Many leaders are highly paid, intelligent people who don't (or can't) see themselves as part of the problem. It’s part of why I stopped coaching leadership teams. I got sick of hearing the same excuses from senior leaders.
“People hate change” they'd moan, while remaining exactly the same. “There’s no accountability,” they'd complain, while taking no responsibility.
Lucy Ellis from Atlanta reckons these people could learn a thing or two from AA.
Read on to enjoy her Unpopular Opinion.
As part of the 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions series, I've invited submissions from paid subscribers.
Interested in having your opinion featured? That's just one bonus to going paid. Sign up now to join a group of cool and clever thinkers.
Quit being a dry drunk
By Lucy Ellis
A 12-step meeting isn’t where most people go looking for a masterclass in leading through volatility. But I’d wager you’ll find as much, if not more, real leadership and courage there as in many C-suite boardrooms.
Nobody dreams of ending up in a 12-step room.
(Then again, nobody dreams of another yawn-inducing quarterly strategy meeting either.)
But those rooms build muscles we are desperately missing in boardrooms; especially in a world where the stakes are higher, the tech is faster, and the costs of emotional immaturity ripple across millions.
What muscles? The capacity to:
- Tell the truth.
- Sit with discomfort.
- Have patience and discipline.
- Face one’s own shadow.
- Own one’s impact.
- Accept that things fall apart.
- Repair what’s broken.
- Stay in dialogue across difference.
- Hold uncertainty without collapsing or controlling.
- Navigate one day at a time.
- Serve without needing to be the hero.
- Celebrate and play amidst volatility.
In 12-step culture, they have a term for people who like the idea of these muscles but avoid the actual work: dry drunks. They’ve stopped drinking, but not much else. They white-knuckle their way through, ego thrashing about, insufferable because they’ve stopped short of the messy task of rewiring and maturation from the inside out.
Sound familiar? (Of course I wasn’t referring to you and me. Never. Side-eye.)
Dry-drunk leadership is exhausting and inefficient, and we’re all capable of sliding back into it. Muscles atrophy fast, especially in systems that reward theatrics over honest self-reflection.
In this era we’re gonna need every ounce of emotionally sober leadership we can get. And that doesn’t come from willpower or wishful thinking. It comes from finding the tribes that hold us accountable as we build the muscles, one day at a time.
🎄 About 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions
This December, I'm calling bullshit, to keep you sane over the silly season. Over 24 days, I'll share 24 unpopular opinions - like an advent calendar, but filled with controversy instead of chocolate. Share widely to whoever else needs this.
Catch up on unpopular opinions you might have missed:
December 1: You don't have a strategy
December 2: CEOs are tiny babies
December 3: Women should be ugly and mean
December 4: Leaders are dry drunks
Hey, paid subscribers
This is your reminder that you can submit an Unpopular Opinion to be featured in the 24 Days of Unpopular Opinions series. You can be anonymous or attributed, it's up to you. Successful opinions will be featured (like this) online and in the newsletter, and mentioned on LinkedIn.
If you would like to see your opinion featured, make sure you get your opinion to me, in the month of December, with the following info:
- Your name and phone number
- Your unpopular opinion
- A link to your socials or website (if you'd like to be attributed)
- A pseudonym (if you'd prefer to be anonymous.)
Cheers,
AM
