policies and plans for investment for companies and government agencies across the board. I did all the right things, got all the right accreditations and wrote all the right reports, and I was good at my job… but something just didn’t click right. Everything seemed to take a long time, cost a lot of money, and have a slow payoff. I found myself often watched in frustration as things weren’t implemented and people went around in circles, unsure about how to make a decision — and then how to make it stick. I’m not a particularly patient woman, or a very compliant employee, so I left employment pretty early on, when I was 25 years old. It was a pretty risky decision! My husband was an apprentice builder, and we had two young kids and a mortgage to pay at that point. But I really believed I could do things better on my own, and I was ready to take the risk. I threw myself head-first into learning everything I could — tailing successful consultants to see what worked and what didn’t, travelling across New Zealand and Australia to do specialist training and get different accreditations, and reading everything I could get my hands on. After a few years cutting my teeth working with “approved” methods, I eventually got serious about building my own way. It wasn’t easy — I drank a lot of coffees and had a lot of sales meetings that went nowhere, but eventually I started to get some traction. We moved cities, and I wrote and self-published my first book, and then things started to shift. For the last couple of years, I’ve been riding that wave and taking all my strategy and change experiments and expertise and channeling that into the people stuff — leadership. It doesn’t matter how great our processes are, if the people who are in charge of making it happen are missing key skills. I noticed that things would be fine while I was involved, but tended to die a few months after I left because people didn’t have the confidence to respond as things changed and keep things moving. We don’t seem to teach people the things they really need at the top table — how to make good decisions, how to solve tricky problems, and how to keep people on the boat with us. So, I shifted my attention into how to build *those* skills! Hence: my new book and the launch of Not An MBA. On a personal level, I think I was always destined to be an entrepreneur. I had a pretty tough start in life: I was raised in a dysfunctional family, I was in foster care as a teenager, and I was out alone in the world — baby in tow — by 16\. I knew education was going to be the game-changer for me, and I was lucky to have a well-functioning brain, so I made a choice early on to make that work for me. I sweet talked my way into university when I was 17 and my first daughter was just a few months old, and worked extremely hard to get good marks. My second daughter arrived a few weeks into my postgraduate year, and I didn’t skip a beat — just kept working, pushing, channeling my focus as best I could and finding the fastest, smartest ways to do what needed doing. I think a tumultuous early life prepared me well for life as an entrepreneur — I’m used to taking risks and living on the edge. I never had comfort or security, so I didn’t miss it! It’s not all roses though. It’s been tough juggling a career, a business, and children, without the traditional support network that comes with a functional family. And those habits that served me so well as a young mother — persistence, risk and an impossible work ethic — are now the things I’m trying to untangle as I settle into a more sustainable way of living, before I burn out completely. It’s a fine line, and the reason I have so much empathy and connection for the CEOs and executive leaders that push themselves just as hard. **Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lessons or ‘take aways’ you learned from that?** Honestly, most of my funny stories are — ironically — about being trapped in my own overwhelm and making stupid mistakes. For a couple of years, before I could afford to hire a team, I had what we called the “F\*\*k Up Budget” which was responsible for funding all the stupid administration mistakes I made along the way. I was known for doing things like booking hotels in the wrong city, or forgetting critical items and paying the price. I once landed in Christchurch and realized when I went to pick up my rental car that I’d left my drivers license back in Wellington! I had to be 300kms away that night for an early morning start the next day, and the rental car company wouldn’t budge — no license, no car. So, I started chatting to people around me, to find out where they were travelling to. As luck would have it, I got talking to someone who was going in my direction, and who was happy to let me hitch a ride and even drop me exactly where I needed to go. While I was there I managed to borrow a car from a friend in a nearby town, and made my flight home with just a few minutes to spare after juggling a patchwork of alternative transport arrangements. I’d like to say I don’t still make mistakes like that, because I’m so strategic and such a good delegator, but I’d be lying. I’m a big picture thinker, so unless someone has explicitly taken care of things like where I’ll park my car, what the weather will be, or where I’m staying, I just completely forget until I get there. The lesson there is to 1. Always be ready for disaster, because *something* is likely to go wrong, and 2. Have people on your team who will think of all the things that you won’t. **None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story?** Professionally, I’d struggle to single out someone in particular. I’d have to really acknowledge everyone who’s ever taken a risk on me and given me the scope to do great things without getting afraid and putting a box around it. I’ve had mentors who’ve let me be involved in projects that were a bit out of my league, and clients who’ve trusted me to deliver without specifying exactly how I should do it, and it’s in those moments that I’ve had the most opportunity to really shine and step up. That kind of empowerment is rare, and it’s taught me so much about how to get the best out of people. Personally, I’d say, without hesitation, my ex-husband Hamish. I took some really big risks early in my business and they weren’t without potential disaster for our family. Hamish always believed in me, and trusted my judgement — even when things looked scary. I was never worried about coming home and admitting I’d failed, because I knew he was behind me and believed I’d pull it off. We’re no longer married, but we remain close friends as we raise our three girls together, and I’m thankful every day for his commitment to our children, and absolute support in everything I set out to do. I particularly love what that’s shown our girls — about upturning traditional gender roles, and putting first things first even when things are hard. **Extensive** [**research** ](https://www.forbes.com/sites/caterinabulgarella/2018/09/21/purpose-driven-companies-evolve-faster-than-others/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz#6f3565da55bc)**suggests that “purpose driven businesses” are more successful in many areas. When your company started, what was its vision, what was its purpose?** Great question. I’ve always had a social conscience — I believe deeply in contribution and responsibility. They’re right at the core of my values. I come from a background where life was tough — financially, and logistically — and I’ve always firmly believed that if you’ve got a gift, or you can contribute, then you have a responsibility to use it. I knew I had a good brain and some potential, and always felt like if I wasted it, I was doing everyone who didn’t have what I had a disservice. So that’s been a powerful underlying driver for me from the outset. The early years of my business were almost exclusively focused on working with for-community organisations — government agencies, charities, social services, that kind of thing — and I felt like the people they were serving deserved the best they had to offer. They couldn’t afford wasted time, wasted money or wasted energy, and they’re also the ones paying, through their taxes, for good stuff to happen! So, helping public service professionals do better, faster, and get more done, felt like the right use of my skills. As I’ve expanded my reach, I’ve realized that the same applies. The more people I can help to do great work and overcome the barriers in their way, the larger the contribution I can make. It’s just more leveraged now. Rather than running change processes myself, I’ve realized that training others to do a good job of it, through initiatives like *Meetings that Matter* and *Not An MBA*, is the right way for me to help others. My vision right now is all about helping ambitious, overloaded professionals have the impact they want to have on the world — without falling to bits along the way! And I’m thrilled to be given the opportunity to do that at scale, reaching big audiences on stage and online, and working with large corporations. The further I can stretch that reach, and the more people I can touch, the happier I get. **Thank you for all that. Let’s now turn to the main focus of our discussion. Can you share with our readers a story from your own experience about how you lead your team during uncertain or difficult times?** When the pandemic first hit here in New Zealand, we had some tough choices to make. Our Prime Minister made our lockdown announcement while we were in the middle of a strategy meeting, and we had to make some quick decisions about what the next few months would look like for us. I knew that we weren’t going to be able to predict how we would feel, or what our clients would need, so the conversation turned quickly to principles: what were our most important priorities going to be, as we navigated the next step. We landed on three priorities, which we fleshed out with some early goals. They were: 1. Love the sh\*t out of our clients (be frank, give freely, and talk frequently) 2. Be visible and add value (daily LinkedIn, podcast launch (this is how What’s On Your Mind was born!) and create regular, relevant content) 3. Online excellence (deliver every week, build a studio, share our journey, be willing to try and fail) Making the “right” decision was going to feel challenging for all of us, but with those priorities to guide us, we were able to make good choices as we went, that were true to our values. If we were facing a choice that didn’t enable us to hit at least one of those three things, we took serious pause. Having that clarity about the most important things made it easier to cut through all the small, trivial challenges that had the potential to throw us off course. **Did you ever consider giving up? Where did you get the motivation to continue through your challenges? What sustains your drive?** Would you like the good media answer, or the honest one? Look, I probably think about giving up once a week. I have a tendency to go big, fast. Sometimes that pays off beautifully, and other times, I find myself out of my mind with stress and pressure when it all hits at once. I’m still working on how to balance that passion with sustainability. There’s been a couple of really dark mental health moments over the last year or two where I’ve had the scary experience of losing touch with my sense of purpose and passion, which is new to me. Ultimately, I get back up and keep going though. Some of that motivation and drive comes from a negative place — anxiety and fear from a tough childhood — and it’s not serving me like it used to. I’m working on that. But lots of it is super positive too — I love the work I do, I love being a role model to my children, and every time I get an email from a client or a reader about how my work has touched their lives, I’m back at it again. It’s the sustainable bit I need to get right, which is all about making the choices that keep me healthy and happy. Taking regular space, prioritizing exercise, investing in connection with family and friends outside of work, all that good stuff. I might work with people on this, but I certainly don’t claim to be perfect at it myself! It’s a work in progress. But work worth doing. **What would you say is the most critical role of a leader during challenging times?** The most critical role of a leader is to see the big picture. When things get hard, our brains default to the ‘right now’. That makes total sense for our operational teams, who’s job it is to fix the right now, but we need our leaders to see past that, and consider how this chapter fits into the bigger picture. They’ve got to be asking better questions like — how could this be a good thing? What has this revealed to us that we’re glad we know? What chapter will this be in our overall story? Leaders have to be able to zoom out. **When the future seems so uncertain, what is the best way to boost morale? What can a leader do to inspire, motivate and engage their team?** Be real, so that others can be too. People see right through disingenuous attempts at boosting morale. When their jobs are on the line, and they know it, they’re not going to be soothed by wellness programmes or jazzy events. What they need is honesty and connection, with their leaders and others. Talk about what’s hard, and what might go wrong. Talk about personal battles, and make it safe to be scared, and then channel that into supporting each other to find new ways and tap into what really matters. **What is the best way to communicate difficult news to one’s team and customers?** Can I say the same thing again here? Be real. Channel a bit of appropriate vulnerability, stay attuned to how people will be feeling, and don’t try to dress things up as something they aren’t. If you’re having to shut down service lines to stay profitable, tell people that. If you’re having to cut a few jobs to keep your company afloat in the long term, tell people that’s what you’re doing, express the difficulty you’ve experienced in making that decision, and explain why in simple terms. I’m not sure why we forget basic human interaction principles when it comes to corporate communication, but it’s time we went back to our roots here. **How can a leader make plans when the future is so unpredictable?** Plans are problematic at the best of times — they rarely survive first contact with the enemy. The more ambiguous our environment is, the less we need to rely on plans, and the more we need to turn to principles. When we know what matters most to us, and we’re clear about that, we can make decisions that align with it. We might not know which product or service is going to hit the mark, or what organizational structure is the perfect solution, but we can be clear on the impact we want to have on the world, how we want to work, and what our values are. If you’re a retail company in COVID, your plans will be dead in the water on the first week. But if you’re focused on, for example, serving your customers in ways that make their lives easier, or supporting parents to find balance while they homeschool, or whatever your specialty is, that will guide daily decisions about how to make that possible. The less attached to our plans we can be, and the more confident in our values and principles we are, the better things pan out. **Is there a “number one principle” that can help guide a company through the ups and downs of turbulent times?** Play the long game. **Can you share 3 or 4 of the most common mistakes you have seen other businesses make during difficult times? What should one keep in mind to avoid that?** Hmm. Here’s my top three: - Abandoning their long-term goals for short-term gains - Trying to move into areas they have no idea about, while forgetting what makes them great in the first place - Focusing too much on the negative, without seeing the opportunities to adapt for the better - Leaving no margin for error. Good businesses aren’t playing a short game. They don’t sacrifice their ten-year impact for a quarterly revenue goal. That’s the kind of behaviour that confuses people, breaks down trust, and ruins brand integrity. People remember how you behaved, and when things are rosy again, they’re going to remember your kneejerk reactions! Crisis gives us the opportunity to show what we’re really made of, and to maintain relationships that matter. When COVID hit us, I was tempted to throw all my government work out the window — they’d lost their budgets and strategic focus overnight, so why stay there? But the reality is, continuing to show up and serve, and keeping in touch while people battled, was totally in alignment with our brand values and has proven that we really care about the work they’re doing, not just the invoices they’re paying. The quality of those relationships has really deepened over the last few years, and unlocked opportunities to add value that we couldn’t have conceived of a couple of years ago. **Generating new business, increasing your profits, or at least maintaining your financial stability can be challenging during good times, even more so during turbulent times. Can you share some of the strategies you use to keep forging ahead and not lose growth traction during a difficult economy?** This might seem counter-intuitive, but the more we narrow down our niche, the better we seem to do. I think it’s tempting, when you’re starting out, or money is tight, to become a ‘jack of all trades’. All that does is dilute your focus and energy, so that you’re doing a worse job of more things! My goal is always to be the ‘go-to’ in whatever we choose to focus on, and I don’t want to play in a space where I don’t intimately understand the lives and challenges of the people I’m serving. That requires some real confidence in your offering, but it’s always been worth it. If you want to forge ahead, be crystal clear about how you add the most value, and stay totally attuned to the people that need it. There’s always a market when you add real value — and the more niche you are, the less competition you face. There’s no other Alicia McKay out there, so as far as I’m concerned, I don’t have any competition! That kind of attitude only leads to playing small. **Here is the primary question of our discussion. Based on your experience and success, what are the five most important things a business leader should do to lead effectively during uncertain and turbulent times? Please share a story or an example for each.** Ironically, I think the five most important things are exactly the things we don’t teach people how to do. We’ve got this development trajectory in place that doesn’t serve us anymore — train excellent technical staff, make them people managers, and then profile their personalities. What we really need are enduring skills that support us through ongoing uncertainty no matter what happens. Rather than trying to predict the technical and operational capabilities we need the most, we should be thinking about how to tackle our strategic capabilities, so that we’re OK even when our operational demands change. These are the five skills we focus on in Not An MBA, and the five modules that comprise my latest book, You Don’t Need An MBA. 1\. Flexibility To lead through complexity, we need to be OK with change. Flexible leaders know that leadership isn’t about getting things done in spite of their environment, but because of it. They have the awareness, agency and resilience to withstand pandemics, natural disasters and technological disruption, because they stay flexible to the world around them. 2\. Decisions Making good decisions is a learned skill. Decisive leaders know it’s not what they think, but how they think that matters, focusing on providing direction that drives action. They know that no cost-benefit analysis will save them, without the skills to capture diverse input and build in tolerance for change. 3\. Systems Strategic leaders think in systems, because they know that successful organizations dismantle silos and work out how things fit together. Systems leaders don’t settle for what’s in front of them, focusing instead on the messy stuff — context, relationships and dependencies. They stop finger-pointing and problem-solving, to pull levers and dissolve issues before they take hold. 4\. Performance True performance isn’t operational excellence or time management — it’s focus. Strategic leaders understand that their most valuable resource is their attention, optimizing their environments and teams to invest in the factors that make a real difference. They know that once they eliminate distraction and insist on value, quality and accountability, there’s nowhere left to hide. 5\. Influence Influential leaders know that political savvy isn’t slimy; it’s non-negotiable for impact at scale. They know that their integrity, reputation and relationships are what makes the difference. As our environment continues to shift, it will be the leaders who can bring others with them whose ideas will take hold. Ultimately, in the knowledge economy, we’ve got access to all the technical information and instruction in the world at the touch of a button. If you need finance knowledge, watch a video and get your head around it in 15 minutes. If you need marketing expertise, Google for a freelancer and book the job in online. But if you need to understand how best to adapt to your environment, how to make quality decisions that capture the big picture, how to drive focus and how to take people along on the journey… well, it’s time for strategic leadership. **Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?** Can I have two? The first one is to always assume positive intent. I read somewhere once that every time you’re tempted to ask “Why are they doing this to me?” You’re best to remove the “to me” and instead ask: “Why are they doing this?” That kind of compassionate curiosity can be hard to stick with, but almost always delivers better results. When you assume that people are inherently good, and doing the best they can, it helps you to ask better questions about why they’re not able to do that. Blame is so unhelpful — and even on the rare occasion that someone **is** trying to be hurtful or evil, they still respond better to your positive assumptions than your negative judgement. The second one is a line from Gabor Mate — “When facing a choice between guilt and resentment, always choose the guilt… Resentment is soul suicide.” I think that’s particularly pertinent for women, who battle the guilt monster daily. When we do things we don’t want to, we wind up inevitably frustrated and disappointed at our lack of recognition. People didn’t ask us to put them first, but we still want them to acknowledge a level of sacrifice that’s mostly invisible to them. It doesn’t work, and it serves no-one. The guilt stings to start with, but it has a far shorter shelf-life. Go with guilt. **How can our readers further follow your work?** The best way to stay up to date is to join the Wednesday Wisdom tribe. I started publishing weekly 3 years ago, to a list of 28 people, and now there’s thousands of people who read my thoughts every week. They’re always fresh ideas that are relevant to what’s happening for me and my clients — I write them the day before, every week. I’m also super active on LinkedIn, and I love making new connections there! [www.linkedin.com/in/aliciamckaynz](http://www.linkedin.com/in/aliciamckaynz?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### How a turbulent early life made me a great entrepreneur URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-a-turbulent-early-life-made-me-a-great-entrepreneur/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T13:02:22.000Z [How a turbulent life made me a great entrepreneurIn my 32 years, I’ve moved 34 times, had three kids by 26\. I’ve moved cities, left jobs, started businesses and coped with parental abandonment, divorce, and death.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/favicon-1.ico)Women's AgendaAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Alicia-McKay-1-002.jpg)](https://womensagenda.com.au/business/entrepreneurs/how-a-turbulent-life-made-me-a-great-entrepreneur/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Flexible leadership: How to bend without breaking URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/flexible-leadership-how-to-bend-without-breaking/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T13:11:34.000Z [Flexible leadership: How to bend without breaking - CEOWORLD magazineIn my 32 years, I’ve moved 34 times. I had three kids by 26\. I left foster care as a teen parent, and put myself through university and into a career without the safety of family support. I’ve moved cities, left jobs, started businesses and coped with parental abandonment, divorce, and the death of my \[…\]![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/cropped-icon-270x270-1.png)CEOWORLD magazineAlicia McKay![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/alicia-mckay-1.jpg)](https://ceoworld.biz/2021/05/26/flexible-leadership-how-to-bend-without-breaking/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) In my 32 years, I’ve moved 34 times. I had three kids by 26\. I left foster care as a teen parent, and put myself through university and into a career without the safety of family support. I’ve moved cities, left jobs, started businesses and coped with parental abandonment, divorce, and the death of my loved ones. And in all the madness, I’ve never really… stopped. I’m grateful for how those experiences shaped me, because without them, I wouldn’t have developed some of my best qualities: persistence, motivation, a strong appetite for risk and a capacity for managing disaster. But as I came to learn the hard way… they have a ceiling. In the last two years, I realised my grit and self-determination had made me an insufferable control freak, and a shocking delegator. My inability to let go was getting in the way of building a sustainable business and a balanced life, and I was finding it harder than ever to trust others. As the months ticked on, that fear got in the way of my personal and professional relationships, disconnecting me from my friends, partner and children. Years of pushing myself to the limit finally took their toll and in late 2020, I reached total burnout. Unable to think straight, my mental health caved in and I watched in terror as my burning passion and drive slipped away, replaced by naps, Netflix and gardening. Thankfully, that passion returned – though I now need to be careful with it. Over the last six months, I’ve been carefully putting things back together. I’m learning new ways of living and working that prioritise connection and interdependence, by building a team and learning to call for help. It’s not an easy journey, and I still get it wrong most days, but I know it’s the only way I’m going grow. For all my expertise in leadership and growth, I’ve faced the consequences of my own inflexibility – and, thankfully, I’ve lived to tell the tale. Little about my story is truly unique. I work with overwhelmed senior leaders daily, with their own version of this journey – where the skills that got them to the top aren’t paying off anymore. It’s true for us all. As our strengths and abilities propel us forward, we double down on them. If we cling too hard, and don’t see the warning signs in time, we eventually reach a point where our best traits are the things that hold us back. For me, that was my work ethic and lack of trust. For others, it’s their empathy and lack of boundaries. For others still, it’s their technical expertise and lack of perspective. While our challenges might be different, the process is largely the same. Our strengths, overused eventually become our weaknesses – so as leaders, it’s our job to become more *flexible*, to shift the balance again as we need to. ## What flexibility is all about Flexibility is our ability to bend without breaking. In my work with ambitious leaders, I’ve learned that genuine flexibility is the single-most important skill for sustainable success. When we stay aware of ourselves and our surroundings, take agency over our future, and build resilience for ambiguity and disaster, there’s little that can hold us back. Pandemics, natural disasters, legislative change, staff movements and PR disasters become par for the course as we move and bend in response to our environment. From that core, we can build the other skills that set us up for leadership success –strategic decision-making, systems thinking, performance leadership and influence. But if we stay inflexible and cling too tightly to what we’ve invested in, it’s impossible to make real progress. ## How to be more flexible Every interaction, disruption or problem is an opportunity to build your awareness, agency and resilience. Legend has it that Benjamin Franklin made a point of focusing on one virtue each week and practising it daily. Cultivating flexibility can be handled in the same way. ***Here’s some ideas:*** - Read widely and ask questions – what’s happening out there? What are other people doing? - Dismantle a problem you’re facing by starting from scratch – what if this wasn’t a problem at all? How could you eliminate the entire process? - Schedule time with people you trust, to get a new perspective on your environment and behaviour – what is it about your leadership or your business that isn’t working well anymore? How can you shift that? - Next time something negative happens, try to think of three different interpretations that might be more useful – what if this was a gift, or an opportunity for growth? ## Get ready to stretch Flexibility is a skill worth having – and this has never been more obvious than the events of the last 18 months, where the COVID pandemic has shattered our ideas and assumptions about how to lead, work and live. Ultimately, leadership flexibility is about staying attuned to our environment, taking responsibility for our behaviour and learning from our experiences so we can keep adapting – **because we’ll need to.** **Is it time for you to stretch?** Written by [Alicia McKay](https://ceoworld.biz/author/alicia-mckay/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz). ### How to lead change when people don’t care URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-lead-change-when-people-dont-care/ Last updated: 2025-10-03T03:49:58.000Z **In this article, learn:** - Why it's hard to get people to care - How to build buy-in, step by step ## Is this an attention span problem? I’ve seen a few articles recently suggesting that millennials now have a smaller attention span than a goldfish. Thanks to screen time, distraction and general inferiority, millennials have now fallen below goldfish on the focus ladder, checking in at only five seconds of uninterrupted focus time. As it turns out, this ‘data’ is totally bogus. First of all, fish have exceptional memories. Goldfish can remember things for up to five months. If you've ever had fish or been near them and you want to rub your fingers over a fish tank, you'll see pretty quickly that they remember what that means. Secondly, our attention spans haven't shrunk. What has changed is the density, saturation and quantity of information we're trying to jam into them. The number of ads we see a day, the amount of content that's coming at us, the number of emails that we have in our inbox, the number of messages that we've got on our phone, and the number of balls we're expected to juggle at any point in time. It’s a lot. There’s more of it, it’s trickier, it’s denser, and it’s asking more of us in response than at any point in history. This means we're competing in a tough environment when we're trying to get people's attention, much less to secure their commitment or action. So we need to work a little harder to keep things moving. Is that annoying? Sure. But that’s the environment we’re operating in, and if we can’t do anything to change it, we may as well work with it. ## Why it's hard to get people to care There are two main reasons why it's hard to get people to care: it's easy to drop balls, and commitment needs to be earned. ### Dropped balls There’s plenty of things that rob us of our time and energy. Compliance requirements. Process. Lack of sleep. People needs. The easy, trivial tasks that steal our bandwidth. Shifting priorities. Shifting dates. Shifting… everything. Life stuff. Personal stuff. Health stuff. General bullshit and drama. It's really easy to drop what's important to us. I have a commitment to a half-hour daily exercise practice that I know will undoubtedly transform my day and my mood. But what's the first thing to go if I stay up too late working and then I don't get enough sleep? …you guessed it. I don't exercise in the morning. What have you started and loved lately, that you’ve dropped? A podcast you were listening to? A course you’ve signed up to? A new hobby you really enjoy? It’s easy to put away even the things we love the most, when life gets busy and we lose focus. The lesson here is simple: we drop the things that are important to us, much less the things that are important to anyone else. So it’s even easier for other people to drop the commitments they’ve made to us. Which is fine, and understandable – but isn’t going to help us make progress. So, what can we do? How do we get people involved with our initiative, strategy, working group or programme? It’s not hard, it just takes some thought. ### Earned commitment There are some basic preconditions we need to meet before we can expect people to commit. Unfortunately, in an organisational setting, we often rush. People often ask me to run workshops to get people to “own” a new programme – which is a pretty big ask for something they've never heard about before! It’s a bit like proposing on a first date. (Now, there are some communities where you can get away with that. I spent my formative years in Ashburton, which is a town about an hour south of Christchurch. And I had three kids by 26\. Things happen fast there. You go to a party, before you know it, you're having a baby. Your results may very) Most of the time, though, a first date proposal won’t land. We've got to do a bit of work first. We've got to attract some interest. We've got to show them why they should be interested in what we've got to offer. We've got to prove that we can back it up. And then we can ask for a commitment. Work's a bit the same. ## Your change leadership toolkit ![200719 MTM Model v0.2](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/Imported_Blog_Media/200719%20MTM%20Model%20v0_2-1.png) This magical ladder is the foundation of [Meetings that Matter,](https://academy.aliciamckay.co.nz/course/meetings-that-matter?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and is an utterly indispensable tool to diagnose workshops, relationships and conversations of all kinds. ### Five levels of buy-in Let's dig into each of the five levels to learn why they're hard, and what you need to do to move forward. 1. Toxic 2. Tedious 3. Talkfests 4. Teasers 5. Transformation #### Level 1: Toxic The first level is toxic, or *tense.* When things are toxic, there's conflict. Sometimes it’s visible. Sometimes it isn’t, and it shows up as tension. Sometimes, it’s even trickier and it shows up as things we aren’t even saying. Conflict is toxic, because it makes it really difficult for us to trust each other. And when people don't trust you, they can't hear a word that comes out of your mouth. Or maybe they trust you, but they don't trust each other. It might be that they don't trust their boss right now, because they’ve heard rumours of a restructure. It might be siloed or adversarial relationships between teams. It might be tension within a team. Either way, unless we’ve got a strong foundation of trust to work from, it’s extraordinarily difficult to go any further. **Top tips to build trust** - **Speak the same language.** Thanks to processing fluency, people automatically trust you when you build familiarity through shared language. - **Acknowledge current or historical grievances.** Don’t pretend stuff didn’t happen - bring it up, work it into the big picture narrative and move on. - **Don’t use jargon.** If you send out a meeting invite that says, "We would like you to be involved in our continuous improvement, agile, change transformation, digital strategy programme” you’ve already lost the game. #### Level 2: Tedious Trust is great, but it’s not enough. The next variety of relationship or meeting is the tedious one. Here, things are boring. And boring makes us frustrated. Because we have no real connection to what’s going on, and we don't really know or care what we're doing or why, we get frustrated at the time and energy we’re wasting. If we want to put the tedium away, we need to connect to purpose. Rather than telling someone they need to be involved in a "Continuous improvement, digital strategy business change programme,", which sounds a lot like something boring they don’t have time for, connect to why you need a programme in the first place. Try talking about the time that’s being wasted and the overwhelm experienced in your teams. Try talking about the impact on mental health and wellbeing. Try talking about the money being wasted on systems that don’t talk to each other. Even better… try asking people why. Before you even start talking about what you need to do, or how you’ll make things better, take the space to ask people why it matters at all. **Top tips to connect to purpose:** Don’t tell, ask.A classic sales method is never to sell to someone – but have them sell to you. In a conversation with a potential client, I’ll never tell them why they need me – I’ll just ask them what they’re struggling with, and how things would be better if they could beat it. Notice we're not even talking about ownership yet? We're just going, "Care, please. For the love of god, care about my thing." Because we've got to earn our way there. When we have people connected to why something matters, the tide changes. We shift from a zone where people walk out of your conversations feeling worse than when they went in, to a situation where people are feeling better. Welcome to… the talkfest. #### Level 3: Talkfests In the talkfest, everybody comes together and talk about what's going on. Talkfests have a really important role to play, because they build understanding. Knowing why something matters isn't enough. You have to be able to locate it in a broader context, and understand what’s going on. What gets problematic is when we get stuck there. We come together to talk about things every six weeks, but nothing happens. The problem here is that it’s all too much. We’ve got so much context that it feels immovable. So, to move on from a talkfest stage, we need focus. We need to focus our energy and we need to focus our attention on our most important priorities. **Top tips to drive focus:** Narrow the playing field. Ask questions like… - What are the three things we should focus on to move forward? - What are our priorities? - What matters the most? - If we could only fix one thing, what would it be?” #### Level 4: Teaser Once we’re focused, we can move on from the talkfest and actually get some work done. Enter: the teaser. Here, we all trust each other, we all care, and we've agreed where to put our attention. Fantastic. You have now officially gotten further in your strategy and change process than most teams and organisations. At this point, things are starting to feel quite good, because you've got agreement. You’re nodding your heads together. You’re leaving meetings on a Thursday afternoon feeling like you’re not wasting your time. The problem is: people agreeing to things to your face or on email or in a room doesn't necessarily translate to people actually doing anything. If you’ve ever agreed on something in a meeting, and then been baffled when nothing happens, you’ll understand the danger of the teaser. It’s not because people don’t care – they’ve just got their own shit going on. They're overwhelmed. They're looking for a new apartment. They've got too many emails. They're dealing with people issues. The problem here isn’t a lack of care, but a lack of balance and personal connection. Moving on from the teaser requires genuine commitment. Agreement is not enough. With commitment, people have real skin in the game. At this point, we move away from theory, and we ground people's focus and energy back to what our ideas really mean, for us. Which is why commitment is all about personal connection. What each person will fund. What each person will lead. What each person will change, do more of, do less of, or do differently. The appointments they put in my calendar. The meetings they've scheduled. The purchases they’ve made. The conversations they’ve had. Commitment makes things real. **Top tip to build commitment:** Peer pressure works well here. Ask people to commit to action, within the next week, in front of others. Note: this might not be about committing to implementation, or transformation. Sometimes, commitment is about taking the next step. #### Level 5: Transformational At the transformational level, things feel quite magic. People aren’t coming together to talk about what they should do, or will do. They’re talking about the progress they’ve made, and the things they’ve done. In a transformation meeting, you’re sharing progress and action rather than ideas. At this point, we need momentum. Because good things don’t happen by themselves. In between starting something and finishing something, there will always be any number of hurdles that are going to get in your way. Too many small, unacknowledged hurdles, and your project will die. Rather than launching into a strategy process or a change process assuming that people will stay the course, assume that they won't. Build your communication and milestones in a way that support people, on a continuous basis. Celebrate small successes, and make them visible along the way, so that people feel committed to keeping things moving. **Top tip to build momentum:** Don’t prescribe to people what their ongoing commitment needs to be… ask them. - Where are your meetings and relationships currently at? - What can you do to take the next step up the ladder? ### The mistrust epidemic: why we don't trust anyone at work URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-mistrust-epidemic-why-we-dont-trust-anyone-at-work/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T03:55:47.000Z ## A creeping crisis I’m fortunate to work with some incredible companies and people – ambitious, passionate leaders who are dedicated to their jobs and work their butts off to get things done. When they call me, it’s usually because something isn’t working quite right. They’re finding it hard to agree on their next steps, or they’ve noticed a gap in their capability. For years, this has usually meant I’ve had a lot of variety in my work: teaching policy advisors how to build more influence, working with executive teams to get strategic clarity, designing programmes to accelerate organisational change, or training eager consultants to facilitate better meetings. But over the last six months… that’s started to shift. While the reasons for calling might still differ, there’s been a consistent underlying issue common to almost everyone I speak to: a lack of trust. ## How to spot a trust deficit A trust deficit shows up in many ways, depending on your organisation or team size. For some, meetings might take longer, and people aren’t sharing or speaking up. In other workplaces, it might be that staff seem to be checking in more and are less confident making judgement calls in case they get it wrong. Oftentimes, it’s slow or one-sided decisions – lots of relitigating, not much action. People say things in the room, but they don’t take action back at their desks. Sometimes, it’s sneaky. I see things like: people only reporting good news to their boss because they’re afraid to show the truth. Or even trickier: nodding-head syndrome—a lack of conflict or disagreement at the surface, masking secretive politics and maneuvering behind the scenes. All of these situations have a lack of overall safety in common. People don’t trust themselves, each other, or their leaders, and when that reaches a tipping point, the backslide happens quickly. You can tell when you’re in an environment like this, even if you can’t name it. People are unreliable, and they don’t talk to each other. The vibe changes all the time, and it’s stressful. People don’t own their mistakes; they don’t help each other out. After a while, work feels like a guessing game. ## Diagnose your trust level 1. Are job expectations clear? Do people understand exactly what they need to do? 2. Are meetings enjoyable and productive - or slow and energy-sapping? 3. Is there an us/them mentality with the leadership team? Does it feel like leaders play favourites? 4. How much gossip is there? Is promotion and progress more about ‘who you know’ than following the rules? 5. Are people trusted to take on new responsibilities? How often do you need to check in with your boss? ## The impact of mistrust Trust ultimately drives performance. Left untreated, mistrust spreads like a disease, infiltrating our choices and conversations and making it impossible to do great work—or feel good about it. When we don’t nab a deficit in time, the cracks in our foundation start to show up everywhere. We see: - Even our most dedicated performers' loss of spark and joy sends engagement downward. Over half of employees say trust impacts their mental health, career choices, and sense of belonging. - Information withholding, as people cling to what gives them power and stop sharing openly with others. - Trouble collaborating on joint projects, slowing progress and making innovation impossible. - Exhaustion and overwhelm, caused by bottlenecks that could be solved by delegation… if only people felt safe handing things over. - Productivity drops off as decisions are re-hashed or not made at all. - Climbing absenteeism leads to an eventual spike in turnover as people plot their exit from an environment they don’t enjoy anymore. Over a quarter of employees have left a job because they didn’t feel trusted. ## When did things get so bad? Struggles with trust-building are nothing new. In Five Dysfunctions of a Team, published in 2002 (the brilliant model that Meetings that Matter is closely tied to), Patrick Lencioni points to trust as the foundation for building a powerful team. As Lencioni describes, the lack of trust is a fear of vulnerability, which stops us from developing as a team, engaging in productive conflict, and delivering useful outcomes. Lencioni discusses what happens when people hold back from asking for help, giving advice, or sharing their learning. As people become increasingly uncomfortable working together, achieving a common goal becomes further out of reach as we respond poorly to problems and stop supporting each other. Ultimately, mistrust kills an organisation from the inside out – and we’ve known this for a while. In its 2016 global CEO survey, PwC reported that 55% of CEOs think a lack of trust threatens their organisation’s growth. It’s nothing new. But things are getting worse – and not just at work. This is a bigger issue, spreading across communities. Working off my hunch, I started digging for information. It’s not pretty. The 2021 Edelman Trust Barometer has revealed “*an epidemic of misinformation and widespread mistrust of social institutions and leaders across the world.*” They identify a “*failing trust ecosystem unable to confront the rampant infodemic, leaving the four institutions – business, government, NGOs and media – in an environment of information bankruptcy and a mandate to rebuild trust and chart a new path forward*.” According to the latest report, the pandemic has accelerated an erosion of trust at all levels worldwide, most evident in - unsurprisingly - the US and China. ## Why, though? A bit is going on out there. Six of the most significant factors underpinning our current mistrust epidemic include: 1. Covid economics 2. Job uncertainty 3. Pandemic fatigue and chronic stress 4. Remote working 5. Media mistrust 6. New workplace expectations ### Covid economics The pandemic has had a huge economic toll; even in countries like New Zealand and Australia, who’ve escaped the worst. In Australia, GDP per capita took a massive hit – peaking with a 7% quarterly loss in June 2020, with unemployment reaching 7.5%. In New Zealand, it took longer, but we officially entered a recession in September 2020, with GDP contracting by a massive 12.2% in the June quarter. In the US and Europe, the toll has been far worse. ### Job uncertainty Our sense of workplace safety has been shaken by heavy travel restrictions, closed workplaces, rapid restructures, and job losses. The impact on trust – and performance – makes perfect sense. When people feel insecure about the safety of their jobs, they’re less engaged because their energy is focused elsewhere. According to Gallup research, employees harbouring fear about the stability of their work are 37% less engaged than their safer counterparts. Given less than a third of employees are truly engaged in their job as it is, according to the same research, that’s a worry. While things are now looking up for our economies, our jobs may not be safer. In the latest Mercer report, 71% of Australian HR leaders expect COVID-19 to impact their business negatively, with restructuring or workforce changes the top priority for investment in 2021\. 66% of Australian organisations surveyed are planning a restructure – compared to just 45% globally. This has trickled down to employees, with a December 2020 Hays report indicating that 74% of employees plan to look for a new job in 2021. ### Pandemic fatigue and chronic stress We’re super stressed. When the pandemic hit, and we needed to mobilise quickly, most of us did. We worked harder than ever to rapidly shift – moving services online and staff into remote environments – and for many people, the dial got stuck in hero mode Hero mode is amazing and can be an exceptional productivity boost—but it’s not sustainable. The lag effect of powering up and powering through is hitting home, with people feeling exhausted and overloaded. In many workplaces, people expect to be constantly at their best, eroding trust between leaders and staff. Burnout is increasing globally, and we’re no safer on this side of the world. Research from AUT suggests that 11% of New Zealand workers face burnout thanks to stress and overwork. It’s a dangerous place to be. According to research by Accenture, burned-out employees are 63% more likely to take sick days and are 2.5x more likely to leave their jobs. Mental health issues are on the rise, with more employees accessing EAP programmes as pandemic fatigue hits. People have been expending huge amounts of extra energy dealing with the struggles and changes of a new lifestyle, and it’s exhausting - which lowers our resilience and boosts negative feelings. We’re more on edge, we’re more anxious, and if we’re not careful, this puts us in a negative self-perpetuating cycle of chronic unhappiness. ### Remote working People who started new jobs during lockdown often speak of the difficulties of adjusting to a work environment and getting to know their colleagues online—and this is not limited to new hires. Zoom might be great for juggling family responsibilities and reducing the pressure to wear work outfits, but it comes at a cost. Virtual meetings can be challenging environments, especially when we use them over a long period of time—and the impact on our working relationships is starting to show. Without the intermittent personal interaction of a physical office environment, we can find it harder to build relationships and connect with people personally. We miss body language and facial cues and miss the face-to-face advantages of eye contact and small talk. Over time, these lost connection opportunities can worsen an existing culture of mistrust or make it impossible to build relationships. ### Media mistrust Media thrives on fear. It’s how journalists meet click targets and provoke hateful conversations in their comment threads, boosting visibility and attracting advertisers. We see it in our entertainment, as true crime podcasts continue to be all the rage, and people seek solace in the complexity of others’ lives to escape their own. This has long been a trend in a resource-constrained, fast-news media environment – but things are worsening. The click-fodder provided by COVID has sparked a sharp increase in anxiety-inducing media—and politics! This might be great for news budgets, but it has a long-term impact on how we feel about the world. As we operate in a context of mistrust, external forces start to affect how we judge situations, people, and challenges in our lives, making it harder for us to assume positive intent. In *Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know About the People We Don’t Know*, Malcolm Gladwell examines the harm and tragedy we face when people fail to understand each other or see others’ points of view. Targeted marketing and algorithms drive these divisions deeper, serving us content that aligns with our existing viewpoints and creating bubbles of mistrust between key groups in society. It might be easy journalism… but it’s ruining us. ### New workplace expectations As we continue to bring important social and equity issues to light in our communities and at work, the pressure is on employers to show how they’re tackling diversity and inclusion in the workplace. Recent movements, like Black Lives Matter and fair pay initiatives, cast the spotlight on how we make decisions – and not everyone is coming up well. While undeniably for good, these forces can sow seeds of doubt regarding how we’re treated at work. A recent Workforce Institute study, which surveyed almost 4,000 leaders and employees globally, has surfaced some of these tensions, showing that we’re not convinced our employers are on our side. For example, 38% of employees don’t trust their organisation to put employee interests ahead of profits. 32% don’t trust equal standards for pay and promotions, and 29% don’t trust their employer to create a diverse and inclusive workplace. Beyond diversity, our mistrust extends to logistics and administration, too. 27% of people do not trust that they will be scheduled fairly, 25% do not trust that their employer will create a safe workplace, and 24% do not even trust that they’ll be paid accurately each pay period. The lag effect of the pandemic and the ongoing ripples of change, confusion, and uncertainty are hitting us hard. In organisations that aren’t actively responding, we may very well be about to reach a tipping point in mental health, performance, and engagement. ## It's not all bad! We’re wobbly, but the game isn’t lost yet. Some workplaces are experiencing higher trust levels than ever. In many workplaces, the shifts caused by the pandemic have positively affected trust, and the rise in flexible working has unleashed new levels of freedom and permission that would have been unheard of a few decades ago. [Bright spots](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/wednesday-wisdom/using-bright-spot-thinking/) include: - Flexible working - Business reputation - Trusting + thriving ### Flexible working The same Workforce Institute Survey unveiled the above curly statistics and found that flexible working trust levels are positive. A quarter of employees globally say they’re now trusted to swap shifts without manager approval, and a third can select their own time off. The positive flow-on of having autonomy in scheduling our lives and work is huge and provides real hope for managing mistrust in the future. We’ve seen a greater focus on employee health and well-being than ever before, as people have been forced to bring more of their lives given their work. School closures and lockdowns supported a transition toward a more flexible approach to managing work and children, and many of us have more flexibility than ever in how we do our work. ### Business reputation Interestingly, with trust in social institutions at an all-time low, business has become the most trusted institution globally (across business, NGOs, government, and the media). Recent data suggests that many consumers and employees expect businesses to step in when social trust is shaken. While this puts added pressure on businesses, socially conscious or not, it also allows employers to build new pathways and relationships with their teams. ### Trusting = thriving People who work in high-trust environments thrive. In a 2017 US study, neuroscientist Paul Zak discovered a physical link between trust and performance, thanks to the power of oxytocin. He found that employees in a high-trust environment experience… - 74% less stress - 50% higher productivity - 106% more energy at work - 13% fewer sick days - 76% more engagement - 29% more satisfaction in their lives, and - 40% less burnout. Beyond the personal, trust helps businesses thrive financially, increasing speed and lowering costs. It’s a shortcut to getting things done more quickly. When people trust a business to deliver, marketing and sales are easier. Scanning is twice as fast when airport security trusts people to be more compliant. When people trust each other to deliver, meetings are quicker. When opinions feel safe to share, problems are solved faster. Everything is simpler and easier when we don’t have to build in extra layers of bureaucracy and accountability. ## How trust works Trust involves different *directions, dimensions and dynamics.* ### Directions of trust Trust moves in at least three different directions – inwardly, horizontally, and vertically. #### Inward trust To trust others, we need to trust ourselves. When we have a negative self-perception about our reliability, competence, or worthiness, we tend to project that to others. In The Speed of Trust, Stephen M. R. Covey identifies the key areas we must focus on —our intent, integrity, capabilities, and results. When we believe in our own credibility, we can extend that compassion and faith to others. #### Vertical trust Leaders need to trust their people, and people need to trust their leaders. Vertical trust looks at both directions: Do people feel safe and supported? Do leaders feel confident in the capability and integrity of their teams? #### Horizontal trust People need to trust their peers to uphold their commitments, deliver on their promises and be reliable, positive sources of support and collaboration. Trust between teams enables us to make decisions and get things done together. Without horizontal trust, progress slows to a standstill. ### Dimensions of trust > Stephen M. R. Covey: “We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behaviour” – The Speed of Trust. Trust at work isn’t just about our performance – it’s about our personality, too. Gardner identifies two key, mutually reinforcing dimensions of trust – competence trust (professional ability) and interpersonal trust (personal connection.) Trying to have competence and trust without interpersonal connection is challenging because we need a connection to humanise people and reduce attribution error—where we judge ourselves by our intent but others by their behaviour. Jack Zenger, author of Speed: How Leaders Accelerate Successful Execution, calls these three elements of trust relationships, judgement, and consistency. In his research, he found that relationships matter the most—so even if we mess up or are occasionally unreliable, our relationships will save us. ### Dynamics of trust While trust might initially be an inward job, it isn’t built alone—you can’t just “become more trusting” (…I’ve tried). But it does require things to work on all levels. Each actor in a trusted ecosystem must be committed to the same behaviours and attributes. When people embrace vulnerability, choose to forgive and assume positive intent of their peers, we create a virtuous cycle of trust that feeds on its own outcomes. As Glaser outlines in Conversational Intelligence, trust is a team sport. It requires small deposits of proof and positive interaction, which means we need to make space for that to happen and build it in a managed and incremental way. The ties of trust are built through: - Transparency of communication – “Tell me how things are, honestly.” - Perception of fairness – “Treat me equally.” - Role clarity – “Be clear about what you need from me.” - Reliability – “Do what you say you will.” - Safe conflict – “Disagree with me respectfully, without attacking me personally.” - Accountability – “Have proportionate consequences when I don’t hold up my end of the bargain.” - Forgiveness – “Make it safe for me to try things and fail.” ## How to build trust at work I’m not an expert here, and I have plenty of trust issues. A lack of trust is my most challenging barrier to being an effective leader. In many ways, I’m the worst person to give trust advice, as it doesn’t come naturally to me… but I suspect that might be why I can help. To support my own journey toward being both trusting and trustworthy, I’ve taken the nerd approach and done the research. Then, I’ve applied this thinking in my own life and to the coaching work I do in supporting others to build powerful teams and to lead successful conversations with Meetings that Matter. Both evidence and anecdote support some powerful interventions that can turn mistrust around. None of them are particularly challenging—they just require intention in how we show up and spend time together. ### Nine things you can do to build trust at work 1. **Give more praise.** Being recognised for our efforts triggers a flood of oxytocin, the feel-good chemical in our brain, which boosts how people feel at work. According to neuroscientist Paul Zak, recognition works best when it’s “tangible, unexpected, personal and public.” It works best when it happens as quickly as possible once the goal has been met and when it comes from peers. 2. **Set achievable goals.** When we can’t realistically achieve the workload set, we quickly lose trust and happiness. With attainable challenges that have a clear endpoint, we feel good. Harvard Business School professor Teresa Amabile found that 76% of people report their best days when they progress toward their goals. 3. **Chat more openly.** Uncertainty about what’s going on increases chronic stress reduces teamwork and drives down engagement. It sets off the rumour mill and makes it hard for people to concentrate or feel good about each other or their work. In 2015, a Gallup study of 2.5 million manager-led teams across 195 countries found that engagement improves when employees communicate daily with their supervisor. Be accountable and communicate. Be honest, be vulnerable, and give real, authentic feedback. People who don’t know what’s happening make up their own stories. Take control of those before the wrong news spreads. 4. **Be more social.** People are inherently social—check out Wired to Connect for a great read on this; trust is multidimensional. When we blend the two (interpersonal connection with professional competency), we’re more productive and more likely to enjoy coming to work. 5. **Show respect.** Respect people’s time, energy, and ideas. Make it safe to share unpopular opinions and treat people how you want to be treated. Simple. Human 101. 6. **Care more.** When we invest in people, they invest in us. John C. Maxwell once said, “*People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care*.” Value people, their futures, and their lives outside work. Instead of looking backward at people’s performance, focus forwards on helping them achieve their goals. 7. **Give clearer direction.** Make it clear what people are supposed to do, how it fits into the big picture, and what success looks like. Then, be surprised when they do it. 8. **Reward unity.** Incentivise teamwork and collaboration rather than simply putting a values poster on the wall and judging everyone’s performance individually. Make teamwork the way to success, where everyone shares in the spoils—and the failures. 9. **Make the space.** This stuff doesn’t happen by accident. Make the time and space to check in, schedule team-building activities (just nothing lame, please…) and prioritise it rather than seeing it as a nice-to-have. Think about how you show up. ## In summary - There is a mistrust epidemic creeping into our workplaces - It’s mostly COVID’s fault, but there are other things too - Mistrust makes everything feel hard and not fun - Trust makes things faster, easier, and more enjoyable - We can build trust by doing nine key things: - Giving more praise - Set achievable goals - Chatting more openly - Being more social - Showing respect - Caring more - Giving clearer direction - Rewarding unity - Making the space. ### Author Alicia Mckay: Five things you need to be a highly effective leader in turbulent times URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/author-alicia-mckay-five-things-you-need-to-be-a-highly-effective-leader-during-turbulent-time/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T13:52:01.000Z [Author Alicia Mckay: Five Things You Need To Be A Highly Effective Leader During Turbulent TimesAn Interview With Charlie Katz![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/10fd5c419ac61637245384e7099e131627900034828f4f386bdaa47a74eae156)Authority MagazineCharlie Katz![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/1-c7JEK4IprVMOLCWedgg_hA.jpeg)](https://medium.com/authority-magazine/author-alicia-mckay-five-things-you-need-to-be-a-highly-effective-leader-during-turbulent-times-d8fb9446fc3e?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Treat yourself how you treat others URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/treat-yourself-how-you-treat-others/ Last updated: 2025-10-05T00:21:40.000Z One of the nicest things about lockdown was the feeling that you could relax a little. Be yourself. Let a few expectations go. Chill in your own surroundings, wear your daggy track pants, have unfolded washing, rowdy dogs, and half-dressed kids. But as we throw off the COVID shackles and recommit to life outside the home, we’re losing that comfort at pace. I’m working with some incredible people right now; many are just … weary. The grind is back. They get up every morning and dress up to hit the commute. They’re guiltily hiding any inconvenient sniffles and spending most of their day in meetings that further wear them down. Sigh. In last week’s Wednesday Wisdom, I talked about [being kind](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-be-kinder-a-learners-perspective-2/)—to others and to yourself. As I ponder this further, I’ve been thinking about the pressures that make it challenging to do that—both internal and external. Genuine comfort with being whoever we are, however we are – like we got a taste of in lockdown - is an incredible gift. It’s not one we get enough of. It’s a bit odd given that we all want it for ourselves and others. But like most systems, unless we actively work against it, we’ll get the default instead – and the default at work today is to push hard and hide the actual cost of it. I reckon imposter syndrome has a lot to answer for here. It creates an inner sense of double standards that leads to treating ourselves worse than we’d treat an enemy. Like most of my clients, I’m a high achiever with high standards. I work too hard, stress too much, and regularly take on more than I should. Birds of a feather flock together! Unsurprisingly, however, I do a great job of supporting my clients in living, working, and feeling better. With my attention turned outward, I happily and confidently provide the tools and support my treasured clients need to create space, manage time, and focus their energy. It’s the same reason that when my kids are sick, I get them to bed early and make sure they drink plenty of fluids – while I ignore my illness to do “just one more thing that can’t wait.” It’s the same way when my friends are down on themselves. I’m the first one there with a “Are you joking with me right now? YOU ARE F\*\*KING AWESOME! STOP BEING MEAN TO MY FRIEND!” – while simultaneously battling my inner critic. Isn’t that ridiculous? We have the skills to do this better. So what if we just, like, turned that inward? How good would that be? Yesterday at L’Oreal, we had a great session about how double standards show up in work meetings. We realised that if we treated internal meetings with the same respect and reverence as we treat client time, we’d all feel a lot better and get much more done. That makes sense. When we’re attention-out and focused on serving others, we do a brilliant job. When our attention turns in the other direction, we start changing the rules. Well… f\*\*k that. It’s time we took all that outward-facing brilliance and treated ourselves with a bit of it. Turn it around, team. I dare you. ### Could COVID change relationships forever? URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/could-covid-19-change-relationships-forever/ Last updated: 2026-08-10T02:08:06.000Z When I receive grateful emails and messages from readers and fans, I sometimes feel uneasy. I received one such email last week, which went as far as to say: “*Everything I’ve been thinking lately you are writing and f\*\*k it’s reassuring - thank*s!” The uneasiness is because while I absolutely write for the benefit of others, it’s also a selfish act. Writing is how I make sense of what’s happening to and around me. It’s how I process my personal and professional challenges, and the work that goes into researching and writing an article is a powerful tool for me to normalise, understand and contextualise the world I live in. When I write about how to [manage stress,](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/8-ways-to-kill-stress-for-good/) it’s because I’m finding a way through unmanageable stress. When I write about [boundaries](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/boundaries/), it’s because I’m learning how to set them. When I write about [change](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/change/), [tricky conversations](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/outrageous-conversations-how-to-convert-controversy-into-connection/), or [values](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/values/), it’s because I’m devoting my energy to navigating and understanding those things for me, my family and my clients. Sometimes this feels like a conflict, or a selfish behaviour. But I came across an Anais Nin quote recently that has stuck like glue: > “The role of a writer is not to say what we can all say, but what we are unable to say.” I can’t get this one out of my head. There is no lonelier an experience than feeling as though [we’re the only ones struggling with something](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-arent-uniquely-shameful/). Sometimes it seems as though everybody else has access to a secret we don’t, so they can navigate the world happily while we battle silently. It isn't true. I know that, because every time I share a piece of my own confusion in a book, article, Wednesday Wisdom or social media post, I’m bowled over by others’ relief that they’re not alone. When we give voice to the whispers, the fears, the doubts and the worries, something shifts. When we share a work in progress, not a heroes journey, the game changes. It took me six weeks to own up to my recent collapse, and I broke my silence (with some trepidation) in [a LinkedIn post that’s gone gangbusters](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/aliciamckaynz%5Fstrategy-change-leadership-activity-6782411946462445568-jx-d/?ref=alicia-mckay.ghost.io). I owned up to the guilt and shame I experienced in being unable to care for my children, and the battle of reconciling a deeply held sense of personal competence and credibility with raw and unavoidable human struggle. My heart is full from the outpouring of support that accompanied that post, which streamed in publicly and privately in a way I’ve never experienced. Why is it so powerful to see people publicly own their darkest times? We know, intellectually, that if we feel something, we’re unlikely to be the only ones. There are billions of people in the world, and as special and unique as we like to think we are, it’s highly unlikely we’re the only one feeling some kind of way at any given time. Yet still, we box on solo. We’ve never had so many different ways to communicate. Instantaneous, multi-channel, multi-sensory connection sits in our pockets and on our desks, and we’ve got our entire network at our fingertips - so why do we feel so alone? The pandemic has been a time of paradox for many. A time of both crushing loneliness and new connection. Of terrifying ambiguity and purposeful clarity. Of destabilising anxiety and newfound confidence. The ties that bind are stronger than ever, while the forces that divide seem to gain new momentum every day. Politically, socially, personally and professionally, we’ve lifted up rocks and asked new questions. We’ve confronted demons. We’ve wondered about equality, morality, success and sustainability. We’ve talked about race. Gender. Work. Money. The environment. Leadership. Connection. The price we’re willing to pay, and the price we’re not. The future we want to invest in, and the past we want to leave behind. And now it’s all about to shift again. The vaccine is here. Bubbles are opening. People are flooding back into offices, tired and weary, but ready for another round. The concurrent permission and exhaustion that accompanied lockdowns - whether persistent or intermittent - is coming to a close and we’re both thrilled and terrified about what that means. In *Epidemics and Society: From the Black Death to the Present*, Frederick Snowden makes the case that global health crises act as a mirror to society, exposing and amplifying reality rather than changing it. “Epidemic diseases are not random events that afflict societies capriciously and without warning,” he writes. “On the contrary, every society produces its own specific vulnerabilities. To study them is to understand that society’s structure, its standard of living, and its political priorities.” The hope that COVID would force a re-examination of those priorities is starting to wane, and unfortunately, I share that pessimism on many fronts. In a recent MindF\*\*k Monday, Mark Manson expressed a similar sentiment. COVID, he argues, has been a sort of “hydrostatic stress test for each place and each person around the world. Each systems’ weakness has been revealed.” But rather than laying the foundation for a new way, Manson believes that our faith in a new normal is misplaced. Things will soon be more or less as they were in 2019, says Manson, with little political or social change to show for it. I don't disagree. But I’m also not without hope for us at a personal level. Lines of communication are different now. Topics are different too. We’ve started podcasts in record numbers - Spotify saw a threefold increase in 2020 alone. Blogging has exploded. We’re sharing our lives in ways we never have before, we’ve seized the power from mainstream media and celebrity voices, and I firmly believe we’re better for it. I also believe that doesn’t need to change. We may not be any smarter, and in a year’s time, we may not be living much differently than we did three years prior. But we can change the way we talk about our lives. We can continue to share how we think and feel, and we can make sense with others - even if we don’t know what the answers are, or we don’t get there any quicker than before. You don’t need to be a writer, or a podcaster, or an ‘influencer’ to make that happen. The real power in sharing experience comes in the everyday moments. In the same way a shared smile or friendly word on the train or in the grocery store can change the trajectory of our day, understanding the reality of people we know through conversation is immensely powerful. And we know how to do it now. We've seen our boss’s kids and pets. We’ve seen the inside of our colleague’s garages and spare rooms. We’ve swapped ties for trackies, eaten lunch into a webcam and shown our personal selves in a professional environment in a way we could never have expected. We’ve caught glimpses of spouses and washing piles. We’ve merged worlds, changed conversations and started to show up in new and different ways as work, family and home muddled together in messy ways. Even if our lives aren’t different, the way we relate to each other can be. And it should be. The toll of the pandemic on mental health and personal relationships has been staggering, whether you live in a fortunate country or one still besieged by record case numbers. We need each other more than ever, and not in a glossy, ‘here’s how I beat this’, heroes journey way, but in a real, ‘here’s what I’m fighting’ fashion that empowers and normalises the full range of human experience. We don’t need to be experts to be impactful. We can say: “Here’s what’s working for me. Might it work for you, too?” We can ask “How are you, really?” and actually listen to the answer. We can remember details about people’s lives, and follow up on them, by asking “Is your son feeling better?” and we can add our own experiences to show empathy “I remember that first year at daycare and all the bugs that came with it, it’s a killer.” We can inject microdoses of compassion, humanity and encouragement into the onslaught of mundane meetings and we can acknowledge small wins for each other, remembering the team spirit we were able to rally as we fought a pandemic together. And we can do all that without losing credibility, respect or reputation. In fact, we can do all that and bask warmly in what we gain: trust, connection, vulnerability, empathy and understanding. We can experience the surprising benefits of feeling like shit first hand, and help others to do that too. We might not have new answers. We might not have our revolution. But we can sure as hell have new conversations. Keep talking. And if you can’t do that, at least keep listening. We need each other. ### How to break down: a word from the pupae URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-break-down-a-word-from-the-pupae/ Last updated: 2026-08-10T02:02:36.000Z When it came time to share this week’s *What’s On Your Mind* episode, I had a complicated reaction. The episode was recorded a little while ago, following what I thought was my personal low. I had just emerged slowly from the pupae when that episode was filmed. Unfortunately, rather than emerging as a transformed butterfly, I was still a soft, fragile, cobbled-together little caterpillar... and I promptly threw that poor wee mate into more of the same. I was still broken. With renewed fervour and misplaced confidence, I took on more pressure and work than ever, until I really crashed. That was almost 6 weeks ago, and last week I took a deep breath and started to talk about it publicly. Ironically, this has all taken place just as my second book[ You Don’t Need An MBA: Leadership Lessons that Cut Through the Crap](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-dont-need-an-mba-book/) goes to print, where I outline a path out of the overwhelm and into a more strategic approach to life, work and leadership. The universe, eh? Why not add a crisis of credibility, to pair nicely with the crisis itself. ## What I've learned about breaking down I’m not an expert on breaking down, but I do know a fair amount about change and what it takes to make it happen. Many of the principles are the same, and while I continue drafting an article on this topic, it seems quite fitting to share some unfinished thoughts from inside the pupae with you all in the interim: 1. **Breaking down is a process, not an event.** You know when you have a baby and they say “it took 9 months to put the weight on, it’ll take 9 months to take it off.”? Personal change is like that too. You can make big gains quickly, but sustainable change requires breaking the habits of a lifetime and replacing them with new ones. It took time to get here, it’ll take time to get out. 2. **You can’t just stop a speeding freight train** – When we decide to make a big change in our life, we often want to throw away the old in favour of the new. Unfortunately, for people with real responsibilities and embedded ways of doing things, change doesn't work that way. The trick is to leverage what we're already good at and point it in another direction. For my recovery, that's sometimes meant planning and scheduling, in a similar way to a a work day – blocking out time for nature, rest, movies, naps, connection with friends and books. Dead space saw me going on work or renovation binges by accident because nature abhors a vacuum and you can’t flip from ‘overachiever’ to ‘total chiller’ just like that. 3. **There’s a lot of project management involved –** Like all change, implementation isn’t straightforward. Despite that, I was genuinely taken aback at how much admin went into managing the implementation of my own loss of sanity. I had to organise kids, clients, a medical team, checkups, refunds... It took a full day of emails and calls at the outset just to make it happen. Admin, eh. It’ll find you everywhere. 4. **It’s not linear –** You will go in and out of the mush. Some days will be amazing, which will feel strange when you know you’re mid-breakdown. Some days will be dark and despairing, which will feel hopeless when you’ve been trying so hard. Both of those extremes are true, but neither of them are the truth. Like all change, we should ignore the daily fluctuations and keep an eye on the trend and patterns – if there are habits being broken, and the overall movement is positive, keep moving. 5. **Asking for help isn’t easy** – especially when you’ve never learned how. Not getting help the first time is even harder – just because you ask for it, doesn’t mean you'll always get it! I’ve been knocked back by friends and struggled to get access to the right health support and none of that is because people are no good, or I’m no good – it just is. People are people, and they're all battling their own stuff. We can't take lack of buy-in or support personally, whether we're changing our lives or our teams. 6. **Sharing the process is frowned upon** – Unless you’ve already come through the other side. When I published t[his article on mistakes](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-get-better-at-making-mistakes/), I had a ton of private messages and calls from people saying they totally agreed, had been making a bunch of mistakes, but didn’t feel safe admitting that in a public forum or with their team in case their competence was called into question. I've felt the same pressure, initially keeping my personal status hidden from many friends and using the term "health emergency" to explain the cancellation of my obligations which is both entirely true, and feels like a shady copout. 7. **You can’t do it alone** – Well, maybe you can. But you shouldn’t. The caterpillar might be doing his own thing and emerging as a solitary butterfly, but being in the mush on your own is not the answer. 8. **Your purpose and values matter more than ever** – They’re the only things that stay certain when everything else seems up for question. I have no idea what the shape of my life, business and days will look like as I emerge from this, but I do know a few things: 9. **I’m here to contribute to the lives of others** and my voice is a powerful way to do that. I value integrity and authenticity, and if I don’t share my process, I’m not living in accordance with those things. I stumbled across an Anais Nin quote recently that's reinforced that for me: > “The role of a writer is not to say what we can all say, but what we are unable to say.” So, that's what I'll keep busy doing while I work out which way is up. Change is a funny old thing - it both always exists, and therefore sort of doesn't. Don't panic, team. We're all banging around in the dark, trying not to f\*\*k things up too badly. Stay sane. And if you can’t, stay alive. ### Values-based leadership: Practice what you preach URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/values-based-leadership-practice-what-you-preach/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:23:39.000Z On Thursday night, I received the final proof of my new book, ready to go to print on Friday morning. I scanned over the cover, checked the layout and was just about ready to send the all clear to my publisher... when my blood suddenly ran cold. I have four quotes from famous authors featured on the cover - one on the front from Seth Godin, and three on the back. But on Thursday night, it all of a sudden hit me that **every one of the authors was a man.** In fact, every one was a white man over 50. Gulp. In the preface to my book, I boldly claim my right to be in this space, as a young female with something to say about strategy and leadership. I even use the line - I kid you not - "*I'm not a white man over 50."* Sure, I might not be - but every one of the people who we'd considered credible enough to endorse the book were. Oops. I had a mildly dramatic 'Stop the press!' moment, and got my grovel on, reaching out to female authors I admire with the hopes of nabbing an urgent read-through and endorsement. By the grace of the universe, the exceptional Kim Scott (if you haven't read [Radical Candor](https://www.radicalcandor.com/?utm%5Fsource=hs%5Femail&utm%5Fmedium=email&%5Fhsenc=p2ANqtz--owEXzJvuJ3WZ4hUQylRPME1Itrb02wxPnpGxv%5FzMVGECi4sUAbKEPe8tESaFoUxtOjlTw), do it now. Or watch the [this short video.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yODalLQ2lM&utm%5Fsource=hs%5Femail&utm%5Fmedium=email&%5Fhsenc=p2ANqtz--owEXzJvuJ3WZ4hUQylRPME1Itrb02wxPnpGxv%5FzMVGECi4sUAbKEPe8tESaFoUxtOjlTw) This woman is amazing.) made space over her weekend to read my book, as we both juggled kids and life in between. *You Don't Need An MBA* now features a marvellous endorsement from Kim, and I have a new friend. Nice. Now, it's not like I hadn't included any women in my original reach out. It's not like I did this on purpose. But, like it or not, despite my effort, I was living out of alignment with my values. When our values run even mildly in opposition to the status quo, sticking to them isn't always easy, no matter how much we believe them. The systemic and structural forces at play push everything toward the path of least resistance, and it's how we find ourselves a cog in the wheel, wondering how we've got here. It's how leaders who desperately want an innovative and agile culture find themselves buried under bureaucracy and risk aversion. It's how outspoken feminists find themselves unwittingly feeding the patriarchy (this happened to me a few months ago, when I included a now redacted 'Karen' reference in an article. Ugh. I'm grateful to the wonderful reader who called that one out!) It's how we put our families second by accident, when work gets mad, or sacrifice our integrity for a project or sale that we feel we can't say no to. What's right and what's easy often aren't the same thing. We don't need to beat ourselves up about getting it wrong, but we do need to sometimes take a deep breath and bravely stand up for what we believe in. I firmly believe that values are no good unless they've got actions to go with them - and that boundaries are values on legs. The world rarely falls in when we stick up for ourselves, and while we might not always be popular, we do earn respect - for ourselves, and from others. Nothing that matters happens by accident. But living a life that's congruent with your values gives you the chance to feel good about the choices you make, regardless of how things pan out. You're likely to slip up and make poor calls along the way, but that's all part of it. Practicing what we preach is risky. It's brave, and sometimes it carries a cost - but it is almost always worth it. Keep fighting the good fight. Til next week, \- A ### Embrace the meh: 6 surprising benefits of feeling like shit URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/embrace-meh-6-surprising-benefits-of-feeling-like-shit/ Last updated: 2025-10-05T00:32:04.000Z Feeling like shit, or 'FLS', is one of the most common elements of the human experience. I dare you to find someone who’s got through a week without FLS in the last year - because everywhere I look, I see tired, jaded people having a tough time. I reckon that’s OK. There’s no contract we sign when we become adults that says we need to or get to feel good all the time. Just pressure to pretend that we do to our children, colleagues, or friends. We know that everyone else FLS sometimes, too, but we don’t honour that part of our experience. Instead, we bury, mask, or try to run from it. And advice on how to feel better is plentiful. Apathy, low mood and malaise are treated as terrible afflictions that require minimising or fixing as quickly as possible. We’re told to… get outside. Go for a run. Talk to a friend. Smile more. Eat better. Write it down. Take a holiday. To do anything that pushes those entirely normal feelings away before they get the chance to take hold because god forbid, we don’t feel great today. And let’s be clear: sometimes that’s helpful. Nobody wants to be stuck in a pit forever, and taking care of yourself, as you would a loved one, is extremely important. But in other ways, it’s entirely unhelpful. We don’t get to have a meaningful life without a healthy dose of suffering. Happiness, gratitude and success are relative concepts, and humans are complicated. Sometimes, we FLS because we can’t get what we want. Sometimes, we FLS because we got what we wanted. Sometimes, we FLS because we don’t know what we want. Sometimes, we FLS, and we can’t understand or explain why. That’s cool. We’re all doing it. Rather than pushing these feelings to the side or feeling ashamed of having them, there’s benefit in a good bit of occasional rumination. If we can tap into it, the evidence suggests some surprising upsides to malaise. *(Now, I’m mindful of the Alicia-McKay-ness of finding the upside of depression. It reminds me of a conversation I had with my best mate one seedy Sunday morning where, after a hard night on the gins and a morning in my PJs, I had a burst of inspiration and started scribbling ideas on a whiteboard. I remember the exasperation from my friend vividly- “FFS, do you have to turn a hangover into a productivity hack, Alicia?!” Fair call. So, no. I’m not saying you must turn a sow’s ear into a silk purse. FLS sucks.)* However, it’s worth reflecting on the dangers of expecting always to be OK and whether we can be OK with not being OK—and do that in a way that doesn’t require us to take a duvet day and hide. I want to live in a world where we can turn up to what we love and care about, even when we don’t feel 100%. And I want to live in a world where we don’t feel ashamed about doing that. I want to live in a world where we see the value of showing our good, bad and ugly sides to the people we care about, the people we work with, and the people we lead without a layer of embarrassment. I want us to model a healthy way of living and permit others to do the same. You might enjoy this article if you’d like to live in that world. If not, that’s cool. Haere ra. When we fully accept our humanness in all its forms, we can do the same for others. By deeply understanding our experience and extending that understanding to others, we become more empathetic, compassionate, and, ultimately, more effective. We develop more user-focused products, workable solutions, resonant marketing strategies, and meaningful connections. We lead change programmes that tangibly engage people. We have better-quality conversations, create more empowering work environments, and build strategies focusing on touching people's lives rather than ticking a box. Our vulnerability, shared appropriately, doesn't detract from our credibility. It builds trust and adds power to our message. Nobody wants to be led by a perfect example of inspiration they can't hope to measure up to - it just makes us feel crappy in comparison. People want to be reached, and they can only be reached if we show up as ourselves, whatever that means. Feeling like shit sucks, but it is a normal and useful part of being a person - and it has some upsides. Here are six benefits of having dark days. ### Benefit 1 - Compassion Everyone is struggling—seriously, everyone. Lisa O’Neill once told me to assume that everyone’s life is hard, and I’ve yet to disprove that. And hey, that’s fine in theory, but sometimes you don’t know until you know. Genuine compassion and acceptance of others are harder without the humbling experience of your own battle. Depression can be lonely, but it can also be a unifying experience. I’ve spent my life being the most competent person I know, with little patience for the perceived inactivity of others. It wasn’t until last year, when I found myself unable to think clearly or perform basic tasks, that I suddenly understood how challenging it must be to struggle like that regularly. I reached out to friends and family who’d been through similar times with a combination of apology and vulnerability. It was similar to when my third daughter was born. After two fairly easy babies, I’d developed that parental smugness that people with compliant children get, and I thought (and said!) things like “If they’re hungry, they’ll eat…” and “I wouldn’t tolerate that in my house…” Thankfully, Harriet arrived to cure me of my unfounded and insufferable superiority and to teach me that some kids are just hard work no matter what you do. (And that, hungry or not, some children would rather starve than admit defeat. And that I will tolerate all sorts of things for the sake of a moment’s peace.) What or who can you relate to better now as a result of FLS? How can you extend that compassion into other areas of your life? ### Benefit 2 - Connection I turned up uncharacteristically early for a meeting a few months ago and caught a client in a fluster. She confided that she was organising school holiday care for her kids, which was a constant source of stress for a single mum. Catching her in that moment inspired a brilliant conversation about the juggling of working parents and everything that means. It showed me a new dimension to her usual high-powered brilliance. The trust and connection we built in that meeting permitted me to drop my “professional woman out to schmooze” mask, too, and I’ve never forgotten it. If I’d turned up 10 minutes later, when she’d regained composure, we would have missed a lovely opportunity. Meaningful conversations and relationships aren’t formed when we turn up with our armour on. Nobody wants to be friends with a perfect person, and nobody wants to be led by an inspirational robot without flaws. When we can share our softer sides, we open up new opportunities to reach others, which is great for us and them. Share your struggles with others around you - and try to catch your surprise at how many others have similar experiences! ### Benefit 3: Creativity Innovation is an overused buzzword, but at it's heart, it’s about solving problems. When we see the world differently, we gain a new lens for old problems, which can be helpful. By understanding people and their lives more deeply, especially the things they’re finding hard, we can generate more creative ideas to reach people on a new level. Whether that’s a more intuitive user experience, a change programme that considers human error and disengagement, or a service offering that addresses pain points more effectively, it’s not just positive a-ha moments that give us innovation. Human-centred innovation considers both ends of the stick—what we aspire to and what we avoid. We shape better cities with empathy for people’s safety and personal challenges. We design better products when considering what’s making people’s lives difficult. Netflix isn’t so successful because it makes great movies; it’s successful because it provides a solution to people with busy lives who can’t watch scheduled programming. How can you bring your current discontent into your problem-solving? What does it tell you about the struggles of others? Can you help solve them in some way? ### Benefit 4: Comparison When everything’s good all the time, we don’t appreciate it. It’s a human design flaw, making FLS a useful puzzle piece. Problems are like cockroaches and glitter - even when the world ends, they’ll still be there. The trick isn’t living a problem-free life - that makes us complacent and ungrateful. Instead, we should aim to progressively upgrade our problems and make them ones for which we can be grateful. Everything worth having requires us to struggle, but we get to pick those struggles based on what matters to us and enjoy the satisfaction when things go to plan. Having kids is hard work some days, but being a good parent and raising good humans matters too much to me to quit the struggle. Doing meaningful work feels like a heavy load at times, but I’m thrilled to have the opportunity to reach people and share my thinking with the world. I’m willing to suffer for these things, and the tough times make the great days so much more satisfying. Put your current problems into perspective by considering how much progress you’ve made. Past You would have loved the problems of Today You. Tap into the comparison and appreciate your next easy patch, safe knowing that a new batch of upgraded problems awaits you. ### Benefit 5: Courage The real nasty, when it comes to depression, isn't sadness... it’s hopelessness. Feeling like crap is manageable when you have a healthy perspective on how temporary it is. But it's much harder to cope when you don’t have confidence that things will ever get any better or faith in your ability to improve things. The silver lining to FLS now and again is the reminder that you’ve been here before, and it’s all been OK. Every feeling or challenge you’ve had in the past has ended, and remembering that can give you the boost you need to get through a new batch of bulls\*t. While it might seem counter-intuitive to layer historical negativity on top of a low mood, it can remind you of your resilience. Think about the worst things you’ve been through before. Remember how terrible they felt then and how you thought you’d never get through. Remind yourself that you did, and therefore, you will again - but better this time, with the benefit of all that resilience you put in the bank. Pat yourself on the back. ### Benefit 6: Clarity The Rolling Stones were right when they sang: “You can’t always get what you want.” Especially if you don’t live your life in a way that makes it possible. When we don’t feel good, it's often a sign that something is out of alignment or needs to change. If you persistently don’t feel good, your body could be telling you it’s time to change something important. If your life is out of balance with your values, or you’re taking on unsustainable or unsatisfying levels of stress or effort, you’ll find it harder and harder to feel buoyed by your daily activities. If you FLS all the time, stop putting coping bandaids on a gaping wound. That thing you’re most afraid of changing or keep putting off doing something about? It’s probably that. Start there. ## In summary - Everyone feels like shit sometimes - FLS is normal so we should normalise it - Six benefits of FLS are: - Compassion - we develop more empathy - Connection - we form meaningful bonds with others - Creativity - we develop richer ideas and solutions - Comparison - we appreciate good things more fully - Courage - we gain confidence in our resilience - Clarity - our sense of what truly matters becomes stronger. ### Unleash the strategist within webinar URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/unleash-the-strategist-within-webinar/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:28:38.000Z _No content available._ ### Eight ways to kill stress for good URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/8-ways-to-kill-stress-for-good/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:22:02.000Z We’ve been on a stress rollercoaster the last couple of years, haven’t we? We had all that lovely acute stress in COVID, where we smashed into panic adrenaline superhero mode and rose to the challenge. Then, we had all the ongoing uncertainty and ambiguity stress, which was harder and weirder, but we managed. Now we’re in this liminal weirdness where we've all got the flu, we have no idea what we're doing with our lives, and if I see one more post telling me just to be *more mindful*, I might scream. No, I don’t want to control my breathing and think positive thoughts. I want to be awesome and thrive even when things are shit and stay in my own locus of control. ## You can be ambitious without falling apart Most modern resilience training is a crock. It’s all about coping with temporary setbacks and being OK. Ugh. No thanks. Here’s the thing: COVID didn’t create anything new concerning uncertainty, change and future-skills. It exposed the reality and put it right in front of our faces. Being awesome in the face of madness isn’t a temporary thing. It’s a daily skill we need - and have always needed. Leadership teams are scrambling when it comes to meaningful support with resilience. They’re hiring wellness officers. They’re developing breathing apps. They’re desperately trying to help people cope… but they kind of don’t know how. And you know what really annoys me? The idea that stress is your fault if you’re a high-achiever. That if you’d like to live a meaningful and peaceful existence, you need to switch off your goals and learn to chant. What rubbish. Here’s what I think: you CAN be a high-performing, ambitious, awesome human and cope with stress well at the same time. You don’t need to calm the f\*\*k down and put your dreams in the bin. But to do that well, you need to get better at dealing with stress. Otherwise, every day, you get up, and it’s there. A murky, gut-twisting cloud of trouble. And if you don’t take it by the horns, it will mess you up. Here’s the gist of it: Stress kills. ## Kill stress before it kills you Unresolved, long-term worry puts your internal stress system into overdrive and keeps it there. It messes with your central nervous system, which makes it harder to learn, remember and make good decisions. It fires up your sympathetic adrenomedullary system, keeping you constantly alert and vigilant. Then, it hits your hormones, so you pump your body with a steady supply of chemicals that you’re only supposed to make now and again. Over time, it touches every part of your body, compromising your immunity, causing pain and inflammation, screwing up healthy gut function, making you more prone to injury and exponentially increasing your odds of debilitating illness. It’s not good. In short, if you don’t kill stress, it will do its best to kill you. Most advice about tackling stress focuses on short-term interventions that tackle symptoms but aren’t useful for long-term change. Things like meditation, exercise, nutrition, and rest are great. They’re coping mechanisms that support interim relief. But they’re no more useful than a bandaid on a gunshot wound if you remain the same person, thinking, feeling and living life in the same way. The other end of the stress advice spectrum suggests that you make significant structural shifts to your life - usually ones that compromise your goals. And look, if you genuinely need to switch careers, move to the country or get out of a bad relationship, then by all means, do it. But if you don’t want to sacrifice your ambitions or relationships to live a better life, you don’t have to. ## Eight things you can do to reduce your stress Here are eight genuine, meaningful ways to reduce your life's stress load. They’re not as easy as opening your meditation app or heading out for a run this afternoon, but practised regularly, will change your life - without putting your dreams in the bin. Committing to just one of these stress killers, and following it through, will make you less of an overwhelmed nutcase and lead to you liking yourself and other people a lot more. Plus, you can keep doing awesome stuff without running yourself into the ground every three months and needing an intervention. (No, just me?). Let’s crack on. 1. Embrace transition 2. Top up your tank 3. Know your limits 4. Choose guilt 5. Argue with yourself 6. Balance your ledger 7. Refine your tribe ### 1\. Tidy your backyard When I shifted into my new/old house recently (a story for another day) my first project was to get stuck into the overgrown back garden. It’s weird because when I’d been imagining getting back in, I kept thinking about the frontage. I wanted to paint the front door. But once I got all the boxes and furniture in, I was like a woman possessed, trimming shrubs, clearing weeds and making things neat and tidy. Tidying the backyard was something I did for me – (and for my kids, to have some play space) – but anyone who looks in from the front wouldn’t know any different. It’s not for them. It’s given me peace, and it’s left me with pride. When I finally made it around to pull some weeds from the front yard, I pondered what that meant and thought about some of the other ‘backyard’ type projects I’d like to tackle in my life and business. If you want to do awesome things in the world, you first need to treat yourself like an awesome human who’s worth it. If you’re a serial carer, the good news is that you already know how. All those things you do for other people - reassurance, compassion, treats, love - just do them for you. Seriously, it’s that simple. Because if you don’t get your insides right, there’s no point trying to make the outside look better. This is critical for integrity, too. There’s no point in being popular at parties if you’re a lying scumbag at home. There’s no use rebranding if your organisational culture’s toxic. There’s no use changing the payment portal on your website if you’ve got a team of people doing manual data entry on the other end (yes, this is a real example.) So, tidy your backyard first. Not in a ‘put on your own mask, run a bubble bath’ way. Do actual, useful things that make you feel good, improve your life and shore up your foundation. Little things, like leaving the house with matching bra and undies. Big things, like investing in your development and emotional health. Make choices that lead to peace and calm that only you know about. Because if you don't feel good about your own stuff, it doesn't matter how many external accolades you collect. They’ll just feel hollow. Love the living sh\*t out of yourself. Treat yourself like a treasured friend or valued employee. Prioritise yourself and the things that make you great. Then, go spread that conviction like an infection (too soon?) to the rest of the world. ### 2\. Embrace transition *‘Once we get over this bit, things will get back to normal.’* *‘We’ve got a bit of change fatigue, but it will be better once this new thing is installed and everything settles down.’* *‘We’re just recovering from the impact of COVID.’* New things are exciting and hard. But transition periods are even harder. When we’re in-between things, it feels like we’re in a holding pattern, waiting for something to happen so that our real life can start. It’s wobbly, and we’re looking forward to the stability of getting things sorted. It’s a life of winters and summers, with nothing in between. Newsflash: we’re always in a transition of some kind. Denying, rushing or avoiding the in-between is a fast road to nowhere. The ticket here isn’t coping with transition and uncertainty; it's seizing it. Transition is full of opportunities: to be exposed, to learn, experiment and adapt. So, what if you expected transition? What if you accepted the hell out of the messiness? What if you loved the ambiguity, and actively sought it out? The biggest mistake I see people make when they manage the frustration of big transitions is impatience. When you’re in the early days of something new - a job, a house, a project - it’s tempting to get stuck in and sort everything immediately. I felt that way about the house before I got in, and one of my mentoring clients who has a new CE gig is facing the same challenges - itchin’ to get fixin’. Whether it's renovating the bathroom, changing systems, or restructuring leadership teams, there’s so much that’s needs righting, and you should really do it all when you’ve got fresh eyes… right? Wrong. This beautiful new bit doesn’t come again, not like this. It’s a huge opportunity, and if you squander it by rushing to the finish, you’ll lose so many chances to make something truly amazing. The messy time you spend in between, learning your context, understanding what makes people tick and getting the lay of the land is extremely valuable. So, don’t make permanent decisions on who should be on your leadership team or where the couch should stay until you really get your bearings. Sit in the mess. Poke things. Play a long game. Get it right instead of getting it done. In the meantime, enjoy the chaos. Notice the new things. Write all your ideas down. Delight in the potential of unpacked boxes, new personalities to understand and surprises around every corner. This is what you’ve been waiting for, isn’t it? Don’t rush it now. ### 3\. Top up your tank We all drained the tank last year. If we’re not careful, we’ll be setting ourselves up for more of the same this year – except we don’t have the same reserves we used to. It’s like running your car on fuel light. Yeah, it's fun - and sometimes necessary - but it's a dangerous game that will ultimately leave you stranded. Be careful with yourself as you kick back into the year. If you don’t commit to keeping enough in the tank, you’ll find yourself on empty a lot faster than you think, and it won’t be as easy to get back up anymore. Topping up your tank needs two things: a healthy reserve and a source of new fuel. #### Maintain a healthy reserve Consider how to put some buffer into your life. Instead of instinctively overcommitting, fresh off the fear and anxiety of last year, take a minute to think about what really matters to you and give it the space it deserves. Consider what you’re most likely to oversubscribe - your time, energy, sympathy, family commitments, social calendar, bank account or workload - and run some thought experiments. What would it mean to leave 20% around the edges? If you took out one committee, could you win back an afternoon to use as you please? If you took a nice-to-have project out of your budget, would you have some breathing room for unexpected issues? This isn’t about doing *less;* it’s about intentionally doing *better*. There’s stuff on your list right now that doesn’t make a difference. It doesn’t bring you joy and nothing would explode if you took it away. Get some margin. #### Find a new fuel source Reserves aren’t enough. They get depleted - more quickly than we expect. Nature abhors a vacuum, and that 20% margin will be gobbled up by the end of the month if you don’t find a new fuel source to keep you running. Fuel looks different for everyone. For me, it’s exercise. It’s never worth skipping 45 minutes in the gym to gain an hour of half-productive, resentful effort at my desk. I’ve learned this lesson more times than I’d like to admit. Now, I make exercise a top priority even if it means sacrificing a dinner with clients or friends, an important meeting, or even an hour of sleep. Yours might be different- a skipped run might not make much difference, but if you don’t catch up with a friend, go for a walk with your spouse, or read a chapter of a book, you find yourself irritable and resentful. You do you. The point is to treat those things as the pillars they are. Another brilliant source of fuel, which is a bit counterintuitive, is to *give more.* I know! More? I just told you to take some stuff out! But not all giving is created equally. In *Give and Take,* Adam Grant makes the case for giving back as a key way to build meaning into your life, boost your energy and create new networks of reciprocity and connection. When you use your unique talents to contribute to the lives of others without asking for anything in return, you add fuel to your tank. Whether volunteering, mentoring, or supporting a cause, adding some giving in could be what you need to stay fuelled when the reserves get low. ### 4\. Know your limits You can’t keep some fuel in the tank unless you know the capacity of the tank. How much time, energy and giving-a-f\*\*k do you really have available? Maybe you’re young, single, unencumbered and brimming with enthusiasm. In that case, your container is large, and you can jam it full. But maybe you’re middle-aged, juggling kids, a house, a marriage, and aging parents. Or maybe you’re an active member of a club that really matters to you. In that case, your container is smaller so you need to make decisions to fit. Setting reasonable limits and boundaries is one of the most critical skills of a high-performing leader. But unless you’re clear on your boundaries, you can't protect them. Boundaries aren't something you can download a template for because they don’t look the same for everyone. You might be fabulous on 5 hours sleep, while your partner needs 8 to be human. You might be able to run 7 workshops a week, or you might be dead after 3\. You might be able to absorb days of parties and events, or you might be drained after just one. Work out your limits, then guard them with your life. If this sounds like a nice theory but impossible reality, given all the limits you’ve already committed to exceeding in the next three months, all hope is not lost. To manage days or weeks where you already know you'll have to push it, we come back to buffer. Or, as someone aptly named it over a coffee this week: “scheduled breakdowns.” I learned this lesson the hard way lately. I moved house, three kids in tow, and then promptly kicked into a massive work week, including travel, workshops, client meetings up the wazoo - and a programme launch! Oops. If I’d been smart about it, I would have thought about the physical and emotional toll moving would take and left myself at least a day or two. I wouldn’t have scheduled so many back-to-backs and I would have left the launch a week or two, anticipating a loss of energy or unexpected issues. As it turned out, I did salvage a bit of breakdown time. When I felt the overload creeping in, I backed away from my original itinerary where I could. I canned my evening flight for another night at home and a red-eye the next morning, rescheduled or cancelled non-essential meetings ,and adapted my workshops to require fewer resources and complications. But it wasn’t ideal. You can be a hero and run at 120% capacity for short bursts of time when you need to. Because sometimes, you do. But you absolutely *cannot* be a hero all the time. It doesn’t work, and, eventually, you’ll drop balls you didn’t mean to drop. Drop some balls in advance. Leave the evening free after a huge day. Book a long weekend in, the week after your new system goes live. Plan for your own overload in advance because if you don’t, nobody else will. ### 5\. Choose guilt I love Gabor Mate. He’s the man. I recently read two of his books. ‘[When the Body Says No'](https://www.amazon.com/When-Body-Says-Understanding-Stress-Disease/dp/0470923350?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), a recommendation from the marvellous Kate Billing, and [‘Hold Onto Your Kids’](https://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/037550821X/ref=sr%5F1%5F3?dchild=1&qid=1612229235&refinements=p%5F27%3AGabor+Mat%C3%A9+M.D.&s=books&sr=1-3&text=Gabor+Mat%C3%A9+M.D.&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) \- all about building strong connections with your children. They’re a bit long and tough-going in parts, but they’re packed full of data, evidence and information. If you’re keen to dabble in some Gabor, listen to podcasts or webinars where you can - he speaks much more clearly than he writes. That said, a line from *When the Body Says No* has stuck with me like glue since I first read it. I return to it about 20 times a day, and I’ve sent it to countless friends. The line says: > *‘If you face the choice between feeling guilt and resentment, choose the guilt every time… Resentment is soul suicide.”* I can think of so many situations where I chose to do what I "should" do and carried long-term resentment when one tough conversation would have been over and done with. (This is especially for you, ladies and people pleasers.) Resentment triggers the same neurological and physiological responses as stress. It follows you around like a bad smell, leaving you feeling burdened, overwhelmed and unappreciated, and erodes your sense of agency and control. Almost without exception, resentment is the wrong option. Guilt is usually selfish. When we make choices to alleviate our guilt, we often tell ourselves it is to serve others - to protect them from harm or save them from consequences. But the reality is darker. When we make choices out of guilt, we’re usually doing it for us. We’re trying to protect our identity, feel powerful or valuable, or control the situation. It’s not worth it, team. Choose the guilt. Cancel the thing. ### 6\. Argue with yourself Most feelings are lies. They look and feel real but are secondary emotions, masking the real culprit. It’s kind of our bodies to do this. When faced with a secondary emotion, it’s a defence mechanism to save us from the weight and upset of the real problem. Anger is a secondary emotion that covers up fear or sadness. Frustration is another flavour, usually about disappointment… which is sadness, too. Like colours on the wheel, while there are many blends, emotions generally boil down to just a few primary states: anger, joy, love, fear and sadness. Everything else (pride, optimism, resentment, jealousy or anxiety) is rooted in one. You can’t always trust your first thought, instinct or reaction. Those habits you’ve developed over time to keep you moving, but they’re often not the real culprit - which means that reacting on their behalf won’t make you feel better. The stress doesn’t go away, even though we’ve tackled the things we thought were bothering us. Annoying, eh? So, when you’re mad, take the time to think about what you’re scared or sad about. For real connection and insight, make a habit of digging a bit deeper into your psyche. Develop a practice where, before you respond, you pause and interrogate yourself. Poke around. Question your own assumptions. Feel the actual thing so you can move on from it. Even better, question the thoughts that your feelings trigger. They’re generally full of stuff that doesn’t need to be there. In the landmark [‘The Work,’ ](https://thework.com/instruction-the-work-byron-katie/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)Byron Katie recommends asking four critical questions of things that are bothering us.: 1. Is it true? 2. Can you absolutely know that it's true? 3. How you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? 4. Who would you be without that thought? When you’re furious at your colleague for throwing you under the bus, for example, taking the time to notice and interrogate your process is transformative. *“John is a selfish assh\*ole. He doesn’t care about me and he’s only worried about looking good to the boss.”* **Is it true?** … *Maybe* **Can you absolutely know that it’s true?** *… No. I don’t know what’s going on in John’s head. He could be motivated by many different things, or trying his best.* **How do you react when you believe that thought?** *… I feel unsupported. Unappreciated. Foolish. Put upon. Fearful of my own status with the boss. I react with sarcasm, martyrdom and bitterness. I’m passive-aggressive, and I’m not much fun to be around.* **Who would you be without that thought?** ... *Oh, if I didn’t think John was a selfish asshole? Well, I guess I’d be less angry. I’d probably be more open to assuming positive intent and asking better questions. I’d probably respond in a way that didn’t project all my own fears and issues onto John. John would like me more and probably be more inclined to work alongside me. He’d trust me more.* *…Oh. I’m probably better off without that thought. My initial feeling might have had more to do with me, than John.* *Right. Carry on.* Rinse and repeat. ### 7\. Balance the ledger ![](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e26337b99d8c23d139ad888/1612255351855-SIXCM3RAJLDG6HS0MXXO/image-asset.jpeg) > *“You’ve got your gift, and you’ve got what it costs”* This is a line from the Netflix show *The Queens Gambit*, and I adore it. What a difficult and beautiful truth. We all have skills and capabilities that we’ve been rewarded for developing over time. These skills have a shadow side. The same skills, overdeveloped, will become what holds us back. Mine are resilience and independence. I’m from a long line of strong women, who take care of themselves. But that makes it extremely hard to depend on others, and, taken too far, comes at a cost to my relationships and health. When I lean too far into that resilient streak, it inevitably costs me. I look up from my little island of achievement and I realise I’m not happy with the price I’ve paid along the way. Like most of these stress killers, the key skills here are *awareness* and [*acceptance*](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-move-on-4-steps-towards-acceptance/)*.* [You’re like this for a reason](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/why-are-you-like-this/) \- a good reason. You’ve been what you’ve had to be to do what you’ve had to do. And maybe you’re not happy with that now. Maybe you’re sick of having no confidence. Maybe you’re sick of being all sizzle and no steak. Maybe you’re sick of being a workaholic. Maybe you’re sick of being a chiller. Maybe you’re sick of being the highly-strung one. The funny one. The pedantic one. The dependable one. Whatever it is, you feel like you’ve leaned in too far, you’ve been pigeon-holed, and don't know how to get out. Guess what? **You’re not stuck.** There is nothing about your identity that is fixed or immovable. Just because your team, or your family, or your friends know you as being one thing doesn’t mean you can’t wake up today and decide to be something else. Set an intention, right now, today, to rebalance your ledger. To remove some of the costs of your gift. To be something and someone different. Make no mistake, it will take time to change. There will be setbacks and frustrations, and you will revert to type regularly along the way. And like any gradual change such as weight loss, it will take longer for others to notice it than you’d like. Do it anyway. Start in your own backyard, remember? Make changes *about* you, *for* you. The stress and upset of being trapped inside an identity that no longer fits isn’t worth it. ### 8\. Refine your tribe There’s a famous Jim Rohn quote that I’ve rattled off a few times over the years: > “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” The idea here is simple: unless you’re surrounded by people who share similar goals, values or attributes to you, you hold back your own growth and happiness. Turns out this is wrong. You’re not the average of the five people you see the most - it’s much larger than that. New research on social influence tells us that you’re influenced by the *networks* of the people you hang out with. If your friends are obese, you’re more likely to be overweight. If your friends smoke, you’re more likely to smoke. If your friends get promoted and earn higher incomes, you’re more likely to do that too (phew, finally good news.) But even if *your* friends aren’t doing those things - and *their friends* are, you’re also more likely to be influenced. What? How does that work? Friends of friends, whether we know them or not, have the power to influence the choices we make in our lives by dictating our broader norms, perceptions, anchors and worldview. The people you know, the communities you’re part of, and the networks you participate in have a massive, sometimes invisible, influence on the life you lead and person you are. Humans are deeply connected, social animals. We exist in relation to one another. Which means you get to choose who you exist in relation to. If the circles you move in don’t align with your goals, values or lifestyle, it’s OK to move on. The stress you’re absorbing will eat you up and hold you back. Refining your tribe means forging new connections that fit and removing ones that don’t. Not all relationships are meant to last forever. No matter how long you’ve worked together, been friends or lived together, many relationships have an expiration date. Maybe you’ve changed, and they haven’t. Maybe they’ve changed and gone in a different direction. Maybe your goals are different, and you no longer like the vibe they bring to your life. Maybe your goals are too big, too ambitious, or too foreign for them to understand. Maybe you want different things than you used to, and it doesn’t include them. This is one of those times to choose guilt over resentment. Move on gracefully before you hate them. Replace them over time, and watch your stress levels plummet as you share experiences, failures and successes with people who truly get it. Feel the joy of being stretched and pushed by people you want to be more like. Experience the warmth and affirmation of really belonging. Get excited about going to work, to drinks, or for a run with people who bring light into your life. Cultivate new, old or weak links and nourish them. They exist, you’re worth it, and the difference in your life will be astonishing. ## In summary - If you don’t kill stress, it will kill you. - You don’t have to become a zen master to manage stress. You can still be an ambitious high-achiever. - Short-term fixes are just that: short term. - Eight meaningful ways to manage your stress are: - Tidy your backyard - Embrace transition - Top up your tank - Know your limits - Choose guilt - Argue with yourself - Rebalance your ledger - Refine your tribe. Happy stress-killing, friends. ### Five skills for leading strategic conversations URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/five-skills-for-leading-strategic-conversations/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:44:55.000Z Leadership used to be a pretty straightforward affair. The boss knew all the things and told all the people who worked for them what to do. Nice. Simple. Clear. With the explosion of knowledge work, it’s not quite this easy anymore. Leaders aren’t always the experts - and nor should they be. ### Who’s the expert now? Peter Drucker describes a knowledge worker as “people who know more about what they are doing than their boss does.” When you’re leading people who know more about their job than you, you can’t just tell them what to do. So, the whole ‘leader-as-expert’ paradigm doesn’t work anymore. As an expert, your job was to have the answers. As a leader, your job is to enable your team to find the answers. This is hard because expertise matters. Leaders without domain-specific expertise generally have to work harder to gain the respect of their teams. General managers and sector-hoppers can struggle to understand context, design suitable systems, and motivate and reward people effectively. This can be doubly tough for commercial law, medicine, or engineering managers if all the SMEs you lead turn up their noses. When you’ve domain-specific expertise, it’s easier to hold your team accountable, deliver first-rate technical performance and communicate internally. So, yeah. What you know counts. But you can’t know it all. Besides, the more senior you are, the more you’ll have to know. No one expects the CEO to be a marketing whiz, IT guru, legal boff, technical expert and communications visionary all in one (or at least, they shouldn’t), but they do expect you to know enough to ask the right questions. Enter the strategic conversation leader. --- ## The strategic conversation leader Finding the expertise/leadership sweet spot lies in knowing enough to ask good questions. If you can ask good questions, it doesn’t matter whether you understand the technical aspects of someone else's job. Because your role isn’t to do the work - or even to direct it, it’s to enable it. I might be biased here - I’m a career facilitator, after all - but I’m convinced that the leaders who’ve mastered the skill of leading strategic conversations have a huge edge over those who don’t. One of my favourite books on the topic - Moments of Impact - Ertel & Solomon argue that leading strategic conversations that drive change is the most important leadership skill you’ve never been taught. I couldn’t agree more. Strategic conversation leaders are the ones who can marshall and mobilise their teams in the right direction, draw insight from the clever people they hire, and build ownership and engagement that sustains. > Sure, you can just work on your communication skills instead. You can find the right way to tell, persuade, command or manipulate people into doing what you think is right. But if that’s the goal, why bother having a team of clever people at all? Strategic conversation leaders know better. They know that setting direction or rolling out change requires them to harness talented individuals' collective power so that those people can get out there and make good things happen. --- ## Basic facilitation won’t cut it Here’s where it gets tricky, though. Regular facilitation training is unlikely to help you. You’re not just a facilitator. Traditional facilitation, like early leadership, was a clearly defined task. An objective, process-driven person would arrive with a handy toolbox full of exercises, remain totally detached from the outcome, and ensure that a group delivers an outcome. They had no skin in the game, and the responsibility for making conversations a reality stayed with the people in the room. When you’re the leader, it’s a bit murkier. You’ve got responsibility here. The outcomes of your conversations - and the change they inspire - rest on your shoulders. You’re holding a strong sense of vision and direction, and your teams look to you for that. So, what do you do? You learn to [ask tricky questions](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/webinars), remove your ego, and slowly and consistently build a reputation for being on-it but open. You genuinely open yourself up to your people's brilliance and master the art of supporting them to succeed and holding them accountable in equal measure. --- ## Five skills For a long time, we assumed that if you were a technical expert, and you did more of the same, you’d be successful. An MBA would give you all the add-ons - finance, marketing, accounting, operations management - and you’d be away laughing. My upcoming book [*You Don’t Need An MBA*](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/you-dont-need-an-mba-book/) busts that myth. In the new world of work, those things can be outsourced. But there’s some five critical areas that can’t be, and each of them comes into play here... ### Skill 1\. Flexibility You need to be flexible—aware of your environment, open to new ideas, and ready to change course as the world shifts around you. In a facilitation context, that means putting away your preconceptions and cultivating a sense of consistent and compassionate curiosity about what’s possible. ### Skill 2\. Decisions You need to know how to make good decisions, which are all about the process, not the outcome. In a facilitation context, that means putting your attention into structuring the conversation—the right people, at the right time, talking about the right thing, with the right attitude—rather than attaching to an outcome. ### Skill 3\. Systems You need to think in systems - which is all about perspective. Rather than focusing on the symptoms of your problem, you encourage others to zoom out and work together to see how the puzzle pieces fit together and the underlying issues. ### Skill 4\. Performance You need to understand the true drivers of performance, which are all about focus and empowerment. Rather than getting entangled in the work yourself or bulldozing your way to the finish, you help others narrow their focus to what matters the most and create the conditions for them to make those priorities a reality. ### Skill 5\. Influence You need to prioritise influence - which is all about mobilising others to action. Rather than worrying about how to communicate or what to put on your slides, put your energy into building a coalition of enthusiastic collaborators who feel heard and seen. Do these things, and you’re not the know-it-all leader, but you’re not the know-nothing facilitator, either. You’re a strategic conversation leader, drawing on your expertise to mobilise others and drive change… outside the room. And who doesn’t want to be that? ### Boundaries 101: The secret to personal and professional peace URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/boundaries/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:13:49.000Z It's hard to set boundaries. We don't want to let people down or look bad. But when we refuse to draw a line in the sand about what we will and won't tolerate, we wind up letting them down anyway - and we deny them the opportunity to respond to our discomfort. When we choose boundaries, we choose guilt but save ourselves and others. ## Boundaries are a gift > "If you face the choice between feeling guilt and resentment, choose the guilt every time… Resentment is soul suicide.” - GABOR MATE Most of us know (even if we don't always practice it) that boundaries are critical when preserving our health, time, and energy. We eventually burn out if we don't know how to draw a line. We get tired, frustrated and resentful, and we drop balls. We snap at the people we're 'doing this all for', lose passion for the stuff that used to get us out of bed, and wonder why everything has to be so hard… and why other people aren't helping us sort it out. Boundaries are a gift you give to yourself. But boundaries are also a gift to others. Unless we have clarity about where our shit starts and ends, others won't know either. If you're a serial responsibility-taker or over-functioner, you're doing a disservice to the people you care about. You're denying them their autonomy and chance to grow or change in ways that would serve them and putting yourself on a fast track to resentment. ## Signs it's time to set boundaries If you find yourself thinking or saying things like "I really should..." or "I have to…" more often than you'd like, or you are regularly feeling taken advantage of, disappointed, or frustrated by not getting what you want out of life, it's time to set some personal boundaries. --- ## WTF are boundaries? 💡 Boundaries are the decisions you make ahead of time about what you will and will not do, accept and take responsibility for. They are your personal policy manual and a protective shield against avoidable bullsh\*t. ## Why you need boundaries Boundaries are an excellent time and agony saver. The more decisions we can make ahead of time, the better we conserve ourselves for the tricky stuff. With clear boundaries in place, we have a cheat sheet for making good choices in situations that have the potential to compromise us or mess with our values. Ambiguity is a breeding ground for boundary violation, so unless you show up with clarity on what matters to you, you're fighting a losing battle. ## 3 things you should know about boundaries Boundaries can be physical, intellectual, emotional, sexual, material, professional, or ethical. What they all have in common is that they are ours. While your boundaries might affect others, they're not about others. You can't decide what other people's boundaries are or should be or how they should react to yours. You can only decide what you're OK with and what you're not. Here are a few things you might need to learn about boundaries: 1. Boundaries are values on legs 2. Boundaries are invisible armour 3. Boundaries open doors ### 1\. Boundaries are values on legs The only way to lead a meaningful life is to align with your [values.](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/values/) It's easier to feel good about your choices if you know what matters to you and why, especially when things go badly. When things turn to shit, but you're confident that you acted in alignment with your values, it's easier to shrug it off and play the long game. Things don't always go your way, but you sleep well at night. But even the good stuff can feel hollow when you aren't living from a values-led place. When the bad stuff hits, you can find yourself trapped in an endless loop of guilt, blame, questioning and self-loathing. Unfortunately, values aren't much good on their own. It's like companies with fancy posters on the wall about sustainability or diversity who work with tobacco manufacturers and feature an 80% white, middle-class male staff. The leaders who formulated those values aren't liars or villains. They're well-intentioned people who missed a critical step—they didn't give their values any legs. Enter boundaries. - Companies that put a poster up about diversity need boundaries about who they will and won't hire. What behaviour is acceptable in the workplace, and what isn't? Which activities are company-sponsored, and which aren't? - Companies that put up posters about sustainability need boundaries about who they will work with and who they won't. How they dispose of their waste, and what kind of project decisions they will and won't endorse. The same is true in your leadership and personal life. - If you value spending time with family, draw boundaries about which time is off-limits, what kind of commitments you're willing to take on, and what you'll say no to. - If you value honesty, decide how and what you'll disclose to your partner. - If you value connection, choose who to keep in your life and how to prioritise those relationships. - If you value health, you choose what to eat, when to exercise and what to avoid. With clear boundaries in place ahead of time, you can make choices in the moment that are aligned with your values. When you make tricky choices ahead of time, you make better choices on the daily. ### 2\. Boundaries are invisible armour Boundaries are a protective barrier between your identity and the outside world. Because here's the beautiful thing: once you've decided to take responsibility for your feelings, thoughts and behaviours, you take back any power you delegated to others. If you've ever lamented someone for 'making you feel' a certain way, it's time to set some boundaries. No one can make you feel anything. They make choices and decisions that affect you and give you cause to respond, but they don't control your life or emotions. Boundaries are like an impenetrable personal responsibility shield that keeps you connected, in healthy ways, to the people and events around you while maintaining an iron wall around your values. Boundaries don't require you to prove anything, explain anything, mount a case, or convince others to agree. Because boundaries are about *personal values*, they become a *personal policy*. Personal policies don't come with judgment or blame and don't need others to have the same position. #### Take this example You're asked to attend a committee meeting on Tuesday night, which would cross a family-time boundary. When your boundaries aren't clear, and you don't own your responses, you might be able to turn it down, but it would probably sound something like: > "*I can't come to the meeting on Tuesday night; I'm so sorry. It's just that Matthew has his karate grading that night, and I haven't been home for dinner twice already this week. I hate letting you down, but I don't want Matthew to think I don't care, you know? He's had such a shaky year at school. And George has been so good about picking up the slack while I finish this project at work; he needs a break. I hope you understand. It's hard to balance work and family sometimes, especially in this place where everyone seems to be OK with out-of-hours stuff. It's a crappy culture. I find it tough. But I would so be there if I could. Just not this time. Please don't hate me!*" Ugh. When you have clear boundaries, you don't need apologies and passive aggression. You don't handball the reasons for your decisions onto other people's issues (like the kid or the husband) or try to take responsibility for how the receiver will feel. Instead, you say things like: "*I won't be at the meeting on Tuesday; it's family time."* or "*I don't work on Tuesday nights."* or "*I have a personal policy to attend all of my children's sporting events."* End of story. Armour intact. Friendly smile. ### 3\. Boundaries open doors Boundaries are an inherent contradiction. On the face of it, they're about closing doors and saying no to things, which means that one of the hardest things about setting boundaries is FOMO - fear of missing out. When we say no to a friend, event, opportunity, project or job, it's easy to get tangled up in what we'll lose, even if we're sure it's the right choice. Our little brains quickly mount an internal protest, urging us to consider everything we could have if we just let this one slide. The money! The fun! The popularity! The promotion! The satisfaction of pulling off the impossible! When the carrot doesn't work, our asshole brains then turn to the stick, planting grave fears like - "What if another job or client doesn't come along, and I go broke?" - "What if people think I'm boring and don't want to hang out with me anymore?" - "What if I get stuck in the same job forever?" - "What if someone else gets the glory and I fall behind?" Here is your secret weapon against that annoying inner voice: **focus on the open doors.** When you close the doors that aren't right for you, you create opportunities for new ones to open. - Your company's stance on sustainability might lose you three shitty clients but earn you one passionate, aligned one that propels you to the next level. - Your policy on drinking might lose you a couple of messy bonding hours after midnight, but open the door to Sunday mornings spent trail running with a new buddy instead of a hangover. - Your relationship boundary on me-time might result in a grumpy spouse today, but it opens the door to a happy marriage that goes the distance. - Your social boundary on having tech-free evenings might mean you miss an in-joke from the group chat, but it opens the door to taking the painting course you've been talking about for years. - Your financial boundary about group holidays might see you miss out on a killer Air B’n’B weekend but open the door to buying your own house sooner. The trick is to focus on the doors you're opening, not the ones you're closing. You chose those values for a reason; give them a chance to happen. --- ## How to set boundaries in 5 easy steps What do you do now that you know what boundaries are all about and are enthusiastic about getting started? Cancel everything? Go on a social media tirade about all the shit you won't put up with anymore? Tell your kids and partner that the gravy train on responsibility-taking is over? Quit your job? Get a rebel tattoo? You can do that if you want. I'm inclined to drastic life changes myself. Please send me an update on how it goes. If you'd like a more measured approach, do it this way. 1. Take an inventory 2. Check your values 3. Convert your 'should's 4. Look for small wins 5. Communicate with respect. ### Step 1: Take an inventory Draw three columns on a piece of paper and head them up: "obligations," "resentment," and "unease." In the first column, write down everything you should be doing and leave two lines after each. You might write personal things like "I should get more sleep," "I should spend more time with the kids," "I should have a tidier house," or professional things like "I should join that working group," "I should earn more revenue this quarter," or "I should find a better job." In the **second** column, write down everything that has annoyed you about others lately. You might write personal things like "My kids don't look after the stuff I buy them", "My husband doesn't recognise how much more I do around here", or "My mother doesn't realise how much pressure I'm under at work." You might write professional things like "I'm the only one who sends my reports in on time", "My direct report always stuffs up important emails, so I have to double-check everything", "My boss doesn't realise how long it takes to roll out a new system." Again, leave two lines after each entry. In the **third** column, write down all the things you're involved with that don't sit quite right or have been weighing on you. You might write personal stuff like "My best friend is having an affair" or professional things like "We're misleading our customers on response times". And (you guessed it) leave two lines after each entry. ### Step 2: Check your values Now, for each of the entries in your inventory, identify which of your values this is butting up against. (If you don't know your values yet, it's time to have a crack. Try [this online test](https://personalvalu.es/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) as a start.) You might write "health" next to the sleep thing, "fairness" next to the lazy husband thing, and "honesty" next to your dodgy best friend's entry. Take a look and see what comes up most often. You'll probably have a clear theme: you strongly value reliability, for example, which is being tested at work. You might strongly value family and aren't living up to that. The most common value violations are the most important ones to solve. They keep that gnawing feeling in your gut and make it hard for you to give your best to the things you care about. ### Step 3: Convert your 'should's Every one of your three columns is about a 'should'. The first column is about what *you* should be doing. The second two columns are about what you think *others* should be doing. But here's the thing: "shoulds" suck. "Should" has no agency. "Should" is about obligation, guilt, frustration and resentment. Should isn't about activity; it's about anguish. So we need to get rid of them all. Instead of worrying about what you and others *should* be doing, take control of what you *are* doing and what you're not. #### Column one - release guilt In column one, use the space under each entry to convert them into "I" statements that start with one of four options: 'I must…' 'I must not…' I 'will' or 'I will not'. For example, '*I should sleep more*' might be a non-negotiable health value for you. Change that one to *'I *must* sleep more*' and identify ways to make that a priority. Guilt, be gone. '*I should have a better job*' might become '*I *will* get a better job*', which creates actions for you to take. Or you might realise that it isn't aligned with your values. You're just feeling comparison pressure against your friends, and you love your job. In which case, convert it to: '*I will not get a different job.*' Phew, obligation released. #### Columns two and three - release resentment and unease In the second column, consider which of those behaviours bother you the most, which are about your critical values, and what you need to do in response. Remember: you can't make your kids more responsible, your best friend more faithful, or your husband more appreciative. When you try to do that, you focus your energy on things outside your control and take responsibility for other people's thoughts and behaviour - which are *theirs* to worry about. So don't. Boundaries are your personal policies. They're your decisions about who you will do, accept and take responsibility for. This isn't about becoming an island or not asking for help. It's about being clear about your choices and not depending on the compliance of others for you to be happy. For each of your second and third-column entries, write in the gap underneath what a boundary would be that reflects your values and isn't dependent on other people for you to feel good about. Use the same "I will" or "I will not" format, but include an "I will release" section at the end to affirm your responsibility. They might be things like… - "**I will not* replace items that my children lose. If they need to replace them, they must make their own purchases. *I will release* my bitterness or disappointment*." - "**I will* only do the household tasks that bother me the most. *I will* ask my husband to be more involved in the housework and let him know which things would be most helpful. *I will release* guilt and responsibility for the rest - either they will happen, or they won't.*" - "**I will* be clear and respectful in my project plans and recommendations about timeframes, and *I will not* take on projects with unreasonable deadlines. *I will release* fear of damaging the relationship with my manager - either my opinion is respected or not*." - "**I will not* cover up for my best friend. *I will release* responsibility for her decisions - the consequences are for her to accept.*" - "**I will not* lie to our customers. *I will release* fear of recrimination because I need to work in a place that aligns with my values*." For bonus points, try saying them out loud. It feels good. It also feels scary, and that's OK, too. That's the thing about boundaries: if we aren't committed to being brave and acting on them, they're just values without legs. Every one of those conversations requires us to release our fear about other people's reactions or the consequences of our decisions. Every one of those conversations requires us to take responsibility for our behaviour, taking the power away from others to determine our feelings. Every one of those conversions requires us to put our [long-game lens](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/play-a-longer-game) on and sacrifice short-term wins like popularity or peace for long-term gains like respect or value. And every one of those conversions is worth making for your peace. ### Step 4: Choose small wins You might feel overwhelmed once you've done your inventory and converted all your shoulds into boundary statements. There are a lot of things to tackle at once, and the thought of throwing your work, marriage, family, friends, and personal life into disarray might be terrifying. The good news is that that is unlikely to happen. Setting boundaries rarely goes as badly as we expect, especially not in the long term. Most of the things we fear are: 1. The things we most need to do 2. Never as bad as we expect. You're playing a long game, though - which means you don't need to turn your life upside down all at once. The trick is to choose small, manageable wins that will create a snowball of boundary confidence. You get a dopamine hit whenever you confidently state a boundary aloud, which trains your brain to enjoy it. Over time, you learn to feel good about taking control of your choices, which will become easier. You can choose an easy one and practice saying it aloud before setting it into action or talking to anyone. Which brings me to… ### Step 5: Communicate with love Boundaries are about love. Love for yourself and love for others. When you are clear about where you start and end, you love others enough to give them accountability for their choices and the opportunity to grow. That means when we communicate our boundaries, they need to come from a place of love, not anger or frustration. You can't change others. This isn't about their behaviour or choices - it's about yours and what you're willing to do, accept or take responsibility for. Boundaries are uniquely you. They reflect your values and policies, which doesn't make them objectively 'right' - it just makes them right for you. That means it's essential to remain within our sphere of responsibility when we ask others for help or inform them of our decisions. It means saying things like: - "*I have a personal policy against underquoting for work.*" - "*I don't use my phone on Sundays.*" - "*I need more help around the house.*" Rather than judging or blaming statements like: - "You're *a devious prick with poor customer values, and I won't tolerate it."* - "*Using phones on the weekend creates a tech-addicted society and sets a bad example for your children.*" - "*I need more help around the house… because you never do anything and always expect me to pick up the mess.*" These conversations will be challenging to start with. You'll get it wrong sometimes, make compromises you're unhappy with, make misguided judgment calls, and lapse into finger-pointing more often than you would like. That's OK. You're a flawed, learning human like the rest of us, practising living a life with values and boundaries. In the worst-case scenario, you know what not to do and adjust the course as you go. And who's responsibility will it be to fix that? Yours. Because who else can you take responsibility for but yourself? ### Anger is important URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/angry-people/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:12:30.000Z I woke up on Sunday morning full of Christmas spirit. Oh wait, no I didn't. I woke up on Sunday morning full of indignation, which I channelled into festivity. "2020 has taken enough from us!" I fumed as I pulled the tree out of the box "It's not taking Christmas!" My bemused children got involved, decked the tree and scattered decorations around the house (never underestimate the impact of tinsel in your houseplants). I was angry. And that anger has simmered away throughout the week, channelled at various things. People that have let me down. Tech that doesn't work. Things that are harder than they should be. Stuff I can't find. Anger is not a feeling we're not encouraged to have. It makes people uncomfortable. It's associated with violence and destruction. We're taught to stifle it, which sucks. Because anger is important. ## Anger is useful Anger is great because it tells us something. Anger says: "Something needs to change."Fury is even stronger, and it says: "Something *really* needs to change... now!" Anger gives us the focus and energy to tackle things that aren't right. Anger has an attractive cousin, too: passion. Who doesn't love a bit of passion? But anger often feels inappropriate, especially in the workplace. We don't know what to do when we confront anger in others. So we retreat or, worst case, retaliate. Neither of these reactions is very helpful - so what can we do? Let's break it down. 1. Anger means we care 2. Anger is a front 3. Anger can be channelled ## Anger means we care Anger = engagement. If we care enough about something to get angry, it's a clue we're dealing with something important. We wouldn't react strongly to something we felt ambivalent about. So before you dismiss your feelings or try to shut them off, take a moment and listen. Why is this important to you? If you face angry people at work, you're already a step ahead - because you've got engagement, which is hard on the best of days! When you know how to understand and harness the anger of others, you can make great things happen. ## Anger is a front Anger is a secondary emotion - a front for something else we'd rather not feel. The two most popular primary emotions that anger masks are fear and sadness. ### Anger hides fear and anxiety Fear includes anxiety and worry and is usually when we're afraid of losing something. If you're angry, ask yourself what you're really worried about. What are you afraid you might lose here? Is that true? What steps can you take to protect what matters to you? If you're facing others who are scared, do the same thing. What's threatening about this situation? Instead of assuming people are just being a-holes, dig a layer deeper. Are they afraid of losing something? How can you address that? ### Anger hides sadness and disappointment Sadness includes disappointment and regret, usually about something we've lost. When we lose something significant to us, it's easier to get angry than feel the impact of its absence. If you're sad, ask yourself what you're grieving. How can you express that? What steps can you take to recover a new version of what's gone? *(A hack for this: if you're expressing your frustration to a trusted friend, and a hug has you suddenly fighting back tears... you're probably sad. That's cool. Work with it.)* If you're facing others who are sad, do the same thing. What are they disappointed about? How can you acknowledge and respect that? How can you facilitate a path forward? *(A hack for this one: don't hug other people without asking. It's dodgy territory.)* ## Anger can be channelled It's OK to be angry. It's super OK to be scared or sad. It's not OK to be a dick about it, and it's not OK for others to behave badly. Instead of retreating from feelings or the feelings, or retaliating, [take the time to understand what sits underneath](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-convert-a-cynic-assume-positive-intent/). What's worrying here, or what's been lost? What injustice are you arc-ing up against? What can you do about it? What are the most important things for you to change? How can you get others on board and take action? ## Harness anger for good I'm a big fan of anger when it's harnessed for good. I love it when I walk into a workshop packed with warring factions and nervous tension, because I've got something to work with. What facilitator doesn't want a room full of people who care and have the passion and focus to do something about it? Powerful things happen when you channel anger to create a new narrative together. Trust builds. People connect. Problems are tackled. Change gets started - and it keeps going because the energy is there to keep momentum. Next time you feel fury starting to bubble, don't push it away. Next time you walk into a room full of tension - silent or expressed - don't despair. It's a great opportunity to create something new. Breathe, put your own shit to the side, and get ready to make great things happen. ### Five important lessons i learned in 2020 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/five-important-lessons-i-learned-in-2020/ Last updated: 2025-10-02T23:43:51.000Z If 2020 had one thing going for it, it was lessons. Buckets of them. We learned, together, about what we were capable of. About what really mattered. About how we want to live, work and lead. But lessons, if we don’t embed them, have a habit of wearing off. So, before we launch into another year, have a think about the most important lessons you learned this year. Importantly, don’t put any pressure on it. They don’t need to be big and profound, you probably won’t remember them all, and you’ll get some of them wrong. It doesn’t matter. Just write them down. In no particular order, here’s five important lessons I learned this year. --- ## Lesson One: Values shape everything There is nothing less gratifying than living a life out of alignment with your values – except for living a life that doesn’t have any. Without a compass to check ourselves against, we unwittingly make choices that leave us feeling off at best, and self-loathing at worst. If you’re not clear on what you stand for, and what matters most for you, it might be time. When you’ve got your head around what your values are, try developing a set of ‘test’ questions for each one. I work with people and organisations on this all the time – asking: what’s your checklist? How do you test your decisions? How will you tell if it’s real? For example, if your value is about contribution, you might have the question: “*does this make a difference other people’s lives?*”. Or, if your value is about collaboration, you might ask: “*does everyone come out of this better off?*” or “*have all the right voices been included?*” The people, experiences, projects or quick thrills you compromise your integrity for are temporary. But you’ll have to live with yourself forever. So you’d better feel good about it. --- ## Lesson Two: It’s a long game Very few of the things we get worked up about matter as much as we think they do. Minor skirmishes and frustrations, deadlines, emails, meetings that look important on the surface often mean nothing as soon as they’re over. Try checking your calendar from three months ago, if you don’t believe me. Paradoxically though, that means that it’s all the little things that really *do* matter. How we spend our days is how we spend our lives, after all. Personal lives filled with meaning and work lives rich with purpose don’t happen by accident. They’re built on the small decisions we make about how we show up, where our time and energy is spent and how we respond to the bullshit we’ll encounter every day. When you make your small, daily decisions an obvious demonstration of your intention and values, your long game will take care of itself. --- ## Lesson Three: You’ve only got your health When our health is threatened, we’ll shut down the whole world for it, if we have to. Despite that, we live our lives pretending that it doesn’t. We prioritise all the things that 2020 showed us didn’t really matter, skipping exercise, cutting sleep short and grabbing something on the go. We fork out thousands on our homes and cars, and then we defer going to the dentist, claim we can’t afford a personal trainer and put off getting our moles checked. Isn’t it time we changed that? If you’ve been putting pressure on your body, torching it with chronic stress and disrespecting it, make no mistake: it will catch up with you eventually. Get out in front. Nothing else matters. --- ## Lesson Four: Nothing is as bad as you think Every worst-case scenario you have planned for your life, health, relationships or work is much worse in your head than it is in real life. Natural disasters, job losses, relationship breakdowns, betrayals, regrets, failures… all the stuff we work up in our heads to be catastrophic can just… happen. Despite setback after setback, the world keeps turning and in time, everything’s fine. There’s nothing you can’t handle. If 2020 taught us anything, it must be that. So trust yourself. Face your fears head on (I love [Tim Ferris’ ‘fear setting’](https://tim.blog/2017/05/15/fear-setting/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) for this) and stop making excuses why you can’t handle the worst or do the scary thing. Of course you can. --- ## Lesson Five: The process is the real work We’re so used to reading heroes journeys and happy endings, that we’ve become accustomed to thinking it’s outcomes that make us happy. Once we finish the project, find the right person, buy the perfect home, or get the dream job, our real life will start… right? Nup. One of the most disconcerting things we can experience is achieving a goal, especially one that we’ve sacrificed for, and then realising we don’t feel any different. Everywhere you go, there you are. Most people simply raise the stakes – often before they’ve even reached their first destination, living in a state of continuous dissatisfaction and striving. But there’s another way. When you can drop your ‘*When I… then I…*” and “*Once we… I can…*” , you can start finding joy and taking pride in what you get from the process instead. Celebrate the interim wins, take the time to reflect on your progress and learn to love the journey. Because it’s a long one. A ### How to move on: 4 steps towards acceptance URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-move-on-4-steps-towards-acceptance/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:26:27.000Z I'm a career facilitator, so I built the first iteration of my business by helping others make sense of things. It's clear to me from personal and professional experience that when we don't take enough time to reflect on what's happened, and why, we rob ourselves and our teams of the opportunity to learn, grow and change things for the future. But we can't stay there. In this article: - The danger of getting stuck - Why acceptance matters - Your 4-step acceptance pathway ## The danger of getting stuck Getting caught in a sense-making loop gets us stuck and keeps us looking backward. I know so many people that feel stuck right now. Teams are spinning their wheels. Leaders are getting nervous about how to gear up for another year of uncertainty as people wallow in the malaise and fallout of the one we just had. - Will there be another wave? - Should we have managed the last one differently? - Did we make a mistake laying people off? - Did we make a mistake not laying people off? - What should we commit to? - Who should we commit to? - Should I have bought a house this year? - Should I have left my job? - Should we have changed our business completely? …. and so it goes. So many questions, so few answers. The truth is, it kind of doesn't matter. What's done is done. At some point, we just have to move on. ## Why acceptance matters We all know someone who can't move on - from a hurt, an ex, a job, or a disappointment. Eventually, we don't want to hang out with them because we know we will hear the same old rehash. Maybe you're that person. When we feel like that, on some level, it's because we don't want to move on. It's scary. It might mean doing something new and unknown. Confronting something uncomfortable about ourselves. Taking a risk. Losing something or someone we really care about. When things are uncertain, we often don't know what to move on to. Don't get me wrong, acceptance is hard. It's even harder when you're taking a whole family, team or business along with you. But if we can't accept things for what they are, we stay stuck. When you reach a place of acceptance in your life, team or business, you start hearing phrases like: - "We've talked this to death. Now let's move forward." - "Of all the things we can't control - and there's a lot - let's get clear on what we can." - "This is a great map of our journey... what comes after this?" - "What's the title of the next chapter?" ## What acceptance is about Acceptance doesn't mean faking a silver lining. It doesn't mean justifying, rewriting the past, or supporting regretful decisions. Acceptance means permitting things to be as they are instead of struggling against them. It means leaving things you can't change alone. It means acknowledging the past and present without anxiety, guilt or shame. Acceptance gives you peace, power and happiness. So, let go of regret. Let go of disappointment. Take a step back, a deep breath, and bravely look toward the uncertain future. Things were never as certain as they looked. Things are never as bad as they seem. You've got the power to take charge. I can't promise that your decisions will be right or that the things you try will work. Many of them won't. But it's a long game, and if you don't look forward now, you'll soon be the person people avoid. The business people avoid working with. The leader people don't listen to. The team-member that drags everyone else down. It's time to get unstuck, accept reality, and take new steps. It's time to move on. ## Your acceptance pathway Get a head-start on your acceptance journey with these four baby steps: 1. Decide you want to move on 2. Acknowledge reality 3. Define a new frame 4. Choose your response ### Step 1: Decide you want to move on You can’t achieve something you don’t want yet. If you’re still holding on to frustration, disappointment or anger, it might be because you want to. There’s probably a little voice inside you saying: “why should I accept this? This is bullsh\*t!” Yep, it probably is bullshit. But if you want to get on with your life, you have to *want* to accept it. Here's a helpful tip: by accepting what's happened, you're not giving in or giving up. Acceptance is widely misunderstood. When we’ve been wronged, acceptance feels like giving in. Weakness. Losing power. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. Acceptance gives you your power back, freeing your energy from everything you can’t control. Acceptance is not agreeing with or acquiescing to what’s happened. It’s not about being weak - it’s about being strong enough to see things for what they are and take action anyway. Acceptance is about making an intentional choice to put your precious and finite attention in places that will bring you progress. #### Decision questions Try asking questions like: - “Is this where I want to put my energy?” - “What do I get out of panicking, ruminating or complaining about this?” - “How much power am I giving up by sitting here stuck?” ### Step 2: Acknowledge reality Acceptance needs awareness. You need to see things as they really are - not as you want to see them - if you’re ever going to move forward. Acknowledgement means sticking to the facts and stripping away the stories we put with them. #### For example… “*I lost my job"* is an acknowledgement. “*I lost my job because my boss is an unreasonable asshole”* is a story that keeps us stuck in blame. “*I lost my job and now I’ve wasted years for nothing*” is a story that keeps us stuck in anxiety. or “*We need to find new revenue streams this year*” is an acknowledgement. “*We need to find new revenue streams because COVID has ruined everything*” is a story that keeps us stuck in disappointment. “*We need to find new revenue streams and we don’t have many options*” is a story that keeps us stuck in fear. When you’re observing your own thoughts or the conversations of others, keep an ear out for stories and try to nip them in the bud. #### The sound of acknowledgement Try saying things like: - “That’s just a story we’re telling ourselves.” - “Let’s stick to the facts.” - “Let’s be honest with ourselves here.” ### Step 3: Define a new frame Once you’ve acknowledged things for how they are, you can tell a better story about them. Because while you might not have any control over what happens, you do have control over your perspective. ##### Useful framing questions With your unhelpful stories unearthed and put to bed, you can zoom out and ask some better, bigger-picture questions. - How does this fit into the scheme of things? - What chapter title will you give this bit? - What will this help with? - How can you grow from this? - What opportunities does it open up? ##### The sound of acceptance You're getting close to real acceptance once you define a new, more helpful frame. You can tell, because you find yourself thinking and saying things like: - *‘I’m actually glad this happened, because…’* - *‘If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this, it’s…’* This step isn’t about finding silver linings that don’t exist, but it is about taking a more useful view of your reality that you can do something with. When you focus on growth, learning and the big picture, you get out of the short-term stress response loop and come very close to moving on. ### Step 4: Choose your response When you’ve decided to move on, made peace with your reality and put things into perspective, all that’s left is the hard bit. You need to do things differently. This isn’t about a list of new tasks or a new project. These are only helpful when you have some certainty about what’s coming next. If you’re trying to accept something big, chances are you have no idea what’s around the corner. That’s cool. Acceptance isn’t about a master plan. It's about how you will show up and tackle the ongoing fallout. Acceptance is about taking the power back for your own behaviour and mindset and living in alignment. If you’ve lost your job, choose to stay open to new opportunities you haven’t considered. If you’re looking for new revenue, choose confidence in your customer relationships and show them extra support. If you’re coping with the end of a relationship, choose clear boundaries and standards for who you have in your life. If you’re coping with failure, choose to focus on the lessons you've learned and the growth you've experienced. #### Good questions to choose a response - “Who do we want to be as we move on from this?” - “What matters most to us?” - “How can we respond that we will be proud of when we look back?” ### Bonus step: keep going Above all, acceptance isn’t an achievement to unlock, but a practice. When things are tough, you’ll probably move in and out of these steps each and every day. That’s not a sign it isn’t working. It’s more proof that things are still shifting, and you can shift with them. Challenge yourself and those around you, and when you get it wrong… start again tomorrow. You’ve got this. A ### End like you mean to continue URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/end-like-you-mean-to-continue/ Last updated: 2025-10-05T00:38:11.000Z There are 17 days until Christmas. The way I see it, you've got two options: 1\. Keep doing what you're doing. Tell yourself that if you just survive the next couple of weeks, you'll do things differently next year. With some space over the break, you'll be able to think about it and make some decisions then. 2\. Change now. Realise that once these urgent things are over, there will simply be new ones to replace them. Make some hard calls now, and end this year the way you want to start the next one. It's up to you. ### Play the long game webinar URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/play-the-long-game-webinar/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:28:46.000Z _No content available._ ### Beyond Consultation: A Business Lab podcast URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/beyond-consultation-a-business-lab-podcast/ Last updated: 2025-10-15T23:36:46.000Z [Ep 8 - On Strategy, with Alicia McKay — Business LabThe Beyond Consultation podcast aims to help government and community organisations to go beyond the bare minimum of ticking the box with consultation.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/favicon-7.ico)Business LabBusiness Lab![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/Podcast-Episode-images--16-.png)](https://www.businesslab.co.nz/beyond-consultation-podcast/8?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ## Introducing Alicia McKay Alicia McKay is New Zealand’s leading voice in strategy, change and leadership. Former strategy consultant and facilitator, she has worked with New Zealand and Australia’s most senior leaders in government, business and community as a coach, trainer and mentor. She’s watched people go around in circles, burn themselves out, and waste their time on bullsh\*t for years - and she’s done all that too. **But not anymore.** Former foster kid, teen parent and all around shit-magnet, Alicia is passionate about supporting others to create meaningful change. Originally out of the public sector, Alicia has worked with local, regional, state and central government across New Zealand and Australia and has partnered with leaders in transport, infrastructure and engineering, banking, finance, professional services, education, health and social services. Alicia reaches global audiences online, has a dedicated[ LinkedIn ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/aliciamckaynz?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)following and co-hosts popular What’s On Your Mind podcast with Digby Scott. She is the author of two books, *From Strategy to Action: A Guide to Getting Sh\*t Done in the Public Sector* with her next book due for publication in May 2021\. You can **connect with Alicia** on [LinkedIn](https://www.linkedin.com/in/aliciamckaynz?lipi=urn%3Ali%3Apage%3Ad%5Fflagship3%5Fprofile%5Fview%5Fbase%5Fcontact%5Fdetails%3BrGFypcGpSbeTXhRY4mA6uw%3D%3D&ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) or contact her via [email](mailto:alicia@aliciamckay.co.nz). ## In today’s episode you’ll learn about: - The two big reasons why we find strategy so hard - Some major legislative reform that might have escaped your attention in the craziness of 2020 - Why most training and professional development is doomed to fail (and what you can do to ensure your investment is worth its while) - How senior leaders can work less and achieve more, through the arena-driven story model. ## Resources mentioned on the show - Alicia’s [Website](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/) where you can signup to her must-read Wednesday Wisdom emails - [The Spectrum of Public Participation developed by IAP2](https://iap2.org.au/resources/spectrum/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) - Information about the [Public Sector Act 2020](https://www.publicservice.govt.nz/our-work/reforms/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) and what these reforms mean - Alicia’s book *From Strategy to Action* \- fantastic present for anybody working in the public or community sectors. ### 4 steps to playing the long game URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/4-steps-to-playing-the-long-game-2/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:07:35.000Z Nothing matters as much as you think in the long run. Don’t believe me? Take a look at your calendar or to-do list from three months ago. Scroll through some of your messages from a year ago with your best mate. The stuff that kept you awake at night, had you put in extra hours, or agonised over the right choice, doesn’t seem such a big deal now, does it? Nothing much would have changed if you hadn’t done a third of it. Now, think about some of the hardest things you’ve coped with. The stuff that felt unmanageable and you didn’t know how you’d get past. The odds are that it all worked out right. You probably refer to that and appreciate how you changed, grew, or learned. When you look back, you’ve got a long-game lens. It's like a wide-angle setting for your brain. When the long game lens is on, you see how individual choices, events, and upsets fit into the bigger picture and work those into your narrative. We can do that for the past and often for the future, too. That’s how we set goals and make plans. But we struggle to do it for the present. It's why there's such a disconnect between strategy sessions and workplace behaviour—we get the long game lens out in the meeting room and put it away again when we get back to our desks. When we can bring some of that long-game perspective into the present, we see our options, choices and daily events differently. We ask questions like: - "Does this take me closer to the end goal?" - "How will I talk about this in a year?" - "Is this the best use of my time?" - "What consequences will this have?" As a blackboard outside a coffee shop will probably tell you sometime soon (but John Lennon said first): > "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.” That’s all well and good, but it’s not helpful when you need to work out how to think differently now. If you didn’t feel like shit, you wouldn’t have stopped to read a quote like that in the first place. ## Your long-game toolkit To get you started, here are your top four tools for playing the long game: 1. Perspective 2. Purpose 3. Patience 4. Practice. ### 1\. Perspective will take care of your pain The closer you are to something, the more important it seems. Our brains are wired to put immediate threats first, which makes sense from an evolutionary biology standpoint. We react to the threats in front of us, to stay alive. This is great when we’re staring down a woolly mammoth but not so useful when we turn into reactive drama queens, panicking at every new email and catastrophising every relationship, project or meeting that doesn’t go to plan. Given we’re so good at putting things into perspective in retrospect, it can be helpful to play Future You when everything seems unmanageable. Try thinking about your life as a book and about this disaster or phase as an event or a chapter. How would it fit into the broader story of what came before and what came next? What would this chapter be called? Try writing a list instead titled something like '10 Reasons This Doesn’t Really Matter’ or ‘5 Reasons I’m Glad This Happened.’ For bonus points, read your list aloud. When we say things out loud, our brain believes us, and we’re naturally pretty good storytellers. Hack that annoying bias for good. ### 2\. Purpose will give you perspective It feels like our experiences are factual because they’re tangible. If you can see, smell, hear or taste something, it must be real… right? Wrong. Most of what we experience is just a projection of our shit. Like Google, our mind runs on a series of filters, sorting through the metric tonne of sensory information available at any given time to present us with relevant results. This is great, if you’re a good Googler using the right search criteria. But if your criteria are unhelpful - or worse, if they’re unclear - the sorting function doesn’t work. Some things seem more important than they are, while the most critical stuff falls by the wayside. It’s why you get to the end of a busy day exhausted but wondering what you achieved. In *Essentialism* Greg McKeown calls this the ‘paradox of leadership’—feeling overwhelmed and underutilised at the same time. Perspective doesn’t work without purpose. > It's hard to see things for what they are if you don’t know who you are or what you care about. McKeown calls this your ‘highest point of contribution.’ Simon Sinek calls it your ‘why.’ Call it what you like. The guts of it is that the minutiae doesn't seem so relevant when you’ve got your eye on something bigger and more meaningful. Who cares if someone cut you off on the motorway or Ben in Accounting took the wrong tone in his email when you’re focused on building something important? I don’t know your bigger purpose - maybe saving dolphins, bringing sustainability into the workplace, or being a present parent. It doesn’t matter what it is. It just matters that you have one. Your life will always fill up with stuff, because you secretly want it to. All those pressing concerns are a helpful distraction from spending time with yourself. We avoid boredom because we’d have to face the truth about our super-important work and life things and wonder if this is all bullshit. Taking the time to understand what you really value and the impact you want to have on the world might be scary, but the evidence suggests it’s worthwhile. People motivated by a strong sense of purpose tend to live more meaningful lives, have more satisfying relationships, and do better at work. These are nice things to have. ### 3\. Patience will find your purpose How uncomfortable would you be if I asked you directly - ‘Hey Charlie, what’s YOUR purpose?’ Some of you might be enlightened already and point straight to your LinkedIn tagline or Instagram bio. The rest of you would squirm awkwardly, make a bad joke, or stumble through a jumbled explanation, apologising as you went and secretly fearing that you might not *have* a purpose. That’s OK. Most of us are banging around in the dark. It’s a long game, remember? Your purpose probably won’t come to you in a bolt of lightning, but will morph and shift over time. For on-the-job learning, the first step is simply to do things and notice how they make you feel. When I work with clients, I ask them to notice how their energy changes when they do different things and react in different situations. - What lights you up? - What do you love the most about your job? - What do you hate the most about your job? - What do you get lost in? - What gets you all over-excited and annoying when it comes up at dinner? Pay attention to those things, and you’ll start to work it out. If you’ve spent the last decade working too hard or getting lost in your kids and don’t know what you like anymore, that’s cool. Just do some stuff. Maybe you’re an artist? Maybe you like gardening? Maybe you’re into social justice? Maybe you don’t know yet. Start noticing, keep track, and when you find something that works, do more of it. Over time, your criteria will get clearer - and your search results will, too. ### 4\. Practice will give you patience Once you’ve thrashed around for a while figuring out what you care about, and you can sum it up in an Instagram bio, you will have a happy and fulfilling life, maintain a useful perspective on everything and become a Zen master. …Or not. Knowing your purpose isn’t enough. You have to do something about it. > Knowing your purpose and not living in alignment with it will make you more miserable. You can see how you’re wasting time and energy, but you’re still doing those things. Ah, transition. Unfortunately, having a long-term vision doesn’t make it magically appear (sorry if you’ve read The Secret and thought it would.) Everyone knows the "one day" guy. One day, they’ll write a book. One day, they’ll start their own business. One day, they’ll run a marathon. Maybe you are that guy. But one day will come, and if you didn’t write anything, launch anything, or pick up a running habit, the odds are against you. In this way, playing the long game is a bit of a paradox. On the one hand, nothing matters as much as you think it does. On the other hand, your small choices add up to big change. James Clear writes about this in *Atomic Habits*, but every wealth advisor has been preaching consistent, incremental deposits forever. Compound interest is the 8th wonder of the world, and you can create compound payoffs in your life, too. > How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. > – Annie Dillard When we use our long-game lens in the present, we channel our purpose-filtered search results to create small choices, habits and behaviours that get us closer to the big picture… and let the rest go. To keep a healthy perspective on the present, do more of what lights you up - write that book, start that website, go to that class and take small steps to bring sustainability into your workplace and help autistic dolphins. Do less of what gets in the way, and when something pisses you off, push it through your filter. Ask questions like: - “Is this worth my energy?” - “Does investing my time here take me closer to my long game?” - “What should I focus on instead?” - “How do I get rid of this from my life"?” - “Can I just let this go?” Your long game is ultimately defined by your short term. So check how you’re reacting, what you’re choosing and what you’re saying. Above all: - Figure out what you care about - Pace yourself while you make better choices - Let most of the other shit fall away. It doesn’t matter anyway. Or, in the words of my daughter, scrawled on a Post-it note on my fridge: “Do something today that helps you tomorrow.” (Charlie, 10) \- AM ### How to convert a cynic: assume positive intent URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-convert-a-cynic-assume-positive-intent/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:27:17.000Z As a facilitator, I can spot a cynic a mile away. Their body language is pure resistance: folded arms, suspicious expressions, and deep sighs. They don’t need to say anything to identify themselves (though they usually do) because their energy says most of it for them. \]It’s easy to be frustrated by these people – negative, shooting down people’s ideas and throwing a spanner in the works. Worse, it’s even tempting to argue with them. Why do they have to be so resistant to change? Why are they such a pain in the a\*s? Why can’t they play the game like everyone else? Here’s why: because they represent something important. Either they’re expressing things that other people are thinking but not saying, or they can spot a problem that others don’t. Almost without exception, your cynics are worth converting. [Anger beats apathy ](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/angry-people/)every time. When people care enough to be grumpy, they’re worth spending the time on. When I train people to facilitate, I often have them complete a design-thinking empathy map for their cynics before they walk into a room. Digging deeper doesn't take long, but it can make all the difference between getting frustrated and understanding. For some leaders or facilitators, dealing with cynics is a chore. In the same way that traditional parenting encouraged us to ignore or punish bad behaviour, lest we ‘reward’ our children for needing help, traditional leadership was all about shutting down, removing or punishing cynicism. This might send it underground, but it won't remove it. Positive parenting is about taking the time to understand our children’s unmet needs (so they can learn to understand them too!). It took me a while to deprogram my instinctive response to shut my kids down when they acted out, because I wasn’t raised that way. But once I managed it, and my children began to trust that my love and support weren’t conditional, the difference was extraordinary. The same is true of good facilitation and good leadership. Not because we should think of our people like children (although, as Russell Brand once said, we’re all babies...) but because when people are difficult, it’s usually for a good reason. If we take the time to figure that out by moving past what we see on the outside, we find the good stuff. There’s no such thing as a single crime, so if someone expresses cynicism or mistrust, you can be sure that it exists quietly in other corners, too. - Maybe this is the seventh one of these they've suffered through. - Maybe they've seen something similar fail. - Maybe they're afraid of what this will mean for their job. - Maybe they're worried how it will look to their boss, or an important client. - Maybe they're more switched on than you realise. I like to operate on the assumption of positive intent - most people come to work to do a good job and try their best. If they're being difficult, it's probably for a good reason. This is true in most situations - friends, colleagues, and people. And hey - maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they're not worried about something important or seeing something you're not. But if you don't take the time to understand where they're coming from, you're asking for trouble. And if you do, you might be surprised. When you convert a cynic, they often become your biggest champion. So, what's going on with your cynics? What if you assumed positive intent? Til next week \- A ### How to handle uncertainty (because it's harder than change) URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-handle-uncertainty/ Last updated: 2025-10-05T00:18:23.000Z Last week, I argued that people don’t fear change. As I outlined in [this LinkedIn post](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/aliciamckaynz%5Fstrategy-change-leadership-activity-6729897888689856512-sRQb?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz), we fear what change represents: loss, uncertainty, learning and challenge. All four of those are tricky, but uncertainty could be the hardest. Change management is one of this year’s most in-demand services, but we need uncertainty management. ## Uncertainty management is the new change management Uncertainty management gives us the skills to plan for an uncertain future and face the unknown - because that stuff is exhausting. We feel stuck in place. Powerless. It’s understandable right now, but it’s dangerous. That stuckness, left unchecked, is a fast track to burnout. When COVID hit, we had a common enemy to fight – things to change and do and adrenaline to keep us going. Now, though, the stuckness is creeping in. We don’t know when it will end or what it will mean, and if we’re not careful, we start to feel a bit… over it. We get cynical. Our work and lives lose meaning. Everyone I talk to right now has some variety of this stuckness. But uncertainty isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, so it’s time we got better at dealing with it. ## You can't always change the thing I recently encountered a powerful idea that I’d love to share with you - when it comes to stressful circumstances, it’s not always the stressor you need to manage – it’s the stress. [This podcast interview](https://open.spotify.com/episode/57lSXDGL5qiGCu1BWwHXJU?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) between Brene Brown and Emily and Amelia Nagoski, authors of [Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle](https://www.amazon.com/Burnout-Secret-Unlocking-Stress-Cycle/dp/198481706X?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) spoke to me. It also inspired me to read the book – which I’m now recommending left, right and centre, especially to women. The Nagoski twins posit that burnout happens when we get stuck in a stress response cycle—and the ticket out is finding a way to complete our own response. As an action-oriented, #GSD kind of person, I’ve spent my life making decisions, doing things quickly, and charging forward. Realising that changing the thing isn’t always the answer—and will rarely be the entire solution—was a lightbulb moment for me. This is a potent lesson in high-uncertainty environments because you often can’t change things. However, you can change how you respond and find agency in what you can control. ## Play the question game Here’s a helpful exercise I like to use with clients. I call it the Question Game, and it has magic powers for uncertainty management. You can’t work with what you can’t see, and uncertainty can feel like a nameless, shapeless fog. So, get it down. Make it real. Get all that uncertainty out on a page in the form of questions. ### Step 1: The list List all of your unspoken questions—work, life, personal, big, and small. You might write things like: "Will my job be safe?" "Will I be able to travel to see my family overseas soon?" "Will my kids be OK with my divorce?" "Will my business survive the year?" "Should we invest in that new system?" "Should we put this service online?" ### Step 2: Quick answers Work through your questions, attempting an answer for each. Mine are usually some variety of: - Yes (So make a plan, take action, or stop thinking about it!) - No (So do what you have to, to let it go) - Maybe (It will become clear. Take a small step or try an experiment.) ### Step 3: Deep breath Take a deep breath and feel better and more in control of your fog. When you put it all down this way, your uncertainty stops being a dark cloud in your head, dragging you down and keeping you tired, and becomes a manageable, malleable little beast that you can draw lines through and talk about. And right now, that’s about the best we can ask for. Who knows what’s coming next? Not me. Give the question game a go – and let me know how you get on ### How to think about change URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-think-about-change/ Last updated: 2025-10-05T23:34:28.000Z If you’re not doing ‘change’ right now, you’re not in fashion. Whether it’s organisational change, personal transformation (hi Spring!) or even career change, it’s in the springtime air. I’m so down for this. Change is my favourite thing – new growth, ideas, and possibilities. But apparently, not everyone feels the same. People always grumble about how “resistant to change” their colleagues and teams are. Rubbish. People don’t fear change – as [Heifetz and Linsky](https://hbr.org/2002/06/a-survival-guide-for-leaders?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) point out, no one gives back a winning lottery ticket! It’s loss that people are afraid of. ## The world got weird In 2020, the world feels less knowable than it used to, and the potential for loss seems around every corner. People are losing their freedom, families, and jobs as COVID continues to ravage the globe. In New Zealand, we’re bizarrely insulated from the primary impacts of the pandemic, but the secondary ones are starting to hit hard. Economic uncertainty and border closures are having a ripple effect through our businesses, policy-making, and future planning. COVID aside, work and the world feels less knowable than they used to, don’t they? Our parents and grandparents left school, got a job, and felt confident doing that job for their careers. It wasn’t necessarily easy, but it felt stable. Teachers taught. Lawyers lawyer-ed. Doctors doctor-ed. But now, when my kids talk about what they want to be when they grow up, I’m unsure what to say. What is a teacher in pandemic uncertainty and with online learning? What are lawyers as we advance blockchain, encrypted data and global commerce? How will medicine evolve as bedside assistants become robots, society ages, the middle-class questions vaccines and biotechnology hurtles ahead? ## Change is constant Take heart if you’ve got personal, organisational or career change on the cards. According to a LinkedIn source, people will, on average, switch jobs fifteen times in their lifetime, which could include a handful of significant career shifts. The rules are different now, and the options are more varied and flexible. Change is not new. We’ve been grappling with new occupations, ideas, and technologies forever. But the kind of change we’re dealing with is different. Like our career paths, it feels less knowable than before. Things are more complex. Lucky for us, complexity is not a bad thing. Complex systems, like in nature, are more resilient and adaptive. We lose our more fragile bits as we go through adversity and come out the other side smarter, stronger and better prepared for the next thing. ## You're made for this People, communities, businesses, society and policy have been growing, changing, learning and improving for centuries. Sometimes, it’s slow, and we hardly notice how far we’ve come unless we look back. Sometimes, it’s fast, scary and turns everything upside down. Either way, it’s OK. We’re built for this. We’re an evolutionary animal, and we thrive on the chance to improve things – as long as we feel like we’re part of it. So don’t step back. Don’t be a plastic bag battered around by the winds of change. Focus on your bit. The exciting bit. The learning, the growth and the opportunities. And hey - I know you can’t feel like that every day. It might be that today, this email hits your inbox, and you roll your eyes and swear at me through your phone. That’s cool, I get it. Some days, getting up and feeling grumpy, worried, and resentful is fine. Being a person is hard. Being a person who doesn’t know what’s coming next is even harder. But you can’t stay there – and it’s unlikely you will. Take the day, be emo, and then start again tomorrow. You’re born to change. Keep moving. ### How to stop being a plastic bag URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-stop-being-a-plastic-bag/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:01:41.000Z American Beauty is one of my favourite movies. In one memorable scene, we watch Ricky’s video of an empty, wrinkled plastic bag tossed about in the wind. We follow the bag as it whips about violently, spiralling skyward and then floating to the ground. > 'And this bag was like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that’s the day I knew there was this entire life behind things.' > > – Ricky, American Beauty Have you ever opened your calendar to find nothing but other people’s priorities staring back at you? Look at it now. It happens quickly; your calendar is just the tip of the iceberg. You're not alone if you’ve ever felt swept up in the rhythm and frustrated by the lack of space for stuff you care about. Many well-intentioned people feel a bit like Ricky’s plastic bag. Pulled and tugged in all directions, they find themselves at the mercy of other people’s choices and priorities. Unlike a plastic bag, you have agency. You can’t control the wind, but taking responsibility for your actions is the mark of real leadership. We don’t know when the next pandemic will hit. We can’t control how our boss shows up today, what our partner or children will do next, what the economy will do, or whether our customers will be sold on our next big thing. But we do have absolute control over our response - and that agency is what life and leadership are all about. As Thoreau wrote: *'Things do not change; we change.'* We can seize our sense of agency by: - Knowing and living by our values - Having conviction in our thoughts and ideas - Creating our own rules for how we want to live and work - Intentionally seeking discomfort and risk - Making better choices. Off you go. ### Get Your Shit Together: A value-packed workbook for frustrated high achievers URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/get-your-shit-together-a-value-packed-workbook-for-frustrated-high-achievers/ Last updated: 2026-08-17T11:17:42.000Z ## Diagnose your discontent Tune into what's driving you right now, and use that to guide your #GYST journey. Select your most difficult challenge and follow the easy steps, tools and templates to get you back on track. ## Learn new strategies ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/Screenshot-202024-03-20-20at-206.webp) Featured: a 'premortem' tool for putting risk into perspective and preparing yourself for disruption and change. Very few things can't be solved with the right three-column table. Use these handy templates to debug your overwhelm and frustration. ## Understand your overwhelm ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/09/Screenshot-202024-03-20-20at-207-2.webp) Everyone struggles with productivity challenges. In this workbook, learn what sits behind these annoying feelings and change your perspective on your battles. ## Download now Download your GYST workbook now _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Three things you can do to make your meetings suck less URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/3-things-you-can-do-to-make-your-meetings-suck-less-2/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:59:47.000Z Your meetings probably suck and it's probably not your fault. Why are so many workshops and meetings that are supposed to be important, so hopeless? Boring talkfests, frustrating circularity or outright disengagement are raging in meeting rooms across the world, despite the best efforts of leaders and facilitators alike. There’s lots of good reasons, but here’s one biggie: **Because we expect our time in the room to be enough.** We think that focusing on the time we spend together will do the job, and we pour our energy into that. Materials. Slideshows. Exercises. Building marshmallow towers. Having good discussions. But fast forward three months, and *still* nothing has happened. What’s that about? Meetings that matter are about driving change *outside* the meeting room - which means we need to put our attention there. You know at university, when your lecturer explains that for every hour of class time, you’ll have an hour’s reading, and an hour’s assessment? This is a bit like that. - People have way too many meetings to go to, and not enough time to do the work they talk about in them - Every one is under so much pressure that they’re dropping balls left right and centre - It’s easy to forget or deprioritise stuff that you actually care about, much less things that don’t have a direct impact on our life. --- In Meetings that Matter, we put just as much attention on the work we do before and after a workshop, as we do on the time we spend in the room. Making the most of our time together is important. We need to build trust and understanding, shape meaningful choices, share new perspectives and make careful decisions. But if we don’t pay careful attention to what happens when people leave, we’re going to see progress stall. Here are three simple things you can do to turn the curve on workshop that sucks 1. Make your purpose crystal clear 2. Eliminate obstacles to engagement 3. Close the loop - quickly. --- ## Tip 1: Understand your purpose Every meeting should only have one job - and everyone should know what it is, ahead of time. If people are opening their calendars to find a meeting invite that says something like “digital transformation committee workshop 7” with no other information, they’re going to groan, and do their best to get out of it. To change this: - Choose the one job of your meeting. - Think about how people are feeling coming in, and how you want them to feel when they leave. - Send a brief email, video or invite that makes the purpose of your meeting crystal clear. --- ## Tip 2: Eliminate obstacles It’s hard to focus when there’s lots of other stuff going on. Whether it’s interpersonal, personal, or professional, people find it hard to show up and engage at the best of times. Because of that, running an effective workshop process is less about adding things - exercises, questions and activities - than it is about *removing* obstacles. Technology, conflict, unsaid worries and fears, disenchanting meeting rooms, people that don’t pay attention… all of these issues have the potential to throw your meeting off course, regardless of how good your agenda is. Before running a meeting, take the time to think about: - What your attendees are dealing with right now - including what they might be thinking and feeling. - How you can make it easy for people to show up at their best - What obstacles you will need to remove to make your meeting great. --- ## Tip 3: Close the loop Once people leave your session, you have a short window to tie things back together and keep them on track. Respecting people’s time, energy and input means going out of your way to thank them and show them the product of their efforts. No-one should wait more than a week - and preferably no more than three days - to see an output, even if it’s a simple email. Simple but effective tools for closing the loop include: - A brief video thanking people for their time - An email with bullet points summarising the discussion and next steps - Photos of the whiteboard or flip charts - An additional resource, link or book to build on what you discussed together. Note that none of these suggestions are based on what you do *in* the room - because if we’re targeting action to happen outside the room, what we do there matters at least as much. Happy workshopping, everyone. ### Commit or quit URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/commit-or-quit-2/ Last updated: 2026-07-19T08:29:17.000Z Do you ever sit in a conversation where everybody furiously agrees, leave feeling great about what you’ve decided – but then nothing happens? I see this a lot. Everything important you've ever achieved has required commitment - from diversity to employment, marriage, and children. Involvement isn't enough. As the saying goes, the difference between involvement and commitment is like a bacon and egg breakfast. The chicken was involved, but the pig was committed. Good decisions are not about what we *should* do or will *try* to do. They're about what we *will* do. Fuzzy decisions fail. Good decisions demand a genuine commitment to action, which means: A) Being extremely careful about what we say yes to, or tacitly agree to B) Only saying what we mean C) Taking tangible action that backs up our promises, as soon as possible. When it comes to change, **commit** or **quit.** The longer you leave it, the more likely it will die. ### Facilitating difficult groups: 6 lessons I learned the hard way URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/facilitating-difficult-groups-6-lessons-i-learned-the-hard-way/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:58:19.000Z When I was 22 years old, a graduate policy wonk in my first real job, I was tasked with my first strategic planning assignment. The brief: prepare a “Biodiversity Action Plan” for the district, acting on Council’s behalf. I was handed a preselected working group – farmers, landowners, industry representatives, environmental protection groups, regional and central government - and told to “get them to agree on a plan for the future” I think this is what’s known as a baptism by fire? Either way, I set to my task with the kind of starry-eyed enthusiasm that only fresh grads have, and throughout a series of meetings, which weren’t all pleasant, we found our way. That job taught me some of the most important lessons in my work as a facilitator, and I’ve drawn and built on those for the remainder of my career. On the face of it, it’s almost an impossible task, right? The representatives on my group had deeply entrenched positions, with a lot at stake. They had: - Wildly different ideas about what mattered most – in particular, the tension between economy and environment - Strong identities in their professional and personal roles—farmers in our district represented a long, multi-generational tradition of working the land for production, while our unpaid activists had dedicated their lives to protecting our native species. In this project, I learned six lessons about facilitating a group with wildly different ideas and strong identities. ## Lesson 1: Alignment is not agreement From the outside, those positions looked untenable. How could we get people to agree, if it meant losing face on what mattered most to them? Here’s the secret: alignment isn’t about agreement. It’s about [productive disagreement](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/agreement-sucks-aim-for-productive-disagreement/).Real alignment, the stuff that brings diverse groups and communities together, is about productively disagreeing in a way that reaches consensus. ## Lesson 2: Anger beats apathy High-tension groups are great because they care. Anger beats apathy every time. People that bring loud, strong opinions to a room like that (which they did!) are passionate, which means they’re engaged. Rather than working to convince a room of decision-makers why they should care, which is often the first hurdle, the [facilitator](https://academy.aliciamckay.co.nz/course/meetings-that-matter?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz)’s role in that environment is to harness the energy for good. So, how did we do it? How did we reconcile opposing ideas and competing identities, to reach a solution that worked for everyone? ## Lesson 3: Facts and feelings are unhelpful I would have wasted my time if I’d asked anyone to give up their position. While we all tend to believe that our beliefs are based on evidence, we’re generally wrong. Facts do not change feelings. I could have tried, though, telling the environmentalists about the annual GDP contribution of the local farms, the number of jobs they create, and the town's dependence on supporting services and businesses. I could have stated the percentage of biodiversity loss to the farmers, outlined the forecast impact on the climate if we didn’t preserve balance in the ecosystem and explained the long-range impacts on the economy if we don’t become more sustainable. But I didn’t. So, did I try appealing to their emotions instead? Did I urge the compliance-focused regional council to think about how much they love using their lakes and rivers for recreation and tug on the heartstrings of the industry to restore the history of a lush Canterbury Plains? No. Because those things don’t work. Both approaches require my participants to give something up. To admit that they’ve been wrong, and lose something. ## Lesson 4: Find the sweet spot Instead of focusing on our differences, this group progressed when they could focus on what made them the same. We find this in the sweet spot between ideas and identities. The sweet spot isn’t made of facts or feelings. It’s made of things like values and shared narratives. This handy [Meetings that Matter](https://academy.aliciamckay.co.nz/course/meetings-that-matter?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) model helps us to see when we're in the sweet spot looks like: ![ideas identities transparent](https://8729452.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8729452/ideas%20identities%20transparent.png) While we couldn’t agree on what came first, the economy or the environment, there were some things we could furiously align on. Things like: *A deep respect for and connection to the land* and *A strong desire to preserve it for future generations, whether for farming, recreation, or the survival of native bush.* Working from there, we could focus on what we gained, not lost. We developed a set of shared values and created a shared narrative that looked to the future. ## Lesson 5: Plans need principles, not positions With our [values](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/tag/values/) and principles agreed upon and understood, the differences began to dissolve. With a pathway for making decisions together, we were able to put aside the things that kept us apart and stay focused on what united us, so that we could: Ensure everyone could access and enjoy what our natural environment has to offer, now and in the future Maintain a strong quality of life in our district, supported by a thriving economy Preserve what was special and unique about our place, so we could be proud of it Take responsibility for our local area and owning our role in making those things a reality. With those principles laid out clearly, people could commit to taking action in the unique space that brought them to life, without being asked to lose anything that mattered most to them. ## Lesson 6: Facilitators are translators When I train facilitators, I draw on this story and others and implore them to treat their role as a great privilege and responsibility. Facilitators act as a bridge between worlds, translating their groups' ideas and identities into a safe, shared space. They hear what isn’t said, extract the commonalities and meaning from often heated statements, and bring those things together to create something new. This is a special job, and it isn’t for the fainthearted—but once you master those skills, you can take them everywhere—family Christmas, arguments with your spouse and children, political tensions between friends. With very few exceptions, people aren’t stupid or evil. They aren’t out to get you. The benefits of harnessing diversity in the way we think and the things we care about far outweigh the cons, even when we don’t always understand why others think the way they do—and as a facilitator, you get to experience that every time you walk into a room. Pretty cool, eh? ### Auckland District Health Board, Online, September 2020 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/auckland-district-health-board-online-september-2020/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:28:59.000Z _No content available._ ### Alicia McKay speaker reel URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/alicia-mckay-speaker-reel/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:29:08.000Z _No content available._ ### How to tame talkfests: focus prompts for frustrated facilitators URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-tame-talkfests-focus-prompts-for-frustrated-facilitators-2/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T02:57:43.000Z Man, I get sick of people talking sh\*t. To be fair, it’s an occupational hazard. I run strategy and leadership workshops, where people are used to coming along and saying lots of wise things before walking out, relieved they don’t actually have to do anything. It gets exhausting though, doesn’t it? Talking in circles and leaving in frustration when those conversations don’t turn into anything. Too many of those and mutual trust starts to break down. When we have the same conversation one too many times, we lose hope. > “If your actions don't live up to your words, you have nothing to say.” ― DaShanne Stokes How many of you have been to meetings like that? How many of you are going to one today? Talkfests are important – they have a job to do. We can’t build understanding together, unless we get stuck into the whys and what-fors. If we don’t have a shared idea about the problem we’re solving, or the goal we’re aiming for, then we trip ourselves up later. People need to care about the why, before they can even think about the what. The problem is when we get stuck there. If we stay in the talkfest zone too long, our chances of changing anything drop right off. To get out of the talkfest vortex, we need to convert our insights into something real – and that starts with focus. You can’t have change, unless you’re willing to let go of something. Change is not *as well as –* it’s *instead of.* And unless you know what matters the most, you won’t be able to let go with any conviction. This is the stage where we need to make tricky trade-offs that will shape our choices and take us closer to action, and that’s not always easy. You *will* need to trade off things that matter. Things that you care about, value and worked hard to get – but aren’t serving you anymore. That’s where focus comes in. **It’s where we ask questions like:** - Who are we willing to let down? - What can’t we do anymore? - What scary thing will we have to confront? - Where is our energy best spent, to create the kind of future we really want? Nail those things, and magic starts to happen. What do you reckon? Is it time for a tough conversation? ### Public service of the future webinar URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/public-service-of-the-future-webinar/ Last updated: 2026-03-09T21:12:41.000Z _No content available._ ### How to make people listen: be trustworthy URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-make-people-listen/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T10:44:29.000Z When people ask me to help them run workshops and meetings, they often come in with lofty goals. How do I get people to really be in this? To own these outcomes and to take action? How do I get people to put away their siloes, their fears and their issues to make real progress? Generally, I start with the basics. The first hurdle is trust. Without it, it doesn’t matter what you have to say, how good your workshop is or how important these problems are. If they don’t trust you, they can’t hear you. If they don’t trust each other, they can’t engage. The level of influence you have on others is directly proportionate to the level of trust they have in you - and trust is a prize worth having. Teams with high trust produce better results, with fewer resources. Leaders with high trust enjoy the benefit of the doubt every time they enter a new room, have a new idea or approach a new client, customer or employee. Their reputation precedes them - and carefully nurturing that should be a high priority for any strategic leader. > *“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.”* > – Epictetus In the consulting world, where I’ve spent much of my career, its often said that you’re only as good as your last job. As a leader, the principle is the same. Stephen Covey, in *The Speed of Trust* defines four key elements to establishing credibility: 1. Integrity - being honest, walking the talk 2. Intent - making sure your motives are clearly understood 3. Capabilities – the skills and knowledge to do your job well 4. Results – what we get done. Covey puts credibility down to two questions: - Do I trust myself? - Am I someone others can trust? If you want to influence others, start with trust. People need you to be consistent, accountable and honest. Then, and only then, they might listen. ### Meeting planner URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/meeting-planner/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T13:47:21.000Z Free download for you to plan better meeting and workshops _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Beware the lure of the new: sustainable change URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/beware-the-lure-of-the-new-sustainable-change/ Last updated: 2025-10-05T23:12:10.000Z It’s been a hell of a few months. We’ve had to adapt fast as the world has gone mad. For many of us, it hasn’t been all bad. COVID has provided the opportunity to accelerate change that’s been in the works for a while—digital transformation and more flexible and remote working are two biggies. As Trade Me and The Warehouse Group slash staff numbers and shift their operating models, ostensibly due to the pandemic, commentators' murmurs tell a different story: those companies are seizing the opportunity to make changes that have been in the works for some time. We’ve had that here too. Shifting to virtual facilitation and executive coaching has enabled us to speed up big new initiatives, allowing us to hit go on more leveraged delivery forms as we launch forward with training, licensing and distribution. Take care, though: The lure of the new is powerful, but it can come at the expense of the now. When we get too tangled up in the new, we risk losing what’s working now. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/2025/10/Screenshot-2025-10-06-at-12.11.24---PM.png) I love the “dual transformation” concept described in the book of the same name. In *Dual Transformation,* the authors argue that when we’re faced with disruptive change (like, I don’t know, a global pandemic), we need to do two things at the same time: reposition our existing work by stabilising the core while we build a new engine for the future. ## The new I spent two days last week in deep facilitation mode, crafting a four-year strategic direction with the Board and executive team of a regional sporting trust. We took the time to get clear on strategic priorities, developing a carefully balanced path toward the new (connecting with new groups, activating new spaces and supporting emerging sports) while retaining the best of the now (the core relationships, programmes and events that create proven value for their community.) It was a brilliant couple of days, my first long-form in-person delivery since COVID-19, and a wonderful reminder of how much I enjoy working alongside committed teams that have found themselves stuck when it comes to the future. I had an eerily parallel call with my mentor on the trip home. As soon as Pete was on the phone, I excitedly described all the new things we’ve got on the agenda: my second book, the pilot for a new leadership programme, strategic conversation training workshops in Wellington and Auckland, and preparation for licensing our business change accelerator. However, I didn’t get the encouraging reception I expected. Instead, I got a kind warning: The new stuff is great, but it’s still unproven and uncertain, like all new things. We take on unnecessary risks without enough energy to sustain our foundation. The same is true for teams and leaders stuck in the now – without sufficient preparation for the future, we risk losing opportunities and relevance as the world marches on. ## The next The nexus is in the *next -* – what we need to try and what we need to learn. When we build from a foundation of what we’re already great at, with a mindset of curiosity and experimentation, we minimise our downside while creating an exciting new future. Resisting the temptation to set everything on fire is one of my hardest leadership lessons, but it’s critical. We get the balance wrong, and we risk not having a future. - *How’s your balance right now?* - *Are you doing enough to stabilise your now and move toward your new?* I’d love to hear your stories. ### Building buy in webinar URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/building-buy-in-webinar/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:29:16.000Z _No content available._ ### Transform Talks - The Supply Chain Transformation Podcast URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/leading-through-change-and-crisis-with-alicia-mckay/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T01:59:19.000Z _No content available._ ### Goals Based Advice podcast URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/goals-based-advice-podcast/ Last updated: 2025-10-15T23:28:13.000Z [How to become more strategic and make better decisions, with Alicia McKay – Goals Based Advice Podcast – PodcastFinancial advisers know all too well how much clients can struggle with change. It is daunting to enter uncharted territories, but what scares us the most is the uncertainty, and the fear of personal... – Listen to How to become more strategic and make better decisions, with Alicia McKay by Goals Based Advice Podcast instantly on your tablet, phone or browser - no downloads needed.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/apple-touch-icon-1.png)PodtailGoals Based Advice Podcast![](https://ssl-static.libsyn.com/p/assets/c/4/e/9/c4e9f43bd1e8c3e2/Goals-based-advice-podcast.jpg)](https://podtail.com/podcast/the-goals-based-advice-podcast/how-to-become-more-strategic-and-make-better-decis/?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) Financial advisers know all too well how much clients can struggle with change. It is daunting to enter uncharted territories, but what scares us the most is the uncertainty, and the fear of personal loss. So how can we start to embrace change, and frame our decision making to lead to impactful change for our business and clients? In this episode, we speak to Alicia McKay, is a strategy and change adviser, author and podcast host based in New Zealand to talk about creating new policies, understanding what goes into a good decision-making process, and how to efficiently prioritise goals in order to achieve desired outcomes. We are reminded that change is not a roadblock, but a part of life which leads to opportunity. This episode is all about focusing on the systems that guide a strong decision making process, and implementing those frameworks into your business. Alicia even shared details of the ‘$100 game’ which you can play with your clients to get to the bottom of their true goals! ### Strategy 101 Course URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/learn-strategy-101/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T23:35:59.000Z In this short course, learn the core components of strategy. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Nail Your Strategic Plan Course URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/learn-nysp/ Last updated: 2026-08-03T08:35:31.000Z ## Welcome to Nail Your Strategic Plan In this course, you'll learn: - **The fundamentals of strategic planning** - Four key questions a strategic plan should answer. - The job of a strategic plan - what it's about and not about. - **How to run strategic planning workshops** - The three workshops every strategic plan needs. Download a handy workbook, packed full of helpful exercises and planning tools, and review examples of strategic plans. Have you watched [****Strategy 101?**](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/learn-strategy-101/) If not, head there now. --- _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### First things first: be careful of second-rate priorities URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/first-things-first-be-careful-of-second-rate-priorities/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:20:30.000Z It’s school holidays! My girls and I had a trip to Germany planned for these school holidays, but we had to cancel that for COVID reasons. Instead, we’re on the road, spending the week at a holiday park in the Coromandel and swinging past some family in Hawkes Bay on the way back. It wasn't the holiday we had planned, but it was awesome nonetheless. The principles are the same: connecting with people we love, getting out into the world, and having new experiences together. > *“Put first things first and second things are thrown in. Put second things first and you lost both first and second things.” – CS Lewis* Our holiday plans are just the tip of the iceberg for the changes we’ve all had to make this year. Life is not what we imagine in many ways, but our values remain the same for most of us. Many of you tell me you’re clearer on those values now than ever. Lockdown brought the chance to realise what’s important, a chance to get off the treadmill and ask some bigger questions. I love the story about Warren Buffet and Mike Flint. Legend has it that Mike Flint, Buffet’s personal pilot for ten years, asked Warren’s advice about his career priorities. Warren instructed Mike to write down his top 25 career goals and bring them to him. When Mike had done this, Warren instructed him to choose the top five most important goals on the list. Mike was grateful and pledged to start working on the top 5 immediately. Warren asks him about the second list – “and what about the other 20 things? That you didn’t circle?”. Mike says, “Well, I’ll get to those as I can – they’re important, but not as urgent as the top 5, but I’ll still do them! Warren’s response to this threw Mike Flint, and it is golden advice to all of us. > *“No, you’ve got it all wrong! Everything you didn’t just pick in the top 5 needs to be on the Avoid-At-All-Costs list. Don’t give any one of those things your attention until you’ve done your top 5…. Or you won’t do them.”* That’s the thing, isn’t it? There’s plenty of stuff we can focus on. But unless we’re clear on what comes first, it won’t happen. What are your core values? How can you make sure you put those things first? ### Thinking needs space URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/thinking-needs-space/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T01:59:07.000Z I’m off the grid this week, holed up in an adorable little cabin in Martinborough to finish my second book. I’ve worked on this book for months, but working in the cracks only gets me so far. For the final push, I need uninterrupted time, a change in location, and the headspace that comes with that. > “It’s only by concentrating, sticking to the question, being patient, letting all the parts of my mind come into play, that I arrive at an original idea. By giving my brain a chance to make associations, draw connections, take me by surprise” > \- William Deresiewicz Our daily lives are designed to make it hard to focus. This is why strategic offsites are so popular. Big-picture thinking requires time, headspace, and physical space to generate insight and perspective. Even more than this, it requires a pattern interruption to provoke us into a different headspace or tap a different part of our brain to make connections between the things we didn't see before. Expecting to do important, different work within the same constraints, environments, and attitudes that we do everything else in doesn't work. The flashbulb moments that change how you think about a problem, while they can’t be manufactured, can be nurtured by the right conditions. That’s often travel – I have my best ideas on a plane. J.K. Rowling is said to have drafted the first Harry Potter book on a four-hour train ride. We know this, yet when we ask people how much time they spend thinking, the results are disappointing. Warren Buffet might manage a regular Think Week, but most of us don’t. On average, 70% of leaders spend less than one day a month on the big picture, and 85% of leadership teams spend less than an hour per month discussing strategy. It’s not enough. Expecting to do important, different work inside the same constraints, environments, and attitudes is a fool's game. If you want insights that matter, you need the space to make it happen. Otherwise, you’ll keep doing the same old stuff. And who wants that? ### On micro-influence URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/on-micro-influence/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T01:58:18.000Z Influencer marketing is the most popular guerrilla marketing strategy of the last ten years. In 2018, 81% of marketers reported that influencer marketing was an effective strategy. Influencer marketing generates twice as many sales as paid ads. What makes an influencer? It’s not all Kim Kardashian types with glossy lips and hair. Influencers are someone who speaks meaningfully to people like them and have the credibility and trust of their audience. The most impactful influencers are niche, not global. They engage and build strong relationships. By and large, brands are doing a bad job of it: Large-scale influencer marketing is actually on the decline, as the trust and credibility falls away thanks to a few high profile scandals. However, ‘micro-influencers’ – those closest to their target audience – are bucking that trend, as businesses start to value credibility and deep engagement over reach and quantity. > *“Leadership is about influence. Nothing else.”* > *\-* John Maxwell I think we should all strive to be micro-influencers. This isn’t about a large following or a flashy brand. Anyone can be an influencer, if they’re trusted and respected by the people they need to impact. Micro-influencers are: - People who’s opinions are trusted and sought after - Someone with the power to affect the decision of others - Someone with a reputation of knowledge and expertise on a particular topic. In organisations, research suggests that just 3% of people drive 90% of the conversations. That super 3% have more impact, more leverage, more visibility and are significantly more likely to make meaningful progress in their work. If you need to move others into action, and you don’t know where to start – it might be time to start thinking about your influence. *Are you a micro-influencer in your space?* *Is it time to join the 3%?* ### Act as if: how your identity changes your habits URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/act-as-if-how-your-identity-changes-your-habits-2/ Last updated: 2025-10-01T10:11:38.000Z ## Goals motivate us When I started running, I could only motivate myself to train if I had an event coming up. I started at a 5K, and a few years later, I ran my first marathon. With a big goal in mind, I could build a plan, increase my mileage and make sure I was on track to succeed. It was a great way to stay motivated – until the event ended. Sometime in the last two years, that shifted. I stopped thinking of myself as someone training for a run and thought of myself as a runner. By acting as if I was a runner for long enough, I eventually believed I was one. > *"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does." – William James* Goals are important. When we've got an outcome in mind, we push ourselves to grow and figure out the steps to get there. External drivers will only get us so far, however. At some point, we need to dig a bit deeper. ## Identities change us In Atomic Habits, James Clear talks about building identity-based habits. The idea is that when we focus on our behaviour, we create temporary change. But if we focus on our identity – who we are - we have a better shot at building lasting habits that change our behaviour for good. Who we are is about so much more than what we do or achieve. It's about how we think, see, and act. ## We choose our identity. Our identity isn't static. It's a shifting, changing, complicated thing that belongs entirely to us. If we want to be someone new, sometimes we must act like we already are. Like my running, the identity shift will come. If you were already the person you aim to be, what would you see, think, and do differently? How would you be acting? And what's stopping you from doing that now? This is true whether we're trying to change our direction at work or in our personal lives. It works for teams, too. When we shift from a short-term project focus to the big picture, we ask better questions, like: How do we work? What do we focus on? How do we want to be remembered? Most importantly, How would we act if that was already true? What identity do you need to take on to build change that lasts? How can you act as if? ### Leadership as a key person risk URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/risky-business/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T01:57:55.000Z Injuries suck. I hurt my right shoulder this week, and I’m a terrible patient. I don’t rest well – not just because of my personality, but because, like many of you, I have a lot of responsibilities. I’ve got three kids, clients who need me, and a practice that depends on my deliverability. ## It’s easy to misinterpret responsibility as indispensability Worse, it’s easy to define our value by how much we do and how needed we are. This makes sense – how can we demonstrate our value if things run well without us? When it comes to real leadership, that’s upside down. The mark of an effective leader is not that the place falls apart without you but that you’ve created such an effective system and environment that you’re hardly needed. ## Leadership can be a key person risk When we manage people risk, we ensure we aren't too dependent on one or two heroes so that one of our staff leaving wouldn't totally throw us off track. Leaders are familiar with managing this risk in their teams and organisations but don’t always adopt the same attitude to themselves. Last week, I discussed aligning our intentions with reality. In an organizational setting, this is largely the job of our operating model. In a recent strategy off-site with my team, we walked the talk and took a good look at our model. Most of it was pretty easy to get right, but we’ve struggled to clarify some of our roles and responsibilities. ## Your value is what you build in others Thankfully, the universe has thrown me this timely curveball. When I’m back on deck, my focus will be reducing my key person risk at home and at work, building the right capability in my team and family, getting our systems right, and working with my clients to ensure real ownership so we don't depend on my energy for continued momentum. Your value isn’t in your indispensability; it’s in what you build in others. That means I should be able to lie on the couch and tend an injury for a few days without the world caving in! - What about you? - Are you a key person risk? - How can you uphold your responsibility without indispensability? ### Online keynote: preparing for change URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/online-keynote-preparing-for-change/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:29:27.000Z _No content available._ ### Nothing important happens by accident URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/notbybaccident/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T07:20:14.000Z *If I looked at your calendar for the week – could I tell what really matters to you?* *If I looked at your team and decision process - could I tell what you're trying to do?* *If I looked at your budget – could I see what your priorities are?* Those of us who kept a diary as a teenager will remember how cringy it was to read an entry from the year before. Who was this drama queen and why did they used to think this stuff mattered so much? What about how we spend our time as an adult? We do a lot of things that are far less important than they seem at the time. For fun, pick up a to-do list from a month ago. You might be surprised, or slightly amused at how much of it seems irrelevant now. Amusing as it might be, it’s also dangerous. Minutiae is the mint plant of your task garden. In small doses it's fine, but it will spread as far as you let it and soon crowd out the best stuff. It's frustrating how hard it can be to make space for the things that really matters to us. > *“Your actions reveal how badly you want something."* > – James Clear In our personal lives, it’s often self-care and entertainment to go first – sleep, exercise, nutrition and quality time. At work, it's the big picture stuff – strategy, team bonding, cornerstone projects – while BAU rolls on undeterred. Nothing important happens by accident. Having goals and deciding to do things is great, but not enough to make them happen. We have to align our intentions to reality. If something that matters to you, put your money, time and energy where your mouth is. **Schedule it. Systemise it. Spend money on it. Nurture it. Change your process. Change your operating model. Bring new people in. Toss old projects out. Invest in new technology. Cancel time-wasting meetings. Start new relationships. Put it in your diary. Put it on the wall. Buy the right outfit. Make it real.** How can you align your intentions to reality? Til next week \- A ### The invisible list URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-invisible-list/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T01:57:27.000Z My middle child is a bit of a sage. Since she was little, she’s habitually said profound things that make you look at her sideways. In the way that only children can, she has a beautiful way of summing up complicated things into one-liners that I appreciate. When things are fraught and tangled, overwhelming and challenging, she will often sum it up in this neat little package: “*It’s a lot.*” I’m working with overwhelmed teams and leaders who tell me exactly that. > “It's a lot." – Charlie, 10 There will always be more things to do than time to do them. When we get stuck in a reactive cycle of worrying about ticking those things off, we get more overwhelmed, even as the ticks add up. I work with many good people and teams stuck here, without the direction to move forward. They're always busy, constantly stressed, and always feel behind—even when they're some of the most productive people I know. There's nothing wrong with a bit of reactive behaviour. It keeps us responsive and on our toes and gets things moving. When it becomes the default, though, we get exhausted. Our reactivity and overwhelm is often driven by guilt - that annoying internal story we tell ourselves about not being enough. Guilt has us worrying about letting people down, fearing we're not doing enough and trying desperately to keep control. Guilt is an unwinnable game that flares up when we don't meet our unrealistic expectations. I advise my clients to go beyond time planning and do *contingency planning*. With contingency planning, we anticipate disruption and failure rather than planning for the best-case scenario. This planning grounds our expectations and soothes some guilt before it starts. The problem with our plans is how much doesn't make it on the list, whether they're time or contingency-based. I've been thinking about my "invisible list" this week and how little we value what we don't see. My work planner might start at 9 a.m., but I've been up for hours by then, doing all the invisible things that keep my life, business, and household running smoothly. It might end at 5, but I won't stop doing things then! We value some of our tasks and priorities more visibly than others, but this is a disservice. We can't work with what we can't see. When we don't plan for everything in our lives, it weighs on our shoulders instead, and we wonder why we don't feel 'on top of things'. We don't see anyone else's invisible list, so we get the twisted idea that we're the only ones not keeping up. It sucks, and it isn't true. The internet is full of inspirational quotes that tell us to dream bigger and try harder. Just say no. > “Successful people say no to almost everything.” – Warren Buffet But it’s about a lot more than saying yes too often. Many things we’re worried about ticking off aren't visible, aren't asked for, and aren't valued. I don't have the answers, but I've had enough. I'm calling bullsh\*t on the invisible list and all the internalised, unfair expectations we set for ourselves. ❓ What's on your invisible list? How can we bring the invisible list to light? Til next week, AM ### Strategy International Episode 1: Alicia McKay and Dr. Max McKeown URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/strategy-international-episode-1-alicia-mckay-and-dr-max-mckeown/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:30:45.000Z _No content available._ ### Chartered Accountants New Zealand (CAANZ) Women In Business conference, Online, May 2020 URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/chartered-accountants-new-zealand-caanz-women-in-business-conference-online-may-2020/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T04:44:53.000Z _No content available._ ### How to grow from stress: quick questions to dig deeper URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-grow-from-stress-quick-questions-to-dig-deeper/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T09:58:46.000Z The last couple of months have triggered a shift in our understanding of the world. World Wars, the digital revolution, 9/11, and the GFC are other examples of what Nicholas Taleb calls ‘black swan’ events - game-changers that throw everything up in the air. It's been pretty stressful, but stress isn't all bad. Acute stress can catalyse transformational change for people, organisations, and communities. When everything feels a bit much, there is a deeper opportunity buried below the surface: the chance to create something different. With the right mindset, we can grow from this kind of stress. If we stay curious and open to learning, stressful change feels less like a threat and more like a chance to ask nagging questions. Like most things, I find this most obvious when interacting with my children. The moments when parenting has given me pause are when I get an innocent “why?” that stops me in my tracks. If our heads are in the right space, a well-timed why can be quite confronting. If I take the space to entertain it, a child-prompted why gets me asking things like: '*Does this rule really matter?*' '*Is it just a default from my own childhood?*' and '*What am I trying to teach?*' Over the last few weeks, I've found myself doing that at work and at home. I've been tripping over assumptions I didn't realise I had, questioning things I thought 'had to be this way' and generally trying to stay curious and open to new things. The last few weeks have opened up more profound questions about what we're trying to achieve and the kind of life we want. I don't want to return to spending three days a week on a plane. I don't want to keep redoing strategy with teams. I want to support them in building their skills and confidence to make those decisions themselves. It's a new frame for us: leverage, connection and development. ## Three questions to rule them all It all starts with asking better questions. Here are my favourite three: 1. **Why?** (ask this one as often as you need to until you get to a root cause or a constraint you can't move. Aim for 5.) 2. **So what?** (Keep asking this one until you understand your needs or drivers or until people become exasperated with you. Aim for 3.) 3. **Really, though?** (ask this one with the inflection of an obstinate teenager until you admit how many things you're assuming and taking for granted.) Those are my favourites- what are yours? What questions do you ask to dig below the surface? ### Trust people to do a good job: your delegation toolkit URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-to-trust-people-to-do-a-good-job-your-delegation-toolkit/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T01:54:52.000Z Some of us (cough) have [trust issues](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/the-mistrust-epidemic-why-we-dont-trust-anyone-at-work/). Most of those issues are for a good reason. But when it comes to leading teams at work, trust issues get in the way of doing a good job. Delegation only works when we trust the people involved and have the skills to lead them to success. When we don't trust people to get on with it and do their work, we create bottlenecks, frustrate people and waste potential. On a personal level, we increase our stress, exhaustion and frustration, risking burnout. ## Why delegation is hard What's the point of having a team if everything still has to go through you? If you're in a leadership role, but your satisfaction comes from solving problems yourself, it's time to let go. For many of us, that's easier said than done. Chances are, you have been promoted for your expertise and problem-solving ability - which has become a massive part of your identity. In *Beyond Collaboration Overload,* Rob Cross discusses "identity triggers." He argues that many of us feel the urge to intervene when we shouldn't, with the desire to help and prove our worth. That urge and the fear of what will happen when things go wrong increase the load on our plates and demotivate our teams to step up and manage challenges independently. If you're struggling to let go, here are three tips for changing how you delegate to your team. ## 1\. Move from problem-solver to energy-provider Instead of centring your identity in the tangible results you deliver, Cross urges leaders to become "energizers." Leaders who focus on bringing positive, enabling energy to others are four times more likely to be high performers than the average bear. **An energiser can be found:** - Communicating a vision that connects to what motivates others rather than just organisational goals - Allocating shared ownership early on, purposely creating the space for each person to contribute meaningfully - Using fun and humour to keep things light and remove awkward power dynamics. To make the shift, think about what your people care most about and how to provide opportunities for them to bring that into their work. Laugh more, don't take everything so seriously, and keep a big-picture perspective about the true importance of tasks and projects. ## 2\. Eliminate minor issues Cross also discusses small, corrosive stressors and their cumulative impact on our well-being. When we're stressed and overwhelmed, minor issues or mistakes can seem worse than they are. If we're already struggling with trust, we tend to overreact, seizing control in the face of a minor misdemeanour. If this is you, and you're facing a constant barrage of niggles, take some space to reflect on what some of the key themes are. If you're constantly putting out the same fires or solving the same issues, dig deeper to determine what might be causing them before jumping into the fray. If you have one staff member who's always making the same mistake, open up a frank and supportive conversation about the process they're using or the information they're missing. If you're always picking up late or urgent communication, investigate whether your expectations are clear or whether you're providing enough information early on. ## 3\. Make expectations crystal clear Most issues are not about poor performance but the result of crossed lines or a lack of clarity. For example: - Procrastination is more likely to indicate a lack of information to proceed than laziness. - Mistakes are more likely to indicate unclear standards and requirements than incompetence. - Dropped balls are more likely to indicate unclear roles and boundaries than a lack of care. We make many assumptions about what people know and understand, and when you're the boss, most people would instead try to figure it out for themselves rather than risk looking stupid or directionless. Many leaders resist this clarity for fear of being too prescriptive, which is counter-productive in delivery. The goal is to be clear on outcomes and expectations, not prescriptive about tasks and processes. [Dan Sullivan recommends using an Impact Filter](https://resources.strategiccoach.com/the-multiplier-mindset-blog/what-is-an-impact-filter?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) for all critical projects that require delegating. **By taking an extra 30 minutes to clarify a project, you and your team will save time later, thanks to alignment on priorities and expectations.** ## Use an Impact Filter Sullivan's Impact Filter helps you do three critical things: ### Clarify what you want to accomplish This includes the difference it will make and what the project should look like. Being clear about the end state asks us to consider tangible details such as resources, timing and relationships, as well as what it will mean emotionally for the people affected. ### Describe the best and worst-case scenarios And do it in as much detail as possible. Doing a pre-mortem helps you think about what might go wrong, which improves the quality of your planning conversations and, most importantly, keeps your expectations realistic. ### Understand what good looks like Not as a theory, but as detailed success criteria. When you're specific about what success will look and feel like - dates, dollars, numbers, actions, and decisions - you're more likely to deliver an outcome (rather than ticking off tasks along the way). Happy trusting! ### How to spend your Sunday URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/spend-your-sunday/ Last updated: 2025-09-28T23:00:16.000Z We get an extra Sunday this week, because of ANZAC Day. You might be tempted to treat it as a normal Monday, because what even are public holidays right now? Or, you might give yourself the latitude to slump in front of Netflix for the day. Both of those choices are a mistake. Decision fatigue is hitting us like a ton of bricks, and it makes sense. - The stakes of our decisions are higher than before. We carry the weight of the world on our shoulders every time we think about going out for milk, much less what to do at work - All the stuff that used to be on autopilot keeps requiring us to think - We used to outsource our children for at least 6 hours a day. The mental and logistical load been brought back in-house - Our normal coping strategies aren't accessible: hitting the gym, meeting a friend for a drink, going to a movie, mountain biking - The lines between work, family and home have blurred so intensely we’re struggling to look after ourselves. With decision fatigue, we're more stressed and less productive. We snap at others, have unexplained headaches, tire easily and make impulse choices. Sometimes we're incapable of making decisions at all. It's exhausting. As NZ moves into Level 3 this week, we face **extra** decisions: *Should we extend our bubble to another house?* *Can we go to the shops now? Should we?* *When will we bring people back to the office?* *Should we hit pause on this project, or accelerate it?* *Should we send our kids to school?* In this extra uncertainty, we need to be careful. When we're fatigued, it's harder to self-regulate. Feelings become more intense, so minor frustrations become more irritating, and our impulse to eat, drink, spend and say stupid things to feel more powerful gets stronger. It gets hard to focus. Self-doubt creeps in for even minor decisions. Worse: we become more selfish, even when we don’t realise it. Feeling mentally depleted and overwhelmed makes it hard to be empathetic. On Friday afternoon, I found myself standing at the fridge close to tears, incapable of picking out ingredients for a meal. After a long week and a big day, it felt easier to just skip dinner entirely. I’m holding a lot of space right now – for my practice, my staff, my children, my partner, and the leadership teams I work with. I’m working with big decisions and future planning - and when I find myself snapping at my kids, or struggling to pick a standing desk, I know I'm in the fatigue zone. This is totally normal and expected. Mental energy is finite. Willpower and self-regulation are the first things to switch off to conserve energy, because they require long-term perspective... and we’re already full with the short-term. With low mental energy, we default to the path of least resistance; the status quo. But for those of us holding space for the future of others - our teams, families and communities - the status quo won't cut it. It's going to be a big week. Spend your "bonus day" getting your sh\*t together for the week, to make the most of your mental bandwidth. ## On Bonus Sunday - **Visually plan your week.** Put your week on the wall. Identify milestones and important meetings, write your list of what needs to happen for each one, and block out the time for preparation. - **Premortem.** Look at what might go wrong and which days are overscheduled. Write down how you’ll prepare for and manage those risks. - **Make commitments, not decisions.** Remove decisions from yourself. When you're tired, deciding when to go to bed or remembering phone calls is wasted energy. Decide now and schedule it in your calendar. - **Prioritise.** Long to-do lists make it less likely you will achieve the important stuff. Rank your list, remove at least the bottom third and immediately execute. Write the emails now, explaining why timeframes have moved or things won’t be happening. - **Simplify and automate.** Do things the same way, at the same time. Have the same thing for breakfast every day. Have your team stand-up at the same time each morning. - **Make self-care choices.** Decide what you’re eating, when you’re exercising and how you’ll relax. My 14 year old and I prepped a week’s worth of meals today. I booked in a week’s worth of F45 and I’ve got a nightly bath on the agenda. Do what works for you. - **Schedule important decisions early in the day.** Avoid complicated or critical meetings after 1pm. If you have tough calls to make, do it before lunch. Use afternoons for creativity and admin. You still have time to readjust your calendar for the week, do it now. ## Every day - **Make decisions the night before.** What you’re going to wear, how your day looks, what you’re going to do first, who you’re going to talk to. - **Don’t skip meals.** Our decision-making improves significantly with level blood sugar. - **Talk to people about how you’re feeling.** It normalises their own load and leaves you feeling more capable. - **Plan for interruptions.** Then readjust your timeframes and priorities to be more reasonable. - **Be ready to adjust.** No plan survives first contact with the enemy. The value is in the planning, not rigid implementation. You’ll still hear from me on Wednesday. This just felt too important to wait. Be nice to yourself. You’re doing great. \-A ### Leading through challenge with Chris Desmond URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/leading-through-challenge-with-chris-desmond/ Last updated: 2025-10-15T23:25:34.000Z _No content available._ ### Meetings that Matter: Rethink your purpose URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/meetings-that-matter-rethink-your-purpose-2/ Last updated: 2025-10-05T23:17:52.000Z How many meetings have you been to this week? I ran an afternoon workshop for one of my learning communities recently where one of the participants was on meeting 8/10 for the day. The day! Bloody hell. I’d rather be taken outside and shot. *When did we stop valuing people’s time and presence?* Also: *when did we decide that a meeting was the answer for everything?* I’m all for [less content and more connection](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/less-content-more-connection-2/). But like everything, more of anything isn’t necessarily better. We’ve spent all this time apart over the last month and I’m hopeful that once we start slowly getting back to physical meetings (three cheers for level 3!) we value in-person presence a bit differently. What do you want of your meeting? A decision, some ideas, or a plan? If it’s none of those things, do something else – use an email, a typeform, a text or a shared document. Meetings are for communication and collaboration, not for sharing information. Treating people’s time with respect means making your meetings matter – single purpose, clear process and total presence. (Digby Scott and I had a chat about the way we might value time and presence differently after lockdown in [Episode 8 of What’s On Your Mind](https://youtu.be/7B9FFN3zlFA?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) that you might like to check out too). Important decisions need leadership. One thing I’m liking about online workshops is the requirement that all meetings have a leader, with the “host” function. I’ve been running strategy meetings for a long time, with a lot of teams and I’m yet to see people self-organise productively! Meetings that matter don’t happen by accident. If you’ve got important decisions to make and you’re wondering why your “catch-up” isn’t getting anything useful done, it might be worth a re-think about your purpose, process and presence. [Meetings that MatterDesign and deliver strategic conversations that drive action outside the meeting room with advanced facilitation training.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/icon/f0f41ee03b973c145ffd8e3f7906a38c-6.png)Alicia McKay AcademyAlicia McKay Academy![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/f6/ea/f6eacf9c-bf08-4a3e-b200-2a209bebe3ad/content/images/thumbnail/f569c521ef6636ace15be061539f89a4-1.jpeg)](https://academy.aliciamckay.co.nz/course/meetings-that-matter?ref=aliciamckay.co.nz) ### Stop chasing cows: create systems change URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/chasing-cows/ Last updated: 2026-07-20T09:57:24.000Z Ever started a job and had that new-starter clarity? You're baffled by all the things that don’t make sense and say annoying things in meetings like: “Why are we doing it like this?” It’s a short window before those fresh eyes wear off. We quickly slip into the routine of our new workplace and what seemed mad a few weeks ago becomes our new default. ## Why do systems matter? Defaults can be hard to spot because that’s how systems work. They become invisible, embedded, and difficult to challenge when done well. 'The way things are done around here.’ That’s not a bad thing. Systems do the heavy lifting for us - operational and mental. They stop us from having to think about every little thing so we can get on with other things. Most of our systems evolved, intentionally or accidentally, for a good reason. They served what we needed at the time. But when our environment changes, we need to adapt. We may need to change how we communicate, run our work days, deliver services, manage money, plan, report, or work with customers. Maybe all of them. But how? Changing your systems can seem hard, especially when things keep shifting. It's hard to see the big picture under pressure, especially when we're removed from daily operations. We face all kinds of assumptions and norms and worry about overloading our stressed-out teams. It doesn't have to be this hard. We can change our systems faster and more easily than we think. (We don't need complicated strategies, process audits, innovation labs, or design thinking, either.) ## How to change your systems ### Step 1\. Make space Take the time to reflect, explore, and ask good questions. Skipping this bit risks missing the point. Unless we think broadly about what we're trying to achieve, we end up tweaking when we need to delete or transform or when we apply old solutions to new problems. ### Step 2\. Delegate Leadership teams cannot change systems they don't work with. Especially not alone. We get incredible results when we give agency and control to the very people we're afraid of upsetting. With direction and support, anything is possible. The [NZTA Fast Forward programme](https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-nzta-transport-services-tooled-up-with-alicia-mckay/) is a great example - over a dozen simultaneous initiatives are transforming organisational processes from planning to delivery over just eight weeks. We're at the halfway point of our first cohort (with three of those weeks mid-COVID!), and we've made incredible progress on everything from planning and funding to delivering safety improvement contracts. ### Step 3\. Just do something Doing nothing is not an option for any business or team now - inertia is death. If we don't adapt our systems to our new environment, we risk: - Lost productivity - Unsupported and disengaged teams - Wasted time and money - Loss of momentum - Failure to deliver when our customers and community need it most. Day-to-day survival has worked for a while, but not anymore. If we don’t start building the right fences, every day will be spent chasing cows. ### Beyond crisis leadership: when the cracks start to show URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/beyond-crisis-leadership/ Last updated: 2026-07-21T01:52:25.000Z Crisis is a bit exciting, isn’t it? It's different to regular drama, because it has: - Surprise - Serious threat - Short decision times. When crisis first hits, we fire into emergency response mode. We make important decisions with urgency and take high-stakes protective action. We were straight into it here, checking in with clients and pivoting quickly to online delivery. We ran around getting tech and home studio gear, juggling big decisions about split-custody bubble life with three kids alongside. I was in super-organiser mode, and it felt like we worked every minute of the day, with an inexhaustible supply of energy. Thanks, adrenaline! Crisis boosts adrenaline production to keep us moving, which is great for temporary heroism. But hero mode is unsustainable (which I seem to keep learning the hard way) and if we're not careful, it's followed by a crash. After the emergency response dies down, there's an awkward transition between response and recovery. This is where the cracks often show. Now the initial madness has died down, our house is in that transition. At our best, we laugh and problem solve together. At our worst, we argue over housework (my partner and I) let communication drop off (my team) or scrap over Lego (the kids). Everyone seems to need more sleep, as enthusiasm is tempered by a creeping exhaustion. This is pretty normal, as crisis excitement gets replaced by everyday reality. Things seem… harder. Recently galvanised partnerships and leadership teams start to fragment. A nagging tension builds as people get tired and can't try so hard all the time. Communication gets patchy or fraught. Progress dips. Momentum and productivity slows. There's a fine line between thriving and surviving, and it's OK to have some sh\*t times. There's also a couple of things we can adjust that might help: ### Sustainable expectations We can’t maintain sprint pace for a full marathon. After the initial crisis, the best thing to do is re-examine what you expect of yourselves and others - timeframes, responsiveness, output and quality - and make it clear that you aren't expecting miracles every day. ### Supportive systems My default can be a bit of a control freak. (Also, resentful of others for not being similarly inclined. Talk about charming to live with. ) If we can't be 'on' all the time, we need to reset our routines and practices to support us out of the negative default. The test for a good system is one that makes it easier to do the right thing than anything else. Commit lightly to new ways of making things work with your family, partner and team by trying something new a day or a week at a time. And be kind, hero time is over. ### Less content, more connection webinar URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/less-content-more-connection-webinar/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:30:36.000Z Nothing we do or say is ever going to reach everyone the same, now more than ever. Online presence aside, how do we connect with our teams and clients, who are all in different places? It’s hard to get right. In this webinar, we talk about how we can make and build those strong connections remotely. ### Meetings that matter webinar URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/meetings-that-matter-webinar/ Last updated: 2026-08-02T07:30:30.000Z _No content available._ ### How NZTA Transport Services tooled up with Alicia McKay URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/how-nzta-transport-services-tooled-up-with-alicia-mckay/ Last updated: 2025-09-20T11:39:23.000Z 💡 The Transport Services team is the largest business unit at the New Zealand Transport Agency, incorporating a diverse remit of functions from policy through to operational delivery. Organisational transformation, leadership changes and a rapidly shifting legislative and social environment over the last three years require a new, more strategic way of thinking about planning and service delivery. The executive leadership team enjoyed a six-month strategy journey with Alicia in 2019, moving from strategic priority setting and outcomes planning through to executive coaching and engagement support. Since working with Alicia, the team have experienced real clarity of focus, improved planning and communication with the teams and increased alignment around the leadership table. ### Less content, more connection URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/less-content-more-connection-2/ Last updated: 2025-09-23T11:13:30.000Z There’s a lot happening online right now. Social media use has hit record levels in the last few weeks. Whatsapp use has shot up 40% globally – over 70% in Spain. Video calling has more than doubled. LinkedIn, Instagram and Facebook users are posting more, and people are watching more. This increase in connection is unprecedented, and incredible. We’re joining group chats, games nights and remote meetings with open hearts, tossing our principles about screen-time out the window, and it’s brilliant. Not all online interaction counts as connection, though. There’s a lot of noise out there, as we scramble to sense-make. Advice. Blogs. Videos. Photos. Screenshots of remote meetings. Helpful tips to make it through lockdown. I don’t know about you, but it seems to depend what mood I’m in when I scroll, how it lands. Some posts really hit the spot. Others feel hollow, or add to my overwhelm. A great friend Lisa O’Neill recently said something recently that stuck – *“What we need is less content, but more connection.”* Bang on, right? Nothing we do or say is ever going to reach everyone the same, now more than ever. Online presence aside, how do we connect with our teams and clients, who are all in different places? It’s hard to get right. Even talking about it is adding to the noise. Meta, eh? In this week’s “new normal” webinar, we talked about this environment we’re all trying to make sense of. The space and mandate to transform, as traditional business-as-usual collapses. It was a fantastic chat - but honestly, it wasn’t the best webinar I’ve run. The content/ connection ratio was off – I did too much talking, and not enough listening and opening the floor to sharing. Oops. Our team debrief immediately afterward was clear – we need to be mindful of that ratio, in everything that we do. Fewer posts, more phone calls. Less talking, more listening. Less ‘help’…. and more help. _Includes the latest 500 public posts. Use `/sitemap.xml` for the complete archive of public content._