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# Stop telling yourself old stories
- URL: https://www.aliciamckay.co.nz/stop-telling-yourself-old-stories-2/
- Published: 2021-07-28T21:09:00.000Z
- Updated: 2025-09-25T10:05:32.000Z
- Description: What are you still telling yourself that you don't need to? Can you speak to someone else with a different story?
- Author: Alicia McKay
- Tags: Identity, #wednesday-wisdom

In December 2010, I started my first real job out of university. Like any new graduate, I was extremely nervous. Were they going to regret hiring me? Was I really up to the task? As the first in my family to graduate university, I had no idea what to wear, or how to act. I also had a few more responsibilities than most 22 year olds. I was the mother of two young daughters. Bailey, 5, had just started school, and Charlotte was only 9 months old. 2010 had been a tough year. I’d completed my postgraduate study remotely, as a broke single mother living alone. I’d juggled late-night feeds with thesis research, and pushed hard to keep up with my course load, stretch a meagre budget and be a good parent. The worst of it had come in June, when a traumatic tooth infection put me in hospital with septicaemia. My eyes burned with tears and shame as I begged at the local Studylink office for a loan to cover my root canal and treatment, despairing at a lack of resources and support. As I left the office, dental voucher in hand, I made a decision that changed the course of my life and career: I was never going to be poor, or depend on anyone else’s charity ever again...

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The above extract is from a piece I published in [Women's Agenda](https://womensagenda.com.au/business/entrepreneurs/how-a-turbulent-life-made-me-a-great-entrepreneur/?utm%5Fsource=hs%5Femail&utm%5Fmedium=email&%5Fhsenc=p2ANqtz-9DGjM6Q%5FaBeV3iR5Pgosmo6I1GBbdMdOVI59o6sFYi-Pa11r%5FvGG-RNMdrpt5DS0wzUNHW) earlier this year, and something I've been thinking about this week, as I've wasted more time than I should have researching outdoor power tools.

I'm doing some gardening at home, and I need to pull a tree down. My first instinct is to go out there and get myself what I need - then I have it for the future, and I can take care of the job myself! Duh, right?

Well, it turns out there's other ways to think about this problem.

My partner had a totally different approach - *why didn't I ask the neighbour if I could borrow one?*

My friend had another - *why didn't I just get someone in to do the gardening, while I'm so busy?*

Neither of these options had really crossed my mind. 

The stories we tell ourselves early on stay with us for a long time. My story is that I'd better be self-sufficient, or I'm putting myself in danger.

They're not the same stories as the other people I surround myself with, and most of the time, that's really helpful.

- **What are you still telling yourself that you don't need to?**
- **Can you speak to someone else with a different story?**
- **.... Can you recommend a good line trimmer?**